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Andy Stanley - Guardrails Part 3 Forever Yours · Andy Stanley Sermons

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Years ago, I had the opportunity to go on a mudboat. I don't
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know if you know what a mudboat is. Look kind of like this,
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I want to I had the opportunity to go on a mudboat trip in the
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Florida Everglades. This is years and years ago, which was a lot of
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fun, except that our guide was the most annoying person I think I've ever
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met, because the entire trip, the guide kept saying, keep your hands
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inside the boat, Keep your hands inside the boat, keep your hands inside
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the boat. And this was annoying to me because I grew up around boats
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and I've been in and out a lot of boats, and I didn't need
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somebody to keep telling me to keep my hands inside the boats. And what
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could possibly happen in the Everglades? Okay, So anyway, I was so
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annoying. And then years went by and I got married and I had kids,
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and I had an opportunity to take my kids to Africa. Our whole
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family went to Africa with some other families to visit our Compassionate International child that
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we sponsored, and we got to meet a bunch of kids and look at
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what Compassion was doing all over the world and as part of that trip,
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they actually took us on a safari and this was an Kenya, the Masamara
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Game Preserve in Kenya. But once again, I don't know if all the
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guides go to the same guide school, because our guide was so annoying.
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He's like, don't get out of the vehicle, don't get out of the
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vehicle, don't get out of the vehicle, which is annoying because I own
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a vehicle and I get in and out of vehicles all the time, and
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yet the entire trip, don't get out of vehicle, don't get out of
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the vehicle. Going I don't know what's up with the guides. So anyway,
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I just had to get that out. Okay, we're in part three
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of a series that we've called guardrails. Everybody knows what a guardrail is.
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A guardrail is a system. We don't think of it in terms of a
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system, but it is. A guardrail is a system designed to keep vehicles
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from straying into dangerous or off limit areas. A guardrail, as you know,
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we've said this for the last couple of times we're together on this topic,
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that they're designed to do two things, to direct and protect direct and
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protect and a guardrail is never actually placed in the danger zone. A guardrail
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is always placed in the safety zone. They're placed in the safety zone,
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and nobody argues with the logic of this when it comes to guardrails on bridges,
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highways, and on curve. The other thing about a guardrail is that
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a guardrail is actually designed specifically designed to minimize damage. If you hit a
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guardrail, it is going to tear up your car, but you will probably
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get out and walk away from that accident. They're designed to minimize damage because
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if there weren't, if it wouldn't for the guardrail, there would be more
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damage and probably more damage to your body. Now, the reason we call
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this series guardrails. If you've been here, you know this is because the
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highway isn't the only place we need guardrails. Our greatest regrets, I would
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bet for most of us, our greatest regrets would have and could have been
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avoided if we'd had some financial guardrails, some relational guardrails, some moral guardrails,
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some academic guardrails, maybe even some professional guardrails. And when we talk
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about a guardrail in this context, it's basically a personal rule. It's kind
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of a personal law. It's something that I decide for me. I don't
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decide for you, because I don't have any right to tell you how to
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live your life. But a guardrail is something I established for myself, and
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it's essentially a standard of behavior that becomes a matter of conscience, A standard
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of behavior that becomes a matter of conscience. I decide that for me,
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financially, for me, professionally, for me when it comes to friends and
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neighbors and relationships, when it comes to my marriage. For me personally,
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I have a certain standard I want to live by, and when I begin
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to drift towards that the edge of that standard, when I begin to drift
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out of bounds, it sort of lights up my conscience. In fact,
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that's the point of a guardrail. A guardrail. The point of a guardrail
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is to light up our conscience before we hurt ourselves and before we hurt someone
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else. The point of a guardrail is to make us feel a little bit
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uneasy on the inside, and to make us feel uneasy early. So that's
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what a guardrail is. It's a personal standard of behavior that we commit to
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personally individually. We don't give other people guardrails. We establish them for ourselves
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to kind of keep us on the road, to keep us out of the
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danger zone again, whether it's relationally, financially, whatever it might be.
