Latest / The Iconic Midlife with Roxy Manning / Friendship Breakups, Dating After Divorce & Outgrowing Relationships in Midlife with Dr. Darcy Sterling

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Friendship Breakups, Dating After Divorce & Outgrowing Relationships in Midlife with Dr. Darcy Sterling · The Iconic Midlife with Roxy Manning

• 0:00
  You
• 0:00
  cannot
• 0:00
  break
• 0:01
  relationship
• 0:01
  patterns
• 0:02
  by
• 0:02
  picking
• 0:02
  better.
• 0:03
  You
• 0:04
  break
• 0:04
  relationship
• 0:05
  patterns
• 0:05
  and
• 0:05
  relationship
• 0:06
  dynamics
• 0:07
  by
• 0:07
  recognizing
• 0:09
  what
• 0:09
  your
• 0:09
  relationship
• 0:10
  dynamics
• 0:11
  are.
• 0:11
  You
• 0:12
  have
• 0:12
  to,
• 0:12
  like,
• 0:12
  look
• 0:12
  inward
• 0:13
  first.
• 0:13
  Choosing
• 0:13
  a
• 0:14
  different
• 0:14
  partner
• 0:14
  is
• 0:15
  not
• 0:15
  going
• 0:15
  to
• 0:15
  fix
• 0:16
  your
• 0:16
  internal
• 0:17
  relationship
• 0:17
  patterns.
• 0:18
  You
• 0:18
  are
• 0:19
  going
• 0:19
  to
• 0:19
  recreate
• 0:20
  them
• 0:20
  in
• 0:20
  everyone.
• 0:21
  And
• 0:21
  unless
• 0:22
  you
• 0:22
  understand
• 0:22
  those
• 0:23
  patterns
• 0:23
  well
• 0:23
  enough
• 0:23
  to
• 0:24
  interrupt
• 0:24
  them
• 0:24
  in
• 0:25
  real
• 0:25
  life,
• 0:26
  you
• 0:26
  can
• 0:26
  have
• 0:26
  all
• 0:26
  the
• 0:27
  insight
• 0:27
  in
• 0:27
  the
• 0:27
  world
• 0:27
  and
• 0:28
  you
• 0:28
  will
• 0:28
  still
• 0:29
  keep
• 0:29
  recreating
• 0:31
  the
• 0:31
  problems
• 0:32
  with
• 0:32
  different
• 0:32
  people.
• 0:33
  How
• 0:33
  do
• 0:33
  we
• 0:34
  change?
• 0:34
  The
• 0:35
  reason
• 0:35
  why
• 0:36
  we
• 0:37
  spin
• 0:37
  things
• 0:38
  is
• 0:38
  because
• 0:38
  we
• 0:38
  have
• 0:39
  the
• 0:39
  strength
• 0:39
  of
• 0:40
  eq.
• 0:41
  Every
• 0:42
  strength
• 0:42
  can
• 0:42
  become
• 0:43
  a
• 0:43
  weakness
• 0:43
  when
• 0:44
  it's
• 0:44
  dialed
• 0:44
  up
• 0:44
  too
• 0:44
  high.
• 0:45
  We
• 0:45
  are
• 0:45
  much
• 0:46
  more
• 0:46
  discerning
• 0:47
  when
• 0:47
  it
• 0:47
  comes
• 0:48
  to
• 0:48
  our
• 0:48
  friends
• 0:48
  than
• 0:49
  when
• 0:49
  it
• 0:49
  comes
• 0:49
  to
• 0:49
  ourselves.
• 0:50
  You're
• 0:51
  right.
• 0:51
  Like,
• 0:51
  I
• 0:51
  feel
• 0:51
  like
• 0:51
  I'm
• 0:52
  always
• 0:52
  looking
• 0:52
  out
• 0:52
  for
• 0:52
  my
• 0:52
  girlfriends.
• 0:53
  Why
• 0:53
  don't
• 0:53
  we
• 0:53
  do
• 0:54
  that
• 0:54
  for
• 0:54
  ourselves?
• 0:55
  I
• 0:55
  don't
• 0:55
  think
• 0:55
  it's
• 0:56
  about
• 0:56
  the
• 0:56
  partner
• 0:57
  as
• 0:57
  much
• 0:57
  as
• 0:58
  it
• 0:58
  is
• 0:58
  about
• 0:58
  us.
• 1:06
  If
• 1:06
  you've
• 1:06
  ever
• 1:07
  looked
• 1:07
  at
• 1:07
  a
• 1:07
  friendship
• 1:08
  or
• 1:08
  a
• 1:08
  relationship
• 1:09
  and
• 1:10
  quietly
• 1:10
  thought,
• 1:11
  this
• 1:11
  doesn't
• 1:11
  feel
• 1:11
  the
• 1:12
  way
• 1:12
  it
• 1:12
  used
• 1:12
  to,
• 1:13
  you're
• 1:13
  not
• 1:13
  alone.
• 1:14
  Midlife
• 1:15
  has
• 1:15
  a
• 1:15
  way
• 1:15
  of
• 1:15
  changing
• 1:16
  everything.
• 1:17
  What
• 1:17
  we
• 1:17
  want,
• 1:18
  what
• 1:18
  we
• 1:18
  tolerate,
• 1:19
  who
• 1:19
  we
• 1:20
  connect
• 1:20
  with,
• 1:20
  and
• 1:21
  sometimes
• 1:21
  who
• 1:21
  we
• 1:22
  outgrow.
• 1:23
  Today's
• 1:23
  guest
• 1:24
  is
• 1:24
  someone
• 1:24
  who
• 1:25
  sees
• 1:25
  those
• 1:25
  shifts
• 1:26
  up
• 1:26
  close
• 1:26
  every
• 1:27
  single
• 1:27
  day.
• 1:28
  Dr.
• 1:29
  Darcy
• 1:29
  Sterling
• 1:30
  is
• 1:30
  a
• 1:30
  licensed
• 1:30
  therapist,
• 1:31
  relationship
• 1:32
  expert,
• 1:33
  and
• 1:33
  host
• 1:33
  of
• 1:34
  we
• 1:34
  need
• 1:34
  to
• 1:34
  talk
• 1:34
  with
• 1:35
  Dr.
• 1:35
  Darcy
• 1:36
  Sterling.
• 1:37
  She
• 1:37
  spent
• 1:37
  decades
• 1:38
  helping
• 1:38
  people
• 1:39
  navigate
• 1:39
  love,
• 1:40
  dating,
• 1:40
  breakups,
• 1:41
  and
• 1:41
  the
• 1:41
  complicated
• 1:42
  emotional
• 1:43
  terrain
• 1:43
  in
• 1:44
  between,
• 1:45
  from
• 1:45
  long
• 1:45
  term
• 1:45
  partnerships
• 1:46
  to
• 1:46
  starting
• 1:47
  over
• 1:47
  again.
• 1:48
  In
• 1:48
  this
• 1:48
  conversation,
• 1:49
  we're
• 1:49
  getting
• 1:50
  into
• 1:50
  the
• 1:50
  parts
• 1:51
  people
• 1:51
  don't
• 1:51
  usually
• 1:52
  say
• 1:52
  out
• 1:52
  loud.
• 1:53
  Why
• 1:53
  friendships
• 1:54
  fall
• 1:54
  apart
• 1:54
  in
• 1:55
  midlife,
• 1:55
  what
• 1:56
  actually
• 1:56
  happens
• 1:57
  after
• 1:57
  a
• 1:57
  divorce,
• 1:58
  and
• 1:58
  how
• 1:58
  to
• 1:58
  approach
• 1:59
  dating
• 1:59
  again
• 2:00
  when
• 2:00
  you're
• 2:00
  not
• 2:00
  the
• 2:01
  same
• 2:01
  person
• 2:01
  you
• 2:02
  were
• 2:02
  the
• 2:02
  first
• 2:02
  time
• 2:03
  around.
• 2:04
  And
• 2:04
  just
• 2:04
  a
• 2:05
  quick
• 2:05
  reminder,
• 2:06
  if
• 2:06
  you're
• 2:06
  into
• 2:06
  conversations
• 2:07
  that
• 2:07
  are
• 2:08
  unfiltered,
• 2:08
  honest,
• 2:09
  and
• 2:09
  actually
• 2:10
  make
• 2:10
  you
• 2:10
  think,
• 2:11
  make
• 2:11
  sure
• 2:12
  you're
• 2:12
  following
• 2:12
  the
• 2:12
  iconic
• 2:13
  Midlife
• 2:14
  right
• 2:14
  now
• 2:14
  on
• 2:15
  your
• 2:15
  favorite
• 2:15
  podcast
• 2:16
  platform.
• 2:17
  And
• 2:17
  if
• 2:17
  this
• 2:17
  episode
• 2:18
  resonates,
• 2:18
  share
• 2:19
  it
• 2:19
  with
• 2:19
  a
• 2:19
  friend
• 2:19
  who
• 2:19
  needs
• 2:19
  to
• 2:20
  hear.
• 2:20
  Hear
• 2:20
  it.
• 2:21
  Let's
• 2:21
  get
• 2:21
  into
• 2:21
  it.
• 2:22
  Welcome
• 2:22
  to
• 2:23
  the
• 2:23
  iconic
• 2:23
  midlife.
• 2:24
  Darcy.
• 2:24
  How
• 2:24
  are
• 2:24
  you
• 2:25
  today?
• 2:25
  I'm
• 2:25
  great.
• 2:26
  Thanks
• 2:26
  for
• 2:26
  having
• 2:26
  me.
• 2:27
  Oh,
• 2:27
  I'm
• 2:27
  so
• 2:27
  excited
• 2:28
  for
• 2:28
  you
• 2:28
  to
• 2:28
  be
• 2:28
  here.
• 2:29
  I've
• 2:29
  been
• 2:29
  following
• 2:30
  your
• 2:30
  Instagram
• 2:31
  for
• 2:31
  a
• 2:31
  while.
• 2:32
  We
• 2:32
  have
• 2:33
  a
• 2:33
  common
• 2:33
  friend
• 2:33
  who
• 2:33
  put
• 2:34
  us
• 2:34
  in
• 2:34
  touch
• 2:34
  and
• 2:34
  she's
• 2:35
  like,
• 2:35
  you
• 2:35
  have
• 2:35
  to
• 2:36
  watch,
• 2:36
  you
• 2:37
  know,
• 2:37
  Darcy's
• 2:38
  videos.
• 2:38
  She's
• 2:38
  like,
• 2:39
  you're
• 2:39
  gonna
• 2:39
  learn
• 2:39
  so
• 2:40
  much.
• 2:40
  And
• 2:40
  truly,
• 2:41
  truly
• 2:42
  I
• 2:42
  have.
• 2:42
  So
• 2:43
  I
• 2:43
  wanted
• 2:43
  to
• 2:43
  know
• 2:43
  from
• 2:43
  you,
• 2:44
  like,
• 2:44
  what
• 2:44
  really
• 2:45
  got
• 2:45
  you
• 2:45
  interested
• 2:47
  in.
• 2:47
  In
• 2:47
  this
• 2:48
  field,
• 2:48
  like,
• 2:49
  what
• 2:49
  really
• 2:49
  was
• 2:49
  sparked
• 2:50
  it
• 2:50
  for
• 2:50
  you?
• 2:51
  You
• 2:51
  know,
• 2:51
  we
• 2:51
  all
• 2:51
  start
• 2:51
  off
• 2:52
  as
• 2:52
  generalists,
• 2:53
  and
• 2:54
  very
• 2:54
  early
• 2:55
  into
• 2:55
  my
• 2:56
  career,
• 2:56
  it
• 2:56
  seemed
• 2:57
  to
• 2:57
  me
• 2:57
  like
• 2:58
  the
• 2:58
  common
• 2:59
  theme,
• 2:59
  no
• 2:59
  matter
• 3:00
  what
• 3:00
  anybody
• 3:00
  was
• 3:01
  coming
• 3:01
  to
• 3:01
  me
• 3:01
  for,
• 3:02
  was
• 3:02
  relationship
• 3:04
  skills,
• 3:04
  advice,
• 3:05
  insight
• 3:06
  and
• 3:06
  change,
• 3:07
  no
• 3:08
  matter
• 3:08
  what
• 3:08
  area
• 3:08
  of
• 3:09
  their
• 3:09
  life
• 3:10
  was
• 3:10
  giving
• 3:11
  them
• 3:11
  friction.
• 3:13
  So
• 3:14
  becoming
• 3:15
  someone
• 3:15
  skilled
• 3:16
  at
• 3:17
  guiding
• 3:17
  people
• 3:18
  through
• 3:18
  relationships
• 3:19
  and,
• 3:19
  and
• 3:20
  being
• 3:20
  comfortable
• 3:21
  with
• 3:21
  very
• 3:22
  matter
• 3:22
  of
• 3:22
  fact
• 3:22
  feedback
• 3:23
  back,
• 3:23
  do
• 3:23
  this,
• 3:24
  don't
• 3:24
  do
• 3:24
  that.
• 3:25
  Here's
• 3:25
  why
• 3:25
  this
• 3:25
  is
• 3:26
  problematic,
• 3:26
  here's
• 3:27
  why
• 3:27
  that's
• 3:27
  going
• 3:28
  to
• 3:28
  turn
• 3:28
  out
• 3:28
  badly
• 3:29
  for
• 3:29
  you.
• 3:30
  Just
• 3:30
  felt
• 3:31
  very
• 3:31
  organic
• 3:32
  to
• 3:32
  me.
• 3:32
  It
• 3:33
  came
• 3:33
  very
• 3:33
  naturally
• 3:34
  to
• 3:34
  me.
• 3:34
  I'm
• 3:35
  not
• 3:35
  a
• 3:35
  quiet
• 3:35
  therapist.
• 3:36
  We
• 3:36
  like
• 3:37
  that
• 3:37
  you
• 3:37
  like
• 3:37
  to
• 3:37
  give
• 3:38
  your
• 3:38
  input.
• 3:39
  I
• 3:39
  think
• 3:39
  that's
• 3:40
  one
• 3:40
  of
• 3:40
  the
• 3:40
  things
• 3:40
  that
• 3:40
  can
• 3:41
  kind
• 3:41
  of
• 3:41
  sometimes
• 3:42
  for
• 3:42
  some
• 3:42
  of
• 3:42
  us
• 3:43
  be
• 3:43
  a
• 3:43
  little
• 3:43
  frustrating
• 3:44
  when
• 3:44
  we
• 3:44
  sit
• 3:45
  with
• 3:45
  a
• 3:45
  therapist.
• 3:45
  Because
• 3:46
  you
• 3:46
  do
• 3:46
  want
• 3:46
  that
• 3:46
  advice,
• 3:47
  you
• 3:47
  know,
• 3:47
  you
• 3:48
  do
• 3:48
  want
• 3:49
  the
• 3:49
  input
• 3:49
  of
• 3:50
  the
• 3:50
  person
• 3:50
  who
• 3:50
  you're
• 3:51
  talking
• 3:51
  to.
• 3:52
  If
• 3:52
  I
• 3:52
  had
• 3:52
  to
• 3:53
  condense
• 3:55
  my
• 3:55
  therapeutic
• 3:56
  experiences
• 3:57
  with
• 3:57
  me
• 3:57
  as
• 3:57
  the
• 3:58
  client
• 3:58
  down
• 3:58
  to
• 3:59
  one
• 4:00
  sentence,
• 4:01
  it
• 4:01
  was
• 4:02
  that
• 4:02
  people
• 4:02
  did
• 4:02
  not
• 4:03
  speak
• 4:03
  to
• 4:03
  me
• 4:04
  and
• 4:04
  challenge
• 4:05
  me.
• 4:05
  So
• 4:05
  I
• 4:05
  became
• 4:06
  the
• 4:06
  therapist
• 4:07
  that
• 4:07
  I've
• 4:07
  always
• 4:08
  needed.
• 4:08
  So
• 4:09
  what
• 4:09
  are
• 4:09
  some
• 4:09
  of
• 4:09
  the
• 4:09
  most
• 4:10
  common
• 4:10
  things
• 4:10
  that
• 4:11
  you
• 4:11
  hear
• 4:12
  and
• 4:12
  see
• 4:12
  when
• 4:12
  you're
• 4:13
  sitting
• 4:13
  with
• 4:13
  people?
• 4:14
  As
• 4:14
  a
• 4:14
  relationship
• 4:15
  therapist,
• 4:16
  we
• 4:16
  are
• 4:16
  all.
• 4:17
  So
• 4:19
  socialized
• 4:20
  to
• 4:20
  only
• 4:21
  put
• 4:21
  forward
• 4:21
  the
• 4:22
  parts
• 4:22
  of
• 4:22
  our
• 4:23
  lives
• 4:23
  that
• 4:23
  look
• 4:24
  shiny,
• 4:24
  to
• 4:25
  only
• 4:26
  display
• 4:27
  the
• 4:27
  curated
• 4:27
  version
• 4:28
  of
• 4:29
  what
• 4:30
  is
• 4:31
  shiny
• 4:31
  and
• 4:31
  glowy
• 4:32
  and
• 4:32
  looks
• 4:33
  attractive,
• 4:34
  that
• 4:34
  everybody
• 4:35
  feels
• 4:36
  so
• 4:36
  alone
• 4:37
  in
• 4:37
  their
• 4:37
  struggles.
• 4:39
  And
• 4:39
  I
• 4:39
  feel
• 4:39
  like
• 4:39
  if
• 4:40
  people
• 4:40
  could
• 4:40
  just
• 4:40
  be
• 4:40
  a
• 4:41
  fly
• 4:41
  on
• 4:41
  my
• 4:41
  wall
• 4:42
  and
• 4:42
  hear
• 4:43
  how
• 4:44
  normal
• 4:45
  their
• 4:45
  struggles
• 4:46
  and
• 4:46
  their
• 4:46
  concerns
• 4:47
  are,
• 4:49
  everybody
• 4:50
  would
• 4:50
  feel
• 4:51
  so
• 4:51
  much
• 4:51
  better.
• 4:52
  The
• 4:52
  problem
• 4:54
  with
• 4:54
  today,
• 4:55
  the
• 4:55
  timestamp
• 4:56
  2026,
• 4:58
  is
• 4:58
  that
• 4:59
  nobody
• 5:00
  is
• 5:00
  real
• 5:00
  about
• 5:00
  what
• 5:01
  they're
• 5:01
  really
• 5:01
  struggling
• 5:02
  with.
• 5:03
  So
• 5:03
  by
• 5:03
  the
• 5:03
  time
• 5:03
  people
• 5:04
  come
• 5:04
  to
• 5:04
  me,
• 5:05
  not
• 5:05
  only
• 5:05
  do
• 5:05
  they
• 5:05
  have
• 5:06
  the
• 5:06
  primary
• 5:07
  issue,
• 5:07
  they
• 5:08
  have
• 5:09
  a
• 5:09
  layer
• 5:09
  of
• 5:09
  shame
• 5:10
  on
• 5:10
  top
• 5:10
  of
• 5:10
  it
• 5:11
  because
• 5:11
  they
• 5:11
  think
• 5:11
  they're
• 5:12
  the
• 5:12
  only
• 5:12
  ones
• 5:12
  struggling
• 5:13
  with
• 5:13
  it.
• 5:14
  Thank
• 5:14
  you.
• 5:14
  Social
• 5:14
  media,
• 5:15
  right?
• 5:15
  I
• 5:15
  mean,
• 5:15
  we
• 5:16
  open
• 5:16
  up
• 5:16
  our
• 5:16
  phones
• 5:17
  and
• 5:17
  all
• 5:17
  we
• 5:17
  see
• 5:18
  are
• 5:18
  these
• 5:18
  really
• 5:19
  polished,
• 5:19
  pretty
• 5:20
  videos
• 5:20
  and
• 5:21
  pictures
• 5:22
  most
• 5:22
  of
• 5:22
  the
• 5:22
  time.
• 5:22
  I
• 5:22
  mean,
• 5:23
  some
• 5:23
  people
• 5:23
  really
• 5:23
  do
• 5:24
  kind
• 5:24
  of
• 5:24
  show
• 5:25
  their
• 5:25
  vulnerabilities,
• 5:26
  but
• 5:26
  I
• 5:26
  think
• 5:26
  in
• 5:27
  general,
• 5:27
  you
• 5:27
  know,
• 5:27
  you
• 5:27
  kind
• 5:28
  of
• 5:28
  open
• 5:28
  social
• 5:29
  media
• 5:29
  and
• 5:29
  you
• 5:29
  see
• 5:30
  like
• 5:30
  these,
• 5:30
  you
• 5:31
  know,
• 5:31
  images
• 5:31
  where
• 5:32
  they're
• 5:33
  so
• 5:33
  aspirational,
• 5:34
  right?
• 5:34
  It's
• 5:34
  like
• 5:35
  you
• 5:35
  want
• 5:35
  to
• 5:36
  step
• 5:36
  into
• 5:36
  the
• 5:36
  life
• 5:36
  of
• 5:37
  this
• 5:37
  person
• 5:37
  or,
• 5:38
  you
• 5:38
  know,
• 5:39
  kind
• 5:39
  of
• 5:39
  see
• 5:40
  all
• 5:40
  of
• 5:40
  these
• 5:40
  things.
• 5:41
  And
• 5:41
  so
• 5:41
  I
• 5:41
  think,
• 5:43
  you
• 5:43
  know,
• 5:43
  it's
• 5:43
  been
• 5:44
  really
• 5:44
  hard
• 5:45
  to
• 5:45
  kind
• 5:45
  of
• 5:45
  put
• 5:46
  yourself
• 5:46
  out
• 5:46
  there,
• 5:47
  like
• 5:47
  you're
• 5:47
  saying,
• 5:47
  in
• 5:48
  the
• 5:48
  way
• 5:48
  that
• 5:48
  you
• 5:48
  want
• 5:49
  to,
• 5:49
  you
• 5:49
  know,
• 5:49
  because
• 5:50
  you
• 5:50
  feel
• 5:50
  pressure
• 5:51
  to
• 5:51
  sort
• 5:51
  of
• 5:52
  look
• 5:52
  perfect
• 5:52
  all
• 5:52
  the
• 5:53
  time,
• 5:53
  right?
• 5:53
  I
• 5:54
  mean,
• 5:54
  yes,
• 5:55
  yes,
• 5:55
  yes.
• 5:56
  And
• 5:56
  the
• 5:56
  question
• 5:57
  to
• 5:57
  you
• 5:57
  is,
• 5:57
  do
• 5:57
  you
• 5:58
  want
• 5:58
  to
• 5:58
  see
• 5:58
  a
• 5:58
  video
• 5:59
  of
• 5:59
  me
• 5:59
  crying
• 6:00
  on
• 6:00
  the
• 6:00
  floor
• 6:00
  of
• 6:01
  my
• 6:01
  kitchen
• 6:01
  after
• 6:01
  a
• 6:02
  fight
• 6:02
  with
• 6:02
  my
• 6:02
  wife?
• 6:03
  Do
• 6:03
  you
• 6:04
  want
• 6:04
  to
• 6:04
  see
• 6:04
  that,
• 6:05
  Roxy?
• 6:06
  Is
• 6:06
  that
• 6:06
  what
• 6:07
  you
• 6:07
  want
• 6:07
  to
• 6:07
  scroll
• 6:07
  through?
• 6:08
  It's
• 6:08
  funny
• 6:09
  because
• 6:09
  it's
• 6:10
  like,
• 6:10
  I
• 6:10
  really
• 6:11
  resonate,
• 6:11
  like,
• 6:11
  I've
• 6:11
  been
• 6:11
  following.
• 6:12
  There's
• 6:12
  one
• 6:13
  lady
• 6:13
  that
• 6:13
  I
• 6:13
  actually
• 6:13
  just
• 6:14
  came
• 6:14
  upon
• 6:15
  recently,
• 6:15
  and
• 6:16
  she
• 6:16
  is
• 6:16
  brutally
• 6:17
  honest.
• 6:17
  She
• 6:18
  is
• 6:18
  a
• 6:18
  caregiver
• 6:18
  to
• 6:19
  her
• 6:19
  mother
• 6:19
  who
• 6:20
  has
• 6:20
  dementia,
• 6:21
  but
• 6:22
  she's
• 6:22
  also
• 6:22
  raising
• 6:23
  her
• 6:23
  own
• 6:23
  children,
• 6:23
  you
• 6:24
  know,
• 6:24
  and
• 6:24
  has
• 6:24
  her
• 6:24
  own,
• 6:25
  like,
• 6:25
  immediate
• 6:25
  family.
• 6:25
  And
• 6:26
  so
• 6:27
  she
• 6:27
  will
• 6:27
  sit
• 6:27
  in
• 6:28
  the
• 6:28
  car
• 6:28
  and
• 6:28
  just
• 6:29
  the
• 6:29
  tears
• 6:29
  are
• 6:29
  flowing,
• 6:30
  right?
• 6:30
  It's
• 6:30
  not
• 6:30
  pretty,
• 6:31
  it's
• 6:31
  not
• 6:31
  perfect.
• 6:31
  But
• 6:32
  she's
• 6:32
  being
• 6:32
  very
• 6:33
  authentic
• 6:33
  and
• 6:34
  real.
• 6:34
  And
• 6:34
  I
• 6:34
  think
• 6:35
  as
• 6:35
  I've
• 6:35
  gotten
• 6:35
  older
• 6:36
  now,
• 6:36
  I
• 6:37
  gravitate
• 6:38
  more
• 6:38
  towards
• 6:39
  that
• 6:39
  than
• 6:39
  I
• 6:39
  did,
• 6:40
  you
• 6:40
  know,
• 6:40
  20s
• 6:41
  and
• 6:41
  30s
• 6:42
  and,
• 6:42
  you
• 6:42
  know,
• 6:42
  wanting
• 6:42
  to
• 6:43
  see,
• 6:43
  like,
• 6:43
  I
• 6:43
  mean,
• 6:44
  and
• 6:44
  I
• 6:44
  still
• 6:44
  love
• 6:44
  all
• 6:45
  the
• 6:45
  fashion
• 6:45
  and
• 6:45
  all
• 6:46
  that
• 6:46
  good
• 6:46
  stuff.
• 6:46
  Stuff.
• 6:46
  I
• 6:46
  mean,
• 6:46
  don't
• 6:47
  get
• 6:47
  me
• 6:47
  wrong,
• 6:47
  but
• 6:47
  like,
• 6:48
  there
• 6:48
  is
• 6:49
  a
• 6:49
  part
• 6:49
  of
• 6:49
  me
• 6:49
  now
• 6:49
  that
• 6:50
  is
• 6:50
  more.
• 6:50
  I.
• 6:50
  I'm
• 6:51
  gravitating
• 6:51
  so
• 6:51
  much
• 6:52
  more
• 6:52
  to
• 6:52
  these,
• 6:52
  like,
• 6:53
  very
• 6:53
  authentic
• 6:54
  stories,
• 6:55
  you
• 6:55
  know,
• 6:56
  And
• 6:56
  I
• 6:56
  don't
• 6:56
  know
• 6:56
  if
• 6:56
  that's
• 6:57
  maybe
• 6:57
  just
• 6:57
  a
• 6:57
  sign
• 6:57
  of,
• 6:58
  you
• 6:58
  know,
• 6:58
  maturing
• 6:59
  and
• 6:59
  hitting
• 7:00
  this
• 7:00
  midlife
• 7:01
  point,
• 7:02
  this,
• 7:03
  you
• 7:03
  know,
• 7:03
  fantastic
• 7:04
  time
• 7:05
  in
• 7:05
  our
• 7:05
  lives,
• 7:06
  or
• 7:07
  if
• 7:07
  it's
• 7:07
  just,
• 7:07
  you
• 7:07
  know,
• 7:08
  changing
• 7:08
  personality
• 7:09
  wise,
• 7:09
  like,
• 7:09
  who
• 7:09
  I
• 7:10
  am,
• 7:10
  you
• 7:10
  know,.
• 7:11
  Or
• 7:11
  is
• 7:11
  it
• 7:11
  just
• 7:12
  that
• 7:12
  you
• 7:12
  are
• 7:13
  so
• 7:13
  flattened
• 7:15
  and.
• 7:15
  And
• 7:16
  one
• 7:16
  dimensionalized
• 7:18
  by
• 7:19
  the
• 7:19
  world
• 7:19
  that
• 7:19
  we
• 7:20
  get
• 7:20
  to
• 7:20
  see
• 7:21
  that
• 7:21
  the
• 7:22
  plastic
• 7:23
  effect
• 7:23
  of
• 7:24
  social
• 7:25
  media
• 7:25
  is
• 7:26
  almost
• 7:26
  deadening,
• 7:27
  is
• 7:27
  it
• 7:27
  not?
• 7:28
  I
• 7:28
  mean,
• 7:29
  you're.
• 7:30
  I
• 7:30
  hear
• 7:30
  you.
• 7:31
  I
• 7:31
  hear
• 7:31
  you.
• 7:32
  I
• 7:33
  too,
• 7:33
  crave
• 7:34
  that.
• 7:35
  I
• 7:35
  don't
• 7:35
  know
• 7:35
  if
• 7:35
  I'm
• 7:36
  bold
• 7:36
  enough
• 7:36
  to
• 7:36
  be
• 7:37
  that.
• 7:37
  Right.
• 7:38
  I
• 7:38
  want
• 7:38
  to
• 7:39
  get.
• 7:39
  I
• 7:39
  kind
• 7:39
  of
• 7:39
  want
• 7:39
  to
• 7:40
  get
• 7:40
  there,
• 7:40
  though,
• 7:40
  right?
• 7:41
  Like,
• 7:41
  I
• 7:41
  want
• 7:41
  to
• 7:41
  be
• 7:41
  like,
• 7:42
  right.
• 7:42
  I
• 7:43
  do.
• 7:43
  I
• 7:43
  still
• 7:44
  give
• 7:44
  too
• 7:44
  many
• 7:44
  fucks.
• 7:45
  I
• 7:45
  really
• 7:46
  just
• 7:46
  do.
• 7:47
  I
• 7:47
  do.
• 7:47
  I'm
• 7:48
  waiting
• 7:48
  for
• 7:48
  that
• 7:48
  midlife
• 7:49
  moment
• 7:50
  that
• 7:50
  people
• 7:50
  speak
• 7:51
  of
• 7:51
  where
• 7:51
  they're
• 7:52
  just
• 7:52
  like,
• 7:52
  you
• 7:53
  just
• 7:53
  don't
• 7:53
  have
• 7:54
  many
• 7:54
  more
• 7:54
  to
• 7:54
  give.
• 7:55
  And
• 7:55
  I
• 7:55
  do
• 7:56
  feel
• 7:56
  that
• 7:56
  there's
• 7:57
  diminishing
• 7:57
  fucks
• 7:58
  to
• 7:58
  give,
• 7:58
  but
• 7:59
  I
• 7:59
  still.
• 7:59
  I
• 8:00
  think
• 8:00
  when
• 8:00
  you
• 8:00
  start
• 8:01
  with
• 8:01
  an
• 8:01
  extraordinary
• 8:02
  amount,
• 8:04
  even
• 8:04
  once
• 8:05
  it's
• 8:05
  halved,
• 8:05
  and
• 8:06
  maybe
• 8:06
  it
• 8:06
  is
• 8:06
  halved,
• 8:07
  it's
• 8:07
  still
• 8:07
  too
• 8:08
  much.
