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The Emotional Struggle For An Enneagram Type One · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Do you have an Enneagram 1 in your life?
0:03
SPEAKER_00: Or do you lead as an Enneagram 1?
0:05
SPEAKER_00: If so, you need to know some important insights about this personality.
0:11
SPEAKER_00: Enneagram 1s are often labeled as perfectionists, and while this is one of their character traits, there is so much more to their personality.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: This is why I am spending the whole month sharing stories from each Enneagram type and their perspective on motherhood, spiritual growth, and what is really going on inside their beautiful minds.
0:33
SPEAKER_00: For this Motherhood and Enneagram series, I've invited my personal friends, the ones who've sat in my living room week in and week out, and have gone through my customized Enneagram coaching sessions for moms.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: Except today's conversation is with my good friend Janelle Beck.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: Janelle is a mom of six kids, but someone I go to for advice on parenting, as she is happily enjoying being a grandmother.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: Janelle loved being a mom and of course still loves it.
1:01
SPEAKER_00: She even enjoyed the busyness of it.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: But now she also gets to enjoy the margin she is experiencing in this new season.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: And by the way, you have met Janelle's daughter-in-law, Molly Beck, twice now on this podcast.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: And hopefully you've already checked out the Enneagram candles we mention in our conversation.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: On this episode, Janelle is going to share her typing journey, a few of her struggles in motherhood, and the soul care rhythm that has helped her feel like she is winning in life.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: We also end up diving deep into the struggle for a one when it comes to anger, control, and healthy expectations.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: Janelle also shares a word she would better describe a type one.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: I thought it was incredibly insightful and perfect.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: You won't want to miss this part of the conversation.
1:52
SPEAKER_00: By the way, do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by your personality weaknesses?
1:58
SPEAKER_00: You are not alone.
2:00
SPEAKER_00: This is why I created an Enneagram for mom's ebook.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: It was created to help you cut through the overwhelm of your personality so you can overcome your weaknesses and connect with those you love.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: I've created a one-of-a-kind ebook with an overview on each type and additional questions and challenges and truth statements that I have used with my clients to help them to freedom.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: You are the mom for the job, and I want to help you love it.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: Get your copy of this Enneagram for Moms ebook on the Simply Wholehearted website or at the link in the show notes.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: Hi, my name is Amy Wicks, and I love to talk about the gospel message your heart was created to hear.
2:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm a Christian Enneagram coach for Mops who loves to share resources which help you be confident that you are the best mom for your kids.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: I'm a mountain mama who somehow ended up on a cul-de-sac in the Midwest.
3:04
SPEAKER_00: I was overwhelmed by motherhood, and I struggled to understand my true motivations.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: But the Lord didn't let me stay there.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: He helped me turn those challenging moments of motherhood into a wholehearted decision to get intentional with my faith, my marriage, and my kids.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: I share a broken-hearted perspective of story, but with wholehearted purpose and plan so you can live a life full of courage and abundance.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: Think of this podcast as your hom-the-go mom pal and friend who can't help but talk about Jesus and the Enneagram.
3:38
SPEAKER_00: So get to that pile of laundry, or hit the treadmill, or load up the kids in the car for that grocery run.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: Get ready to be encouraged and challenged while you listen.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: This is the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
4:15
SPEAKER_00: That my friends and even myself kind of go, oh wow, empty nest.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: What's that like?
4:22
SPEAKER_00: Tell us.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: So we want to talk a little bit about that news season, specifically from your lens as an Enneagram one and the transition and adjustment.
4:36
SPEAKER_01: It's great.
4:36
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's really great.
4:38
SPEAKER_01: I we appreciate it loving.
4:41
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: And um I think a lot of it was we had so many, my whole life, I because I got married young and just got saved young.
4:51
SPEAKER_01: And so we just our whole married life has been really busy, just with six kids, homeschooling.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: We had my nephews live with us for one year, and so I had seven boys in the house.
5:04
SPEAKER_01: And then that's year I got pregnant with my six, um, which is a girl.
