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04 - William Tell Told Again by P G Wodehouse · William Tell Told Again

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Having set up the pole and cap in the meadow,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Gessler sent two of his bodyguard freeze Hard. I should
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: think you would be safe in pronouncing this freeze Hard,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: but you had better ask somebody who knows and lootold
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: to keep watch there all day and see that nobody
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: passed by without kneeling down before the pole and taking
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: off his hat to it. But the people who prided
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: themselves on being what they called open zischnuffen, or as
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: we should say, up to snuff and equal to every occasion,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: had already seen a way out of the difficulty. They
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: knew that if they crossed the meadow they must bow
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: down before the pole, which they did not want to do.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: So it occurred to them that an ingenious way of
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: preventing this would be not to cross the meadow. So
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: they went the long way round, and the two soldiers
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: spent a lonely day. Hey, what I says, said Freezeheart,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: is what's the use of us wasting our time here?
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Freezehart was not a very well educated man, and he
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: did not speak good grammar. None of these here people
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  Speaker 1: ain't a going to bow down to that there hat.
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  Speaker 1: Of course they ain't. Why I can remember the time
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: when this meadow was like a fair, everybody a shoving
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: and a jostling one another for elbow room. And look
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: at it now, it's a desert. That's what it is,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: a desert. What's the good of us wasting of our
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: time here? I says, That's what I says. And they're
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  Speaker 1: artful too, mind you, he continued, Why only this morning,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I says to myself, freeze hard, I says, you just
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: wait till twelve o'clock. I says, because that's when they
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: leave the council house, and then they'll have to cross
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: the meadow, and we'll see what we shall see. I says,
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: like that, I says, bitter like you know, we'll see.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I says, what we shall see. So I waited, and
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: at twelve o'clock out they came, dozens of them, and
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: began to cross the meadow. And now, says I to myself,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: look out for larks. But what happened, Why when they
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: came to the pole, the priest stood in front of it,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: and the sacristan rang the bell, and they all fell
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: down on their knees, and they were saying their prayers,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: not doing obeisance to the hat that's what they were doing. Artful,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: that's what they are. And Freezeheart kicked the foot of
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: the pole viciously with iron boot. It's my belief, said Luthold.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Luthhold is the thin soldier you see in the picture.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: It's my firm belief that they are laughing at us. There.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Listen to that. A voice made itself heard from behind
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: a rock not far off. Where did you get that hat?
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Said the voice there, grumbled Luthold. They're always at it.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Last time it was who's your hatter? Why we're the
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: laughing stock of the place. Were like two rogues in
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: a pillory. Tis rank disgrace for one who wears a
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: sword to stand as sentry, or an empty hat to
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: make obeisance to a hat? If faith such a command
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: is downright foolery, well, said Frieshart. And why not bow
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: before an empty hat? Thou hast often bowed before an
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: empty skull? Ha ha ha I was always one for a joke.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: You know, here comes some people, said Leuthold at last.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: And they're only the rabble, after all. You don't catch
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: any the better sort of people coming here. A crowd
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: was beginning to collect on the edge of the meadow.
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  Speaker 1: Its numbers swelled every minute, until quite a hundred of
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  Speaker 1: the commoner sort must have been gathered together. They stood
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: pointing at the pole and talking among themselves, but nobody
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: made any movement to cross the meadow. At last, some
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: one shouted yah. The soldiers took no notice. Some one
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: else cried boo, pass along there, pass along, said the soldiers.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Cries of where did you get that hat? Began to
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: come from the body of the crowd. When the Swiss
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: invented a catchphrase, they did not drop it in a hurry.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: Where did you get that hat? They shouted. Friesehart and
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Luthold stood like two statues in armor, paying no attention
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: to the remarks of the rabble. This annoyed the rabble
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: began to be more personal. You in the second hand
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  Speaker 1: lobster tin shouted one he meant Friezehart, whose suit of armor,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: though no longer knew, hardly deserved this description. Who's your hatter?
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  Speaker 1: Can't yer see? Shouted a friend. When Frieshart made no reply,
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  Speaker 1: the poor thing ain't alive. He's stuffed. Roars of laughter
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  Speaker 1: greeted this Sally Friezehart, in spite of the fact that
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: he enjoyed a joke turned pink. He's blushing, shrieked a voice.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Friezehart turned purple. Then things got still more exciting. Here,
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  Speaker 1: said a rough voice in the crowd, impatiently, what's the
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  Speaker 1: good of talkin to him? Give me that ear egg, missus.
