Latest / The You Project / #1831 The Self-Help Messages I Hate - Harps

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#1831 The Self-Help Messages I Hate - Harps · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: Get a Champs. So yesterday, oh hi, by the way, hoppy,
0:05
Speaker 1: Well it was rude to me, wasn't it just fucking
0:08
Speaker 1: jumping in like that? So yesterday I'm moving shit on
0:13
Speaker 1: my desk and I should stop doing that or stop recording,
0:16
Speaker 1: but fuck it, I'm not going to I'm going to
0:17
Speaker 1: keep going. Yesterday I recorded an episode around the dark Side.
0:25
Speaker 1: That's dramatic, isn't it the dark side of self help?
0:31
Speaker 1: Or the shadow side of self help? I think I
0:33
Speaker 1: caught it or something like that, and we explored the
0:38
Speaker 1: idea that, you know, not all self help is particularly
0:41
Speaker 1: helpful or insightful or accurate or vaguely fucking scientific. A
0:47
Speaker 1: lot of it is a bit mystical, magical thinking unicorns
0:50
Speaker 1: and puppies, and hey, look over here and buy my program,
0:54
Speaker 1: buy my whatever right now. Not saying all self help
0:58
Speaker 1: personal development is bad. Course, that's the habitat that I
1:02
Speaker 1: periodically in habit. I guess I'd like to think of
1:07
Speaker 1: myself more as somebody who's a little bit more research
1:13
Speaker 1: focused and a little bit more in the scientific and
1:16
Speaker 1: academic and legitimate human behavior space than the meme guy.
1:25
Speaker 1: And even though I post a lot of shit, I
1:26
Speaker 1: think most of my shits, I feel like I'm being defensive.
1:30
Speaker 1: Now I've just had a moment of self awareness. Am
1:32
Speaker 1: I let me think about that? Maybe I am don't
1:35
Speaker 1: mean to be, But so what's my point? My point
1:38
Speaker 1: is I try very hard to post stuff that I
1:42
Speaker 1: believe is critically thought through, is real, is true, is
1:49
Speaker 1: genuinely helpful or potentially helpful. I'm not interested in sharing
1:55
Speaker 1: stuff with the world that is feel goods, pseudo scientific fluff.
2:02
Speaker 1: Having said that, sometimes I'll post things that are just silly,
2:06
Speaker 1: not at all helpful. But my goal is just to
2:09
Speaker 1: fucking make someone laugh or smile, and I think that's okay.
2:12
Speaker 1: As well. With yesterday's feedback and momentum that was created,
2:21
Speaker 1: I had a few people reach out and go that
2:23
Speaker 1: was interesting and wanted to know, what are some of
2:26
Speaker 1: the things that you were What are some of those
2:29
Speaker 1: ideas or core messages or common kind of themes that
2:37
Speaker 1: you have an issue with? And I went, they are
2:38
Speaker 1: good questions, so I'm going to share some of these.
2:44
Speaker 1: Are some of these I actually have taken from specific sites.
2:51
Speaker 1: I won't say the name of the sites or the
2:52
Speaker 1: pages because because I don't want to so fucking they're
2:59
Speaker 1: so buck and there. I don't want to, and it's
3:02
Speaker 1: my podcast, so I'm not going to. And I of
3:06
Speaker 1: course I don't want to run people down, and I
3:09
Speaker 1: don't think there's any point. I think we're We're not
3:11
Speaker 1: trying to throw anyone under the bus. We're just trying
3:14
Speaker 1: to think critically about things that people say and whether
3:17
Speaker 1: or not those things that people say are valuable and
3:20
Speaker 1: helpful to us, us who want to do life well.
3:26
Speaker 1: The first thing, now this is not this the first
3:31
Speaker 1: one about to share, which is you need to find
3:33
Speaker 1: your purpose, which is a very or. We all have
3:36
Speaker 1: a purpose. What's your purpose? You know? I've discovered my purpose.
3:42
Speaker 1: The problem with the or, my or it is that
3:45
Speaker 1: they're all kind of singular, right, And I think the thinking.
3:50
Speaker 1: I like the idea of this, but I think we
3:52
Speaker 1: need to go a little bit deeper. And I think
3:55
Speaker 1: the problem is that it is suggesting that we have
4:00
Speaker 1: a one singular purpose. What if we don't, What if
4:08
Speaker 1: we have lots of different purposes. I don't think my
4:13
Speaker 1: only purpose is to love my mum and dad, keep
4:17
Speaker 1: them safe, look after them, protect them, and be an
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Speaker 1: awesome son, although I do believe that's part of my purpose.
4:24
Speaker 1: That's one of my purposes. What's the plural of purposes?
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Speaker 1: I feel like it should be per pie is purpose
4:32
Speaker 1: is poor pie? Anyway? Anyway? See what I mean? Must
4:38
Speaker 1: try harder in class. But I feel like a lot
4:43
Speaker 1: of us not only do we have more than a
4:45
Speaker 1: single purpose. Right, one of my My purpose might be
4:50
Speaker 1: what I just said. It might also be to be
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Speaker 1: a lifelong learner. It might also be to be of
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Speaker 1: service and value to you people that a lot of
4:59
Speaker 1: people that I have haven't met. It might be to
5:03
Speaker 1: to what else might be to be a lifelong learner.
