Latest / Tea Time w/Amie & Bev / Episode #176: The Power of Surrendering to Change

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Episode #176: The Power of Surrendering to Change · Tea Time w/Amie & Bev

0:02
Hey, everybody, welcome to tea time with Amy and Bev. Good day,
0:06
good day. How's it going? Well, I'm alive. What does
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that even mean? Because we never really die. But anyways, anyways,
0:19
back to the live part. Oh, I've not been feeling I went home,
0:26
so I got I have a full time job now, and I went
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home Friday not feeling well. I slept from twelve thirty pm Friday afternoon until
0:36
about nine am Saturday morning, and then slept like most of Saturday as well,
0:44
off and on feeling tons better still nasally, but I know it's has
0:51
to do with my schedule being turned upside down, so when you're working from
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home. I had this schedule and now they have a full time job.
1:03
I was trying to maintain manage that full time position and the commitments that I
1:12
still have in my business and putting other things aside, which included not meditating.
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I mean it was the seventh of September before I realized I hadn't read
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my card, my you know, my monthly card that I have hadn't read
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that. Like, all these things were getting put aside. So it's like
1:34
overdoing and not overdoing for sure, and not giving an attention to my other
1:45
needs. I totally hear you. I think I think us a lot,
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huh. I've been getting up I like four four thirty so I could get
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some of my business stuffed before going to work all day and then get home
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at night and the dinner and the home stuff. So it's been it's been
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a huge I'm still adjusting, let's put it that way. I'm still adjusting.
2:15
It's been a well and for me, even I noticed before starting a
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new job, it's even if you're familiar with stuff, even if you have
2:23
ways of doing things, you know that you have these natural skills and abilities
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to for your advertisements, putting up information, and like all of a sudden,
2:30
all these things, sending out emails, all this stuff, plus your
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classes, all that stuff. It's it's like that's all daunting stuff. It's
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it's overwhelming and we get lost. And I think that's you're saying all this
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stuff. And I don't work for a full time job, but it's like
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I keep myself busy with my massages and then my grandkids and then scotsh Most
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of the time I'm not getting home till after four or four thirty. Anyways,
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it's like I'm going to a full time job and you're exhausted when you
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get home. So I don't meditate, you know, I haven't been doing
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it. When I do do it, it's amazing because you know, but
3:07
but it's having the time to do that. But back to that new jobs.
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The new job takes everything from you, and it takes your focus,
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It takes your I mean, it takes all your senses, it takes your
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complete attention. So you're you're like you are now put aside to the side
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burner, right, You're you're you personally aren't. And then this is what
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happens, not saying that we bring it on ourselves, but if we're not
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listening to the little subtle hints ahead of time, the body gives us that
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break that we need. And you obviously needed that break. You obviously needed
3:36
that much sleep, because we just can't lay and sleep like that unless we're
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exhausted, unless we're that exhausted, honestly. So that's a lot. So
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it just kind of goes to show you where you were at so much putting,
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putting ourselves so much. And then I'm learning something, you know,
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I'm listening to different people speaking and we really almost need permission from others for
4:00
able to step forward. And that's why a lot of times were that permission
4:01
for others to step forward and say, you know what, I've got to
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do these things for me, I still have to meditate. I'm gonna have
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to put these other this other stuff's gonna have to go on the back burner
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to where I have time, because I know how I had to call in
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Thursday because I had to have the day. I I don't call on very
4:18
often, but I had to. I had a headache. Every time I
4:21
got up to go move around to do anything. My headachoe get worse.
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If I was just sitting here, I was okay, but getting up and
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moving around, it was just miserable. So it's like, okay, So
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but I had to honor myself. Normally, in the past, I would
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afford myself to go to work. Obviously, things are a little bit differently.
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I have control this as my schedule, so I can change these things.
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But I also know when I change the one, I have to find
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a place to put them, you know, because I don't like putting people
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off. If I'm booked out a few weeks, I don't like to put
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them off a few weeks later after they've been waiting for this appointment, so
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finding places to put things, and then in realizing we kind of got to
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step aside sometimes when we're the teacher or when we're the guide for other people
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because they either need to go looking for another instructor, a teacher, or
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a counselor or a guide or coach or whatever you're looking for, because they're
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for whatever reason, not growing any further. For where they're at. They
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got where they needed to from whichever person, and it's time for them to
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move on. And sometimes and I was told this recently because if I maintained
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massage and I keep seeing these certain people, I'm not allowing them to I'm
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not setting them free for them to go find another teacher. They've they've grown
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to where they can grow, right, so it's time for them. And
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a lot of times it's we get into this comfort place, which is kind
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of way off of where you're going going through. Well maybe not you were,
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I don't know, but we're getting this comfort place, and it's so
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easy to stay in that space than it is to go do any of the
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other things. It's just so easy, and it's we're just we're I'll go
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back to the permissions. We're looking for the permission from someone else to say,
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hey, it's okay. I listening to I hadn't listened to Mark the
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Michael Bernard Beckwith being interviewed by Alex Ferrari on Next Level, So I don't
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know if you've already listened to that. I listened to part of it,
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and he says, I what did he say? He said something along the
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lines that he says, I became what I thought I should be for everybody
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else. So we've got this doing, we've got these thoughts, all these
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things that are not even ours, and it's almost like we need permission to
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drop those things, like hey, hey, you're holding on all the stuff.
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It's not yours for us to be able to move forward. But we
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don't know what that looks like. So we know that we've got to have
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the job. And that was easy. That's easy for you to go until
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we know there's a lot of information that's flowing for you. We know there's
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it actually opened up. You've got your blue shirt on today, but to
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open up like the throat shock or even more, and it that creativity right,
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So then it was a creativity that was more funneled than one direction instead
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up in a few different directions. And that's since we've talked about that,
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I've been excited about that. I'm kind of going all over the place.
