Latest / The Rooted Woman Podcast / The Rooted Woman: Episode 8: Learning to Abide Instead of Always Starting Over

Transcript

The Rooted Woman: Episode 8: Learning to Abide Instead of Always Starting Over · The Rooted Woman Podcast

• Courtney: Hello and welcome back to the Mission for More podcast. I'm your host Courtney, the face behind Rooted with Courtney on social media. Yes, that's a name change. Switched over from her mind on mission to Rooted with Courtney. There's a reason for that. I've kind of hinted at some changes coming. The podcast is going to be changing and if it were me, I would change everything overnight. But the Lord has reminded me of some very important things and the priorities that I have set out even before I came back on social media. So here I am following through with those. Continuing to surrender to the Lord and we're continuing with our rooted woman audio series this week. We are on episode 8. How are we here already? There's gonna be 12 episodes if you haven't listened through all of them I do encourage you to go back because they really do build on each other and stay tuned because This is going to lead to a fun announcement coming here in the near future. So what are we talking about today? We're gonna talk about the woman who stays stays connected to God, stays in his word, stays surrendered, stays obedient, stays at his feet, and really learning to abide instead of always starting over. We've talked about this in previous episodes, but I think so many women go to starting over. But then when we break it down and really think about the act of starting over and what that would truly look like, we get there in our minds, but what would that truly look like in our... everyday life. for example, no, I missed a day in the word today so I need to throw away my Bible and get a new Bible. Like that's completely starting over, right? no, I missed a workout within this workout plan so now I have to throw away the workout plan that I spent, I don't know, a hundred dollars on and now I need to spend another hundred dollars on this different workout plan from a different person I found on Instagram. Or, okay, I have this meal plan and now I failed at the meal plan and I'm just gonna throw away all my healthy food and all my meal prepped meals and just live off of fast food for the next week till I figure it out. That is what starting over actually looks like. And I think sometimes we get in our mind that we have to completely start over. But most of the time we're not actually doing that. But the weight of it, the weight of feeling like we have to start over takes over and it just kind of completely derails us from the plan that the Lord has for us. And I wanna talk about this learning to abide as a woman who stays connected to the word to the Lord, connected to just that surrender, connected to community that's going to uplift and encourage and pray for you. And so I'm going to go through John 15. I am the true vine. I am the true vine and my father is the vine dresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. That's more fruit. Take note of that. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit. For apart from me, you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me, he is thrown away like a branch and withers. And the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. How beautiful is that? We can keep going on, but I'm gonna pause there for today. I wanna go over this big idea that we don't need another overhaul of our life. We don't need to completely start over. We don't need to throw out the plan and feel like we've completely failed. We just need to abide. And the more we abide in him, the more he abides in us. And you wanna know what happens when, this could be the whole podcast right here, when he abides in us and when we abide in him and we keep abiding in him so he's abiding in us and their. is more fruit, we're bearing more fruit, and we're bearing more fruit, we can be completely at peace. We can completely trust him. We can get to a place where we're like, you know what, I don't want to start over because I've got... all this other fruit still. So what? There was one bruised apple in there. Not a big deal. Look at all this other fruit. It's okay if I make a mistake. It's okay if I'm human. And actually, I want to be human. I want to see the mistakes that I make so I can learn and I can grow in Christ and he can sanctify me and I can be connected to him and so I can remember that I don't have to be the perfect one. That I don't have to be taking on the burden of it all and that I just simply have to abide. That whole overarching idea right there, if we could just get that, it would change our whole entire lives. And it did not really sink into me until I hit that rock bottom place where I needed to do all the things that I've talked about in the past episodes to truly get here. But for so long, I thought that I just needed to completely start over every single time. Every single time. But in the reasoning, I will say that. is because I thought that it had to be this dramatic transformation. I had to go from one thing to the next thing. I had to make the big jump. I had to bridge the