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Why did the narcissist choose you? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So why did the narcissist choose you?
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  Why were you picked? Why?
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  Why were you chosen by this toxic narcissistic person?
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  Wasn't because you were a delicate empath or because you
• 0:12
  were in their proximity. That's what we're talking about
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  today, Why the narcissist chose you.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:23
  The Narcissist Code. Y'all pardon me, but my theme
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  music does give me a little hype sometimes.
• 0:51
  But yes, narcissistic people. Why they chose you, why they
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  picked you, y'all, You know what?
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  I, I, I started thinking, y'all, I don't think I've ever done a
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  video like this before about why they picked you, why they chose
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  you. I thought about it, I've done
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  little tidbits and I meant I might have mentioned it in
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  shorter videos, but I never like delved or dived deeply into it.
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  So then I was like, let's do it this morning, let's do it
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  Saturday and then just pop it off on Saturday.
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  Let's get it started, y'all. So like I said in the beginning,
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  the north could the north. I know a lot of people, I see
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  these videos, right? And people just they have like
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  the somber music plan in the background and they'll be like,
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  the caption will be like, why the narcissist chose you?
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  And then the words come on the screen, be like you're a
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  delicate, empathetic flower and they decided to pluck you, your
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  energy, your loving, caring, compassionate spirit Drew drew
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  them to you. And then they chose you and
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  manipulated you. Yeah.
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  So that's kind of sugar coating, right, That that's like making
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  it seem like some weird in some type of fantasy world, fantasy
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  island type of dynamic. And the narcissist is some
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  soulless demon out here to to just try to pick you off, Right.
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  Could it be because you were kind, nice, kind person that
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  they chose you? Yeah.
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  But a lot of times, y'all, the reason you get picked by a
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  narcissist is because they it's the, it's the proximity, like
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  your proximity. I'm shining this morning too.
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  Your proximity to that narcissist could be the reason
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  that they picked you. Like if you don't live around
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  this person, if you're not near this person, if you're not in
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  the same environment in this person, typically they won't.
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  They can't pick you. They're not like you.
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  You're not, even though you might be an empath, you're not.
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  You're not releasing pheromones or whatever into the air so they
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  can sit, they can sniff you and come find you.
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  It doesn't. It just simply doesn't work that
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  way, right? So a lot of times your proximity
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  to them, like you work with them, you're friends with them,
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  you are friends of friends with them.
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  You're in the same environment. Y'all coach on the same team,
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  your kids play together, whatever.
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  Y'all are neighbors, whatever it is.
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  So proximity gets you. Proximity gets you picked,
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  right? Proximity puts you around a
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  narcissist and they might pick you because they see you're kind
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  of caring and compassionate. They pick you because they see
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  that because they're around you. They can't pick you if they're
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  not around you. You see what I'm saying?
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  You're not giving out some type of synth trail of niceness or
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  good energy. I know some people might believe
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  in it and it's not me trying to pick on your beliefs or anything
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  like that. This is me simply letting you
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  know that this is how it goes, right?
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  This is the mentality that so many people face and so many
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  people run into. You are going to be dealing with
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  this type of stuff. Like your proximity to this
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  person could absolutely lead to you getting picked and or chosen
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  by this person, right? Yes, your kindness and niceness
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  might might allow them to pick you out of a crowd, right, Your
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  kindness and niceness might, might get might suck them not
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  suck, might get them to pick you out of a crowd, right.
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  If it's a bunch of y'all in the same environment, maybe it is
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  your kindness and niceness which puts you above everybody else.
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  Maybe it is your empathy that puts you above everybody else.
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  Maybe that is it in the long run, but I'm just letting you
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  know that like it's not just because you're they don't the
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  impasse over there. I gotta go get one.
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  No, and let's keep it real y'all not everything, because this is
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  This is why empathy is not always a prerequisite to end up
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  with a narcissist, right? Your proximity like so some
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  narcissists end up with other narcissists.
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  Some narcissists end up with people with other personality
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  disorders or other mental health issues.
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  Some narcissists end up with people exactly like them, so
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  it's not always empathy and kindness and caring and
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  compassion that attracts them. Sometimes it could be the
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  proximity and of course physical.
