Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / Rediscovering Yourself & Dating After Divorce: How Personal Styling Builds Confidence with Lisa Stockman

Transcript

Rediscovering Yourself & Dating After Divorce: How Personal Styling Builds Confidence with Lisa Stockman · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation, and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: These are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce, or reorganising life afterwards.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warren Tree people of the Kulin Nation, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to this week's super special episode of Reflect, Reclaim, and Liberate.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because in this week's episode, I welcome back Lisa Stockman, the Queen of Personal Styling, for another conversation about how style can anchor us through some of life's biggest changes and transitions.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: Lisa has been styling people of all different shapes, sizes, life stages, budgets for over a decade.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: She works with clients across Australia and internationally, and she understands how hard it can be to know what to wear, especially during those times of transition, like a divorce, a new job, dating again, post-baby, or as we age and change through life.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Together in this episode, we explore how personal style can rebuild confidence and identity after big life shifts, including separation and divorce.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: And Lisa shares some really practical tips about stepping back into dating after divorce with confidence, authenticity.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: I hope you will enjoy this conversation with Lisa Stockman, a personal stylist.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: Lisa, welcome back to the podcast.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's really lovely to have you back for a second time.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks, Sally Ann.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: I am so excited for this chat today.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're going to go a bit deeper this time than what we did in our previous conversation.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: So let's just launch right in, okay?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Let's do it.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: You often work with clients who are either going through a big life transition or perhaps a little bit afterwards, you know, including but not just separation, divorce, and all that that brings.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: What I wanted to focus on or ask you today is what shifts do you see in how a client, a person dresses themselves when life feels wobbly or uncertain?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I see a lot of oversize, a lot of black.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, I know you're wearing black today and you look fabulous.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: It was strategic, so that's classic.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, I know it was strategically chosen.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of darkness, especially, and generally things that perhaps have been quite worn.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and really anything that enables that person to hide from the world.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I find that it's generally without them even realizing it, it's a look that says, Don't look at me, don't give me any attention, I'm just trying to survive here.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I've literally put clothes on because otherwise I'd be naked and I'm just trying to get through the day.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I see.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: I can actually, I actually feel that in my body because you know this, but probably some of the listeners don't.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: My mum died recently, and I felt exactly that, right?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: I just it was just clothes for function, um, get through the day.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I can really feel that.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Next question I wanted to go into is like for someone going through a divorce or a breakup, where where might they start if they want to shift out of that clothes purely for function and they want to help use their style to feel different, to feel strong and capable and really like themselves again.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Where might they start?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, with you, that's really obvious, but well, actually, I'd love it to start before they met me.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that really comes with uh, I guess it's a reframe, a mindset shift where you're saying to yourself, I've actually got the chance to, I can control my style.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's me that gets to say, you know, what I wear and how I want to feel in it, but it's also an opportunity for rebirth.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: So you can almost wipe the slate clean.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I say a mindset shift, it's even going to a space where you can think.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: So it might be sitting on the couch with a cup of tea, it might be walking in the park.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: I find nature's always good for this.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I love for my clients to think about if they could envisage their best self, what would what would they be looking like?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: What would they be doing differently?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: So it's before you even get into the wardrobe, it's dreaming about what your future self could look like.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: And those sorts of visions are really great for me because I can take that brief and translate it into clothes.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I think the key there is really thinking about this is an opportunity for you to redefine who you are and and you have control in all the ways because that's that's the key parallel between what you do and what I do.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's all about that reclamation and redefinition of who am I, how do I want to show up in the world?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: You do it with clothes and personal style, I do it with all sorts of other things.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think that and there's a flip of that, you know, redefinition to um when you're still in the mess, you're still in the hard stuff.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: How can personal style be an anchor during those really uncertain times?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Divorce, career shifts, you know, motherhood starting over.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: How can we anchor?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: How can we use our personal style as an anchor?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I go back to that word control because when you're going through divorce and separation, and I know what that's like, I've been through it myself.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of the things you feel like are out of your control.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and there's some really easy things that you can do that's low-hanging fruit to make yourself feel better.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure many people listening to this would know that a lot of people go get their hair cut.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: So they'll go and get, they'll go to their trusted hairstylist, get their hair cut, maybe they get their nails done.