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66: From Chaos to Clarity w/ Dr. Robb Kelly · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  This episode is sponsored by National Technology Management. Visit TrustNTM.com for more information. I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:21
  Happy New Year, everybody. Welcome to 2024. I'm extra excited today because less than a year into this Harder Than Life crusade and we have major news. This marks the first Harder Than Life podcast under the new Radical Network. In case you didn't know, the Radcast and its host, my good friend Ryan Alford, it's the number one marketing podcast in the world.
• 0:38
  Our reach is greater now and we are able to book amazing guests like Dr. Rob Kelly, who is on today. Dr. Rob Kelly, a.k.a. the Addiction Doctor, runs the Rob Kelly Recovery Group, has been featured on the show The Doctors, has written the book, Daddy, Daddy, please stop drinking. But most importantly, with all his credentials, has two PhDs, is an NCRC and even certified in NLP.
• 1:03
  Whatever all that means, he's going to tell some outrageous stories that we can all identify with and make it easily digestible and relatable. Welcome to the Heart of the Life podcast, Dr. Kelly. I'm happy to be here, guys. I got to tell you, I don't believe in coincidences. I must point out that the first podcast I recorded on the new network in two months is about limited thinking. And my word for this year is limitless.
• 1:32
  So Rob, define limitless for the audience. Everybody can do anything that they want to do, anything they make their mind up to do. And society will tell you no. Like when you was a kid, you know, you throw a football. What do you want to be, Johnny? I want to be a footballer. What about you, Pete? I want to be a professional musician. What happened to their dreams? I'll tell you. Family and friends kicked it out of us. That's exactly what happened. Limitless is, most people put the brakes on their imagination. So the mind controls the brakes.
• 2:02
  Mind over matter, the brains matter. Once you make your mind to do something, the sky's the limit. You connect with that energy and away you go. I proved it. 8,000 of my patients have proved it. It's 100% guaranteed. Stop caging your imagination. If you want to be a CEO, if you want to be a road sweeper, if you want to be a great dad,
• 2:24
  The only thing that's stopping you is you don't believe that you can be the best CEO, the best dad. You just don't believe. And that is a lie. Neuroscience tells us, but by quantum physics, it's a lie, guys.
• 2:37
  Dr. Kelly, you're amazing. Two minutes into this and I'm smiling ear to ear. So I hope people watch this over on YouTube and see how amazing you are. I heard you on Kara Payton's podcast and I immediately had to put you. I don't know how many people messaged me and said, you got to have this guy on your podcast. You and I were destined to talk together. This is going to be absolutely a must share, must see TV. And I know you're from Adam Javelin and he's just must see TV too. So
• 3:04
  Let's get deep into this addict stuff. So many alcoholics and addicts believe that they could just stop drinking or using. All their problems would be solved. Unfortunately, this is not the case. When alcohol and drugs are removed, the addict is forced to look at themselves, their own thought patterns, and their behavior that manifests from self-sabitizing. This is where the work begins. I've been there. I've done that. Why is it so hard to look at oneself?
• 3:33
  First of all, I want to touch on that. It's not about the alcohol or drugs, sex, food, cake, porn. It's not about that. Alcohol has 1% to do with it, with alcoholism and the same with drug attitude. So it's an inside job. So when childhood trauma is the gateway drug, by the way, when childhood trauma and everybody has it, alcoholics and addicts even worse because we'll get into that later, but we hide behind this what our parents and our caregivers told us who we are, told us how to act.
• 4:03
  We go through life, there's sometimes neglects, there's always abandonment and all this stuff. So when we look at ourselves, we don't see ourselves as other people do. That's why many people give up. Nobody gives compliments anymore. Let's ask somebody, Kelly, somebody watches, you know something? You're amazing, that show's fantastic, I blow my mind, I saw you in the gym. Nobody does that anymore. No.
• 4:23
  How do we know? We cannot be our own yardstick when it comes to stuff like that. So it's belief. It's belief in oneself. Once you know how the mind and the brain and the central nervous system work and what the world is really about, but we don't wanna look at ourselves because we see the blemishes.
• 4:40
  It's like looking in the mirror. We do what's called mirror work. Ten, I love you, I love you all the time. If you get close to the mirror that most people do when they're shaving or putting their makeup on, you see all the blemishes this close up. How the eyes work is if you stand six foot away from the mirror, blemishes have gone and you see what other people see.
• 5:03
  Once you do that, you'll start getting confidence in yourself. But the stuff that we've been through, we think we're the only people that's gone through it. You're not. Categorically not. So start the work. Do the work. And your life will take off. Alcohol and drugs, you know, it's almost laughable. Just stop drinking. If you can just stop drinking, why are you mentioning the alcohol? When my relapse is on a Monday. Oh, I relapsed on Monday, Dr. Rob. No, you didn't.
• 5:33
  What happened the week before that? Where did the behavior change? Where did you properly relapse before you actually picked up a drink? Because it's not about the alcohol. It's about you. You've got to think big, guys. You've got to think positive. You've got to think as if you're the best in the world at what you do. Otherwise, go drink. Go take a drug. Go eat pie. Go watch porn. You've got to be the best. Life is out there. Go get it, guys. Boom. That's what I'm talking about.
• 6:00
  I love you. What you just said, by the way, two things. First of all, I did that. I did that mirror work and looked at myself, got really close. You even did it on here for people that are watching. You got really close to the camera. I would look myself in my left eye and do five minutes of I love you. No, I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. And that was when I was in the thralls. I was about 14 months into my not drinking crusade.
• 6:28
  And I sat there every day. I've set a timer, five minutes. But you said something, and I'm going to deviate from my questions right off the bat. You said something. We all have these limiting beliefs. Expond upon that because I think I work really hard to believe that I don't. So even somebody who's not an addict or an alcoholic or anything, addicted to anything and is listening to this podcast, talk to that person. And how do they get rid of those limiting?
• 6:57
  You said everybody has it. Let me get into the neurosis. Let me get into the neurosis balance real quick, guys. The basal ganglia is a part of the brain. So repetition confirms part of the brain. So the more we do something, the more we can do it easier. So let's say driving a car. You first get in the car. It's huge. It's nervous. You can't do it. Within a few months, you can get in a car, reverse down the driveway, call the wife, listen to the music and wait till your mom. All at the same time. Why? Because that basal ganglia has picked that...
