Latest / Heartbeat of The Home / 07 - Dedre's Birth Stories - Navigating Preeclampsia in Both Pregnancies

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07 - Dedre's Birth Stories - Navigating Preeclampsia in Both Pregnancies · Heartbeat of The Home

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: But thank you so much for doing this and talking to me.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: I know that pregnancy was a lot for you.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: And you went through a lot and you made it to the other side.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so thank you so much for being willing to share your story.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: So hopefully benefit other people or just help other moms or women not feel alone and that they're going through this alone or just taking the fear out of maybe some of the things that they're experiencing.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: So tell me who you are.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me about your fam.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Diodai.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: I go by D.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm from South Africa, born and raised there.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: I have two beautiful daughters now.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And my husband is from the United States.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: We've been married for four years.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I work as a personal trainer, an Apollotis instructor at Lifetime.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: My husband does too.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's mommy and daddy's work.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um oh and we have a cat.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Jack.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Jack is part of the family.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: He came first.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's kind of us.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: I have a two and a half year old and then a two and a half month old.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's crazy.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know, she's so big already.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, that's kind of our family.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: We as much outside time as we can and try to raise little good Christian followers, and that's what we try to do.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: I love this question.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because of you.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: How did you find out you're pregnant with your first daughter?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was literally driving here, and I'm like, Kristen's gonna so ask that.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um okay, so for everybody that doesn't know me as well as Kristen, um, I got my birth control removed like two weeks before I technically conceived my baby.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Not for pregnancy reasons, but just IODs were hard.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I started at lifetime, and then all of a sudden I was just like super tired.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean, tired out of the world, tired.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I would sleep until nine o'clock, and I have to be at work at 9:30, like it's bad.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then it was a Sunday, and it's summer, it was like May, June, June.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And my husband Anthony, he was like getting too like up here with how you don't want to do anything, and you're always tired, and I'm like, I go and help it anyway.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, so I went to go my coffee, and I was like bringing the coffee to my mouth, and I'm like, oh no, this is bad.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I got nauseous, and obviously, I love coffee, never ever in my life get nauseous from coffee, and I just like slowly walked to the bathroom and peed on a steak.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I got pregnancy tests from Dollar Tree, and then I did on that one because it turned positive so fast.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, this is broken.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that makes sense.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I went out, told Anthony I'm going to Target, then bought clear blue because Google said it's the best and most accurate, and then I couldn't wait to get back home.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: So then I went to the Target bathroom and just sat there in Target stall, confirming that my Dollar Tree sticks was working, and it was.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was pregnant.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: How did you tell him?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: I so I was at Target already, so I made a little basket.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's fun.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just put some I got the dada book.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um a 1D and some random stuff, and a pregnancy test, and then we were still living in an apartment at that time, so I just put the basket down, knocked on the door, and went to go hide.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then he cried.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: Love it.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me about your pregnancy experience with Michael.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um first I think it was just of like realizing that I'm pregnant, because by the time like my pregnancy was confirmed, I was already eight weeks along, which is not that long, but like not knowing, yeah.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: People find out it's like what four weeks, technically two weeks, yeah.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it it felt long because it was like, oh, I'm four weeks left of my first trimester, which at that time felt really cool.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, pregnancy, I'm gonna beat pregnancy.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I didn't even know I was pregnant for eight weeks, and anyway.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: I would say pregnancy was good up until 16 weeks.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: At 16 weeks, my blood pressure started getting high when I go to the office, but they didn't really like do anything because uh nothing else was, I guess, problematic.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: But then it was kind of just starting to not feel good.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I struggled a lot with like rip pain on my right side, and if you Google rip pain on your right side, it's like pre-clampsia or help or all these super scary stuff.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I had it ever since like 16 weeks.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: So every time I would call and panic and freak out and stuff.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Also, just ligaments in your rib that is not related to that, but it also is so it's like I kind of felt in a place where it's like, oh, this could be life-threatening, but also this could be nothing.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like you're just pregnant, you know.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: So that was a hard battle.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And at the time, I was still working out at least three times a week.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, body felt good.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: I was super tiny, like carrying very tiny.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Then you get the whole like, you don't even look like you're pregnant, and I'm like, I feel it, I don't feel like myself.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: 24 weeks I was officially like diagnosed with uh hypertension, so because it happened after 20 weeks, it gives you like a higher risk of pre-clampsia.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was put on blood pressure medication.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, what exactly is hypertension?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Is that solely high blood pressure or is it just like a few other things?
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's just high blood pressure.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, like everything else, like your kidneys are fine, all the other blood tests are fine.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Was put on labelol, which is a high blood pressure medication.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: It went okay for a little bit.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Then during that time, also I had an allergic reaction to who knows what.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, now I believe it's chicken.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: But then, so I had an ER visit for like EpiPen, and I'm freaking out.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, Well, they wouldn't let do an ultrasound to make sure the baby's okay because you're like priority first.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I kept telling them I'm pregnant, and they like, yeah, like we know you're pregnant, but yeah, it was it was very it takes like two seconds.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, no, it was they were very like not doing an ultrasound until you're stabilizing.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, which was I've never gone back to that hospital.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's so scary.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: So that didn't help your blood pressure.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then later on, I felt like I I sat with that for a while, and it's like technically around like 22 weeks or whatever I was.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people don't classify the baby as viable outside the womb.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: If I was 36 weeks along, would my treatment have been different?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, which was just something that I had to like, yeah, like sit with.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, I understand I'm only like what was I 24 weeks or something?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like, what if I was 36 weeks?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Would you have treated it differently?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of thing.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so that happened, and then my blood pressure just kept being like unstable.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then you actually was with me when I went into like false preterm labor, if you want to call it that.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Or that's what I fought.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I was at work, kept getting contractions to like the point of I had to like sit down on the ground, kind of thing.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And how far along were you when you that started happening?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't quite in my third trimester.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, so then Anthony was out of town for work, and yes, and I'm like having these contractions, and I just remember like walking hunched over to my car, and like my manager she saw me, she's like, Are you okay?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I think so, but I'm going to the hospital.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like driving myself to the hospital, talking to my mom on the phone.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, You just need to stay on the phone with me.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I went in and they took me right to like whatever triage.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then they put on the monitors and they're like, Yeah, we can clearly see that you're having contractions and things like that.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when I called you.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, Kristen, I think you need to come.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, all that turned out to be is contractions, and I guess this fortunate and unfortunate, where some people experience contractions way earlier.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, it's not labor-inducing contractions, but and it's not Braxton Hicks.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's not Braxton Hicks, but like, so ever since you're pregnant, this is what my doctor told me, please don't quote this.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: We are not medical professionals.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: But basically, she's like, Your uterus, since you conceive, has contractions.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: And even yeah, I guess as it expands, it has contractions.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, interesting.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, you have those contractions basically always.