Latest / Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast / Ep. 41: How Sylvie alchemizes pain into power - Healing from domestic violence & narcissistic abuse

Transcript

Ep. 41: How Sylvie alchemizes pain into power - Healing from domestic violence & narcissistic abuse · Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast

• 0:02
  Hi, Bree. Hey.
• 0:04
  I was hoping that I could do a little prayer before we get
• 0:06
  started. I.
• 0:07
  Would love that. Awesome.
• 0:09
  So Holy Spirit, I just invite you into the space.
• 0:12
  First I'd like to ask you to just create the safety to be
• 0:16
  seen Lord. One of the things that I think
• 0:18
  is important for DV survivors and you know, victims of DB is
• 0:25
  they're afraid to be seen. They're afraid to be heard
• 0:27
  because every time that they have tried to be seen or heard,
• 0:30
  somebody has casted them out, made them feel they don't belong
• 0:33
  or just has silenced them. So that's what I'm asking of the
• 0:37
  Holy Spirit is that they cover us in protection and peace and
• 0:43
  that your message gets through and that it is safe to be seen.
• 0:47
  And I ask this in your name, Amen.
• 0:49
  Amen. All right.
• 0:51
  Thank you so much. And you're welcome.
• 0:53
  And I should also have a disclaimer.
• 0:55
  I will still be a little crass and a little human.
• 1:00
  Yeah. Human.
• 1:00
  Yeah. I consider myself a holy misfit.
• 1:03
  So that means that I'm just authentically myself.
• 1:07
  So. And whatever comes out of that
• 1:09
  comes out of that. There you go.
• 1:10
  So I love it. Well, I think you have met
• 1:14
  Sylvie not formally, but through that prayer.
• 1:17
  Hopefully you got a vibe for what I think Sylvie and I have
• 1:21
  talked about what we want this episode to be about and kind of
• 1:26
  like the energy we want episode 41 to be.
• 1:30
  And it's really about authenticity, safety.
• 1:34
  And I think we're going to get into this about learning and
• 1:38
  telling the stories about how you and how we can all learn to
• 1:44
  laugh in the places that we've cried.
• 1:46
  Yes, Amen. Amen.
• 1:49
  So with that, welcome. Thank you.
• 1:51
  Welcome. Welcome to the podcast for for
• 1:55
  my friends and family and and a couple of fans out there.
• 1:58
  You know what the podcast is about.
• 2:00
  But if this is your first time, I'm sure many of Sylvie's family
• 2:03
  and friends will be cheering her on.
• 2:06
  This podcast is called Adventures and Adversity, and it
• 2:09
  is an inspirational podcast is what I call it.
• 2:13
  And really it's been a compilation of stories from
• 2:17
  friends, family, friends of friends, new friends who have
• 2:23
  one thing in common and that is they have gone through adversity
• 2:28
  in life. And so with that, I would like
• 2:31
  you to to meet again, Sylvie, and I'll just kind of tell the
• 2:38
  audience how we met. Was it a few months ago?
• 2:41
  Yeah, a couple months ago we were, we met at a Wisdom Wealth
• 2:46
  well-being community event, right?
• 2:50
  I was a speaker there telling my story for the first time.
• 2:54
  So I was like very nervous and kind of looking for hoping for
• 2:58
  safety and not knowing how it would be received.
• 3:02
  But ultimately, through telling my story, I realized the beauty
• 3:06
  and being authentically yourself and talking about all the stuff
• 3:10
  that's maybe not the most amazing in your life, but has
• 3:13
  like LED you to become who you are, right, That is correct.
• 3:16
  The transformation. So we met 3 WB event, saw you at
• 3:21
  another event following that. And I remember I recognized your
• 3:24
  your fabulous glasses. I've already seen them.
• 3:29
  And then we got coffee. And then we got lunch and then
• 3:34
  here we are. Here we are.
• 3:35
  And Sylvie, I, I, I first want to tell you the reason why I was
• 3:41
  sort of like drawn to you is because of your energy.
• 3:45
  Thank you. And the way that you just your
• 3:48
  energy that you put off is like welcoming your smile.
• 3:53
  And little did I know that, like behind that, again, I'm always
• 3:56
  surprised at like, how much you've been through, right?
• 3:59
  Because you radiate such positivity that we just never
• 4:03
  know, like what adversity lies underneath somebody, right?
• 4:07
  This is so true. Yeah.
• 4:08
  So I just would love for you to introduce yourself and kind of
• 4:14
  like just we'll just start talking because, you know, I'm a
• 4:17
  talker. Yeah, we know this, but yeah.
• 4:21
  Just kind of moving. Tell me about where you're at in
• 4:26
  life. And like you said, that
• 4:28
  beautiful prayer, I'm sure that there's been a lot of events in
• 4:33
  life that have gotten due to this place where you like are
• 4:36
  just welcoming the Holy Spirit, feeling like you're ready to be
• 4:41
  authentic. I'm just babbling, so let's just
• 4:45
  start talking. I am.
• 4:47
  Yeah, so I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse from a, from
• 4:51
  an intimate partner. And it has been going on for,
• 4:56
  you know, eight years. But it, it doesn't have a hold
• 5:02
  on how I control my posturing, which is a good word, right?
• 5:08
  My presence. I've had to fight really hard
• 5:11
  for the joy that you see today and the person that you've met.
• 5:14
  But the authenticity is something that's always been
• 5:17
  with me. It's just something that I think
• 5:19
  I've hidden for other people's comfort for most of my life.
• 5:23
  So being too authentic creates, I think, barriers to
• 5:28
  relationships sometimes because people come with their stuff,
• 5:33
  right? And they don't always want to
• 5:36
  see their stuff. So my authenticity sometimes I
• 5:41
  think brings that out. And therefore some of my
• 5:44
  relationships have been, you know, difficult to say the
• 5:49
  least. Sure.
• 5:50
  But on the other end of the spectrum, I have these amazing,
• 5:54
  wonderful friendships and people that I've had in my life.
• 5:58
  So it's not just, you know, continuous adversity.
• 6:01
  It's just, you know, I do face some things, but I think it's
• 6:05
  made me a better person, yeah. So, and, and thank you for being
• 6:12
  so candid and open about like being a survivor of you say DV,
• 6:18
  domestic abuse, domestic violence, domestic abuse and
• 6:20
  narcissistic abuse. That's something that I think is
• 6:27
  very, once you go through that, it's soul changing at life
• 6:34
  changing beyond, right? Absolutely.
• 6:37
  And you, what I think is amazing and we'll kind of, we'll go all
• 6:40
  over the place, we'll unpack your story.
• 6:43
  But at a high level, getting through that and getting to the
• 6:46
  place where you are now, you have also turned that healing
• 6:49
  into advocacy. Absolutely.
• 6:51
  Yep. So tell me a little bit about
• 6:53
  that and then we'll kind of go all over.
• 6:54
  Yeah. So how that was birthed was
• 6:57
  going through the family court system and seeing so many people
• 7:01
  going through the same exact copy and paste behavior that I
• 7:04
  was going through. It just like sparked something
• 7:07
  in me that I was like, I have to get out there and do something.
• 7:10
  Even though I was in the midst of my own pain, I just felt like
• 7:14
  I had to go do something. And so I, I reached out to a
• 7:19
  domestic violence shelter and I just said, I'll just go like
• 7:22
  stock the shelves in the pantry. And, you know, God kind of
• 7:27
  laughed and he's like, sure, whatever makes you comfortable.
• 7:29
  And God has a, a good way of taking you out of your comfort
• 7:33
  zone and placing you where exactly where the discomfort is
• 7:37
  so that you can grow. And so I got to the domestic
• 7:44
  violence shelter and they said, oh, I see on your, you know,
• 7:47
  intake sheet that you've done classes before, you've taught
• 7:49
  because I did, you know, in corporate world, I've taught
• 7:52
  some classes and stuff for real estate agents.
• 7:55
  OK, anyway, so they said would you be interested in teaching a
• 7:59
  class to some women at the shelter?
• 8:02
  And they said it would be about self esteem.
• 8:04
  So I was like, sure, I've got this, I can teach about self
• 8:07
  esteem, no problem. And then I think the day before
• 8:11
  I got there to teach the self esteem class, joke was on me.
• 8:15
  God said, Oh no, you're going to teach an anger management class
• 8:18
  and a forgiveness class. And so the anger management
• 8:25
  class that I taught, I think I taught it maybe at 8 * a series
• 8:29
  of eight times to 8 different groups of, of women at the
• 8:33
  shelter. And I got to tell you, he worked
• 8:35
  through me every single one of those times.
• 8:38
  So every time that I was ministering or, you know, to
• 8:41
  other women, I was also ministering to myself and
• 8:44
  healing myself. And I think that going through
• 8:48
  those classes just taught me so much about self regulation, less
• 8:54
  about like anger management because, you know, we can go
• 8:57
  into a whole other topic about how women are so angry and
• 8:59
  emotional, but. I've never had an emotion in my
• 9:02
  life, right? No.
• 9:04
  But it it was more about self regulating, which taught me so
• 9:09
  much about going through the family court system because
• 9:12
  especially as a woman, sometimes the odds are stacked against
• 9:17
  women as well in the family court system, unfortunately.
• 9:23
  And you do have to learn how to regulate even just how you
• 9:28
  present. You can't look to this to that.
• 9:32
  You can't breathe too much. You can't I.
• 9:34
  Mean. Yeah, yeah, because the you will
• 9:37
  be judged on how you're presenting yourself, so you
• 9:41
  can't be too emotional. So that goes back to the prayer
• 9:44
  I said at the beginning, make it a safe place to be seen and
• 9:48
  heard, right. So because for people who have
• 9:52
  survived any type of abuse, being seen is or exposed is like
• 10:00
  I what's the word I'm looking for?
• 10:01
  It's like, it's like being naked in a crowd of people and you
• 10:07
  didn't work. Out.
• 10:08
  Yeah, you. Didn't do yourself?
• 10:11
  Like, I didn't even know what could be naked today.
• 10:17
  So you were basically going through your own healing from
• 10:22
  narcissistic abuse and domestic abuse while helping these women
• 10:28
  at this domestic shelter, domestic violence shelter and
• 10:31
  that that's your locally. Yes, it would.
• 10:34
  Yes. Yes.
• 10:35
  So who knew? There's domestic violence
• 10:37
  shelters just all everywhere. It's not just something that
• 10:42
  happens in the inner cities and not at all.
• 10:45
  And I'm saying this so that people realize that this happens
• 10:50
  everywhere. Yes, I think there's a
• 10:51
  misconception that it is an inner city or like a different
• 10:55
  demographic of people that it happens to.
• 10:57
  But that is the hugest, the biggest misconception that
• 11:00
  happens everywhere to anyone. It happens to men.
