Latest / Recovery Chronicles / Recovery Chronicles Ep. 187 - Sara K.

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Recovery Chronicles Ep. 187 - Sara K. · Recovery Chronicles

0:05
Speaker 1: Welcome to Recovery Chronicles.
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Speaker 2: My name is John Traig and my sober date is
0:09
Speaker 2: June seventeenth, twenty nineteen. Join me as we hear from
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Speaker 2: people who are on this journey that we call recover.
0:20
Speaker 1: Hi.
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Speaker 3: This is Recovery Chronicles, and this is Jennifer. I am
0:24
Speaker 3: the guest host for the next couple sessions where we're
0:27
Speaker 3: going to be talking about prevention in North Dakota and
0:30
Speaker 3: how parents can be involved in preventing their children from
0:34
Speaker 3: using substances. So I have Sarah with the Parents Lead program. Hi, Sarah, Hello,
0:40
Speaker 3: So if.
0:41
Speaker 1: You just want to introduce yourself and tell me a
0:43
Speaker 1: little bit about your role with the state, absolutely so. Yes,
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Speaker 1: I'm Sarah Capp. I'm a behavior or behavioral administrator through
0:50
Speaker 1: Health and Human Services, a behavior health division. I oversee
0:54
Speaker 1: the Parents' Lead program within the State of North Dakota.
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Speaker 1: And even more importantly, I am a mom of two
1:00
Speaker 1: little girls. So this program for Parents Lead is near
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Speaker 1: and dear to my heart and I truly value the
1:06
Speaker 1: mission on that we are set out to do and
1:09
Speaker 1: thank you for having me here today. Yeah.
1:11
Speaker 3: I also have two kids, which I think makes this
1:15
Speaker 3: topic really important to me as well. And why I
1:17
Speaker 3: wanted to do this series because I think us as
1:20
Speaker 3: parents don't always know like how to talk to our
1:23
Speaker 3: kids or what we can do.
1:25
Speaker 1: So tell us a little bit more about Parents'.
1:27
Speaker 3: Lead and what tools you have for parents and caregivers
1:30
Speaker 3: and what's available to communities.
1:32
Speaker 1: Absolutely so Parents' Lead is an arch to quota program.
1:36
Speaker 1: We just take practical guidance that you know, we all
1:39
Speaker 1: know and hear from everywhere the news or media, whatever
1:42
Speaker 1: that might that might look like, and help really the
1:45
Speaker 1: parents and caregivers of parents talk with their children of
1:48
Speaker 1: all ages about different challenging issues such as mental health,
1:52
Speaker 1: substance use, peer pressure. The list is endless, and we
1:56
Speaker 1: take that research and evidence and then turn that into clear,
2:00
Speaker 1: everyday tools that families can easily use. So we know
2:02
Speaker 1: that parenting isn't the same for any family. It looks different,
2:07
Speaker 1: the dynamics are different, and it's busy, there's no downtime.
2:11
Speaker 1: You don't get a whole lot of time to do
2:12
Speaker 1: the research yourself. So we try to make it digestible
2:15
Speaker 1: for parents and for them to implement in their daily living,
2:19
Speaker 1: simple tools that don't take endless hours and just little
2:22
Speaker 1: things that you can do as a parent or caregiver
2:24
Speaker 1: to help sprinkle throughout your days to really help the
2:26
Speaker 1: behavior health of your children. We also work closely with
2:30
Speaker 1: communities to help implement local efforts the best fit the
2:34
Speaker 1: families of that local community. So we try not to
2:37
Speaker 1: tell one entity how to do something, but they because
2:40
Speaker 1: they know their local communities the best, and so some
2:43
Speaker 1: communities have family outings that bring the families together. They
2:47
Speaker 1: work with local professionals to help equip them as well
2:50
Speaker 1: as schools who also promote positive behavior health within this schools.
2:54
Speaker 1: I think another critical component is it takes a village
2:59
Speaker 1: to raise a child, you know, it doesn't take just
3:01
Speaker 1: one parent. But we work closely also with professionals across
3:04
Speaker 1: the states, so school counselors, public health unit, it's different
3:07
Speaker 1: community programs to help support parents and their children. So
3:11
Speaker 1: maybe that's you know, classes that they offer, or maybe
3:14
Speaker 1: it's just a simple conversation that a school counselor is
3:17
Speaker 1: having with a parent to help them get through something.
3:19
Speaker 1: Those daily supports can really just make a huge difference.
3:23
Speaker 1: So what does prevention look like for parents and caregivers?
3:26
Speaker 1: Like what can they do to help protect their homes
3:29
Speaker 1: and communities? Yeah, prevention can be simple. I think a
3:33
Speaker 1: lot of times, as parents especially, we try to do
3:37
Speaker 1: everything that we can to protect our kids, and oftentimes
3:40
Speaker 1: people overthink it and we're already doing a lot of
3:43
Speaker 1: the things that we should be by putting those protective
3:44
Speaker 1: factors in place within their homes and not even know it.
3:48
Speaker 1: So protective factors are just positive things that we can
3:51
Speaker 1: do that help us stay healthy and safe within our homes.