5:08
Speaker 1: It might be to make people laugh. It doesn't I
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Speaker 1: don't think. I don't think that our purpose or our
5:16
Speaker 1: purposes need to be necessarily groundbreaking, world expanding, life changing
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Speaker 1: mega constructs at all at all? And also, your honor,
5:31
Speaker 1: while I'm pleading my case, what's to say that my
5:37
Speaker 1: purpose when I'm twenty five, which was thirty six years ago,
5:40
Speaker 1: is my purpose at sixty one? Why does it need
5:44
Speaker 1: to be the same? And so I think that our
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Speaker 1: purpose or in other words, our reason for being, or
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Speaker 1: the thing that we want to do be create, or
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Speaker 1: influence or represent whatever whatever, Right, even the two purpose
6:00
Speaker 1: like what does that mean? It means different things to
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Speaker 1: different people, like what's the purpose of a fucking screwdriver?
6:08
Speaker 1: To what's a screw screws? I guess I'm not sure
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Speaker 1: why I use that as a but what's your purpose?
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Speaker 1: I don't think it's a single thing, right, I don't
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Speaker 1: think mine is a single thing. And I think that
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Speaker 1: this idea that you need to have a single purpose
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Speaker 1: can be restrictive, It can be frustrating, it can be
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Speaker 1: derailing and limiting. And perhaps I think, I think again,
6:37
Speaker 1: this is don't believe this because I think this. Put
6:40
Speaker 1: this under the you microscope, or put it up on
6:42
Speaker 1: the old hoist, walk around, kick the tires, see what
6:46
Speaker 1: you think. But I think a better idea than finding
6:50
Speaker 1: your purpose your single purpose, is to find your values,
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Speaker 1: the things that matter to you, like the things that
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Speaker 1: are really important. And then when you figure out the
7:04
Speaker 1: things that are important to you, like whatever they are,
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Speaker 1: whether or not that's growing and learning or love or
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Speaker 1: health or connecting with other humans or the environment or nature,
7:16
Speaker 1: or raising a family or building wealth or by the way,
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Speaker 1: there's no judgment in any of this. Nothing wrong with
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Speaker 1: being widely ambitious and wanting to be a billionaire. Let's
7:27
Speaker 1: not be judging, judge stuff. Not everything's got to be about,
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Speaker 1: you know, planting trees and saving the animals. They're good things.
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Speaker 1: But people's values are people's values. So what are your values?
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Speaker 1: And then if you can build an operating system and
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Speaker 1: a life around that, a way of being and doing,
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Speaker 1: then you'll probably find in the middle of all of
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Speaker 1: that your purpose or purposes emerge as a byproduct. Well, fuck,
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Speaker 1: this is good as a byproduct, he says humbly, as
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Speaker 1: a byproduct, Finish your fuck and see as a byproduct
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Speaker 1: of finding your values and building an existence around those.
8:09
Speaker 1: All right, So that's number one, that took forever. Number
8:12
Speaker 1: two You can do anything you set your mind too. Sure,
8:18
Speaker 1: can't the end. Next, No, let's expand. It's a nice thought,
8:24
Speaker 1: and I think a better meme, but probably would gain
8:30
Speaker 1: less traction and be less popular. Let's be honest, because
8:34
Speaker 1: the idea, the idea, the notion that you can do
8:38
Speaker 1: anything you set your mind to. That's fucking amazing. Oh yeah,
8:42
Speaker 1: let's hug it all out. Let's shake our hands, let's
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Speaker 1: shake our jazz hands, because you can do fucking anything.
8:49
Speaker 1: Oh you can't, you can't. You can't run one hundred
8:52
Speaker 1: meters in nine seconds. You can't become a billionaire by
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Speaker 1: next week. We can't all be president or Prime minister.
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Speaker 1: We can't all be oscar winners. We can't get up
9:01
Speaker 1: on the house and just top of the house and
9:03
Speaker 1: just fly across to the next house using our arms
9:06
Speaker 1: because we're pretending we're a fucking bird. Can't do that.
9:11
Speaker 1: We can't all heal ourselves instantly, We can't all So
9:16
Speaker 1: there are so many things that we can't do. But
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Speaker 1: I think the better message is there's probably a lot
9:23
Speaker 1: of things that you can do that you don't think
9:25
Speaker 1: you can. There are probably many things that you have
9:28
Speaker 1: the potential to do that you're not currently doing. Can
9:34
Speaker 1: you do anything? No? Can you probably do a lot
9:37
Speaker 1: more than you're currently doing. Can you be more than
9:40
Speaker 1: you are currently Can you create more? Can you ask
9:45
Speaker 1: better questions, produce better outcomes? Find more joy, find more happiness?
