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Colossians 3:14-19 - The Role of Wives in the Christian Marriage · The Bible Explained with Jenn Kokal

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  Speaker 1: Hi guys, and good morning. Today we're going to be
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  Speaker 1: talking about marriage relationships, including submission in marriage and also
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  Speaker 1: husbands leading with grace. Stay tuned for that. So unfortunately,
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  Speaker 1: the Crazy T shirt is now partially out of stock,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: all right, so all of my mediums in the crazy
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  Speaker 1: T shirt are gone. So if you want to get
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  Speaker 1: yourself a crazy T shirt, you got to go over
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: and get one before they all sell out. That is
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  Speaker 1: linked in the description of this episode. And of course
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  Speaker 1: the crazy T shirts are for you crazy tea drinkers
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: that for some reason enjoy tea over coffee when coffee
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  Speaker 1: is the superior beverage. But because you guys are so
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  Speaker 1: crazy you have your own T shirt in my shop,
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  Speaker 1: Coffee drinkers, you don't get a T shirt. Maybe some
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  Speaker 1: day I'll make one for you guys as well. Anyway,
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  Speaker 1: pay for listeners. Let's go ahead and read Colossian's cha
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  Speaker 1: chapter three, verses fourteen through nineteen. We are not talking
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  Speaker 1: about a long portion of scripture today, but it is
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  Speaker 1: full of content because we are going to be discussing
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  Speaker 1: the topic of marriage. So I will be reading this
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  Speaker 1: as I usually do from the web above all these
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  Speaker 1: things walk in love which is the bond of perfection.
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  Speaker 1: And let the peace of God rule in your hearts,
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  Speaker 1: to which you are also called in one body, and
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  Speaker 1: be thankful. Let the Word of Christ dwell in you
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  Speaker 1: richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another with psalms,
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  Speaker 1: hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your heart
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  Speaker 1: to the Lord. Whatever you do in word or deed,
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  Speaker 1: do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving
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  Speaker 1: thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, be in
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  Speaker 1: subjection to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands.
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  Speaker 1: Love your wives, and don't be bitter against them. On Tuesday,
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  Speaker 1: we talked about the list of dos and don'ts that
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  Speaker 1: Paul expects Christians to do. So he says, don't do
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  Speaker 1: the things that you used to do before you became
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  Speaker 1: a Christian, such as sexual immorality, coveteousness, idolatry, anger, wrath, malice, slander,
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  Speaker 1: all those types of things. Paul says, get rid of
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  Speaker 1: those because that was the old man. You have now
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  Speaker 1: become a new man or a new woman, and those
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  Speaker 1: things are no longer supposed to be part of your lives.
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  Speaker 1: And so we talked about the struggle with that, how
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  Speaker 1: people have not achieved perfection. You know, once you become
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  Speaker 1: a Christian, that doesn't automatically mean you stop sinning, but
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  Speaker 1: you try to say no to those sins far more often.
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  Speaker 1: Jesus himself said every single day we got to take
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  Speaker 1: up our cross and follow him. So it's a battle,
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  Speaker 1: a struggle every single day to reject our old sin
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  Speaker 1: nature and pursue the Christian life, living the way Jesus did.
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  Speaker 1: But right after Paul says what Christians shouldn't be doing,
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  Speaker 1: he then goes into a list of things that they
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  Speaker 1: should be doing. In verses twelve and thirteen, he says,
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  Speaker 1: put on a heart of compassion, kindness, lowliness, humility, and perseverance,
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  Speaker 1: bear with one another and forgive each other. So that
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  Speaker 1: is what Christians should be pursuing, not the old sin nature,
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  Speaker 1: but these new things that don't come naturally to us,
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  Speaker 1: these things that the Holy Spirit helps us with once
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  Speaker 1: we become Christians. And that's where we left off on Tuesday,
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  Speaker 1: and in verse fourteen, Paul says, even above all of
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  Speaker 1: these good things that I just told you to do,
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  Speaker 1: there's something even better that each Christian should be doing.
