Latest / Dear Chelsea / You're Lucky To Have Me with Bob the Drag Queen

Transcript

You're Lucky To Have Me with Bob the Drag Queen · Dear Chelsea

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi Catherine. Hi everybody. It's Chelsea and this is dear Chelsea.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: How are you doing, Catherine? I'm doing well. Um, a
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: little bit stressed, like pre stressed having to do a
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: lot in a short amount of time because I'm going
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: on a little trip to the British Vision Islands, which
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: I'm very excited. Where are you going? Which one we
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: are going? So my mom's having a significant birthday. So
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: my sister got a yacht for everyone, well for her
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: and my mom, and then invited me and my other
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: sisters in law and we're all going to go just
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: have a girl's trip in the British Virgin Islands and
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: like hop from place to place, hop from island to island.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: It seems truly crazy, but I'm so excited about it.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Oh that's awesome. That's a good shrip. So there's a
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: lot of work that has to get done before that happens.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: You know. It's sort of like before you take a trip,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: there's twice the work, and after you get back there's
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: twice the work. But like it's worth it, so you
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: can get away and took up some sun and and
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: focus on being on a yacht more importantly, exactly we are.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: I wanted to say that I just recently got my
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: clean bill of health from my doctor after my after
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: my episode, which actually I've never even talked about. I
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: don't think have we talked about it yet? No, we haven't.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: I was like, should I ask, because I didn't know
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: if you wanted to talk about it, Like, oh, yeah, yeah,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I'll talk about of course, to keep any information to myself,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: I was in Yeah. I was doing one of my
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: shows in Seattle, which were awesome. By the way, I
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: love Seattle's crowds. Thank you guys for coming, and anyone
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: who wants tickets to any of my shows. The tour
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: is continuing. It's called Vaccinated and Horny. You can get
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: all your tickets to Chelsea Handler dot com and I'm
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: coming to a city near you. We added a lot
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: of second shows. We have a late show with Will
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Churn in Los Angeles, hunting to New York, Santa Rosa, California,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: San Francisco, d C. All of the places. Anyway, I
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: walked on stage. It was my second night in Seattle.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: I walked on stage in front of my four thousand
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: fans that were there in the audience, and I was
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: like it's like my chest was really tight. And I
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: was like, I don't suffer from indigestion or anything like that,
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Like I've never had a heartburn or anything. So I
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, I must have because I had a
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: really heavy French meal for lunch. Okay, And and then
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this must be nerves. I don't know,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: like sometimes you get nervous and sometimes you don't. And
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: I was on stage and I was like, okay, well
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: it's not going away. But it wasn't so bad that
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I had to like stop performing. I was like, okay,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: well this is just uncomfortable slightly. So I get off stage.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: And I had a bunch of friends there, and my
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: sister was there, Simone, my agent was there, Nick and
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: my girlfriend Jamie, a bunch of people and we were
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: all going to the restaurant or bar and my hotel
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: for an after party. And I I couldn't. I was like,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: and if I can't go to a party, obviously something
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: that and I, especially when it's about me and I U.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh no, this doesn't feel right. I
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: kept taking toms and whatever, and then in the morning
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: we were headed to Portland, where I was supposed to
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: perform that night, and I talked to the hotel doctor
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: and I talked to my own doctor from l A
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: and they were like, oh, with your history of your father.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: My dad had a heart attack when he was fifty.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: He had quintumble bypass surgery when he was sixty something,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: so they were like, with your history, you have got
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: to go straight and get an e k G and
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: find out if everything's okay with your heart. So I
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: went to this hospital in Seattle and they did an
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: e KG and they tested my tremonal levels, which is
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: an indicator of whether or not something happened with your heart,
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: and my tremonian levels were slightly elevated, which you know, said, oh,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: something happened. Then irving A's off. My manager got involved
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: and he's like, you have to go to the heart
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: cardiology unit, and you have to go to different hospitals.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: So they moved me out of that hospital. I went
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: to another hospital where I had the best doctor. He
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: was awesome, so great, and they did my e k G.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: But e KG is a snapshot of what's happening, so
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: if you had a heart injury, it won't show up.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: So then they did an echo cardiogram and on the
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: echo cardiogram, they could see that there was something wasn't
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: working in my heart, like it wasn't pumping all out.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: It was pumping, but there was like a little area
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: that wasn't going in and out with your breath and
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: your heart. So then they did a catharitization to go
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: in to see if there's blockages to see because I
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: have high cholesterol, which is genetic, so you know, you
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: could have plaque and that there could have been like
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: a plaque that's a piece of plaque that chipped, or
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: there could have been a blockage. And so they went
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: and gave me a catholization, which of course I was
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: excited about because you know, they give you morphine for that.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: And he was like, oh, your heart is so healthy.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: He's like everything's pumping, you have no blockages, you have nothing.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, So what happened? And then
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, did I have a
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: panic attack? Like that's even more unlike me. You know,
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: I went from going, wait, did I have a heart attack,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: which would be so scary too, Did I have a
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: panic attack? But no, I had neither. What happened was
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: it's called a cardio myopathy, which means that there was
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: an adrenaline shot and which I think was me actually
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: walking out on stage that night for whatever reason. And well,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: there's a build up, an accumulation of stress. I think
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: I'm not stressed out, but I learned that apparently I am,
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: and then I internalize it all, which I blame therapy
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: on because before I used to just go off on people.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Now I keep it to myself. But now I'm fucking suffering,
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: so I may have to just go back to my
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: old ways. But it's called cardiomyopathy, and it's rising in women,
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: like in the last couple of years. I've been sent
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: a couple of articles to say, in the last couple
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: of years, women between the ages of forty and fifty
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: are they're identifying this more and more. And I don't
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: know if it's a product of our hearts fighting COVID
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: because of the immunity that we're fighting constantly being exposed
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: to COVID, or if there's a relationship to the COVID
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: right or just the stress all of our bodies have
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: been under for the last two years and the toll
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: that takes on our immune systems and our hearts it's
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: definitely something that's happening. So it's like it mimics what
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: would be a minor heart attack, but it's not an attack.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: It's like your heart was bruised. So basically there was
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: a section of my heart that wasn't pulsating and contracting
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: with along with the rest of it that was. And
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: you know, you wouldn't be able to even notice that
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: if I was looking at it, but my doctor walked
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: me through and we were all looking at my sister.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Joe was there. He had flown in, so it was scary,
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: but then I was very relieved to find out that
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: I'm just stressed out and I couldn't exercise for a week,
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: which was music to my ears, I mean, minus the
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: skiing part, and to take it easy and to really
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: identify the things that stress you out that you think
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: are not stressing you out. But I just went and
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: saw him from my follow up visit and I have
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: a clean bill of health and I healed and my
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: heart was no longer bruised. Excellent. I'm so glad to
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: hear that, Yeah, because I knew something was going on
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: before you post it, and I was like, if she's awake,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: she's going to post. Of course. You know, when I
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: heard that you had a medical emergency, I was like
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: terrified that there was a skiing accident or something like that.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: So I'm I was glad that you posted, but like
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I could see you were kind of shaken. You know.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I think it's really cool that you're that open with Hey,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: here is like the not as exciting parts of life.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Things are gonna keep going and everything's gond me. Okay,
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: you should have seen my sister Simone. She's like, wait
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: a second, because at first we thought maybe I had
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: had a heart attack, like a heart attack, and I
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: was like what I was like, and Sman goes, oh
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: my god, you're she's the healthiest one in our family.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: We all need to get echo cardiograms. We're all fat
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: and out of shape. And she's, you know, she's like,
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: if she's sick, then the rest of us are screwed.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: But yeah, So luckily it wasn't a major deal. Wasn't
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: a big deal, but I did have to cancel a
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: lot of shows. Well those shows that weekend, and which
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: are you know, obviously we're rescheduled, but so yes, to
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: let everybody know that's what that's the story. Well, and
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: I think it's really important to be an advocate for
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: your health. Like if you have stuff going on, get
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: it checked out. So great that you had people in
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: your life that were like, no, no, go to the doctor.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Talk to the doctor, get it dealt with, because that's
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: so so important. Yeah right, I know, because I was like,
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: I'm fine, I'm fine. But then I just thought, you
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: know what, with my history, my father's history, I should
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: listen to the doctors. Us I'm not. I kept saying,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I'm forty two and forty two, and I'm like, you're
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: not forty two, And I was like, oh, ship, well,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: I'm really really glad you're on the mend. We have
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: a very excited guest today, Pretty Funny. You know him
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: as the season eight winner of RuPaul's Drag Race and
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: from the hit show We're Here on HBO. He's currently
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: headlining a comedy club tour and he also has a
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: podcast called Sibling Rivalry with Mona Exchange, and they will
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: be on tour together this summer. Please welcome Bob the
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Drag Queen. Oh yeah, hi Bob. Hi there, Hi Bob,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: how are you. I'm well. Good morning to you, miss Handler,
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Good morning to you. Where are you. I'm in Hollywood,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: California in my apartment. Oh my goodness, you are clearly
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: not in Hollywood. Where are you? Well with climate change,
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: you'll never know. This could be Hollywood, You're like, I'm
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: fully in like and this is you in South Africa
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: right now. I'm in actually Whistler, Canada, where it is
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: pissing rain. Yeah. I saw the video of you with
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: the Canadian American flag over your boobs. My nipples. Yes,
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I had to cover up my nipples because I'm a
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: decent person. Don't you think it's a bunch of horseship
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: that men can walk around with their nipples out, yet
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: women have to cover them up and we provide food.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: I agree, I'm fully for the nipple. You know New
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: York State, it's one of those places where anyone can
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: be topless anywhere in public. There's no laws regarding toplessness
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: in New York City. It's a really interesting decommended called
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: topless shock syndrome. There's this photographer that used to go
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: around New York City and she would just photograph people
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: with her shirt off, and she got arrested like four times,
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: but then sued the city in a one well, good
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: for her exactly. That's how that's time well spent suing
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: the city to show your nipples. I like that, Bob.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: First of all, congratulations on winning season eight of RuPaul's
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: Drag Race A big feet right, that must have been
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: really really exciting feet on, I got dragged me. I
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: never getting personal today. And I know you grew up
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: in the South, right, Yeah. I grew up in Georgia, Alabama,
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: and Mississippi, mostly Georgia, but I was born in Columbus, Georgia,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: and then I later moved to Alabama, Misissippi, where I
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: ended up nestling down in Atlanta, Georgia before going to
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: New York City for about twelve years. And uh, what
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: was that experience like for somebody like you who identifies
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: as non binary? Who is? Were you a drag queen
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: when you were? I mean, when did you start doing that? No?
