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How Situationships Started for Me...And Where it Led Me (Part 1) · What Tha Group Chat Say

0:00
Vonnie: Welcome to What tha group Chat Say the podcast where the group chat.
0:03
Finally got a mic.
0:05
We're three friends in our forties talking about life, friendships, relationships, and everything we didn't see coming in this decade.
0:11
I'm Vonnie here with Keya and Drea,
0:14
And on today's episode, Drea's in the hot seat talking about situationships and domestic violence.
0:21
Well, I guess we can talk about Drea as mis situationship.
0:26
What makes that in this era of your life the most appealing?
0:33
Or is this just, Hey, it is what it is.
0:36
It feels like this is what you want though.
0:41
drea: Oh,
0:44
I, you know,
0:47
that's okay.
0:49
Okay.
0:49
Let's just be real and honest.
0:51
My kid might hear this, but hey, you know, it is what it is.
0:55
Um, so I would
0:58
say that, as you guys know, at 40, I was like, uh, maybe I want a real relationship, right?
1:07
people were like, oh, you have a real relationship.
1:09
No, well, kind of to some, right?
1:12
And then I'm like, oh, maybe I don't, and then the person that I would been with all these years was like, how do you, you don't even know what you want.
1:19
So how would you expect me to know what I want?
1:22
Then I'm like, oh, okay.
1:24
Because every time I thought about living with someone or marriage, I got very anxious or nervous.
1:30
so then I was like, okay, maybe that's not what I want.
1:33
then I got my hysterectomy at 44 and I'm like, you know what?
1:37
That was one of my hangups in life and about having a relationship with female issues, so then I hit 45 and I'm like, I am ready for relationship.
1:49
then I realized, no, no, no, I'm, I'm okay with the situationships to a point.
1:56
I'm probably like the queen of them.
1:58
Um, but where it all kind of started, I guess is where you guys probably wanna know, right?
2:03
like, how did I get to this point in life?
2:08
So I'm 47 years old.
2:10
So I'll start way, way back guys.
2:13
Um, and a lot of people don't know this.
2:15
I don't even think you guys probably know.
2:17
Um, but I learned very young not to fuck with a man's feelings.
2:22
Let me just say that first.
2:24
and I say that as, and I'll cycle back to my childhood and where it stemmed from as well, start.
2:32
About me.
2:33
Well, I'll say this.
2:35
My, my dad was abusive to my mother and he was abusive to me as well.
2:41
And so saw abuse.
2:45
Growing up, growing up, but I didn't realize how it affected me until I got way older.
2:50
So I'll just kind of start there.
2:51
Right.
2:53
So did I think that that would taint me as relationships as an adult my twenties?
2:59
No, because still learning about life.
3:03
Okay.
3:04
Anyways, so when I was 13 years old,
3:09
I had, he wasn't like my boyfriend, but I guess he was my boyfriend, but it wasn't, it was like 13.
3:15
Like we didn't hang out like that.
3:17
He knew where I went to junior high, and sometimes he would come to the school after school and we just talk or whatever.
3:24
one day, this girl that is a good person now, but back then, she saw him at the school and said that I was talking to somebody else.
3:36
I don't know why she told him that or whatever.
3:39
So when I saw him that day, I was actually getting ready to leave.
3:42
I didn't even know he was there.
3:44
he kind of like pulled me behind the bungalow and was like having this real intense conversation.
3:49
But like at 13, I think he was like 15.
3:51
Uh, what, what conversation are we really having?
3:54
You know what I'm saying?
3:56
and then next thing you know, he slapped the shit out me.
3:58
When I say he slapped the shit outta me, the fucking shit out of me.
4:03
And it and it stunned me.
4:05
It stunned me like, I ain't gonna lie, it stunned me.
4:08
you know, back then we couldn't just make phone calls, you know what I'm saying?
4:11
But also, I was also very private.
4:14
And so, and I, and I am private, unless you really talk to me, I don't always tell people about things I've been through or situations.
4:22
so that situation right there, was my very first, I don't, uh, this is one situation I don't talk about, just so you guys know.
4:32
I don't, I've never, I just remember going home and my mom was like, what happened?
4:36
And I was like, oh, I got in a fight.
4:38
And she was like, you got in a fight.
4:42
didn't get no calls.
4:43
And I'm like, yeah.
4:44
'cause you know, she, she, I was good for fighting.
4:47
I was probably pushing 14, I think.
4:49
Anyways, I had a busted lip and a bruise on my face.
4:55
um, that was like the beginning of where I learned how to cover shit.
5:03
for about six months after that, he low key stalked.
5:08
and when I say stalked, like I completely cut all ties.
5:11
Like I made sure that he never ran into me.
5:14
So I thought he was gone, but he wasn't.
5:16
And then I had ASUmmer camp.
5:18
I used to go to USC summer camp.
5:20
played sports.
5:21
That's how I learned a lot of sports.
5:23
And I would notice that he would be somewhere by my bus line every time I was gonna get on the bus.
5:30
He wouldn't approach me, but he would be from a distance and I would see him, you know what I'm saying?
5:35
And I would never tell anyone except for my one best friend.
5:39
the only one that knew.
5:40
And, so then I started learning.
5:42
I was already pretty street smart, so I knew to pay attention.
5:45
So I learned to catch the bus.
5:49
Keya: Sorry,
5:50
how old were you?.
5:53
drea: I was 13, pushing
5:54
14, so, or was I 14?
5:59
I think I was, no, I think I was 13.
6:02
Because I feel like this started, this started when I was like, probably a month before my birthday, and then it went into the summer, and so that's when I was 14.
6:14
and so I kept that secret and I,
6:20
I, I didn't, I didn't know how, like, yeah, my dad was from a neighborhood.
6:24
Yeah, this and that, but I didn't live with him no more.
6:27
And I definitely was not gonna talk to him about it.
6:29
'cause me and him never had a good relationship.
6:31
I didn't wanna scare my mom if I thought it was something I can handle, because I was like, I was that kid who had that straight A, straight A's, fought a lot at school, but I was hood as fuck.
6:43
a lot of the shit I did, no one would know I did because I kept that shit such a secret.
6:48
Because I was always raised, don't bring drama to your house.
6:52
Um, people don't need to know certain things about you.
6:55
You know, my dad and them did things in our household, so I was raised very young.
7:01
Keep that shit quiet.
7:02
You know what I'm saying?
7:03
You handle your shit by yourself.
7:05
So already took the city bus by myself.
7:09
I already was pretty much, like I said, in my mind, I was grown.
7:14
So I just learned how, you know, I knew how to keep a razor blade in my hair.