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  Speaker 1: He says, above all these things, walk in love, which
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  Speaker 1: is the bond of perfection. And if you read this
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  Speaker 1: verse in the NIV version, here's what it says. Over
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  Speaker 1: all of these virtues, put on love, which binds them
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  Speaker 1: all together in perfect unity. So, in other words, love
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  Speaker 1: is truly what makes us more humay, more kind to
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  Speaker 1: other people. If we don't have love, we're not really
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  Speaker 1: going to be able to be forgiving or kind or
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  Speaker 1: humble or anything like that. We have to have love first.
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  Speaker 1: That is the greatest of all of the Christian virtues.
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  Speaker 1: Jesus himself said that the Old Testament laws are actually
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  Speaker 1: summed up with two things. Firstly love of God and
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  Speaker 1: then secondly love of others. Jesus himself said that love
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  Speaker 1: was the greatest commandment. So we are supposed to be
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  Speaker 1: loving above everything else. And then once we learn to
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  Speaker 1: be more loving, these other things are going to come,
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  Speaker 1: maybe not more naturally to us, but we'll be able
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  Speaker 1: to do them more. If we truly have love for
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  Speaker 1: other people, we're going to be less offended, we're going
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  Speaker 1: to be less angry at people, less prideful, and that
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  Speaker 1: all comes through the practice of love. But then he
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  Speaker 1: continues in verse fifteen, and let the peace of God
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  Speaker 1: rule in your hearts, to which you were also called
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  Speaker 1: in one body, and be thankful. I believe thankfulness now
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  Speaker 1: has shown up three times already in this chapter of
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  Speaker 1: the Bible. Paul is really pushing thankfulness in this chapter.
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  Speaker 1: He's saying, you have to be thankful because you know,
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  Speaker 1: even secular psychologists and doctors will tell you that thankfulness
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  Speaker 1: is a very important habit to have. It makes you
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  Speaker 1: a happier individual when you are actually thankful for the
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  Speaker 1: things that you have. Because when you are thankful, that
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  Speaker 1: means that you aren't pushing for more. Instead, you're getting
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  Speaker 1: rid of entitlement and even arrogance and humbling yourself being
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  Speaker 1: thankful for the things that you've already been given. You know,
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  Speaker 1: there's a myriad of studies done on entitled people that
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  Speaker 1: show that entitled people are far more likely to be
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  Speaker 1: disappointed in life. In fact, here's the AI overview. When
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  Speaker 1: I googled entitled people, it says extensive research indicates that
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  Speaker 1: an excessive sense of entitlement is generally detrimental to personal
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  Speaker 1: well being, relationships, and professional success. Studies show that excessive
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  Speaker 1: entitlement can trap individuals in a perpetual loop of distress,
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  Speaker 1: including chronic disappointment, volatile emotions, cycle of self reinforcement, and
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  Speaker 1: underlying insecurity. So yes, arrogance and entitlement is very bad
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  Speaker 1: for us, which is why Paul encourages the Christian not
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  Speaker 1: to feel those emotions anymore, but instead to be thankful
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  Speaker 1: and to have the peace of God rule in our hearts,
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  Speaker 1: rather than constantly searching for more, which in a sense
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  Speaker 1: is not peaceful, right, because you always feel as if
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  Speaker 1: you need something more, as if you're not getting what
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  Speaker 1: you deserve. Having God's peace includes the act of thankfulness.