3:54
Speaker 1: So even when we're dealing with stress or challenge, think
3:58
Speaker 1: of them like a safety So things that you can
4:01
Speaker 1: do every single day to help support your children their behavior, health,
4:05
Speaker 1: and their overall well being as well. So simple things
4:08
Speaker 1: like role modeling, positive behavior, having everyday conversations, which I'm
4:13
Speaker 1: sure we'll talk a little bit more about here, and
4:14
Speaker 1: the importance of conversations, but just that simple engagement and
4:18
Speaker 1: support and being there for your kid is critical to
4:22
Speaker 1: those protective factors and helping the early onset of you know,
4:25
Speaker 1: behavior health conditions down the road. So there's a lot
4:28
Speaker 1: of research too about how important those simple conversations can
4:32
Speaker 1: really impact the child's behavioral health. Awesome, So why is
4:37
Speaker 1: it important to start conversations about al cahol and drugs
4:40
Speaker 1: early with teens and kids. It's a good question. There's
4:44
Speaker 1: really no set time, like you know, it's not saying
4:47
Speaker 1: that you have to do it by the age of
4:48
Speaker 1: five or your child is going to use substances. There's
4:51
Speaker 1: no perfect time either. Parenting isn't perfect. It's a little
4:54
Speaker 1: messy from time to time. I guess I could say
4:56
Speaker 1: that about myself. I don't know about everybody else. But
4:59
Speaker 1: what's important is that you can create an environment where
5:01
Speaker 1: that child feels safe and support it, and they can
5:04
Speaker 1: come to you with those questions and conversations as they grow.
5:08
Speaker 1: So when you're having a child, a conversation with a
5:11
Speaker 1: child who's maybe eight, it's going to look a lot
5:14
Speaker 1: different than a child that's eighteen, and those protective factors
5:17
Speaker 1: that you put into place are also going to look
5:19
Speaker 1: a little bit different. So the more conversations that we're
5:22
Speaker 1: having over time, the better outcomes that we're going to
5:26
Speaker 1: have to help support your child's behavior, health, and they
5:29
Speaker 1: just become really more aware of the risks of alcohol
5:32
Speaker 1: and drug use and how that impacts your life. The
5:34
Speaker 1: more conversations that you have. The key is also to
5:38
Speaker 1: keep your conversations and tone age appropriate and open young kids,
5:44
Speaker 1: they often need just simple, clear messages, while teens maybe
5:47
Speaker 1: more space to process, ask some questions. You know, they
5:51
Speaker 1: see and hear a lot of more things from social
5:53
Speaker 1: media and their friends, peer pressure. It's all a little
5:56
Speaker 1: bit different as they're older, but no matter the age,
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Speaker 1: just makes sure that your goal is always the same
6:01
Speaker 1: the same by helping them just really feel safe and
6:04
Speaker 1: that they can come to you with anything that they
6:06
Speaker 1: might again, like I said, see or hear and anything
6:09
Speaker 1: they want for their clarity on that you're open and
6:11
Speaker 1: honest with those conversations. Yeah, I think one thing that
6:15
Speaker 1: I had read and researched was to be open and
6:19
Speaker 1: honest when you're talking to your kids. So for example,
6:23
Speaker 1: like the nineties message was like don't do drugs, your
6:27
Speaker 1: skin's gonna fall off, whatever, All this stuff is going
6:30
Speaker 1: to happen to you. But then if the child does
6:34
Speaker 1: try marijuana or i'lcohol and they're like, oh, this actually
6:38
Speaker 1: feels good.
6:39
Speaker 3: My parent was lying to me versus like how I've
6:41
Speaker 3: explained it to my daughter is you know, like some
6:45
Speaker 3: of these things make you feel really good, or people
6:48
Speaker 3: think they make them feel really good for just a
6:50
Speaker 3: little bit. But like Thenett you don't feel good anymore,
6:55
Speaker 3: and then you get addicted and all those things like right,
6:58
Speaker 3: not lying and saying like, oh, this is it might
7:02
Speaker 3: feel good at the moment, yes, yeah for sure, so
7:06
Speaker 3: that they kind of know that you're being honest with yeah.
7:10
Speaker 1: Yeah. So and my kids are young, I mean, but
7:13
Speaker 1: and you know, they don't see beer very often, but
7:16
Speaker 1: they know what beer is. They know about bars, and
7:18
Speaker 1: it's how do we have those conversations when we're at
7:20
Speaker 1: a family outing and they see advertising for this and
7:23
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, is that a Is that a type
7:25
Speaker 1: of beer? And you're like it is and then just
7:27
Speaker 1: you know, it kind of gets that natural environment too,
7:29
Speaker 1: so it's not so luxury, right, and it just kind
7:33
Speaker 1: of opens up those conversations about it and yes, adults
7:35
Speaker 1: can do it, and and yeah, starting those conversations early.
7:39
Speaker 1: So yeah, we've definitely had conversations. My daughter's eight, and
7:42
Speaker 1: she has a lot of questions.
7:44
Speaker 3: Right. Well, we've talked about like I'll call and how
7:50
Speaker 3: like some people can have just a couple and feel fine.
7:54
Speaker 3: Other people like that can be really addictive for them.
7:57
Speaker 3: They can't stop, and it's always really bad for kids' brains.
8:03
Speaker 1: So she cannot have it. Yeah, I see. So.
8:06
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were at a park recently and she saw
8:12
Speaker 3: what I later figured out was a cigarette butt on
8:15
Speaker 3: the floor, but she just started yelling, it's a smoker,
8:18
Speaker 3: and I thought she was talking about a person, and
8:20
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, my goodness, I is.
8:22
Speaker 1: So Yeah, there's no adult for them. Sometimes it's wild.
8:26
Speaker 1: And then you think about when we were growing up.