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Something that makes you feel good about yourself that is your choice.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing that I'll often get people to think about is clearing out the old.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I know we'll probably chat about this later about how you want to feel in your style, but I always encourage people to look at their wardrobe, not do a whole edit like I would do, because that takes me as a professional four hours and it seems quite overwhelming.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: But are there things in your wardrobe where you know don't make you feel good anymore?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: They haven't fit for years.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: They've got holes in them.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you cleared those things out, I promise you, you're gonna feel like you are a hero.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be high-fiving yourself and loving yourself even more.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really what are the small wins you can have without it being too overwhelming.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: One thing I often, excuse me, one thing I often talk with clients about is even if it's not super expensive, just go and buy go and buy a couple of nice bras that actually fit and some nice matching underwear so that even if you are sticking your dad's old hoodie on like I did when I was feeling, you know, feeling overwhelmed with grave.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: Or even if you're dressing in black underneath, you feel really, really good.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a beautiful point too, because that is just for you.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's for no one else.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And often people don't have good underwear.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I I love that.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: You and I have spoken in the past about healing or transforming ourselves from the inside out, you know, in so far as you know, work I do is sort of inside, and the work you do is more, well, not more inside, more outside.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: It is more outside, but it's also inside.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, I'm rambling.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I wanted to ask you, you talk a lot about styling being less about clothes and more about identity.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I wonder if you can share perhaps a client story where you manage that transformation of their inside matching their outside, or their outside, I should say, matching their inside.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, this is this is one of my favorite stories actually, because it was a couple that I'd met probably 15 years ago.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and they since got married.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I got an email last year from this guy.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: I knew one of them a bit better than the other.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so this guy's husband emailed me out of the blue and he said, I want to buy you as a gift for my husband.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure if you remember him, but I feel like he's going to a Greek funeral every day of the week because he was just wearing black all the time.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: And this is a guy who worked in the HR space, which, as you would all know, is a people space.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're showing up to work every day in black, you're sending a very clear message that is not necessarily a positive or approachable one.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing about when this, when the husband reached out to me, I was really shocked because of what I remembered about his husband, he was the most open, wonderful, beautiful soul.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I instantly thought that the black that he was wearing all the time was a mask of something else that was going on.
• 10:40
  unknown: Yeah.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway, we and he was in Queensland, I'm in Melbourne, we did a Zoom together, and he said, I'm just gonna tell you that I'm terrified about this.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, What is it about this that terrifies you?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, I don't want you to change who I am.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to show who I am, and I want my style to whisper and not shout.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: He said, I'm a gay man, I don't want to come out as this flamboyant person at work.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's not who I am.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be stylish, but I don't want it to be that everyone's staring at me.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that was beautiful because it automatically it said a lot to me that he's he's wanted so much to represent who he is through his style.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And he's a really stylish guy, but it was just too overwhelming.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think he'd really stepped into his own confidence, maybe at work, maybe in himself.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: But when he said, I want my style to whisper and not shout, I absolutely loved it.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I did something that I don't normally do with clients, but I said to him, Can you go away?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Are you a visual person?
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Yep.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Can you go away and just put together a little Pinterest board of men's styling that you like?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna do the same.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Let's come back together and see see where we land.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it was almost the same.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: So we had the same style references, same color palette.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was beautiful and was it was a really great moment.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, he came down to Melbourne to shop with me.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, in a three-hour session, we had it nailed, and now he's got he travels a lot between Brisbane and Sydney, and he's got this travel capsule that just looks effortless.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Isn't it funny that not a single thing in that capsule is black anymore?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Every time I go to reach for black, it's always when I'm not feeling good in myself.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought that was really interesting because he'd used that to hide for so long.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, But now I know that's exactly when I need to stop wearing black.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, so that was I loved that story, and uh yeah, it it made it really made my heart sink.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, beautiful story.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I resonate with the black.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: I know I've got to get out of the black.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Lise, there's often guilt around investing in ourselves, and I think it's I think it is a bit gendered.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's especially for women and and especially in times of financial stress, thinking about separating, divorce.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: What would you say to someone who feels that it's frivolous or it's selfish or it's expensive to invest in our own personal style?
