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148. Conquer Self-Sabotage and Achieve Your Dreams · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

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  Today, we're going to discuss the psychological reasons behind why people often engage in self-sabotage.
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  Particularly when they're really close to achieving their goals.
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  This topic explores the various mental and emotional factors that lead us to undermine our own success.
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  Or progress often we do this unconsciously, even when we are so close to accomplish what we've set out to do.
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  Self-sabotage is a perplexing phenomenon where individuals often unknowingly obstruct their own progress and success.
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  Despite the seemingly counterintuitive nature of these actions, self sabotage is very common.
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  Affecting people in various aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional careers, the impact of self-sabotage can be profound as it not only hinders individuals from achieving their goals, but also affects their self-esteem and overall wellbeing.
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  This behavior is rooted in psychological factors.
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  And it's often a manifestation of deeper underlying issues.
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  It can stem from fear of failure, fear of success, low self esteem.
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  Negative self-talk or even a desire to maintain and control in situations where success might lead to unknown changes.
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  Understanding self-sabotage is crucial because it helps us recognize these patterns in our own behavior and empowers us to seek solutions to overcome these self-imposed barriers.
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  Thereby enables us to realize our full potential and achieve lasting success.
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  You're listening to Kathie's Coaching Podcast.
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  I'm your host, Kathie Owen.
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  So we're talking about self-sabotage and the psychological reasons why people self-sabotage.
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  And I see it in personal life.
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  You know, like relationships, it can lead to unnecessary conflicts, trust issues, and a failure to maintain a healthy relationship.
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  When it comes to their wellbeing, it often results in increased stress, anxiety, and a lower quality of life.
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  And professional life self-sabotage behaviors like procrastination or feel, or failure can impede career advancement and personal growth.
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  In fact.
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  This month in February of 2024, I have a calendar all about procrastination, and I'll have a link to that in the show notes and description below, but you can get that procrastination calendar any month, any time and still apply it to your daily life.
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  What is self sabotage?
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  You may be asking, well, self-sabotage refers to behaviors or thought patterns that hinder a person from achieving their goals.
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  It is subconscious act and it leads one to create unnecessary challenges or obstacles.
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  Effectively preventing success.
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  Here's some forms of self-sabotage in everyday life.
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  I just talked about procrastination, which means we delay important tasks and replace them with less urgent.
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  Uh, or less important activities.
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  We all have procrastination in some shape, shape, form, or fashion.
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  It just depends on what your goals are and what you're trying to achieve.
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  And then we also have what is called negative self-talk.
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  We talk to ourselves more than we talk to anybody else.
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  And we have over 60,000 thoughts in a day.
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  And when we have negative, self-talk, it's a critical inner dialogue and it undermines our confidence and our ability.
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  There's also a form of self-sabotage that is fear of failure.
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  We may avoid challenges due to fear of not succeeding and this can lead to missed opportunities.
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  Perfectionism is a, another form of self-sabotage.
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  It sets unrealistically high standards that are impossible to meet resulting in paralysis or chronic dissatisfaction.
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  Another form of self-sabotage in our everyday life is comfort zone entrapment, and this is where we stick to familiar routines and avoid new experiences.
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  This limits, personal and professional growth.
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  And then of course.
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  Another form of self-sabotage is self-medication, which means we use substances or unhealthy behaviors to cope with stress or negative emotions, which can exacerbate problems.
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  It would be really wise to understand self-sabotage for your personal growth.
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  Why?
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  Because awareness leads to change.
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  When we recognize self-sabotaging behaviors, this is the first step towards modifying them.
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  And then overcome limiting behaviors.
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  It helps us to overcome them.
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  When we understand the roots of self-sabotage like fear or low self esteem, it can help in addressing and overcoming these limiting beliefs.
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  Enhanced decision making is also good for understanding self-sabotage for your personal growth.
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  When you understand, and you are aware of self-sabotage, it improves your ability to make choices that align with long-term goals and values.
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  In fact, my mentor and coach Joseph Rodriguez talks about how.
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  When we are.
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  Trying to seek a vision or a goal, and we're trying to reach this goal.
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  We will.
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  Make better decisions when we realize that everything is contributing towards our success, including failure.
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  This also leads to building resilience.
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  When you confront and overcome self-sabotaging behaviors, it builds resilience and the capacity to handle future challenges effectively.
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  It can also, when you understand yourself sabotage, it builds better relationships.
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  And it leads to healthier relationships as it often affects not only the individual, but it also affects those around you as well.
