Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Home Alone For The Holidays

Transcript

Home Alone For The Holidays · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:11
  Speaker 1: I Do, Part two is an innovative podcast all about
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: finding love the second time around. But sometimes on the
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: road to finding love the second time around, you end
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: up staying in singles town, maybe longer than you anticipated.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: I'm one of your celebrity mentors, Cheryl Burke, and I'm
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: joined today by fellow mentor Kelly ben Simone, and today
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: we also have former star of The Bachelorette Dianas Dogliano.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Welcome ladies to the podcast. How are you doing good?
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: What's new?
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Just preparing for the big day?
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: What big day?
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: The big day of being thankful and grateful?
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Which one? There's a big day of gratitude, Thanksgiving? Happy Thanksgiving?
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: Yesterday was my birthday and just a week, you know
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: what I mean, it's just been I think, like all
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: of the things, like I'm just reeling in, like the
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: kids and being divorced and wanting to have companionship, but
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: not because I don't, you know. So I think I've
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: just like really like rode the waves of all the
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: things this week.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: How long have you been single?
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: My divorce was final this year, but I have been
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: single for probably three years.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Got it same? I'm in the same boat, except I'm
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: definitely not looking for companionship, and I'm loving it so
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: much with Caeryl.
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: I'm not either. I'm not either. I think it's deeply overrated,
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: deeply overrated. I believe that we are built for companionship,
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: and I really want that, I think in the long run,
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: But like today, nah nah.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: See, I'm ready for I'm ready to meet someone I
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: want to. I've been going to therapy. I've been, you know,
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: going through this whole process on the podcast. Cheryl and
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: I have had some really great moments together with TJ
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: and Amy and Jenna, and I've just learned so much
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: about myself. And I'm not saying that I'm ready to
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: get married tomorrow, but I am am I The way
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: that I'm dealing with my life, both personally and professionally,
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: is different.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: Do you actually think that you'll get married again? Because
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: I have a hard pass for me. I don't ever
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: want to get married again.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Deanna. People want they know you obviously from the Bachelor
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Bachelorette franchise. What I guess, tell our listeners a little
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: bit about your love story and your journey.
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: I guess, yeah, Well, I went on the show, so
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: I did the Bachelor, and I was the final one.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: Was I was everyone's like pick at the end, like
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: I was the one that I choose.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Of course.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: And then I went on to be the bachelorette and
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: I chose someone not not so great, but I did.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: And then I met my ex husband through the show
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: because his twin brother was on a different season of mine.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: So I met my ex husband through the show, and
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: we were married for twelve years and wow, together for
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: what fifteen. So I'm very careful at this point because
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Addison in particular is very aware and seeing can see things,
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: and her friends know who she is, they know who
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: she is at school, they know me, and so I
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: try to be really careful what I share. I had you,
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: how I share it all good.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: I mean, I can understand that too because when I
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: was on I was on the Real Housewives of New
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: York when when my kids were five and seven, so
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: I was on two thousand and nine, ten and eleven,
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: and so when my kids were white because we're really
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: young as well, and you know, I didn't feel like,
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: first of all, I didn't feel like it was a
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: safe place for me to talk about anything. And second
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: of all, you know, I was when I was single
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: being single in two thousand and nine was not sexy
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: being you know, it was like, oh my god, I
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: cannot believe you're not married, Like what's wrong with you?
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: The choice of like you're saying like this empowered choice
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: of saying I don't really know if I ever want
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: to meet someone or you know, that kind of narrative
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: just didn't exist. And so I commend you for being
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: such a good mom and for protecting your daughter and
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: your your children, because it's not easy in this important environment.
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: Had a week, I literally have had a week, and
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: I don't want to cry.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: But oh no, you should cry. It's good for you,
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: it's good for everyone.
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: I know. I know I've cried all week. We went
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: to dinner last night for my birthday, and I was
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: saying to my girlfriends that I was just like.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: That.
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: I just feel like I am going to great links
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: to protect my children. You know, I don't think I
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: always realized this when I was younger, but I'm a
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: product of divorce and the great links that my mother
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: went through to protect me and my brother and my sister.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: But I find that I'm doing the same things for
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: my children, and man, is it freaking exhausting. It's exhausting.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I also come from a I'm a product of
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: a divorced family as well. And I don't know if
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: this is the reason why I don't have kids or
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I don't I'm not I have no interest in it,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: but like it's just yeah, it's but what you're doing
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: and by being aware of what you say, because you know,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: kids are very observant and smarter than we think. And
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: I remember seeing my parents fight before they divorced, and
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: it's just not like and then also talking about each other.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: It's just not healthy. It's not healthy.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: I mean, I raise my two kids on my own,
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: so I was a full time single parent. It was
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: no co parenting. And you know what you're going through
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: right now is you know natural too. I mean, those
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: feelings are real, and you know there's a lot of
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: stress and pressure and you know it's our job to
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: raise amazing kids the next generation. And it's like, you know,
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I would die. Don't come from a divorce. Both my
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: parents were together for our entire life, and I never
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: thought I would get divorced. But I got divorced because
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I wanted something better for my children. I wanted I
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: thought it was better for me to parent my children
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: just myself than to be in an environment that wasn't
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: good for them. And you know, it's not easy. And
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know, I'm not trying to say don't
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: be hard on yourself, but you know, it's okay to
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: feel to feel that pressure because it's it's it's heavy,
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: it's heavy.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: I know you don't have kids, but like, I just
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: sat in this space this week where I just felt
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: like deeply sorry for myself, you know, as we're talking
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: about like dating, going into the Hall of Dame stuff,
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: you know, and I feel like deeply alone.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: By choice, by choice, but not lonely, right.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: I feel lonely mostly because I believe that we are
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: built for companionship and partnership. They say, yeah, they say,
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: they say. I also just like really love my life,
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: and I make a.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Love I hear you. But holidays bring like trigger something.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: Obviously I can do all the things that I this
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: week in particular, and I don't know if it's just
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: because it's been my birthday.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: And and Pluto just moved into a queries just saying yeah,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: after nineteen years, yes, yeah.