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: I I know that I'm I'm talking about women and people who identify as women.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: We always put other people before ourselves, and we're conditioned to do that as nurturers.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm not surprised that a lot of women listening to this will feel guilty about spending money on themselves.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: But I think the key to navigating times of change is confidence and it's also looking after yourself, whatever that means for you, and whatever that means for your budget.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: So for some people that could be going out and getting a new wardrobe.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: For other people, they can't do that.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it's what are the little things that you can do for yourself that will help you feel confident again?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Is it getting a haircut?
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Is it getting new glasses?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think you have to get out of that mindset of I don't deserve it.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you were talking to your best friend and they said, hey, I'm feeling like this, would you tell them to not spend money on themselves or would you tell them to not look after themselves?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Of course you wouldn't, but you do talk about yourself in that way.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: I think for everyone the answer's different, but the it starts with that mindset shift of believing that you are worth it.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I agree.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: And there, you know, there are small, less expensive ways that you can reinvent or reclaim your sense of style without throwing everything out and starting again.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: And look, from a personal perspective, you helping style me for those couple of events recently.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I keep grabbing for those two pieces, you know.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, so it's I and I love how you shared but previously, you know, it's cost per wear.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: So yes, I invested in a couple of key pieces that also worked with things that I already had and a pair of shoes, but I've worn them again and again and again.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's such a good reminder is that I always say to people, have a go-to outfit for a certain event.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: So it might be, for example, have a go-to outfit that you wear on the weekend when you're catching up with girlfriends for a coffee.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Have a go-to outfit for a date, have a go-to outfit for a job interview.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't have to be going out and buying a whole lot of stuff.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: I spoke to a client yesterday and she said, Oh, do you know what was a big game changer for me?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because she does a lot of work on Zoom, was earrings.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a$39 pair of earrings that we got.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, when you're on Zoom, always have earrings on, always have a lipstick at your desk.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: You'll look more polished and you'll look like you're showing up as your best self.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, It's amazing how a$39 pair of earrings.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: She said, I've had three compliments this week.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: So and once you get positive feedback, I know it's got to come from within, but we all love a compliment.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, in your experience, what's the link between this is a bit of a out there kind of question, right?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: What's the link or the connection between personal styling and personal boundaries?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: I posted recently about, you know, I lead with kindness, not because I'm weak, but because I really am anchored in who I am.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: This is who I am, this is what I accept, this is what I won't accept.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: How can our sense of personal style, our clothing, kind of play into that?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: As I said, it's a bit weird out of it.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Look, I I think your personal style, how you show up, is a reflection of how you care for yourself.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: And like it or not, and it's worse for women, we are judged, I think it's within the three first three seconds of meeting someone.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: And whether you like that or not, it's reality.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I said earlier that your style is in your control.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: So you either write the narrative or someone else is going to write it for you.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that it comes with um if you care about yourself, whether it's you've brushed your hair, you've had a shower, you put lipstick on for Zoom, which makes you look fabulous, all those little things add up to you feeling good about yourself and you caring for yourself.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: So it could just be small incremental things that you do for yourself, not for anybody else.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: But I think if you start doing that, what you reflect to the world is that you do care about yourself.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that then links into boundaries.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like I think if you're showing up as your best self, someone's less likely to push your boundaries or overstep with you because they're gonna say, Sally Ann's, you know, she's exuding confidence, and I don't know that I can mess with her so much anymore.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I've helped style people for court.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: I've worked with people going through divorce and separation, and we've worked out what are you gonna wear to court?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you've got to think that clothing can be a really successful armor.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's there's clothes that make you feel powerful, there's clothes that make you feel masculine or feminine and so on, and you can really use that to tap into give you that confidence when you're not feeling it really within.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: What about dating then?