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But the thing is, the thing that makes this so hard is that the
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culture we live in does not celebrate and does not encourage guardrails. The culture
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that we live in the world we live in, and it's always been this
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way, celebrates and magnifies and decides that basically all we really need are painted
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lines. And that is especially true when it comes to the topic that we're
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going to talk about today. So last week we talked about friends and associates.
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Today I want to talk about friends with benefits. Okay, Today I
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want to talk about moral guardrails. I want to talk about guarding your marriage,
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guarding yourself for marriage, and guarding yourself from married people. Okay.
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Now, the word that the best word to describe that this whole topic is
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a word that we never ever use very much. And this word, it's
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the word fidelity, comes from a Latin word that means faithful or loyal.
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So what I want to talk about today is how to protect you and your
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relationships with your significant other and how to set up some standards, some things
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that ding your conscience to guard you and what is perhaps your most important relationship.
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And today I'll be your guide. So keep your hands in the boat,
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your feet in the vehicle, and your eyes on the screen. Right
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now. Nowhere, nowhere in culture. Nowhere in culture does the culture,
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nowhere does culture do a better job in baiting us towards the edge and then
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chastising us and shaming us when we step over certain lines. That when it
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comes to this area, when it comes to moral boundaries, or fidelity or
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faithfulness to our husbands or wives or fiancees or whoever it is that's in your
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life. But the problem is and the hypocrisy and all of this, and
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I just I want to confess all of our sins together. The problem is
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there's a sense in which we are all complicit, that we are all part
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of the problem because you entertain yourself. Let's just be honest, Okay,
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no elbows and no looking around. You entertain yourself with media, movies and
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music that glorify sex outside of marriage and glorify affairs. I mean, this
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is just part of the themes of most of the books that you read.
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Perhaps unless it's a self help book. The movies that you watch, the
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videos that you watch, things that you binge watch on and it's funny and
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we entertain ourselves with it. And then what happens. Then a friend actually
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has an affair and we're mortified. We're like, we're just disgusted. I
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can't believe your husband or do it. I can't believe your wife would do
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that. I can't believe your sister in law would do that. And we
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entertain ourselves with it, and then we freak out when somebody actually does it.
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We say things like this. You hear this all the time. Boys
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will be boys, boys, We'll be well, boys will be boys.
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I love what Ann Voscamp says, even though it's very heavy. She says
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this, when boys will be boys, girls will be garbage. When boys
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will be boys, girls will be garbage. And on one hand, it's
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funny and it's the boys will be boys, but when girls are mistreated,
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when women are mistreated, we freak out, as we should. But we're
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a bit complicit in this whole thing that on one hand, we celebrate it,
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we sing about it, we entertain ourselves with it. Then we freak
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out when somebody actually does it. That's why I said, in this particular
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area, this is the area where culture does more to bait us to the
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edge of disaster and then shame us when we actually step across certain lines.
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But here's the thing, And I know this is unrealistic, but that's okay.
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If we could get this one thing right, If we could just get
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this one thing right as a community or whatever community you're in, if we
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could get this one thing right as a city, if we could get this
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one thing right as a state or a nation, it would change everything.
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There would be less poverty, there would be fewer unwanted pregnancies, there would
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be less domestic violence, there would be fewer kids in the foster care system.
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There would be fewer little boys and little girls who grow up in homes
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without a mom and without a dad. And come on, let's be honest.