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I didn't get infected with drag until I moved to
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: New York City much later in life, which was really
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I was actually surrounded by drag way before I ever
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: moved to New York City. My mom used to run
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: a drag bar called Sensations in Columbus, Georgia, and I
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: have a queer uncle who I used to hang out with.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: I would hang out in his apartment and watch Too
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Wong food while he cooked me food. He's made these
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: great baked apples. I need to get their recipe from him.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: But then something about you know, mood New York City.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I saw drag on TV again and I was an
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: adult now, and I was like, I'm gonna give it
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: a shot. But as far as growing up in the
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: South being non binary, you know, I hadn't really discovered
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: the the notion of exploring your gender until I moved
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: to New York City and started working in the New
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: York City night life scene, and I was like, oh, wow,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: you can. Actually I didn't realize you could. You you
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: didn't have to be what you were, you know, given
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: at birth. What was attractive to you about drag? What
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: drew you into that? What do you love about it?
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: And what made you want to be a part of
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: that world? Well it's so glamorous, right, It's like it's glamor.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: Is is humor, is camp, it is prestige. You get
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: to be powerful when you don't actually have a position
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: of power. But in this bar, in this place, you're
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: a queen. You walk into it. You know, on the outside,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: you feel like you're nothing. You took the train to
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: get to work today, you know, you're you're snowing outside,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: and and you worked a job as a waiter all
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: days at the Jekylin High club in Midtown Manhattan. And
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: then you get to this place and you're met your royalty.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Everyone's offering them bout you drinks, And I mean, what
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: could be more appealing than that? You get to literally
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: be roalthy for for a moment, and you well, I
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: mean obviously that your mom running a club like that
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: in Georgia must have had a big impact for you, right,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I mean that must have been part of the equation. Yeah,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I reckon, maybe it must have had some impact. I mean,
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not a queer trailways in my family. I'm not
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: the first queer in my family. I probably won't be
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: the last. My mom was queer, my uncle's queer. I
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: have a queer cousin who older than I am. So
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I was just one of many. So it wasn't like
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: I was one of those folks like you guys don't
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: get me. It was like they get me. Theyfully understand
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: because they were very much like me. But you know,
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I'm sure that my mom had some sort of impact
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: of school. But I was very afraid of drag queens
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: when I was younger. My mom had a frien named
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: Sidney who told me never to trust drag queens and
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: told me that they were dangerous and told me that
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: they would he got He got shot by a drag
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: queen one time. It was like, drag queens are dangerous,
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: don't trust them. And I was like, well, I believe
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: you. You You got shot. You have the wounds to prove it. Yeah.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: I think I was probably felt that way when I
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: was younger too, and wasn't as warms. You know, I
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: think anything that's so different from what what the norm is.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: You know, we're just raised to identify with and be
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: comfortable with what we know. So unless you're exposed to that,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: it would be like, oh, oh, this is something new,
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: and you have to be very open minded to be
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: interested in something new. Yeah. I would go as far
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: as to say most drag queens have not shot someone.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I don't have the National Bureau Statistics information on my side,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: but I'm willing to bet the whole farm. I can't
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: speak for myself. No, you can't. You certainly cannot speak
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: for yourself. It's definitely not. Also, your show on HBO
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: We're Here is awesome. Congratulations on that too. What was
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: your experience like on RuPaul's Drag Race though, I mean,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: was that a long time dream for you to be
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: on that show in the first place? I would imagine,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: so yeah, I mean I would say definitely, um, a
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: seven year dream at a time. You know, I started
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: doing drag because I saw it on Repaul's Drag Race,
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: and I remember being like, this looks like so much fun,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Like I want to do this, this seems amazing, and
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: then I really immerged myself in the scene. But I
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: didn't really think about getting on Drag Race right away.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: At first. It was just me in nightlife, just like
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: doing drag and having fun. It wasn't really centered around
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: trying to get on Drag Race until I can't remember.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: I think season four was the first time I auditioned.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: My friend was like, you got audition for this show,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, I'll do it. And
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: I auditioned four times before getting cast, and I would
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: say it didn't feel like I could actually get cast
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: on the show until like my third time audition. The
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: first two times I was like, I'm just doing this
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: for fun, why not? But by the third time I
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: was like, they would be lucky to have me on
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: their show. Quite frankly, yeah, I think that's a good
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: attitude for us all to take into whatever endeavor we're
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: about to dive into, is that people are lucky to
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: have us, because the attitude does sail you a long way.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: It really does. Actually, posted in my in my audition tape,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I said, you know, just you guys know, if you
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: cast me, I will win, but also winning drag Race
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: won't be the biggest thing I do. And then they
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: must have been like, this bit really thinks she is
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: some fucking body. I was like, I'm gonna win this show.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna do even bigger things. Heney, this is a
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: stepping stone for me, darling, And they were probably like, Wow,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: this bitch is really either completely out of her mind
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: or completely right. And it turns out I was right
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: and maybe a little bit out of my mind too,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: maybe maybe a little bit of both. Okay, we'll be
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: right back. What do you think Because I know a
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: lot of people like me who don't have a ton
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: of experience other than watching it on television with drag Personally,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: what do you think some of people's kind of uneducated
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: misconceptions are. So I live in this really liberal bubble, right,
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: Like I forget that most of the world is not
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: really up to speed with or most of America because
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: I don't know what's going to the rest of the world.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: It's not up to speed with queer culture the way
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: that I am. And it honestly kind of blows my mind. Like, so,
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I just did this ad for Verizon and I also
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: didn't and of course I'm on a show on HBO,
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: And when HBO posted our trailer the the comments, it
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: blew my mind. I was like, are there people are
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: really out here like this? It was like gross, get
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: the fag off my screen, mental illness, sick, gross, disgusting, nasty,
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: And I was like, is that really? Is it really
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: how a lot of the world is a lot of
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: America is or also know they're just a really vocal minority,
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: and that's also a possibility as well. It really like
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: blew my mind. People were like saying this stuff. So
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: then I was like, I don't know, I need to
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: post this on my page so that people can like,
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: we can get some positive affirmation. So I don't want
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: some young queer seeing that and being like, oh, this
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: is what the world thinks of me. Can I remember
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: having that thought for a long time, thinking to myself,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: this is what the world thinks of me. Okay, nice
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: to know where I stand. So you just kind of
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: walking too world with a shitty attitude all the time
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: because you just think everyone's against you. Yeah, and that
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: this is definitely a self defeating prophecy, right, which can
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: become a self fulfilling prophecy when you have that defeatist
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: attitude and you think that that small group's opinion embody
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: a large your opinion of you exactly exactly, So luckily
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: I was. I mean, but I've also been able to
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: travel to these towns and people think that when you're
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: in small town America, it's just going to be a
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: bunch of like Clue Klux Klan members coming to your
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: hotel to throw you out. But in actuality, very few
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: almost no clan members. Um, I can't confirm who is
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: you know. They don't wear their hoods and out in
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: public anymore these days. They're really not so proud of
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: themselves anymore, which I love that we've shamed clans members
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: into like not being proud of their silly little dresses. Like,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: isn't the point that I get to go out of
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: my dress and be like yes, but the clan members
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: have to hide their dresses. I've never even thought about that,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: but like clad members have to hide there there. It's
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: like they're they're going back to what I was doing.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Now they're hiding their dresses in their closets so no
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: one knows they're nasty, racist biggest I love that. Yeah,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: we'll think about how pissed off they are. They're like great,
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: all these drag queens get to go out and dress
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: off like and RuPaul's Drag Race is one of the
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: most popular shows on television. And we're not allowed to
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: wear our white hoods out when we want to go
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: show people what we're made of. This is bull I
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: imagine they're still their own dread like. I think he's
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: so the stressed to the fucking nie. Look at the
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: craftsmanship on this goddamn garment, and I put sequels on
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: my hood. Now I can't show anyone it is camp clans.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: You look at the clans member outfit they're just it's
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: so campy. It's so campy. It's like, you guys could
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: if you could have put this craftsmanship in artistry into
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: something positive, you could have really been big. It's also
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: that outfit. It's really taking yourself too seriously, you know
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: what I mean. They're not having fun with that at all.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's nothing creative, there's nothing. It's just like
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: it's It's another example of why those people are so
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: out to lunch because they think that that's a good look,
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, and that they go for
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: a rebranding. They can go for a rebranding, maybe bringing
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Christian Ciriano to just kind of look over the outfits
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: and be like, I just have a couple of notes.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I feel like, if you just change the m line,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: change the silhouette, you guys have really been rocking the
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: same silhouette for almost a hundred years. It's time to
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: try something new. If you were in the same outfits
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: you were wearing in the first iteration when you were
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: first on Stone Mountain, I think it's time to try
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: something new. But what do I know. I'm just a
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: drag queen. So talk to me a little bit about
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: like self worth, self esteem. We talked a lot about
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: on this On the podcast, We're going to talk to
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: callers who call in for advice on various subjects, but
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: I want to talk to you personally first about where
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: you lie with regard to your own self worth, your
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: own self esteem, how you became so confident and if
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: that is an ongoing conversation with yourself. So it's really
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say it's fake it till you
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: make it, because I do have confidence in some areas,
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: and I like to focus on where I have confidence. Okay,
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: For example, one of our common friends, Mateo Lane, who
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: opens for you on tour a lot Matteyol is one
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: of my best friends in the world. Mateo is one
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: of the most insecure people. He by the way, I'm
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: not spilling his tea. He says all the time. He
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: is a nervous nelly of a gay man, just an
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Italian woman walking around with a mustache and heatless topless
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: all the time. And he is just, I mean, like
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: nervous all the time. So he and I would go
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: out some time and I'll just be really bold and
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: he'll be like, how are you so both I'm like, well,
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: I feel like, but then I'll be in other scenarios
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: where I don't feel so bold. For example, you and
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: I were both at the Fast and Furious five premier
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: party on the Paramount Lot, you and me, or you
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: and Mateo. You were there, I was there. You were there. No,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: it was Charlie. Sorry. You know what, I don't remember
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: anything I've ever done. I've forgotten more than most people
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: will ever remember. So I'm looking at I was like, oh,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: that's Oh, that's Jelsea Handler as my best friends obsessed