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But it's kind of it seems like one thing kind of goes to the next,
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and I'll figure out how it all ties together. Probably the conversation that
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we're all lucky. But you know, I just see a lot of stuff
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that's going on with you, and I also know it's it's given me permission
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to do these things. And it's also recognizing how I've been pushing myself too
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much because I see getting up at four thirty in the morning, and you
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know what I mean, and you probably weren't going to sped till like nine
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thirty, ten o'clock at night, hopefully by that time. But I know
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you're a go getter, so it's like you you would go overdo all these
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things when it's time for just you time, And it's like, how do
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you how do you maintain a U time when you're in a full time position
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like that? Honestly, like how do you how do you do carve out
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more time? Do you do? We go back to our early conversations.
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I've got five minutes. I'm going to go take a break in the bathroom.
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I'm gonna go smoke. I'm not really gonna go smoke, but I'm
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gonna go sit in my vehicle and breathe for five minutes. Like how how
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do you? Because this is all new and I know how I've lost friendships
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starting a new job because they were upset because I didn't have How can you
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didn't call me? It's like I have been going like NonStop a new job.
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You don't have time to do any of that stuff. Maybe I did,
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but I didn't know how to make time for it. I just knew
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what was expected of me, which goes back to that conversation. We've always
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been doing what others have expected of us instead of what who are we?
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What do we really want? And then we we we put ourselves into these
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positions like we've thinks that we have to do these things in order to get
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these other things. And it's it's like the whole it's the whole United States.
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You know, I want to say United States, but because I think
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that a lot of it is here, It's it's supply and demand creating more
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things for us to want, for us to buy, for us to beyond
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credit cards, for us to have to work, you know, sixty hours
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a week because we I used to do it. So it's like it's there's
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just a lot, there's just a lot of different directions we can go with
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this. So it is a lot. It is it's going out feels like
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you have like a lot on top. So I don't know if you feel
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like you just have a lot on top of you right now. Yeah,
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And but like I said, my schedule, my whole entire schedule has been
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turned upside down. And so doing the best I can right now, And
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that's what we've always told everybody, do the best you can right now.
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And if that means when I go pee, that's when I take two three
9:30
rounds of deep breathing, that's it in that moment. But you know how
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many times day do I go pee? I don't know, ten, maybe
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more. So that's still about you know, twenty minutes so and having ease
9:46
and grace with yourself as you're navigating something new. You're also moving through the
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process of we've talked about this last week is grieving the loss of what was
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and stepping into what is now and just moving through it. I'm not I'm
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not I don't have any I'm not feeling like sad or remorseful or or anything
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like that as far as my business goes, because it is for now.
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This is what I have to do for now. And you know, I've
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been talking about leveling up. When the universe thinks it's time for you to
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level up, you fucking get right into a position where you're gonna learn,
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right, You're gonna You're gonna learn, and then that's gonna be one more
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thing you can teach. So I know it all's gonna happen for a reason,
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and I'm just being open to how it transforms and how I navigate it.
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And so far I've done really good. I just again just not listening
10:56
to my body and trying to overcompensate for the things that I saw have commitments
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too, but at the same time feeling some freedom in the idea of I
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don't have this huge long to do checklists that I had every day, and
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so I'm just I'm just learning. That's what I where I'm at right now.
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I'm just learning, and and so that's it just is right now.
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Nice. I heard someone talking the other day about traumas and how we've all
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been in traumas. We've been, we've been, you know, surviving in
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traumas our whole lives, that we've forgotten what it feels like to be in
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that space of just joy. And so I was hearing then, So then
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the next thoughts that my mind went, she was like, how do how
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do I surrender to Like how do I how can I have more joy in
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my life? Like what does that even look like? Because we're familiar,
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I'm we're familiar with traumas. We're very familiar with traumas. So it's like
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I started asking myself those different questions, and I've even started asking I'm back
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to the heart stuff, like I probably I probably could go back to through
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videos and figure out, you know, this is where I was at.
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While I'm back to the heart stuff. It's all about the heart. It's
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all about love. It's all about love. Everything that we do is all
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about love. If if I'm aunt always going through the space of love,
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I'm always going to see the bigger picture always, because otherwise it's a limiting
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picture. And it's that's why I say the permissions I listen to these people
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and it's like, why didn't I, How can I haven't thought about this
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stuff before. It's like it's someone presented this idea like it's some sort of
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a miracle, which it is another miracle that we probably overlook so many times
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as a miracle, because it is a miracle for that stuff to come forward
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like that. It's very freeing and very releasing. I listened to other Next
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Level Soul interview and it was with Mary Read and she's like the beginning of
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the and I wouldn't watch it for some reason. I was every time I
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would see the video, it's like I'm not watching that. I'm not watching
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that. And yesterday it's like I'm like, okay, Universe, you know,
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show me something that I could listen to that that's gonna really reach me.
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It's gonna touch me, it's gonna help move me. And then I
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this video shows up again and I'm like, okay, well I got nothing
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to lose, and I turn it on and it's like I love her voice.
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I absolutely love her voice. I had I had I had a client
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with the same voice, the same patterns, the same like the intellect,
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the I don't know it's just it's like juicy. It's like it's I don't
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know, it's just so weird for me. But I was listening to her
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and it's like all the experiences that she went through, and it's like she
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says, I quit everything. You know, we're we're wanting all these big
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aha moments and all these big, huge things, and it's like she had
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these big, huge things and then she didn't know what to do with it.