8:27
Speaker 1: You know, we had the candy cigarettes that were like
8:30
Speaker 1: the coolest thing, and now it's like, yeah, they see
8:33
Speaker 1: and hear things all the time. You know, you can
8:34
Speaker 1: watch kids movies and now alcohol and cigarettes and drugs
8:38
Speaker 1: are you know, portrayed sprinkled throughout. So it's definitely a
8:41
Speaker 1: moment a teaching on my fresh pair for sure.
8:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, even like Alice in Wonderland, Yeah, the caterpillar is smoking.
8:47
Speaker 1: Yeah. To have those conversations in the moment when they
8:49
Speaker 1: had been makes it a little more natural. Yeah. Absolutely.
8:54
Speaker 3: What do we know about how this type of communication,
8:57
Speaker 3: like this ongoing more natural communication, how can that impact kids?
9:02
Speaker 1: Yeah? As I mentioned, the communication is one of the
9:05
Speaker 1: biggest protective factors that we talk about. So, you know,
9:08
Speaker 1: having those open and honest conversations that are ongoing and
9:12
Speaker 1: using those simple everyday moments, so maybe you're cooking dinner together,
9:16
Speaker 1: maybe you're doing a shopping cost co run or whatever
9:19
Speaker 1: that might look like for your family, but use those
9:21
Speaker 1: moments to really help build trust and gently guide your kids.
9:25
Speaker 1: No kid wants to be told what to do, especially teenagers,
9:28
Speaker 1: and so just using those little like check ins can
9:31
Speaker 1: really have that big impact over time. And it's never
9:34
Speaker 1: about having one big talk, but more or less those
9:37
Speaker 1: ongoing small talks. Those small talks really add up again
9:41
Speaker 1: build that trust and really allows that child to feel
9:44
Speaker 1: safe and they can come to you when they want
9:46
Speaker 1: to have those bigger conversations. It's also really natural for
9:50
Speaker 1: teens to rely on their friends as they grow up.
9:53
Speaker 1: You know, you become in your eyes, you always think
9:55
Speaker 1: that you become less and less cool, and their friends
9:57
Speaker 1: are more of their number one influence, which isn't true.
10:00
Speaker 1: Parents are the number one influence in their kids as lives.
10:03
Speaker 1: But just to remain connected as a parent, you just
10:06
Speaker 1: want to feel that you know your child will need you,
10:11
Speaker 1: and then the more consistent and genuine conversations you have
10:13
Speaker 1: can really positively impact their mental health and overall well being.
10:18
Speaker 1: So maybe it feels like they're pulling away and they're
10:20
Speaker 1: really wanting to be with their friends more. But most
10:24
Speaker 1: kids do always need their parents and want to be
10:27
Speaker 1: able to have those conversations. So it's not about having
10:29
Speaker 1: the perfect answers. I think we all know that we've
10:32
Speaker 1: screwed up, or I say, I can say I've screwed up.
10:35
Speaker 1: There's many nights where I go to bed, I'm like,
10:36
Speaker 1: what was I thinking when I said that? Or gosh,
10:38
Speaker 1: I wish I could turn back time. But kids are resilient.
10:41
Speaker 1: You know. The more we apologize for our mistakes or
10:44
Speaker 1: not knowing things, the more they're able to pick up
10:46
Speaker 1: on that as their role model and just create that
10:50
Speaker 1: safe space for them.
10:53
Speaker 3: So we've talked about this a little bit, but is
10:56
Speaker 3: it better to have like one more conversation with kids
11:01
Speaker 3: or like many conversations.
11:03
Speaker 1: Throughout their life. Yeah? I think. Also we've heard many
11:07
Speaker 1: times you got to have the talk, you know, you
11:09
Speaker 1: got to have the talk about alcohol, you gotta have
11:11
Speaker 1: the talk about peer pressure or sex and bullying and
11:14
Speaker 1: all of these things that we need our kids and
11:16
Speaker 1: want our kids to know. But it's not it's the
11:19
Speaker 1: more conversations you have over time. About different topics, like
11:23
Speaker 1: we said alcohol, use peer pressure, all of the things
11:27
Speaker 1: that you want your kid to know before they leave
11:28
Speaker 1: the home, and protect them from just having them in
11:32
Speaker 1: a more natural environment, ongoing different environments. And it doesn't
11:37
Speaker 1: have to be and shouldn't be just the one big talk,
11:40
Speaker 1: and that can also be overwhelming. I mean, I think
11:42
Speaker 1: about learning one thing as an adult one time, but
11:46
Speaker 1: you know, you learn the things when you hear them
11:48
Speaker 1: consistently or in different avenues or from different people. And
11:52
Speaker 1: so that's why I said earlier, it really takes a
11:54
Speaker 1: tribe to raise a child. So when our communities are
11:58
Speaker 1: implementing the same values, or our school are implementing the
12:00
Speaker 1: same values, it really connects with the child that Oh,
12:03
Speaker 1: it's not just my parent, you know, it's my friends
12:05
Speaker 1: as parents. Oh it's my church group leader, it's my
12:09
Speaker 1: sports coach, or whoever that might be. That that child
12:11
Speaker 1: looks up to. The more conversations that they're having from
12:15
Speaker 1: the different people, the better. And I always like to say,
12:17
Speaker 1: it's not about the talk, but the talks that matter.
12:20
Speaker 3: Sure, No, I think that makes a lot of sense.
12:23
Speaker 3: So what can parents do over time to keep the
12:26
Speaker 3: conversation going?
12:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, a great question. I think we get caught up
12:30
Speaker 1: and trying to say the right thing at the right
12:32
Speaker 1: time to ensure that as a parent we're not screwing up.
12:35
Speaker 1: But like I said, parenting is never perfect, you know,
12:39
Speaker 1: so trying to ensure that we as parents knowing everything
12:43
Speaker 1: is it's never going to be plausible, and so parents lead.
12:46
Speaker 1: A great tool that we have here is different resources
12:50
Speaker 1: to help parents go through those those teachable moments. So
12:55
Speaker 1: use low pressure moments when your child is relaxed, you know,
12:58
Speaker 1: sitting on the couch or eating dinner. Like I said,
13:01
Speaker 1: maybe you're going out to catch a Starbucks drink or
13:03
Speaker 1: a movie or something. But using those times when your
13:06
Speaker 1: child isn't expecting like one big talk to get them
13:10
Speaker 1: to open up and feel relaxed is important. We also
13:14
Speaker 1: know that kids don't want to talk, and so there's times,
13:17
Speaker 1: again even with two younger children, that they want to
13:20
Speaker 1: sit in their room and have their alone time, which
13:22
Speaker 1: is okay. You know, we as adults need that downtime too.
13:24
Speaker 1: So if they do shut down or don't want to
13:27
Speaker 1: talk about it, that's okay. Don't take it personally. You'll
13:30
Speaker 1: have so many other more opportune times to have that
13:33
Speaker 1: conversation as they grow. Maybe it's tomorrow, maybe it's next week,
13:36
Speaker 1: maybe it's next year, you know, depending on where your
13:39
Speaker 1: child is and their readiness for it. But just talk
13:43
Speaker 1: and engage with your kids as as a time allows
13:46
Speaker 1: and as you grow with them.
13:48
Speaker 3: So I think that takes some of the pressure off
13:50
Speaker 3: the kids, where it's not this just like one big
13:53
Speaker 3: awkward talk, but also off the parent because if you know, like, oh,
13:58
Speaker 3: this isn't my only opportunity unity to bring this up
14:02
Speaker 3: and can kind of have an ongoing conversation about it,
14:06
Speaker 3: it makes you feel like you don't have to cover
14:08
Speaker 3: everything in this one half an hour.
14:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, like that, And it gives you that time to
14:14
Speaker 1: maybe they asked a question that you don't know, to
14:15
Speaker 1: kind of do a little research, talk to friends, talk
14:18
Speaker 1: to someone who might be more equipped to answer that,
14:21
Speaker 1: and come back to your child. And it's okay to
14:22
Speaker 1: tell them that too, like I don't know the answer
14:24
Speaker 1: to that, but hey, let's do it together, or let
14:26
Speaker 1: me find out and I'll come back to you. And
14:28
Speaker 1: inquiring minds are always curious minds, and so losing that
14:32
Speaker 1: is a good opportune time. And maybe you don't know
14:34
Speaker 1: how to bring up the conversation. You know. That's where
14:36
Speaker 1: Parents Lead has great tools and resources of different things
14:40
Speaker 1: that you can say. Like I said, we try to
14:41
Speaker 1: make them really digestible that parents can know here's a
14:45
Speaker 1: quote and this is what you say, or you know,
14:47
Speaker 1: are your friends using or how do you feel about this?
14:50
Speaker 1: We also have conversation starter cards too that are great
14:54
Speaker 1: for breaking the ice. You know. We again as a
14:57
Speaker 1: family of four and two little girls, we use them
14:59
Speaker 1: at the dinner table or in the car and it's
15:00
Speaker 1: just has fun little questions like what's your favorite family vacation,
15:04
Speaker 1: or you know, what's your favorite holiday, or if you
15:06
Speaker 1: could be a superhero, what would it be, and just
15:09
Speaker 1: makes it light and and more engaging for them as well,
15:12
Speaker 1: so it's not so serious all the time.
15:14
Speaker 3: We also have used the Parents' Lead playing cards and
15:17
Speaker 3: my daughter does love that's so good to hear. I
15:20
Speaker 3: think kids like to be asked their opinion about things.
15:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think as parents would be often given that
15:25
Speaker 1: lecturing mode and forget to say, hey, what's important to
15:28
Speaker 1: you or what do you think about this? So yeah,
15:31
Speaker 1: I agree a little biased, but they're great.
15:34
Speaker 3: When it comes to talking to your kids, especially through
15:36
Speaker 3: topics like substance use. Sometimes how you talk can matter
15:41
Speaker 3: more than what you say. So what are a few
15:43
Speaker 3: ways parents can make their child feel comfortable and make
15:47
Speaker 3: sure it's a judgment free conversation.
15:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really about again creating that safe space for
15:52
Speaker 1: your child. Children are more likely to open up when
15:55
Speaker 1: they feel heard and supported, hence what we just talked about,
15:59
Speaker 1: and when they can express their concerns or ask their
16:02
Speaker 1: questions rather than feeling judges are punished. I think a
16:06
Speaker 1: lot of times, you know me included, we wait until
16:09
Speaker 1: it happened and then use that as like not a punishment,
16:13
Speaker 1: but see, you know you should have listened the first time,
16:16
Speaker 1: but use that as a as a learning opportunity for
16:19
Speaker 1: the child and to really let them talk about maybe
16:22
Speaker 1: why they did that. You know, if they did experiment
16:25
Speaker 1: with alcohol, why, what was it pure pressure? You know,
16:28
Speaker 1: did you hear that it felt good or what was
16:30
Speaker 1: the reasoning why? And it's not always about being punished,
16:33
Speaker 1: but more is using it as a key time to
16:38
Speaker 1: educate that child and you know, really trying to keep
16:41
Speaker 1: your cool, as hard as that might be as a
16:43
Speaker 1: parent too, I know that sometimes it's easier said than done.