7:20
knew how to keep certain shit in my bag.
7:23
in my mind I can handle this.
7:24
And then so that was done.
7:27
That finally, I don't even know how that disappeared.
7:29
I think he finally just gave up bothering me.
7:31
You know what I'm saying?
7:32
Because about a, a month like to no about three weeks of me seeing him by my bus stop.
7:38
He finally one day was at the bus stop, like he figured out which one I was at.
7:41
And at that time, we had some words.
7:44
And then my best friend I had been telling him, so he wasn't in the program, but he one day popped up.
7:51
And so some words were handled, we're just gonna leave it at that.
7:54
Some things was handled.
7:56
and he finally left me alone.
7:58
So that was that.
7:59
so what I'm saying is I learned very young, don't fuck with a man's heart, I didn't feel that I was, however, did I have other guy friends?
8:10
Yes.
8:10
I was fucking 13, 14 years old.
8:12
Like, who didn't, right?
8:13
I wasn't, I was never that boyfriend girlfriend type of person.
8:17
Even young, I was more of like, I'm gonna do me, you know, or I'm gonna just have fun live life.
8:24
I didn't really have boyfriends.
8:25
Like I just, I just didn't.
8:28
anyways, um, then I got older.
8:33
um, I had my first like boyfriend that everybody called, my boyfriend should say, let me just say this, in my entire life, there's only four guys and I'm 47 that I ever actually said, oh, that's my boyfriend.
8:47
so about 16, got my first boyfriend.
8:50
He was super nice.
8:51
He's still my friend to this day.
8:53
super nice guy.
8:55
very kind, very, but I was off the fucking chain and saying like, oh, I'm out there fucking, I'm just meaning like I'm talking to other people, but.
9:08
I found this boyfriend, very nice guy.
9:10
He was on the basketball team and at the time he was on the basketball team.
9:13
I think, I think I was either on the volleyball team or or softball team.
9:17
I don't know.
9:18
At 16, I, I was on the volleyball team.
9:20
I was in drill team and I was on the softball team, he was like a star basketball player and then he ended up being my boyfriend.
9:27
Super nice.
9:28
so after that I ended up moving to Arizona.
9:33
So this is where it all kind of started, is I never really kept a relationship.
9:38
And if I did, I had other friends, but at 16 I was living with my second mom Because back then, remember we didn't have phones, we had pagers and house phones.
9:50
She had a rule that she wasn't raising no hussies.
9:53
And so only one boy was allowed to call the house.
9:57
And I had to choose.
9:59
She made me choose which boy could call the house.
10:04
And so I had to choose.
10:06
So I chose him, right?
10:08
But I always had a rule not to mess with anybody you go to school with.
10:12
But I'm not gonna say much about that just 'cause I don't wanna, don't wanna anyone's feelings.
10:19
But, so he was my boyfriend anyway, things started getting rough for me and, and Cali.
10:24
And so I ended up moving to Arizona, and that's around the time I met you guys.
10:27
Right?
10:29
So when I met you guys, I still was not a relationship person.
10:33
a lot of it was just from fear or I just wanted to live my life.
10:38
Like I was never a girl who said I can't wait to get married and have kids.
10:44
That was not me.
10:45
My thing was, I'm gonna go to college, I'm gonna try to make money, I'm gonna try to get out the hood.
10:50
I don't want the life that I was raised in.
10:52
Now granted, my mom was a great person.
10:54
She did the best she could, so that, I just want people to know that.
10:57
But my dad the hood that came with that a whole nother level.
11:03
So I was very hood because I started getting into shit on my own and I still just had that like, oh, I'm just gonna talk to different guys and have like live my life.
11:15
the fun fact is I met my son's father.
11:21
On Keya's birthday.
11:22
On Keya's 18th birthday, I took Keya to the club.
11:25
'cause I was a club girl.
11:27
I was a going out girl.
11:28
I was a turn up girl.
11:30
do you remember us meeting my son's father or us going out for your 18th birthday?
11:35
Keya: I sure do him.
11:38
I remember, um, us thinking like, dang, they gonna let me in the club.
11:43
It's, it's, it's technically my birthday.
11:45
So yes, I definitely remember that night fully.
11:52
drea: Yes.
11:52
So I met him at that time I was already going to ASU I think when we met him.
11:59
No, we just started ASU, I just started ASU 'cause this was 19.
12:03
Now I'm dating myself 1997.
12:06
So met him and at that time I had my own apartment and he had came to Arizona from Texas and he was going to MCCC.
12:18
So I'm thinking, okay, I got me a guy who's in college too.
12:21
Okay, we're good.
12:23
But I still did talk to other people, but I wasn't like talking to other, I mean, I was, but I wasn't Me and him clicked like immediately.
12:30
We were good.
12:31
We had a good time.
12:32
We liked to hang out.
12:33
It was all great.
12:34
Until, until I got pregnant.
12:39
I got pregnant within six months of knowing him.
12:41
Guys like real talk.
12:43
One of the reasons was, is I lost my apartment and I didn't have the urge to tell like I had, where was I gonna go?
12:50
I was gonna have to go back home like I'm a college student.
12:53
My mom was like, what?
12:54
You know what I mean?
12:55
My stepdad was alive at the time, my sister was younger than me.
12:58
She's still living in a house, two bedroom apartment.
13:00
Like I was really trying.
13:02
And so my mom had a rule, my mom's rule was when I did move back or go back was if you're not home by midnight, then you better find somewhere else to stay because you're not gonna come up in my house at all hours of the night.
13:12
Right.
13:13
So I was with my son's father all the time.
13:17
long story short, got pregnant with, from my son's father and he started acting weird.
13:23
Like I started seeing a different side of him.
13:26
Like very controlling, very aggressive.
13:29
And that was like the one time in my life where I legit did not talk to other people.
13:33
Had no other men in my life.
13:34
I did have a guy, best friend at the time, he was not fond of.
13:38
I started seeing a shift in him and then he put his hands on me while I was pregnant.
13:45
There was a situation where we were at, I can't remember if it was his apartment or his friend's apartment, and I was probably, I wanna say like five or six months pregnant.
13:56
I had just got there.
13:58
got upset with me for some reason, but I know he was talking to other chicks and you know, a lot of guys, they get defensive,
14:04
and, and mind you, my son's father was like 2 85 and at the time I was, I was like a buck 60, maybe one 50.
14:11
Like, believe it or not, I was pretty small, you know?
14:16
And I just remember him, us having a disagreement and he put, he literally grabbed me by the neck and kind of leaned me over the rail of the, apartment.
14:27
Uh, 'cause we were upstairs I was like, what the fuck?
