Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 3 - Episode 163 - It’s not ME, it's THEM

Transcript

Season 3 - Episode 163 - It’s not ME, it's THEM · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

• 0:01
  Welcome to the Good Morning from the Chicken Coop podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermind set
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  coach. Filled with inspiration,
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  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
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  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
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  of yourself you could ever imagine.
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  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
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  her chicken coop, along with all her chickens.
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  Hey everybody, good morning from the chicken coop.
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  So today we are talking about our crazy ability to be able to
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  look at other people and see what's wrong with them and not
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  necessarily see that in ourselves because you're all
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  laughing right now and I know you are because it's all true.
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  We can always look at other people and we can always see
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  what's wrong with them, but we rarely look at ourselves with
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  the same, you know, finite glass and say, well, what is wrong
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  with me as much as there is with other people.
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  And we always look outside of ourselves for solutions rather
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  than looking inside of ourselves to say, OK, I really need to
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  look at myself instead of them or only them and trying to
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  figure it out. So let's take one of our most
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  important relationships that we have, which is with our family.
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  And it doesn't matter how your family's made-up, doesn't matter
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  what the composure or no composition of it is.
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  It matters that you're looking at it and you're saying to
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  yourself, OK, I can look at myself and I can see my role in
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  this, in this layout of my family.
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  And I can see everything that's wrong with them.
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  I can see how they do all these things wrong.
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  I can see how they answer me. I can see their actions.
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  I can see everything that's wrong with them, but am I
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  including myself in this critical analysis that I'm
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  putting forward? Am I giving an honest opinion of
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  myself outside of my critical eye for them?
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  And the answer is a hard no. I already know that that's a
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  hard no because that's the human nature that we live with.
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  Each and every one of us is to look outside of ourselves for
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  the problems before we look at ourselves for the problems.
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  I myself do this. I can look at things and I can
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  tell you everything that's wrong with my husband and my kids and
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  how they're the cause of the issues as opposed to me.
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  And maybe how I'm communicating things with them or how I'm
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  describing things to them or my expectations of them, or how the
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  expectations might just be absolutely unreasonable because
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  no one is going to be as organized as I am in these
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  situations. Or do it the way that I, I do it
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  just because it's my way. And if it's not my way, then it
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  must be the wrong way. Well, that was probably one of
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  the hardest lessons I ever had to learn was that my way was not
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  the only way to do something. And I think that when you can
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  stop and you can pause, especially if you are willing to
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  do this with your family, and then you can expand out, you
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  know, you have concentric circles of how life life works
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  and you can work yourself out and say, OK, well, what about my
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  Co workers or people I lead or people that I have an effect on
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  in my life? If you can start to work
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  concentrically out from the core, then you get better and
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  better and better as it goes and you can start to see how you
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  affect other people. So profoundly, and you can start
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  to see how you can look at yourself and say, OK, well,
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  clearly I'm interacting in this in a way that's making this
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  difficult for the other person as well.
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  And if we really want to clean ourselves up, if we really want
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  to clean the situation completely up and we want to
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  make it so that we can hit new levels of greatness.
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  Now you're all going to hear my little dog barking this morning
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  because she's out here with me. You'll start to recognize that
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  as you start to clean this up within yourself, you can start
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  to see shifts in other people. Because it's impossible.
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  And I'm really using that word truly meaning it.
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  I'm not doing it just as a cliche.
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  It is impossible for something to remain the same when a factor
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  in the equation changes. It's the butterfly effect.
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  So when something changes, even if it's a minute amount,
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  something else has to change. And that is across the board.
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  So when someone will say to me, OK, I'm willing to do this.
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  And then there's a shift, they'll see a little shift in
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  their partner or their Co workers or whatever and it will
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  last for a period of time and they'll say, well, we're right
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  back to where we used to be and I will check in.
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  And I'll say, well, are you remaining consistent with how
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  you changed? And there's inevitably the pause
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  and they go maybe not. And I say, OK, so you slipped
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  back into an old behaviour and they say probably, but because
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  they weren't monitoring it, because they weren't critically
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  on it, they could not discern if that was really what was
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  happening in the moment. And they just slipped back into
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  the behaviour. And so we went right back down
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  the rabbit hole again. And as I always like to say, not
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  only did you go down the rabbit hole, but you ended up seeing
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  Alice and having tea with the rabbit and enjoying your time
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  down in Wonderland and you didn't even realize it.
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  So what's so important is that you're willing to measure
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  success and failures over and over and over.
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  This is another Mr. Miyagi moment from The Karate Kid.
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  Wax on, wax off. You have got to be willing to do
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  it over and over and over. And This is why I say you've got
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  to track yourself and say, OK, what today?
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  What were my wins? Where could I have been better?
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  What can I do better tomorrow? And for most of us, that is to
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  be very on track with monitoring our own behaviour, our own
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  language, our own reactions, our own focus.
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  Because when we do that, everything else change.
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  Because I know you've heard me say this before and I sound like
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  a broken record, but change is an inside job.
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  And when you change yourself, everything else around you
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  changes. So I'm going to challenge you to
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  look at this and say, you know, am I willing to look at myself
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  as critically as I am other people?
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  And if you do that, even if you just start off today and you
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  start to recognize how you showed up and you're, you know,
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  point blank honest with yourself and you say, you know, all
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  right, I was a complete Jackass today.
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  I've had those days and not long ago where I was just a complete
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  Jackass because maybe I didn't get enough sleep or maybe I
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  wasn't hydrated enough or whatever.
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  There's no reason. And I can come up with a million
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  excuses, but the truth is I was dreadful and I needed to fix it.
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  So start there, start with yourself, start looking at
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  yourself and start asking the questions and I promise you we
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  get some fascinating answers and you'll work yourself through it.
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  So I hope you guys have a very blessed day discovering
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  yourselves and love yourself anyway because guess what, this
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  is a part of being human. This is who we are.
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  So I will see you tomorrow and I hope you have a wonderful day.
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  Bye.