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Some people feel it, some people don't.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just like one of those people that feels it.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: So some days I wonder if it was the position that she was in too, or like your placenta placement or whatever.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know that like when my bladder was full, it got worse.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then if I would sleep on my back, which I know you're not supposed to, but that would also make it worse.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there was definitely a few things, or like when I did a hard workout, I feel like the next day I would feel them more kind of thing.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, so it turns out that was just that, but again, just another thing.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: They tell you, like, oh, we see you have contractions, but they can't really gauge like how strong they are.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: They can't gauge, they just go off, like, well, I feel them.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Other than that, I don't know what to tell you.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, kind of thing.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that was just another layer to like, oh, let's make the high blood pressure more high blood pressure.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: So then at 32 weeks, I went in for the 32 week, and my blood pressure was again unstable.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: So every time your blood pressure is unstable, they do this panel of like blood tests with that to make sure it's not like preclampsia or any of the bad things.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then at 32 weeks, my test came back and I already had creatinine in my liver.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's when I was told that I will be induced at 37 weeks.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, had to get from 32 weeks, I had to get weekly ultrasounds and doctor's appointments.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so that's kind of when we had uh sorry, this is backtracking a little bit, but we had like a doula that did like birthing class with and stuff like that, and it felt super fun and stuff.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And like we made our pre-birth plan kind of thing, and then once at my 32-week appointment, it was just like okay, my plan is gonna be to not have a plan.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's just make that the plan.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Got my appointment schedule.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Good thing about that, I got to have my own OB.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: It just so happened that she was working.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so we went in the day before.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was 37 weeks, so 36 and 6.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: I had oral medication to soften my cervix for 12 hours.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: The medication they gave you medication that night.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: That night, yeah.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: So then every hour they come in and wake you up because I had no labor signs.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like my cervix wasn't soft, I wasn't even dilated at a half a centimeter.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I wasn't at five, nothing.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: So then that's when they decided to do the oral one instead of like the balloon or whatever they do to make that decision.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't sleep, but every hour, or when they go and pick up the baby on the monitor, they come in and like move it.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: But then my OB came in at eight, and she's like, perfect, we're just gonna break your water.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: At that point, I also started me on Pitocin.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, even though my cervix was soft, baby was not, she was like, I'm cooking in here, which is so her, yeah, which is so funny.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, obviously, you were induced really early, so that's also a reason, but I feel like that's so funny because that's such Michael's personality, too.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like I will do this when I'm ready.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: You wait, yeah.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of thing.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was great.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I feel like after hearing that I'm gonna get induced, I kind of just stopped preparing for birth in a sense, where it's like it's just gonna go how it's gonna go.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I did my like prenatal exercises and stuff, but like the birth, I just didn't think about it.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm gonna go to the hospital and have this baby and it's gonna happen.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel like that was kind of a like protection mechanism?
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, 100%.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because I I was like, because everybody's like, oh, you're like pre-clamtic, and then it's like you're gonna have a C-section, and I have nothing against the C-section.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I just that's just not what you wanted.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Not what I wanted at the time.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I and then it was kind of like I got to the point where I'm like, you know what?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: If they need to do a C-section tomorrow, they're gonna do a C-section.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's the other thing of like high blood pressure.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you have to get through the day to get to the next day because any day, if those numbers go a little too crazy, they're gonna be like, you're done.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: I remember like making it to 34 weeks, and the doctor was like, Okay, long sort of developed.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: If we need to deliver tomorrow, baby will be okay.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, she can't guarantee it.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: Reassuring for you, yes, that's also so stressful knowing it could be literally any day, not just for the like two weeks before your due date and two weeks after.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's at any point.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: I need to kind of be prepared.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so and 34 weeks I had a hospital bag and a car seat in my car.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, so that was just a lot of like mentally when I was like finally I got a date, and I was almost like, okay.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was almost a siren.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like we made it to 37 weeks.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Let's thank you, Jesus.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's just have this baby.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it was part of that, and just like I was so exhausted about trying to prepare because all that kind of was taken away in a sense.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: God, I broke my water, started the Pitocin, and I'm like, oh, I can do this.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Not bad.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: The first hour was okay, and then they keep bumping up the Pitocin.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I didn't even know if I could ask them to stop, you know, like I was so like, we're just gonna do this.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: And like the more I read about pre-flampsia, it's like, well, it can turn disastrous in a second.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: So part of me was like, because of fear of like, hey, I don't want to die.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so part of it was just like in my mind, I was like, well, it's because I have this thing that they need to do all these things.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't think it was necessarily my OB because any questions that I would ask, she would answer and she would spend time.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Same with like the nurses, they never pushed like anything, they just kind of went with the protocol, and I in my mind, it was because of my situation.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, not because of because of medical or anything.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: In my mind, it was just like it's because I have this thing and they need to do all these things to get this baby out like yesterday.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: So then I was what four, I think.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to remember this correctly.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Anthony laughs because when he asked me when the kids were born, I don't remember the time.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: She was born right before 4 p.m.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Beautiful, yes.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I think I mean it was contractions, trying to like, you know, labor through them.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: I will say my favorite with Mishne was sitting on the toilet, like the backwards to it.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Great, and also I love my you know my husband, but he up until this point, he was very like, we're not having a baby, he's like playing game on his phone.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Then he checks in.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Are you okay?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Do I need to get you a snack?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: He was just more like, you know, like we're just like super unaware of what's actually happening.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I think it was four hours into my labor.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, I cannot take this anymore.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because then it was an hour of having like contractions every minute.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's no break, and then I'm not even at a five centimeter dilated at that point.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, she's not dropping.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: So she wasn't even at zero.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we're not even close.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then I finally, oh, I tried, I tried to laughing gas.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: That did not go so well.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I tried it and immediately did you throw up?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, immediately afterwards.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: It was just like, oh yes.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: So then I'm like, okay, fine.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's do the epidural, which I was never against it.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to try to try and see what my body can do.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then we also had Pitocin, which is a whole different ball game than just like we're going into labor, and then it slowly progresses, even if it progresses fast.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like Pitocin is a whole other situation.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and I mean we'll we'll talk about that with my second one, but when your water's broke, the contractions changed tremendously.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so yes, then I got uh epidural, and they're like, Oh, I'll try and get some sleep.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, Do you even know me?
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Do you think I'm gonna fall asleep?
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then Anthony at this point, he's finally like when I calm down and no longer in pain, he's like, Okay, we're gonna have this baby, you know, anyway.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, and then I'm like, Okay, you need to go get me coffee because now it's like 345, and I'm like, I need my afternoon coffee.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think he put on football to try and distract me because it was like Super Bowl semi, like something happened, and I'm like, okay, let's watch football, like just something to get my brain.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I had the coffee, and I remember like we were just laughing, like, hey, we're gonna get to hold the baby.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember she's like, Okay, we're gonna start pushing.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, What?