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: And I feel like like lonely, you know, And I
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: know that I'm not so deeply lonely that i would
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: choose anyone because I have options, but they they aren't
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: like great, and I'm okay with that. And I feel,
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: I guess, really empowered in a place that I can
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: say no, you know what I mean.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: It's a complete sentence.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do you have your kids with you, Diana? Foriday?
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: My first Thanksgiving a loved kids, and my dad is
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: going to come out with his wife. And I'm really grateful. Yeah,
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: I'm really really grateful. It's just really difficult a few years.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: And I have really wonderful friends and I have I
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: have a really great family and surroundings, you know, for
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: people who will just come in and be with us
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: when we need it. So my my dad is coming
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: in this week, and I have the kids, and so
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: I'm just trying to create really wonderful memories for them,
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: make them happy and make them feel loved and make
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: them want to be here.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for your vulnerability, because like, first of all,
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: there's so many I can relate in many ways though
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I don't have kids. I mean, I can't say I
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: never get lonely, Like it's literally I moved out of
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: La to where I am with my frenchie and it's
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: just me and my frenchie, and I don't have tons
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: of friends in this where I live, in this town.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: And I also haven't really made much of an effort,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: like there has been a part of me that has ghosted,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: not just my ex husband, but like also my friend,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: like everything around me. I just feel is you know,
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: we evolve and evolving until the day we die, and
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: sometimes there is this feeling of loneliness. But I think
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I like to not say it as
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: only more like alone because of the transition that you know,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: people change and it's not bad nor good. It's not
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: bad or good, Like there's no label other than the
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: fact that I just want to give back to myself
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: because I don't remember the last I don't think I've
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: ever done this before where I've chosen me.
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: You know who's first, who was first?
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: And I didn't know who was first until I actually
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: had quiet time around me, because it's so easy to
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: put everyone else in front of you.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: But they always say that you know, you're supposed to
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: put your safety belt on first. And that's the other
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: thing that has been really like a big lesson for
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: me because I have always been the kind of person
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: like whatever my kids want, whatever they want, whatever they need,
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: Like what can I do? And when you put your
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: safety belt on first and you protect yourself, then you
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: are even a better protector of your children obviously what
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: you're already doing. But it's just you know, when you're
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: going through the birthday and kind of processing everything, it
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: gets to be. You know, it gives me a lot.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: And you know, the nice thing is that you have
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: this your friend group, which is amazing. Like I literally,
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: I literally was so like mortified of like what I
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: had done. Like I thought that I had like done
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: this horrible thing by getting divorced and this like awful,
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: you know thing that I shouldn't have done. I used
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: to cry in my closet and you know, I just
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: sit there on the floor because I don't want anybody
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: to know.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: Kelly though, and Cheryl, maybe you feel the same. I
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: felt so much grief and so much I was really embarrassed,
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: so was I.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I haven't dated and I've been like
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: celibate for three years since my divorce, and I think
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: that's all has to do with shame underneath all of it.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, same for me, Same for me. I mean I
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: think that there is this space that you just feel
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: this deep, immense amount of pain and grief and just
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: shame surrounding divorce.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: I swear we were going through a divorce for a
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: year before I ever said anything out loud because I
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed. Yeah, and there
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: is a cleansing piece of divorce and breakups, you know
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: what I mean, Like you, you lose friends, and I
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: lost really great friends and people that I thought that
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: I really cared for. But there is a really beautiful
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: grieving process when it comes to divorce and being single
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: and loone and really sitting, you.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Know, because the easiest thing is to numb and find
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: somebody else quickly and find another physical body, you know,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: especially during like the holidays and exhibit a you go
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: and do that, and men do that. Let's dive into
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: the holidays. Speaking of the holidays, what's everyone's thoughts on
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: on the holidays in general?
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: I guess yeah that you go first.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: For me in particular, I'm just pouring into the kids,
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: you know, Yeah, And I'm looking I have them their
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: their mind, and I just I think for me, I
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: have really gone out of my way and by healing
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: and my therapy and everything else to make sure they're okay.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: I really worry about my children and what this will
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: do to them and the damn it will cause.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Are they in therapy? Do you put them in there?
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: Yeh?
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: I have to say, that's one thing my mother did
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: with me, and God thank her, because it's just about
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: putting a voice to the pain, right like, and if
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: you can't and if you can't translate whatever you're feeling
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: into a language, that's when it eats you up.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: Okay. I'm like, if they can just get to like
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: six team, and I hope that they will look back
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: and think, my mom went.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: To great lengths one hundred and that's what I think
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: about my mother, like though the generation even though she
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: needs to go to therapy, but she'll never because but
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: at least she knew what to do with me. Because
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I have to tell you the trauma I've dealt with
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: my stepsister who dealt with a similar story. She just
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: died of an overdose. And it's like you literally can
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: see like it was interesting. I mean, it's so sad
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: and this happened a little over a year ago. But like,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: that's the difference between being in therapy versus not and
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: it's like, yes, you need an outlet.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: And trauma affects us all. And I have said this
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: openly across the board. When my ex husband asked to
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: leave me, I chose to go to trauma therapy. I
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: went three days a week for three hours a day,
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: and it was literally the best decision that I ever
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: ever could have done for myself, you know, and with
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: that an example for my children.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. Well, let's talk about since this is a holidays episode,
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: we're going to talk about my first year I guess
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: of the holidays without my ex husband. I stayed busy
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: because my new I'm sober for six years, but my
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: new drug of choice is now productivity. So I numbed
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: through making sure everyone came to my house so that
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I had to decorate, I had to cook, I had
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: to do I had. My to do list was so
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: freakin packed, jam packed that I didn't even think about
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: the sadness. Now, is that the solution? Hell no, it's
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: not the solution. I'm just running away from my problems.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: But now I have no plans as far as I'm
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: not cooking I'm not cleaning. I'm going to meet my
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: family at my sister's in laws or her in law's
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: two bee's house, so that should be interesting. But at
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: least it's driving distance, so I can always get in
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: the car and go if I need to.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: Does that feel good for you? What to go and
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: spend time with them.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I've never done it before, so it's
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: a little bit scary for me, to be quite honest.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: And like I said, it's in Newport and where I live,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: it's about a couple hours away. But I can always
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: get in the car and come back home if I
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: need to. It's gonna be interesting because it's just, yeah,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: you're right, like, I've never really I don't even know
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: who her in laws are personally.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: Struggle with that. I love love to my core. My
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: ex husband's family, Oh yeah, I do. I really love them.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: I love my father in law. There has been some
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: trauma within the family, and so that makes it really hard.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: So I think, you know, the whole piece of switching
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: holidays and yeah, doing all of the things, it's there's
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: also a piece of just like grief, do you know,
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: of course, the family, not just my ex husband. There
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: is grief in the family, like grieving my mother in law,
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: who I just like literally love love at my core
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: and she is salt of the earth, wonderful human being.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: I love that that at least you still feel like
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: that after Do.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: You have any connection with her still or no?