• 8:08
  Well,
• 8:08
  particularly
• 8:09
  too,
• 8:09
  because
• 8:10
  you
• 8:10
  and
• 8:10
  I
• 8:10
  both
• 8:11
  have
• 8:11
  worked
• 8:11
  in
• 8:11
  this
• 8:11
  whole
• 8:12
  entertainment
• 8:12
  world
• 8:13
  on
• 8:13
  top
• 8:13
  of
• 8:13
  everything
• 8:14
  else,
• 8:14
  and
• 8:15
  I
• 8:15
  wonder
• 8:15
  if
• 8:15
  that
• 8:15
  also
• 8:16
  puts
• 8:17
  a
• 8:17
  different
• 8:17
  spin
• 8:17
  on
• 8:17
  it
• 8:17
  for
• 8:18
  us
• 8:18
  a
• 8:18
  bit,
• 8:18
  right?
• 8:19
  Because,
• 8:19
  you
• 8:19
  know,
• 8:20
  you've
• 8:20
  done
• 8:20
  tv,
• 8:21
  you've
• 8:21
  been
• 8:21
  on
• 8:21
  camera.
• 8:22
  Same,
• 8:22
  you
• 8:22
  know,
• 8:22
  for
• 8:23
  me.
• 8:23
  And
• 8:23
  it's
• 8:23
  just
• 8:24
  like,
• 8:24
  I
• 8:24
  wonder
• 8:24
  if
• 8:25
  that
• 8:25
  even
• 8:25
  makes
• 8:25
  it
• 8:26
  more
• 8:26
  jaded.
• 8:27
  Do
• 8:27
  you
• 8:27
  know
• 8:27
  what
• 8:27
  I
• 8:28
  mean?
• 8:28
  Like,
• 8:28
  having
• 8:28
  to
• 8:29
  do.
• 8:29
  Having
• 8:29
  to
• 8:30
  have
• 8:30
  this,
• 8:30
  like,
• 8:30
  idea
• 8:30
  of
• 8:31
  perfection
• 8:31
  and
• 8:31
  look
• 8:32
  good
• 8:32
  and,
• 8:32
  you
• 8:33
  know,
• 8:33
  all
• 8:33
  of
• 8:34
  that,
• 8:34
  like,
• 8:34
  that
• 8:34
  kind
• 8:35
  of
• 8:35
  swirls
• 8:36
  in
• 8:36
  altogether.
• 8:36
  I
• 8:37
  feel
• 8:37
  like
• 8:37
  I
• 8:38
  have
• 8:38
  literally
• 8:38
  spent
• 8:39
  the
• 8:39
  last
• 8:40
  six
• 8:41
  months,
• 8:41
  maybe
• 8:42
  a
• 8:42
  year,
• 8:43
  soft
• 8:44
  year,
• 8:45
  hard
• 8:46
  six
• 8:46
  months,
• 8:47
  undoing
• 8:48
  so
• 8:49
  much
• 8:49
  of
• 8:49
  the
• 8:49
  media
• 8:49
  training
• 8:50
  that
• 8:50
  I.
• 8:51
  That
• 8:51
  was
• 8:52
  like,
• 8:52
  pounded
• 8:53
  into
• 8:53
  me
• 8:54
  over
• 8:54
  the.
• 8:54
  Over
• 8:55
  the
• 8:55
  course
• 8:55
  of
• 8:55
  my
• 8:56
  media
• 8:56
  career,
• 8:57
  because,
• 8:58
  a.
• 8:58
  It
• 8:59
  feels
• 9:00
  quite
• 9:01
  sanitizing.
• 9:03
  It's
• 9:03
  not
• 9:03
  who
• 9:04
  I
• 9:04
  am.
• 9:05
  It
• 9:05
  is
• 9:05
  who
• 9:05
  I
• 9:06
  am,
• 9:06
  but
• 9:06
  it's
• 9:06
  a
• 9:06
  version
• 9:07
  of
• 9:07
  who
• 9:07
  I
• 9:07
  am,
• 9:07
  and
• 9:07
  I
• 9:07
  want
• 9:08
  to
• 9:08
  be
• 9:08
  able
• 9:08
  to
• 9:08
  be
• 9:08
  all
• 9:08
  of
• 9:09
  who
• 9:09
  I
• 9:09
  am
• 9:09
  now.
• 9:10
  That
• 9:11
  is
• 9:11
  the
• 9:11
  essence
• 9:11
  of
• 9:11
  midlife,
• 9:12
  right?
• 9:12
  I'm
• 9:13
  tired
• 9:13
  of
• 9:13
  performing.
• 9:14
  I'm
• 9:14
  tired
• 9:15
  of
• 9:15
  putting
• 9:15
  on
• 9:15
  a
• 9:15
  version
• 9:16
  of
• 9:16
  myself
• 9:16
  that
• 9:16
  I
• 9:16
  think
• 9:17
  is
• 9:17
  gonna
• 9:17
  be
• 9:18
  tolerable
• 9:18
  and
• 9:19
  palatable
• 9:19
  to
• 9:19
  you.
• 9:20
  I'm
• 9:20
  not
• 9:20
  quite
• 9:21
  in
• 9:21
  a
• 9:21
  place
• 9:21
  where
• 9:21
  I'm
• 9:22
  prepared
• 9:22
  to,
• 9:22
  like,
• 9:23
  sit
• 9:23
  in
• 9:23
  my
• 9:23
  car
• 9:23
  and
• 9:24
  cry
• 9:24
  on
• 9:25
  video
• 9:26
  about
• 9:26
  my
• 9:27
  problems,
• 9:28
  but
• 9:28
  I
• 9:28
  am
• 9:28
  in
• 9:29
  a
• 9:29
  place
• 9:29
  in
• 9:29
  my
• 9:29
  life
• 9:30
  where,
• 9:30
  to
• 9:31
  the
• 9:31
  extent
• 9:31
  that
• 9:31
  I'm
• 9:31
  aware
• 9:32
  that
• 9:32
  I'm
• 9:32
  performing,
• 9:33
  I'm
• 9:33
  done
• 9:33
  with
• 9:33
  that.
• 9:33
  I
• 9:34
  hear
• 9:34
  you.
• 9:34
  There's
• 9:35
  like,
• 9:35
  a.
• 9:35
  It's
• 9:36
  changing.
• 9:36
  It's
• 9:37
  not
• 9:37
  100%
• 9:37
  like
• 9:38
  the
• 9:38
  other
• 9:39
  side,
• 9:39
  but
• 9:40
  you're
• 9:40
  getting
• 9:40
  there,
• 9:41
  right?
• 9:41
  I
• 9:41
  mean,
• 9:41
  I
• 9:42
  feel
• 9:42
  like,
• 9:42
  as
• 9:42
  we
• 9:42
  all
• 9:42
  are,
• 9:43
  particularly
• 9:43
  at
• 9:43
  this
• 9:43
  point,
• 9:44
  time
• 9:44
  of
• 9:44
  life,
• 9:45
  right?
• 9:45
  I
• 9:45
  mean,
• 9:46
  things
• 9:46
  are
• 9:46
  changing,
• 9:47
  you
• 9:47
  know,
• 9:48
  like,
• 9:48
  physically,
• 9:49
  emotionally,
• 9:50
  you
• 9:50
  know,
• 9:50
  mentally,
• 9:51
  some
• 9:51
  spiritually.
• 9:52
  Like,
• 9:53
  there's
• 9:53
  a
• 9:53
  lot
• 9:53
  of
• 9:54
  change
• 9:54
  that
• 9:54
  happens
• 9:55
  at
• 9:55
  this
• 9:55
  time,
• 9:55
  you
• 9:56
  know,
• 9:56
  like,
• 9:56
  that
• 9:57
  I.
• 9:57
  Going
• 9:57
  into
• 9:58
  it
• 9:58
  was
• 9:58
  not
• 9:58
  prepared
• 9:59
  for.
• 9:59
  You
• 9:59
  know,
• 9:59
  no
• 10:00
  one
• 10:00
  handed
• 10:01
  me
• 10:01
  any
• 10:01
  sort
• 10:01
  of
• 10:01
  roadmap,
• 10:02
  as
• 10:02
  I'm
• 10:03
  sure
• 10:03
  most
• 10:04
  everybody
• 10:04
  else
• 10:04
  who's
• 10:05
  listening
• 10:05
  and
• 10:05
  watching,
• 10:06
  you
• 10:06
  know,
• 10:06
  like,
• 10:06
  we're
• 10:07
  kind
• 10:07
  of
• 10:07
  just
• 10:07
  thrown
• 10:08
  into
• 10:08
  this
• 10:08
  to
• 10:08
  kind
• 10:09
  of
• 10:09
  fend.
• 10:10
  Fend
• 10:10
  our
• 10:10
  way,
• 10:11
  you
• 10:11
  know,
• 10:11
  fend
• 10:11
  off,
• 10:11
  like,
• 10:12
  whatever
• 10:12
  we
• 10:12
  need
• 10:12
  to
• 10:13
  do
• 10:13
  to
• 10:13
  get
• 10:13
  to
• 10:13
  where
• 10:14
  we
• 10:14
  want
• 10:14
  to
• 10:14
  go.
• 10:15
  And
• 10:15
  it
• 10:15
  just.
• 10:16
  It's
• 10:16
  so
• 10:16
  hard,
• 10:17
  right?
• 10:17
  It's
• 10:17
  just.
• 10:19
  I
• 10:19
  mean,
• 10:19
  there's
• 10:20
  just
• 10:20
  a
• 10:20
  lot,
• 10:20
  you.
• 10:21
  Know,
• 10:21
  and
• 10:22
  speaking
• 10:22
  to
• 10:23
  what
• 10:23
  you
• 10:23
  had
• 10:24
  pointed
• 10:24
  out
• 10:25
  a
• 10:25
  moment
• 10:25
  ago,
• 10:26
  I
• 10:26
  think
• 10:26
  if
• 10:27
  previous
• 10:27
  generations
• 10:28
  had
• 10:28
  been
• 10:29
  more
• 10:29
  bold
• 10:30
  or
• 10:30
  transparent
• 10:31
  at
• 10:31
  all
• 10:32
  about
• 10:32
  what
• 10:33
  it
• 10:33
  is
• 10:33
  they
• 10:33
  were
• 10:34
  going
• 10:34
  through
• 10:34
  in
• 10:35
  midlife,
• 10:35
  what
• 10:35
  we
• 10:36
  should
• 10:36
  expect
• 10:36
  in
• 10:37
  midlife,
• 10:38
  perhaps
• 10:39
  it
• 10:40
  would
• 10:40
  have
• 10:40
  been
• 10:40
  an
• 10:40
  easier
• 10:41
  path
• 10:41
  for
• 10:41
  us.
• 10:42
  I
• 10:43
  don't
• 10:43
  know
• 10:43
  about
• 10:43
  you,
• 10:43
  but
• 10:43
  when
• 10:44
  I
• 10:44
  started
• 10:45
  perimenopause,
• 10:46
  I
• 10:46
  thought
• 10:46
  I
• 10:46
  was
• 10:46
  losing
• 10:47
  my
• 10:47
  mind.
• 10:48
  I
• 10:48
  didn't
• 10:48
  know
• 10:49
  what
• 10:49
  it
• 10:49
  happened
• 10:49
  at
• 10:50
  the
• 10:50
  end
• 10:50
  of
• 10:50
  the
• 10:50
  pandemic.
• 10:51
  And
• 10:52
  so
• 10:52
  I
• 10:52
  wasn't
• 10:53
  sure
• 10:53
  what
• 10:53
  was
• 10:53
  happening.
• 10:54
  I
• 10:55
  wasn't
• 10:55
  sure
• 10:55
  if
• 10:55
  I
• 10:56
  was
• 10:56
  just
• 10:57
  losing
• 10:57
  it
• 10:57
  because
• 10:58
  of
• 10:58
  the
• 10:58
  pandemic
• 10:59
  or
• 10:59
  if
• 10:59
  it
• 10:59
  was
• 10:59
  perimenopause.
• 11:01
  And
• 11:03
  when
• 11:03
  I
• 11:03
  determined
• 11:04
  what
• 11:04
  it
• 11:04
  was,
• 11:06
  I
• 11:06
  was
• 11:06
  just
• 11:07
  like,
• 11:07
  I
• 11:07
  am
• 11:07
  not
• 11:08
  keeping
• 11:08
  quiet
• 11:08
  about
• 11:09
  this.
• 11:09
  I'm
• 11:09
  going
• 11:10
  to
• 11:10
  scream
• 11:10
  this
• 11:10
  from
• 11:10
  the
• 11:10
  rooftop.
• 11:11
  I
• 11:11
  don't
• 11:11
  care
• 11:12
  who
• 11:12
  is
• 11:12
  uncomfortable
• 11:13
  by
• 11:13
  it.
• 11:13
  It
• 11:14
  affects
• 11:14
  more
• 11:14
  than
• 11:14
  half
• 11:15
  the
• 11:15
  population.
• 11:16
  I'm
• 11:16
  not
• 11:16
  going
• 11:16
  to
• 11:16
  be
• 11:16
  quiet
• 11:17
  about
• 11:17
  this.
• 11:17
  This
• 11:17
  is
• 11:18
  crazy.
• 11:18
  You
• 11:19
  know,
• 11:19
  so
• 11:19
  many
• 11:19
  of
• 11:19
  us
• 11:20
  were
• 11:20
  probably
• 11:20
  in,
• 11:21
  like,
• 11:21
  a
• 11:21
  similar
• 11:21
  age
• 11:22
  bracket.
• 11:22
  Like,
• 11:23
  I
• 11:23
  do
• 11:23
  think
• 11:23
  the
• 11:24
  pandemic
• 11:24
  was
• 11:25
  sort
• 11:25
  of
• 11:25
  the
• 11:25
  turning
• 11:26
  point,
• 11:26
  like,
• 11:26
  where
• 11:26
  people
• 11:27
  really
• 11:28
  got
• 11:28
  this
• 11:28
  awareness
• 11:29
  of,
• 11:29
  like,
• 11:30
  you
• 11:30
  know,
• 11:30
  perimenopause,
• 11:31
  and
• 11:32
  we
• 11:32
  were
• 11:32
  all
• 11:32
  living
• 11:32
  it,
• 11:33
  you
• 11:33
  know,
• 11:33
  simultaneously,
• 11:35
  which
• 11:35
  was
• 11:36
  w.
• 11:37
  Like,
• 11:37
  how
• 11:37
  crazy
• 11:38
  to
• 11:38
  be,
• 11:39
  like,
• 11:39
  you
• 11:39
  know,
• 11:40
  in
• 11:40
  isolation
• 11:41
  or,
• 11:41
  you
• 11:41
  know,
• 11:42
  whatever.
• 11:42
  Like,
• 11:43
  whatever
• 11:44
  the
• 11:44
  level
• 11:44
  of,
• 11:45
  you
• 11:45
  know,
• 11:45
  the
• 11:45
  pandemic
• 11:46
  was
• 11:46
  for
• 11:47
  you,
• 11:47
  like,
• 11:48
  to
• 11:48
  go
• 11:48
  through
• 11:48
  that,
• 11:49
  but
• 11:49
  then
• 11:49
  also
• 11:49
  to
• 11:50
  be
• 11:50
  going
• 11:50
  through
• 11:50
  perimenopause
• 11:51
  is
• 11:52
  absolutely
• 11:52
  nuts.
• 11:53
  And
• 11:53
  in
• 11:53
  a
• 11:53
  way,
• 11:54
  even
• 11:54
  though
• 11:55
  we
• 11:55
  were
• 11:55
  isolated
• 11:56
  and
• 11:56
  in
• 11:56
  our
• 11:56
  own
• 11:57
  pods
• 11:57
  and
• 11:58
  in
• 11:58
  our
• 11:58
  own
• 11:58
  lockdown,
• 11:59
  we've
• 11:59
  never
• 12:00
  been
• 12:00
  more
• 12:00
  connected
• 12:01
  as
• 12:01
  a
• 12:01
  society.
• 12:02
  So
• 12:02
  we
• 12:03
  get
• 12:03
  to
• 12:03
  hear
• 12:03
  from
• 12:03
  each
• 12:04
  other
• 12:04
  in
• 12:04
  ways
• 12:04
  that
• 12:05
  we
• 12:05
  might
• 12:05
  not
• 12:06
  otherwise
• 12:07
  have
• 12:07
  been
• 12:07
  able
• 12:07
  to.
• 12:08
  Did
• 12:09
  get
• 12:09
  to
• 12:09
  hear
• 12:09
  from
• 12:10
  each
• 12:10
  other.
• 12:10
  We
• 12:10
  did
• 12:11
  get
• 12:11
  to
• 12:12
  see
• 12:12
  each
• 12:12
  other.
• 12:12
  We
• 12:13
  got
• 12:13
  to
• 12:13
  communicate
• 12:15
  everyday.
• 12:15
  People
• 12:16
  had
• 12:16
  voices
• 12:16
  because
• 12:17
  of
• 12:17
  social
• 12:17
  media.
• 12:17
  I
• 12:18
  know
• 12:18
  we
• 12:18
  all
• 12:18
  on
• 12:19
  it,
• 12:19
  but,
• 12:19
  like,
• 12:19
  you
• 12:20
  know,
• 12:20
  there
• 12:20
  is
• 12:20
  some
• 12:21
  democracy
• 12:22
  democratizing
• 12:23
  power
• 12:24
  through
• 12:24
  social
• 12:24
  media
• 12:25
  that
• 12:25
  I
• 12:26
  don't
• 12:26
  want.
• 12:26
  You
• 12:26
  know,
• 12:26
  I
• 12:26
  don't
• 12:27
  want
• 12:27
  to.
• 12:27
  I
• 12:27
  don't
• 12:27
  want
• 12:27
  to
• 12:27
  minimize
• 12:28
  that.
• 12:28
  Social
• 12:29
  media
• 12:29
  has
• 12:29
  a
• 12:30
  lot
• 12:30
  of
• 12:30
  shortcomings,
• 12:31
  but
• 12:31
  it
• 12:31
  also
• 12:31
  has
• 12:32
  some
• 12:32
  positive
• 12:33
  aspects
• 12:33
  to
• 12:33
  it.
• 12:34
  And
• 12:34
  because
• 12:34
  of
• 12:35
  that,
• 12:36
  we
• 12:36
  experience
• 12:37
  something
• 12:37
  that
• 12:38
  one,
• 12:38
  hopefully
• 12:39
  that
• 12:39
  once
• 12:40
  in
• 12:40
  a
• 12:40
  lifetime
• 12:41
  experience
• 12:42
  of
• 12:42
  a
• 12:43
  pandemic
• 12:44
  in
• 12:44
  a
• 12:44
  way
• 12:44
  that
• 12:45
  no
• 12:46
  other
• 12:46
  generation
• 12:46
  has
• 12:47
  ever
• 12:47
  been
• 12:47
  able
• 12:48
  to.
• 12:48
  We
• 12:48
  were
• 12:49
  able
• 12:49
  to
• 12:49
  work.
• 12:50
  Some
• 12:50
  of
• 12:50
  us,
• 12:50
  if
• 12:51
  we
• 12:51
  were
• 12:51
  lucky
• 12:51
  enough,
• 12:52
  we're
• 12:52
  still
• 12:53
  able
• 12:53
  to
• 12:53
  work.
• 12:54
  We
• 12:54
  were
• 12:54
  able
• 12:54
  to
• 12:54
  socialize
• 12:55
  again.
• 12:56
  If
• 12:56
  we
• 12:56
  had
• 12:56
  the
• 12:56
  resources
• 12:57
  to
• 12:57
  have
• 12:57
  Internet.
• 12:59
  We
• 12:59
  were
• 12:59
  able
• 12:59
  to
• 13:00
  stay
• 13:00
  connected.
• 13:01
  And
• 13:01
  although
• 13:01
  there
• 13:02
  were
• 13:03
  enormous
• 13:03
  mental
• 13:04
  health
• 13:05
  consequences
• 13:06
  to
• 13:06
  the
• 13:06
  way
• 13:06
  we
• 13:06
  lived,
• 13:07
  and
• 13:07
  for
• 13:08
  those
• 13:08
  of
• 13:08
  us
• 13:08
  who
• 13:08
  lived
• 13:08
  in
• 13:09
  it
• 13:09
  too
• 13:09
  long,
• 13:09
  and
• 13:09
  I'm
• 13:10
  one
• 13:10
  of
• 13:10
  them,
• 13:10
  you
• 13:11
  know,
• 13:11
  with
• 13:11
  every
• 13:12
  additional
• 13:12
  month
• 13:13
  or
• 13:13
  year
• 13:14
  that
• 13:15
  you
• 13:15
  spent
• 13:15
  in
• 13:15
  lockdown,
• 13:17
  your.
• 13:17
  Your
• 13:17
  social
• 13:18
  skills
• 13:18
  diminished,
• 13:19
  they
• 13:19
  atrophied.
• 13:20
  And
• 13:20
  there
• 13:20
  was
• 13:20
  a
• 13:20
  lot
• 13:21
  of
• 13:21
  advancement
• 13:22
  that
• 13:22
  actually
• 13:22
  happened
• 13:23
  during
• 13:23
  that
• 13:23
  time.
• 13:24
  Right.
• 13:24
  Like
• 13:24
  with
• 13:25
  technology.
• 13:25
  I
• 13:25
  mean,
• 13:26
  I
• 13:26
  remember
• 13:27
  recording
• 13:27
  podcasts.
• 13:28
  You
• 13:29
  know,
• 13:29
  it
• 13:29
  used
• 13:29
  to
• 13:29
  always
• 13:29
  just
• 13:30
  be
• 13:30
  in
• 13:30
  person,
• 13:30
  you
• 13:31
  know,
• 13:31
  and
• 13:31
  then
• 13:32
  the
• 13:32
  pandemic
• 13:32
  happened
• 13:33
  and
• 13:33
  we
• 13:33
  had
• 13:33
  to
• 13:33
  pivot,
• 13:34
  you
• 13:34
  know,
• 13:34
  and
• 13:34
  it's
• 13:35
  like,
• 13:35
  we
• 13:35
  gotta
• 13:36
  do
• 13:36
  this
• 13:36
  a
• 13:36
  different
• 13:37
  way
• 13:37
  to
• 13:37
  like,
• 13:37
  keep
• 13:38
  the,
• 13:38
  keep
• 13:38
  it
• 13:38
  going,
• 13:39
  you
• 13:39
  know.
• 13:40
  So
• 13:40
  I
• 13:40
  think
• 13:40
  there
• 13:40
  was
• 13:40
  a
• 13:41
  lot
• 13:41
  of,
• 13:41
  like,
• 13:41
  interesting
• 13:42
  advancement
• 13:43
  and
• 13:43
  like,
• 13:44
  development
• 13:45
  and
• 13:45
  just
• 13:45
  really
• 13:46
  like,
• 13:46
  people
• 13:46
  got
• 13:46
  creative,
• 13:47
  which
• 13:48
  was
• 13:49
  amazing.
• 13:49
  You
• 13:49
  know,
• 13:50
  think
• 13:50
  about
• 13:50
  my
• 13:51
  field.
• 13:51
  My
• 13:52
  entire
• 13:52
  profession
• 13:53
  pivoted
• 13:54
  to,
• 13:54
  to
• 13:54
  virtual.
• 13:55
  And
• 13:55
  those
• 13:55
  of
• 13:56
  us
• 13:56
  who
• 13:56
  couldn't
• 13:56
  retired
• 13:57
  early.
• 13:58
  So
• 13:58
  a
• 13:58
  third
• 13:58
  of
• 13:59
  my
• 13:59
  profession,
• 14:00
  I
• 14:00
  think
• 14:00
  that's
• 14:01
  where
• 14:01
  the
• 14:01
  stat
• 14:01
  landed
• 14:02
  at,
• 14:03
  retired
• 14:04
  early
• 14:04
  because
• 14:05
  they
• 14:05
  refused
• 14:05
  to
• 14:06
  embrace
• 14:06
  the
• 14:06
  technology
• 14:07
  that
• 14:08
  was
• 14:08
  available.
• 14:09
  I
• 14:10
  was
• 14:10
  lucky.
• 14:10
  I
• 14:10
  had
• 14:11
  been
• 14:11
  using
• 14:11
  it
• 14:11
  for
• 14:11
  years,
• 14:12
  but
• 14:14
  most
• 14:14
  people
• 14:14
  had
• 14:15
  never
• 14:15
  used
• 14:15
  it
• 14:15
  before
• 14:16
  and
• 14:16
  that
• 14:16
  hurdle
• 14:17
  was
• 14:17
  too
• 14:17
  much
• 14:17
  for
• 14:17
  them
• 14:17
  to
• 14:18
  bear.
• 14:18
  And
• 14:18
  that
• 14:19
  was
• 14:19
  part
• 14:19
  of
• 14:19
  the
• 14:19
  reason
• 14:19
  why
• 14:20
  there
• 14:20
  was
• 14:20
  such
• 14:20
  a
• 14:20
  lack
• 14:21
  of
• 14:21
  providers
• 14:22
  early
• 14:22
  on.
• 14:22
  And
• 14:22
  there
• 14:23
  still
• 14:23
  is
• 14:23
  a
• 14:24
  lack
• 14:24
  of
• 14:24
  providers,
• 14:25
  but
• 14:25
  it's
• 14:26
  much
• 14:26
  better
• 14:26
  now
• 14:26
  than
• 14:27
  it
• 14:27
  was.
• 14:27
  You're
• 14:28
  right,
• 14:28
  because
• 14:28
  now
• 14:29
  the
• 14:29
  platform,
• 14:29
  you
• 14:30
  know,
• 14:30
  it's,
• 14:30
  it's
• 14:30
  much
• 14:30
  more
• 14:31
  user
• 14:31
  friendly
• 14:31
  and
• 14:32
  more
• 14:32
  accepted
• 14:33
  widely,
• 14:33
  I
• 14:34
  think.
• 14:34
  But
• 14:34
  I
• 14:34
  wanted
• 14:35
  to
• 14:35
  talk
• 14:35
  to
• 14:36
  you
• 14:36
  about
• 14:37
  something
• 14:37
  that
• 14:37
  I've
• 14:38
  been
• 14:38
  hearing
• 14:38
  a
• 14:38
  lot
• 14:38
  of
• 14:39
  lately.
• 14:40
  So
• 14:40
  I've
• 14:40
  been
• 14:40
  talking
• 14:41
  to
• 14:41
  friends.
• 14:41
  I've
• 14:41
  been
• 14:42
  getting
• 14:42
  a
• 14:42
  lot
• 14:42
  of
• 14:42
  messages
• 14:43
  about
• 14:45
  this
• 14:46
  notion,
• 14:46
  especially
• 14:47
  in
• 14:47
  midlife,
• 14:48
  about
• 14:49
  female
• 14:49
  friendships,
• 14:50
  because
• 14:50
  I
• 14:50
  feel
• 14:51
  like
• 14:52
  female
• 14:52
  friendships
• 14:53
  change
• 14:53
  a
• 14:53
  lot
• 14:55
  in
• 14:55
  midlife.
• 14:56
  You
• 14:56
  know,
• 14:56
  there's
• 14:57
  friendship
• 14:57
  breakups,
• 14:58
  there's.
• 14:59
  You
• 14:59
  know,
• 14:59
  it's.
• 15:00
  Sometimes
• 15:00
  it's
• 15:00
  really
• 15:00
  hard
• 15:01
  to
• 15:01
  make
• 15:01
  friends
• 15:02
  at
• 15:02
  this
• 15:02
  time,
• 15:03
  you
• 15:03
  know.
• 15:03
  And
• 15:04
  so
• 15:04
  what
• 15:04
  is
• 15:05
  going
• 15:05
  on?
• 15:05
  Like,
• 15:06
  what
• 15:06
  is
• 15:06
  happening
• 15:07
  right
• 15:07
  now?
• 15:07
  Why
• 15:08
  is
• 15:08
  this
• 15:08
  such
• 15:08
  a,
• 15:08
  like,
• 15:09
  pivotal
• 15:10
  turning
• 15:10
  point
• 15:11
  for
• 15:11
  us,
• 15:11
  you
• 15:12
  know,
• 15:12
  especially
• 15:12
  as
• 15:12
  it
• 15:13
  relates
• 15:13
  to
• 15:13
  our
• 15:13
  friends?
• 15:14
  So
• 15:15
  interesting.
• 15:15
  I
• 15:15
  just
• 15:16
  had
• 15:16
  a
• 15:16
  conversation
• 15:17
  with
• 15:17
  a
• 15:17
  high
• 15:17
  school,
• 15:17
  not
• 15:18
  even
• 15:18
  a
• 15:18
  high
• 15:18
  school
• 15:18
  friend
• 15:19
  of
• 15:19
  mine.
• 15:19
  I've
• 15:20
  known
• 15:20
  this
• 15:20
  woman
• 15:20
  so
• 15:20
  long,
• 15:21
  I
• 15:21
  don't
• 15:21
  remember
• 15:21
  meeting
• 15:21
  her.
• 15:22
  I've
• 15:22
  known
• 15:22
  her
• 15:22
  my
• 15:22
  whole
• 15:23
  life.
• 15:24
  We
• 15:24
  probably
• 15:24
  hadn't
• 15:25
  spoken
• 15:25
  in
• 15:25
  like,
• 15:26
  I
• 15:26
  don't
• 15:26
  know,
• 15:26
  a
• 15:26
  decade.
• 15:27
  And
• 15:27
  yet
• 15:28
  she
• 15:28
  calls
• 15:28
  me
• 15:28
  out
• 15:29
  of
• 15:29
  nowhere
• 15:30
  and
• 15:30
  is
• 15:31
  heartbroken,
• 15:32
  gutted
• 15:33
  over
• 15:34
  what
• 15:34
  felt
• 15:35
  like
• 15:36
  a
• 15:36
  pivotal
• 15:36
  moment
• 15:37
  in
• 15:37
  a.
• 15:37
  In
• 15:38
  a
• 15:38
  friendship.
• 15:39
  Friendship
• 15:39
  breakups
• 15:40
  can
• 15:40
  be
• 15:41
  so
• 15:41
  brutal
• 15:42
  in
• 15:43
  midlife.
• 15:44
  And
• 15:45
  I
• 15:46
  think
• 15:46
  the
• 15:46
  reason
• 15:47
  why
• 15:48
  there's
• 15:48
  so
• 15:49
  much
• 15:49
  devastating
• 15:51
  is
• 15:51
  because
• 15:52
  we
• 15:52
  don't
• 15:53
  expect
• 15:53
  our
• 15:54
  closest
• 15:54
  friendships
• 15:55
  to
• 15:55
  end.
• 15:56
  You
• 15:56
  know,
• 15:57
  we
• 15:57
  have
• 15:57
  shared
• 15:58
  years
• 15:59
  and
• 16:00
  history
• 16:00
  and
• 16:01
  chapters
• 16:01
  of
• 16:01
  our
• 16:02
  lives
• 16:02
  with
• 16:02
  our
• 16:03
  girlfriends
• 16:03
  and
• 16:03
  our
• 16:04
  guy
• 16:04
  friends.