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that was literally what was going through my mind.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what is happening?
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then this is this is, I guess, my my one brag.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Then she was out in seven minutes, like free pusher since she was born.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Beautiful, which was really cool.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, OB came in literally 15 minutes later, from like when she walked in, the baby was born.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because she made a joke afterward, she's like, I knew this was gonna be fast.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, she's like, You're you're an athlete, this was gonna be fast.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, Okay, thank you.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like things, but I'm uh yeah.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: So then, so that was kind of hard because then okay, my LB walked in.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: I forgot how to push, and then was reminded how to push, and they like holding my legs and everything's happening, and then they gave me the baby.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: And no, that's literally so real.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, so at this point, she was not crying.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was, if if we're being brutally honest, I was like, Why are you giving me this baby?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: What was going through my head of like, yeah, what's happening?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, Anthony is sobbing next to me, and I'm just like, What's happening?
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, Oh mama, you can hold her and like doing this skin to skin, because I did ask for that, and then we asked for the light cord clamping.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: My Obi's just like, she's okay, she just needs to take a breath.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: She came out really fast, so then they were rubbing and rubbing and rubbing, and then it almost sounded like she was choking sound kind of thing.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: So then they cut the umbilical cord and they took her to the little machine.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, she got a little bit of oxygen, and then she was fine.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: And almost like that gave me time to actually realize what just happened.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then when they took her and then she started crying and I wasn't there to hold her, I'm like, no, give her back, give her back.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, she needs to come back.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because then also when they take her there, because she wasn't breathing as well.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Then it's like, okay, Paige, the Nick your team, like everything just happened.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I remember just like Anthony, go of her.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: And at this point, I haven't even delivered my placenta.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: And to be honest, I think I forgot about that part that you have to deliver.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: I know, I think I totally did because then my doctor's like, okay, we're gonna like push again.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, What?
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Are there two?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like so, like this is now happening while they were trying to check on Mishne, and Anthony is over there because I'm like, You better stay with her, which she never left the room, and it was great.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then I got two stitches with her, and then everything calmed down.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I was lucky, like, two hours later, my epidural work wore off.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that was good.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was very fortunate, she latched right away.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: So, like everything I want to say after like an hour after birth was so smooth.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was great, she did great, the adjustment was great.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that was kind of my story.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, my whole pregnancy, I felt like overwhelmed, stressed, just preparing for like what is happening now.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I did that all through my birth.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, what's happening now?
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: You just need to relax now, or like you're getting pito now.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, then it's like, okay, now you have to epidural now, your only job is to relax.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: It almost sounds like you your whole pregnancy and birth, you were just kind of bracing for something else to happen right now.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: Because it wasn't a hey, this looks like it's relatively, we're gonna have to make a decision and decide.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like this has flared up, this is what you're doing.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this is how you're feeling, we're adjusting this now, and like, oh, you need to go into the hospital now.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: You're having an allergic reaction now.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like it wasn't ever a okay, let's process this, let's take a minute, make a decision, right?
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: Just kind of almost just in fight, almost sounds like fight or flight the whole time.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: And and I think I think that was 100% where I was at, because it was like it kept feeling like it's uh, oh nothing is wrong, or it's uh this is life-threatening wrong kind of thing.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like I felt like I kept juggling this like seesaw of like so.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: I think to go into survival mode of like, hey, just focus on today.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I think honestly, I think part of that was God's grace to just make me like, okay, we're gonna get through today, then we're gonna get to tomorrow, then we're gonna get to the next day because I am such a planner and I am such a I wanted Say I'm easygoing, but I'm also a big planner of like so as long as I have structure and a plan, then I'm fine going on with whatever.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, then everything can go, but just I need to like know what's the next step, kind of thing.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: And where it's like, well, we're trying to get to 37 weeks, but in theory, if your blood is or if your blood work comes back negative, you're gonna give a call and you're coming back and having this baby right today, kind of thing.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, and I think that's a lot where like God's grace was just like, it's okay, just get through today as a protection on me.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: So that was good, but that's kind of my birth story, kind of crazy, full of grace.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: Birth was so amazing in the bigger picture that I was like, after this pregnancy, this was just so great.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: I got to hold my baby, and even though in the moment everything was like chaotic, chaotic and stuff, but it was so smooth after that it was like this is what it was about, and like this is God's grace, you know, like that was really good.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I know you said that you really felt like that was God just saying you'll focus on today, just focus on today, which is totally backed up by scripture, too, you know, right?
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: Or don't worry about tomorrow because today has enough worries for itself.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: How else do you feel, or did God show up for you either in pregnancy, in the birth, or how did you feel his provision over the two of you, Mishne?
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, he's um I mean, fast forward to like even before we found out we were pregnant, um, some of our friends was moving for work to like Amsterdam, and they wanted somebody to like house at their house uh long term, long term, yes, like two, three years kind of thing, and they didn't like they didn't want to find renters that they didn't know, stuff like that.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: And we're like, well, no, because initially we're like, no.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: The two of us, yeah, this is the two of us.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: We live in an apartment, I can walk to work.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Anthony is three minutes' drive from work, well, five.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like at that point, it was just so convenient.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and we're like, no, and then I remember she asked one more time, and I'm like, okay, we'll talk about it when I see you.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that was literally the week after I found out I was pregnant, and then that kind of shifted everything because then not only did we get a house in a very beautiful neighborhood, but also she was just like, Here's all the baby stuff, like baby monitor, the whole house is like I mean, kudos to Travis for babyproofing a house.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: It it is yeah, it was baby proof, yeah.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, so then it came with all of that.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, car seats, roller, just everything, like, hey, here you go, use it, we'll figure it out when we come back.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, I mean, wow, just right there, thinking of like we weren't 100% ready.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: And a car, you can use a car and a second car, because at that point we only had one vehicle because that's all we needed financially.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: Just from that standpoint, it's like God just like covered our biggest expense right there, which was I want to say, like, call it the first blessing after we found out we were pregnant, and then just having like community, like you guys and our church friends, and uh even our neighborhood, like the lady across the street is a Nikki nurse.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, she would be like, Hey, any questions, call me.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: Anything happens, call me.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I remember Michael was like five we months, and she's like, Okay, now I'm done.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: This baby is too big for me now.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, so just like the community and the people and like showing up, and even fast forward because even in my pregnancy, I was struggling with immigration stuff and like my work authorization and stuff, and just like even God just giving us provision of like, hey, your immigration stuff's not gonna work out.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna stay home with Mishnah for at that time infinite amount of time until we figure this out and giving Anthony the job he had, and all those things worked out to be perfect.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like everything was gone.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what where we lived, what we had like the people in our life at that point, because I mean we moved quite far a bit away, so like even the people that still did effort to come, it was really a big church with having so many other pregnant people, you know.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um job my manager, she her baby was like two at that time, and I remember her have making a joke, which now I can laugh about it, but she's like, You can be glad I had my baby before you got pregnant, because now I have a different view.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, just how like even that, right?