• 7:26
  period that you've been learning and it's become a working part of the brain so you don't have to think about it anymore okay what happens especially with alcoholics and addicts is the basal ganglia is broken if you can imagine a clock it's around 10 to the hour so we we get the wife back to get the kids back everything's going good and boom 10 to the hour we self-sabotage and we don't know why and we relapse okay it's it's the belief once you do something small get into a routine everything's
• 7:55
  and numbers, okay? So if you get in a routine, you get up in the morning, you do your breath work, you do your mirror work, you do your teeth work, you go out for the day, it will be a fantastic day. You see, when you get up in the morning, that's the time when your mind can run wild into different parts of the day. Oh my God, I've got an interview. Oh my God, that's not gonna go too good. Well, it isn't now, you've just said it, because the brain will pick up on them what the mind says. So the mind, you can control the mind. You get up in the morning,
• 8:23
  You do all your work in the morning. And what happens is you verbally tell your mind that today's going to be an amazing day. That thing I thought was hard, it's going to be a breeze. That's released into the brain's neural pathways and different parts of the brain. Pick that up. Therefore, you're thinking properly. Your behavior will follow the central nervous system. And you'll go out and have a great day. Don't listen to the naysayers, guys. All my life, people have told me I can't do stuff.
• 8:53
  You are homeless, Rob. You can't be a doctor in America. You can't be an Oprah. You can't be a da-da-da. My answer is the same. Says who? Who's making these rules up? I don't like them. So I'm making my own rules up. Says who? Just remember that, guys. You have to push yourself. There were no champions born in the comfort zone. Nobody's born in the comfort zone. Get out. Get and walk about. You know, get doing what you're doing. Get 20 minutes exercising. All this stuff. There's four chemicals in the brain that need to happen every day to make you happy.
• 9:23
  Go make them happy and do the little wins so the brain knows. So if you get up in the morning, you do them three things I told you to. The brain's already saying to itself, oh, my God, we're a winner today. We're going to kill it today. People used to say to me, Kelly, oh, that pink cloud you're on. Oh, when I first got sober, it's just a pink. I've been on a pink cloud for 32 years and I ain't coming up for nobody. And all my patients are on a pink cloud, if you want to call it that. I call it living. Stop.
• 9:53
  trying not to live. You haven't got time, do it now. No champions born in the comfort zone, living on a pink cloud. My fellow Hardin Life Seagull supporters, you've got to follow this guy. You go to his website, robkelly.com, it's R-O-B-B-K-E-L-L-Y.com. He follow him at the Addiction Doctor on Instagram or Dr. Rob Kelly on Facebook.
• 10:22
  We're going to continue down this path. Pink cloud. Up until a couple weeks ago, I didn't know what you mean. And I would feel guilty about living on that pink cloud. But now, woo, this is a great place to live. So I suggest everybody listen to him and listen to this and replay it. But let's talk a little deeper. What strategies or tools do you recommend for managing cravings or triggers during a recovery process?
• 10:50
  Hold on to your seats, okay? You can't crave for anything that's not already inside your body. So it's a biological reaction. But let's talk about alcohol, but you can put anywhere, anything you want in there. You can only crave if alcohol's in the system, okay? Alcoholism is the only disease that has that allergy. So if it's not in your system, you can't crave for it. It's a mental obsession. That's all it is. So you can't crave for it. Forget that for a second. I don't believe in triggers.
• 11:20
  My triggers were this. I get up in the morning, snowing, drink. Get up in the morning, sunshine, drink. Get up in the morning. It doesn't make any difference. You're on a self-sabotaging cycle. Get out the cycle. So we just have to be aware. When it all starts, Kelly, is the behavior. And other people will spot the behavior, but you won't. There's your relapse. That's where it's all going wrong right there. So forget the triggers. This is my opinion. I have a 97% success rate over 30 years with 8,000 patients.
• 11:47
  as it goes to treatment centers, and there are some brilliant ones, guys, thank you for what you do, as two and 3%. AA stands at 2%, 3%, I think. These things work, forget the alcohol, forget all that stuff, I'm gonna relapse, I'm gonna relapse, guess what? You're gonna relapse. So when you're starting a treatment center, talking about relapse prevention, and saying things like, well, there's 20 people in, three of you, five of you will make it, the other people will relapse, I'm relapsing.
• 12:13
  So stop listening to what you think you know from 12 step rooms and what you think you know. Medical fraternity doesn't know nothing about addiction, nothing. I spend half my time teaching and talking at medical fraternities, hospitals, universities, teaching them on this. So forget about them, they don't know. Alcoholism is the only self-diagnosed illness in the world. 10 DUIs do not make you an alcoholic. Warning from the doctor, what do they know?
• 12:40
  So you've got to really look at yourself and look at your outs, look at where it's coming from. What's the source? Why am I feeling this way? Trigger, no such thing, but why are you destined to go drink? It all comes from the subconscious brain. Once that memory recall, what people call triggers happens, unless you have a set routine, a different way, 7.3 seconds we found after a thousand people we tested, is the way that you can change neural pathways good,
• 13:09
  bad, it's entirely up to you. And that's where it happens. So what I say to people is with the greatest respect is, and I was homeless with alcoholism, lost my kids, is everything you know about alcoholism and addiction is kind of not true. You know, we have to go to treatment, we have to take antibodies, we have to take, no you don't, unless somebody can give you a pill or stick you in treatment center for $30,000 a time, nobody wants to know.
• 13:36
  It's not true, guys. You can fully recover from this BS you're going through. I'm going to, so full disclosure, I just literally wanted you on the show because you were friends with Adam Javelin. Then I deep dove into your stuff and it's fire. I am living proof of exactly what your message is. 97, I want to reiterate this. 97% success, right? Over 30 years with 8,000 patients, people. That is outstanding. Salute to you.