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: with you. And when I say obsessed, like has like
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: hunted you down around the world. That sounds creepy, hunted
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: you far and wide around the world trying to come
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: to your show that then end up like the I
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: think the one in Vegas or somewhere got canceled anyway,
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: and then also she came to the one in New
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: York City, became late, like got on the wrong plane,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: and then try to go to the one and I
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: think Portland's, and then that when canceled money. Yeah, she's
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: got it bad. She's got it bad. So I was like,
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go over say hey to Chelsea, because Butteo
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: is a coming friend and and talked to about my
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: friend Mon, who's who's obsested with you? And then I
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: was just kind of like, nah, I don't have the
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: confidence to go in there and be like, hey, Chelsea,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: my name is Bob the Drag Queen and we have
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: a friend in common. So there are instance of my
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: life where I have so much confidence. But it's what
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: I know I'm good at. Like I know for the
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: fact that I can go into the room make people laugh.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: I know that I can turn a fierce look, but
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: I don't always know that I can have the best
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: social skills. And in settings like parties and stuff. I
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: don't drink or anything, and I feel like back when
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: I did drink, I was probably more apt to just
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: smooz schmooze at a party, and nowadays I really only
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: feel comfortable schmoozing if it's my party, if it's my like,
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: if I have a position of power at the party,
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: I don't talk to anyone. I don't give a funk.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: I'll talk to anyone. But sometimes I'm kind of like,
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: I just moved to Hollywood, so I'm really kind of
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: adjusting to what it's like to be in this in
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: this world. Yeah, which will also do a number on
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: your psyche if you're not healthy enough about your own
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: self worth, etcetera. And I think what you mentioned is good.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: It's like, it's good for people to know what they
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: are good at because a lot of people think, oh,
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: I can't do that, I can't approach this person. Or
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: it's like, focus on the skills that you do have,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: that you are confident about, and use those. You don't
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: have to be good at everything exactly. There's there's nothing
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: wrong with leaning into what you know you're good at
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: and also honestly surround yourself with people who are gonna
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: boost you up for what you're good at. That's what
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: I love about the New York City drag scene. I
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: had horrible makeup for years, Chelsea. I mean disgusting, bad,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: god awful makeup for a very long time. But no
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: one in New York City ever told me because they're
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: all just focusing on how funny I was, how entertaining
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: my shows were, that kind of stuff. So then I
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: gotta repause drag rates, and everyone's like, bit, you look gross,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: and that was like you must be you must have
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: be mistaken for someone else because I I have on
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: good faith that I look gorgeous, Like, now you look
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: nasty as hell. You need to fix this whole thing.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: But then I got back and I was like me
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: and maybe I could have worked on a little bit more.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: But I tend to around myself. People who boost me
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: up for what i'm good at a suppose to people
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: who tear me down when I'm not great at. Yeah,
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I can't be great at everything. By the way, when ever,
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: anybody enters the scene of Hollywood, you look a lot
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: worse than you think you do. Because for the first
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: few years of Chelsea Lately, I had the worst makeup.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I had blue eyeshadow on. I looked like I had
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: freckles all over my face that I don't even think
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: we're real. I think she was applying them, and I
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: mean just terrible hairstyles and everything. And then it wasn't
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: until somebody was like, hey, you need to get a
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: new hair and makeup person that I was like, wait,
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: what do you mean? And because I wouldn't watch my
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: show it was too much I had come from my show,
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: I couldn't watch it. And then when I watched it,
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh shit, I do look ridiculous, you know,
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: So that is just part of entering Hollywood, Like you
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: have to understand what the balance is and how to
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: look your best. I've ever been like full drag? Have
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: ever been like full you would look so fucking snatched
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: and oh my god, but I feel like I've already
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: looked like I was in full drag without a too.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: I want to put you in like divide, I mean,
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: I want I want someone to do it. Do it,
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: put me in whatever you want. Let's do it with
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: your girlfriend who keeps missing my shows. By the way,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: By the way, give me her info or give it
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: to Catherine, because where does she live here in l A.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: She's been traveling around She like flutes. It's flute to
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: New York City to be in the show, and then
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Mr Fly went to port like she is traveling around
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: the world to try to find you. Okay, well, I'm
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: doing two shows at the Wiltern in Los Angeles. I'll
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: hook her up with tickets for that. So, yeah, that's
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: not her fault that she can't book a flight and
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: that she's getting her cities confused, she said, So I
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: want you to let her know and if whoever lets
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: her know, if they get if she gets a VP
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: or whatever. I need her to know that I'm the
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: one who got her these tickets have obviously, what are
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: we gonna do? Just come in, They're gonna fall out
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: of the sky. No, it's penny. It's a penny thing,
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: and it needs to be like. I want you to
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: know that Bob the drag Queen allowed you to come. Yeah,
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: I'll even exaggerate. And so you tracked me down, You
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: who showed up at my house to demand tickets for
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: your friend. And that's the kind of friend you are,
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: and that she should be indebted to you for the
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: rest of her life. And I liked you every since
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: I knew I liked you. I knew I loved you
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: ever since the first time I saw you, ever since
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: the first time you saw me decided not to approach me.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: What are you drinking there? Frappuccino? This is a binty
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: espresso frappuccino with almond milk. I don't order my own coffee.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: My boyfriend orders coffee and then just gets me wherever
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: he gets so he just doubles up with his order
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: and then I just drink whatever is handed to me
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: every day. What's up with your boyfriend? Tell me about
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: your relationship. Is it a healthy one? Yeah, it's Jacob
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: came here. So it's I have two partners actually, and
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: right now I'm in the home with my partner, Jake.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know, he's probably downstairs or something right now, Jacob,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: are you in here? Oh? So this is my partner, Jacob.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: He is. He and I've been together for almost five years. Now.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: This is my cute little Jacob cute. She's how you doing?
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: All right, that's enough for you. Get the funk out
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: of here, Jacob. Now, okay. We worked together on my company,
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: on my podcast US and my drag and my YouTube page.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: He's a photographer. Here's all my photographs. And I have
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: another partner named Ezra. So I am polyamorous and they're friends,
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: but we live separately. Me and Ezra live about four
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: minutes from here, and Jacob and I live right here.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Polyamory is very expensive in case, Yeah it does. You
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: know what it does sound very expensive and it sounds
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: very time consuming. But I guess that's part of the package, right, Yeah,
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, so there's this thing where we're open, right,
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: so like we don't, we don't we're not exclusive, like
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: only you and me, and it's not like that with us.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: But there is this thing where I go back and
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: forth from each place, like literally every day, I'm gonna
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: leave here and go over to see Ezra after this actually,
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: but then I realized, I was like, you guys each
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: have like a day to yourselves, and I am bouncing
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: back and I don't have a day to myself. So
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: it is very time consuming, but I wouldn't have any
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: other way. I love them both so much. I'm really
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: grateful to have them in my life. I mean, I'm
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: really lucky to have found two people who like uplift
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: me and support me, and I think I'm funny, and
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: I think they're both really talented. Nothing's worse than day
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: someone I don't I wouldn't know en or done this.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I have a friend who did. Who did it? Actually
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: dating someone and you hate their art but you can't
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: say it, like imagine if you hated your partner's comedy
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: and you were like this is imagine. Yeah. Yeah, I
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: remember being with someone that I disliked a great deal.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: He wasn't necessarily an artist, but I dated him and
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: I was in love with him, but I did not
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: like him, and I didn't like anything you know that
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: he represented. And I remember thinking, what an interesting dichotomy
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: to be in a relationship with somebody who you really
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: because if you don't like somebody, you don't respect them.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: So you can be in like or I mean in
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: love or lust or whatever it is. The chemistry can
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: draw you in, but when you don't respect somebody, then
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: there's really nothing to build off of. I agree. And
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: and Jacob is a really fucking great photographer and back.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: If you look on my Instagram, pretty much every picture
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: I've ever posted is from Jacob for the last like
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: four years. He's really phenomenal. And my partner as as
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: a musician who I admire greatly. He's a really great
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: singer songwriter, and I'm really I'm really grateful for both
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: of them. So talk to me a little bit more
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: about polyamory so our listeners can have an understanding that
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: that is a respect full relationship on both sides, right,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: because people obviously are super judgy about polyamory and don't
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: understand it. It is true. I think most people's reservations
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: around polyamory stem from their own insecurities and understanding of
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: their own jealousy, and they say stuff like I could never.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: There's something I stopped saying a long time ago. I
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: think the last time I said I could never unless
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: there's something I physically couldn't do. I used to be
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: vegan years ago, and I remember I used to always
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: say I could I could literally I could literally never
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: go vegan, when the truth is I just literally wouldn't
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: go vegan. I'm not vegan anymore. But I remember at
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: the time thing like I just realized, like I'm really
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: placing this whole thing on mysel, on myself. That's not
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: actually truight, I fully could. So I have two partners.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: They do not date each other. They're not in a relationship,
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: and that's a problem, right, That wouldn't be acceptable to you.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: If they did have a relationship, No, that would be wonderful.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I don't think they're really each other type. Yes, I
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: don't think they're really they're really into each other very much.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: They're both very much bottoms and not trying to get
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: with each other. But now that would it wouldn't be
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: about a problem for me at all, because you know, Ezra,
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: my other partner has had partners while we've been together. Actually,
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: when I met him, he had a girlfriend. Um, he's
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: had like three girlfriends since I met him, and one boyfriend,
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: and I liked them. I mean they're they're really cool people,
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: you know, and you meet them and you hang out
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: with them, Like, how does that work? I didn't meet
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: his boyfriend, but that was during the pandemic. They were
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: dating when we were like because at the time I
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: was living in New York City and he was living
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: in l A and him and his boyfriend were living
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: here and it was also very short lived and I
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: never met him, but I met all his girlfriends and
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: they're really lovely. I mean, you gotta just meet and
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: if you understand that this is bringing your partner happiness
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: and they're legitimately happy for me, it is really hard
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: to judge that or feel bad about that. You know,
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: in the polyamor of the the compulsion, which is where
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: you get joy and love and warm filling from seeing
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: someone else bring your partner love and joy. Like my partner,
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: Jacob loves to um sing musicals like at Marie's Crisis
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: in New York City, and one of my favorite members
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: of him is on this cruise ship. He was singing
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: this is so gay. He was singing Jacobs. The song
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: you were singing from Wicked Loathing? Yeah, what is his fielding?