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All of us know, all of us know someone, or all of
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us are someone, or all of us would raise someone whose life would be
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completely different if they had had if they had established guardrails in the area that
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we're talking about today. So it's no wonder. And if you're new to
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church, and this is like the perfect sunday for you to be here because
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we're talking about sex. Okay, this is the perfect sunday for you to
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be here because this area, this area is so misunderstood when it comes to
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people, when it comes to the Church, and when it comes to the
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Bible in general. But imagine this with everything I've said so far and we
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haven't said. You know, this isn't a religious thing yet. This is
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just a thing thing right, based on your experience and my experience, based
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on your growing up experience. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could get this
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right? You know, this would make an extraordinary different So if you were
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God and you were going to inspire someone to write on this topic, what
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would you inspire them to say, go for it, have a good time,
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you know, wait till you're ready, drink responsibily, and have sex
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responsibly. I mean, what if if you were going to give the world
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a message as it relates to sexuality and sex, what do you think God
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would say? What do you think God, who has invited you think about
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this, God who has invited you, invited you to address him and relate
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to him as a heavenly got your best interest in mine? Father? So
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two thousand years ago, which is amazing when we look at the complexity of
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this text. Two thousand years ago, the apostle Paul, who was planning
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little churches all around the Mediterranean Basin, writes to a church in Corinth.
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He'd already been there visiting. In fact, he'd been there a couple times
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maybe, and so he's taught everything that we're about to read. And then
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he writes them a letter to remind them of what he taught when he was
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actually with them. And here's what he says. Flee from sexual immorality.
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Flee from sexual immorality. In other words, before you freak out about this,
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this is exactly what every husband wants his wife to do. This is
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what every wife wants her husband to do. This is what every fiance wants
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their fiance to do. This is what every big brother wants his little sister
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to do. This is what everyone who cares about someone and loves someone wants
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them to do when it comes to sexuality. They want them to at least
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be very very very careful. And there are some things you want them and
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we want them to flee from. But we are in a culture, and
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we are in a world and sometimes we're complicit in setting ourselves up not to
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flee from, but to flirt with. And again we become hypocrites, and
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again we bait ourselves and allow ourselves to be baited to the edge of disaster.
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Then we step off and we feel shame, or other people step off
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and we condemn them. And so the apostle Paul, under the inspiration of
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the Holy Spirit, says, look, look, I'm not a prude.
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I'm not against sex. I mean, come on, Christians believe God created
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sex, which we're not sure exactly how that went, but it was.
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You know, God's in heaven, you know, and He's like, oh,
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I got a great idea. You know, I don't how this work.
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The angels are like what you wouldn't You wouldn't understand, but you're gonna
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be jealous watch this. Okay, So, Chris, Christians aren't against sex,
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good grief. We actually believe once upon a time there wasn't such a
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thing and God came up with it. Now, if that's weird, that's
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just what Christians believe. And yet God has given us this extraordinary, extraordinary,
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extraordinary gift. But with this extraordinary gift, he gave us guidelines,
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and that's what are we talking about it? And the apostle Paul has this
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insight that is mind blowing, not because it's so unusual because we immediately latch
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onto it. What's so mind blowing about it is that he knew this two
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thousand years ago. Here's what he says. He says, all talking about
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sexual morality, all other sins, and Paul immediately put sexual sin in a
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category all of its own that it is uniquely He knew this. It is
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uniquely damaging. It's possible, it's possible to fully recover financially, it's possible
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to fully recover academically. It's possible to fully recover financially. But when it
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comes to sexual sin, it's not the case forgiven. Absolutely fully escape the
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consequences. Never the damage is done. And oftentimes, come on, you
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know this. Oftentimes it's generational damage. It undermines future intimacy, it impacts
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future relationships, It has a way of continuing to resurface and air after area
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after area. And then there's this, in case you're pushing back, come
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on, let's be honest. Sexual sin and I'm going to define it just
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a second, but sexual sin will make you a liar and a secret keeper
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for life. Unlike anything else. You'll admit your past bankruptcy. You'll admit,
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yeah, when I was, you know, twenty, I get twenty
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two to twenty three, I got back, then I got it. D
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Ui. I just want to get that out all on the table. You'll
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admit all kinds of things. Sexual sin will make you a liar, a
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secret keeper for life. Some of the most broken hearted people are the people
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I know who got married and their husband or their wife told them part of
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their sexual history. And in telling part of their sexual history, they kind
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of relieved their conscience, but they didn't tell the whole story. And they
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stood at an altar and they made a promise forever and forever and forever.