• 16:05
  And
• 16:05
  unlike
• 16:06
  romantic
• 16:07
  relationships,
• 16:08
  we
• 16:08
  don't
• 16:09
  expect
• 16:09
  our
• 16:10
  friendships
• 16:10
  to
• 16:11
  end.
• 16:12
  And
• 16:12
  so
• 16:12
  when
• 16:13
  one
• 16:13
  ends,
• 16:14
  you're
• 16:14
  not
• 16:14
  just
• 16:15
  losing
• 16:15
  a
• 16:15
  person,
• 16:16
  you're
• 16:16
  losing
• 16:16
  a
• 16:17
  piece
• 16:17
  of
• 16:17
  your
• 16:17
  history.
• 16:18
  You're
• 16:18
  losing
• 16:19
  years
• 16:19
  or
• 16:19
  decades
• 16:20
  of
• 16:20
  memories
• 16:21
  with
• 16:21
  someone.
• 16:22
  It
• 16:22
  can
• 16:22
  be
• 16:23
  so
• 16:24
  unmooring.
• 16:24
  It
• 16:25
  can
• 16:25
  also
• 16:25
  impact
• 16:26
  your
• 16:26
  friendship
• 16:27
  group.
• 16:27
  Like
• 16:28
  if
• 16:28
  you're
• 16:28
  friends
• 16:29
  with
• 16:29
  a
• 16:29
  bunch
• 16:30
  of
• 16:30
  people
• 16:30
  together,
• 16:31
  that
• 16:32
  becomes
• 16:32
  a
• 16:32
  whole
• 16:33
  thing.
• 16:33
  And
• 16:34
  you're
• 16:34
  right,
• 16:34
  it
• 16:35
  does
• 16:35
  not
• 16:35
  get
• 16:36
  easier
• 16:36
  to
• 16:36
  make
• 16:37
  friends
• 16:37
  with
• 16:38
  age.
• 16:38
  I
• 16:38
  tell
• 16:39
  my
• 16:39
  young
• 16:39
  adults
• 16:40
  this
• 16:40
  all
• 16:40
  the
• 16:40
  time.
• 16:41
  I
• 16:41
  tell
• 16:41
  them,
• 16:42
  collect
• 16:43
  your
• 16:43
  members
• 16:43
  of
• 16:43
  your
• 16:44
  tribe,
• 16:44
  build
• 16:45
  your
• 16:45
  tribe
• 16:46
  now,
• 16:46
  because
• 16:47
  you
• 16:47
  will
• 16:47
  lose
• 16:48
  some
• 16:48
  of
• 16:48
  them
• 16:48
  over
• 16:48
  the
• 16:49
  years.
• 16:50
  And
• 16:50
  you
• 16:51
  know,
• 16:51
  because
• 16:51
  people
• 16:51
  will
• 16:52
  move.
• 16:54
  And
• 16:54
  when
• 16:54
  you're
• 16:55
  younger,
• 16:56
  you
• 16:56
  have
• 16:57
  activities
• 16:58
  that
• 16:58
  are
• 16:58
  shared
• 16:59
  that
• 17:00
  cause
• 17:00
  proximity
• 17:01
  and
• 17:01
  the
• 17:02
  bonding
• 17:03
  that
• 17:03
  causes
• 17:04
  us
• 17:04
  to
• 17:04
  become
• 17:04
  BFFs
• 17:05
  with
• 17:05
  people.
• 17:06
  And
• 17:06
  as
• 17:06
  we
• 17:07
  age,
• 17:07
  we
• 17:07
  don't
• 17:08
  have
• 17:08
  as
• 17:08
  many
• 17:08
  of
• 17:08
  those
• 17:08
  activities
• 17:09
  that
• 17:10
  require
• 17:11
  the
• 17:11
  amount
• 17:12
  of
• 17:12
  hours
• 17:12
  to
• 17:13
  be
• 17:13
  in
• 17:13
  each
• 17:13
  other's
• 17:14
  company
• 17:14
  that
• 17:15
  causes
• 17:15
  that
• 17:16
  real
• 17:16
  hardcore
• 17:17
  bond.
• 17:18
  So
• 17:18
  it
• 17:18
  takes
• 17:19
  longer
• 17:20
  as
• 17:21
  we
• 17:21
  get
• 17:21
  older
• 17:21
  to
• 17:21
  bond
• 17:22
  and
• 17:22
  we're
• 17:23
  just
• 17:23
  not
• 17:23
  immersed
• 17:24
  in
• 17:24
  those
• 17:25
  environments
• 17:26
  anymore
• 17:26
  the
• 17:26
  way
• 17:27
  we
• 17:27
  were
• 17:27
  when
• 17:28
  we
• 17:28
  were
• 17:28
  younger.
• 17:28
  When
• 17:28
  we,
• 17:29
  when
• 17:29
  we
• 17:29
  have
• 17:29
  common
• 17:30
  denominators
• 17:30
  with
• 17:31
  people
• 17:31
  like
• 17:31
  parenting
• 17:32
  obligations
• 17:33
  or
• 17:34
  we
• 17:34
  are
• 17:34
  earlier
• 17:35
  in
• 17:35
  our
• 17:35
  careers
• 17:36
  or,
• 17:36
  you
• 17:37
  know,
• 17:37
  midway
• 17:37
  in
• 17:38
  our
• 17:38
  careers
• 17:38
  and
• 17:38
  we
• 17:38
  have
• 17:39
  to
• 17:39
  be
• 17:39
  doing
• 17:40
  the,
• 17:40
  the
• 17:40
  IRL
• 17:41
  time.
• 17:41
  I
• 17:41
  almost
• 17:41
  said
• 17:42
  facetime,
• 17:42
  but
• 17:42
  that
• 17:43
  same
• 17:43
  thing
• 17:43
  anymore,
• 17:45
  the
• 17:45
  real
• 17:46
  in
• 17:46
  person
• 17:47
  time
• 17:47
  that
• 17:48
  causes
• 17:48
  human
• 17:48
  beings
• 17:49
  to
• 17:49
  bond.
• 17:49
  We
• 17:50
  don't
• 17:50
  have
• 17:50
  to
• 17:50
  do
• 17:50
  that
• 17:51
  as
• 17:51
  much
• 17:52
  as
• 17:52
  we
• 17:52
  get
• 17:52
  older
• 17:53
  and
• 17:53
  we
• 17:53
  earn
• 17:53
  the
• 17:53
  right
• 17:54
  to
• 17:55
  make
• 17:55
  more
• 17:55
  of
• 17:56
  our
• 17:56
  own
• 17:56
  decisions
• 17:57
  and
• 17:57
  children
• 17:57
  grow
• 17:58
  and,
• 17:58
  you
• 17:59
  know,
• 17:59
  people
• 18:00
  move
• 18:00
  away.
• 18:01
  So
• 18:01
  it's
• 18:02
  so
• 18:02
  important
• 18:03
  to
• 18:03
  hang
• 18:03
  on
• 18:03
  to
• 18:04
  those
• 18:04
  friendships
• 18:06
  and
• 18:06
  to
• 18:06
  build
• 18:07
  them
• 18:07
  when
• 18:07
  we're
• 18:07
  younger.
• 18:08
  It's
• 18:08
  an
• 18:09
  interesting,
• 18:09
  like,
• 18:10
  point
• 18:10
  of
• 18:10
  time
• 18:10
  right
• 18:11
  now
• 18:11
  in
• 18:11
  midlife,
• 18:12
  because
• 18:12
  it
• 18:13
  seems
• 18:13
  like
• 18:13
  this
• 18:14
  is
• 18:14
  the
• 18:14
  time
• 18:15
  specifically
• 18:16
  when
• 18:16
  friendships
• 18:17
  really
• 18:17
  change.
• 18:18
  You
• 18:18
  know,
• 18:18
  when,
• 18:19
  when
• 18:19
  these
• 18:19
  breakups
• 18:20
  happen
• 18:20
  or,
• 18:21
  you
• 18:21
  know,
• 18:21
  you
• 18:21
  kind
• 18:22
  of
• 18:22
  start
• 18:22
  thinning
• 18:22
  out
• 18:23
  the
• 18:23
  friend
• 18:24
  group.
• 18:24
  Why
• 18:24
  do
• 18:25
  you
• 18:25
  think
• 18:25
  specifically
• 18:26
  midlife
• 18:27
  is
• 18:27
  that
• 18:27
  point?
• 18:29
  By
• 18:29
  midlife
• 18:31
  we
• 18:31
  have
• 18:32
  lived
• 18:33
  so
• 18:34
  much,
• 18:35
  we
• 18:35
  have
• 18:35
  lived
• 18:36
  so
• 18:36
  long,
• 18:36
  we
• 18:37
  have
• 18:39
  decades
• 18:39
  of
• 18:39
  adult
• 18:40
  experience
• 18:40
  that
• 18:41
  we
• 18:41
  didn't
• 18:41
  have
• 18:42
  under
• 18:42
  our
• 18:42
  belt.
• 18:43
  And
• 18:43
  with
• 18:44
  that
• 18:44
  comes
• 18:44
  perspective.
• 18:46
  And
• 18:47
  that
• 18:47
  strips
• 18:47
  away
• 18:48
  a
• 18:48
  lot
• 18:48
  of
• 18:49
  denial.
• 18:50
  I
• 18:50
  think
• 18:51
  that
• 18:51
  fuels
• 18:52
  us
• 18:52
  when
• 18:52
  we're
• 18:52
  younger,
• 18:53
  also
• 18:54
  known
• 18:54
  as
• 18:54
  hope.
• 18:55
  Like,
• 18:55
  I
• 18:55
  don't
• 18:55
  want
• 18:55
  to
• 18:56
  totally
• 18:56
  shit
• 18:56
  on
• 18:56
  it.
• 18:58
  When
• 18:58
  we're
• 18:59
  younger,
• 18:59
  we
• 19:00
  don't
• 19:00
  have
• 19:00
  as
• 19:00
  much
• 19:00
  life
• 19:01
  experience,
• 19:01
  so
• 19:02
  we
• 19:02
  can't
• 19:02
  necessarily
• 19:04
  determine
• 19:05
  as
• 19:06
  quickly
• 19:07
  where
• 19:07
  things
• 19:08
  are
• 19:08
  headed.
• 19:09
  But
• 19:09
  when
• 19:10
  we're
• 19:10
  in
• 19:10
  midlife,
• 19:10
  we
• 19:11
  have
• 19:11
  seen
• 19:11
  enough
• 19:11
  firsthand
• 19:13
  and
• 19:14
  through
• 19:14
  the
• 19:15
  people
• 19:15
  that
• 19:15
  we
• 19:15
  love
• 19:16
  that
• 19:16
  we
• 19:17
  can,
• 19:17
  we
• 19:18
  can
• 19:18
  kind
• 19:18
  of
• 19:18
  tell
• 19:18
  when
• 19:19
  something
• 19:19
  is
• 19:19
  unlikely
• 19:20
  to
• 19:20
  change,
• 19:21
  when
• 19:21
  a
• 19:21
  relationship
• 19:22
  just
• 19:22
  is
• 19:22
  what
• 19:23
  it
• 19:23
  is.
• 19:24
  And
• 19:24
  we
• 19:24
  can
• 19:24
  also
• 19:25
  see
• 19:25
  the
• 19:25
  horizon.
• 19:26
  Like,
• 19:27
  we
• 19:27
  know
• 19:27
  at
• 19:27
  this
• 19:28
  point
• 19:28
  that
• 19:28
  we
• 19:28
  don't
• 19:28
  have
• 19:29
  endless
• 19:29
  time
• 19:30
  and
• 19:30
  that's
• 19:31
  actually
• 19:31
  a
• 19:31
  gift
• 19:31
  because
• 19:32
  I
• 19:32
  think
• 19:32
  it
• 19:32
  makes
• 19:32
  us
• 19:33
  less
• 19:33
  willing
• 19:33
  to
• 19:33
  waste
• 19:34
  time
• 19:35
  and
• 19:36
  invest
• 19:37
  in
• 19:37
  what
• 19:37
  we
• 19:37
  wish
• 19:38
  were
• 19:38
  true
• 19:39
  or
• 19:39
  could
• 19:39
  be
• 19:40
  instead
• 19:41
  of
• 19:41
  seeing
• 19:41
  what
• 19:42
  the
• 19:42
  thing
• 19:42
  actually
• 19:43
  is
• 19:43
  in
• 19:44
  front
• 19:44
  of
• 19:44
  us.
• 19:45
  So
• 19:45
  I
• 19:46
  think
• 19:46
  it
• 19:46
  makes
• 19:46
  us
• 19:47
  better
• 19:47
  at
• 19:48
  predicting
• 19:48
  outcomes.
• 19:49
  We
• 19:49
  become
• 19:50
  like
• 19:50
  little
• 19:50
  prediction
• 19:51
  machines
• 19:52
  in
• 19:52
  midlife
• 19:54
  and
• 19:54
  we
• 19:54
  can
• 19:55
  shortcut
• 19:55
  a
• 19:56
  lot
• 19:56
  of
• 19:57
  mistakes
• 19:58
  that
• 19:58
  we
• 19:58
  would
• 19:59
  have
• 19:59
  to
• 19:59
  live
• 19:59
  through
• 19:59
  otherwise
• 20:01
  in
• 20:01
  earlier
• 20:01
  years.
• 20:02
  So
• 20:02
  it's
• 20:03
  like
• 20:03
  life
• 20:03
  experience
• 20:04
  really
• 20:04
  starts
• 20:05
  to
• 20:05
  build
• 20:05
  up,
• 20:05
  right?
• 20:06
  It's
• 20:06
  like
• 20:07
  we've
• 20:08
  been
• 20:08
  through
• 20:08
  certain
• 20:09
  situations
• 20:09
  before,
• 20:10
  maybe
• 20:10
  with
• 20:10
  one
• 20:11
  friend
• 20:11
  and
• 20:11
  you
• 20:11
  know,
• 20:12
  we
• 20:12
  can
• 20:12
  see
• 20:12
  the
• 20:12
  writing
• 20:13
  on
• 20:13
  the
• 20:13
  wall
• 20:14
  that's
• 20:14
  coming
• 20:14
  with
• 20:14
  another
• 20:15
  friend
• 20:16
  or
• 20:16
  what
• 20:16
  have
• 20:16
  you.
• 20:17
  But
• 20:17
  how
• 20:17
  do
• 20:17
  we
• 20:18
  know
• 20:19
  when
• 20:20
  we
• 20:20
  should
• 20:21
  try
• 20:21
  to
• 20:21
  repair
• 20:22
  a
• 20:22
  friendship
• 20:23
  or
• 20:23
  when
• 20:23
  we
• 20:24
  should,
• 20:24
  you
• 20:25
  know,
• 20:25
  let
• 20:25
  a
• 20:25
  friendship
• 20:26
  go?
• 20:26
  Because
• 20:26
  I
• 20:27
  think
• 20:27
  there's
• 20:27
  maybe
• 20:28
  a
• 20:28
  fine,
• 20:29
  you
• 20:29
  know,
• 20:29
  there
• 20:29
  is.
• 20:30
  And
• 20:30
  the
• 20:31
  general
• 20:31
  advice
• 20:32
  I'm
• 20:32
  going
• 20:32
  to
• 20:32
  offer
• 20:33
  is
• 20:33
  different
• 20:33
  from
• 20:33
  what
• 20:34
  I
• 20:34
  told
• 20:34
  my
• 20:34
  friend,
• 20:35
  my
• 20:35
  high
• 20:35
  school
• 20:36
  friend,
• 20:37
  because
• 20:37
  that
• 20:37
  relationship
• 20:38
  was
• 20:38
  clearly
• 20:39
  over.
• 20:40
  Here's
• 20:40
  what
• 20:41
  I
• 20:41
  would
• 20:41
  say,
• 20:42
  generally
• 20:43
  speaking,
• 20:43
  since
• 20:43
  I
• 20:44
  have
• 20:44
  just
• 20:44
  laid
• 20:45
  out
• 20:45
  how
• 20:46
  difficult
• 20:47
  it
• 20:47
  is
• 20:47
  to
• 20:47
  build
• 20:47
  friendships
• 20:49
  after
• 20:50
  mid,
• 20:50
  in
• 20:50
  midlife
• 20:51
  and
• 20:51
  beyond
• 20:52
  because
• 20:53
  of
• 20:53
  proximity,
• 20:53
  because
• 20:54
  we're
• 20:54
  not
• 20:54
  spending
• 20:54
  as
• 20:55
  much
• 20:55
  time
• 20:55
  with
• 20:55
  each
• 20:56
  other
• 20:56
  that
• 20:56
  we
• 20:56
  normally
• 20:57
  would
• 20:57
  when
• 20:57
  we're
• 20:58
  younger,
• 20:59
  I
• 20:59
  would
• 20:59
  say
• 20:59
  that
• 21:00
  anything
• 21:01
  short
• 21:01
  of
• 21:01
  a
• 21:02
  bottom
• 21:02
  line
• 21:03
  boundary
• 21:03
  crossing,
• 21:04
  like
• 21:04
  the
• 21:04
  person
• 21:04
  did
• 21:05
  something
• 21:05
  that
• 21:05
  violates
• 21:06
  one
• 21:06
  of
• 21:06
  your
• 21:07
  most
• 21:08
  dearly
• 21:08
  held
• 21:09
  values
• 21:09
  and
• 21:09
  principles,
• 21:11
  provided
• 21:12
  both
• 21:12
  of
• 21:13
  you
• 21:13
  are
• 21:13
  willing
• 21:14
  to
• 21:14
  try
• 21:14
  and
• 21:14
  repair
• 21:15
  it.
• 21:16
  I'm
• 21:16
  a
• 21:16
  relationship
• 21:17
  therapist.
• 21:17
  I
• 21:18
  sell
• 21:18
  hope.
• 21:19
  I
• 21:19
  believe
• 21:20
  in
• 21:21
  fighting
• 21:21
  for
• 21:21
  relationships,
• 21:23
  particularly
• 21:25
  long
• 21:25
  standing
• 21:25
  relationships
• 21:27
  that
• 21:27
  where
• 21:28
  there
• 21:28
  was
• 21:28
  a
• 21:28
  rupture.
• 21:28
  Look,
• 21:29
  there's
• 21:29
  always
• 21:29
  going
• 21:29
  to
• 21:30
  be
• 21:30
  a
• 21:30
  rupture
• 21:30
  in
• 21:31
  relationships.
• 21:31
  We
• 21:32
  can't
• 21:32
  be
• 21:33
  in
• 21:33
  each
• 21:33
  other's
• 21:33
  lives
• 21:34
  in
• 21:34
  a
• 21:35
  real
• 21:35
  way
• 21:35
  without
• 21:36
  hurting
• 21:36
  each
• 21:36
  other's
• 21:37
  feelings.
• 21:37
  If
• 21:38
  it's
• 21:38
  a
• 21:38
  secure
• 21:38
  relationship,
• 21:39
  you
• 21:40
  can't
• 21:41
  not
• 21:41
  hurt
• 21:42
  each
• 21:42
  other
• 21:43
  because
• 21:43
  you're
• 21:44
  going
• 21:44
  to
• 21:44
  be
• 21:44
  unguarded
• 21:45
  and
• 21:45
  take
• 21:46
  risks
• 21:46
  periodically.
• 21:47
  You're
• 21:47
  going
• 21:48
  to
• 21:48
  accidentally
• 21:48
  hurt
• 21:49
  each
• 21:49
  other.
• 21:49
  And
• 21:50
  the
• 21:50
  best
• 21:50
  we
• 21:50
  can
• 21:50
  hope
• 21:51
  for
• 21:51
  is
• 21:51
  that
• 21:52
  the
• 21:52
  person
• 21:53
  that
• 21:53
  we
• 21:53
  hurt
• 21:54
  tells
• 21:54
  us
• 21:55
  so
• 21:55
  that
• 21:55
  we
• 21:55
  have
• 21:55
  an
• 21:56
  opportunity
• 21:56
  to
• 21:56
  repair
• 21:57
  it.
• 21:58
  I
• 21:58
  would
• 21:59
  say
• 21:59
  that
• 22:00
  if
• 22:01
  there's
• 22:01
  some
• 22:01
  willingness
• 22:02
  on
• 22:02
  both
• 22:03
  people's
• 22:03
  end
• 22:04
  to
• 22:04
  repair
• 22:05
  it
• 22:06
  and
• 22:06
  no
• 22:06
  bottom
• 22:07
  line
• 22:07
  boundary
• 22:07
  has
• 22:08
  been
• 22:08
  crossed,
• 22:09
  I
• 22:09
  say
• 22:09
  fight
• 22:10
  for
• 22:10
  the
• 22:10
  relationship.
• 22:12
  But
• 22:12
  I
• 22:12
  will
• 22:13
  say
• 22:13
  that,
• 22:14
  you
• 22:14
  know,
• 22:14
  in
• 22:15
  some
• 22:16
  situations,
• 22:17
  like
• 22:17
  with
• 22:18
  my
• 22:18
  friend
• 22:18
  from
• 22:18
  high
• 22:18
  school,
• 22:20
  her
• 22:20
  friend
• 22:21
  was
• 22:21
  not
• 22:22
  fighting
• 22:22
  at
• 22:22
  all.
• 22:22
  She
• 22:23
  was
• 22:23
  fighting
• 22:23
  against
• 22:23
  it.
• 22:24
  She
• 22:24
  was
• 22:25
  showing
• 22:25
  no
• 22:26
  interest
• 22:27
  in
• 22:27
  repairing
• 22:28
  it.
• 22:28
  She
• 22:29
  identified
• 22:30
  herself
• 22:30
  as
• 22:30
  a
• 22:31
  one
• 22:31
  and
• 22:31
  done
• 22:32
  friend.
• 22:32
  If
• 22:33
  there's
• 22:33
  you
• 22:34
  cross
• 22:34
  me
• 22:34
  once
• 22:34
  you're
• 22:35
  done,
• 22:36
  that's
• 22:37
  not
• 22:37
  someone
• 22:37
  I
• 22:37
  Ever
• 22:37
  want
• 22:38
  to
• 22:38
  be
• 22:38
  in
• 22:38
  a
• 22:38
  relationship
• 22:39
  with.
• 22:39
  I
• 22:40
  don't
• 22:40
  ever
• 22:40
  want
• 22:40
  to
• 22:40
  be
• 22:41
  that.
• 22:41
  Think
• 22:41
  of
• 22:41
  how
• 22:42
  unforgiving
• 22:42
  that
• 22:42
  is.
• 22:44
  The
• 22:44
  extent
• 22:45
  to
• 22:45
  which
• 22:45
  there's
• 22:45
  no
• 22:45
  margin
• 22:46
  for
• 22:46
  error
• 22:46
  there.
• 22:47
  To
• 22:48
  be
• 22:48
  in
• 22:48
  a
• 22:48
  relationship
• 22:48
  with
• 22:49
  somebody
• 22:49
  like
• 22:49
  that,
• 22:49
  you
• 22:50
  have
• 22:50
  to
• 22:50
  be
• 22:50
  perfect.
• 22:50
  I
• 22:51
  am
• 22:51
  not
• 22:51
  playing
• 22:51
  that
• 22:52
  game
• 22:52
  anymore
• 22:52
  at
• 22:52
  my
• 22:52
  age.
• 22:53
  Yeah,
• 22:53
  no,
• 22:54
  I
• 22:54
  mean
• 22:54
  you
• 22:54
  can't
• 22:54
  be
• 22:55
  perfect.
• 22:55
  And
• 22:55
  I
• 22:56
  think
• 22:56
  to
• 22:56
  your
• 22:56
  point,
• 22:56
  that's
• 22:57
  an
• 22:57
  interesting
• 22:57
  thing
• 22:58
  that
• 22:58
  you
• 22:58
  bring
• 22:58
  up
• 22:58
  about
• 22:59
  how
• 23:00
  it
• 23:00
  is
• 23:01
  also
• 23:01
  the
• 23:01
  person
• 23:01
  who
• 23:02
  is
• 23:02
  hurt,
• 23:02
  it's
• 23:03
  their
• 23:03
  responsibility
• 23:04
  to
• 23:04
  say
• 23:04
  they're
• 23:05
  hurt.
• 23:05
  I
• 23:05
  mean,
• 23:06
  you
• 23:06
  can't
• 23:06
  also
• 23:06
  be
• 23:06
  a
• 23:07
  mind
• 23:07
  reader,
• 23:07
  right?
• 23:08
  I
• 23:08
  mean,
• 23:08
  you
• 23:08
  can't.
• 23:08
  No,
• 23:09
  that's
• 23:09
  the
• 23:10
  thing.
• 23:10
  You
• 23:10
  know,
• 23:10
  it's
• 23:11
  like
• 23:11
  the
• 23:11
  communication
• 23:12
  is
• 23:12
  almost
• 23:12
  lacking
• 23:13
  if
• 23:13
  it's
• 23:13
  not
• 23:14
  there.
• 23:14
  Right?
• 23:14
  Like
• 23:14
  if
• 23:15
  they're
• 23:15
  not
• 23:15
  saying
• 23:15
  that
• 23:15
  it's
• 23:16
  cruel.
• 23:16
  It's,
• 23:17
  it's
• 23:17
  bad
• 23:17
  enough
• 23:18
  that
• 23:18
  we
• 23:18
  do
• 23:18
  that
• 23:18
  when
• 23:18
  we
• 23:19
  date,
• 23:20
  that
• 23:20
  we
• 23:20
  ghost
• 23:20
  each
• 23:21
  other.
• 23:21
  But
• 23:22
  when
• 23:22
  you've
• 23:22
  had
• 23:22
  a
• 23:22
  long
• 23:23
  standing
• 23:24
  friendship,
• 23:25
  that
• 23:25
  is
• 23:25
  such
• 23:26
  a
• 23:26
  cruel
• 23:28
  way
• 23:28
  to
• 23:28
  behave.
• 23:29
  You
• 23:30
  owe
• 23:30
  it
• 23:30
  to
• 23:30
  the
• 23:30
  people
• 23:31
  who
• 23:31
  love
• 23:31
  you
• 23:32
  to
• 23:32
  let
• 23:32
  them
• 23:32
  know
• 23:33
  when
• 23:33
  they
• 23:33
  hurt
• 23:33
  you
• 23:34
  so
• 23:34
  that
• 23:34
  they
• 23:35
  can
• 23:35
  fix
• 23:35
  it.
• 23:36
  That's
• 23:36
  interesting.
• 23:37
  You
• 23:37
  know,
• 23:37
  when
• 23:38
  you
• 23:38
  said
• 23:38
  ghosting
• 23:39
  when
• 23:39
  dating
• 23:39
  somebody,
• 23:40
  that
• 23:40
  really,
• 23:41
  that's
• 23:41
  so
• 23:41
  funny
• 23:42
  too
• 23:42
  because
• 23:42
  I'm
• 23:42
  thinking
• 23:42
  about,
• 23:43
  you
• 23:43
  know,
• 23:43
  dating
• 23:44
  games.
• 23:44
  It's
• 23:44
  like,
• 23:45
  and
• 23:45
  a
• 23:45
  lot
• 23:45
  of
• 23:45
  midlife
• 23:46
  women
• 23:46
  are
• 23:47
  dating
• 23:47
  now.
• 23:47
  Maybe
• 23:48
  they've
• 23:48
  gotten
• 23:48
  out
• 23:48
  of
• 23:48
  a
• 23:49
  relationship
• 23:49
  or
• 23:49
  they've
• 23:50
  gotten
• 23:50
  divorced,
• 23:51
  you
• 23:51
  know,
• 23:51
  or
• 23:52
  there's
• 23:52
  some
• 23:52
  sort
• 23:53
  of
• 23:53
  a
• 23:53
  change
• 23:53
  in
• 23:54
  their
• 23:54
  relationship
• 23:54
  status
• 23:55
  and
• 23:55
  they're
• 23:55
  out
• 23:55
  there
• 23:55
  doing
• 23:56
  that.
• 23:56
  Like
• 23:57
  I
• 23:57
  feel
• 23:57
  like
• 23:57
  when
• 23:58
  I
• 23:58
  open
• 23:58
  my
• 23:58
  social
• 23:59
  media
• 23:59
  and
• 23:59
  I
• 23:59
  see
• 24:00
  these
• 24:00
  women
• 24:01
  talking
• 24:01
  about
• 24:01
  these
• 24:02
  dating
• 24:02
  stories
• 24:02
  like
• 24:03
  post
• 24:03
  40
• 24:03
  or
• 24:04
  post
• 24:04
  50,
• 24:05
  they
• 24:05
  are
• 24:05
  just
• 24:06
  filled
• 24:06
  with
• 24:06
  these
• 24:06
  like
• 24:07
  nightmare
• 24:08
  stuff
• 24:08
  situations
• 24:09
  that
• 24:09
  they're
• 24:09
  talking
• 24:10
  about.
• 24:10
  So
• 24:10
  like,
• 24:11
  what
• 24:11
  do
• 24:11
  you
• 24:11
  say
• 24:12
  to
• 24:12
  women
• 24:12
  like
• 24:12
  that
• 24:12
  who
• 24:13
  are,
• 24:13
  you
• 24:13
  know,
• 24:14
  trying
• 24:14
  to
• 24:14
  get
• 24:14
  out
• 24:15
  there,
• 24:15
  trying
• 24:15
  to
• 24:15
  put
• 24:15
  themselves
• 24:16
  out
• 24:16
  there
• 24:16
  and
• 24:16
  date,
• 24:17
  but
• 24:17
  they're
• 24:17
  running
• 24:17
  into
• 24:18
  these,
• 24:18
  like,
• 24:18
  these
• 24:19
  games
• 24:19
  and,
• 24:20
  and
• 24:20
  all
• 24:20
  of
• 24:20
  these
• 24:21
  things.
• 24:22
  When
• 24:22
  I
• 24:22
  think
• 24:22
  about
• 24:23
  the
• 24:23
  biggest
• 24:24
  mistake
• 24:25
  women
• 24:26
  in
• 24:26
  midlife
• 24:26
  make
• 24:27
  when
• 24:28
  they're
• 24:28
  reentering
• 24:29
  the
• 24:29
  dating
• 24:29
  arena
• 24:30
  after
• 24:31
  either
• 24:31
  a
• 24:32
  breakup
• 24:33
  or
• 24:33
  a
• 24:33
  long
• 24:33
  term
• 24:33
  relationship
• 24:34
  ends,
• 24:37
  it's
• 24:37
  that
• 24:37
  they
• 24:37
  approach
• 24:38
  dating
• 24:40
  through
• 24:40
  a
• 24:41
  lens
• 24:41
  of
• 24:42
  how
• 24:42
  do
• 24:42
  I
• 24:43
  find
• 24:43
  someone
• 24:43
  who
• 24:44
  doesn't
• 24:44
  have
• 24:45
  my
• 24:45
  ex's
• 24:46
  exact
• 24:47
  worst
• 24:48
  qualities
• 24:50
  in,
• 24:50
  you
• 24:51
  know
• 24:51
  what
• 24:51
  I'm
• 24:51
  saying?