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: So suddenly he was just like standing there, just like
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: singing at the top of his lungs, singing like loath.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: He's like an adult gerrained love thing. I want you
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: to I want you to picture Jacob. Jacob was about
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: five ft six. He wears glasses. He dresses in all black.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Usually he's kind of pale. He's like, he's a Jewish guy.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: He looks Jewish. You are kind of pale, baby, And
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: he's like singing this song at the top of his
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: lung and he was just having so much fun and
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: just like really enjoying himself. And I just remember thinking myself, like,
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: I love seeing my partner this happy. And whenever I
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: would see Ezra with his girlfriend and would bring him
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: so much joy, it would actually bring me joy to
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: see him that happy. I loved it. Yeah, that's as
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: I think. That's a mindset that most people aren't comfortable with.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: They can't think about it in that way. And you say, yeah,
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: you're kind of divorcing yourself from sort of any jealous feeling, right, Well,
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: that's not true. I get jealous all the time. I mean,
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: I'm jealous, but of different things. I'm not necessarily jealous
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: that my partner has a different partner. I mean, sometimes
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I'm jealous if one of my partners hooks up with
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: a guy that I want to hook up with, but
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I know that I'm not at type someone that would
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: have been great, but too bad. I get jealous when
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: my friends get gigs that I want, I get jealous.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: I get I'm jealous that my best friend I keep
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: telling you about is losing weight and I keep gaining it.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: I'm sure this fucking Frappa Mapu bullshit's not helped me
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: lose weight. But I mean, I get jealous all the time,
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: but I don't let it consume me. I think that
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: jealous is a perfectly normal thing to feel, and trying
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: to not feel jealousy feels unhuman. Just acknowledge it and
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: move forward. Do you think you would ever open up
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: your relationship? Would you ever? I don't think Joe would
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: be in to that. He's very He's tricky with any
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: talk of We had a girlfriend over here the other
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: day who was talking about making out with some guy.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: And she had a boyfriend, and she was talking about
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: making out with a guy and Joe. I was like,
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: this isn't gonna go well. It was like, he's Filipino,
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: so he comes from this Catholic upbringing and it's very
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: traditional and it's like and I just saw the cover.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: I was like, it was like a balloon losing its air.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this conversation is going south. But
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: back to the jealousy thing with regard to your boyfriend
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: losing weight. My my boyfriend, Joe has We've been skiing
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: for the last couple of months up here in Canada,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: and he loses a pound to day every morning. I
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: might get on the scale. I want to see he's
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: lost effortlessly because he eats whatever he wants, he does
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: what every want. And meanwhile, I'm my body's atrophying. And
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: I'm like, listen if you need to stop, because I'm
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: gaining weight and he's losing weight, and I'm like, it's
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: soon the two shell meet and I don't need our
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: numbers to be aligning on the scale. I'm like, there's
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: only room for one fucking hot body in this relationship
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: and it's not you so cool it with the weight loss.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: I'm like, if you lose any more weight, you're just
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: going to be a voice that's standing behind me, and
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: no one's even gonna be able to identify you well
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: with me, We've made it so annoying. It's it's not my,
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: it's not my. My boyfriend's my best friend. And when
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: we met, I was so much skinnier than than than
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: this is the one who's chasing around. I was so
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: much skinnier than her. I was like a waif of
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: a person. I was so skinny. And then I just
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: I'm older than this year is. I've gained some weight.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: I'm thirty five. My friend is thirty two, and I
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: think that that's just enough time in this particular age
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: range where you kind of cross thirty where your metabolism
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: really slows down. Plus, my lifestyle has gotten a lot
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: less active. I was like really at working out, and
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: then I just kind of start eating whatever, and I
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: got depressed. But then when I got depressed, start eating.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: She was like, I'm working out every day. She has
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: this new boyfriend, and she's like, I'm always gonna hit
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: the gym, which, by the way, that will not last. Know,
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: when you first hurting someone, you're like, I gotta be
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: so hot for them, and they have the while you're like,
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: once you know you got them and they're not leaving you,
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: like you start to rest on your laurels as they say,
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah. Once you start starting in bed is
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: when it's all right, like wraps up. That's when it
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: just goes out the window. And I started doing that,
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: and that's and I haven't worked I've stopped working out actually,
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: so it's completely true what you're saying, and I'm living
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: it right now. Once I knew that he would accept
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: me under any circumstances, I figure, why not just let
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: it rip? Then I agree. The last thing you to
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: let me know is that I'm good. And then I'm like, whoa, whoa,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: this is great. I'm so happy to be out of Yes,
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: all right, so Catherine, we are going to take some callers,
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: so you know what we're doing. We're gonna give advice,
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: you know, off the top of our head to just
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: random people who need it, who just need a little
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: push in a certain direction. And uh yeah, and so
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: some of the calls are pretty serious and some of
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: them are not. All right, let's let's do it awesome.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: Before we do that, we're gonn to take a quick
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: break for some ads and we'll be right back. We'll
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: be right back, and we're back. We're back. We're black,
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: We're back. And Bob the Drag Queen is black. I am,
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: and I have been the whole show. I don't want
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: to surprise anyone, you know what. We actually had someone
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: right into the Dear Chelsea Project email and they were
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: complaining that like we didn't have enough callers who were
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: people of color or you know, emails from people of color,
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: and I, you know, I just wanted to be like,
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: do you know that you don't know what raised someone
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: is from what their first name is or their email
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: is or whatever, like, because I'm here seeing like pictures
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: of people and last names and things like that, and
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: it's like we just you don't know from their voice
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: what raised someone is. But I think everyone can hear me.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: I sound black, and I understand that. I know that
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: you know that I am black and gay. That is
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: like here, I I sound like what I look like. UM,
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: but not everyone has that ability. I understand it is
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: it is a plus. It's a wonderful thing. We should honestly,
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: everyone should calling and be like, Hi, I'm I'm a
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: black faggot anyway, um, I want to say yes, yes, Keith.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: And your voice is so wondering what I'm interrupting you
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: to tell you how read your voices? But you have
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: a great voice. Thank you. That's so sweet. I have
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: a little Midwestern accent, so i've I don't know, since
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: moving to Los Angeles. I'm a little self conscious about
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: that because people are like, where are you from? Like
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: I'm a total yokel. I'm from outside of Chicago. Just
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: enough charm. My friend who moved to New York City
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: tried to get rid of their their Midwestern accent, so
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: they didn't want to say like drag or bague. They
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: would say drag or bag, but they thought that the
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: word they thought the word vague was actually pronounced that
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: because of their accent. Anyway, sorry, go ahead. How did
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: they pronounce vagina? VEGANA, Well, that's what I'm gonna are doing. No,
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: thank you, Bob, I really appreciate that. So our first
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: email comes from Aaron in Texas. She says, Dear Chelsea,
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: I have a naturally projected voice that can often be
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: the loudest in a room without my intentionally raising it
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: A blessing sometimes but often accurse. How can I improve
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: my self awareness of this and learn how to quote
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: mute myself without having to constantly think about it. My
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: husband often asks me to quiet down, even in our
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: own house, and I come from a very loud talking family.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: Plus I'm from Texas, so I suppose I'm unnecessarily loud, proud,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: and extremely annoying by environmental nature. I'd like to improve
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: my social communication skills, avoid resentment from my software speaking husband,
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: and not be the most annoying person in the room
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: if I can help it. So what's the best way
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: to work on this and retrain my voice to chill
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: out a bit instead of letting it roar. Thank you
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: for your time, Aaron allowed, talking Texan who would like
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: to be better. Oh well, Bob, it sounds like that
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: you guys might have something. Okay, you caught me. I
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: disguised myself as a woman from Texas and I wrote
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: a letter And honestly can't tell this person is black
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: or white because I feel like this they could be either.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: But I also felt like a black woman's husband would
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: not ask them to be quiet, like I can't bath them.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: A world where a black woman's husband is like, can
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: you please, I'm not happening. But I know this type
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: of woman, this Texas you know texts in kind of loud. Yes,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: I know this type of woman. I have had this
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: feedback since I was a small child. Like I remember
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: my parents would tuck me and they'd be like, I'm
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: right here. You don't have to speak so loud, Chelsea.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: Have you ever had that situation? Yes, yes, I am.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: I do modulate my because yeah, and I think a
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: lot of people have it. It's not uncommon, and it does.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: It does depend a lot on your upbringing and the
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: way that you were raised and how large how to
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: talk to be heard in your family. So those are
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: all qualifying factors that make an impact on how you
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: turn out. But it is nice not to be the
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: loudest person in the room. You sometimes need to be
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: when you're a child and you're growing up with six
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: brothers and sisters like I did, I needed to be
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: the loudest child in the room. But you know, I
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: learned as an adult that sometimes you can make more
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: of an impact without screaming. Where do you fall in
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: the in the in the line of kids, Are you
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: like the middle youngest, I'm the youngest. You were like
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: loud and the baby I was allowed count baby is
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: what I was. I was like, hey, everybody, get the
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: funk out of my way, because this is my turn.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: It's my show now. And my brothers and sisters didn't
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: know what had happened. I was really just a nightmare.
