Latest / Thrive After 45® | Life After 45, Self-Trust, Midlife Women / From “Perfect Life” to Soul Freedom with Kelle Sparta

Transcript

From “Perfect Life” to Soul Freedom with Kelle Sparta · Thrive After 45® | Life After 45, Self-Trust, Midlife Women

• 0:00
  Hello and welcome to Thrive After 45, the podcast where we redefine what's possible in midlife.
• 0:07
  I'm Denise, drink Walter, your midlife renewal coach Here to help you embrace your power, purpose, and potential.
• 0:14
  This is your space to let go of guilt, navigate transitions, rediscover joy.
• 0:19
  Thrive for you by you because of you.
• 0:22
  It is an honor and a privilege to welcome Kelly Sparta to the Thrive after 45 podcast.
• 0:28
  Kelly is a spiritual and business coach, transformational shaman and personal evolution guide.
• 0:35
  With over 26 years of experience, she's helped thousands step into their power, activate their purpose, and show up fully in life.
• 0:45
  Business known for her no nonsense approach and intuitive clarity.
• 0:50
  Kelly blends ancient wisdom with practical tools to help people break free from limitations and live their souls calling.
• 0:58
  If you're seeking clarity, deeper purpose, or curious about modern day shamanism, this conversation is for you.
• 1:06
  Let's welcome the remarkable Kelly Sparta.
• 1:10
  Nice to have you here.
• 1:11
  Thanks for having me.
• 1:12
  Having me, Denise.
• 1:13
  This is, this is gonna be fun.
• 1:15
  I'm excited.
• 1:16
  So much fun.
• 1:17
  So let's just dive right in, which is what I love to do.
• 1:20
  You've spent over two decades guiding people through transformation.
• 1:25
  Is there a pivotal moment that you can remember in your own life as a first awakening when your calling as a transformational shaman began?
• 1:36
  So it, it's a little different for me.
• 1:39
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:39
  But I, but I do have, so, um, my mother raised me in the new age movement, so I have been studying personal growth and development, spirituality, metaphysics, psychic abilities, you name it, anything in that genre for the last 50 years.
• 1:56
  And so, uh, I had a different.
• 1:59
  Starting point than the average person because I had been doing this for so long, and in fact my, my 26 years really is longer because I have high school yearbook signatures that read like client testimonials.
• 2:11
  So it's not like, wow.
• 2:14
  So yeah, it's kind of terrifying.
• 2:16
  And so, um, but I did have, uh, a, so my first Saturn return was quite.
• 2:24
  Quite, uh, disruptive to my life.
• 2:27
  Uh, so a Saturn return, if you don't know a Saturn return is when you're, when Saturn comes back to the place it was in on your birth chart.
• 2:35
  Okay?
• 2:35
  And so it takes 28 years.
• 2:36
  So we get a Saturn return at 28, 1 at 56.
• 2:40
  I'm 55.
• 2:40
  I'm coming into my second one.
• 2:42
  Now.
• 2:42
  I'm crossing my fingers right?
• 2:44
  Because they're big.
• 2:46
  Right.
• 2:46
  The last one I dumped my whole freaking life.
• 2:49
  Right.
• 2:49
  So I, I woke up one morning at 28 and I realized that I was not happy in my marriage.
• 2:57
  I was burnt out on my business.
• 2:58
  I had the, the American dream life.
• 3:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:02
  I had done the checklist that I was supposed to do.
• 3:05
  I had everything I was supposed to have.
• 3:06
  I had a.
• 3:07
  Successful business.
• 3:08
  I was a pillar of my community.
• 3:10
  I had a trophy husband, I had a dog.
• 3:12
  I had the big house on the cul-de-sac lot.
• 3:14
  I had it all.
• 3:15
  And I hated my life.
• 3:17
  Right?
• 3:17
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:18
  I was just, we were, my husband and I were in a cold war.
• 3:21
  I, I was burned out on my business.
• 3:23
  I was hiding in the nonprofit from everything in my life by doing all the stuff of the nonprofit.
• 3:29
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:30
  And I just, I just wasn't happy.
• 3:32
  Right.
• 3:33
  I had, I had.
• 3:34
  Not gotten what I actually wanted, which was to be Auntie Maim without the alcohol.
• 3:39
  So, uh, I, I don't know if you know the Rosalyn Russell movie from 1965 called Auntie Maim, or the book called Auntie Mame.
• 3:46
  But Auntie Maim was a true, a real person.
• 3:50
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:52
  And she.
• 3:52
  She was this amazing, adventurous, outgoing, creative person who hobnobbed with all the, the, um, sorry, my nose.
• 4:03
  It's just today with all of the, um, the.
• 4:08
  Uh, big thinkers of her time, the philosophers and the, all the creatives, all the, the actors and the musicians and you know, the artists.
• 4:18
  And I was like, that was the life I wanted this big, wide, rich life.
• 4:23
  And what I ended up with was, you know, go to work, do sell real estate, you know, come home exhausted, you know, fall down, have a fight with my husband, go to bed, get up and do it again, and then, you know, go hide in the nonprofit when I'm not doing that.
