Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / Turning desperation into attraction and REALLY getting what you want in life (E)

Transcript

Turning desperation into attraction and REALLY getting what you want in life (E) · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful people, and welcome to the episode of Today.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: So this episode is one of my all time highest
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: performing episodes, and I thought I would bring it back
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: because I'm coming into the end of the year. It
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: is the last kind of month or so of the year,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: and shit is happening. We're going through like vision boarding
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: next week, we're talking about how to set yourself up
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: for twenty twenty five next week, and what better episode
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: to bring to you, guys than this particular one. I
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: was actually going to do an episode on this, and
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like, wait a minute, I've got one, and it's
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: pretty iconic, so I thought I would share it again
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: with you guys. Have a listen to it. And it's
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: just really good to re affirm having listened to this
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: because this came out just over a year ago, so
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: it's really good to have a listen to this to
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: really let it sync in so that way when you're
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: working for things that you want, especially coming into the
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: new year, when you're trying to freshen things up, kind
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: of rebrand or do whatever it is that you do
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: in the new year. If you're like me, I just
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: you I use this as a time to just get
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: really into kind of a reset, not that you have
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: to if you obviously know that you can do a
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: reset at any time of the day, any day of
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: the week, any month of the year. But New Year's
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: is a great time to do it because it's kind
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: of like a line in the sand and it helps
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: kind of refresh. So this episode is perfect because we
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: are going into the new year with a new approach,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: a new mindset. We're resetting how we approach things that
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: we want, so instead of feeling like we're desperate for
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: it and we end up pushing it away, we can
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: turn that around and start attracting those things. But I'm
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: not gonna be explaining too much because I explained the
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: whole thing in this episode, So sit back, grab your
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Macha latte, and in joy. Love you guys so much sense.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: So the episode of today is how to turn desperation
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: into attraction. And what I mean by that is, you
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: know how, sometimes when you want something so desperately, and
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: this could be a person, a friendship, group, a situation
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: to happen in your life, a job, money, it could
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: be with anything. Right, when you want something so desperately,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: it feels like it gets further and further away. I'm
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: going to explain why that is the case and what
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: the problem is surrounding that. I'm going to explain how
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: to identify when this is happening to you, and how
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: to like pull it apart and look at what's working
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: for you and what's not working for you, And then
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I'm going to explain what to do instead to start
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: to shift the dynamic around so the things that you
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: want actually are easier to access instead of you getting
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: in your own way and cock blocking yourself towards getting
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: those things, and a lot of these things can actually Yes,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: it's true that there's a lot of things in your
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: life that are not directly in your control, like how
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: another person makes their choices and how they behave, but
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: a lot of your behavior is heavily influenced by how
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: you sive the other thing. So you will actually start
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: to behave differently, and based on your behavior and your actions,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: you can start to bring things easier into your life
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: versus push them away or block them all together. So
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be addressing that and how you perceive
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: things and all of that shit. Now we're going to
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: talk about a brain fact, and then we'll go into
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: the topic of today's episode, So the brain fact, I'm
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: just going to be talking about local anesthetic and how
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: that works on your body. So local anesthetic is obviously
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: something to numb certain parts of the body and not
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: go under a general anesthetic where you're getting knocked out.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: So that's obviously the difference between local and general. Interestingly enough,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: cocaine was one of the first local anesthetics ever discovered.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Love that fun fact it is. Local anesthetics are reversible,
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  Speaker 1: of course, and causes a loss of pain, and sometimes
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: the same anesthetic will also cause a loss of movement
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: as well, but not always so different. It depends on
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  Speaker 1: how they're operating, on what they're targeting, and of course
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  Speaker 1: it only numbs the targeted area, it does not produce
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  Speaker 1: a loss of consciousness. Now, due to the structure of
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: local anesthetics, they can pass through the neuron membrane and
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: be able to bind to specific receptors at the opening
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  Speaker 1: of these gates or these ion channels that allow an
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  Speaker 1: influx of things in and out of the cell, and
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  Speaker 1: this binding kind of closes off that channel to prevent
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  Speaker 1: the influx, to prevent sodium ions entering the neuron, and
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: then because you're not allowing this influx of sodium ions
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: to enter these specific neurons in this specific targeted area.
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  Speaker 1: It prevents the sending of the signal. It prevents the
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  Speaker 1: action potential because you're not getting the influx, you're not
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: getting any activity or action potential. So given that there's
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: no action potential, the signal isn't being sent and there
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  Speaker 1: is a loss of sensation. The brain's not interpreting the
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: sensation because the signal never gets to the brain or
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: to the higher regions of the brain for the duration
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: that that channel is blocked. Some can go for a
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: couple of hours, some less than that, but that's basically
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: kind of the process of the theory behind a local anesthetics. Now,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: most local anesthetics will end with the suffix caine c
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: ai n e so tetra cane prokaine lightokaine mepivot caane.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: That's kind of what it's going to end with. And
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  Speaker 1: we've got two types of local anesthetics, esters and amides,
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  Speaker 1: and they both operate by blocking sodium channels. So basically
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: the brain can no longer perceive pain and the brain
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: receives pain signals via free nerve ending. So these are
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: first order neurons. First order neurons and neurons that begin
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  Speaker 1: in the periphery of the body. Let's say, for example,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: your fingertips, and then they sign apps they connect with
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  Speaker 1: a second order neurons. So first order neuron is fingertip
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  Speaker 1: to spinal cord for example. Second order neuron will be
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: your spinal cord going up to a certain location in
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  Speaker 1: the brain, and then that can that might go directly
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  Speaker 1: to the brain. Sometimes you'll get a third order neuron
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  Speaker 1: that might take it to the cortex or to yet
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  Speaker 1: another region of the brain. But at least you've got
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: the two here. So these pain signals can be through
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  Speaker 1: thermal heat. It could be chemical, it could be like
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: a histamine thing, or mechanical, so that's something like getting slapped,
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  Speaker 1: So that's kind of what a pain signal can be.