gap. But most of the time, the changes and transformations in our lives are not this big jump. It is a small shift. And once I truly grabbed onto that thought, it is a small shift, and then somebody framed it to me as a small 1 % change. And then I read, consecutively winning the war in your mind and atomic habits and my mind was just blown. I'm like man my whole life I have tried to go from failing in something to absolutely perfect at it and that is literally a recipe for disaster, a recipe for burnout, a recipe for stress and striving and succumbing to the pressure and the weight of all that on top of you to the point where you crumble. And once I realized no it takes a small shift. in a bunch of small shifts and I just have to do one small shift at a time and the Lord will reveal to me the next small shift that I have to make. That's where the true transformation is built and that true transformation doesn't come from me personally making the small shift. It comes first from abiding because if I abide in him and he abides in me, I'm going to listen to that still small voice. I'm going to feel those gentle convictions and I'm going to not be so dismantled when I don't get it right. Because again, I'm remaining in him, I'm abiding in him, and when I abide in him, he washes away that thought that I am such a failure that I can't move forward. And instead he replaces it. Think about your child, if you have a child, if you have a little one that you've ever cared for, maybe you've babysat, and you look and maybe they make a mistake and they drop their ice cream on the ground. You don't look at them and think, I can't believe you. And now you don't get ice cream ever again. You failed. And if you want ice cream, well, we're just going to go to the store and buy all new ice cream because you know what? The whole tub is bad because you dropped that little bit. No, we're like, no, did you drop your ice cream here? Let me clean it up. I'll help you. Let me get some more for you. It's OK. Accidents happen. OK, if we respond to others that way, imagine the response that the Lord has with us in those moments. He is not so upset with us. We create that internal dialogue. Don't continue to feed that in your mind. Feed. what's going to help you and that's by being fed, truly, by being fed by the word because that's the way that we truly remain connected. That is the source, okay? And I talked a little bit about my own transformation and realizing, okay, I needed to make those small shifts instead of this overnight bridging the gap perfection type of change. And this is also something that I realized that I wanted true transformation. I didn't just want information. For so long, I wanted the information. I wanted the game plan, the how-to, and I wanted to check all of the boxes. Once I was able to finally set that aside and said, no, I want true transformation. I want to celebrate. every single little change that I can see. For example, in my weight loss journey, I went from literally crawling up the stairs at night because my thyroid, my vitamin D, my iron were so out of whack, so low that I was completely depleted, hair falling out in clumps, absolutely miserable by the end of the day, couldn't play with my kids or carry them. It was really challenging for me, but when I started to see like... hey, not only am I literally walking up the stairs at night, I celebrated that, then I was like, I can carry a child up the stairs, I'm celebrating that. Now I can carry two children up the stairs, I can give piggyback rides. Just celebrating the small things instead of looking at like, no, I wanna be able to do this many pull-ups or push-ups or sit-ups or run this long or lift this heavy or go this fast. I just wanna be better and I wanna feel better and I wanna see improvement. And let's let the same thing happen of our walk with Christ because I think. It's easier to look at things that are maybe easier to break down in our life, but the word will always feel complex to us if we don't remain rooted in it because it will always feel like there's so much that we have to take apart and figure out. But at some point... you start to really get it and the understanding and the wisdom is there because you've read it and if you read the Bible enough, you'll realize like, this is just like a repeated story here. This is a repeated line here. This is a repeated word or phrase here and you start to look up the meanings behind these things and you start to study it and it becomes easier to understand and easier to study and you start to memorize and it becomes easier and easier. So let's start looking at. the Bible that way and our walk that way with the Lord like, okay, I couldn't crawl or I had to crawl up the stairs. I couldn't walk up the stairs at the end of the night. I was so depleted. Make that the same as I wasn't opening my word at all to, okay, I realized like I could actually walk up the stairs. Wow, I'm opening up the app, the Bible app and I'm reading at least the verse of the day every single day. Amazing, celebrate that. Okay, then I went from walking up the stairs to carrying a child up the stairs. Wow, I'm not only reading the verse of the day, I'm reading