• 14:05
  And I can tell you right now, I still get triggered, what I call them triggers. But in that 7.3 seconds that you say, I'm able to reframe that brain. So, you know, I skipped over because I know your backstory. Tell the listeners about your upbringing and why you drank. That's because until I figured out why I drank and fixed that, you're only treating the symptoms and not the disease. The symptom is drinking.
• 14:34
  The disease is whatever your freaking parents or your primary caregivers did to you or did not do for you that made you wanna go in here and use this crutch, use this mask. You become somebody to be able to face the world. So give me what happened to you and spend that on as well. So if there's any non-believers and naysayers, sit down and be quiet please. Alcoholics are born.
• 15:03
  Drug addicts are made. We'll say it again. Alcoholics are born. You have the predisposition. Drug addicts are made with the addictive personality. Completely different. If you can trace three generations back with alcoholic problems, not so much drug problems, alcohol problems, then you're probably an alcoholic if you're drinking. Okay? So we've got to get that out of the way, first of all. The three parts of the brain differ in the alcoholic than anything else, any other brain. Basal ganglia, hypothalamus, and the amygdala.
• 15:32
  The three things. So it's driven by trauma. We found out that it's driven by trauma. So I'm predisposed to alcoholism. I am actually allergic to the ethanol in alcohol. That's the layman's terms. So when I first took the drink, that's why people can drink non-alcoholic beer. I don't recommend it. It's not the alcohol. It's the behavior and action. So stay away from that bullshit. But, you know, when I took the first drink, all bets were off for me.
• 15:59
  I took it, I was nine years old. I was on stage with my musical family playing bass guitar. I was so nervous. And my uncle said, take a sip of this. I drank it down in one, this beer. And my world changed right there and then. I say to my friends, what was your first beer? I'm like, oh, it was nasty. It was horrible. Alcoholics love the first drink. They love what it does to us. We don't take it because it tastes good. Tell me in what world does whiskey taste good to the alcoholic? It doesn't. Now, to connoisseurs, maybe.
• 16:28
  So once that goes down the first drink, it sets off the alcoholism. Now, there is a few years, maybe 10, 20 years, when you can stop and change. But once we cross over, and here's the crux of the matter. The hypothalamus is part of the brain. It's a survival part of the brain. It tells babies that it has to drink water and eat food to survive. It tells all of us that. When babies are a few months old, they'll stick their hand down the mouth, or they'll cry because they're a tummy. That's the brain, the hypothalamus, telling it to drink water and eat food.
• 16:58
  At a certain point of my alcoholic career and everybody else who's an alcoholic, the hypothalamus changes. And the hypothalamus tells the alcoholic to drink alcohol only. That's why we can go days or weeks without food or water. So when your brain is telling you to do this, where's the triggers? No sustain. Hypothalamus says drink, drink, drink, drink. Basal ganglia picks that up, self-sabotage, self-sabotage, and the neural pathways are rewired, and the brain has a re-circuitry,
• 17:28
  you will always relapse if you're the real deal. So that's what it's all about. I became homeless, I got married, I had two children, and then I messed all that up. I stabbed my wife three times one night because she wouldn't let me finish my bottle of vodka. That isn't real, that is just crazy. That's what I did. You know, alcohol come before everything else in the world, including my two little babies. Alcohol came first all of the time. So when people say,
• 17:58
  to alcoholics, hey just stop drinking, what kind of man are you, for your children, for your what? It's not like that guys, you can't do that, you know, we have this disease, there is no cure, but guess what, there's no cure for food poisoning or the common cold, so don't get freaked out about that, you know, I had food poisoning once, I went to the doctor, there's no cure for food poisoning, just have to make sure, you have to take a few simple steps, to make sure you never get food poisoned again, it's the same with alcoholism and drug addiction,
• 18:28
  That's all it is. But we don't know. Lack of information. God bless 12 steps. They used to be amazing when they were 98, 99% success rate. But when I go to a meeting, I'm sat next to a guy. And by the way, 95% of people in any room at any time, I found a non-alcoholic. They go for different reasons. But I'm sat next to him and he wants me to go through this slowly. And I keep relapsing. I think it's me. It's not. You've got to be careful when you speak to him what you do.
• 18:57
  If I hang around nine depressed people, guess what? I will be the 10th. If I hang around nine intelligent, successful people, guess what? And you know the history.
• 19:09
  You know, finally, I differentiate or differ from what you said. I like the taste of alcohol. I did. I still do. And I drink NA stuff. But I do it because I like the taste and to make other people more comfortable. Because I still go out. I'm still around it. I just, I cured. I did what you said. I cured whatever was that childhood trauma that was pushing me to drink. And I just have zero alcohol.
• 19:39
  Zero desire to ever drink. And honestly, I probably could have one and that's it. I just don't have any desire. Zero desire. So to make other people feel comfortable and to satiate my taste, they have some amazing non-alcoholic stuff. But I understand what you're saying and how it's not healthy. I'm the outlier. I get that about myself. But having said that, I was doing research and I saw that you had a Neuro Realty Partner Virtual Conference last week.
• 20:07
  And I've always said doing the work on yourself pays you in so many methods, but specifically in your pocketbook. Tell the listeners how this works. And then I want to throw in, too, because I just saw you announced another conference with Adam that's going to be in San Antonio. So tell me about how doing the work will make you paid. And then second thing, do a plug on yours and Adam's event. That's April 19th and 20th, I believe.
• 20:36
  Yeah, well, conferences are good. We don't make any money out of them by the time we pay for everything, but it's a way of sharing the new science. It's a way of sharing a successful method and motive that you can recover and go on to do amazing things. So we're very careful who we bring in. We don't want war stories. We want people that's been through it and been successful. So this is more about reprogramming brains that you can be successful. So the online stuff we love, but the face-to-face of the neuro hero,
• 21:06
  So we have the Neurohero, we have Neuro Realty, we have 10X Coltune, we have the Rob Kelly Foundation, and of course mine as well. So I run five businesses right now. Conferences is to spread a message that will give you hope. That's all it is. We don't sell anything there. We don't, you know, we don't do all that. We wanted to do things different. I've always done things different, Kelly. I've never, you know, you do this. Like why? I always question everything. It's like, I go see Tony Robbins, God bless him, love him. Hey Tony, great to see you again. I saw you last month.