• 11:04
  It happens to, you know, that's another population that we don't
• 11:09
  talk about because they don't come forward because of, you
• 11:13
  know, ego or pride or it's just not manly, you know, quote UN
• 11:17
  quote. So, yeah, it happens to everyone
• 11:20
  everywhere. And sometimes the more affluent
• 11:22
  the area, it's just not, it's just a secret.
• 11:25
  That's all it is. And maybe that's why that that
• 11:27
  word I'm using exposed can work both ways, right?
• 11:30
  Like they're exposed. The abuser and then the victim
• 11:35
  could be exposed. And if you were living in a
• 11:38
  lifestyle of how does it look perception, that's going to be a
• 11:44
  problem. That is abuse will not be.
• 11:48
  That is not a topic for any conversation.
• 11:50
  Going to tarnish your reputation.
• 11:52
  Yeah, so. Yes, and.
• 11:56
  And that has led me. So that has led me to have been
• 11:59
  feeling like isolated or left out or maybe not belonging or
• 12:05
  whatever because I have been outspoken.
• 12:08
  And being outspoken about something that other people want
• 12:11
  you to not speak about will create you being kind of
• 12:18
  ostracized from the community. And that was hard to take when
• 12:22
  you're looking for help and you're looking for people to
• 12:25
  like bond with in in a vulnerable state and then have
• 12:32
  the extra layer of like, well, that doesn't really look good
• 12:35
  for our country. And you're like, I'm never going
• 12:39
  to tell you anything. Right, right.
• 12:40
  Thank you. Yeah, It didn't feel like a safe
• 12:43
  place. So lessons learned along the
• 12:46
  way, I stopped telling my story to anybody and, you know,
• 12:50
  everybody. And I started telling it to the
• 12:52
  people that needed to hear it, the people who have been through
• 12:55
  it, the people that are like, what's it like to, you know,
• 13:00
  lean in? And so I create that safe space
• 13:04
  as a vessel. It's not me, but as a vessel,
• 13:07
  OK? I create that safe space for
• 13:10
  other survivors of abuse to feel like I'm seen and heard.
• 13:14
  We keep coming back to seen and heard.
• 13:17
  Because abusers of any kind, right?
• 13:20
  Whether it's in the workplace, in the home, in friendships, in
• 13:25
  romantic relationships, they want you to talk.
• 13:27
  About it they wanted a secret, right?
• 13:29
  Because. You might be the only one
• 13:31
  getting it, yeah. Because if it's hidden, well,
• 13:35
  they know it's wrong. OK, There's this question of
• 13:37
  like, do they know it's wrong? Well, if they have to hide it,
• 13:39
  it's they know on some level it's wrong.
• 13:41
  Whether they're conscious of it or not, They know it's wrong
• 13:44
  because it's hidden. It's a secret.
• 13:47
  It's you know, you, they don't want to be exposed.
• 13:50
  So it doesn't that tell you right then and there, because
• 13:52
  integrity, it doesn't matter about being exposed.
• 13:56
  You act. The same no matter what.
• 13:57
  Behind closed doors, at work, with the moms, with the kids,
• 14:01
  with by. You're the same.
• 14:03
  Yeah, abusers aren't the same. No in every setting.
• 14:08
  No, they're not. No, they're not.
• 14:09
  They save the good stuff just for targets, yeah.
• 14:13
  But they're not, you're right. So it's another way you can say,
• 14:15
  like, do they know what they're doing?
• 14:16
  Because they know when to do it. They're not doing it outside
• 14:20
  when everybody can see it, right?
• 14:22
  They're doing it inside. And it's insidious.
• 14:24
  It happens slowly. So there's a big question of
• 14:27
  like, why doesn't she leave? Why doesn't he leave?
• 14:29
  Well, if, if it's insidious, well, first of all, if you've
• 14:32
  never lived it, you can't really tell a survivor how to do it,
• 14:35
  OK? There's #1 #2 like, if it's
• 14:39
  insidious and it happens slowly, like water on a rock, like every
• 14:43
  day creating a, you know, like little by little, Like how?
• 14:48
  And you've never lived something like that in your life.
• 14:51
  How would you know that's abuse? Or what if it's the familiarity
• 14:55
  of that's something that you grew up with?
• 14:57
  What if it's something that you, this is how your mom or dad
• 15:01
  loved you and so you mistake this for love too.
• 15:05
  So hush on the people that say like, why, why didn't they
• 15:08
  leave? You know, for me, it's like, God
• 15:11
  bless that you've never had to live through something as
• 15:14
  horrible as abuse. And and you should be so
• 15:18
  thankful because. Thankful that you don't
• 15:21
  understand. Yeah, because it takes out,
• 15:23
  understand. No, it takes out your mental
• 15:24
  health, it takes out your physical health, it takes out
• 15:28
  your friends, your circle of people that you think are, I
• 15:31
  mean like. Because you're isolated, right?
• 15:33
  And then when you talk about it, then some people don't want to
• 15:36
  hear about it, right? It's a complete devastation of
• 15:38
  what, you know, life to be. And then you got to crawl out of
• 15:41
  that devastation. OK.
• 15:44
  You got to crawl out of it. And then you've got to fight for
• 15:46
  every piece of joy, health, mental, psychological, physical,
• 15:53
  like, yeah, it you got to crawl out of it.
• 15:57
  Yeah. And not everybody can.
• 16:00
  And so I think part of the reason why I feel so like in
• 16:07
  like, what's the word I'm looking for?
• 16:09
  Like I just feel called called. Very thank you.
• 16:13
  Called. Is to go back and help the
• 16:15
  people that are crawling because I crawled and I needed people
• 16:19
  you know, and God bless my family.
• 16:21
  They they were there but and I had friends that were there, but
• 16:26
  I mean. You need.
• 16:28
  You have to. You got to crawl.
• 16:29
  You need a lot of people to get you out of that.
• 16:32
  You know what I mean? It's not just one person here
• 16:35
  and there, like you need a community of people.
• 16:37
  And so that's my vision is, you know, to create a authentic,
• 16:44
  like, community of people that go back for the people who are
• 16:47
  crawling out of abusive situations.
• 16:51
  Yeah, that's my heart. And that's, that's if you
• 16:56
  haven't noticed, This is why I had her on the podcast.
• 16:58
  And we can be dead. No, it's just that it's so
• 17:04
  beautiful to hear because I, I know your energy right now and
• 17:08
  obviously I didn't know you when you were crawling out.
• 17:10
  And so I was drawn to you because there's this like
• 17:14
  strength about you, but also this sort of like kindness in
• 17:18
  your eyes where it's like a knowing of like what it took you
• 17:20
  to get here. So if someone listening right
• 17:25
  now is going, wow, like abuse, like abuse is kind of a big
• 17:29
  word. Like what to you, what have you
• 17:31
  learned through your own life through working at the domestic
• 17:35
  shelter? Like what is what does abuse
• 17:38
  mean to you? And like how, when did you start
• 17:41
  realizing? Like maybe maybe this isn't
• 17:44
  right. Do you remember?
• 17:47
  Or like, how do you know? Absolutely.
• 17:52
  I think in the intimate partner situation, what was happening
• 17:56
  was there was always something I was like, this doesn't feel
• 17:59
  right. But in there was an instinct, an
• 18:01
  intuition that I wasn't listening to in the pit of my
• 18:04
  stomach. And you may feel it in other
• 18:06
  parts of your body. Some people can feel it in their
• 18:08
  chest like a panic attack. You can feel it in your
• 18:11
  shoulders and you'll always. My rule of thumb is how does
• 18:15
  your body feel around a person or a situation?
• 18:19
  Your heart's gonna want to see the best in them, and your
• 18:22
  mind's going to want to talk you out of what you're feeling.
• 18:25
  But the body never lies. So if you feel it somewhere in
• 18:29
  the body, like you need to pay attention to that, that's what's
• 18:32
  going to alert you to. This isn't a healthy situation
• 18:36
  for me. So in the intimate partner, it
• 18:38
  was just like, there was something telling me this wasn't
• 18:41
  right. And then you start paying
• 18:43
  attention to the clues. And then I think what really set
• 18:47
  it over the edge was I went to therapy for the relationship
• 18:51
  with the person, Sure. But then the person was like, I
• 18:55
  don't need therapy because we usually go to therapy for the
• 18:58
  person who really needs the therapy.
• 19:01
  So anyways, I ended up still going to therapy and I started
• 19:05
  learning about narcissistic abuse.
• 19:09
  And I mean, I didn't name it that at the time, but I started
• 19:13
  getting a little like street PhD narcissist.
• 19:18
  Once you see it, you're like, what?
• 19:20
  Yeah. But then the beauty of that was
• 19:23
  then I started healing what was happening with me that
• 19:26
  attracted. Not that it's your fault.
• 19:29
  I don't want anybody to feel like it's your fault that the
• 19:31
  abuse happens. But there's something that needs
• 19:34
  healing, usually from a childhood situation that this
• 19:39
  encounter comes up again in your life for you to to break the
• 19:43
  cycle. So my responsibility was, how am
• 19:47
  I going to break the cycle? It wasn't why did the abuse
• 19:50
  happen to me? That's their stuff.
• 19:53
  But it was like, how do I break the cycle?
• 19:55
  So that's how it started. And so the therapy kind of was
• 20:00
  beginning to pull it, like educating yourself.
• 20:02
  And obviously you're somebody who wants to work on themselves.
• 20:06
  Is you're self aware, too? Self aware, yeah.
• 20:11
  I'm very aware person. I'm aware of everything.
• 20:16
  Sometimes it's not helpful. No, and then you go down the
• 20:19
  right hole. But what I've learned through my
• 20:23
  own experience, through reading, through therapy, through other
• 20:27
  guests as well, a good. And I think you actually posted
• 20:32
  something that reminded me people I didn't mean good people
• 20:37
  who want to evolve and heal will take a look at themselves, even
• 20:42
  if it sucks. Yeah, because it's not easy
• 20:45
  going. Let's look at myself and like,
• 20:47
  all my shit. Yeah.
• 20:49
  But it's great when someone is like, I'm ready to.
• 20:52
  I can try to do that. Abusers typically don't really
• 20:55
  want to do that. Yeah, you can always tell, you
• 20:58
  know, if there's some toxicity and yeah, in a relationship by
• 21:03
  how are they showing up to fix things?
• 21:05
  So like if they're showing up saying there's nothing wrong
• 21:07
  with themselves and there's nothing they need to fix, then
• 21:10
  that is a clue that you're not dealing with somebody who is
• 21:15
  like self aware or healthy, right?
• 21:19
  Another thing is boundaries. How are they reacting when you
• 21:22
  have boundaries? If a healthy person will be
• 21:25
  like, well, that that might hurt me to hear that you want to be
• 21:28
  by yourself. You know what I mean?
