Latest / Pod Therapy / #453: Afterwork Activities, Tenure in Therapy, Can't Get Over an Ex

Transcript

#453: Afterwork Activities, Tenure in Therapy, Can't Get Over an Ex · Pod Therapy

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: But it doesn't hurt. It hurts. It does hurt.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Pain is beauty, Jim.
• 0:04
  Speaker 3: I don't know how to tell you that. There's no around,
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: work around there.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: That's true.
• 0:10
  Speaker 4: It's not unbelievably painful, but it's like, yeah, I feel that.
• 0:14
  Speaker 4: You feel it. A bunch of tiny little needles.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: You do it every day?
• 0:18
  Speaker 4: No, once a week. We already ended that.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: But every day? Twice a day? How do you do
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: it every day?
• 0:26
  Speaker 4: From fabulous Las Vegas, this is... I screwed it up.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: This is pod therapy. Real people, real problems, and a
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: real therapist. And how does that make you feel?
• 0:34
  Speaker 4: You can submit your questions anonymously at podtherapy.net or email
• 0:37
  Speaker 4: us at podtherapyguys at gmail.com. And now broadcasting from the churn,
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: this is Jim.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: That's Whitney.
• 0:43
  Speaker 4: I'm Nick. It's time for some pod therapy.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: He's doing great.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: It's a good time.
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: I didn't have a chance to tell you just because
• 0:49
  Speaker 4: I sent you two scripts. So I want to make
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: sure you pull up the right one.
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: I was worried about this already.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Are we starting with Robert Brownie Jr.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: Mint?
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: 453. Yeah. Okay. I got it. Yeah. I'm on the
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: right one. Good.
• 0:59
  Speaker 5: Welcome everybody to another exciting episode of pod therapy.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: If you'd like to hear about our hair care routines.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: And in some cases. We're experts. Yeah. I mean, honestly.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: I cannot wait to hear the discord.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: That's what we talked about. Patreon.com is live. I think
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: between three of us, we did really well.
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: A lot of different things happening.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Everybody's working on something different. No one asked.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Me, but that's all right.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Nick's just off in his own lane, just doing his thing.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Doing his own thing.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: I have some curly products.
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: I have some curly products. I'm going to bring Jim
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: next week.
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: There you go.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I bought two of them, and I'm trying them both out.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Let me know if gel or mousse works.
• 1:37
  Speaker 5: One's called Sista's Cream, and the other one's called Mahogany. Yeah,
• 1:42
  Speaker 5: they're really great, so I enjoy it. I have some
• 1:45
  Speaker 5: cream called Mahogany Me. It's a different kind of cream.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Like Marley and Me?
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: It's a lube. It's lube. But it doesn't make your
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: hair soft. There is softening.
• 1:59
  Speaker 5: Softening occurs through a process. Patreon.com slash therapy. Enjoy the pre-show.
• 2:05
  Speaker 5: And you can also watch our video.
• 2:07
  Speaker 6: If you're at the Theropod level or higher, you can
• 2:09
  Speaker 6: enjoy the video version of the.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Show, which is aired right through YouTube. So I'm sure
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: you have a YouTube ability. Right there on the YouTube.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Right there on the YouTube.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: We figured it out.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: The unlisted link.
• 2:21
  Speaker 6: But we've got some great questions for today's show, starting
• 2:23
  Speaker 6: off with one from our old pal, Robert Brownie Jr.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Mint.
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: And this is about after work activities. Hi, Whitney and
• 2:31
  Speaker 5: the Funky Bunch. I think this question is mostly aimed
• 2:34
  Speaker 5: at Jim, but I think you all might have some
• 2:36
  Speaker 5: good advice. How the fuck are y'all doing all this
• 2:40
  Speaker 5: shit after working all day? I'm involved with the local
• 2:44
  Speaker 5: campaign committee, and so far it hasn't taken up much
• 2:47
  Speaker 5: of my free time. I really want to be a
• 2:49
  Speaker 5: part of this. And I'm eager to dive in, but
• 2:52
  Speaker 5: I also really value my free time after work. I
• 2:56
  Speaker 5: care deeply about this campaign. We're fighting for fair rent laws.
• 2:59
  Speaker 5: But I also struggle to do stuff after work. Pod
• 3:03
  Speaker 5: therapy is against fair rent. We're strictly on the landlord's side, a.k.a.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Whitney. But I also struggle to do stuff after work.
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: She's always the bad guy.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, she's literally a landlord.
• 3:16
  Speaker 4: Landlord, worked for insurance. HOA.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: HOA. Yeah, she's the fucking villain in every story. Save Peter. Christ, yeah,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: save Peter. Wow, she's just the resident villain.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: You're welcome.
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: How'd your application go at the Epstein place? Yeah.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: That island was beautiful.
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: She was trying to replace Ghislaine Maxwell or whatever.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I think they call her Jizzy.
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: Whitney?
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Yes. That's just the position title. Oh, right.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: So my name please.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: There it is. Cut. I spend the evening. She's a CEO.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Hashtag girl boss.
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: I spend the evening decompressing, but I'll need to commit
• 3:57
  Speaker 5: time and brain power to this campaign. So how do
• 4:01
  Speaker 5: y'all do it? How do you balance commitments with the
• 4:04
  Speaker 5: need to do nothing? Being a menace to landlords.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Sorry, Whitney. Robert Brownie Jr.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: Mints.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Forgive you.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Nice. I'm glad you remembered that. This is on track
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: with something I was thinking about this week. Okay. How
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: much free time do you have in a day? on
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: average i go for.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: This with my uh personal trainer yeah he was trying
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: to make me do more shit and i'm like i'm
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: not doing anything else this was not going to the
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: gym another day i.
• 4:28
  Speaker 6: Was like i think i'm out of time yeah i
• 4:30
  Speaker 6: think i'm just out of time for anything.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: Yes when i was like i don't have time i
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: literally mean i i do not have time and part
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: of that means on sundays which here i am having
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: you know doing this but I'm like, I'm not going
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: to the gym, and I will be on my phone
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: some of the day, and I'm going to watch a
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: movie or pull laundry or whatever.
• 4:50
  Speaker 6: Sunday is a day off for me. I had a
• 4:53
  Speaker 6: four-hour Zoom meeting this morning, and now I've got this.
• 4:56
  Speaker 6: I had like two hours in the middle where I
• 4:59
  Speaker 6: ate some lunch.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Damn.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Your day off was a work day.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And that's normal.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: Well, let me tell you, Robert Browning Jr., how busy
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: I am with this podcast.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: I do so much. So much, yes. I have to
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: drive from across town.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: She does have the farthest drive.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: I have the furthest drive, and you're welcome.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: And we hear about it.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: And I will tell you about it every week.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Sounds exhausting. Yep. She does so much.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: You guys can go now. She posted to socials today.
• 5:27
  Speaker 7: I did.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: She plugged the show. That was nice.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: And I had a friend message me on there. She said,
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: how did I not know about this? I'm going to listen.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: I was like, go on, girl. Thank you.
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: Welcome.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: One extra. We're getting ones of listeners.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: You're welcome.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: The mighty energy of Whitney's social media powers. No, but
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: this is a good question. I mean, yeah, you just
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: think about how stacked up you are. I'll get a message.
• 5:48
  Speaker 5: From a colleague of like, Hey, can we jump into
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: a sink on something, you know, like there's a case
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: or whatever.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: And like, I have, it's so hard.
• 5:56
  Speaker 5: To find literally like, anywhere in a seven day week
• 6:00
  Speaker 5: that I could even do just like a quick sip.
• 6:02
  Speaker 6: If someone asks me to do something that's going to
• 6:05
  Speaker 6: take some time, the hatred that I feel for that
• 6:09
  Speaker 6: person deep in your gut.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: And it's, it is real and it.
• 6:13
  Speaker 6: Doesn't go like right now I'm thinking about them and
• 6:15
  Speaker 6: I still hate them.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: I'm still upset.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: How dare you? Mom!
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: I'm like, no, fuck them! Fuck them! Asking me to
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: do shit. Yeah.
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: I feel like you two kind of are the the
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: busiest you'll have like five jobs and then do the
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: podcast like i don't.
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: Know my typical day so i'll wake up around uh
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: 4 45 i'm.
• 6:37
  Speaker 7: Out yeah go uh lazy bones take care of the
• 6:43
  Speaker 7: dog let her out get showered get ready leave my
• 6:46
  Speaker 7: house by 5 30 to get to the gym.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: By six shower before the gym nope.
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: I don't i shower when i get back I thought
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: you just said shower.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: No, I get ready. I get ready.
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: He prepares himself.
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: I got a baby wipe in the morning. You know,
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: he likes to shower in the evening.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: One good baby wipe. Just, you know, just a quick
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: little douchey.
• 7:04
  Speaker 4: And then I hang it so it dries.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: It takes a quick whore's bath.
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: It dries so then I can use it again the
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: next day. And then, yeah, so I do personal training
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: in the morning.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Anything, by the way, that is not a full shower,
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: I just refer to as a whore's bath. There it is.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: A little schvitz.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: I work my 9 to 5, go back to the gym,
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: get there by 5.30, there until about 8, then go home,
• 7:29
  Speaker 4: usually make dinner, and then go to bed.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. No minutes. You don't have a wife to make
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: you dinner.
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: Copy, paste.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: Nice.
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: No, I do not.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: And you're in bed by when?
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: Usually by 9. Okay.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: 9 or 9.
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: And home by 11.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Hey-o!
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: So my....
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: So, Nick, can you help me out?
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: The most amount of pre-time I have.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: I have a favorite hour.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I really need some time. I've got some tamping that
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: needs to be done.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: A lot of tampering.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, so all.
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: Of my house projects I have to fit into, like, Saturday.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 8:00
  Speaker 4: The only time I have to golf is Saturday morning.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: I was going to say, is Saturday a day off
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: for you, or do you do sessions on Saturday?
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: No, Saturday is the only full day I have off.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: Like Seventh Day Adventist.
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: Yep, exactly. It's exactly like that. I go to the
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: church or the golf course. Mm-hmm.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Whichever comes first.
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: That is the church.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Nick always comes first.
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: I'll play my round of golf.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: Or the priest does if he went to church.
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: And then when I get back, that's usually my time
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: to do either housework, spend time with Laura, do something fun.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, I like how those are two different things.
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: Really glad he was able to, can we get a
• 8:38
  Speaker 5: drop on that?
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Like that will be helpful.
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: And then Sunday morning I go back to the gym.
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: So I got personal training in the morning until about one.
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: And then, so I got from one until when we
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: record on Sunday.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: One day off a week.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And you got to get all the household stuff.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: Jacob has one day off and he works on it.
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah. So Robert, for me, The key to it is
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: to just get in it and just keep doing it
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: until you forget what free time was.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: There you go.