• 24:52
  Like,
• 24:52
  like,
• 24:53
  like
• 24:53
  they're
• 24:53
  mostly
• 24:54
  trying
• 24:55
  to
• 24:55
  rule
• 24:56
  out
• 24:56
  the
• 24:56
  character
• 24:57
  traits
• 24:58
  that
• 24:58
  were
• 24:59
  in
• 24:59
  there
• 25:00
  that
• 25:01
  were
• 25:01
  in
• 25:01
  their
• 25:01
  exes.
• 25:02
  So
• 25:02
  they're
• 25:03
  trying
• 25:03
  to
• 25:03
  land
• 25:04
  on
• 25:04
  a
• 25:04
  perfect
• 25:05
  partner
• 25:05
  essentially.
• 25:07
  Which
• 25:07
  makes
• 25:08
  sense
• 25:08
  because
• 25:08
  you've
• 25:09
  been
• 25:09
  hurt.
• 25:09
  You
• 25:10
  know,
• 25:10
  something
• 25:10
  has
• 25:11
  just
• 25:11
  not
• 25:11
  worked
• 25:11
  out.
• 25:12
  You've
• 25:12
  walked
• 25:13
  away
• 25:13
  from
• 25:13
  something.
• 25:14
  And
• 25:14
  your
• 25:14
  instinct,
• 25:15
  of
• 25:15
  course,
• 25:15
  is
• 25:16
  to
• 25:16
  protect
• 25:16
  yourself.
• 25:17
  I
• 25:17
  understand
• 25:18
  that.
• 25:18
  But
• 25:18
  picking
• 25:19
  a
• 25:19
  different
• 25:19
  partner,
• 25:20
  it's
• 25:21
  not
• 25:22
  the
• 25:22
  thing
• 25:22
  that
• 25:23
  is
• 25:23
  going
• 25:23
  to
• 25:23
  give
• 25:23
  you
• 25:24
  the
• 25:24
  result
• 25:24
  that
• 25:25
  you're
• 25:25
  hoping
• 25:25
  for.
• 25:26
  You
• 25:26
  have
• 25:26
  to
• 25:27
  understand
• 25:28
  your
• 25:28
  own
• 25:28
  relationship
• 25:29
  patterns
• 25:30
  and
• 25:31
  focus
• 25:31
  on
• 25:32
  how
• 25:32
  your
• 25:32
  relationship
• 25:33
  patterns
• 25:34
  are
• 25:34
  showing
• 25:35
  up.
• 25:35
  No
• 25:36
  matter
• 25:36
  who
• 25:36
  you
• 25:36
  date,
• 25:37
  people
• 25:37
  often
• 25:38
  go
• 25:38
  out
• 25:38
  hoping
• 25:39
  to
• 25:39
  just
• 25:39
  pick
• 25:39
  the
• 25:40
  ideal
• 25:40
  partner.
• 25:41
  And
• 25:42
  you
• 25:43
  can't
• 25:43
  fix
• 25:43
  an
• 25:44
  internal
• 25:44
  problem
• 25:45
  by
• 25:45
  picking
• 25:45
  someone
• 25:46
  better
• 25:46
  because
• 25:47
  you're
• 25:47
  just
• 25:47
  going
• 25:48
  to
• 25:48
  recreate
• 25:49
  that
• 25:49
  relationship
• 25:50
  dynamic
• 25:50
  in
• 25:50
  the
• 25:51
  next
• 25:51
  person,
• 25:52
  whether
• 25:52
  they
• 25:52
  embody
• 25:53
  the
• 25:53
  same
• 25:53
  traits
• 25:54
  as
• 25:54
  your
• 25:54
  ex
• 25:55
  or
• 25:55
  not.
• 25:56
  I
• 25:56
  can
• 25:56
  promise
• 25:57
  you
• 25:58
  research
• 25:58
  confirms
• 25:59
  this
• 25:59
  over
• 25:59
  and
• 26:00
  over
• 26:00
  again.
• 26:01
  So
• 26:02
  what
• 26:02
  I
• 26:02
  would
• 26:02
  like
• 26:03
  people
• 26:03
  to
• 26:04
  do
• 26:04
  is
• 26:04
  to
• 26:05
  go
• 26:05
  out
• 26:05
  and
• 26:05
  date
• 26:06
  with
• 26:07
  a
• 26:07
  different
• 26:08
  lens,
• 26:08
  to
• 26:08
  approach
• 26:09
  it.
• 26:10
  Stop
• 26:10
  treating
• 26:11
  dating
• 26:12
  as
• 26:12
  a
• 26:12
  search
• 26:13
  for
• 26:13
  the
• 26:13
  right
• 26:13
  candidate
• 26:14
  and
• 26:14
  start
• 26:15
  treating
• 26:15
  it
• 26:15
  as
• 26:15
  an
• 26:15
  opportunity
• 26:16
  to
• 26:16
  observe
• 26:17
  yourself
• 26:17
  in
• 26:18
  the
• 26:18
  wild.
• 26:19
  You
• 26:19
  haven't
• 26:20
  dated
• 26:20
  for
• 26:20
  a
• 26:20
  while
• 26:21
  if
• 26:21
  you're
• 26:21
  in
• 26:21
  midlife.
• 26:22
  And
• 26:23
  so
• 26:23
  before
• 26:23
  you
• 26:24
  start
• 26:24
  judging
• 26:25
  the
• 26:25
  person
• 26:25
  who's
• 26:25
  sitting
• 26:26
  right
• 26:26
  in
• 26:26
  front
• 26:26
  of
• 26:26
  you,
• 26:28
  ask
• 26:28
  yourself,
• 26:29
  who
• 26:30
  excites
• 26:31
  you?
• 26:32
  And
• 26:32
  pause
• 26:33
  when
• 26:33
  you
• 26:33
  get
• 26:33
  that
• 26:34
  answer.
• 26:34
  Like,
• 26:35
  really
• 26:35
  lock
• 26:36
  into
• 26:36
  that
• 26:36
  question.
• 26:37
  What
• 26:37
  kind
• 26:38
  of
• 26:38
  people
• 26:38
  excite
• 26:39
  you?
• 26:40
  And
• 26:40
  then
• 26:40
  what
• 26:41
  happens
• 26:41
  in
• 26:41
  your
• 26:42
  body
• 26:42
  when
• 26:42
  you're
• 26:43
  around
• 26:43
  those
• 26:43
  people?
• 26:44
  What
• 26:44
  do
• 26:44
  you
• 26:44
  notice
• 26:45
  in
• 26:45
  your
• 26:45
  body?
• 26:46
  Does
• 26:46
  your
• 26:46
  heart
• 26:47
  flutter?
• 26:48
  Do
• 26:48
  you
• 26:49
  get
• 26:49
  tingly?
• 26:50
  Do
• 26:50
  you
• 26:50
  get
• 26:50
  jittery?
• 26:52
  What
• 26:52
  do
• 26:52
  you
• 26:53
  rationalize
• 26:54
  about
• 26:54
  their
• 26:55
  behaviors
• 26:55
  or
• 26:56
  dismiss
• 26:56
  about
• 26:56
  their
• 26:57
  behaviors
• 26:57
  when
• 26:57
  you're
• 26:58
  with
• 26:58
  someone
• 26:58
  who
• 26:59
  really
• 26:59
  lights
• 27:00
  you
• 27:00
  up?
• 27:02
  Because
• 27:02
  the
• 27:03
  best
• 27:03
  way
• 27:04
  to
• 27:04
  create
• 27:04
  a
• 27:05
  different
• 27:05
  outcome
• 27:06
  is
• 27:06
  to
• 27:06
  recognize
• 27:08
  your
• 27:08
  patterns
• 27:09
  well
• 27:09
  enough
• 27:09
  so
• 27:10
  that
• 27:10
  you
• 27:10
  can
• 27:10
  interrupt
• 27:11
  them
• 27:11
  in
• 27:12
  real
• 27:12
  time
• 27:13
  so
• 27:13
  that
• 27:13
  you
• 27:13
  can
• 27:14
  run
• 27:14
  interference
• 27:15
  on
• 27:15
  them.
• 27:15
  It's
• 27:16
  not
• 27:16
  about
• 27:16
  picking
• 27:16
  a
• 27:16
  different
• 27:17
  partner.
• 27:17
  It's
• 27:18
  about.
• 27:18
  It's
• 27:18
  about
• 27:19
  changing
• 27:20
  your
• 27:20
  own
• 27:20
  relationship
• 27:21
  patterns.
• 27:22
  That's
• 27:22
  a
• 27:22
  good
• 27:22
  point.
• 27:23
  I
• 27:23
  think
• 27:23
  you
• 27:23
  have
• 27:23
  to,
• 27:23
  like,
• 27:24
  look
• 27:24
  inward
• 27:24
  first,
• 27:25
  right?
• 27:25
  And
• 27:25
  kind
• 27:25
  of
• 27:26
  do
• 27:26
  the
• 27:27
  work.
• 27:27
  Right?
• 27:27
  Do
• 27:28
  the
• 27:28
  work
• 27:28
  on
• 27:28
  yourself.
• 27:29
  Tricky,
• 27:30
  right?
• 27:31
  That's
• 27:31
  really
• 27:31
  tricky.
• 27:32
  That's
• 27:32
  it.
• 27:33
  That's
• 27:33
  a
• 27:33
  whole
• 27:33
  other
• 27:33
  topic.
• 27:35
  I
• 27:35
  know
• 27:36
  you
• 27:36
  have
• 27:36
  to,
• 27:36
  like,
• 27:36
  kind
• 27:36
  of
• 27:36
  look
• 27:37
  inwards.
• 27:37
  And
• 27:38
  then,
• 27:38
  because
• 27:38
  I
• 27:38
  think
• 27:38
  you're
• 27:39
  right,
• 27:39
  I
• 27:39
  think
• 27:39
  it's
• 27:39
  like
• 27:39
  the.
• 27:40
  The.
• 27:40
  The
• 27:40
  tendency
• 27:41
  maybe
• 27:42
  would
• 27:42
  be
• 27:42
  to
• 27:43
  go
• 27:43
  out
• 27:43
  and
• 27:43
  try
• 27:44
  to
• 27:44
  find,
• 27:44
  you
• 27:44
  know,
• 27:45
  that
• 27:45
  partner
• 27:45
  that
• 27:45
  is
• 27:46
  literally
• 27:46
  the
• 27:46
  opposite
• 27:47
  of
• 27:47
  your
• 27:47
  ex,
• 27:48
  and
• 27:48
  you
• 27:48
  hope
• 27:48
  that's.
• 27:49
  All
• 27:49
  the
• 27:49
  work
• 27:49
  you
• 27:49
  have
• 27:49
  to
• 27:50
  do.
• 27:50
  And
• 27:50
  I
• 27:50
  get
• 27:51
  it.
• 27:51
  I
• 27:51
  get
• 27:52
  it.
• 27:53
  Listen,
• 27:53
  I
• 27:53
  switched
• 27:54
  genders,
• 27:55
  hoping
• 27:56
  that
• 27:56
  that
• 27:57
  was
• 27:57
  going
• 27:57
  to
• 27:57
  break
• 27:58
  relationship
• 27:58
  patterns.
• 27:59
  It
• 27:59
  did
• 27:59
  not.
• 28:00
  Okay.
• 28:00
  The
• 28:00
  same
• 28:01
  thing
• 28:01
  that
• 28:01
  happened
• 28:01
  with
• 28:01
  men
• 28:02
  happened
• 28:02
  with
• 28:02
  women.
• 28:03
  Who's
• 28:03
  the
• 28:04
  common
• 28:04
  denominator?
• 28:04
  It's
• 28:05
  me.
• 28:05
  It's
• 28:06
  me.
• 28:07
  You
• 28:07
  cannot
• 28:07
  break
• 28:08
  relationship
• 28:09
  patterns
• 28:09
  by
• 28:09
  picking
• 28:10
  better.
• 28:10
  You
• 28:11
  break
• 28:11
  relationship
• 28:12
  patterns
• 28:12
  and
• 28:13
  relationship
• 28:13
  dynamics
• 28:14
  by
• 28:14
  recognizing
• 28:16
  what
• 28:16
  your
• 28:16
  relationship
• 28:17
  dynamics
• 28:18
  are.
• 28:19
  And
• 28:19
  the
• 28:19
  reason
• 28:20
  why
• 28:20
  I
• 28:20
  made
• 28:20
  that
• 28:21
  comment
• 28:21
  when
• 28:21
  you
• 28:22
  said
• 28:22
  it's
• 28:22
  about
• 28:22
  doing
• 28:23
  the
• 28:23
  work
• 28:23
  is
• 28:23
  because
• 28:24
  I
• 28:24
  get
• 28:25
  so
• 28:25
  many
• 28:25
  clients
• 28:26
  who
• 28:26
  come
• 28:26
  to
• 28:27
  me
• 28:27
  and
• 28:27
  they're
• 28:27
  like,
• 28:27
  I've
• 28:28
  been
• 28:28
  in
• 28:28
  years
• 28:29
  of
• 28:29
  my
• 28:29
  own
• 28:29
  therapy
• 28:30
  and
• 28:31
  I
• 28:31
  can
• 28:31
  see
• 28:32
  what's
• 28:32
  happening
• 28:32
  in
• 28:32
  real
• 28:33
  time
• 28:33
  and
• 28:33
  I
• 28:33
  still
• 28:33
  can't
• 28:34
  stop
• 28:34
  it
• 28:34
  from
• 28:34
  happening.
• 28:35
  They've
• 28:35
  got
• 28:36
  all
• 28:36
  the
• 28:36
  insight
• 28:36
  in
• 28:37
  the
• 28:37
  world
• 28:38
  and
• 28:39
  they're
• 28:39
  still
• 28:39
  recreating
• 28:41
  the
• 28:41
  problems
• 28:42
  in
• 28:42
  their
• 28:42
  relationships.
• 28:43
  And
• 28:43
  that's
• 28:43
  because
• 28:44
  most
• 28:45
  inner
• 28:46
  work
• 28:46
  really
• 28:46
  focuses
• 28:47
  on
• 28:47
  the
• 28:47
  wrong
• 28:48
  thing.
• 28:48
  It
• 28:49
  focuses
• 28:49
  on
• 28:50
  who
• 28:50
  the
• 28:51
  person
• 28:51
  is
• 28:51
  attracted
• 28:52
  to.
• 28:52
  Again,
• 28:53
  because
• 28:53
  the.
• 28:54
  Because
• 28:54
  most
• 28:54
  therapists
• 28:55
  think
• 28:55
  that
• 28:55
  that's
• 28:55
  how
• 28:56
  you're
• 28:56
  going
• 28:56
  to
• 28:56
  break
• 28:56
  relationship
• 28:57
  patterns,
• 28:57
  pick
• 28:57
  a
• 28:57
  different
• 28:58
  partner.
• 28:59
  But
• 29:00
  choosing
• 29:01
  a
• 29:01
  different
• 29:01
  partner
• 29:01
  is
• 29:02
  not
• 29:02
  going
• 29:02
  to
• 29:02
  fix
• 29:03
  your
• 29:03
  internal
• 29:04
  relationship
• 29:04
  patterns.
• 29:05
  You're
• 29:06
  going
• 29:06
  to
• 29:06
  recreate
• 29:07
  them
• 29:07
  in
• 29:07
  everyone.
• 29:09
  So
• 29:10
  what
• 29:10
  actually
• 29:11
  drives
• 29:12
  repeated
• 29:13
  relationship
• 29:14
  dynamics
• 29:15
  is,
• 29:16
  is
• 29:16
  understanding
• 29:17
  how
• 29:17
  you
• 29:18
  behave
• 29:18
  in
• 29:18
  the
• 29:18
  wild,
• 29:19
  how
• 29:19
  you
• 29:19
  behave
• 29:20
  irl,
• 29:21
  how
• 29:22
  certain
• 29:22
  traits
• 29:23
  in
• 29:23
  other
• 29:24
  people
• 29:24
  trigger
• 29:25
  response
• 29:25
  styles
• 29:26
  in
• 29:26
  yourself.
• 29:27
  And
• 29:28
  unless
• 29:28
  you
• 29:28
  understand
• 29:29
  those
• 29:29
  patterns
• 29:29
  well
• 29:30
  enough
• 29:30
  to
• 29:30
  interrupt
• 29:30
  them
• 29:31
  in
• 29:31
  real
• 29:31
  life,
• 29:32
  you
• 29:32
  can
• 29:32
  have
• 29:33
  all
• 29:33
  the
• 29:33
  insight
• 29:33
  in
• 29:34
  the
• 29:34
  world
• 29:34
  and
• 29:34
  you
• 29:34
  will
• 29:34
  still
• 29:35
  keep
• 29:36
  recreating
• 29:37
  the
• 29:37
  problems
• 29:38
  with
• 29:38
  different
• 29:39
  people.
• 29:40
  The
• 29:40
  people,
• 29:40
  people
• 29:41
  make
• 29:41
  this
• 29:41
  mistake.
• 29:42
  They
• 29:42
  think
• 29:42
  insight
• 29:43
  is
• 29:43
  the
• 29:43
  answer.
• 29:44
  Insight
• 29:45
  is
• 29:45
  the
• 29:45
  first
• 29:45
  step.
• 29:46
  It's
• 29:46
  not
• 29:46
  the
• 29:46
  end
• 29:47
  of
• 29:47
  the
• 29:47
  story.
• 29:47
  Insight
• 29:48
  gives
• 29:48
  you
• 29:49
  information.
• 29:50
  Change
• 29:51
  is
• 29:51
  what
• 29:51
  happens
• 29:51
  when
• 29:52
  you
• 29:52
  can
• 29:52
  catch
• 29:52
  your
• 29:52
  patterns
• 29:53
  as
• 29:53
  they're
• 29:54
  happening
• 29:54
  and
• 29:55
  do
• 29:55
  something
• 29:55
  different.
• 29:56
  So
• 29:56
  what
• 29:57
  does
• 29:57
  that
• 29:57
  look
• 29:57
  like?
• 29:57
  Like,
• 29:58
  if
• 29:58
  we're
• 29:58
  trying
• 29:58
  to
• 29:59
  break
• 29:59
  these
• 29:59
  patterns,
• 30:00
  like,
• 30:00
  I
• 30:00
  guess
• 30:01
  that's
• 30:01
  kind
• 30:01
  of
• 30:01
  the
• 30:01
  million
• 30:01
  dollar
• 30:02
  question,
• 30:02
  right?
• 30:03
  How?
• 30:04
  Well,
• 30:04
  give
• 30:05
  me
• 30:05
  a
• 30:05
  pattern
• 30:05
  that
• 30:05
  you
• 30:06
  want
• 30:06
  to
• 30:06
  change.
• 30:07
  Oh,
• 30:07
  this
• 30:07
  is
• 30:07
  actually
• 30:08
  interesting.
• 30:08
  I
• 30:09
  was
• 30:09
  looking
• 30:09
  again.
• 30:10
  Here
• 30:10
  we
• 30:10
  go.
• 30:11
  Social
• 30:11
  media.
• 30:12
  Oh,
• 30:12
  good.
• 30:12
  Don't
• 30:13
  apologize
• 30:13
  for
• 30:14
  that
• 30:14
  when
• 30:15
  you're
• 30:15
  a
• 30:15
  normal
• 30:15
  human.
• 30:16
  I
• 30:16
  know
• 30:16
  the
• 30:16
  doom
• 30:17
  scroll
• 30:17
  is
• 30:18
  real.
• 30:19
  So,
• 30:20
  you
• 30:20
  know,
• 30:20
  it's
• 30:21
  interesting.
• 30:21
  This
• 30:21
  woman
• 30:22
  came
• 30:22
  on
• 30:22
  and
• 30:22
  she
• 30:23
  was
• 30:23
  talking
• 30:23
  about,
• 30:24
  you
• 30:24
  know,
• 30:24
  being
• 30:24
  out
• 30:24
  in
• 30:25
  the
• 30:25
  dating
• 30:25
  world.
• 30:25
  She
• 30:26
  was
• 30:26
  over
• 30:26
  50,
• 30:26
  I
• 30:27
  believe,
• 30:27
  and
• 30:28
  she
• 30:28
  was
• 30:29
  talking
• 30:29
  about,
• 30:29
  well,
• 30:29
  first
• 30:30
  of
• 30:30
  all,
• 30:30
  please
• 30:31
  tell
• 30:31
  us
• 30:31
  about
• 30:31
  this,
• 30:32
  because
• 30:32
  she
• 30:32
  said
• 30:33
  she
• 30:33
  was
• 30:33
  dating
• 30:33
  a
• 30:34
  narcissist.
• 30:34
  Now,
• 30:35
  I
• 30:35
  know
• 30:35
  the
• 30:36
  word
• 30:36
  narcissist
• 30:37
  is
• 30:37
  very
• 30:37
  overused.
• 30:39
  It
• 30:39
  drives
• 30:39
  me
• 30:40
  crazy.
• 30:41
  Like,
• 30:41
  honestly,
• 30:42
  can
• 30:42
  we
• 30:42
  all
• 30:43
  stop
• 30:43
  using
• 30:44
  clinical
• 30:44
  diagnoses
• 30:45
  like
• 30:46
  we're
• 30:46
  qualified
• 30:46
  to
• 30:47
  make
• 30:47
  them?
• 30:47
  I
• 30:48
  mean,
• 30:48
  no
• 30:48
  disrespect,
• 30:49
  but
• 30:49
  I
• 30:49
  have
• 30:49
  a
• 30:50
  hundred
• 30:50
  grand
• 30:50
  in
• 30:50
  student
• 30:51
  loan
• 30:51
  debt
• 30:51
  that
• 30:52
  I
• 30:52
  will
• 30:52
  probably
• 30:52
  die
• 30:53
  with
• 30:53
  because
• 30:54
  of
• 30:54
  all
• 30:54
  the
• 30:54
  training
• 30:55
  that
• 30:55
  I
• 30:55
  underwent
• 30:56
  to
• 30:56
  be
• 30:56
  able
• 30:56
  to
• 30:56
  identify
• 30:57
  when
• 30:57
  somebody
• 30:58
  is
• 30:58
  a
• 30:58
  Narcissist
• 30:59
  people
• 31:00
  can
• 31:00
  be
• 31:00
  assholes
• 31:01
  and
• 31:01
  not
• 31:01
  be
• 31:01
  a
• 31:01
  narcissist.
• 31:03
  They
• 31:03
  can
• 31:03
  also
• 31:03
  be
• 31:04
  selfish
• 31:04
  and
• 31:05
  not
• 31:05
  be
• 31:05
  a
• 31:05
  narcissist.
• 31:06
  Being
• 31:07
  a
• 31:07
  narcissists
• 31:08
  make
• 31:08
  up
• 31:08
  less
• 31:09
  than
• 31:09
  1%
• 31:09
  of
• 31:10
  the
• 31:10
  population.
• 31:10
  Most
• 31:11
  of
• 31:11
  you
• 31:11
  have
• 31:11
  never
• 31:11
  even
• 31:12
  met
• 31:12
  one,
• 31:12
  let
• 31:12
  alone
• 31:13
  dated
• 31:13
  one.
• 31:13
  Come
• 31:14
  on.
• 31:14
  Really?
• 31:15
  So
• 31:15
  it's
• 31:15
  that
• 31:16
  small
• 31:16
  of
• 31:16
  the
• 31:16
  population?
• 31:17
  That
• 31:17
  small
• 31:18
  of
• 31:18
  the
• 31:18
  population.
• 31:19
  What
• 31:19
  is
• 31:19
  a
• 31:20
  narcissist?
• 31:20
  Just
• 31:20
  for
• 31:21
  people
• 31:21
  out
• 31:21
  there
• 31:21
  that
• 31:21
  may
• 31:22
  want
• 31:22
  to,
• 31:22
  you
• 31:22
  know,
• 31:22
  that
• 31:23
  think
• 31:23
  that
• 31:23
  they
• 31:23
  know
• 31:23
  one,
• 31:24
  but
• 31:24
  maybe
• 31:24
  they
• 31:24
  don't.
• 31:25
  I
• 31:25
  want.
• 31:25
  Because
• 31:26
  if
• 31:26
  I
• 31:26
  answer
• 31:26
  it,
• 31:26
  it's
• 31:27
  going
• 31:27
  to
• 31:27
  oversimplify
• 31:28
  it.
• 31:28
  It's
• 31:28
  going
• 31:29
  to
• 31:29
  condense
• 31:29
  it
• 31:29
  into
• 31:30
  something
• 31:30
  that
• 31:30
  people
• 31:30
  think
• 31:31
  that
• 31:31
  they
• 31:31
  can
• 31:31
  then
• 31:31
  label
• 31:32
  people
• 31:32
  with.
• 31:33
  What
• 31:33
  is
• 31:33
  a
• 31:34
  narcissist?
• 31:34
  That
• 31:35
  is
• 31:35
  somebody
• 31:35
  with
• 31:36
  a
• 31:36
  personality
• 31:37
  disorder
• 31:38
  for
• 31:38
  whom
• 31:38
  a
• 31:39
  licensed
• 31:40
  therapist
• 31:41
  labels
• 31:42
  that
• 31:42
  with.
• 31:43
  That
• 31:43
  is
• 31:44
  a
• 31:44
  narcissist.
• 31:45
  Okay.
• 31:45
  And
• 31:45
  that
• 31:46
  is
• 31:46
  less
• 31:46
  than
• 31:46
  1%
• 31:47
  of
• 31:47
  the
• 31:47
  population.
• 31:48
  It
• 31:49
  is.
• 31:49
  Okay.
• 31:50
  So
• 31:51
  that's
• 31:51
  interesting,
• 31:51
  because
• 31:52
  I
• 31:52
  feel
• 31:52
  like
• 31:52
  that's
• 31:52
  all
• 31:53
  I
• 31:53
  hear
• 31:53
  when
• 31:53
  I,
• 31:54
  you
• 31:54
  know,
• 31:55
  people
• 31:55
  are
• 31:55
  like,
• 31:55
  he's
• 31:56
  a
• 31:56
  narcissist.
• 31:56
  She
• 31:57
  is
• 31:57
  a
• 31:57
  narcissist.
• 31:57
  You
• 31:58
  know,
• 31:58
  like,
• 31:58
  I
• 31:59
  just
• 31:59
  can't
• 32:00
  with
• 32:00
  it.
• 32:01
  But
• 32:01
  tell
• 32:01
  me
• 32:01
  your
• 32:01
  story.
• 32:02
  You
• 32:02
  were
• 32:02
  going
• 32:02
  to
• 32:02
  ask
• 32:02
  me
• 32:02
  to.
• 32:03
  You
• 32:03
  were.
• 32:03
  Give
• 32:03
  me
• 32:03
  a
• 32:03
  pattern
• 32:04
  to
• 32:04
  fix.
• 32:05
  So
• 32:05
  I
• 32:05
  think
• 32:05
  that
• 32:05
  that
• 32:05
  was.
• 32:06
  Maybe
• 32:06
  she
• 32:06
  mislabeled
• 32:07
  this
• 32:07
  guy
• 32:07
  then
• 32:08
  because
• 32:08
  she
• 32:08
  said
• 32:08
  that
• 32:09
  he
• 32:09
  was
• 32:09
  a
• 32:09
  narcissist.
• 32:10
  He
• 32:10
  was
• 32:10
  sending
• 32:11
  her,
• 32:11
  you
• 32:11
  know,
• 32:12
  pictures
• 32:12
  of
• 32:12
  him
• 32:13
  in
• 32:13
  the
• 32:13
  gym
• 32:14
  and,
• 32:14
  like,
• 32:14
  he
• 32:15
  wanted
• 32:15
  to
• 32:15
  do
• 32:15
  everything
• 32:16
  on
• 32:16
  his,
• 32:16
  you
• 32:16
  know,
• 32:17
  in
• 32:17
  his
• 32:17
  way,
• 32:17
  like,
• 32:18
  have
• 32:18
  her
• 32:18
  meet,
• 32:19
  you
• 32:19
  know,
• 32:19
  where
• 32:19
  he
• 32:20
  wanted
• 32:20
  to
• 32:20
  meet
• 32:20
  and
• 32:21
  do
• 32:21
  the
• 32:21
  things
• 32:21
  that
• 32:21
  he
• 32:22
  wanted
• 32:22
  to
• 32:22
  do.
• 32:23
  So
• 32:23
  it
• 32:23
  kind
• 32:23
  of
• 32:23
  seemed
• 32:24
  like,
• 32:24
  I
• 32:24
  don't
• 32:25
  know,
• 32:25
  she
• 32:25
  labeled
• 32:26
  a
• 32:26
  narcissist,
• 32:26
  but
• 32:27
  I
• 32:27
  don't
• 32:27
  know
• 32:27
  if
• 32:27
  he's
• 32:28
  truly
• 32:28
  a
• 32:28
  narcissist,
• 32:29
  then.
• 32:29
  Well,
• 32:29
  let
• 32:29
  me
• 32:30
  ask
• 32:30
  you
• 32:30
  this.
• 32:30
  Does
• 32:30
  it
• 32:31
  even
• 32:31
  matter
• 32:31
  what
• 32:31
  he
• 32:32
  is?
• 32:32
  He
• 32:32
  sounds
• 32:32
  like
• 32:32
  a
• 32:33
  dick
• 32:33
  who
• 32:33
  wants
• 32:33
  a
• 32:33
  date.
• 32:34
  I
• 32:35
  mean,
• 32:35
  I
• 32:35
  don't.
• 32:35
  I.
• 32:36
  I
• 32:36
  don't
• 32:36
  think
• 32:36
  it,
• 32:37
  like,
• 32:37
  honestly,
• 32:38
  like,
• 32:39
  regardless
• 32:40
  of
• 32:40
  what.
• 32:40
  What
• 32:40
  label
• 32:41
  he
• 32:41
  lands
• 32:42
  underneath,
• 32:43
  that
• 32:43
  sounds
• 32:44
  profoundly
• 32:45
  unattractive
• 32:46
  to
• 32:46
  me,
• 32:46
  and
• 32:47
  I
• 32:47
  think
• 32:47
  that's
• 32:47
  all
• 32:47
  the
• 32:48
  information
• 32:48
  you
• 32:49
  need.
• 32:50
  I
• 32:50
  think
• 32:50
  we
• 32:51
  should
• 32:51
  stop
• 32:51
  with
• 32:52
  the
• 32:52
  labels
• 32:52
  and
• 32:52
  start
• 32:53
  just
• 32:54
  assessing
• 32:55
  the
• 32:55
  behaviors
• 32:56
  and
• 32:57
  not
• 32:57
  spin
• 32:58
  the
• 32:58
  behaviors,
• 32:59
  because
• 33:00
  that's
• 33:00
  another
• 33:00
  thing
• 33:01
  that
• 33:01
  people
• 33:01
  tend
• 33:01
  to
• 33:02
  do.
• 33:02
  Well,
• 33:03
  he's
• 33:04
  busy.
• 33:05
  He's
• 33:05
  got
• 33:05
  a
• 33:05
  very
• 33:06
  full
• 33:06
  life.
• 33:06
  He
• 33:07
  still
• 33:07
  has
• 33:07
  to
• 33:07
  see
• 33:08
  his
• 33:08
  children.
• 33:09
  We
• 33:09
  become
• 33:10
  spin.
• 33:11
  Women
• 33:11
  become
• 33:12
  spin
• 33:12
  doctors.