• 21:31
  And eat your snacks and watch your own shows without me.
• 21:34
  But a healthy partner or, you know, friend will be like, but I
• 21:38
  get it. That's how you recharge.
• 21:39
  And like, can I get you your favorite snack?
• 21:42
  Is that an attack on that? Correct.
• 21:43
  They don't take it as an attack or worse than an attack on them.
• 21:47
  They make it so you don't get to do the thing that you're
• 21:51
  asserting your boundary on. So asserting boundaries or
• 21:55
  having a boundary, if their reaction is negative or selfish,
• 22:00
  then it's a red flag. It's a huge red flag.
• 22:03
  Yep. So saying no reveals mm.
• 22:07
  Hmm. Yep, with intimate partner,
• 22:11
  family friends, anything right where if you're like work, if
• 22:15
  you're like, hey, and not to minimize, like I know there's a
• 22:18
  lot of serious situations we can talk about here, but even just
• 22:22
  in general, like when you're talking to a friend and you're
• 22:24
  like, hey, listen, I'm, I know we're supposed to go out.
• 22:27
  I'm like, so I just really need a night in.
• 22:29
  Like I just gotta like, yeah. And if a friend like it's mad at
• 22:32
  you. Yes.
• 22:34
  You're like, oh shit. I mean, barring this isn't like
• 22:37
  a very big event. Sure, we're expecting.
• 22:39
  Like, but if it's like, hey, we were just going for a walk,
• 22:42
  right? And they're like, well, why are
• 22:43
  you always like, that's it's like, hey, get it.
• 22:45
  Like, totally. Yeah.
• 22:47
  It's giving like friendships in relationships, like the freedom
• 22:51
  to have that space. Absolutely.
• 22:53
  You don't have to like possess that.
• 22:56
  Yeah, and if you're a healthy person, you'll be like, I really
• 22:58
  wanted to see you, but I honor that you need to do that for
• 23:02
  yourself. Let's reconnect when you have
• 23:04
  build your own cup. That's the other thing.
• 23:06
  You got to go from your overflow.
• 23:08
  You cannot give to other people out of a deficit.
• 23:11
  So you need to give from your overflow.
• 23:13
  And healthy people understand because they're also.
• 23:16
  They're working on the same. Thing yes, they're recharging
• 23:19
  themselves however that looks for them yeah, so they can get
• 23:21
  from the overflow you know and that's not selfish selfish no,
• 23:25
  that's that's you know it's not it's just not.
• 23:29
  Selfish. It's just self-care.
• 23:31
  It is. It's literally yeah, yeah.
• 23:34
  Oh my gosh, there's so many things because I, I, I feel like
• 23:39
  every time I spend time with you, I'm just like having all
• 23:42
  these insights about myself because again, you create this
• 23:45
  like space of room to have all these realizations.
• 23:51
  And then as I'm having them, you're just like, and there I
• 23:54
  get it, you know. So tell me about because I think
• 23:57
  this is such a unique experience.
• 24:01
  What was it like working at a place like a domestic domestic
• 24:06
  violence shelter? Is that the right terminology?
• 24:08
  Who goes there? Why do they exist again for
• 24:12
  people kind of learning about this and how did that kind of
• 24:16
  influence how you handle your own adversity and healing?
• 24:21
  Yeah. So there's different levels.
• 24:22
  There's, you know, 181800 numbers you can call, you can
• 24:26
  call. Like if I need a resource right
• 24:28
  then and there, I need to get out right then and there.
• 24:31
  Then there's shelters where you can come an emergency situation
• 24:35
  and stay. They have a time limit.
• 24:37
  I'm sure the shelter I worked at was you had to, I think, go
• 24:43
  through an interview process and, you know, be vetted to stay
• 24:47
  because it was a program you were going to go through like an
• 24:49
  18 month program. So there's different levels.
• 24:52
  Yeah. And then there's all sorts of
• 24:54
  resources on the web, the web like I worked, you know, I
• 24:58
  volunteered at Stand Up Survivor.
• 25:01
  Amazing place, survivor. And you know, they offer all
• 25:06
  sorts of resources for, you know, like 6 week courses on,
• 25:11
  you know, healing yourself, growth mindset, things like
• 25:14
  that. So there's all sorts of levels
• 25:17
  to it. So you can do it out of the
• 25:19
  discretion of your own home or if you are an emergency
• 25:22
  situation, there are places that Yep, have emergency resources
• 25:27
  for you, your children. And there are some men shelters
• 25:30
  too, but they're more towards other areas, not as close to
• 25:35
  here. Sure.
• 25:36
  Yeah, as you're saying this, you know, I'm visualizing men, women
• 25:43
  and children like, at this point in their life where they're
• 25:46
  like. I think so.
• 25:50
  Is that minor? I don't.
• 25:51
  Think it's mine, is it? I'm sure it's OK.
• 25:54
  We'll just push pause on that, OK?
• 25:56
  It's not a live recording, so we're OK, is it?
• 26:00
  It could be mine. It's OK.
• 26:03
  Oh, that's totally acceptable. Hi, you.
• 26:06
  OK. Thank you.
• 26:09
  I love. Thank you, baby.
• 26:15
  You're. So pretty too.
• 26:26
  Well, enjoying the camping to go camping, be safe, OK?
• 26:33
  No, I'm not. I'm with my friend Bree.
• 26:35
  You haven't met her yet. Would you like to see?
• 26:38
  We're doing we're doing a podcast right now.
• 26:41
  You called. So wait.
• 26:42
  Microphone setup. And we're doing a little
• 26:44
  podcast. I love you have so much fun
• 26:50
  camping. Whoppers you brush those teeth?
• 27:02
  Oh, OK, I'm not a girl. All right, you so happy.
• 27:08
  I love it. OK, Bye.
• 27:13
  Bye. Love you buddy.
• 27:15
  Thanks for the call. My best friend in the whole
• 27:21
  world. So I'm glad you got to see that
• 27:23
  too. Because of that relationship, I
• 27:25
  think we have such a bond because I had no choice but to
• 27:30
  like because he was trying to steal my motherhood from me too.
• 27:33
  Like like the joy of my motherhood.
• 27:35
  I fought like hell for that too. I did and.
• 27:39
  You can just see it and I could watch your eyes, actually.
• 27:42
  Yeah. You just like melt in.
• 27:44
  There, yeah, and. She was so excited to see you
• 27:47
  too. Just kind of thing.
• 27:48
  You're gonna laugh. I love you.
• 27:50
  What are you doing? Just that's like, you're right.
• 27:54
  Or die. Yeah, yeah, I fought really hard
• 27:57
  for that because she didn't see, Thank God, me in my closet.
• 28:02
  It's not She's crying. Because I would compartmentalize
• 28:06
  Bree and she'd go to her dad's and then I'd fall the fuck apart
• 28:10
  and we can talk, I'm transparent, we can talk about
• 28:12
  it all. I don't care.
• 28:12
  No. Yes, we're still recording, but
• 28:16
  we can edit. No, that's a silly.
• 28:18
  Cool moment because it it's her calling.
• 28:22
  This is a. Really cool moment, I know.
• 28:23
  And it's. This is what I talk about.
• 28:26
  Like when I interviewed my friend Megan, like her daughter
• 28:29
  walked in and then all these things and she was like, sorry.
• 28:30
  I'm like, no, yeah, this is what it is.
• 28:34
  But even just that's part that I just sat down and was like, I
• 28:37
  fought really hard for them and like that was meant to be.
• 28:41
  I I just got chills. Yeah.
• 28:42
  I think because we, because, I mean, she didn't, No, I just,
• 28:47
  that was like a I I'm getting chills because I feel like she's
• 28:52
  supporting you, just being your fabulous, amazing self.
• 28:56
  Yeah. You know I do, because that's
• 28:58
  not even our typical call time. So thank you, Jesus.
• 29:04
  No, I so OK, just so many, so many.
• 29:09
  OK, so there's when you work in a domestic violence shelter and
• 29:13
  obviously there's different levels of care and different
• 29:16
  resources, which in the show notes, I'm going to have you
• 29:19
  send me all the things that you want me to.
• 29:21
  So if someone, if anyone listening to this right now is
• 29:24
  going through domestic violence, thinks they might be has a
• 29:28
  friend or a sister or a brother, because again, it happens to men
• 29:33
  too. We don't like to talk about
• 29:34
  that. But right, I have a lot to say
• 29:36
  about that as well another time. But the point is, is that this
• 29:44
  episode, I can already tell for me, and I know for people
• 29:48
  listening, there's going to be some aha moments for people to
• 29:51
  kind of take a look at their relationships and just be like,
• 29:55
  OK, my friendships. How do I feel around everybody?
• 29:59
  Like. Right.
• 30:00
  Yeah. And like, if I'm not feeling
• 30:02
  good, like, let's get curious. What is that about?
• 30:05
  Is that me or is it an external? I don't know.
• 30:10
  For me, around my friends, I'm feeling good, Yeah.
• 30:16
  Because you curated, I don't you curated that now because I
• 30:19
  curated that because you were now choosing from a conscious
• 30:22
  place or the frequency I'm being on frequencies like energy and
• 30:26
  all that. That's what I'm saying.
• 30:28
  Like I'm not your typical. I'm holy misfits.
• 30:30
  I believe in energy and. Energy is real.
• 30:33
  Energy is real. You can.
• 30:36
  I heard a quote you can. I can feel you in a room before
• 30:40
  I can hear you or see you. Absolutely I can.
• 30:43
  I can walk into a room. I'm not being.
• 30:45
  Arrogant, No, I'm not being arrogant.
• 30:47
  I can walk into a room and I don't have to speak or say
• 30:51
  anything like my presence is felt so and I think sometimes
• 30:56
  it's felt over the the posts on the Internet too so.
• 31:01
  And every time I'm around you, I feel like, I feel that.
• 31:06
  And I, I and I gravitate towards it because it's real.
• 31:09
  It's not apologetic. Yeah.
• 31:11
  It's this is who I am. I'm shining a light and I and I
• 31:16
  think it's a very empowering presence.
• 31:17
  It's a very you can sit with us presence.
• 31:20
  It's not a yeah, hey, where you at?
• 31:23
  It's a hey, where my people at. Bring it in.
• 31:26
  Yeah, It's you can sit with us. You.
• 31:28
  Can't not. You can't.
• 31:30
  No, I'm done. I'm done with.
• 31:32
  Like you can't sit with us. Kind of.
• 31:34
  So I had a realization. Sorry, I'm no what I'm laughing
• 31:37
  about. I know.
• 31:38
  I've had a realization very recently in a in a group of of
• 31:42
  women. I realized, like, I'm not the
• 31:46
  cool girl, I'm the real girl and I'm totally full.