14:30
But I'm a fighter, right?
14:32
So I immediately started swinging and he backed up off me.
14:35
So that's something about me I didn't give a fuck who the fuck he was, especially at 18, 19 years old.
14:42
I've been fighting now for six, seven years.
14:45
Like, you put your hands on me.
14:47
It's on and cracking.
14:48
So pregnant or not, you know what I'm saying?
14:51
So I swung on him.
14:52
He back backs back, And I think he thought like, oh, like that was like an isolated situation to a point.
15:00
So as time goes on, he would just be really fucking rude or wanting to know where I'm at at all times.
15:07
Like, just really controlling.
15:08
And then, I ended up having my son everything was pretty much cool to a point, he made a comment to me when I had my son's, when I had my son, and we had an argument and never really talked about it, but like I went through, mind you guys, I'm a, I'm a college student, ASU I literally got pregnant my second semester of my freshman year at ASU.
15:32
So I was looking because of judgment and how I was raised, like in the neighborhoods I was raised and what I didn't wanna become.
15:39
I was so fearful I was gonna become that.
15:42
I come from a Mexican family.
15:44
You have kids with someone, you be with them, they married, you know, stuff like that.
15:48
So I had that shame on my own head.
15:50
And then also, I always thought to myself too, like I was going through like postpartum depression.
15:56
When I had my son, I was super depressed because I was like, in my mind, I fucked my life up.
16:01
How could I do this to myself?
16:03
All these different things.
16:04
So I wasn't in a good place,
16:06
I was just not in a good place.
16:08
Keya: you were going through that at the where having counseling wasn't a, was it a thing and like, at least in the black household, was it the same in like a, the Mexican household?
16:24
Like what the fuck is a counselor for like
16:27
drea: Mental health.
16:29
Keya: Yeah, like in your, the business that happened in this house.
16:32
Stay in this house.
16:34
drea: Right,
16:35
Keya: so you're dealing with that?
16:37
Yeah.
16:37
Okay.
16:38
drea: Here's the kicker though, in my mind, I didn't need no counseling I didn't know really what post partum depression was.
16:45
Didn't know I, this is how I knew I was depressed, right?
16:50
I had my son, I had a C-section, horrible pain, horrible pregnancy, sick all the time.
16:58
Had my son, he's now sick.
17:00
I'm sitting here like, I just wanna go back to school.
17:03
I got a job.
17:05
because me and him were not living together.
17:06
I was living at my mom's house and I, I didn't realize I had postpartum depression until went back to college.
17:16
So I basically, I finished ASU my second semester, but I finished with all D's.
17:22
So once I, once my son, I had my son in December, January, February, I was back to work then my son's father had his own apartment.
17:34
Sometimes me and my son would go stay there, but sometimes I knew he was up to some shit, you know what I'm saying?
17:39
Like, he was also a year older, so he was on some shit,
17:42
But I didn't give a fuck, like, this is our kid, I ended up going to MCC so the community college, by, now he's dropped outta school, so he's not even in school anymore.
17:52
I started noticing shifts in him, like a lot of shifts, like, the people he was hanging out with.
17:58
He started finding him little hoes, like all this stuff.
18:00
then I go back to, I go back to MCC, that's when I realized I was in postpartum, because now I'm back in school, I'm in working and I'm back on my grind and I'm feeling good about my life.
18:13
Because now I'm back on track.
18:14
I can do this.
18:15
I'm finna finish school.
18:16
But my son's father stopped going to school, so he was just working, partying, and hanging with his friends.
18:21
He was on a different level I don't know how it happened, but when my son was about five months old, my son's father kept having issues and a lot of it was 'cause of like females that he had, right?
18:32
Or just different shit.
18:33
And we would argue sometimes, and sometimes he'd push me, well, now I ain't pregnant, so what's up, bro?
18:39
What's up?
18:40
You know what I'm saying?
18:41
So head it was not like.
18:45
Domestic violence or abuse.
18:47
It was more of, fuck it, we gonna fight, we gonna fight, type of thing, you know?
18:52
so one day, um, I went to his house and I had been there for a long time and I, I, I don't know, someone called or something.
18:59
And I was like, what the fuck?
19:01
And he threw something at me and then he got up and he got really aggressive with me.
19:05
My son was there at the house and so was his cousin.
19:09
he got real aggressive and he started pushing me all through his room.
19:12
And every time he pushed me, mind you, like I said, I was small.
19:15
I get up and push him back or I hit him or something.
19:18
And then when I tried to leave, he came chasing after me.
19:21
And I grabbed, I had cooked breakfast and the grease was still hot.
19:26
And I threw a hot pot of grease at him, baking grease.
19:29
I threw it.
19:30
at him.
19:31
It splattered on him.
19:32
But the pots fell on the floor.
19:34
So now he's really pissed and he is coming for me at the time.
19:38
Thank God for his cousin.
19:39
'cause his cousin had grabbed my son and his cousin just held my son.
19:43
And I don't know where he was at with him, but he got to literally try to fight me.
19:48
And so like when I tell you we fucked that house up, like we fucked the house up.
19:52
There was a table that was already broke, but it broke.
19:55
Just remember that table was already broke, but it broke, like it fell apart when I hit it, but not because of me.
20:00
It was already broke.
20:01
so when I, I try to leave and I grab my son.
20:03
I had a car, I try to leave.
20:05
He's coming after me.
20:06
I'm screaming somebody called the fucking police, And at the time when the police showed up, was like, we had a disagreement.
20:15
Like everything's good.
20:16
They're like, no.
20:17
They went talk to him.
20:18
This motherfucker told him all kind of shit.
20:20
Showed him, said I broke the furniture when it was already broke.
20:23
Long story short, I got arrested.
20:26
So I got arrested and at that time, although that was his son, I had my son and I refused to let my son go before he can handcuff me.
20:36
so my son's father's cousin, I love him to death.
20:39
He is still, we're still close.
20:42
I love him.
20:44
he has always had my back.
20:45
Because what's right is right and what's wrong is wrong.
20:47
Because out of anybody who's seen the problems and and abuse that I dealt with with him was him because they lived together.
20:54
I gave my son to him and I said, I just remember telling him, the keys to my fucking car.
20:59
Here's my son.
21:01
Do not give my son to his father.
21:03
And you take him to my mama.
21:04
Let my mama know I'm going to jail.
21:07
And when I get out, I'll call.
21:08
Because I was always raised because of all the people that went to jail.
21:12
If you go to jail.
21:15
You don't call home to get tooken out.
21:16
Like we don't, we don't bail people out, especially if you on some bullshit.
21:20
So I, it is what it is.