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And you're the most important in the world, the most important person in the
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world to me. But I've got a secret, and I'm too ashamed to
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tell you the secret because of what you might think about me. Sexual sin
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will make you a liar and a secret keeper for life. And so the
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apostle Paul, it's amazing this two thousand years ago said, look, this
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is not unforgivable. That has nothing to do with God accepting you and loving
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you. I'm just telling you the consequences of sin in this particular arena are
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different than every single other area. And you know what. You know that,
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and I know that, and we don't have to look far to understand
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that. Somehow we're all able and everyone's able to move on beyond just about
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anything else, but things that had that happen to a person sexually, or
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that a person participates in sexually for some reason, it follows us and follows
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them around, oftentimes their whole life. And again, it's not a forgiveness
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is to you. It's the nature of sexuality. Here's what he says,
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flee from sexual and reality. All other sins a person commits are outside the
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body. But the person who's sins sexually, and I want to come back
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to that in a minute, the person that sinse sexually sins against their own
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body. Now, what does sin sexually even me? And if you're new
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to church or don't like church, or somebody's making you watch this, this
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is really really important sin sexually? What does that mean? In the New
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Testament? The New Testament is the part that Jesus taught, the part that
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the followers of Jesus they wrote after Jesus left this earth. The New Testament,
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the part that begins with Jesus introducing all the new that he introduced into
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the world, and the New Testament, sin is always defined by hurting,
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stealing from, or dishonoring another person. That's what sin is. It's hurting,
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stealing from, or dishonoring another person. That anytime I put me before
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you to your detriment, that's a sin. Anytime you put you before me
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to my detriment, that's a sin. That sin isn't that there's a holy
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God up there somewhere, and he's got all these rules and he has a
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very low standard of tolerance. And oh my gosh, I've sinned against God.
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In the New Testament, you can check it out. In the New
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Testament, what you find is anytime a person takes from another person, defrauds
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another person, dishonors another person, steals from another person, hurts another person,
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that's considered sin. And here's why, because every single person you ever
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have the potential to hurt is loved by God. And see, I've told
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you this before. You cannot be okay with me if you mistreat one of
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my children. You just can't. You can sing me worship songs and come
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sit and rose worship me all day long. But if you mistreat one of
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my children, we have an issue. And anytime you steal from, hurt,
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or take from another person, you have offended your heavenly Father, not
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because he has such a loath tolerance for pain, but because he loves the
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person you offend it or hurt or stole from. And so for Christians,
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now this this is for everybody, but for Christians, our standard of living
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is what we call the Platinum rule. You know, the Golden rule doing
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to others as you would have people do unto you. But the Platinum rule
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is different. The Platinum rule is I am to treat you the way God
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through Christ has treated me, and if you're a Christian, you're to treat
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me and the people around you the way that God through Christ is treated you.
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So sexual sin is anytime you do something to potentially hurt another person.
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That makes it a sin, not because against again that God is squeamish,
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but because God loves the people you potentially hurt, and God loves you,
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and God doesn't want you to hurt you. And here's the thing. Come
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on, when you take. When you take this extraordinary gift that was designed
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for an exclusive, one of a kind, covenant relationship with another person and
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divving it up among a whole bunch of other relationships, you not only hurt
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those people, you hurt yourself when you take. When you take from someone,
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when you take from someone something that was intended for or promised to someone
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else, you sin against that person. That's what sexual sin is. Again.
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It has nothing to do with God having a low tolerance of pain or
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God's against sex. It has everything, and please don't miss this. It
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has everything to do with how much God loves you and honors you and cherishes
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you, and honors and life and cherishes the person beside you and the person
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behind you, and the people that you work with and do life with.
