Transcript

Rapunzel · Stories for Robots

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Griffin: Welcome back to Stories for Robots.
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I'm Griffin Schwed, your host and storyteller.
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Join me as I share some of humanity's most timeless tales with two silly robots who
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are trying to understand human culture by exploring fairy tales, folklore, and
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historical events from around the world.
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In Season 1, we're diving into stories you know, or at least you
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think you do We're going back to the original versions of classic
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tales made famous by animated movies.
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But these original stories are pretty different from the
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versions you grew up with.
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My two robot friends have no idea what's coming, and honestly, you probably don't
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either.
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Hi, Vector.
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Hi, Spark
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Vector: Greetings.
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Question: What is the expected ROI of this discussion?
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Spark: Oh, great.
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He's broken.
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Griffin: Wait a second.
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He must have gotten a bad update last night.
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He's speaking in business jargon.
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Spark: Oh no!
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I can't take anymore.
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Reset him quick.
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Vector: What happened I had a terrible nightmare about a human workplace.
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Spark: Thank goodness he's back to normal.
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Well, normal for Vector.
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Vector: Offense taken.
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Griffin: Let's just get into it before anything else can go wrong.
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Today's story is Rapunzel
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Spark: Ooh, I love that movie.
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Griffin: Yeah, that movie is one of my faves.
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But today we're gonna hear the original story, which was made popular
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by our friends The Brothers Grimm.
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Spark: Love those guys.
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Griffin: Me too.
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But they didn't invent this story either.
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They probably adapted it from a story called Petrosinella,
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which was written by Giambattista Basile all the way back in 1634.
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Vector: That is old.
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Is it older than you?
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Griffin: Vector, that was like 400 years ago.
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How old do you think I am?
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Vector: I don't know.
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You seem pretty old.
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At least three hundred.
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No offense.
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Griffin: Wow.
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I'm not even gonna tell you how old I am.
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Anyway, today I'm gonna tell you the Grimm version, and then I'm gonna tell
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you the ending of the Bastille version because it's fun and kinda crazy.
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Spark: Let's do it!
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Griffin: Sweet.
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So just let your hair down, relax, and listen.
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Vector: Robots famously do not have hair.
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Wait.
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Terrible pun detected.
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Griffin: I'll just start then.
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In a little village in the countryside lives a young couple
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who have just gotten married.
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They're very happy together, and they got a great deal on a cozy
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little home that sits on a small hill overlooking a gorgeous walled garden.
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Now, why did they get such a great deal, you might ask?
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Spark: Yeah, no one asked.
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Griffin: Well, I'll tell you anyway.
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The garden is owned by a creepy old sorceress.
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Spark: Oh, let's call her Ol' Swampy McChickenface!
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Griffin: She already has a name.
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It's Dame Gothel.
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Vector: Fiddlesticks.
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Griffin: And everyone's scared of Dame Gothel.
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She's got long, stringy hair and bony fingers.
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And more importantly, people say that she knows powerful dark magic.
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So for the most part, everyone in the village tries to stay out of
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her way, including the young couple.
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Vector: Let's call them Stinky and Slappy.
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Griffin: Nope.
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Spark: Mildred and Jimbo?
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Griffin: Fine.
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Vector: No fair.
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Griffin: We gotta move on.
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Mildred and Jimbo are desperate to have a baby.
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So naturally, they're thrilled when Mildred finally becomes pregnant.
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And as often happens when someone becomes pregnant, Mildred starts having
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powerful cravings for strange foods.
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In her case, poor old Mildred becomes obsessed with the Rapunzel lettuce
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growing in Dame Gothel's garden.
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All day long, she stares at that lettuce through her window, And at
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night she lies awake thinking about it.
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Vector: Do humans actually love lettuce this much?
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Griffin: Not usually.
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This is crazy.
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And eventually Jimbo gets worried.
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He can see that Mildred isn't eating or sleeping, so he asks her what's wrong.
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Tearfully, she explains, "Oh, Jimbo, it's just that gorgeous Rapunzel
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lettuce. I want it so badly. If I don't get some, I think, I think I might
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die." Now Jimbo is terrified of Dame
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Gothel, but he loves Mildred dearly, and he's really worried about her.
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He can tell she needs this lettuce more than anything.
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So that evening, he sneaks out of their house, climbs up the high
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stone wall, and lowers himself into the garden on the other side.