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: And I came out screaming and sold my older sister,
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: who had been the youngest for six years. I stole
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: her thunder. But you know, that was a childlike reaction
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: to a situation. And as you get older, you realize
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: you don't always have to be the loudest person in
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: the room, and sometimes it's much more more impactful sometimes
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: to be you know, to modulate your delivery and to
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: be calm and to and to be a good listener.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: You know, I think when you when you listen a lot,
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: you start to calm down a lot, and you realize
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: that it's not that you're trying to make a scene,
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: but there's a part of you that wants to be
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: heard so much that that's worth letting go at some
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: point of your life. You know, when you're a really
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: loud person, but sometimes people just talk loudly and they
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: don't you know. Joe is a comedian and he's on
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: stage all the time, and he is partially I believe
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: deaf because he'll wake up and I'm like, hey, fun face,
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: morning voice, it's morning time. Stop screaming, Or he'll play
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: something on his phone to show me and I'm like, oh,
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: you know, like can you not hear that? That's not
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: an appropriate indoor volume. So some people just aren't aware
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: and are slightly deaf, So you might want to get
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: your hearing ship go to the doctor. Texas girl, I
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: will say, there's your Like, feeling like the loudest person
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: in the room does feel powerful, but then when you
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: see the person who is the loudest in the room
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: and it's not you, You're like, this bitch sounds obnoxious,
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: like why is she screaming? So I would say being
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: the loudest person feels good, but observing the loudest person,
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: especially when you are loud and someone comes in louder
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: than you, You're like this, why why all this? Why
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: do you need to be this fucking loud? But there's
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: a difference between like being loud and just talking too much.
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: I have always talked too much and I'm very loud,
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: but my whole family is loud, except my brother have
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: a very quiet brother, and me and my mom are
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: just so loud. I don't even know how he lived
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: in the house with us. We are like, me and
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: my mom are very funny, We're very quick witted. And
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: my brother is kind of like Boom Howard from King
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: of the Hill. He has like a real thick Southern accent,
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: like a black So the next day he's like man
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: career mount, you know, like he's unintelligible. And me and
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: my mom are like just zipping being bang women all
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: the time. But whenever I do tap into my quiet energy,
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: it does feel powerful. It feels like, oh, they don't
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: know anything about me, honey. I agree with that, because
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: that is an exercise that I tried a lot after
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: therapy to try not to be the center of every
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: dinner party or every conversation. Like my habit of trying
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: to be the center of attention abated a lot, and
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: I really had a desire to listen, be still, kind
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: of take in and perceive rather than output. And that
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: is a powerful game and a challenge for every person
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: to do. You know who has that habit of being
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: loud and being overly I don't know. I mean there's
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: a power in pulling that back, and it's a good
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: fun like challenge for yourself. So it's kind of like
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: hard when the person who is the center team and
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: that you like isn't as funny as you. You're like,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: I would kill like. I wouldn't be killing if I
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: was like, you're not that funny, you're not that cute.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: You know, I should take the reins. I'll be the
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: centing because you're not doing a good job at it.
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: I was trying to be quiet all day, so I'm
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: gonna have to just lean in here and crack this
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: room up. Yeah. Or you get to a point where
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: you are welcoming, you welcome someone else who's the center
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: of attend because that's a load off of your back.
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: That is true. I have a friend up here and
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: Whistler who just doesn't shut the funk up. Ever, her
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: name is and and she you see her on the
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: ski lift, and she doesn't shut the funk up from
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: the time you get on the chair to the top
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: of the mountain, and then when you're skiing you can
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: still hear her talking. And I love it because I
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: don't have to do anything. I just relax and enjoy
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: the show. I don't think you're gonna say her name
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: and give her a location every day at three o'clock.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: Angela Thomas is her name, is her full name. Everybody
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: look out for her. And if you live in Whistler
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: you already know who the funk she is. Can we
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: hear her on this game The Screamer and Whistler. She
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: listens to this all the time too. She's gonna love it.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: Hopefully that helps you. Texas. You're gonna just try and
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: play a little challenge with yourself, and especially if it
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: annoys your husband, that's not invalid. It's not like he's
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: saying he doesn't like your personality. It's just the decibel
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: in which you speak, So like make the adjustment, and
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: that could be a fun kind of like for play situation.
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: You know, it's kind of fun to turn them on
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: and be like, yeah, look at me, I got my
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: ship together. I'm not screaming anymore at parties now you
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: really want to get fucked, do your bedroom voice. Everyone
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: has the bedroom volume, you know, well, accept my my
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: boyfriend is he speaks when we're having sex. He speaks
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: at the same volume and tone that he does when
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: we're not having sex. Which boyfriend? First of all, Jacob,
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: he's the one we met. Yeah, he just talks in
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: the same tone and the same volume and the same
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: boys as when we're just like, you know, going to
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: the sore. It's very weird. That's funny. That's a funny
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: thing to do. Hi, thank you deeper. Yeah. Literally, it's like,
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: let's let's let's move over to a new position and
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: that boys, let's let's let's let's switch positions. Now that
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: coffee is really kicking in. Yeah, look at him bouncing
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: off the walls. I'm normally a tea person, or have
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: switched to tea, but on recording days I do coffee
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: as well. So I wish I didn't hate tea so much,
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: you know, I didn't. I wish I didn't find tea
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: so fucking boring. It's just so boring. The tea with milk,
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: like the what's that? The what's that? You know, it's
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: like a lot chi Chi is great tea. That's good.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: I like Chi. I have chis when I go to
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: Starbucks because I'm not really a coffee drinker either, But
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: when I do have tea at a restaurant, like when
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: someone orders to you I'm like, oh, that sounds nice,
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: I'll have one, and then I have it and I'm like, oh,
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: this is nice, but I just never desire it. Oh
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: for sure, unless you marry God this out. Sweet tea
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: is a fucking game changer. It's it's it is not
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: what you think. It does give you any because it's
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: cappying in it. But sweet tea is unlike any tea
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: in the world. I am an avid drinker of sweet
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: tea when I go home, and I can't believe I'm
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: saying this, but McDonald's actually has really fucking good sweet tea. Listen,
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: let's not be dishonest here. McDonald's has a lot of
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: good options and they're all fucking delicious. Thank you for
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: saying that. Because they hate these Hollywood types who like,
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: when you're hanging out and you want to go eat
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: somewhere and you say jack in the box. Now I
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: look at you like you're crazy, Like, bitch, don't act
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: like you don't eat fast food. I hate people who
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: don't eat fast food and act like their royalty and
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: they say something like, oh, I don't eat fast food. Up. Yeah, Well,
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: we can all agree that it's not healthy and that
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: that's it's not going to help you in any situation
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: be healthy or lose weight or whatever your desires are.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: But we have to all acknowledge that it's delicious. Thank you,
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Chelsea of course, girl of course. Well, on
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: that note, we have a caller. Her name is Samantha.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: Just perfect. Dear Chelsea and co in one. At a
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: low point in my marriage, I did something horrible and
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: cheated on my partner, even though the other man and
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: I only slept together once. We had been flirting and
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: talking about sleeping together for about a year. I felt
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: so guilty after I physically cheated that I immediately told
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: my husband after it happened. It was rocky for a while,
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: but we both really changed our lives around and worked
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: on ourselves and our relationship, and we're better than we
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: ever have been. The part I need advice on is
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: how to get over the man I cheated with. My
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: friends seem not to understand how it could still hold
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: feelings for the man I cheated with since things are
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: going so well in my marriage now. It's complicated even
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: further because the man I cheated with is my childhood
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: friend's brother, so I'll most likely have to see him
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: again at things like weddings, etcetera. I haven't talked to
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: him since the night we slept together, and I feel
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: like I never really got closure. I know from my
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: therapist that closure is something you give yourself, but I
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: can't seem to shake these feelings I have for him,
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: and it's affecting the relationship I have with my friend
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: as well as my marriage. Samantha. Mm hmmm, Hi, Samantha, Hi, Hi,
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: I just want to start about saying nice. Try Jada
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: Pinkett Smith. We know that's you, No kidding, Sorry, go ahead, Jasey, Yeah,
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: Jada Pinkets was a nice way to disguise yourself as
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: a white woman named Samantha. Okay, way to fucking go. Yeah,
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: you have an entanglement, Okay. So Bob the drag Queen
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: is in a polyamorous relationship, So Bob, why don't you
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: go first? And then I'll weigh in from somebody who's
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: in a monogamous relationship, because these are two different perspectives.