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: I do, Kelly. I think that we're just figuring it out.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: I think that it's hard for her because it's her son, right,
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: and I think at the end of the day, I
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: have a lot of grace for the fact that she
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: can't separate the two. Do you know what I mean?
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: It's her son.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Has he moved on? Has he is he dating?
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: Do you know you're he's got a girlfriend?
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: For Okay, Kelly, are you you were saying that you're
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: still single?
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: I am so single. I have chosen to do like
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: dive into myself and do it. And he rushed into
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: another relationship, which is there's also.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: That's the easiest, that's the easiest way to go, by
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: the way it is, Kelly, say more, Kelly, come on, girl.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: Cheryl's like, I love Cheryl's celibate, She's sober, she's amazing,
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: and I am I was like a complete train wreck,
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: like until I started this podcast.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: Stop it. If you were to ask me why I'm
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: choosing this path, that's a whole nother podcast.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: Okay, well I want to hear more about that.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: No, tell us your story for the holidays.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: You know, since I my ex husband is French and
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: a lot older than I am, we spend a lot
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: of time with my family. So I'm just so grateful
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: to have been able to spend time with my twin
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: brother and my sister and our family and my kids
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: and their children, like always had like a really nice
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: time together. Going by myself on a train or in
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: a car or on a plane with my two kids.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: Always traveling alone was something that you know, I used
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: to dread so much, and it was always like, you know,
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: the kids, and then there's Kelly, and like, who's Kelly's
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: going to sit next to because she's by herself. And
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: I mean, obviously my family's beautiful to me, but I
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: don't think that they ever knew that that would affect me,
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: But it was always you know, where am I going
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: to sit or who am I going to sit next to?
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: Are you starting new traditions? Like now that you have
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: this space of being your own and your your most
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: powerful self. Are you starting new traditions with the kids.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: Well, so my but both of unfortunately both my parents
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: are now deceased, and so I've been spending a lot
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: of time, you know, continue to spend time with with
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: my twin brother. This year, we're going to be with
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: some family friends, which is really nice. But we were
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: going to originally just be together, just the three of us.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: And it was very like strange how last year we
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: had spent time with a man that I was going
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: to be getting married to with his family.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: No, Daryl, tell her, don't ever do it again.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: So ever, Kelly, it was a godsend that it didn't happen.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: I'll just say that I.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: Was gonna see me on the street she met Kelly. No, Kelly,
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: no bat see.
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: I don't.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I don't. The whole marriage concept is like it is
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: what it is like. Look, I just don't think there's
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: a rush. I think it's overrated. I'm decigned a contract.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: To get married, but I would like to have I've
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: always wanted to have the life and the the relationship
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: that I saw with my parents. I've always wanted that.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: I've always looked up to that and not like it's
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: some like Disney movie. But I mean I literally like
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: that's what. That's how I see myself throughout the next
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: chapter of my life with a partner.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: Are you putting a lot of pressure on yourself, because
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: I believe it's generational too, don't you think like in
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: a way back then, maybe it's like there was no
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: talk of divorce. I would assume Listen, I'm just going.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: Through this process. I just started this podcast, so I
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: am like, you guys are like way beyond me. I'm
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: still like, I'm still in like the guppy stage. So
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: you guys have to give me a break because I
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: literally just my first like one person podcast where I
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: literally was crying and I couldn't even get the words out.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: I think I'm with Cheryl. I feel like I was like,
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: I'm sure I value companionship, I value partnerships, I value commitment,
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: all of those things I know longer now that I've
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: already done it, I don't need to coke goal my money.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: My god, no, that is a hard lin know we
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: are two individuals. Oh yeah, I literally called off my
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: I called off my engagement because I was like, if
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: you're not going to sign this prenup, there's no had
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: a girl, no prenup, no me, no, no no co mingling,
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: no no nor.
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: Mama works hard and mama pays for her own place,
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: and I pay for my own groceries and my own
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: car and my own house children, And I don't need that.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: Correct love for someone to walk along beside me, I
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: would like that, but a contract that binds it.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: We're not one just because we're together, does it not
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: mean like it does two separate people, two separate lives,
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: and hopefully we're compatible.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: Great, So, Diana, Like, what if you're walking, if you're
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: in the super market, because you know that's where you meet.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: The hottest guys is always in the super Really, if
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: you're a market you meet some hot gyme, what are
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: you gonna do?
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: No, they are not in Whole Foods. They are not.
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: They're not standing next, they're not doing it. They're not.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: They probably are you just Chelsea, though I seriously never
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: leave my house. By the way, just because you're wearing
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: a hat doesn't mean that makes you hotter, by the way,
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: it does.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: Stopping attention, I'm not listening to anyone and I don't
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: pay attention at all whatsoever.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: But also's energy, right, Like if you are ready. When
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: you are ready. There, you know, it's like, I'm my
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: energy is like, don't look at me twice, that's what
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: my energy is giving off.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: Meanwhile, you're so gorgeous. That's hard for a lot of people.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: They're like, You're like, don't look at me. They're like, oh,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Leave my house, like I instacart, I don't go to
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: grocery stores.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: By the way, I know a lot of people in
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: Santa Barbara, like really good people. I'm gonna I'm gonna
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: introduce you to.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: Okay, almost makeup here. It looks so.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: Perfect, Well, thank you, and it's just therapeutic for me.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: It takes me three hours get ready. I'm not kidding.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: Oh that's two three hours.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: But I don't have it.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: I'm a fifteen minute. Well today I got my hair
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: blown out, but like if it's my own self, I'm
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: like fifteen minutes, I'm I'm lay my clothes. I know
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: exactly what I'm wearing. Boom.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: What can my listeners do that are listening on this
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: Thanksgiving Day? What can they do to really, you know,
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: I guess feel the void of being alone? Like any
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: suggestions as far as keeping their spirits up.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: I okay, Kelly, forgive me. But I believe there is
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: a really safe space being alone. I I genuinely love
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: being alone. I think there is a spot where you
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: can sit in your own self and get to know yourself.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: And that's so make sure of you.
