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185. Want To Have An AMAZING Emotional And Sexual Connection? Then Do This One Thing Often · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: It's the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast with your host, nick and Amy, and today's episode is titled why you Should Start Doing this One Thing Together Often.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: Is it something new?
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: Is it something that no one's heard of?
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: I would say 99% of the people don't do this.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Really yeah but before we get into that, let's do a.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Would you rather question?
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: from the app.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: To start out the podcast From the app All right.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Would you rather oh, this will be a good one.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Would you rather spend money on your kids or on each other?
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: You got a big smile.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: What do you say when you laugh at that?
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: Well, you're asking a mom of four.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Would you rather spend money on your?
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Kids or on each other.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: This is a personal thing.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: This isn't a podcast thing, right Like, I'm not trying to teach a message right now.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to like, just be honest.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: This is to be honest, and I'm going to be honest and I'm going to explain why.
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: I know exactly what you're going to say, and you know exactly what I'm going to say 21 years we know each other.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's see if we do.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: Okay, I am actually really pulled on this question and I'll tell you why.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: I think that most moms out there listening are going to say I would rather spend money on my kids, because kids are really fun to shop for well, at least when they're little.
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: They are right.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: And the question is would you rather spend money on your kids or on each other?
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: But I know the right answer should be each other.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: But you don't like gifts.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: You don't like gifts, so you don't let me to buy you stuff, but you love vacations.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: So if the answer was supposed to be like the right answer, it was me.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: There's no right answer.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: That's the thing is.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: There's no right answer.
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: Well, the answer should be that you should spend.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: You should save money for each other, you should save your money and not spend it unless it's a necessity.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Well, and the question maybe we should have clarified is it says would you rather spend money on your kids or on each other?
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: It doesn't specify if it's long term, short term, one time.
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: So let's just say Okay, then give me details.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: Would you rather spend if you had $10,000 would you rather spend it on your kids or on each other, so say 10 grand.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: Can I split it?
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: No, you can't split it, you got to either say this is all going towards the kids or it's going towards us.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: I have matured, I would probably take us on a big trip If I had to spend it in one place.
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: I think it'd be more beneficial to spend it on each other.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: But I just want to add that I love.
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: I love buying my kids stuff too, like their happiness.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: But your happiness, everyone's happiness, brings me happiness.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: So that's just a hard question.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: So what's your final answer?
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: I'm still confused.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: In this stage of life, I know it's more important to spend it on each other.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, all right.
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: So I'm just going to say this, because my kids although I love them and I know that they love us, I don't think that they are as grateful as adults are, even though I'm trying to teach them gratefulness so true, so true.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: I just don't think they have grasped the whole gratitude thing, because I really truly feel like you have to become a parent to be grateful for everything your parents did, and our kids are not going to realize how much we do for them until they're older.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: I don't think.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Well, great example, right yeah.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: So the thing is, we took our kids on a trip to Mexico, right the Cancun.
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: And we don't ever hardly do anything.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, hardly ever did that.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: It was a big deal.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: And we asked them jokingly hey, would you rather we just pay you three or four hundred bucks a piece or take you on the trip?
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: And some of the kids were like, oh, just give me three or four hundred bucks.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, really You'd rather?
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: That's how bad they like new clothes.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: They're teenagers, yeah.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: And it's not like we withhold everything from them, but I mean, our kids are probably like all of you feel like you do a lot for your kids, yeah, for sure, right.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: So I was like really they really don't care about a trip or those kinds of things.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: But you've got to put yourself back in the teenager years and you're like oh, a closet full of new stuff or a memory that's going to fade.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: They don't appreciate the memories like we do now.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: Right, yeah, so you just have to put yourself in there.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: So my answer would be I would rather spend money on each other as well too, because a lot of times, kids again don't appreciate things, they don't remember things, and it's obviously different with ages.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I would invest in us for sure, because if we have a happy marriage, regardless of things that are going to have a better upbringing and Better, Better for them.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah absolutely.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: All right and bashing your marriage is always more important.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: It's always better for your kids.
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm in crap, right.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: Plus, we couldn't.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: We couldn't really say we're always preaching that your marriage and relationship comes first.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: We couldn't really say all I take care of the kids first, right.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: But it is fun to buy your kids.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: It's fun to give them those experiences once in a while to take them somewhere.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: Fun.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: It's fun to Like.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: My daughter started high school and I went and spent the money to make a really special occasion of like Taking her to get her hair done for the very first time, like really get it done like she loved it.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: It was beautiful.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: She felt confident, she felt beautiful.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: That made me never be happiness.