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She had no the talk to she had, there was no she didn't
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know, you know, where to go with it, to the point where
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she's like, okay, I'm giving up. She took a bunch of sleeping
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pills and three glasses of wine and like that was it. And she said
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she woke up two days later, you know, having some issues, but
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but she was still alive and realizing it that wasn't her path to go out
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that way, but having such grand visions of you know, for hers,
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it was like even waking up like all of a sudden, she's in Jesus's
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body while Jesus is on the cross being crucified. Can feel this, can
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feel all the people that are around this person and then being yanked out like
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all these things that she was experiencing, experiencing bodded like before it was every
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even document and her written about from her perspective, from this is her,
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her her information, that's download her and I would say, yeah, please
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sign me up. But then you hear the other side of her like talking
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about it, and it's like, you've got to integrate the stuff. And
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it's like we've been listening to all this stuff for so long, and now
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it's a matter of integrating the stuff I'm you know, doing, you're doing
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it all in a daily life. Now you're integrating all the things you've been
15:05
doing all day long. Really, that's pretty phenomenal. And to even get
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into a space where you can be utilized that way that you have, like
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where you might have had you might have been sitting in a room and saw
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maybe two doors in front of you and then you know, maybe the third
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one was open. Now you can look around you there's all kinds of doors
15:24
opened. So it's oh, it's like you've just taken a step from one
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stepping stone to the next. It was part of the progression. It's not
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this is not a going backwards at all. This is totally a progression,
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but it's like you hear all this stuff and then we don't know, like
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she says, she says, I quit. I quit everything, I quit
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trying. I quit. The thing for me is like I had a comment.
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I had a conversation with a friend last night. We were texting back
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and forth and I and a realization hit me was I always felt like I
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had to know everything. I had to know everything since I was a kid,
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Like, how is that even possible? From from my adult mind right
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now? That is not possible. Even in my adult mind, there is
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no way I could possibly know everything and then to know everything about every type
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of career if it's here to know, it's just not possible. We can
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connect into that information and have we have access to it, but to know
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everything that I put such a responsibility on myself, it makes me like want
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to cry. It's why why would I Where did that come from? I
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don't know where it came from. I haven't gotten that answer. But it's
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like it's so crazy to me for that to be in my experience, for
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that to be all of a sudden, the aha, our realization and it's
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like wow. But it's like all these videos, it's all these little things
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that we're being guided to me seeing you how how you're handling and you're going
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through your experiences, talking to people that are coming into my experience and and
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bringing in new people, and then what being like so surprised by these new
16:51
people that show Up's like, oh my gosh, you are like right on
16:53
the same level. You're like not the same level. Sounds like that we're
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on different levels, and we don't you know, it's we're just resona with
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some people more than others. This would be a better way of saying.
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It. Really residentated with her, and it's bringing such a valuable information to
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the group, like to everybody, to us, to the world, and
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it's like that's the same thing that we're doing every day, but we don't
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ever I don't I don't ever sit and celebrate it, like, hey,
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look what you did, Like you showed up today. You didn't know what
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the hell was going to go on, but you still showed up. So
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it's I find it this. There's so much interesting going on. But the
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one that has really gotten me is really nice, and I just touched it
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last night, was that I felt like I had to know everything, even
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to the defensiveness, like even to all this stuff. I don't I don't
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know where I picked it up from. Why it was there, could have
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been from another lifeline, don't even. I have no clue, but I
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just know I've just thought there, Well, if you think about it,
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when we are children and we did things wait, I mean if like,
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if you're an abusive type of environment, why did you do that? Don't
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you know better? You know those types of things. So it's before you
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were even starting to say that, that popped in my head and then you
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said, I was like, oh, that is so it. Yeah,
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So it's just the things that the messages that we received from childhood. And
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then so if we don't know better, then we're gonna get in trouble.
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So again they're not good enough. I'm not well, I don't I didn't
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know, no, because I didn't have the answer, I didn't do it.
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Right now, I'm not good enough, so I'm not loved and accepted.
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And then that just snowballs into our adulthood and then not even really having
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a concept of how that has affected my adulthood, and like all the way
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up to right now, like I don't even I can't even fathom right now
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how that's of an area that could have encompassed in my whole life, you
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know, and controlled my whole life from that one experience. And so when
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we're saying that I noticed it, like Colton's very literal, I don't notice
18:53
if I haven't really noticed that vivious she might be. But I'm almost wondering
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if all kids are literal. So once one says something like that from an
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adult, you know, the adult perspective to the child perspective, we're taking
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these words so literal. That's like you should know, And it's like,
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oh, fuck, I should know these things, and I didn't know.
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And I've watched the correspondence between moms and the kids and they'll say, now
19:21
you know better. You aren't supposed to do that, you know. I
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hear the conversation. I've seen it too, and it's like they'll ask a
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question and they'll answer and they'll say yes, like they understand, but they
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don't really understand, not from the perspective. How could they possibly ever understand
19:36
from the perspective of a human experience that's been here all the way up for
19:40
thirty years, versus a human experience this has only been here between four and
19:44
six years old. You know, there's a huge gap. The understanding is
19:48
going to be totally different. When we say, do you understand as the
19:49
adult, we have a whole different perspective. We'd have a whole different We've
19:53
got a freaking huge ass book that we could pull out right now and reference
19:57
it all the way back to such and such. They don't have that.
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So when we asked them those kind of questions and they say they understand,
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because they think that they should. They already think that they should know the
20:08
freaking answers. They already think that they should know better, and they don't
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know better, which creates more confusion. It's so crazy how we even ended
20:17
up here. But this is us. I mean, this is the way
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the conversation's going. It's like afterwards where I'm like, holy shit, did
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you see all that stuff that was flying by? Because it's like I've barely
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cut it off the car partner of my eye. But it's it's crazy to
20:30
me. It's crazy to me. And then right now even having this conversation,
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because I can I can visually see how it all happened, how it
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all trickled down, how it started from me, And now I can even
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see it all the way back to being in trouble when I was a kid
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that I should have known better, because when they were kids it was the
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same thing. Well, and the answer to the question is do you what
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did you say you should have known better? Do you understand me? Of
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course the answer is yes when they don't know, because if they say no,
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what's the repercussion of that? You know, yes, you're right,
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and then what is a repercussion of that? Well, you're then you're made
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to feel bad because you don't know and you're not. It's no one sits
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down and says, well, listen, Amy, this is really what's going
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on, and that you know I say, no, one does that.