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  Speaker 1: And on the skin for example. And these events this
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  Speaker 1: like mechanical thermal chemical will trigger these the channels on
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: the membrane of that initial first order neuron to open up,
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: allowing sodium and other positive ions in and that does
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  Speaker 1: something called depolarizes the cell and it sets off this
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  Speaker 1: reaction down the axon and then that then synapses onto
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: the next cell and then it takes it up to
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: the brain. And basically when you inject the local area,
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: you're targeting those first order neurons or the area around
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: the first auto neurons, so that opening off the channels,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: allowing the positive ions to flow in and flowing down
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: the accon that's not happening, so you're not getting it.
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  Speaker 1: It's not arriving to the second order neuron in the
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: spinal cord and going up to the brain. They're very safe,
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  Speaker 1: there's generally no side effects. It can be administered subcutaneously,
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: which is under the skin, intradermally, which is like in
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: between dormal layers, or as a nerve block. So if
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: you heard my brain fact about like what's it called
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  Speaker 1: epidurals and that kind of pain suppressant, that's a nerve block.
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  Speaker 1: Anything near a major nerve as well, or it could
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: be topical, which is like a cream. There's a whole
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: bunch of different ones. To avoid spreading the if you're
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  Speaker 1: injecting it in into the bloodstream, to avoid spreading the
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  Speaker 1: local anesthetic really far and wide throughout the body. Because
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: you're injecting it in to the blood stream, there's normally
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: or like you're not injecting it into the blood stream,
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: but it can be absorbed into the blood stream. You'll
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: normally administer it with a vasoconstrictor, and that restricts excessive
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: blood flows such as like epinephron, which is an adrenaline,
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: and that it's like an adrenaline. It is an adrenaline,
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  Speaker 1: and that's where it stops it from spreading out fast.
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  Speaker 1: Once it reaches the neuron, it enters the cell. The
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  Speaker 1: medication binds to these channels and then you get the effects.
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  Speaker 1: And then obviously you want to keep it as local
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  Speaker 1: as possible, hence the vasoconstrictor, hence the excessive blood flow
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: throughout the body. The most commonly used one is lighter cane,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: and that has like an intermediate duration, so you know
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  Speaker 1: it doesn't last too long. You can also, of course
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: top it up. If you're starting to get some sensation back,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: you can top it up. So if you've ever been
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: at the dentist and you're fucking dying, you're starting to
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  Speaker 1: feel the pain again, they can just you know, give
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: you another little dose, top it up, and then you're
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: all good again. Like I said, it's very very in general,
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  Speaker 1: very safe, Yeah, there's very limited side effects. You could
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: get respiratory depression in extremely large amounts, but that's really
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  Speaker 1: unlikely because the people that are administering a local anesthetics
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  Speaker 1: really know what they're doing. So cool. That is your
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  Speaker 1: local anesthetic brain factor sense. Now, let's talk about the
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  Speaker 1: actual topic of the episode, which is how to turn
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: desperation into attraction and start getting what you want in life.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: So the problem, let's identify the problem. The problem is
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: that you know what you want, but you feel like
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: the more you want it, the further away it gets.
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  Speaker 1: The more roadblocks that pop up, the more disinterested this
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: person becomes in you, the more of a challenge it
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: is to get that thing, the more far away it seems.