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: Robert seems to talk about the idea of just nothing time,
• 9:13
  Speaker 5: like decompressing empty, vacant blocks in your week.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Do any of you have that as a concept? Oh, blocks? No,
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: but like five minutes here and there.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, I was going to ask this.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: When's the last time where do you ever just have–
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm going to say a day, but
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: maybe I'll say half a day where you just don't
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: do anything like you just did. watch tv or like
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: whatever fill in the blank like i don't even think
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: play golf like you're just at your home you don't
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: leave your home all day but you're not working.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: And nothing of meaning really.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: Happens yeah do y'all just.
• 9:44
  Speaker 6: The loafing i try for those and i and i
• 9:47
  Speaker 6: like grab one maybe once a.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: Month okay nick i feel like yours is never no.
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: It's usually like i'll have at most i'll have like
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: a full half.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Day yeah that's what i mean like a full half
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: day i'm gonna have to mean.
• 10:00
  Speaker 6: Like, an afternoon, a few hours of just sitting and
• 10:02
  Speaker 6: not doing much.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, not a full day.
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, if I can do something by noon and have
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: nothing else the rest of the day, that feels amazing.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: Or I'll tell you what. Here's what feels really amazing.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: Go on.
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: When I have to go to Reno for work. Mm-hmm.
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: Because then it's just my usual 9 to 5. And
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: I have nothing in the morning. And I've got nothing
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: at night. And I can just hang out at the hotel.
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: And I will just watch TV.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: If I'm out of town on a consult gig, it's amazing.
• 10:25
  Speaker 6: Because you go back to the hotel and you're like.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: There's nothing I can do.
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: You can't do anything.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: There's nothing productive. So watch something. I've sent all the
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: emails I can send.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: What about you, Jim? You got family stuff.
• 10:37
  Speaker 5: There's always something going on. Like today, it was like, oh,
• 10:41
  Speaker 5: wake up immediately because we had our draft.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: I actually woke up like 10 minutes before that. I
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: was in bed. I was like, I should probably figure
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: out what the fuck.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we were all in the Zoom laughing.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: No, I was not getting in the Zoom.
• 10:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you auto-drafted everything until you got to the last
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: round and then you personally drafted your kicker.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: That's a lie.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: We saw auto. There was a lot of auto.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: Because I laid there and my manager next to me
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: helped me pick up. He said, select these people because
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: they're going to be good. But then as they disappeared,
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: then I'd select the next one.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: So I was there for an hour.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: So if we're going to be honest, I was real close.
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: It worked out.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you took one of mine from me.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: I was like, damn it, Nick. You got my guy.
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: You wanted Kirk Cousins too?
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: We were all clamoring for Kirk Cousins.
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: That's why I had to jump in. In the 12th round.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I had to jump in and get it.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay.
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: But no, fortunately, I was able to do it because
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: I had a cancellation this morning. So I was able
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: to jump in and get it done.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, because you were so sweet.
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: Had I not- I actually had a proxy lined up.
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: I was going to give him my login information. No,
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: it was not Peter. Peter's doing everybody's job.
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: He's just holding all these fucking phones.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Thanks for again, bud. I really appreciate it.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: Carrie was in front of me. I'm like, she's taking
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: so long. I'm like, it's the 13th round, Carrie. Come on.
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: Oh, I know.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: She forgot that she was up.
• 11:57
  Speaker 8: So she was like, she's.
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: Right behind Nick and Nick was the end of the snake.
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: And so like every time it would come back to
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: her and she'd just be sitting there chatting. And all
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: of a sudden she'd be like, oh, fuck.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay, okay.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: Dive back into the thingy.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Is the Zoom a video chat or just audio?
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: Some people had video on. I had audio.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I was like. I'm not getting up
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: in there. I'll just lay here in bed and click
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: my buttons. I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing.
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: So yeah, some days you have like a wake up
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: and if I can sleep in on a weekend, that
• 12:24
  Speaker 5: is my downtime.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Like just not having anything to get up and do.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: That's nice.
• 12:27
  Speaker 5: But like there's always something like– especially with kids because
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: it's like that's when all their activities are. They've got
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: a volleyball game. You've got driving lessons, whatever. So yeah,
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: I mean I like Robert's question because I know for
• 12:37
  Speaker 5: some people– and I do feel like this. If every
• 12:40
  Speaker 5: minute of my weekend is planned between the kids or
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: whatever obligations, it's really discouraging. Like to get to the
• 12:47
  Speaker 5: end of your week and like walk out of work
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: on a Friday– And you can see every single second
• 12:53
  Speaker 5: of the next two days completely planned. And you just,
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: you can see your future all the way into your
• 12:58
  Speaker 5: Monday morning and just turn back in. That's really discouraging.
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: Like for me, I love having at least one block.
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: Like I think of days as carved into thirds. So
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: like somewhere it feels really good. If there's just a
• 13:11
  Speaker 5: block where there is no expectations, I don't know what
• 13:14
  Speaker 5: I'll fill it with. Maybe I just want to play
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: guitar and just like sit around to read something like,
• 13:18
  Speaker 5: it's just nice to have that. But whenever all those
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: blocks are gone, dude, like that's the very end of
• 13:24
  Speaker 5: like my mental health is like, if that keeps happening, I'm,
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: I'm just overspent.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: I think part of that is I have a client
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: who say this, he would say, if it's all my calendar,
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: I'm just going to do it. And, um, you know, Robert,
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: I don't know if, if that's your style, but kind
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: of like what Jim's saying too, I think you just
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: add it to the calendar and you're just doing it.
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: I think I don't know that that's the greatest thing
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: for your mental health because it can start to feel
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: like we just said where you can see into the
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: next few days and you're like there is zero time.
• 13:55
  Speaker 6: But I won't do that because I live and die
• 13:57
  Speaker 6: by my calendar. If I try to calendar in breaks–
• 14:03
  Speaker 6: I won't respect those.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Oh, totally.
• 14:05
  Speaker 6: If something else pops up that somebody asked me to
• 14:08
  Speaker 6: do something during that time, I'm not going to say
• 14:10
  Speaker 6: no because I've got a break calendar to do.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 14:14
  Speaker 6: So it doesn't count the same as everything else that's
• 14:16
  Speaker 6: in my calendar anyway.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: So why the fuck am I putting it in my calendar?
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: No, I guess I'm saying like Robert was saying, how
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: do y'all fit in like these things I want to do?
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Oh, the new activities.
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: That's how I read it.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, I see. I see. Yeah.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: So you're right. I'm very bad at that, Jacob, too.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Put a new activity in the calendar. That's a different idea.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: It's going in and now I'm going to do it.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: And you kind of just do it.
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: I think you get in a almost flow state of work.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: And again, I'm not saying that is the best because
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: I feel like our bodies and minds can only take
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: so much of that. But if this is like a
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: temporary activity, you know, like my time on the HOA.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Board, then you're like, this is.
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: Only- How much longer you got on that?
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: I'm done. July was the end. July was the end.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: You're out.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: I'm out.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: I already had one of my buddies on there.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: She was texting me. Does that mean that Jim can
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: run for the seat now? It is vacated.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: We didn't- Oh, we need to create our- pod therapy
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: hoa that's.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: Right well leon has already asserted himself as president of
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: the pod therapy.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Hoa leon hit me up i got experience.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: But no i think just adding it in if you
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: want to do it for now you just gotta you
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: gotta add it to your calendar you just start doing
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: it and you kind of don't think too much about, oh,
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: I'm taking away from my free time right now. I
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: think you'll find some free time here or there. Maybe
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: you don't go out with a friend who wants to
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: go out with you on the weekend. You're like, I'm
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: just going to rest today. Or maybe you change that
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: activity based on needing more rest. But I think you
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: just kind of throw it in there. Have you ever.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Heard of revenge bedtime procrastination?
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. No, but I feel like I know
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: what it is. I did this for.
• 15:52
  Speaker 5: Years where it's like, Because you're so busy, the only
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: time that you finally have to yourself is late at night.
• 15:59
  Speaker 5: Your partner is in bed. In my case, the kids
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: are in bed. And like so you end up staying
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: up way later than you should.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: Like two extra hours.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: So like for me, like this school year, the kids
• 16:09
  Speaker 5: get up a little bit later. But the norm is
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: like I would wake up at 5 or 5.30 every
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: morning to get the kids ready. And like I was
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: going to bed at like 1 or 2 a.m.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: Every night.
• 16:19
  Speaker 5: Because i valued that late night alone time to just
• 16:23
  Speaker 5: like watch a movie or scroll tiktoks or whatever and
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: just have nothing to do or play a video game
• 16:29
  Speaker 5: or whatever and like but then it was hurting me
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: because i was staying up so late and like i
• 16:33
  Speaker 5: was it was bad for my biology it's really bad
• 16:35
  Speaker 5: for mental health so like this is a thing like
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: and i.
• 16:37
  Speaker 6: Guess robert staying up at night and staring at the
• 16:40
  Speaker 6: screen yeah it's rough on your eyes not good but
• 16:42
  Speaker 6: that that does weird shit to you yeah it your
• 16:45
  Speaker 6: sleep and all. Especially when you do telehealth for a living.
• 16:47
  Speaker 6: I stare at a light bulb all day. Do you
• 16:50
  Speaker 6: do the blue blocker glasses or anything?
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: I do.
• 16:52
  Speaker 5: I've got the glasses that have a film on them
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: and I do the tweaking on the screen to try to.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Get as little of that light out as possible.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Did you try out standing during your session? Standing desk?
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I've got a standing desk now. I'll stand on some sessions.
• 17:07
  Speaker 5: It's really nice to be able to mix it up.
• 17:09
  Speaker 5: Especially whenever some days it'll log. For whatever reason, I'll
• 17:13
  Speaker 5: have four or five straight. And that's pretty rough. And
• 17:16
  Speaker 5: so it's really nice to have the option to just
• 17:18
  Speaker 5: punch the button in between sessions.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: It all lifts.
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: You get up, stretch a little bit. So that's been
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: really helpful. But Robert, my advice to you is when
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: you think about your personal mental health and you think
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: about what you need, some people, they need to budget
• 17:31
  Speaker 5: nothing time. They just need vacancies. And I feel like
• 17:34
  Speaker 5: we have this hyperproductive society and this narrative that it's
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: almost selfish or lazy to to just have empty time.
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: But actually for a lot of people, that is really
• 17:45
  Speaker 5: important medicine for them. And they just need to know
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: that there's unplanned, unscheduled, unagended time that they could just
• 17:51
  Speaker 5: bumble along and do anything. And if you discover through
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: your adventure with this organization that like, wow, this is
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: really subtracting from me. Like this is costing me my relationship.
• 18:00
  Speaker 5: It's costing me in my work life. And I'm not
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: that helpful to this fucking organization because like I'm so
• 18:05
  Speaker 5: burnt out. Then you're hitting your wall, man. And like,
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: there's just, At the end of the day, you've got
• 18:09
  Speaker 5: to listen to your body, your mind. And I know
• 18:11
  Speaker 5: for a lot of people, like, yeah, they just, they
• 18:13
  Speaker 5: have to protect that time and they don't even need
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: to use it productively. It just has to be a vacancy.