9:50
Speaker 1: These are good questions to lean into the problem with
9:56
Speaker 1: one of the many problems with you can do anything?
10:00
Speaker 1: Is it? Well? Obviously one you can't, but two when
10:03
Speaker 1: you tell, for example, a young child who doesn't have
10:07
Speaker 1: the athletic ability to become an olympian that they can
10:11
Speaker 1: become an Olympic sprinter just because you want them to
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Speaker 1: when they want to. What happens when they don't become
10:17
Speaker 1: an Olympic sprinter? What happens when you tell when you
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Speaker 1: tell that child that they have an amazing, beautiful voice,
10:27
Speaker 1: when they don't beautiful to you. I understand that beautiful
10:30
Speaker 1: in the sense that it's a child singing. That's beautiful.
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Speaker 1: But if you had got little fat Craig Harper at
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Speaker 1: seven singing, you would have fucking run out of the
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Speaker 1: house with your fingers in your ears because great to
10:44
Speaker 1: hear him singing, But he can't sing for shit. So
10:47
Speaker 1: when you tell little fat seven year old Craig Harper, wow,
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Speaker 1: you could be a world bloody renowned, famous musical star
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Speaker 1: or singer, that doesn't help me because that isn't true
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Speaker 1: because I don't have the innate potential. If somebody has
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Speaker 1: the innate potential and talent, that's a different thing. But
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Speaker 1: also even if they do, keep this in mind, even
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Speaker 1: if they do have the raw potential to be a superstar,
11:19
Speaker 1: there are a lot of other variables, of course, which
11:23
Speaker 1: may preclude them from becoming that superstar. So yes, you
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Speaker 1: can you can do more things. You can probably be
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Speaker 1: more than you imagine. But we also need to be
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Speaker 1: realistic and practical so that we are not setting people
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Speaker 1: up for delusion or disappointment or frustration or sadness or worse.
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Speaker 1: So to those people in your world, encourage them, support them,
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Speaker 1: help them develop and grow and learn be that person.
12:00
Speaker 1: But also it is important that in the middle of
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Speaker 1: all the motivation and inspiration that were also being realistic
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Speaker 1: and practical. Next one number three my least favorite self
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Speaker 1: help messages I'm sharing today. Number three stand by ah.
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Speaker 1: This is what happens when you're an only child, right.
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Speaker 1: Number three, Things will work themselves out. It's all right, love,
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Speaker 1: things will work themselves out. It's okay. Things will work
12:30
Speaker 1: themselves out. Oh you know what, things will work themselves
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Speaker 1: It's not. They won't sometimes maybe sometimes maybe things just
12:41
Speaker 1: end up a way that works for us. But when
12:45
Speaker 1: we say things like external variables will work themselves out,
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Speaker 1: we're saying that like there is some kind of conscious
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Speaker 1: process on behalf of the aforementioned things to work out
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Speaker 1: in a way that is good for you. Well, that
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Speaker 1: is bullshit. That is not true. Sometimes things will somehow
13:09
Speaker 1: end up in a way where it's for your benefits.
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Speaker 1: But there are also sometimes things work out to be
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Speaker 1: a fucking catastrophe. And you know that, sometimes things work
13:22
Speaker 1: out to be a fucking major problem or barrier or
13:26
Speaker 1: hurdle on planet You so too, And what we do
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Speaker 1: when we tell people or we tell ourselves that things
13:34
Speaker 1: will work out, we're kind of saying, I don't need
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Speaker 1: to do anything. You don't need to get involved, you
13:40
Speaker 1: don't need to solve the problem, you don't need to
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Speaker 1: do anything hard, you don't need to take responsibility or accountability,
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Speaker 1: because things will work themselves out. Again, sounds great, doesn't it?
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Speaker 1: Very comforting, makes us feel good, But it's that, Hey,
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Speaker 1: you don't have to get off the couch thinking you
14:02
Speaker 1: don't have to, you don't have to work. It will
14:08
Speaker 1: just you know. Also, by the way, if the universe
14:12
Speaker 1: wants it for you, oh fuck, don't get me started
14:14
Speaker 1: on the universe and the universe, because the universe cares
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Speaker 1: about you and you fucking saw back anyway. Um, not true,
14:24
Speaker 1: not true. So we need to work things out, and
14:30
Speaker 1: sometimes things will fall in our lap fortuitously. Sometimes things
14:35
Speaker 1: will work out in that sense for the better, which
14:39
Speaker 1: is great, But that's not something. Relying on the fact
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Speaker 1: that things will work themselves out is a terrible strategy
14:46
Speaker 1: if you want to be successful, if you want to
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Speaker 1: build resilience, if you want to have a great body
14:51
Speaker 1: and health and relationships and career and financial success, and
14:55
Speaker 1: your kind of underlying thinking or your overarching strategy is
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Speaker 1: things will work themselves out. Will batten down the hatches
15:02
Speaker 1: because you're going to be fucking sad and disappointed. Then
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Speaker 1: number three, number four, and this is almost sounds quite
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Speaker 1: on Craig Harpery. So the message is nothing good happens
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Speaker 1: when you're comfortable. That almost sounds like something I would say,
15:22
Speaker 1: nothing good happens when you're comfortable. Well, I think also
15:26
Speaker 1: that's bullshit. Having said that, I'm a fan of periodic
15:32
Speaker 1: and strategic and well thought through discomfort. I'm a big
15:37
Speaker 1: fan of that. Because when we choose to do the
15:42
Speaker 1: hard thing, to lift the weight, to go for the run,
15:44
Speaker 1: to take the financial risk, to have the hard conversation,
15:48
Speaker 1: to get vulnerable, to get out of our little box,
15:50
Speaker 1: to step out of and away from the safety net,
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Speaker 1: and all of those metaphors, that is quite often, not always,
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Speaker 1: but that is quite often the time when we increase
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Speaker 1: resilience and strength and awareness, and we learn more about ourselves.