5:09
SPEAKER_01: And then we had um Cal's parents live with us for 11 years, and we took care of them until um they passed away.
5:18
SPEAKER_01: And we had another friend live with us a couple years back as she was dealing with cancer, and so looking back, it's like we had a crazy life.
5:28
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I just just very full.
5:31
SPEAKER_01: So now it's just quieter and calm, and it's like really delightful.
5:37
SPEAKER_01: And so it's it's like I'm not really missing the craziness.
5:41
SPEAKER_01: It's still full because we travel a lot to see our grandkids and our other kids.
5:47
SPEAKER_01: It's just more sporadic.
5:48
SPEAKER_01: It's like busy, then it's calm, and then so it's um still pretty full, but I can have my own time.
5:56
SPEAKER_01: So I think that as a one, I'm able to set my own schedule and you know, have my quiet time and my listen to my podcasts and just the things I love, you know, through the day and um work out and just it's been great season.
6:11
SPEAKER_00: That is nice.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: A little bit more, it can fit in your control for lack of a better term.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: It can fit into the boundaries that you really enjoy and where you find that you're thriving.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: Whereas a house full of not only six kids, but all the extra, probably a lot of your life was basically out of your control.
6:34
SPEAKER_01: It was chaos, it really was.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: And five, yeah, so we have five boys and a girl.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: So it was just loud and dirty and crazy, and we homeschooled.
6:43
SPEAKER_01: So that's why I thought for the long time I was a nine, I just always I really couldn't have control or a clean house or anything close to perfection or order, really.
6:56
SPEAKER_01: Um, I had my ways of keeping order, but I thought it was a nine when we first started the Enneagram journey about three years ago.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I think there were little things I realized now that kept me sane.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: And one was like my planner.
7:10
SPEAKER_01: I've always kept a planner and kept track of lists and what we need to do and what's going on, and and that kind of helped keep me sane.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: So that makes a lot of sense.
7:20
SPEAKER_00: Is your dominant wing nine or is it two?
7:23
SPEAKER_01: Definitely nine, yes.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: So it's not lean nine, nine traits, and um kind of like to conserve my energy and could definitely, and I think most of the my life I've was sleeping.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: I just felt like I was not aware of what my desires and needs were, and so I think a lot of that has been kind of waking up in the last 10 years.
7:44
SPEAKER_01: First, I didn't think I had an inner critic, and that's what kept me away from the one.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: I thought I'm interested.
7:50
SPEAKER_01: I feel like pretty easy on myself.
7:51
SPEAKER_01: I don't feel like on that, but I think I was probably in denial.
7:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm finally starting to recognize because for me, when I hear the inner critic voice, it feels like it's just truth.
8:01
SPEAKER_01: It's like, well, yeah, of course that's wrong.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: It's just obvious, like common sense that's wrong.
8:07
SPEAKER_01: And it didn't feel like an inner critic, but okay.
8:10
SPEAKER_01: Now I'm starting to recognize that not everybody is constantly thinking like this or thinking of how they can improve, you know, do self-improvement or fix things or make things better.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: And that's what I think I answered when you asked what my word for being a one and it's um improver, is really how I see it, more as not a perfectionist, but I see it for me as an improver or a reformer.
8:38
SPEAKER_01: I just really want to see things get better and just get, you know, improve and be the best they can be.
8:46
SPEAKER_01: And I've that's how we raised our kids, you know, just to be the best they could be for who they were.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: And that's how I see it manifested as my one that's not having everything totally perfect.
8:57
SPEAKER_01: Because it's pretty far from that.
8:59
SPEAKER_01: And I still have a pretty messy house, even when it's just I like it when it is clean and I do like order, and I do load my dishwasher a certain way and things like that, but but most of the time our house is fairly messy.