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  Speaker 1: It's like the more I want it, I just really
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: want the thing, and then it just gets further and
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: further away. This could be for people, jobs, situations, friendships,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: experience and says, all sorts of things. So we're going
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: to be talking about how do you change from feeling
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: that you're always like behind the ball to having things
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: just coming your way without so much intense effort, Like,
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: how do you go from feeling like you're fighting for
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: crumbs of what it is that you want to having
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: these things kind of relatively easily enter your life. Okay,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: it's not to say there's no effort involved, but it's
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: a different kind of effort. So instead of this trying, trying, trying, trying, fighting, pushing,
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: it's more like I'm working hard, but it's flowing my
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: way as well. So it's kind of like we're both
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: meeting in the middle here, whether it's a thing or
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: a person. So before I get into it, I do
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: want to express a personal opinion of mine, and I've
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: heard this in a few when you hear a lot
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: of like motivational speakers, and nothing against motivational speakers, I
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: love a lot of them, But when you hear a
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: lot of these things, sometimes you'll hear people say something
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: along the lines of the reason you haven't been able
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: to achieve success or money is because you're afraid of success.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: You're afraid of money. And once you release that block,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: it's all gonna who is afraid of money? You're not
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: afraid of money. That is bullshit. You are afraid of
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: or like, it's this idea that you're afraid of the
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: life that you want to have because you're used to
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: that's I don't buy that at all. Okay, what's actually happening? Instead,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: I feel like I just feel that that's like way
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: too simplistic explanation, and it doesn't give you a legitimate
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: insight into what it actually is that you are feeling.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: You're not afraid of money, you're not afraid of success.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: I believe it comes down to this fear that if
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: you don't get that thing, you will be very dissatisfied
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: with your life. And the problem with that feeling is
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: that because you feel that way, you then make the
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: stakes so high. The stakes are so high that if
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: you have the opportunity for that thing, oh my god,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: you've got to have it, because if I don't have it,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: that I'm not gonna be happy with my life. And
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: then and then because of that, the takes a high.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: The stress is high that you stumble, and then you
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: don't want to stumble, so you wait until you're a
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: bit better, and then you wait into perfection, and then
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: you wait into perfection. So it's not that you don't
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: want success or that you're scared of success, or that
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: you're scared of money. It's that you're scared to take
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: the jump because if it fails, you're not going to
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: know what to do because you think your life is
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: just not going to be ever enjoyable. Again, that's what
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: I think it comes down to. It's a fear of
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: not nailing it, and therefore you're holding back. You're not
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: fucking scared of money and if you are, throw my way. Okay,
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: so we're gonna identify the block. So basically, you have
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: to ask yourself what am I worried to experience? So
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: if this thing doesn't work for me, what am I
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: scared to experience? Let's talk about a crush, someone that
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: you're really into. You want to talk to that person,
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: a promotion that you want to have, a friendship grip
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: that you want to be involved in, and you ask yourself,
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: I really want to be a part of this thing.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I want to be a part of that person's life.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: I want to be a part of this company. I
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: want to be a part of that and I'm finding
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: it really difficult to have that thing. So if you're
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: thinking I am so worried about not getting that thing,
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: then when you approach that person, are you going to
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: be cool, calm, collected and relaxed or are you going
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: to be like, hey, Hi, Hey, here's my number, like
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: fucking panicking because being like, if I don't get this thing,
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: my life is going to be What am I going
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: to feel rejected? Am I going to feel abandoned? Am
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I going to feel not good enough? What am I
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: going to feel if I don't get that thing? And
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: that's what you're avoiding. You're avoiding that feeling, and that
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: is what gets in your way of things happening for you,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: so you get your choke basically, So ask yourself, what
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: feeling am I avoiding? Am I worried about feeling that
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: I'm not good enough? Am I worried about being like
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: found out and I'm just an imposter and I'm not
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: actually good at that thing? Am I worried that someone's
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: going to reject me? Am I worried of getting embarrassed?
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: What am I avoiding? What feeling am I scared about? Okay,
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: now let's talk about a bunch of like different solutions
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: to work through and like things to think about when
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: it feels like you're pushing something further away in your life. Okay,
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: the first thing is identify why do I want this thing?
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: You have to understand why you want it because it's
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: going to give you an insight into what feeling it
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: is that you're looking for. So if someone says, why
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: do you want that career? Do you want the money
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: that comes with the career. Do you want to just
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: be involved in this industry no matter in what way.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I just need to be involved in the industry because
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: I love it so much. Do you want the stability?
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Do you want to feel like you have like consistency
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: in your life? Do you want to work with certain people?
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: What feeling? Do you want understand the feeling once you
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: identify the feeling the same as the person. So a
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: lot of people might think, especially when it comes to
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: unrequired love, where you are really into someone and they
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: don't like you back. Sometimes you think, well, they're the
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: only one that I could ever love, Like I'm so
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: into them and so into it. But say, okay, what
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: about this person do I like so much? And you
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: start picking things. I like that they're attentive, I like
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: that they're you know, really warm, I like that they're ambitious. Whatever.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: You start labeling all these things, and then you start
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: to realize this feeling or those traits that I like