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: I've had to have like enforce boundaries. Cause like Saturdays,
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: if I have a client during the week that for
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: whatever reason has to miss the session and they have,
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: we have to make that up. And then they're like, Oh, well,
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: how about Saturday? Do you have any time Saturday? And
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: there have been times in the past where I'm like, yeah,
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: I can kind of squeeze you in at such and
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: such time or whatever. And now it's just like, nope,
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: Saturdays are out. Saturdays, that's my day. We'll just miss
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: this week.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: We'll fit it in someplace else.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Are you free Saturday at about 1130 at night? Could
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: you just squeeze me in?
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: No problem.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: That's a different squeeze.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, fuck yourself. That costs extra. Nick Tangeman.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: After dark.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: It doesn't cost extra. It's the same price.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: Get a little discount.
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but I like this advice. I think that we're
• 19:03
  Speaker 5: all kind of on the side of like don't force it.
• 19:05
  Speaker 5: Like if that's something you realize you need, don't force it.
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: But if you want to give it a try, I
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: like your advice of like just calendar it first. And
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: whenever you just tell.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Yourself– You can adjust.
• 19:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and if you always budget that time and say like, look,
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: every Thursday from 5 to 9 or whatever, I'm going
• 19:19
  Speaker 5: to be doing things to this organization. Now it's on
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: calendar and you'll get used to it. That way it's
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: not– like one of the worst things can happen is
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: you think you're about to have a bunch of time
• 19:28
  Speaker 5: and then it gets like snapped out.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: Of your hand. But it is true that.
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: You do get used to it.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: Because like right now I feel like.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: It is– It's almost like running on a treadmill.
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: It sucks. Yeah. But like it's kind of like– I
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: guess it's kind of like running a marathon where it's
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: like that first mile, it's fine. Second mile, holy shit,
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: that's terrible. Really, after 10 miles, it doesn't matter. It's
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: all the same.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: You can't feel your legs.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: And so I guess that's kind of where it matters.
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: And I know.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: I've run a lot of marathons.
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Well, we all have in this room.
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: Of course.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: Between the four of us.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Ultra marathons. Yeah.
• 19:59
  Speaker 6: I've been discovering how much lately you can get used
• 20:02
  Speaker 6: to when it comes to not sleeping.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, no. Yeah, yeah.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: What's your sleep schedule like, Dr.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Jacob? Oh, it's cyclical. I've talked about it a little
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: on Ice Cream Social. I feel like I'm just bitching
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: about it at this point.
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: Oh, good.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: Go on.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: But it is cyclical.
• 20:18
  Speaker 6: Right now I'm in a little bit of a good swing,
• 20:20
  Speaker 6: but it'll go back at some point. And so I
• 20:24
  Speaker 6: do a month or so at a time where I
• 20:27
  Speaker 6: average probably three to four hours of sleep a night total.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: Okay. And it's broken up.
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: That's my worst nightmare.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: No, it's horrible. It'll be like three hours of sleep,
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: three and a half hours of.
• 20:39
  Speaker 6: Sleep a night in like 15 to 20 minute chunks.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, fuck.
• 20:43
  Speaker 6: No, it's actually horrible. But at night, it's like a
• 20:48
  Speaker 6: living nightmare. And I hate it so much while I'm
• 20:51
  Speaker 6: trying to sleep. Once I get up and I'm moving
• 20:53
  Speaker 6: around and actually get back to it, my body's.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, I'm just tired.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just going to function tired.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: But I'm okay. Yeah, but I can still function. And
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: at some point, I crash. Yeah.
• 21:04
  Speaker 6: And then I usually– I might crash for like a
• 21:06
  Speaker 6: day or two. And then that sometimes, as it has
• 21:09
  Speaker 6: this week, it triggers like a nice little week or
• 21:12
  Speaker 6: so of like pretty good sleep.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Okay. Interesting.
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: It's a scheduled time for sleep, I guess. So like,
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: you know, it is weird. I'm just saying, like, I
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: don't say that to, to what was me or anything.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: It is just like, it's crazy.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: Do you think that came with age? Is this an
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: age thing?
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: I think, I think that's part of it. Yeah.
• 21:29
  Speaker 6: Uh, but like it is, I, I'm, I've been legitimately
• 21:33
  Speaker 6: surprised at how okay I have been. Cause like, I
• 21:38
  Speaker 6: would not have thought I would have been okay. It
• 21:40
  Speaker 6: is real bad when it's happening. It's psychologically tough when
• 21:44
  Speaker 6: it's happening. But honestly, like, once I'm up, I'm hot.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: And, like, it'll be.
• 21:51
  Speaker 6: Like, oh, well, it's 6.30, 7 a.m. I'm done trying
• 21:56
  Speaker 6: to do this.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Like, once the sun starts to creep up, you're like.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: Like, I'm just going to go ahead and get out.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to go ahead and get out of bed.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's fair.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: Ooh, I'm sorry. That sucks.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah. No, it does suck. But, like, honestly, I'm saying
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: it to say, like... Yeah. You get used to.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Things that you think are going to be like terrible.
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: And it'll be like dinner time. And I'll be like, man,
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: I really didn't sleep much last night, but I'm still
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: just trucking along. Yeah.
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: Like I'm tired.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: I'm yawning a little bit here and there, but I'm
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: just trucking along.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: I'm all right.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: Are you still doing that meth as part of your
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: bedtime routine?
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: Not yet.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Every night. Not every night. I don't think that's related.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: I don't think you know how to do meth, Jim.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: You don't brush your teeth?
• 22:33
  Speaker 6: No, that's not what causes people's teeth to go bad
• 22:35
  Speaker 6: on meth. It's not friction. It's not using meth like
• 22:41
  Speaker 6: sandpaper on your teeth.
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: Have you tried a different brush?
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Something with a softer bristle? I like to use the
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: mechanical meth brush. I find that that's much easier on
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: the gums. Well, anyway, Rob, I admire your fight against
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: the evil landlords like Whitney.
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: We need more of you.
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: The other thing, too, is it sounds like it's temporary.
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: So I think that's something you got going for you.
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: It's like you're going to make a sacrifice right now
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: for a good cause.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: Until you solve the rent crisis.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: You know? And that, what, a week?
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: Let me know.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: Two weeks? Let me know how that goes. A couple
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: of months?
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: Yep.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: At most. At most they'll get this done. It seems
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: mostly done. I think it's almost done. It's a downhill.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, he's just joining for the victory parade
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: at this point. You know? He's just there for the glamour.
• 23:23
  Speaker 6: Anyway, we're going to take a quick break, and when
• 23:24
  Speaker 6: we come back, we're talking about achieving tenure in therapy.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: You're listening to Pod Therapy.
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: This week's episode is brought to you by Smitty Scoop,
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: Mason Miller, Tess Miller, Byler T, Paris, Team Monaco, Oscar Swanrose,
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: Anna Marie, Emma Kane, Myra, and Sam Cohn. Would you
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: like to sponsor the show? Become a therapy producer at patreon.com
• 23:44
  Speaker 4: slash therapy. Trivia this week, submitted by Emma.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Who's also in our fantasy football league.
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: Emma, who loves Jim. This is all Disney music.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: This is our moment, dude. We got this.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: I might have a shot.
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: We'll see.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, I recently heard a funny thing. Yeah, yeah, it's true.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: I recently heard a funny thing.
• 24:07
  Speaker 6: It was somebody talking about the lyrics of the opening
• 24:09
  Speaker 6: of The Lion King.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, this bit? Yeah.
• 24:13
  Speaker 6: And it's like some kind of African dialect language. And
• 24:18
  Speaker 6: it's like the lyrics or something, they translate to something like.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, look, it's a lion. Oh, my God. There is
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: a lion. Yeah, I saw this.
• 24:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah, underwhelming when you translate it.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: Oh, look over there. It is a lion.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: Very literal.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: Oh, it is a lion.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Disney, for the enlightened lyrics. Yeah. Oh, my God.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: It's teaching. Yeah.
• 24:45
  Speaker 4: Okay, Jacob.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: Hit me.
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: In Under the Sea from The Little Mermaid, Sebastian warns
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: that on land, they work all day. And then here's
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: the lyric. Out in the sun, they slave away. What
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: is the rest of the lyric?
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: Upon the land they work all day. Out in the
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: sun they slave away. While we're devoting full time to
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: floating under the sea.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: Wow, good job.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: Under the sea.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I'd have gotten that. I don't
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: think I would have.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, there are options. There are options.
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: I'm going to give you five points. What do you
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: mean there are options?
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: Because you looked at this already. There's multiple refrains, but
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: go on. Oh, no, no. In Emma's thing? I can't
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: see that. I think that's the only part that that
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: lyric is in there. Well, I'm saying, is it multiple choice?
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: It is multiple choice.
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Did I get it right? Yeah, so you got five points. Nice.
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: Five points.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: The undercover Disney.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 25:39
  Speaker 6: I definitely, there was definitely a memory that.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Just popped into my head. I couldn't tell you what
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: the gig was. But me in a lobster suit singing
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: that song. Oh, nice. Oh, wow. I'm sure it was
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: a commercial of some kind. That's definitely in there somewhere.
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 25:53
  Speaker 6: It was a live thing. It was an audience, but
• 25:56
  Speaker 6: I don't remember what it was. I mean, it was
• 25:57
  Speaker 6: a Lorimer Reed something or another.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Well, it came back. This is like Slumdog Millionaire. He's
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: got like all these life experiences where he.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: Just knows these songs. It's like I was in the
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: play at eight years old.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: It's his dumb professional work. That would have been before
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Little Mermaid Broadway.
• 26:09
  Speaker 6: This would have just been the movie. So we would
• 26:11
  Speaker 6: have just been doing like a stage something or another.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: Renditioning.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: For the movie. It wasn't like a full show. I
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: don't know what it was. Okay.
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: Whitney, I'm sorry. What's your, what's your nickname again? I
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: forgot it already. Shit. It was from 15 minutes ago.
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: In the Patreon. Fuck.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: I don't remember what he's talking about.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: I don't either.
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: I haven't found my penis.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: Anyways.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: It rhymed with shunt.
• 26:36
  Speaker 7: Yes.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: That is a medical condition. Go on.
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: In Be Our Guest, after offering the soup de jour
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: and the hors d'oeuvres, the line goes, try the gray stuff.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: It's delicious. Don't believe me?
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: Ass. Oh, my God.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: Try the grease. It's delicious. Don't believe me? Ask the dishes?
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: They can sing. They can dance. After all, this is France.
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: Okay, no, I'm sorry. The answer is it's delicious.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: You went too much.
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: We're doing great, guys.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: I don't get five points?
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: So Jacob's got five, Whitney's got zero.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, jeez. Tough game. This is a tough game. Back
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: to Jacob.
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: Your turn again.
• 27:21
  Speaker 6: I don't make the rules, guys.
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: No, no, no. In a whole new world, Aladdin sings.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: A whole new world.
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: A new fantastic point of view. No one tell us no.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: No one do tell us no. Blank. Oh, where to go? Oh,
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: say we're only dreaming. A whole new world.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: Don't you dare close your eyes.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: Very good.
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: Five more points for Jacob.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, easy game. Not to Whitney. All right, laying them up.