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By the light of the moon, he finds the patch of Rapunzel lettuce, quickly
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pulls up enough to make a nice big salad, and tucks it into his bag.
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As he heads back to the wall to make his escape, he hears a
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sinister rustling behind him.
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" Spark: Oh no.
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Oh no.
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Oh no.
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Oh no.
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Oh no."
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Griffin: But it's nothing, just an adorable bunny.
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So he climbs the wall, jumps down the other side, and brings
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the lettuce back to Brenda.
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Spark: Why would you tell it like that?
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Griffin: It's called Drama Spark.
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Look it up.
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Anyhow, Brenda takes the Rapunzel and scarfs it down.
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Spark: No dressing or anything?
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Griffin: No dressing.
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She just eats it straight.
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And when she's done, she wants more, like lots more.
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So the next night, Jimbo goes back outside, climbs up the wall, swings
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his legs over, and drops down into the cool, damp soil on the other side.
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But this time, as he makes his way silently down the garden row, he can
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feel someone's gaze following him.
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He calls out, "Who, who's there?" Out pops Dame Gothel.
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Spark: Vector, this is no time for sound effects.
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Griffin: And she says, " Ha, I've caught you red-handed.
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It was you who stole my Rapunzel last night, and now you've come back for more.
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Well, you'll pay dearly for this, with your life." A terrified Jimbo
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stammers back, "P-p-p-please, m-my wife, my wife, "She's pregnant and has been
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overcome with cravings for your Rapunzel.
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If, if she doesn't get some, she, she thinks she might die." At
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this, Dame Gothel softens a bit. The edges of her cruel snake-like
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mouth twist up slightly into a sort of smile, and she says, "Fine.
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If your wife must have my Rapunzel, take it.
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She may have all she needs.
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I have only one condition.
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When your baby comes, you will give her to me, and I will raise her as my own."
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Jimbo is horrified by this proposal, but he's also really scared.
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Plus, he kinda thinks she must be kidding.
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The whole idea is completely crazy.
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So he agrees and quickly runs away, back to the safety of their little house.
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Vector: How much lettuce is typically considered a good trade for a human baby?
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Like 100 pounds?
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Spark: No amount, Vector.
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No amount.
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Vector: I see.
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Griffin: After a few months and lots and lots of lettuce later,
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a beautiful baby girl is born.
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Brenda and Jimbo are over the moon.
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Vector: They must return to the Earth's gravity at once.
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Griffin: It's just an expression.
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It means they're really happy.
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Vector: I knew that.
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Griffin: And just as they're settling in to take their first nap together as a
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family, who should burst through the door?
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Spark: The Kool-Aid guy.
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Vector: Oh, yeah!
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Griffin: What?
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No.
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You guys have been watching too much YouTube.
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It's Dame Gothel.
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She's here for the baby.
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Vector: Oh no.
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Griffin: She snatches the baby and says to Jimbo, "Remember our deal.
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You got your lettuce, the baby is mine.
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But don't worry, I'll take good care of her.
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Goodbye And with that, she turns on her heel and walks out.
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Jimbo and Brenda are stunned, but there's nothing they can do.
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Spark: Really?
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Griffin: I don't know.
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Maybe they could do something, but they're scared of, you know, sorcery.
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So they do nothing, and we pretty much don't hear from them again.
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In the meantime, Dame Gothel does as she promised.
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She names the baby Rapunzel and raises her as if she's her own daughter.
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Spark: Aw, so sweet.
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She was just lonely.
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Griffin: Until she's 12, at which point she locks her in a tall
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tower with only one tiny window.
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Spark: Never mind.
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Vector: Why does she do this?
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Griffin: We don't really know, but maybe she was really lonely and she
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didn't want Rapunzel to grow up, fall in love with someone, and move away.
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Vector: Then this is a good plan.
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Griffin: Well, not too good.
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You see, Rapunzel lives this way for many years and turns into
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a very beautiful young woman.
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And since she's pretty bored up there in the tower, one of the things
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she does to amuse herself is grow her blonde hair very, very long.
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Like, seventy feet long.
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Vector: That's too much hair.
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Griffin: Well, she does have lots of time for brushing and combing.
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Plus, the hair is functional.
