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Voddie Baucham - Don't Let Home Education Destroy Your Marriage · Voddie Baucham Sermons

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I have the responsibility in this session of addressing the
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: issue of home education in our marriages and really the
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: sanctity of marriage and not letting home education destroy your marriage.
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  Speaker 1: You may think it's sort of odd to talk about
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  Speaker 1: this topic because most people assume that homeschooling families are
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  Speaker 1: stronger families, they're larger families, they're more cohesive families, and
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  Speaker 1: that's true to a certain extent. But it's also true
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  Speaker 1: that there's a great deal of strain on homeschool families
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  Speaker 1: and that marriages in the homeschool community are in a
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  Speaker 1: particular kind of jeopardy because of the level of commitment
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  Speaker 1: to children. And what has happened in many instances and
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  Speaker 1: what continues to happen, unfortunately, is that many families, many couples,
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  Speaker 1: after homeschooling their children 20, 25, 30 years later, That
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  Speaker 1: last child leaves home, and there is absolutely no marriage
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  Speaker 1: to speak of because everything was devoted to those children
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  Speaker 1: and their education. And that's a huge problem. And it's
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  Speaker 1: easy to lose sight of your marriage when you put
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  Speaker 1: your head down and you're committed to educating, you know, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 12,
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  Speaker 1: 15 kids at home, okay? And in any other setting,
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  Speaker 1: I would have been exaggerating, but... So, what are some
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  Speaker 1: of the strains? You people who are new to homeschooling,
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  Speaker 1: listen to this. What are some of the strains? Number one,
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  Speaker 1: there's the strain of isolation. There's the strain of isolation. Now,
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  Speaker 1: there's a couple of different types of isolation. One, there's
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  Speaker 1: that isolation from the rest of the world that doesn't homeschool. Okay?
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  Speaker 1: The rest of the world is out there and they
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  Speaker 1: don't understand what you do or why you do it.
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  Speaker 1: You know, you took the red pill. Now you see
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  Speaker 1: all kind of stuff that they don't see, you know,
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  Speaker 1: and it just all messed up. And again, it's a
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  Speaker 1: homeschool conference. So some of you didn't get that. And
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  Speaker 1: others of you are embarrassed that you did. But but
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  Speaker 1: but that's all right. But you see that. And so
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  Speaker 1: you're isolated and you've got your friends who are all
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  Speaker 1: doing the public school thing or even the private school
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  Speaker 1: thing or whatever. And there's isolation there. There's also isolation
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  Speaker 1: oftentimes from in-laws. Here's something that you need to understand.
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  Speaker 1: You don't have to tell your mama. I didn't say
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  Speaker 1: your mama. I said your mama. You don't have to
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  Speaker 1: tell your mama that she was a bad parent and
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  Speaker 1: that you don't like what she did. All you have
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  Speaker 1: to do is homeschool, and she will assume that that's
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  Speaker 1: what you mean, okay? And a lot of homeschoolers get
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  Speaker 1: all messed up about this. It's like they don't understand.
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  Speaker 1: You're homeschooling your kids, right? yeah I'm homeschooling my kids
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  Speaker 1: it's great it's important I don't want them to be
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  Speaker 1: well I didn't homeschool you no you didn't you feel
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  Speaker 1: like I did the wrong thing and you don't appreciate
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  Speaker 1: me no see cause I'm talking about my kids I
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  Speaker 1: wasn't even I'm sorry mama so there's that isolation as
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  Speaker 1: well But then there's also the isolation of husband and
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  Speaker 1: wife because oftentimes, more often than not, the wife becomes
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  Speaker 1: the one who is doing the schooling. The kids come home,
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  Speaker 1: and when you first start homeschooling, here's the first revelation
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  Speaker 1: that you have. This is about a whole lot of stuff,
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  Speaker 1: and only about that much of it is about education. Amen?
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  Speaker 1: You bring your kids home, and before you start homeschooling,
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  Speaker 1: Your decision is all about education. They come home and
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  Speaker 1: you realize that the education component is a very small
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  Speaker 1: piece of the puzzle. This is about so much more
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  Speaker 1: than that. Your husband won't get that as quickly as
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  Speaker 1: you do. He won't understand it as well as you do.
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  Speaker 1: And so there can be a sense of isolation between
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  Speaker 1: husband and wife because wife now lives in his homeschool
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  Speaker 1: world and dad thinks he deserves a medal for just
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  Speaker 1: letting you come here and spend money. You can't say amen.
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  Speaker 1: You ought to say ouch. All right? Then there's conflict.
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  Speaker 1: There's conflict that comes. Conflict with you and your children.
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  Speaker 1: Conflict with you and your spouse. You start homeschooling. It's inevitable.
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  Speaker 1: You get all of you together and there's just sin.
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  Speaker 1: And so you have this picture. Some of you, this
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  Speaker 1: is your first year of homeschool. And so right now
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  Speaker 1: when you close your eyes, What you see is this
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  Speaker 1: family where everybody comes together and the children sit at
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  Speaker 1: the table and they say, oh mommy, we're so grateful
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  Speaker 1: that you're teaching us at home. And then your children say,
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  Speaker 1: what can we study now? See, that's in your head, okay?
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  Speaker 1: But it doesn't work like that. You start homeschooling and
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  Speaker 1: they sit there and their arms are folded and I mean,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to discourage you. But you just need
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  Speaker 1: to know there's conflict, okay? There's also disappointment. Like I
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  Speaker 1: said on last night, first disappointment, especially if your kids
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  Speaker 1: go to government schools, okay? Two things. They're not public schools.