21:22
So anyways, I got arrested.
21:24
He didn't, I did.
21:26
when I got arrested, he actually lived close to the jail.
21:30
I went to jail in Mesa and he lived close to Mesa jail.
21:33
I got out about, don't know if it was 24 hours or 36 hours later I was released on OR and, I only had, now mind you, I went to jail and some flip flops, a tank top and some short ass shorts.
21:45
Okay.
21:46
And I only had, I think when I got outta jail, I think I had 25 cents on me.
21:52
Not even really enough to make a call, you know, 'cause I needed a way to get home and I was probably about five miles.
21:58
So I was gonna walk, but it was May, like it was hot guys.
22:02
So I ended up going by his house, even though I wasn't supposed to.
22:07
I went and go by his house and.
22:09
saw him with somebody, but I was like, I don't give a fuck.
22:12
Like I need fucking money for a phone.
22:14
Like, I need to call somebody.
22:15
So he literally threw change at me and I took it and then I went and called for a ride and I got back to my house.
22:24
So that was like my first real relationship where, and that's not the first isolated occasion like we fought again 'cause I was on probation for a year and in that year he would make my life miserable.
22:38
He would come around and he would try to antagonize me.
22:42
He'd put his hands on me and I'd still fight back.
22:45
But he'd put his hands on me and stuff and then say to me, don't fucking piss me off 'cause I'm gonna call, I'm gonna call you a probation officer, or I'm gonna call the court.
22:52
So he would try to get me to violate, even though I was un on unsupervised probation, going through anger management and all these different counseling classes I had to go through, which actually were really good for me.
23:03
Right.
23:05
So antagonizing me every single time I saw him.
23:08
And that is where some of my stuff first started where I was like, fuck a relationship.
23:14
Fuck this shit.
23:15
I'm not gonna go through this.
23:17
So here's the big kicker where it really went down.
23:21
My son was probably almost a year old, or he, no, he hit a year.
23:25
He hit a year.
23:26
My son was a year now, and in that year, my life was hell.
23:30
was like, I try to move on.
23:32
He wouldn't let me, I tried to do this.
23:34
He just kept, you know, but yet he is doing his own thing.
23:37
And I just, that bothers me about men.
23:39
And it's like, if you're doing, you do you, and let me do me, that's where my own issue has always been with, with guys.
23:46
Keya: So friend.
23:47
So 16 first, first abuse.
23:51
The
23:52
drea: No, 14.
23:53
Keya: father.
23:54
14. My bad.
23:55
drea: Mm-hmm.
23:57
Mm-hmm.
23:57
Keya: Your first abuse.
23:58
The one that popped off with your son's father.
24:01
How old were you now?
24:04
drea: I'm 20.
24:06
Keya: Okay.
24:07
drea: my son's father hit me first when I was 19.
24:09
I was pregnant at 19, but when it really got bad is when I turned 20.
24:14
So from 21, from age 20 to 21, it was going fucking down in my life.
24:20
It was going down so much that I'd go to work I would have to put, cut my bangs to cover the bruises on my eyes.
24:29
would put lipstick on to cover the bruises on my lips like my mom.
24:34
I had my eyebrow pierced team pushed me down one time so hard that I busted my eye I had my eyebrow pierced and I had to like take it out.
24:43
I would lie to my mom and tell her that like I fell or I got in a fight or whatever, and I knew my mom.
24:50
know my mom.
24:52
I wasn't dumb and she probably knew what was going on and she just would always say like, you can talk to me.
24:57
Like, it's okay.
24:58
Like, and I would just cover it up and I would hide it and I would just go to work looking crazy.
25:05
Well, did right before I turned 21, right before my son's first birthday, I snapped out.
25:13
Like I had been trying to move on, but he wouldn't let me.
25:16
I just remember one day, um, had came by the day before or something and we got into it and he suffocated me with a pillow like we were fighting and he suffocated me with a pillow and I laid there and acted like I was dead, so he would get off of me.
25:36
Right.
25:37
at that time I thought I might have been pregnant.
25:40
Again, because I hadn't had a period.
25:42
then after he kicked me in the stomach and suffocated me with a pillow and I acted like I was dead, he'd get off of me.
25:51
I ended up having to go to the hospital, but come to find out I really had a cyst.
25:55
So that's when I first found out I had PCOS.
25:58
and this is right before my son's first birthday, so okay, fine.
26:02
Get through that.
26:03
But after that, I just remember getting up one morning and my job, I'm in school now, so not only am I covering this up from work and family, I'm like covering this shit up when I'm going to college.
26:13
Like I'm literally in college, one of the only single fucking mothers at our age can't, don't know how to relate to people.
26:20
'cause I have all this shit going on and I'm fucking to school looking busted.
26:25
You know what I'm saying?
26:26
I covered it up so well I remember getting up and looking myself in the mirror and I was crying and I.
26:31
I just kept looking at myself and I started saying affirmations.
26:36
And I looked at myself dead in the mirror and was like, are beautiful.
26:39
You are worthy, you are.
26:41
And I just started saying all these things to me and I said, I will not deal with this shit ever again.
26:46
Like I am not.
26:47
And so I, when I got my, my power back, like I started getting my power back, my son turns one, my son's father and I are not together, but in his mind, of course, we're still together.
26:59
He had been dating this girl, this white girl, please excuse me, listeners, no racial things here.
27:06
But she was a white girl me and my sister kept like Child Protective Services, came to our house twice and me and my sister each had a kid.
27:15
And we were trying to figure out who the fuck is calling Child Protective Services on us.
27:18
Because Backstory guys, I'm in college to be a social worker, ironically.
27:23
Right?
27:24
Which helped me because as I'm taking these social work classes.
27:27
I'm also learning about myself, but someone kept calling Child Protective Services on us and I didn't find out until like five months later, and this is where the biggest fight happened.
27:38
But this is also where I completely took my power back because my son's dad wasn't doing well in Arizona and he kept burning bridges with people and all this shit.
27:47
And his best friend died from drugs who lived here and all this drama.
27:51
Well, there was this white girl he had been talking to for a very long time and she gave him a car.
27:56
Guys.
27:56
She gave him a whole ass car.
27:58
She had money.
27:59
I don't know how old she was, however, he was staying with me because he was supposed to be moving back to Texas and, but he was gonna move in a month when his friend can drive back with him.
28:09
So he was staying with me and I just remember waking up every morning.
28:12
If I had a gun, I'd shoot him.
28:14
If I had a gun, I'd shoot him.
28:15
Like I literally guys was in such.
28:18
A hateful stage of my life that I literally would wake up every morning like, I got my, I love my son, but I'm gonna kill his daddy if he touch me again.