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, go out in the morning and I'd be like, Sarah, I can't move.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, You got it, don't worry about it, and just took care of everything.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, even to who my manager would be at that time, even that was planned by God, you know, friendships that formed, it was just friendships that went away in that time, so like it was a big growing season, it was a lot.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: How was postpartum with Mishne?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: Postpartum was great with Mishne.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: Anthony was home for eight weeks, and then my mom came in week seven, so I was never like alone with her.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: She wasn't a great sleeper, but because he was home so long, like he could do a lot of the night shifts, and like we can trade off in the mornings, and I can do like midday sleep, so like that was easy, and my body felt good.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I was able to go on a walk on day free, which I know it was good.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: Uh bleeding was okay, it was really a dream come true after giving birth, known blood pressure issues.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, I would just want to not just kind of go away after literally.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: Ever since she was born, I had no high blood pressure reading until I got braided again.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: Segway! Yeah, but yes, so that was yeah, everything just went away.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: My liver um function went back to normal, breastfeeding went great.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I went through the whole my mucks coming in, what the heck do I do kind of thing.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: I did pray for my boobies quite a few times.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm proud of it.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um hey, Jesus hears all prayers.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know what is happening, yeah.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I had no like bad things from after pregnancy as far as like health stuff and even my mental health looking back, I think it was truly just blessed.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so then how was it because of your pregnancy and with preclampsia?
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_01: How was that processing thinking about having more kids?
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I so you know when you get married and you have all these conversations, we always said two kids, but then I know you're smiling because you're so part of the story, but I was ready to just have one kid.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was I went through a phase where I was so mad, I think I was almost mad at God and mad at my body, like, hey, why can't you just do this one thing?
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're 23, you're healthy, you're fit.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was in the best shape I feel like I've ever been before I got pregnant.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, why is your body not doing this thing?
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I was just like, you know, I'm not meant to be pregnant.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I was just so I went through a lot of that, and then I was just like ready to just have one kid.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I know some people I've heard this a lot too from people that experience like their OB would like tell them that they shouldn't be pregnant again, like you know, because of the chances are higher that it will happen again, kind of thing.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: I will say my doctor was like very supportive.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, hey, now if you and when you decide to have your second baby, we know what to expect, we know how your body reacts, and it might react completely.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, she was very like nice about it and supportive about it, but because I was like, I hope I never see you again.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: And she did say that it might not happen, it might happen again.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I was starting to be open to having a second, and then Anthony was like, No, like we have perfect little girl, we're not doing this again.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: We kind of kept flip-flopping, like ever since I was like, Yes, then he's like, Okay, let's do it.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: Then I'm like, No, and then yes, and then no, and then so we kept like flip-flopping roles and stuff until I had a job opportunity come up, and then we were also like starting to kind of be on the same page, but we'd not really be on the same page, and then I fasted for a week, and in the fasting time, we just really was like, Hey, I'm praying for this job thing.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Do I move?
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Do I stay at my current job?
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um and like pregnancy, which we just like prayed about it together.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think that was this is also bad to admit, but that was one of the few things that we like actually prayed together together, like physically prayed together.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, then a series of things happened.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: So you texted me.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: This was the second day into my fast.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: I actually didn't even know you were fasting until you just told me.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: So you texted me saying that of the baby shower dream or the baby boy dream.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I had a dream that you had a boy.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you texted me, and I remember like driving to work.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, haha, that's so funny.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then my my mother-in-law texted me that she sent me a package and that it would be arriving the next day.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so this is the day after you texted me.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I got home the next day after work, and I opened a package and I pulled out this bracelet, and it said big sister.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's like this little kid bracelet that says big sister, and I didn't even look into the box more.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, did Anthony tell her that we're like thinking about it?
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like also, I mean, sure, but she made it sound that it's like a present for me.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh okay.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: But then I sent her a picture.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, hey, is this what you send us?
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: Haha, not pregnant, but thank you.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe she will be a big sister one day, like trying to ask, like, are you serious?
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: But also, like, is this really what you send it, or was it like a team of you know?
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, Okay, no, I did not send that, I promise.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: So she sent me a screenshot of her Amazon card, and it's not in there.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then I went in and I pulled the actual bracelet out that she got me, and it's like a silver bracelet that said God's timing on it.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, No, that is what I sent you, not related to the big sister bracelet.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: So then I was like, Oh my gosh, okay.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: God's timing big sister, and then it's like, okay, and your thing happened, like, what is going on here?
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then I don't remember exactly if it was that night or the next morning when my sister-in-law texted me too.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, Hey, so when am I gonna be aunt again?
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because our kids are 11 months apart, like hers to Mishnah to hers, and then Linka.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, we're like, okay, and then I had a dream Mishnah running around with a big sister shirt.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: So that was like four things that happened to me, and then Anthony was like, Hey, we're gonna have two girls, just letting you know.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, I think it's the right time, and he can share all the things that happened with him, but anyway, so we're like, okay, we're gonna start trying, and we were fortunate enough to get pregnant right away.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so that was a little different buildup, but so cool, yeah, that it was god.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think what was different this time is that from the beginning I knew there was gonna be a baby.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: No matter what happened, I know there's gonna be a second baby.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, because of all the clear things that was said.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I was never like afraid at any point that like something bad is gonna happen.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: Even in my back of my mind, I'm like, okay, I might have pre-clampsia again.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um whereas before with Mishnah, there was that fear of we have to problem solve so that we have Mishnah.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and it was more of like I only heard doctors' voices and not as much God's voice.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess difference with Linka is one, just knowing what to expect.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's fair.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: When I got a cramp in the first trimester, I didn't think I'm having a miscarriage.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, it's like, okay, it's fine.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, um my uterus is growing.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, you just are kind of a little bit more, yeah, I wouldn't say relaxed, but also you have a toddler at home.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: You have to just keep going.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's a different, that's a whole different podcast.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: But so with her, I unfortunately I had uh I'm trying to remember the name.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I had hypertension, but they put in word with it, but I had it right away.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: So where with Mishnah, where it didn't develop until after 20 weeks, it's it's yeah, it's technically something different.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, so this time I went in for my what they do between the eight or twelve week ultrasound that they did, and I already had a blood pressure of like 150 so over 80, like just not ideal.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: So they put me on medication right away, and then it was kind of just like managing it.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: I had two hospital visits during her pregnancy where one was they thought I had a blood clot.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I thought I had a blood clot.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, we thought I had a blood clot.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I have factor five, so I have a risk factor for having blood clots more easily.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: So that was a little bit scary.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: I dealt a little bit more with like limb pains and swollenness kind of thing, like compression.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was sick with my whole pregnancy this time.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like I never stopped throwing up.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: There might have been like two weeks in my second trimester where I didn't threw up.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: But I yeah, literally the day before we went into the hospital, I was still throwing up.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: So that was a little less fun.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: I failed my diabetes test.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: I guess we can start there.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good starting point.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: Then I had to go back for my second one.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: Then I got sick.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I still don't know what happened.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: I had like a stomach bug, went in, and I'm like, hey, I haven't been able to eat.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know you have to be fasted, but I'm like, I haven't eaten good food for three days.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm losing weight in my pregnancy at this point.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: And like, I don't know if I should do this.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then there was no, other than the lady that gives you the like glucose and stuff, there was no doctors in yet because they tried to do it so early.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, well, we don't really know what to do.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then they're like, I'm like, okay, but I'm telling you, I'm gonna fail it.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm telling you right now, if you give me that sugary drink, I'm gonna throw up.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because I throw up water that I tried.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just knew it was gonna be bad.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then so I'm like, you know what?