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  Speaker 1: And in another instant an egg flew across the meadow
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  Speaker 1: and burst over Luthold's shoulder. The crowd howled with delight.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: This was something like fun, thought they, and the next moment, eggs, cabbages, cats,
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  Speaker 1: and missiles of every sort darkened the air. The two
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  Speaker 1: soldiers raved and shouted, but did not dare to leave
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  Speaker 1: their post. At last, just as the storm was at
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  Speaker 1: its height, it ceased, as if by magic. Everyone in
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  Speaker 1: the crowd turned round, and as they turned, jumped into
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  Speaker 1: the air and waved his hat. A deafening cheer went up. Hurrah,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: cried the mob. Here comes good Old Tell. Now there's
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: going to be a jolly row. Chapter eight. Tell came
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: striding along Walter by his side and his crossbow over
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  Speaker 1: his shoulder. He knew nothing about the hat having been
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: placed on the pole, and he was surprised to see
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  Speaker 1: such a large crowd gathered in the meadow. He bowed
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  Speaker 1: to the crowd in his polite way, and the crowd
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: gave three and one more, and he bowed again. Hello,
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: said Walter. Suddenly, look at that hat up there, father
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  Speaker 1: on the pole. What is the hat to us? Said Tell,
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  Speaker 1: and he began to walk across the meadow with an
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  Speaker 1: air of great dignity, and Walter walked by his side,
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  Speaker 1: trying to look just like him. Here, ha, shouted the soldiers. Stop,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: you haven't bowed down to the cap. Tell looked scornful,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: but said nothing. Walter looked still more scornful. Ho there,
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: shouted Frizehart, standing in front of him, I bid you
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  Speaker 1: stand in the Emperor's name, my good fellow, said Tell,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Please do not bother me. I am in a hurry.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I really have nothing for you. My orders is, said Frieshart.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: You stand in this here meadow, and to see as
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: how all them what passes through it does obeisance to
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: that there hat. Them's Governor's orders. Them is so now,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: my good fellow, said Tell, let me pass. I shall
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: get cross. I know I shall. Shouts of encouragement from
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: the crowd, who were waiting patiently for the trouble to
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  Speaker 1: begin go it, Tell, they cried, don't stand talking to him,
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: hit him a kick. Freezehart became angrier every minute. My
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: orders is, he said again, to arrest them, as don't
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: bow down to the hat. And for two pins, young Feller,
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: I'd arrest you. So which is it to be, either
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: you bow down to that their hat, or you come
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: along of me. Tl pushed him aside and walked on
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: with his chin in the air. Walter went with him
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: with his chin in the air. Whack. A howl of
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: dismay went up from the as they saw Friezehart raise
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: his pike and bring it down with all his force
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  Speaker 1: on Tell's head. The sound of the blow went echoing
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: through the meadow and up the hills and down the valleys.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Ow cried Tell, now thought the crowd. Things must begin
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: to get exciting. Tell's first idea was that one of
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: the larger mountains in the neighborhood had fallen on top
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: of him. Then he thought that there must have been
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: an earthquake. Then it gradually dawned upon him that he
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: had been hit by a mere common soldier with a pike.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Then he was angry. Look here, he began, Look there,
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: said Friezehart, pointing to the cap. You've hurt my head
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: very much, said Tell, feel the bump. If I hadn't
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  Speaker 1: happened to have a particularly hard head, I don't know
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  Speaker 1: what might not have happened. And he raised his fist
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: and hit frieze Heart. But as Frieshart was wearing a
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  Speaker 1: thick iron helmet, the blow did not hurt him very much,
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: but it had the effect of bringing the crowd to
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  Speaker 1: Tell's assistance. They had been waiting all this time for
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  Speaker 1: him to begin the fighting, for though they were very
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  Speaker 1: anxious to attack the soldiers, they did not like to
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  Speaker 1: do so by themselves. They wanted a leader, so when
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: they saw Tell hit Friezehart, they tucked up their sleeves,
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: grasped their sticks and cudgels more tightly, and began to
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  Speaker 1: run across the meadow towards him. Neither of the soldiers
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: noticed this. Friezehart was very busy arguing with Tell, and
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Luthold was laughing at Friesehart. So when the people came
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  Speaker 1: swarming up with their sticks and cudgels, they were taken
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: by surprise. But every soldier in the service of Gessler
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  Speaker 1: was as brave as a lion, and Friezehart and Luthold
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  Speaker 1: were soon hitting back merrily and making a good Many
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  Speaker 1: of the crowd wished they had stayed at home. The
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: two soldiers were wearing armor, of course, so that it
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  Speaker 1: was difficult to hurt them, but the crowd who wore
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  Speaker 1: no armor found that they could get hurt very easily.
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  Speaker 1: Conrad Hun, for instance, was attacking freeze Heart when the
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: soldier happened to drop his pike. It fell on Conrad's toe,
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  Speaker 1: and Conrad limped away, feeling that fighting was no fun
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  Speaker 1: unless you had thick boots on, and so for a
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  Speaker 1: time the soldiers had the best of the fight. End
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  Speaker 1: of Chapter eight