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  Speaker 1: Those two things go hand in hand. The more thankful
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  Speaker 1: you become, the more peace you're going to feel. Then,
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  Speaker 1: Verse sixteen says, let the Word of Christ dwell in
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  Speaker 1: you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another
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  Speaker 1: with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in
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  Speaker 1: your heart to the Lord. And this is my weekly
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  Speaker 1: opportunity now to talk about worship music, because I absolutely
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  Speaker 1: love talking about worship music. As you guys know, I
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  Speaker 1: do music myself, and so worship music is a very
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  Speaker 1: important part of my life. I am actually the youth
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  Speaker 1: worship leader at my church right now. Worship music, as
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  Speaker 1: is clearly stated right here, is supposed to both teach
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  Speaker 1: and admonish. Admonish means to correct somebody's thinking. So our
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  Speaker 1: worship music should fall into one of those categories. Is
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  Speaker 1: it teaching us something about God or is it correcting
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  Speaker 1: us in some way? And of course it should all
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  Speaker 1: point to God himself. That's the point of worship music.
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  Speaker 1: We are worshiping God. And you know, unfortunately, the majority
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  Speaker 1: of mainstream Christian music out there does neither of those things.
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  Speaker 1: It neither teaches nor does it admonish. Most of the
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  Speaker 1: worship music is like kind of like feel good, hippy
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  Speaker 1: dippy kind of stuff these days. So yeah, the worship
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  Speaker 1: music that we listen to and consume should be God honoring,
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  Speaker 1: should be focused on scripture, should be focused on either
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  Speaker 1: correcting bad behavior or teaching the person about God or
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  Speaker 1: about themselves. And it also says here that we're supposed
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  Speaker 1: to sing with grace in our hearts to the Lord.
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  Speaker 1: So of course all of these songs are sung ultimately
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  Speaker 1: to God. They may be beneficial to us for teaching
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  Speaker 1: or admonishing, but ultimately they are for the Lord. So
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  Speaker 1: we have to keep that in mind as well. But
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  Speaker 1: in verse seventeen, Paul starts to conclude this chapter. But
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  Speaker 1: even though he's concluding it, I can guarantee you that
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  Speaker 1: we have a lot to talk about still. So he says,
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  Speaker 1: whatever you do in word, or indeed, do all in
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  Speaker 1: the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God
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  Speaker 1: the Father through him. So everything that the Christian is
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  Speaker 1: supposed to do should be done in the name of
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  Speaker 1: the Lord Jesus. And this reminds me of one of
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  Speaker 1: the Ten Commandments, where it says thou shalt not take
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  Speaker 1: the name of the Lord Thy God in vain. That
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  Speaker 1: commandment tells us to not carry God's name in vain.
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  Speaker 1: This could be saying God's name as a swear word,
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  Speaker 1: which is what most people chalk that commandment up to be.
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  Speaker 1: But even more so, it's talking about a Christian not
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  Speaker 1: carrying God's name correctly, meaning they say that they're Christians,
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  Speaker 1: but they are hypocritical, or they misuse or twist scripture
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  Speaker 1: for their own benefit, or maybe they even add things
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  Speaker 1: or delete things scripture. Those are all examples of carrying
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  Speaker 1: God's name incorrectly, and I think Paul might be thinking
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  Speaker 1: of this commandment when he says, do all things in
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  Speaker 1: the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God
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  Speaker 1: the Father. Through him, we are supposed to think about
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  Speaker 1: Jesus with everything that we do. That is the point
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  Speaker 1: of being a Christian, right. It's not just for Sundays.
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  Speaker 1: It is literally a lifestyle, and it's a lifestyle that
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  Speaker 1: we show to the rest of the world. Jesus called
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  Speaker 1: it shining our lights because non Christians really are watching us.
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  Speaker 1: If you don't think that, I mean, look at how
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  Speaker 1: much criticism the Church gets all the time, how much
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  Speaker 1: Christianity is persecuted, how often things are revolving around Christian ideas,
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  Speaker 1: Christian principles. Non Christians really are watching what we are doing.