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I know there's no doctor here, but I'm leaving, I'm not gonna do this.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_00: So then they called me back.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, hey, we need you to come do this three-hour test, blah blah blah.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: Then my doctor wanted me to test like some gas stational thing because I was losing weight, and because I did international travel to like South Africa, even though it's not as bad as like if you look at Africa, but then we did that, turns out it was fine.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I truly just think I had a very bad stomach bug.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: Did my three-hour testing a week later, and that was normal.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: I do I feel like I should have dove more into that and got more testing done because even though I knew it was high blood pressure, but I feel like a lot of my symptoms was just social diabetes, symptoms, like the extreme fatigueness.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I understand I was pregnant working and had a toddler, which is a lot, it felt different in my body.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I had you know, like dizziness, the headaches, those stuff were all normal, but it came with like if I ate better, if I really made sure that I eat every two hours and stuff, it's like I felt better.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm curious if the high blood pressure and like blood sugar, you know, like if there was how they're related.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I didn't get around to do that.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: You've got a lot going on, yes, but I I kind of wish that I would have, and I if ever, if it's God's plan for me to have a third baby, I I truly think investing in the diabetes like sticker.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like the blood pressure monitor.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, but for diabetes, I truly think I want to do blood sugar.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I want to do that because I think so much of how we're feeling when we're pregnant has to do with your blood sugar.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can feel like crap.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_00: So then we moved a month before Yeah, because it ended up being like three weeks before she was actually born.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it would have been four.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: So a month before.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_00: I went for my 30, 34 weeks appointment, and I was just like telling them, like, hey, like, something is wrong.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, my heart rate is going crazy.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I keep getting dizzy, my blood pressure spikes, my blood pressure goes down, and they kind of like looked at me like, we don't know what to tell you anymore.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, your diabetes test was negative.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_00: At this point, my preclampsia test is negative, my liver's fine, everything's fine.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_00: So then I was literally sitting ready to get my the growth ultrasound that you have to get when you're considered high risk.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I like almost fainted.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I started sweating, and like, and then the ultrasound tech saw it, so she's like calling a nurse, then like, okay, well, we have to take it to the ER.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then got to the ER, they started taking my blood pressure, which this was like I almost want to say a flex ER visit, because I was like, Oh my gosh, finally.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: So she put the blood pressure thing on, and I'm like, because I kept telling her, my blood pressure spike.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: As soon as it spikes, my heart rate goes crazy, and then it all down, and then I feel terrible.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I like, oh, how do you know?
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know how like you don't really know, kind of thing.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then she put the the blood pressure cuff on, as well as the heart rate monitors, the stickers and stuff.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I literally I told her, I'm like, look, it's gonna happen again.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: So she took my blood pressure, my blood pressure was high, then my heart rate spiked.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was sitting down, and my heart rate was at 140 beats per minute.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's not normal.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, and then it came back down, and then I started sweating and like feeling like because my body obviously trying to anyway.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: They did all kinds of testing again, and again everything was negative.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I was kind of left again with that feeling of like, okay, hey, now I'm 25, I'm still healthy, I'm still fit, now I'm struggling with my heart.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what is going on?
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but so I mean the doctor came and he's like, hey, it's reassuring.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_00: I I see what you mean.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like I was validated and like, hey, so finally, because then I tried to give the argument of like, hey, I'm healthy, what is going on with this?
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, well, if you were a little more unhealthy, you wouldn't have felt this.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like basically, I feel like what he was trying to say that is if you were less in tune with your body, you wouldn't have noticed this because it's just third trimester in pregnancy.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: So that kind of really bothered me.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I was like, because and you know, then they go extreme.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, then I had to get an EKG to make sure I'm not having a heart attack, and this is this is this.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm anyway.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_00: So that was a little bit of a point of like the feed, but also validation.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_00: So then when I went back to my OB, and then she obviously got all this data and stuff, she's like, Okay, your body is working too hard.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's working too hard.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_00: So she bumped up my my blood pressure medication to a higher dose, and then she's like, We might have to induce sooner than what we planned, but at that point, we were still like trying to get to 38 weeks.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: So at 32 weeks, when you're considered high risk, they started doing the growth checks.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now I've done this, I've been through this with Mishne.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they have to score like a score, blah blah blah, and then Linka failed hers, so then I had to get sent for for observation again, have all these monitors.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: This happened before the heart rate thing, just so we have it straight.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Again, like just sent for observation, look at contractions, look at the baby's heartbeat, everything.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, then afterwards, I saw a different doctor, not my own one.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just say if I never have to see her again, I wouldn't be upset.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I walked in and I'm like, first of all, the ultrasound ladies try to be really calm about it because they are not doctors, they can't tell you.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I've been through this, I know what you're looking for.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_00: She's failing, and I started naming the categories, and it's like, which one did she fail?
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_00: Just tell me.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so she failed the breathing portion of it.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't practice her breathing in uterol.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so I walked into the O B because now I need to get cleared before I can go home.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, Oh, that's not a problem.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_00: Babies fail it at 32 weeks all the time.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, they are too little.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_00: So then why are we testing in the world that you test me for this?
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I I get it safe over, but it's like, okay, if you're dealing with somebody that has high blood pressure and you're dealing with that kind of stuff, like, why are we giving more stressful situations if you're not even worried about the fact that she failed that?