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  Speaker 1: They're government schools. Secondly, government, G-U-B-M-I-N-T, all right? So your
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  Speaker 1: kid goes to government school, first thing you're going to
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  Speaker 1: find is that they're not nearly as smart as you
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  Speaker 1: think they are. They're just not. You bring them home
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  Speaker 1: and they got all these great grades and all this
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  Speaker 1: wonderful stuff. They're not as smart as you think they are.
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  Speaker 1: And they're more sinful than you think they are. And
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  Speaker 1: so are you. And homeschooling will reveal all of that.
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  Speaker 1: And there'll be disappointments. There'll be disappointments. Disappointments, you get
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  Speaker 1: this wonderful curriculum and they'll explain this curriculum and how
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  Speaker 1: it's supposed to do this and that and the other.
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  Speaker 1: And you get home. Some of your kids get it.
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  Speaker 1: Some of your kids don't. You thought you understood it
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  Speaker 1: while you were here. Yeah. Stick to the ones with
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  Speaker 1: 800 numbers, okay? Exhaustion. You just get flat-out exhausted. Now,
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  Speaker 1: hear me, homeschool moms. Not only do you get exhausted,
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  Speaker 1: but you get exhausted by your kids, whom you now
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  Speaker 1: never get away from. That's a whole different level of
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  Speaker 1: exhaustion right there, okay? And sin, sin that's just present.
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  Speaker 1: You bring all your family members together, you just compound
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  Speaker 1: the sinfulness. All of these things, all of these things
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  Speaker 1: are a strain on your family and a strain on
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  Speaker 1: your marriage. And so we have to think about it
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  Speaker 1: from that perspective. And we have to really sort of
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  Speaker 1: retool our thinking. Because for most of us, we come
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  Speaker 1: into this home education realm, and here's the way we think.
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  Speaker 1: We are here for our children. It's all about our children.
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  Speaker 1: We're doing this for our children. Our children, our children,
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  Speaker 1: our children, our children, our children. We sacrifice everything for
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  Speaker 1: our children. That's the wrong answer. It's the wrong answer.
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  Speaker 1: Your children must not come first. Let me say that again.
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  Speaker 1: Your children must not come first. Do not put your
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  Speaker 1: children first. Yeah, but aren't we supposed to put our
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  Speaker 1: children before everything? No, you're not. No, you're not. That's wrong.
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  Speaker 1: It's unbiblical. It's unhealthy. It's dangerous. And it's not the
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  Speaker 1: best thing for your children. They must not come first.
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  Speaker 1: So what does come first? Well, we're going to find
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  Speaker 1: our answer. We're going to find our answer in the
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  Speaker 1: book of Ephesians. Now, when we look at the book
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  Speaker 1: of Ephesians, here's what I want you to see. Got
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  Speaker 1: to understand something about this book before you can understand
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  Speaker 1: what I'm talking to you about. divided into two halves.
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  Speaker 1: It's divided right down the middle. First three chapters, last
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  Speaker 1: three chapters. Now in this division, it's rather unique. In
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  Speaker 1: the first half of the book, we get orthodoxy or
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  Speaker 1: our calling or indicatives or right believing. In the second
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  Speaker 1: half of the book, we go from orthodoxy to orthopraxy
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  Speaker 1: or from our calling to our conduct, from indicatives to
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  Speaker 1: imperatives and from right believing to to right behaving. It's
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  Speaker 1: important to understand this. It's important to understand the way
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  Speaker 1: we view Scripture, the difference between what the gospel produces
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  Speaker 1: and what the gospel requires, the difference between indicatives and imperatives.
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  Speaker 1: All of these things are important, not only to understanding
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  Speaker 1: the book of Ephesians and understanding marriage, but also to
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  Speaker 1: understanding the Bible as a whole. What the gospel requires,
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  Speaker 1: all the gospel requires is repentance and faith. That's it.
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  Speaker 1: The gospel requires repentance and faith. Period. That's all. Now,
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  Speaker 1: I pause there so that we can get uncomfortable. Everybody
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  Speaker 1: gets uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah, but that's repentance of faith. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: certainly there's got to be some kind of like obedience
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  Speaker 1: or something, right? Yeah. What the gospel produces is obedience
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  Speaker 1: to all God's commands. That's what the gospel produces. It's
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  Speaker 1: not what the gospel requires. If you believe that the
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  Speaker 1: gospel requires obedience, right? than producing obedience, then you believe
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  Speaker 1: that we have something inherent in us that is capable
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  Speaker 1: of obeying God apart from the work of Christ. That's
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  Speaker 1: a huge problem theologically. If we confuse what the gospel
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  Speaker 1: requires and what the gospel produces... We will end up
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  Speaker 1: pursuing works righteousness and negating the very gospel to which
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  Speaker 1: we are attempting to conform. By the way, this is
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  Speaker 1: also important when we start talking about child training. Okay?
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  Speaker 1: When we talk about child training, if we are trying
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  Speaker 1: to get our children to accomplish, our unconverted children to
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  Speaker 1: accomplish that which only the gospel can produce, then ultimately
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  Speaker 1: we are miring our children in legalism and works righteousness. Okay? Okay?