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  And then we have fulfillment and success understanding and addressing self sabotage can lead to a more satisfying, personal and professional life.
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  As we are better to able to realize our full potential.
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  Here are some common, psychological reasons behind self-sabotage.
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  We have the fear of failure.
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  We avoid success due to a belief that failing is inevitable, leading to behaviors that preemptively hinder progress.
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  So when you have a fear that you are going to fail.
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  It can happen and show up as.
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  Perfectionism or procrastination.
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  When we have a fear of success, we are subconsciously fearing the changes and responsibilities that success might bring.
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  Resulting in actions that prevent achievement.
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  And then we have low self esteem.
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  We feel unworthy of success and can lead to sabotaging our own efforts as success contradicts a person's negative self image.
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  And then we have a need for control.
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  We prefer familiar.
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  Failure over unpredictable success, controlling the outcome, even if it's negative.
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  Perfectionism is when the desire for perfectionism becomes paralyzing.
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  It causes an action or a constant sense of dissatisfaction with one's achievements.
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  And then another common, psychological reason behind self-sabotage is self-worth issues.
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  We believe that we don't deserve this success or happiness and.
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  It leads to actions that align with this belief.
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  So let's talk about where we can recognize self-sabotage and action at work when we're continuously missing deadlines, or we're constantly being late.
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  Um, you might not speak up in meetings or share your ideas and you actually sometimes can even over commit and under deliver.
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  So when we set a goal, also we go into there's ways we can, self-sabotage our goals.
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  We can abandon a diet or exercise regimen repeatedly.
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  This can lead to serious failure.
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  If you're not careful and avoid financial responsibility and you mismanage your money, that's another way that this happens.
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  And you give up on personal development or educational opportunities.
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  We.
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  I don't want to do that.
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  Let's come up with some strategies to overcome.
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  Self-sabotage.
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  Identifying acknowledge where you are.
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  Self-sabotaging recognize that self-sabotaging behavior and understand their triggers.
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  And also another way you can overcome self-sabotage is to challenge negative thoughts.
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  Replace negative self-talk with positive, realistic affirmations.
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  And actually I prefer the term auto suggestions because to me that's more of a suggestion.
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  You want to start thinking positive.
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  You want to start talking positive to yourself and replace those.
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  Unconscious negative talk that.
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  Is bringing you down and replace it with something that is positive or an autosuggestion that is positive.
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  And then you could set small achievable goals, break those larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
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  I can't tell you how many times this has helped me.
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  When I think of something that I'm working on.
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  For example, even just recording this video, I just broke it down into smaller, easier steps that were like something I could just easily do an at a time where it wasn't.
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  Going to feel overwhelming.
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  Develop healthy coping mechanisms.
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  Practice stress reduction techniques like meditation.
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  Exercise or hobbies.
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  And I like these three things because they create a balance in your life.
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  Meditation can be as simple as just spending some time outside in nature and taking appreciation for what's going on in your life and exercise.
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  We do need 30 minutes of movement a day, if at all possible, and try to get that movement in every day.
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  And then also engaging in hobbies that can get you out of a comfort zone and keep you from feeling stuck.
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  And then seek feedback, ask for constructive feedback from trusted individuals to gain outside perspectives.
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  And trusted individuals is very important.
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  Hiring a coach could even help and then learn from failures.
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  Failures are learning opportunities.
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  Don't give them.
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  The power to help you give up or give you a reason to give up.
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  We all fail.
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  And I talked about that last week in my last episode about failures.
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  Failures are.
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  An opportunity to learn as opposed to a reason to give up.
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  And then also establish accountability.
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  I like to think of this more with the, um, seeking feedback as well, because when you share your goals with others, it creates a sense of accountability.
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  And then also you tell somebody, Hey, hold me accountable for this.
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  Help me get through this.
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  Self-sabotage cause I keep beating myself up for that.
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  So there are things that are important when it comes to self-sabotage and being self-aware setting realistic goals and having coping mechanisms self-awareness is like emotional awareness.
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  I like to think of being aware of your own thoughts and your own behaviors.
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  And it's critical for recognizing and changing self-sabotaging patterns.
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  When you set realistic goals, they're more, that are more attainable and you're less likely to lead to feelings of failure and subsequent self-sabotage.
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  So, so.
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  A realistic goal for fitness instead of going, I'm going to go work out in the gym five days a week.
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  I'm going to be in there every day.
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  No.