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: So I think that no matter what relationship in, whether
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: it be polyamorous, monogamous, even if it's a friendship or
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: if it's work relationship, whatever, I think that honesty is
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: probably the best thing. And obviously you did breach your
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: husband's trust, breach the honesty contract that you had together,
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: But the fact that you came forward and acknowledge what
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: you did that is that is a level of honesty
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: that most people could literally only aspire to. I don't
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: think you even know how many people would take this
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: kind of thing to the grave and let it eat
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: them up, or they hold onto it so long that
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: it ends up eating your marriage from the inside out.
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: Not in a hot way, it is your marriage from
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: the inside out, and then the walls will come caving
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: down around it. I feel like, if you, in my opinion,
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: if you feel like you can't let go of the
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: person that you cheated with, this childhood friend of yours,
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: what I would maybe recommend is having an honest conversation
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: with them. Let your husband know you're gonna have this conversation,
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: have an unest conversation with them, and be like, listen,
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: I can't communicate with you anymore. When I see you
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: at events, I will say hi, I will say bye,
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: But you and I we cannot talk anymore because I
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: value my relationship with my partner so much and I
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: have a lot of shame centered around what I did
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: with you, and it's not a proud moment for me,
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: and I'm sorry for bringing you into this entanglement that
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: I have. That was on me. I reached my trust
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: with my husband. You didn't do that. That was me,
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: and I'm acknowledging my part. But now I'm cleaning up
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: my side of the street and trying my best to
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: move forward. So for that reason, you and I cannot
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: communicate anymore because I'm having a hard time in my relationship.
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: And if your partner, your husband is obviously you two
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: love each other because you're still to other, you know
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: what I mean. And we all make mistakes, like everyone
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: makes mistakes, and we get to give the mistakes to
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: gravity we choose. For some people this would be a
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: relationship any mistake, and for some people it is just
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: a chance to bond and become out stronger than you
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: did before. You ever had an argument with your partner,
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: and then at the end of the argument you communicated
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: so effectively and so well that now you are actually
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: stronger than you were before. This is an opportunity, This
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: is an opportunity for that, you know. Yeah, that's great advice. Actually,
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: um not. Actually it's great advice period. So I have
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: a question for you some metha, do you still pine
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: for this guy that you had sex with the one time?
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: Like it sounds like you have some little mixed up
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: feelings about it. Yeah. I mean what's complicated is because
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: we've known each other like our whole lives, so it's
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: difficult to let that go. And like when we were teenagers,
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: we would hook up a little bit, so it was
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know if we ever really like dealt with
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: our feelings that we had for each other. And now
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: I'm just like in a very committed relationship and that
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: was not the time to deal with those feelings. So
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: but you don't feel like you still have anything to
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: explore with him? No, Okay, well then that's easy. Yeah.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: I think you just need to follow Bob's advice and
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: do exactly that. Send an email and just put closure
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: on it, you know, for your sake and for his
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: and exactly what he said is perfect because yeah, it
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: was one time, but if you really are committed to
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: your husband, it is the most honorable thing to do
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: is to be upfront, be honest, don't lead him on
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: in any way. Just just say you know, this is
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: where I stand, so that there is a button on
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: it and it's not just left open ended, because I
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: find that to be a little confusing sometimes for other
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: people because who knows where he's at? What about your friend?
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: He's the brother of your friend, right, does your friend
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: know about what happened? Yeah, she was like directly involved
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: with all of the drama. And we've we have slowed
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: our relationship out really well, like we're on we're on
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: a good page. I still feel like kind of uncomfortable
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: around her just because I'm like embarrassed that it happened,
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: but she knows what's going on. And I think a
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: good thing for you to remember is to just kind
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: of take all the drama out, you know, don't create
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: any more drama. There's been enough, so you don't have
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: to explain to your friends your feelings that you still
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: have about the situation. I think extinguish it, send that
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: email off, and be done with it, and act like
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: an adult moving forward, because it is a dramatic situation
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: and in order to show growth and to have growth,
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: you kind of want to get that behavior out of
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: your system, you know, And I think too, you you
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: really owe everyone, that's honestly, but more than anything, you
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: owe it to yourself, like it has something to Oprah
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: is who you owe into, okay, because Oprah knows by
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: the way, you know what, Santa, you better watch out,
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: you better, And I cry, Oprah's around the corner. It's Oprah,
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: God and Santa, and they all live around the corner
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: for you. And the thing is, you know, as William
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Cullen Bryan once said, you know truth crushed earth will
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: arise again. No lie can live forever it is. It
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: is next impossible to when you tell a lie. You
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: found this out because you were sneaking around. When you
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: tell one lie, you have to tell another life to
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: support the lie. Lies cannot be supported by truth. Lies
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: can only be supported by moral lied. And you build
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: up a house of lies. And then because everything around
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: your artifice, you don't know what's real, and it becomes
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: really hard. But now you're already working on the path
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: to honesty um telling the truth. And as long as
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: you stay on that path, I think you will be
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: really you'll you'll be in a very good position, you
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: and your partner and this other person and your friend
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: as well. And do not be ashamed. It's not about
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: being proud of what you did. But don't beat yourself
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: up over because I can see it's easy to think
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: of this as a series of mistakes, like there was
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: the flirting, and then the texting, and then the sexting,
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: and then the actual sex and then the different Each
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: position is a different mistake during sex. But just think
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: about one mistake instead of trying to compartmentalize and beat
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: yourself up over it. Don't beat yourself up over it
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: because just don't do that to yourself. You can be
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: meaned yourself than anyone in the world. Do not bully yourself,
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, the negative self talk is detrimental to
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: all of us. So you can use this to just no,
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: say to yourself, Okay, that was I was operating at
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: a lower vibration, on a lower plane of existence when
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: I was acting that way. But guess what I fessed up.
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: I can had I come to Jesus, I told the
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: truth and now I'm at operating at a different level.
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: And just remind yourself that of your integrity moving forward,
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: and that's all that matters, is what you're doing today
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: and moving forward. Yeah, and I think when we get
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: married we have the sense of like security, and you know,
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: the person that we're with is very comfortable, and you
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: may find that like what you were after was not
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: It wasn't sex. It was this sense of danger and this,
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: like Bob said, the flirtation, the like year of build
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: up to this thing, because when you actually got to
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: the sex, it wasn't something that was fulfilling or satisfying.
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: So I wouldn't say to your husband that this is
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: what you're doing because there's something missing necessary. You could,
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: but you might try some different things, like some role
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: playing or some like fun things with your husband that
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: give you that sense of danger, that sense of mystery,
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: that sense of something new and fresh and like a
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: little exciting. And that could be bedroom stuff or it
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: can be just life stuff. Maybe every week you have
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: a date night with your husband, so there's something new
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: and fresh to insert a sense of novelty in your life,
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: especially after being trapped around houses for two years. Our
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: brains crave novelty. Does that help, Samantha, Yes, it's a
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: thank you. I like your kitty cat that's coming wants
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: to be involved, subsessed. Your kind is obsessed with I
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: don't have a cat. I actually hate cats, yours included.
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: But cats are like obsessed with people's computers and like
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: looking at the screens, like getting on the keyboards. I couldn't,
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: but I'm sure you're cat's great. I'm sure really cheers. Yeah,
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: I wish my dog Burt would sit on round and
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: the back of my shoulder like that while I was past,
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: What kind of dog is Burt? Oh? He's a big fat,
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: lazy asshole, is what the kind of dog he is?
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: And who goes back and forth all morning long, walking
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: back and forth, pacing until he can get his first
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: meal in. It's just a typical male bullshit you do.
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: Just so That's why I love dogs. That was just
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: kind of like they're so simple. There's like I just
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: wanna I just want to snack, Like can I just
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: have a little snack please? And cats are always up
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: to something. I don't trust cats. Cats are They've got
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: some sneaky Like this cat is actually actively plotting our
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: demise when we leave, the cat's gonna go and give
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: us a one star review on iTunes. I know that
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: anything that is trained to take a ship in a
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: box and then hide it is a tricky character. Okay,
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: like take a ship in a box and then kick
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: it and hide it. So not only do you have
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: to clean up the shadoubi, you have to find it.
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't That's why I don't trust them.
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: They they're multilayered and there Catherine has cats too, She's
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: into cats. Oh. I had a cat growing up, but
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: I don't have cats currently. I just have a dog
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: that seems like a cat. People would come up to
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: me on the street and me like, I love your kitten.
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: Why did I say that she just seems like a cat. Well,
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: I think once you have a cat, Katherine, you've always
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: had a cat. You know, you can't catch out of
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: it just because you no longer physically have it. It's like, yeah,
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: all right, well, thank you, Samantha. I hope we helped you.
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: You did. Definitely send that email and you know, move
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: on to the next chapter and let us know what happens.
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: Don't beat yourself up anymore. Yes, thank you, Thanks Samantha.
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know what it is though, I mean, secretly,
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: I just love I mean, I don't like to hear
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: people's pain, but I do love hearing about like affairs
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: and interpersonal like you know, Torrid kind of relationships, like
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: when people are dishonest or they cheat, Like I do
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: find that compelling. That makes perfect sense. Is that what
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: you're saying is not weird at all. I am a
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: messy bitch who lives for a drama. I love drama.
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: That's why I talk about all my friends as soon
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: as they leave the room, is Sam gone? Is she gone?
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: Is she gone? Yeah, they're never gonna make it. Kidding,
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I was doing a bit,
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: you know, to that point. We we do tend to
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: have a way to over dramaticize things, right, Like a
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: lot of people, like you said, we like the drama,
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: and then we extend the drama, like where that drama
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: could have been over, she's extending it because of her
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: feeling and that like feelings and thought patterns, and she
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: hasn't put it to bed. So, as human beings, we
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: all have a tendency, not all of us. Some people
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: are a little bit more mature, but a lot of
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: us have the tendency to make things more dramatic than
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: they need to be. Yeah, that is that is t
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: as as the queer say, that's t henny, but not
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: because a sweet tea. Yeah, there we go. We're all
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: on the same page now. Well, our next caller is
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: Jess Justice seven and is from Memphis. Jess says, I'm
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: a masculine, non binary lesbian and I could use some
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: advice in the dating department. I seem to only attract closeted,
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: experimenting or just coming out queer women that end up
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: not being in a position to be in a committed relationship.