• 21:36
  is, you know, you're going to buy stuff. You're going to, the main process of a conference is to sell you stuff. We don't do that. I'm rich enough, thank you very much. I don't need any money. I don't need your money. It's all good. We're doing this because it's our duty to pass the information, especially in neuroscience and the stuff that Adam does, which is absolutely phenomenal, to pass on to somebody else that if there's 100 people in the room, five people will go on and be successful and be happy. And that infects another 10 people and so on and so forth.
• 22:05
  So we love it, but we don't do it for the reasons that people think that we do it, but we really don't. If you can't afford to come to one of our conferences, you get all of us, you come free. Bring a friend free, bring 10 friends free. It doesn't make any difference to us. You just got a hill of knowledge. If God wants you there, you'll be there. And if he doesn't, you won't. Simple as that. And our prices are ridiculous. And your old realtor was $25. Most of the stuff we give away. But so that's it. It's about telling the story, reinforcing that,
• 22:34
  There's a method where you can be successful. Whatever that success looks like for you, you might want to be the, get your kids back. When I got my eldest back, never got my youngest back in 30 odd years, but my eldest come back four years ago, I was the richest man in the world. You can't throw money at that. If you think money makes you happy, guys, I got to tell you, oh, I tried so hard, it doesn't. So I've been rich and I've been poor. I choose rich every time. Don't get me wrong, because I give 25% of my money away to people that need it.
• 23:03
  mostly on the streets, but I'd rather be depressed in a million dollar hours and be on the projects and a council of states. Don't get me wrong, but if I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor. I'm past that stage, but my guys are the guys on the streets. That's who I relate to. So if you're thinking of doing a conference, if it's online, 10 people, start it, guys.
• 23:27
  Just don't start it for money. If your money's supposed to come, it'll come. If it doesn't, you see one thing I know, I believe in God, Kelly. And one thing I know is this. When I get to heaven and the big gate's open, you know what God's not gonna ask me? How much did you earn? What sort of car did you drive? How big was your house? Do you know what he's gonna ask me? How many people did you help, Rob? How many people did you save, Rob?
• 23:52
  So that's my main driving cause. I could live on the streets tomorrow. You give me a tent with my wife, my two English bulldogs and my cat. And that's what most people think. Oh, yeah, all the riches. They don't mean shit to me. They really don't. You know, I eat better. I live in a bigger place. Big deal. Doesn't make you happy, man. I've got a secret, guys. It's an inside job. Happiness.
• 24:18
  It's so fitting that you're the first, my first interview in two months. I love it. I just resonate with everything you say. My good friend, Jen Gottlieb says the acronym for hope, help one person every day. And that's what you're saying. And I heard you say too, so it's form good, healthy habits and positive beliefs in yourself. So real quick too, where can they register for that conference and what is the exact dates?
• 24:45
  The Neuro Realty Conference. Oh, that's a real deal. That's gone. I'm sorry. That's gone. Yeah, I'm sorry. That's gone. The Neuro Hero Conference. Two. Is on the 19th and the 20th. And you can jump online, guys, at the neuroheroconference.com. Get your tickets through there. And guys, I want to tell you, there's a couple of things I do on every podcast. And one of them is when somebody asked me about this conference, I say the same thing. If you can't afford it,
• 25:15
  Please tell me and I'll give you a free ticket. Of course I will. So please tell me and we'll do that. 10X Coaching, the same. You know, it's coaching only for people who want to be CEOs. So middle management, high management. And then the Rob Kelly Foundation.org is where we try to help others, guys. Now, again, we want to do things different. So you don't give the money, like you give $200 to our foundation and that's it. No, no, no.
• 25:42
  You donate $200 online. And what we do is when we help a specific person with that money that you've sent in, he will contact you via email and tell you how that $200 helped. Again, none of my staff working on that get paid. It's all voluntary. So lots of stuff happening, guys. Come and like us, friend us. Just be a part, man, you know? And the other thing I want to say as well, Kelly, it's really important. Like, oh, look at him, look at him and his big house and blah, blah. Listen, guys.
• 26:13
  If you're sat home, never think you're amount to anything. Never think you'll be anybody. Suffering from a disease. I want you to call me 214-6000210. It's my personal cell phone number. You text me. Now guys, obviously I'm busy. I get like a thousand calls a day, but if you're in that place, and this is what I'm gonna do for you guys. You text me, hey, this is Billy, I need your help. 15 minutes pep talk.
• 26:41
  I will give you a 15-minute pep talk over the phone. That will change your life. And you know, if it doesn't, I'll send you $100 for your time. That's putting your money where your mouth is. Thank you for doing that. Really appreciate it. I do a lot of research on this, on alcoholism, sobriety, giving up the naughty water, rethinking drinking, being alive. So is your message...
• 27:10
  be in alignment with alcohol or is it complete sobriety or is it one or two drinks per week? What, what exactly, and because you've said multiple times today, um, the current treatment model is broke or doesn't work. And I'm seeing a lot of coaches come out and go, Hey man, you can drink. You don't have to go completely sober, but it's gotta be an alignment. What is your specific stance on alcohol?
• 27:38
  Guys, there's a fine line between a heavy drinker and so many abusers and an alcoholic. It's where people get messed up. Oh, Johnny, he drinks every day, he's an alcoholic. That's not true. If you can take one drink and walk away for several weeks, you are not an alcoholic. You are a heavy drinker who loves the alcohol. It's as simple as that. When you ask an alcoholic, can you have one drink and leave? The answer is no, never, ever, ever. So if you can have one drink,
• 28:04
  and it not roll onto a crazy, crazy relapse and devastation, then I've one to two drinks a week. There's nothing wrong. I love it, people who can do that. But you see, I can't have one and leave it alone. So if you've classed yourself, self-diagnosed illness, as alcoholic, following the rules and stuff I've just told you about, you can never, ever take alcohol safely ever again, period. Period.