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: So you've just Oh, dating's brilliant.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: You've dressed people for court.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: Now let's style them for dating.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, dating.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Can I give you my number one tip for women?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'll give you my number one tip for men.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: For women, off the shoulder.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Off the shoulder is nailing it every time.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you wear a top and you're just showing a little bit of shoulder, this is the most angular part of a woman's body.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's showing a little bit of skin without being over the top.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: I promise you, it's it's a it works every single time.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it lends itself to a cute little earring as well.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing over the top, you're not getting overdressed.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: You can even wear a black off the shoulder if you want to, but um, an off the shoulder is my number one tip.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: And for men, it's shoes.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: I knew you were gonna say that.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: I just knew you were gonna say shoes.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: A decent pair of shoes, it's not hard, guys.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: And also, for guys, honestly, if you look half decent, you are 99% ahead of anybody else out there dating.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: And please also, if you are gonna wear aftershave or cologne, we're not bathing in it.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a couple of really subtle yeah, because style is the whole thing, you know.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: We're not 14 with the lynx spray.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: No, with the lynx Africa, yeah.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, styling is the whole thing, right?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the inside out and head to toe.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: Nails, hair, yeah, yeah.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: That kind of leads me to the next question that I was going to ask you.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: In your experience working with clients, how can clothes and style really help shift that shift your own energy?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know, maybe from I'm nervous to I'm excited, um, from I'm scared to I'm faking confidence till I make it.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: You sort of touched on it, but can we go a bit deeper there?
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I this is actually a hard one because you and I, for example, we know each other, we have very different style.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: If I wore some of the things that you wear, or you wore some of the things that I wear, it would probably be a bit odd.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I would show up as my most confident best self because it's not who I am.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: We're all different.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I think sometimes people can get really sidetracked.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: By influencers, by their friends, someone's wearing this, I should have that.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Great style is about what suits you, what suits your body.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: We all have different body shapes.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: And it's getting to know yourself a bit better.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where it starts, and that's where I find a lot of people really struggle.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, for example, uh in the 90s, I don't know if you remember, but and I've seen them actually coming back into stores a bit, low-rise jeans were massive.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they'd almost just cover your pubic bone and then you'd have the muffin top out.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I never wore them because my figure doesn't lend itself to that, making me feel feel confident.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: And when I ask clients, what's the one thing you want to feel in your clothes?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody says confident.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: Men, women, age doesn't matter.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're trying something on, whether it's in your wardrobe or whether it's in a store, the first thing you should ask yourself is how does this make me feel?
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do I feel confident in this?
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Could I step outside and feel my best self?
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if the answer's no, it doesn't matter if someone's telling you that it looks great or it looks amazing.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: You just let it go.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to come back to how you want to feel inside.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I keep picturing you in my navy blue, orange, and aqua spotted jumpsuit, and it just doesn't work, right?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't, but it looks amazing on you.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: And whenever I see you in it, you just radiate.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what good style is.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, Elise.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: Looking back at your own journey, what has personal styling unlocked for you in your own life in life transitions?
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's when I look back on photos of me during my life and my style, and some of it I think, oh, that's horrendous.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: But it I've I've always felt that style is an evolution, not a revolution.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's some, it's a way that I express myself.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: I can pinpoint times.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: If I look at photos, I can think I was feeling really good there, or I was in a really good place there.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: I can tell through what I was wearing, I could tell by what how I was carrying myself.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: There were moments I know when I was going through divorce and separation and postnatal depression.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: I wore lots of turtlenecks, lots of black, lots of grey.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't like to wear things that showed my body.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um and it was because I was, as I said earlier, I was just trying to get through the day.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: I would never have worn red lipstick at that time.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Never.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: And now I love wearing it.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I I think it's sometimes you're just in that space and it doesn't last forever.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I think style can actually help you come through that and fake it till you make it.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: But then you start, once you start getting compliments and you start feeling good in your clothes, you do treat yourself better.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of people will say to me, Oh, I'll come and see you when I've lost five kilos.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll say, That's fine.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: I can make you look five kilos lighter if you want to, just by what you're wearing.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: And sure enough, then they start getting compliments, they start feeling better in themselves, the weight comes off anyway.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing some of your personal journey.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: And to finish, can you share with us?