28:27
You know?
28:28
And um,
28:31
so
28:34
one day, it's early in the morning and I get a phone call phone and there was two bitches on the phone, not just one, but two.
28:44
And they was telling me how, He's this, he's that, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
28:48
And I was like, they just going at this point, I've been done with this man for over six to eight months, they, this, these girls were going off telling me all kind of shit.
28:57
And I were telling these bitches like I got a kid by him, so I have no fucking choice but to talk to 'em about what the fuck is your excuse?
29:04
Y'all over here on the phone knowing about each other.
29:07
What is y'all excuse?
29:08
You know?
29:09
Vonnie: and why am I in it?
29:10
That's what I'd be like.
29:11
drea: Like, listen, he just laying in my house until he get the fuck up outta here.
29:14
You feel me?
29:15
Like I don't want him like this motherfucker put it like, bitch, I don't want him.
29:20
Y'all could please come take him.
29:21
Take him the fuck away, and the car you gave him with it.
29:25
the one girl, the main girl who gave him the car, she says to me, this bitch told me where the fuck I worked, I went to college, kind of car I drove, my son went to daycare.
29:40
told me so much about me.
29:43
She knew more about me than I probably knew about my size.
29:46
And then she told me she's the one who's been calling Child Protective Services because he'd been telling her that I'm so broke, that I can't take care of my child and we have no food in the house and no diapers and all this stuff.
30:02
And then that.
30:03
Girl.
30:04
And that is when I fucking lost it.
30:08
And when I say I lost it, I will never forget that day.
30:12
fucking lost it.
30:14
This motherfucker been whooping my ass on and off for damn near two years, has other bitches.
30:20
And then this bitch, this bitch tried to get my kid took from me, bro.
30:24
You know what I'm saying?
30:25
Like she tried to take my kid from me and that.
30:30
Keya: shit that make you whoop her, her.
30:32
drea: Listen, because my son was my life, like my son was my life.
30:37
It may not seem like it 'cause I'm such a business woman.
30:40
I was going to school, I was working, but I was surviving.
30:44
Like I'm sitting up here taking four classes a fucking week.
30:47
I'm fucking dropping my kid off at daycare at six in the fucking morning.
30:51
I'm starting class at seven in the morning, going to school from 11 to 12 to then get to work at 1230, to work to eight or eight 30.
30:59
And then I'm doing that.
31:00
I'm working six days a week, going to school four days a week and have my kid and a bitch is sitting up here trying to take, like I'm doing What I can do was, did we have the most money?
31:10
No, I was a broke bitch.
31:11
You know what I'm saying?
31:12
But this bitch tried to get my kid to, oh, I lost it.
31:16
he was in the room laying down asleep.
31:19
gave my son my, I gave my sister, my son.
31:22
I gave my, my sister, her son.
31:25
I told her to lock her motherfucking bedroom door.
31:28
I told her to put the dresser in front of the door.
31:31
I told her, do not call the police and do not open this motherfucking door.
31:35
I don't give a fuck who is at the door until you hear me say open the door.
31:41
And when I tell you guys I live in a ghetto ass apartment, and it was so ghetto that it, it, we had a, um, metal pole, like a metal stick that kept the windows locked.
31:52
I don't know if y'all ever lived in a place like that, so I got that pole and I went and I, while he was asleep, I stood over him and I started poking him with that pole.
32:04
And I told him to get the fuck up and he rolled over like, what the fuck's your problem?
32:08
I said, get the fuck up, yo bitch.
32:10
Yo bitch, she's still on the phone.
32:13
your ass up.
32:15
Get on this phone.
32:16
So he gets on the phone with her and you hear him arguing and I said, and then I told her, I said, but bitch, don't you ever call this motherfucking house again, I will take care of this.
32:26
I disconnected the phone.
32:29
I went to fucking work.
32:30
When I tell you I beat that motherfucker's ass with a fucking pole, lost my everlasting fucking mind.
32:38
And that is when I knew I was fucking crazy.
32:40
That is when I knew that I saw only black and yes.
32:44
Did he try to fight me back?
32:46
He did.
32:47
But do you think I gave a fuck at that time?
32:49
Guys, when I tell you that, that situation ended with me hopping in my car, telling him that I'm going to get a gun and that he is got 24 hours to get the fuck outta Arizona, 'cause I'm gonna fucking kill him, said, I'm
33:02
kill you.
33:03
I said, you try to get, my son took from me with all your fucking lies.
33:07
You have beat my ass for too long.
33:09
And then when he tried to come after me, I hit him with my fucking car and I told him, I'm not fucking playing.
33:15
will tell you this.
33:18
Yes, I, when I took.
33:20
I did because you shouldn't have got it the fucking way.
33:23
You shouldn't.
33:23
I didn't hit him hard.
33:24
I didn't hit him hard, but enough for him to back the fuck up.
33:27
And I told him, you got 24 hours to get the fuck outta Arizona.
33:31
I had already, I drove down the street, I called my homeboy and I was like, I need a gun.
33:37
I need a gun.
33:38
And he was like, Drea.
33:39
And I was like, I need a fucking gun.
33:42
got a gun?
33:43
Because I need a gun.
33:45
He was like, all right, I got you.
33:46
I was like, all right, cool.
33:48
So I come back home, he's gone.
33:52
on the door, I tell my sister it's me.
33:54
She lets her and the kids out, and my sister is looking at me like this bitch, because it, I like, like I said, I, I watched my dad hit on my mama and I went through what I did at 14, and then I really tried to be in this relationship and I tried to get out of it and he wouldn't leave me alone.
34:14
And I started feeling like I was being controlled and bullied and, and.
34:19
the way like my dad would do my mom right that time.
34:23
Did I know that?
34:24
No.
34:25
I just knew that I'm on fucking survival mode.
34:27
And this motherfucker tried him and some bitch tried to take my son away and that was my life.
34:32
You know what I'm saying?
34:33
My son literally like helped save my life, you know what I'm saying?
34:37
lost it.
34:38
And that's when I really knew.
34:40
After doing the anger, mind you, I just finished anger management classes couple months before all this, Like I had to do almost a year of fucking anger management classes through the courts guys like, and then that whole time he's sitting there telling me, oh, if you do this, I'll call them.
34:56
Like, he was using that against me then trying to ruin my life.
34:59
So anyways, long story short, I went to work the next day.
35:02
Of course I had bruises get a phone call from, I think he thought I was gonna care.
35:07
I get a phone call from him saying, Hey, um, my homeboy's uh, gonna help me drive and I'm leaving to Texas.
35:13
I said, good.