actually the whole passage now and creating some highlighted parts that I wanna go back to. Wonderful. Celebrate the small steps. You're not going to get to the big end goal if you're not celebrating the small steps, because it will always feel like you're so far from that end goal. And I promise you, as you get closer to the end goal, your end goal might even change, and that's okay, because we are supposed to be. constantly growing and changing and shifting and the Lord will be like, wow, you've outgrown this wine skin. Let's put you in a new one and continue to grow in the process of sanctification and your closeness with me, me being the Lord here and allow him to do that without getting in our heads. Okay, and then the other thing I wanted to touch on about this is that sometimes we don't realize that we are in survival mode. Sometimes we don't realize that we are striving and we don't know what abiding will look like. And I kind of talked about the breakdown of like. Okay, who do you want to be? What does it take to get there in the last episode? So think about it this way. Okay, if I'm striving, I feel like I have to earn love or earn rewards. I'm rushing. I'm constantly moving from one thing to the next without any moment to pause, reflect, grow, learn from the things that are going on there. I'm always looking for a performance. Like I want to perform well. I want the accolade. I want the pat on the back. That is striving. And the focus is I'm white knuckling until I see the fruit happen. Okay. The focus can be on the fruit and feel like a good thing. I want this thing in my life so bad. But if you're white knuckling, you feel like you have to earn it, you're rushing to get there, you're trying to perform your way into it, that is not what the Lord has for us. The portion He has is... Abiding our way there. When you abide, you don't have to earn anything, you receive it from him, right? That's the difference there between thinking like, okay, if I work hard enough, then I'll get it. No, if I just remain surrendered enough, then I know that the Lord is going to show up. I know he's gonna show up every time he does. So I'm gonna count on him to continue to do that in my life. Same thing with rushing. Okay, when you're striving you feel like you have to rush all over the place. When you are abiding, it's all about just going right back to Him. Right back to Him. I'm working on this with a child right now. Hey, every time you feel that way, go right back to Him. Right back to Him. Learn to surrender this over and over and over again in prayer. And going right back to Him is not a bad thing. He is celebrating every time. You turn to Him every time. You remain in Him every time. You go back and you surrender to Him again and again and again. When we're striving, and we're trying to perform for this, know, pat on the back, when we're abiding, it looks a lot different because when we abide, instead of performing to try and like, I feel like performing is almost like... Are you really going to be proud of me? Are you really going to celebrate this? You know, there's that thought in the back of your mind versus when you're abiding, you're like, I know that God is going to X, Y, and Z. I can trust that God is blank, blank, blank because he's the one that's performing on our behalf because he is creator of all and he holds the pen to our story. And when we trust that, we know that we don't have to perform and our trust is in him and all we have to do is show up. show up every single day, which leads into the next part of it is truly surrendering. When you're white knuckling, you're literally grasping onto something. Think about a steering wheel. So hard that your knuckles are turning white. You're losing blood flow there. When you open up your hands, I mean, do that right now with me, because I just did it and wow, you can tell the difference. So white knuckle, grab on as tight as you can. I mean, your fingernails should be digging into your palms. Okay, and even when you're doing this, do you feel like your traps right by your shoulders are inching closer to your ears? It's like the tension builds in your body. Now release your hands. Open them up. Immediately, aren't you a little bit more relaxed that way? That's the heart posture we need to have with the Lord, okay? Am I white-knuckling my way through this? Am I trying to grab onto control? Or am I opening my hands and saying, you know what, Lord? I trust you, you are the author. All I have to do is remain in you and look at that posture. When your hands are closed, what can you catch that's coming down? You can't because your hands are closed. Maybe you can try to finagle it and juggle it in your arms somehow, but it's gonna be harder to catch, right? What I'm trying to say is it's harder to receive versus that surrender, open up your palms, right? What can you catch? I can catch and grab onto anything the Lord is going to bring my way right now because I'm abiding in him and my hands are open and I'm surrendered to receive. Do you feel the difference there? The difference in my life when I saw that happen. I mean, I went from reacting to everything to praying about how it was going to