9:13
SPEAKER_00: Well, I think you bring up an important point, is it's really important, or I encourage anyone that I'm coaching or who takes my video guide that I created is to ask their questions in the context of who they were before the world told them what they needed to be or who they needed to be.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: Because what you point out is that probably for you, if you maybe only had one or two children and you weren't homeschooling and you didn't have all these extra people living or even having to care for through the years, maybe your house would have been neater because you would have had the margin and the ability to control it.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: And so it would have fostered that part of your personality where instead life circumstances set you up to where, you know, there's just some things that have to go.
10:05
SPEAKER_00: And you adapt or you die.
10:08
SPEAKER_01: So well, and I think it was getting married young and starting to have children young that I didn't have those set patterns really in place yet.
10:17
SPEAKER_01: And so yeah, kind of had to go with the flow as life happened, not realizing even looking back over my life, I've realized that my motivation always has been to do it because it's the right thing to do.
10:29
SPEAKER_01: And it's a good thing to do, like in high school, just working with special education or doing the student council or things like that.
10:38
SPEAKER_01: It was because it just seemed like the right thing to do.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: It was a good thing to do, and you know, trying to get good grades and trying to be a good girl, you know, just that whole concept has been that narrative, a motivation more than and like even having people live with us, it wasn't really that I for helping as a helper as much as it was just felt like the right thing to do.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: And we didn't really even give it a lot of thought with all these kind of different decisions.
11:07
SPEAKER_01: It was more, it just seemed like it was just the right thing.
11:11
SPEAKER_01: That's the other thing that really um helped me realize that I was in the gut triangle, which is nines and ones are kind of they're motivated or they do things from their gut, not so much as they're thinking in their head or feeling with their heart.
11:25
SPEAKER_01: And that made a lot of sense to me because I that's how I live life, is really gut kind of intuition, what seems like the right thing to do.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: I think that is a super helpful piece of it.
11:39
SPEAKER_00: Again, going back to when I coach people, this seems to be the where the ones in particular can unlock some keys to freedom of going, okay, let's, you know, dial this out.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: Because as a woman, we tend to label it as feeling.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: We're just going with our feeling.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: And so we get stuck in the heart center.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: But when ones, eights, and nines go, oh no, that's how I lead, then we talk about how it's just a knee-jerk, automatic response.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: You can't even stop yourself.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: It just flies out of your mouth before you think or you decide how you feel or others might feel in your response.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes get you in over your head can also get you into trouble, and it can begin a lot of arguments.
12:22
unknown: Yeah, yes.
12:23
SPEAKER_01: For sure.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: The beauty of uncovering it is this opportunity to go, oh, it's not bad that I can make decisions this way, because those of us who are not gut centered wish that we had a little bit more action to our steps sometimes or confidence that the eight, nines, and ones seem to carry.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: But the benefit comes in of going, okay, I know my natural response is to just respond.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: And so, Holy Spirit, how can you quicken me to pause and to think and to feel and engage all of that and consider a whole person response?
12:58
SPEAKER_00: And therefore, it gets us a better conscientious or responsible no or a kinder answer to our kids or our spouse.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, that's right where I'm at learning.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, kind of, and that responding versus reacting.
13:15
SPEAKER_01: I think I spent a lot of my life just reacting and not slowing down and responding.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: That's right where I'm learning right now.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
13:23
SPEAKER_00: Now you and Cal have done some serious Enneagram work.
13:27
SPEAKER_00: You mentioned that it's only really been about three years for you.
13:31
SPEAKER_00: So you've kind of shared little bits and pieces of your journey, thinking maybe you were nine and then arriving to know I lead as a one.
13:38
SPEAKER_00: What are some of those steps that you guys took in and just researching the Enneagram and deciding how it could benefit you?
13:45
SPEAKER_01: Well, I think that um we had good friends who were getting into it, and then we bought the road back to you and learned, and I think it was just so the first few things we learned were so eye-opening at who we were and why we had struggled in a lot of areas through marriage and just had a lot of conflict through different things.
14:06
SPEAKER_01: And then when we learned that I was a one and he was a seven, and it's just been revealing a lot of this through the last couple of years, it's like, oh that, you know, of course, you know, we didn't have any way to work through this or understand each other.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's the main thing is understanding each other.