• 4:37
  You know, it's just, I was like, not what I wanted.
• 4:40
  And so I literally just woke up and went.
• 4:43
  I was sold a bill of goods.
• 4:45
  This checklist does not work.
• 4:47
  I am out of here.
• 4:48
  Am I.
• 4:50
  Leveled my life.
• 4:51
  I sold my business.
• 4:52
  I quit the nonprofit.
• 4:54
  I divorced my husband.
• 4:55
  I made him take the dog and I.
• 4:58
  I moved out of state to live with a bunch of people I met at the Renaissance Fair, my, my former business.
• 5:05
  Wow.
• 5:06
  Then I ran off and joined the circus and he was not quite wrong, and so that was my big awakening.
• 5:13
  Right.
• 5:13
  I What happened was the, uh, the divorce more than anything.
• 5:18
  Uh, had me waking up every morning going, oh my God, I love my life.
• 5:22
  I love my life.
• 5:23
  I love my, and I, I automatically shifted into gratitude because I was just so grateful to not have to justify everything I bought, to not have to com, you know, deal with complaints and whatevers, you know, I was so grateful to not be in that space mm-hmm.
• 5:38
  With my ex anymore.
• 5:39
  Mm-hmm.
• 5:40
  And I, I went so fully into gratitude that my entire being woke up.
• 5:46
  Right.
• 5:47
  And I, I had been doing all this stuff before we got married, but he was an atheist, so I kind of took a break from it during our marriage.
• 5:55
  Right.
• 5:55
  And when I was waking up and coming out of it, I went and got my Reiki certification and I went and got a Shiatsu certification and I started studying all these books again and.
• 6:06
  Um, just really waking up to everything and my psychic skills came online again and, you know, I had been using them but at a lower level, right?
• 6:16
  Sure.
• 6:16
  Um, and I all started to open up, I came out of the spiritual closet to my real estate clients that I was selling houses to at the time, and I was like worried they were gonna think I was crazy and.
• 6:27
  One of'em is like, we love, we're we're Edgar Casey people and the other one's like, Ooh, you could tell us what the energy of the house is.
• 6:35
  Yes, please.
• 6:35
  Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 6:37
  All this stuff.
• 6:39
  So it was really wonderful'cause it was the nineties and you know, nobody talked about this stuff.
• 6:43
  Right.
• 6:43
  If you talked about it, you were a crackpot.
• 6:45
  Right?
• 6:45
  Yeah.
• 6:46
  You know, I mean, it was just, just really like that.
• 6:49
  And so it's not like it was like it is today where everybody's like, oh, isn't it cool to be in your intuition?
• 6:55
  And you know, all of the, you know, look at my angels and angel numbers and, and all the things, right?
• 7:00
  So it, that was not the case in the nineties.
• 7:04
  And so, uh, you know, it was a big leap to come out of that spiritual closet.
• 7:09
  And, um, but yeah, that was the big thing for me.
• 7:12
  I started to really, and that, that was the time when I proved to myself I was psychic.
• 7:17
  And it was when all of these other gifts started coming on board and.
• 7:23
  It's just I started to learn, I started to learn ritual.
• 7:27
  That house that I moved into with the Renaissance Fair people turned out to be a house filled with witches and shamans.
• 7:35
  And I'm like, didn't know that when I moved, you know, before I connected with them.
• 7:39
  I knew before I moved in, but I didn't know before I connect.
• 7:42
  Okay.
• 7:42
  Um.
• 7:43
  And so, you know, it was, it, it turned into the magical house is how we referred to it.
• 7:49
  Sure.
• 7:50
  And we spent four years facilitating healing for each other over the course of that time.
• 7:55
  And I learned ritual during that time as well and, and, uh, all sorts of other things along the way, so I'm sure.
• 8:03
  Really profound space.
• 8:06
  Right.
• 8:06
  And, you know, it wasn't easy, but it was.
• 8:12
  You know, those people are more like family than anybody in my actual family, so, right.
• 8:17
  Okay.
• 8:17
  Okay.
• 8:18
  Different kind of connection level, right?
• 8:21
  Yeah.
• 8:21
  Yeah.
• 8:21
  That you can't make up.
• 8:23
  Yeah, exactly.
• 8:24
  Mm-hmm.
• 8:25
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 8:27
  Um, as you're speaking, there's a whole bunch of things that are flowing through me that, that align with our audience.
• 8:36
  I believe the risks that you take when you make such drastic changes, and the women that I work with, they sometimes take a while to enter into my support because they're afraid of what they don't know.
• 8:55
  Right, right.
• 8:56
  Do you find that that's something pretty common with people that you work with, or so common in the fact that it's actually baked into my programs, so yeah.
• 9:06
  There you go.
• 9:07
  I'm gonna give you the answer to the fear of the unknown.
• 9:11
  The fear of the unknown is not a fear that you, that it's not a fear about the thing that might show up.