• 33:12
  Men
• 33:13
  see
• 33:13
  behaviors,
• 33:14
  and
• 33:14
  they're
• 33:14
  just
• 33:14
  like,
• 33:14
  I'm
• 33:15
  out.
• 33:15
  Women
• 33:16
  see
• 33:16
  behaviors,
• 33:17
  and
• 33:17
  in
• 33:18
  part,
• 33:18
  this
• 33:18
  is
• 33:18
  our
• 33:19
  eq.
• 33:20
  We're
• 33:20
  emotionally
• 33:21
  intelligent
• 33:21
  human
• 33:22
  beings.
• 33:22
  We're.
• 33:23
  It's
• 33:23
  unfortunate
• 33:24
  because
• 33:24
  we
• 33:25
  train
• 33:25
  emotional
• 33:25
  intelligence
• 33:26
  out
• 33:27
  of
• 33:27
  men
• 33:27
  and
• 33:28
  out
• 33:28
  of
• 33:28
  boys.
• 33:29
  So
• 33:29
  I
• 33:30
  think
• 33:30
  as
• 33:30
  society,
• 33:30
  we
• 33:31
  have
• 33:31
  to
• 33:31
  take
• 33:31
  some
• 33:31
  responsibility
• 33:32
  for
• 33:32
  the
• 33:32
  fact
• 33:33
  that
• 33:33
  we
• 33:34
  are,
• 33:34
  as
• 33:35
  a.
• 33:35
  As
• 33:35
  a
• 33:36
  gender,
• 33:36
  generally
• 33:37
  speaking,
• 33:37
  more
• 33:37
  emotionally
• 33:38
  intelligent
• 33:38
  than
• 33:39
  men.
• 33:39
  But
• 33:39
  that's
• 33:39
  because
• 33:39
  we
• 33:40
  untrained
• 33:40
  them
• 33:40
  and
• 33:41
  we
• 33:41
  shame
• 33:41
  them
• 33:41
  for
• 33:42
  being
• 33:42
  emotionally
• 33:43
  intelligent,
• 33:44
  and
• 33:44
  they
• 33:44
  learn
• 33:45
  to
• 33:45
  repress
• 33:46
  all
• 33:46
  of
• 33:46
  that
• 33:46
  intelligence.
• 33:47
  But
• 33:48
  the
• 33:48
  reason
• 33:48
  why.
• 33:49
  Why
• 33:49
  we
• 33:50
  spin
• 33:50
  things
• 33:51
  is
• 33:51
  because
• 33:51
  we
• 33:51
  have
• 33:52
  the
• 33:52
  strength
• 33:52
  of
• 33:53
  eq.
• 33:54
  Every
• 33:55
  strength
• 33:55
  can
• 33:56
  become
• 33:56
  a
• 33:56
  weakness
• 33:57
  when
• 33:57
  it's
• 33:57
  dialed
• 33:57
  up
• 33:57
  too
• 33:58
  high.
• 33:58
  And
• 33:58
  when
• 33:59
  it
• 33:59
  comes
• 33:59
  to
• 33:59
  dating,
• 34:00
  early
• 34:00
  on,
• 34:00
  you're
• 34:01
  not
• 34:01
  meant
• 34:01
  to
• 34:01
  interpret
• 34:02
  your
• 34:02
  partner's
• 34:03
  behaviors
• 34:04
  or
• 34:04
  label
• 34:05
  them.
• 34:05
  You're
• 34:06
  just
• 34:06
  meant
• 34:06
  to
• 34:07
  see
• 34:07
  them
• 34:07
  and
• 34:08
  put
• 34:08
  them
• 34:08
  in
• 34:08
  a
• 34:08
  category
• 34:09
  of
• 34:09
  yes
• 34:10
  or
• 34:10
  no
• 34:12
  and
• 34:12
  not.
• 34:13
  Not
• 34:13
  spin
• 34:14
  on
• 34:14
  them.
• 34:15
  Right.
• 34:15
  Not
• 34:15
  create
• 34:16
  some
• 34:16
  story
• 34:17
  around
• 34:17
  the
• 34:18
  whole,
• 34:18
  this
• 34:19
  is
• 34:19
  why
• 34:19
  he
• 34:19
  does
• 34:20
  this
• 34:20
  or
• 34:20
  this
• 34:20
  is
• 34:20
  why
• 34:21
  she
• 34:21
  does
• 34:21
  it.
• 34:21
  Right.
• 34:22
  And
• 34:22
  I
• 34:23
  feel
• 34:23
  like
• 34:23
  I
• 34:23
  see
• 34:23
  that
• 34:23
  a
• 34:24
  lot,
• 34:24
  especially
• 34:25
  with
• 34:25
  friends
• 34:25
  who
• 34:26
  have
• 34:26
  recently
• 34:26
  been
• 34:26
  divorced.
• 34:27
  And
• 34:27
  maybe
• 34:27
  you're
• 34:28
  in
• 34:28
  the
• 34:28
  dating
• 34:28
  world.
• 34:29
  Maybe
• 34:29
  they
• 34:29
  were
• 34:29
  married
• 34:30
  a
• 34:30
  long
• 34:30
  time.
• 34:30
  I
• 34:30
  mean,
• 34:31
  I
• 34:31
  do,
• 34:32
  you
• 34:32
  know,
• 34:32
  give
• 34:32
  them
• 34:33
  forgiveness
• 34:33
  for
• 34:34
  that,
• 34:34
  because
• 34:34
  this
• 34:35
  is
• 34:35
  like
• 34:35
  a
• 34:35
  first
• 34:35
  go,
• 34:36
  right?
• 34:36
  So
• 34:36
  they're
• 34:36
  kind
• 34:36
  of
• 34:37
  back
• 34:37
  in
• 34:37
  the
• 34:37
  dating
• 34:38
  world,
• 34:38
  and
• 34:38
  they're
• 34:39
  like,
• 34:39
  in
• 34:39
  their
• 34:39
  50s
• 34:40
  and.
• 34:41
  Right.
• 34:42
  He's
• 34:42
  spinning
• 34:42
  away,
• 34:43
  and
• 34:43
  I'm
• 34:43
  like.
• 34:44
  I'm
• 34:44
  like,
• 34:44
  girl,
• 34:45
  no,
• 34:45
  no.
• 34:47
  This
• 34:47
  is
• 34:47
  not
• 34:48
  like,
• 34:48
  from
• 34:48
  the
• 34:48
  outset,
• 34:49
  like,
• 34:49
  somebody
• 34:50
  else
• 34:50
  looking
• 34:50
  at
• 34:51
  this
• 34:51
  story
• 34:51
  would
• 34:52
  see
• 34:52
  something
• 34:53
  totally
• 34:53
  different,
• 34:54
  you
• 34:54
  know?
• 34:54
  So,
• 34:55
  like,
• 34:55
  I
• 34:55
  think
• 34:55
  that
• 34:56
  that
• 34:56
  can
• 34:56
  also
• 34:56
  be
• 34:57
  destructive,
• 34:57
  right?
• 34:57
  This
• 34:58
  whole
• 34:58
  telling
• 34:58
  ourselves
• 34:59
  this
• 34:59
  narrative
• 34:59
  that
• 35:00
  really
• 35:00
  is
• 35:00
  not
• 35:01
  there,
• 35:01
  you
• 35:01
  know?
• 35:02
  Yes.
• 35:03
  And.
• 35:03
  And
• 35:04
  so
• 35:04
  when
• 35:04
  we're
• 35:04
  dating,
• 35:05
  a
• 35:06
  really
• 35:06
  good
• 35:06
  barometer
• 35:08
  is,
• 35:08
  if
• 35:09
  I
• 35:09
  were
• 35:09
  watching
• 35:10
  my
• 35:10
  friend
• 35:11
  have
• 35:11
  a
• 35:12
  date
• 35:12
  like
• 35:12
  this,
• 35:13
  what
• 35:13
  would
• 35:13
  I
• 35:13
  be
• 35:13
  thinking
• 35:14
  about
• 35:14
  this
• 35:14
  person
• 35:14
  that
• 35:15
  they're
• 35:15
  dating?
• 35:17
  Because
• 35:17
  we
• 35:17
  are
• 35:18
  much
• 35:18
  more
• 35:19
  discerning
• 35:19
  when
• 35:19
  it
• 35:20
  comes
• 35:20
  to
• 35:20
  our
• 35:20
  friends
• 35:21
  than
• 35:21
  when
• 35:21
  it
• 35:21
  comes
• 35:21
  to
• 35:22
  ourselves.
• 35:23
  You're
• 35:23
  right.
• 35:23
  Like,
• 35:23
  I
• 35:24
  feel
• 35:24
  like
• 35:24
  I'm
• 35:24
  always
• 35:24
  looking
• 35:24
  out
• 35:25
  for
• 35:25
  my
• 35:25
  girlfriends.
• 35:25
  You
• 35:25
  know,
• 35:26
  it's
• 35:26
  like,
• 35:27
  don't
• 35:27
  be
• 35:27
  with
• 35:27
  that
• 35:27
  guy.
• 35:28
  Like,
• 35:28
  he's
• 35:28
  an
• 35:28
  asshole
• 35:29
  and
• 35:29
  this.
• 35:29
  And,
• 35:29
  you
• 35:29
  know,
• 35:30
  but
• 35:30
  you're
• 35:30
  right.
• 35:31
  We.
• 35:31
  We.
• 35:31
  Why
• 35:31
  don't
• 35:32
  we
• 35:32
  do
• 35:32
  that
• 35:32
  for
• 35:32
  ourselves?
• 35:33
  And
• 35:33
  when
• 35:33
  they
• 35:34
  bring
• 35:34
  a
• 35:34
  new
• 35:34
  partner
• 35:35
  around
• 35:35
  you,
• 35:35
  how
• 35:37
  slower
• 35:37
  you.
• 35:37
  To
• 35:38
  warm,
• 35:39
  you
• 35:39
  do
• 35:39
  the
• 35:40
  interrogation.
• 35:41
  They
• 35:41
  have
• 35:41
  to,
• 35:41
  like,
• 35:42
  jump
• 35:42
  through
• 35:42
  hoops.
• 35:43
  I'm
• 35:43
  like,
• 35:43
  no,
• 35:44
  no,
• 35:44
  no,
• 35:44
  you're
• 35:45
  not
• 35:45
  in
• 35:45
  the.
• 35:45
  You're.
• 35:46
  We're
• 35:46
  not.
• 35:46
  You're
• 35:46
  not
• 35:47
  part
• 35:47
  of
• 35:47
  this
• 35:47
  yet.
• 35:47
  Like,
• 35:48
  you
• 35:48
  have
• 35:48
  to
• 35:48
  prove
• 35:49
  yourself,
• 35:49
  you
• 35:50
  know?
• 35:50
  Right.
• 35:51
  And
• 35:51
  we
• 35:51
  don't
• 35:51
  do
• 35:52
  that
• 35:52
  for
• 35:52
  ourselves.
• 35:53
  No,
• 35:54
  no.
• 35:55
  It's
• 35:55
  like,
• 35:55
  we
• 35:56
  take
• 35:56
  scraps
• 35:56
  a
• 35:57
  Lot
• 35:57
  of
• 35:57
  the
• 35:57
  time,
• 35:57
  you
• 35:58
  know,
• 35:58
  we
• 35:58
  take,
• 35:58
  like,
• 35:58
  the
• 35:59
  bare
• 35:59
  minimum.
• 36:00
  So
• 36:01
  how
• 36:01
  do
• 36:01
  we
• 36:01
  change
• 36:02
  that?
• 36:03
  How
• 36:03
  do
• 36:03
  we
• 36:03
  make
• 36:03
  our.
• 36:04
  Make
• 36:04
  it.
• 36:04
  Make
• 36:04
  it.
• 36:05
  Because
• 36:05
  we
• 36:05
  are
• 36:05
  worthy
• 36:06
  for,
• 36:07
  you
• 36:07
  know,
• 36:07
  the
• 36:08
  better
• 36:08
  treatment.
• 36:08
  Obviously,
• 36:09
  I
• 36:09
  don't
• 36:10
  think
• 36:10
  most
• 36:10
  people
• 36:11
  are
• 36:11
  going
• 36:11
  to
• 36:11
  spend
• 36:12
  the
• 36:12
  time
• 36:12
  to
• 36:12
  fix
• 36:13
  the
• 36:14
  whole
• 36:14
  internal
• 36:15
  mechanism
• 36:16
  that
• 36:16
  provokes
• 36:16
  that.
• 36:17
  So
• 36:17
  I
• 36:17
  think
• 36:17
  the
• 36:18
  best
• 36:18
  hack
• 36:19
  or
• 36:19
  shortcut
• 36:20
  is
• 36:21
  to
• 36:21
  just
• 36:22
  ask
• 36:22
  yourself,
• 36:24
  how
• 36:24
  would
• 36:24
  I
• 36:24
  feel
• 36:24
  if
• 36:24
  this
• 36:25
  was
• 36:25
  my
• 36:25
  friend
• 36:27
  dating
• 36:27
  this
• 36:28
  person?
• 36:29
  If
• 36:30
  you
• 36:30
  find
• 36:30
  yourself,
• 36:31
  like,
• 36:31
  preoccupied
• 36:32
  with
• 36:33
  whether
• 36:33
  or
• 36:33
  not
• 36:34
  they're
• 36:34
  texting
• 36:34
  you,
• 36:34
  if
• 36:35
  you
• 36:35
  find
• 36:35
  that
• 36:35
  you're
• 36:35
  not
• 36:36
  getting,
• 36:36
  you
• 36:36
  know,
• 36:37
  they're
• 36:37
  not
• 36:37
  making
• 36:38
  plans
• 36:38
  with
• 36:38
  you
• 36:38
  early
• 36:39
  enough
• 36:39
  in
• 36:39
  the
• 36:39
  week,
• 36:40
  if
• 36:40
  you
• 36:40
  find
• 36:40
  yourself,
• 36:41
  like,
• 36:41
  on
• 36:41
  pins
• 36:42
  and
• 36:42
  needles
• 36:43
  wondering
• 36:43
  whether
• 36:44
  or
• 36:44
  not
• 36:44
  you're
• 36:44
  going
• 36:44
  to
• 36:44
  have
• 36:44
  plans,
• 36:45
  you're
• 36:46
  actually
• 36:46
  postponing
• 36:47
  plans
• 36:47
  with
• 36:47
  your
• 36:48
  friends
• 36:48
  and
• 36:48
  family
• 36:49
  because
• 36:49
  you're
• 36:49
  hoping
• 36:50
  the
• 36:50
  person's
• 36:50
  going
• 36:50
  to
• 36:50
  reach
• 36:51
  out
• 36:51
  to
• 36:51
  you.
• 36:51
  You
• 36:52
  have
• 36:52
  to
• 36:52
  ask
• 36:52
  yourself,
• 36:53
  how
• 36:53
  would
• 36:54
  I
• 36:54
  feel
• 36:54
  if
• 36:54
  this
• 36:54
  were
• 36:54
  happening
• 36:55
  to
• 36:55
  my
• 36:55
  best
• 36:55
  friend?
• 36:57
  And
• 36:57
  then
• 36:58
  you
• 36:58
  have
• 36:58
  to
• 37:00
  put
• 37:00
  in
• 37:00
  place
• 37:02
  your
• 37:02
  protective
• 37:03
  mechanisms
• 37:05
  for
• 37:05
  yourself
• 37:06
  that
• 37:06
  you
• 37:06
  would
• 37:06
  apply
• 37:06
  to
• 37:07
  your
• 37:07
  friends.
• 37:09
  And
• 37:09
  it
• 37:09
  will
• 37:09
  feel
• 37:09
  artificial.
• 37:10
  And
• 37:10
  that's
• 37:11
  okay
• 37:11
  because
• 37:12
  we're
• 37:12
  trying
• 37:12
  to
• 37:12
  break
• 37:13
  a
• 37:13
  pattern
• 37:13
  here.
• 37:14
  And
• 37:14
  the
• 37:14
  pattern
• 37:15
  that
• 37:15
  most
• 37:15
  of
• 37:15
  us
• 37:16
  have
• 37:16
  is
• 37:16
  that
• 37:17
  the
• 37:17
  minute
• 37:17
  we
• 37:17
  catch
• 37:18
  feelings,
• 37:19
  we
• 37:19
  will
• 37:19
  dismiss
• 37:21
  red
• 37:21
  flags
• 37:22
  that
• 37:22
  we
• 37:22
  would
• 37:23
  never
• 37:23
  dismiss
• 37:24
  in
• 37:24
  someone
• 37:24
  else.
• 37:25
  Yes.
• 37:25
  Oh,
• 37:26
  my
• 37:26
  God,
• 37:26
  that's
• 37:26
  such
• 37:27
  a
• 37:27
  good
• 37:27
  point.
• 37:27
  It's
• 37:27
  like,
• 37:28
  oh,
• 37:28
  I
• 37:28
  don't
• 37:29
  see
• 37:29
  that.
• 37:29
  You
• 37:29
  know,
• 37:29
  this.
• 37:30
  This
• 37:30
  isn't
• 37:30
  there.
• 37:31
  You
• 37:31
  know,
• 37:31
  like,
• 37:31
  he's
• 37:32
  great,
• 37:32
  you
• 37:33
  know,
• 37:33
  and
• 37:33
  you're
• 37:34
  right.
• 37:34
  It's
• 37:34
  like
• 37:34
  dismissing
• 37:35
  those
• 37:35
  flags.
• 37:36
  I
• 37:36
  was
• 37:36
  watching
• 37:37
  Bethany
• 37:37
  Frankel.
• 37:38
  She
• 37:38
  was
• 37:38
  saying
• 37:38
  that
• 37:39
  an
• 37:39
  act.
• 37:39
  To
• 37:39
  her,
• 37:40
  a
• 37:41
  green
• 37:41
  flag
• 37:42
  is
• 37:42
  a
• 37:42
  man
• 37:43
  who's
• 37:43
  never
• 37:43
  been
• 37:44
  married
• 37:44
  and
• 37:44
  never
• 37:44
  had
• 37:45
  children
• 37:45
  in
• 37:45
  his
• 37:45
  50s.
• 37:46
  Because
• 37:47
  to
• 37:47
  her,
• 37:48
  you
• 37:48
  know,
• 37:48
  we're
• 37:48
  always,
• 37:48
  you
• 37:49
  know,
• 37:49
  we're
• 37:49
  like,
• 37:49
  gosh,
• 37:49
  what's
• 37:50
  wrong
• 37:50
  with
• 37:50
  that
• 37:50
  guy?
• 37:50
  You
• 37:50
  know,
• 37:51
  he
• 37:51
  hasn't
• 37:51
  been
• 37:51
  married.
• 37:51
  He
• 37:51
  hasn't
• 37:52
  been
• 37:52
  in
• 37:52
  a.
• 37:52
  A
• 37:52
  serious,
• 37:53
  committed
• 37:53
  relationship.
• 37:54
  He's
• 37:54
  not
• 37:54
  got
• 37:55
  kids
• 37:55
  in
• 37:55
  his
• 37:55
  50s.
• 37:56
  But
• 37:56
  she
• 37:56
  said
• 37:56
  that's
• 37:57
  a
• 37:57
  green
• 37:57
  flag.
• 37:58
  What
• 37:58
  do
• 37:58
  you
• 37:59
  think
• 37:59
  about
• 37:59
  that?
• 37:59
  I
• 38:00
  mean,
• 38:00
  one
• 38:00
  person's
• 38:01
  green
• 38:01
  flag
• 38:01
  is
• 38:01
  another
• 38:02
  person's
• 38:02
  cautionary
• 38:03
  tale.
• 38:03
  I
• 38:04
  think
• 38:04
  that
• 38:04
  that's
• 38:04
  fine
• 38:05
  for
• 38:05
  her
• 38:05
  for
• 38:05
  that
• 38:06
  to
• 38:06
  be
• 38:06
  a
• 38:06
  green
• 38:06
  flag.
• 38:08
  I'm
• 38:08
  not
• 38:08
  as
• 38:09
  well
• 38:10
  versed
• 38:10
  in
• 38:10
  Bethany's
• 38:11
  dating
• 38:12
  history,
• 38:12
  relationship
• 38:13
  history,
• 38:14
  to
• 38:14
  weigh
• 38:15
  in.
• 38:15
  And
• 38:15
  I
• 38:15
  also
• 38:16
  don't
• 38:16
  think
• 38:16
  it's
• 38:17
  necessarily
• 38:17
  fair
• 38:18
  to
• 38:18
  look
• 38:18
  at
• 38:18
  somebody's
• 38:19
  history
• 38:19
  and
• 38:19
  be
• 38:19
  like,
• 38:19
  well,
• 38:20
  how
• 38:20
  successful
• 38:20
  have
• 38:21
  they
• 38:21
  been
• 38:21
  to
• 38:22
  determine
• 38:23
  whether
• 38:23
  or
• 38:23
  not
• 38:24
  their
• 38:24
  criteria
• 38:25
  is
• 38:25
  effective
• 38:26
  moving
• 38:27
  forward?
• 38:27
  Again,
• 38:28
  I
• 38:28
  don't
• 38:29
  think
• 38:29
  it's
• 38:29
  about
• 38:29
  the
• 38:30
  partner
• 38:31
  as
• 38:31
  much
• 38:32
  as
• 38:32
  it
• 38:32
  is
• 38:32
  about
• 38:32
  us.
• 38:34
  I
• 38:34
  think
• 38:34
  if
• 38:34
  we
• 38:34
  can
• 38:35
  be
• 38:35
  different,
• 38:36
  we
• 38:36
  wind
• 38:36
  up
• 38:36
  repelling
• 38:37
  the
• 38:37
  wrong
• 38:37
  people
• 38:39
  and
• 38:39
  keeping
• 38:40
  the
• 38:40
  right
• 38:40
  people.
• 38:41
  And
• 38:41
  then
• 38:42
  if
• 38:42
  we
• 38:43
  understand
• 38:44
  ourselves
• 38:44
  well
• 38:44
  enough
• 38:45
  to
• 38:45
  do
• 38:45
  two
• 38:46
  things,
• 38:46
  to
• 38:46
  guide
• 38:47
  our
• 38:47
  partner
• 38:48
  in
• 38:49
  how
• 38:49
  to
• 38:49
  work
• 38:49
  around
• 38:50
  us.
• 38:50
  Because
• 38:51
  we're
• 38:51
  all
• 38:51
  a
• 38:51
  little
• 38:51
  crazy,
• 38:52
  right?
• 38:53
  Like,
• 38:53
  we
• 38:54
  all
• 38:54
  have
• 38:55
  unique
• 38:55
  triggers,
• 38:56
  unique
• 38:56
  idiosyncrasies,
• 38:58
  likes
• 38:58
  and
• 38:58
  dislikes
• 38:59
  that
• 38:59
  make
• 38:59
  us
• 38:59
  very
• 39:00
  unique.
• 39:01
  And
• 39:01
  I
• 39:01
  have
• 39:01
  to
• 39:01
  be
• 39:01
  able
• 39:02
  to
• 39:02
  tell
• 39:02
  you
• 39:02
  about
• 39:02
  mine,
• 39:03
  because
• 39:03
  if
• 39:03
  you're
• 39:04
  brand
• 39:04
  new
• 39:04
  in
• 39:04
  my
• 39:04
  life,
• 39:05
  even
• 39:05
  as
• 39:05
  a
• 39:05
  friend,
• 39:06
  you
• 39:06
  know,
• 39:06
  if
• 39:07
  I'm
• 39:07
  going
• 39:07
  to
• 39:07
  act
• 39:07
  a
• 39:08
  little
• 39:08
  weird
• 39:08
  in
• 39:09
  a
• 39:09
  certain
• 39:09
  scenario,
• 39:10
  it
• 39:11
  would
• 39:11
  be
• 39:11
  great
• 39:11
  for
• 39:11
  you
• 39:11
  to
• 39:11
  have
• 39:12
  a
• 39:12
  heads
• 39:12
  up
• 39:12
  so
• 39:13
  that
• 39:13
  you're
• 39:13
  not
• 39:13
  made
• 39:14
  to
• 39:14
  feel
• 39:14
  a
• 39:14
  certain
• 39:15
  way
• 39:15
  or
• 39:15
  left
• 39:15
  to
• 39:16
  fill
• 39:16
  in
• 39:16
  the
• 39:16
  blank
• 39:16
  about
• 39:17
  that.
• 39:18
  But
• 39:18
  if
• 39:18
  I
• 39:18
  haven't
• 39:19
  learned
• 39:19
  enough
• 39:19
  about
• 39:20
  myself
• 39:20
  to
• 39:20
  be
• 39:21
  able
• 39:21
  to
• 39:21
  fill
• 39:21
  you
• 39:21
  in,
• 39:22
  then
• 39:22
  the
• 39:22
  two
• 39:23
  of
• 39:23
  us
• 39:23
  are
• 39:23
  confused.
• 39:24
  It's
• 39:24
  like
• 39:24
  the
• 39:24
  blind
• 39:25
  leading
• 39:25
  the
• 39:25
  blind.
• 39:26
  You
• 39:26
  don't
• 39:26
  know
• 39:26
  me
• 39:26
  because
• 39:27
  you're
• 39:27
  brand
• 39:27
  new
• 39:27
  in
• 39:27
  my
• 39:27
  life.
• 39:28
  I
• 39:28
  don't
• 39:28
  know
• 39:28
  me
• 39:29
  because
• 39:29
  I
• 39:29
  haven't
• 39:29
  done
• 39:29
  any
• 39:29
  work
• 39:30
  on
• 39:30
  myself
• 39:30
  and
• 39:30
  I
• 39:31
  don't
• 39:31
  know
• 39:31
  where
• 39:31
  my
• 39:31
  nose
• 39:31
  is.
• 39:32
  And
• 39:33
  it
• 39:33
  all
• 39:33
  becomes
• 39:34
  very
• 39:34
  problematic.
• 39:35
  So
• 39:35
  I
• 39:35
  think
• 39:35
  that
• 39:36
  in
• 39:36
  a
• 39:36
  new
• 39:36
  relationship,
• 39:37
  we
• 39:38
  both
• 39:38
  need
• 39:38
  to
• 39:39
  be
• 39:39
  able
• 39:40
  to
• 39:40
  guide
• 39:40
  our
• 39:41
  partners
• 39:42
  around
• 39:43
  the
• 39:43
  parts
• 39:43
  of
• 39:44
  us
• 39:44
  that
• 39:44
  are.
• 39:45
  That
• 39:45
  are
• 39:45
  weird,
• 39:46
  that
• 39:46
  are
• 39:46
  awkward,
• 39:46
  that
• 39:47
  are
• 39:47
  wounded,
• 39:48
  the
• 39:48
  soft
• 39:48
  spots
• 39:49
  inside
• 39:49
  of
• 39:49
  us.
• 39:50
  And
• 39:50
  you
• 39:51
  know
• 39:51
  that
• 39:51
  I
• 39:51
  casually
• 39:51
  say,
• 39:52
  the
• 39:52
  parts
• 39:52
  of
• 39:52
  us
• 39:53
  that
• 39:53
  are
• 39:53
  a
• 39:53
  little
• 39:53
  crazy
• 39:54
  and
• 39:54
  unlikely
• 39:55
  to
• 39:55
  be
• 39:55
  healed
• 39:55
  in
• 39:56
  the
• 39:56
  next
• 39:56
  year
• 39:56
  or
• 39:56
  two.
• 39:57
  Also,
• 39:58
  to
• 39:58
  be
• 39:59
  able
• 39:59
  to.
• 39:59
  That's
• 40:00
  not
• 40:00
  an
• 40:00
  excuse
• 40:01
  to
• 40:01
  not
• 40:01
  do
• 40:02
  the
• 40:02
  work.
• 40:03
  That's
• 40:03
  me
• 40:03
  saying
• 40:04
  to
• 40:04
  you,
• 40:04
  roxy,
• 40:05
  this
• 40:05
  is
• 40:05
  who
• 40:05
  I
• 40:06
  am
• 40:06
  in
• 40:07
  April
• 40:07
  2026.
• 40:09
  I'm
• 40:09
  hoping
• 40:09
  to
• 40:10
  change
• 40:10
  it.
• 40:11
  I'm
• 40:11
  working
• 40:11
  on
• 40:12
  changing
• 40:12
  it.
• 40:13
  So
• 40:13
  that's
• 40:14
  not
• 40:14
  an
• 40:14
  excuse
• 40:14
  for
• 40:15
  me
• 40:15
  to
• 40:15
  be
• 40:15
  like,
• 40:15
  hey,
• 40:16
  this
• 40:16
  is
• 40:16
  how
• 40:16
  I
• 40:16
  am.
• 40:17
  You
• 40:17
  just
• 40:17
  have
• 40:17
  to
• 40:17
  deal
• 40:17
  with
• 40:18
  it.
• 40:18
  That's
• 40:18
  part
• 40:18
  of
• 40:19
  the
• 40:19
  equation,
• 40:19
  is
• 40:19
  telling
• 40:20
  you
• 40:20
  that
• 40:21
  buys
• 40:21
  me
• 40:21
  some
• 40:22
  time
• 40:22
  and
• 40:22
  a
• 40:22
  little
• 40:22
  bit
• 40:22
  of
• 40:23
  compassion
• 40:23
  and
• 40:23
  a
• 40:24
  little
• 40:24
  bit
• 40:24
  of
• 40:24
  grace
• 40:24
  from
• 40:25
  you,
• 40:25
  maybe.
• 40:26
  But
• 40:26
  I'm
• 40:26
  still
• 40:27
  beholden
• 40:27
  to
• 40:28
  run
• 40:28
  interference
• 40:29
  on
• 40:29
  these
• 40:30
  patterns.
• 40:31
  I'm
• 40:31
  still
• 40:32
  beholden
• 40:32
  to
• 40:33
  recognize
• 40:33
  them,
• 40:34
  at
• 40:34
  least
• 40:35
  in
• 40:35
  hindsight,
• 40:36
  if
• 40:37
  not
• 40:37
  in
• 40:37
  the
• 40:37
  moment.
• 40:38
  And
• 40:39
  even
• 40:39
  if
• 40:39
  I
• 40:39
  can
• 40:40
  only
• 40:40
  run
• 40:40
  interference,
• 40:41
  even
• 40:41
  if
• 40:41
  I
• 40:41
  can
• 40:42
  only
• 40:42
  recognize
• 40:43
  them
• 40:43
  in
• 40:43
  hindsight,
• 40:44
  at
• 40:44
  least
• 40:44
  I
• 40:44
  can
• 40:44
  come
• 40:45
  back
• 40:45
  to
• 40:45
  my
• 40:45
  partner
• 40:46
  or
• 40:46
  my
• 40:46
  friend
• 40:47
  and
• 40:47
  be
• 40:47
  like,
• 40:48
  you
• 40:48
  know
• 40:48
  what?
• 40:48
  I
• 40:49
  didn't
• 40:49
  like
• 40:49
  the
• 40:49
  tone
• 40:49
  I
• 40:49
  used
• 40:50
  with
• 40:50
  you.
• 40:50
  I
• 40:51
  know
• 40:51
  you
• 40:51
  were
• 40:51
  okay
• 40:51
  with
• 40:52
  it.