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: What am I doing wrong? Jess? Hi? Hi, Jess, Hello,
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, it's adorable. You have been one of
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: my heroes since I was in middle school. And I'm
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: a little bit shook right now. So wait, who are
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: you talking to? This could change everything, Chelsea. No not,
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: he just blocked off. I'm sorry, I'm freaking out a little.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: That's okay, honey, you can that's fine. We get it.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: We get it. Bob the Drag Queen is here to
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: also aid in the advice giving, as well as Katherine,
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: our producer, who I'm sure you've spoken with already. Well,
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: we're just we're glad to have you, so I'll do
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: some talking before so you can collect yourself. Okay, great,
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: I've heard this from so many people, especially women, gay women,
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: and gay men who are experimenting or only attract people
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: who aren't sure if they're out of the closet yet,
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: or are secretly having sex with both sexes. Blah blah blah.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: There's a really good book that we talked about a
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: lot on the show. It's called Attached. You should pick
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: up a copy and read it because it's about creating
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: those relationships with unavailable people and not becoming a pattern
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: of behavior. There's like three versions. One is a secure person,
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: one is an avoidant, and avoidance are the type of
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: people that you're talking about that haven't come to grips
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: with their reality and they're not sure what they want
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: to do. So it's a pattern of your behavior for
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: attracting these people and then pursuing it. Right, you have
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: to kind of set sail in a different direction and
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: look for people who are really available. Yes, I know
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: the book that's on my book list because I've heard
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: it on the podcast, and I do read up on
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: attachment styles, and I'm definitely an anxious attached person. I
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: can be codependent at times, So it seems to be
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: like this perfect storm of a situation, and I definitely
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: can like, I know it's a bad decision, but I
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: still pursue it because of like the dopening hit in
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: your brain if you're flirting or getting physical. And I'm
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: definitely working on that, but it is really hard because
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: sometimes I feel like I am the only one in
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: the world going through it. It feels like a very
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: nuanced experience that a lot of my other friends, even
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: other gay friends, aren't going through, and it has just
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: created this profound sense of loneliness. And that's just really hard,
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: you know, especially when you're trying really hard to be
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: out and comfortable and like do the right things in life.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: And it's no one's fault because everyone's entitled to come
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: to themselves in their own time. But I keep getting
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: into this pattern and I'm you know, I'm twenty seven now,
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: I've been out since I was nineteen, and I'm kind
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: of like this year enough is enough. I do feel
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: like I deserve someone who's intentional about relationships and can
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: like receive the love I want to give somebody. You know,
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: I will say this just I feel like we as
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: people get to decide what we accept for ourselves, you
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. We get to let we get
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: to decide if we want to be introduced to the families.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: We get that, we get this at our own standard,
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: and after a while, sometimes when you've set a standard
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: for yourself, but then you let someone not do this
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: part and I do this part and not do this part,
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: not of this part. Are you lower your own standard
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: of what you feel like you deserve. And I can't
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: speak for everyone, but I know for me personally, I
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: deserve someone who loves me in public. I deserve someone
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: who wants to commit to me. I deserve someone who
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: is not ashamed. I deserve someone who who knows what
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: they want. I deserve to not have someone figuring out
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: their sexuality when they're with me. There's nothing wrong with
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: someone figuring out their sexuality. There's nothing wrong with someone
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: you know. Some people can't come out of the closet
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: because of where they are, who they are, what they
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: do for a living. This is and I'm not judging
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: anyone for not being able to come out of the
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: close because we all have different journeys for when we
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: need to come out and that kind of stuff. But
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: I know that I don't have to be around while
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: you figure that out, because it is hard for me mentally,
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: I can't sneak. I've been out of the close since
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: I like you. I think I came out and I
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: was eighteen years old, no, seventeen alls in high school.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: And I'm thirty five years old now, and I have
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: no desire to go back into. The closet is a
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: very uncomfortable place. And sometimes you feel your desire to
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: be loved can outweigh your desire to love yourself. Let
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: me say again, sometimes your desire you're you're desired to
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: be loved by someone else can outweigh your desire to
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: love yourself. But that's why the color purple is the
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: best love sort of all time, because in the end,
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: she doesn't get shug avery, she doesn't get the love
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: of messrs. She and learns how to love herself and
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: then she it's a cat. It is the best love
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: sort of all time. So I think you need to,
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: in my opinion, figure out how you can love yourself.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: Set standards for yourself and don't let because if you
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: break your own standards, if you're willing to break your
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: own standards, you'll other people just plow through them. You.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: Other people just shot you and again where they want
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: because they're They're like, well, well, obviously they don't consider
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: their own standards there. They're they're letting anything fly. So
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: I'll just I can do whatever I want to. It's
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: kind of like you ever been a someone's house and
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: the house is kind of messy, but the house is
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: kind of messy, You'll just put your shirt anywhere. You
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: don't care. You don't you don't feel the need to
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: be nice in this house. When you go to a
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: house in the house pristine, you would take your shoes
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: off before you even get inside. You walk around, you tiptoe,
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: you clean everything. You don't want me smudge me because
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: you're like, wow, this person really cares for their house,
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: and when their houses's house, they don't even give a
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: You are your own house. Yeah, that's that's great advice.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: And I actually have a twin brother who is also gay,
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: and my mom who by the way, she and my
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: brother love you, Chelsea so much, and they say, HI,
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: have been so supportive and amazing to me. It's sometimes
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: hard to relate to these other women who you know,
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: have homophobic parents or transphobic parents and just don't have
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: any position to really be out. And it's sort of
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: makes me crazy. I'm like, just come out, then we
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: can be out and open and it's fine. But they're
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: not in a position to do that, and I think
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: I do need to be more empathetic about that, but
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: I tend to let the experience still into my life
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: and then I feel resentful. You can be empathetic, but
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: you don't have to be present for it. You don't
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: have to. It is not your duty to assist people
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: through coming out. That is not your job. You can
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: decide if you want to do it, but you don't
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: have to do that. That is, you are not there.
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: They're they're gay counselor you're you're not. That's not your job,
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: but you don't have to do There we go, There
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: we go. That's that kind of attitude you need to
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: have because it's exactly it's exactly right. You're choosing to
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: be a part of something that you don't need to
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: be a part of. You can totally be empathetic to
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: their experiences, but you don't need to witness it. You're
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: in a different spot. You are out, you do have support,
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: You're ready for a healthy, committed relationship. So you know
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: in that book they say anxious goes to avoid it
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: because they like that codependency. They like that that that chasing,
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: that chasing, the chasing, and never really getting what you desire.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: So you have to flip the script on that, and
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: you have to you have to decide that is no
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: longer enough for you what you're looking for, and be
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: intentional about it. There's no harm in saying to people
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: right out of the gate, listen, I'm only interested in
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: being out with you or going on a date with you,
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: or meeting for coffee or whatever you're going to do
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: or a date. If you're out and ready and open
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: to being in a relationship with someone. That doesn't mean
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 1: we're gonna get married or we're even going to be
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: in a relationship. But that's what page I'm on, and
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: I want to meet somebody of the same nature. And
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: even saying that out loud to yourself is going to
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: be helpful for a while, you know, until you start
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: living that truth. Being codad it can be very scary
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: because feeling like you need something, in my opinion, that's
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: not a healthy bond. It's kind of like when you're
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 1: told by the doctor that you have to do something
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: versus you wanting to do it. I hate working out.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: I don't love it. I feel like I have to
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: do it so I can feel good in this industry.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: It's not like a really like oh, I just love
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: and people who love going to the gym. You can
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: there's a clear difference in people who love it and
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: people who feel like they need to do it. You
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: can see it on their faces at the gym. And
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: it's not just that, it's it's an all facets of
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: your life. Codependency is really tough. I don't even ever
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: heard of alan On or Coda, but if you've ever
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: heard of Coda, Coda is a great program for people.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: It's a twelve the program people who are struggling with
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: being codependent because that's me. It's that's me to tea
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: and I even just this past year have really you know,
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: I lay in bed at night, I'm like ship, that
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: really is me. And it's sort of embarrassing to admit,
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: but it's very true. It's like withdrawal, like if you
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: don't feel needed by someone, and in particular like romantic relationships.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: For me, it can really plummet my mood. And I'm
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: just like, good God, that's not sucking it. I do
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: not want to live a life that my mood is
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: so dependent on these situations that have these patterns that
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: I know I'm not a stupid person, are are not
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: healthy and not good for me. And you know, I'm
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: twenty seven now. I do want to get out of
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: that loop for sure. By the way, seven thirty seven,
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: forty seven, I just turned forty seven. Seven is a
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: lucky number and it's a good time for change. Seven
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: year cycles, you know, a lot of things are seven
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: year cycles. That's the seven year itch, seven year growth
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: hair cycles. So there's so many things that applies to
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: seven rings a big hit. But you know, so your
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: seven like you have every opportunity to change your patterns
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: of behavior. So it's a huge opportunity right now, and
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: you should go for it and maybe just take some
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: time out in the interim before you go and set
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: out with your new kind of way of operating in
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: the world and operating and finding your mate, just take
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: some time to like make sure you're instilling in yourself.
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: Read a couple of these books, get to know yourself
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: on a deeper level and understand what your value is
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: and what you're expecting out of this life. What are
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: you expecting and what are you going to settle for?