35:13
I don't give a fuck.
35:14
Don't bring your ass back here.
35:17
And then that was that.
35:20
Vonnie: I was gonna say,
35:21
Did he come back?
35:23
Keya: hell no.
35:24
Yeah, I can answer that.
35:25
No I know where he at too, but, and in the fact, okay, so describing you seen domestic violence and between your mom and your, um, dad and then that, do you think inherently, well I know you know now 'cause you are a social worker, you're trained in this, but do you think inherently as young girls coming up and in these situations right now who, 'cause I, I would say I thought the same way.
36:02
Like, this ain't domestic violence, we just fighting.
36:05
'cause motherfucker, you put your hands on me.
36:06
I'm finna put my hands on you.
36:07
'cause we were raised that way.
36:09
But do you think that.
36:13
who find themselves in those positions, first inclination is to protect the man.
36:21
Because, because of our love.
36:24
Because we love them, because we don't want them to be hurt.
36:30
Like is it a Stockholm syndrome
36:33
drea: I am gonna have to say, okay, so for some maybe yes, but for me, absolutely not.
36:40
I knew, I knew before my son's first birthday, I did not want this man.
36:46
knew that I was done, but at the same time, I felt ashamed that I'm a Mexican woman who's pregnant and had a kid at 19 who's trying to go to college.
36:56
And at that time, well this is, you know, 20, over 27 years ago, 26 years ago, Mexican women did not go to college.
37:05
Guys.
37:06
Most all you saw when I went to college was black and white women, believe it or not.
37:12
And we were a very small percentage.
37:15
And in my head, I was like, I don't wanna be that bitch up the street with multiple kids from multiple dads on welfare.
37:23
I don't wanna be, I don't want my family to look at me like you went and had a kid by a black man and this relationship's failing.
37:30
I don't think I was protecting him.
37:32
I think I was protecting myself like my own, what other people thought of me.
37:38
Because it was all about what my family thought of me or what other people thought.
37:44
Not because it was a big care, but it is like have dated outta your culture to begin with and then to be beat on like my mom did.
37:55
It was, it was also, you, I, before I came to Arizona, I kind of belonged to a clique.
38:04
So fighting, running the streets was a thing.
38:07
I did, So fighting for me was like, second nature, touch me, we fight, touch me, we fight.
38:13
it was an instinct.
38:14
So could I always say it was always his fault.
38:19
When I wanna be accountable.
38:21
Not all the time, but he got me to the point where anytime I thought he was gonna get mad at me, I was ready to fight.
38:26
I was always on protective mode.
38:28
what I know now, it stemmed from that little girl who always wanted to help protect my mama.
38:35
When my dad would hit on my mom or he would degrade her, I always wanted to defend her, but I couldn't because he treated me like that.
38:44
He didn't beat on me like he did my mom, but he hit her a lot or he would talk bad to her.
38:49
He would verbally abuse her Like I had teenage parents, so I had, I had kids raising kids, you know what I mean?
38:58
And I think that.
39:00
That affected me a lot.
39:02
And then when I started the anger management is when I really started seeing, the things in myself.
39:08
in order to get outta stuff like that, for me, I had to really look at myself.
39:13
so going through those anger management classes, much as I hated it, it was actually really good And so my son's father come back?
39:21
Yes, he came back some years later, but me and him were cool.
39:24
Like I went to Texas to visit him when my son was like three.
39:27
I flew my son out there, but lemme tell you the type of dude he was because he didn't have a car.
39:32
When it was time to drive me to the airport, he had one of his bitches drive me to the airport to get home.
39:37
Guys.
39:38
Like that's like what type of shit?
39:40
I come out here all the way with my son so your family could see him.
39:44
then after that I was like, mama, because my mom worked for the airline.
39:48
So my mom bless her heart, she's the reason why my son from phone calls.
39:54
'cause no matter what my son's dad did to me, I always kept up communication with him because that's his dad and he never did nothing to my son.
40:02
He did shit to me I was really big on.
40:06
Boys need their dad.
40:08
So I took the verbal abuse on the phone.
40:10
Come to find out years later, my son's dad was on drugs.
40:14
I would tell me, and his family would get in arguments, I'd be like, he's a woman abuser.
40:17
He ain't hit you.
40:17
We didn't raise him like that.
40:19
It wasn't until that motherfucker popped off out there where they realized I was telling the truth.
40:23
my mom would take him and meet him at the airport and we, they'd exchange my son, you know, stuff like that as years went on.
40:29
until, his dad did come out here, I think it was either his sixth or eighth birthday no it was his sixth birthday.
40:35
His dad had actually moved back to Arizona, was living with some chick, had been here for a minute, and the next thing you know, and my sister knew, the girl I knew of the girl.
40:46
Next thing I know.
40:48
been put his hands on the wrong bitch and she pulled a gun at him and was going kill his ass along with her brother.
40:54
then there went, my son's father, he literally came to my son's birthday party and then left because why he put his hands on the wrong person, so then he left and then he hasn't come back since.
41:06
he's come to Arizona one time, and that was from my son's, uh, game, like my son's senior football game.
41:14
So that was, that was, And I've never really told, like so, if my son, listen to this podcast, son.
41:18
I love you.
41:19
I'm sorry I never told you you're hearing it like this, but I never told my son the things that I went through with his dad because I didn't want my son to have a negative thought on him.
41:29
And I didn't want my son to know those things because I felt like he was too young to know them because.
41:37
wasn't for him to know, because I'm a, I, I do truly feel that parents don't always treat the person they were with, or they love the way that they treat their child, right?
41:47
So, I didn't want my son to know these things about his dad because I felt like my son needed to establish his own relationship because my mother, even when she left my dad, my mom never talked bad about my dad, even though I saw everything.
42:01
But my mom kept that shit or whoever she talked to about it.
42:06
She didn't just say, oh, your dad's this until I started getting older and I was a teenager, like, this motherfucker right here.
42:13
You know, that type of shit.
42:14
Then my mom would be like, well, you know, you know, stuff like that.
42:17
So I, felt like my son deserved to have a father if his father was gonna be that father.
42:22
Does that make sense?
42:23
Keya: Absolutely it does, because like you said, especially with little black boys too, it's like they need their fathers, they need like, they need that male role model.
42:36
So I can understand, you not, telling him what went down it, that makes total sense.
42:44
So then that way he could have the relationship and then form whatever opinion of his dad on his own.
42:55
drea: Yes.
42:56
Yes.
42:56
And, and that that's what he deserved.
42:58
You know what I'm saying?
42:59
Because his, his dad's family are amazing people.
43:03
Like his dad comes from a good family, a really good family.