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: in that person, or that I like in that job.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: They exist in many other areas, and a lot of
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: those traits I can bring to the table as well.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I can possess. There's a lot of things. So don't
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: get so caught up on thinking that this thing is
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: the be all end all, because if you say to
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: yourself this thing is the be all end all, you
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: push it further away, you hold resistance to it because
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: you're scared of it not working for you, and then
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: you're not performing at your optimum level when you are
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: engaging with these people or whatever. You're not flowing, You're
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: not natural. It's just not happening for you. Okay. When
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: you overthink, when you hesitate, you're going to cock block yourself.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: You're going to get in the way. So you're not
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: going with your instinct. You're not feeling comfortable about it.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: I think we've all been in a position where we
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: have to talk to a crush and we're like, I'm
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: so much funnier when I'm around my friends. Why can't
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: I be that funny person around this crush? Why can't
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: they see me in my best light? Because I fucking
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: cock block myself. I get in the way instead of
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: me being flowing. Natural and whatever. I end up acting
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: like a mute because I can't I don't know what
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: to say, and then this person's like lovely to me,
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: and then they walk off and they're completely underwhelmed with
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: their interaction with me because I've just ruined it for myself.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: And that just comes down to you're so afraid to
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: make mistakes that you don't know how to act natural
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: and just be yourself. If you were then to interact
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: with someone that you're like, you know, I see you
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: on my level, You're a legend, but I'm also a legend,
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: and we're all good that You're likely going to have
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: like a lot more of the natural side if you
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: come out, and you're going to feel like you are
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: deserving off that space and that time, and as is
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: that person. If you put someone on a pedestal, you're
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: gonna feel lucky to have their time, lucky to have
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: their attention. And that's when you panic, and that's when
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: you're actually like a fool. Okay, so overthinking, hesitating, you're
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: doing all of that. So if you identify what is
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: it that I like about this person, what is it
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: that I want, then you start thinking, Okay, it's actually
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: this feeling that I'm looking for, it's actually this trait
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: in a person, and then you start finding examples of
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: where you can get that in so many other areas.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: I want you to broaden your horizon and make you
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: realize that that thing that you're going for in this
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: specific moment is not the only time you can ever
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: experience that thing once you take it off the pedestal
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: and start to think, these things are available for me
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: in more areas than just this. If this thing doesn't
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: work out, I could go here, I could go here,
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: I could try that, I could try this again. I
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: could do that. You're trying to bring the stakes down.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: You're trying to talk yourself off that cliff and realize
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: this is not the be all end all. I've ified,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: I've identified what feeling I'm going for, and realize that
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: that feeling exists in many other areas. So therefore, if
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: this thing doesn't work out for me, that's just one
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: door that's shut. It's not I'm not gonna be satisfied
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: with my life. It's that door has closed. Let's try
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: this other one here. Okay, very very very different reaction
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: to something not working out. And when you think, oh,
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: if that doesn't work out, it's not the end of
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: the world. You're more likely to be relaxed when you
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: go into it because you're like, I've got I've got options. Okay,
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: if this I'd love this to work, but if it doesn't,
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna die. Never. The next thing is never
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: be in a position where you feel there is so
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: much to lose, Okay, And I feel like if you
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: put all your eggs in one basket in the sense
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: of all your happiness is sitting in the future, then
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: you're gonna feel like you've got a lot to lose.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: You're gonna feel like there's a lot at stake and
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: a lot to lose. So a really I find like
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: a really good way of turning that around is look
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: at how you enjoy things in the present moment. If
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: you're somebody that struggles to enjoy things in the present moment,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: then this whole cock blocking yourself from things happening is
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: probably be a lot more prevalent in your life, right
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: because if you feel that your happiness will come when
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: these things happen for you, then you're going to feel
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: a lot more desperation in having that thing work out
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: for you. If you feel I get my happiness from
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: my life as it is, and that thing would be
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: really nice to have, then you're less desperate. You're less
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: you know, And that when I talk about desperate, I'm
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: talking about that intense energy of like I can't lose you,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: so I have to have you, so I've got to
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: And then you're like really jarring. Okay, if you feel
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I get a lot of happiness from these relationships, I
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: get a lot of happiness from my routine, my dog,
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: how I talk to myself, my everyday life, the walks
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: I go on. I've got a really well rounded life.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: I'd love to get more. But if that thing failed,
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I have my happiness is here, Okay, not tomorrow, not
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: next year, not when I finish that degree, not there,
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: not because when you get to that place, you're always
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: in the same mindset. If you think my happiness is there,
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: you get there and you're like, what happiness is there?
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: Is that a? And then you're chasing happiness until the
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: day you die and you're never going to actually get there.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: So you have to turn it around and see what
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: parts of my life now can I realize I'm creating
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: happiness for myself or finding happiness in these moments. Okay,
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: if you can't find moments where you're truly fulfilled in
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: your life, then I can guarantee you it's not going
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: to be in that future moment that you think is
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: going to equal happiness. You have to create it now.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: And ironically that's what then makes you feel less resistant