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That's why this is a big deal. That's why it's a big deal to
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God because the consequence of sexual sin is so different, and God loves you
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too much to keep his mouth shut. And he says this, whoever sins
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sexually actually sends against their own body. Paul says, come on, when
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you send sexually, not only do you steal from, hurt or take from
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another person, you hurt yourself, you betray yourself, you undermine your own
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potential for future intimacy. So Paul says, this is this is in the
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category of one. This is a whole different thing. This is precious,
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it's fragile, it's powerful, and you need to guard it. And then
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it is Paul's writing. It's like he's writing this, and he's gonna send
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this to the you know, the church in Corinth. And it's like he
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thinks, you know what, you know what? Maybe they forgot because he'd
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already been there and told them all this stuff. Maybe they forgot. Maybe
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some people arrived late. Maybe there were some people who are going to get
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this letter that weren't there when I was there to teach. So there maybe
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they don't know what I know that they need to know to know what a
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big deal this is. And so he says this, do you not know?
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Do you not know? In other words, there's something you may not
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know that if you knew it would impact your behavior. Do you not know
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there's something that perhaps no one ever told you, or no one ever explained
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in such a way that it made any sense to you. In other words,
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there may be something that if you knew it it might impact the way
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you manage and handled your sexuality. And again, what's so powerful is this
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is not another consequence. This isn't about consequence avoidance. He's covered that there
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is a much grander reason that you should flee immorality. And here's what he
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says, and he's speaking to Christians. So if you're not a Christian,
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you're not accountable for any of this. But this is kind of fascinating.
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If you ever become a Christian, this will make this may become important.
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But for those of you who are Christians, and Paulish writing to Christians,
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here's what he says. He says, do you not know that your bodies,
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your physical bodies are temples? Your bodies, every single person's body is
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a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have
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received from God. And now, Paul, this is so brilliant. He
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shifts the conversation away from consequence to identity. Essentially, he's saying this,
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do you not know? Do you not know? Do you not know who
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you are? Do you not know what you are? You are a temple?
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And we go, so, what what's a temple? Most of us,
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the only time we've been in a temple was you know, was a
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tourist attraction somewhere right, And plus, temples are sacred, and in our
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culture nothing is sacred, to which Paul would say, Ah, but you
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are. In fact, you are more sacred than the most sacred site anywhere
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on the planet, because the Holy Spirit of God dwells in you. You
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are, whether you want to be or not, whether you knew it or
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not, you are a sacred image er. You are fine, and you
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are fine tuned for a relationship with God and a relationship with others that you
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didn't just happen. You were designed. You were designed and fine tuned for
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intimacy with one other person. You're no mere mammal, and neither is the
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person that you live with, and neither are the people that you work with,
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and neither are the people that you're sitting beside. That God's spirit resides
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in you. And you know why that's a big deal, because the value
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of a container is determined by what it contains. See, if you stole
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my wallet, I wouldn't be concerned about my wallet. I would be concerned
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about what what's in my wallet, mostly because I can't even remember what's in
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my wallet, right, just kidding, right. In other words, if
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somebody robbed me and said, I want your wallet, but you can keep
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everything in it, it's like not a problem. You know, take my
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while it's not my wallet isn't valuable, it's what's in it. And this
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is true of everything, right. It's what a container contains that makes it
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valuable. And your heavenly father says you contained the image of God. You
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are extraordinarily, extraordinarily valuable, and so is every single person you are ever
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eyeball to eyeball with. He says this, You're not your own. You're
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not your own, to which we say, yes, I am. I'm
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an adult. You know, I'm a senior in high school. I'm a
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free agent. It's my body. I can do whatever I want to pass
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not you're not your own, and be glad you're not your own, because
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ownership determines value as well. The thing that makes a container valuable is what
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it contains, but ownership determines value as well. In fact, you may
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remember this story. A couple of years ago, a twenty fourteen Stratocaster guitar
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that was worth maybe eighteen hundred dollars retail like you stratocaster guitar worth about eighteen
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hundred dollars twenty fourteen. In twenty sixteen it was sold for over forty five
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thousand dollars. Now, why would somebody buy a guitar worth eighteen hundred dollars?