• 9:17
  The fear of the unknown is a fear that you cannot handle the thing that will show up.
• 9:22
  That's a very different thing, and so if you can reinforce your adaptability, your ability to figure things out, your resourcefulness, you know, all of these things, if you can re reinforce that, then no matter what shows up, you're okay.
• 9:38
  Right, right.
• 9:39
  And so we redefine it.
• 9:41
  Instead of being afraid of what might come, we're, we're redefining it as, I can handle whatever life shows, like life throws at me, and I will weather the storm no matter what.
• 9:52
  And in fact, you know, that big tidal wave that's coming at me, I'm gonna surf it, right?
• 9:57
  Mm-hmm.
• 9:57
  Mm-hmm.
• 9:58
  And so it's, it's just a difference of the way that you look at it.
• 10:01
  Yeah.
• 10:02
  So my, my thing is the minute you have a fear, you make a plan.
• 10:06
  And then you let go of the plan.
• 10:08
  Right?
• 10:09
  You know, the fear comes up, okay, if this, uh, completely random and unreasonable and unlikely thing happens, here's my plan to deal with it.
• 10:19
  Now, can you stop screaming in my monkey mind and telling me I need to have a plan for this?
• 10:24
  I have a plan.
• 10:25
  Now let's move on.
• 10:26
  Right, right, right.
• 10:28
  So you can package it and create movement forward.
• 10:31
  I love that.
• 10:32
  I love that.
• 10:33
  Yeah.
• 10:33
  Yeah.
• 10:33
  I've actually dumped my life, uh, like three times in my life.
• 10:37
  I've, I've given away everything I've owned three times or sold it.
• 10:42
  Um, it's just an intense amount of.
• 10:44
  Letting go that I've done over my life.
• 10:46
  My mother was military, my ex-husband was military, so I've lived, yeah, when we moved here, I live in Boquete Panama now.
• 10:54
  Okay.
• 10:55
  And we moved here in 2022 and, uh, we had to get rid of everything we own to come down.
• 11:02
  Well, we didn't have to, but we chose to.
• 11:04
  Sure.
• 11:04
  And, you know, we arrived with six suitcases and the dog.
• 11:07
  Right.
• 11:08
  So, um, the, the thing about making.
• 11:13
  Big change like that is you have to be willing to be with whatever shows up, right?
• 11:20
  Right.
• 11:21
  And you have to be willing to accept the consequences.
• 11:24
  And usually that means that you've gotta do a lot of really, um, looking at what you're tolerating, right?
• 11:32
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:32
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:32
  Uh, you make a list of all your, the things that you're tolerating because.
• 11:37
  As Tony Robbins likes to say, the you will not change until the pain of the change is less than the pain of staying the same.
• 11:45
  Right?
• 11:46
  Right.
• 11:46
  So you gotta amp up the pain of staying the same by looking at all the things you're tolerating all at once.
• 11:52
  'cause we only look at them once in every blue moon.
• 11:53
  Of course, of course, of course.
• 11:55
  It's kind of when it, so when you get it all at once, you're like, that's a lot.
• 11:59
  It's like, yes, there's your motivation.
• 12:02
  And it's interesting that you share that because what's, what's important in that is that you are taking the time to look at your life for you, by you because of you based on our show.
• 12:15
  It's not a what you're doing for everybody else, it's about.
• 12:19
  My role here in what I am doing and what I'm tolerating and what I'm going through, and being super honest with yourself.
• 12:28
  Like, this is your work.
• 12:29
  This doesn't have to go out into the internet.
• 12:31
  You don't have to post this on social media po folks.
• 12:34
  Like this is your journey.
• 12:36
  Right.
• 12:37
  In fact, I wouldn't post it on social media.
• 12:38
  No.
• 12:39
  Yeah, totally.
• 12:40
  People will try and talk you out of it because they don't, they, they're afraid.
• 12:44
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:44
  And so, you know, when we were moving to Panama, I can't believe how much pushback there was.
• 12:49
  They were like, oh my God, you're leaving country.
• 12:50
  Oh my God, what are you gonna do?
• 12:51
  What happens if things go south?
• 12:53
  What happens if there's a coup?
• 12:54
  What happens?
• 12:54
  And what happens?
• 12:55
  What happens?
• 12:55
  And I'm like, this country is more stable than the US dude, you know, right now.
• 13:00
  So, yeah.
• 13:02
  Yeah.
• 13:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:02
  And you know, we arrive sun unseen.
• 13:05
  And they were just like, what are you gonna do if you hate it?
• 13:07
  I said, we did the hard part getting rid of everything.
• 13:09
  We have six suitcases and the dog, how hard could it be to move again?
• 13:12
  Right, right.
• 13:13
  As it turns out, we love it here, but you know, it could have been right.
• 13:17
  Yeah.
• 13:17
  And that's, that's just it.
• 13:18
  That's not, it's not like there's only one answer.
• 13:21
  Right.
• 13:21
  So, so you move and it doesn't work out.
• 13:25
  Big deal.
