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Monday Mini: The Value of Solitude · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome stuff. Never
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: told you a protective iHeartRadio, and welcome to our last
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Monday Mini of twenty twenty five. I hope that everyone
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  Speaker 1: is doing well, whatever you're doing, taking some relaxation time
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  Speaker 1: and perhaps some alone time, which is what we're talking
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  Speaker 1: about today. So recently, Bridget Samantha and I were talking
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  Speaker 1: about the holidays and it came up about the benefits
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  Speaker 1: of spending some time alone during this time of year
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  Speaker 1: and in general, or just taking time for yourself and
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  Speaker 1: why that's a good thing, because while spending time with
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  Speaker 1: people is wonderful and generally what the holidays are about,
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  Speaker 1: it can be a lot. It can be a lot,
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  Speaker 1: and especially if you know it's like you finally get
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  Speaker 1: time off, this time off that you had to work
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  Speaker 1: over time to get off, to take off, but then
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  Speaker 1: it's all the stress of hanging out with people, which
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  Speaker 1: again can be wonderful, is wonderful, lovely, but also that's
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  Speaker 1: your time off that it's not necessarily relaxing. So I
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  Speaker 1: wanted to talk about some of the positives of alone
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  Speaker 1: time before I get started. We're going to talk a
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  Speaker 1: bit more about this, but this is different from chronic loneliness,
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  Speaker 1: And to anyone who is lonely around this time, we
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  Speaker 1: see you. What we're focusing on today. This is an
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  Speaker 1: intentional choice of having this alone time. So traditionally there
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  Speaker 1: has been a lot of handrying about being alone, especially
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  Speaker 1: if you're single, and perhaps until recently, especially if you're
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  Speaker 1: a woman. Over the years, there have been articles about
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  Speaker 1: people eating alone at restaurants, Oh no, are going to
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  Speaker 1: the movies alone? What does it mean? And there has
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  Speaker 1: been a lot of research around the negative health outcomes
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  Speaker 1: of chronic loneliness. But again, we are not talking about
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  Speaker 1: chronic loneliness, even though people often conflate them and come
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  Speaker 1: to the conclusion that being alone equals bad. And in fact,
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  Speaker 1: I was just listening to a song where a lot
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  Speaker 1: of songs have that kind of idea of like I'm
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  Speaker 1: so alone horrible. Yes, yes, so it's reinforced in a
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  Speaker 1: lot of our pop culture. To specify, chronic loneliness is
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  Speaker 1: a perceived social isolation or lack of meaningful companionship that
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  Speaker 1: can happen whether you are physically alone or not. You
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  Speaker 1: can feel lonely in a group of people or in
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  Speaker 1: a relationship with a partner, who doesn't treat you well.
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  Speaker 1: So it doesn't mean that you're not interacting with people.
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  Speaker 1: It means you just feel inside lonely. Intentional loneliness, or
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  Speaker 1: solitude as it's often called, has plenty of benefits on
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  Speaker 1: the other hand, and there are plenty of things we
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  Speaker 1: typically do alone, like reading a book or crafting or
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  Speaker 1: going on a run. Even doing something in solitude for
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  Speaker 1: a short time, it can help you recharge, and it
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  Speaker 1: can help you with emotional regulation. It boots creativity and
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  Speaker 1: allows for self reflection. Being alone doesn't mean you lost
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  Speaker 1: your social connections either, like they don't just go away
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  Speaker 1: because you're alone, and that internal connection can actually be
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  Speaker 1: boosted by solitude because then you're like, oh, I've had
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  Speaker 1: this time, now I want to go hang out with
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  Speaker 1: this person. That being said, for a lot of people,
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  Speaker 1: this is something that they avoid at all costs of
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  Speaker 1: being alone, and that can lead to poor outcomes, like
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  Speaker 1: remaining in an unfulfilled or unhealthy relationship to avoid being alone,
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  Speaker 1: or attending event after event with people when you're completely exhausted.
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  Speaker 1: This is how I used to be, or at least
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  Speaker 1: I would be exhausted, but go to anything I was
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  Speaker 1: invited to because I didn't want to be alone with
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  Speaker 1: my thoughts. I was anxious if I had to sit
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  Speaker 1: with my thoughts, and I would get this anxiety like
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  Speaker 1: an itch in my skin. So I used to I
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  Speaker 1: would tell people, if I send you a late night
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  Speaker 1: text making plans, that means I am anxious. That is
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  Speaker 1: what is happening right then. According to experts, some of
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  Speaker 1: this is because we do fear chronic loneliness because we
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  Speaker 1: know it is bad for you and, according to some research,
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  Speaker 1: is a killer. So if you turn down plans once,
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  Speaker 1: what if you never get invited again and you are
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  Speaker 1: forever alone? And for women, being alone has long been
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  Speaker 1: painted as something wrong or deviant, strange and sad. No one,
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  Speaker 1: no men wants to be with her, so something must
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  Speaker 1: be wrong with her. That's just tragic. This is especially
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  Speaker 1: hard to escape dream holidays. We all know this, So
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  Speaker 1: you go home and they're like, who are you with now?