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Why would they spend forty five thousand dollars on it? Because of who
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owned it before? Because they had the signature of Air Clapton. And when
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Eric Clapton, the owner made it known this is my guitar, the value
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skyrocketed. And do you know what Paul is saying. This is so powerful
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that you are owned by your father in heaven, which gives you extraordinary,
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extraordinary value. That you're not your own, You are actually purchased with a
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price how much? Hey, the value of a thing is determined by what
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it'll bring. Right, the value of a thing is determined by what.
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You can put any kind of price tag on anything you want, But the
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value of a thing is determined by what it'll bring. And Paul said that
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the essence of the gospel is that when God sent his son into this world
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to die for your sins, that meant that's how valuable you are to God.
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Therefore he says, Therefore, therefore, in light of the selfishness of
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sexual sin, in light of your extraordinary value and your fine tune potential for
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intimacy. In light of all that, he says, therefore, here's the
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application. Honor God with your bodies. Honor God with your bodies. This
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is the new Testament sexual ethic. Honor God with your bodies. Honor God
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with your bodies, and honor the other bodies around you because they are so
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valuable to your Father and Heaven. That's why this is a big deal.
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It's not just consequence. We know the consequence. It's because those of us
23:23
who believe there is a God in Heaven believe every single person bears the image
23:27
of God and deserves our utmost respect, not because of their behavior, but
23:34
because whose image they bear. Now, if you're listening to this, going,
23:41
ah, I didn't know that. That's why Paul said, do you
23:42
not know? Because you did not know? And now you know what if
23:47
you saw every person around you that way? What if you saw what if
23:51
you saw in them what Paul says is in them, it would impact the
23:55
way that you treat them. But fleeing, fleeing immorality requires guardrails. This
24:03
doesn't just happen because again, everything in culture mitigates against this. So here's
24:07
what I want to do for the next few minutes, just to bother you.
24:08
I want to make some suggestions as it relates to moral guardrails, how
24:11
to protect your fidelity. If you're in a relationship, or you want to
24:15
be in a relationship, or maybe you just got out of a relationship,
24:18
I want to talk about how to do this. But here's what I want
24:19
to say ahead of time. If you hate my suggestions, if you think
24:22
those suggestions are so narrow minded and andy you're so old, or if you
24:26
think you know they're just from some other world or some other generations, that's
24:30
okay. You can ignore the next seven minutes. All I ask is this
24:34
that when I'm done, and when you're done being upset with me and frustrated
24:38
with me, that you sit down and establish guardrails in this area of your
24:44
life. So here's some suggestions. The first one is talk about it.
24:48
If you're married, or you're engaged, or you're dating somebody and it's a
24:51
serious relationship, you need to talk about this. And here's what I mean.
24:53
You need to talk about what you're comfortable with as it relates to your
24:57
fiancees, your husband, your wife, your partner's relationship with other men and
25:02
with other women. You need to decide together. You need to know what
25:07
she thinks, and she needs to know what you think. You need to
25:10
know what he thinks, and he needs to know what you think. That
25:11
you should decide together what is appropriate behavior in the office, what is appropriate
25:17
behavior in terms of the workaday world and friends. You just need to talk
25:21
about it. You should and I feel strongly about this, that you should
25:25
avoid traveling or eating alone with potentially problematic people. And you say, who
25:30
are the problematic people? You know, you already know. I don't have
25:36
to define them for you. You know who the potentially problematic people are.
25:38
It's because when you get to the office, you can go left or right,
25:41
and you always go left because he's right there on the left. That's
25:45
a problematic person. You know who the problematic people are. You need to
25:48
decide as a matter of conscience. You know what. She kind of gets
25:52
to me, He kind of gets to me. She keeps coming over to
25:55
visit me, he keeps coming around. I mean, you know who the
25:57
problematic people are. And you should make a guardrail that you are going to
26:00
avoid traveling alone with or eating alone with those people. Now, the first
26:04
message in this series we talked about the Billy Graham rule and the Billy Graham
26:08
back in the sixties. Let it me know that he never traveled with or
26:11
ate alone with any woman that wasn't his wife or one of his family members.