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  Speaker 1: Lots of implications there, but we'll talk about that in
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  Speaker 1: another session. Indicatives and imperatives. Indicatives, what God has done
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  Speaker 1: or produced in us through the person and work of Christ. Imperatives,
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  Speaker 1: what God requires and enables us to do because of
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  Speaker 1: what Christ has accomplished on our behalf. Huge difference between
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  Speaker 1: the two. Give you an example of indicatives and imperatives
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  Speaker 1: in Scripture. Philippians 2.12. Therefore, my beloved, As you have
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  Speaker 1: always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence,
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  Speaker 1: but much more in my absence, work out your own
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  Speaker 1: salvation with fear and trembling. That's an imperative if you
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  Speaker 1: ever saw one, right? And it's probably the scariest imperative
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  Speaker 1: in the New Testament. Not just because it involves the
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  Speaker 1: words fear and trembling, but because it tells us to
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  Speaker 1: work out our salvation in that fear and trembling. If
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  Speaker 1: you just had that imperative there, you're in trouble. Where's
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  Speaker 1: the indicative? The imperative tells us what we're enabled or
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  Speaker 1: required to do, but the indicatives tell us what God
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  Speaker 1: has accomplished on our behalf through Christ to enable and
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  Speaker 1: empower us to do it. Well, the indicative comes in
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  Speaker 1: the very next verse. For it is God who works
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  Speaker 1: in you both to will and to work for his
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  Speaker 1: good pleasure. Okay? So there you have an imperative and
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  Speaker 1: an indicative right there together. Sometimes they're not that close
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  Speaker 1: in the text. but we must always look for the
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  Speaker 1: indicatives and the imperatives. It's important, then, understanding the book
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  Speaker 1: of Ephesians, that we have the indicatives in the first
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  Speaker 1: half of the book, and then we go to imperatives
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  Speaker 1: in the second half of the book. So if I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to understand the imperatives in the second half of
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  Speaker 1: the book, I have to understand them in light of
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  Speaker 1: the indicatives in the first half. Otherwise, where do I
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  Speaker 1: end up? Just mired in works righteousness. And so I'll
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  Speaker 1: run to Ephesians 4.32, and I'll just, okay, be kind
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  Speaker 1: to one another. Right? You got more than one kid.
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  Speaker 1: Ephesians 4.32 is your go-to, man. Be kind to one another.
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  Speaker 1: That's great. You just told your young, unconverted child to
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  Speaker 1: be kind. Based on what? Where do they find that
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  Speaker 1: kindness that you're requiring of them? Do they just reach
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  Speaker 1: inside themselves and find the kindness that's required in Ephesians 4.32?
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  Speaker 1: Not even Ephesians 4.32 leaves it that way because it
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  Speaker 1: says be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other
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  Speaker 1: as God in Christ also forgave you. So the kindness
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  Speaker 1: that's required in Ephesians 4.32 is based on the forgiveness
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  Speaker 1: that we find in Christ. Why on earth would I
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  Speaker 1: tell an unconverted child who has not experienced that forgiveness
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  Speaker 1: in Christ to exercise the kind of kindness that can
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  Speaker 1: only come as a result of what they've never experienced?
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  Speaker 1: What's that going to get me? frustration, legalism, works righteousness.
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  Speaker 1: So do I not tell my child to be kind?
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  Speaker 1: I'm not saying that. But if you're going to use
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  Speaker 1: Ephesians 4.32, what you need to do is not tell
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  Speaker 1: Johnny to reach inside of himself and find something that's
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  Speaker 1: not there. But you need to tell Johnny, Johnny, you're unkind.
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  Speaker 1: You know why? Ephesians 4.32, be kind to one another, tenderhearted,
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  Speaker 1: forgiving each other as God in Christ has also forgiven you. Johnny,
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  Speaker 1: you need to be saved. You need Christ. Jesus died
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  Speaker 1: on the cross for that kind of unkindness that you
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  Speaker 1: just exhibited toward your brother. You need to run to him,
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  Speaker 1: run to the cross, and beg him to grant you
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  Speaker 1: forgiveness that you might express kindness in his name. I
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  Speaker 1: just corrected my child about kindness, but instead of running
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  Speaker 1: them to legalism, I ran them to the gospel. Same verse.
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  Speaker 1: It's all about indicatives and imperatives. Okay? All right. No,
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  Speaker 1: I will not spend the rest of my time fleshing
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  Speaker 1: that out. So what is it all about? Well, when
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  Speaker 1: you look at the Book of Ephesians, you find not
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  Speaker 1: only all these indicatives in the first half of the book,
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  Speaker 1: but you have what I call these grand overarching indicatives
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  Speaker 1: at the end of each of the first three chapters.
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  Speaker 1: And they are hugely important in understanding the passages about marriage.
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  Speaker 1: So let's look at them at the end of chapter one.
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  Speaker 1: And he put all things under his feet and gave
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  Speaker 1: him as head over all things to the church, which
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  Speaker 1: is his body, the fullness of him who fills all
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  Speaker 1: in all. So what's this first overarching indicative about? Christ's
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  Speaker 1: headship over his body. Can you all say that with me?
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  Speaker 1: Christ's headship over his body. Great. At the end of
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  Speaker 1: chapter two, we have another one of these grand overarching indicatives.
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  Speaker 1: So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but
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  Speaker 1: you are fellow citizens with the saints, members of the
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  Speaker 1: household of God. built on the foundation of the apostles
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  Speaker 1: and prophets christ jesus himself being the cornerstone in whom
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  Speaker 1: the whole structure okay built foundation cornerstone structure we're talking
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  Speaker 1: about a house here but then we go from talking
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  Speaker 1: about a house to talking about a temple so we
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  Speaker 1: go from construction language about a house where people live
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  Speaker 1: to construction language about a place where people worship that's
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  Speaker 1: important being joined together grows into a holy temple in
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  Speaker 1: the lord In him you also are being built together
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  Speaker 1: into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit. So
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  Speaker 1: if the first great indicative is Christ's headship over his body,
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  Speaker 1: the second one is unity in Christ's body. Can you
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  Speaker 1: say that one with me? Unity in his body. All right,
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  Speaker 1: the third one at the end of chapter 3. Now
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  Speaker 1: to him who is able to do far more abundantly
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  Speaker 1: than all that we ask or think, according to the
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  Speaker 1: power at work within us, to him be glory in
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  Speaker 1: the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever
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  Speaker 1: and ever. Amen. And so we have Christ's headship over
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  Speaker 1: his body, unity in Christ's body, and finally, the glory
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  Speaker 1: that the body gives to its head. Can you say
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  Speaker 1: that one with me? The glory that the body gives
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  Speaker 1: to its head. Let's put these together. Christ's headship, come on,
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  Speaker 1: Christ's headship over his body, unity in Christ's body, and
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  Speaker 1: the glory that the body gives to its head. Again,
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  Speaker 1: these are the grand indicatives in the first half of
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  Speaker 1: the letter. You can't understand the second half of Ephesians
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  Speaker 1: unless you understand these grand indicatives, okay? You can't understand
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  Speaker 1: it rightly. You can understand it because it's clear enough.