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: We'll finish the rest of these in the next one.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Good job, everybody. I can't wait for my turn.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: What makes you think you're the best?
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: You know, I don't know, honestly. I have no good
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: reason to believe it.
• 28:06
  Speaker 6: Nothing that I've experienced makes me think Jim's getting a turn.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: It's just a guess at this point. Achieving tenure in
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: therapy from Anonymous.
• 28:14
  Speaker 5: Hi, Dr. Jacob, Mr. Jim, Whitney, and even Nick. Despite
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: my dislike of pergolas, I'm with Whitney. There are too
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: many holes in the top to provide enough shade.
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: All right, well, fuck you. I'm taking a break.
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: Although your pergola does sound better because you can adjust
• 28:32
  Speaker 5: the roof.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Anyway, I digress.
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: I hope I don't regret sending in this question, but
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: here goes. I have a question about graduating from therapy.
• 28:41
  Speaker 5: or maybe about just the process of therapy. I see
• 28:44
  Speaker 5: a therapist who I really like and appreciate. We have
• 28:46
  Speaker 5: a really good rapport and I feel safe with him.
• 28:49
  Speaker 5: Turns out I had a whole childhood and early adulthood
• 28:52
  Speaker 5: where I did not feel safe, was abandoned and experienced
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: a complicated loss of my mother. I did not realize
• 28:58
  Speaker 5: how much that impacted how I viewed myself very poorly
• 29:01
  Speaker 5: and my relationships. We've spent the past couple of years
• 29:05
  Speaker 5: working on this through various methods and I can see
• 29:08
  Speaker 5: that I have made a lot of progress. He's helped
• 29:10
  Speaker 5: me develop tools to help regulate my emotions, identify and
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: name emotional flashbacks and triggers, and my relationship with my
• 29:17
  Speaker 5: husband is the best it's ever been. But I still
• 29:19
  Speaker 5: have some dark spirals and a lot of shame that
• 29:22
  Speaker 5: I'm working on. Though through all of this deeper work,
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: I've become fairly attached to my therapist. I've never had
• 29:29
  Speaker 5: a space in my life where I felt this safe
• 29:31
  Speaker 5: and vulnerable, and he challenges me in ways that really
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: help my progress and growth. We've discussed this as reparenting,
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: and I know the ultimate goal is to internalize this
• 29:41
  Speaker 5: so I can reparent myself. My question is, how do
• 29:44
  Speaker 5: you know when it's time to taper or graduate therapy
• 29:48
  Speaker 5: that has been successful, when you're still benefiting from the work?
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: I feel like I should be able to graduate, but
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: I know I will grieve the loss of this relationship
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: and the space it provides. Plus, I'm in academia and research,
• 30:02
  Speaker 5: and it is stressful right now, so it's helpful to
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: process the day-to-day stressors. Please be gentle with the real
• 30:09
  Speaker 5: parts of your answers. The only person I've openly talked
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: about this with is my therapist. He assures me every
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: time that I circle back to this that I'm making progress,
• 30:20
  Speaker 5: and this work can be frustratingly slow and nonlinear. But
• 30:23
  Speaker 5: don't hold back on the tangents and jokes. I know
• 30:26
  Speaker 5: what I've gotten myself into. I'd like to keep this anonymous,
• 30:29
  Speaker 5: and my pronouns are she and her.
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: P.S.
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: The whole time I was writing this email, in my head,
• 30:34
  Speaker 5: all I could hear was Jim's voice reading it.
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 30:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's a terrible life. Have you considered euthanasia? I mean,
• 30:41
  Speaker 5: there's alternatives to this reality. I don't know what any
• 30:43
  Speaker 5: of these kids are going to do about it.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: These kids.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: That one's a good one.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: That one kind of took me.
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: I honestly thought that's what it was because I remember
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: when I was a kid, I remember in like fifth grade,
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: our pastor at church was talking about euthanasia.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: And I was just so confused. All bets are off
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: in Iowa. I mean, that sermon really could have been
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: about anything.
• 31:07
  Speaker 4: Well, he probably was talking about young Chinese kids.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: That's a big word for Iowa.
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Oh my gosh. That's funny.
• 31:15
  Speaker 5: This is a good question though. I mean, because the
• 31:16
  Speaker 5: writer's saying, look, it's going great for me. I've done
• 31:19
  Speaker 5: all this important work. But it's bringing up this interesting
• 31:22
  Speaker 5: caveat of like, okay, this is healthy for me. I'm
• 31:25
  Speaker 5: getting something from it. It does the stress work. But
• 31:28
  Speaker 5: maybe the next growth step in my life is actually
• 31:32
  Speaker 5: to not have the therapist because maybe there's a part
• 31:35
  Speaker 5: of this that I have to start reparenting myself. And
• 31:37
  Speaker 5: as long as they're here. I won't do that.
• 31:40
  Speaker 6: The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: You dream about going up there, but that is a
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: big mistake. Yeah, it is. Just look at the world
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: around you. Right here on the ocean floor.
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: Bill Cosby?
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Such wonderful things around you. What more are you looking for?
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: Is you looking for under the sea?
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: That's not proper grammar.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: Well, he's Jamaican and you just committed a hate crime.
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: How do you know?
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Ask him. Jacob, are you Jamaican or not? Jamaican.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: Jamaican me crazy.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: He's Cajun. They're practically from Jamaica.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I heard the writer share that there's this
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: history of abandonment. And that was kind of one of
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: the thoughts, uh, for me that, that I went to
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: first was that when you've attached to someone and especially
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: your therapist, who is this really safe space and the
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: safe person to go to, and it feels.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Really nice to have that. Like, and I love that
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: you have that actually writer. That's, that's a beautiful thing.
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: Um, I think that trying to wean back is going
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: to be going to be really important. So, um, I
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: think sometimes clients who go to a therapist every single
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: week and they have that good rapport, it can feel
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: scary pulling back. But remember, you don't have to cut
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: it cold turkey. This is not like, oh, I'm just
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: never going to see my therapist again. This is, hey,
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: let's spend two months going every other week. And some
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: clients I work with, we will try that for a
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: little while and either new things come up or maybe
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: they become a little bit more dysregulated.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: We go back to once a week for a little while.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: It's like testing the waters a little bit. And so
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: most of the time what happens though, we go to
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: every other week and maybe we stay without for a
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: long time, even quite a while. And then we go
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: every three weeks and, you know, then we try once
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: a month here and there. And then we try once
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: every other month. Like There can be a way to
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: pull back from your therapist slowly and see how you
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: feel and check in with those feelings. And you're still
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: processing that with your therapist when you go back. And
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: it sounds like based on your history and the progress
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: you've made with your therapist. I know that feels uncomfortable,
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: but it might be something that you need to do. And, um, that's,
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: I know maybe hard to hear, but it sounds like
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: you're really strong and you've made a lot of, a
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: lot of progress in that area. And this is just
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: kind of the last thing for now.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah. What do you think about the reparenting thing? You know,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: that's an interesting idea.
• 34:16
  Speaker 5: The therapist kind of becomes that surrogate for a while
• 34:19
  Speaker 5: to sort of be this healthy voice. And like through them,
• 34:22
  Speaker 5: you're starting to learn to reparent yourself, but then Do
• 34:25
  Speaker 5: they become an obstacle at some point that they're not
• 34:27
  Speaker 5: doing anything wrong but like their existence prevents you from
• 34:31
  Speaker 5: fully doing that yourself? Is that a step that people
• 34:33
  Speaker 5: need to take in reparenting do you think?
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I do think there needs to be still more
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: space given and– Again, I feel that I've had experiences
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: like this with clients.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: They almost describe like our relationship. They'll say, I know
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: we're not friends, but it feels like you're a friend
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: or something like that.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: And the ones you make call you mommy also.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: Well, that's usually a pretty big indicator.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 35:03
  Speaker 4: At least you stop breastfeeding them.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Virtually.
• 35:08
  Speaker 6: Insurance won't cover it anymore.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: Jesus Christ.
• 35:11
  Speaker 5: You try to write a 90837 and they're just not
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: having it.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: The description did not count.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: What's the CPT code? Now she just says, you're damn
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: right we're not friends. We are more than friends. I
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: dare you, you son of a bitch.
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: The ethics board did not agree.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: But yeah, the reparenting, I always... I try and frame
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: that for the client to be doing that.
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: I do think sometimes the therapist can be almost a,
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: maybe like a crutch there, but, um.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: It sounds like you have a really good open dialogue
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: with your therapist and you've talked to him about this,
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: which I love. And hopefully if, if he is, I
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: don't want to say like if he's doing a good job,
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: but I mean, hopefully he is working on his end
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: to encourage you to, um, To kind of go out
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: on your own and do some of the work on
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: your own as well and pull back.
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: I'm not familiar with reparenting as a therapeutic technique. But
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: if it's anything like how I feel good parenting is,
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: is I think your role changes as the person matures.
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: And so as the client continues to progress through therapy,
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: your role kind of starts to pull back in a way.
• 36:32
  Speaker 4: Or it kind of changes. Like I think about like
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: how my parents kind of raised me where it's like
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: when I was young, it was, here's what you need
• 36:40
  Speaker 4: to do. You need to do this. You need to
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: do that. You need to do, you know, and, and
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: don't do this, do this instead. And here's, and then
• 36:46
  Speaker 4: later it's like. here's why we're doing this. There's a
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: little bit more of an explanation. And then later on.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: You don't talk about your feelings, and I'll whoop your ass.
• 36:56
  Speaker 6: Where I was was the explanation to a lot of things.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: And Chinese youth, for some reason.
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: And then, like, later on, then it kind of became like, okay, well,
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: you're going to make this decision, but you tell me
• 37:08
  Speaker 4: your logic behind this decision.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: So like, what are you expecting?
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: Have you, or you Jim have, um, y'all heard of, um, the,
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: like the adult chair that I think I've talked about
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: it on here before.
• 37:20
  Speaker 4: I don't know if you have, I was not, you
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: usually have to pay extra for that. Yeah.
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: Sit on my lap on the chair.
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: Um, no, I, there's a podcast called the adult chair and, um,
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: I always recommend going back to episodes one, two, and
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: three because that actually it might be two, three, and four.
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: But either way, it's like the intro. Then two, three,
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: and four is the child, adolescent, and adult chair. And
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: I just love it. The first few episodes are just
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: like 20 minutes. They're not very long, 15, 20 minutes.
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: And it's just describing to you what this theory is.
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: And I find it really helpful with some clients I
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: work with who, um, did not have very kind parents
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: and there's not a way to gain closure through that.
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: So I don't know if this is what you mean
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: by like reparenting yourself, Jim, or like what the writer means,
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: but that's where my mind goes.
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: And it's almost like, um.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: Caught it.
• 38:11
  Speaker 4: Well done.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: It's right. He also tries to knock things off the
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: desk like a cat.
• 38:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Can you, paint kind of a short brief picture. What,
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: what does the adult chair look like?
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: So the adult chair is four legs.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: There are four legs. Cause then you can balance really easily.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: I can stand and do things.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: It's a one legged chair.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: That's the child chair.
