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23 - The Flying Inn - GK Chesterton · Science Fiction Books

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  Speaker 1: Chapter twenty three, The March on ivy Wood. That storm
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: spirit or eagle of Liberty, which is the sudden soul
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: in a crowd, had descended upon London after a foreign
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: tour of some centuries, in which it had commonly alighted
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: upon other capitals. It is always impossible to define an
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  Speaker 1: instant and the turn of mood which makes the whole
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: difference between danger being worse than endurance and endurance being
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: worse than danger. The actual outbreak generally has a symbolic
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: or artistic or what some would call whimsical cause. Somebody
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: fires off a pistol, or appears in an unpopular uniform,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: or refers in a loud voice to a scandal that
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: is never mentioned in the newspapers. Somebody takes off his
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: hat or somebody doesn't take off his hat, and a
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  Speaker 1: city is sacked. Before midnight when the ever swelling army
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  Speaker 1: of revolts smashed the whole street full of the shops
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  Speaker 1: of mister Crook the Chemist, and then went on to Parliament,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: the Tower of London, and the road to the sea.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: The sociologists hiding in their coal cellars could think, in
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  Speaker 1: that clarifying darkness of many material and spiritual explanations of
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: such as Dorman human souls, but of none that explained
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: it quite enough. Doubtless, there was a great deal of
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  Speaker 1: sheer drunkenness when the urns and goblets of Asclepius were
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  Speaker 1: reclaimed as belonging to Bacchus, And many who went roaring
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  Speaker 1: down that road were merely stored with rich wines in
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  Speaker 1: the cours, which are more comfortably and quietly digested at
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  Speaker 1: a city banquet or a west end restaurant. But many
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: of these had been blind drunk twenty times without a
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  Speaker 1: thought of rebellion. You could not stretch the material explanation
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  Speaker 1: to cover a corner of the case. Much more general
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: was a savage sense of the meanness of Krook's wealthy
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: patrons in keeping a door open for themselves which they
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  Speaker 1: had wantonly shut on less happy people. But no explanation
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  Speaker 1: can explain it, and no man can say when it
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  Speaker 1: will come. Dorian Whimple was at the tail of the procession,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: which grew more and more crowded every moment. For one
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: space of the march. He even had the misfortune to
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  Speaker 1: lose it altogether, owing to the startling activity which the
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  Speaker 1: rotund cheese when it escaped from his hands, showed in
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: descending a somewhat steep road toward the river. But in
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  Speaker 1: recent days he had gained a pleasure in practical events,
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  Speaker 1: which was like a second youth. He managed to find
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  Speaker 1: a stray taxicab and had little difficulty in picking up
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  Speaker 1: again the trail of the extraordinary cortege. Inquiries addressed to
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: a policeman with a black eye outside the House of
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  Speaker 1: Commons informed him sufficiently of the rebel's line of retreat
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: or advance, or whatever it was, and in a very
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: short time he beheld the Unmistakable Legion once more. It
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  Speaker 1: was unmistakable because in front of it there walked a
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  Speaker 1: red headed giant, apparently carrying with him a wooden portion
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  Speaker 1: of some public building, and also because so big a
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: crowd had never followed any man in England for a
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  Speaker 1: long time past. But except for such things, the Unmistakable
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: crowd might well have been mistaken for another one. Its
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: aspect had been altered almost as much as if it
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: had grown horns or tusks, For many of the company
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  Speaker 1: walked with outlandish weapons like iron teeth or horns, bills
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  Speaker 1: and pole axes, and spears with strangely shaped heads. What
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  Speaker 1: was stranger still whole rows and rows of them had rifles,
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  Speaker 1: and even marched with a certain discipline. And yet again
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: others seemed to have snatched a household or workshop tools,
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  Speaker 1: meat axes, pick axes, hammers, and even carving knives. Such
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  Speaker 1: things need be none the less deadly, because they are
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  Speaker 1: the mess They have figured in millions of private murders
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  Speaker 1: before they appeared in any public war. Dorian was so
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  Speaker 1: fortunate as to meet the flame haired captain almost face
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  Speaker 1: to face, and easily fell into step with him at
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  Speaker 1: the head of the march. Humphrey Pump walked on the
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  Speaker 1: other side, with the celebrated casks suspended round his neck
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  Speaker 1: by something resembling braces, as if it were a drum.