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's not always easy.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: It's called adulting.
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: Like, wow, I'm like truly adulting.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: You guys, don't use words I don't know what they
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: mean yet, don't use adulting and things like that.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: It's not fair adulting, Kelly, you better know what that means.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: I would say, it's not always easy. I have had
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: a really tough week. I've looked at some heart in
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: my life this week, and I have felt really lonely.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: I felt really really alone. And I think that's a
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: very humanly nature thing to do, you know, to just
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: sit in your own space and just feel really alone
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: and want.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Do you I mean, like, honestly, is it better? Like
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: when someone feels let's say, lonely and they're having to
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: go like this is the worst, Like when I have
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: to go to a family gathering and the last thing
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: I want to do is just pretend I'm happy and
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: like all festive and like, you know, everyone's all in
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: their couples, and my sisters with her fiance, my mom
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: and my stepdad, and then it's like me and my
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: little frenchie, who like snores really loud. And there's always
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: this like awkward thing where it's like, ohky, hey, do
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: I help with the deck? Or like what do you
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: need help? Like what do I do? I guess what
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: do you?
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: I thrive? And it's like that I thrive like that
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: I do because I do feel like a very strong woman.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: I feel very confident, I really empowered.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: Where do you get that from?
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: You're raised, right, lots of trauma therapy, a lot, you know.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: I always was kind of this person, and then I
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: got married and I lived in a marriage where there
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: was a lot of brokenness and and trauma and just
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: gaslighting and manipulation, and there was a lot of things.
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: I was never going to please the man that I
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: was with. I was never going to be pleasing. But
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: to me, that's okay, because I'm not a pleasing human being.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: I love me and I love myself, and I feel
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: very strong and very kind and secure and who I am.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: And there was a moment in time that that got
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: taken away from me. Someone that I loved so much.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: I truly wanted to be a pleasing wife and what
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: I thought the Bible designed for a woman to be.
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: And I think that that just took everything from me.
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: I lost who I was. And I think through tons
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: of therapy and diving in dogs diving into me again,
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: I'll never lose that ever again. I know who I am,
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: I know what I want, I know how I want
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: to be treated, and I will never ever settle and
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: I will never ever lose me again. Preach I'll never
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: do it.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know, it's interesting we were talking when
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: you were talking about Cheryl. You know, you're talking about
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: being being alone and gaslighting and you know all these
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: things that are trying to like keep you know, break
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: you down, and you know there is there have been moments,
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: you know when because I am the provider, I'm the
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: mom and the dad for my children, and you know
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: when you're being like really pushed down like that, or
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: you know, like just people are you know, trying to
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: like make you feel like you're not doing what they
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: you know, how they you should be doing it, or
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: the way that they want you to do it, or
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: you know the best way, this way whatever it is,
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: or you're just not good enough for that moment. I
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: think that, you know, for me, that was one of
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: the times where I would just I could I could
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: just feel it. I have really bad psoriasis, and I
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: could just feel my psoriasis like it was just all
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: it would just would just like start to go crazy
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: and I could literally feel it, and and then I
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: would just like close my eyes and I would just
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: be like that. I'm like, I am not going to
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: let anybody take me away from me. And for some
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: weird reason like swearing at myself. This is after someone
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: had gas let me and you know, told me that
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: I was like awful and you know and liked me,
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: and I had no friends and dah da dah I
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: was going to be nobody, and I was always going
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: to be nobody. Like every single guy I've ever dated,
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: You're a nobody. You're an absolute nobody. You're a nobody,
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: and uh even on television, like I was always a nobody.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: You're awful, human, fat, ugly, nobody, uneducated, I mean, even whatever.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: And I would literally just say that to myself with
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: my eyes closed, and I swear to God, the energy
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: just shift it and I'm like I'm not going to
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: put up with anyone, and like the next day I
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: would do something like wildly successful or you know, really
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: good like whatever. I would run faster or do whatever
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: it was. I don't know if that's healthy, but that
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: was my way of coping with you know, just feeling
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: like like really feeling like and I could feel myself
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: also just like I could my adrenaline would be so
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: high that I could feel myself actually losing weight. I
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: know that sounds like a weird thing, but I could
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: literally feel myself losing weight.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: No, I hear. I can relate so much. Like it's
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: interesting because the body keeps the score, like it really does.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: So like when it comes to you know that book
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: Cheryl A million times?
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: I love it a million times.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Have you read it, Kelly? You have to read it.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: Oh, I have to read this.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: I'm going to get it for you for Christmas. It
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: is I mean, you can also listen to it on audible.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: It'll it's a doozy though, so maybe it's better to
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: read it. But it is so true, like when you're talking,
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: your sosias is being like activated in a way. It's
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: your body, it's we I mean, I still have so
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: much trauma. And this is why I also do somatic
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: therapy as well. But like, this is why dance saved
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: my life because it's like there is a way to
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: tap into it, right and your body's telling you something, Kelly.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: So when you stood up for yourself, did it go away?
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: For my own self? I told myself like I didn't
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: have anyone. I didn't tell anyone. Oh my god, this
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: is happening right. I just like, no one is going
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: to tell me that I'm not good enough and I'm
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: just going to go and be better because I wasn't
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: going to like put up with it anymore.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: And you did it affect your body?
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: Though?
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: Like did you did it go away?