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  Speaker 1: But you can't understand it rightly without this. So, our
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  Speaker 1: foundational passage, and we're talking about our children, home education.
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  Speaker 1: What's the foundational passage we always run to? Ephesians 6, 1-4. Children,
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  Speaker 1: obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right.
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  Speaker 1: Honor your father and your mother. It's the first commandment
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  Speaker 1: with a promise that it may go well with you.
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  Speaker 1: You may live long in the land. Fathers, do not
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  Speaker 1: provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in
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  Speaker 1: the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So if we
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  Speaker 1: look at this in the immediate context, broader context, and
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  Speaker 1: broadest context, here's what we get. In the immediate context,
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  Speaker 1: notice the words that are used here. Children, parents, father, mother.
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  Speaker 1: We cannot understand children apart from the context of parents,
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  Speaker 1: which is father and mother. All right? You do not
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  Speaker 1: have children as this sort of isolated entity. You can
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  Speaker 1: only understand them within the context of a parental relationship,
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  Speaker 1: father and mother. And then next we have, fathers do
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  Speaker 1: not provoke in children anger, but bring them up in
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  Speaker 1: the discipline and instruction of the Lord. The foundation upon
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  Speaker 1: which these commandments about our children is built is the
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  Speaker 1: foundation of the mother-father relationship. Again, your children must not
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  Speaker 1: come first. The children are not the foundation. The mother-father
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  Speaker 1: relationship is the foundation. You follow that? Okay? You do
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  Speaker 1: not put them first any more than you would put
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  Speaker 1: your frame under your foundation in your house. You just
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  Speaker 1: wouldn't do that. The foundation comes first. So the marriage
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  Speaker 1: relationship comes first. The marriage relationship must take priority. By
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  Speaker 1: the way, your kids will eventually be grown and gone.
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  Speaker 1: If they come first, what do you have left when
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  Speaker 1: they leave? Nothing. You must not put your children first.
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  Speaker 1: You must not put your children first. We can't do it.
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  Speaker 1: It's unbiblical. It's unhealthy. It's wrong. Don't do it. And
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  Speaker 1: I keep saying, why do I keep saying it? Because
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  Speaker 1: in the day and age in which we live, you
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  Speaker 1: hear again and again and again, everything for the children,
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  Speaker 1: everything for the children. The children come first. My children
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  Speaker 1: are my priority. My children are my life. That's that's
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  Speaker 1: not healthy. It's not biblical. The broader context, again, Christ's
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  Speaker 1: headship over his body, unity in Christ's body, and the
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  Speaker 1: glory that the body gives to its head. Now let's
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  Speaker 1: look at that husband-wife relationship, which is the foundation upon
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  Speaker 1: which all these other things are built. Now we get
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  Speaker 1: down to where the rubber meets the road. Wives, submit
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  Speaker 1: to your own husbands as to the Lord. Four, why?
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  Speaker 1: Because the husband is more important than you, and he's
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  Speaker 1: bigger and stronger than you, and he means more to
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: God than you do And because he's... No. None of that. Why?
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: For the husband is the head of the wife, even
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: as Christ is the head of the church. His body.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: And is himself its savior. Now as the church submits
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: their husbands. What's this all about? Christ's headship over his body. And...
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Unity in Christ's body. And the glory that the body
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: gives to its head. Well, you know, if my husband
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: were just more godly, and if he were just more,
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: you know, of this and more of that, and I
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: read your book about fathers, and if my husband was
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: more like that, then I would be more submissive to him,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: and so on and so forth. Show me a woman
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: who's waiting for her husband to be worthy of her submission.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: I'll show you a woman who will never submit to
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: her husband. Your husband has never been and will never
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: be worthy of your submission. To think that he could
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: be is blasphemous. He will never be worthy of your submission.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: No man will ever be worthy of your submission. Christ
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: is the only man worthy of your submission. So the
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: submission that you offer is not offered to your husband,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: it is offered to Christ. If you have a submission problem,
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: what you're ultimately struggling with is a worship disorder. Your
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: submission to your husband is about Christ. You submit to
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: your husband because of Christ's headship over his body, because
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: of the unity in Christ's body, and because of the
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: glory that the body gives to its head. There's an
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: imperative here. You're told to be submissive to your husband.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Why is there an imperative here? There's an imperative here
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: because you are disinclined to do this. Amen, somebody. You
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: are disinclined to do this. And there's great irony in this.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: Ask any man who's been in pastoral ministry longer than
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: 15 minutes. What is the number one prayer request of
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Christian women in the church? Number one prayer request, that
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: my husband would be the spiritual leader. That's the number
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: one prayer request. Oh, Lord, please, would you make my
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: husband the spiritual leader in the home? And then watch this.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Ask any man who's been in pastoral ministry longer than
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: 15 minutes. What's the number one prayer request of women
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: when God answers that first prayer? Would you just pray
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: that the Lord would help me to submit to his leadership?