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  You know, of course physical attraction is going to play a
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  big role in it, right? Physical attraction is going to
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  play a huge part in it because they have a lot of times they
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  have to be physically attracted to you to try to pick you right
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  now, of course, it's going to be different if the narcissist is
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  your parent. Like you get, you get picked
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  because you're a kid. You get picked because you're
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  in, you definitely are in their environment and within their
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  proximity. So you get picked because of
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  that right there. So that's absolutely, Yeah.
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  So that's absolutely true. It really is.
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  So as you continue to deal with this person or try to understand
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  this person or try to understand what you're going through or why
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  you were chosen, it could help you heal, right.
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  Understanding this could understanding this could
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  absolutely heal, help you heal. You know what I mean?
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  And that's why I just tell people so many, I tell so many
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  people, it just it, it can help you heal to understand why they
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  picked you. So that way you can avoid it
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  next time, right? Understand why you were chosen
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  can help you avoid it being being chosen or picked next time
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  by somebody with a similar personality style, by somebody
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  with a similar personality type, by somebody that's also abusive
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  and manipulative, right? So it just like why they chose
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  you is important. Understanding is that important.
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  But you don't want, look, I'll say this right here.
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  You don't want to obsess over why they picked you because
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  sometimes when you get obsessed over why they picked you, you,
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  you, you also obsessed over why they discarded you, right?
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  Especially if they end up with somebody else.
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  If they discarded you and they ended up with someone else, you
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  could obsess over that as well. You see what I'm saying?
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  You could obsess with that. You could obsess with that too,
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  because this, This is why some people in my, in my group who
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  might be watching the video, This is why they'd be going
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  paint, shopping, looking at the new supplies, social media
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  stuff, wondering, comparing and contrasting.
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  So not only is it why you were picked, it becomes the you.
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  You can become obsessed with that.
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  You can also become obsessed with why you were discarded.
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  So understanding why you were chosen can help you heal.
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  But obsessing over why you were discarded can keep you stuck,
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  right? It can keep you stuck in this
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  cycle of narcissistic abuse, this cycle of toxicity, right?
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  This is truly this cycle. And I know people going to say,
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  well, Lee, this question, I get to well, Lee, keep it hot with
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  us. Keep it hot and ready like a
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  Little Caesar's pizza. Why did you pick your wife?
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  No comment. I'm just joking.
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  No, no, but seriously, my wife did.
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  We we live in the same state, but we, we, we were not
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  connected to each other at all. Like we had one mutual friend
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  who end up being my my my best friend, one of my best friends.
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  We had one mutual friend and she didn't like she didn't really
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  know him. They had just met and were
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  friends on Facebook. Literally I was getting tired of
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  dating and going out and partying and stuff like that.
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  I was and I told my homeboys. I told my friends I was like,
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  look, the next girl who add me on Facebook.
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  I'm a wife her up that I'm attracted to, right, That I that
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  I want and just so happened to be her.
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  It is funny. I picked her because she's like,
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  you know, she was, of course, she's a beautiful woman.
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  But then we met in person. She was funny.
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  I picked her. I chose her because we did.
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  We actually did have a lot in common.
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  We laughed at the same things. We connected over the same
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  things. This was.
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  Yeah, it was, it was it love bombing?
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  Yeah, it was love bombing, but it was love bombing with the
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  stuff that I actually liked as well.
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  I made an inside joke about Tropic Thunder and she got it.
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  And I was like, I'll marry you. You see what I'm saying?
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  Sometimes they pick you because you absolutely do have things in
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  common. Like they they pick you because
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  you're a good person. You do have things in common.
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  I chose my wife because we had a lot in common.
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  We both, you know, she thinks I'm funny.
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  Yeah, I'll always be funny. You know, my looks might fade.
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  They might be fade. Now I'm 39 years old.
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  Be 40 in three months, Right. But she, I'll always be funny to
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  her and she's funny to me. She's a funny woman.
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  I like, I love, I love funny women.
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  But you might check the boxes. They might, you might just have
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  this natural attraction where you have things in common.
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  That's understandable as well, y'all.
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  That's also an understandable. I almost forgot to drop this in
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  here, y'all. I still do my one-on-one
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  coaching over Zoom and whatnot. I have a support group.
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  I have courses available as well.
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  Everything you can find right here at mentalillness.net,
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  Mental illness.net coaching courses.
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  Everything is available at mentalillness.net.