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Speaker 1: So there's definitely value in discomfort. But to say that
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Speaker 1: nothing good happens when we're comfortable, well that's fucking ridiculous
16:11
Speaker 1: because comfort is awesome. Comfort is great me lying on
16:17
Speaker 1: the bed watching Netflix. To say that nothing good comes
16:21
Speaker 1: from that, well that's bullshit, because I'm happy as fuck,
16:24
Speaker 1: I'm having a good time. My body is relaxed, my
16:27
Speaker 1: mind's relaxed, I'm not overthinking, I'm not stressed, I'm not anxious.
16:32
Speaker 1: You know, that's kind of bullshit. So good things happen
16:36
Speaker 1: when we're comfortable, and good things happen when we're uncomfortable.
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Speaker 1: It doesn't need to be one or the other all
16:43
Speaker 1: of the time. It's a balance between strategic discomfort, which
16:48
Speaker 1: is hopefully going to lead to some kind of growth
16:52
Speaker 1: of evolution, development, gain success, and also being able to like,
16:58
Speaker 1: we don't want to be all of that. We don't
16:59
Speaker 1: want to the driven super psycho, fucking nose to the grindstone,
17:05
Speaker 1: you know, win at all costs. You know, if you're
17:07
Speaker 1: not uncomfortable, then you're not bragging whatever. I mean, that's ridiculous.
17:12
Speaker 1: So some discomfort some of the time, not all of
17:16
Speaker 1: the time. Some comfort some of the time, not all
17:19
Speaker 1: of the time. It's about getting the balance. The balance. Now,
17:26
Speaker 1: now I'm going to do one or two that have
17:28
Speaker 1: been Actually I was gonna I'm not even gonna say
17:31
Speaker 1: I've got the people who said these, But this is
17:34
Speaker 1: a famous ish quote. Well, it came up as a
17:38
Speaker 1: meme on my thing. I don't even know the person
17:41
Speaker 1: that it was credited to, but this is what it said.
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Speaker 1: The minute you decide you want better for yourself is
17:49
Speaker 1: the minute the entire universe begins to shift in your favor.
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Speaker 1: What a fucking load of garbage. Really, Show me one
18:00
Speaker 1: bit of evidence that that is real? Show me anything
18:06
Speaker 1: to say that the minute that I decide, what about
18:10
Speaker 1: the kid living in the congo, who's five, who's got malaria,
18:18
Speaker 1: who's drink and dirty water, who lives in abject poverty,
18:22
Speaker 1: whose life is a constant struggle. Are you telling me
18:28
Speaker 1: that all that kid needs to do is just decide
18:31
Speaker 1: they want better? See? This kind of stuff, for me,
18:36
Speaker 1: is problematic, This complete bullshit that people buy into and believe,
18:45
Speaker 1: where they are actually taking away personal sovereignty and personal
18:54
Speaker 1: power from people, where and by the way, that little
18:59
Speaker 1: example of that five year old child, I had a
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Speaker 1: guy called Justin wren On, who is a beautiful human
19:05
Speaker 1: being who builds wells for fresh water for children and
19:10
Speaker 1: families in the Congo, in fact, for the Pigmies, tribes
19:15
Speaker 1: of Pigmies who live in the Congo. And so I'm
19:17
Speaker 1: saying that with some insight, I'm giving that example. And
19:21
Speaker 1: so this kind of you know, bullshit that there are
19:25
Speaker 1: a lot of people in the world just wanting better
19:29
Speaker 1: for themselves doesn't help them because there are circumstances way
19:34
Speaker 1: beyond their fucking control. And this magical thinking that people
19:39
Speaker 1: talk about, not only is it completely untrue, but it's
19:45
Speaker 1: also it's also an insult. It's an insult to people
19:50
Speaker 1: who are living in circumstances and situations that are beyond
19:55
Speaker 1: their control. So fuck that thinking. Number six. Positivity is
20:05
Speaker 1: a choice. Oh my god, Oh my god. The happiness
20:11
Speaker 1: of your life. This is part two. The happiness of
20:13
Speaker 1: your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. Ah nah,
20:19
Speaker 1: look is there something in that year Kinder? Of course,
20:26
Speaker 1: what's going on in our mind has an emotional and
20:30
Speaker 1: physiological impact and sociological impact. But you've got to remember
20:34
Speaker 1: that thinking happens despite us, despite as well as because
20:44
Speaker 1: of us, so can we. So to say positivity is
20:50
Speaker 1: a choice is an extremely inaccurate simplification of a multi dimensional,
20:57
Speaker 1: multi layered thing, Because positivity, you know, outlook how someone
21:04
Speaker 1: sees the world or situations, or themselves, or the past
21:09
Speaker 1: or the present of the future. This is not just
21:12
Speaker 1: a choice. Positivity is no, it's not. No, it's not.