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: It's rather ironic, is it not? So there's submission here.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: The submission is not about worth or value, but it's
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: about order. Amen? Anything with two heads is a monster.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: You either need to kill it or catch it and
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: put it behind glass and make people pay to come
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: see it. All right? It cannot be two heads. This
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: is not about value. This is about order. Think about
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: it in military terms. In military terms, you know you
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: have officers and you have enlisted men. You have enlisted men.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Let's say an enlisted man who's a sergeant He's been
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: in the military for 10 years. 10 years. He's valuable.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: He's incredibly valuable. 10 years of experience. Been there for
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: a long time. Now you have a lieutenant who's been
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: there for 10 months. He's valuable. You know, I mean,
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: he's going to be more valuable later, but you know,
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: 10 months, he don't know a whole lot. Guess what?
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: When the lieutenant tells a sergeant to do something, what
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: does the sergeant do? Salute and execute. Why? Because of value? No.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: Because of order. Because of order. Women come to me,
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: homeschool conference, wives come a lot more than husbands will come.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: Wives will often come on behalf of their husbands. And
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: so the wives will come, you know, and the wives
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: will come and they'll just go, and I get this
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: a lot. I get this a lot. I get this
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: a lot. I just got this. This one child, this
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: one child. It's always this one. This one child. I
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: take that back. It's not always just one. Sometimes there's
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: more than one. But usually it's just one. It's just
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: one child. It's just this one. It's that one. And,
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: you know, it's that one. And I just, I just,
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: this disobedience and there's this and there's that and there's
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: the other. Here's what I always ask. I always go,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: how are you doing with your submission to your husband? No, see,
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: my teenager. See, it's my teenager, and it's just this obedience.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: I understand, I understand. How are you doing with your
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: submission to your husband? No, no, see, what I want
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: you to do is I want you to tell me
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: what to do about my teenager. Yeah, okay, we'll get
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: there in a minute. How are you doing with your
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: submission to your husband? Well, I mean, you know, if
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: he was more, you know, something, then, you know, I'm
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: not good. Great, so let me see if I understand this.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: You are violating the principle of submission to headship in
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: front of your children, and you now want me to
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: help you understand how your children can see you do
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: that with your husband and then model it. Do I
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: understand your question correctly? Well, I mean, that's not what
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: I was asking. I... You know, I think I left
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: my credit card down there at the other. Do you follow?
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: It's the same principle. By the way, here's the great irony.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: She says, I don't submit to my husband because he's
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: not worthy of my submission. But it's a problem for
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: my children not to submit to me because I think
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: I'm worthy of theirs. Wrong answer. You are not worthy
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: of your children's submission any more than your husband is
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: worthy of yours. And your children's submission is based on
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: their submission to God, just like yours is based on
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: your submission to God. All right. Now, husbands... Love your wives.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: And it's great. We get this love your wives there.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: And he could have just left it at that. And
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: that would have been a huge problem, by the way.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: It would have been enough. Just love your wives. There's
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: a command there. There's no way around it. Just love
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: your wives. And that's great. We have no idea what
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: that means. Love your wives how? Love your wives as
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. So
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: that's how we love our wives. Why did he do this?
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: Watch this very closely. One, that he might sanctify her.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: To sanctify her means to set her apart as his own.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: That would be a picture of Christ's headship over his body.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: Having cleansed her by the washing of water with the
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: word so that he might present the church to himself.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: To sanctify her means to set her apart as his own.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: That's Christ's headship over his body. Now he is presenting
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: her to himself, which would be a picture of unity
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: in Christ's body. in splendor without spot or wrinkle or
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish,
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: which would bring glory to her head. The imperatives are
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: rooted in the indicatives. What are we called to do
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: as husbands? To love our wives in the way that
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Christ loved the church, that they might be sanctified, that
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: they might be presented to him, and that they might
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: be without spot or blemish. I love my wife, not
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: so that I can get something in return. That's modern psychology,
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: even modern Christian psychology. You know, wives need this. You
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: give them this, and they'll give you what you need.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Husbands need this. You give them this and they'll give
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: you what that's not. First of all, that's not our motivation.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: It's nowhere in this text. Nowhere in this text. Nowhere
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: in Ephesians chapter five does it say wives submit to
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: your husband so you get this from them. Nowhere in
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Ephesians chapter five does it say husbands love your wives
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: so that you can get this from them. Nowhere in
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: this text is that our motivation. The motivation for the
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: wife's submission to her husband is what? Christ and his
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: headship over his body. The motivation for the husband to
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: love his wife is what? Christ and his headship over
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: his body. So men, here's the picture. Our job is
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: to love our wives in such a way that we
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: have a sanctifying influence on them. Christ is their sanctifier.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: But Christ has granted us a position in their lives
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: where to have a sanctifying influence, and our goal is
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: that they will be more like Christ as a result
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: of having been married to us than they would have
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: been had they not. That's my goal. Not to get
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: something from my wife, but to give something to Christ
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: through the way I love my wife. A sanctifying kind
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: of love. That's the goal. See, if I'm loving my
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: wife so that I can get something in return, here's
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: what I really need. And I give her this so
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: that I can get that. Well, if I'm giving her
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: this so that I can get that, what happens when
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: I don't get that? I stop giving this. But if
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: my desire is Christ and my desire is to offer
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: my wife back to my master, Savior, and Lord as
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: a fragrant offering to him that is more like him
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: because of the relationship with me that she would have
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: been otherwise, then it doesn't matter what I get in return.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Do you see this? That's what my goal is. That's
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: what your goal is. That's the picture. This is a Christ-centered,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: gospel-centered view of marriage. This is not about what you want.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: This is not about what your spouse wants. This is
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: about who Christ is. Then watch this. In the same way,
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: in the same way, husbands should love their wives as
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: we are members of his body. So here, the husband
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: is loving his wife with a view toward offering her
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: to his Savior as a more sanctified follower of Christ
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: who is more like Jesus as a result of having
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: been married to him than she would have been otherwise.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: Here's the picture. He comes and he gives this offering
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: of his wife. She's very small because she can fit
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: right here. And so he can give this offering. And
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: you go, here she is, Lord. And then he says,
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Enjoy. Huh? Yes. Enjoy. How does that work?