• 28:30
  because it'll set off that mental obsession and the physical allergy we talk about, and you're going to blackout every time. But you see, there's loads of people out there that class themselves an alcoholic, and this is new neuroscience, guys. You know, probably said, well, I'm an alcoholic. Who's easy to say? We've studied it, trust me. You know, we've studied this thing for 30 years. You know, if you can, it says two glasses of wine a week is good. I agree with that. There's nothing, if I could drink, Kelly, I'd be out three times a week. Friday, Saturday, Sunday afternoon, having a few drinks, get up for work.
• 29:00
  Brilliant. I love that. So the only thing missing, of course, is that fine line between what an alcoholic is and what people think it is. If you drink every single day, it doesn't make you an alcoholic, man. It really doesn't. But if there's alcoholism in the family and you can't drink it every day, it gets worse and worse and worse. You need to look at the heritage. Is there a pattern for a family? And then the first drink and then walk away. If you can't do that, you're probably the real alcoholic.
• 29:28
  So that's what we found with the medical side of alcoholism. But everyone's too quick to class somebody. You know, again, California is sober. If you can take or use something once or twice a week, you're not my guy. You're not the guy that I deal with. You know, go do it. Who else? Who is anybody to tell you? The only thing is with this disease is everyone's a part-time fricking counselor.
• 29:53
  You shouldn't do this, you shouldn't do that. Just say, it's not harming anybody. You go out and enjoy yourself guys. I know I would if I could. I always find when somebody starts asking me about the naughty water that they're out of alignment. They already know it right away. So if you're asking, if you're sober curious, alcohol curious, whatever you want to call it. So, you know, I just deal with your shit. That's all I say to people. I was with somebody last night, he says, how do you know, how did you know when it was time
• 30:23
  to quit? And I said, when you start asking yourself, how do you know? It's still- Yeah, you know, if you're asking someone, do you think I'm an alcoholic? Yeah, you are. Probably. Mine was too late. Mine was homeless when I realized. I was on the streets for 14 months and one night I dropped down to my hands and knees and I was crying like a baby. I wasn't crying because I'd lost my wife and kids. I was crying because the first time in my life, after everything I'd gone through, I realized I couldn't stop drinking. So it comes different ways to different people,
• 30:52
  You know, just be sensible. A lot of people, you can't drink, you know, you can't, you know, if you can have three drinks a day, you might be an old cop. It's not true, guys. This is, I never had a drinking problem, I had a thinking problem. Drink, oh, say that again. I didn't have a drinking problem, I had a thinking problem. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. But you know what's funny, Kelly, is you go to places now and you go, hey, you wanna drink? No, I don't drink. Why? Why, why, are you ill? Nobody does that with anything else. You don't eat cheese.
• 31:23
  Why? What's wrong, you ill? It's crazy. It's like if you don't drink, they don't trust you. Because I know where I come from, from the projects like fight every day to survive kind of projects. If you didn't drink or use drugs, you were an outcast and could never be trusted. It's crazy how this deal works. Yeah, I do. I know it. That's why it's easier just to drink the non-alcoholic drinks. I read an article and they cited all kinds of data. And it was, they called them.
• 31:51
  the in-between drinkers. There's people, I think it's 10% of people or maybe 15% of people that don't drink at all. And then there's 10% or 15% that have a problem. And it's the in-between people, the 70% in-between are the ones that I'm focused on because they're the ones that, if they continue down the path, will become the problem drinkers. So if I'm- That's much needed, Kevin. That is much, I've never heard anybody say that before.
• 32:20
  That is unbelievable because that is what we need. Yeah. You know, when people call me up and say, OK, in a book of heaven appointment with Dr. Kelly, the first question my secretary asks is, have you been in treatment? And if they say no, we say go into treatment. Go try it because it only deals with the worst of the worst. But I've never heard anybody say what you just did. And that blows my mind. That is where it's needed because you you can save lives before it's too late.
• 32:46
  It's phenomenal. That's where I'm doing it. Well, I have a 14 year old daughter who's going to be 15 very soon. And all the kids are already experimenting. Obviously my daughter doesn't because she's got me as a father and I've loved on her tremendously and taught her self worth. Everything she requires is from within. So you don't need to go out. And we got code words because she's been at parties where they just like pass her a drink or, or weed and,
• 33:13
  And she just, she's, what do I do, dad? I said, go to the bathroom, text me, say that I reached out to you, and I'll just come get you, no questions asked. So I am big at catching them before. And when I first started this crusade, I just passed five years not drinking. And when I first started this crusade, I would get on and I would scream. You're an idiot if you drink. You're just stupid. It's toxic. It's bad.
• 33:37
  We all know that, but I was scaring people away. It was when I slowed down, used an even tone, met people where they were and said, this is what I'm trying to do. Let me model and inspire. You called it the pink cloud. I live on a pink cloud every day. I am happy. I am at peace with myself. My peace, my clarity, my freedom are not for sale. And if I take a drink of alcohol, it's not going to turn into 10.
• 34:08
  It won't, but I lose my peace and that I'm the guard. So when I tell people, when I catch these 15 to 25 year olds who are just coming into the world, I say, this is what a life without alcohol looks like. And I was the best partier in the world, Dr. Rob. I would rock it out with the best of men. I got high with Kings. I partied with celebrities. I've done it all. And I walked away from it. I could go back to that right now.
• 34:36
  Right now, I choose to not drink because it's freaking winning. And so I'm going to focus on those middle. And I invite you to go there. Now, there's a lot of business and there's a lot of patients in the upper problem category. I want to catch them before they even start those habits. And all I do, you know what I'm going to laugh? Love. I just love on it.
• 35:02
  Let me love on you and show you that you matter and that drink isn't needed. Sorry, that was my two second. Two seconds. No, absolutely right, Kelly. Absolutely right. And I wish more people thought like you. You know, when I say to people, you live 10 out of 10 every day happiness, it's impossible. Ah, we just told you, it's impossible. What is happiness? Well, everything can't go my way every single day. And I say, well, so you're laying outside sources.