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  Break it down into the week and give yourself some leeway for days that you won't work out.
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  That is setting realistic goals.
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  And then having coping mechanisms, effective coping mechanisms to deal with.
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  Stress and anxiety, which are often triggers for self-sabotage.
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  I can tell you, so exercise is a great way to help you manage your stress and anxiety and meditation as well.
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  And then also, like I mentioned earlier, having a hobby or something to give you a break, so you can get back into the flow state.
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  And then emotional regulation, you understand and manage your emotions and it can prevent.
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  Event, impulsive decisions that lead to self-sabotage.
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  And even seeking professional help.
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  Can I help.
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  in the cases of deep rooted issues seeking therapy or counseling can be beneficial in overcoming self-sabotaging behavior.
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  So it's important to have a growth mindset to combat self-sabotage.
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  What is a growth mindset mean?
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  It means that you're going to facilitate learning encourage resilience.
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  Promote adaptability and reduce your fear of failure.
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  And this increases openness to feedback as well.
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  So when you have a growth mindset, you're going to be.
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  Viewing challenges as opportunities.
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  And then you will also see that resilience and it allows you to bounce back from setbacks and persist in the face of difficulties.
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  And here's some tips on cultivating a growth mindset, which is positive.
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  Self-talk.
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  I even prefer a mental diet.
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  I have a resource guide on a mental diet, but a mental diet is from the book the seven day mental diet by Emmet Fox.
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  And it just means you become aware of those negative talk, that negative self-talk and then.
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  You let that negative thought go and you replace that negative thought with positive.
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  Affirmations and auto suggestions that reinforced growth and learning.
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  And you embrace challenges and seek out and embrace new challenges as opportunities to grow.
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  And reflect on your progress.
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  I'd like to do this at the end of the week.
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  And also when I start a new week, I look back on the past week and I reflect on what I learned and how I've grown from past experiences.
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  And then celebrate effort, not just outcome, focus on and celebrate the effort that you put into a task, not just a.
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  I lost weight.
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  No.
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  Focus and celebrate on the effort that you put in to doing that goal.
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  When you reflect on your progress each week.
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  And then learn from mistakes, analyze mistakes, to understand what can we learn from them rather than seeing them as failures and then seek new experiences regularly.
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  Step out of your comfort zone to experience new things and foster adaptability so I like a hobby.
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  Where I do try to step out of my comfort zone and do little, certain steps in my week.
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  And it inspires creativity as well.
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  And practice gratitude.
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  Gratitude's very helpful.
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  Cultivate a habit of gratitude, which could shift a perspective towards a more positive outlook.
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  So self-sabotage is just a behavior where we subconsciously prevent ourselves from reaching our goals.
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  Affecting personal and professional life.
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  And I especially like to see where it gets worse.
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  Right.
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  As we're about to reach that goal, you know, that picture where the guy's digging for gold and he's so, so close and he gives up and he turns around and then there's a guy on top who's just about to reach the goal.
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  And he, he, he gets to the gold because he just stuck with it.
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  We don't want to self sabotage ourselves out of that.
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  And I once had a coach tell me that chaos precedes the breakthrough.
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  So sometimes things tend to get worse right before it gets better.
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  So it's important to understand the forms of self-sabotage, which are procrastination, negative self-talk fear of failure, and even fear of success, comfort zone, entrapment, perfectionism, and even self-medication.
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  Why is it important for us to even understand self-sabotage it's it's key for personal growth.
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  It helps you overcome limiting beliefs and behaviors.
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  And it's also helpful for improving decision-making.
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  Building resilience, enhancing relationships and achieving success.
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  The psychological reasons behind.
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  So sabotage our fear of failure, fear of success.
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  low self esteem.
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  Need for control perfectionism and self-worth issues.
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  And remember it's it's, it's good to cultivate a growth mindset to combat self-sabotage.
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  Cause a growth mindset is crucial.
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  It involves positive self-talk embrace challenges, reflecting on progress, celebrate effort, learn from your mistakes and seek new experiences and practice gratitude.
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  If you'd like more information about this, I do have a mental diet resource guide that I will link in the show notes and the description below.
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  And I do invite you to try a mental diet, which is.
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  Something that's very beneficial to make a lifestyle in your life.
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  I invite you to try it.
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  All right.
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  That's my episode for today.
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  I trust that you found that helpful.
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  If you know someone who can benefit from this, please share with them.
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  And until next time I will see you next time.
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  Peace out and Namaste.
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  Boing...