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: So it's it's hard because I still think marriage first.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: But yeah, there's balance.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a hard, that's a tricky question.
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: I challenge you to ask your spouse and just start a conversation, like we just had.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: All right jumping into the podcast, so why you should try to start doing this one thing together as often as you can.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: Should we do a drum roll?
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you make the drum roll with your mouth.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: Okay, Nick's got life-changing advice.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah well, I don't know it's life-changing, but I think I said this in this podcast.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: They're well, there's a there's.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Oftentimes you do things in your relationship.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: What are you laughing at?
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: I'm all, I'm all over the place, yeah, okay.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: There's oftentimes you do things in your relationship when you don't really understand why you do it, or maybe there's not even a reason for doing it and then later on you realize You're like wow, this is really like Been beneficial.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah and this is one of those podcasts that we're gonna share, something that we've done.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: We didn't really know why we did it, other than we enjoyed it.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: We enjoyed it and we're like I think this really helps us.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: Nobody told us to do it, nobody challenges to do it.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: It's not one of those things that you're gonna listen to and everyone's gonna be like, yeah, everyone says that, right, yeah, right.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: But when we're also gonna share why we feel like it's really helped our marriage and benefited us in a positive way.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: Everyone's waiting, so we'll share it.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: Everyone's waiting.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, what should we?
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: Should we share it.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we should share it.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: What if they're like super disappointed in your answer?
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: Well, you're creating this build-up like it's gonna be something like mind-blowing, and they're all just like what?
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: What is this big thing?
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: I bet you, I bet you, that 100% of the husbands are gonna be like, yes, I love it, and 80% of the wives are like, no, that's my alone time.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, all right.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: We should have done a poll.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: We should have done a poll.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: We totally should have.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: Okay, the thing we're talking about is showering together and yeah, so I know you're laughing.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: Come give us a second though.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, give us a six.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: Set few seconds to say why, or give us 30 minutes to say why to convince you.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: We are going to sit here in the next Several minutes and convince you why you should do this.
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: So that's if you're not already doing, because if you're already doing, you already know it's awesome and you would all bet for it, and I know a lot of women are out there like that's my alone time.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: I that used to be my alone time.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: Maybe I don't want him to see me naked, whatever that is.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's not fair.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: I agree you got to let your husband see you naked.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: I agree.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: They love it, but so Amy and I, we aren't every night, but I would say we're like two or three nights a week where we shower together.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: We're not talking about going and doing it in the shower.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: I know that's where your mind went.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: You automatically was like Showering together is so romantic and and I'm intimate, it can be.
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: It can be.
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: That would be great.
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: Most of the time for us?
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: It's not.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's, it's actually not Most of the time but it can be but it can be and that's great, and we're not against that by any means.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but there's deeper reasons why we love it yeah.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: I mean first I get a sit and talk to my wife naked, which is pretty awesome.
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: Our showers not big, but we do squeeze in there and we sit for a long time.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we'll be in there for like 45 minutes.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: We're gonna get trouble with the water.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're, if you're.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: But if you think about it, you're doing a 20 minute shower, 15 minutes shower, your spouse doing a 15 minute shower.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: Maybe just don't use as much water During the day.
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: You're really not using too much more water.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're on the environmentalist side, just don't report us for using too much water.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: No, like any said, it is a great place to some of our best conversations we've had in there.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Like literally half the time we're like we should have our phone in here.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: We just have really really good conversations because it's a place where we're not interrupted.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: Hmm.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, sometimes our kids try to come in, but they know, hey, if they're showering together, kind of leave parents alone.
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: We don't want to see that.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: Our kids know that the showers on and mom and dad are in there.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: They don't obviously we're not walking in there, but they're old enough to understand that that's great for us and they know that we just sit there and talk.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: They really do know that and they leave us alone.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: We have amazing conversations in the shower.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: I think you know going going back to it and I've said before the bad words couple talks like has ten minutes of quality time together.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: I actually re-looked at that and it's like four minutes of quality time.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: No way.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah so it was actually so the.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Your average couple has about four minutes per day of deep, meaningful conversation.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: How is that possible, like when people say they don't have time for each other.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: Like I do not understand it.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: And I'm talking about the fact that we work together Even when we were both had our own businesses and we're super busy.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: We still have plenty of time.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: Think about it for the average couple.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, you've got kids, you're running stuff around.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: When are you gonna have time in your day for a deep, meaningful conversation?