respond to things. And I think that's the goal and that's where we need to get. And I talked about focusing on the fruit when we are striving. It's like, okay, if I could just get to the end goal and it needs to look like this and I want this to be the outcome, it's okay to focus on the fruit, but when it becomes the idol and the reason why we're doing it, it really changes the way that we get there. When you abide, you're focusing on your roots. You're focusing on your connection to the Lord. And that's the difference because you already know, I don't have to focus on the fruit. The Lord says it's going to be there and not only is it going to be there, it's going to be multiplied there if I receive and remain and trust and surrender and obey and all of these things that the Lord is calling me to do, right? So I'm not focused on the outcome because I know that God already has painted the picture of the outcome. I can't wait to get there. I can't wait to see what it's going to look like. Yeah, I have hopes and dreams and visions and I've journaled about it and I have goals for myself, but I'm not so focused on the fruit that I'm losing the ability to surrender and receive from him in the process. Does that make sense? I really hope it does. I want to talk about what this looks like in your everyday life, because that sounds really picture perfect when you're on vacation, when you've got a quiet moment, when you've had, I don't know, I'm a mom, so a full night of sleep. But... You have to think about it this way. If you want to be the woman who never misses a quiet time, instead of thinking, okay, I failed, so now I have to figure out a new way to have a quiet time, no. Every single time that you go to have a quiet time now, you just say, okay, the Lord is literally saying, hey, she's back, she's back. She's excited to be here. I can't wait to pour into her. He is excited that you're back. He's not like... I can't believe you missed a day or that it was cut short yesterday or you got distracted by your phone again. No, he's saying she's back, great, let me download this to her today. Okay, so think about that, change that example in your mindset and then you will not feel so, it's really just shame, you will not feel so much shame when you're like, okay, I did miss. Hey, it's okay if you missed. I don't want you to miss every day because I know what life is like without the word in your life and without starting your day surrendered to him and letting him fill your mind before all the other things of this world do. I've been there and I go there sometimes still. But the thing is, even if I wake up and I miss it or I wake up and it's been a long night and now I've got somebody tapping me awake at, you know... 445 in the morning and they won't go back to bed, it's not going to look perfect in the morning, okay? But what I need to do is say no matter what I have to get to that place and the Lord isn't looking at you if you're like chasing that opportunity down all day long. He's not looking at you like why can't you get it? He's like as soon as you get here I have so much to download to you. When you change your perspective of the way that he's waiting on you, of the way that he would respond to you, it makes it so much easier to get back there. Think about this in the terms of Overeating or maybe if you've even seen it with like the coffee where you know somebody Spills a little bit of the coffee on them and then they like dump the whole cup like we don't do that in real life But we again do it in our minds So again if you over ate or you made a choice and you you know got the coffee or the Milkshake that you said that you weren't going to get anymore instead of thinking I've ruined everything I have to start over ask yourself. Okay, what can I do next? That does not dictate who I am. It actually doesn't even dictate my progress like It doesn't mean that I've just derailed myself. What it means is I need to reset. Okay, I had the milkshake and I don't want to continue doing that because I want to have nourishing food. What's my next meal going to be? And just focus on the next meal. Or again with coffee. Like, okay, I stopped and I grabbed the coffee through the drive-through. I said I wasn't going to. I'm using the examples from last episode. Okay, so what do I do next? Next time, I'm not going to get in my car and go for a drive unless I have my cup of coffee or you know, like I said for me, I love my electrolytes. So unless I have that in the car so that I don't go and spend the money in the drive-through. Maybe you feel like you've been losing momentum, whether it's working out, whether it's with journaling. I mean, any habit that we try to incorporate, we lose momentum at some point in time, whether you've gotten sick or you have been woken up through the night or there's just different circumstances happening in your life taking care of a loved one. There's so many things we can plug in there. You lose momentum instead of thinking like, okay, I'll start over next month. I'll start over on Monday. you can literally say, I'm gonna begin again, literally right now. Right now I'm gonna try to make one choice that's going to bring me closer to that