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: I mean I would you know? I you know it
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: would be you know EDB and flow of course throughout that,
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: but you know it was not exactly the easiest thing.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: And like when you can see something, it's different when
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: you it's different to feel something than when you actually
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: see it on your body. And people are like, wow,
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: you're you know, you're really irritated today or something's going
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: on with your own and I'm.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Just like you, I got hives all over my face, Okay,
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: So I used to be a heavy drinker, and I
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: was the type of drinker where you didn't know if
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: I was drunk or sober. So that's the most dangerous
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: type of alcoholic, I think. And when my father passed away,
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I took one sip of a
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: vodka soda, which was my poison of choice, and I
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: just broke out into hives because I hadn't dealt like literally,
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, I stopped drinking for material reasons straight up,
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: and then I just decided I just don't have any desire,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: I guess, to continue drinking. But like, it is very interesting,
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: how like your boy, like you can feel it, like
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: when I get anxiety, when my heart drops to my stomach.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: It's like and then yet we're all intuitive, like all
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: of us have it right. It's just about trusting yourself
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: and listening to your body, I guess, which is interesting.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I don't want anyone to gaslight you. And
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: if they are gaslighting you, text me and I will
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: talk to you because I don't like that. So I'm like,
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: now I'm going to be like the gaslighting cop. That
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: just doesn't work for me, And I won't let anyone
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: talk to me like that, and I definitely am not
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: going to let anyone talk to you like that. So
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: that's just not happening.
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: A really unhealthy relationship teaches you what is not right.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: So I hopefully, hopefully I was a very secure attached
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: human being before I got married.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: I feel like you are still. I was going to
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: say that.
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: Well, I am now, I know because I've tested since.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: I've Kelly, who are you remember we talked about this
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: last time.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: I'm working on it. I'm a working progress.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: I've got to center that test.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: I am a very securely attached human being now, and
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: I was before I got married. But somewhere along the
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: way in a relationship, as I tried to find myself
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: and tried to become this we I mean codependent, that's
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: what we were, you know what I mean.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I'm definitely there still.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: This person who relied on another human being. It took me.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: It was very hard for me to learn to rely
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: on another human being. So there was the lines were
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: very flawed with me when it came to relying on
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: another human being and then being my own. And so
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: when the mayor ended, it was very hard for me
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: and very traumatic to reshape the lines.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: Because you were vulnerable and you basically let go of
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: control right in order to be able to be that
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: vulnerable person with somebody.
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: Yes, And I see, I've never had that because I
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: was a provider. I never I never was. I was
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: codependent in the way that I would try to make
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: myself feel like I needed that person even though I
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: was the one doing all the work. And so it
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: was this very like you know, this this crazy strong
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: dynamic with myself of like, you know, can I trust
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: this really trust this person, like you know, how much
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: can I ask of them? And never like asking anything,
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: like never saying like asking them a question or you know,
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: second guessing anything like just never you know, which.
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: Was codependency in general is really really really gross. I mean,
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: it's just off.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: Have you read the book Codependent No More?
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: I think I. But I definitely have had some codependency
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: with some guys that I've dated in the past. I
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: definitely have had that.
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, there's a waterfall effect when you have codependency. Yes,
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: you know how to be codependent. I think that it
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: is a it is a slippery slope.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: But it's also different forms. Like I'm rereading it right,
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: there's a new codependent. No more like a newer version,
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: and I'm actually listening to it right now, and I'm
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: shocked as to what I was hearing, because I was like, wait,
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: I thought codependency meant like codependency like I need you
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: in my I need another person in my life that
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: I'm going to just rely on for everything. But it's
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: not that. It's also being the breadwinner and also wanting to.
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: Good morning, good morning, good morning. It's so great to
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: hear from you. It's all the thing. So we were
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: talking about dating into the holidays, and it's all of
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: those things. I think about, why do I even bother?
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: Why do I even bother dating simply because you slip?
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: Or I also think, and Cheryl and Kelly tell me
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: if I'm wrong, But I think I'm in a place
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: that I'm too healed, I'm too therapized. I've had too
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: much therapy.
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: You think there's a such a thing as too much therapy?
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: I am too therapies.
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: Absolutely interesting. I've never heard that before.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: I haven't either.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: I've been in therapy since I was four. You're no,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: you're very you have it.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: You have such empathy, and you know, you're very verbal,
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: and you're very open and communicative.
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: Also in a place where like every time some god
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: texts me every single morning, he's like, hey, good morning,
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, nope, nope, this is a red flag.
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: It's a red flag, hard red flag. No one should
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: text you every single day. What aren't you doing? Don't
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: you have a job? What is life?
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: It takes two seconds, though, mind you to text good morning.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: I think that's nice that he's saying good morning. I
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: think that's so thoughtful.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: No, it's not a red I think I think you're
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: just not ready to be maybe in a relationship. That's okay, though, Yeah.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: I think it's good. It's nice to when you're when
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: someone there's someone that you care about, when they say
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: something like they send you like a meme or say
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: good morning or wait.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: Why is it a red flag? I'm just out of cureuriosity.
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: For me, it's a red flag because they don't know
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: you yet. So I'm only saying that in a sense.
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: I totally hear you. I get it.
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: Yes, if you've only known that morning or two, they
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: don't truly know you. Know, that's weird, depth of like
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: your core. Uh, they shouldn't be texting you every single day.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: Like, I guess you asked for that, right, Like, that's
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: one thing which I'm pretty sure I can bet my
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: right ass cheek. You didn't ask for that.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: I didn't know, but I'm a Texter, so I that's
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: what I do with my friends like work. I'm like,
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: good morning, How are you hoping you have a drake
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: great day? Like I'm that's like my way of.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'm too maybe I'm Can you start texting me that?
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: That would be nice. I would definitely like put me
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: on that chain. Copy paste, copy paste.
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: No, I don't copy and paste. I write it myself.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: That's what I would do. I don't have the freaking
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: I'm like, come on, how do we can how can
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: I multitask though there's no such thing? What do you
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: girls think about splitting the holidays with your kids? Like
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: I remember I did that or I until my dad
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: decided to move out of the country. But how do
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: you feel about all that?