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  But I also say this y'all, when you're dealing with the
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  manipulative, toxic narcissistic person, like understand why you
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  got understanding why you got picked doesn't make make you a
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  weak person. You can't just turn your empathy
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  off or leave. They pick me because of my
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  empathy. I'm going to turn it off.
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  No, you don't want to turn your empathy off, but you want to be
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  more selective with it, right? You don't want to just be
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  spilling empathy. You know you got this big full
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  cup of empathy. You don't just be spilling it,
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  spilling it everywhere loops. You know, your your your cup is
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  full of empathy and you just spill it and every pour it on
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  everybody. Sometimes you got to look
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  everybody get a different pour. You know, just a little, a
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  little, a little mini pour, right, a little mini pour.
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  But let's keep it hot as well, Y'all.
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  I just thought about this as well.
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  Some narcissistic people could absolutely choose you because
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  you you have money. Let's keep it right there.
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  There are the, the financially motivated narcissists or the bum
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  narcissistic people I heard who only want you because you have
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  your, your finances in order. You have a lot of finance.
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  You have a lot of, you have a lot of financial work attached
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  to you. They don't even like you as a
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  person. They just like you as what you
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  have to offer them. So they pick you and they, some
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  of them pick you and they choose you because of what you have to
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  offer them, because of what they can get from you, because what
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  they can take from you. A lot of times, right?
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  It's not always what they can get from you.
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  Sometimes it ends up being what they can take from you as well.
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  So you have to, that's part of what you have to understand too,
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  is that sometimes in these spaces, in these relationship
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  dynamics, that part of healing and part of growing is
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  understanding that this person might pick you to take advantage
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  of you. They might pick you because
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  you're vulnerable, You're in a vulnerable state, you're just
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  coming out of divorce, you're just coming out of a breakup,
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  you just lost a family member, you just lost a pet.
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  You're grieving. They pick, sometimes they do
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  tend to pick vulnerable people. And also when I say vulnerable
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  people, it doesn't mean that you're going through some type
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  of grief. Vulnerability looks like you
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  don't have a lot of relationship experience as well, right?
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  Sometimes vulnerability looks like you've been with this
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  person. You've been married.
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  Let's say you've been married to somebody else from the ages of
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  18 to 35. So you've, you've been in a
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  relationship for 17 years, then you get divorced, but this is
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  the only person you've ever been with.
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  So you don't understand other people outside this relationship
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  dynamic. So you also a vulnerable person.
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  You see what I'm saying? Their vulnerability can look
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  like naivety to some people, right?
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  So you can might you can come off as naive and people can take
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  advantage of you because you don't understand what you you
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  don't understand the full scope or the totality of being in the
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  toxic relationship dynamic. You, you don't.
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  You just trust people because of how you think and how you feel.
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  You trust people based on that fact right there.
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  So it takes a little while to get to that point.
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  Yeah, I promise you it does. But you do heal.
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  You do get past it and under, like I said, understanding why
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  they picked you, understanding why you went through this,
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  understanding why you how you got here as well.
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  You know what I mean, kid is important.
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  But you don't want, I said you don't want to obsess over
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  because that obsession can lead to you staying in a types of
• 12:06
  relationship dynamic much longer than what you need to stay in it
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  right, Much, much longer. But anyways, y'all let me hop
• 12:12
  off this thing. Y'all know, like keep them
• 12:13
  around 12:11, 12/13 minutes. If you haven't already.
• 12:16
  Again, check out the website mentalillness.net for all things
• 12:20
  Lee Hammock. I've coached like that y'all
• 12:22
  over the last almost five years. I've coached probably I've
• 12:25
  coached thousands of people, help them heal, help them grow.
• 12:28
  Everything. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna get some
• 12:29
  reviews out here pretty soon. If y'all have done a one-on-one
• 12:32
  with me, leave me like a little review in the in the comments
• 12:34
  section. So I can yeah, I, I might post
• 12:37
  it on the site, but I'm not going to post your name with it.
• 12:39
  So if you've done a one-on-one with me or coaching call with me
• 12:41
  and you made it as far, just leave me a little review.
• 12:43
  You know I, I have people emails, but I want to e-mail
• 12:46
  bombard you. Just leave me a little review
• 12:47
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• 12:50
  and as always, y'all mental illness is out.
• 12:52
  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 12:53
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
• 12:56
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• 12:58
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  Helps reach more people and click on the screen to watch
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• 13:09
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• 13:11
  I will see you in the next video.