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  Speaker 1: And if we are carrying Jesus's name incorrectly in our
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  Speaker 1: day to day lives, non Christians are going to see that,
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  Speaker 1: and they're either going to misunderstand who Jesus is based
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  Speaker 1: upon our actions, or they're going to think that we
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  Speaker 1: are very hypocritical. So we try to avoid that. Paul
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  Speaker 1: says by doing all things in the name of the
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  Speaker 1: Lord Jesus. Then he gives some examples here. He starts
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  Speaker 1: with the Christian marriage he says in verse eighteen, wives,
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  Speaker 1: be in subjection to your husbands, as is fitting in
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  Speaker 1: the Lord and man. You know, we women, we don't
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  Speaker 1: like that. We do not like that word subjection or submission,
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  Speaker 1: because that makes us feel like we are underneath our husbands,
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  Speaker 1: right and as if our husbands are the rulers over us,
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  Speaker 1: like we're supposed to obey every single thing that they do.
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  Speaker 1: But notice here that Paul does not say be in
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  Speaker 1: subjection and obey. Those are two very different words. Subjection
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  Speaker 1: means to defer to somebody, meaning you put yourself underneath
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  Speaker 1: that person. It is an act of humility. Obeying implies
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  Speaker 1: both submission and the fact that somebody truly is in
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  Speaker 1: a sense ruling over you. It implies a hierarchy of
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  Speaker 1: some sort. But submission is different because people who are
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  Speaker 1: equal to one another can submit to each other. And
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  Speaker 1: in fact, that is something that Paul actually said in
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  Speaker 1: Ephesians chapter five. When you look at the famous verses
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  Speaker 1: about submission and marriage, Paul actually tells both husbands and
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  Speaker 1: wives to submit to one another, So that would imply
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  Speaker 1: that husbands and wives are on equal footing. And even
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  Speaker 1: Peter himself, when he talked about marriage, said that wives
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  Speaker 1: are equal partners in the inheritance of God, so they
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  Speaker 1: are completely equal to their husbands. Elsewhere, not related to marriage,
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  Speaker 1: Paul actually said there is no more male and female
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  Speaker 1: under the family of Christ. That's not to say we
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  Speaker 1: suddenly become I don't know, ambiguous like once we become
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  Speaker 1: a Christian, but rather that Jesus plays no favorites. He
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  Speaker 1: doesn't like men more than women. He sees every single
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  Speaker 1: person as equal as equal sons and daughters of his,
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  Speaker 1: as equal brothers and sisters of his. So women are
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  Speaker 1: not underneath men, even though Paul is saying that they
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  Speaker 1: are to be in subjection to their husbands. You know,
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  Speaker 1: just a personal testimony of this years ago, I used
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  Speaker 1: to absolutely hate hate, and I'm telling you the truth.
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  Speaker 1: I really hated these chapters of the Bible because I
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  Speaker 1: was like, what right does Paul have to tell me
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  Speaker 1: to submit to my husband. I don't want to submit
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  Speaker 1: to my husband. My husband is my equal. I am
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  Speaker 1: never going to submit to him. That is what I
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  Speaker 1: used to think. And guess what. Our marriage was pretty
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  Speaker 1: bad back in those days because we were both vying
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  Speaker 1: for the same role in marriage. We were constantly butting
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  Speaker 1: heads with each other. And it wasn't until I got
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  Speaker 1: a little bit older that I started understanding that submission
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  Speaker 1: is such a good thing. And God just like gently
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  Speaker 1: showed me this over the years, that there are things
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  Speaker 1: I just really don't want to be in charge of,
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  Speaker 1: and it's just so nice now to defer to my
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  Speaker 1: husband when it's something I just don't want to handle. Like,
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  Speaker 1: for example, if somebody comes up to me with a
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  Speaker 1: question that I just don't want to handle, I just
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  Speaker 1: tell him, you know what, let me ask my husband.
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  Speaker 1: And then I talked to Garrett and I'm like, hey,
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  Speaker 1: you know so and so has a question, can you
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  Speaker 1: handle that for me? And he generally will handle it
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  Speaker 1: And it just takes all the pressure off of me,
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  Speaker 1: And it takes the pressure off of me with so
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  Speaker 1: many other things too. I don't like paying bills, and
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  Speaker 1: that's something that my husband has taken over. I don't
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  Speaker 1: like fixing things in the house, and that is something
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  Speaker 1: my husband has taken over. And quite honestly, God teaching
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  Speaker 1: me submission over the years has been really nice. I'm
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  Speaker 1: just able to relax a little bit more and let
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  Speaker 1: my husband handle things that are naturally very stressful for me.