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Here's how it works. As a Christian, Christ means more
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: to me than anything in this world. As a Christian,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: I'm being conformed to the image of Christ and I'm
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: growing in my love for Christ day by day. Amen?
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: I'm loving my wife in such a way that I'm
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: having a sanctifying influence on my wife So that she
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: becomes more and more like whom I love more than
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: anything else in the world. I am offering her to
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: him as a more sanctified vessel. And he turns around
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: and says, enjoy, which I can because she's become more
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: like the thing that I love more than anything else
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: in the universe. That's the picture. of loving our wives. Okay?
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: How many times do we go here and look at
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: this passage and it's all about just girding up your
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: loins and doing better? Therefore, a man shall leave his
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: father and mother and hold fast to his wife. The
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound and
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: I'm saying that it refers to Christ in the church.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: This is about Christ in the church. However, let each
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: one of you love his wife as himself and let
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: the wife see that she respects her husband. This is
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: therefore clause again reminds us why our children cannot be first.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: You leave and you cleave. What are you raising your
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: children to do? To leave and to cleave. One of
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: the ways that you prepare your children to leave and
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: to cleave is by prioritizing your marriage over them. Amen.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: If you communicate to your children that their relationship with
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: you is the be all to end all. This happens
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: so often when people get married And it happens a
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: lot with mothers-in-law. And there are some of you who
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: experienced it and you still didn't get a clue. It
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: happens a lot with mothers-in-law. With mothers-in-law who say, my
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: baby is my everything. I'll give my life to my baby.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: This is my baby, my baby, my baby. My whole life,
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: my whole world. And they go off and get married
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: to somebody else and she can't keep her nose out
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: of their marriage. Some of you are that marriage. And
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: you got a mother-in-law who can't keep her nose out
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: of your marriage. And we talk about it. We use
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: phrases like cut the apron strings. What's the problem? The
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: problem is that there was not a marriage that was
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: more important than that child, usually a son. And as
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: a result, she can't let go. And oftentimes he won't either.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: And now you've got two marriages that are jacked up.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: That's a problem. By prioritizing our marriages, we are, number one,
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: modeling to our children what the priority is for when
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: they determine to get married. But secondly, we are also
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: propelling them into a marriage relationship that will, number one,
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: be free of our overbearing influence because we're occupied elsewhere. Amen?
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: And secondly, more apt to flourish elsewhere. because of the
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: independence that they will have from us. That, by the way,
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: is required by God for marriage. Broadest context. Again, Christ's
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: headship over his body, unity in Christ's body, and the
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: glory that the body gives to its head. So what's
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: the answer? What do we do? Well, what do we do?
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: Number one, prioritize your marriage. I've said that again and
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: again and again and again and again. Prioritize your marriage.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: Some of you just need to say it out loud.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: Some of your kids just need to hear you say that.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: It may be hard for some of your kids to
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: hear you say that, but some of your kids just
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: need to hear you say that. Mommy's first. Daddy's first.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: Mommy and daddy's marriage is first. It's important. Secondly, view
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: your marriage through the lens of the gospel. View your
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: marriage through the lens of the gospel. There's a whole
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: lot of stuff out there that is not helpful and
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: that is not healthy. And there's a lot of it
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: on Christian bookstore bookshelves that's not helpful, that is not healthy,
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: that is not gospel-centered, and it is all psychological mumbo-jumbo
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: and needs to be thrown out with the garbage. There's
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: a lot of it, a lot of it. In fact,
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: most of it out there. Most of the marriage books
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: out there are not helpful. They're not from a Christian perspective,
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: from a biblical perspective. And it's a problem. And so
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: you've got a lot of Christians... Reading books from other
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: Christian authors that are looking at marriage through a lens
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: that is not a gospel-centered lens. It's a self-centered lens.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: It just doesn't work. Get back to the book. View
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: your marriage through the lens of the gospel. Thirdly, view
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: your marriage as the foundation for your child's security. That's
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: the great irony. When I prioritize my children over my marriage,
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: I am climbing out on a limb and then cutting
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: it away from the tree. I do that to the
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: detriment of my children. What is the foundation upon which
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: my children's security is built? My marriage. So when I
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: prioritize them or anything else, by the way, over my marriage,
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: I'm actually jeopardizing my children's source of security. Okay? That's
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: a problem. For my children's sake, I must not put
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: them first. Your children must not be first. first. It's
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: not even best for them. If you love your children,
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: do not put them first. Don't do it because it's
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: not even best for them. And don't forget your roles.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: Don't forget your roles. Fathers, learn your wife, lead your wife,
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: love your wife. I'm not a big alliteration guy, but
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: that just kind of came out like that. Okay. Learn
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: your wife. This is a lifelong thing, man. Learn your wife.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: And when you learn her, she'll change. I think mainly
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: because you figured her out. I think mainly. But learn
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: your wife. Lead your wife. This is the great irony.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: You hear this from men. You hear this from men
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: all the time. And sometimes you hear it from women
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: on behalf of their men. But the excuses that we
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: have for not leading Um, the number one excuse that
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: we have for not leading. We've never seen an example before.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: We've never seen an example before. Therefore we can't lead.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: And then I just, you know, I'm kind of like, really,
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: is it the only thing that you never saw an
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: example of? Cause there's a lot of other stuff that
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: we do that we never saw examples of. Right. But
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: when it comes to spiritual leadership, all of a sudden
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: that's an excuse. You just never saw an example of it.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: Just never lived with that kind of example. Right. The
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: gospel is just not sufficient for his circumstance. It's the
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: gospel and example. That's how we get there from here.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: The gospel is not enough. The word of God is
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: not sufficient for that. Got to have the example. Okay.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: That dog won't hunt. Okay. Or another one that we
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: use all the time. Well, he really can't lead spiritually because,
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm sort of farther down the road than
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: he is because he didn't grow up like I grew up.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: And so I know more stuff than he does. How
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: come marriage is the only place where we believe that?