• 13:27
  Yeah, I actually, um, I have this story I talk about called, you know, Stockville.
• 13:33
  And Stockville is a valley surrounded by massive mountains so high that no cell phone service, no internet comes in or out, no messages come in.
• 13:43
  No, nothing comes in from the outside world.
• 13:45
  Stockville, you are there until you leave.
• 13:48
  And the thing about stuck V is people think I have to know which way to go, but you don't.
• 13:55
  You just have to pick a mountain.
• 13:57
  Pick a mountain and scale.
• 13:58
  It doesn't matter what mountain makes no difference at all because when you get to the top of that mountain, you now will have the ability to know which mountain you would have you needed to choose.
• 14:09
  Right?
• 14:09
  And nobody ever comes back to stockville, which means there's a path that goes around the top of the mountain, so you don't have to go all the way back down again.
• 14:17
  And you have so much more information.
• 14:19
  We worry so much about getting it right.
• 14:21
  Yeah.
• 14:22
  You know, if you get stuck in having to get it right the first time, you're gonna be stuck forever, you know?
• 14:28
  Mm-hmm.
• 14:28
  It's just, it's not gonna happen.
• 14:30
  You've gotta let go of the getting it right.
• 14:32
  You have to treat it as the grand adventure that it is.
• 14:35
  Oh, I love that.
• 14:37
  The grand adventure of what it is instead of being in Stockville.
• 14:40
  That's fantastic.
• 14:42
  I love that.
• 14:44
  You talk about helping people break free from their internal limitations, right?
• 14:50
  What do you find is a common block or is there such thing as a common block that hold people back from living in their desired truth?
• 15:03
  Desired truth.
• 15:04
  Okay.
• 15:04
  Yes.
• 15:05
  There are lots of blocks, so, okay.
• 15:07
  Lots like I have identified 38 different blocks that the average person on a spiritual path has.
• 15:14
  Nobody has all of them.
• 15:15
  Everybody has some of them.
• 15:16
  Okay.
• 15:17
  And so I'll pick, uh, I'm, first I wanna tell you what that looks like because the big problem with living your truth is that you're not currently holding the identity of the person who lives their truth.
• 15:31
  And so it, this is an identity shift issue.
• 15:35
  And when we shift into a new identity, we go into, again, the unknown, right?
• 15:40
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:40
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:41
  And we sometimes have preconceived notions about what it means, right?
• 15:46
  And so for me, I'll, I'll give you an example of something I've mm been working on for the last couple of years.
• 15:51
  Um, for me, I have been working on the four.
• 15:56
  A long time it's been, I don't wanna be famous because my highest value is freedom.
• 16:03
  And I always thought that being famous meant you had to be hiding in your home with all your security guards and all that stuff.
• 16:10
  And I've been actively working on that and understanding what that means.
• 16:15
  And the, the universe brought me two.
• 16:19
  Count them two very high-end celebrities.
• 16:22
  One in the spiritual world came onto my podcast, Neil Donald Walsh.
• 16:26
  And the other was John Rice Davies from Sliders and Lord of the Rings.
• 16:31
  He was, he was gimli the, the dwarf.
• 16:33
  Right.
• 16:34
  And he showed up in my tiny little town in Boquete, I mean like 25,000 people town.
• 16:40
  Right.
• 16:41
  He, he used to date a woman here when he was in his teens.
• 16:44
  He just showed up in town and I got to spend time talking to both of them, and both of them said, no, I don't really have security guards and I can pretty much go anywhere I wanna go.
• 16:55
  I mean, if I'm in a dangerous country, I might have a security guard, but you know, I.
• 16:58
  Otherwise not so much.
• 16:59
  Yeah.
• 16:59
  And I was like, okay, so that's gone now, right?
• 17:02
  You have to debunk your preconceived notions, right?
• 17:05
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:05
  And so my latest thing is that my, my programs are taking off, uh, because I've let go of the, the, yeah, right.
• 17:14
  My programs are taking off at, at a higher level than they ever have.
• 17:18
  And now it's, if I get too many students, I won't have any freedom.
• 17:23
  Right, because I'm gonna be, you know, scheduled within an inch of my life, is the way I say it, right?
• 17:27
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:28
  And I'm, and so I've gone and I've looked at the structure and I'm like, okay, what can I do here to help and support myself?
• 17:33
  What can I do here?
• 17:34
  And I brought on an, a fellow coach of mine who I love, and we've done programs together before, and we share a brain, you know, she says Nice, says things very differently than I do, but we all, we both always say the same thing.
• 17:46
  Yeah.
• 17:46
  We just come at it from different ways and so, mm-hmm.
• 17:49
  That was a gift to myself to hire her to help me with the program, and now I'm hiring on staff to help me with the tech end.
• 17:57
  Yeah.
• 17:58
  Things like that.
• 17:58
  'cause I've been doing it myself and'cause you gotta, you gotta do it yourself to learn how to train somebody to do it.
• 18:04
  Yeah.
• 18:04
  Right?
• 18:04
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:04
  And that's the hard part, so.