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then the last two weeks, so from 35 to 37, we just couldn't get it stabilized.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then my I started.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: Having the creatinine in my liver.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_00: Not as bad as with Michinite, so it wasn't considered like preclamptic.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_00: But it would be getting there.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it would be getting there.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, then I got induced at 37 and 1.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_00: This time I at least had signs of labor.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was dilated-ish, like two centimeters.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: My cervix was like softer, so I didn't have to do the whole overnight thing.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: I just went in in the morning and they stored a Pitocin, hoping that my water will break by itself.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_00: Again, even on Pitocin, but not having your water broke, I was so fine.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was so I'm like, this is what like going into labor feels like.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: And this time, like spiritually, I really had a bigger conviction.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_00: I remember we talking about it and stuff of like trying to avoid any pain medication.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I wasn't against it, but it was just of more of a conviction of like, hey, I really want to try this.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what do you feel like that conviction was?
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was partially from God in a sense of, hey, we need to go into this together.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of thing.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_00: Of like almost of a reminder, like, hey, let's do this together.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you need to surrender and just let everything go.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, of like uh, we got this kind of thing.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's like ding ding ding, remember I'm here kind of feeling, and like getting more in tune with the spirituality of birth.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I felt very much more of that.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_00: And obviously, my nurse, I told I remember me and Anthony laughed.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because she was not as great, the first nurse we got.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_00: But fun fact, we got the same room as we did with Mishnei.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's so fun.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember you actually praying about the room number.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_00: So that was just super cool, like feeling like God's presence and all of that.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: But we started laughing.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_00: We're like, How many times do you think she's gonna ask if we want any medication?
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: So we started making bets and deals and stuff.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because at this point, honestly, like even the Pitocin and having the contractions and my water not breaking, I was having a great time.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_00: I was like hopping around and we were watching TV.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I would every now and again be like, Oh, I felt that.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, hi, baby.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_00: But it was good.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then they kept bumping up the pitocin, and then I was like, at one point, I was like, okay, can we just stop here?
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like can we just actually write it out a little?
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, like see what my body does.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this all happened kind of later in the day.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_00: This was before one o'clock.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_01: Did they end up breaking your water?
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_00: Did it break on its own?
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: So they ended up breaking my water because I was just, I guess, staying at the same place.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing was happening.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_00: Which again, looking back at it, it's like okay, but it had only been a few hours.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like did that really actually matter if I stayed at the same place for five more hours, you know?
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_00: But then they're like, okay, well, the next step is to actually break your water.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: And we're like, okay, go for it.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then there was a nurse change, which was great.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_00: Praise God.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_00: There's a reason for it.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_00: So then the other nurse came and she was so great.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, you just let me know what you need.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: You can do this, and you're so strong, and you're so beautiful.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um like tell me more.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then obviously, knowing Anthony, she was like, he's like, Yeah, well, her first labor was so quick.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, once she was dilated, baby was born right away.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_00: Any so then they changed the room right then and there.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, right after my water broke.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_00: They changed the room so it was ready if I went into like labor.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_00: Which again, thinking of like when we talked about like transition on upon transition upon transition, that was kind of nice because everything was ready, no bright lights needed or anything like that.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_00: So then my water broke and I labored for about three more hours.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then I got excruciating like hip flexor pain, because the only position that really felt good was to be in like a deep squat position.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_00: Could be partially that about what my hip flexors.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I had my very, very nice nurse.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_00: She came and she did some like magnesium lotion and she rubbed my hip flexors, and I wouldn't, it just didn't want to relax.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_01: Did you try the toilet this time?
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_00: I was on the toilet, but not as much because I felt like I needed to be lower.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then with Linka, I definitely I felt like gr like I was just pulled to the ground, which again is like just grounding myself, right?
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like spiritually, like just grounding.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_00: That was pretty cool, but then my body couldn't take it.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then another fancy word that I don't remember, but actually my placenta started or my uterus started tilting because of my pelvis being and look at me trying to show, but like my pelvis, I mean like being so tilted that I couldn't get to like a straight position.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_00: So then my doctor, and this was not my personal doctor, but I did like this doctor, and I had I'm curious though, is that what if I do not know the answer to this, but what if that was her uterus like moving to make it better better since you needed to be low?
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_01: That is true.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, yeah, that's super interesting because I've never really heard of that.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, because yeah, because she then had to like DMI, but then she had to like push like literally tilt back whatever was tilting in there.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_00: She was telling me, she's like, Hey, I know you mentioned you might not want pain medication.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_00: We can do pain medication, but it's not gonna relax the muscles.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because at this point, it was like my whole quad would cramp and everything, you would just see how it's like spasming up and stuff.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, and then another part of me is like, is it just bad hydration?
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, like did I just not because then again, it's like going into birth and then it was bumped up a week early.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm wondering if part of that was just like not fueling my body properly for labor.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because my number one priority the whole time was Michael.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this time at 36 weeks, I didn't even have a onesie washed yet.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_00: We're with Michael at 34 weeks, you know.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_00: So like everything was a little more chaotic, but yet a little bit more calm at the same time.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, so then the doctor's explaining, like, we can try pain medication, but her main concern was that I'm gonna stay in this tucked position and that nothing is gonna lengthen and relax.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_00: So then I'm like, okay, I hear you, but I want to try a little bit more.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_00: So then I tried probably about another half hour, and then I was just like, I cannot.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_00: It was tears, it went from like uncomfortable to like unbearable, and I'm like, and then they bumped up the potatoes.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_00: So just bad combination of things.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_00: I had the epidural, this time it was way shorter, like labor was longer, but after the epidural, it was way quicker when Linka was born.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was like an hour and Linka was born.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I went from like four centimeters dilated to fully dilated, body kind of relaxed.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, same thing, got my epidural, and then the OB changed happened.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, which was then my actual OB that delivered Mishne as well.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_00: So she came in to say perfect timing.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_00: I know she came in to say hi that she's now on call and that she'll she's gonna round and then she'll come and check me.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_00: So then she came back and checked me.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, Okay, let's have this baby.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_00: And she said it in the exact same tone, the exact same voice of how it was with Mishne.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, Oh, I see the room is ready.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_00: So she got gowned and like it was just it was such a perfect.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: I just laughed.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, You should have walked in here seven hours ago.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_00: Again, Anthony, like, let's see if she can break her record.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember the nurse asking me, like, hey, do you remember how to do this?
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I think so.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then I felt my first push, like, oh my gosh, no, nothing, nothing was quite working yet.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, I didn't use my abdominals, you know.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: The Pilates instructor.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_00: The Pilates instructor and me came out.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, whoa, that was wait a second, let me let me try again.