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say a bad date moment.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I know that you're currently single opting in and out of dating across, you know.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'll I'm gonna I'm actually gonna reframe that, sorry.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um because I don't think I need to say currently single.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um okay.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for sharing some of your personal journey and insight.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'd like to finish with asking you about a bad date moment.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: Now that can be a bad fashion styling, personal styling date moment or some other experience.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: Can you think back to a bad date moment and share it with our listeners?
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was this was last year, I was on the dreaded apps.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: I matched with this guy who wasn't really my type, but he what he'd written in his profile was fantastic.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: He responded with really considerate messages.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: We had a phone conversation, he he had we had a great conversation, and then he asked me if I'd like to have coffee, and I said, sure.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: So he organized the place, which was quite inconvenient for me, but he organized it and I went along with it because so far I hate saying this, but the bar's pretty low at the moment, so so far he was doing some you know good things.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I show up for the date and I was going to see a client afterwards, so I was dressed as I normally would.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: It was a 38-degree day here in Melbourne, quite unusual.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: We met for a coffee, and I was he was already sitting there.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: I could see as I was walking towards the table that he didn't look like he did in the photos.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um and and look, that's not everything, but so I just thought, okay, I'm I'm here, I'll just sit.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, you know, when you go to those cafes and the menu is scanning a QR code, so he had his phone out and he hovered his phone over and said, Oh, what are you having?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Oh, I think I'm just gonna have a soda water, it's because it's so hot.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, What are you gonna have?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, A chai.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: So he did do with the phone, and then a few minutes later the chai arrived and the soda water did not.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And he looked at me and he said, Didn't you order your drink?
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I sort of thought, not that I expect a guy to pay, but my I guess my dating rule is if I invite someone out, I'm gonna pay.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: If they invite me out, they should pay.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: But the fact that he just didn't even like it, it left me gobsmacked.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, he'd already scanned the QR code right in front of me.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: I know, and said, what are you gonna have?
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: So so that was pretty bad.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and anyway, unfortunately, I wish this is where I stepped into myself more because I should have just left.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to be there.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like at this point, he'd done so many things on that date that I don't I don't agree with lying.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a certain look, present yourself as that.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a certain age, present yourself as that.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: So he'd already messed up in my mind, and I should have very politely said, listen, I think this is this is not gonna work for me.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: But what did I do?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: I sat there and ordered myself a soda water, and it's an hour, I'll never get back.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, a couple of days later, he sent me a text saying, um, that was the perfect way to start the week off.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: When are we gonna do it again?
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: Needless to say, there wasn't a second date.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it's it's remote- I thought you were gonna say something about shoes.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like I really thought you were gonna speak.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't even see the shoes.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um my worst, my worst bad date moment was I actually arrived at a guy's house.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, don't ask me why, this is like breaking all the rules, and this is a hundred years ago, right?
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_01: Over 15 years ago.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: Arrived to pick him up to go and have coffee.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_01: I know, breaking all the rules, right?
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and he walked out to my car barefoot, no shoes.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when I should have said, see ya.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, he clearly didn't listen to this podcast.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: No, yeah.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um is there anything else that you would like to share with listeners?
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, the thing that I want you to share with listeners is how they can connect with you.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I have a lot of uh content on my Instagram page, which is Lisa Stockman Stylist, and I have all my packages information uh on my website, Lisa Stockman.com.au.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I'm also on LinkedIn and Facebook as well.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll drop links to all of those bits and pieces in the show notes.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: So if anybody wants to reach out and connect with you, they can do that.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Lisa Stockman, Queen of Personal Styling, for joining us today.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: Really?
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks, Ali Ann Hartnell.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: I loved it.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: I hope you enjoyed the conversation between Lisa and myself.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: You can connect with Lisa via the links to her Instagram and website in the show notes.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_01: Do reach out.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: She shares a whole lot of really valuable content free on her Instagram.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_01: And if, of course, you would like to connect more deeply with me, there's always a link in the show notes to book an intro call and we can have a chat about doing some of the inside work as you navigate separation, divorce, reorganising life afterwards, so you are more than ready to work with Laces Dokman.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: As always, thanks for being here.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: Bye for now.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, divorce coach and strategist, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_01: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love or benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get in the ears of a whole lot more people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_01: Until then.