• 31:51
  With that. OK with that.
• 31:54
  OK, because like the cool girl I think is more performance
• 32:00
  performative and the real girls or the real ones, it it comes
• 32:06
  from a place of like authenticity.
• 32:08
  Like I can't help but to be myself.
• 32:10
  I can't help but to, you know, whatever.
• 32:14
  So yeah, so I'd rather be the real girl.
• 32:18
  And it took me until this decade to figure out like, I don't need
• 32:23
  to diminish myself to make myself small, to not be my full,
• 32:31
  like, cute, happy, joyful, big present self for somebody else's
• 32:38
  comfort. Like if me being all of those
• 32:41
  things makes you uncomfortable, not my problem, not my problem.
• 32:47
  And I'm no longer going to try to make a like, make myself fit.
• 32:53
  I'm a misfit. See only misfit and I'm sitting
• 32:56
  in it. Amen, sister.
• 32:59
  I'm sitting in it. But like, here's The thing is
• 33:02
  that that I feel like that presence when I met you, it's
• 33:07
  very, it's a breath of fresh air.
• 33:11
  Oh. Thank you.
• 33:12
  Thank you. Thank.
• 33:13
  You, it's a it's a breath of fresh air.
• 33:19
  And if you're someone who's kind of like hiding or trying to like
• 33:26
  fit the status quo or check the boxes, it's not it, it doesn't
• 33:30
  check boxes. It's this is, this is my
• 33:34
  personality. Yep, Yep.
• 33:37
  And and guaranteed some people will not like it.
• 33:40
  Absolutely. But like.
• 33:41
  Let's talk about that. Let's.
• 33:42
  Talk about that. Let's talk about that.
• 33:44
  So so for those. For those of you who don't like
• 33:47
  it, bye bye. So no, real rejection has
• 33:51
  definitely hurt my heart. I have since I was a little
• 33:57
  girl. Let's talk about wounds that you
• 33:58
  have to heal from childhood. Belonging and rejection went
• 34:04
  hand in hand for me. I could give you a ton of
• 34:07
  reasons why I think it is. You know, I'm a first generation
• 34:10
  American, so being from an immigrant family, I could feel,
• 34:14
  I could tell you like, well, maybe that's why I didn't
• 34:16
  belong. And then, you know, we could go
• 34:18
  on to elementary school and I can give you reasons why.
• 34:21
  Well, maybe that's why I don't sure or whatever.
• 34:24
  But you know, I think what it is, is I was never taught.
• 34:29
  And this something we spoke about earlier is like I belong
• 34:33
  to me and nobody ever told me that you belong to yourself
• 34:37
  first. So it doesn't matter the OR like
• 34:40
  if I were to give anybody any advice is learn how to belong to
• 34:43
  yourself above anything else because organizations change,
• 34:47
  your job changes, your spots can change, your church can change,
• 34:52
  your friend group definitely changes.
• 34:54
  Nope, it's to say all. All of those things, everything.
• 34:59
  One thing about life is it's going to change, but the thing
• 35:01
  that doesn't is your relationship to self.
• 35:04
  So my recommendation is get solid and get real and get all
• 35:09
  the things you've poured into others and pour it into you.
• 35:14
  Love you. Date you.
• 35:17
  Yeah. Date you, Yeah.
• 35:19
  All the things you do, your love languages that you want from
• 35:22
  other people, everything you're searching from outside there put
• 35:25
  it into you. You really mean?
• 35:28
  I do. That's why I look like I'm going
• 35:30
  to Paris. Because every day is on a.
• 35:34
  Paris. Yeah, you belong to yourself.
• 35:38
  That's something that you learn and that you you practice every
• 35:41
  day though, right? It's not like I belong to
• 35:44
  myself. I've done it's How do you show
• 35:46
  yourself that you belong to yourself?
• 35:48
  Yeah, healing is not linear. So I can sit here with you today
• 35:51
  and you can see all this confidence and you can see all
• 35:53
  of this, you know. Fabulosity.
• 35:55
  Right. And be like, she's got it, she's
• 35:57
  got it figured out. And there are days that I don't
• 35:59
  want to get out of bed and I consider that self-care because
• 36:02
  it's a recharge day and I don't have it all figured out.
• 36:06
  You know, like even just with this podcast, I told Bree, I
• 36:11
  told you my home. I'm all need.
• 36:13
  Bree, dog and talk. To you guys, wait.
• 36:15
  Did you just call me Bree Dog? No, because my Bree dog was my
• 36:18
  nickname. Grown up.
• 36:19
  That's why there's a Bree dog. I was like, OK, sorry, I don't
• 36:22
  know. You said.
• 36:23
  I was even telling Bree. Oh, you don't have it all
• 36:25
  together. Some days you don't.
• 36:28
  Like, why do you want to podcast me?
• 36:29
  Like, I feel like I have nothing to offer, but I feel, my God,
• 36:34
  when you feel like you are down to nothing, he's that's when
• 36:38
  he's up to something. So I have no idea what's going
• 36:41
  to be birthed out of this. You know what I mean?
• 36:43
  The fact that you find me interesting enough to have an
• 36:46
  episode around is amazing, and I'm honored.
• 36:49
  But yeah, we'll see. Well, that's and that she
• 36:52
  brought up that was really funny.
• 36:53
  Actually. She was like, so I don't really
• 36:55
  know, like why do you? I don't really have much like
• 36:59
  and I was like what? Because in the times that we've
• 37:05
  hung out, it's so restorative for me.
• 37:09
  And you're so honest about like you have this positive presence,
• 37:15
  but it's not like it's a real, It's the realness.
• 37:19
  It's the realness. And that's why I was like, we
• 37:21
  were having coffee and I was like, I have the one where I was
• 37:26
  like, she's got to be on the podcast.
• 37:27
  I don't know if she knows it yet, but she's going to be on
• 37:29
  the podcast. And thank you for being open to
• 37:32
  it. Because not everybody wants to
• 37:34
  sit and talk about the times when they couldn't get out of
• 37:37
  bed or And by the way, we all have them still.
• 37:41
  Yeah. Still like where you're just
• 37:43
  like an issue or the self defeating thoughts or a
• 37:48
  relationship or just sort of that anxiety about the world,
• 37:52
  like whatever you can't get out of bed sometimes.
• 37:55
  Hormones. Hello, hormones.
• 37:57
  I don't have those. I mean, just anything to do with
• 38:02
  relating to people, you know? Yeah, sometimes it'll take you
• 38:06
  out. It'll spiral you right to the
• 38:09
  place where you need to heal. So I guess another piece of
• 38:14
  advice I would give is when those times happen, yeah, it's
• 38:18
  obviously a like looking glass inward to oh that still needs
• 38:23
  healing. So I never look at my bad days
• 38:26
  anymore as like, let's beat myself up, let's tear myself
• 38:31
  down because I'm having this back.
• 38:32
  I've taken 2 steps back or whatever.
• 38:35
  I'm laying in this bed now. It's more like, oh, what needs
• 38:38
  some healing? What needs some love?
• 38:40
  What do I need to pour into myself?
• 38:42
  What does this require? Does it require do I call my
• 38:44
  therapist? Do I go out with my girlfriends?
• 38:48
  Do I go to a concert and scream, you know, bloody hell out like?
• 38:53
  Do I take a hot shower? Do I have a good cry?
• 38:57
  Do I have a glass of champagne? You know, do I all the things,
• 39:02
  But here's the cool part about it is that you just said I don't
• 39:07
  beat myself up about it because then the guilt piled on to
• 39:11
  whatever you're feeling is not. It's like you're guilty for for
• 39:14
  being being human. Yeah, and we're human.
• 39:18
  Like, let's listen. It's going to happen.
• 39:20
  There will be a time, despite the work we've done on ourselves
• 39:24
  and where maybe I don't want to get out of bed, even if like
• 39:30
  just because sometimes, right, Like you just feel the heaviness
• 39:33
  of like what? What is life?
• 39:35
  Or sometimes it's just weird. My sweet retrograde.
• 39:39
  Totally. Or, or you have like just an who
• 39:43
  knows. Yeah, right.
• 39:45
  But what's amazing to me is that lately those days where I've had
• 39:50
  couldn't get out of bed. And then when I end the day, I'm
• 39:52
  like, whoa, that ended differently.
• 39:54
  Yeah. And there's been days where it's
• 39:56
  ended the same where I'm still in bed and I'm like, oh, that
• 39:58
  was yeah, that was great. But it's like, this is where I
• 40:03
  want to bring in the God thing, not the God thing.
• 40:06
  God. Love you God and again, I'm on a
• 40:11
  new faith journey and literally the logo like didn't used to
• 40:14
  have a cross and like this is open.
• 40:16
  I have friends that are Jewish, Muslim, atheist, Mormon,
• 40:21
  Catholic, Christian. Don't really care for me.
• 40:26
  I think part of our bonding is just also like you have there's
• 40:31
  an energy about your faith that is like very like peaceful, you
• 40:36
  know what I mean? Yeah, your faith journey.
• 40:39
  We just started talking about it.
• 40:40
  Yeah, So it's not going to look like squeaky clean.
• 40:45
  You know, I kind of almost say like, you know, I've broken up
• 40:49
  with God a million times. Like I have fights with God, I
• 40:52
  break up with God. I've walked away from God.
• 40:54
  I have not had the easiest spiritual journey.
• 40:56
  And I'll tell you why. It's because everything that I
• 41:00
  was taught was that there would be some rescue, that he would
• 41:03
  come save me from this abuse or, you know, this, this situation
• 41:07
  that's perpetuated for eight years or, or karma, you what you
• 41:11
  do or whatever. Yeah, right.
• 41:13
  And when those things never happen, you, you get mad.
• 41:17
  You're like, where you at? Yeah, and I've walked away from
• 41:20
  my faith, you know, and I think I told you this too, and I'm not
• 41:23
  afraid to say this that way. I've graduated from religion.
• 41:26
  So you just named a bunch of religion?
• 41:28
  Sure, sure. I think I've graduated.
• 41:33
  You know, maybe there's a better word than graduating, but I feel
• 41:35
  like I've leveled to a place where like I am now looking at
• 41:38
  it as like we're all connected and it is not about religion to
• 41:42
  me. It's about frequency and energy
• 41:45
  and we're all connected. And so like eventually, even if
• 41:49
  you're still in a church, you'll get to a place where it's like
• 41:52
  you start seeing it from a higher perspective, a God
• 41:58
  perspective. How about that Christ
• 41:59
  consciousness? There it is.
• 42:02
  It's a Christ. Beautiful.
• 42:03
  Yes, and it has nothing to do with the religion, it's just.
• 42:07
  Yeah, it's a way of like moving through the world.
• 42:10
  And that might make me no friends right there or.
• 42:13
  No, but I'm just what though? And here's the thing.