16:47
Speaker 1: But they might catch you off guard, but they're opening
16:49
Speaker 1: up to you, and that's huge for parents. A lot
16:52
Speaker 1: of times we want I mean most parents want what's
16:56
Speaker 1: best for their kids. So when you hear that they
16:57
Speaker 1: are maybe engaging in a risky behavior like drinking or
17:00
Speaker 1: substance use, you are going to panic. It's it's a
17:03
Speaker 1: you know, a way to cope with things. But open
17:07
Speaker 1: up with that conversation, like I really appreciate you telling
17:09
Speaker 1: me that, or it means it means a lot that
17:11
Speaker 1: you're comfortable sharing those conversations with me, which again, they're
17:15
Speaker 1: comfortable because you've had those conversations over time. So I
17:18
Speaker 1: feel like I repeat myself over and over in time.
17:21
Speaker 1: But conversations can go so far with parents, you know,
17:25
Speaker 1: and their attitudes and beliefs and relationship with their child.
17:28
Speaker 1: So it's just show us that you're here and wanting
17:33
Speaker 1: what's best for your child, and to not be critical
17:35
Speaker 1: of their thoughts and processes.
17:38
Speaker 3: I think having those conversations, probably way earlier than people
17:42
Speaker 3: think that they should, is important too. I talk to
17:46
Speaker 3: a lot of heart View clients, and a lot of them,
17:50
Speaker 3: I mean, some are talking out starting using substances as
17:54
Speaker 3: early as like eight or some really really young ages,
17:57
Speaker 3: and I would say the majority by twelve have already
18:01
Speaker 3: started at that point using something. So I think sometimes
18:05
Speaker 3: when people think about these conversations, they're thinking like high
18:09
Speaker 3: school sophomore, where they might want to back up a
18:12
Speaker 3: little bit and start those conversations way earlier.
18:15
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and people always have like the misguidance of if
18:19
Speaker 1: you talk about it, it's going to happen or they're
18:21
Speaker 1: going to do it. Well, it's actually the exact opposite.
18:23
Speaker 1: The more they know, the more they're educated, especially for
18:26
Speaker 1: harmful things like you know, youth drinking or substance use,
18:29
Speaker 1: the more protected that they are that they won't use it.
18:32
Speaker 1: And the more protective factors you put in place, yeah, like,
18:35
Speaker 1: the less likely they will actually engage in miss those
18:38
Speaker 1: risky behaviors.
18:39
Speaker 3: So and we talked a little bit about this with
18:42
Speaker 3: Tom too in the last podcast, but I think letting
18:45
Speaker 3: kids know too that the majority of high schoolers aren't
18:49
Speaker 3: using alcohol or drugs, so that because it sometimes does
18:54
Speaker 3: when you're at that age, it seems like everybody is,
18:58
Speaker 3: but there's this huge percentage that is not. I mean
19:00
Speaker 3: even with adults. Now, I think you assume everybody is drinking.
19:08
Speaker 3: But I think the more like people know I work
19:11
Speaker 3: at heartview, the more comfortable they are telling me for
19:15
Speaker 3: whatever reason, maybe they're sober, maybe they just maybe they're
19:19
Speaker 3: sober because of an addiction, or maybe they just choose
19:23
Speaker 3: not to for health reasons or whatever. I feel like
19:25
Speaker 3: people are becoming more comfortable saying which makes people feel
19:29
Speaker 3: like they're not alone. Yes, they're not the only one
19:32
Speaker 3: not doing ice thing.
19:33
Speaker 1: I do feel a small shift in you know, no Dakota.
19:36
Speaker 1: I'll only speak for her in Dakota, but in the
19:39
Speaker 1: people who actually aren't drinking and the change of belief.
19:43
Speaker 1: It's definitely still have a long ways to go, but
19:45
Speaker 1: like you said, there is more of a majority. You know,
19:48
Speaker 1: one out of five kids are reporting high school kids
19:50
Speaker 1: are reporting drinking. Well, that's four out of five kids
19:52
Speaker 1: that aren't. So a majority of those high school and
19:55
Speaker 1: middle school kids aren't engaging in And it's how do
19:57
Speaker 1: we connect, you know, with those kids and create those
20:01
Speaker 1: those positive relationships. Sure, so what do you do if
20:05
Speaker 1: your child shuts down or doesn't want to talk about
20:08
Speaker 1: this these hard topics? Yes, and it will happen. I
20:12
Speaker 1: think every parent can contest that they try to have
20:14
Speaker 1: that conversation, regardless whether it's to do the dishes or yeah,
20:17
Speaker 1: about alcohol use. But it happens they're going to shut down,
20:21
Speaker 1: especially when they if they feel like you're not wanting
20:25
Speaker 1: to listen to them and just lecture them. And so
20:28
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong. It just
20:29
Speaker 1: means that maybe now is not the right time. Maybe
20:33
Speaker 1: they want to try again later and let them know
20:34
Speaker 1: that that it's all right. We don't have to talk
20:36
Speaker 1: right now, but I'm here when you are ready. And
20:39
Speaker 1: so again they might not come back to you. It
20:41
Speaker 1: might be something that you have to bring up again,
20:44
Speaker 1: but just keep a door open with gentle follow ups.