• 18:06
  Yeah.
• 18:07
  Um, and so, you know, I've been addressing that and this is the process of conscious identity shift.
• 18:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:14
  You have to identify the thing that you know is causing you to resist and procrastinate and, and just have no energy and all the things, right?
• 18:23
  You have to look that thing in the face and say, what is it?
• 18:27
  You have to name it, and then you have to systematically dismantle it.
• 18:31
  Right now, part of that is gonna be internal stuff, right?
• 18:35
  Right.
• 18:35
  So, you know, belief structures.
• 18:37
  I believe that my freedom will be limited by X, Y, or Z.
• 18:40
  That's gonna be my, my sticking block.
• 18:42
  But it might be, I believe I'm not good enough, right?
• 18:44
  It might be, and that's a really common one.
• 18:46
  That is the most common one.
• 18:48
  Okay?
• 18:49
  It might be, I'm not welcome, I'm not wanted, I'm not important.
• 18:53
  And that gets you on the bottom of your own priority list, right?
• 18:56
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:57
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:57
  And a whole lot of other things, right?
• 18:59
  Sure.
• 18:59
  I believe that I don't have value unless I'm doing something for someone.
• 19:03
  Mm-hmm.
• 19:04
  Mm-hmm.
• 19:04
  That's another big one.
• 19:05
  So there's, there's like a whole litany of things that, that are blocks I can't be seen, especially in the spiritual community.
• 19:13
  That's a big one because so many of us were killed for our gifts in past lives.
• 19:17
  Right?
• 19:18
  Yeah, for sure.
• 19:19
  Right.
• 19:20
  And that one, that one is an easy one.
• 19:23
  You just have to look in the mirror and go, gotta die somehow.
• 19:26
  Yeah.
• 19:26
  Might as well be that way.
• 19:27
  Might as well be for something that I care about that I Yeah, exactly right.
• 19:30
  Yeah.
• 19:31
  Yeah.
• 19:31
  You don't get out of this life alive, so, okay.
• 19:34
  Yeah.
• 19:34
  Um.
• 19:35
  There's lots and lots of different, different things that mm-hmm.
• 19:38
  Get in the way for people and, you know, it just depends upon what you're dealing with.
• 19:43
  It can be very complex.
• 19:45
  Sure.
• 19:46
  'cause a lot of this stuff is really like a tap history of coping mechanisms and belief structures and assumptions.
• 19:53
  Assumptions are the hardest.
• 19:54
  Right.
• 19:55
  Because we don't even know that we know them.
• 19:57
  We don't even, yeah.
• 19:57
  It's like, so it's like gravity.
• 20:00
  You don't assume.
• 20:01
  That your feet are gonna actually hit the floor, or you do assume rather, you assume your feet are gonna hit the floor, right?
• 20:08
  You don't believe your feet will hit the floor.
• 20:09
  You're not conscious of it.
• 20:11
  You just know if you put your feet on the floor, you're gonna be stuck to the floor.
• 20:15
  Right?
• 20:15
  You know, you're.
• 20:16
  You're not gonna float up.
• 20:17
  Right, right, right.
• 20:18
  And, and that is the level of assumption, and that's the one that is so hard.
• 20:24
  So I have a lot of, uh, more advanced practitioners who come to me mm-hmm.
• 20:29
  Because they will be like, okay, I've been able to navigate this and I've been doing okay, and now I'm just stuck and I can't figure out what the problem is, and I don't know where it's coming from.
• 20:39
  And I've looked and I've looked and I've tried every pathway I can find and I just can't see it.
• 20:45
  And I'm like, ah, assumption level.
• 20:48
  Right, right.
• 20:49
  Yeah.
• 20:49
  Either assumption level when that happens or it's, you missed a foundational piece way back here.
• 20:55
  Mm-hmm.
• 20:55
  Mm-hmm.
• 20:56
  You miss because there's no curriculum for spirituality is so easy to miss.
• 21:01
  A key structure piece.
• 21:03
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:03
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:03
  And, uh, so for instance, I had a, I had one person I worked with, she had been in the spiritual world for like 15 or 20 years and she had never learned boundaries.
• 21:12
  And that was the thing that was just messing up her whole life.
• 21:16
  And I'm like, I could see that.
• 21:17
  I'm like, yes.
• 21:17
  Because she learned from people who didn't want her to have boundaries.
• 21:21
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:22
  It was in their interest to not have that.
• 21:24
  Of course.
• 21:24
  Of course.
• 21:25
  Yeah.
• 21:25
  Yeah.
• 21:26
  And, and.
• 21:27
  I find that that's very true for a lot of us, and when we hit our midlife years, this is when the pendulum starts to swing and or open up differently.
• 21:38
  And then people, well, I what you said at the very beginning, I should be happy.
• 21:45
  I have the house, I have the husband, I have the job, I have the good income, I have the two car I have, but there's something missing and that's why we're having this conversation because there's so much.
• 21:56
  Underneath that we know is there, but we don't know what to do with it.
• 22:02
  Like there's that little nagging going, something's off.