• 40:52
  Or
• 40:52
  maybe
• 40:53
  you
• 40:53
  gave
• 40:53
  me
• 40:53
  grace
• 40:54
  and
• 40:54
  I
• 40:54
  just.
• 40:54
  I
• 40:54
  heard
• 40:55
  it.
• 40:55
  I
• 40:55
  want
• 40:55
  you
• 40:55
  to
• 40:56
  know
• 40:56
  I
• 40:56
  Heard
• 40:56
  it.
• 40:56
  It's
• 40:56
  not
• 40:56
  okay.
• 40:57
  I
• 40:57
  want
• 40:57
  to
• 40:57
  apologize
• 40:58
  for
• 40:58
  it.
• 40:58
  You
• 40:59
  just,
• 40:59
  just
• 41:00
  have
• 41:00
  to
• 41:00
  do
• 41:00
  that
• 41:01
  stuff
• 41:01
  in
• 41:01
  life.
• 41:02
  You
• 41:02
  see
• 41:02
  that
• 41:02
  person,
• 41:03
  you
• 41:03
  feel
• 41:03
  that
• 41:03
  person,
• 41:04
  which
• 41:04
  is.
• 41:05
  And
• 41:05
  unprompted
• 41:06
  too,
• 41:06
  which
• 41:06
  is,
• 41:07
  is.
• 41:07
  That's,
• 41:07
  that's
• 41:07
  big.
• 41:08
  That's
• 41:08
  huge.
• 41:09
  It's
• 41:09
  the
• 41:09
  opposite
• 41:10
  of
• 41:10
  a
• 41:10
  narcissist.
• 41:11
  Totally,
• 41:13
  totally.
• 41:14
  That
• 41:15
  old
• 41:15
  narcissist
• 41:16
  again.
• 41:18
  Now
• 41:18
  what
• 41:18
  about
• 41:18
  if
• 41:19
  we're
• 41:19
  on
• 41:19
  the
• 41:19
  totally
• 41:20
  opposite
• 41:20
  spectrum
• 41:21
  and
• 41:21
  you
• 41:21
  know,
• 41:22
  in
• 41:22
  midlife,
• 41:22
  some
• 41:22
  people
• 41:22
  have
• 41:23
  been
• 41:23
  with
• 41:23
  their
• 41:23
  partner
• 41:24
  for
• 41:24
  20
• 41:25
  years,
• 41:25
  30
• 41:25
  years,
• 41:26
  you
• 41:26
  know,
• 41:26
  and
• 41:26
  it's,
• 41:27
  it's,
• 41:27
  it
• 41:28
  gets
• 41:28
  to
• 41:28
  be
• 41:29
  in
• 41:29
  a
• 41:29
  sort
• 41:30
  of
• 41:30
  a
• 41:30
  pattern
• 41:30
  where
• 41:30
  it's
• 41:30
  almost
• 41:31
  like
• 41:31
  a.
• 41:31
  It's
• 41:32
  great
• 41:32
  that
• 41:32
  it's
• 41:32
  a
• 41:33
  best
• 41:33
  friend,
• 41:33
  but
• 41:33
  then
• 41:34
  it's,
• 41:34
  you
• 41:34
  know,
• 41:34
  the
• 41:35
  spark
• 41:35
  isn't
• 41:35
  so
• 41:36
  much
• 41:36
  there
• 41:36
  as
• 41:36
  it
• 41:36
  was
• 41:37
  at
• 41:37
  the
• 41:37
  beginning.
• 41:37
  What
• 41:38
  do
• 41:38
  you
• 41:38
  say
• 41:38
  to
• 41:38
  those
• 41:38
  people
• 41:39
  who
• 41:39
  want
• 41:39
  to
• 41:39
  kind
• 41:39
  of
• 41:40
  get
• 41:40
  things
• 41:40
  going
• 41:41
  again?
• 41:42
  Mating
• 41:42
  in
• 41:42
  captivity
• 41:43
  is
• 41:43
  a
• 41:43
  real
• 41:44
  problem,
• 41:46
  real
• 41:47
  legitimate
• 41:48
  problem.
• 41:49
  And
• 41:50
  every
• 41:50
  couple
• 41:50
  runs,
• 41:51
  runs
• 41:51
  into
• 41:52
  it.
• 41:52
  Every
• 41:52
  couple
• 41:53
  in
• 41:53
  a
• 41:53
  long
• 41:53
  term
• 41:54
  relationship
• 41:54
  runs
• 41:54
  into
• 41:55
  it.
• 41:55
  The
• 41:55
  things
• 41:56
  that
• 41:56
  make
• 41:56
  us
• 41:56
  great
• 41:57
  in
• 41:57
  a
• 41:57
  long
• 41:57
  term
• 41:58
  relationship,
• 41:59
  which
• 41:59
  are
• 42:01
  we
• 42:01
  create
• 42:01
  safety
• 42:02
  for
• 42:02
  our
• 42:02
  partner,
• 42:03
  we
• 42:04
  create
• 42:04
  predictability
• 42:05
  for
• 42:06
  them.
• 42:07
  We
• 42:07
  are
• 42:08
  consistent,
• 42:10
  we
• 42:10
  are
• 42:11
  safe.
• 42:12
  Those
• 42:13
  things
• 42:13
  are
• 42:14
  the
• 42:14
  exact
• 42:15
  opposite.
• 42:16
  Not
• 42:16
  the
• 42:16
  safe
• 42:17
  part,
• 42:17
  but
• 42:17
  the
• 42:17
  other
• 42:18
  stuff,
• 42:18
  the
• 42:18
  predictability,
• 42:19
  the
• 42:19
  consistency,
• 42:20
  the
• 42:20
  ability
• 42:21
  to
• 42:22
  imagine
• 42:22
  the
• 42:22
  choreography
• 42:23
  is
• 42:24
  antithetical
• 42:25
  to
• 42:26
  excitement.
• 42:26
  What
• 42:27
  makes
• 42:27
  anything
• 42:28
  exciting
• 42:28
  is
• 42:29
  not
• 42:29
  knowing
• 42:29
  what's
• 42:29
  going
• 42:29
  to
• 42:29
  happen
• 42:30
  next.
• 42:32
  That
• 42:32
  is
• 42:32
  what
• 42:32
  makes
• 42:34
  scary
• 42:34
  movies
• 42:34
  exciting.
• 42:35
  That
• 42:36
  is
• 42:36
  what
• 42:36
  makes
• 42:36
  the
• 42:36
  roller
• 42:37
  coaster
• 42:37
  exciting.
• 42:39
  That
• 42:39
  is
• 42:39
  what
• 42:39
  makes
• 42:40
  the
• 42:40
  haunted
• 42:41
  house
• 42:41
  exciting.
• 42:42
  And
• 42:42
  that's
• 42:43
  what
• 42:43
  makes
• 42:44
  dating
• 42:45
  exciting.
• 42:47
  There
• 42:47
  are
• 42:48
  so
• 42:48
  many
• 42:49
  reasons
• 42:50
  why
• 42:51
  the
• 42:52
  spark
• 42:53
  quiets
• 42:54
  in
• 42:55
  a
• 42:55
  relationship.
• 42:57
  And
• 42:58
  much
• 42:58
  of
• 42:59
  it
• 42:59
  is
• 42:59
  because
• 43:01
  being
• 43:01
  in
• 43:01
  a
• 43:02
  relationship
• 43:02
  is
• 43:03
  inherently
• 43:04
  antithetical
• 43:05
  to
• 43:05
  excitement.
• 43:06
  If
• 43:06
  it's
• 43:07
  a
• 43:07
  good
• 43:07
  relationship
• 43:08
  and
• 43:09
  the
• 43:09
  discipline
• 43:10
  that
• 43:10
  it
• 43:10
  takes
• 43:11
  to
• 43:12
  keep
• 43:12
  that
• 43:12
  going
• 43:13
  because
• 43:13
  nobody
• 43:14
  ever
• 43:14
  thinks
• 43:14
  it's
• 43:14
  going
• 43:14
  to
• 43:15
  happen
• 43:15
  to
• 43:15
  them.
• 43:15
  That's
• 43:15
  the
• 43:16
  other
• 43:16
  thing.
• 43:16
  The
• 43:16
  hotter
• 43:17
  the
• 43:17
  sex
• 43:17
  in
• 43:17
  the
• 43:17
  beginning,
• 43:18
  the,
• 43:19
  the
• 43:20
  less
• 43:20
  you
• 43:20
  believe
• 43:21
  you're
• 43:21
  vulnerable
• 43:21
  to
• 43:22
  it.
• 43:22
  It's
• 43:23
  reason
• 43:23
  why
• 43:23
  everybody
• 43:24
  has
• 43:24
  kids,
• 43:24
  because
• 43:25
  we
• 43:25
  all
• 43:25
  think
• 43:25
  our
• 43:26
  kid
• 43:26
  is
• 43:26
  going
• 43:26
  to
• 43:26
  be
• 43:26
  different.
• 43:27
  We
• 43:27
  all
• 43:27
  think
• 43:28
  our
• 43:28
  parenting
• 43:28
  journey
• 43:29
  is
• 43:29
  going
• 43:29
  to
• 43:29
  be
• 43:29
  different.
• 43:30
  It's
• 43:30
  not
• 43:30
  going
• 43:30
  to
• 43:30
  be
• 43:30
  the
• 43:31
  way
• 43:31
  it
• 43:31
  was
• 43:31
  for
• 43:31
  our
• 43:31
  parents
• 43:32
  or
• 43:32
  where
• 43:32
  the
• 43:33
  way
• 43:33
  it
• 43:33
  is
• 43:33
  for
• 43:33
  everybody
• 43:34
  in
• 43:34
  our
• 43:34
  life.
• 43:35
  We
• 43:35
  all
• 43:36
  have
• 43:36
  this
• 43:37
  ability
• 43:37
  to
• 43:38
  hope
• 43:38
  for
• 43:38
  a
• 43:39
  different
• 43:39
  outcome.
• 43:41
  And
• 43:41
  I'm
• 43:42
  just
• 43:42
  saying
• 43:42
  that
• 43:43
  sometimes
• 43:43
  the
• 43:43
  stats
• 43:44
  really
• 43:45
  can
• 43:45
  tell
• 43:46
  us
• 43:46
  where
• 43:46
  we're
• 43:47
  headed.
• 43:48
  And
• 43:48
  again,
• 43:50
  part
• 43:50
  of
• 43:50
  the
• 43:50
  problem
• 43:51
  is
• 43:51
  that
• 43:51
  nobody
• 43:52
  admits
• 43:52
  this.
• 43:53
  People
• 43:54
  don't.
• 43:54
  They're
• 43:54
  not
• 43:54
  big
• 43:55
  to
• 43:55
  admit
• 43:56
  that,
• 43:56
  hey,
• 43:56
  I
• 43:56
  haven't
• 43:57
  been
• 43:57
  having
• 43:57
  sex
• 43:57
  or,
• 43:58
  hey,
• 43:58
  we're
• 43:59
  not
• 43:59
  having
• 43:59
  as
• 43:59
  much
• 43:59
  sex
• 44:00
  again,
• 44:01
  because
• 44:02
  of
• 44:02
  what
• 44:02
  we
• 44:02
  spoke
• 44:03
  about
• 44:03
  earlier,
• 44:04
  because
• 44:05
  we're
• 44:06
  all
• 44:06
  showing
• 44:06
  the
• 44:07
  best
• 44:07
  versions
• 44:07
  of
• 44:08
  our
• 44:08
  lives,
• 44:08
  and
• 44:09
  it's
• 44:09
  shaming.
• 44:09
  It's
• 44:10
  embarrassing.
• 44:10
  It
• 44:11
  can
• 44:11
  be
• 44:11
  humiliating
• 44:12
  because
• 44:12
  we
• 44:13
  don't
• 44:13
  realize
• 44:13
  that
• 44:13
  it's
• 44:13
  happening
• 44:14
  to
• 44:14
  everyone.
• 44:15
  So
• 44:17
  to
• 44:17
  prevent
• 44:18
  that,
• 44:20
  one
• 44:20
  would
• 44:21
  be
• 44:21
  putting
• 44:21
  things
• 44:21
  in
• 44:22
  place
• 44:22
  very
• 44:22
  early
• 44:23
  on
• 44:23
  in
• 44:23
  the
• 44:23
  relationship
• 44:25
  to
• 44:26
  fight
• 44:26
  against
• 44:27
  that.
• 44:27
  And
• 44:28
  that
• 44:28
  looks
• 44:28
  like
• 44:29
  keeping
• 44:30
  surprise,
• 44:31
  keeping
• 44:32
  variety
• 44:33
  very
• 44:34
  prominent
• 44:35
  in
• 44:35
  the
• 44:35
  relationship.
• 44:36
  Now,
• 44:37
  this
• 44:37
  is
• 44:38
  a
• 44:38
  conversation
• 44:39
  about
• 44:39
  people
• 44:39
  who
• 44:40
  are
• 44:40
  likely
• 44:41
  already
• 44:42
  in
• 44:42
  their
• 44:43
  relationship.
• 44:44
  You
• 44:44
  gotta
• 44:44
  shake
• 44:45
  things
• 44:45
  up.
• 44:46
  And
• 44:46
  when
• 44:46
  you
• 44:47
  shake
• 44:47
  things
• 44:47
  up,
• 44:49
  be
• 44:49
  very
• 44:49
  uncomfortable.
• 44:51
  You're
• 44:51
  gonna
• 44:52
  be
• 44:52
  very
• 44:52
  uncomfortable.
• 44:53
  You're
• 44:53
  gonna
• 44:53
  feel.
• 44:54
  You
• 44:54
  may
• 44:54
  feel
• 44:54
  threatened,
• 44:55
  you
• 44:56
  may
• 44:56
  feel
• 44:56
  exposed,
• 44:58
  you
• 44:58
  may
• 44:58
  feel
• 44:59
  insecure
• 45:01
  because
• 45:01
  you
• 45:02
  have
• 45:02
  to
• 45:02
  be
• 45:02
  vulnerable
• 45:03
  if
• 45:04
  you
• 45:04
  want
• 45:05
  excitement
• 45:05
  in
• 45:06
  your
• 45:06
  relationship.
• 45:07
  So
• 45:07
  if
• 45:07
  you
• 45:07
  want
• 45:07
  something
• 45:08
  different,
• 45:08
  you
• 45:08
  have
• 45:08
  to
• 45:09
  to
• 45:09
  do
• 45:09
  something
• 45:09
  different.
• 45:10
  You
• 45:10
  can't
• 45:10
  just
• 45:11
  want
• 45:11
  something
• 45:11
  different.
• 45:12
  You
• 45:13
  have
• 45:13
  to
• 45:13
  lean
• 45:14
  into
• 45:14
  your
• 45:14
  partner
• 45:15
  and
• 45:15
  be
• 45:16
  like,
• 45:17
  we
• 45:18
  need
• 45:18
  to
• 45:18
  do
• 45:18
  something
• 45:19
  we've
• 45:19
  never
• 45:19
  done
• 45:19
  before.
• 45:20
  Give
• 45:20
  me
• 45:21
  the
• 45:21
  first
• 45:21
  two
• 45:21
  ideas
• 45:22
  out
• 45:22
  of
• 45:22
  your
• 45:23
  mind,
• 45:23
  and
• 45:23
  I
• 45:23
  will
• 45:23
  give
• 45:23
  you
• 45:24
  mine
• 45:24
  unedited.
• 45:25
  Go.
• 45:26
  And
• 45:27
  just
• 45:28
  start
• 45:29
  with
• 45:29
  little
• 45:30
  things
• 45:30
  like
• 45:30
  that.
• 45:31
  You
• 45:32
  have
• 45:32
  to
• 45:32
  start
• 45:33
  sexting
• 45:33
  each
• 45:34
  other.
• 45:35
  You
• 45:35
  have
• 45:35
  to
• 45:35
  start
• 45:36
  seducing
• 45:37
  each
• 45:37
  other.
• 45:37
  You
• 45:38
  have
• 45:38
  to
• 45:38
  try
• 45:38
  and
• 45:39
  surprise
• 45:39
  each
• 45:40
  other.
• 45:41
  You
• 45:41
  have
• 45:41
  to
• 45:41
  do
• 45:42
  all
• 45:42
  the
• 45:42
  things
• 45:42
  that
• 45:43
  you
• 45:43
  did
• 45:43
  in
• 45:43
  the
• 45:43
  beginning.
• 45:44
  That's
• 45:45
  the
• 45:45
  stuff
• 45:45
  that
• 45:45
  made
• 45:46
  you
• 45:46
  fall
• 45:46
  in
• 45:46
  love.
• 45:46
  That's
• 45:47
  the
• 45:47
  stuff
• 45:47
  that
• 45:47
  made
• 45:47
  them
• 45:48
  fall
• 45:48
  in
• 45:48
  love
• 45:48
  with
• 45:48
  you.
• 45:49
  That's
• 45:49
  the
• 45:49
  stuff
• 45:50
  that
• 45:50
  made
• 45:50
  you
• 45:51
  sexy.
• 45:52
  That
• 45:52
  is
• 45:53
  literally.
• 45:54
  There's
• 45:54
  no
• 45:54
  mystery
• 45:55
  to
• 45:55
  this.
• 45:55
  Roxy.
• 45:56
  Yeah.
• 45:56
  I
• 45:56
  think
• 45:57
  you're
• 45:57
  100%
• 45:58
  right.
• 45:58
  And
• 45:58
  you
• 45:58
  have
• 45:58
  to,
• 45:59
  like,
• 45:59
  create
• 46:00
  those
• 46:00
  little
• 46:00
  magical
• 46:01
  moments,
• 46:01
  you
• 46:01
  know,
• 46:02
  because
• 46:02
  as
• 46:03
  time
• 46:03
  goes
• 46:03
  on,
• 46:04
  like,
• 46:04
  you're
• 46:04
  saying,
• 46:04
  you
• 46:05
  know,
• 46:05
  like,
• 46:06
  things
• 46:06
  become
• 46:06
  predictable,
• 46:07
  you
• 46:07
  know,
• 46:08
  schedules
• 46:08
  get
• 46:08
  crazy.
• 46:09
  Maybe
• 46:09
  you
• 46:09
  have
• 46:10
  kids,
• 46:10
  you
• 46:11
  know,
• 46:11
  careers,
• 46:11
  like,
• 46:12
  the
• 46:12
  whole
• 46:13
  thing,
• 46:13
  and
• 46:13
  it's,
• 46:13
  like,
• 46:14
  creating
• 46:14
  even
• 46:15
  those,
• 46:15
  like,
• 46:15
  micro
• 46:16
  moments,
• 46:16
  I
• 46:17
  think
• 46:18
  makes
• 46:18
  such
• 46:18
  a
• 46:19
  difference.
• 46:19
  Maybe
• 46:19
  it's
• 46:20
  just
• 46:20
  like
• 46:20
  a
• 46:20
  little,
• 46:21
  you
• 46:21
  know,
• 46:21
  unexpected
• 46:22
  kiss
• 46:23
  during
• 46:23
  the
• 46:23
  day,
• 46:23
  like,
• 46:24
  or,
• 46:24
  you
• 46:25
  know,
• 46:25
  it's
• 46:25
  asking
• 46:26
  your
• 46:26
  partner,
• 46:26
  hey,
• 46:27
  do
• 46:27
  you
• 46:27
  want
• 46:27
  to
• 46:27
  try
• 46:28
  this?
• 46:28
  Do
• 46:28
  you
• 46:28
  want
• 46:29
  to,
• 46:29
  like,
• 46:29
  do
• 46:29
  something
• 46:30
  different?
• 46:30
  Should
• 46:30
  we
• 46:30
  go
• 46:31
  to
• 46:31
  this
• 46:32
  place
• 46:32
  we've
• 46:32
  always
• 46:32
  wanted
• 46:33
  to
• 46:33
  go
• 46:33
  to
• 46:33
  on,
• 46:34
  like,
• 46:34
  Saturday
• 46:35
  night?
• 46:35
  Just
• 46:35
  mixing
• 46:36
  it
• 46:36
  up.
• 46:36
  Like,
• 46:36
  you're
• 46:37
  saying,
• 46:37
  I
• 46:38
  think
• 46:38
  there's
• 46:39
  such
• 46:39
  value
• 46:39
  in
• 46:40
  that
• 46:40
  because
• 46:40
  it
• 46:40
  breaks
• 46:41
  the
• 46:41
  monotony.
• 46:42
  And
• 46:42
  then
• 46:42
  when
• 46:42
  you
• 46:43
  go
• 46:43
  on
• 46:43
  that
• 46:43
  date,
• 46:44
  you
• 46:44
  must
• 46:45
  have
• 46:45
  dating
• 46:46
  discipline.
• 46:47
  So
• 46:47
  I
• 46:47
  learned
• 46:48
  this
• 46:48
  by
• 46:48
  a
• 46:49
  pot
• 46:49
  from
• 46:49
  a
• 46:49
  podcast
• 46:50
  guest.
• 46:50
  A
• 46:50
  guest
• 46:50
  that
• 46:50
  was
• 46:50
  on
• 46:51
  we
• 46:51
  need
• 46:51
  to
• 46:51
  Talk.
• 46:52
  She
• 46:52
  was
• 46:52
  riveting.
• 46:53
  She
• 46:53
  talked
• 46:54
  about
• 46:54
  the
• 46:54
  problem
• 46:55
  with
• 46:55
  date
• 46:55
  night
• 46:56
  is
• 46:56
  that
• 46:56
  most
• 46:57
  of
• 46:57
  us
• 46:57
  do
• 46:57
  it
• 46:57
  and
• 46:58
  we
• 46:58
  act
• 46:58
  like
• 46:58
  it's
• 46:58
  at
• 46:59
  our
• 46:59
  dinner
• 46:59
  table.
• 47:00
  We
• 47:00
  have
• 47:00
  the
• 47:01
  same
• 47:01
  conversations
• 47:02
  that
• 47:02
  we
• 47:02
  have
• 47:02
  at
• 47:03
  our
• 47:03
  dinner
• 47:03
  table,
• 47:04
  and
• 47:05
  so
• 47:05
  we
• 47:05
  have
• 47:05
  the
• 47:05
  same
• 47:06
  outcome.
• 47:07
  You
• 47:07
  cannot
• 47:08
  talk
• 47:08
  about
• 47:08
  housekeeping
• 47:09
  on
• 47:09
  date
• 47:09
  night.
• 47:10
  Not
• 47:10
  one
• 47:11
  to
• 47:11
  do,
• 47:12
  not
• 47:13
  one
• 47:13
  gripe,
• 47:14
  not
• 47:14
  one.
• 47:15
  Nothing
• 47:16
  like
• 47:16
  that.
• 47:17
  Or
• 47:17
  it's
• 47:17
  not
• 47:18
  date
• 47:18
  night.
• 47:19
  It's
• 47:20
  not
• 47:20
  date
• 47:20
  night.
• 47:21
  And
• 47:21
  you
• 47:21
  have
• 47:22
  to
• 47:22
  go
• 47:22
  to
• 47:22
  date
• 47:23
  night
• 47:23
  with
• 47:23
  content
• 47:24
  in
• 47:24
  mind.
• 47:25
  You
• 47:25
  cannot
• 47:26
  just
• 47:26
  accept,
• 47:26
  expect
• 47:27
  pros
• 47:28
  to
• 47:28
  pour
• 47:28
  out
• 47:28
  of
• 47:29
  your
• 47:29
  mouth
• 47:29
  organically.
• 47:30
  When
• 47:31
  you
• 47:31
  have
• 47:31
  been
• 47:31
  living
• 47:32
  a
• 47:32
  hustling
• 47:33
  life
• 47:33
  with
• 47:34
  your
• 47:34
  partner
• 47:35
  for
• 47:35
  a
• 47:35
  decade
• 47:36
  or
• 47:36
  more,
• 47:36
  you
• 47:37
  just
• 47:37
  can't
• 47:37
  expect
• 47:38
  that.
• 47:38
  That's
• 47:38
  an
• 47:39
  unrealistic
• 47:39
  expectation.
• 47:40
  So
• 47:41
  you're
• 47:41
  collecting
• 47:42
  stories
• 47:42
  throughout
• 47:43
  the
• 47:43
  week,
• 47:43
  little
• 47:44
  ones
• 47:45
  to
• 47:45
  share
• 47:46
  with
• 47:46
  your
• 47:47
  partner.
• 47:48
  And
• 47:48
  not
• 47:48
  only
• 47:48
  that,
• 47:49
  you're
• 47:49
  collecting
• 47:50
  questions
• 47:51
  to
• 47:51
  ask
• 47:51
  your
• 47:52
  partner.
• 47:53
  Because
• 47:53
  everyone
• 47:54
  wants
• 47:54
  to
• 47:54
  feel
• 47:55
  like
• 47:55
  they
• 47:56
  can
• 47:56
  reinv.
• 47:57
  First
• 47:57
  of
• 47:58
  all,
• 47:58
  our
• 47:58
  partners
• 47:58
  change
• 47:59
  over
• 47:59
  time,
• 47:59
  and
• 47:59
  we
• 47:59
  don't
• 48:00
  see
• 48:00
  their
• 48:00
  change.
• 48:01
  That's
• 48:01
  part
• 48:01
  of
• 48:01
  what
• 48:01
  deadens
• 48:02
  our
• 48:03
  sex
• 48:03
  life
• 48:04
  is
• 48:05
  that
• 48:05
  our
• 48:05
  partners
• 48:06
  start
• 48:06
  feeling
• 48:07
  locked
• 48:07
  into
• 48:08
  a
• 48:08
  branding
• 48:09
  that
• 48:09
  they
• 48:09
  embodied
• 48:10
  20
• 48:10
  years
• 48:11
  ago,
• 48:11
  30
• 48:11
  years
• 48:12
  ago,
• 48:12
  10
• 48:13
  years
• 48:13
  ago,
• 48:13
  that.
• 48:14
  That
• 48:14
  is
• 48:14
  not
• 48:14
  reflective
• 48:15
  of
• 48:15
  who
• 48:15
  they
• 48:15
  are
• 48:15
  anymore.
• 48:16
  If
• 48:16
  they
• 48:16
  were
• 48:16
  to
• 48:17
  meet
• 48:17
  someone
• 48:17
  new,
• 48:18
  they
• 48:18
  would
• 48:18
  meet
• 48:18
  a
• 48:18
  different
• 48:19
  version
• 48:19
  of
• 48:19
  them
• 48:19
  than
• 48:20
  the
• 48:20
  one
• 48:20
  that
• 48:20
  we
• 48:20
  think
• 48:20
  we're
• 48:21
  married
• 48:21
  to.
• 48:23
  So
• 48:23
  that's.
• 48:24
  That's
• 48:24
  part
• 48:25
  of
• 48:25
  it.
• 48:25
  That's
• 48:26
  why
• 48:26
  you
• 48:26
  have
• 48:26
  to
• 48:27
  ask
• 48:27
  your
• 48:27
  partner
• 48:28
  questions
• 48:28
  as
• 48:29
  if
• 48:29
  you
• 48:29
  don't
• 48:29
  know
• 48:30
  them.
• 48:30
  I
• 48:30
  mean,
• 48:30
  and
• 48:31
  I'm
• 48:31
  not
• 48:31
  saying
• 48:31
  role
• 48:31
  playing,
• 48:32
  but
• 48:32
  role
• 48:32
  playing's
• 48:33
  hot.
• 48:33
  Do
• 48:33
  that.
• 48:33
  But
• 48:34
  I'm
• 48:34
  saying,
• 48:34
  like,
• 48:35
  just
• 48:35
  ask
• 48:36
  them,
• 48:37
  how
• 48:37
  did
• 48:37
  you
• 48:37
  feel
• 48:38
  about.
• 48:38
  Ask
• 48:39
  them
• 48:39
  about
• 48:39
  something.
• 48:41
  What
• 48:41
  surprised
• 48:41
  you
• 48:41
  about
• 48:42
  your
• 48:42
  week
• 48:42
  this
• 48:42
  week?
• 48:43
  What
• 48:43
  was
• 48:44
  surprising
• 48:44
  to
• 48:44
  you
• 48:45
  about
• 48:45
  your
• 48:45
  week
• 48:45
  this
• 48:45
  week?
• 48:46
  Or
• 48:47
  what'd
• 48:47
  you
• 48:47
  learn
• 48:48
  this
• 48:48
  week?
• 48:49
  What
• 48:49
  was
• 48:49
  your
• 48:49
  favorite
• 48:50
  moment
• 48:50
  this
• 48:50
  week?
• 48:51
  What
• 48:51
  was
• 48:51
  a
• 48:51
  scary
• 48:52
  moment
• 48:52
  this
• 48:53
  week?
• 48:53
  What
• 48:53
  was
• 48:54
  a
• 48:54
  moment
• 48:54
  where
• 48:54
  you
• 48:54
  felt
• 48:55
  insecure
• 48:55
  and
• 48:56
  then
• 48:56
  ask
• 48:56
  about
• 48:56
  it
• 48:57
  without
• 48:57
  filling
• 48:57
  in
• 48:58
  the
• 48:58
  blanks?
• 48:58
  That's
• 48:58
  what
• 48:59
  we
• 48:59
  do
• 49:00
  in
• 49:00
  long
• 49:00
  term
• 49:00
  relationships.
• 49:01
  They
• 49:01
  don't
• 49:02
  get
• 49:02
  half
• 49:02
  the
• 49:02
  thought
• 49:02
  out
• 49:03
  of
• 49:03
  their
• 49:03
  mouth.
• 49:03
  Especially
• 49:04
  if
• 49:04
  you're
• 49:04
  heterosexual
• 49:05
  and
• 49:05
  you're
• 49:05
  a
• 49:05
  woman
• 49:06
  and
• 49:06
  it's
• 49:06
  a
• 49:06
  guy.
• 49:07
  Because
• 49:07
  they
• 49:07
  don't
• 49:07
  talk
• 49:08
  fast
• 49:08
  enough.
• 49:08
  Right?
• 49:09
  So
• 49:10
  we
• 49:10
  fill
• 49:10
  in
• 49:10
  the
• 49:10
  blanks.
• 49:11
  And
• 49:11
  we're
• 49:11
  socialized
• 49:12
  that
• 49:13
  that's
• 49:13
  reinforced
• 49:14
  in
• 49:14
  us.
• 49:14
  We're
• 49:15
  socialized
• 49:15
  that
• 49:16
  when
• 49:16
  we
• 49:16
  know
• 49:16
  each
• 49:16
  other,
• 49:17
  we
• 49:17
  should
• 49:17
  be
• 49:17
  able
• 49:17
  to
• 49:17
  fill
• 49:18
  in
• 49:18
  the
• 49:18
  blanks
• 49:18
  for
• 49:19
  each.
• 49:19
  And
• 49:20
  there's
• 49:20
  a
• 49:20
  negative
• 49:21
  outcome
• 49:22
  from
• 49:22
  that.
• 49:23
  And
• 49:23
  that
• 49:23
  is
• 49:24
  that
• 49:24
  we
• 49:24
  don't
• 49:24
  really
• 49:25
  get
• 49:25
  to
• 49:25
  hear
• 49:25
  their
• 49:25
  full
• 49:26
  answers.