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  Speaker 1: But that being said, my husband also had to learn
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  Speaker 1: his part in the marriage relationship too. In order for
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  Speaker 1: this to work, he had to learn grace in the
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  Speaker 1: leadership role. You know, this is not to say that
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  Speaker 1: my relationship with my husband is perfect. By the way.
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  Speaker 1: We still have our problems, I can tell you that,
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  Speaker 1: and sometimes they are related to this topic, because every
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  Speaker 1: once in a while I step out of my role
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  Speaker 1: and I try to take over his role, and every
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  Speaker 1: once in a while he does not show love on
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  Speaker 1: his side of the spec You know, if Satan likes
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  Speaker 1: to attack anything, it is marriages, because marriage was one
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  Speaker 1: of the first foundations that God put in place. Right
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  Speaker 1: after God created Adam, he instituted work. That was the
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  Speaker 1: first institution, and the second thing soon after that was
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  Speaker 1: the marriage relationship. So Satan, of course hates marriage because
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  Speaker 1: it was an invention by God. And it's also a
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  Speaker 1: picture of God with his church. So as Christians shining
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  Speaker 1: our lights, we are supposed to emulate God to the
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  Speaker 1: world through our marriages and show people what a Christian
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  Speaker 1: marriage can really look like. If you are following these
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  Speaker 1: rules laid out in scripture, it says in verse nineteen husbands,
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  Speaker 1: love your wives and don't be bitter against them. Some
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  Speaker 1: versions will say don't treat them harshly, because this was
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  Speaker 1: something that Paul was dealing with. Back in his day,
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  Speaker 1: husbands typically were taught that they were the rulers of
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  Speaker 1: their families and that they could even treat their wives
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  Speaker 1: however they wanted to, and Paul's correcting this. He's saying, husbands,
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  Speaker 1: don't treat your wives harshly or don't be bitter against them,
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  Speaker 1: be loving towards them. And the Greek word for love
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  Speaker 1: here is a gapeoh agape. Love is the highest form
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  Speaker 1: of love. It is the love that Jesus showed to
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  Speaker 1: us when he died for us, when he sacrificed everything
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  Speaker 1: on our behalf. That's the type of love that husbands
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  Speaker 1: are supposed to show their wives. Be loving towards them
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  Speaker 1: and don't treat them harshly. So lead your family with grace,
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  Speaker 1: treating your wife as your equal partner under God, showing
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  Speaker 1: the world not just your family, but showing the world
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  Speaker 1: what a Christian marriage can really look like. And the
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  Speaker 1: husband has a big role in all of this as well.
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  Speaker 1: If the wife is going to be a good follower
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  Speaker 1: the husband also has to be a good leader, and
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  Speaker 1: that's vice versa as well. If the husband is going
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  Speaker 1: to be a good leader, the wife also has to
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  Speaker 1: be a good follower. So wives, you can start this
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  Speaker 1: right now. You can start respecting your husband's deferring to
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  Speaker 1: them and praying for them as well, especially if they
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  Speaker 1: are not holding up their end of the bargain. And husbands,
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  Speaker 1: you can start your part right now. You can start
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  Speaker 1: showing more love for your wife, even if she's not
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  Speaker 1: doing her role in the marriage relationship. You can start
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  Speaker 1: treating her with more respect, not treating her harshly or
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  Speaker 1: yelling at her when she does something that frustrates you,
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  Speaker 1: but being calm in your demeanor and being gracious to
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  Speaker 1: her and praying for her as well. Once again, and
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  Speaker 1: Satan really wants to destroy your marriage, So pray, pray
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  Speaker 1: for your spouse that their hearts are open to God,
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  Speaker 1: and that their hearts are even open to understanding more
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  Speaker 1: about their roles in the marriage relationship. Because I can
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  Speaker 1: honestly tell you, and I'm not lying when I say this,
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  Speaker 1: my marriage is proof that this works. When my husband
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  Speaker 1: and I are following this example, we have such a
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  Speaker 1: good relationship with each other, like, I can really see
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  Speaker 1: why God put us together in those moments. But when
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  Speaker 1: I'm not doing my part or my husband isn't doing
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  Speaker 1: his part, man, everything kind of crumbles at that point.