• 22:06
  Right?
• 22:06
  Yeah.
• 22:07
  And and I, that's exactly where I was in 28.
• 22:11
  Yeah.
• 22:11
  I was like, I should be happy.
• 22:12
  I have everything I wanted and I did it well.
• 22:16
  Yeah.
• 22:16
  Why am I so miserable?
• 22:18
  Right?
• 22:18
  Yeah.
• 22:18
  Yeah.
• 22:19
  So, you know, that's an indicator.
• 22:21
  But I will say be careful not to should on yourself.
• 22:24
  Thank you because thank you should is it's not helpful.
• 22:29
  Things are, or they aren't.
• 22:30
  There's no such thing as should.
• 22:32
  Yeah.
• 22:32
  Right.
• 22:33
  And if you should on yourself, then you are shoulding on yourself and so Yeah.
• 22:38
  It's, it's not good for you.
• 22:40
  Yeah.
• 22:41
  Yeah.
• 22:41
  What would you say would be the most important thing for everyone to do right now?
• 22:50
  Everyone.
• 22:52
  I would say take back your power.
• 22:55
  That would be the single most important thing because we hand away our power and we've trained, been trained to hand away our power in so many different ways.
• 23:02
  Right.
• 23:02
  Women in particular mm-hmm.
• 23:04
  Are trained to never be in our power because we're, we're on high heels.
• 23:09
  We can't even ground.
• 23:11
  Right.
• 23:11
  We're, we're in restrictive clothing.
• 23:14
  We can't move, we're in a face of makeup.
• 23:17
  We can't be seen.
• 23:18
  We're told to be peacemakers and to be the facilitators, and we Oh.
• 23:24
  Don't make a scene dear.
• 23:26
  Yeah, right.
• 23:27
  Make a freaking scene, okay?
• 23:30
  Make a scene.
• 23:32
  That's all I'm gonna say.
• 23:34
  If you need to make a scene, make a scene.
• 23:36
  I will tell you that the few times that I have stood up and and truly made a scene, it was warranted.
• 23:43
  Yeah, yeah.
• 23:44
  You know, I'm like, I got sexually assaulted once somebody grabbed me in places that he shouldn't and I turned around and just ripped him to shreds at a very large volume up.
• 23:54
  Large event, everything stopped and everyone was staring at me and I'm like, ah.
• 24:00
  I was like, there will be good none.
• 24:03
  This, I'm going to yell at you until I stop feeling violated.
• 24:06
  Yeah.
• 24:07
  That is felt.
• 24:08
  I'm like, you have pulled power from me.
• 24:11
  I'm going to yell at you until I feel my power back.
• 24:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 24:14
  That is where it came from, and so yeah.
• 24:17
  And that was very, that was pretty early on in my journey.
• 24:20
  That was shortly after the whole, you know, Saturn return.
• 24:24
  So I was in my late twenties, maybe maybe 30.
• 24:27
  Right.
• 24:27
  And, uh, you know, nowadays.
• 24:31
  I, it would be faster for me to get my energy back because I know how to hold my energy more effectively.
• 24:36
  Sure, sure.
• 24:37
  And it would've been less likely that that would've happened because I saw it coming from Yeah.
• 24:43
  Than I would've headed it off at the pass and been like, don't you don't even bother.
• 24:47
  Yeah.
• 24:47
  Yeah.
• 24:48
  Step back.
• 24:49
  I was trying to politely avoid, and thus it didn't work out.
• 24:54
  And so, you know.
• 24:55
  Yeah.
• 24:55
  Nowadays I've been like, you know, yeah.
• 24:57
  But I wouldn't be the, I wouldn't be the target at this age either, so, you know, that's a different thing.
• 25:03
  Yeah.
• 25:03
  Yeah.
• 25:03
  But that's, that's the challenge, right?
• 25:05
  Is that predators go after younger women.
• 25:08
  Mm-hmm.
• 25:08
  Because they're easy targets, they're easy prey.
• 25:11
  Mm-hmm.
• 25:11
  Right?
• 25:11
  Mm-hmm.
• 25:11
  As we get older, we learn how to be like, uh, no.
• 25:14
  No.
• 25:14
  Yeah.
• 25:15
  How about No.
• 25:17
  Yeah.
• 25:17
  And what I think is really important here in this component of our conversation, or this junction in our conversation, is that power and understanding that you not only have it, but you must use it.
• 25:31
  Yes.
• 25:31
  Because nobody can do it for you.
• 25:34
  You have to do it.
• 25:36
  And importantly, not just in defense of others, but in defense of yourself self.
• 25:40
  Yeah.
• 25:41
  Yeah.
• 25:41
  And so,'cause I see that all the time.
• 25:43
  You see most of my people come in and they're in their night and shining armor mode.
• 25:47
  They've come out of damsel in distress and they're like, oh, we will save the world here.
• 25:51
  I come to save the day.
• 25:52
  Right.
• 25:53
  And the That's great.
• 25:55
  Except that you forget to save yourself.