• 35:30
  disturb you internally? I don't know how that works. Well, Johnny said, stop it already. If you've done your work, I don't care what you say. I have two haters out of the millions of people that know me, and they're two haters. And do you know what I say to them? When you start paying my mortgage, I'll start listening to you. Stop listening to outside sources to change the inside how you feel. You can be 10 out of 10 every single day. Stop thinking you can't, guys. That's
• 35:57
  You're just putting yourself in a position to be devastated that day. Oh no, no. When the guys call me, they go, Dr. Robert, I've had a terrible day. I go, okay, let's look at the day. Was it a terrible day or was it five minutes that you spread out all day long? And it's usually the latter. Don't let anybody steal your peace. When you get in the morning, I'm gonna go through it before we finish. I want you to do three things every morning, guys, and you'll be ready for the day. Every single day,
• 36:24
  is a day compliment three people every day no matter what. I'm monetary, bless somebody every time I leave the house because I can't stop buying money. That's number one, right? No, no, number one when you get up in the morning, guys, is this, it's called breath work. And most people, I know what breath work is. No, no, it's different. So one of the reasons why nobody ever was woke up laughing in the morning is lack of oxygen. Okay, so on a normal circadian rhythm between two and five is where the body is in full repair.
• 36:53
  It's also where the oxygen is at its lowest. It also, when most people of natural causes die, because the body is repairing at its lowest. So when you wake up, the oxygen is really low. We, as human beings, we only breathe 25, 30% of our lung capacity anyway. One of the reasons runners and good gym goers is why you feel so good is not the exercise, it's this.
• 37:16
  It's getting the oxygen inside you. So what I want you to do every morning is get up, hold on to the bed and take 20 exaggerated breaths in. Let's flood the brain and every cell in the body and let's flourish all the body with oxygen. Do that several times a day. You will go dizzy, so hold on to something. Now we have the oxygen. The brain, the alertness will happen straight away.
• 37:41
  Go into the bathroom and the mirror work we just talked about. Stand four to six feet away from the mirror. Don't get up close. Stand away, six foot away, do your mirror work. And the last is easy. If you're right-handed, brush your teeth with your right, brush your teeth with your left hand. Brush your teeth with the right, brush your teeth with your left hand for a month. One week on, one week off. It's a game changer, an absolute game changer because people get into patterns. It's like whenever you go out somewhere, you know, like, I don't know,
• 38:09
  You know, you go on a school outing, you get on the bus and you go to the seaside. When you get back on the bus, what seat do you sit in? The same one you come. That's crazy, isn't it? But that's what we do, we're patterns. So if you're stuck in that hand-drawn pattern every single day, you're comfort-zoning. You are absolutely comfort-zoning.
• 38:26
  So let's change the way you think, change the way you do. Go to work different, put your left boot on instead of your right boot on. Compliment people, you know? And if you ever wanna sit down and write some stuff at nighttime, you know about your day, do it with your left hand if you're right-handed and vice versa, because while you're using your left hand,
• 38:43
  Their brain saying why we're not using our right and the conscious brain is tied up with why we're not using and the subconscious brain, but all the crap is, is coming through the left hand. So you'll get more of a truth by using your left hand. You said something about that people say, things didn't go my way. Let me give a piece of advice. And I know that you know this, but I'm just giving this to the listeners. Who defines what my way is? What is your...
• 39:11
  We just said it at the same time. What does that mean? So what does that mean? Are you selfish? That expectation. Yeah, it's being selfish. That's all it is. Surrender. It's just being selfish to oneself. You know, when you get up in the morning, you go, I didn't go my way. That's, there's a couple of things happening there. Whether you believe in the universe, God, Uncle Jimmy, it wasn't meant to be. So if you go for a job and you didn't get it, hold on tight because you're going to get a better job if you're doing your work and opening your mind to the energy. Yeah. So what happens is,
• 39:41
  Once you start to change neural pathways, once you start to rethink, once you start to reprogram the mind and the brain and you connect, here we go guys, if you've not listened to anything, you can listen to this. When you have that neural pathway change, when you connect with something that's stronger, energy, God, Uncle Jimmy, your DNA changes, period. That means you're not the same person,
• 40:08
  Well, when you come into us, you're not the same person when you leave us as you've joined us. And how strongly do I believe in my program? Well, we're the only company in the world that'll give you your money back if you relapse or follow us in our program. So 10 years later, if you're sticking to our routine, you won't relapse. If you do, we'll refund all of the money that you've put into the office.
• 40:29
  So much research, so much. And we're the quiet guys. You'll never see an advertised anywhere. We work with movie stars, footballers, musicians. 75% are high profile people. You know them, you've seen them on TV, on movies, every single day. 25%, Kelly, is our pro bono. Where we have everybody in my company carries a pro bono. If you refuse to do that, I will let you go. Simple as that. Now, the waiting list is obviously crazy.
• 40:57
  But that's how we do business. I could earn twice as much if I was done 100% profit. It's like, if you're not giving back, you're gonna relapse or your life's gonna be shit. End of story. Can't be in this industry for money. Though if you do the right things and money makes your life better, you'll be blessed with that. Universe, Uncle Jamie, God, whatever you believe in, you will be blessed with that. Just be patient, guys. Nothing is forever. Everything is temporary. And what you can visualize
• 41:27
  So let's talk about quantum physics for a second. Let's say a basketball court. Quantum physics tells me that on a basketball court, I can be 12 places, eight places at the same time. So when I look, I visualize that court, I can see, let's say 10, never played basketball. Let's say 10 people on the court. I can visualize me being every one of them people when I close my eyes and I look on the court. So the question is, where do you wanna be, Rob? Well, I'm selfish a little bit because I wanna be over near the goal.
• 41:54
  So when I get the ball, I'm going to slap it in the net, dunk it in the net, and I'm going to hit him with the game. Okay, next question is, how are you going to get there? How are you going to get to that position where you succeed in life? You ready? Walk over and take that freaking position. End of. Don't beg for it, don't crawl for it. Walk over and take it. It's yours. And the only reason why it's yours is so you can help other people.
• 42:24
  That's all it's for. Walk over and take, oh, yeah, you can't do it. Says who? And I walk over and take everything that I want as long as I can serve somebody else while doing it. Because I don't, yeah, I drive the nice cars. I live in a nice house. So what? Big deal. I gave most of my money away. Before we started the foundation in December, just gone, me and my wife gave $150,000 and I'm proud of this.