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: Um, no, the, uh, the adult chair is, I would
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: say like the regulated nervous system. I don't think that's
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: how the, uh, I can't think of her name right now.
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: I'll have to look it up in a moment, but, um,
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: that's not how she, the lady who like, you know,
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: champions this, this theory, how she would describe it, but
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: it's kind of like your regulated nervous system.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: And so the child chair.
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: Is like the very reactive, like almost like you think
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: of six ages, six and under the adolescent chairs where
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: like 90% of adults live. It's almost like trying to
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: protect yourself so that the adolescent chair gets very defensive and, um,
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: and reactive to things. And the adult chair is kind
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: of that I'm able, like, be even keel, see the
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: things for how they are and respond to things rather
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: than react or defend or feel like I have to
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: really protect in that dysregulated state. In my mind, it's
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: the regulated nervous system. That's my summary of what I
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: get from it.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: I believe the theory that comes from is called transactional analysis.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: And that's the three levels of mind, right? The adult line,
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: the adolescent mind, and then the child mind.
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: Dr.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: Jim can let you know that.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: I don't know. It's a theory. Yeah, it's a theory.
• 39:48
  Speaker 5: But no, I mean, it's actually a really useful way to, uh,
• 39:50
  Speaker 5: it kind of goes hand in hand with, um, like, uh,
• 39:53
  Speaker 5: not family systems.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: Um, but, ah, shit.
• 39:56
  Speaker 5: What's that one where you sort of like, you talk
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: about yourself as if different parts. Oh, I mean, there,
• 40:02
  Speaker 5: there is part psychology, which is just a thing, but
• 40:05
  Speaker 5: it's IFS. I forget what it stands for, but, um,
• 40:08
  Speaker 5: IFS is like the inter family system. And it's like,
• 40:11
  Speaker 5: There's– you refer to each inner voice. Like there's the
• 40:15
  Speaker 5: part of me that is an adult that wants to
• 40:16
  Speaker 5: do this, the part of me that's a child that
• 40:17
  Speaker 5: wants to do this, the part of me that's a
• 40:18
  Speaker 5: son that wants to do this. And so like there's
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: all these different aspects of self that you try to
• 40:22
  Speaker 5: like integrate by hearing each piece of it. So reparenting
• 40:25
  Speaker 5: I think goes hand in hand with like the adult
• 40:27
  Speaker 5: chair technique, transactional analysis, IFS, this idea that you're noticing
• 40:32
  Speaker 5: that you didn't have a stable, mature, self-sacrificing, educational wisdom voice.
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: And so it's really common, like the writer says, I
• 40:40
  Speaker 5: struggle with guilt and shame. If you had like a
• 40:43
  Speaker 5: really enmeshed weird parent that didn't teach you how to
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: like give yourself grace for things or like was way
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: harsh or way critical, reparenting is giving yourself the voice
• 40:53
  Speaker 5: you needed as a child. And sometimes the therapist helps
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: embody that and help you find that language for yourself
• 40:59
  Speaker 5: so you can kind of do that work where when
• 41:01
  Speaker 5: you bump into problems, your nervous system reacts in the
• 41:05
  Speaker 5: way that you were raised. But you're learning how to
• 41:07
  Speaker 5: catch that cognitive distortion and reframe it from this like
• 41:11
  Speaker 5: positive mature angle. So like using the wise voice or
• 41:14
  Speaker 5: the wise mind. But like all this, I mean like
• 41:17
  Speaker 5: I'm going to take a contrarian view because I feel
• 41:20
  Speaker 5: like what I'm hearing you say is if you do decide,
• 41:23
  Speaker 5: if you and your therapist together is part of your treatment,
• 41:26
  Speaker 5: decide to wean off, here's what that would look like.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: And like that is a good idea.
• 41:30
  Speaker 5: And I agree with you. I don't take issue with
• 41:31
  Speaker 5: that at all. I think that sometimes I'm on the
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: other side of this issue in general. And part of
• 41:37
  Speaker 5: it's because the way I run my practice, I don't
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: have to think of things like insurance authorizations or like
• 41:42
  Speaker 5: always justifying care. And like, I can kind of just
• 41:44
  Speaker 5: create this open door policy where it's like, hey, if
• 41:47
  Speaker 5: this is helpful for you, come back whenever you need to.
• 41:50
  Speaker 5: And it's sort of like doing an emotional yoga session.
• 41:52
  Speaker 5: Like this can be helpful for you. And for some people,
• 41:55
  Speaker 5: I think that the way that the industry is designed
• 41:59
  Speaker 5: and the way we talk about mental health Sometimes I
• 42:01
  Speaker 5: feel like we have clinicians that put way too much
• 42:03
  Speaker 5: emphasis on the exit planning, which I value and I
• 42:06
  Speaker 5: see the ethics of, I see the treatment value of.
• 42:09
  Speaker 5: But sometimes I feel like we emphasize that so strongly
• 42:12
  Speaker 5: that we're not respecting that you would not have an
• 42:15
  Speaker 5: exit plan for somebody with diabetes. Like that is just
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: a chronic permanent condition in their life. They will always
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: have an endocrinologist in their life. And there'll be times
• 42:24
  Speaker 5: they need more of that attitude. And there will be
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: times they need less of that. But like there's always
• 42:28
  Speaker 5: going to be somebody monitoring that condition who they're checking
• 42:30
  Speaker 5: in with regularly. Psychiatry, we generally agree with that. Like
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: if somebody has long-term depression or long-term anxiety or bipolar,
• 42:38
  Speaker 5: they're always going to have a psychiatrist in their life.
• 42:40
  Speaker 5: They're just always going to be talking to that person.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: But they do listen visits with the psychiatrist.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: That is true.
• 42:44
  Speaker 5: There's a moderate versus severe need. I agree with that.
• 42:48
  Speaker 5: But like sometimes with psychotherapy– and I'm not saying anybody
• 42:51
  Speaker 5: in this room takes this perspective– But I don't know
• 42:53
  Speaker 5: if you all agree with this, but I felt a
• 42:55
  Speaker 5: lot of pressure in the industry that sometimes there's always
• 42:57
  Speaker 5: this push for like, what's termination look like? When are
• 43:00
  Speaker 5: you going to wean this person away? And sometimes it's like, look,
• 43:03
  Speaker 5: they may just have a chronic reality. Their marriage is
• 43:06
  Speaker 5: doing better. Therapy is working. They're reparenting really well. They're
• 43:09
  Speaker 5: coping with an unusual time to be an academician in
• 43:12
  Speaker 5: America right now. And nothing's going wrong with therapy. It's
• 43:15
  Speaker 5: not causing any harm. There's a great therapeutic rapport. There's
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: a part of me that's like, why do we feel
• 43:20
  Speaker 5: the need to close that? Why do we feel the
• 43:22
  Speaker 5: need to exit that?
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: I agree with that. And I also kind of, for
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: that same reason, kind of have always taken... I don't know.
• 43:29
  Speaker 4: It kind of rubs me the wrong way, but the
• 43:30
  Speaker 4: idea– and the writer even kind of talks about it
• 43:33
  Speaker 4: a little bit, but graduating therapy.
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: That's very final. Yeah.
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: I don't like that.
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: It's kind of the same thing with like in substance
• 43:41
  Speaker 4: use disorder treatment where people are like, oh, I graduated.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: It's a stamp of approval. It's like you're done.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: I never have to see you again ever.
• 43:48
  Speaker 4: But it's like same in substance use where it's like
• 43:50
  Speaker 4: we're dealing with a chronically relapsing condition.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 43:53
  Speaker 4: Depression. Depression. anxiety, both chronically relapsing conditions. So it's, it's,
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: it's about management. It's not about curing. So, um, anytime
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: I ever work with somebody that is thinking of like
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: making a change, like whether that be stepping down the
• 44:10
  Speaker 4: intensity of services or, uh, you know, changing medication or
• 44:15
  Speaker 4: something like that, always work with who the prescriber is
• 44:19
  Speaker 4: or who the provider is so that you, you know,
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: it's a, it's a deal that you've worked out. But
• 44:23
  Speaker 4: the other thing I always like to do with them
• 44:25
  Speaker 4: is visualize what will it look like? What are the
• 44:29
  Speaker 4: things that will tell you you need to revert back
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: to what you were doing before?
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 44:35
  Speaker 4: Because sometimes if you don't picture those in advance, then
• 44:39
  Speaker 4: you miss those signs when it actually happens. Right. And
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: then you get too far down that road into that
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: relapsing condition and you don't catch yourself and get back
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: into what you need to do.
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: Right. And it is a hard thing to thread there, right?
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 44:52
  Speaker 5: We expect some regression. If you were to discontinue therapy
• 44:55
  Speaker 5: and like this patient was like, oh, well, I'm actually
• 44:58
  Speaker 5: regressing with my stress lately. I've been snippy at my husband.
• 45:01
  Speaker 5: We're going through a hard time. Should I go back
• 45:03
  Speaker 5: to therapy? And some people would say, well, no, like
• 45:05
  Speaker 5: this is where you learn how to do it on
• 45:07
  Speaker 5: your own. So yeah, the bike's falling over. Nobody's holding
• 45:09
  Speaker 5: onto it anymore. Pick yourself up, use your coping skills,
• 45:12
  Speaker 5: like get some scratches and keep going. And that would
• 45:16
  Speaker 5: be good advice. That would not be the wrong perspective,
• 45:19
  Speaker 5: but there's this invisible line at which we would say,
• 45:22
  Speaker 5: Oh shit, you're tipping over this. This is going to
• 45:24
  Speaker 5: be a sharp regression. This is why we probably needed
• 45:28
  Speaker 5: to have a lifeline to long-term care who we use
• 45:31
  Speaker 5: at the right pacing level, which I think that's why
• 45:33
  Speaker 5: I like Whitney's prescription there because it allows for both, right?
• 45:36
  Speaker 5: It allows for a weaning down strategy. And if things
• 45:39
  Speaker 5: are going great and you're only seeing your therapist once
• 45:42
  Speaker 5: a month, stay there for a year. And then go
• 45:44
  Speaker 5: every other month. And if it's like, oh boy, things
• 45:46
  Speaker 5: are not going great.
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: Great.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: Come back once a month. Right.
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: And so like finding that. I will really stretch that
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: out too.
• 45:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: And some clients, if they have gone a month, maybe
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: like they couldn't make their every other week and it's
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: been a month or six weeks since we've seen each other.
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: Then like, oh my gosh, that was like too long.
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: You know, it gives them a taste for it. And
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: they're like, nope, I do like someone to check in
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: with and just have that outlet. And And yeah, the
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: writer did say, hey, we started with these issues, but
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: I'm feeling like there is stress in my life still
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: that I appreciate my therapist being there for me. And
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: that did come to mind. I'm like, well, those are
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: new treatment plan.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: Goals, as they would say. Everybody drink.
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: For you, Nick. That was for you, buddy.
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: Love it. That's all I ask.
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: I don't ask a lot.
• 46:30
  Speaker 3: I'm here.
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: I'm here for you.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: I listen. I listen to you.
• 46:33
  Speaker 4: Let's talk about some treatment planning every once in a while.