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I do that. There's a lot of us that do that. And so
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it's just being that person that's going to be that ripple that however, we're
21:27
going to show up right because we're always showing up. That was that one
21:30
thing that Mary Reid said, We're always showing up. It's what are you
21:34
putting out every day? We're contributing to our society. We're contributing to our
21:38
day, We're contributing to those around us, We're contributing to everything. What
21:42
are you contributing, so it goes all the way back to I mean,
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all this kind of is encompass because if we approach it from the peaceful side,
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if we can approach life from a moving meditation side, that's that would
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be the practice right to even be able to go into a job and still
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be able to move through it with moving meditation. I don't know how to
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do that. I haven't received that training I had. I had to take
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a freaking Thursday off so I could, you know, reset, and I
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hadn't been around a lot of stuff. But there's it's just that different between
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I always want to say it's from being in town to being out out of
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town, but it's not. It's when I'm going to town, I'm constantly
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go, go, go, go go, and I'm not allowing myself that
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slow grace and ease of receiving all this great information of how to take the
22:27
next step, when to take the next step, Watch out for this,
22:30
look for that. You just get I got, I get into that,
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you know, just jump on the hamster wheel and then you totally forget all
22:37
about yourself. I totally understand it. I have been doing it, and
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it's I guess I it's learning out, learning how to have time for that
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all day long. I know, like we've already mentioned that, mentioned about
22:49
the bathroom, you know, taking that time, taking some breaths. But
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it's it's like doing this on a regular basis. It's like also doing meditation
22:56
and knowing meditations for you. It's not a punishment. It's not something you
23:02
have to do. It's not I mean you can or you can skip it.
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It's totally up to you. How do you feel? Does one make
23:07
you feel better than the other. We're back to that conversation, so it's
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all it's all connected. Yeah, it's pretty interesting how we how we show
23:19
up in all these different scenarios. And I have to say so in my
23:27
perspective of having this full time job, of course, I went through the
23:33
grieving part of the change. And I have noticed that when I'm getting ready
23:41
for work, getting ready for the day, going to work, like there's
23:48
no remorse, there's no regret, there's no sadness, there's no our guy
23:52
gotta go to work, there's there's none of that. It's just like,
23:55
oh, I get to go do this now. And i'd been I'm gonna
24:02
say it's been a challenge. The first week was a challenge because I was
24:06
working on a program that I'm not familiar with. And on Thursday I figured
24:12
it out and I was so proud of myself. I texted my boss,
24:15
I text a coworker, I'm like, I did it, you know,
24:18
And I was so excited. And then it was Thursday night that this stuff
24:22
starts settling into my body. And Friday, I went to work and I
24:30
just I just told my boss, I'm like, listen, I don't think
24:33
I'm going to make it through the day. And there has already been one
24:40
lady who had called off on Thursday, and there was other people that she's
24:45
aware of that were being sick and stuff, and not in our office,
24:48
but just people she knows, and she goes, well, sometimes you just
24:55
need to go rest. And you know how comforting that was to hear that,
25:00
instead of having some kind of a guilt trip put on you or or
25:06
well you just started, you know, justifying the fact of taking time off
25:11
when you just started a job. And I didn't. And then in previous
25:18
years and my old self I would have I probably would have suffered through it
25:26
and stayed the whole day. And I think that's that's a big accomplishment for
25:32
myself too, is to speak up and say, don't I don't think I'm
25:36
gonna make it. So I can either stay here and be miserable and sick
25:42
and possibly infect other people, or I go home and rest and got over
25:47
it. Like these are those were the two options. There's no other option.
25:52
And for her to just say, well, sometimes you just need to
25:56
go rest, it was giving me permission to be okay with that. But
26:03
the fact that I even used my voice to speak up, so I mean,
26:10
that's that's big in itself. That's huge, really is it is huge
26:15
because I would go to sick, I would go to work sick all the
26:18
time. I did too, and we I would always have the hope that
26:22
someone would say go home right, and and most often that was not the
26:26
case. Nope, So it is it is. That's that's just awesome.
26:33
I find that completely awesome. Another thing that you found out about yourself.
26:37
Another thing that's like such a pat yourself on the back check of saying,
26:41
because it really is, that's because we don't a lot of times, we
26:47
don't speak up for ourselves, and thank god you did, Otherwise you could
26:49
have been it could have been a lot worse, honestly, So I I
26:56
mean, there's still things to celebrate, and I'm super grateful for it all.
27:00
So this is just this is an adjustment. This is an adjustment.
27:07
It's okay, Yeah, it's okay. That's awesome. So you know,
27:15
people who have their crazy lifestyles, whatever that might look like. Maybe you're
27:22
a caretaker and you don't ever get time for yourself and you know, you
27:26
think, well, here's Amy and she's teaching this, but she doesn't live
27:32
my life. You're absolutely right. But I have always said do what you
27:36
can. I've always said that, do what you can. And even if
27:41
it's when you go to the bathroom and you sit there and take a couple
27:42
rounds of deep breath and that's all you can do, at least you're doing
27:47
something. So that's where I'm at. I'm doing what I can for now,
27:56
and over time, I know it's gonna it's going to evolve and change,
28:00
and I'm I'm gonna grow with it. Because don't you feel like you
28:07
needed that, you needed to break, You needed a break from from everything.
28:12
It's like a reset you're getting, You're being recalibrated. Yeah, yea,
28:21
even all the way up to being sick, right, because all the
28:22
way up to being sick is even though you're resting and stuff, you're still
28:26
you're releasing a lot of stuff, yeah, coughing, sneezing, whatever,
28:30
however it's been going. And then of course with all the blooms, there's
28:34
so much balloomed out here. It's like with all the rains that we've had,
28:37
we've had such new blooms. Freeman, his eyes are so bad,
28:42
they're just you know, he's just really been struggling with that. And then
28:47
taking all the stuff. It's it's for me. I would be like,
28:52
hey, go look in the book, but it's not some people are not
28:56
always, you know, are ready to look at that stuff. Because I
29:00
know there was a lot of times I look at it and be like,
29:02
well that none of that means anything to me. So or actually I've read
29:06
some of the stuff to him and he's been like yeah, and I'd be
29:08
surprised, right because it's easy for me to assume that he wasn't having those
29:12
experience. But it's just I just find it kind of there's a lot going
29:17
on right now. There's a lot going on, and for you even for
29:19
you to sit start having symptoms Thursday kind of just kind of gives me an
29:23
idea. There's a lot going on, even for another person that had went
29:26
home Thursday. So energetic wise, there's been there's a lot of stuff going
29:30
on, and we really we if we approach you with grace and ease and
29:34
realize that, you know, sometimes this stuff happens, and sometimes we need
29:37
it. We need the break. Gosh, there's been times that I wanted
29:41
to be sick just to get the break. Honestly, it's not ridiculous and
29:45
sit think about that out loud because I'm I'm sure I'm not the only one,
29:48
but wanting to be sick so you don't have to go to work instead
29:51
of just being like I'm not going to work, I'm calling it today.