14:22
SPEAKER_01: That we were just kind of shocked to realize that we didn't think about things the same way because we're so we're a lot alike and we like a lot of the same things.
14:30
SPEAKER_01: We love to do things together.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: We've pretty much been on the same page for what we're doing in life, and so, but we realized we thought so much different.
14:38
SPEAKER_01: He didn't, he just never could understand why, you know, I wake up every day wanting to prove myself and prove the world, and he wakes up just wanting to have fun and go out and just have an adventure.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: And so we realized just how different we were approaching all of life and what we were doing, be it homeschooling or church, everything we just approach from such a different motivation and way we were doing it.
15:05
SPEAKER_01: So that was very enlightening to see.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: I think one of the big things for me was I struggled with anger and just being and mostly towards Cal, just being mad.
15:16
SPEAKER_01: And I think it's expectations and but when I first, when the Enneagram first was talking about like the eight, I think the eight nines and ones tend to, you know, that's their I can't remember what it's called.
15:28
SPEAKER_01: Is it the passion or the whatever they struggle with?
15:32
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
15:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so anger and just realizing that oh, there are certain types that that is what their go-to response.
15:42
SPEAKER_01: I don't go to sadness, you know, I don't really go to anxiety.
15:45
SPEAKER_01: I none of those, you know, are ways I go, but I do go to anger if something isn't quite right.
15:51
SPEAKER_01: So that was helpful because you know, I've spent my whole life as a Christian woman trying not to be angry and have some, you know, self-control with this and prayer and repentance and all of it.
16:03
SPEAKER_01: And it's like there was no understanding behind it.
16:07
SPEAKER_01: And so that was very freeing to understand that okay, this is part of this pattern or this type, and then to be able to understand it where it's coming from and why I'm feeling that has been helped with freedom and just starting to hopefully have a little bit more grace with that.
16:28
SPEAKER_00: So I think that's so good.
16:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because what you are talking about is again, it's related to the instinctual triad.
16:35
SPEAKER_00: So the eight, nine, and one, they are tied to the gut, and their core struggle for that triad is anger, and that's their emotional struggle, you would call it.
16:45
SPEAKER_00: So anxiety for the head and shame for the heart.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: It's understanding that the key piece, I think, and this is where in light of the gospel and and other teachings, it might even shame anger, but God got angry, God gets angry, Jesus got angry, but he didn't sin in his anger, he doesn't sin in his anger.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: So, what does it look like to be angry and then not sin in our anger?
17:15
SPEAKER_00: Which I think for every parent is the age-old question.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: Because there's going to be righteous anger towards our kids, or as you said, maybe towards our spouse in particular, and you'll have to illuminate this a little bit more.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: But for you, did you find that you were living with resentment because you were trying to repress the anger instead of feeling the freedom to acknowledge it and deal with it?
17:40
SPEAKER_01: I think I acknowledged it and I didn't repress it too much, at least in the home, or at least with Cal.
17:46
SPEAKER_01: I probably do outside the home, definitely do.
17:50
SPEAKER_01: I don't know that I repressed it.
17:51
SPEAKER_01: I don't know that I feel it as much outside the home, or but I think what I feel like it was is expectations.
17:58
SPEAKER_01: I kind of had these expectations about like one thing that really was enlightening was for years our kids did Boy Scouts.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: And I mean, we both thought Boy Scouts was a really great thing.
18:09
SPEAKER_01: I mean, he loved the whole going camping and just the outdoors.
18:13
SPEAKER_01: He was a Boy Scout, and we thought this is a great way to raise our boys.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: And I mean, I loved all the things you check off and everything, the you know, the things you're working towards.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: Learning, yeah.
18:25
SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, it was Cal's thing.
18:27
SPEAKER_01: That's what he does with the boys as Boy Scouts.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: So I expected him and all these boys to like keep track of their books and check things off and make this orderly progression through the ranks, you know, and that was not how any of them really thought, most of them thought.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: And so there was a lot of expectation and and lack of understanding of why, why can't they do this?