• 46:36
  Speaker 4: Not every episode.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: No. That'd be silly. Every two.
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: We're weaning him off.
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: That's right. We're trying slowly. Since you talked about your
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: treatment plan with me.
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: Such a great song.
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: That's such a musical episode. That's a Prince song.
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: Did you know that?
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: You knew that. I did, yeah.
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: You didn't know that. I did not.
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: You didn't know that.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: I also don't know who Prince is.
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: Never heard that song. Yes, you have. She made O'Connor.
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: Nothing compares to you.
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: Oh, that was that song.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: I didn't know. We sang it perfectly. What is your problem?
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know what else you want from me.
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: I need the listeners to tell me if that was
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: Sinead or Connor.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: It's been 7,014 days.
• 47:19
  Speaker 4: I think it's 15. Whatever.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: I liked your point though.
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: You were making a good point.
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 47:24
  Speaker 5: But you bring up something I think that's also lost
• 47:26
  Speaker 5: a lot too. We have so many people that write
• 47:28
  Speaker 5: into the show talking about how hard it is to
• 47:30
  Speaker 5: find a good therapist. This is somebody who found one.
• 47:32
  Speaker 5: They're kicking ass. Their life is improving. And one of
• 47:36
  Speaker 5: my favorite things about being a long-term therapist in somebody's
• 47:38
  Speaker 5: life is being a historian. Like that is such a
• 47:42
  Speaker 5: special relationship to get to have in therapy where I'll
• 47:45
  Speaker 5: see them kind of going back to an old pattern
• 47:47
  Speaker 5: that I saw years ago. And I'll be like, hey–
• 47:50
  Speaker 5: I remember when I met you in 2020 and you
• 47:54
  Speaker 5: were going through this at the time. This kind of
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: seems like that old you coming back. Can we talk
• 47:58
  Speaker 5: about that? And this writer says, my therapist challenges me
• 48:02
  Speaker 5: sometimes and holds me accountable. And I don't consider myself
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: a very confrontational or challenging therapist, but that ability to
• 48:08
  Speaker 5: have such a long-term relationship is such a blessing to
• 48:11
  Speaker 5: be like, hey, I'm bringing this up.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: And they're like, fuck, you are.
• 48:13
  Speaker 5: The only one who has that data that knew me
• 48:16
  Speaker 5: and knew my private thoughts back then.
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Like, you gave me something that no other
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: therapist could have given me right now. This is huge. Again,
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: don't close out the relationship.
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: If you don't. Oh, that song.
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, now I hear it. You know, but like,
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: I'm with you.
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: You did not hear it.
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: I didn't fucking hear it. I had no idea.
• 48:35
  Speaker 4: You know, and since you have that relationship with your therapist.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: She shaved her head. She did.
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: She did. She would have been a part of the
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: bald subreddit.
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
• 48:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: Like with Whitney. I mean, obviously, that's a very, very deep,
• 49:10
  Speaker 4: dark place.
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: We love that you saw my perspective so clearly.
• 49:13
  Speaker 4: The fact that Whitney isn't able to live up to
• 49:16
  Speaker 4: her true potential.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: It's so sad because of the way this is holding
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: her back that's right it's very sad rotting with hate
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: you know and just it's seething it's just like this
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: rabies just so mean so mean.
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: Well one day nick will understand when he uh is
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: miserable under his pergola.
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: Pergola Anyway, Ryder, thank you for this question. Fight the
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: real enemy.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: I'll say I told you so.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: Talk to your therapist. Do what you two decide together.
• 49:47
  Speaker 5: But if it feels like an arbitrary departure and your
• 49:49
  Speaker 5: therapist is like, I don't see any reason for this,
• 49:51
  Speaker 5: then don't.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: Just follow what they're saying. They've earned that right. We
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: talked a lot about.
• 49:57
  Speaker 6: Staying with therapy and not graduating from therapy. But it
• 50:01
  Speaker 6: is fair, I think, for a lot of people to say,
• 50:03
  Speaker 6: I want to get out of this. This is something
• 50:05
  Speaker 6: that I do want to be able to graduate. And
• 50:08
  Speaker 6: I don't think any of us are saying stick with
• 50:11
  Speaker 6: it even if you don't feel like it's necessary. If
• 50:14
  Speaker 6: you feel like it's something that you can revert down
• 50:16
  Speaker 6: to some general maintenance every now and then, some periodic maintenance, awesome.
• 50:22
  Speaker 6: But don't– I think what we're saying is don't feel
• 50:25
  Speaker 6: pressure to duck out of it.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah. No, I completely agree. That's well said.
• 50:29
  Speaker 5: We're going to take a quick break, and when we
• 50:31
  Speaker 5: come back, we're talking about my ex living rent-free in
• 50:35
  Speaker 5: my head.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: You're listening to Pod Therapy.
• 50:39
  Speaker 4: Today's episode is brought to you by Smitty Scoop, Mason Miller,
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: Tess Miller, Byler T, Paris, Team Monaco. Monaco. I said
• 50:46
  Speaker 4: it right.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: Monaco. Oscar Suanros.
• 50:50
  Speaker 4: Oh, team. That's what it was. Hannah Marie, Emma Kane, Myra,
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: and Sam Cohn. Would you like to sponsor the show?
• 50:55
  Speaker 4: Become a TheraProducer at patreon.com slash therapy. All right. Whose
• 50:59
  Speaker 4: turn is it?
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: I believe it's mine. Jacob.
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: All right, Jim. Here you go. Yeah.
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: He's in.
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: I'm in. Let's see.
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: He's trying to pick the meanest one.
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: Hakuna Matata. Okay.
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: What does it mean?
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: Spell it. Oh, fuck. Use original African characters.
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: I feel like you could spell it to me.
• 51:26
  Speaker 4: I mean, if it's in English, it's probably easier. Hakuna
• 51:30
  Speaker 4: Matata tells us it means no worries for the rest
• 51:33
  Speaker 4: of your days. How does the next line describe it?
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: Means no worries for the rest of your days. It's
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: our problem-free philosophy. Hakuna Matata. I guess. I mean, they
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: say it so many times. Like, there's probably different lines
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: in there.
• 51:51
  Speaker 4: A problem-free philosophy. End of statement. So, I'm sorry.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, he added an extra Hakuna Matata.
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, he did say Hakuna Matata.
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he added. He made Whitney's mistakes.
• 52:04
  Speaker 4: You did.
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: You sang the whole thing.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just to refresh the scores.
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: Unlike Jacob, who also sang the whole thing.
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 52:08
  Speaker 4: Jacob 10, Whitney N, Jim 0.
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: Again, it's equal application of justice. It's a tough thing.
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: As long as it's happening everywhere. It's a complex game.
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: I will be shooting for gender discrimination, except Jim is
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: opposite gender, so I'm okay.
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: Did you just assume my gender, Whitney?
• 52:23
  Speaker 4: Oh, sorry.
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: And I don't think any genders are opposite anything. That's right. Yeah. Oh, shit.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: There's a fluidity up in this bitch.
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah. How about that?
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: Jim, how do you identify?
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: Whatever gets me in the WNBA right now.
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: All right. All right.
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: Then he's on team me.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: If I get to play pro, I'm in.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: So we will be filing a suit later.
• 52:41
  Speaker 4: Whitney.
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: Whitney.
• 52:43
  Speaker 4: In Part of Your World, Ariel sings about her collection.
• 52:48
  Speaker 4: She's got gadgets and gizmos appellant.
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: A plenty. A plenty.
• 52:53
  Speaker 4: Oh, weird.
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: He's the right guy to be doing this.
• 52:56
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 52:59
  Speaker 4: She's got who's its and what's its galore. How many
• 53:02
  Speaker 4: thingamabobs does she specifically claim to have?
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: You can do this.
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: Read the first part again.
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: No.
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: I think it's 20.
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: I've got 20.
• 53:15
  Speaker 4: Is that your final answer?
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: But who cares?
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: I think it's 20.
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: Now, is it 20 to zero?
• 53:20
  Speaker 4: Don't you fucking let him do this to you.
• 53:23
  Speaker 7: Or T-W-E-N-T-Y?
• 53:28
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 53:29
  Speaker 4: Because I'm being very specific with.
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: How this is written.
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: 2-0.
• 53:34
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry.
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: T-W-E-N-T.
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: Emma, we're going to have words later.
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: It doesn't pass?
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: No, I didn't spell it right.
• 53:44
  Speaker 4: 2-0.
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: Missing all these layups.
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: Well, I am a fair guy. So, Jem, I'll give
• 53:51
  Speaker 4: you another one.
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: Oh, thank you.
• 53:55
  Speaker 4: In Colors of the Wind... From Pocahontas. She asks, you
• 54:01
  Speaker 4: think you own whatever land you blank.
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you think you own whatever land you land on.
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: The earth is just a dead thing you can claim.
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: But I know every rock and tree and creature.
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: You're singing too much, I think.
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go with land on. No. The fuck?
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: Winnie for the steal.
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: Is it walk-on?
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: No. No. Yeah, it's stand-on. I forgot the question.
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: Jacob, is it stand-on, yes or no?
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: Stand-on.
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: God damn it. Jacob, that's the point. Dang it, I
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: thought it was walk-on. No, it's stand-on.
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: Wow, you said land you were closer. You idiots. Jesus.
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: You look dumb. Oh, man.
• 54:42
  Speaker 4: All right.
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, so that's Jacob with like 15 or so fans.
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Jacob's killing it.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: Running away with it.
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: Fuck you, Jacob.
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: Oh, man.
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: Man. Not a good Disney movie. That's on me. I've
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: never seen that. Next move on song.
• 54:56
  Speaker 4: That's one of the ones I've not seen.
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: You know, that is a good movie until you look
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: up the history and you're like, oh shit, she was 12. Sure,
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: there's the history side of it as well.
• 55:07
  Speaker 6: It's also just not a well-written movie and it doesn't
• 55:09
  Speaker 6: have well-written songs. Like Colors of the Wind is a
• 55:12
  Speaker 6: fine Disney song, but then like the rest of it.
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: What? Is pretty bad.
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: I guess I don't remember the rest of it.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's not a good movie. Jim's defending it.
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: Do you have Tarzan in there?
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: Everybody else agrees. Are there Tarzans?
• 55:24
  Speaker 5: I support indigenous peoples, Jacob, and I feel they need
• 55:27
  Speaker 5: to be represented in art, unlike you.
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: Animated film.
• 55:31
  Speaker 5: In animated films, and I guarantee you, voiced by white people,
• 55:35
  Speaker 5: this was a 90s movie.
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: There was no consideration whatsoever.
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: No, absolutely not.
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Mel Gibson was voicing the fucking guy, so yeah.
• 55:43
  Speaker 4: Well, he's a good guy for that. Like, he's perfect, right?
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 55:47
  Speaker 4: He's never done anything wrong.
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: That's true. Yeah. Especially when it comes to racial respect,
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 55:52
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: Mel Gibson, stand up guy.