29:55
But it's like it was not in my nature to call in. It was
29:57
because I wasn't trained that way. I was not trained that way. Forever
30:00
and ever I didn't call in for a lot of jobs. And then and
30:04
then it's like, you know, now I'll just do it when I need
30:08
to, but I also recognize I need, you know, needing the time
30:11
off, needing time for myself. And then recognizing also when we're trying to
30:18
get like, for you everything just like all this stuff happened Boom boom movie.
30:21
You just went right into the job. And then it's like I've got
30:23
I was selling something on eBay. It wasn't work and right, and then
30:26
I find out from people that it's totally different these days. I don't even
30:30
if we're supposed to say anything about these kind of any other companies. Good
30:34
lord, So we'll leave that alone. We'll carry on. But needless to
30:37
say, nothing gots sold. So it's still sitting in my house. So
30:41
it's also I also am recognizing if it's not that I'm giving up easily,
30:47
but I'm also knowing that that's not the path, that's not the path of
30:49
least resistance for me. So I'm there's a lot of stuff that I'm recognizing
30:53
right now and what I want, you know, everything that we're experiencing,
30:57
only it helps us to kind of redefine exactly what we want, how we
31:03
want our life to go, because we're again we're the creator of this and
31:07
for me, for me right now, it's surrendering, opening up the heart,
31:11
its surrendering to joy, it's it's it's finding out as many ways how
31:15
can I do that? I heard someone say something and like, how can
31:18
I get to know God more? Well, God's within all of us.
31:21
Get to know yourself. It's like getting to know myself, getting to know
31:23
God, asking the questions how can I get to know God more? Because
31:27
all these things kind of lead in a different direction. And I also feel
31:30
lighter about stuff. And then for me, it's also learning to let go
31:34
of a lot of these spears. And I think it kind of goes with
31:37
that whole knowing thing too, like thinking you have to know everything, but
31:41
taking a leap of faith and knowing when to take a leap of faith because
31:45
I think it. I think in a lot of ways, it was a
31:48
leap of faith for you to to put yourself out there to say, hey,
31:52
this is this because like your soul knows you, your spirit knows It's
31:56
like you're being guided in a direction for a reason. And that you took
32:00
that you you stepped on it even and then had to release had a grief
32:05
release before that even happened. And it wasn't just for that, It was
32:07
that grief is for so many things that you got to release from your cells,
32:13
from your body. It's pretty phenomenal. It is pretty phenomenal. I
32:20
was listening to another person that was talking about how we receive trauma and so
32:24
getting our butt spanked, and you know, all that stuff that from from
32:29
a child standpoint can be traumatic. That's trauma, and all that energy that's
32:34
coming at you, that energy is now stored in the body, because when
32:37
you're a kid like that, you don't know what to do with that information
32:38
that just came flown at you. Because whether it's words or music or TV
32:44
or energy or or the act of whatever's coming towards you. Even sexual abuse,
32:49
it changes everything. It's a trauma. And now that trauma is within
32:52
your body until you're able to until you have the tools, you've gathered enough
32:58
so you can evolve and move past all this stuff. So there's just a
33:00
lot. There's just a lot. It seems like going on all the time.
33:05
And I feel like we're all going through a lot of this stuff,
33:07
and it's for the evolution for all of us, because we don't want to
33:10
feel the same way we've been feeling for a long time. So this is
33:14
just one way to kind of point us in the direction. And just like
33:17
for you it's pointing in the direction. It's a direction which feels good.
33:22
And then you've got the relief of knowing that there's funds that are coming in
33:25
to take care of these other things, and that gives you peace. What
33:30
does peace give you? It gives you gives you the possibility for more information
33:35
to flow into It gives you the possibility to open up your hands to receive
33:38
more because you're holding on so tight to everything that's coming in right now because
33:42
we had to pay something or and I've been there my whole freaking life.
33:45
That's why I say we know struggle, we know trauma, we know all
33:50
that stuff. I don't know joy. I don't know joy, even if
33:53
I have experiences here and there of joy, which I'm not even sure I
33:58
could. I'm sure I have, there's got to be. Don't remind me,
34:02
But you know what I mean, I'm not that familiar with it.
34:05
I'm familiar with trauma. I'm familiar with struggle. I've been doing, you
34:08
know, I grew up in it, and it's been that way for a
34:12
long time. And it's like, Okay, well, how can I be
34:14
different than that? I don't know yet. I don't know because I'm still
34:17
on a daily basis figuring out what do I want, what does it matter
34:22
to me. It was a big deal for me for doing massage, just
34:24
to go from the black slacks that I would always wear with a certain tops
34:30
and all that stuff in all business too. I decided I'm going to be
34:34
comfortable. I'm comfortable with my leggings. I can squat down, I can
34:37
get up because I do lunches. Basically when I'm doing a massage, if
34:40
I'm doing a glide, there are certain areas I'm working on. I'm in
34:43
a lunch position, I'm in a squat position. So there's a lot of
34:45
things that I do that makes it comfortable for me. That was like frowned
34:49
upon from school. That's someone else's expectation of how things should look. I
34:53
don't really care for me. It's I want to feel comfortable. And so
34:58
these are those little that's a tiny thing that it's only a tiny aspect of
35:02
how we've been kind of corralled and guided on this journey. And I say
35:08
corraled and guided because we've taken in consideration everybody else's opinions and their feelings about
35:14
how we should be and how we should live our life. I was listening
35:17
to that Michael Bernard Beck with and he's like it was he was a kid
35:21
walking up and he could see his uncle and he says, my uncle thinks
35:22
i'm his, you know, nephew, and my grandma thinks I'm her grandson,
35:27
and my mom thinks I'm her son. I'm not any of those things.