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  Speaker 1: And you notice that if you're fighting with your spouse,
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  Speaker 1: everything in life just seems a little bit more miserable.
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  Speaker 1: So have a strong marriage relationship, and Paul here is
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  Speaker 1: explaining how to do that, and how you do that
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  Speaker 1: is by showing love and respect to each other, specifically
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  Speaker 1: wives being respectful and submissive to their husbands, deferring to
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  Speaker 1: them and allowing them to take the lead. And husbands,
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  Speaker 1: you show love to your wives by emulating Christ to
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  Speaker 1: them by not treating them harshly or being bitter against them,
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  Speaker 1: and just having a general respect for them. And that
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  Speaker 1: is how you're going to have a really, really good
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  Speaker 1: marriage relationship that other people who may not be Christians
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  Speaker 1: will look to and even respect and wonder what you
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  Speaker 1: guys are doing different that they might not have in
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  Speaker 1: their marriage relationships. So, yes, marriage is a way to
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  Speaker 1: shine the light of Christ to the world. So I
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  Speaker 1: actually expected to talk about the rest of this chapter
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: as well, but we're already going on like twenty minutes
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: and the next poor is discussing parents and children and
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: also slaves and masters, so it's going to be a
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: big topic. So we'll talk about all of that on
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Tuesday of next week and finish out this chapter of Colostions.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: But faithful listeners, I hope you enjoyed today's episode, and
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: if you did, share it on your social media platforms
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: or from whatever podcast platform you're listening from, rate the
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: podcast and give it a nice little review. I actually
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: found this review recently from Apple Podcasts, and this is
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: from Babes and Hearts. But here's what she says. This
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: podcast was the missing piece to my faith. This podcast
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: is exactly what I needed for many reasons. Something about
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: Jen is so inviting and engaging that I find myself
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: talking out loud to her as if we're in a conversation.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: She is just awesome. Do yourself a favor and tune in.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: You won't be disappointed, you know what. I also find
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: myself talking to myself far more than I should. In fact,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: right now, though I am publishing this podcast to talk
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: to all of you guys, I am technically talking to
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: myself because there is nobody in the room with me
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: other than my dogs, I guess, but I really appreciated
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: that review from Apple Podcasts and it gave me a
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: little chuckle. But the rest of you, faith listeners, if
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: you rate and review the podcast on any of the platforms,
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: whether it's Spotify or YouTube or Apple Podcasts or Audible
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: or wherever else, you might hear me read it here
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: on the podcast, or it might be up on the
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: website for other people to see as well. So if
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: you left a review anytime recently, go over to www
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: dot p forty ministries dot com and take a look.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: You might actually see your review is up there as
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: well if I did not read it here on the podcast.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: But faithful listeners, I hope you have a fantastic rest
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: of your day and also a fantastic rest of your week,
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: because tomorrow I am doing the Bible Explained on Fridays,
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: which is for the members, And if you'd like to
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: become a member and gain access to that podcast, which
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: by the way, is basically the exact same thing as
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: this podcast, except we are going through the Book of Psalms.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: If you'd like to go through the Psalms with me,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: then check out the link in the description that says KOFE.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Click on that and that will explain to you what
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: you have to do to become a member and gain
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: access to that podcast. Faith listeners have a lovely rest
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: of your day and as always, happy listening and God
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: bless