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  Speaker 1: Mister Wimple had himself taken the opportunity of his brief
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  Speaker 1: estrangement to carry the cheese somewhat more easily in a
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  Speaker 1: very large, loose, waterproof knapsack on his shoulders. The effect
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  Speaker 1: in both cases was to suggest dreadful deformities and two
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  Speaker 1: persons who happened to be exceptionally cleanly built. The captain,
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  Speaker 1: who seemed to be in tearing and towering spirits gained
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  Speaker 1: great pleasure from this, But Dorian had his sources of
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  Speaker 1: amusement too. What have you been doing with yourselves since
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  Speaker 1: you lost my judicious guidance, he asked, laughing, And why
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: are parts of you a dull revue and parts of
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  Speaker 1: you a fancy dress ball? What have you been up to?
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  Speaker 1: We've been shopping, said mister Patrick Dolroy, with some pride.
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  Speaker 1: We are country cousins. I know all about shopping. Let
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  Speaker 1: us see what are the phrases about it? Look at
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  Speaker 1: those rifles now, we got them at quite a bargain.
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  Speaker 1: We went to all the best gunsmiths in London and
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  Speaker 1: we didn't pay much. In fact, we didn't pay anything.
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  Speaker 1: That's what is called a bargain, isn't it. Surely I've
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  Speaker 1: seen in those things they send to ladies something about
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  Speaker 1: giving them away. Then we went to a remnant sale,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: at least it was a remnant sail when we left,
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: and we bought that piece of stuff we've tied round
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  Speaker 1: the sign. Surely it must be what ladies called chiffon.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Dorian lifted his eyes and perceived that a very coarse
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: strip of red rag, possibly collected from a dust bin
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  Speaker 1: had been tied round the wooden sidepost by way of
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  Speaker 1: a red flag of revolution. Not what ladies call chiffon
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: inquired the captain with anxiety. Well, anyhow, it is what
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  Speaker 1: chiffonier is call it. But as I'm going to call
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  Speaker 1: on a lady shortly, I'll try to remember the distinction.
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  Speaker 1: Is your shopping over, may i? Ask, asked mister Wimple,
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  Speaker 1: All but one thing, answered the other. I must find
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  Speaker 1: a music shop, you know what I mean, place where
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: they sell pianos and things of that sort. Look here,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: said Dorian, This cheese is pretty heavy as it is
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  Speaker 1: to carry a piano too. You misunderstand me, said the captain, calmly,
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  Speaker 1: and as he had never thought of music shops until
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  Speaker 1: his eye had caught one an instant before, he darted
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  Speaker 1: into the doorway, Returning almost immediately with a long parcel
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  Speaker 1: under his arm, he resumed the conversation. Did you go
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  Speaker 1: anywhere else, asked Dorian, Except to shops anywhere else, cried
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Patrick indignantly. Haven't you got any country, cousins? Of course,
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  Speaker 1: we went to all the right places. We went to
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  Speaker 1: the houses of Parliament. But Parliament isn't sitting, so there
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: are no eggs of the quality suitable for elections. We
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  Speaker 1: went to the Tower of London. You can't tire country
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  Speaker 1: cousins like us. We took away some curiosities of steel
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  Speaker 1: and iron. We even took away the halberds from the beefeaters.
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  Speaker 1: We pointed out that for the purpose of eating beef,
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  Speaker 1: they are only a vowed public object. Knives and force
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  Speaker 1: had always been found more convenient to tell the truth.