35:30
We're so much more than those labels. Were just so much more vast
35:35
than all that. And it created a confusion with him because he had a
35:38
greater understanding at that stage of life. And then what happened is he kind
35:43
of dimmed his light so you could you could be ever what everybody wanted you
35:47
to be, because that made them happy, and if that made him happy,
35:51
then that made you happy. But then we're constantly looking for, you
35:54
know, doing tricks to make someone happy, to make us happy. It
35:58
was it's such a vicious cycle, and it was always us to do it
36:00
for ourselves. But we didn't. We weren't taught that way. We were
36:04
taught outside of ourselves. And I know we've talked about all the stuff.
36:07
It's just refresher stuff. Really well, you think about business too, that
36:13
back in the day in our generation, and before it was suit and tie,
36:17
it was dress and heels, it was you're right dressed to the nines.
36:22
And now here we are today and you see these business influencers Hie Dollar
36:30
making millions, wearing jeans and T shirts on stage. Yeah, they're comfortable,
36:37
just like the way you're talking about. They're comfortable that what's important is
36:44
the value that they're contributing. So I mean Dean Graciosi, for one,
36:52
he he says like he has a bunch of black T shirts and jeans.
36:58
I mean he doesn't have to think about what he's going to wear that day,
37:02
right, I mean, how I know I spend a lot of time
37:05
in my closets stand and they're looking at my clothes, going, oh what
37:08
am I going to wear today? And so how much because they're very you
37:14
know, business influencers, they're very mindful of what they do at their time,
37:22
and they want to think about what they're wearing. This is it so
37:29
to you know, when I first heard that, and I'm thinking, man,
37:31
how many? How many? How much time do I spend standing in
37:36
my closet thinking about what I'm gonna wear or figuring out what I'm gonna wear.
37:39
It's a lot. It's a lot. So so I just found that
37:45
interesting when that was presented to me. And even women women are changing that
37:53
up, like they show up on stage and what they're comfortable in, not
37:59
what is expected of them, which I like. Again, permission, right,
38:04
it's just people around us giving us permission to be ourselves. Well,
38:07
we don't need the freaking permission, that's the crazy thing, but we rely
38:10
on someone else giving us permission, just like we were still here and our
38:15
parents are still running our lives, but they're not. But we're still in
38:20
that mindspace. A lot of us are still in that mind space. And
38:22
I'm and I would say I thought I was further and further away from that,
38:25
but then I find little things and they're nuggets. I'm not unhappy about
38:30
finding these things because it's like it's nice to though I always felt like I
38:32
would do something wrong. That's where you know, I was defending myself all
38:36
the time at the time, and I'm sure that defensiveness came from you know,
38:39
just you did that to your sister, but didn't they didn't really see
38:43
what happened. And then I got in trouble, you know what I mean,
38:45
because I'll guarantee you that I did that with my kids. I'll guarantee
38:50
you some kids are really good at better than other kids. That's like really
38:53
pointing the finger. And I can tell you I've seen it between my grandkids
38:58
too. So it's it's like it's a it's a thing that doesn't have to
39:02
be a thing, and we don't have to have permission to stop doing it.
39:07
I was asking. We have our families, parents and everybody have different
39:13
rules. But it's like when when you come to my house, there's different
39:15
rules here, you know what I mean. We're it's not like it's where
39:19
it's harsh, but it's like if you want to if you want to dismantle
39:22
something, go ahead and dismantle it because you're gonna put it back together again.
39:27
Because this is their kids. Kids need to take things apart and put
39:30
them back together. They're toys and stuff, and it's like I tell them,
39:31
if you want to break them, then you can play with breaking,
39:35
breaking with broken toys until new toys come in. That's fine because they're making
39:38
a choice. They've got to make a choice. It's got to be up
39:40
to them where they're gonna take the tires off their vehicles and swap them around
39:45
and if they get lost, they get lost, who cares then keep the
39:47
car? It's it's their stuff. It's like it's not a big deal.
39:52
But I find that when we've got kids out there that have been so micromanaged,
39:57
they're now becoming parents that are micromanaging the children. That is extremely frustrating,
40:02
not only for the child but for the parent because the child's never going
40:07
to do it's never going to meet the expectation of this perfection that the adult
40:10
has because the adult can't even meet that expectation of that perfection. They can't.
40:16
But it's an ongoing thing. But it's up to each one of us
40:21
to see it within ourselves, not to go point fingers at someone else and
40:24
say, hey, listen, this is I can see what you're doing.
40:27
Your luck could be so much easier if you weren't doing this. I don't
40:30
know. I would never receive that information growing up. One night I was
40:34
raising my kids. I would never have received it, which is because that's
40:38
where I was at, because I was defensive, because I was trained that
40:43
I should always know, I should always know all the answers. So it's
40:45
like I didn't need to listen to anybody else. And I used to always
40:49
say I know, I know, And sometimes I'll still say it, but
40:52
then I, oh, no, I'll catch myself and I'll be like,
40:54
do I know? Sometimes it feels like I do on that instance, like
41:00
like practicing. So here's another thing. We've got all this stuff out there.
