Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How a narcissists gets you to feel safe with them

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How a narcissists gets you to feel safe with them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about why you feel safe with a
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  narcissist or toxic person, why you feel safe with them, why you
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  trust them. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom, welcome back y'all. Welcome back, welcome back y'all
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  see the, the, the new studio. I'm in Houston, my Houston
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  studio, my Houston, TX studio actually leaving today.
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  We'll be back soon for our next in person workshop.
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  We're going to play another one in Houston pretty soon y'all.
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  But yes, narcissistic people, toxic people, abusive people.
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  Why the hell do you feel safe with them?
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  Why you help? Why in the hell would you feel
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  safe with somebody that's that's harmed you right now?
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  You might have originally felt safe with them, but why did you
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  feel safe with them in the first place?
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  You see what I'm saying? Because narcissistic people,
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  y'all get into your heads. Narcissistic people, it's kind
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  of like like ticks. They Burrow.
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  They Burrow into your psyche, they barrel into your into your
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  heart, they Burrow into your mind and whatnot.
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  They Burrow like they literally like ticks and they want to be
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  into your life. They want to be involved in you.
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  They want you to trust them. They go above and beyond doing
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  the love bombing phase to get you to trust them.
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  There's a woman, there's a woman.
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  I just, I literally just responded to this story on my
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  other channel, right on my other Lee actions YouTube channel.
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  And I told her, I mean, she said the story and she's like her
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  narcissistic ex. He's a recent ex.
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  He said that she told, he told her up front that he used to
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  beat all of his exes. He said I used to beat the asses
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  of my exes. I broke their ribs.
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  I did this, I did that, blah, blah, blah.
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  But I'm not going to do that to you.
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  And I'm only telling you this so you'll trust me.
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  Like what? He literally told her about all
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  the horrible stuff that he had done to people in the past to
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  get her to trust him. And she said, yeah, I loved him
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  for that. I trusted him.
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  I felt safe with him because he didn't have to tell me that.
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  That's how some abusive narcissists will get over on
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  you. They will share information with
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  you that they didn't have to do. They will share things with you
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  that they didn't have to share with you.
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  They will tell you something that they didn't have to tell
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  you so that you feel safe with them, so that you trust them.
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  That's what a lot of narcissists and people will do.
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  They'll be there for you. Like, yeah, I know narcissists,
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  a lot of narcissists lack empathy, right?
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  Some of them have no empathy. So they'll do things.
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  They'll do things in the beginning, it's like vulnerable
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  stuff. They'll be there for you when
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  you need them in the beginning sometimes, like if you just get
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  to know this person, they'll be there for you.
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  They'll tell, like they'll, they'll hug you, they'll kiss
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  you. If you lose somebody, you lose
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  your pet. You lose a pet.
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  You if you just got to have a breakup, right?
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  If you're in a vulnerable place because you just got broken up
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  with, you just got cheated on it, you just got divorced, this
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  person is going to try to be an empathetic person for you or
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  give you a shoulder to the crown or something to bounce on.
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  You see what I'm saying? Or they'll try to bounce on you
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  if you get my dress. That's the type of stuff that
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  will happen. They do this type of stuff when
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  you're in a vulnerable, vulnerable position.
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  When you need someone, they are there for you so you feel safe
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  with them or, or, or sometimes this is your friend.
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  There's so many people who go from just dating and may not
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  they go from being friends with this person.
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  We've been friends for 10 years. We've been friends for 20 years.
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  We've been, we've always been friends.
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  They've always been there and then it just so happened that we
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  were both single and then we started dating and I
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  automatically trusted them. I felt safe with them because
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  they've been, they've been one of the constants in my life for
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  30 years, for 10 years, for 15 years, however long I've been
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  friends for the last five years. I've been through so many
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  breakups and this person is always there for me.
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  So now we just, we just decided to give it a try.
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  So you give it a try and now you hate it that you hate this
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  person. You give it a try.
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  Now you can't stand this person. You give it a try.
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  Now you like I said a lot, a lot of this stuff is going on.