20:46
Speaker 1: Maybe like I said, it's in a car ride or
20:48
Speaker 1: doing an activity together. But when they feel open to it,
20:52
Speaker 1: they will have that conversation with you. And the pressure
20:54
Speaker 1: might feel a little bit lighter too if you come
20:57
Speaker 1: back to it at a different time.
21:00
Speaker 3: These ongoing conversations, we've been talking about, what are other
21:03
Speaker 3: ways that parents can help reduce their child's risk for
21:06
Speaker 3: substance use.
21:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I mentioned earlier, we talked about a lot
21:10
Speaker 1: of protective factors. So it's just kind of like building
21:13
Speaker 1: those safety nets within your home. Another good way to
21:16
Speaker 1: do so is being a good example yourself. You know,
21:18
Speaker 1: if you're having every Friday night the friends over to
21:21
Speaker 1: play poker, or you know, going to the bar every
21:24
Speaker 1: weekend or something like that, your kids see that and
21:26
Speaker 1: they pick up on that. So being a good role model.
21:29
Speaker 1: As I mentioned, parents with a number one influence in
21:31
Speaker 1: their child's life, So modeling those behaviors yourself. Those healthy
21:34
Speaker 1: behaviors are going to impact your child's decisions as they
21:38
Speaker 1: grow up. And also getting to know your friend, your
21:42
Speaker 1: child's friends, their friends as parents, and kind of what
21:46
Speaker 1: they're doing outside of the home as well. It doesn't
21:48
Speaker 1: always have to be knowing exactly where they are when
21:50
Speaker 1: they are, as much as we want to know those things,
21:52
Speaker 1: but just getting to know who they're hanging out with
21:54
Speaker 1: and what they like to do, and being involved too.
21:56
Speaker 1: You know, I know a lot of I have friends
21:59
Speaker 1: who have a safe both that there's no alcohol involved,
22:01
Speaker 1: but it's a kid boat, you know, it's family friendly there.
22:03
Speaker 1: They know that that's a safe boat that they're that
22:05
Speaker 1: their friends can go on. And just getting to know
22:07
Speaker 1: those different activities that their parents are also involved in.
22:13
Speaker 1: Some other things. Spending quality time together can be huge
22:17
Speaker 1: as a as like mom myself, Like I said, one
22:20
Speaker 1: of our favorite things to do is you know, movie
22:23
Speaker 1: time or going to the do things that you can
22:26
Speaker 1: do together as a family. And again that looks different
22:28
Speaker 1: for everybody. Maybe it's a costco trip, maybe it's a
22:30
Speaker 1: target trip, maybe it's a you know, going for a
22:33
Speaker 1: bike ride. It's it's always different. But just spending quality
22:36
Speaker 1: time and asking your kids to what they want to do.
22:39
Speaker 1: Don't just make it always about what you think that
22:41
Speaker 1: they want to do. But even if they're into gaming.
22:43
Speaker 1: I know nothing about gaming besides the basic Nintendo, but
22:47
Speaker 1: if your kid is a gamer, pretend, you know, just
22:50
Speaker 1: pretend that you are interested in their likes and doing
22:52
Speaker 1: those quality things together because that's what they're involved in
22:55
Speaker 1: and they'll pick up on that that you're taking an
22:57
Speaker 1: interest into their activities. Also extracurricular activities. As I mentioned earlier,
23:03
Speaker 1: you know, as a trusted adult, whether that's a church
23:06
Speaker 1: group or an extra sporting event. Kids also lean on
23:10
Speaker 1: other adults and other trusted friends. As you mentioned earlier,
23:13
Speaker 1: four out of five kids actually aren't drinking or engaging
23:16
Speaker 1: in substances and so finding those groups that are positive
23:19
Speaker 1: influences on your child's life is also a great risk
23:23
Speaker 1: factor or a protective factor excuse me, that they won't
23:26
Speaker 1: engage in those risky behaviors. And it's also okay to
23:30
Speaker 1: set those rules and enforce them. You know, as a parent,
23:32
Speaker 1: you have that job too to set your boundaries and
23:35
Speaker 1: your limits within your house, but then also follow through
23:38
Speaker 1: with them. If your child knows there's going to be consequences,
23:41
Speaker 1: they're less likely to engage in those risky behaviors. I'm
23:45
Speaker 1: guilty of it, you know when I say you're not
23:47
Speaker 1: going to get this if you don't do this, and
23:49
Speaker 1: then I give it to them anyways, and then they
23:50
Speaker 1: do it again. So you learn your behaviors and set
23:54
Speaker 1: those grounds, but follow through with your consequences when they
23:58
Speaker 1: know about them. And lastly, I think one important thing
24:02
Speaker 1: going back to role modeling is also making your home safe.
24:05
Speaker 1: Not having that alcohol or other substances available to your child.
24:09
Speaker 1: So whether that's in a locked cabinet, don't having it
24:12
Speaker 1: in there, or just making it unaccessible to your child
24:15
Speaker 1: as huge too, because that's where a lot of times
24:17
Speaker 1: kids get their alcoholis from their own home or a
24:19
Speaker 1: trusted adult, So making sure that you're making your home
24:22
Speaker 1: safe is also key.
24:24
Speaker 3: What are some early warning signs that the team might
24:27
Speaker 3: be experimenting with drugs or alcohol? Are there like specific
24:32
Speaker 3: changes in behavior or what should.