18:54
SPEAKER_01: And now it's like, oh, not everybody thinks like that, and yeah, or wants to do that is the main thing.
19:01
SPEAKER_01: I mean, they I'm sure they probably could have done it, they just had no desire to do that.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: So that's good.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: Okay, like that, I think just expecting them to do things a certain way, and probably even with homeschooling, expecting boys to do a certain school a certain way, and that is not gonna happen most of the time.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: Okay, well then compared to me, because I I think this is what's really great, is that there are a lot of people out there who get confused.
19:36
SPEAKER_00: Am I a nine or a one?
19:38
SPEAKER_00: And so obviously you can relate to that.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: And so I asked about repression.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: No, not as much, especially not in the home.
19:46
SPEAKER_00: Then how about the word resentment?
19:49
SPEAKER_00: How does that word resonate?
19:51
SPEAKER_00: And tell me a little bit about that.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: And it's probably goes along with when people don't see things my way or don't what what seems like just common sense, or I feel that a lot, like that's just common sense.
20:07
SPEAKER_01: And someone else doesn't see it like that, they see it totally different.
20:11
SPEAKER_01: And so for me to have space for different opinions and different ways of doing things, and that's been enlightening and helpful just to recognize that okay, just because for me it feels like so clear cut, right?
20:30
SPEAKER_00: Black and white, right, right.
20:32
SPEAKER_01: That not that is not necessarily the truth, and that's been an eye-opening thing and good.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
20:40
SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
20:41
SPEAKER_00: You guys as a couple and Cal being a seven, I'm kind of curious to know a lot of conversations that I have with type ones and really type eights in particular, is a common tendency to what I like to say, throw out the baby with the bathwater.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: It tends to be all or nothing, black or white.
20:59
SPEAKER_00: They are definitely wrong, and I am in the right.
21:02
SPEAKER_00: How did that work with your husband who just into general terms might be a little bit more carefree and not necessarily see other perspectives, but not really care about exactness or rightness or it has to be this way.
21:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:22
SPEAKER_01: Well, fortunately, he's very patient and very just giving and forgiving.
21:28
SPEAKER_01: Like he just lets things go so easily and just, you know, just remember a lot of like vacations where he's like off and running and just and doing things a certain, you know, just so excited, just not thinking that we're not vacations.
21:48
SPEAKER_01: And it's just that's so much he just gets so excited about life and new adventures.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: And so, yeah, so that was definitely a struggle because I I'm not as much of a risk taker.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: I kind of like to know what's happening, where we're going.
22:03
SPEAKER_01: I definitely went along though for most of our marriage.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: I think just kind of being dragged along or kind of doing it.
22:09
SPEAKER_01: But then I started realizing that there were some things that I just I wasn't comfortable doing.
22:15
SPEAKER_01: So I think possibly part of it was learning that anger too could be a way to control.
22:24
SPEAKER_01: That's probably been a big thing.
22:26
SPEAKER_01: Is like if I get mad, then I can maybe keep him from doing that or from you know stop and slow down a little bit, as opposed if I just said it, like, can we go slower?
22:39
SPEAKER_01: Can we do I he just he didn't seem like he could hear it.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: Um but then once I got mad, it's like he could finally hear it.
22:47
SPEAKER_01: And so it became a pattern.
22:49
SPEAKER_01: And so that's when they were trying to break that pattern of, you know, that's how I can control behavior, is getting angry, you know, and yeah, it's been really good lately.
23:01
SPEAKER_01: I mean, he's definitely slowed down.
23:02
SPEAKER_01: We both kind of started doing yoga and just learning and just trying to like um and savor has been his big word, just learning to just savor things and not go quite so fast.
23:15
SPEAKER_01: And he's definitely understands now how I it helps me to sit down and like go through our planners and go through the lists and what we need to have, you know, get done at some point, you know.
23:28
SPEAKER_01: And I don't yeah, and so I he's been cooperating, you know, just to be able realizing how much it helps me to just absolutely sit and listen and go through it and understand how I'm thinking.