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  Speaker 1: They seemed rather relieved to be relieved of them. And
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: may I ask, said the other with a smile, where
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  Speaker 1: you are off to now another beauty spot, cried the
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  Speaker 1: captain boisterously. No tiring the country. I'm going to show
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  Speaker 1: my young friends from the provinces what is perhaps the
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  Speaker 1: finest old country house in England. We are going to
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  Speaker 1: ivy Wood, not far from the big watering place they
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  Speaker 1: call Pebblewick. I see, said Dorian, and for the first
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: time looked back with intelligent trouble on his face. On
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  Speaker 1: the marching ranks behind him, Captain Delroy said Dorian Wimple
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  Speaker 1: in a slightly altered tone, there is one thing that
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  Speaker 1: puzzles me. Ivywood talked about having set the police to
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  Speaker 1: catch us, and though this is a pretty big crowd.
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  Speaker 1: I simply cannot believe that the police, as I knew
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  Speaker 1: them in my youth, could not catch us. But where
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  Speaker 1: are the police? You seem to have marched through half
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  Speaker 1: of London with much If you'll excuse me of the
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  Speaker 1: appearance of carrying murderous weapons. Lord Ivywood threatened that the
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  Speaker 1: police would stop us. Well, why didn't they stop us?
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  Speaker 1: Your subject, said Patrick, cheerfully divides itself into three heads.
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  Speaker 1: I hope not, said Dorian. There really are three reasons
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  Speaker 1: why the police should not be prominent in this business,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: as their worst enemy cannot say that they were. He
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  Speaker 1: began ticking off the three on his own huge fingers,
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  Speaker 1: and seemed to be quite serious about it. First, he said,
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: you have been a long time away from town. Probably
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  Speaker 1: you do not know a policeman when you see him.
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  Speaker 1: They do not wear helmets, as our line regiments did
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  Speaker 1: after the Prussians had won. They wear fezzes because the
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  Speaker 1: Turks have won. Shortly, I have little doubt they will
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  Speaker 1: wear pigtails because the Chinese have won. It is a
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  Speaker 1: very interesting branch of moral science. It is called efficiency. Second,
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  Speaker 1: explained the captain, you have perhaps omitted to notice that
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  Speaker 1: a very considerable number of those wearing such fezzes are
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  Speaker 1: walking just behind us. Oh, yes, it's quite true. Don't
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  Speaker 1: you remember that the whole French Revolution really began because
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  Speaker 1: a sort of Sydney militia refused to fire on their
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  Speaker 1: own fathers and wives, and even showed some slight traces
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  Speaker 1: of a taste for firing on the other side. You'll
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  Speaker 1: see lots of them behind, and you can tell them
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  Speaker 1: by their revolver belts, and they're walking in set. But
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: don't look back on them too much. It makes them nervous.
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  Speaker 1: And the third reason, asked Dorian for the real reason,
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  Speaker 1: answered Patrick, I'm not fighting a hopeless fight. People who
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  Speaker 1: have fought in real fights don't as a rule. But
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I noticed something singular about the very point you mentioned.
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  Speaker 1: Why are there no more police? Why are there no
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  Speaker 1: more soldiers? I will tell you there really are very
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  Speaker 1: few policemen or soldiers left in England to day. Surely,
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  Speaker 1: that said wimple is an unusual complaint, but very clear,
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  Speaker 1: said the captain gravely to any one who has ever
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  Speaker 1: seen sailors or soldiers, I will tell you the truth.
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  Speaker 1: Our rulers have come to count on the bare, bodily
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  Speaker 1: cowardice of a mass of Englishmen, as a sheep dog
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  Speaker 1: counts on the cowardice of a flock of sheep. Now
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: look here, mister Wimple, would do shepherd be wise to
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  Speaker 1: limit the number of his dogs if he could make
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  Speaker 1: his sheep pay by it. At the end, you might
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: find millions of sheep managed by a solitary dog. But
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: that is because they are sheep. Suppose the sheep were
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  Speaker 1: turned by a miracle into wolves. There are very few
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: dogs they could not tear in pieces. But what is
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  Speaker 1: my practical point? There are really very few dogs to tear.