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: to something happening or not happening for you. So I personally,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: so last year, I went through this professional drama and
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: it really like knocked me down. I really really got
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: upset about it, and I was very stressed. I was
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: very upset, and I was really hoping that this like
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: worst case scenario wouldn't happen. And then lo and behold,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: the worst case scenario did happen. And I was sitting
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: there thinking it was just going to be so bad
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: if it happened, and I wouldn't be happy and I
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: would just be miserable basically. And then the worst case
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: scenario happened and it sucked and I suffered, but it
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: made me realize that not all was lost, no way
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: near was all lost. I still had my health, I
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: had my family, I had the amazing group of people
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: around me. I had like there was so much still
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: in my life. There's so many areas in my life
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: that make me who I am and contribute to my
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: overall happiness and mental health. And while my career I
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: value it so highly, it is not the be all,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: end all, and you can't make one facet of your
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: life the determining factor off your happiness. And that made
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: me realize that when things went badly for my career,
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: when the podcast was down, when all that shit happened,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I thought that it would just knock me over completely.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: And while it made me very upset and while I
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: was very stressed it was a bit of a wake
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: up moment for men, it was really a teachable moment
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: for me because I realize that even in the depths
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: of my despair, in one facet of my life, I
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: was able to feel so grateful for all these other facets,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: and that made me become a better problem solver because
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: I had so much to still be happy for. I
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: was able to be like, right, that fucking sucks balls,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: But how can I readgroup, how can I reframe I've
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: got all this good shit going for me, It's not
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: all this last lets and you end up becoming much
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: more proactive in your approach to other things. You start thinking,
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: what if I did this, could this work? What if
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: I tried this? And a lot of things still fail.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: A lot of alternatives that I was trying to come
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: up with, we're just not gonna work, didn't work. Roadblock, roadblock, roadblock.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: But I found that when I focused on what makes
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: me happy now, I was able to keep a very
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: level head in comparison to when I thought that all
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: my eggs were in this one basket and if this
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: thing doesn't work, I'm fucked. And if it does work,
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: it equals happiness. Okay, So you have to even everything
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: out and make sure that your happiness is about finding
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: the joy in what eggs This currently and everything else
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: that's happening would be a lovely addition, but it's not
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: what's going to make or break you. Because if you
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: say this is going to make or break me, that's
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: when the stakes become too high, and then you have
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: that desperate energy. Now, anything that involves controlling another person's
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: actions is something you don't want to be putting too
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: much of your focus on. So that's never going to
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: work for you. You can never successfully control someone else's
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: free will Okay, you might say, oh, but that person
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: controlled me whatever and this and that. There's gonna be
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: situations where you are under duress or you're in an
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: abusive relationship, but that's not your free will. You're under
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: under some sort of a pressure. But non toxic people
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: can never successfully control someone's free will. Okay, if you
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: attempt to control someone, it's not going to go well
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: for you. You can only work with what you have,
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: you know, with that dynamic with that person, and what
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: is within your control, okay, and the influence that you
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: have on someone's idea of you. There's only so much
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: you can do. There's only so much you can get
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: someone to think of you. You could be the nicest
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: person and someone could think you're annoying. You could be
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: the funniest person and someone's like, I don't fucking get
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: their humor. They're rude. You could be it doesn't matter.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: You can't. You can't get someone to view you the
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: way you want them to view you. So sometimes you're
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: going to find that in trying to get someone to
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: see you in a certain way, you're trying too hard.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: You're putting a way too much effort, and the best
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: analogy is how you behave around someone that you really
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: want to like you back, So it's normally a crush
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: that's a really good analogy, or someone who you want
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: to impress. Sometimes you're really really nervous. You want to
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: impress someone that you want to get a job from,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: or you want to impress your in laws, and then
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: you end up just like just not being who you are,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: and that that comes down to the fact that you're
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: trying to control someone's response or you're trying to control
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: how someone views you, and you can't do it. You
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: have to always remind yourself that placing your focus here
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: is going to be a really big waste of your
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: time and it's probably going to push people further away
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: because it's actually getting further away from who you are.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: And it's a really sure way of getting yourself to
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: feel insecure about yourself and getting yourself to doubt yourself.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: The more you try and change how someone perceives you,
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: or change you know, the dynamic of a situation, you're
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: basically saying who I am as myself is not good enough,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: and that's a that's like a great way to just
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: like segue into doubting yourself and feeling shit about yourself
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: and insecurities. If you want someone to fall in love
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: with you romantically or not, change your focus, Okay, change
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: your focus to how can I and it's really ironic,
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: how can I respect myself more? How can I really
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: like aspects about myself? And it's often less is more.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: You don't have to be like, oh, look at this
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: good thing about me. It's just less is more. You're
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: just focusing on how can I feel good about myself?
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: And then in turn, people who like me will be drawn.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: People who don't are not going to bother. Okay, so
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: that I look at that as a really good way.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: I found that the times that I've been really loving myself, sick,