direction, even if I can't do all of the things that I think that I need to do in order to get there or in order to move forward, what is one thing that I can do right now? And I'm telling you, this is the behavior analyst in me. When you do the one thing, it reinforces that effort. And when you have that reinforcement happen, it is literally like dopamine release in your brain. So you've now just celebrated without even actually celebrating the small thing. And when you continue to do that, you're building on it. Now you're actually rewiring your brain. Think about that when we pray. Okay, I prayed a little bit, yeah, that felt really good to release that. I need to pray, I know that it feels good to connect to the Lord that way. Well, that's a little dopamine hit for your praying, okay, that felt good. I'm gonna do it again. The next time you pray and you're praying a little bit longer, and before you know it, you're like, I prayed for like 40 minutes today and I didn't even know that I was capable of doing that. Or I prayed with my husband and we prayed for so long and I didn't even know that we were capable of having that in our marriage. Like, you never know what's going to come from that one small shift. the next best thing, the next right thing, the next thing that will help you to be obedient to what the Lord is asking you to do. So will you just pause and catch that first thought before it turns into this whole failure story in your brain. Catch it and really shift it before you lose the momentum for real, right? And remind yourself, okay, what's the reality of this? What's the reality of one milkshake? One milkshake didn't gain me 10 pounds. 10 of them did, right? So one milkshake did not derail me. I'm gonna go and have my fruit next. I'm gonna go and have my protein shake next. You say those things to yourself over and over again until you get to that place where you're like, wow, I have been truly consistent here and I no longer feel like one mishap sets me all the way back. That's when you're gonna really celebrate and I can't wait to celebrate that with you, but I'm here celebrating and cheering you on for all the small things too, because those matter just as much. I also just want to encourage you, and this is just from the bottom of my heart, that you are not expected to heal out loud and to heal in front of people. And if you need to get off social media, get off social media, says somebody who really appreciates the following that I'm building on social media that the Lord is building truly, because I see the way that it's impacting people getting to pray with everybody in my DMs. Like, I cannot love that more. But I'm telling you, hey, don't even be there. Don't even be there if it's a distraction to you, if you feel like it's derailing you or the comparison is just too heavy for you to handle. And it's also okay for you not to post about it, for you not to be able to talk about all the changes that you're making for you to feel pulled back in a season. Maybe you're not having, you know, as many play dates or lunch dates or coffee dates or whatever the thing may be, right? And maybe you're saying no to more things. It is okay to do that in this season while you're trying to really hone in on what the Lord is asking you to do and trust that some of God's greatest work. some of his greatest work in my life, and I know for many other people too, is the obedience that nobody else would know about except maybe the small few people in your life that you're like, hey, hold me accountable, pray for me in this area, right? Is the private repentance. Is you in truly going before the Lord and saying, God, please forgive me for this thing. Please forgive me, Lord, for this area where I've stepped out of. you know, being under your covering and really just continuing to remain in that heart posture of submission. And I can't, I was trying to think of examples, but I don't even think I need to give examples because the Lord just cut me off and that was cool. But I think that you already know, you already know. So girlfriend, go and repent and let it just be a time of forgiveness from the Lord in that time that you spend with him and just repent for the things that you know that you need to repent for and not be ashamed of it and not have to do it all. publicly or praying with other people, not that that's bad, but there is something about being able to be that person when you are alone that is really going to bring so much growth in your life. And also to be okay with seasons that just feel a little bit slower than others. There have been times where I'm like, holy cow, I feel like the Lord answered like every single prayer back to back. It was like an amazing journaling session of like, God, you did this and I feel like you did that and then I read your word and this is what it said and it all connected. And then there are times where I'm like, God, are you sure? Are you sure? And your word said this and like it lines up with that prayer that I prayed and all these things but I don't really know if that's you know what I'm seeing or I don't know how all this connects. I can't see the bigger picture but I'm promising you even in the