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  Speaker 1: You don't mean, said Dorian, that the British Army is
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  Speaker 1: practically disbanded. There are the sentinels outside Whitehall, replied Patrick
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  Speaker 1: in a low voice. But indeed your question puts me
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  Speaker 1: in a difficulty. No, the army is not entirely disbanded,
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  Speaker 1: of course, but the British. Did you ever hear, Wimple
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: of the great destiny of the Empire? I seem to
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: have heard the phrase, replied his companion. It is in
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  Speaker 1: four acts, said Delroy. Victory over barbarians, employment of barbarians,
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  Speaker 1: alliance with barbarians. Conquest by barbarians, that is the great
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  Speaker 1: destiny of empire. I think I begin to see what
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  Speaker 1: you mean, returned Dorian Wimple. Of course, Ivywood and the
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  Speaker 1: authorities do seem very prone to rely on the Sepoy
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  Speaker 1: troops and other troops as well, said Patrick. I think
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: you will be surprised when you see them. He tramped
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  Speaker 1: out for a while in silence, and then said, with
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  Speaker 1: some air of abruptness, which yet did not seem to
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  Speaker 1: be entirely a changing of the subject. Do you know
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  Speaker 1: the man who lives now on the estate next to
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  Speaker 1: ivy Wood? No, replied Dorian. I'm tild. He keeps himself
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  Speaker 1: very much to himself, and as a state too, said Patrick,
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  Speaker 1: rather gloomily. If you would climb his garden wall, Wimple,
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  Speaker 1: I think you would find an answer to a good
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  Speaker 1: many of your questions. Oh. Yes, the right, honorable gentlemen
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  Speaker 1: are making full provision for public order and national defense
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  Speaker 1: in a way. He fell into an almost sullen silence,
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  Speaker 1: and several villages had been passed before he spoke again.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: They tramped through the darkness and down surprised them somewhere
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  Speaker 1: in the wilder and more wooded parts, where the roads
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: began to rise in roam. Dowroy gave an exclamation of
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  Speaker 1: pleasure and pointed ahead, drawing the attention of Dori. Into
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: the distance. Against the silver and scarlet bars of the
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: daybreak could be seen afar a dark purple dome with
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: a crown of dark green leaves, the place they had
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: called round about. Dowroy's spirits seemed to revive at the sight,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: with the customary accompaniment of the threat of vocalism. Then
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: making any poems lightly, he asked of wimple, Nothing particular,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: replied the poet, then said the captain, portentously, clearing his throat.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: You shall listen to one of mine, whether you like
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: it or not. Nay, the more you dislike it, the
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: longer and longer it will be. I begin to understand
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: why soldiers want to sing when on the march, and
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: also why they put up with such rotten songs. The
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: druids waved their golden knives and danced around the oak
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: when they had sacrificed a man. But though the learned's
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: search and scan, no single modern person can entirely see
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: the joke. But though they cut the throats of men,
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: they cut not down the tree, and from the blood
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: the sapling sprang of oak Wood's yet to be. But
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: ivy Wood, Lord ivy Wood, he rots the tree as
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: ivy would. He clings and crawls as ivy Wood about
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: the sacred tree. King Charles, he fled from Worcester fight
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: and hid him in an oak in convent schools. No
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: man of tact would trace and praise his every act,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: or argue that he was in fact a strict and
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: sainted bloke. But not by him. The sacred woods have
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: lost their fancies free. And though he was extremely big,
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: he did not break the tree. But ivy Wood, Lord
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: ivy Wood, he breaks the tree as ivy Wood, and
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: eats the wood as ivy Wood. Between us and the sea,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Great Collingwood walked down the glade and flung the acorns free.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: The oaks might still be in the grove, as oaken
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: as the beams above when the great lover Sailor's love
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: was kissed by death at sea. But though for him
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: the oak trees fell to build the oaken ships, the
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: woodman worshiped what he smoked, and honored even the chips.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: But ivy Wood, Lord ivy Wood, he hates the tree
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: as Ivy would as the dragon of the ivy wood
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: that has us in his grips. They were ascending a
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: sloping road, wilding on both sides by solemn woods, which
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: somehow seemed as watchful as owls awake, though daybreak was
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: going over them with banners scrolls of scarlet and gold,
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: and with a wind like trumpets of triumph. The dark