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  You give it a try. You try with this person, I'm
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  just like, and so you feel safe with them.
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  Sometimes the safety is already built in.
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  Sometimes the safety and why you feel safe with this person is
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  already built into the relationship.
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  It's already built into the dynamics.
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  It's already built into the space.
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  You feel safe with them because they've done stuff to make you
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  feel safe with them like they've already been around you.
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  They do stuff for you to trust in the beginning, like they've
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  already been your friend. They're already they already
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  they go to your church. This is the person who goes to
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  your church and that's, that's how that's a lot.
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  I want to get up and jump out this chair right now because
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  that's how they get a lot of y'all the church boy, the church
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  stuff. This is how they get a lot of
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  y'all right here. They go to church with me.
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  They went to my church. Y'all be trusting?
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  Yeah, I don't know. The religious stuff is one of my
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  triggers. The religious stuff is
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  absolutely one of my trigger points.
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  Like I cannot stand a fake ass religious person.
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  So y'all will see these people in church.
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  You meet these people in church. It might be your pastor, it
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  might be the pastor's brother or sister or somebody.
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  It might be the, the, the Deacon or the first lady, whoever it
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  is, do you trust these, you trust this person because they
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  have this religious back. They have this, they have the
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  religious backing, they have religious backing.
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  They have the trust and need. They have, they have this stuff
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  going for them, right? This is how stuff goes.
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  This is the mindset, This is the mentality and how it works.
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  Like you trust them. You feel safe with them because
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  you're in the church. Like who the hell.
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  Like they didn't, I know this is gonna sound funny, but they,
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  they didn't catch on fire when they walked into the church.
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  So they must not be evil, right? They must be safe, right?
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  They didn't burst into flames. They're not on fire.
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  They're not screaming and yelling.
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  Their head is not smoking. So they must not be evil, right?
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  That's the space that so many people fall into right there.
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  You trust them. You feel safe with them because
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  they come from a place of safety.
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  You should feel safe in church. You shouldn't feel safe with
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  somebody that works with you. You shouldn't feel safe with a
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  doctor or a firefighter. They have a you feel safe with
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  them because they have a job of protecting and serving.
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  They're a nurse, they're a doctor, they're a firefighter,
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  they're a pastor. You see what I'm saying?
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  They're communal. Communal narcissists exist.
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  Y'all communal narcissists or narcissists in they donate to
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  the charity they run a they run a non profit they give that
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  gives books to the needy or fees to the homeless, whatever.
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  They do this type of stuff, but they're evil.
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  They have dark hearts and they do this type of stuff.
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  So you trust them. There's no way that this person
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  is abusive because they they feed the homeless.
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  There's no way this person is abusive because they do this,
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  they do that. There's no way this person is
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  abusive because they have this good job.
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  There's no way this person is abusive because they go to
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  school, they go to church, they do this, they do that.
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  There's no way this person is abusive.
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  So that's the space that so many people fall into right there.
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  You trust them and you feel the same with them because they have
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  this backing. It's kind of like they have a
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  card. It's like here's my card, you
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  know, here's my card right here. Here's my here's my here's my
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  good person resume. Read it.
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  You know what I'm saying? I write yeah, I write everything
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  in my remarkable too, in my remarkable tablet.
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  I love this. I haven't got the new one yet.
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  I didn't get that new one, but this is my remarkable writing
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  tablet. I'll see that thing right there.
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  I love it. It's my electric.
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  It's literally just my writing tablet.
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  But this is how some this is stuff that people fall into
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  right there, right this. I'll be wanting y'all to win.
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  Like just because they come from a place of being good.
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  They have a good job, they have a good career, they have a good.
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  When I say good, I mean just not making money.
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  I mean, it's a good, it's a good backing.
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  It has a good, it has good. It has good connotations to it
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  and whatnot. My connotation might be the
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  wrong word, but it has a good reputation.
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  Like I was, like I said, a firefighter or police officer.
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  They're protecting and serving somebody in the military.