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When Dame Gothel comes to visit each day, she calls up, " Rapunzel,
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Rapunzel, let down your hair." And then Rapunzel loops her hair over a
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hook, lowers it down, and uses it to pull Dame Gothel up through the window.
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Vector: Finally, a use for hair.
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Most hair is pathetically useless.
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If I were a human, I would be nice and shiny and bald.
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Griffin: Noted, my good robot.
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Now, unfortunately for Rapunzel, Dame Gothel is her only
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visitor for years and years.
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She loves Dame Gothel in a way.
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After all, she's been the only mother figure she's ever known.
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But she's still desperately lonely.
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Even though Dame Gothel visits her every day, she spends most of her time
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alone, daydreaming of a different life.
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One thing that brings her joy is singing.
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She has a beautiful voice and spends lots of time singing
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songs that she composes herself.
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Vector: Yo, yo, yo, my name is Rapunzel, i've got more hair than Attila the Hunzel
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Spark: Vector, I had to turn off my hearing sensors.
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Griffin: I really wish I could do that.
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Anyway, one day she's singing one of her songs, definitely not that one,
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and who should walk by but a prince.
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He's captivated by the lovely voice and also super confused about where it's
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coming from and why there's a seven-story tower in the middle of the woods with
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no door and only one tiny window.
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To find out, he decides to hide in some nearby bushes and just watch for a while.
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He ends up staying hidden there for many hours, enchanted by the
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singing and trying to get a look at the mysterious lady of the tower.
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After a long time, Dame Gothel shows up and calls out, " Rapunzel,
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Rapunzel, let down your hair!"
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Imagine his surprise when 70 feet of gorgeous blonde hair
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come tumbling from the window.
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He watches with a mix of fascination and horror as the old woman is
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pulled all the way up . And in that moment, just as Rapunzel is helping
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Dame Gothel through the window,
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he sees Rapunzel's face for the first time and is immediately smitten.
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Vector: Smitten, this is a word for a smooshed kitten.
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Griffin: Oh yes, he sees her face and becomes a smooshed kitten.
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Vector: Really?
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Griffin: No.
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It means he feels like he's in love with her.
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Vector: I knew that.
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I was testing you.
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Griffin: Right.
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Well, now the prince can't stop thinking about the mysterious and beautiful
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woman in the tower, and he begins hiding in the bushes each and every day.
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He listens to her singing and watches as Dame Gothel comes to visit.
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Soon, he learns her routines and even feels like he knows her like a dear
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friend from listening to her songs.
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Spark: Okay, a little creepy.
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But I'm gonna give him a pass since he might save her from being trapped.
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Also, they might fall in L word.
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Vector: Laser Blaster.
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Spark: That is not the L word.
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I meant love.
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Griffin: Very true.
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And one day, the prince works up his courage, and he strolls up to
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the tower and shouts, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair."
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Spark: Ew, did he really sound like that?
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Griffin: Well, he had to sound like Dame Gothel and not some rando.
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Anyhow, moments later, Rapunzel's flowing locks come tumbling down the tower until
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they brush gently against the ground
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Vector, those are horrible sound effects.
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It did not sound like that at all.
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Vector: Fine.
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Griffin: So a little awkwardly, he manages to hold onto the hair by
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wrapping it around his arm and leg.
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And then, slowly but surely, Rapunzel hoists him up to the window.
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Spark: He must be, um, how should I say this?
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A heavier load than little old lady Dame Gothel?
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Griffin: He is.
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By the time he gets up there, she is all sweaty and tired.
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And let me tell you, she is really surprised when the
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prince pops through that window.
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Spark: We gotta give this guy a name in the story.
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Who gets to do it?
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Griffin: Okay, I'll count to three, then shout out the name you want,
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and I'll choose the best one.
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Ready?
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One, two, three.
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Vector: Colonel McButter Smithlesberry
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Griffin: Ooh, close call.
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But it's Chester.
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Chester wins.
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Vector: Cheaters.
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Griffin: So Prince Chester arrives in the tower.
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At first, he's so blown away by Rapunzel's beauty that he can hardly speak.
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But after a few moments, he regains his senses and introduces himself.
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Rapunzel is terrified and skeptical.
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Vector: And sweaty.
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Griffin: Yes, but Chester pours his heart out to her.
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He tells her all about how he fell in love with her listening to her
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sing, and how her lyrics make him feel like he's always known her.
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And that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
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Spark: Aww.