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: When they go to bed.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: Okay, but most people?
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: What do they do?
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: They go to bed, they get on their phones.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Well, they get on their phones, they get on their phones or they're just doing something to kill time.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: Get off your phone.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: I can see how people are not having those deep, meaningful conversations.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: So the very first benefit of this is you are gonna have some of the deepest, best conversations you have in the shower.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: And your spouse can't take your phone in there.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're gonna have no interruptions.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: It's, it's all.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: You literally won't have any distractions at all besides your spouse's naked body.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that, that time alone in a busy world, that we have to just get away from things and be able to have that time where you're alone, you're able to talk, you're able to have that really good communication.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: The one.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: One other thing I like too is you're kind of in a relaxed situation, right.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: For sure You're.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: You're in a hot shower, you're at the end of the day, it feels good.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: I'm tired.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: You're tired, you're just gonna sit or stand.
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah and just enjoy the hot water and the intimate conversations, and I think too it's kind of a vulnerable, kind of a vulnerable time too.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: You're both.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: You're both kind of naked, you're kind of naked.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: You're very naked.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: I mean hopefully you're very naked, very vulnerable, but I'm hoping that most of the couples that listen to our podcast are at a point in their marriage where they're having these good conversations, they're open up to each other, they can see each other naked, hopefully.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: Like I didn't know, that wasn't a thing until I like actually heard from some men that they're wives and LMC naked.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: I was like wait, what that's a thing.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: That happens.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: That's real what.
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: Like husbands love their wives bodies just the way they are.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: They don't expect them to be perfect.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: They they love you.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: They want to look at you Like I couldn't even believe that I had heard that.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: So, yes, I hope that whatever is is keeping you from having that vulnerability has hopefully been mended.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and we do, and we do it like pretty much at nights most of the time, right.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: I mean, there's occasionally in the mornings, but mostly at the nighttime.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Like I said, the day's kind of you know gone by.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: We're talking about kind of what's happened in the day and just you know, really just having great deep and meaningful conversation and, as I've said already several times, like the conversations we have are some of the best conversations we've ever had.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: Like I can honestly say that if I were to rate our best conversations and and also like maybe conflict resolution too, like resolving conflict or problems or or arguments or anything like that, like literally, if I were to rate like the top 10 transformative conversations that we've had in our relationship, I would probably say eight out of ten or nine out of ten have happened in the shower when we've been talking together, would you?
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I actually agree with that.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: So there's something.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: I don't know what it is.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: I mean we could we're trying to go through and identify it, but there's something about just being together in the shower in a relaxed atmosphere, alone, away from things.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: You don't have anyone bothering you.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: You're vulnerable.
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: It acts as pretty awesome and it's not like we said.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: It's not about.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Doesn't have to be sexual sexual at all.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: like most the time it's not for us like sometimes will jump in after we've done a workout, pickleball, gone on a sweaty hot walk, whatever, and I'm we're just both.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: I'm a shower at night kind of person Because it's really really hot where we live, so we're sweaty all day but like it's just a great way to end the night and to connect, just hold hands in there and have conversations.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: it's really just a very emotionally connecting but and I think one of the reasons why it's so good to so, there's a lot of times will will have a shower, will get the emotional intimacy, will really connect emotionally and Talking about things, and then we get out of the shower, we get in bed, we make love and it's actually, it's actually a really good Thing to be able to sit in the shower for 3045 minutes an hour and really connect emotionally because, again, as we've talked about, for most women they need that Emotional connection, that that listening, that vulnerability or for some men or for some men, yeah, before they're gonna have the desire to be sexually intimate, and so I don't know, for us it works really good.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: It's just like it's almost like sometimes A way of foreplay, where we're just having that really not sexual foreplay, but but mentally just having that really good conversation and connecting on a deep level and then going and connecting physically, you know, I mean, do you feel that way or what are your thoughts?
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: What are your thoughts on what I just said about that?
