Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / Making Decisions You Can Trust - About Relationships, Separation, Divorce

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Making Decisions You Can Trust - About Relationships, Separation, Divorce · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate, a podcast covering all things relationships, separation and divorce.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How to create healthy, happy, fulfilling relationships without sacrificing any part of yourself.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Supporting anyone feeling challenged in their relationship or marriage.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: These are confidential conversations for you if you're navigating separation, divorce or reorganising life afterwards.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Decide whether to stay or leave a relationship or marriage, divorce with less drama, and consciously choose what's next for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast is recorded, the Warrantry people of the Kulin Nation, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: I acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to this week's episode of Reflect, Reclaim, and Liberate.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Going to talk today about how to make decisions that you can trust, how to make deeply aligned decisions that you can trust.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Not just big decisions like whether to stay or leave a relationship or end a marriage, but also everyday choices that, you know, really inform and shape how we move through the world and who we become, who we evolve into.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And this podcast episode has been triggered by my own listening.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was listening to Kemi Neckfirpil speak recently about what she has called our three decision centres: the head, the heart, and the gut.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a really great reminder that I should record this episode and share it with all of you.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because in my work with clients and in my own life, I see how often we try and intellectualize, we try and think our way through a decision or through something that our heart or our body is actually trying to lead us through.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: So today I thought I'd unpack these three decision centers, what they each bring or bring up for us, and how to recognize when perhaps one is taking over, and then to realign and make decisions that feel aligned, clear, true, steady, not just ones that you think are right or that look good on a paper or on a spreadsheet.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: When we're stuck in uncertainty, especially around relationships or big life changes or big decisions, most of us go straight to the head, think our way through it, work our way through it, we analyze, we list the pros and cons, we gather advice, we listen to podcasts like this one and we Google, right?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And while our head is brilliant at strategy, it's not always great at calm and at clarity.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes that clarity that we're seeking doesn't actually come from thinking harder or longer or deeper.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: It actually comes from alignment.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And alignment happens when our head, our heart, our gut are all in conversation, when they're working together rather than one or the other fighting for control or taking over.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about these three centers.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: We'll start with the head.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: The head is, of course, where logic lives, it's rational, it's future-focused, and it likes things to make sense.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's the voice that says, be sensible, or what will people think, or you've already invested so much time into this, you can't walk away now.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: We need our head.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: It helps us to weigh up options, to plan our way forward, and to think through potential outcomes, consequences, right?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: But if we rely on our head alone, we can end up either in that thought spiral of unable to make a decision, unable to move forward, or we can talk ourselves into or out of things that might not truly sit right.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: We've all probably made a decision that looked right on paper or in a spreadsheet, but actually felt wrong in your bones.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when the head has actually drowned out all the other voices, or you've allowed yourself to ignore our other voices, your other decision-making centres.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: So let's move on to the heart.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: The heart is the place of emotion, of compassion and connection.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's the voice that says, but I still love them, or I don't want to hurt anyone, or I just want everyone to be okay.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: The heart is, of course, beautiful.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's what connects us to our humanity and anchors us in our values and really what matters most, but it can also keep us stuck in fear or guilt, especially if we've learned to equate kindness, if we've been conditioned to equate kindness with self-sacrifice, putting everybody else first.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: So we want to really listen to the heart, but we also want to hold it really gently and ask: is this love, is this longing, is this compassion, or is this fear of conflict?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: What is your heart telling you?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's the gut or the body, that deep instinct that speaks in sensations, in bodily feelings rather than words.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's that tightening in your chest or your shoulders when something feels not quite right.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's the sense of expansion or relief when something is right, even if it doesn't yet make logical sense in your head.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: The gut is very often the first to know, and sometimes it's the last we learn to trust.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because we've been trained to value logic over intuition.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: We've been trained to shut that intuitive voice down.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: But when we start tuning in, the body actually becomes a compass, a guide, quiet and clear and unwavering.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: We have twice as many, I'm gonna try and get this right, afferent neurons, the ones that are delivering information from our gut, our body to our head, as we have from our head or our brain to our body.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, really, we should trust in what our body is, the information that our body is giving us when we make decisions.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: But how then do we bring them all together, these three decision-making centers?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: How do we use all three of them?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Here's a little check-in I often use with clients, and you might like to try this yourself next time you're facing a decision.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Ask all three centers.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Ask your head, what makes sense here?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: What are the facts?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or really simply just ask your head to give you one word or one phrase.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Then the same with your heart.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Ask your heart, what matters most to me?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to feel at peace with about this?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Or ask your head, your heart, I'm sorry, one word, one phrase about this decision.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Then listen to your gut, ask your gut when I imagine saying yes or no, making decision A versus decision B, how does my body respond?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Does it tighten and restrict, or does it exhale, release, expand?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: When all three of our decision-making centers are in alignment, when your head says, This makes sense, this is right, this is okay, your heart says, This feels right, I know that I can trust this, it feels like the right decision, and your gut says, This feels true, this is this feels right and true.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's when you know that you're on really solid decision-making ground.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: You can trust in that decision.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: If those three centers don't align, that's not wrong, that's not bad.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's perfectly okay.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: It might just mean that one of those centers, one of those voices, needs to be tuned into a little more or understood a bit more deeply before you move, before you make a final decision.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the head needs more information or clarification on information.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the heart just needs more time to open, maybe more kindness, more self-compassion.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes, sometimes our body actually needs a rest rather than a decision.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we need to stop.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and sometimes it is that you actually need to tune into heart or gut a little more and strip out the noise of the head.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe today, maybe next time you are wrangling with a decision or struggling with a choice, instead of really pushing and forcing clarity, it might be an opportunity for you to pause and ask, what does my head say?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: What does my heart say or feel?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: And what does my gut, what is my gut trying to tell me?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: What does my gut already know?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: The answers might not come instantly, and it might take a little bit of practice, but when when they do start to come using this process, they come with a a little more certainty, not drama, not confusion, not overwhelm, a little more settled certainty and truth to it.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope this is a helpful, short and sweet episode, yes, but I hope it's helpful in terms of giving you a framework.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you to Kemi Neck for Pil for naming these three beautiful decision centers so powerfully.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know that it's her work, her original work, but she's the first one I've heard some time ago now actually speak about this.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: So it was a really good reminder when I heard her speak again just recently on it.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And if this resonated, maybe take a few minutes after this episode to settle into your body, to listen into your head, to your heart, to your gut, even to journal on a decision that you're sitting with.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: And notice what each of those three voices or those three decision makers, decision-making centers has to say and has to offer you.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: As always, thank you for being here.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you know somebody who's wrestling with a decision and this episode, this framework might support them, please share it with them.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, take care of you, take care of your head, your heart, and your gut or your body, and I'll be back in here next week.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, divorce coach and strategist, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love or benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you would follow and review the podcast so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more people just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next week for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Until then,