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: really enjoying who I am, not focusing on how to
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: get people to like me, that's when people start to
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: really reach out and like you back. You know those people,
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: It's like, why is it that when I'm single, you know,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: no one's ever contacting me. In the moment I'm in
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: a relationship, everyone's flooding into my dms. Probably because you're
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: just chilled and you're relaxed and you're happen. You've got
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: a different vibe, You've got a different energy. It's not
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: necessarily because people are like, oh my god, you're dating.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: Let's try and fuck that up. It's not that you
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: give off probably a more relaxed energy. Not everyone, but
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: a lot of people would. So it's this idea of
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: how can I have that level of relaxed energy all
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: the time, And it comes down to how I'm perceiving myself.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: But I can tell you the more you try and
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: get people to like you by altering and editing your
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: behavior and the way you talk and the way you respond,
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: the more you're saying to yourself, who I am right now,
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: as I behave naturally is just not good enough. And
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: then that is then going to make you doubt yourself.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: And then when you doubt yourself, you doubt your abilities,
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: you doubt what you're going to say next, and then
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: you're just not your natural self where it's flowing and
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: where everything's working. It kind of feels like clunky. Another
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: thing to remind yourself always it is a numbers game.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Everything you do in your life is a numbers game.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: The more you do, the luckier you get. So try
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: your best not to fixate so heavily on one thing happening,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: because that is that reeks of desperation, and that reeks
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: if you like waiting and holding and waiting for that
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: thing to happen. Set multiple things in motion and keep
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: working on other aspects of your life. You've got to
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: create the minimal resistance by enjoying other areas of your
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: life and finding fun in other things. It's it's you know,
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: you're you're here, You're there, you're here, You're You're constantly
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: exploring different things. You know. It makes you feel a
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: lot lighter when you're doing that because it's not like
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: this looming thing of I've putting all my eggs in
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: this one basket. You start to put everything into perspective.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: If you only focus on one thing, that one thing
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: takes over your entire life. If you if you're like, yeah,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking about that, I'm thinking about that, everything comes
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: into perspective. It's like, you know, when you're having an
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: argument with someone and it feels like the world's about
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: to end and you're so infuriated and you're like, oh
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: my fucking god, and then you step away from it
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: and it's like, oh my god, I can't believe I
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: got so worked up about someone, Like pulling out in
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: front of me while I'm driving. It's really not a
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: big deal. It's all perspective. So sometimes you just need
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: to remove yourself, put your attention somewhere else, put your
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: energy somewhere else, and then you realize, Okay, if this
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: thing works, great, I'm going to bring it in. If
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: it doesn't, it and that's just what works. And the
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: funny thing is that the more you're engaging in all
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: these different things, the more people are becoming aware of you,
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: noticing you, seeing the work that you're doing, reaching out
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: to you, wanting to work with you. That's how it happens.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: If you're just sitting there ground and fixating, that's a
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: sure way of kind of having this like desperate energy,
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: and then you're not going to be bringing in new experiences, relationships, connections,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: all of that stuff. The next thing is energy flows
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: where attention goes. So if you're focusing on not having
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: something or the fear of something not working out your way,
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: that's where your energy is going to be. Okay, So
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: it's going to be really difficult for you to feel
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: creative and to feel like you're in this kind of
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: flow state. If you're thinking, I can't not have this
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: work out for me. So then you're going to be
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: really reactive and not proactive if you're thinking about there's
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: this option, and then there's that, and there's that, There's
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: there's abundance, abundance, abundance, all this possibilities, all these possibilities.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Call it law of attraction, call it what you want.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: If you're focusing on the fact that there's possibilities around
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: you all the time, you're in this growth mindset of thinking,
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: it's not about this end goal and achieving this thing.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: It's about this constant journey of learning and growing, learning
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: and growing. This will work, this might not. Keep going,
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: keep going, keep going, get going. You're not thinking this
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: is the bill end all and that's the closed door
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: and if I don't get it, I'm fucked. There's the
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: difference between fixed mindset and a growth mindset. Okay, so
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: always remember if you're focusing on the lack of that thing, distract, distract,
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: because if you're saying, well, how do I, how do I? Okay,
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: I really want this career. I'm not going to change
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: my career. Fine, but let's say you want a certain job. Okay, Firstly,
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: they're likely maybe not, but They're likely is several opportunities
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: for that role, maybe in different companies, maybe in different
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: you know ways, or if it's just that one role,
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: there might be several opportunities for you to get that
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: one role, maybe you know, a couple of years apart
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: or whatever. So when you look at something, you've always
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: got to say to yourself, am I focusing on not
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: getting this thing and panicking? Or am I focusing on
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: getting this or something similar or something better? Okay? Because
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: when you think of this, something similar, something better, it
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: becomes a lot easier for you to be really proactive
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: in thing. How can I bring this opportunity? How can
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: I bring that? How can I learn more? How can
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: I whatever? The next thing is? Less is more fucking
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: more When it comes to wanting something and feeling like
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: you have to prove yourself and feeling like you have
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: to prove that you're good enough, and you know, you've
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: got to look at how am I behaving in front
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: of this person? How am I behaving towards wanting this thing?
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: How am I behaving towards wanting more money, towards wanting whatever?