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: We don't believe that anywhere else. Tell me another place
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: where you believe that the leader of something has to
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: know more than everyone whom they lead. It's just not
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: the case. You know, we got, what do we got
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: coming up? We got football season coming up. How many
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: of us believe that, you know, walk into the huddle
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: on offense. You got a quarterback who's young and he
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: walks into the huddle and he goes, hey, I don't
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: know as much about this as you guys. So somebody
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: else want to call the plays? Every man in here
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: knows that that's ridiculous, but that's what you say about
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: your marriage. I don't know as much as she does,
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: and we all know that you can't lead a person
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: unless you know more than they do. Where else do
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: we believe that? Do you believe that on your job?
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: Your boss comes up and gives you a promotion. Hey,
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: we're going to put you over this team here. I'm sorry,
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: but I think Frank might have a little more information
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: about his area than I do. Therefore, I'm not sure
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: that I can lead him because you know that you
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: can only lead somebody if you have more information that
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: they don't do you see you hear how ridiculous that
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: sounds everywhere else leading your wife is not about having
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: more information than she does No more than leading anywhere
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: else means that you have to have more information. You
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: just need to know your wife, what her strengths and
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: weaknesses are, what her needs are. And love your wife.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: We've already seen a picture of that, what it means.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: That's your role. Mothers, submit to your husbands. Just submit
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: to your husbands, as unto the Lord. because of Christ's
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: headship over his body, prioritize your husband. Prioritize your husband.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: This is oftentimes a problem, but prioritize your husbands. Win
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: your children. Some of y'all, like, literally. But, I mean, just,
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: you know, win your children. Oh, Did I say that
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: out loud? Here's what you do. Mom and dad together,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: what do you do? Make your bedroom a sanctuary. Make
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: your bedroom a sanctuary. Get your children out of your bedroom.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: That's what I mean by when you get them out,
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: get them out as soon as you can. I mean,
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: there may be some logistics or whatever that you've got
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: to work out. Work the logistics out, okay? Make your
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: bedroom a sanctuary. Teach your children that your bedroom is
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: a sanctuary. Here's the vision that I have in my mind,
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: all right? This is the vision that I have, and
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: this will help you understand what I mean when I
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: say make your bedroom a sanctuary. Here's my vision of
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: what my children ought to think about a closed door
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: on my bedroom. And so there's a couple of them.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: They're running, and they're running to the bedroom. Just pick
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: any two. And they're running to the bedroom. They come,
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: and the door is closed. Again, this is my picture
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: in my mind. And they stop, and they go, wait
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: a minute. I go, come on, man, we need to
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: ask him about, yeah, but the door is closed. Yeah, so, yeah,
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: but don't we need to, yeah, but the door is closed.
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: Nobody's bleeding. Nobody's unconscious. Nobody broke into the house, and
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: if they do, we probably know where more guns are
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: than they could bring. We don't need to go in there, man.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: Don't come into our bedrooms. It's a sanctuary. You don't
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: belong there. Take time for yourselves daily. Take time for
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: yourselves daily. If you don't, days turn into weeks, weeks
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: turn into months, and months turn into years. Take time
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: for yourselves daily. That does not mean, sir, that you
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: get to come home and unload about what happened to
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: you at work today and count that as taking time.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: Or ma'am, that you get to unload about what happened
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: to the kids today and count that as taking time.
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: Get away. Get away from your kids. Get away from
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: your kids. At least once a year. Just get away
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: from your kids. Go away. A couple of days. At
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: least a couple of days. Not just one day. One day,
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: not long enough. You need a couple of days. A couple, two,
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: three days to get away from your kids. And if
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: you're sitting here right now, ma'am, and you're saying, I
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: just don't know if I could do that. Then what
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: are you going to do when they're gone? If you
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: can't bring yourself to think about two or three days
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: away from your children, what is going to happen to
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: your marriage when they are gone? Well, I'll be better
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: by then. No, you won't. Not unless you do these
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: things to help you get there. You won't be better
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: by then. You'll be worse by then. And it will
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: have been so long since you got away that you
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: won't know how to be a married couple anymore. Get
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: away from your children. Go somewhere. They will be fine.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: You get the call when you're at the airport. You
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: get the call when you land. And maybe a text
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: a day, all right? Or if you don't fly somewhere,
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: just go around the corner, cross town, someplace. Just go
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: somewhere and tell your kids what's happening. Mommy and daddy
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: are getting ready to go somewhere. You're not going with us.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: Here's what you need to know. We'll miss you. But
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: not all the time. Get away. This takes making it
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: a priority. This all goes back to priority. All right.