23:41
SPEAKER_00: And so that's powerful.
23:42
SPEAKER_00: That's powerful because you guys have been married for 30 how many years?
23:47
SPEAKER_00: 35 years.
23:48
SPEAKER_00: Congratulations.
23:49
SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's some serious, you know, kind of a turn here uh of like halt and a sharp turn to try to adjust some of these really long, you know, established patterns and and ways of interacting.
24:06
SPEAKER_00: So I applaud you.
24:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the great thing is he was always like we always have a date night and almost the whole entire time with our kids, he would once a week insist that we have that date or get away and trips together.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: And so that was definitely him just keep kind of keeping that relationship intact, and so that when the kids were gone, we still liked each other, we still had fun together, we still were on the same page, and so that's been great.
24:40
SPEAKER_00: So he's a smart guy, he was doing it right before we started having kids.
24:45
SPEAKER_01: There wasn't much time to really get to know each other, work on our marriage.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: It kind of just we hit the ground running for you know, 20, our youngest is 22.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's been a marathon.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: The last few years has been a good time for us to now kind of almost work on our marriage and discover things and I love it.
25:08
SPEAKER_00: I think you guys are a great example.
25:10
SPEAKER_00: I've thoroughly enjoyed the fruit of that by hearing your stories and and even sharing things.
25:17
SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to make sure I touched on it today.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: We might have to have you back on to have a fuller conversation about this because you shared with me really two major life disappointments and happenings that you had as you were raising six kids.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: And you referred to the fact that now understanding your personalities, you realized you maybe moved past those really what was full of grief, heartbreaking seasons of your life, and you moved through them a little too quickly because that was your natural tendency, and maybe didn't allow your kids the chance to grieve.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: That was remarkable because I was beginning to understand how our orientation to time also relates to grief, which is tied to our communication style and stances.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: So all of those are just a fun conversation in itself.
26:03
SPEAKER_00: But now, as you approach having adult children, like you said, your youngest is 22, your oldest is 30 there, mid-30s.
26:12
SPEAKER_01: 33, 33.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: What does it look like to use the Enneagram with those relationships?
26:18
SPEAKER_00: And give us a quick rundown because I think the personality types of each of them is really fascinating, given you know, there's six of them.
26:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the oldest is 33, and the first two boys are both nines, um, which was surprising when we kind of started taking the tests.
26:35
SPEAKER_01: And and this isn't for sure because some of them have done more than others and reasons.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: Makes sense, but yeah, two nines and then three sevens in a row.
26:43
SPEAKER_01: So the next three sevens, pretty sure.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: And then the yep, my daughter is pretty sure now that she's a one.
26:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm pretty sure she is too.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: So and you got in-laws mixed in there too, because we've had Molly on the podcast a couple times, who is also our connection with the Enneagram candles and continued good company.
27:04
SPEAKER_00: And so we're gonna give a shout out here, and I'll be talking about it here after the end of the episode as well.
27:09
SPEAKER_00: But um, it's kind of fun to be using it with in-laws.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: I can imagine that that would really help some of the relational transition.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: It's been really great, really fun, really enlightening.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: And and then Molly is, I think she's between a nine and a one, still probably nine.
27:25
SPEAKER_01: And then Calvin's a seven.
27:27
SPEAKER_01: So just to see their relationship as well.
27:30
SPEAKER_01: So it's yeah, Cal and I both are very optimistic, forward-thinking, hopeful.
27:37
SPEAKER_01: Like we just like you said, we didn't stay in sadness or hard things.
27:42
SPEAKER_01: We just made we are the whole way we raised the kids were was make the best of things, you know, and this to overcome.
27:50
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, and so now we're realizing that there's while that was a great way to raise them, there's also the downside of not giving time to maybe pain or hard things.
28:01
SPEAKER_01: And um, and they're all quite a bit like that, still, you know, that's just very, you know, pretty positive and make the best of the situation and looking forward.