• 42:17
  And when you start talking about Christ and the God or whatever,
• 42:22
  whatever personal relationship with spirituality, even
• 42:25
  sometimes people are like spiritual, you know, like woo
• 42:29
  woo. You're in California.
• 42:31
  Yeah, and they're like, oh, like my, my bestie.
• 42:33
  And I was like, I California, you know, the California
• 42:36
  spirituality. No, but I will say there's
• 42:40
  something about developing that personal relationship with like,
• 42:44
  yes, this creator who like, I feel a presence.
• 42:49
  Absolutely. And I don't know how to describe
• 42:51
  it, but like, some other people say that and I'm like, I don't
• 42:54
  even know how to put it into words.
• 42:57
  You're not alone. But nobody's like fixing it
• 43:00
  right the second. Yeah, but someone's like there.
• 43:03
  Yeah, well, let's go. No, a lot of people refer to the
• 43:05
  universe, so let's say that. OK, so the universe and then
• 43:09
  they're like, well, you're excluding God.
• 43:11
  No, the way that I look at the universe is it's the tangible
• 43:14
  results of God. So when I go outside and I see
• 43:17
  the birds, the trees, the and you sense that omnipresence like
• 43:22
  that. Yes, it's like everywhere and
• 43:24
  nowhere at the same time. It's like there's a.
• 43:26
  It's a sense. It's a consciousness.
• 43:28
  Yes. So the universe is a tangible
• 43:31
  manifestation of that presence. That's why you hear a lot of
• 43:35
  people talking about the universe.
• 43:37
  But you can feel. That in yourself, with the with
• 43:41
  the Creator, in relationship to the Creator.
• 43:44
  OK, one of the things that changed my life was meditation
• 43:48
  because I learned how to actually listen to God.
• 43:51
  What are you listening? Yes, because what I was doing my
• 43:54
  whole life was like, here's my junk, change it.
• 43:57
  He's like, can I get a word in? Here's my wish list.
• 44:01
  Why isn't it happening? You're like.
• 44:03
  Bring it. Yeah.
• 44:04
  Do you have a? Nordstrom return.
• 44:06
  Policy. You know, like, why isn't it
• 44:10
  Amazon next day? It's always just saying this is
• 44:12
  what I need, right? And then yes.
• 44:15
  And it meditation changed my life.
• 44:17
  Prayer changed my life. Prayer in the in the idea of
• 44:22
  listening instead of prayer in the like, this is what I want.
• 44:27
  OK, meditation changed at all. So maybe this, that sense of
• 44:32
  peace you feel for me that yes, that restorative stuff you feel
• 44:36
  for me is because I'm in connection with that source God
• 44:42
  universe because of meditation and allowing now we're getting
• 44:48
  real new agey. Cool.
• 44:50
  Hey, go. Over.
• 44:56
  Some no. This is good.
• 44:57
  This is staying no? I'm just kidding.
• 45:01
  We know I have a podcast because.
• 45:03
  My guests become my friends, OK? Anyway, Long story short,
• 45:08
  meditation is a great tool and there's guidance so you can you
• 45:13
  can search, you know, and you can put in Today I'm feeling
• 45:16
  like I need peace, forgiveness, which is something I struggle
• 45:20
  with. Don't think that I have that all
• 45:22
  figured out. OK, I'm struggling with whatever
• 45:25
  belonging like. Anything.
• 45:28
  Any kind of adversity. Substance abuse like whatever,
• 45:30
  put it in there and just type it in and pick it.
• 45:34
  You'll go back to your body and you'll scroll through and you'll
• 45:37
  like, I sense that that's the one I need to hear the.
• 45:40
  One where you go, yeah, do that one.
• 45:43
  You're right. Yeah.
• 45:46
  Yep. So good.
• 45:47
  We're going to need like a part 234 on each.
• 45:51
  No, but so spirituality has helped you become, I mean
• 46:00
  spirituality is a threat in your life, not necessary and it
• 46:03
  doesn't have to be again, a certain religion, it's this
• 46:07
  consciousness, this Christ consciousness, connection with
• 46:10
  divine. It doesn't fit in a box just
• 46:12
  like me, Holiness. But yeah, see what I mean?
• 46:16
  I do, I don't those squares we talked about the the the clubs,
• 46:21
  the organizations like I don't I'm not meant to and that's OK.
• 46:26
  I finally accepted that. So you were talking about prayer
• 46:33
  and meditation. Do you have any go TOS for like
• 46:36
  prayers? You say mantras, you say things
• 46:38
  you do when when you're like, oh, I'm needing some connection?
• 46:43
  Or is it kind of just like AI sit and be quiet and then I say
• 46:47
  what comes out? Or is there certain things you
• 46:49
  like to do? So I'm very in tune with my
• 46:53
  myself and obviously self aware, like my body.
• 46:55
  So I I can like TuneIn and and say, OK, well, today I need, you
• 47:00
  know, this, that or the other. But I think one that's pretty
• 47:05
  universal and that we could all use is balance.
• 47:09
  How can I stay balanced? How can I stay at?
• 47:11
  That's another word for peace, right?
• 47:14
  Balance. How can I stay balance?
• 47:16
  How can I be the balance? We're always looking for What's
• 47:18
  going to balance me out there? But again, it's like, what's
• 47:22
  going to create the balance inside here so that I'm like
• 47:26
  unfuck with a bull? Yeah, yeah.
• 47:29
  Sorry. Well, it's like.
• 47:31
  So it's like whether whether it's.
• 47:34
  Do they know I cuss on? You.
• 47:35
  Oh, I do too. That's OK.
• 47:37
  I cuss too. Would you say that and I lost my
• 47:44
  train of thought there. Shit, Sorry, no, no, I this is
• 47:48
  just the podcast. It's fine.
• 47:50
  I'm trying to decide where to go because there's so many things I
• 47:53
  want to talk about, but I kind of want to dive into like you've
• 47:59
  talked about the spirituality, you've talked about tapping into
• 48:04
  like what your body feels when you're around people.
• 48:09
  What do you do? What do you personally do if
• 48:12
  your body, let's say you're out and about or you're at a school
• 48:15
  event or you're at a social event or you're at work event,
• 48:19
  whatever. What is like a way in the moment
• 48:22
  when you feel off and you're not at home or you can just like go
• 48:26
  to bed or like you like I'm going to make my favorite snack
• 48:29
  or whatever we do or I'm going to go clean the closet.
• 48:34
  What do you do in a social situation or to when you have
• 48:38
  that feeling? Breathing, breathing, it's as
• 48:42
  simple as that. Breathing.
• 48:44
  You just, you know, some people need to do a count of 10.
• 48:47
  Some people need to do like the quick breaths, like they do a
• 48:50
  count of four. Like you breathe in for four,
• 48:53
  you go out for four. But sometimes I just do a big
• 49:01
  and I let my shoulders down. And nine times out of 10, people
• 49:04
  don't even see that. They hear that sigh or hear that
• 49:06
  breath or whatever. It's very rare.
• 49:09
  Because they're focused on themselves.
• 49:11
  Anyway, and they're in the middle of their own show.
• 49:13
  They're peacocking. You've never seen that before.
• 49:19
  They're in the middle of their own show, so like, they're not.
• 49:21
  Worried about you anyway? Nope, they're like.
• 49:26
  Yeah. Like I stayed on my own child.
• 49:29
  Yeah, I've done it in family court.
• 49:32
  I've done it in family court. I've done it in many of a social
• 49:36
  setting where I was feeling, you know, not aligned.
• 49:41
  Yeah, you just. Breath work.
• 49:44
  Breath is your anchor. Breath is my anchor.
• 49:47
  Yes, I know. I was getting.
• 49:50
  Hey, it was the ring figure. Trust me, you'll know.
• 49:54
  If it's the other one, we'll let you know.
• 49:57
  We won't mince words. So you have an anchor tattooed
• 50:00
  there? Yeah.
• 50:01
  And so anchor. That's another thing.
• 50:05
  You could put something on your body somewhere that it doesn't
• 50:09
  have to be, you know, like. But it can be it.
• 50:12
  Could be a bracelet, it could be a ring.
• 50:14
  You know, it's not if you like to like mess around with
• 50:17
  something of rings that have little like spinners on it.
• 50:20
  Yeah, to. Channel that.
• 50:22
  Yeah, it's funny you say rings. I have started wearing these
• 50:27
  three. I think they're like my
• 50:28
  knuckles. Oh yeah, my knuckles.
• 50:29
  So like, yeah, don't mess with me.
• 50:31
  Just kidding. I love you.
• 50:32
  I'm not violent. I feel this one's from South
• 50:39
  Africa, my mom's great aunt, this one I got in India, and
• 50:41
  this one's from CVS. OK, because CVS, baby.
• 50:45
  Hey, listen, whatever, whatever. But I will say I feel like a,
• 50:50
  when I put these on, I feel like I'm putting on not like armor,
• 50:55
  but almost like a, when it's an anchor for me.
• 50:57
  I'm like this. It reminds me of Brie.
• 50:59
  Yeah. So I'm like Brie is too many
• 51:02
  rings and CVS in India and South Africa and and my grandma and
• 51:07
  and it makes it actually makes me feel.
• 51:13
  You can put on something that gives you an like your that
• 51:17
  makes you feel protected. You know, you know, in certain
• 51:21
  spaces I will put on a little evil eye pendant or necklace or
• 51:28
  bracelet or whatever, you know, that's cultural.
• 51:31
  But you know, everybody has something that they can put on,
• 51:36
  they can reach for. But I don't know, for me, the
• 51:39
  evil eye kind of announces like I'm, I'm not taking on any of
• 51:43
  the negativity and I rebuke it. So like, and I'm wearing
• 51:47
  something that's saying like I'm rebuking it like I'm in your
• 51:51
  face about it. Do you know what I mean?
• 51:54
  Well, and here's. The thing you're all like you're
• 51:56
  very loving, but I also the strength it means there's loving
• 52:02
  doesn't mean you won't have a boundary against things that are
• 52:05
  not living kind is that. Yeah, kind and nice are two
• 52:08
  different things. So I'm kind, but I have
• 52:10
  boundaries and I think I lead with the kindness.
• 52:13
  But then people take mistake that for weakness or, you know,
• 52:18
  and then they test the boundaries and then they're
• 52:19
  like, oh, how did that happen? What's unfortunate is I lead
• 52:24
  with my best. And if you don't honor that and
• 52:27
  you don't respect that and you don't, like, cherish that, then
• 52:32
  I can take it away just as easily.
• 52:36
  And then you'll never get that first person again.
• 52:40
  Unfortunate. Unfortunately for you, not me.
• 52:44
  You taught me who you were, but you had the best of me and you
• 52:49
  didn't cherish it. So.