24:35
Speaker 1: Parents look for? Yeah, I mean it might not look
24:37
Speaker 1: the same for every child, again, depending on what their
24:42
Speaker 1: age is or what they're used to. Those warning signs
24:45
Speaker 1: could look different for everybody, but you'll likely see a
24:47
Speaker 1: behavior change. You're going to see changes in their typical behavior,
24:52
Speaker 1: whether it's like their overall assets. So maybe they're more sad,
24:56
Speaker 1: Maybe they're feeling a little bit more withdrawn or depressed.
24:59
Speaker 1: They don't care about things that are happening around them,
25:02
Speaker 1: maybe they're aggressive. Again, that might look different for everybody.
25:05
Speaker 1: Maybe they're happy all the time, you know, maybe they
25:07
Speaker 1: are having As you mentioned earlier, you might feel that
25:09
Speaker 1: goodness come on short term, but then long term it
25:14
Speaker 1: has those negative effects. You also might see some changes
25:17
Speaker 1: in their motivation. Maybe they don't want to do things
25:21
Speaker 1: that they normally did before. Maybe they really liked biking
25:23
Speaker 1: or you know, hanging with their friends, gaming, whatever that
25:26
Speaker 1: might be, and they don't want to anymore. That really
25:28
Speaker 1: withdrawing from those normal routine activities or changes in school.
25:33
Speaker 1: You know, grades could drop, they could be not wanting
25:36
Speaker 1: to go to school, sleeping in because they're not feeling
25:39
Speaker 1: well in the mornings. New group of friends as well,
25:42
Speaker 1: you know, if you're really familiar with their friend group
25:45
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden they're wanting to hang out
25:46
Speaker 1: with different friends that you're unaware of. I think also
25:50
Speaker 1: something that people don't think about as financial concerns if
25:53
Speaker 1: they start selling things that especially that are valuable to them,
25:56
Speaker 1: like their gaming systems or clothes. You know, what is
25:59
Speaker 1: a teenagers like the fancy things, you know, the cell
26:02
Speaker 1: phones or the Starbuck Runs coffees. But if they're really
26:06
Speaker 1: starting to sell things and wanting more and more money
26:10
Speaker 1: all the time, like maybe ask that question as to
26:12
Speaker 1: as to why. Or changes in physical appearance or appetite.
26:16
Speaker 1: You know, maybe they're showering less, they're not combing their hair,
26:19
Speaker 1: they don't care as much if that's not typical for them.
26:23
Speaker 1: And so it's just really looking for changes in those
26:26
Speaker 1: overall behaviors. And as a parent, you know, you typically
26:28
Speaker 1: know what your child is usually like, so just looking
26:31
Speaker 1: for those changes, but also know that if one of
26:34
Speaker 1: those things is occurring, It doesn't automatically mean that they
26:36
Speaker 1: are engaging in substance use or alcohol consumption. That it
26:40
Speaker 1: could be a cost for concern, but doesn't always mean
26:43
Speaker 1: that they are engaging in that.
26:45
Speaker 3: So if you, as a parent notice something like that,
26:47
Speaker 3: what would your first step be.
26:50
Speaker 1: Again going back to those conversations, having an open and
26:54
Speaker 1: honest conversation. So this is where we really talk about
26:56
Speaker 1: prevention work versus like, Okay, now I think that my child,
27:00
Speaker 1: you know, drinking alcohol, what do I do? It's a
27:03
Speaker 1: time of concern. But if you've done those things when
27:06
Speaker 1: they're young, built up to you know, maybe they're sixteen. Now,
27:09
Speaker 1: if you've had those conversations, and if you again open
27:12
Speaker 1: and have a open and honest conversation with them, now
27:15
Speaker 1: at the age of sixteen, when you've head all of
27:17
Speaker 1: those precursing conversations, they might be more apt to talk
27:20
Speaker 1: to you. They might talk to you and maybe that
27:22
Speaker 1: they're struggling with something and they're using alcohol to cope
27:25
Speaker 1: or using it to you know, get something at with
27:30
Speaker 1: their friends or something. So just really keep that open mind.
27:34
Speaker 1: The more you listen, the more they're going to talk.
27:36
Speaker 1: Don't try to be the one that's going to come
27:38
Speaker 1: in and again think you know everything, but just really
27:41
Speaker 1: listen to them, and it's important to give positive feedback.
27:45
Speaker 1: We're appropriate too, So we don't want to tell them,
27:48
Speaker 1: you know, praise them for drinking. But if they are
27:50
Speaker 1: being open and honest with you, you know, let them
27:52
Speaker 1: know that you appreciate that, that you're praising their honesty
27:55
Speaker 1: and thank you for letting me, you know, have this
27:58
Speaker 1: conversation with you and for being honest with me, And
28:00
Speaker 1: it will then forecast the future of other conversations that
28:04
Speaker 1: they have to get more serious to. If there is
28:08
Speaker 1: a concern, obviously, you know, reach out to a doctor,
28:12
Speaker 1: mental health professional, or a professional substance use counselor for
28:15
Speaker 1: additional help and resources.
28:17
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think this is these conversations are so important
28:21
Speaker 3: because every the earlier kids are starting to use these substances,
28:28
Speaker 3: the more likely they are to get addicted. So if
28:30
Speaker 3: you can hold off your child from trying some of
28:33
Speaker 3: these I mean, their brains are still developing. If they're
28:36
Speaker 3: inserting these huge rushes of dopamine in their system, it
28:41
Speaker 3: does it's part of what rewires their brain to potentially
28:45
Speaker 3: become addicted down the road. So it's really this is
28:49
Speaker 3: really important stuff that you guys are doing.