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: I don't know if you're doing it yet, Kelly, are you.
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: I've never split my I've always had my kids. I've
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: only had I've been on holidays with my kids. I've
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: never I've never i've had my ex's kids with us,
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: but I've never not been with my children and I will.
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's something that I'm in fear of. Is like,
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm excited for them because my kids are
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: so much older. Man, they're twenty four and twenty six.
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, but.
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: What happens when they meet these there are these guys
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: and they're like, Mom, we're going to go to so
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: AND's ho's house. I want to be devastated. I'm I'll
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: be like, what where.
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: I would tell you my children are almost nine and
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: almost and we split, and I would say it's really
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: really hard. Oh, I see them. So this is my
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: first Thanksgiving alone with the kids. So I'm thankful my
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: dad and his wife will come out and be with us,
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: because I was really worried about us being alone, you know,
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: because I feel like I'm in this space where I'm
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: just trying to go above and beyond to make sure
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: the kids are are full and happy and loved and
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: have this really wonderful life that they feel really full
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: when they're with me, because I want them to love
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: to be with me, and because I am single and
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: he has a girlfriend. I also sit in this other
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: space where I just want to choke her.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: Totally, girl, thank you.
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: I am really grateful that she is kind.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: Totally you are, let's talk, let's be real.
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: It is like a double edge. I am really thankful
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: that she is kind to my children and that she
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: is kind.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: She better be with the hell. You don't get a
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: gold star to be kind.
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: Husband up with a girl, I mean a woman, so
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: that I could be like we're done. I literally was like,
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: here's your new girlfriend or done?
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: Stop it.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: I couldn't take it anymore.
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: I did not do that.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: I did.
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: You are with someone for so long, like I was
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: with my ex husband for fifteen years, and.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: Then it is.
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: Okay, So overnight I don't feel like I know him
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: at all, Like like literally I went to sleep and
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: I woke up and I'm like, who the heck is
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: this human being? And just that alone, for me in particular,
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: is really hard and it's really hard to grasp because
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: when you marry someone and you're you're with someone for
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: that long, you are most intimate with that human being.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: And so.
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: From that and again, I didn't ask for divorce. It
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: was his choice. Although I'm grateful for it now, I'm
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: very happy now. It is amazing to me how it
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: goes overnight you do not know that person anymore. They
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: are no longer you're human.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: Is it the communication or like what happened?
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: I think it's a number of things.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: See, mine was a slow death. Mine was like mine
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: was like a Mine was like a crockpot where I
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: was like in there just boiling up, boiling up. I
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: was like, I was like, Okay, it's continuing, it's continuing,
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: there's continuing. I can only handle so much, Like I
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: couldn't take it.
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: Because I am so loyal to a fault. I am
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: loyal to a fault to myself that I likely would
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: have wrote it out for sixty years. I would have
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: stayed married. I would have been in this unhappy marriage
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: for sixty years for the rest of my life. I
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: would have seen my children graduate high school and college
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: and get married and have children themselves. And I would
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: have lived in this unhappy marriage had he not chosen
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: to leave.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: But it's a blessing because like if I my mom
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: didn't choose to leave my father, I don't think I
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: would be here today because kids are very observant, as
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: you know, and we can feel it all. So it's
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: like at the end of the day. What's the healthiest scenario?
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: You know, I mean, I agree with you down too, Like,
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: I mean, I would have stayed even though it was
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: just such a horrible situation. Like I didn't know any
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: I'm from Rockford, Illinois. I mean, no one gets divorced
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: in Rockford.
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: Illinois and they're like, Kelly, no one.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying, like I'm old is but I just why.
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: No one knows the true story. No one knows what
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: Rockf Illinois is exactly. But like people, people would get
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: divorced there, and I was like, my when like someone
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: got divorced my parents be like they got divorced. I
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, what does that mean? What happened?
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: Like is it infectious? Like is it contagious?
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: But that's why it's important to have these conversations because
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: it's normal, I know.
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: But my point is I'm with like Deanna, like I
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: would have stayed. I just I just could. I just
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: couldn't do it anymore. My kids were growing up and
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: it was just like so much. It was I was
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: alone so much, and then what I was exposed to
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: on top of that, it was just like I couldn't
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: handle it.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: It's glad you guys didn't stay.
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: The kids said to me once I finally moved into
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: a place on my own and we were here for
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: a year, and I said to the kids, how are you?
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: How are you feeling? You know? And again, I'm pro
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: mental health. I have had them in therapy. I'm doing
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: all of the things to make sure that they, god,
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: I hope turn out okay and as as possible, I'm
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: trying all of the all of the things. But I
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: remember saying to my kids, you know, how how are you?
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: What do you think now that it's just me here
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: and Daddy's in his own space. And the kids looked
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: at me and they said, we're really grateful we don't
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: have to hear you fight anymore.
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: Oh, right do they are? They open? Wow to you
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: with the feelings.
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: Tell me that's all like gut wrenching. Tell me that
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: not just got wrenching real To this day, I could
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: sob right now because I would say that Stephen and
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: I both thought we were doing a really good job
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: to hide it from them.
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: To oh, it's just like we're like my parents never
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: fought in front of me, but like I felt it heavy.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: It was heavy.
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, So I think I thought we were doing
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: a really good job of protecting the kids.
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: But really, but you did by breaking up. Seriously though seriously,
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: I can't even it's hard probably to see. I mean,
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: for me, I don't I honestly think I would have.
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: I already have a bad pattern of picking of men
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: because I never really had a stable man in my
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: life as far as when I was a young girl.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: But like, I don't even think I think I would
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: have been off my rock or if I if I
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: witnessed more than what I witnessed with my parents.
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that I learned through lots of that.
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: I come from a long history of abandonment. Like my
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: mother died when I was young, and that's a source
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: of a man. I'm sorry my dad left my mom,
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: and that is a source of abandonment. And I'm like,
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: he ever chose me. He always chose women over me,
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: And pretty much every relationship that I have had since
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: has been men that have abandoned me. So I think
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: that I am finally in a place in my life
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: or I'm just I'm not willing to do that any longer.