• 52:50
  Yeah. So.
• 52:52
  Yeah. And cute little porcupine.
• 52:55
  Very cute. But those quills?
• 53:00
  Don't get you? No, I'm kidding.
• 53:01
  Honey badger? Is that the best honey badger?
• 53:06
  No, they just roam through the jungle.
• 53:09
  They're just like, listen, they. Just roam through the jungle and
• 53:13
  then they're like, oh Cobra I got.
• 53:17
  You. Hey.
• 53:18
  They'll wrestle a cobra, and we talked about that earlier too,
• 53:22
  like. Sometimes need to be wrestled.
• 53:24
  Well they mess with the kind little honey bedrooms just
• 53:26
  looking for food. It's just like the hangout.
• 53:31
  But like, you know, honey Badgers will do what a honey
• 53:34
  badger needs to do. It's so funny that refers came
• 53:37
  up, but like point is is like I will lean into the discomfort.
• 53:41
  So if that means I'm wrestling with the cobra, do I want to?
• 53:45
  No, no, but if the cobra's gonna.
• 53:48
  Be the honey badger you like, just have to try to get a snack.
• 53:51
  Yeah, but I mean, if the Cobra wants to FAFO.
• 53:58
  I love that. But nine times out of 10, like
• 54:01
  they're going to learn the lesson because I saw the cobra,
• 54:06
  but the cobra didn't see what the honey badger could do.
• 54:10
  OK, we can get off this reference now because now.
• 54:11
  And then the giraffes actually came in and was like, yo, we put
• 54:17
  my neck out for this part Just kidding.
• 54:19
  That was good. That was.
• 54:21
  Good, that was good. I'm I'm slowly becoming my
• 54:24
  father. No, that's good.
• 54:27
  But here's the thing. And I want to talk about like
• 54:33
  being kind, but also standing up for what needs to be stood up
• 54:38
  for and saying what needs to be said.
• 54:43
  It's not popular. It ain't popular, no, OK.
• 54:47
  No. But as my bestie in Iowa says, I
• 54:50
  didn't come here to care about being popular.
• 54:53
  I care about people, remember. You care about integrity and
• 54:59
  authenticity. I don't care what you think
• 55:01
  about my authenticity. No, not anymore.
• 55:05
  We used to oh, all the time, all day.
• 55:07
  Yeah, used to. Used to.
• 55:10
  So what changed so much? You're like, no.
• 55:14
  Acceptance. Acceptance that I am a misfit,
• 55:20
  but you know, not a misfit like out rub like well, I am kind of
• 55:24
  a rumble, but like, yeah, just just accepting that and then
• 55:29
  being OK with that like and honoring that.
• 55:31
  Loving you. Yeah, loving all the stuff I
• 55:34
  wanted from them. I started giving to me.
• 55:38
  And people are saying, like, I notice a difference in your
• 55:40
  pictures, Sylvia, I notice a difference in you.
• 55:42
  And I know. It's a different, yeah, it's a
• 55:44
  different light shining. Absolutely.
• 55:46
  Because I poured into me. Me first, me first.
• 55:53
  Yeah. It's such a even my heart's
• 55:55
  expanding right now as I am saying it.
• 55:57
  Like I can feel it. You can.
• 55:58
  Feel the love for yourself. Yeah, it's great.
• 56:01
  And I think the realization that I just had is like my inner
• 56:03
  child is like the little girl inside me that was hurt for so
• 56:07
  long because of all the spaces, places and things that just
• 56:11
  couldn't happen for her. Like, she just cheered for me.
• 56:15
  She just cheered for me because she was like, finally, finally
• 56:20
  we're here. You know what I mean?
• 56:23
  It's fucking empowering. It's fucking epic.
• 56:26
  It's fucking awesome. Yeah, but again, like people
• 56:30
  will see you in the now and think she got it so easy.
• 56:36
  You know, like she she looks like she's got it all together.
• 56:40
  But we said earlier we're like the ducks on the lake, like, you
• 56:43
  know, on the. Outside, we look.
• 56:45
  Very graceful. You should see what it took to
• 56:48
  get to this right now. We'll show you.
• 56:51
  But on the bottom, like our little feet are going like this.
• 56:54
  And so, yeah, it's not always graceful.
• 56:56
  And we've some of us have had to claw and crawl our way out of.
• 57:02
  I've shared this with you and I'm going to be transparent out
• 57:04
  of a closet where I had to go hide and cry because I didn't
• 57:09
  want my daughter to see and I had to compartmentalize.
• 57:12
  Like that takes strength, right? Like, that takes strength, and I
• 57:17
  had to get myself out of mental health, you know, Slumps, OK.
• 57:23
  Like, like really debilitating where it's very absolutely.
• 57:27
  So you're like, how the fuck am I going to get up right now?
• 57:29
  Yeah. I have had postpartum during
• 57:34
  intimate partner. A narcissistic abuse with
• 57:37
  postpartum? Yeah.
• 57:39
  So I know what depression is. I know what anxiety is.
• 57:43
  Oh, I know anxiety better than anybody.
• 57:45
  But you just alchemize it. You alchemize all these things,
• 57:49
  yes. Into some you take that energy
• 57:52
  that was anxiety and you transmute it into something
• 57:54
  else, into like self love. What did I tell somebody the
• 57:57
  other day? Anxiety is just excitement.
• 57:59
  So if you could just take it and make it.
• 58:01
  Excitement. Yeah.
• 58:02
  So what are we going to put this excitement into, right?
• 58:06
  What are we going to put this excitement to?
• 58:08
  Redirecting. Right.
• 58:09
  Just Yep, you're redirecting, self regulating.
• 58:12
  Yeah. Now I know it's not easy to say
• 58:15
  that for all mental health things.
• 58:16
  OK, of course, I'm just saying in my experience, but I'm in my
• 58:23
  like 4th decade, so this isn't something that has happened
• 58:26
  overnight. And have I always gotten it
• 58:29
  right? No.
• 58:29
  Have I hurt people along the way?
• 58:31
  Yes. Am I perfect in any sort of the
• 58:33
  word? No, and I'm OK with that.
• 58:37
  You don't claim to be. I don't, and if I owe anybody an
• 58:40
  apology, please come call me. I'm ready for that healing
• 58:44
  discussion with anybody. That's so cool because it, no,
• 58:49
  it releases yourself. You're like, hey, what?
• 58:52
  It's the, it's the looking at your life and like, so it's like
• 58:58
  self development because that's all we have control over.
• 59:01
  That is, we have no control over anything else.
• 59:04
  No, I've tried. We don't know.
• 59:05
  We've invested in it apparently, but announcement, we don't have
• 59:09
  control. We just found out this morning
• 59:11
  that we don't have control. But look how like, well, we were
• 59:17
  able to just say, OK, we don't have control, but we're going to
• 59:19
  make it work. And what if you take a picture
• 59:24
  and add it? You'll see how we made it.
• 59:26
  You'll. See the setup, it's very
• 59:28
  professional. And that's just how I go through
• 59:31
  life now. It's like you, you just know
• 59:36
  that you're the project that like that quote, that you're the
• 59:39
  best project you'll ever work on, right?
• 59:41
  You're you're and it's a constant.
• 59:43
  Right, it's forever. It's constant, but like feels
• 59:46
  like from you, there's this underlying like foundation of
• 59:49
  self love that like might not have been there before, correct,
• 59:52
  and there wasn't for me either, right?
• 59:54
  And then now that's next, dude. Now that I'm now that I'm
• 1:00:00
  having, I have it. I wake up not every day, but a
• 1:00:04
  lot of days where I'm like, I like myself.
• 1:00:09
  Is that weird? Like it's almost like AI like my
• 1:00:12
  own company. Yeah, me too.
• 1:00:14
  I like me too. Me too.
• 1:00:15
  In the worship music in the car, I'm like, yeah, yeah, well, you
• 1:00:19
  know, the Holy Spirit comes in, but I'm like, wow, I'm really,
• 1:00:22
  I'm OK driving around and I'm, I'm fun.
• 1:00:26
  Yeah, well, I know I'm fun so. You're like, you're like, I'm
• 1:00:30
  amazing, but it's a new, it's a new, it's enjoying your own
• 1:00:35
  company, but because you've poured into yourself.
• 1:00:39
  So then that inner that's that. It's that younger Bree who loves
• 1:00:44
  to be chit chatting and or the younger Sylvie who's like, yes,
• 1:00:49
  it's whatever you're younger you wanted.
• 1:00:51
  When you see yourself doing some of it, you're like.
• 1:00:57
  We are cool. She just wanted to belong.
• 1:01:00
  She just wanted to be invited. And I'll tell you, I read
• 1:01:03
  something the other day that said being included is intimacy.
• 1:01:07
  And so I think my little self just wanted to be that just
• 1:01:10
  wanted to be there. I don't need your spot.
• 1:01:13
  I don't need whatever. You were threatened by that.
• 1:01:17
  You felt like you needed to exclude me.
• 1:01:19
  Leave me out, mean girl me, you know, dynamics put pit people
• 1:01:24
  against me. All of that throughout many
• 1:01:27
  groups, work everywhere. Whatever about me created that
• 1:01:33
  for you, I don't know. Because my little heart, my
• 1:01:38
  little girl just wanted to belong.
• 1:01:41
  She just want to be invited, OK, I don't know if it's because I
• 1:01:45
  had a smelly lunch because I you guys had Bologna and I had
• 1:01:48
  linguisa in my lunch. I don't know, But hey, like I
• 1:01:53
  said, I could come up with 1,000,000 reasons why, but it at
• 1:01:56
  the end of the day, thank you. OK, this is important for me to
• 1:02:00
  say thank you for all of the people that rejected me, left me
• 1:02:04
  out, kicked me while I was down, whatever.
• 1:02:08
  Because I want to tell you sincerely thank you because like
• 1:02:12
  you taught me how to self love, right?
• 1:02:16
  Because I had to pour into me everything that I wanted from
• 1:02:18
  other people. So and you thought you were
• 1:02:21
  kicking me down or holding me back, but really like I was
• 1:02:26
  building like a like the odds are stacked against me in so
• 1:02:30
  many ways in so many spaces, but I made stairs out of those like
• 1:02:35
  odds being stacked against me. So each step I've taken has led
• 1:02:40
  me to this leveling up of love for myself.
• 1:02:45
  So thank you. Like seriously, I'm not, I'm not
• 1:02:48
  being a an asshole, no. Like, yeah.
• 1:02:53
  But 10 times more than that. Thank you for the people that
• 1:02:56
  have seen me from the beginning like you.
• 1:03:00
  You saw my heart right from the beginning.
• 1:03:04
  Like, do you know how special it is that like somebody can see
• 1:03:08
  you on site and be like that person, that person, like I, you
• 1:03:14
  know what I mean? I want to include that person.
