Latest / The Comeback Career Podcast with Fexingo: Returning After a Gap, Stay-at-Home Re-Entry / The Returnee Identity Crisis
Transcript
- Lucas: We spend so much time talking about the mechanics of returning to work—reskilling, salary negotiation, the actual logistics of getting back into an office or a remote setup. But I think we often skip the hardest part, which is the internal one. It is not just about proving you have the skills anymore; it is about remembering who you are as a professional after being absent for a while. Luna: Right. The skills might be there, but the narrative feels fragmented. You are trying to stitch together a version of yourself that existed five years ago with the person you are today. Lucas: Exactly. And that friction creates what I call identity whiplash. Let me introduce you to Sarah Jenkins. She was a director at a mid-sized logistics firm before taking a five-year hiatus to raise her kids. When she started looking for roles in October twenty twenty six, she wasn't struggling with Excel or project timelines. She was struggling with the feeling that she had to apologize for her existence in the workplace. Luna: That apology mindset is dangerous because it signals insecurity to hiring managers before they even ask a technical question. Lucas: It does. And Sarah’s interviews were going well technically, but she kept underselling herself. She would say things like, 'I know I’m out of touch,' or 'I hope my experience still counts.' She was framing her gap as a deficit rather than a period of distinct life experience. She was letting the silence do the talking for her. Luna: So the issue isn't capability; it's the framing of the timeline. How do you bridge that five-year gap without sounding defensive? Lucas: Well, this brings us to the donation segment, which actually ties directly into this idea of supporting your own journey through uncertainty. If we've helped you think through a career move or decision, consider supporting the show. Listener support is what keeps Fexingo Business ad-free and allows us to dig deep into stories like Sarah’s without corporate interference. You can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Any amount helps us keep producing this content for listeners navigating their own transitions. Luna: Thanks for the support, everyone. It really means a lot to keep these conversations happening. Lucas: Back to Sarah. Once she shifted her mindset from apologizing to explaining, everything changed. She stopped treating her gap as a hole in her resume and started treating it as a chapter of her story. She realized that the empathy, crisis management, and multi-tasking she used managing a household were highly transferable leadership skills. Luna: But translating those domestic skills into corporate language is tricky. Most people don't naturally speak 'project management' when describing their home life. Lucas: They don't, unless they are coached to do so. Sarah started reframing her experience. Instead of saying she took time off, she described managing complex schedules, resolving conflicts between stakeholders, and operating under tight constraints. It sounds cliché, but the underlying competency is real. The problem is that she didn't believe it was relevant until she articulated it clearly. Luna: So the first step is linguistic translation. Turning lived experience into professional value propositions. Lucas: Precisely. The second step is controlling the narrative arc. In her initial interviews, Sarah let the gap define the conversation. Interviewers would ask about the five years, and she would rush through it, eager to get back to her past achievements. By changing her approach, she made the gap a brief footnote and focused the majority of the conversation on her recent upskilling and current readiness. Luna: That makes sense. You don't want to dwell on the absence; you want to highlight the return. It’s about momentum, not history. Lucas: Right. Momentum is key. And this ties into the third part of the framework: environmental alignment. Sarah realized that some companies were inherently biased against long gaps, regardless of her pitch. She shifted her target list toward organizations that valued diverse career paths and flexible working models. She stopped trying to fit into rigid structures that viewed her gap as a red flag. Luna: That’s a crucial strategic move. Why fight for entry into a culture that doesn’t want you when you can find a culture that values the unique perspective you bring? Lucas: Exactly. It saves energy and reduces rejection fatigue. Sarah found a role at a tech startup that specifically hired for 'life-experienced' professionals. They saw her gap as proof of resilience and adaptability, not as a lack of commitment. She got the job, and now she is thriving. Luna: It’s interesting how the market in October twenty twenty six seems more open to this kind of narrative than it was even a few years ago. Lucas: It is. The labor shortage in many sectors has forced companies to broaden their talent pools. They are less willing to ignore experienced candidates because of arbitrary timeline rules. But the candidate still has to do the heavy lifting to prove they are ready. Sarah’s success wasn't just luck; it was a deliberate restructuring of her self-concept. Luna: Do you think this identity shift is harder for men who took sabbaticals compared to women who took parental leave? Lucas: It can be. Men often face different stereotypes, like being seen as disengaged or unmotivated. Women often face the 'motherhood penalty' or assumptions about availability. Both groups struggle with identity whiplash, but the societal lens is different. However, the solution is similar: redefine the gap as a period of intentional growth rather than passive drift. Luna: Intentional growth. That’s the phrase that changes everything. It moves the story from something that happened to you to something you chose. Lucas: Yes. And that agency is what employers respond to. They want people who make decisions, not people who wait for permission. Sarah’s ability to articulate why she left and why she returned showed exactly that kind of agency. Luna: So, if someone is listening right now and feeling stuck in that apology mode, what is the immediate action they should take? Lucas: Write down three specific skills you honed during your gap. Not vague traits, but concrete abilities. Maybe it was budgeting, conflict resolution, or learning a new software tool. Then, rewrite your resume bullet points to reflect those skills, even if they came from non-traditional contexts. Luna: Make the invisible visible. Turn your life experience into data points that matter to an employer. Lucas: Exactly. Data points are hard to argue with. Feelings are easy to dismiss. By anchoring your narrative in specific competencies, you force the interviewer to evaluate your value, not your timeline. Luna: And practice saying it out loud. Because if you don't believe it, neither will they. Confidence is contagious, even when discussing a gap. Lucas: It is. And remember, your gap is part of your professional history, not a separate entity. It shaped you. It gave you context. Use that context to lead, not to follow. Luna: Sarah’s story is a reminder that returning isn't about going back to who you were. It's about moving forward as who you have become. Lucas: That’s the takeaway. The comeback isn't a return; it's an evolution. And the best part is, you already have the evidence. You just need to present it. Luna: Here’s to evolving careers and confident returns. Lucas: Here’s to that. See you next time.