• 55:53
  Speaker 6: Glad we paused on Mel Gibson there, guys. Thank you
• 55:56
  Speaker 6: for pausing on Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson, pod therapy supports you.
• 56:00
  Speaker 6: Ex living rent-free in my head. Hello there, pod therapy
• 56:03
  Speaker 6: doctors and gym. Oh, a friend of mine, their ex
• 56:05
  Speaker 6: is living with them right now because their ex is
• 56:09
  Speaker 6: on the lease and is just doing the.
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: Thing where they're like, well, I'm not moving. I'm on
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: the lease. It's not even a financial thing.
• 56:17
  Speaker 6: Financial is part of it, but financial is not demanding.
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: It's not being forced that this is happening.
• 56:24
  Speaker 4: How deep into the separation are they? Like, are we
• 56:27
  Speaker 4: talking months they've been separated?
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, they've been separated for months.
• 56:30
  Speaker 6: No, they've been separated for three, four months at this point.
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: Maybe three. Yeah.
• 56:36
  Speaker 4: And I'm guessing it wasn't amicable.
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like it. This is a great opportunity.
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to hear as little about it as possible.
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: I've honestly told you everything I know about it.
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: He doesn't want to tell more. He doesn't want to
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: know more.
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: I don't ask follow-up questions. I am given information. I
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: ask zero follow-up questions.
• 56:54
  Speaker 5: This is a malicious compliance opportunity, though. If you want
• 56:57
  Speaker 5: your ex to leave, this is where you invite people over.
• 57:01
  Speaker 5: You start an OnlyFans.
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: No, you have to watch that show on Netflix, Worst
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: Roommate Ever.
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Or Worst Ex.
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: Well, not Worst Ex.
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: Watch Worst Roommate. Worst Neighbor Ever on Netflix.
• 57:11
  Speaker 4: Oh, is that it?
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: I think it's Roommate. There's a couple of them.
• 57:14
  Speaker 4: It's probably a series because there's a Worst Ex Ever.
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the Ex one is sad. Don't watch that one.
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the Worst Neighbor Ever is also sad. Okay, yeah.
• 57:21
  Speaker 4: Watch Worst Roommate. I just watched the one about the preacher.
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: The preacher's wife?
• 57:26
  Speaker 4: The wife.
• 57:27
  Speaker 3: I've watched so many YouTube crime dramas, and I have.
• 57:30
  Speaker 4: Not watched the Netflix one. Okay, so Laura came home
• 57:32
  Speaker 4: the other day because I was watching that while she
• 57:34
  Speaker 4: was out of the house. Cause I knew she was
• 57:37
  Speaker 4: going to give me shit if she caught me watching that. Yeah.
• 57:40
  Speaker 4: She comes in and she's like, what are you watching?
• 57:42
  Speaker 7: Porn.
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: Porn.
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: Just porn.
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: A lot of porn.
• 57:45
  Speaker 4: A lot of porn.
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: Really weird shit too. You don't want to see it.
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: Preacher shit.
• 57:49
  Speaker 4: I was like, I was like a true crime documentary.
• 57:53
  Speaker 4: And she's like, you are the biggest, you're, she's like,
• 57:56
  Speaker 4: you are the most basic bitch.
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: I was going to say, where's your pumpkin spice latte
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: is what she asked.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: A basic bitch.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love it. It's good to be false.
• 58:05
  Speaker 4: It is.
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: But no, you are kind of a basic bitch.
• 58:08
  Speaker 4: Oh, 100%. I'm not even hiding it.
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: I know I am.
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: He didn't hide it from Laura.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: That is your thing.
• 58:14
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, man.
• 58:15
  Speaker 2: That's a good one.
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: So that's a documentary I should watch, though? It's pretty good.
• 58:17
  Speaker 2: If you're a basic bitch.
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not about being a basic bitch.
• 58:20
  Speaker 4: I remember when it happened, because the clip went viral
• 58:24
  Speaker 4: of him preaching, and he did a whole service Sunday morning,
• 58:28
  Speaker 4: and at the very end, He's like, oh, I have
• 58:31
  Speaker 4: an announcement to make. My wife is dead. So pastor
• 58:37
  Speaker 4: so-and-so is going to do a little prayer, but please
• 58:39
  Speaker 4: let's not talk about this outside of the church.
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 58:42
  Speaker 4: It's like the most suspicious shit.
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: Also, no questions. You did an entire service?
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And he was like charismatic in it.
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: Like nothing ever happened.
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: No eyebrows raised at all.
• 58:56
  Speaker 5: And the message was on forgiveness, you know, just under
• 59:00
  Speaker 5: any circumstances.
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: Letting bygones be bygones. Not looking into shit. Okay. But
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: the whole thing. As an atheist, it made no sense.
• 59:10
  Speaker 4: Me fucking sick.
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 59:11
  Speaker 4: The way that– because his whole thing, he was absolutely
• 59:16
  Speaker 4: just using his power in the church to manipulate everybody.
• 59:19
  Speaker 4: He was married.
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's the one time that's happened. He was very rare.
• 59:22
  Speaker 4: She was 15 when she joined the church and he
• 59:25
  Speaker 4: was the pastor. The youth pastor.
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, this guy.
• 59:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 59:28
  Speaker 5: This one where he pushed her off of the, he
• 59:30
  Speaker 5: pushed his wife off the angel's landing in Zion.
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: No, no, no. This is different. Oh, that's happened more
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: than once.
• 59:35
  Speaker 4: This is a different pastor.
• 59:36
  Speaker 3: Oh, no.
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, no.
• 59:39
  Speaker 4: No, but just like how he was like, they would
• 59:42
  Speaker 4: talk about their relationship and they would show then a
• 59:44
  Speaker 4: clip of him preaching.
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, I gotta watch the Netflix version.
• 59:48
  Speaker 4: He's preaching everything that's going on in their lives, except
• 59:52
  Speaker 4: he's just talking about, hey, women. You know, you got
• 59:56
  Speaker 4: to give it to your husband whenever he wants it.
• 59:58
  Speaker 7: Oh, yeah.
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: This is Harrison Butker, the kicker for the Chiefs. His church.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 4: It will piss you off.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, this sounds wonderful. This sounds great. I want to
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: go to this church. This sounds like a great time.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: Just want to eat the popcorn, man. I mean, come on.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: This is the best show on a Sunday. You're not
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: going to be more entertained than that. Jesus, where was
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: this at? Where does this guy live?
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 4: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 6: I was going to say, that's the type of thing
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 6: that comes up in affluent, well-to-do neighborhoods. Because that's the
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 6: kind of shit that money holds people to shit and
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 6: makes you go like, oh, well.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: If I'm supposed to be subservient, I guess I'll be subservient.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 6: And then you got a lot of money going on
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 6: and everything while you're doing it, and it's hostage-taking.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: It's bullshit.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: Well, pod therapy brought to you by.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: Religion and your ex.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 5: Hello there, pod therapy doctors and Jim. Nick said the
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 5: reservoir of questions was getting empty, so here I am
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 5: to help fill it back up. One thing I've been
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 5: wondering about recently is this. How long should someone be
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 5: living rent-free in my head until I start charging them rent? Seriously,
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 5: she's been in here so long that I feel... They
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 5: have squatters rights now or something and probably painted a
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 5: wall or two to say it with less cheek though.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 5: I know Jacob does appreciate some good cheek every now
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 5: and then I have been having intrusive thoughts about a
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 5: specific person who was part of my life and she
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 5: is no longer in it. When she left, it felt
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 5: as if I was going through drug withdrawals or had
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 5: a limb torn off, just wanting to go back and
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 5: get another hit. Even though I knew it was bad
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 5: for me, everything reminded me of her. I cried so much.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 5: that I ran out of tears and I kept wondering
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 5: if she was the one who got away in some sense.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 5: My more logical brain knows that if she was meant
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 5: to be my person, she would be my person.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: But you cannot think your way out of a feeling.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 5: Just as Jim cannot say hello without everyone questioning their sanity.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 5: All joking aside, it's been nearly 10 months since I
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 5: had my bout with this really good drug.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 6: And every day, I put one foot in front of
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 6: the other and take the next best step to heal
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 6: myself and put it all behind me.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: And I keep craving those drugs.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 5: I'm currently happy with some new drugs and she makes
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 5: me feel great. Boy, do women like it when you
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 5: call them drugs.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: My favorite. No, they've gotten on drugs. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: I've started doing drugs. Yeah. And it's been great for me.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 4: Intravenous.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 5: Though not, I do not have the same level of
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 5: intense emotions that I had when I was super high
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 5: on my previous drugs. So a step in the right
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 5: direction as I take it slowly rather than jumping heart
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 5: first into some danger. though I know I'm going to
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 5: need to open that heart back up eventually to the
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 5: possibility of being hurt by someone who I feel is
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 5: so wonderful. I know healing takes time and intentional effort.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 5: It can just be disheartening when I'm not seeing the
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 5: immediate results of that and feel like I keep wanting
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 5: to relapse. I keep being present with myself and know
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 5: that each day I do not relapse is a win.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 5: For those of you who are confused, drugs are a
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 5: metaphor for a relationship.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: Thanks for everything. Anonymous pronouns are he and him. Glad
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: we clarified that toward the end.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 5: How long before you should be over your ex? What
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 5: is the going rate on this? What are we thinking?
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 4: Well, what do we mean over?
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: This is a good question. What do we mean over?
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: Not under anymore is probably part of it.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because there's always going to be stuff that's going
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 4: to come up that you're going to have to just
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 4: deal with the rest of your life. There's going to
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 4: be things that remind you, or there's going to be just, uh,
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 4: things that you wish you could have said, you never
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 4: got around to saying it or whatever those things are.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 4: And you're just going to have to deal with that. Right.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 4: But like, there's another part where it's kind of like
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 4: becomes obsessive. Like, is this taking up all of your time?
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 4: And you're also forming a new relationship with somebody else.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 4: Is the new relationship a really good relationship or is it,
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 4: you know, how into this new relationship are you if
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 4: you're still ruminating over the last one?
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: I mean, is this just a rebound? This rebound relationship?
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're not sure.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 4: I mean, that could be. It's been 10 months.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: 10 months. That's right.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 6: We had a song about that. But it sounds like
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 6: we're not really rebounding. Like, it sounds like we're not
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 6: really getting over the 10, like in 10 months. It
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 6: doesn't sound like it's been like a.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: I wonder how long the relationship was.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that matters.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: I was like, does that matter?
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: It matters.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 5: It matters big time. It's interesting because there's like a
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 5: sweet spot, right? Because if somebody moves on too quickly
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 5: and they're like, no, I'm fine.
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 4: This is great.
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: I've met somebody.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 5: I think I did all my breaking up during the relationship.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 5: I think I grieved during the breakup.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: I'm fine.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 5: I feel like I've completely moved on. That's super dangerous, right?
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 5: And they're just super blind. They're just like remedicating with
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 5: this new person. They're just bearing their grief and they're
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 5: just moving on too fast.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: Nothing compares. And then there's also this prolonged grieving disorder
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: where like you've gone for so long that like you're
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: preoccupied with them and like you're giving them way more
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: status in your mind, in your heart. You're obsessing. You're
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: ruminating on them.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 5: And there needs to be this letting go intentionally where
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 5: you choose not to give any more power to that position.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 5: There's a sweet spot in between, I think, those two poles.