slowness, even in the times where it feels like nothing is changing, God is working. Let him work at his pace and you be okay with remaining surrendered there. So I've been big on reflection questions lately. I want you to journal about this. Where have you been trying to strive instead of abide? Where have you been trying to strive instead of abide? And in what area of your life do you feel like you are constantly starting over? And how would that one area look if you surrendered it to the Lord? And if you repented to the Lord for the times where maybe you were doing it in your own strength or the times where you were convicted but didn't lean into the conviction? Go through those questions, pray about it, really reflect with the Lord in your own quiet time. And I would love to hear, mean, if you wanna pop into my DMs and share what this has done for you, I would love to hear and celebrate that with you and just continue to pray for you. Just want you to know that I am here and I am cheering you on, because I know that this journey is not easy, but you're doing it and I'm proud of you. Let's pray. So Father God, just thank you. I thank you for the ways that you meet us in the hidden places. I thank you for the slow seasons and the ones where it seems like you're answering every prayer back to back. And I thank you for the seasons in between. I thank you Lord for the process that you have us on in this season Lord and for the woman who is doing the deep healing, for the woman who knows exactly what she needs to come to you in repentance for, for the woman who just feels the stirring in her heart to kind of pull back and sit with you longer Lord and remain in you for a little bit more time Lord and clear her schedule so that there's more room to just be with you and to read your word and to understand what you're doing in her life in this season. Kind of just pray that you make it easy, that you show her the yeses and the nos, that you show her where repentance needs to occur and when conviction sets in, Lord, that she will obey. And I just pray, God, that you help to silence the lies that circle around in her mind that says, you need to overhaul again, you need to start over, you need to just toss out the plan, I can't believe you failed. And remember that picture of a child, whether it's someone we've babysat or... or a child of our own or a cousin or something, Lord, I know that you've placed people in our life to give us that depiction of you with us. And so I just pray that that image will be there for the woman listening, Lord, that when they spill their ice cream, we are not so upset with them and that we are like, hey, let me help you get more. And I just pray, Lord, that we see that you are trying to help us get more, more peace and more joy and more of your goodness and gentleness and faithfulness in every area of our lives, Lord, more self-control in the areas that we need it, Father, that you are constantly. pouring out to us, but when we're white-knuckling, it's so difficult to open up and receive that. So help us with open hands, literally as a sign to you, Father, even now, opening our hands to be able to receive all that you have for us, to come into accordance and alignment with your word, Father, and just remain in the will that you have for our lives, Lord, as we continue to obey and submit and surrender and just abide and teach us what that looks like more and more each and every day. Father, I pray a blessing over the woman who is listening, and I just pray, God, that you continue to yourself to her in deeper and bigger ways, Lord, help her to understand your word as she continues to dive deeper into it and study it, Father. And I just pray that you just continue to show us exactly who we are in your image, Father, not the things that we think of ourselves or that have been spoken over ourselves, Lord, but truly being able to see ourselves for the woman listening to see herself as your daughter first and foremost. In Jesus' mighty name we pray, amen. Thank you for tuning into the Mission for More podcast. Stay tuned because I'm just going to give you the little surprise. I'm doing these little mini drops. So stay tuned. This is going to become the Rooted Woman podcast. The website is changing over. I can't do it faster than I can do it. And so it is happening, So next week it may be the Rooted Woman podcast. So keep in mind that it may be changing. But if you are subscribed, I will still pop up when there is a new episode. just make sure that you subscribe wherever you listen and you will still see that episode pop up. If you're not subscribed, it might be harder to find. So that's why I'm suggesting that. I would love your feedback in the comments. If you like this series, if you've been benefiting from it, it would mean so much to me if you would screenshot it and tag me on social media and share it. I would love for more women to be able to walk into the freedom that the Lord has for them, to stop striving, to start abiding, and to be able to truly live free, free indeed in Christ Jesus. I am so excited that we are going on this journey together and I can't wait for next week's episode. So stay tuned and I will see you then.