• 1:03:15
  I like that person, like all of that.
• 1:03:18
  Like thank you. Like my heart screams, you know,
• 1:03:23
  because that is special. That is special.
• 1:03:28
  Yep, they're they're. Rejection or whatever that was
• 1:03:34
  or insecurity ultimately led to like the deep self love that is
• 1:03:39
  way more fulfilling than anything that they could give
• 1:03:41
  you anyway. Absolutely.
• 1:03:43
  Yeah, because people change. Organization.
• 1:03:46
  They do. They do.
• 1:03:47
  Friendships change What? Yeah, everything.
• 1:03:49
  Changes, so you might as well get right here.
• 1:03:54
  You're the. Constant in all those.
• 1:03:56
  You're the only one who's with you like you're the only one
• 1:03:59
  who's been with you the entire every moment of every day.
• 1:04:03
  Absolutely. Yep.
• 1:04:06
  And your children grow up and leave.
• 1:04:07
  Yeah. So your parents, they might be
• 1:04:11
  around or not around, but they're you're the only one,
• 1:04:15
  even your your besties, they can't be with you all the time.
• 1:04:19
  No, and you shouldn't expect that from them.
• 1:04:20
  No. Because again, that's a lot to
• 1:04:23
  ask of another human being living their own life with their
• 1:04:26
  own families. And like that's what I'm saying,
• 1:04:28
  like boundaries. Boundaries when somebody's like.
• 1:04:32
  I must have. All you're like red flag and
• 1:04:35
  time red flag, yeah. But if you're unhealed, you're
• 1:04:37
  like, oh, I'm so special. You learn that that's not good.
• 1:04:43
  Yeah, but no, it's just the theme that keeps coming up is
• 1:04:48
  like self love. Self love and the laughing and
• 1:04:55
  smiling in the places that broke you.
• 1:04:58
  Yep. So 2025, if I may, I, they talk
• 1:05:02
  about in the Bible a lot like cleaning your territory.
• 1:05:04
  And I never really understood like what like what that meant.
• 1:05:08
  And something broke inside me, like broke wide open in the best
• 1:05:12
  way. Like I hit 2025 and I was like,
• 1:05:15
  I'm claiming my my territory. I'm claiming it like I pictured
• 1:05:20
  myself snake in the ground. Like with like a Pell top like.
• 1:05:26
  Like, you know, think like Princess Ward or Xena Princess.
• 1:05:30
  Bride vibes. Yeah, Princess Bride.
• 1:05:34
  And the word that I like literally stuck in the ground
• 1:05:38
  was joy. I'm claiming my joy, okay?
• 1:05:41
  And because so many people have tried to take your joy from you
• 1:05:46
  in so many spaces for whatever reason, and I said, I'm claiming
• 1:05:50
  my joy. So what started happening is
• 1:05:53
  this oddity of like laughing in the spaces that I've used to
• 1:05:57
  cry. So I've been putting been put in
• 1:05:59
  places that I used that used to Take Me Out, like spiral me,
• 1:06:04
  ruminate, cry, whatever. One of those was a family court
• 1:06:09
  situation this year where all of the bait was there for me to go
• 1:06:15
  down the old route. But instead I did AI did one of
• 1:06:22
  the things where I said, I I breathe and I felt my my
• 1:06:26
  shoulders go back and I said, you know, I'm I'm the balance.
• 1:06:30
  And then a smile spark creeped up on my face while the
• 1:06:35
  theatrics were going on because there was much, much showmanship
• 1:06:40
  showman shows happening and see. And so yeah.
• 1:06:45
  And Oh my gosh, when the smirk came up on my face, I was like,
• 1:06:49
  well, that's odd. And I literally left there and I
• 1:06:53
  was like, I laughed in the places or in a place that would
• 1:07:00
  normally crumble me. Family courts a huge deal case.
• 1:07:04
  Like you literally cannot work with your Co parent and you have
• 1:07:09
  to have a judge decide how you guys live your life.
• 1:07:12
  That's that's so insane to me. But so that can be a very big,
• 1:07:19
  like humbling experience, right. So to, to smirk there, it was
• 1:07:25
  like, oh, this doesn't have any more power over me now.
• 1:07:28
  This is like, it's a business. I'm going to go in and negotiate
• 1:07:32
  the terms that I want on this contract.
• 1:07:34
  And then the other side does the negotiation of.
• 1:07:37
  So then it became there was no emotional connection.
• 1:07:40
  The cord was cut. Then in another instance of a
• 1:07:44
  social setting I was invited to, and you know, Regina George
• 1:07:49
  means girl dynamics, whatever. See the movie Mean Girls if you
• 1:07:52
  haven't already. Can you?
• 1:07:55
  Yeah, and like, again, the theatrics, the, you know, all of
• 1:08:01
  that. 6th grade. Playground, right?
• 1:08:03
  Yeah. And I was just observing and I
• 1:08:05
  remember leaving and, like, laughing out loud.
• 1:08:08
  And I was like, wow. Like I'm laughing again in a
• 1:08:11
  space that used to make me cry. And then finally recently, like
• 1:08:19
  the narcissist and I crossed paths and when they thought that
• 1:08:23
  nobody was looking, they did the narcissistic glare.
• 1:08:25
  Look that up. It's a thing.
• 1:08:27
  It's. Definitely a thing.
• 1:08:27
  Yeah, you. It's on all the serial killers.
• 1:08:32
  That's not a joke, but it is. There's a look.
• 1:08:33
  There's yes, there's a weird look.
• 1:08:36
  It's a glare and it it's bone chilling.
• 1:08:40
  So it's interesting that when nobody was watching because it
• 1:08:44
  was a public area that I got that glare and I spontaneously
• 1:08:50
  literally immediately just laughed and and it was like a
• 1:08:54
  laugh. It wasn't a smirk this time,
• 1:08:56
  like a yeah, it's and it lasted until like I hit the stop light,
• 1:09:01
  like it was a good like 30 seconds of laughing and all I
• 1:09:07
  can say is like I that that look would have made me feel.
• 1:09:12
  It's it's about power and control and intimidation and
• 1:09:15
  whatever. And to laugh in the face of that
• 1:09:19
  is in, it's like. It's like the best, most
• 1:09:23
  empowering. Especially when it's
• 1:09:25
  spontaneous, it's not forced. Because it's, it's your body.
• 1:09:28
  Your body was like, we're good, Yeah.
• 1:09:32
  It's like combusting, like it's taking.
• 1:09:35
  Yeah, so my body is like rejecting it, but not only
• 1:09:38
  rejecting it, but laughing at it because it's so.
• 1:09:42
  Ridiculous. Preposterous.
• 1:09:45
  Like is this real life for you? Like you know what I mean?
• 1:09:49
  Because it's like a child. You're, you're dealing with a
• 1:09:51
  yes. It's just yeah, it's it's but
• 1:09:55
  how cool, because when your hat, when you're crying in that
• 1:09:59
  place, I'm sure you weren't imagining, oh, someday I'm going
• 1:10:01
  to be laughing about that same look.
• 1:10:04
  You don't think that's ever possible?
• 1:10:05
  No, when you feel that stare, you're like, I'm I'm screwed.
• 1:10:08
  I'm never going to be able to get and then no.
• 1:10:11
  Pour into yourself. Yep.
• 1:10:16
  Yeah, because once you find your balance.
• 1:10:18
  No one can fuck with you. I mean this might you know, I'm
• 1:10:22
  I prayed for protection just like sometimes talking about
• 1:10:26
  things like we'll invite somebody be like, well, I think
• 1:10:28
  I can mess with her or whatever, but like, you know, I am highly
• 1:10:34
  favored and anointed so and protect them with that comes a
• 1:10:39
  supernatural protection. So you know what's the the Bible
• 1:10:45
  verse like the weapons may form but they won't prosper.
• 1:10:48
  So it doesn't say that the weapons aren't going to form of.
• 1:10:51
  Course, like any light will be attacked.
• 1:10:54
  Yeah, right. But they won't prosper.
• 1:10:56
  They won't. So the strength that I have
• 1:10:59
  found in that has been because it's been proven.
• 1:11:04
  It's been proven. So yeah.
• 1:11:08
  And and the cool part is that we all have this like divine
• 1:11:14
  connection to tap into that strength.
• 1:11:17
  It's not this isn't just as all like, yeah, you, like you had
• 1:11:22
  said before, we're like a vessel for that strength.
• 1:11:24
  If you choose to be a vessel, it's free will, it's choice.
• 1:11:27
  If you choose to be a vessel for goodness, for you know, heart
• 1:11:31
  LED life, for integrity, but you have to be those.
• 1:11:35
  Things You got to walk the walk, yeah.
• 1:11:39
  Because God will call bullshit. God will call bullshit.
• 1:11:43
  And if you are operating out of the spirit of, you know,
• 1:11:48
  divisiveness, you know, just all those things like you reap what
• 1:11:55
  you like, you really reap what you sow it and it will come
• 1:11:58
  around. It always does.
• 1:12:00
  Like the bill is always, it always comes due.
• 1:12:04
  Just ask PG&E the bill. Always.
• 1:12:06
  Does. And you might think they lost
• 1:12:09
  your address, but it's coming. Oh, it's coming all right.
• 1:12:13
  Yeah. So it's up to you.
• 1:12:16
  So like if I were to end the IT, I don't know if you want to.
• 1:12:19
  End. No, but I like let's put a bow
• 1:12:21
  on Part 1. You have the same choice, like,
• 1:12:25
  you know, do you want to be a vessel?
• 1:12:27
  Do you want to create a new way of life?
• 1:12:31
  You know, for ourselves, our children, the next generation,
• 1:12:37
  like what are we planting? What are we planting?
• 1:12:40
  Are we still planting the old stories?
• 1:12:42
  Like, where's that like? No, yeah.
• 1:12:45
  Let's plant the news stories. Let's create something
• 1:12:48
  beautiful. Let's leave a legacy of like of
• 1:12:52
  authenticity and kindness. But you know.
• 1:12:58
  And kindness that we'll call out.
• 1:13:01
  Yeah, things that need to be called out.
• 1:13:03
  Absolutely. In the interest of everybody.
• 1:13:08
  In the interest of what life should be, which is not toxic.
• 1:13:12
  Yeah, let's create a legacy of healing.
• 1:13:14
  Let's heal each other. How about that?
• 1:13:17
  Because we all, we all are healing from something.
• 1:13:19
  Every single person. Just create safe spaces for
• 1:13:24
  people. To just be so they don't have to
• 1:13:26
  be posturing into all this bullshit.
• 1:13:28
  Create safe spaces, yeah. And that's what you are.
• 1:13:34
  That's maybe that's what I coach should coach on, creating safe
• 1:13:38
  spaces. You, you are a safe space.