41:04
Anybody that wants to practice on their mediumships, abilities, on their channeling
41:08
abilities, on whatever whatever, We've got all this access too. We've got
41:13
life. We've got all this access all day long. If I get a
41:16
message from someone, I'm holding my phone, I'll get a couple of visions
41:20
of images of someone that might cross through my mind and then it's like,
41:22
oh, that was Amy, and I look at my phone. It was
41:25
Amy. Okay. I didn't have to call anybody and say hey, guess
41:29
what. No, it was my confirmation for myself to help build up my
41:31
own confidence. Right. That's for me, and I'm doing this all the
41:36
time. But we've got life that's around the corner. I mean, we've
41:37
got it right in front of us all day long. We can practice anything
41:40
we want to do all day long. It's just what are where we're putting
41:44
our energy into my energy it's been all over the freaking place forever. I
41:50
don't, I really it's crazy. Another that's just like trying to micromanage children.
41:55
It's crazy, it's not comfortable, it doesn't feel good, it's just
41:59
it's crazy. So I'm learning to be I'm learning that I don't want it
42:05
to be like that. I wanted to be more defined. I want to
42:07
have an idea what I'm doing, where I'm going to go to, what's
42:12
going to make me feel happier, finding out what those passions really are.
42:15
So like all these things, everything that's been happening in my life has only
42:19
made me ask for more. It's it's only brought to my perspective that,
42:23
hey, I was comfortable. I'm not comfortable with that anymore. I want
42:27
more, and that's all right. We've been trained to think that that's not
42:29
okay to ask for more. It is okay. What's the worst it can
42:32
happen? Someone says no, okay, Well, then okay, universe,
42:37
which direction then do I go? Because there is a yes right around the
42:39
corner. Yeah, And that takes that takes surrendering, right, That's what
42:45
I had to surrender to. It say okay, where what's my next move
42:51
Where do I go now? So, which means you can't be busy,
42:55
right, You can't keep you, you can't be distracted, you can't keep
42:59
yourself in it in a busy state of mind and trying to make everybody else
43:02
happier around you and listen at the same time. You just can't do it.
43:07
Yeah, so you gotta listen. So interesting. I also wanted to
43:12
share with you because we do BEV and I. We do a twelve month
43:16
spread on our cards, and we do that like in the end of December
43:20
beginning of January of each year. And un til I just said this earlier
43:25
when we first started, it wasn't until like September seventh that I realized I
43:30
hadn't read my card for September, and my card for September says part of
43:36
it is seeds well planted, a temporary pause and action unnecessary worry, And
43:43
I just thought, isn't that interesting? Wow? Wow? I thought,
43:52
wow, if that's not validation or confirmation, and I don't know what is
43:58
so and I didn't read it. So I didn't read it in August.
44:02
I didn't read septembers in August. I'm focused on August card, and then
44:10
all this transpired. And because I started August thirtieth, I think it was
44:16
August thirtieth, my new job, and I didn't read that art until September
44:22
seventh. Wow, which is funny because for mine, it says balanced,
44:28
that's my cards thing, right, And it's also says heart in conflict with
44:32
the mind. So what I've been focusing on has been my heart. I
44:37
mean it's been really heavy, like it's constantly I say heavy. That is
44:42
not the right word. It's very, very prominent on my mind. It's
44:44
been my focus. It's been my it's been in my experience. People are
44:47
coming to me, that are around me is bringing more of that information forward
44:52
for me, And it says to make it it's everything would just be fine
44:55
if you would just make a decision. Yeah, I get that a lot.
45:01
And then it's but us knowing where to make the decision, what you
45:05
know how to make the It's it's all these little facets instead of taking the
45:08
leap of faith, right, which I get that card for leap of faith.
45:12
I'm like, okay, tell me, show me what what am I
45:14
lead? What's the leap of faith from? I mean, what am I
45:16
leaping? From What's I mean? Because to me is you're leaping from one
45:21
space to another? Am I leaping from massage? Am I leaping from a
45:23
relationship? And am I leaping from my vehicle? Do you know what I
45:27
mean? There's so many, so many ways that I could look at that.
45:30
So it's like not not knowing for sure? Well, how do we
45:32
learn to know for sure? How do we know for sure? It's thru
45:35
meditation. It's through meditation. It's ridiculous, so stupid notice giving me it's
45:43
so stupid, But so it is amazing because I did the meditation. One
45:49
of my meditations last week, I was shown myself as an energy being,
45:53
like an energy, just energy. I was just energy, and it was
45:58
a shape of a person that I would tell you that it's a shape of
46:01
a person, no hand, no fingers, but have the shape of the
46:05
hands, no hair, but the shape of the head. And like a
46:08
firebody, that a fire electric energetic body. That's how it don't mean?
46:14
And since then it'll pop into my mind and it's like then I get excited
46:20
about these kind of things because I'm like, okay, so if I can
46:22
if I'm visualizing myself or seeing what I'm perceiving to be my higher self that
46:28
this is this is just this energetic I'm a this energetic being. That I
46:34
can be this energetic being at any because I'm the only thing that keeps me
46:37
separate as me thinking I'm just human. But I'm not just human. I'm
46:42
also this energetic being. And from that energetic being, what does that mean
46:45
to me? That means to me that I can I can touch someone and
46:49
I can heal them. I can. I don't have to have a reason
46:51
why. And and gosh when I say that when you touch someone shield that
46:57
maybe you have a judgment in your mind that they're they're not well, or
47:00
do you you know what I mean? It's because that's kind of kind of
47:02
like a judgment. Or is it just always just touching people from a space
47:06
from the heart, from a love? Probably probably more that way, because
47:08
if what would my energetic being be would be a love, so it would
47:13
always be from a space of love. So everything that I would do would
47:16
be from that space of love with everything. But it's to be that energetic
47:21
being or to be an awareness or recognize and allow that being to be in
47:25
this process in this human experience, to fully live this experience how I intended
47:31
to live it before I came here, But to live it that, to
47:36
be in this space of joy, to be in joy? What does that
47:38
even look like? Like? I can't even fathom what that looks like.