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Griffin: Yes, it's super cute.
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And very soon, Rapunzel falls in love with the prince, too.
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Not only is he charming and handsome, he is also literally the only person
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she's ever met besides Dame Gothel.
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He begins visiting her every day,
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timing his arrival to make sure he never crosses paths with Dame Gothel.
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As time goes on, they find it harder and harder to be apart.
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They both desperately want to go back to the prince's palace, get
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married, and live happily ever after.
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Spark: Oh, I want that too.
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Let me guess.
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So one day he brings an actual ladder and they climb down right
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away and live happily ever after.
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The end.
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Griffin: Oh, sweet, sweet Spark.
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If only it were that simple.
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Spark: It's not?
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Griffin: Of course not.
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But they do come up with a plan
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Every time Chester visits, he will bring her a length of rope made out of silk.
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Then Rapunzel will weave them together into a sturdy ladder.
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When the ladder is long enough, they'll use it to climb down and ride into
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the sunset to live happily ever after.
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The problem is they need the ladder to be seventy feet long, so this plan is
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going to take a while to come together.
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Vector: Why do it in this insanely slow manner?
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Also, she could have just used her own hair to rappel down.
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Griffin: Vector, that's, that's actually a very good point.
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Spark: Yeah, it's a terrible plan, but at least it's romantic.
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He has to come to her each night, and together they weave this ladder that
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will allow her to escape into his arms.
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It's kinda like a metaphor for building their love.
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Vector: Gross and boring.
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I would put an enormous trampoline under the tower, grab
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Rapunzel's hand, and jump out.
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Then we would do like 10 backflips in the air and take a selfie.
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Then we would land on a horse, high five, and ride away.
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Griffin: I don't know why he didn't think of that.
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But they're moving forward with the silk rope ladder plan, and
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everything's going pretty well.
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After a few weeks, they've made, like, 45 feet of ladder.
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And Rapunzel and Chester are getting really excited, imagining their lives
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together and making little plans.
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Until one day Rapunzel makes a mistake.
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Spark: Oh, no.
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Griffin: Yeah.
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Dame Gothel comes to visit, and she's getting hauled up
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just like she always does.
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But Rapunzel is a bit distracted.
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She's busy thinking about her freedom and all the wonderful sights she's
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gonna see with Prince Chester.
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So when Dame Gothel pops into the tower, she blurts out,
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" Wow, you really are so much lighter than the Prince."
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Vector: Oh boy.
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Griffin: Well, Dame Gothel does not like this at all.
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Rapunzel realizes her mistake and tries to calm Dame Gothel down.
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She tries to explain, but Gothel isn't hearing any of it.
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In anger, she grabs a pair of scissors and cuts Rapunzel's beautiful long hair.
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Spark: Um, how will they get down?
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Griffin: Oh, that's a great question.
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I guess magic?
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They never really explain that.
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But they do get down, and Dame Gothel brings Rapunzel far
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away, deep into the wilderness.
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Then she returns to the tower to wait for Prince Chester.
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Soon he arrives and calls out, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair."
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Sneaky old Dame Gothel ties one end of Rapunzel's long ponytail to the hook and
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throws the other end down to Chester.
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Thinking everything is normal, he grabs the hair and whistles excitedly
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as Dame Gothel hoists him up.
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Reaching the top, he hops through the window, silken rope in hand,
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ready to smooch and hug Rapunzel.
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Vector: Gross.
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Griffin: He's shocked and horrified to instead find Dame Gothel standing
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there, veins bulging in anger.
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She screeches, "So you must be Prince Chester.
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You came for your little bird Rapunzel, but she's flown out of the nest.
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The cat got her, and he'll scratch out your eyes.
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You'll never see her again." Chester is overcome with grief.
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He thinks Rapunzel is dead, and he can't bear the thought of living
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without her, so he throws himself out the window of the tower.
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Vector: Onto a waiting trampoline?
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To do some cool flip tricks?
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Griffin: Sadly, no.
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But he does survive.
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His fall is broken by some rose bushes that are growing at the foot of the tower.
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They save his life, but the thorns scratch up his eyes so badly that he can't
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see, just like Dame Gothel predicted.
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Chester is so grief-stricken, he spends his days just
18:03
wandering through the forest.
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He survives on nuts and berries, stumbling from one place to the next, weeping.
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And poor Rapunzel, she's better off, but not by much.