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: If all your energy and your attention is on that thing,
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: it's going to consume your life and you're going to
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: feel like shit when something doesn't go well for me
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: in my business, I'll if I fixate on it and
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: I think about it, and I think about it and
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: I think about it, I can't think of any solutions
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: because I've just gotten into a hole thinking about it.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is really bad. And if it
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: gets worse, what am I going to do? And I
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: literally I can anyone can psych themselves into feeling like
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: something's a disaster. And what I mean by less is
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: more is you think, all right, I'm already noticing that
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: I'm starting to spiral. I need to do something completely different.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: I'm going to clean my house. I'm going to take
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: the dog for a walk. I'm going to read this book.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna whatever pay some bills. I'm going to do
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: something that's completely different. And then realize that when I
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: do that, when I pull away, when I don't give
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: all my energy into that one thing, solutions start to
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: come about. I start to feel a lot better about
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: that thing. I'm not so heavily. You know, it's not
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: my whole life that's going into this thing. And then
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: the last thing that I want to say, is to
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: learn how to distract yourself when necessary. Okay, so you
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: need to learn how to neutralize your thoughts. If you
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: really want something, but you're noticing that your energy is desperate,
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: and you still want that same thing with less desperate energy,
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: you have to find a way to lower the resistance
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: that you've got going on. And the resistance is that
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: desperate energy. If I have to have it and I'm
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: scared of not having it, that's what I mean about resistance.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: So you want to do something that's going to calm
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: your nerves and make you feel relaxed, but also something
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: that's not going to deplete your dopamine. So being on
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: social media and shit like that doesn't count. So reading
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: a book is great, playing a board game, playing solitaire,
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: listening to an audiobook, something that's going to neutralize your emotions. Okay.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: So if you go from like having to have this
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: having to have that thing, you then want to find
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: a find something that's going to be so neutral that's
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: not going to trigger any intense emotions. Neutralize, neutralize, neutralize,
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: And the best way to do that is to distract
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: yourself with something that's not going to trigger an array
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: of emotion. That's another reason why social media is not
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: the best idea to distract yourself, because you don't want
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: crazy emotions, so you want to think of what's going
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: to take my mind or something in a really neutral way. Okay,
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: meditating works for some people, but it doesn't work for
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: others because some people who just start off meditating like
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: I'm alone with my thoughts. I'm alone with my thoughts.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: So maybe try just taking five deep breaths just to
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: calm your nervous system down and then move on to
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: like I'm gonna, you know, read a few pages of
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: this book. I'm going to play some solitaire. I find
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: like playing, like doing puzzles is great. It's a great
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: way of active meditation in the sense that you're taking
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: your mind of things because you're heavily focused on something
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: that's not not you know, spiking all these crazy emotions,
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: or maybe playing a guitar or trying to like, you know,
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: crack a code or something like that. They're really good
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: ways of neutralizing your emotions. So if you are trying
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: to reframe how you feel about a crush, how you
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: feel about a job, how to whatever, every time you
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: think about it, if you're feeling good about it, if
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: you're feeling confident about it, stay in that zone the
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: moment you start panicking and fearing, switch okay, switch to distraction,
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: because you trying to go from a bad feeling thought
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: to a good feeling thought is really difficult if you're
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: in this ditch. If like, but if I don't get it,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: but I really want it. Now I'm being desperate and
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Alexi said, don't be desperate. So now you're trying to
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: change it, but you're in this hole. Distract, distract, neutralized, neutralized, neutralized,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: And then when you're feeling calm and neutral, then your
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: logic kicks in again and you're like, all right, now
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: it's actually doable, it's actually fine. I'm actually relaxed. It's
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: only when your logic goes out the window when you're
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: highly emotional, that these spiraling thoughts kind of kick in,
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: and it's really hard to go from spiraling to feeling
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: really positive about something, so instead you just you're calm
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: and then you're good, all right. So that is my
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: advice towards how to turn desperation into attraction when you
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: feel good about yourself, when you feel calm about yourself,
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: when when you really love the skin that you're in,
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: and when you are able to find happiness in your
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: current life situation, then you stop having this desperate energy
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: towards those things and those people that you want in
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: your life. And then people and things start knocking on
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: your door. They see that you're doing the work on yourself.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: They see that you're really, you know, focused on what
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: you're doing. You're happy, you're proactive, you're creative. Who doesn't
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: want to be around that? Okay? So when you like
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: everything that I talk about, when you focus on your
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: own self, your own growth, your own happiness, other things
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: fall into place and they just begin to click. Okay.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: So that's the episode of today. We do have a
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: listener question before I wrap it up, so you'll have
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: one unheard message. Listen a question. Hello. I broke up
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: with my boyfriend about two months ago now, as a
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: girl from his work sent me screenshots of him swiping
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: up to her stories with bikinis on. She also showed
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: me other screenshots of him constantly heart reacting to her stories.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: I obviously know my worth and I don't like how
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: other girls can grab his attention that easily, obviously without
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: meaning obviously without meaning to. I always have the mindset
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: of if someone else can take him from me, then
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: I don't want him. He was very shocked and was
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: spiraling for two weeks after I broke it off, and
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: when he dropped my belongings off, he started crying to me.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: I'm such a softy, and as soon as he left,
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: I said to my mum, what have I done? As
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: I regretted letting him go since he was showing remorse
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: towards the end. Towards the end of the situation, my
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: mom told me to stick to my guns because she
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: said that I don't know how beautiful I truly am
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: and that I deserve better. As time went on, I
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: found out that he was doing it to multiple girls
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: in his brother's girlfriend's sister. Sorry, that was a mouthful.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: I even found out from his cousin that he tried
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: hitting up his cousin's ex girlfriend once they split up
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: about a year ago. This truly made me sick, and
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: I think he actually has some issues, not just immature
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: but issues. His brother is very much the same, and
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: it makes me wonder if it's because their MoMA's boys
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: and never do anything wrong in their mom's eyes, their
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: mom would be the type to say to them, oh well,
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: she wasn't the one, meaning, in other words, it's okay
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: to treat women like that. It's only been two weeks
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: since we've gone no contact, because we were obviously going
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: through all the emotions, and I really didn't know how
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: to say goodbye. I wanted to give him another chance,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: but I think this was only because I never wanted
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: anyone else to have him. He said to me that
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: he's the one that ruined this for us, and that
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: he was immature and still is, and that I deserve
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: a lot better than him. It's nice knowing that he
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: knows I deserve better, but I'm really struggling as I
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: was madly in love with him and found out already
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: he has hinge and tender. Last weekend he tried to
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: request me on Instagram, and I kind of find that
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: immature of him after the things. After things didn't end
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: well and he was clearly hitting up other girls, I
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: declined because why would I accept it since he doesn't
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: need to see my photos or any stories I put up.