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_00: I literally told her that.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, whoa, that was a below average push.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's just stop.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, and then labor was a little longer, like nine minutes, but again, relatively quick.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_00: Linka came out, she was one day later than Mishne, one inch longer, one ounce heavier.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_00: We did skin to skin right away.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_00: That that bonding, I I want to be careful with my words, was just more instant.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_00: Whether that is because I knew what I expected, whether that is because of how birth actually went, but it was just so much more like calm and like she was there.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and she like I was just holding her, and all of a sudden she started like, Oh, I there's a booby I can latch, and she like started eating.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_00: She looked just like her sister, which was kind of like, oh my gosh, what's happening?
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're having twins just like longer apart.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_00: So that was the birth story and the pregnancy story with Linka.
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_00: With hers, it was more of I want to say the overall theme was like, You got this, got you, the calm in the crazy.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_00: And now, I mean, you've met her now.
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's like that is just what she's bringing to our family.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, she's literally the absolute calmness in everything, and it's like, oh my gosh, like she's just along for the ride.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she just comes for the ride and she's like hanging out, people's like staring at me, like she sleeps while all this is going on.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, yeah, she's asleep.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think with her, it was one way more like just trust.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_00: I think I would definitely encourage having a doula or somebody that knows more than you.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because I feel like even though the second time around I knew more, there's still things where I was like, you know, I just really wished I said that or I asked that.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not because I didn't love my providers, it's just you're vulnerable in that moment.
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_00: You don't, you know, you don't want to ask questions, you don't want to, you're tired, you're exhausted, you're stressed.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I definitely feel like I would do that or encourage people to do that, and especially if they use words like you're a high-risk pregnancy, or like this a big chance for XYZ.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yes, they have to say that, and yes, they have your best.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_00: I love my OB, and I had a great experience over all of her.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_00: But it's still like they have to say certain things, and I think, especially as Christian Christians, we just don't need that.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like we just words have power, yes, words have power, and that goes into your mind.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like the enemy, unfortunately, also has power.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_00: So something being said is like festering in your heart or in your mind, and it's like no, where if you just had somebody to talk about, like you know, process that right away, we're like, hey, tell me the medical thing that this means, yeah, you know, so I think that would be something that I guess I would change if I could.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I felt great after birth.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_00: I did really good.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we did things, we my body I stopped bleeding way sooner than I did with Mishnei.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_00: Nursing was going great, she slept great.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_00: Life was just good.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_00: Anthony was home for only two weeks this time, but like, yeah, and I was back with my community, like back with you guys, closer in proximity.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: So everything was going smooth up until like seven weeks.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_00: I just I like woke up one Sunday morning and I'm like, something's wrong.
• 55:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, something is wrong.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_00: My body is not functioning.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been working on it.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_00: I bumped up my medication.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm looking at therapists to maybe go talk about a few things.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_00: I let my support system know, which includes you.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_00: I had a great conversation about it with my husband, and it's hard to say because it's like, well, I'm not depressed, like, life's good.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_01: This, this, I feel hard when it's like, because some days are good and some days are bad.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_01: So it kind of messes with your mind of like, well, there's good days, so I'm fine.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, right.
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't have postbordum depression.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_00: No way I have that.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because look how good I'm doing.
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like a constant thing that I have to like remind myself that hey, it's okay to just not be okay.
• 56:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's okay to today to have mission.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_00: I have more screen time.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to not do anything.
• 56:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that that I feel like it's still hard to be like, hey, I think this time I'm dealing with like postbordom depression.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm proud of myself for like realizing it, letting people know right away, even just being able to like say it.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_00: But yes, it is like you said, like I feel one day I feel great, and I'm like, yay, yesterday.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_00: Today is a great example of it.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yesterday I felt like, oh, we're good again.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's we're on the up, it's going better.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then this morning I woke up and I'm like, oh my gosh, do I need my kids for a whole day?
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's what went through my mind.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm like, okay, just make it to 12:30.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's nap time.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_00: You can do it to 12:30.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then at 12:30, I woke up and I'm like, just make it to 5:30 because that's when nothing gets home.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then that messes with your mind on a different level.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because then it's like, okay, now I'm not being a present mom, now I'm not being a helpful mom, I'm not teaching her anything, I'm not doing enough around the house.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, then that kind of spirals quicker.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_00: But then I was like, hey, let's do the podcast tonight.
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so it's like, okay, I'm gonna go out of the house, I'm gonna do something for me, kind of thing.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_00: So just trying to like deal with that.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think I haven't done this.
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to do this, but like allowing myself to cry, I have not been able to do that.
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't cried since Linka was born.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_00: I remember with Mishnah, I had like on day five or something.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_01: I had like Yeah, the like emotional the hormonal release.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I like had this huge meltdown and I just cried.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and and with Linka, I haven't cried, which is weird.
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I just need to cry.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_00: Gonna get cry-induced.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, so it's been a little bit difficult the last like couple weeks trying to work on it, uh, trying to have grace with my body, trying to remember to eat, remember to walk.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_00: Not only from like my job, obviously, my job is movement, right?
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like movement, motion is lotion, kind of thing.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_00: So like it's like I know that, but then it's like, okay, well, go into the gym.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because a couple weeks ago, I was just like, you know what?
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna go to the gym, and I just did this monstrous workout, and I'm the next day I'm like, okay, what did that help?
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_00: Besides from now, your back is hurting, now everything is hurting.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like that's also hard because like I can't just train it away from like a you know, like athletes perspective, somebody that's but that works in the gym, stuff like that.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's like that's what I do when I'm emotional.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_00: I work out.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_00: When I don't feel good, I work out.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's my and in that workout, I normally feel like I'm connecting with God or I'm getting some kind of like thing of an almost like focus.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, like it's a refocus kind of thing.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, okay, so now it's like I'm gonna do this huge workout and feel great about myself.
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then I feel great for like 30 minutes, but it's like, okay, this is, I don't know, call it a temporary disease, or I don't know how to other this is just what you're in right now.
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or then I go to the gym and I give myself grace and I don't do as much, and then I feel like a failure because I'm not doing as much.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been a hard balance figuring out what my body needs as being what now, nine weeks postpartum, but also as like what does the mental side need?
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then the same with like the kids.
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's like okay, I know we have to do something, but it's also okay to be home.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_00: But I also know being home too much and being in my own foods, so like balance has been just a lot more difficult, and I think taking care of myself, I need to take better care of myself, or if you're in this situation, like taking care of your body first, obviously tell somebody nothing to be ashamed about at all.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_01: And even if it's not postpartum depression, even if it's just a bad depression.
• 1:00:01
  SPEAKER_01: If it's a bad day, a bad week, like okay, have a bad day and a bad week with a friend who's there to encourage you versus alone, you know?