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I totally agree.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: I, for me, it really is more about the distractions.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: So if we're laying in bed, will have kids coming in, the phone will be Pinging or will be tempted to turn on a show, or do you know what I mean?
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: There's just.
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: It just seems like there's always like you crawl into bed and sometimes there's just distractions.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: And if you keep your phones out of your bedroom, that's awesome, and if your kids are sound asleep because they're younger, that's awesome.
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: We're in a different stage.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: I just feel like someone's either coming on the stairs, are asking for something there's something always going on.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: But when we take Our conversations and we know that we're gonna climb in the shower together and our kids are gonna leave us alone, because that is our alone space and our bedroom is too.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: But sometimes you know what I mean.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: Like I think, when I don't know, when you take it to another place and there's no distractions, all I don't know, I feel like the conversation changes.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Well how many of you have been in a deep, meaningful conversation and then you have your kids coming in and interrupted.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: You're just like oh man or anything, we're just in such a good conversation and and you know, that happens, I think, to a lot of people what we're saying is, by being in the shower, like you're in kind of your safe, protected place where you're gonna be able to Foster or have those really deep, meaningful conversations that maybe you don't normally have because you are putting yourself In a place where you're away from things to allowing those deep conversations to have.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: And I'll be honest with you, like for me, I love having those really deep conversations that really bring us closer together, like it's an awesome thing To be able to like you love to talk, that's true.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: Next, the talker, and I know that I'm super lucky with that.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: I do.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: I do You're more of a talker than I am, but I deeply appreciate that because I know that there's a lot of men that don't open up like that.
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: So I I feel very lucky that you do like to talk, even though, yeah, I don't know, we have great conversations.
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: So that might be a way like if, maybe, if your spouse isn't a talker, that might be a great way to get them to open up, because there's literally Time and no distractions.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: I think you brought up a great point.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: I want to circle back to as well.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: As there's a lot of couples I think more so than we even know that Aren't maybe real comfortable seeing each other naked right like the wife will go make sure that, okay, I'm not gonna get naked or shower, do things till my husband's gone, or what have you.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: But what a great thing to be vulnerable and by showering together, I think it really makes things more comfortable and more natural to where you are okay being together naked and seeing each other naked and, as silly as that may sound like, I really think that's an important aspect, and an important thing to connect even more as a couple is to be able to feel comfortable with each other and your bodies and being naked and seeing each other, and so I think that can also be a great benefit as well by showering together naked for sure and I have to say there are some of your like I literally don't have a big enough shower, or or showering is not an option.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: I don't want to like Cut you out of this podcast.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: You could take a bath together, or maybe you have a tiny bath, maybe it's.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: This isn't going to work, for this literally won't work for us, I mean because you got.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: I mean, some people do have teeny showers right where you couldn't fit two people.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: So I want to make sure, like everyone, maybe it's try sleeping together naked or going to bed together naked once in a while, and we're not talking to this has to be all the time, but like that, I think the whole point of it is that vulnerability, that doing something different to really get you close and and to make that time.
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: I just didn't want to like cut anyone out that couldn't shower together, right, yeah, so I've kind of shared.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think I've kind of shared from my standpoint, like what I think showering naked does for a man.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: What?
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: What do you feel like from a woman's standpoint?
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: So there's the women out there that are like, oh, he's just a guy, he wants to be with his wife naked Of course.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: Like I just said, though, it's not usually sexual for us.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: It really isn't.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: It's literally emotionally connected Half the time.
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: We're just getting in there because we wanted to shower before bed, and it's just bedtime, and then and it doesn't start out as anything I was like, oh, we're going to share the shower because we're both getting in the shower at the same time, and then it turns down that we ended up sitting down and we ended up holding hands and we ended up having these really awesome talks because we're just sitting there decompressing from the day, and I think that's what's so great, is that?
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: And maybe some men couldn't, if you're not used to sharing if they're spouse, maybe it's because we do it so often that it's not sexual for us, and maybe that would be harder if someone wasn't used to that seeing their wife naked or husband naked and being that close to them and whatever.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: And maybe that would be hard, Cause I see you naked all the time.
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: I mean oh yeah, I just walk around naked all the time, so that's nothing to me.
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: But, like for some couples, the struggle with this like that might be more sexual.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: So maybe it starts out more sexual and then, as you get more used to it, becomes.