47:42
I have zero clue. And so I'm excited because life has asked, has
47:47
has guided me to ask these questions for myself, and it's I'm excited because
47:53
I don't know what that looks like right now? So is that part of
47:55
my leap? Was that? Was it just a change of thoughts? Like
47:59
it's seriously, and I'm thinking about massage. If I thought about leaving massage,
48:02
Am I leaving massage? From? Am I leaving the old me behind
48:07
in that massage? And then continue youing massage? Do you know what I
48:10
mean? It could look totally different because from that energetic being, what does
48:14
that energetic being want to do? And so for me now, it's it's
48:16
doing the same thing that we've we've been talking about. It's surrendering, right,
48:21
it's not being I don't have to have everybody else's permission. I can
48:24
just surrender. I can surrender. And what does what does that life look
48:28
like? For me? It's not going to make sense to somebody else.
48:30
It's only going to make sense to me, and it's not supposed to make
48:32
sense to somebody else because we're so amazing that we could be so unique in
48:37
each one of our experiences as a single person here, even though we're all
48:42
connected. It there's just like it's there's just a possibilities are endless. It's
48:47
just whatever you want it to be. So from having that experience of you
48:52
know, me not wanting to meditate, but doing it anyways, it was
48:54
awesome. And for me all it was was sitting there. I closed my
49:00
eyes, I wasn't focused on any meditation. I didn't set a timer.
49:02
I just sat there and experienced how did my body fill right at that moment?
49:08
What where was I being pulled to my body? Whether I was having
49:12
I have mosquito bites too, so I don't know. I haven't been able
49:14
to find out what that means. But I also know you've got something that's
49:17
gotten a nervous skin. I've allowed something under my skin, so you know,
49:21
with all that being said, but I've I've given myself my self permission,
49:25
not needing it from somebody else. I've given myself permission to go ahead
49:30
and take this move forward. But it's like the universe is the one that
49:32
keeps showing me this image of a light body, like a body that's doing
49:37
things. And so to me that again I'm going back to that is just
49:42
freeze me up and I can do anything like I can do anything. I
49:46
just need a little bit of new tools. And I think that's all from
49:50
the heart space. Well, and then people need to understand that in surrenders,
49:55
you're letting, letting go of control, and that's super difficult for somebody
50:01
who's out of doesn't feel in control, like if they're there's certain aspects that
50:07
they feel that they can control. Surrendering might be a difficult task, but
50:16
really we don't have control of anything outside of ourselves. We just have control
50:21
of what's going on within ourselves. And that leap of faith, like your
50:25
talk about, is surrendering control. So when we say surrender surrendering control,
50:35
I mean I had no idea what it would looked like for me to get
50:37
a full time job. I explained to BEV that I had a certain a
50:45
certain way I was viewing it. And then this when I just said,
50:50
okay, Universe, where am I Where should I Where could I be the
50:55
best right? What could I help me here? And so then this position
51:01
opened that I have. Now it's been great. I have a flexible schedule
51:07
of a a great environment. I'm utilizing my tools that I have already from
51:17
my business. So it's it's when I surrendered that control and my idea of
51:23
what my job was going to look like, something amazing opened up. So
51:32
just be mindful of that. It's just surrender is an interesting word, and
51:37
so is faith. So and I have the acrimonym for faith is finding answers
51:45
in the heart. Nice I like it. Yeah, as you were talking,
51:54
I thought about we've been micro managing our inner child. Yeah, having
52:01
it. We're no different from something that I'm seeing outside of us. It's
52:07
it's actually withinside of ourselves. So until I can deal with me not micromanaging
52:12
my inner child and me allowing my inner child just to be, then it's
52:16
not going to reflect to me on the outside that way, because what's reflecting
52:22
to me from the outside of me is what's within inside of myself. That's
52:28
a realization I just just goawned on me just now. So again I could
52:35
sit there and be a victim or a victim for somebody else or whatever.
52:38
But it's it's it's not a matter of that. It's like, how is
52:40
it shown up for me? How is it helping me to evolve? Because
52:46
we have these askings, so we've got answers that are coming forward, so
52:50
we can bring forward the stuff that we don't want to have inside of us
52:52
anymore. It's like it's like having all this muck on your lenses and these
52:55
little things come up and you just wipe it away, you know, you
52:59
take take time to look at it and then it just wipes that, just
53:01
wipes it away. You've loved it, you embrace it, and now you've
53:06
got clear vision. You can see things around you so differently. So good,
53:14
so good. That's a good song. Yeah, well, I think
53:22
we we've covered a lot of stuff in this past hour, maybe not quite
53:28
an hour. Do any other final words that you might have. It's the
53:35
same thing that I would have left off with last time. It's it's really
53:37
all about love. Honestly, the if I wasn't in a space of love,
53:43
how could I have just now have this experience in front of you,
53:46
seeing that it's not something that's outside of me, that's happening with my grandkids
53:51
and adults around them. This is something that's this is coming from within me.
53:54
It's only showing up for me. It's like it's like it's like project
53:59
your hearts projecting onto a video screen right in front of you and showing you
54:02
exactly what's going on within yourself. But from that space, a lot of
54:08
times, that's where the defensiveness will come up again. That's where the victim
54:13
will come up again to want to fix things. The fixer comes up again
54:15
and wants to fix things. And it's like recognizing that we're always planning seeds
54:20
all along, and that those seeds we think that we're planning them outside of
54:23
ourselves right now is what my mind's telling me. But we're not. They're
54:28
not being planted outside of us. They're actually being planted withinside of us.
54:30
So we're like, oh, well, hope she listens. I at least
54:34
plant some seeds. That's like us saying right to ourself in a mirror.
54:37
I hope she listens, because I just planted the seeds. Our words are
54:42
value all the time, so what are we contributing? Yeah, thank you,
54:52
thank you for that, thank you for being here, and thank you.
54:59
You're welcome. Thank you first showing up when you probably could have been
55:00
in bed another day. What's you talking about, girl, It's Sunday.
55:07
Wait. Thank the audience for hanging out with us and we know you could
55:10
be doing anything other than listening to us, and so thank you for your
55:15
time and energy as well. So with that, we'll see you next week
55:19
with tea time with Amy and Bev. Bye.