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: Boys like him will never truly understand how shit like
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: this destroys a girl. I just need advice because I
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: feel not good enough and constantly thinking about who he
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: would be hitting on right now since he seems to
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: be obsessed with the chase. Okay, I feel like the
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: only advice I can give you is around what you
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: can do moving forward because you know what you're doing.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: You've done all the right things. You literally have done
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: everything I would advise you to do. As far as
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: the breakup, there's no changing him because it seems like
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: this is a pattern of behavior. Any changing has to
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: come from him, and now that he's single, it's obviously
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: not going to change because everything that he was doing
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: with you can now be done, more so because he's
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: got the freedom to do so. He's not in a
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: monogamous relationship, so he is obviously not, at least in
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: the near future, intending on changing his behavior, which equals
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: not a good match for you because you're not interested
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: in having him if he's doing behaviors like that. And
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: it's easy to come up with the excuse in your
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: head that someone has issues, but what is issues like?
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: That's just someone's choice to behave that way. That is
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: an adult, I'm presuming your adults. That is an adult
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: making a decision around their behavior. Call that issues, call
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: that whatever you want. But when when when people address
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: other people as having issues, it implies that there's there's
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: no control in it. And oh, they're a victim to
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: their problems. They're a victim to their issues, don't don't
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: be So would I would put the responsibility in his
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: hands a little bit more? Okay, because a parent saying
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: to a child, oh my god, no one, you know,
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: you can do no wrong, you can do no wrong. Okay, Yeah,
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: you're setting them up to be entitled, for sure, But
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: would you consider that issues? At what point does the
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: responsibility lie with the parents and does it lie with
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: the individual? Because at some point adults have to be like,
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: all right, I'm done with how my parents have raised me.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: I have to take responsibility for this. And in this
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: person's scenario, he has to take responsibility. You're basically saying
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: that purely because his mum, you know, babied them and
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: they were like mama's boys. It means that he doesn't
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: know what cheating is. Bullshit. You still know right from wrong,
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: You still know what it is. If he didn't think
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: it was wrong, he would have done it right in
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: front of your face. But it didn't. He hit it
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: because he knew it was wrong. So there's a fucking
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: he was doing it behind your back because there was
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: no respect. So you have to look at him for
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: what he is. The way he behaved was a choice,
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: and he chose to do that to you, and you're
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: better than that, and you walked away. He's come crawling
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: back because he wants an ego boost. He wants to
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: feel validated. You're not validating him rightly, so he's going
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: to get over it. You will get over it, but
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: to feel basically, right now, you're saying to yourself, oh,
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: I feel bad for you know, saying goodbye to this
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: guy that actively disrespected me. Okay, and he's a good actor,
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: and I'm telling you right now he's a good liar.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: It's not real remorse. It's I'm sorry you found out,
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: not I'm sorry that I did that. Okay, So I'm sorry.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: He can I'm not interested, he can walk away, he
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: can fuck off. I'm glad you didn't accept him onto Instagram.
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: You absolutely do not need to. I don't think there's
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: anything wrong with ex's being friends. But if you feel
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: that you were disrespected by him and you have no
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: interest in a friendship, then what is the point. I
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: agree with you completely, so I feel what you need
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: to do is just continue doing what you're doing, but
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: just focusing more on doing things that are going to
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: make you feel good and you experience enjoyment. And the
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: more things you start doing, you start to create more
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: of a gap between you, know you when you're in
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: a relationship with him, and then further forward. It's all.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: It's also just been two weeks. Give yourself time to
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: heal because you have to experience the grieving of the relationship.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: You also were surprised because you found out information about
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: him that you didn't know about, so you're grieving a
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: version of him that doesn't actually exist. You've got to
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: grieve that, and then you've got to grieve the relationship.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: So give yourself time. Two weeks is nothing. Give yourself
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: a bit of time, and then start doing things that
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: are really going to be enriching your life. Experiences, things
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: with your friends, things that are going to like new
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: memories are one of the best things to put in
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: between you and your last relationship. The more new memories
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: and adventures and funship you can put between you and
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: the relationship, you start filling up the bank of new
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: experiences and new feelings, and you start like rebuilding yourself
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: and who you are. Hopefully that helped and that gave
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: you a bit of advice as well. Guys, thank you
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: so much for listening to today's episode. I love you
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: so much. Shout out to my beans in Argentina. I
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: just had some my dad's Argentina and I had some
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: beans on the Facebook group saying that they're from Argentina.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: Then there was some from Mexico and some We've got
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: all these like Hispanic beans. So my bean in Spanish
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: is borotos. So hello, my beautiful Portorthos. Love you so much.
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: That is all. As always, remember bekind to yourself, bekind
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: to your brain, don't take shit from anyone, and especially
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: don't take shit from yourself. Dun't listener.