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: wood seemed to hold their secret like dark cool cellars.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Nor was the strong sunlight seen in them, save in
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: one or two brilliant shafts that looked like splintered emeralds.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: I should not wonder, said Dorian, if the ivy does
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: not find, the tree knows the thing. Or two also
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: the tree does, assented the captain. The trouble was that
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: until a little while ago, the tree did not know
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: that it knew there was a silence. And as they
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: went up, the incline grew steeper and steeper, and the
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: tall trees seemed more and more to be guarding something
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: from sight, as with the gray shields of giants. Do
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: you remember this road, humph asked Dolroy of the innkeeper. Yes,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: answered Humphrey Pump, and said no more. But few have
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: ever heard such fullness in an affirmative. They marched on
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: in silence, and about two hours afterward, toward eleven o'clock,
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Dowroy called a halt in the forest and said that
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: everybody had better have a few hours sleep. The impenetrable
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: quality in the woods and the comparative softness of the
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: carpet of beech mast made the spot as appropriate as
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: the time was inappropriate. And if anyone thinks that common
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: people casually picked up in a street could not follow
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: a random leader on such a journey, or sleep at
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: his command in such a spot, given the state of
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: the soul, then some one knows no history. I'm afraid,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: said Dolroy. You'll have to have supper for your breakfast.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: I know an excellent place for having breakfast, but it's
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: too exposed for sleep, and sleep you must have. So
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: we won't unpack the stores just now. We'll lie down
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: like babes in the wood, and any bird of an
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: industrious disposition is free to start covering them with leaves. Really,
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: there are things coming before which you will want sleep.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: When they resumed the march, it was nearly the middle
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: of the afternoon, and the meal which Dolroy insisted buoyantly
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: on describing his breakfast was taken about that mysterious hour
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: when ladies die without tea. The steep road had consistently
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: grown steeper and steeper and steeper, and at last Dalroy
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: said to Dori and Wimple, don't drop that cheesy and
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: just here, we'll roll right away down into the woods.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: I know it will. No scientific calculations of grades and
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: angles are necessary, because I have seen it do so myself.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: In fact, I have run after it. Wimple realized they
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: were mounting to the sharp edge of a ridge, and
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: in a few moments he knew, by the oddness in
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: the shape of the trees what it had been that
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: the trees were hiding. They had been walking along a
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: swelling woodland path beside the sea. On a particular high
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: plateau projecting above the shore, stood some dwarfed and crippled
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: apple trees, of whose apples no man alive would have eaten,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: so sour and salt they must be. All The rest
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: of the plateau was bald and featureless, but Pump looked
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: at it, every inch of it, as if at an
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: inhabited place. This is where we'll have breakfast, he said,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: pointing to the naked grassy waste. It's the best inn
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: in England. Some of his audience began to laugh, but
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: somehow suddenly ceased doing so as Dowroy strode forward and
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: planted the sign of the old ship on the desolate
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: sea shore. And now he said, you have charge of
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: the stores we brought up, and we will picnic as
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: it said in a song, I once sang the saracen's head.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Out of there became King Richard, riding in arms like flame.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: And where he established his folk to be fed, he
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: set up his spear and the saracen's head. It was
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: nearly dusk before the mob, much swelled by the many
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: discontented on the Ivywood Estates, reached the gates of Ivywood
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: House strategically and for the purposes of a night's surprise.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: This might have done credit to the captain the military capacity,
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: but the use to which he put it actually was
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: what some might call eccentric. When he had disposed his
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: forces with strict injunctions of silence for the first few minutes,
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: he turned to Pump and said, and now before we
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: do anything else, I'm going to make a noise, and
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: he produced from under brown paper, what appear to be
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: a musical instrument. A summons to parley, inquired Dorian with interest,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: a trumpet of defiance or something of that kind, No,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: said Patrick a serenade. End of Chapter twenty three.