43:08
They're, good people.
43:09
Like I, would go see them at any time, like even now, like if they called me right now, like I would go, you know what I'm saying?
43:15
Because they're such good people.
43:17
Um, the reflection of him is nothing of them.
43:20
So, wanted my son to at least know, like he has good family.
43:24
You know, his dad just happened to go through something.
43:27
Now, later on in life, that's the relationship.
43:29
Him and his dad had established their own stuff, which I won't speak on because that's not for me to speak on.
43:35
But that is where my son grew up thinking I hated his dad.
43:40
'cause he always heard us arguing on the phone, but he didn't know that his dad would call me and make threats to me, or his dad would call me and say all these horrible things.
43:48
Or my, his dad would say horrible things about me to him and I would listen.
43:52
I would hear him telling my son bad things about me.
43:55
And I just took it.
43:56
I just took it.
43:57
I just took it.
43:58
I just took it.
43:59
I couldn't wait until my son became old enough to where I never had to answer the phone for his dad.
44:03
And it wasn't 'cause I hated him, it's just that he tried so hard because I know he loved me to ruin me.
44:10
Like when he was gonna get married, he had another Mind you, he ended up having another child who's not, who's only a couple years younger than my sister.
44:17
I mean my sister and my son.
44:20
he decided he was gonna get married.
44:22
But he called me to say, do you want me, because I still love you, but if you're not gonna, if you're not gonna be with me, if you don't want me, just tell me and I'll go get married.
44:31
I said, motherfucker, I ain't wanted you since our son was a fucking damn as toddler.
44:36
You know what I'm saying?
44:39
So, but he, so he, he even asked my permission to make sure I didn't want him.
44:44
So I always knew he loved me.
44:46
It's just that it was not a good, he just was not good for me, We had great times when we were good, like we had fun together before and drugs and whatever else got into him,
44:56
So he is, I don't wanna say that he's this horrible person, but I don't hate him.
45:00
Now, if he calls me, I can have a conversation with him.
45:04
I don't cuss at him.
45:05
I don't, I just accept him for who he is.
45:08
and that just comes with maturity.
45:10
I would hate for something to happen to him because that's still my son's dad.
45:14
and as my son got older, we have good conversations.
45:17
it's just when we were young it was definitely not, it was just bad, so that is what kind of then steered me to don't fuck with a man's heart.
45:27
If you're gonna be in a man's life and you don't wanna like a full relationship, then don't call me your girlfriend and I'm not gonna call you my boyfriend because if we're not boyfriend and girlfriend, then we should be able to do what the fuck we wanna do and mind your own business.
45:40
And that's where that really got really deep in me, Because I was always scared I was gonna end up fighting someone again or getting hurt or not emotionally hurt, but like physically hurt.
45:52
And it really strayed me away from good relationships.
45:57
And so when good guys did come when I was younger, I'd often just kind of pass some them away because I knew that I wasn't ready or I knew that I was either gonna.
46:08
Possibly cheat on them, do them dirty.
46:11
And so I didn't really take any relationship serious,
46:14
Keya: So I was about to, um, on your the good guys away with knowing that you weren't married, I, this is where you were going, and I was just gonna ask the question, like, so how did that catapult you into the ex
46:31
drea: that was the most dysfunctional relationship I ever had in my life.
46:37
Um, that was my biggest lesson, guys.
46:39
That was my turning point lesson.
46:42
so fun fact, I actually met him when I was pregnant with my son.
46:48
When I was pregnant with my son, I had some friends who invited me out.
46:52
I ended up going to a club with some people and I met him, and I remember telling him I'm six months pregnant, like I can't talk to no one.
47:01
He was like, oh, we could still be friends.
47:02
And I'm like, no, I'm six months pregnant.
47:04
Like, I'm not gonna do that.
47:06
He was like, well, I got a kid on the way too.
47:07
And I was like, good for you, whatever.
47:09
Right.
47:10
fast forward to a couple years later, boom.
47:15
father had been gone now for probably a good year, and then I ran into him again and then he remembered me.
47:22
I didn't remember him, and then we just exchanged numbers and so we started talking.
47:29
And then I had other guy friends that I was talking to at the time as well.
47:32
So at that time I was talking to multiple people.
47:35
When I tell you I was living my best motherfucking single life, when I'm, when I started talking to him, I was living my best life.
47:41
Anyway, he, I think was able to get into my life to a certain point.
47:48
'cause he was so persistent and consistent.
47:53
then he had multiple children with multiple baby mamas.
47:55
So he was, what I, okay, what got him with me was he would be like, playa Drea, he knew what was up his nickname for me.
48:05
we first started talking was playa Drea, because he knew I was gonna do me right the midst of that.
48:11
I used to be like, you're a gigolo, you got all these females, whatever, whatever.
48:16
And that friendship just started evolving.
48:19
He actually is like one of the only men I dated, ironically, who I didn't have a DVD player.
48:25
He went and bought me a DVD player for my son.
48:28
He knew how to fix cars.
48:29
I couldn't afford to pay for my cars to get fixed so he would fix my cars for free.
48:34
Like he always had my back and was doing for me.
48:37
however, he had all these baby mamas who still wanted him.
48:40
That was just so much drama.
48:41
over the years in time, we were together and at one point we lived together and I graduated with my bachelor's degree, he was around and that was, I don't know.
48:55
long time ago but over time would have to say that was he abusive to me and trying to be mentally he would play games because he thought I was stupid.
49:06
So that relationship, we started becoming so dysfunctional that knew he was out there without her bitches.
49:12
So I had me somebody else too.
49:14
I kept telling him, just leave me come back when you're done with all these hoes.
49:18
'cause he ended up having some other bitch aside from his kid's, mothers.
49:22
he also tried to control me.
49:24
He would try to control me by trying to keep me in the house or.
49:28
Keeping the kids at my house, like his kids, nieces and nephews, my kid, my son, my nephew.
49:35
that I was always home, but I was like, no, I'm going out.
49:37
over time there would be times where he would grab my arm or he would try to like, act like he's gonna loc up on me.
49:44
Well, when he would try to loc up on me, I'd swing and that's when I started realizing I'm a victim of abuse.
49:52
Every time this man does something, even if he's not gonna hit me in my mind, I'm ready to fight.
49:59
that's where I can say, now that I'm accountable and I know where I got to is I kind of started the physical abuse in that relationship, not to the point where it was really bad, but anytime he yelled at me or he made me feel like I had to fear something, I would like push him away.
50:18
Or I would, you know, I would kind of like get ready, like fist up even though he didn't hit me.