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 3: I know. This sounds so cliche, but anytime– like I
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 3: felt in that spot or I was actually just talking
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 3: to friends yesterday about, we're talking about like exes or
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 3: like old relationships and maybe like high school or early college.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 3: And it's just like, how, how did you deal with
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 3: heartbreak or were you a heartbreaker? Like what was the
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 3: dynamics of these different relationships?
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 2: And it kind of did force.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 3: Me to think back and, um, like remember relationships that
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 3: ended that you kind of were like stuck on or, um,
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 3: like had a hard time letting go of.
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: And it's just like that.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 3: I honestly feel like separation and time apart is part
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 3: of that. Making new connections is part of that. Understanding
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 3: that some new relationships won't feel the same. Maybe that
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 3: fire that you had with that other person. This is
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 3: something I hear a lot and it's kind of interesting
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 3: to me. Some people are like, well, I just don't
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 3: have that passion with this new person that I had
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 3: with the old like the previous person I dated.
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, is that a good thing? Like, was
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: that a good thing? Like, I don't know that it is.
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: Causing fights all the time too.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 2: Like exactly.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 3: Like really, I hate this word's overused, but toxic shit
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 3: was going on there that like, maybe it felt really
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 3: great when it was good.
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 2: And it also was really fucked up.
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 5: There's a lot of people that have this like amazing
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 5: memory of like the magic of, but they're, they're remembering
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 5: the reconciliation power. Like whenever you constantly have these near
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 5: death experiences where the relationship's going to end, they're constantly
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 5: fighting with you.
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: They're always upset.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 5: And then all of a sudden, like, You're reconciling and
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 5: you're making love and everything's okay again. And you're like, wow,
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 5: that was the biggest drug hit ever. And it's like, yeah,
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 5: because you took it to the fucking extreme all the time. Like,
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 5: and yeah, a normal relationship that's not crazy is kind
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 5: of fucking boring.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 2: It's kind of boring.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 5: But like way better for you and way healthier. But
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 5: then there's a lot of people that are like, I
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 5: don't know. I feel like I was alive back then.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 5: And like it was so vivacious, so much more going on.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 5: It's like that wasn't passion. It was fucking terror.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: Like it's a roller coaster. Yes.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 7: Yes.
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: I think part of.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 4: This is like, to the writer, I think you kind
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 4: of have to learn some mental discipline to kind of
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 4: work through this.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 4: And it's like, I just go back to like A
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 4: Beautiful Mind, the movie, you know, where he's kind of talking,
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 4: someone's asking him about like how he.
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: How he deals with... You know, the musical A Beautiful Mind?
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: How he deals with... About the 12-year-old girl. Omni-chalkboard with
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: the singing crab. Omni-chalkboard! That's where I write them all
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: my theories. And the things that I think... You stand on.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 4: But he's asked, like, how do you deal with these
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 4: hallucinations and things? And he just describes it as, like,
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 4: it's a diet of the mind. Like, I choose to
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 4: just not indulge in some Visions.
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 4: And I think it's kind of the same thing here
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 4: where it's like, yeah, I can relate to that where
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 4: it's like something triggers me and I think of an
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 4: ex-girlfriend and I, the next thought is like, huh, where
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 4: would my life be right now if we would have
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 4: continued or if I hadn't broken that relationship up or whatever.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 4: And then I, I've trained myself to immediately.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 2: Nick was the heartbreaker.
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah he was.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 4: Hell yeah.
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah.
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 4: Anyway.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah. I know he's feeling himself. That's right.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 4: But like, Not choosing not to indulge in that. Like,
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 4: cause what is the point of that?
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 4: So let's, let's just go down this road. Let's fantasize
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 4: about this and be completely out of the present moment
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 4: for the next two hours where, and then I'm just
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 4: going to snap back to reality. I'm going to be
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 4: right back here where I was having just wasted time.
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 4: It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter where I would have
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 4: been cause I'm here now.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 4: And right now is what deserves my attention.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 4: So you kind of have to practice some mental discipline
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 4: and be able to just, you know, where would my
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 4: life be? Like, it doesn't matter. I'm here right now.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 4: What can I do right now? And, you know, also
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 4: like asking yourself, well, what is it that I grieve
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 4: about that relationship? And instead of focusing so much on
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 4: trying to get that relationship back, identify what are the
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 4: things that I'm grieving and how can I get that
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 4: now in a different way?
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 4: In a healthy way, either in my new relationship or
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 4: if I need to find somebody else. who has more
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 4: of those qualities, but not go back to the same
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 4: person to get those same qualities.
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Someone just told me this recently.
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 3: They were like, if you throw something away in the trash,
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 3: do you ever go back and get it out of
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 3: the trash? Yeah.
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: Only boxes that give me instructions for how to cook
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: the thing I just made.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: But then you put it back in the trash. I
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: pull that out so many times.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 4: Or if you've got a missing piece to a pergola.
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you check everywhere. You check your trash, your neighbor's trash.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: You hold that trash can upside down and shake it.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: That's your fault for getting the pergola. I knew it.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 5: But in your metaphor, you were saying that should you
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 5: be going back into the lost or trash can to
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 5: find something? It's not going to be a value is
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 5: what you're saying.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 3: Now, I did counter this a little bit. I said, well,
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 3: it's easier when you're the one who threw the trash away.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 3: If you are the person in the trash bin and
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 3: someone pulls you out, you get excited.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 2: You're like, oh, they pulled me out. They want me back.
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 2: It's like, no.
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 3: But I like in theory, I thought it was an
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 3: interesting little analogy there. Yeah.
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 4: But what if the eclair is on top?
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: It has not touched anything else.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 2: What else is in the trash?
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 6: What if the eclair is still sitting on its plate
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 6: and the plate is just sitting on top of the
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 6: other trash?
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 2: Here's the answer.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 3: If it's an eclair in the trash, you fucked up.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 3: You should have eaten the fucking eclair.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: You fucked up by throwing it.
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 3: In the trash.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: Maybe somebody else put it in the trash.
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 2: Then you get it out of the trash.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 8: You always get the eclair out of the trash.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: The eclair that got away. Whitney is a trash person.
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 2: Cream filled eclairs.
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: Whitney is a raccoon. Whitney is a garbage eating trash person.
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: And I won't stop.
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: I will keep going.
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 4: Glad we held on to this store because I got
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 4: a t-shirt idea.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, there we go.
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 4: Whitney is a raccoon.
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: Trash panda Whitney. Trash panda Whitney. Episode title.
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: I really am.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 8: It's not even funny give me that eclair but i
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 8: do i do want to appreciate like i think breakups
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 8: are one of the most powerful things we go through
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 8: right because it's like it's akin to death you know
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 8: and like there's something very profound about like going through
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 8: that is he making a.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah he's on it suspicious.
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 5: But yeah, like I feel for the writer because I
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 5: do agree. Like whenever you've lost a relationship like that,
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 5: there is a lot of rumination. There is a lot
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 5: of being haunted by it, especially as Whitney said, when
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 5: you're the one who was left behind, that rejection is deep.
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 5: And like, I think it takes a long time to
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 5: repair yourself. So you're playing the movie back over and
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 5: over and over again. You're doing a lot of introspection.
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 5: You're asking like, is there anything I could have done differently? Like,
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 5: where was I wrong? Like, what should I have said?
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 5: And I get it. I think a lot of us
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 5: go back to those Hall of Fame worst moments and
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 5: it's really, really sticky. But I really like your point there, Nick,
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 5: that ultimately there is a mental discipline that just says
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 5: there is nothing profitable about this for me. There is
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 5: nothing I'm going to learn. There is not an epiphany
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 5: I'm going to have that's going to make me better
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 5: in my next relationship or improve me in the now.
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 5: Every time I open up this box of memories and
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 5: go through it again, I am just taking myself further
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 5: away from the present. So yeah, to evict that tenant
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 5: in your apartment is to kind of go the same
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 5: route we would with a drug metaphor of like there
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 5: is a hard abstinence that goes with this and there
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 5: is a separation of people, places, and things that remind
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 5: you of that drug or trigger you toward that drug.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 5: So yeah, there needs to be kind of like a
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 5: shield of sobriety that we put around that memory and
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 5: that person so you can actually move on from it.
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 5: I agree with you though. I do think it's a
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 5: discipline thing. Ten months– is about the time I want
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 5: to see that coming to an end. Assuming it wasn't like,
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 5: you know, a 10-year relationship or something huge. But, oh,
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 5: I want to tell you a funny story. I was
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 5: at UNLV the other day and there was a professor
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 5: walking past me. He's a good guy. And we're chatting
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 5: it up for a second. We're like, oh, we should
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 5: go get a beer, you know, this semester. And like, yeah, absolutely.
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 5: He says, oh, but, you know, I can't go for
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 5: a couple of weeks. Next week is my 10-year anniversary.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 5: I was like, oh, that's awesome, man. And I made
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 5: a quick quip. I was like, that's so cute. I
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 5: remember my first 10-year anniversary.
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: He was like, wow, you just big-dicked me on my
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: 10-year anniversary? Really cool, man. Fuck you. It came to me.
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: I was really proud of it.
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: First 10-year anniversary sounds like you've been married before.
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 1: It does. Yeah, yeah. As I thought about it later,
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 1: I was like, huh.
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 5: Maybe not as big of a brag as I actually
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 5: thought it was. So anyway, writer, thank you for this question.
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 4: I mean, can you brag about it when it was
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 4: an arranged marriage?
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. My first 10 year anniversary,
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 1: I was 28. Is that really that cool?
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 5: Anyway, we're going to take a quick break, and when
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 5: we come back, we are wrapping up the show. You
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 5: are listening to Pod Therapy.
• 1:14:23
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• 1:14:37
  Speaker 4: I got something really good, I'm guessing, in my.
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 1: Text messages here.
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: We just got the... The trash panda Whitney. The players
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 1: were on the top.
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 7: I knew it.
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 7: Perfect.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 4: Perfect.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: There's a picture that might go out to the Patreons
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 1: this week. We will have it. It'll be in the Discord.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 1: Go check it out.
• 1:14:53
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• 1:14:54
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• 1:15:20
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• 1:17:01
  Speaker 4: Do you want to submit a question to the show?
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  Speaker 4: to be taken to our anonymous Google form. I'm Nick.
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 2: I'm Whitney.
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 1: I'm Jim.
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 4: Thanks, and we'll see you for your appointment next week.
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 1: Under the sea.
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 4: Whitney, you look good eating trash.
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I like the sign behind. That was.
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 1: I didn't.
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 4: Even notice the sign.
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 1: The giant hot dog she's holding covered in chocolate syrup. Oh,
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 1: is that an eclair? Oh, okay.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 4: Jim, to be fair, Jim always covers his hot dogs
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 4: in chocolate syrup.
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 2: That's true. And fills it with cream.
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: That's right. Las Vegas style. See ya.
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 4: Bye.