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: We have just a few minutes left here. Here's what
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: we'll do in the time that we have left. We
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: don't have a whole lot of time for questions. But
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: I want to give you some time for questions. That's
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: what we'll do. I won't do that. I'll take your questions.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: We've got like five minutes. So you have to ask quickly. Yes. Yeah.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: Let me not answer that one in this setting. That's
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: way more complicated than I can do. I mean, there's
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: so many things to unravel in that that I couldn't
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: do it justice in this particular setting. Okay? Fair enough?
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: You'll come ask me about that? Okay. All right. Talking
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: about blended families and the difficulties of blended families in
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: particular instances where there's a child who has some attitudes
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: about biological father who you love more and those sorts
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: of things and that's Just, let's talk about that. That
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: doesn't change any of this, by the way. That doesn't
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: change any of this. You still need to make your
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: bedroom a sanctuary, you still need to take time with
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: one another daily, and you still need to get away.
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: And you still need to prioritize your marriage over your children. Okay?
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: That doesn't change any of that. There's a way that
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: you communicate that, depending on what the needs of that
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: particular child is and that circumstance, but it doesn't change that. Yes,
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: back here. yeah yeah the question is when you are
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: modeling the respect and honor within the husband wife relationship
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: but you're not seeing it within your child how do
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: you deal with that that's where correction comes in. See,
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: you modeling it to your children, your children are still
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: little unregenerate sinners. And so seeing you do things right
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: will not make your children say, oh, that's what I
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: must live like, okay? It won't. They're still sinners. So
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: you doing it right doesn't stop them from being sinners.
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: So they still have to be corrected regardless of what
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: it is that you're doing. But you don't want to
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: compound your need to correct your children. And when I
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: say correct your children, y'all, please spank your kids Please.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: Early and often. Our children still need to be corrected.
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: The modeling doesn't take away that need, but failure to
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: do so really exacerbates the problem. Okay. Everybody's scared. Like,
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: I don't want to ask him. Okay, yes. Finding children.
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: Finding people who you can trust to keep your children
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: free and get away with a few days. Yes, that's important. Yes.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: Very important, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Thank you. Yes. Yes. Hey, no,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: on that note, OK, I'm going to end with this question.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: But this is this is like it never, you know, usually.
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've been doing this for a long time.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: And when you when you preach and I preach all
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: over the world and you go places and preach, people
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: will say anything to you. They'll say stuff they'll never
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: say to their pastor just because I guess they figure
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: he's going to be gone. I'll just. Yeah. And so
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: I get all kind of stuff. But I got one
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: right along those same lines that never had before. And
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: it just messed me all up. And usually, as a pastor,
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: you don't want to let people know when their question
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: just sort of messes you all up. I couldn't even
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: hold it in. But they were like, you know, we...
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: how do we what do we do about finding people
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: to keep our kids and so I was like you
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: know well you know the grandparents and this that and
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: the other thing she goes you know grandparents not an
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: option I said really are they you know they not
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: you know what what's what's there with grandparents all the
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: grandparents they're wonderful people and they kept our kids last
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: time we went away really? So what happened that was
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: so bad that they will no longer keep your kids?
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: And they pointed to a newborn in a stroller. And
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: they go, that happened. So their parents said, unless y'all
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: cut out that having kids business, we're not keeping your
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: kids for you anymore when you go away. I was like, man,
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: I'll keep your kids. I'll just Just set them to my...
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: That's just wrong, man. So, you know, it is. It
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: can be difficult. But then we... I mean, there's a
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: lot of ways. You just have to be creative. Think
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: about people at your church and think about... Let me
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: tell you one that I heard that was very creative
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: and wonderful. There was a group of college-age young ladies
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: at this particular church. And there was one family who
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: had a large number of children. And there were like
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: six college-age young ladies that were taking turns rotating... spending
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: the night over their house two at a time to
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: help with those kids. These young women were, you know,
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: very sort of reliable, all had experience of keeping kids
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: and whatnot. And there were six of them who kind
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: of rotated, you know, through the house to help keep
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: the kids. And I was like, that's great. You know, young, energetic,
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: tag team, all that. It's good. So, I mean, we
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: have to be creative. You have to find ways. But
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: here's the deal. If this is not a priority, it
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: won't happen. It's got to be a priority. And this
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: is a mindset issue. And I want you to hear this,
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: especially you new homeschoolers, because when you first come in,
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: it's easy to think it's all about your kids. You're
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: doing this for your kids. You're doing this for your future.
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: You're doing this for future generations. And all of that
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: is true. But the most important piece of the puzzle is,
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: is your marriage that is the foundation upon which all
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: of that is built. And that foundation is built upon
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: the gospel itself. Amen? Our time is gone. You're dismissed.
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go over to my table. There are
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: a couple of, hold on, hold on, let me give
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: you a couple of resources that I want to bring
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: to your attention because a lot of you are asking
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: about resources. We have a DVD series called Marriage by
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: Design that will be helpful for some of these things.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: And another one called What He Must Be If He
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: Wants to Marry My Daughter. which will deal with this.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: Here's the number one comment that I get, especially like
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: from men when they come back with the What He
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: Must Be book. And they go, yeah, you know, I
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: had my daughter and, you know, there's this guy and
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: I just really didn't like this guy. And so I
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: got this book and I'm like, I'm gonna get this book.
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: So I'll fix her. And I read the book and
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: it beat me half to death. So, you know, read
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: with caution. So, but those books will really be helpful
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: as it relates to this particular issue, and Family Shepherds,
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: which will also deal with these marriage issues as well.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: So again, like last time, I'm headed out that way.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: I'll meet you now at the table, answer your questions,
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: sign your books, and remember, everything that you buy at
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: our table, I don't know about the rest of the tables,
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: but anything that you buy at our table, all the
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: proceeds go to Feed Hungry Children. We have eight proceeds.