• 49:26
  So
• 49:26
  they
• 49:26
  never
• 49:27
  really
• 49:27
  get
• 49:28
  to
• 49:28
  reinvent
• 49:28
  themselves
• 49:29
  with
• 49:29
  us
• 49:30
  over
• 49:30
  time.
• 49:31
  And
• 49:31
  so
• 49:31
  you
• 49:32
  have
• 49:32
  to
• 49:32
  ask
• 49:32
  the
• 49:32
  questions
• 49:33
  and
• 49:33
  shut
• 49:33
  the
• 49:34
  fuck
• 49:34
  up.
• 49:34
  You
• 49:35
  have
• 49:35
  to
• 49:35
  shut
• 49:35
  up.
• 49:36
  And
• 49:36
  I
• 49:36
  know
• 49:36
  it's
• 49:37
  hard.
• 49:37
  I'm
• 49:37
  dying
• 49:38
  to
• 49:38
  talk.
• 49:38
  Obviously.
• 49:39
  I've
• 49:39
  been
• 49:39
  in
• 49:39
  a
• 49:39
  running
• 49:40
  monologue
• 49:40
  since
• 49:41
  you
• 49:41
  said
• 49:41
  hello.
• 49:42
  I
• 49:43
  will.
• 49:43
  I
• 49:43
  have
• 49:43
  a
• 49:43
  podcast
• 49:44
  because
• 49:44
  I
• 49:44
  have
• 49:45
  such
• 49:45
  a
• 49:45
  profound
• 49:46
  need
• 49:46
  to
• 49:46
  hear
• 49:46
  myself
• 49:47
  speak.
• 49:48
  I
• 49:48
  can't
• 49:49
  even
• 49:49
  tell
• 49:49
  you.
• 49:50
  But
• 49:50
  you
• 49:50
  have
• 49:51
  to
• 49:51
  be
• 49:51
  quiet
• 49:52
  after
• 49:52
  you
• 49:53
  ask
• 49:53
  the
• 49:53
  question
• 49:54
  and
• 49:54
  just
• 49:55
  hold
• 49:55
  space
• 49:56
  for
• 49:56
  them
• 49:57
  and
• 49:57
  let
• 49:57
  them
• 49:58
  answer,
• 49:58
  right?
• 49:59
  And
• 49:59
  then
• 49:59
  like
• 49:59
  ask
• 50:00
  follow
• 50:00
  up
• 50:00
  questions
• 50:01
  like,
• 50:02
  based
• 50:02
  on
• 50:02
  that.
• 50:03
  That'll
• 50:03
  get
• 50:03
  them
• 50:03
  deeper
• 50:04
  and
• 50:04
  deeper
• 50:04
  and
• 50:05
  deeper
• 50:06
  and
• 50:06
  that'll
• 50:06
  get
• 50:06
  you
• 50:07
  some
• 50:07
  of
• 50:07
  your
• 50:08
  emotional
• 50:08
  intimacy
• 50:09
  if
• 50:09
  you're
• 50:09
  a
• 50:09
  woman.
• 50:10
  Most
• 50:11
  men
• 50:11
  don't
• 50:11
  need
• 50:11
  that.
• 50:12
  Most
• 50:12
  men
• 50:13
  don't
• 50:13
  need
• 50:13
  that.
• 50:13
  I'm
• 50:14
  going
• 50:14
  to
• 50:14
  be
• 50:14
  honest
• 50:14
  with
• 50:14
  you.
• 50:15
  They
• 50:15
  don't
• 50:15
  really
• 50:15
  need
• 50:15
  that.
• 50:16
  They're
• 50:17
  visual,
• 50:17
  they're
• 50:18
  easier.
• 50:20
  That
• 50:20
  might
• 50:20
  turn
• 50:21
  you
• 50:21
  on.
• 50:21
  And
• 50:22
  what
• 50:22
  will
• 50:23
  turn
• 50:23
  him
• 50:23
  on?
• 50:24
  Do
• 50:24
  it
• 50:24
  differently
• 50:25
  in
• 50:25
  the
• 50:25
  bedroom.
• 50:27
  Don't
• 50:27
  follow
• 50:27
  the
• 50:28
  choreography.
• 50:29
  And
• 50:29
  if
• 50:29
  you're
• 50:30
  used
• 50:30
  to
• 50:30
  following
• 50:31
  his
• 50:32
  choreography
• 50:33
  or
• 50:33
  her
• 50:33
  choreography
• 50:34
  or
• 50:34
  their
• 50:34
  choreography,
• 50:35
  run
• 50:36
  interference,
• 50:37
  pull
• 50:37
  a
• 50:37
  power
• 50:37
  play,
• 50:38
  say,
• 50:39
  nope,
• 50:40
  it's
• 50:40
  going
• 50:40
  to
• 50:40
  go
• 50:40
  different
• 50:41
  tonight.
• 50:42
  And
• 50:42
  do
• 50:42
  it
• 50:42
  differently.
• 50:43
  Breach
• 50:44
  the
• 50:44
  choreography.
• 50:45
  Freestyle.
• 50:46
  Freestyle,
• 50:47
  I
• 50:47
  love
• 50:47
  it.
• 50:49
  You
• 50:49
  might
• 50:49
  even
• 50:49
  like
• 50:50
  do
• 50:50
  a
• 50:50
  little
• 50:50
  freestyle
• 50:51
  while
• 50:51
  you're
• 50:51
  doing
• 50:51
  it,
• 50:51
  you
• 50:52
  know?
• 50:54
  No.
• 50:54
  There's
• 50:55
  such
• 50:55
  value
• 50:55
  in
• 50:56
  that.
• 50:56
  I
• 50:56
  love
• 50:56
  what
• 50:56
  you
• 50:57
  said
• 50:57
  about
• 50:58
  doing
• 50:58
  date
• 50:58
  night,
• 50:59
  but
• 50:59
  not
• 50:59
  talking
• 51:00
  about
• 51:00
  the
• 51:01
  mundane,
• 51:02
  boring
• 51:03
  shit
• 51:03
  that
• 51:03
  we
• 51:04
  all
• 51:04
  experience,
• 51:05
  you
• 51:05
  know,
• 51:05
  day
• 51:06
  in,
• 51:06
  day
• 51:06
  out,
• 51:07
  really
• 51:07
  changing
• 51:08
  it
• 51:08
  up
• 51:08
  and
• 51:08
  have
• 51:09
  good
• 51:09
  dating
• 51:09
  hygiene.
• 51:10
  Like
• 51:11
  did
• 51:11
  good
• 51:11
  dating
• 51:12
  conversation
• 51:13
  hygiene.
• 51:13
  You
• 51:13
  know,
• 51:14
  there's
• 51:14
  a
• 51:15
  difference,
• 51:15
  right?
• 51:16
  If
• 51:16
  you're
• 51:16
  going
• 51:16
  on
• 51:16
  a
• 51:17
  date
• 51:17
  with
• 51:17
  some
• 51:18
  person
• 51:18
  you
• 51:19
  know,
• 51:19
  you've
• 51:19
  known
• 51:19
  for
• 51:20
  six
• 51:20
  months,
• 51:20
  your
• 51:21
  conversation
• 51:21
  is
• 51:21
  going
• 51:22
  to
• 51:22
  be
• 51:22
  a
• 51:22
  lot
• 51:22
  different
• 51:22
  than
• 51:22
  when
• 51:23
  you
• 51:23
  go
• 51:23
  on
• 51:23
  a
• 51:23
  date
• 51:24
  with
• 51:24
  somebody
• 51:24
  you've
• 51:25
  been
• 51:25
  with
• 51:25
  for
• 51:25
  20
• 51:25
  years.
• 51:26
  You
• 51:26
  don't
• 51:26
  get
• 51:26
  to
• 51:27
  vent.
• 51:27
  You
• 51:28
  don't
• 51:28
  get
• 51:28
  to
• 51:29
  vent.
• 51:29
  And
• 51:29
  when
• 51:29
  you
• 51:30
  don't
• 51:30
  get
• 51:30
  to
• 51:30
  vent,
• 51:31
  in
• 51:32
  the
• 51:32
  space
• 51:34
  comes
• 51:34
  positivity.
• 51:35
  You
• 51:36
  don't
• 51:36
  have
• 51:36
  to
• 51:36
  express
• 51:37
  every
• 51:38
  complaint
• 51:39
  about
• 51:39
  your
• 51:39
  day
• 51:39
  or
• 51:40
  your
• 51:40
  week
• 51:40
  to
• 51:40
  your
• 51:41
  partner.
• 51:42
  You
• 51:42
  don't
• 51:42
  have
• 51:43
  to.
• 51:44
  There
• 51:44
  are
• 51:44
  people
• 51:44
  you
• 51:44
  can
• 51:45
  hire,
• 51:45
  like
• 51:46
  me,
• 51:47
  who
• 51:47
  are
• 51:47
  happy
• 51:48
  to
• 51:48
  hold
• 51:48
  space
• 51:49
  for
• 51:49
  that,
• 51:49
  provided
• 51:50
  that
• 51:50
  it's
• 51:50
  getting
• 51:51
  you
• 51:51
  closer
• 51:51
  to
• 51:52
  a
• 51:52
  therapy
• 51:52
  goal.
• 51:52
  And
• 51:53
  it's
• 51:53
  not
• 51:53
  just
• 51:53
  you
• 51:53
  venting
• 51:54
  every
• 51:55
  week,
• 51:55
  you
• 51:56
  know,
• 51:56
  without
• 51:56
  a
• 51:56
  purpose.
• 51:57
  Venting
• 51:57
  without
• 51:58
  a
• 51:58
  purpose
• 51:58
  is
• 51:58
  a
• 51:58
  waste
• 51:59
  of
• 51:59
  money
• 51:59
  and
• 51:59
  time.
• 51:59
  Them.
• 52:00
  I'm
• 52:00
  not
• 52:00
  a
• 52:00
  fan
• 52:00
  of
• 52:01
  that.
• 52:01
  But,
• 52:02
  you
• 52:03
  know,
• 52:03
  don't
• 52:04
  use
• 52:04
  your
• 52:05
  partner
• 52:05
  as
• 52:06
  a
• 52:06
  shrink.
• 52:07
  It's
• 52:07
  not
• 52:07
  an
• 52:08
  appropriate
• 52:08
  use
• 52:08
  of
• 52:08
  their
• 52:09
  skills.
• 52:09
  You
• 52:09
  rob
• 52:10
  the
• 52:10
  romance
• 52:11
  from
• 52:11
  your
• 52:11
  relationship
• 52:12
  when
• 52:12
  you
• 52:12
  do
• 52:12
  that.
• 52:13
  And
• 52:13
  frankly,
• 52:13
  they
• 52:14
  didn't
• 52:14
  ask
• 52:14
  for
• 52:14
  that
• 52:14
  job.
• 52:15
  No,
• 52:17
  it's
• 52:17
  not
• 52:17
  sexy
• 52:18
  either.
• 52:19
  No,
• 52:19
  no.
• 52:20
  They're
• 52:20
  like,
• 52:21
  stop
• 52:21
  now.
• 52:23
  Don't
• 52:23
  want
• 52:23
  to
• 52:23
  hear
• 52:24
  it.
• 52:24
  And
• 52:24
  they
• 52:24
  shouldn't
• 52:25
  have
• 52:25
  to
• 52:25
  hear
• 52:25
  it,
• 52:25
  you
• 52:26
  know,
• 52:26
  all
• 52:26
  the
• 52:26
  time.
• 52:27
  And
• 52:27
  the
• 52:27
  minute
• 52:27
  they
• 52:27
  say
• 52:28
  stop
• 52:28
  now,
• 52:29
  we
• 52:29
  feel
• 52:29
  hurt,
• 52:31
  we
• 52:31
  feel
• 52:32
  ruptured,
• 52:33
  we
• 52:33
  feel
• 52:34
  shut
• 52:34
  down.
• 52:35
  We
• 52:35
  feel
• 52:36
  like
• 52:36
  they
• 52:36
  don't
• 52:36
  want
• 52:37
  to
• 52:37
  be
• 52:37
  a
• 52:37
  part
• 52:37
  of
• 52:37
  our
• 52:38
  life,
• 52:39
  but
• 52:39
  really
• 52:40
  we're
• 52:40
  asking
• 52:41
  them
• 52:41
  to
• 52:41
  step
• 52:41
  into
• 52:41
  a
• 52:42
  role
• 52:42
  that
• 52:42
  they
• 52:42
  don't
• 52:43
  have
• 52:43
  to
• 52:43
  occupy
• 52:44
  all
• 52:44
  the
• 52:44
  time.
• 52:45
  That's
• 52:45
  true.
• 52:45
  That's
• 52:46
  such
• 52:46
  a
• 52:46
  good
• 52:46
  point.
• 52:46
  You
• 52:47
  know,
• 52:47
  they
• 52:47
  didn't
• 52:47
  ask
• 52:47
  for
• 52:48
  this.
• 52:48
  No,
• 52:49
  that's
• 52:49
  true.
• 52:50
  And
• 52:50
  that's
• 52:50
  also
• 52:50
  what
• 52:50
  I
• 52:50
  feel
• 52:51
  like
• 52:51
  good
• 52:51
  girlfriends
• 52:52
  are
• 52:52
  for,
• 52:52
  you
• 52:52
  know,
• 52:52
  or
• 52:53
  good
• 52:53
  friends,
• 52:53
  you
• 52:54
  know?
• 52:54
  Right.
• 52:54
  Like
• 52:54
  you
• 52:55
  vent
• 52:55
  to
• 52:55
  your
• 52:55
  friends,
• 52:56
  you
• 52:56
  know,
• 52:56
  that's
• 52:57
  like
• 52:57
  a
• 52:57
  fun,
• 52:58
  you
• 52:58
  know,
• 52:58
  back
• 52:59
  and
• 52:59
  forth.
• 52:59
  You're
• 52:59
  getting
• 53:00
  a
• 53:00
  different
• 53:00
  perspective.
• 53:01
  Sometimes
• 53:01
  your
• 53:01
  partner
• 53:02
  just.
• 53:03
  It's
• 53:03
  not.
• 53:03
  It's
• 53:04
  not.
• 53:04
  It's
• 53:04
  not.
• 53:04
  It.
• 53:05
  And
• 53:05
  the
• 53:05
  reason
• 53:05
  we
• 53:06
  can
• 53:06
  hold
• 53:06
  space
• 53:06
  for
• 53:07
  our
• 53:07
  girlfriends
• 53:07
  who
• 53:08
  vent
• 53:08
  is
• 53:08
  we
• 53:09
  don't
• 53:09
  have
• 53:09
  to
• 53:09
  then
• 53:09
  sleep
• 53:10
  with
• 53:10
  them.
• 53:10
  We
• 53:11
  get
• 53:11
  off
• 53:11
  the
• 53:12
  phone
• 53:12
  with
• 53:12
  them
• 53:12
  or
• 53:13
  end
• 53:13
  the
• 53:13
  dinner
• 53:14
  or
• 53:14
  end
• 53:14
  the
• 53:15
  lunch
• 53:15
  or
• 53:15
  the
• 53:15
  drink,
• 53:16
  and
• 53:16
  we
• 53:16
  get
• 53:16
  away
• 53:17
  from
• 53:17
  them.
• 53:17
  Our
• 53:18
  partner
• 53:18
  doesn't
• 53:18
  get
• 53:18
  away
• 53:19
  from
• 53:19
  us.
• 53:20
  And
• 53:20
  that's
• 53:20
  why
• 53:20
  shrinks
• 53:21
  can
• 53:21
  hold
• 53:21
  space
• 53:22
  for
• 53:22
  you,
• 53:23
  because
• 53:23
  we
• 53:23
  definitely
• 53:24
  get
• 53:24
  away
• 53:24
  from
• 53:24
  you.
• 53:25
  Yes,
• 53:25
  it's
• 53:25
  true.
• 53:25
  It's
• 53:26
  that.
• 53:26
  That
• 53:26
  one
• 53:27
  hour
• 53:27
  of
• 53:28
  just
• 53:28
  solid
• 53:29
  conversation
• 53:30
  and
• 53:30
  listening
• 53:31
  like
• 53:31
  it
• 53:32
  is.
• 53:32
  I
• 53:32
  think
• 53:32
  everybody.
• 53:33
  I
• 53:33
  mean,
• 53:33
  honestly,
• 53:33
  I
• 53:34
  do
• 53:34
  think
• 53:34
  everybody
• 53:34
  should
• 53:35
  have
• 53:35
  a
• 53:35
  therapist.
• 53:35
  It's.
• 53:36
  It's
• 53:37
  life
• 53:37
  changing.
• 53:38
  Including
• 53:38
  the
• 53:39
  therapists.
• 53:39
  Yeah,
• 53:40
  right.
• 53:41
  I
• 53:41
  bet
• 53:42
  for
• 53:42
  you,
• 53:42
  too,
• 53:42
  right?
• 53:43
  I
• 53:43
  mean,
• 53:43
  are
• 53:44
  you
• 53:44
  kidding
• 53:44
  me?
• 53:45
  You
• 53:45
  can
• 53:45
  tell
• 53:46
  the
• 53:46
  difference
• 53:46
  between
• 53:47
  a
• 53:47
  therapist
• 53:47
  who
• 53:47
  is
• 53:48
  in
• 53:48
  their
• 53:48
  own
• 53:48
  therapy
• 53:49
  and
• 53:49
  one
• 53:49
  who
• 53:49
  is
• 53:49
  not.
• 53:51
  You
• 53:51
  can
• 53:51
  tell
• 53:51
  the
• 53:52
  difference.
• 53:52
  They're
• 53:53
  not
• 53:53
  grow.
• 53:53
  You
• 53:54
  should
• 53:54
  never.
• 53:55
  I
• 53:55
  don't
• 53:55
  want
• 53:55
  to
• 53:55
  say
• 53:55
  you
• 53:56
  should
• 53:56
  never
• 53:56
  be
• 53:56
  able
• 53:56
  to
• 53:56
  outgrow
• 53:57
  your
• 53:57
  therapist,
• 53:58
  but
• 53:58
  I
• 53:58
  don't.
• 53:58
  I
• 53:59
  would.
• 53:59
  I
• 54:00
  always
• 54:00
  endeavor
• 54:01
  to
• 54:01
  not
• 54:02
  have
• 54:02
  my
• 54:03
  clients
• 54:03
  outgrow
• 54:04
  me
• 54:05
  because
• 54:05
  I'm
• 54:05
  trying
• 54:06
  to
• 54:06
  grow
• 54:06
  the
• 54:06
  whole
• 54:07
  time.
• 54:08
  I
• 54:08
  have
• 54:09
  definitely
• 54:09
  funded
• 54:10
  a
• 54:10
  Hamptons
• 54:10
  house
• 54:11
  for
• 54:12
  at
• 54:12
  least
• 54:12
  one
• 54:12
  shrink.
• 54:13
  Maybe
• 54:14
  not
• 54:14
  ocean
• 54:15
  front,
• 54:16
  but
• 54:16
  ocean
• 54:17
  view.
• 54:18
  I
• 54:18
  mean,
• 54:18
  and
• 54:18
  I'm
• 54:19
  always
• 54:19
  going
• 54:19
  to
• 54:19
  be
• 54:19
  in
• 54:19
  therapy.
• 54:21
  I'm
• 54:21
  always
• 54:22
  going
• 54:22
  to
• 54:22
  be
• 54:22
  in
• 54:22
  therapy.
• 54:23
  Isn't
• 54:23
  that
• 54:23
  interesting?
• 54:24
  I
• 54:24
  do
• 54:24
  think
• 54:24
  it's.
• 54:25
  I
• 54:25
  mean,
• 54:25
  it's
• 54:25
  for
• 54:25
  everybody,
• 54:26
  including
• 54:26
  therapists.
• 54:27
  Like
• 54:27
  you're
• 54:27
  saying,
• 54:28
  when
• 54:28
  are
• 54:29
  you
• 54:29
  done
• 54:29
  learning?
• 54:31
  I
• 54:31
  don't
• 54:32
  know.
• 54:32
  I'll
• 54:32
  let
• 54:33
  you
• 54:33
  know.
• 54:33
  Exactly.
• 54:34
  Hopefully
• 54:35
  we
• 54:35
  never
• 54:35
  stop
• 54:35
  learning.
• 54:36
  Right.
• 54:36
  So
• 54:37
  if
• 54:38
  someone
• 54:38
  at
• 54:38
  home
• 54:38
  is
• 54:39
  listening
• 54:39
  and
• 54:40
  they're
• 54:40
  trying
• 54:40
  to
• 54:40
  rebuild
• 54:41
  their
• 54:42
  life
• 54:42
  right
• 54:42
  now,
• 54:43
  Whether
• 54:43
  it
• 54:43
  be
• 54:43
  through
• 54:44
  friendships,
• 54:44
  dating,
• 54:45
  I
• 54:45
  mean,
• 54:45
  everything,
• 54:46
  career.
• 54:47
  What
• 54:47
  is
• 54:48
  one
• 54:48
  thing
• 54:48
  that
• 54:48
  they
• 54:49
  should
• 54:49
  not
• 54:49
  compromise
• 54:50
  on
• 54:50
  anymore?
• 54:52
  That's
• 54:52
  such
• 54:52
  a
• 54:52
  good
• 54:53
  question.
• 54:54
  Ask
• 54:54
  yourself,
• 54:56
  do
• 54:56
  I
• 54:56
  get
• 54:57
  to
• 54:57
  grow
• 54:57
  in
• 54:57
  this
• 54:57
  area
• 54:58
  of
• 54:58
  my
• 54:58
  life,
• 54:59
  or
• 54:59
  do
• 55:00
  I
• 55:00
  feel
• 55:00
  compelled
• 55:01
  to
• 55:01
  stay
• 55:02
  a
• 55:02
  certain
• 55:03
  shape,
• 55:04
  size,
• 55:04
  or
• 55:05
  version
• 55:05
  of
• 55:05
  myself?
• 55:08
  If
• 55:08
  you're
• 55:09
  not
• 55:11
  feeling
• 55:11
  permission
• 55:12
  to
• 55:13
  continuously
• 55:14
  grow
• 55:14
  in
• 55:15
  whichever
• 55:15
  area
• 55:16
  of
• 55:16
  your
• 55:16
  life
• 55:16
  you're
• 55:16
  reevaluating
• 55:17
  on,
• 55:18
  that's
• 55:19
  a
• 55:20
  price
• 55:20
  of
• 55:20
  admission
• 55:20
  that
• 55:21
  I
• 55:21
  think
• 55:21
  is
• 55:21
  too
• 55:21
  high.
• 55:21
  And
• 55:22
  I
• 55:22
  don't
• 55:22
  think
• 55:22
  you
• 55:22
  should
• 55:23
  compromise
• 55:23
  on
• 55:23
  it.
• 55:25
  Because
• 55:25
  if
• 55:25
  you
• 55:25
  don't
• 55:26
  get
• 55:26
  to
• 55:26
  grow,
• 55:27
  then
• 55:28
  that
• 55:28
  means
• 55:28
  that
• 55:29
  you're
• 55:29
  maintaining
• 55:31
  a
• 55:31
  shape,
• 55:31
  a
• 55:32
  size,
• 55:32
  a
• 55:32
  version
• 55:33
  of
• 55:33
  yourself
• 55:34
  to
• 55:34
  make
• 55:35
  somebody
• 55:35
  else
• 55:35
  comfortable.
• 55:36
  And
• 55:37
  that,
• 55:38
  over
• 55:38
  time,
• 55:39
  bleeds
• 55:40
  you
• 55:40
  of
• 55:41
  your
• 55:41
  life
• 55:41
  force.
• 55:42
  And
• 55:43
  that's
• 55:43
  not
• 55:43
  okay
• 55:44
  with
• 55:44
  me.
• 55:44
  But
• 55:45
  what
• 55:45
  do
• 55:45
  you
• 55:45
  say
• 55:45
  to
• 55:45
  a
• 55:46
  woman
• 55:46
  that
• 55:46
  feels
• 55:46
  stuck?
• 55:47
  What
• 55:47
  if
• 55:47
  she's
• 55:48
  like,
• 55:48
  I
• 55:49
  don't
• 55:49
  know
• 55:49
  what
• 55:49
  I'm
• 55:49
  doing.
• 55:49
  I
• 55:50
  don't
• 55:50
  know
• 55:50
  how
• 55:50
  to
• 55:50
  change.
• 55:51
  Like,
• 55:51
  I
• 55:51
  don't
• 55:51
  know
• 55:52
  what
• 55:52
  to
• 55:52
  go
• 55:53
  for,
• 55:53
  like,
• 55:53
  what
• 55:53
  to
• 55:53
  do?
• 55:54
  Basically,
• 55:55
  what
• 55:55
  would
• 55:55
  you
• 55:55
  say
• 55:56
  to
• 55:56
  her?
• 55:56
  Is
• 55:57
  it
• 55:57
  too
• 55:57
  simplistic
• 55:58
  to
• 55:58
  say,
• 55:58
  go
• 55:58
  find
• 55:59
  a
• 55:59
  therapist
• 56:00
  who
• 56:00
  can
• 56:00
  help
• 56:00
  you
• 56:01
  explore
• 56:02
  what's
• 56:03
  getting
• 56:03
  in
• 56:03
  the
• 56:03
  way
• 56:03
  of
• 56:04
  your
• 56:04
  inability
• 56:05
  to
• 56:05
  change?
• 56:05
  Because
• 56:06
  the
• 56:06
  thing
• 56:06
  that
• 56:06
  is
• 56:06
  stopping
• 56:07
  one
• 56:08
  person
• 56:08
  is
• 56:08
  going
• 56:09
  to
• 56:09
  be
• 56:09
  different
• 56:09
  from
• 56:09
  what's
• 56:10
  stopping
• 56:10
  another
• 56:11
  person.
• 56:12
  And
• 56:13
  I
• 56:13
  hate
• 56:14
  canned
• 56:14
  responses.
• 56:15
  I
• 56:15
  also
• 56:16
  love
• 56:16
  a
• 56:16
  good
• 56:16
  sound
• 56:17
  bite,
• 56:17
  and
• 56:17
  I'm
• 56:18
  not
• 56:18
  landing
• 56:18
  on
• 56:18
  one
• 56:19
  for
• 56:19
  you
• 56:19
  right
• 56:19
  now,
• 56:20
  if
• 56:21
  I'm
• 56:21
  going
• 56:21
  to
• 56:21
  be
• 56:21
  completely
• 56:22
  honest.
• 56:23
  I.
• 56:24
  I
• 56:24
  think
• 56:24
  that
• 56:26
  we
• 56:27
  all
• 56:27
  feel
• 56:27
  stuck
• 56:28
  in
• 56:28
  life
• 56:29
  at
• 56:29
  different
• 56:30
  moments
• 56:30
  and
• 56:30
  in
• 56:31
  different
• 56:31
  areas
• 56:31
  of
• 56:32
  our
• 56:32
  life.
• 56:32
  And
• 56:32
  being
• 56:32
  stuck
• 56:33
  is
• 56:33
  okay.
• 56:35
  But
• 56:35
  if
• 56:35
  being
• 56:36
  stuck
• 56:36
  begins
• 56:37
  to
• 56:37
  feel
• 56:38
  like
• 56:40
  your
• 56:40
  status
• 56:42
  over
• 56:42
  time,
• 56:44
  then
• 56:45
  I
• 56:45
  don't
• 56:45
  know
• 56:45
  if
• 56:45
  that's
• 56:46
  being
• 56:46
  stuck
• 56:46
  anymore.
• 56:47
  I
• 56:47
  think
• 56:47
  that
• 56:47
  that
• 56:48
  just
• 56:48
  might
• 56:48
  be
• 56:48
  an
• 56:48
  excuse
• 56:50
  to
• 56:51
  stay
• 56:51
  safe.
• 56:52
  And
• 56:52
  I
• 56:52
  think
• 56:52
  being
• 56:53
  stuck
• 56:54
  insulates
• 56:55
  you
• 56:55
  and
• 56:55
  protects
• 56:56
  you
• 56:57
  from
• 56:58
  the
• 56:58
  fear
• 56:59
  of
• 57:00
  what
• 57:00
  you
• 57:00
  imagine
• 57:01
  change
• 57:01
  will
• 57:01
  require.
• 57:03
  Change
• 57:03
  is
• 57:04
  scary.
• 57:05
  Change
• 57:05
  is
• 57:06
  scary.
• 57:07
  It
• 57:07
  is
• 57:07
  terrifying.
• 57:09
  It
• 57:09
  is
• 57:09
  hard
• 57:09
  enough
• 57:10
  to
• 57:10
  do
• 57:10
  when
• 57:10
  you
• 57:11
  are
• 57:11
  being
• 57:11
  held
• 57:11
  by
• 57:12
  great
• 57:13
  clinical
• 57:13
  hands
• 57:14
  or
• 57:14
  competent
• 57:15
  clinical
• 57:15
  hands.
• 57:17
  And
• 57:17
  you
• 57:17
  have
• 57:18
  to
• 57:18
  be
• 57:18
  able
• 57:18
  to
• 57:18
  change
• 57:19
  over
• 57:19
  time.
• 57:20
  Because
• 57:21
  if
• 57:22
  you
• 57:22
  can't
• 57:22
  change
• 57:23
  over
• 57:23
  time,
• 57:24
  you
• 57:24
  begin
• 57:24
  to
• 57:25
  erase
• 57:25
  yourself.
• 57:26
  You
• 57:27
  slowly
• 57:27
  dial
• 57:28
  your
• 57:28
  light
• 57:30
  down.
• 57:31
  And
• 57:33
  what
• 57:33
  that's
• 57:34
  going
• 57:34
  to
• 57:34
  look
• 57:34
  like
• 57:35
  over
• 57:35
  time
• 57:35
  is
• 57:35
  like
• 57:36
  you've
• 57:36
  abandoned
• 57:36
  yourself.
• 57:37
  You've
• 57:38
  abandoned
• 57:38
  yourself
• 57:39
  to
• 57:39
  stay
• 57:39
  comfortable.
• 57:41
  And
• 57:43
  again,
• 57:43
  I
• 57:44
  can't
• 57:44
  underscore
• 57:45
  enough.
• 57:47
  I
• 57:47
  empathize
• 57:48
  with
• 57:48
  not
• 57:49
  wanting
• 57:49
  to
• 57:49
  shake
• 57:50
  shit
• 57:50
  up.
• 57:51
  Get
• 57:51
  it.
• 57:52
  I
• 57:52
  really,
• 57:53
  really
• 57:53
  get
• 57:53
  it.
• 57:55
  But
• 57:55
  I
• 57:55
  also
• 57:56
  can't
• 57:56
  abide
• 57:56
  by
• 57:56
  it,
• 57:57
  because
• 57:58
  shaking
• 57:59
  things
• 57:59
  up
• 57:59
  has
• 58:00
  a
• 58:00
  beginning,
• 58:00
  a
• 58:00
  middle
• 58:00
  and
• 58:01
  an
• 58:01
  end,
• 58:02
  and
• 58:02
  erasing
• 58:03
  yourself
• 58:04
  doesn't.
• 58:05
  You
• 58:06
  gotta
• 58:06
  get
• 58:06
  on
• 58:06
  the
• 58:06
  other
• 58:07
  side.