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: I want someone and I don't care who they are.
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: I don't care what they look like. I don't care
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: what they do for a living. I don't care how
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: much money they make. I just want to feel loved
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: and chosen, and I won't settle for less than that.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: That's beautiful. I was attracted to the bad boy, so like,
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: I hope to get to where you are, because that's all.
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: I didn't have that father figure, you know. Yeah, but yeah,
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: I also come from abandonment. I am very much anxious attachment. Hello,
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: my name is Cheryl Burke, and I am anxious attachment
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: and recovering alcoholic. So, uh, there's that. How about you, Kelly,
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: Are you into solo traveling during the holidays or in
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: general when you're single.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: I mean, I've done it for the entire time, always
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: just traveled.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: With my kids, like for the on vacation and stuff.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: And that you know that mom just with her kids.
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: Everyone else is like, you know, the kids are the mother.
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: Father and mother are screaming at their kids, and I'm
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: just like sitting there, my kids are not moving. And
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: I also I'm like, wait a minute, this is so
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: not fair, Like I'm the one that's sitting there and
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: my kids are well mannered, and everybody else has like
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: a co parent and the kids are running around like
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: like you know wild. I'm like, how is this fair?
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: You have your kids in check and then you've got
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: two grown ass adults.
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, Why why do I have to be that person?
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: Why can't I Why can't my kids be like, you know,
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: drinking too much coca cola? And like, how.
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: About solo traveling without kids?
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: Way too much sugar coca cola.
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: I'm just kidding. We did miss a flight though, once
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: because my kids were like on their phones and I
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: just was like, okay, you guys are to be responsible.
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: We totally missed the flight. My twin brother was like incensed,
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: what are you guys doing. I'm like, we missed the flight.
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: We never missed a flight since them.
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: How about solo traveling without kids? I love traveling solo.
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: I have so much anxiety when I travel.
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: No, Kelly, it's.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: The best thing to me, and you love it so much.
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: But because I wasn't. When I wasn't, I was. I
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: started modeling when I was fifteen, so I traveled so
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: much as a young as a young person and just
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: traveling like all over the place. Like people are like, oh,
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: modeling is so great. You are always by yourself on
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: a plane to like Asia to your to California to
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: New York, and it's like one day here, one day there,
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: and by yourself. It was so much. And then when
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: my kids travel, I mean, I couldn't even travel with
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: my kids. I couldn't even drive a car for a
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: long for a long period of time, I couldn't be alone.
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: I'm a corporate flight attendant. I've done it for over
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: fourteen years. I love it. If I am home too long,
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: I feel lost. I need to be on the road.
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: I need to be traveling. I need to go and
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: be somewhere and stay in a hotel. And I love
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: hotels all of the things. But Kelly, you said, people
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: are always like, oh my gosh, your life is so amazing.
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: You're traveling to all these places and you're going all
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: over the world. And you know what I would say
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: is I do it alone. I am alone most of
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: the time. And I do genuinely love my job. I
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: love what I do. I love the family that I
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: I am so deeply grateful for them and for the paycheck.
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: And I could put a roof over the kids heads.
• 51:06
  Speaker 3: But I do it alone all the time. I'm alone
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: on the road ninety nine and a half percent of
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: the time.
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: Would you like to not be alone? Would you want
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: someone to travel?
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: I think that if I could live in a perfect
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: world and I were to have someone and choose someone,
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: I would love it if they would join me. Yes,
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: that would be because I genuinely love to travel and
• 51:31
  Speaker 3: I deeply love my job. I think if I were
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: to find someone and they were a good match for me,
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: it would it would be for them to join me
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: on the road. Yeah.
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: Has it ever been like a thing where you were
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: dating and let's say it's just too hard because of
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: your schedule of traveling.
• 51:47
  Speaker 3: Or yeah, I'm listen, why do you think I'm still single?
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean I don't travel so now I would
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: say that it is literally my life revolves around my
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: job or I.
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: Have the kids.
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Have you met anyone traveling like that?
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: I have?
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: And I think that I meet really great people when
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: I'm on the road. I would I meet people that
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: I would actually really like to have a relationship with.
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: But I'm on the road.
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: You know, it's interesting, is that too? Like, you know,
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: I travel a lot for work now as well, and
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: you know, I find myself even though I can't. I
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: don't have to come home. I mean, my kids are older,
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: they go to work, they have their own jobs. But
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: I find still find myself. When I was a model,
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: I'd be like, I just take the right eye home.
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: I have to get home, you know. I always have
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: to get home to my kids. Always had to get
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: home to my kids. And I still do the same thing.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: I'm like on a flight six am to Florida and
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: I'm on a flight coming home, like wait, I could
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: be staying overnight, i could be feeling gorgeous like wherever
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: I am, and I'm like on a plane to be
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: back home just in case. I'm always like just in case,
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: good mom, No, But I mean like dance right, Like,
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's one thing to be alone, and I understand.
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: I understand what I do and how I do it.
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: But you know, I also can like maybe give myself
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: a little I can actually give myself a little grace
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: and say, like it's okay to do some things that
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: I may like, yeah, like why.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: Not, and like pamper yourself and give back to yourself, right.
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: I mean I think it's so I love when John
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: said she gave you know, she gives a lot of
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: other people all disgrace, But I think too we need
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: to also really give ourselves. I mean's you know, that's
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: the lesson, that's the takeaway that I'm getting from today,
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: is like giving myself some grace.
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: And I think that's what we do when we choose
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: to be single. To be quite honest, though it's hard,
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: and at times especially I think around the holidays it
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: gets triggered for me at least, But what are also
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: some great things about being single over the holidays other
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: than I don't have to I mean, I used to
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: go all out with my ex husband. I paid for crazy.
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: Yes, listen, you can come home. I have the best house,
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: I have the best neighbors, and I pay for it.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: All by myself.
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: Good for you, and whatever I want, and I can
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: watch whatever I want, and I can do whatever I want. Amen,
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: A lot of piece in that.
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: And eat whatever you want and whatever time you want. Yes,
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: we'll throw the mask on whatever in your pajamas, pimple patches.
