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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: Are You Gatekeeping Your Own Joy? · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Life. Hey everyone, Emily a body here. You are listening
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: to five Minute Friday from Hurdle. Hope everyone here had
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: a good fourth of July. I myself spent it down
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: in Washington, d C. Nothing more patriotic than doing the
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: nation's birthday in the nation's capital. Got to hang out
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: with some of my dearest friends and really just take
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: some time off, a little bit of time away from
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: social media, a little bit of time away from things
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: that feel quite hectic right now, and candidly, it really
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: felt necessary. Something that also felt necessary for me was
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  Speaker 1: a conversation I have earlier this week. I wrote about
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: this in today's weekly Hurdle, and if you don't get
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: the newsletter, I would love for you to do so,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: you can sign up to get it for free in
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: your inbox every single Friday. But the conversation I had
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: is about gatekeeping my own joy. So I'll be honest.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: There have certainly been, and I'm sure many of you
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  Speaker 1: can relate to this, so many things that have happened
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  Speaker 1: in my life that I've been really excited about and
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: then didn't pan out how I'd hoped that they would.
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  Speaker 1: And the fact is is that you don't work hard
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  Speaker 1: at something for it not to go as you'd hoped.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: But let me give a couple examples. Here, I'm talking
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: about dating someone and it feels really promising and you're
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: really excited, and then all of a sudden, this person
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: ghosts you, or perhaps you are in conversation with a
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: brand or an individual about a really exciting opportunity. You
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: have multiple conversations about sat opportunity, and then after putting
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: in time and effort and work on this thing, suddenly
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: the thing is no more. Suddenly everything that was promised
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: to you, everything that was quote unquote hypothetical, is now
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: a non option. And these things happen often in a
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: way that is beyond our control. Right, you don't again
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: work hard and have all these exciting hopes to then
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: think that you're going to get let down. But it happens,
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  Speaker 1: and sadly, it happens more than I'd like to admit,
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  Speaker 1: I mean candidly, If we look at a week of
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: me pitching ideas or saying things, or asking questions or
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: making big asks, I hear a lot more no than yes.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: And that's just part of the game, at least when
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: it comes to work anyway. And so I have realized
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  Speaker 1: that even when something exciting is happening for me, I
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: am often the type of person that can't or feels
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  Speaker 1: as though they can't get excited just yet because it's
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: not signed on the dotted line. Especially when it comes
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: to work. Until I have a contract in my hand
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  Speaker 1: that someone else has already signed, I am extremely hesitant
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: to be amped. And I was telling my life coach
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: about this earlier this week and she says to me,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: it sounds like you're gatekeeping your own joy, and oh man,
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  Speaker 1: that one burned. It was like she put a cigarette
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  Speaker 1: on my arm. I hear what she's saying, and I
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: heard what she's saying, and actually so much so that
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: I'm in a mode of celebration right now because I
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: have a major opportunity on the table and the contract
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  Speaker 1: might not be signed yet, but literally, I am having
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  Speaker 1: a conversation that I dreamed about having last year, truly
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: dreamed about having. And rather then sit around and pretend
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: that I'm not amped, pretend that I'm not excited, just
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: wait with baited breath, right she said to me, She said,
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  Speaker 1: why not celebrate right now? Why are you going to
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  Speaker 1: neglect yourself of this opportunity to feel joy because basically,
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  Speaker 1: you know this to be true. If it doesn't happen,
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: or if it does happen, you will have the same
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: disappointment if it doesn't. So why not in this moment
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  Speaker 1: allow yourself to feel all of the good that comes
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  Speaker 1: with working hard and going after something that excites you.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: And I know I gave this dating analogy earlier, but
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  Speaker 1: it really is the same with our personal relationships. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: there is always the possibility that someone can let you down,
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  Speaker 1: whether it is romantic or just a friendship, or within
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  Speaker 1: your family even but when you go on a bad date,
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  Speaker 1: sooner or later you might swear off dating for a
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: little bit, but you're going to go on another date.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: So I choose now to allow myself to feel the joy,
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  Speaker 1: to be vulnerable to disappointment, but understand that I am
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  Speaker 1: worthy of every good thing that comes to me, and
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  Speaker 1: so are you. Yeah, no more gatekeeping our joy, no
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: more living scared.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 1: My thought prompt for you this week? What is one
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  Speaker 1: thing that you're excited about right now? What's one thing
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  Speaker 1: that brings you joy? What is one thing that you're
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: excited about right now? And what is one thing that
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: brings you joy, And now a listener question.
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  Speaker 2: I recently listened to episode one of Hurdle, and it
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: made me wonder how often you go back and listen
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  Speaker 2: to that episode. When was the last time you listened
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  Speaker 2: to episode one? And what thoughts and feelings does listen
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  Speaker 2: to that episode bring up for you?
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  Speaker 1: As always?
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  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for everything you do.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Wow Episode one. I'm going to link it in the
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  Speaker 1: show notes. It's been a second since I listened to it,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: but I do remember. Maybe it was last year was
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: the last time that I gave it a go, And candidly,
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I was surprised at how from like a podcasting audio pov,
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  Speaker 1: how good I thought it was, which sounds kind of corny.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: But the first time you do something, it would be
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  Speaker 1: unrealistic for you to expect it to be perfect. I
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: know that I certainly have perfectionist tendencies and I want
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: everything that I create to be of a certain caliber.
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  Speaker 1: But I expected to listen to it and feel a
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: bit cringey, and I didn't really feel that way. In fact,
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  Speaker 1: I was really proud of how I showed up to
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  Speaker 1: that podcast, and I remember recording it in my fourth
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  Speaker 1: floor walk up on the Upper East side and exactly
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  Speaker 1: what I was going through and all the emotions that
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  Speaker 1: went hand in hand with it. I remember that, and
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  Speaker 1: I remember the feelings, so many feeling But yeah, I mean,
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  Speaker 1: I listened to that episode and I think of that woman.
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  Speaker 1: I think of that version of myself, and I am
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  Speaker 1: proud of her. I'm proud that she was willing to
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  Speaker 1: put herself out there. I'm proud of myself now when
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: I reflect back and see how far I've come, and
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  Speaker 1: I know that that person and yes it's the same person,
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  Speaker 1: but that version of myself I've evolved from that place,
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  Speaker 1: and oh man, is it a really awesome journey to
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  Speaker 1: look back on. I think that if I could tell
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  Speaker 1: my younger self anything as she was starting this podcast,
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  Speaker 1: it's just to be open to all of the possibilities
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  Speaker 1: that could go hand in hand with this idea, this
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  Speaker 1: crazy idea, right because at the time it felt so
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: beyond It felt like just a little side project that
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  Speaker 1: I would do. And now Hurdle has become the main thing.
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  Speaker 1: Hurdle is the thing that empowers me to have so
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: many amazing conversations and chase these dreams that I mean
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: I have always had, but they are growing and evolving
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  Speaker 1: with me, and you're just so damn exciting. Oh man,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: what a week, What a weekend. Make sure you're following
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: hurdle over on social. It's over at Hurdle Podcast, I'm
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: over at Emily a Body. Another hurdle conquered. Thanks guys,
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Talk to you soon