• 58:08
  I
• 58:08
  feel
• 58:08
  like
• 58:08
  all
• 58:08
  too
• 58:09
  often,
• 58:09
  like,
• 58:09
  at
• 58:10
  this
• 58:10
  time,
• 58:10
  change
• 58:11
  is,
• 58:11
  like,
• 58:11
  you're
• 58:11
  saying
• 58:12
  it's
• 58:12
  so
• 58:12
  scary
• 58:12
  for
• 58:13
  people,
• 58:13
  but
• 58:14
  this
• 58:14
  is
• 58:14
  the
• 58:15
  time,
• 58:15
  like,
• 58:15
  probably
• 58:16
  the
• 58:16
  best
• 58:16
  time
• 58:17
  to
• 58:17
  make
• 58:17
  a
• 58:18
  change,
• 58:18
  I
• 58:19
  would
• 58:19
  think,
• 58:19
  you
• 58:19
  know,
• 58:20
  to
• 58:20
  really
• 58:21
  that.
• 58:21
  I
• 58:21
  think
• 58:22
  it's
• 58:22
  because
• 58:22
  we're
• 58:22
  at
• 58:23
  this
• 58:23
  sort
• 58:23
  of
• 58:23
  midpoint
• 58:24
  in
• 58:24
  life
• 58:26
  that,
• 58:26
  you
• 58:26
  know,
• 58:26
  we've
• 58:27
  had,
• 58:27
  like,
• 58:27
  lived
• 58:28
  experience,
• 58:28
  let's
• 58:28
  say,
• 58:29
  for
• 58:29
  40
• 58:29
  plus
• 58:30
  years.
• 58:30
  And
• 58:31
  now
• 58:31
  we're
• 58:31
  going
• 58:31
  into
• 58:32
  this
• 58:32
  next
• 58:32
  sort
• 58:33
  of,
• 58:33
  you
• 58:33
  know,
• 58:34
  chapter
• 58:34
  where
• 58:35
  hopefully
• 58:36
  we
• 58:36
  live
• 58:36
  for
• 58:37
  another,
• 58:37
  you
• 58:37
  know,
• 58:38
  40,
• 58:38
  50,
• 58:38
  60,
• 58:39
  what,
• 58:39
  whatever,
• 58:39
  have
• 58:40
  you
• 58:40
  years.
• 58:41
  But
• 58:41
  it's
• 58:41
  like,
• 58:41
  I
• 58:42
  feel
• 58:42
  like
• 58:42
  now
• 58:42
  is
• 58:43
  the
• 58:43
  time
• 58:44
  to
• 58:44
  really
• 58:44
  hone
• 58:45
  in
• 58:45
  on
• 58:45
  what
• 58:45
  we
• 58:46
  want
• 58:46
  and
• 58:47
  to
• 58:47
  really
• 58:47
  put
• 58:48
  into
• 58:48
  practice
• 58:49
  the
• 58:50
  things
• 58:50
  that
• 58:50
  we've
• 58:50
  maybe
• 58:51
  always
• 58:51
  thought
• 58:51
  about
• 58:51
  doing
• 58:52
  or,
• 58:53
  you
• 58:53
  know,
• 58:53
  the
• 58:53
  change
• 58:54
  that
• 58:54
  we've
• 58:54
  wanted
• 58:54
  to
• 58:55
  make.
• 58:56
  Because
• 58:56
  now
• 58:56
  it's
• 58:56
  like,
• 58:57
  you
• 58:57
  know
• 58:57
  what?
• 58:58
  Fuck
• 58:58
  it.
• 58:58
  Why
• 58:59
  not?
• 59:00
  If
• 59:00
  not
• 59:00
  now,
• 59:01
  then
• 59:01
  when?
• 59:01
  I
• 59:02
  mean,
• 59:02
  I
• 59:02
  don't
• 59:02
  think
• 59:02
  it's
• 59:03
  ever
• 59:03
  too
• 59:03
  late.
• 59:04
  You
• 59:04
  know,
• 59:04
  I
• 59:04
  really
• 59:05
  feel
• 59:05
  like
• 59:05
  there
• 59:06
  is
• 59:06
  always
• 59:06
  an
• 59:06
  opportunity
• 59:07
  to
• 59:07
  do
• 59:07
  what
• 59:07
  you
• 59:08
  want
• 59:08
  to
• 59:08
  do
• 59:08
  and
• 59:08
  change
• 59:08
  in
• 59:09
  your
• 59:09
  life,
• 59:09
  no
• 59:09
  matter
• 59:10
  how
• 59:10
  old
• 59:10
  you
• 59:10
  are.
• 59:11
  But
• 59:11
  I
• 59:11
  think,
• 59:12
  why
• 59:12
  not?
• 59:12
  Why
• 59:13
  not
• 59:13
  take
• 59:13
  this
• 59:13
  time
• 59:14
  to
• 59:14
  do
• 59:14
  it
• 59:15
  right?
• 59:15
  And
• 59:15
  no
• 59:16
  matter
• 59:16
  what
• 59:16
  age
• 59:16
  you
• 59:17
  are,
• 59:17
  there
• 59:17
  is
• 59:17
  an
• 59:18
  example
• 59:18
  of
• 59:18
  a
• 59:18
  woman
• 59:19
  who's
• 59:19
  a
• 59:19
  decade
• 59:20
  older
• 59:20
  who
• 59:20
  did
• 59:20
  it.
• 59:21
  And
• 59:22
  when
• 59:22
  you
• 59:22
  look
• 59:22
  for
• 59:23
  those
• 59:23
  examples,
• 59:24
  because
• 59:24
  what
• 59:25
  most
• 59:25
  of
• 59:25
  us
• 59:25
  do
• 59:26
  is
• 59:26
  we
• 59:26
  look
• 59:27
  around
• 59:27
  us
• 59:28
  and
• 59:28
  we
• 59:28
  see
• 59:29
  consistency,
• 59:30
  and
• 59:31
  we're
• 59:31
  like,
• 59:31
  ugh,
• 59:32
  if
• 59:32
  I
• 59:33
  shake
• 59:33
  shit
• 59:33
  up,
• 59:34
  I'm
• 59:34
  going
• 59:34
  to
• 59:34
  become
• 59:34
  that
• 59:35
  woman.
• 59:36
  I'm
• 59:36
  then
• 59:36
  going
• 59:36
  to
• 59:36
  become,
• 59:37
  like,
• 59:37
  the
• 59:37
  threat
• 59:38
  in
• 59:38
  my
• 59:38
  friendship
• 59:39
  group.
• 59:39
  Because
• 59:39
  divorced
• 59:40
  women
• 59:40
  can
• 59:40
  sometimes
• 59:41
  feel
• 59:41
  threatening
• 59:42
  to
• 59:42
  their
• 59:43
  married
• 59:43
  friends.
• 59:44
  Yes.
• 59:44
  Oh,
• 59:45
  my
• 59:45
  God.
• 59:45
  That's
• 59:45
  a
• 59:45
  thing.
• 59:46
  I
• 59:47
  know,
• 59:47
  I
• 59:47
  know.
• 59:48
  I
• 59:48
  mean,
• 59:48
  I've
• 59:48
  not
• 59:49
  experienced
• 59:49
  that
• 59:50
  either
• 59:50
  personally
• 59:51
  or
• 59:51
  professionally,
• 59:52
  but
• 59:52
  I.
• 59:53
  My
• 59:53
  mother's
• 59:53
  generation
• 59:54
  talked
• 59:54
  about
• 59:55
  it.
• 59:55
  Why
• 59:55
  is
• 59:56
  that?
• 59:56
  Do
• 59:56
  you
• 59:56
  think
• 59:56
  it's
• 59:56
  a
• 59:57
  fear
• 59:57
  of.
• 59:58
  I
• 59:58
  want
• 59:58
  to
• 59:58
  believe
• 59:59
  it's
• 59:59
  not
• 59:59
  true.
• 1:00:00
  I
• 1:00:00
  want
• 1:00:00
  to
• 1:00:01
  believe
• 1:00:01
  that
• 1:00:01
  it's
• 1:00:01
  really
• 1:00:02
  not
• 1:00:02
  true.
• 1:00:02
  But
• 1:00:03
  I.
• 1:00:03
  I
• 1:00:04
  mean,
• 1:00:04
  but
• 1:00:04
  I
• 1:00:04
  just
• 1:00:04
  espoused
• 1:00:05
  it
• 1:00:05
  as
• 1:00:05
  a
• 1:00:05
  truth,
• 1:00:06
  so
• 1:00:06
  I
• 1:00:06
  don't
• 1:00:06
  know
• 1:00:06
  how
• 1:00:07
  I
• 1:00:07
  feel
• 1:00:07
  about
• 1:00:07
  it.
• 1:00:08
  Do
• 1:00:08
  you
• 1:00:08
  think
• 1:00:08
  it's
• 1:00:09
  true?
• 1:00:09
  I
• 1:00:10
  mean,
• 1:00:10
  I
• 1:00:10
  kind
• 1:00:10
  of.
• 1:00:11
  I
• 1:00:11
  can
• 1:00:11
  kind
• 1:00:11
  of
• 1:00:12
  get
• 1:00:13
  what
• 1:00:14
  you're
• 1:00:14
  saying
• 1:00:14
  about
• 1:00:14
  that,
• 1:00:15
  because
• 1:00:15
  I
• 1:00:15
  do
• 1:00:15
  think.
• 1:00:16
  And
• 1:00:16
  I
• 1:00:16
  don't
• 1:00:17
  know
• 1:00:17
  if
• 1:00:17
  it's.
• 1:00:18
  If
• 1:00:18
  it's,
• 1:00:18
  like,
• 1:00:18
  threatening
• 1:00:19
  because
• 1:00:19
  it's
• 1:00:20
  a
• 1:00:20
  threat
• 1:00:20
  to
• 1:00:20
  that
• 1:00:21
  person's
• 1:00:21
  marriage
• 1:00:22
  that
• 1:00:23
  they
• 1:00:23
  think,
• 1:00:23
  oh,
• 1:00:23
  well,
• 1:00:24
  this.
• 1:00:24
  She's
• 1:00:25
  gonna
• 1:00:25
  steal
• 1:00:25
  my
• 1:00:26
  husband.
• 1:00:26
  Right?
• 1:00:27
  Like.
• 1:00:28
  Like,
• 1:00:28
  is
• 1:00:28
  that.
• 1:00:28
  I
• 1:00:29
  guess
• 1:00:29
  that's
• 1:00:29
  that
• 1:00:30
  easily
• 1:00:30
  Gottable
• 1:00:32
  that
• 1:00:32
  your
• 1:00:33
  girlfriend's
• 1:00:33
  gonna
• 1:00:34
  take
• 1:00:34
  them.
• 1:00:35
  That
• 1:00:35
  must
• 1:00:35
  indicate
• 1:00:36
  that
• 1:00:36
  you
• 1:00:36
  feel
• 1:00:37
  very
• 1:00:37
  low
• 1:00:38
  about
• 1:00:38
  both
• 1:00:39
  the
• 1:00:39
  husband
• 1:00:39
  and
• 1:00:40
  your
• 1:00:40
  friend.
• 1:00:41
  You
• 1:00:41
  know
• 1:00:41
  what
• 1:00:41
  I
• 1:00:41
  mean?
• 1:00:42
  Like,
• 1:00:42
  you're
• 1:00:42
  not
• 1:00:42
  giving
• 1:00:43
  either
• 1:00:43
  one
• 1:00:43
  of
• 1:00:43
  them
• 1:00:44
  enough
• 1:00:44
  credit.
• 1:00:44
  Now,
• 1:00:44
  I'm
• 1:00:44
  not
• 1:00:45
  saying
• 1:00:45
  that
• 1:00:45
  that
• 1:00:46
  couldn't
• 1:00:46
  happen.
• 1:00:47
  I
• 1:00:47
  mean,
• 1:00:47
  that
• 1:00:47
  could
• 1:00:47
  happen,
• 1:00:48
  but
• 1:00:49
  I
• 1:00:49
  mean,
• 1:00:50
  I
• 1:00:50
  would
• 1:00:50
  think
• 1:00:50
  that
• 1:00:51
  most
• 1:00:51
  of
• 1:00:51
  the
• 1:00:51
  time
• 1:00:51
  it
• 1:00:52
  wouldn't
• 1:00:52
  probably.
• 1:00:53
  I
• 1:00:53
  would
• 1:00:53
  agree.
• 1:00:54
  I
• 1:00:54
  think
• 1:00:54
  that
• 1:00:55
  that's
• 1:00:55
  are
• 1:00:55
  probably
• 1:00:56
  against
• 1:00:56
  it
• 1:00:57
  happening.
• 1:00:58
  But
• 1:00:58
  what.
• 1:00:58
  What
• 1:00:59
  is
• 1:00:59
  also
• 1:01:00
  a
• 1:01:00
  common
• 1:01:01
  feeling
• 1:01:01
  is,
• 1:01:02
  well,
• 1:01:02
  then
• 1:01:02
  I'm
• 1:01:02
  going
• 1:01:03
  to
• 1:01:03
  be
• 1:01:03
  the
• 1:01:03
  one
• 1:01:03
  person
• 1:01:03
  out,
• 1:01:04
  like,
• 1:01:05
  how
• 1:01:05
  am
• 1:01:05
  I
• 1:01:05
  going
• 1:01:05
  to
• 1:01:06
  hang
• 1:01:06
  out
• 1:01:06
  with,
• 1:01:06
  like,
• 1:01:07
  our
• 1:01:07
  six
• 1:01:08
  best
• 1:01:08
  friends
• 1:01:09
  if
• 1:01:09
  the
• 1:01:10
  number
• 1:01:11
  five
• 1:01:11
  is
• 1:01:11
  now
• 1:01:12
  single?
• 1:01:12
  And
• 1:01:13
  that
• 1:01:13
  can,
• 1:01:13
  you
• 1:01:14
  know,
• 1:01:14
  that
• 1:01:14
  can
• 1:01:14
  start
• 1:01:14
  to
• 1:01:15
  feel
• 1:01:15
  very
• 1:01:16
  awkward.
• 1:01:17
  And
• 1:01:17
  what
• 1:01:17
  I
• 1:01:17
  would
• 1:01:18
  say
• 1:01:18
  to
• 1:01:18
  that
• 1:01:18
  is,
• 1:01:18
  like,
• 1:01:19
  you
• 1:01:19
  now
• 1:01:19
  have
• 1:01:20
  five
• 1:01:21
  sets
• 1:01:22
  of
• 1:01:22
  friends
• 1:01:23
  who
• 1:01:23
  are
• 1:01:23
  going
• 1:01:23
  to
• 1:01:24
  be
• 1:01:24
  wanting
• 1:01:24
  to
• 1:01:24
  hook
• 1:01:24
  you
• 1:01:25
  up
• 1:01:25
  with
• 1:01:25
  people
• 1:01:26
  if
• 1:01:26
  they're
• 1:01:26
  good
• 1:01:26
  friends.
• 1:01:28
  Right?
• 1:01:28
  It's
• 1:01:29
  true.
• 1:01:29
  It's.
• 1:01:29
  It's
• 1:01:30
  flipping
• 1:01:30
  the
• 1:01:30
  script,
• 1:01:30
  right?
• 1:01:31
  It's
• 1:01:31
  thinking
• 1:01:31
  about
• 1:01:31
  things
• 1:01:32
  a
• 1:01:32
  different
• 1:01:32
  way
• 1:01:32
  than
• 1:01:33
  what
• 1:01:33
  you
• 1:01:33
  normally
• 1:01:33
  would.
• 1:01:34
  And
• 1:01:34
  that
• 1:01:35
  I
• 1:01:35
  think
• 1:01:35
  is
• 1:01:35
  like
• 1:01:36
  the
• 1:01:36
  basis
• 1:01:36
  of
• 1:01:37
  so
• 1:01:37
  much
• 1:01:37
  of
• 1:01:37
  this.
• 1:01:38
  Right?
• 1:01:38
  Flip
• 1:01:38
  the
• 1:01:39
  script,
• 1:01:39
  think
• 1:01:39
  about
• 1:01:40
  things
• 1:01:40
  in
• 1:01:40
  a
• 1:01:40
  different
• 1:01:40
  way.
• 1:01:41
  Especially
• 1:01:41
  if
• 1:01:42
  you
• 1:01:42
  don't
• 1:01:42
  like
• 1:01:42
  the
• 1:01:42
  way
• 1:01:42
  you're
• 1:01:43
  feeling
• 1:01:43
  about
• 1:01:43
  your
• 1:01:44
  life
• 1:01:44
  right
• 1:01:44
  now,
• 1:01:45
  you
• 1:01:45
  have
• 1:01:45
  to
• 1:01:46
  start
• 1:01:46
  thinking
• 1:01:46
  about
• 1:01:46
  things
• 1:01:47
  differently.
• 1:01:48
  You
• 1:01:48
  cannot
• 1:01:49
  feel
• 1:01:49
  differently
• 1:01:51
  about
• 1:01:51
  your
• 1:01:51
  life
• 1:01:52
  without
• 1:01:52
  doing
• 1:01:53
  something
• 1:01:53
  different
• 1:01:54
  in
• 1:01:54
  your
• 1:01:55
  life.
• 1:01:55
  And
• 1:01:55
  even
• 1:01:55
  if
• 1:01:56
  that's
• 1:01:56
  just
• 1:01:56
  starting
• 1:01:57
  with
• 1:01:57
  thinking
• 1:01:57
  differently,
• 1:01:59
  but
• 1:01:59
  thinking
• 1:01:59
  differently
• 1:02:00
  is
• 1:02:00
  not
• 1:02:00
  going
• 1:02:00
  to
• 1:02:00
  get
• 1:02:00
  you
• 1:02:00
  all
• 1:02:00
  the
• 1:02:00
  way
• 1:02:01
  there.
• 1:02:01
  That's
• 1:02:01
  step
• 1:02:01
  one.
• 1:02:02
  That's
• 1:02:02
  that
• 1:02:03
  insight
• 1:02:03
  thing
• 1:02:03
  again.
• 1:02:04
  You
• 1:02:04
  begin
• 1:02:05
  there.
• 1:02:05
  A
• 1:02:06
  lot
• 1:02:06
  of
• 1:02:06
  people
• 1:02:06
  land
• 1:02:07
  there
• 1:02:07
  and
• 1:02:07
  they
• 1:02:07
  think,
• 1:02:09
  I'm
• 1:02:09
  so
• 1:02:09
  enlightened.
• 1:02:10
  Okay,
• 1:02:11
  nobody
• 1:02:11
  needed
• 1:02:12
  a
• 1:02:12
  theory
• 1:02:12
  on
• 1:02:12
  relationships
• 1:02:13
  course,
• 1:02:14
  right?
• 1:02:15
  Most
• 1:02:15
  people
• 1:02:15
  wanted
• 1:02:16
  a
• 1:02:17
  complete
• 1:02:17
  makeover
• 1:02:18
  in
• 1:02:18
  their
• 1:02:18
  relationship.
• 1:02:20
  And
• 1:02:20
  if
• 1:02:20
  you
• 1:02:20
  haven't
• 1:02:21
  felt
• 1:02:21
  that
• 1:02:22
  after
• 1:02:22
  doing
• 1:02:22
  your
• 1:02:22
  own
• 1:02:23
  work,
• 1:02:23
  you've
• 1:02:24
  probably
• 1:02:24
  landed
• 1:02:24
  on
• 1:02:25
  insight
• 1:02:25
  and
• 1:02:25
  not
• 1:02:26
  change.
• 1:02:27
  It's
• 1:02:27
  very
• 1:02:27
  different,
• 1:02:28
  those
• 1:02:28
  two
• 1:02:28
  things.
• 1:02:29
  One
• 1:02:30
  is
• 1:02:30
  like
• 1:02:30
  a
• 1:02:30
  thought
• 1:02:31
  process
• 1:02:31
  and
• 1:02:31
  the
• 1:02:31
  other
• 1:02:32
  one
• 1:02:32
  is
• 1:02:32
  putting
• 1:02:32
  it
• 1:02:32
  into
• 1:02:32
  practice.
• 1:02:33
  Like
• 1:02:33
  a
• 1:02:33
  behavior.
• 1:02:34
  Like
• 1:02:34
  actual
• 1:02:35
  action,
• 1:02:35
  you
• 1:02:35
  know,
• 1:02:35
  Action.
• 1:02:36
  Yes.
• 1:02:37
  Amazing.
• 1:02:38
  Well.
• 1:02:38
  Oh,
• 1:02:38
  my
• 1:02:38
  gosh,
• 1:02:39
  Darcy,
• 1:02:39
  this
• 1:02:40
  episode
• 1:02:40
  has
• 1:02:41
  been
• 1:02:41
  so
• 1:02:41
  enlightening.
• 1:02:42
  I
• 1:02:42
  love
• 1:02:43
  the
• 1:02:43
  advice
• 1:02:43
  you've
• 1:02:43
  given.
• 1:02:44
  It's.
• 1:02:44
  It's
• 1:02:45
  just.
• 1:02:45
  I
• 1:02:45
  have
• 1:02:45
  no
• 1:02:46
  doubt
• 1:02:46
  it's
• 1:02:46
  going
• 1:02:46
  to
• 1:02:46
  help
• 1:02:46
  so
• 1:02:47
  many
• 1:02:47
  women
• 1:02:48
  and
• 1:02:48
  people.
• 1:02:49
  Anyone
• 1:02:49
  who's
• 1:02:50
  listening
• 1:02:50
  out
• 1:02:50
  there,
• 1:02:51
  please
• 1:02:52
  tell
• 1:02:52
  everybody
• 1:02:53
  where
• 1:02:53
  they
• 1:02:53
  can
• 1:02:53
  find
• 1:02:53
  you.
• 1:02:54
  Wherever
• 1:02:54
  you
• 1:02:54
  listen
• 1:02:55
  to
• 1:02:55
  your
• 1:02:55
  podcasts,
• 1:02:56
  just
• 1:02:56
  look
• 1:02:56
  up.
• 1:02:56
  We
• 1:02:56
  need
• 1:02:57
  to
• 1:02:57
  talk
• 1:02:57
  with
• 1:02:57
  Dr.
• 1:02:57
  Darcy
• 1:02:58
  Sterling.
• 1:02:58
  And
• 1:02:59
  can
• 1:02:59
  they
• 1:02:59
  reach
• 1:02:59
  out
• 1:02:59
  to
• 1:03:00
  you
• 1:03:00
  via
• 1:03:00
  DM
• 1:03:00
  on
• 1:03:01
  Instagram
• 1:03:02
  and
• 1:03:02
  on
• 1:03:02
  social
• 1:03:02
  media?
• 1:03:03
  Absolutely.
• 1:03:04
  It's
• 1:03:04
  Dr.
• 1:03:04
  Darcy
• 1:03:05
  Sterling.
• 1:03:05
  Spelled
• 1:03:06
  both
• 1:03:06
  ways.
• 1:03:06
  Doctor
• 1:03:07
  and
• 1:03:07
  doctor
• 1:03:07
  spelled
• 1:03:08
  out
• 1:03:09
  perfect.
• 1:03:09
  I
• 1:03:09
  know
• 1:03:09
  your
• 1:03:10
  advice
• 1:03:10
  is
• 1:03:10
  amazing.
• 1:03:11
  I've
• 1:03:11
  been
• 1:03:11
  watching
• 1:03:11
  your
• 1:03:12
  videos.
• 1:03:12
  I'm
• 1:03:12
  like,
• 1:03:13
  yes.
• 1:03:14
  I'm
• 1:03:14
  like,
• 1:03:14
  I
• 1:03:14
  needed
• 1:03:15
  this
• 1:03:15
  today.
• 1:03:15
  So
• 1:03:16
  thank
• 1:03:16
  you
• 1:03:17
  so
• 1:03:17
  very
• 1:03:18
  much
• 1:03:19
  everybody
• 1:03:20
  out
• 1:03:20
  there.
• 1:03:20
  Please
• 1:03:21
  check
• 1:03:21
  out
• 1:03:21
  Darcy's
• 1:03:22
  page
• 1:03:22
  and
• 1:03:22
  her
• 1:03:23
  podcast.
• 1:03:23
  You
• 1:03:24
  will
• 1:03:24
  learn
• 1:03:24
  so
• 1:03:24
  much.
• 1:03:25
  And
• 1:03:25
  don't
• 1:03:25
  forget
• 1:03:25
  to
• 1:03:26
  rate,
• 1:03:26
  subscribe
• 1:03:26
  and
• 1:03:27
  comment
• 1:03:28
  on
• 1:03:28
  the
• 1:03:28
  iconic
• 1:03:28
  midlife
• 1:03:29
  wherever
• 1:03:29
  you
• 1:03:29
  get
• 1:03:30
  your
• 1:03:30
  podcast
• 1:03:30
  so
• 1:03:31
  we
• 1:03:31
  can
• 1:03:31
  keep
• 1:03:31
  bringing
• 1:03:31
  amazing
• 1:03:32
  conversations
• 1:03:33
  like
• 1:03:34
  this.
• 1:03:34
  Thank
• 1:03:35
  you
• 1:03:35
  so
• 1:03:35
  much,
• 1:03:36
  Darcy.
• 1:03:36
  It's
• 1:03:36
  been
• 1:03:36
  a
• 1:03:36
  real
• 1:03:37
  pleasure.
• 1:03:37
  I
• 1:03:38
  love
• 1:03:38
  this.
• 1:03:38
  You
• 1:03:38
  have
• 1:03:38
  to
• 1:03:38
  come
• 1:03:39
  online
• 1:03:39
  now.
• 1:03:39
  Yes,
• 1:03:40
  I
• 1:03:40
  would
• 1:03:41
  love
• 1:03:41
  to.
• 1:03:42
  Just
• 1:03:42
  tell
• 1:03:43
  me
• 1:03:43
  when
• 1:03:43
  I'm
• 1:03:43
  there.
• 1:03:45
  Coming.
• 1:03:45
  I
• 1:03:45
  love
• 1:03:46
  it
• 1:03:46
  so
• 1:03:46
  much.
• 1:03:46
  That
• 1:03:46
  would
• 1:03:46
  be
• 1:03:46
  super
• 1:03:47
  fun.
• 1:03:47
  There's
• 1:03:47
  something
• 1:03:48
  about
• 1:03:48
  midlife
• 1:03:49
  that
• 1:03:49
  forces
• 1:03:50
  clarity.
• 1:03:51
  You
• 1:03:51
  start
• 1:03:51
  to
• 1:03:51
  see
• 1:03:51
  your
• 1:03:52
  relationships,
• 1:03:53
  all
• 1:03:53
  of
• 1:03:53
  them,
• 1:03:54
  for
• 1:03:54
  what
• 1:03:54
  they
• 1:03:54
  really
• 1:03:55
  are,
• 1:03:55
  what's
• 1:03:56
  aligned,
• 1:03:56
  what's
• 1:03:57
  not,
• 1:03:57
  what
• 1:03:58
  feels
• 1:03:58
  expensive,
• 1:03:58
  expansive,
• 1:03:59
  and
• 1:03:59
  what
• 1:03:59
  quietly
• 1:04:00
  drains
• 1:04:00
  you.
• 1:04:01
  And
• 1:04:02
  the
• 1:04:02
  truth
• 1:04:02
  is,
• 1:04:02
  not
• 1:04:03
  everything
• 1:04:03
  is
• 1:04:03
  meant
• 1:04:04
  to
• 1:04:04
  come
• 1:04:04
  with
• 1:04:04
  you
• 1:04:05
  into
• 1:04:05
  this
• 1:04:05
  next
• 1:04:05
  chapter.
• 1:04:07
  Whether
• 1:04:07
  it's
• 1:04:07
  a
• 1:04:07
  friendship
• 1:04:08
  that
• 1:04:08
  no
• 1:04:08
  longer
• 1:04:09
  fits,
• 1:04:09
  a
• 1:04:09
  relationship
• 1:04:10
  you're
• 1:04:10
  questioning,
• 1:04:11
  or
• 1:04:11
  the
• 1:04:12
  experience
• 1:04:12
  of
• 1:04:13
  starting
• 1:04:13
  over
• 1:04:13
  again,
• 1:04:14
  you're
• 1:04:15
  not
• 1:04:15
  alone
• 1:04:15
  in
• 1:04:16
  it.
• 1:04:16
  And
• 1:04:16
  hopefully
• 1:04:17
  this
• 1:04:17
  conversation
• 1:04:18
  gave
• 1:04:18
  you
• 1:04:18
  a
• 1:04:19
  little
• 1:04:19
  more
• 1:04:19
  clarity
• 1:04:20
  around
• 1:04:20
  what
• 1:04:21
  that
• 1:04:21
  next
• 1:04:21
  step
• 1:04:22
  could
• 1:04:22
  look
• 1:04:22
  like
• 1:04:22
  for
• 1:04:23
  you.
• 1:04:23
  If
• 1:04:23
  this
• 1:04:23
  episode
• 1:04:24
  episode
• 1:04:24
  resonated,
• 1:04:25
  send
• 1:04:25
  it
• 1:04:25
  to
• 1:04:25
  a
• 1:04:26
  friend,
• 1:04:26
  especially
• 1:04:27
  the
• 1:04:27
  one
• 1:04:27
  you've
• 1:04:28
  had
• 1:04:28
  one
• 1:04:29
  of
• 1:04:29
  those
• 1:04:29
  conversations
• 1:04:30
  with
• 1:04:30
  lately.
• 1:04:32
  And
• 1:04:32
  don't
• 1:04:32
  forget
• 1:04:32
  to
• 1:04:32
  follow
• 1:04:33
  the
• 1:04:33
  iconic
• 1:04:33
  midlife
• 1:04:34
  so
• 1:04:35
  you
• 1:04:35
  don't
• 1:04:35
  miss
• 1:04:35
  what's
• 1:04:36
  coming
• 1:04:36
  next.
• 1:04:37
  We've
• 1:04:37
  got
• 1:04:37
  more
• 1:04:37
  bold,
• 1:04:38
  honest
• 1:04:38
  and
• 1:04:39
  thought
• 1:04:39
  provoking
• 1:04:40
  conversations
• 1:04:40
  ahead
• 1:04:41
  and
• 1:04:41
  if
• 1:04:41
  you
• 1:04:42
  haven't
• 1:04:42
  yet,
• 1:04:43
  take
• 1:04:43
  a
• 1:04:43
  second
• 1:04:43
  to
• 1:04:44
  rate
• 1:04:44
  and
• 1:04:44
  review
• 1:04:44
  the
• 1:04:45
  show.
• 1:04:45
  It
• 1:04:45
  makes
• 1:04:46
  a
• 1:04:46
  bigger
• 1:04:46
  difference
• 1:04:47
  than
• 1:04:47
  you
• 1:04:47
  think.
• 1:04:48
  Until
• 1:04:48
  next
• 1:04:49
  time.
• 1:04:50
  Whether
• 1:04:50
  you're
• 1:04:50
  outgrowing,
• 1:04:51
  rebuilding
• 1:04:52
  or
• 1:04:52
  redefining,
• 1:04:53
  you're
• 1:04:54
  not
• 1:04:54
  behind,
• 1:04:55
  you're
• 1:04:55
  evolving.
• 1:04:56
  And
• 1:04:57
  that's
• 1:04:57
  iconic.