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  You see what I'm saying, Somebody that drives ambulances
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  or the school bus driver, whatever it is like somebody
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  that volunteers to drive the school bus even though they're a
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  doctor or surgeon, you know, the person driving a school, the
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  school bus driver is a surgeon that just, they were out of the,
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  they were out of the, they didn't have enough drivers.
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  So here, here, here they are, right.
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  This is the stuff that happens. So I'll be rooting for you.
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  I really, really do. I'll be rooting for y'all.
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  I want y'all to win. I want y'all to understand it.
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  This is This is why you trust them.
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  This is why you feel safe with them because they, like I said,
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  that's why I tell people, take your time when you getting to
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  know somebody, when you're just like getting out there into the
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  world, when you're just out there trying to do this, trying
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  to do it. When you're just getting out
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  there getting to know this person or getting to know
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  anybody for that matter. Just understand that they're
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  going to be manipulators, they're going to be abusers,
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  They're going to be toxic narcissistic people out there
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  that do this evil stuff that are just evil Incarnate and their
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  goal is to just get into your life and hurt you and harm you.
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  Now some of them, not everybody has the same goal, y'all.
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  I'm not saying that every single narcissist is going to be evil,
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  but I'm saying there are a lot out there that have this
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  mentality, that have this mindset of, hey, I'm going to do
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  this, I'm going to do that. I'm going to be a horrible
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  person to you. I'm going to say this horrible
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  stuff to you. There are a lot out there that
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  will absolutely say and do that type of stuff.
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  So again, you have to be prepared for it.
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  Take your y'all, take your time, set the set boundaries.
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  Will everybody like so will everybody respect your
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  boundaries up front? No, no, no, no.
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  Will everybody violate your boundaries up front?
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  No, not every narcissist is going to violate your
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  boundaries. And when you if you set them,
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  not every narcissist is going to be the same.
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  Some narcissist are going to respect boundaries at first,
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  then they get you to trust them and then they they start, they
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  start doing that type of stuff because they will respect
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  boundaries up front sometimes just to get you to lower your
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  guard, just to get you to let your walls down.
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  And when you let your walls down, boom, they got you.
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  You mean they respected boundaries at first?
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  Well, they did respect my boundaries at first.
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  Sometimes it takes a while to out them.
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  Use the word no, say no make them.
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  Sometimes you have to make them feel rejected because you don't
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  really know somebody until you live with them, until you reject
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  them, until they are angry, you see them angry.
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  There's so many money is involved.
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  There's so many different things they have to happen in these
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  spaces and whatnot to help people to help you understand
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  what you're going through and who you're dealing with.
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  It's just, it's just just the, the truth right there.
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  There's so many people out here. I'm not saying that they're
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  aiming to hurt you and harm you, but there are some people that
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  absolutely are. Their goal is to hurt you and
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  harm you. But like just when you feel safe
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  with them, y'all too, when you feel, if you feel safe too fast.
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  I'm not saying that every relationship is going to be
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  toxic when you feel safe too fast, but just take your time.
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  Say no if you see a red flag, if they tell you a sob story.
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  I'm going to say this as well. Some narcissists get you to feel
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  safe with them by telling you a vulnerable story upfront.
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  That's kind of like trauma dumping upfront where they'll
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  tell you about some type of childhood trauma or something
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  that they that they've experienced.
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  They'll tell you about some type of hardship that they've
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  experienced to get you to your lawyer guard to get you to trust
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  them to get you to feel good about the situation, right?
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  That's the type of stuff that they will do.
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  They absolutely will. So take your time, get their
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  trauma dumping too early. Take your time.
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  If they tell you deep dark secrets on a first or second
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  date, take your time. You have to.
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  That's something that you have to do y'all.
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  But anyway, y'all, if you haven't already, make sure you
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  hit that subscribe button. Hit that subscribe button.
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  I appreciate every single one of y'all.
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  And as always, y'all and tell them this is peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:21
  to the channel. Help us reach more people and
• 11:23
  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse to
• 11:25
  another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.