• 42:49
  back into the communities where people need it. The one parent family, the one parent dad that's trying to see his girl on the weekend, we'll pay for a suit, we'll pay for six months rent, we'll pay his legal fees so he can see his daughter. Them guys that the world has forgotten about, the services, our ex-servicemen, I don't even, I'm not even gonna go there because I'm gonna get angry, but they're the guys that need our help, you know? And that's what I believe in. And that's why I believe I've been so successful and most listened to,
• 43:19
  and also voted best addiction doctor by Harvard University, the site ward, McLean Hospital, which I write for quite often, is because I help others. I think you gotta add most stylish to that, those glasses and that jumpers of fire. You look great today, my brother. I gotta tell you that everything that you're saying and doing, I've done. I wish I would have known, oh, new glasses, looking good.
• 43:47
  All your notes is, most people don't. Yes, I wish that I would have met you when I was going through it because-
• 43:54
  I actually inadvertently did this. This is why there's no coincidences. And I'll give you one more cheat code. And you know this, but this is for the listeners and the people that are watching. Is everything happens for you, not to you. So if it didn't go your way, it did go your way. Believe it. And what you just said, I believe too. There's two types of people in this world. It is those who make things happen and those who wonder what happened. So I'm living proof of everything he's just saying. So I'm going to tell you,
• 44:24
  You can ask Adam about me. Anything that you need, you reach out to me. You have my cell phone number. I will come and I am living proof of what you're saying works and works massively. You want to talk about cars. You want to talk about houses. I got all of it, but you won't hear me rag about it. I don't care. I have two houses, two boats, two Harleys. Life is good, but that's not what I'm here for. I'm here.
• 44:50
  The Heart of Life is going to donate a million dollars to charity every single year. One of them is Families Against Narcotics, which is to help families dealing with addicts and alcoholics. We're getting up against this. I got still more questions. I want to talk about I'm a huge proponent of vulnerability. Insist on creating awareness on it. How does vulnerability intersect with mental health and emotional well-being? Because of childhood trauma, that's where it comes from.
• 45:18
  The vulnerability in twofold, the vulnerability obviously, because what you've been through, and the vulnerability when you strip naked and start doing your work. Both are uncomfortable. One is trauma not your fault, the other one is. So people come to me and say, I got molested as a child, how was that my fault? The answer is, it's not your fault, but what is your fault is not doing anything about it when you are older. You're letting it drag on all this time, there is a way around it. So you need to be vulnerable.
• 45:46
  at certain points of your life, but it's not a weakness. People think being vulnerable is a weakness. Get your child or trauma sorted out, go back to the scene of the crime, get it all sorted out and be vulnerable today with one person. You don't have to be vulnerable to everybody. Choose one person, therapist, best friend, and you can sit down with and unload your stuff and be vulnerable, but it doesn't affect them. That's what it's about today. And you know, Kelly, me and you have something really good in common.
• 46:14
  And this is, we want something for people. We want people, we want people to succeed. So we don't want something for ourselves. We want something for other people. So I don't want something from you. I want something for you. And I think that's the big, be vulnerable, do your work. Be vulnerable with another human being. Be intimate with another human being or more, I don't mean sex, I just mean hug. You know, I hug everybody, me, you know, hug everybody, get intimate.
• 46:44
  we need that chemical inside our head that makes us happy. So all these things line up to just be real honest with somebody. Find somebody who knows what they're doing, guys. If you're seeing a therapist for 12 months and nothing's happened, fire the therapist that's not giving a job. If you want to talk to somebody, call Samaritans, or they'll listen to you all day long, free of charge. This is a quick deal. It takes 90 days to completely change the chemicals and neural pathway you want's head, 90 days.
• 47:10
  That's what it takes. If you've seen anybody else more than that, I don't know what you're doing. God bless you, but be vulnerable. Very, very, very important. And this will take you to what Kelly was saying before, to freedom. You think freedom is coming out of jail? Well, it kind of is, but it's not the best freedom. The best freedom is knowing who I am because most people, Kelly, have lost their identity. They don't know who they are because of the trauma they've been through. Once you find your identity,
• 47:38
  Once you do the work and your childhood trauma and current trauma, everybody suffers from trauma, by the way. Everybody. So don't say you don't. You do. It's probably locked in the subconscious brain, but you do. It dominates our actions and behavior today. Okay. So be vulnerable. Get the work done. Free. It's like free of bondage of your mind. You know, that wants to. I know my mind at one time, Kelly, wanted to kill me and make it look like an accident. They did that for 20 odd years.
• 48:06
  Until I realized how we can control that mind. How it can be vulnerable to other people. I can start trusting people again. That was a big one for me. Because I didn't trust myself. I didn't trust other people. Love people. I didn't love myself. When you do all of these things we just talked about. You'll love yourself. And it will set you free. Open to others. Because we carry our life here guys. If you're miserable. We can tell. If you're happy. You're going to infect other people to be happy. Do this. Try and do this guys. It's really hard. Try and smile at you.
• 48:35
  10 times a day. It's unnatural. See, my resting face is I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna bury you somewhere in the desert, and then go and have to your family. God forbid. But that's my resting face like this. Try smiling.
• 48:49
  I got my top teeth. You can't tell I'm British now, can you? Cause I got my top teeth done. Keep smiling. I'm going to smile with you. Well, the funny thing about the two of us, I believe, is that I don't think I could stop smiling. And that's what peace means to me. It's, I am at peace with myself. I'm at peace in my mind. It's not, and it's freedom. That's the freedom, freedom from my mind and my thoughts. That's the freedom that we're speaking of. So again, breath work every day, mirror work, do something different and comfortable.
• 49:19
  Last few questions are about you personally, because I find you fascinating. So if I find you fascinating, the listeners are going to find you fascinating. What's one thing about you that people might be surprised to know? I played bass guitar, Abbey Road, with Elton John and Queen and David Bowie. That's a whole podcast in and of itself! Right, yeah. I was going to college, and I was a very good bass player. I started in Manchester in a small studio called Strawberry Studios, owned by 10CC, and I got the job...