21:16
Speaker 1: There are many factors environment, situations, circumstance, finances are a biology,
21:26
Speaker 1: a genetics, sociology, who we hang around, what we focus on,
21:31
Speaker 1: what we pay attention to. There are a myriad of
21:34
Speaker 1: variables which impact how positive we are or how negative
21:38
Speaker 1: we are. So to just wheel out this little simple
21:41
Speaker 1: cliche positivity is a choice, There you go, Brian, all
21:45
Speaker 1: the best, just choose positive again. This is unhelpful, destructive,
21:52
Speaker 1: misleading bullshit that doesn't help people's lives. What is better
21:57
Speaker 1: is to say, listen, Brian, to an extent, you can
22:02
Speaker 1: manage your thoughts with work and insight and awareness. And
22:05
Speaker 1: in fact, there's this thing called metacognition where we start
22:09
Speaker 1: to think about how we think and why we think
22:11
Speaker 1: the way that we think, and we start to understand
22:14
Speaker 1: our own programming and conditioning and socialization and maybe even
22:19
Speaker 1: try to understand our genetics when we look at our
22:21
Speaker 1: mom and dad and grandma and grandpa. And then we
22:24
Speaker 1: start to be a little bit more a scientific and
22:30
Speaker 1: big picture around this very complicated challenge, which is managing
22:39
Speaker 1: our mind and managing our thoughts and managing our level
22:42
Speaker 1: of positivity. So there is definitely a relationship between thoughts
22:49
Speaker 1: and emotions and physiology and one's positivity or negative. There's
22:57
Speaker 1: definite relationship, definitely, But the idea that we can just
23:01
Speaker 1: choose positivity again ridiculous. Now the next one, I've never
23:09
Speaker 1: heard it before, but I literally read it this week
23:15
Speaker 1: and it's accredited to You might do a search and
23:19
Speaker 1: see if you find the same thing. It's accredited to
23:23
Speaker 1: a very famous actor, A Block, a very very famous
23:29
Speaker 1: actor whom I quite like as an actor. But I
23:33
Speaker 1: don't know that he said it. I just saw this
23:35
Speaker 1: quote with his name quoted underneath the quote, and the
23:38
Speaker 1: quote is, HM, he's fucking hilarious. This one. A man
23:43
Speaker 1: with no friends or a very small circle is a
23:47
Speaker 1: very very secure man. A man with no friends or
23:52
Speaker 1: a very small circle, I guess they mean circle of friends.
23:55
Speaker 1: So let me expand it. A man with no friends
23:57
Speaker 1: or a very small circle and brackets of friends is
24:00
Speaker 1: a very very secure man. What the fuck? What that's
24:05
Speaker 1: fucking ridiculous. I know people with no friends that are
24:10
Speaker 1: super insecure, or very few friends, that are paranoid, that
24:15
Speaker 1: hate their life, that are lonely, that are disconnected, that
24:19
Speaker 1: are anything but secure, anything but happy. The idea that
24:24
Speaker 1: the less friends you've got, the more secure you're going
24:27
Speaker 1: to God, I'm not even going to spend much time
24:30
Speaker 1: on that, but fucking hell. All right, here's another one.
24:33
Speaker 1: And this is another one that I read. This is stupid,
24:37
Speaker 1: but this one, this had a picture of a dude
24:40
Speaker 1: and it had this meme written over the top or
24:44
Speaker 1: this message written over the top, and it had literally
24:48
Speaker 1: thousands of shares and likes, and I'm like, I don't
24:52
Speaker 1: get it. Here's what it said. Every family needs one
24:57
Speaker 1: unstable person who has no fear and is willing to
25:01
Speaker 1: go to war with whoever messes with their tribe. Oh God, really,
25:10
Speaker 1: is that what we're doing now? We need to find
25:12
Speaker 1: that one unstable, crazy person who will just fucking do whatever.
25:19
Speaker 1: I don't think, so I don't know that instability is
25:23
Speaker 1: the basis for anything great. I don't know that we'd
25:26
Speaker 1: be recommending it or endorsing it, but nonetheless, that message
25:32
Speaker 1: tens of thousands of likes, thousands of comments, thousands of shares.