• 25:58
  Yeah.
• 25:58
  And really what you're trying to do in the world is save yourself.
• 26:02
  Yeah.
• 26:03
  And, but you're externalizing it.
• 26:04
  You're projecting it onto other people.
• 26:07
  And so, you know, but that requires being willing to take up space.
• 26:11
  Yeah.
• 26:11
  That requires being willing to have conflict around you.
• 26:16
  Right.
• 26:16
  Not just conflict for others.
• 26:19
  Right.
• 26:19
  You know, because I was really good at conflict for others.
• 26:22
  I could step up and protect anybody in the world, but when it came to me, I was like, no, I'm okay.
• 26:29
  I'll be fine.
• 26:30
  I understand why he's doing it or she's doing it, so it's okay.
• 26:34
  It's like, so here's, here's my rule on understanding.
• 26:36
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:37
  You should be this much less understanding, which is a tiny little bit if you're just listening, it's a tiny little bit less understanding than you are treated well.
• 26:49
  Okay.
• 26:49
  When you are having to be more understanding than you are treated well.
• 26:55
  The relationship needs to be done.
• 26:57
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:58
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:59
  Or, you know, you need to call it out and have a big one or the other.
• 27:03
  Right, right, right.
• 27:05
  Um, but typically if you're not being treated well, a hash out doesn't do much.
• 27:09
  Mm-hmm.
• 27:10
  Once in a blue Well, but.
• 27:12
  Yeah, it doesn't, there is a disdain, a contempt, uh, that is a, you know, so, uh, John Gottman did the four horses of the apocalypse for a marriage and contempt, stonewalling, uh, defensiveness.
• 27:29
  And I always get, I always forget the fourth one.
• 27:33
  Look it up on Google.
• 27:34
  Anyway, there's a fourth one.
• 27:36
  Um, but all of those are the, if those exist, those are the, the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
• 27:41
  For an for a marriage or for a relationship.
• 27:43
  It works for a relationship too.
• 27:45
  Right, right.
• 27:45
  Um, and so, you know, if you're not being treated well, then you're already in one of those.
• 27:52
  Right, right.
• 27:53
  So, and, and the awareness.
• 27:56
  Is key in order for you to make any kind of move.
• 27:59
  So we talk a lot in our coaching about, um, your awareness is the starting point because if you're not even aware, then you're not going to be able to make any steps forward.
• 28:11
  So the facts that you are aware that this is happening, so if this is landing.
• 28:16
  What Kelly's speaking about, make sure that you check the show notes because we have the information in there on how you can find Kelly, how you can connect with her.
• 28:28
  I know she has a variety of supports available for you, um, because that's why I have her on the show.
• 28:35
  I don't have people who don't have ways to support you.
• 28:37
  So is there anything that you would like to share before we depart with our listeners?
• 28:45
  Is there any.
• 28:46
  Golden nuggets.
• 28:47
  We haven't actually, I know there's tons, I shouldn't say are there any, we we need to do a three day show, but I know, so the one thing that feels most relevant these days for me is mm-hmm.
• 28:59
  Um, to remember that you get to choose your experience regardless of what's going on around you.
• 29:05
  Ooh, nice.
• 29:06
  And what that means is that, you know, if the world is chaos around you and you would like peace, well choose to be the eye of the storm.
• 29:16
  Right.
• 29:17
  Mm-hmm.
• 29:17
  Chaos can rain around you and you will be the eye of the storm.
• 29:20
  And every, and the, the hardest wall is the one that gets to between you and the storm.
• 29:25
  Right.
• 29:26
  Because that's where the winds are the fastest.
• 29:28
  Right.
• 29:28
  Right.
• 29:28
  And you could choose to be the eye of the storm, just embrace that identity.
• 29:33
  Mm-hmm.
• 29:33
  And if you're feeling like the chaos is too much than, than make.
• 29:37
  If you've got a family, obviously bring your family into the, the eye with you.
• 29:41
  You know, you don't want them spinning around outside without you, but you know, have that as part of your identity.
• 29:47
  It really is helpful.
• 29:48
  And when you start doom scrolling and looking at stuff and being like, oh, the world's going hell in the hand basket, like, okay, but do what you can do right.
• 30:00
  And then let it go.
• 30:02
  Right.
• 30:03
  Because we spend so much energy and mental anguish and time on agonizing over things, we have zero control over.
• 30:15
  Yeah.
• 30:16
  And this is why I'm saying do what you can do and then pull your energy.
• 30:20
  Pull your power back from that scenario.
• 30:22
  Because when you are feeling out of control around things that you have no control over, you feel victimized.
• 30:31
  Yep.
• 30:31
  When you feel victimized, your power goes to wherever you think the perpetrator is.
• 30:39
  Mm-hmm.
• 30:39
  And then you have no power to change it.
• 30:42
  Right.
• 30:42
  So the first thing you have to do is recognize I am choosing to give my power there.
• 30:47
  I need to take that back.
• 30:49
  Right.
• 30:49
  You know, this is not what I would prefer.