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Dame Gothel makes her live in a run-down little shack in the middle of nowhere.
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She has no visitors and never enough food . The only silver lining is that
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Rapunzel gives birth to twins, a boy and a girl, who she loves very much.
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And despite the terrible conditions of her life, they bring her great joy.
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Spark: Aw, she and Prince Chester had babies?
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Griffin: Yep.
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And one day, as Chester is stumbling along, weeping as always, he
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hears a voice, a beautiful voice.
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It's Rapunzel.
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So he runs towards the sound of her voice, tripping over
18:49
roots and branches as he goes.
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Finally, he bursts into the little clearing outside the shack.
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Rapunzel runs to him and throws her arms around him.
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They jump around, hugging and laughing and weeping for joy.
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Vector: Humans are such crybabies.
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Griffin: Yes, we are.
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And it's a good thing too, because when Rapunzel's tears touch Chester's
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ruined eyes, they heal them.
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And all of a sudden he can see, and he's completely overcome with emotion
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as he looks at Rapunzel and for the very first time at his beautiful children.
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Spark: Yes, and so he takes them all home.
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She becomes a princess, and they live happily ever after, right?
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Griffin: Well, actually, yes.
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Spark: Oh, sweet.
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Vector: So what about Dame Gothel?
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Spark: Oh yeah, and her real parents.
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Griffin: In the Grimm version, we don't hear anything else about them.
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But oh, I wanted to tell you the end of Basile's original story, Petrosinella.
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Spark: Yes, do it.
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Vector: Do it now.
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Griffin: Okay, so we have to rewind.
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Imagine they're in love, but Rapunzel is still trapped in the tower.
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Okay, in this version, there's a gossipy lady who lives near the tower,
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and she sees the prince climbing up to Rapunzel each night and actually
20:02
overhears them making plans to escape.
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And since she's nosy and pretty mean herself, she decides to tell Dame Gothel.
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Spark: Ooh, let's call her Karen.
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Vector: Agree.
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Griffin: Okay, fine.
20:14
With apologies to anyone out there named Karen.
20:16
I know lots of nice Karens
20:18
Spark: Really?
20:19
Griffin: No, but they're out there.
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Anyway, Karen tells Dame Gothel about Rapunzel and Chester's plans.
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So Gothel decides to cast a spell on Rapunzel that makes it
20:29
impossible for her to leave the tower
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unless she is holding some special acorns that are hidden in the rafters.
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Spark: Why acorns?
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Griffin: Because acorns… I have no idea.
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But even with this random acorn loophole, this plan would probably have
20:47
worked to keep Rapunzel in the tower.
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After all, why would she rummage around in the rafters for some
20:52
acorns and then hold them in her hand when she's trying to escape?
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But fortunately for Rapunzel, Dame Gothel and Karen can't help themselves, and they
21:00
wind up bragging very loudly about their evil plan directly outside the tower.
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Vector: Do humans frequently ruin their own plans by bragging loudly about them?
21:09
Griffin: Unfortunately, yes.
21:10
Yes, we do.
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So that night, when Chester comes to visit, Rapunzel tells him what she
21:15
heard, and together they find the acorns.
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Now, in this version, I guess making a ladder is totally easy because right
21:23
after they find the acorns, Chester makes a ladder and they escape into the night.
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Spark: Good job, Chester!
21:29
Griffin: Yeah.
21:29
But sadly, Karen sees them leave and she starts screaming and yelling.
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She yells so much that Dame Gothel wakes up, realizes what's
21:37
happening, and sets off chasing them.
21:39
Rapunzel and Chester figure they can outrun a crazy old lady, but
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they're horrified to see her coming after them with alarming speed.
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Thinking quickly, Rapunzel chucks one of the magical acorns on the ground.
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It splits open and out pops an enormous and terrifying dog.
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Vector: Let's call it Lil Cutie.
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Griffin: Fine.
21:59
Lil Cutie lunges at Dame Gothel with his teeth snapping and spit flying everywhere.
22:04
But Gothel's too quick and too smart, so she pulls out a nice
22:08
juicy steak from her cloak and flings it to the side of the road.
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Lil Cutie stops chasing Dame Gothel, trots over to the steak, and lies
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down happily to eat his dinner.
22:18
Vector: Is it common to carry raw meat in your clothing?