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, and then it's like honestly, I I sound terrible, but like nutrition, like just 100% eat, eat anything, and it's like even if you go to McDonald's, yeah, you need fuel, even if it's dessert, even because you were like, all I want is chocolate, then eat chocolate.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_01: If that's what's going to get you to eat, eat chocolate.
• 1:00:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know, you and you're and you're nursing still, aren't you?
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's like you need so much, and like your hormones are so out of whack, like your body needs so much fuel, and if you don't give it like you're still gonna make milk, your baby's still gonna get milk, yeah, but it's gonna take it away from you.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and nutrition is still good, and even supplements.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like, are you taking supplements?
• 1:00:59
  SPEAKER_01: You're supposed to be taking prenatals while you're still nursing.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, so it's like making sure you're taking your prenatals.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_01: I know vitamin C is really good to take while you're nursing, magnesium, fish oil is really good.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know that adds like another thing to the routine, so it's like first make sure you're eating every meal.
• 1:01:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I feel like and really like actionable stuff for that too is having food ready.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, because that is the biggest thing of like I have so much to do.
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's like Blanc, I don't want to take an extra 15 minutes to make myself food, like I'll just snack, or like I'll just eat later, I'll be fine, and then you hit the crash, and then it's just yes, and then the crash happens, like you said, and then like the mental aspect that you already are carrying just gets so much heavier.
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's it's tough because it's like sometimes I feel great, then I'm like, I'm I'm gonna ignore this thing, and then I do something dumb, like I don't eat or something.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_00: For me, I'm fortunate my body loses weight really quick after pregnancy, but that also means I need to be more deliberate about eating because I'm not storing as much.
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_02: That's fair.
• 1:02:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard when you're sp even when you're a new mom, or if you have a toddler, like you're balancing and figuring so much out, and you're so tired, and you're just you're figuring things out, and the last thing on your mind is lunch.
• 1:02:25
  SPEAKER_01: It really is.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_01: Or like, I mean, morning coffee is on your mind, so you're like, well, might as well have a breakfast with that.
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, or I have a lunch coffee.
• 1:02:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is great what I do too.
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, I get hungry signals, just have a coffee because that overrides you there's milk in it, right?
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, I mean, it is a dimper, like it actually does.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but anyway, so it's like just just like not eat right now, just drink another coffee, and then I'm like getting the caffeine, like woo, and I'm like, what is happening?
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you know exactly what's happening.
• 1:02:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, that's been a little bit different.
• 1:03:04
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I'm very, very thankful to have you guys, friends, community, my husband.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_00: Uh oh my gosh, he's been so supportive and trying to understand and trying to help.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_00: My girls, oh my gosh, they are so patient and sweet, and I mean, also a spitfire.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, yeah, it's just been it's been good to have this time, and it's really hard.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I also know, just like God knew the baby was gonna be here.
• 1:03:32
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't necessarily have this happen to me, you know.
• 1:03:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't believe that, but he's like, I'm in it, I'm in it, I'm here, and maybe teaching me how to ask for help, which is something that I am terrible at.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_00: I love to give help, but I struggle to ask for help, especially when it comes to emotional stuff, right?
• 1:03:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm it's easy for me to ask, like, hey, can you help with my kid?
• 1:03:55
  SPEAKER_00: Or can you help with this?
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, can you pick this up something?
• 1:03:59
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like when it comes to vulnerability stuff, I'm like, no, I don't want to admit that I struggle.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like I'm not that person, I'm the strong da-da-da person.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, well, experiencing a different level of vulnerability here.
• 1:04:12
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I feel like the the word that comes to mind just is like community, like giving community a whole different level of meaning.
• 1:04:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like I always knew I had friends, and but now I'm like, whoa, I truly have friends, and I truly have people that is raising kids with me, and that's in it with me, and I will always show up, and just that like I guess comes too if like God is in it with me.
• 1:04:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like he's here, and he gave us such a great community with so many changes, and then just gave us like completely peace in it all.
• 1:04:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, there was nervous days and there was nervous situations, but ultimately I feel like pregnancy and even post border, even now when I'm not feeling good, the fact that I'm talking about it, the fact that I admitted it, yeah, it's like huge.
• 1:05:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:05:15
  SPEAKER_00: So just the peace and the community that he has given us, I don't, I honestly, it's amazing.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what I would do without it.
• 1:05:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just we're so thankful how everything just again fell into place from the house to the birth to Mishne's care, and it was all just nerve-wracking and stressful, but peace.
• 1:05:39
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 1:05:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:05:40
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I feel like that was the theme: community and peace about it all.
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so proud of you.
• 1:05:46
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like just even with after Mishne's birth and like going into Linka's birth, just like your optimism and just like really trying to be like, we're gonna get through this, we're gonna be okay.
• 1:05:57
  SPEAKER_01: And even just I'm so proud of you with how you like reached out, and just like for even talking about your postpartum depression, because that's it's really hard, and it's really hard to be in it.
• 1:06:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like it's it's just hard to admit, especially because it's a lot of it is around your kids, so and it's like you don't want it, it's not them, you know, and you don't want it to seem like it's because of them, right?
• 1:06:20
  SPEAKER_01: But it is because you birthed them.
• 1:06:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I mean it's not, but you know, and so it's just like it's vulnerable, it's hard.
• 1:06:28
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like it's layered with mom guilt as well.
• 1:06:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just so proud of you for talking about it, and thank you for talking about it because I think so many people go through it but just don't or they don't know what it is, and they're just like, oh my gosh, something is completely wrong with me.
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_01: I can't believe I'm processing this or even thinking this for a second.
• 1:06:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like changing a diaper.
• 1:06:47
  SPEAKER_00: It just really comes to mind, and it's like, yeah, it's okay.
• 1:06:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you feel like changing a diaper is too much work, that is literally how I felt, or feel sometimes like don't wake up.
• 1:06:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to change a diaper, I don't want to feed you.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and it's not that I don't have love for her, it's not that I wouldn't do anything for her, but like you said, it's just it's hard when you're in it because you kind of blame them, but you you clear-mindedly don't.
• 1:07:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:07:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really sorry though that you're going through that.
• 1:07:16
  SPEAKER_01: So that's really hard.
• 1:07:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really proud of you, and you're such an incredible mom and friend.
• 1:07:21
  SPEAKER_01: You too.
• 1:07:22
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:07:23
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, and I'm just so proud of you with all your births and like just how much you have like leaned into God and trusted him, even when it's really hard.
• 1:07:32
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:07:32
  SPEAKER_01: I love you.
• 1:07:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm proud of you for doing this.
• 1:07:35
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:07:36
  SPEAKER_00: Look at you going.
• 1:07:37
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for being a guest.
• 1:07:38
  SPEAKER_00: You need to wash it and make sure.
• 1:07:41
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't mess it up.