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: I'm just trying to think like if you're not used to it, you that might be the reaction, right.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: For sure, yeah, and that's okay too, but that's great too, like what I think.
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: What it all comes down to is communication and vulnerability Like this is to be naked with each other, and I love the quote you have to be naked to get naked.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: What is it that dear um?
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: do you remember?
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: the quote.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: It was okay, I'm going to have to find it.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: I'll share it in the next one, cause it goes with, like everything, but you have to be vulnerable to really connect in your marriage and I think being naked is the most affordable thing you can do.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: It's what creates emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: So I don't know, I just yeah, it's important, it is true, and it's hard.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: I mean, I remember when I was, uh, not jogging as much and I had a little bit more weight on me Like I was.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: I was like I don't feel as comfortable having any see me naked.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: Well, what's interesting too is that just as many men are uncomfortable with their bodies as women are if we're going to end that out subject, because a lot of men are starting to feel very insecure, like a woman might.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: It goes both ways.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: It goes both ways so the more you do it the more secure you feel, the more connected you feel, Like there's so many more benefits, Like it's almost like a, a trust and a connection thing, Um and and filling more secure around your spouse, like I'm going to feel like oh they are accepting me the way.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: I am Right Whether.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: I'm not caring a little bit of extra weight or whatever imperfections that we have.
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: Oh, my husband, I'm always like I.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: I'm tiny and so having four kids gave me quite a few stretch marks and I'm fine with it.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: Like I'm, like, those are my love, baby love marks Like I, that's part of who I am now.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: Right, I love it, but I think it's really important, like Nick tells me they're sexy all the time.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: He's like I love those, those are your baby.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: Like I don't remember what you say, but like it's really romantic and I'm like I know by his comments that, even though I have changed and grow older and had babies, like he loves me for exactly who I am and vice versa.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: Like he's always saying, oh, I need to lose something around the way, so I'm like it doesn't matter, like I love you for who you are.
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: I think also, when it comes to being vulnerable like this, you have to be very careful of the things that you say to your spouse and the compliments that you give to spouse.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: Like make your spouse feel loved for who they are.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: And we are gonna do an entire episode on attraction, which is really important, because people have been like emailing us like I'm not attracted to my spouse anymore, my spouse doesn't care to be attracted anymore.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: That can be a real issue we're gonna talk about later, but you can help your spouse feel attractive so that they want to be vulnerable with you.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: Like it's amazing, the things that we say, how we compliment our spouse and the way we act makes the biggest difference.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and the positive changes or positive impacts in your relationship by doing this might be a little bit different than ours, right?
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: Maybe for you guys this is a way to make love more or connect more that way, or whatever.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Whatever the reason is, I think what we're trying to say is there can be a lot of very, very good, positive things that come from doing this, and so we would encourage you just like we're gonna try to encourage every podcast to do something, we'd encourage you to.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: You know we understand it might not be every night, but at least a couple nights a week.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: Make it a commitment or a point.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Talk about together as a couple to shower together, if you can, at least a couple nights a week.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: Or just once a week, like I think that's very true, just whatever you can but see if it has an impact on your relationship and marriage in a positive way.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: And you know, again, like we kind of said Amy and I didn't really realize, we just did it because we're like, oh, it's the end of the day, it's a way to talk.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: You know, talk and things like that.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: We thought we were saving water, but it ended up being longer.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it ended up being something that we're like wow, this has really impacted our relationship.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: I mean to have some of the most meaningful conversations that have been really big, big time changing for our relationship happened because of that.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: That wouldn't have happened otherwise.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: I mean that's a great thing that's true.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: So, anyways, hopefully something little or silly like this is something that you'll try and something that you'll be able to see can have a great profound impact on your marriage.
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: So it's not silly, it's very beneficial.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: I agree.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: It's very beneficial and it's all about cutting out those distractions, whether it's the kids or the phone or the whatever it is that's keeping you guys from having more than that four minute or seven minute quality talk that you're getting.
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: This is a big tip that we have that has really helped us.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: That's literally we know when we step in the shower we're gonna have an awesome conversation.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're exactly right.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: It's almost like I want to get in the shower because I know whatever conversation we're gonna be having is gonna be really good.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: And it's not gonna be interrupted, yeah, so let us know what you think and we hope you enjoyed the podcast and until next time, we hope you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.