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Transcript

Why a Healthy Partner Is the Ultimate Life Hack · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  The single most important decision you will ever make, bigger than your career, bigger than your house, bigger than your investments, is who you choose as your partner. The wrong relationship will erase it all overnight. I've lived through it. The truth is this, the right partner is the ultimate life hack. They don't just support your mission, they join in.
• 0:25
  They don't just love you for who you are. They push you towards who you can become better. Lonely is temporary. Miserable with the wrong person lasts forever. If you see these consistently, it's a sign you're not with a growth partner. They belittle your dreams. They compete with you instead of celebrating them.
• 0:50
  They refuse to grow or face their own demons. They love conditionally. Only when you're winning, only when you're doing what they want, only when they're getting what they want. Audit your relationship if you're in one. If you're not in one, write down lists of what you're looking for in a partner. Your partner can be your prison or your power. They can clip your wings or they can fly beside you. If you want to thrive in love and business, stop settling for drama.
• 1:17
  Stop tolerating toxicity and stop calling chaos normal.
• 1:24
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living. It's Thursday again. That means another free coaching one-on-one with me, Kelly Siegel. We are still answering your, the listeners, questions.
• 1:47
  Again, you too can submit a question to me. Just email me at kelly at hotterthanlife.com and perhaps we'll choose your topic. Today's topic, power up with a healthy partner. Thrive in love and business like never before.
• 2:03
  Obviously, we've done a lot of relationship podcasts, interviews, and they flew off the charts. So this topic was sent to me by a lot of people because we all are looking for love. Most of us in the wrong places. So here goes. Don't forget. If you email me, kelly at heartandlife.com, I will turn it into an episode if enough people do it. So I love these guys. Thanks.
• 2:29
  We all crave love. It started in the Bible. Adam and Needed Eve, we're all in search of the right partner. And I'm going to break it down how I found mine. So Heart and Life Nation, hear me loud and clear. The single most important decision you will ever make, bigger than your career, bigger than your house, bigger than your investments,
• 2:51
  is who you choose as your partner. A healthy partner will multiply your peace, your purpose, and your profits. The wrong partner will divide, subtract, and bankrupt your soul. It also will bring in chaos and calamity. Been there, done that.
• 3:13
  You can lift heavy, you can crush business, you can run marathons, but if you're coming home to chaos, you're never going to thrive. I've been there, Heart of the Life Nation. I could tell you stories, times driving home from meetings, wanting to run my car into oncoming traffic because I did not want to come home to my partner. I'm gonna leave the names out to protect the innocent.
• 3:38
  So today, we're going to talk about powering up with a healthy partner and how love, respect, and alignment can help you dominate life and business like never before. Because success isn't just what you build, it's who you build it with. Footnote, if perhaps you're stuck.
• 4:00
  And you're in the same place. You're on life's merry-go-round. And you're not on the roller coaster of life of getting the ups and downs. You might want to look at your partner. Because like attracts like. And then it comes back to you. So you want to attract better and it's going to be all over. You've got to become better.
• 4:18
  We're going to talk a lot about this. So we live in a culture obsessed with grind, hustle, and status. But what nobody tells you is this, the wrong relationship will erase it all overnight. I've lived through it. I've experienced unhealthy dynamics, toxicity, dishonesty, sabotage, abuse. What's the main one? Cheating.
• 4:43
  And I've experienced the opposite, a healthy aligned partnership that makes every area of your life better. Every single area. The truth is this, the right partner is the ultimate life hack. They don't just support your mission. They join it. They don't just love you for who you are. They push you towards who you can become to be better. They don't drain your energy
• 5:13
  Amplify it. If you want to thrive in love and business, you have to stop settling for survival mode relationships and start building a partnership that fuels growth. And it starts by enforcing your standards, keeping your word to yourself.
• 5:31
  If you say, this is what I want, don't settle. Let's start with another brutal truth though. An unhealthy partner will keep you in constant emotional chaos. You've all heard about the narcissist. They're everywhere. You can throw a freaking pebble and hit 40 of them.
• 5:49
  They will drain your energy until you've got nothing left for business or personal growth or your family or friends. They will sabotage your dreams, sometimes on purpose, hello, narcissists, sometimes because they refuse to grow with you. They will normalize dysfunction so deeply you don't even notice how bad it is anymore.
• 6:15
  The wrong partner will have you fighting wars at home that keep you from winning battles in the world. You can't run a marathon with someone tied to your leg. And too many of us stay loyal to toxic love
• 6:31
  Because we're scared of being alone. Or we feel like they've done nothing really wrong. But let me promise you, loneliness is easier than being trapped in the wrong relationship. Some of us literally fear being alone. And that's why we stay in these toxic, cheating, one-sided relationships. It is garbage, people. Don't do it. So let's flip this.
• 7:00
  What does a healthy partner look like? Some of us have never experienced this. Heck, until my most recent, last year and a half relationship, I had never experienced it. A healthy partner brings this to the table. Alignment, your values, your vision, your goals match. You're rowing in the same direction. And both drinking and doing drugs is not alignment, guys. If you like to party together,
• 7:27
  Sure that's alignment, but that's alignment on the wrong goal. The second thing a healthy partner brings to the table is support. They encourage you without enabling your BS. They challenge you. They call you out when you're slipping and push you to be your best. They provide peace.
• 7:49
  The home is supposed to be a recharging station, not a war zone. Oh man, does that hit home. The fifth and final thing, they love without conditions. They love you, not your paycheck, not your title, not your abs, not what you can do for them. They just love you because you're you. A healthy partner doesn't complete you. They compliment you.