• 30:52
  But I am in my life right now and I have walls around me, a roof over my head, food in my fridge, money to pay my bills, and I'm, I'm ready to go, right?
• 31:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 31:02
  I, I, my, I, if I look around, I am okay.
• 31:05
  Yeah.
• 31:06
  Yeah.
• 31:07
  Right.
• 31:07
  And just remind yourself of that and do a vagus nerve reset periodically.
• 31:12
  Mm-hmm.
• 31:12
  Mm-hmm.
• 31:12
  Those are like, those are the best things ever.
• 31:15
  And again, you can Google that right.
• 31:18
  But the vagus nerve reset is a great way to get yourself back down to a baseline and out of your fight, flight, or freeze response, right?
• 31:25
  Yep.
• 31:26
  Yep.
• 31:26
  Yep.
• 31:27
  And so, you know, just choose your experience.
• 31:30
  Mm-hmm.
• 31:31
  Because in actuality, everything that could be happening right now is happening right now in the internal moment of now.
• 31:39
  Mm-hmm.
• 31:39
  And literally we are standing in the midst of it.
• 31:43
  It is all happening simultaneously, time and space or illusions, and all you have to do is turn your head a millimeter to the left or right.
• 31:52
  And your entire experience of life changes.
• 31:54
  Mm-hmm.
• 31:55
  It is literally that simple.
• 31:57
  Yes.
• 31:57
  Yeah.
• 31:58
  So don't, don't believe that it has to be hard.
• 32:02
  Right?
• 32:03
  Yeah.
• 32:04
  Okay.
• 32:05
  Yeah.
• 32:05
  Yeah.
• 32:05
  I love that.
• 32:07
  I love that you're talking, you're summed it up beautifully because you're pulling it all back to giving yourself the power back, being in your own space, in your own energy, and knowing what is within your own control.
• 32:20
  And when you do look after yourself for you, by you because of you, and you do little things every single day.
• 32:28
  To give back to you without thinking about others.
• 32:32
  Even if it's for half a minute every single day.
• 32:34
  Consistency and doing the little things, your life will change and so will those that I call your sphere and within your sphere of influence, your family, your work, coworkers, whatever, will also feel that because energy shifts and flows all the time well, and you train people how to treat you based on how you treat yourself.
• 32:55
  Yeah.
• 32:55
  Bingo.
• 32:56
  Mm-hmm.
• 32:56
  And so if you treat yourself like you're the bottom of the priority list, that's what everyone's gonna treat you like.
• 33:02
  Yeah.
• 33:03
  Yeah.
• 33:04
  And it's not egocentric.
• 33:05
  I know I have that pushback a lot is not being like really egocentric.
• 33:10
  I'm like, that's selfish.
• 33:11
  Yeah.
• 33:11
  Yeah.
• 33:12
  It's like, no, it's not selfish.
• 33:14
  It's self-aware.
• 33:15
  There's a difference.
• 33:15
  Big give from the whole flow, not from your emptiness.
• 33:19
  Right.
• 33:19
  When you give from your overflow, you give from a place of wholeheartedness and people can fully receive.
• 33:25
  When you give from your emptiness, they feel like a burden because they are Yeah.
• 33:30
  Yeah.
• 33:31
  You have to take care of you.
• 33:32
  It's, it's, you know, the.
• 33:33
  The horrible cliche, but true of put your own face mask on first, right.
• 33:38
  Before you help the person next to you on an airplane when the oxygen mask comes out.
• 33:41
  Yeah, exactly.
• 33:42
  Exactly.
• 33:43
  Yeah.
• 33:43
  It's a horrible cliche, but it's absolutely true.
• 33:45
  But everybody gets it.
• 33:48
  It's what I know.
• 33:48
  And you pass out.
• 33:49
  Nobody is getting any help from you.
• 33:51
  Yeah, exactly.
• 33:53
  Exactly.
• 33:55
  Kelly, what a pleasure to have this conversation, this robust awareness and ability to tap into your years of experience gifts.
• 34:07
  I wanna have you back after Satin.
• 34:10
  Hits and I wanna know, where are you now?
• 34:16
  Where's Kelly now?
• 34:18
  Yes.
• 34:19
  In a, in a year, year and a half, I will be through my Saturn return, so yeah.
• 34:23
  Okay.
• 34:24
  So I'll be 56 in November, so, you know that's, that's right on the money right there.
• 34:28
  Perfect.
• 34:29
  Well, we will have you back'cause we want, we, listeners will wanna know where is Kelly now?
• 34:35
  There you go.
• 34:36
  Well, if you're out there and approaching your 50th birthday, look into the Chiron return because that's another time when, when there's a huge shift as well.
• 34:46
  Oh, okay.
• 34:46
  So Chiron is C-H-I-R-O-N, so, okay.
• 34:51
  All right, perfect.
• 34:54
  Thank you so much for being here with us and thank you to listeners and we want to have you have a wonderful day and make sure you go and do something for you by you because of you today and every single day.
• 35:09
  Take care.