28:10
SPEAKER_01: Cala's always looking way forward, right?
28:13
SPEAKER_01: Present.
28:13
SPEAKER_01: I'm pretty present-oriented, just kind of what's right in front of me, and um doing that.
28:19
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, you didn't get uh really the hard types in particular who have some of the tendency or even, I mean, nine obviously is a little bit more past focus, but that for me was just really key in thinking through, oh, I for sure rush through things as a seven, as an assertive stance.
28:39
SPEAKER_00: What can we find fun?
28:40
SPEAKER_00: How can we make this positive?
28:42
SPEAKER_00: You know, where can we put the optimistic spin to it, which can be a superpower unless that's the only way that I deal with emotion and teach my kids how to deal with emotion.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: And as you said, give them a chance to grieve, to mourn, to process, to express sadness without a need to reframe it as quickly as I would like to try to do it.
29:04
SPEAKER_01: That's another thing, Mary.
29:06
SPEAKER_01: We're just right now in the learning aspect of that and how to even talk about it with the kids.
29:12
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we kind of have are bringing it up a little bit, and but it's definitely not our strong suit of the emotional connection, the range of motions.
29:22
SPEAKER_01: And so that's another learning okay.
29:26
SPEAKER_00: We're growing.
29:28
SPEAKER_00: So uh, I love it.
29:30
SPEAKER_00: This is so good.
29:31
SPEAKER_00: I really do think I need to have you back on because there's so many questions I want to ask, but we're running out of time.
29:37
SPEAKER_00: But I have kind of a rapid fire.
29:39
SPEAKER_00: Hey, give us a real quick rundown of the answers to these.
29:43
SPEAKER_00: So, what would you say?
29:44
SPEAKER_00: How could you maybe sum it up in a word?
29:47
SPEAKER_00: What does it look like to flourish as a type one?
29:50
SPEAKER_00: You kind of talked about Cal's word as saver, which I'm raising my hand, savor, that's a good word.
29:56
SPEAKER_00: For you, what is that word or two or a phrase that?
29:59
SPEAKER_01: Um grace has definitely been the big, big thing.
30:02
SPEAKER_01: But then also um curiosity has been um coming to me, like just being curious about and paying attention to how I'm feeling and how other people are feeling, and just having just curiosity has been a really good word for me.
30:19
SPEAKER_01: And the other way that I think has been really healthy has been just to allow play, a lot more play in my life, and just letting go and just having fun and laughter has been something I really feel like I need and want more of, and that's helpful for my personality.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
30:39
SPEAKER_00: Oh, there's so much in there I want to talk about more, but I'm gonna just leave it there because it's good.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so good.
30:46
SPEAKER_00: Okay, how about soul care routine?
30:48
SPEAKER_00: What is something that helps you get on that path to health and help you flourish?
30:52
SPEAKER_01: Um, I would say dance has been a big thing.
30:55
SPEAKER_01: That's been something I've been able to do for the last like 10 years in some different capacities, but that really helped me get out of amazing.
31:04
SPEAKER_01: So I think dance, yoga, just anything, because I'm not very creative or artistic, but like I've been trying to play the piano.
31:12
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I learned to play the piano, but just now going back and taking time.
31:18
SPEAKER_01: So things like that, I think.
31:19
SPEAKER_01: And and starting the pickleball, some things like that that are just play, movement, probably is what's been really that's brilliant.
31:29
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
31:29
SPEAKER_00: Out of the box, free, without perfection, as much as possible.
31:35
SPEAKER_01: I need, definitely.
31:37
SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
31:38
SPEAKER_00: Okay, last but not least, is there a spiritual growth book that you think ones in particular would resonate with the message?
31:46
SPEAKER_01: As I was thinking back of books that I really loved, two that came to mind, which had the similar theme.
31:52
SPEAKER_01: One is um seasons, and the one I recently read was Rhythms of Renewal.
31:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: Is that right?
32:01
SPEAKER_01: Rebecca Lyons.
32:02
SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, Rebecca, right?