28:50
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I think going back to what you said earlier,
28:54
Speaker 1: I think people were using the scare tactics. You know,
28:55
Speaker 1: this is your brain on drugs. I think it was
28:58
Speaker 1: where they smash big Yes. Yes, and maybe the scare
29:03
Speaker 1: tactics do work for people and for some, but it's
29:06
Speaker 1: not best practice and it's not what evidence based practice shows.
29:09
Speaker 1: It's really just having those open and honest conversations. You know,
29:12
Speaker 1: don't be afraid to tell them what it can do
29:14
Speaker 1: to your health. But obviously we all know that it's
29:17
Speaker 1: you know, the egg on the Yeah, the smashing of
29:19
Speaker 1: the egg is a little bit different than the true
29:23
Speaker 1: honest conversations.
29:24
Speaker 3: Well, I think too about having conversations about things they
29:29
Speaker 3: care about right now, like if you are using alcohol,
29:32
Speaker 3: you could get kicked off the football team, or you
29:34
Speaker 3: might not get the scholarship or some of the things
29:37
Speaker 3: because it's hard for them to see like oh, twenty
29:39
Speaker 3: years down the road, I could be addicted or you.
29:43
Speaker 1: Know, kids don't think like all of them in the elements. Yeah,
29:47
Speaker 1: things that they really care about, right yeah, making it
29:50
Speaker 1: relatable to them absolutely, So what kind of resources do
29:53
Speaker 1: you have for parents or caregivers who want to learn more.
29:57
Speaker 1: So our website has a great toolbox for all the
30:00
Speaker 1: different tools and resources that we have. We try to
30:02
Speaker 1: share information in multiple different ways so you don't have
30:06
Speaker 1: to sit and read a handout for everything you want
30:08
Speaker 1: to know. But as I mentioned earlier, one of the
30:11
Speaker 1: protective factors is just spending time and engaging as a family.
30:14
Speaker 1: So we make simple little activities that you can do.
30:17
Speaker 1: Maybe it's a thirty day challenge that you can do
30:20
Speaker 1: during the summer or over the holidays, just to spend
30:22
Speaker 1: quality time together. We do have the handouts of course,
30:26
Speaker 1: you know how to talk to your child about substance
30:28
Speaker 1: use or you know anywhere from substance use to suicide
30:32
Speaker 1: prevention to bullying to mental health and wellness. We have
30:35
Speaker 1: a whole variety of different things the parents and caregivers
30:38
Speaker 1: can look for, and then we also have different toolkits
30:44
Speaker 1: or activity books that children can sit down and do
30:47
Speaker 1: from early age through their teenage young adult lives. So
30:51
Speaker 1: we try to have a variety of different ways to
30:53
Speaker 1: share information as well as a variety of ages as well,
30:57
Speaker 1: so we all know what it looks different of how
30:58
Speaker 1: you're going to speak to your child, So our website
31:02
Speaker 1: is definitely a great toolbox to check out if you
31:04
Speaker 1: need or want to learn more.
31:06
Speaker 3: Awesome, Well, thank you. Do you have anything that we
31:09
Speaker 3: haven't touched on that you want to mention before we
31:12
Speaker 3: log off?
31:14
Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean just remember as a parent, it can
31:16
Speaker 1: be hard. You know, there's no right or wrong way
31:18
Speaker 1: to do a lot of the things that we do,
31:20
Speaker 1: and it's never meant to be perfect and it never
31:22
Speaker 1: will be perfect. But more importantly, it's just about being
31:25
Speaker 1: present with your child. Again, I don't think I need
31:28
Speaker 1: to say it again, but having those ongoing conversations. Kids
31:32
Speaker 1: don't want a perfect life, believe it or not. They
31:35
Speaker 1: don't need the flawless words or you know, those scripted conversations.
31:39
Speaker 1: They just need to know that you're there for them,
31:40
Speaker 1: that you're going to keep showing up even if they
31:42
Speaker 1: do screw up, because we as adults know that we
31:45
Speaker 1: screw up from time to time and admitting that as well.
31:48
Speaker 1: But every little moment that you engage with your child,
31:51
Speaker 1: you know, listening with them, asking different questions, connecting with them,
31:56
Speaker 1: it really all adds up, even when it feels messy.
32:00
Speaker 1: Are imperfect? Again, being present is more important than being perfect,
32:04
Speaker 1: and you're never going to be perfect, so just trying
32:07
Speaker 1: to build that trust and strengthen that relationship really makes
32:11
Speaker 1: the biggest difference over time.
32:13
Speaker 3: Awesome. Well, thank you, Sarah. Thanks for joining me, and
32:17
Speaker 3: check out the Parents' Lead website.
32:19
Speaker 1: It's parents Lead dot org. You a Facebook page as well, Yes, yep,
32:23
Speaker 1: it's a great We share a lot of our daily
32:25
Speaker 1: tips to you know, just little things that you can
32:27
Speaker 1: do in the moment, like right then, and there of
32:30
Speaker 1: different ways to engage with your kids, so definitely check
32:32
Speaker 1: out Facebook or parentsly dot org. Awesome, thank you, thank
32:36
Speaker 1: you for having me.
32:42
Speaker 2: Thank you for joining us on this episode of Recovery Chronicles.
32:46
Speaker 2: Find out more about.
32:46
Speaker 1: Hertkaed Kurku dot org.
32:49
Speaker 2: You keep moving forward, remembering the story is yours and
32:51
Speaker 2: you are the author.