• 49:49
  for about 18 months at Abbey Road. So I would session work. Whenever the bass players come in, I would jump in. And yeah, it was, it's not as crazy as it is because I introduced the cocaine in those days, which, you know, wasn't good for me, but yeah, that's what I've done. Hey, tomorrow's energy today. That's what cocaine is. Wait, I want, you know what? I just went back to, I wanted to highlight something that you said because it was gold. If you're seeing a therapist for a year, stop. It's not working.
• 50:16
  Find a, and I'm going to give a shameless plug, find a coach, find a program, find somebody who's got an end in sight. I, I did, um, hypnotherapy was one of the modalities. And I, I had been, uh, talk therapy for nine years, nine years. And so I tried something different and then that broke it loose. And then I went to EMDR therapy and that broke it loose. So try different things because, um,
• 50:44
  It's your life and one of these are gonna work and probably the sum of the whole will work. So if you were offered a mulligan in life, what would you do over? What would I do over, you know, the quickest saying is nothing because I've got one answer. I hate what people say, don't say that. I would do over and redo, not losing my children. Not losing my children is what I do.
• 51:12
  Let me tell you real quick before we finish. My eldest daughter, which was estranged, I sold them out. I left them places. I was a horrible father. So obviously, I want to say 26 years on, which was four years ago, I got a message on Messenger middle of the night. And it was from my daughter, Charlie. She says, Dad, she called me Dad, Kelly. She called me Dad. It's the first time I've...
• 51:40
  I heard dad in all them years and she said, I've seen you on TV. I want to meet you. I've got something to tell you. So God bless my wife. She got us on a flight in about six hours. We went over there. I was so nervous, Kelly opening that door because I knew what a devastating effect that I'd had on her life. I was doing the right thing, Kelly. I was doing the right thing every single day, helping people. She opened the door. We fell into each other's arms. We laughed. We cried in about three minutes.
• 52:07
  And she said, Dad, I've got to show you something. And she walked me into her living room and she handed me my three-month-old granddaughter. I knew that I was onto something. I knew that I was doing God's work with God's kids. I knew right there and then. She wanted to go back to college. So we sent her that page to go back to college. And as of about a year ago, she became my lead therapist in my Manchester United Kingdom office.
• 52:37
  Thank you for sharing. Little known fact, if anybody read my book, the real reason I got sober is my daughter. She's my best creation. So I'm happy for you. My heart just pours out love to you. And now you have the rest of your life to enjoy that.
• 53:04
  and you do it with all gusto. And, wow, I just took the, I'm just so happy for you. What's the grand baby's name and sex? Alice. Alice is four years old. I speak to her every day. I speak to my daughter every day because she shares patients with me, which is mind blowing, Kelly, mind blowing.
• 53:29
  So yeah, we go over there two or three times a year to see them. And she's preparing this year to come over and see us. So it's just, it's a miracle. You know, I've got to tell you guys, from where I've come from to where I am today, it's not humanly possible, guys. I had to have, for me, it was God's help. I had to have. And the stuff I've said during this podcast, you know, it's my opinion, most of it. So don't get offence if you, oh, well, that's not, no, it's my opinion. Just because it's my opinion doesn't make it right.
• 53:58
  my opinion and experience. Everyone has opinions. So, you know, I hope you enjoyed the podcast because that's what it's about. If I can help one person listening to this, Kelly, and I know your audience or probably will, then I've done my job today, you know? And I've got a lot as well, man. I did some research on you, man. I didn't know about the Adam thing. I had no idea. But you are, you are, I mean, all of you. I mean, all of what you do. I mean, all of how many people you help. I mean, all of
• 54:27
  the mindset conditioning that you have to have the physique and the mind you do and hundreds of millions with the knock on effect of people that you have helped, man. I want to publicly thank you for that. I really want to thank you because I look up to you, man from today. I'm looking up to you. I'm going to follow you. You know, you're one of the good guys that I look, I don't look up to many people, Kelly, cause I've seen all the BS and I've done, you know, I don't do that, man. But I, today I just met person with a genuine heart and a genuine
• 54:55
  Realty for helping other people along their way. So thank you so much, Kelly. You're amazing. I receive all that. And I thank you for that. And it was a time of my life that I couldn't, I would have been embarrassed to not be able to feel that. So that's what the work does for you that allows you. And I can feel just full disclosure, my heart is swelling up right now. So thank you. I will share you one vulnerable story. I got to spend an hour before New Year's Eve
• 55:24
  with my daughter sitting, just listening to her 14 year old telling me about what's going on in her life. And I'm a fixer, but I just sat there and listened to her. And then I left to go pick up drunk people. So it was the best moment of any time. And then she says every single year, I quit drinking on New Year's Eve or New Year's.
• 55:47
  She said, Dad, I love it every New Year's because it's another year that you haven't drank. And it's just, it'll never, I'll never touch it again. So, guys, remember, you can go to the Neuro Hero Conference. The link will be in the show notes. It's April 19th and 20th in San Antonio. And remember, Dr. Kelly graciously offered to give a ticket away for free if you need it. Also, Adam Javelin will do the same. I'll kick in the same. Guys, this is...
• 56:16
  Life gets really good when you get in alignment with alcohol or put it down and forget the other. If you could leave me with one piece of advice, what would it be? So... That's it, man. Says who? That's all it is. Stop questioning. You've got to do this, got to do that. Says who? And we don't have time. There'll be another piece. How many times children... Oh, moms. How many times moms, if you've got a grown-up son...
• 56:44
  One minute I'm waving him off to kindergarten. Next minute I'm waving him off to college. We haven't got time. Buy that car. Date that girl. Marry that girl. Buy that house. Start that business today. Boom. With that, I'm going to remind everybody to please rate and share this podcast. Also, I do my best to respond to all the comments on all social media platforms. So, thank you.
• 57:04
  If you want to see more of something or less of something, leave a comment. Each and every episode is sponsored by my IT company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with. Delivering peace of mind with technology every day. Visit TrustNTM for more info. Until next week, be harder than life. Thank you for listening. Please rate and subscribe to Harder Than Life, and let's take this to the next level. Get connected at the links below.