32:04
SPEAKER_01: Right, uh seasons of rhythms of renewal, and then spiritual rhythm, being with Jesus every season of your soul.
32:11
SPEAKER_01: It talks about like spring, summer, fall, winter of our souls, the different seasons we go through.
32:18
SPEAKER_01: And so I realize it's kind of a similar theme of like I really like rhythms and different times and seasons for things, and um that's good.
32:29
SPEAKER_01: I mean, those are the ones I love.
32:30
SPEAKER_01: I don't I think it's probably would be good for a one.
32:33
SPEAKER_01: And Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldridge was also really I haven't read that one just um because um just seeing Jesus' personality, you know, that it's not just about rules and following, you know, certain regulations and you know, but just his personality and how he loved and loved people.
32:55
SPEAKER_01: Oh, and the other wild at heart was really helpful for me.
32:58
SPEAKER_01: Just that was a good one.
33:00
SPEAKER_01: And then having all these boys and a lot of stuff going on just to understand how they think and how they are wired differently than I was.
33:11
SPEAKER_01: So big ones, but I love and I have I have stacks of books, so yeah, me too, me too.
33:20
SPEAKER_00: I definitely the whole like bookworm does not fit, you know, just one type.
33:26
SPEAKER_00: We all can have that propensity because I'm equally as guilty as the rest.
33:31
SPEAKER_00: Well, I think what you named are four amazing books for any type, but I can see in particular how a couple of those would be really freeing and liberating for a type one, especially those who are looking to flourish in their faith ultimately, because it is so easy to put faith in this check the box and I exactly has to look this way and be this way.
33:53
SPEAKER_00: And life fruit is evidence of your just faith in him and your walking it out authentically.
34:01
SPEAKER_00: It's really encouraging to women like me.
34:04
SPEAKER_00: And I am excited.
34:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm excited to have others get to listen in on this conversation to get to meet you a little bit, and I hope that we can have you back because as we were talking, there's a million more questions as usual.
34:16
SPEAKER_00: And um, I think I think there's just a lot of us moving.
34:26
SPEAKER_01: And then I was with my daughter-in-law's actually when you uh asked me, and it was like I decided about when I turned 50 that I was just gonna be brave and I'm gonna do things that are hard and challenging, and just and so it's like okay, I can't just wait to go.
34:47
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being brave, Janelle.
34:49
SPEAKER_00: I so appreciate it, and I know many others will.
34:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's fun.
34:53
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
34:54
SPEAKER_01: I'm loving this whole process and journey, and I love listening to all that you have to share and learning from you.
35:01
SPEAKER_01: So that's been great.
35:03
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
35:05
SPEAKER_00: I am guessing there was more than one key takeaway from this conversation, whether you live with a one or if you lead as a one.
35:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm so grateful Janelle was willing to share so honestly with you and me.
35:18
SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram ones in my life show me how to be more excellent and intentional with my time and my projects.
35:24
SPEAKER_00: And by the way, Janelle wanted to share that even though her boys didn't follow the Boy Scout program as she would have, two of them did become Eagle Scouts, which you might know is no small feat.
35:36
SPEAKER_00: Now maybe as you listened, you were wishing that you could join our moms group.
35:40
SPEAKER_00: I know in 2020, meeting and gathering with other moms has been really challenging.
35:46
SPEAKER_00: So while I work on something special with you in mind, I have created an ebook from the perspective of motherhood as it relates to the Enneagram.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: I've packed a full of helpful information to not only understand your core fears and weaknesses, but also how each type is uniquely gifted for motherhood.
36:04
SPEAKER_00: Plus, I've written out challenges, reflection questions, and truth statements that I use to lead my clients to more freedom in their life and motherhood.
36:14
SPEAKER_00: You can read it on your phone or print it out and refer to it as we go through the special podcast series this month of October.
36:20
SPEAKER_00: I want you to know that you are the mom for the job and to champion you to love it.
36:26
SPEAKER_00: Until next time, let's continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for a simply wholehearted life.