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  Speaker 1: What's going on there? Solitude can be a lot of
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  Speaker 1: different things, and experts suggest finding the one that works
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  Speaker 1: for you. So my biggest one is probably writing, our reading.
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  Speaker 1: I do live alone, so it's not necessarily hard for
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  Speaker 1: me to find this time. But even when I'm around
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  Speaker 1: people for extended periods of time. I try to make
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  Speaker 1: time to go do that. And like I said, I
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  Speaker 1: feel even though I live alone, I'm very connected to
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  Speaker 1: other people, Like I see you, even if it's digitally
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  Speaker 1: or we text all the time. I like, I feel
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  Speaker 1: like I'm connected to other people, so it's I don't
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  Speaker 1: feel lonely. Some big examples I read are things like
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  Speaker 1: bringing a book to a coffee shop or going to
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  Speaker 1: a movie solo. I do that a lot. Listening to
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  Speaker 1: a podcast maybe so. Now. Of course, as women doing
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  Speaker 1: things like hiking alone, which is something I also like
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  Speaker 1: to do, does come with more safety concerns, which is
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  Speaker 1: something we unfortunately have to keep in mind and can
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  Speaker 1: keep us from these health benefits. Another thing, women with
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  Speaker 1: kids or someone that they're caring for really have to
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  Speaker 1: fight for this solitude like it's not and you see
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  Speaker 1: that in a lot of media too, of like please
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  Speaker 1: leave me alone. I'm in the bathroom, Like just give
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  Speaker 1: me one second. Another thing I was struck by when
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  Speaker 1: I was reading about this is that stereotype of a
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  Speaker 1: dude in his man cave playing games hours on end,
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  Speaker 1: hours on end, while the woman in this stereotypical hetero relationship,
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  Speaker 1: begging him for his help because I would classify gaming
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  Speaker 1: as something I enjoy in solitude. I play it with
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  Speaker 1: people too, but I like to play games by myself.
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  Speaker 1: But again, as discussed in previous episodes, women have less
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  Speaker 1: leisure time because of carrying so much care and domestic work,
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  Speaker 1: amongst other things. And I guess I'm just like, make
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  Speaker 1: sure your solitude doesn't hurt someone you care about, or
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  Speaker 1: I can see it being weaponized. I suppose a lot
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  Speaker 1: of these activities can be pretty sure, like fifteen minutes
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  Speaker 1: of meditation. It doesn't have to be something very long,
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  Speaker 1: and in fact, you should probably keep an eye on that.
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  Speaker 1: It's about balance. It's about recognizing I need this time
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  Speaker 1: to myself to do something and then all spend time
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  Speaker 1: with people too. Like, it's just finding that balance for yourself,
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  Speaker 1: but being choosing that solitude and choosing those things that
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  Speaker 1: give you which scientifically research like do help you recharge
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  Speaker 1: and actually do help you with your relationships and do
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  Speaker 1: help with creativity. That's not a bad thing. I feel
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  Speaker 1: like it's been painted as a bad thing for so long.
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  Speaker 1: It's not. It's okay. Yeah, yeah, So during these holidays.
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  Speaker 1: If you find yourself thinking I need I need some
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  Speaker 1: alone time, we're telling you that you should take it,
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  Speaker 1: bake that time. If you can enjoy, enjoy it, enjoy it.
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  Speaker 1: It can be hard if you get in your head
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  Speaker 1: about it, like if you have all this other stuff
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  Speaker 1: to do, right, it can be hard. But if it's important,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: get coloring book. Yeah, yes, I did look through your
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  Speaker 1: coloring book when I was Duck and Peaches and it's
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  Speaker 1: very good. I wanted you to color maybe next time,
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  Speaker 1: maybe next tamp. So happy holidays, everyone, are just happy
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  Speaker 1: end of the year. I hope you get some relaxation. Also,
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  Speaker 1: I wanted to shout out Raquel Willis, a friend of
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  Speaker 1: the Show's been on the show for being featured in
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  Speaker 1: Time Magazines twenty twenty five Women of the Year, which
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  Speaker 1: was another I almost did that topic. But Raquel is fantastic, unstoppable.
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  Speaker 1: She is unstoppable. Love her, amazing, amazing. So, listeners, we
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  Speaker 1: would love to hear from you your thoughts about this
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  Speaker 1: or anything else we should do of the new year.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: You can email us at Hello at Steffondever Told You
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: dot com. You can find us on Blue Sky Momstuff
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: podcast or on Instagram and TikTok at Stuff I Never
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: Told You. We're also on YouTube. We have some merchandise
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: accomp Bureau, and we have a book you can get
• 9:02
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• 9:04
  Speaker 1: super produced Christine and our executive producer and contributor Joey.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Thank you and thanks to you for listening Stuff Never
• 9:09
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