25:38
Speaker 1: I think there's a better way. I think there's a
25:40
Speaker 1: better way to deal with things than necessarily. And of
25:45
Speaker 1: course this is a metaphor here going to war. I
25:48
Speaker 1: think there are a lot of steps, there are a
25:50
Speaker 1: lot of variables around that, and I'm not you know,
25:55
Speaker 1: there are times when I will get elevated if need be,
26:00
Speaker 1: I will, I will, I will be whatever I need
26:04
Speaker 1: to be within reason to resolve certain things. I've been
26:07
Speaker 1: in physical things where people have been threatening or intimidating
26:12
Speaker 1: or hurting people that I care about, And there is
26:17
Speaker 1: a time, you know, it's a last resort. But I
26:20
Speaker 1: think I've told this story once before. I was out
26:23
Speaker 1: and about with my mum and dad a few years
26:25
Speaker 1: ago now, and somebody who clearly had some issues stepped
26:30
Speaker 1: in front of my mum and grabbed her my mum
26:34
Speaker 1: on the arm because he wanted my mom to give
26:37
Speaker 1: her money, and he was quite forceful, and he literally
26:41
Speaker 1: physically grabbed my mum. So there's a stary and that
26:45
Speaker 1: doesn't mean so great, you just go off like a
26:47
Speaker 1: crazy person and kill him. No, it doesn't mean that
26:50
Speaker 1: at all. It just means so, that's not a time
26:52
Speaker 1: for me to have a chat to negotiate, That's a
26:54
Speaker 1: time for me to intervene, you know, force with force.
26:57
Speaker 1: I didn't hurt him, but he very quickly got the message.
27:02
Speaker 1: There's a time. But the message that every family needs
27:06
Speaker 1: an unstable person to go to war. I don't think so.
27:11
Speaker 1: I don't think so. All right, what else is on
27:15
Speaker 1: my list? All right? What about this one? Everything happens
27:21
Speaker 1: for a reason. Well, at its core, of course, I
27:27
Speaker 1: mean that is true. But the the energy or the
27:32
Speaker 1: intention I guess behind this message is that that you know,
27:39
Speaker 1: even bad things happen for reason, a reason like that's
27:43
Speaker 1: that's that was meant to happen to you. There's some
27:46
Speaker 1: kind of cosmic script ensuring that all is going to plan.
27:54
Speaker 1: You needed to have this terrible thing happened to you
27:57
Speaker 1: so that you learned this lesson and that look, I
28:03
Speaker 1: this could be true. I don't think so. I don't
28:07
Speaker 1: think everything happens for a reason that you needed to
28:13
Speaker 1: have some profound I think, sometimes shit just happens, and
28:17
Speaker 1: the shit happens and we can assign it, meaning we
28:21
Speaker 1: can find that doesn't mean that we can't find a
28:23
Speaker 1: lesson in everything, but to think that everything that happens
28:27
Speaker 1: to you was somehow cosmically preordained. Again, this is one
28:33
Speaker 1: of those things I could I could find out one
28:36
Speaker 1: day that everything is cosmically preordained and divinely scripted, and
28:41
Speaker 1: I have no fucking idea, but I don't have evidence
28:44
Speaker 1: for that yet. And I think I think sometimes you know,
28:49
Speaker 1: it's like sometimes like I recently spoke to someone who
28:52
Speaker 1: tried something a few times and it failed, and they're like,
28:57
Speaker 1: they're thinking, was this is happening for a reason, It's
29:01
Speaker 1: just not meant to be. My thinking is, well, maybe
29:04
Speaker 1: you just fucking haven't figured out the right way. Maybe
29:06
Speaker 1: you've had three failures, and we could call those three lessons,
29:10
Speaker 1: well four or five or whatever it was, doesn't matter.
29:14
Speaker 1: But you've got to realize that there's the thing that's
29:16
Speaker 1: going on, there's the thing that happens, situation, circumstance, environment, outcome,
29:20
Speaker 1: external physical, three dimensional world. There's all these things going
29:23
Speaker 1: around us and on around us, and then and then
29:29
Speaker 1: there's us, then there's us the storyteller. Everything happens for
29:33
Speaker 1: a reason. That's a story. Oh, this is a lesson,
29:37
Speaker 1: that's a story. This is a problem. That's a story.
29:40
Speaker 1: This is good, that's a story. This is bad that
29:42
Speaker 1: that's a story. And this is ever present, this interaction
29:47
Speaker 1: between event and response, external world, internal world, the thing
29:51
Speaker 1: that happens, your story about the thing that happens, the
29:54
Speaker 1: thing that happens, your story about the thing that happens,
29:56
Speaker 1: and the emotional response to your story, right, and then
30:00
Speaker 1: the impact of the emotional response on you on an
30:04
Speaker 1: operational level. So this whole kind of letting go of
30:11
Speaker 1: I can't control. It's got nothing to do with me.
30:13
Speaker 1: I'm just a fucking passenger in this life. No, No,
30:18
Speaker 1: you're not a passenger unless you choose to be. You're
30:21
Speaker 1: not a character in the story. You're the fucking story writer.