• 8:17
  They're not here to fix your wounds. That's your job. They're there to grow with you as you heal. People need to be two complete circles and they come together to make a bigger circle. Most people separate love and business. And I say that's nonsense. Then you've probably never owned a business or haven't really dug into this deep enough.
• 8:39
  When your relationship is aligned, your energy skyrockets. You bring more focus to work. You bring more energy because you're more relaxed. You're more charged. You've rested. You make better decisions because you're not distracted by drama and not tired because you're up all night fighting.
• 8:59
  You lead with empathy and strength because you're practicing at home in your relationship. You're not hustling for validation. You already feel loved and secured, not only by your partner, by yourself. Peace at home builds profits at work. I've seen leaders with multi-million dollar companies crumble because their marriages were toxic.
• 9:26
  I've seen average men and women become unstoppable when they partner with someone who believed in them. That still gets me to this day. My partner now believes in me. I can do anything. I believe I can fly. Yes, I do. So how do you get there? I hear you all. Kelly, give me the steps. Tell me. We've been listening for 10 minutes and all you've done is talk. Here's the steps. Step one,
• 9:54
  Do your inner work. You can't attract healthy if you're living toxic. Heal, journal, meditate, face your past. I've said this a thousand times, like attracts like. If you want to attract better, you must become better. It comes with change. So the second step,
• 10:15
  is raise your standards. Stop entertaining partners who don't respect your values. Lonely is temporary. Miserable with the wrong person lasts forever. I literally made a list of what I wanted in a healthy partner.
• 10:36
  And any time somebody didn't check all the boxes, it was a no for me. And I signaled the universe that I wasn't going to settle. And what do you know? Sent me one that checked all the boxes. Now it's our time to grow together, and we're in that process.
• 10:52
  Step three, communicate with radical honesty. Healthy partnerships thrive on the truth. Don't make your partner guess. Say what you mean, mean what you say. And I'm telling you, share the uncomfortable truths. It brings you guys closer. This is where that vulnerability brings you closer. But I can't say that, Kelly. It'll freak them out.
• 11:17
  Good. If it freaks them out, they're not for you. You need to keep looking. Share everything. Be vulnerable.
• 11:26
  All of your positives, all your negatives. My girlfriend and I have conversations. She's like, I have never felt so safe to say things. And every single time we have these conversations that get so deep, we become closer. We trust each other more and we know how to love each other better. That's another thing. We ask these questions out of how to love them better, not to try to hold it against them later. Step four is invest in growth together. Read the books, do the workouts.
• 11:56
  Go to therapy, pray, meditate, whatever your alignment tool is, do it as a team. Little pro tip, set goals together and smash them. They're fun. Step five.
• 12:11
  Keep love fun. Healthy doesn't have to be boring. Laugh, flirt, travel, surprise each other. Play is fuel for the fire. Always, always date each other. Just because I've seen too many people get complacent in a relationship and both of them let themselves go and then that's when someone steps out. Don't. Keep dating. Keep working on yourself. Keep growing and become unstoppable together.
• 12:39
  The relationship that laughs together, lasts together. I would be doing you guys a disservice if I didn't point out the red flags. Here's the red flags to look out for, to watch out for. And it's a quick list. You see these consistently. It's a sign you're not with a growth partner. They belittle your dreams. They compete with you instead of celebrating you. They refuse to grow or face their own demons.
• 13:07
  They love conditionally only when you're winning, only when you're doing what they want, only when they're getting what they want. They keep you guessing instead of keeping you grounded. And that comes where that's where the healthy, honest communication comes into play, which brings me to this. I should probably do a whole episode on communication. I can just share you with what I read all about this.
• 13:34
  how to create safe space for communication, how to not respond and just listen. It's a whole nother podcast I'll do for another day. This week, here's what I want you to do. Audit your relationship if you're in one. If you're not in one, write down the lists of what you're looking for in a partner. If you are in one, audit your relationship. Is it giving you energy or is it draining you? Be brutally honest.
• 14:01
  Have the conversation, share your vision, ask your partner to share theirs. Alignment starts with clarity. Also, if you're not in a relationship, write this down. What is your vision so when you meet somebody, you can share it with them and make sure you're in alignment.
• 14:17
  Create one growth habit together. Read 10 pages a night. In bed together. Go for daily walks. Meditate together. Listen to a podcast together. Small steps, massive results. Again, if you're single, create one healthy habit that you'd like to do with your partner.
• 14:39
  Set boundaries with love. Remember too, nobody gets to negotiate your boundaries. They're your boundaries. Don't let old habits or toxic people infiltrate your relationship. Protect your peace. And don't forget, don't bleed on people that haven't cut you. So don't bring old relationships into this. What do they say? Don't futurize the past. Oh, put the past in the past.
• 15:09
  And then celebrate daily. Gratitude and affection aren't optional. They're maintenance. Relationships aren't 50-50. There are 100-100. Two whole people choosing each other every single day.
• 15:26
  Harder Life Nation. Let me leave you with this. Your partner can be your prison or your power. They can clip your wings or they can fly beside you. If you want to thrive in love and business, stop settling for drama. Stop tolerating toxicity and stop calling chaos normal. Find.
• 15:49
  or build a relationship, really attract a relationship that fuels your mission, multiplies your piece, and amplifies your impact. Never, ever settle. Remember, peace at home equals profits at work. The wrong partner costs more than any business failure. A healthy partner is the greatest investment you'll ever make.
• 16:17
  So here's your challenge this week. Take one intentional step towards building that healthy partnership, whether it's raising your standards, having the hard, vulnerable conversation, or creating a new growth habit together. Because when you power up with a healthy partner, you don't just thrive in love. You thrive in life and business like never before.
• 16:41
  I'm Telly Siegel, be harder than life and choose love that makes you unstoppable. Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Siegel supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.