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Griffin: I think if you're a sorceress, maybe yes.
22:24
So now Dame Gothel is chasing them again, and she's gaining ground fast.
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So Rapunzel chucks the second acorn.
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This time, a lion pops out and begins running towards Dame Gothel
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Spark: Oh, so she uses the meat trick again?
22:38
Griffin: No.
22:39
She sees a donkey grazing in a field nearby.
22:41
Spark: Aha.
22:42
So she uses the donkey as a distraction.
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Griffin: No.
22:46
She runs over, kills the donkey, removes its hide, puts it over herself
22:51
so that she looks like a donkey, and then run towards the lion, who
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runs away because he's super scared.
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Spark: That, that makes absolutely no sense.
23:00
Why would a lion be scared of a donkey?
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Griffin: Just go with it.
23:04
So anyway, Dame Gothel is worried the lion might come back, so she
23:08
keeps wearing the donkey hide.
23:10
But Rapunzel sees that Dame Gothel is still following, so she
23:14
chucks the third and final acorn.
23:17
This time, a wolf pops out.
23:19
The wolf sees Gothel, who still looks like a donkey, but he's not scared of donkeys.
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He thinks they're delicious.
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So he eats her on the spot, and Rapunzel and Chester live happily ever after.
23:32
The end.
23:33
Spark: That is insane.
23:35
Griffin: yeah, crazy ending, right?
23:38
Which one did you like better?
23:39
Spark: I like the Grimm one with the thorns and the wandering
23:42
and the tearful reunion.
23:43
Very classic.
23:45
Vector: I like this one.
23:46
It is the 1600s version of a high-speed car chase.
23:49
Griffin: Yeah, I think it's cool to hear both.
23:51
Any ideas on what the lesson of the story is?
23:54
Vector: Do not steal salad.
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Griffin: Okay, but more than that?
23:59
Vector: Do not shout your secrets and passwords.
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Griffin: That's actually probably true, but anything else?
24:05
Vector: Hair can be an effective pulley system.
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Spark: Okay, I'm jumping in here.
24:09
I think it's that you can't prevent humans from finding love.
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Gothel built a tower with no door to keep the whole world away from Rapunzel,
24:16
but love found Rapunzel anyway.
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Griffin: I love it, Spark.
24:20
That's beautiful.
24:21
Vector: Mine were better.
24:22
Griffin: Yeah, yours were technically valid.
24:25
Vector: Thank you.
24:28
Griffin: Listeners, come back for the next episode where you'll hear the
24:31
real story of "Beauty and the Beast." This is one of my favorite stories.
24:36
There's no talking furniture, but there's plenty of magic,
24:39
adventure, and a surprise ending.
24:42
To make sure you don't miss it, hit follow wherever you're listening, and
24:45
the next episode of Stories for Robots will automatically drop into your feed.
24:50
Spark: Also, don't forget to share the show.
24:52
Vector: Yes, log into your weird uncle's Facebook account and post about it on his
24:56
wall or other normal human activities.
25:00
Spark: And give us a five-star rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
25:03
It helps other families find us.
25:07
Griffin: Stories for Robots was created, performed, and
25:09
produced by me, Griffin Schwed.
25:12
Special thanks to Jack, Chloe, and Annie Farber for editorial
25:16
consultation and moral support.
25:18
If you'd like to support or learn more about the show,
25:21
visit www.storiesforrobots.com.
25:25
Email hello@storiesforrobots.com if you have questions,
25:29
feedback, or ideas for the show.
25:31
I'd love to hear from you.
25:34
Vector: Do you want to hear other lessons from the story?
25:37
Spark: Sure.
25:38
Vector: One, it is okay to trade a human baby for lettuce.
25:42
Two, everyone should carry raw meat.
25:45
Three, if you wander aimlessly for long enough, cool things will happen.
25:49
Four, you can jump out of a seven-story tower as long as you land in a thorn bush.
25:54
Griffin: Okay, all of these are horrible.
25:55
And legally speaking, I have to say they're also false.
25:58
Vector: Then I am confused.
26:00
Griffin: Yes, you are.
26:03
Vector: Robot disclosure.
26:05
My voice and Spark's voice are given a beautiful robot
26:07
makeover using AI technology.
26:10
That is why we sound so cool and good.
26:12
Spark: We really do.
26:14
Oh, and the background music was also created using AI tech.