50:24
And then as time went on, it just became so dysfunctional to the day that, I had broke up with him so many times and then he ended up staying with me.
50:33
He came to stay with me 'cause his daughter wanted to stay with me and my dumb ass let her in by the kindness of my heart.
50:39
And then he came of course too.
50:42
So in the midst of that, I had told him that if you gonna stay with me the day you don't come home is the day you don't wanna be with me.
50:50
in the midst of that, yes we would have so many problems.
50:52
'cause if it wasn't his mama talking shit about me, all his baby mamas and all these, it, it just was so drama.
50:59
But I was so broke then and I had just bought my house.
51:03
I needed him to fix my cars.
51:05
I needed him to do things for me that I couldn't do or afford to do.
51:09
And so it became like a, I used him him.
51:13
But we really did love each other and cared about each other because we had the most fun.
51:18
He was the one guy who understood that I liked the club.
51:20
He would take me to the club with him, but in the midst of us going to the club, I'd catch him talking to a bitch.
51:26
I'd be over there talking to a dude because we knew that like this, like no matter how much we love each other, like didn't trust each other.
51:35
he would put air outta my tires.
51:37
Keya: Damn girl..
51:39
drea: He would do little shit guys to fuck with me.
51:42
Right?
51:43
And so, until that day, so there was a situation where my friends would be like, how come you never bring your son to like birthday parties or little gatherings on his side of the family?
51:56
And I'm like.
51:57
I just didn't trust it because I knew that they didn't always treat me right.
52:01
So I wasn't gonna put my son in that.
52:03
Right.
52:03
My son only got to hang out with his kids if his kids came to my house had a lot of kids, he had like five kids, four baby mamas.
52:11
Like I said, what was I thinking?
52:13
Right?
52:15
I'm in the midst of, I'm having, I have my, I was getting ready to get my master's degree
52:21
It was March, um,
52:24
2007.
52:26
So March has always been a rough month for me.
52:28
so March 12th, 2007.
52:31
uh, he was staying with me and It was some fucking party that happened and I came home early and he never came home.
52:42
And then when he did come home.
52:45
Early in the morning.
52:47
This man tried to tell me some story.
52:49
He went fishing all this stupid lie shit.
52:51
I know he was with his baby mama 'cause she was one of those who she would try so hard to find ways to get like all his baby mamas secretly still wanted him, it was just so fucking dysfunctional.
53:02
he didn't come home and when he got home that morning, he came into the room was like, get the fuck up out my house.
53:08
And he was like, I'm not finna leave nowhere.
53:11
We are gonna talk about no, they ain't fucking shit to talk about.
53:13
Like, motherfucker, you was out all night.
53:15
Get the fuck up out my house.
53:17
then he pushed me.
53:20
There he goes, he pushed me and said to me, go make me a chorizo burrito.
53:26
I'm hungry.
53:30
And I lost it.
53:31
Keya: I would have to,
53:32
drea: And I lost it.
53:33
Keya: I would have,
53:34
drea: I lost it.
53:35
I started, I, I started swinging.
53:40
I told him to get the fuck outta my house.
53:42
He refused to get out.
53:43
And so now I'm trying to use my coping skills, guys.
53:45
'cause guess what?
53:47
I am a, I had my internship at the time was at the fire department.
53:53
I am two months away from getting my fucking master's degree.
53:57
am now clinically trained in this.
54:00
should know better.
54:01
Everything is, I should know better.
54:03
So what I did was, is I grabbed my son and we left because it was escalating.
54:09
So I try to use my coping skills and I left.
54:11
Where I made the mistake was, is I had a shift that night for my internship.
54:17
So I had an internship at the fire department and I had my shift at the fire department that night.
54:22
I made the mistake of coming back home before going to my shift.
54:27
'cause I forgot my clothes.
54:29
I went into the house and his brother's there.
54:32
dude, why the fuck are you still here?
54:34
I told you to get the fuck out by my house.
54:36
And he is like, I'm tired, I'm hungover.
54:38
I'm not going anywhere.
54:39
We're gonna work on this motherfucker.
54:40
Get the fuck up out my house, bro.
54:42
Get the fuck up out my house.
54:44
He's not leaving.
54:45
He stands up.
54:46
I'm not leaving his brother's there.
54:48
He was like, we finna work on a car right now in the backyard.
54:51
I can give a fuck.
54:52
Y'all need to get the fuck outta my house.
54:55
now I'm feeling like that little girl who's being controlled.
54:59
My dad used to control me where, when we would go to, I. When we would go to stores or shopping or out in public, my dad would put his hand on my head when he'd want me to turn to the right, he turned my head to the right.
55:15
When he wanted me to turn to the left, he turned my head to the left.
55:18
So now I'm starting to feel controlled.
55:21
I'm starting to feel, my dad used to stalk us too when I was younger and he would show up at our house where my parents weren't living together, or I'd hear him threatening my mom, and now I'm losing it, guys.
55:31
Like I'm fucking losing it.
55:32
But I don't realize I'm losing it, but I'm losing it because at that time, I'm working 50 hours a week.
55:38
four classes a week.
55:39
Took my master level classes at that.
55:42
I had a 24 hour a week internship, and I still was a mother, right?
55:47
already on my breaking point from my stress level, this motherfucker will not leave my house and get the fuck out my house like I own this bitch.
55:56
I bought this motherfucking house at 25 years old.
56:01
Making like $35,000 a year.
56:04
Like, get the fuck out my house.
56:06
And he would not leave the whole time his brother's standing at the door.
56:10
And so I'm yelling at him.
56:12
He was like, stop acting like a child.
56:14
He's like, I'm gonna whoop your ass like a child.
56:16
I said, fuck, you ain't gonna whoop my ass.
56:18
So he stands up.
56:19
I threw a cookie at him.
56:20
I don't know why I threw a cookie.
56:22
There was a cookie.
56:23
next thing you know, this motherfucker starts beating me with a belt.
56:26
Vonnie: Whoa.
56:28
drea: He is now whooping my ass with a belt telling me that he's gonna whoop my ass like he does his kids that I need to calm the fuck down.
56:37
He ain't going nowhere.
56:39
And he just kept beating me with the belt.
56:43
I blacked out and still to this day, I don't remember how I got the knife.
56:49
I just remember that I had a knife in my hand.
56:54
Vonnie: Wow.
56:55
hold on, Drea, that's a lot for one episode.
57:00
Let's split this into two parts.
57:02
Stay tuned next week where we'll continue.
57:05
Dre's story of Domestic Violence and Situationships.
57:10
Thank you all for listening to What Tha Group Chat Say.
57:14
Please like, comment, and subscribe,
57:18
and we'll see you next week.