30:25
Speaker 1: You're the author. You're the captain of the bus that
30:28
Speaker 1: you're on. You're the driver, you're the fucking navigator. You're
30:31
Speaker 1: not some unwilling, unknowing, out of control kind of victim
30:38
Speaker 1: or passenger unless you allow that to happen. Next one,
30:46
Speaker 1: just be yourself and everything will work out. Again, Nah,
30:51
Speaker 1: Sometimes yourself needs growth, Sometimes yourself needs change and improvement
30:58
Speaker 1: and learning and better toy making. If I'd have stayed myself,
31:03
Speaker 1: in other words, how I was at a point in
31:04
Speaker 1: my life, Oh that's Craig, just being Craig. If I
31:08
Speaker 1: hadn't of recognized my limitations and my bullshit and my
31:13
Speaker 1: ego and all of the psychological, emotional, behavioral and physiological
31:19
Speaker 1: variables that were within my control, that I was letting
31:25
Speaker 1: ruin my life or part of my life. And if
31:28
Speaker 1: I hadn't recognized that, and I had have relied on
31:31
Speaker 1: the just be you, Craig, and everything will be what
31:34
Speaker 1: it will be, everything will work out, then I never
31:37
Speaker 1: would have done most of the things that I've done
31:40
Speaker 1: that are kind of cool. And I would have learned
31:42
Speaker 1: the things that I would have built the business, and
31:44
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have had the podcast, and I would have
31:46
Speaker 1: written the books, and I wouldn't have traveled all over
31:48
Speaker 1: the world, and I wouldn't have spoken to thousands of audiences.
31:51
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying I'm great. I'm not great. But
31:54
Speaker 1: what I've done is I've recognized that things don't just
31:57
Speaker 1: work out if I'm just you know, just being me.
32:01
Speaker 1: It's cool, it's cool that I'm me, but I've got
32:04
Speaker 1: to constantly work on me. I can't just resign myself
32:09
Speaker 1: to no. Well, you know, Mum used to say to me,
32:12
Speaker 1: I hope nobody nobody tell Mum or Dad this. But
32:14
Speaker 1: you know, Ron's not the master communicator. God bless his
32:18
Speaker 1: little socks. But Ron could have it, could have become
32:23
Speaker 1: a better communicator. You know, when you're talking about you know,
32:27
Speaker 1: you know how old guys tend. I'm being very discriminatory there,
32:30
Speaker 1: but you know how I like Australian men. Older Australian
32:34
Speaker 1: men are not necessarily renowned for their brilliant communication or
32:39
Speaker 1: empathy or emotional awareness. Now I'm generalizing. Don't hate me.
32:43
Speaker 1: There are a lot of exceptions. But Mum used to say, oh,
32:46
Speaker 1: that's just your father. It's just your father. I'm like, yeah,
32:51
Speaker 1: but he's not a dumb guy. Yeah, he could actually
32:54
Speaker 1: have conversations. He could actually learn or grow or evolve.
32:58
Speaker 1: And while that's not up to me, that's up to him.
33:00
Speaker 1: And I still love him and he's a great dad.
33:02
Speaker 1: But just to say oh, that's how they are again,
33:06
Speaker 1: that's almost to me. That's not that's not necessarily true,
33:12
Speaker 1: because everyone has the potential for becoming a different, improved,
33:19
Speaker 1: more efficient, more effective version of themselves, which is the
33:24
Speaker 1: reason that you're listening to this. Here's another Follow your
33:30
Speaker 1: passion and you'll never work a day in your life. Yeah,
33:35
Speaker 1: not true. Perhaps if your job and your passion and
33:40
Speaker 1: your purpose whatever that is, intersect, then work won't feel
33:46
Speaker 1: as much like work in inverted commons. But you know,
33:50
Speaker 1: even with my job, and I love my job, and
33:52
Speaker 1: I've said very often that I feel like I've got
33:55
Speaker 1: a cheat code, that it's a bit of a scam,
33:58
Speaker 1: and that you know, like right now, I'm recording a podcast.
34:02
Speaker 1: I'm talking to you about things that I'm passionate about,
34:06
Speaker 1: and it's real and it's all authentic. But at the
34:08
Speaker 1: same time, I need to do this today. I need
34:11
Speaker 1: to get it done. We need to get it edited.