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: And what you Bob said about your standards, you know
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: you're the only person who has the ability to raise
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: your standards. Yeah, yeah, that's so true. I um. I
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 1: met someone recently at a friend's wedding and she was
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: so openly a affectionate towards me. I couldn't receive it,
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 1: like I was uncomfortable, and her and I had to
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: have a conversation about that, and I was like, look,
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: I know we're not in a committed relationship or or
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 1: in love or any anything like that, but you reminded
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: me that I do deserve open and honest and sincere
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: affection without all the noise in the background. And I
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: just feel like I haven't not even I haven't had
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: that in a long time. I just feel like I
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: haven't had that. And it was sort of I don't
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: know if it was an AHA moment or a wake
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 1: up call, but just one little moment in life WHEREM like,
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: I'm doing this wrong and I I can change it,
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: no one else can, and I need to start doing
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: the steps to do that. One day you'll get the
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: open effects that you deserve, and you're gonna be like
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: I can't wait. If I ever settle for anything less
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: than this, Yeah, you're gonna be like, I will never
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: ever go back to it. I didn't even know it
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: could be this great. On the other side, my I
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 1: can relate to what you're saying completely. That's exactly my
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 1: relationship with Joe. He's so overly affectionate. He's so well,
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: not overly, he's perfectly affectionate. But in the beginning, I
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: was like, cool it, buddy, get the funk off of me.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: You know, we're out in public. I don't want to
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: be tongue kissing you, and you know all of the
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 1: things that I have judgments about. I mean, I still
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: would rather not tongue kiss in public. But you know
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying, I had all these kind of like
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: oh no, this isn't cool, like this is too much,
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: and then you're realizing, like this person loves me. They're
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 1: they're all over me because they love me, you know.
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: And then six weeks into the relationship, we flew from
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 1: New York to l A and I sat in his
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 1: lap an entire plane ride. So talk about breaking my
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: own rules, Like you have to realize, oh I am
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 1: worthy of this, you'r all your judgments about all of
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 1: that are not necessarily accurate. It's just where you are
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 1: in your life right now, so you can easily change course.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: Were you flying private, that's a great question. If we
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 1: were flying private, it wouldn't have been a pertinent story,
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: would it have been? Because who gives a ship? If
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: I was sitting on his lap on a private plane,
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 1: we were flying commercially. You're sitting in someone's lap on
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: a delta flight in the fight, it is like, yeah,
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: they and to five five and a half hours. I
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: sat on his lap and just like why we watched
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: movies on his lap. And I was like, I'm breaking
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 1: for single and I'm Chelsea Handler, So I don't need
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 1: to be fucking like vulnerable like that in front of people,
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: you know, especially flight attendants. They respect me, they know
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: my game, so you know, you just you just have
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 1: to understand that we all deserve to be adored in
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: that way and you can do whatever the hell you
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: want that makes you happy. Yeah, and that I'm not
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: just someone to give someone like a first good queer
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: experience and then they're like bye bye. You know, I
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: deserve someone to really stay. I think, and I hope
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 1: and I'm trying to place that we all deserve to
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: sit in Joe Quoi's lap on a commercial flight Los Angeles.
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: Do you want to start out doing that? I can
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 1: send you on a flight with Joe Koy and you
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: can sit on his lap, and then we can start
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 1: you dating again. Okay, that will change my game a
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: little bit, but I'm doubt Yeah, well, that will transition
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: you into a different level of self adoration for sure.
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Oh my god, thank you so much.
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: So keep us posted. Let us know when you're in love, Okay,
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: I certainly will. Hopefully it's sooner than later. Yeah, and
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: then we can bring her on and we can talk
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 1: about public public displays of affection. Okay, take care, Thanks
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 1: so much, so much. You've got this. You can do
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 1: by everyone. By by when he's seven years old, I
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 1: have a question, when you were in the fight one
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: seven year old or seven twenty year olds fight one
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 1: seven year old or seven twenty year olds or twenties
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: seven year olds, fight them physically physically. Seven year old son,
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: you can take out seven year old. There's seven twenty
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: seven year old. I don't want to fight a seven
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: year old. I mean, that's not going to you know
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: what I mean, I'd rather just kick a twenty seven
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 1: year olds ask and be done with it. It would
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 1: you rather get beat up by its publicly? Like you're
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 1: out in public? You the image of Chelsea Handler beating
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 1: up twenty seven year olds, It's not it's not good.
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: Pr it's not good. That would not be a good
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 1: look for me. Then beating me up would be a
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 1: better look for me. Chelsea Handler allows twenty seven year
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: olds to pummel her to a bloody pulp on Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah,
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: right next to my star. I don't have Well, let's
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: take a quick break and we'll be right back to
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 1: wrap up with Bob the Drag Queen and Chelsea. Okay,
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: we'll be right back with Bob and his cat. Okay,
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 1: we're back from break you guys. I'm back with Bob
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: the Drag Queen and my co host Catherine and um,
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 1: we're at the end of our hour. So do we
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: have any last minute business? Catherine, Bob, do you have
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 1: any advice you'd like to ask Chelsea for? Yeah? I do. Actually, so,
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm relatively new to the Hollywood scene. I just
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: moved to Hollywood I've only been working in film for
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 1: maybe seven years now, which is actually pretty young. And
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 1: I have a lot of friends who are like getting
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: some big moments, and I sometimes get really jealous, but
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: I'm also happy for them, like I'm happy. But then
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 1: there are certain friends, certain friends, when I see them
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 1: get success, I'm like, what a bitch? Like what a bit?
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 1: And I'm tolding the line between like wanting to be
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: happy for them and also wanting this myself and not
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: wanting to sell myself out to be a Hollywood type
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 1: because I want to meet new people, but I also
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 1: like have a hard time, you know, like I said,
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: I couldn't even come with you the thing and being like, hey,
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 1: I'm bob, I get move here, Let's go have boba,
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So what is your advice
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 1: for someone for a young starlet like me breaking into
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: the Hollywood scene who's willing to do anything to get
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 1: cast in the movie. Well, first, I would like to
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: say that I had boba for the first time a
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: couple of months ago, and I choked on those balls
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: and the fact that you have to suck balls through
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: a straw is going backwards for me. So I'm not
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 1: going to have boba again, and I don't care who
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 1: that offense. Secondly, I would say that jealousy you said
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 1: yourself at the beginning of this episode, is a natural
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 1: human feeling. It's not something you can avoid. It's only
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 1: something that you can promise yourself not to act on. Right, Like,
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: you don't want to act in jealousy, you don't want
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 1: to act in envy. You can have those feelings. They're natural.
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 1: They happen to everybody. There's so many people, and it's
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 1: not your decision whether or not somebody else succeeds anyway.
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 1: That's not up to you. So the coolest way you
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: can be is to accept everybody's got their own path,
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 1: and that means you too. I think when you can't
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 1: be happy for other people and their success, it's hard
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 1: to accumulate your own. That is very true. So that's
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 1: something I like to remember. You know, even if it's
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: someone you're not that great with or somebody that's sucked
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: you over, it's just cooler and better to be like
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 1: good for them, good for them. Yeah, do you need
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 1: any advice from me, Chelsea? I mean, you've got me
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 1: so much already. I mean, I'm first of all I've
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 1: changed my coffee drink and now I'm getting a frap
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: puccino with almond milk. I'm going to take another lover.
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 1: I have to tell Joe when he gets back, he's
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: going to be pissed because he's the one who set
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 1: up my computer for this podcast this morning. And then
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: he's gonna come back and I'm gonna tell him it's
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 1: time for us to also open up our relationship and
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna start doing drag. Well, you're gonna dress
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: me up. That's gonna be our next thing to Wait,
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: what's your girlfriend's name? Who keeps going to the wrong
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: show or keeps going to shows that don't happen. A
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 1: drag queen named Monet Exchange who is the winner of
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 1: All Stars season five of RuPaul's Drag Race. And it's
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 1: also good friends with me and Mateo as well. But
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 1: I definitely I would love to drag you out. I mean,
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 1: it's what we do on my on my show We're here, like,
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm used to putting people up in full
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 1: of drags, and there are certain people you Leslie Jones.
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 1: I really want to get my hands on Leslie Jones
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 1: because I feel like we actually look alike, like me
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 1: and Leslie Jones could be siblings, like full ty Cynthia Reeva.
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 1: I want to get her in full drag. There's a
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: couple of I want to get my hands on. I
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 1: remember I once said to one of my makeup artists
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 1: or my hairstylists, they had done my hair and in
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 1: this like fancy fancy backbon like really intricate. But from
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 1: the front it looked like ship. I looked like a bagel,
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 1: like you couldn't even see my hair line like it was.
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: And I go, hey, this looks terrible, and she goes, yeah,
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 1: but from the back it looks amazing, and I go,
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 1: but I'm not backing into the show. No one sees
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 1: the fucking back of my head was what the funk.
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: I was like, You're gonna have to go anyway. It
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 1: was a delight. Oh my god, I had such a
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: good time with you. We had so much fun with
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 1: you today, Bob. Thank you for coming over. You're an
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 1: absolute joy, And thanks for your sagacious advice to everybody.
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 1: You gave great advice. Oh, thank you. You're very lovely.
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you very much. I am also a big
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 1: fan of yours, and honestly, I think we can probably
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 1: thank mone for that, because Mona show me so much
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 1: of your work and you're real rock star. I was wondering,
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 1: who's going to play you in the movie of your life? Well,
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 1: she's Moday. Is probably currently in South Africa trying to
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 1: find me a performance of mine and in the wrong
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 1: spot as usual. So when she gets back, you tell
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 1: her that we're going to get her tickets to the
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 1: will turn all right, We'll do absolutely Okay, take care,
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 1: I have a great day. Bye bye bye. So if
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 1: you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, just send an
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 1: email to Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.