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: No one can say a word.
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: If someone is coming into this. If they are, they
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: have to be really great because it's going to take
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: a lot for me to give up what have right now?
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: Why do you have to give up what you have?
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: Men are needy? Yeah, but then no, you're not. No. No,
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: You remember we talked about in the beginning with two individuals,
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: you know, right coming into this thing so called relationship.
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that I will never ever again. I will not.
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: I'm going to I'm going to be me and live
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: my life and still full in this aspect. And I
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: will only ever choose to bring someone else into that
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: if they add to it.
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: Correct.
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: But I'm just trying to think back to to Cheryl's
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: question about like what are the things that like are
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: good to be when you're you know, why is it
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: good to be single during the holiday? So you can
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: eat what you want, drink what you want, where what
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: you want where, the makeup that you want, The fragrance that.
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: You make gives for yourself instead of taking.
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: It gifts for yourself. No one is micromanaging or.
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: Also the in laws, like not everyone has great in
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: laws or had great in laws. You know, it's like
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: you were lucky, data, I was lucky.
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: I'm still really lucky. I really love them.
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: Before we wrap it up, what are you guys both
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: looking forward to this holiday season?
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: What am I looking forward to? You know, I moved
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: out of my apartment into an apartment with my ex
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: fiance and back into my own a little apartment, which
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: I actually love. It's like a hug and to you know,
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: have our tree after things to you know, tomorrow we're
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: gonna get our tree and just really just enjoy our
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: holiday together and just do things together. And I told
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: my daughter, I was like, I want to go skating.
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to like do like real things together,
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: like not a much shopping, but just like whatever they
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: want to do or the movies. Just do things that
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: like make us a strong family.
• 56:32
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm gonna cry.
• 56:34
  Speaker 3: I know I've wanted to cry a thousand times.
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: I don't have kids, Hence why there's a dry eye
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: over here.
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: I'm just so happy to like be with my girls,
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: and I am I'm just like just be with us,
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: like us and like not like you know, if the
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: present's not right or you know, I just am like
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: I just don't want that. I want to just like
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: spoil my kids and show them how much I love
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: them and just wear pajamas with Vietnam.
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, you guys are such good moms. Do you want
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: to adopt me. I'm just kidding.
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: Oh, thank you. Send me your address. I'll send you
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: Christmas present.
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: My love language is not a gift. It's not gift giving.
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: It's like, it's not it's what's the one where someone
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: has to like clean up after himself? What's that called
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: a grown man? Yeah? Right house? New Year's resident? Yeah exactly,
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: my babysitter. That's what I need for Christmas. What are
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: New Year's any New Year's resolutions scales?
• 57:36
  Speaker 3: Oh, I'm not good with resolutions.
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: I'm either I think like, actually, I need to stop shopping.
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: I'm an addict. Hi, my name is Cheryl and I'm
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: an addict. We know this, but now I find it
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: therapeutic to It's Black Friday right now on Amazon. Just
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: letting you know.
• 57:53
  Speaker 3: I know shopping first step for the kids.
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: It's in You should have seen it yesterday. It was
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: box like it was it, I mean whatever, it made
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: me feel good thought time.
• 58:03
  Speaker 3: I think if I could just stop eating, that would
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: be really good. Like if I could just.
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: We don't want you to stop eating, we want you
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: to be.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: And by the way, you're like a professional cook. I
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: swear I was looking for me.
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: I am. I said it before but I am really,
• 58:22
  Speaker 3: really grateful that I love my job and I love
• 58:26
  Speaker 3: what I do, and I genuinely love to cook hot pockets.
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: You don't understand. I was raised with hot pockets, so.
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: Like hot pockets. I love anything between a pop past eating.
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: I love me some hot pockets. See.
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: I can make food, but I'm not sure if it's
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: good or not.
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: I feel like I genuinely why don't.
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: You taste it?
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: Taste it? I have a windex on it. You kidding me?
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: I bake because I'm O c D and I am
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: to the measurement.
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: You guys are great for me to be around. I
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: need to be around more of you guys, you guys
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: more because like you're good for me, are a good balance.
• 59:04
  Speaker 2: I need more OCD. I need more, you know the
• 59:06
  Speaker 2: nerds from Diana like, I look.
• 59:08
  Speaker 3: Like, okay, I'll put everything's gonna be okay.
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: Everything will be okay. And if it's not just numb
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: through productivity.
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: It works. Let's say I'm not a big resolution like,
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: I'm more of a solution kind of person. Yeah, that's
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: my thing with my kids. I'm like, okay, what's this.
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: We know what the problem was. What's the solution That's
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: what I tell them all the time. So we know
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: what the problem is from last year and I'm not
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: married and I am moving forward.
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: Problem is that a problem?
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Wait, where the solutions? It was a blessing, It
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: was a blessing. But this year. My solution for this
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: year is to do more things that make me genuinely happy,
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: so that like I went beginning when we were talking
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: about putting on my safety belt, just so that I
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: feel happy, and so then I can express that to
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 2: other people. And that's what I really really want, because
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: then I can be more productive and maybe a better cook,
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: maybe a kinder person, maybe a better human.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: Maybe you'll just love yourself more and realize, you know what,
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: I hate cooking, So I'm not going to waste my time.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 3: Don't don't do it.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna go over to your eyes house.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: You like do you start coming from you stock her
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: Instagram like I did. She made some like amazing hot
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: pockets with like eggs in it.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: Love delicious.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: Oh god, that sounds good. I'm just gonna be over
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: here eating stuffing until I blow up. So thanks to
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: my single sisterhood, this was great chatting with you both,
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: and we want to wish all of you listening a
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: happy Thanksgiving and holiday season. Here for you listeners during
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: these colder months. So if you are single and want
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: some advice, we want to hear from you. Call us
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: one eight four four four I Do Pod eight four
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: four four four three six seven six ' three or
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: email us at IDO pod at iHeartRadio dot com, follow
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: us on Instagram and TikTok at id Part two pod.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: All this information will be in the show notes. Make
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: sure to rate and review this podcast I Do Part
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: main objective.