• 1:13:40
  I feel like your energy, your energy create disrupts unsafe
• 1:13:46
  spaces. It does.
• 1:13:48
  I am a disruptor. That's the other.
• 1:13:50
  Thing you're a disruptor of toxicity and unsafe but it's A
• 1:13:54
  and the people that are craving the peace and authenticity kind
• 1:13:58
  of rest in it and the people that don't want that are like
• 1:14:03
  what's this realness all about yeah you can't hide in it you
• 1:14:06
  can't you can't manipulate it you can't manipulate your energy
• 1:14:10
  they'll. Probably talk bad about me, but.
• 1:14:12
  Like it's OK you. Got you got to you got to worry
• 1:14:15
  or you got to question a person that talks poorly about another
• 1:14:19
  person because like that's coming from the heart so out of
• 1:14:22
  the mouth comes the heart. And so if somebody is constantly
• 1:14:26
  speaking ill or taking people down with their words, that's
• 1:14:31
  you're seeing their heart, you know what I mean?
• 1:14:34
  So if you're ever in a situation where somebody triangulating or.
• 1:14:39
  Triangulating. Smear campaigning or just
• 1:14:43
  constantly being ill. And this is without facts
• 1:14:47
  because there are people who do do bad things and we do talk
• 1:14:50
  about it and there's actual information or whatever, but
• 1:14:53
  we're just talking about somebody who's just going around
• 1:14:55
  to just. Tearing people down.
• 1:14:57
  Tearing people down? Yeah, like.
• 1:15:01
  Misery loves company, yeah? But no, go heal.
• 1:15:04
  Go heal, go heal, go heal for that for you.
• 1:15:07
  Is that you get the healing that you need.
• 1:15:10
  You know what I mean? Yeah, because then you what they
• 1:15:13
  talk about in like the Bible to like seeing with a new set.
• 1:15:17
  It's almost like seeing when you start to like you've.
• 1:15:21
  So I'm, I'm in the point where I'm like, I want to work on
• 1:15:23
  myself so much that I do know if I'm talking bad, like from like
• 1:15:28
  venting that somebody or whatever that's I'm working,
• 1:15:31
  then that's yeah, that's, that's I don't feel great, right?
• 1:15:34
  When I'm like and like, well, what are you girl?
• 1:15:38
  What you, what you got going on in here?
• 1:15:40
  Like there's so much for me to work on.
• 1:15:42
  How do we feel in our body when not just how we feel around
• 1:15:45
  other people, but how do we feel in our body?
• 1:15:47
  Like your body will tell you when you're not living up to
• 1:15:50
  your integrity or your you will feel misaligned in the things
• 1:15:55
  that you're doing. Like if I'm going down a rabbit
• 1:15:57
  hole of like talking about drama or something, I'm almost like,
• 1:16:01
  what are you doing right now while you're doing it?
• 1:16:03
  You're like, stop. Then I'm like, wait, So what can
• 1:16:07
  we do? What have we learned?
• 1:16:08
  Like I don't, I I'm able to pull myself out faster, but it still
• 1:16:13
  happens. Or I'm like oh get negative.
• 1:16:16
  Right. I think as humans we, we come
• 1:16:18
  from a couple different places, ego and wound, right?
• 1:16:21
  So the ego, like I have ego, we all have ego.
• 1:16:25
  And sometimes I will respond out of ego.
• 1:16:28
  But if I could just take a step back from my responses like and
• 1:16:33
  realize, am I responding out of an ego?
• 1:16:35
  Am I responding out of my wound? Because sometimes I will respond
• 1:16:39
  out of a wound directly. Because.
• 1:16:40
  Sometimes a dynamic will happen that will look like a pattern,
• 1:16:44
  but it might not even be, but because my wound, it looks like
• 1:16:47
  that pattern. So if you step back and take
• 1:16:51
  into account like filter yourself, is this ego?
• 1:16:54
  Is this my wounding? If you can then filter through
• 1:16:57
  those, then you'll get the real answer.
• 1:16:59
  Think of what you're supposed to respond like, yeah, but we can't
• 1:17:03
  all do that in the moment. So it comes a time does.
• 1:17:07
  Yep. And sometimes it comes with an
• 1:17:09
  apology, like, hey, I'm sorry, I I sent that out of ego.
• 1:17:13
  And and you know what? An apology.
• 1:17:15
  When I apologize sincerely, I'm proud of myself.
• 1:17:18
  Like it's a good thing to do because it's like, hey, listen.
• 1:17:20
  The bodies and integrity. Yeah, alignment.
• 1:17:22
  Yeah. It's like, hey, it's almost
• 1:17:24
  admitting your humanity. Hey, even though, you know,
• 1:17:27
  we're on this growth path and, you know, podcast and like all
• 1:17:31
  this, you know, we're in this space.
• 1:17:33
  Like it doesn't mean some days we're like like oh sorry, sorry
• 1:17:38
  I was an asshole. The garbage disposal comes up.
• 1:17:40
  Oh yeah, you're like, you're like, hey, thought that was all
• 1:17:44
  cast out. Thought I rebuked that
• 1:17:46
  apparently didn't No, it Yeah. So yeah.
• 1:17:51
  Let's leave a legacy of. Let's leave a legacy of Sylvie.
• 1:17:56
  Oh, because that was I just. And it's a big one.
• 1:18:00
  No. I always kind of try to wrap up
• 1:18:03
  with like how I'm feeling about this connection.
• 1:18:06
  And I think anyone listening to this, whether they're in their
• 1:18:11
  car doing a power clean, walking, whatever, I think
• 1:18:17
  they're going to feel your realness.
• 1:18:20
  They're going to feel that there's like this beauty on the
• 1:18:24
  other side of like committing to like a self love.
• 1:18:28
  You're not done. Like when we leave and I leave
• 1:18:31
  and you finally get a minute without me, like babbling your
• 1:18:33
  face, you're going to be like, and then start pouring into
• 1:18:38
  yourself again. Yes, right.
• 1:18:40
  Like it's constant. I did it for two days before
• 1:18:42
  this podcast. I wanted to make sure that I
• 1:18:45
  came from a place of integrity and authenticity.
• 1:18:47
  And so I kind of isolated on purpose so that I wasn't
• 1:18:51
  affected by outside influences, Yeah.
• 1:18:55
  Or what not. And I meditated a lot and I
• 1:18:58
  prayed that that it was Holy Spirit world.
• 1:19:03
  Yep, Yep. Is it going to be perfection?
• 1:19:06
  No. But I think he designed me that
• 1:19:08
  way because I'm not for. I'm for the holy misfit.
• 1:19:12
  I'm for the misfit. You don't even be holy.
• 1:19:14
  I'm just. The misfit you don't even you
• 1:19:16
  don't have to be any. I don't even know if I'm hey,
• 1:19:19
  but you know, I feel like this. You are the spirit of what I
• 1:19:24
  want this podcast to be about, which is taking adversity,
• 1:19:29
  turning it into an adventure, and knowing that that adventure
• 1:19:34
  will not be linear. That is correct.
• 1:19:36
  But it will be filled with and, and from what we're talking
• 1:19:40
  about, I feel like when you go on that adventure armed with
• 1:19:43
  like self love, authenticity, great therapist, good friends,
• 1:19:49
  birds, fresh air. So the reason why she says
• 1:19:53
  birds, yeah, because once you start attuning to alignment like
• 1:19:57
  your frequency, the energy, like you'll start noticing things
• 1:20:00
  like the universe, God, tangible things will start happening to
• 1:20:03
  you. So like.
• 1:20:05
  I kind of joke sometimes when like I feel like a Disney
• 1:20:07
  Princess because birds will just like come near me, like a
• 1:20:11
  Hummingbird will just like be right here and it'll hover for a
• 1:20:15
  while, you know? Remember that one day I told her
• 1:20:17
  I like saw in one day, just sitting outside in my front yard
• 1:20:22
  doves all together. Don't get me sorry about Doves
• 1:20:25
  A. Blue Jay, a Hummingbird, I think
• 1:20:27
  a crane, right. I sent you a picture of a crane,
• 1:20:30
  like, and I was like, OK, like, I don't know what messages
• 1:20:33
  you're trying to send to me, but like, yeah, I mean, damn it.
• 1:20:36
  Yeah. It's you're a tuning to the
• 1:20:38
  frequency of the the bird. Song in our bodies and it's
• 1:20:42
  amazing and. And the universe has got.
• 1:20:45
  It is that all, and we all have it within us like we all have.
• 1:20:48
  Yes, this spirit within us that like when we let it come out, it
• 1:20:53
  comes out, but like through the unique expression of you.
• 1:20:56
  Yep, right. Yes, because we all unique.
• 1:20:59
  Expression you know I'm pretty square so I think we we are
• 1:21:08
  learning to love our unique expressions I'm.
• 1:21:11
  Accepting it finally. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:21:13
  And what's exciting is what's it going to bring?
• 1:21:16
  Because what are we attracting now?
• 1:21:18
  We saw what we attracted from a haunted place.
• 1:21:24
  I'm so excited to see what we attract from a healing place.
• 1:21:29
  And and you don't have to be. Completely healed?
• 1:21:31
  No. You just have to be in the
• 1:21:33
  right. You just have to be on the
• 1:21:34
  healing path, even if you're at like the first step of nine
• 1:21:38
  bajillion, then once you get on it.
• 1:21:41
  But the old pattern will still come back to test.
• 1:21:42
  Oh, and. It does stronger, but you have
• 1:21:45
  to have. Discernment, Discernment.
• 1:21:47
  OK, now we're just. OK, Part 2 we talk about
• 1:21:52
  everything that will blow your mind.
• 1:21:58
  Oh my God, thank you. This is awesome, thank you.
• 1:22:01
  We are wrapping up Adventures in Adversity episode 41.
• 1:22:05
  Sylvie, thank you so much, and my prayers have been answered.
• 1:22:11
  And I just can't wait to publish this and turn it into clips that
• 1:22:17
  put someone scrolling and going through something.
• 1:22:19
  They're going to go wait a second, I'm going to do this.
• 1:22:24
  Yes, because that Lady is a badass and she did it.
• 1:22:28
  Yeah. Yeah, right.
• 1:22:31
  I'm still doing it. All right, signing off every
• 1:22:35
  day, all day, setting off. Stay anchored.
• 1:22:40
  Stay anchored. Oh shit.
• 1:22:41
  That was a real one. Shit, that's OK, I'm already
• 1:22:47
  marking this explicit anyway because we say fuck so it's
• 1:22:49
  fine. That clears the throat chakra.
• 1:22:57
  That was actually really. Good.
• 1:23:00
  Opera, I've never say. Like that in my life.
• 1:23:12
  Sign off with sign off. One less fuck to sign off and
• 1:23:28
  scene bye.