34:13
Speaker 1: I need to write some copy or I need to
34:15
Speaker 1: write some show notes, I need to come up with
34:16
Speaker 1: a title, and then there's a bunch of other things
34:19
Speaker 1: that I've got to do today. I don't hate any
34:20
Speaker 1: of those things, but there's still the obligation and the
34:23
Speaker 1: commitment of work. So the idea that you'll never kind
34:27
Speaker 1: of experience work again in inverted commas, just because you're
34:31
Speaker 1: following your passion. There's some truth in that, but they're
34:36
Speaker 1: never going to experience. Yeah, it's not true. Even dreams come,
34:40
Speaker 1: even dream jobs come with hard work and stress and
34:44
Speaker 1: the odd boring component. So it's still a couple more So,
34:49
Speaker 1: I read one that somebody put up which was a
34:52
Speaker 1: sign in a workplace. I think it was a staff
34:57
Speaker 1: room or I'm not sure, but it was a workplace
35:00
Speaker 1: sign and it said good vibes only. Well, you know,
35:08
Speaker 1: that's kind of toxic positivity. It's a nice intention, it's
35:13
Speaker 1: a nice intention, but the truth is that people have
35:16
Speaker 1: bad days. Now we don't want we don't want a
35:19
Speaker 1: sign that says shit vibes only, of course, and I
35:23
Speaker 1: like the idea, but I think we also need to
35:25
Speaker 1: be practical. Is that negative emotions are not only are
35:29
Speaker 1: they normal, but sometimes they're useful sometimes or often they're unavoidable,
35:37
Speaker 1: and maybe we need let's do our best. But if
35:41
Speaker 1: you're having a shit day, that's okay, maybe we need
35:45
Speaker 1: maybe we need that sign. You know, it's probably not
35:49
Speaker 1: going to take off, I admit, but I think it's
35:52
Speaker 1: a little bit more practical. So good vibes only in
35:57
Speaker 1: the workplace may be a good intension, maybe toxic positivity,
36:03
Speaker 1: but probably not ultimately helpful. Alright, let's do one more.
36:10
Speaker 1: Let's do let's do the old never give up. There
36:17
Speaker 1: seems some kind of shame in stopping something or giving
36:21
Speaker 1: up on something. But sometimes depending on what the something is,
36:28
Speaker 1: giving up on an idea or a process, or I
36:32
Speaker 1: think the word or the term giving up or give
36:34
Speaker 1: up is I think that's the problem. If we replaced
36:39
Speaker 1: never give up with never stop or then you go, well,
36:42
Speaker 1: that's dumb advice, because sometimes we should stop, or sometimes
36:46
Speaker 1: we should quit, or sometimes we should not follow that
36:49
Speaker 1: path anymore or that protocol anymore because it's not working,
36:54
Speaker 1: you know, like sticking with a bad job or a
36:57
Speaker 1: failing business, or a toxic relationship, or a diet that
37:01
Speaker 1: doesn't work, or a training program that's constantly injuring you
37:04
Speaker 1: or that's not admirable or clever. That's silly. That's silly.
37:09
Speaker 1: There's a difference between giving up just because you know
37:12
Speaker 1: you can't be bothered or it's all too hard or whatever,
37:15
Speaker 1: but and giving up or stopping something because it's actually
37:19
Speaker 1: a smart thing to do. It's the best decision to make.
37:22
Speaker 1: It's the best course of action. And we can be
37:25
Speaker 1: you know, we can persevere through. You know, we can
37:29
Speaker 1: be relentless and proactive in the middle of the mayhem
37:32
Speaker 1: and the madness and the tough stuff, and we can
37:35
Speaker 1: keep hustling and grinding and working and we'll produce good outcomes.
37:38
Speaker 1: And that's I understand that never give up in that sense.
37:42
Speaker 1: I understand that, But also I understand the well, sometimes
37:46
Speaker 1: this is the right time to give up or to
37:49
Speaker 1: not do this thing. But I guess the ah, what's
37:54
Speaker 1: the word? What am I looking for? I probably should
37:57
Speaker 1: have thought this through, but I guess it's that that
38:00
Speaker 1: the emotion that can arise from the idea of giving up,
38:05
Speaker 1: because I think we associate the idea of giving up
38:07
Speaker 1: with weakness or an aptitude or lack of courage. And
38:12
Speaker 1: I understand that. But I also think that there are
38:16
Speaker 1: times when the absolute best thing for you to do,
38:19
Speaker 1: In fact, sometimes the most courageous thing for you to
38:23
Speaker 1: do is to stop doing something. Is to get out
38:27
Speaker 1: of something that's ineffective, unproductive, failing, falling down, toxic, to
38:33
Speaker 1: get the fuck out of there. It's not giving up,
38:36
Speaker 1: it's actually stepping up. I guess that'll do. I guess
38:43
Speaker 1: that I could probably bang on. I could bang on.
38:45
Speaker 1: I've got lots more, but I you know, I think
38:48
Speaker 1: you get the gist. I think you get the gist.
38:53
Speaker 1: I love some of what comes out of the self help,
38:57
Speaker 1: you know, kind of personal development space. Love some of
39:00
Speaker 1: it because of the some of the memes and some
39:04
Speaker 1: of the messages are just really accurate, insightful, succinct snapshots
39:10
Speaker 1: of a much bigger truth or wisdom. And I think
39:15
Speaker 1: those messages and you need to try to figure out
39:17
Speaker 1: what those are. That is what I try to share.
39:21
Speaker 1: I'm sure I don't always nail it. So there's that.
39:25
Speaker 1: But then at the other end of the spectrum, there's
39:28
Speaker 1: the stuff that's just unhelpful, toxic, psychobabbly magical thinking bullshit
39:38
Speaker 1: that we need to be aware of and avoid. ALRIGHTY,
39:43
Speaker 1: have a good day, Have a great magical day.