26:15
Didn't meet alone with, didn't travel alone, didn't have meals alone with.
26:18
And you know, he established is as a standard in the Billy Graham
26:21
organization. And you know he got a lot of criticism for that. But
26:23
through the years, I've met many men and women who have established that standard.
26:30
That's their guardrail. I embraced that years ago when I was first married,
26:33
and that's going to be a standard, a guardrail for me. I
26:37
realized that that is not practical for everybody because of who you work with,
26:40
the kind of business that you're in, who your boss is, and what's
26:41
required of you. So the point is simply this, we know the environments
26:47
that create intimacy between people. I don't have to explain that to you.
26:49
You know that if you're in a committed relationship, and if you especially if
26:53
you're married, you should talk to your spouse. You should talk to your
26:57
fiance about the problematic people, and you should have this discussion. And you
27:03
should establish guardrails now if you have to. I mean, there's times when
27:08
you just you know what, that's my boss. My boss takes me to
27:11
lunch, you know ball we travel. Then the second thing I suggest is
27:15
you tell them about it. Tell them about it always. They never keep
27:18
you know, ever need to keep a secret in an important relationship. And
27:22
when you find yourself thinking about keeping a secret, that should set off your
27:26
conscience. When you find yourself hesitating to tell because you know what, we
27:32
travel together the last three times. This is the fourth time. I'm not
27:34
sure I want her to know. I'm not sure I want him to know
27:37
because after that third time we had that conversation, if she finds out I'm
27:40
doing. Anytime there's something in you that hesitates being honest about your relationship with
27:45
another person, that should set off. That should set off red flags in
27:48
your heart and your mind. That's a guardrail that sets off something in your
27:52
conscience. You haven't done anything wrong, you haven't done anything bad. It's
27:56
minimal damage, but you need to pay attention. You need to be honest
28:00
with yourself, and you need to be honest with your spouse or fiance or
28:04
the person that you're thinking about committing your life to. Don't get involved in
28:08
counseling relationships with people that are potentially problematic people, or that you could be
28:12
attracted to or they could be attracted to you. Just don't get into counseling
28:15
situations. Besides, you're not a counselor. In fact, you don't even
28:18
give good advice. Okay, so just don't do that. Here's the thing.
28:25
They need help that's important. They may need help. They don't need
28:29
you, they may need help. Get them help. I have hurt so
28:33
many feelings through the years, Okay, minimal damage, hurting for somebody's feelings,
28:37
minimal damage offending people, minimal damage. When I've said to people,
28:41
you know what, the church can help you, but I can't. I
28:45
can't. I mean, this is hard for me to say. So I've
28:48
said to people so many times that they just insist they have to meet with
28:51
me, they have to meet with me, and I say, you know
28:52
what, you can't ever meet with me. That hurts their feelings. Minimal
28:56
damage. But I say the church, I'm not saying no, we can't
29:00
help you. I'm just saying I can't help you, and if I have
29:03
to be the one that helps you, it's just not going to happen.
29:06
Minimal damage. You just decide if you're a counselor you counsel, if you're
29:10
not a counselor you refer people to counselor. But anything, and you know
29:14
this, anything that sets up the potential for intimacy, you need to be
29:18
careful. Here's another one. This is kind of strange, but you'll understand.
29:22
When you feel your heart, when you feel your heart and your desire
29:27
drifting toward a specific person that's really an out of bounced person, you need
29:30
to tell somebody when you know that your heart and your attention and your mind
29:37
and your list is drifting toward a person that's out of bounds because you're in
29:40
a relationship, you need. You may not want to tell your husband or
29:42
your wife initially, but you've got to tell somebody. And here's why,
29:45
because oftentimes speaking of it diffuses it. Speaking of it diffuses it, and
29:51
secrets are never healthy to carry around. Now, the objection, and I
29:56
totally get this, the objection is anti but doesn't some of this kind of
30:00
limit a woman's professional opportunities, And the answer is it certainly can if misapplied.
30:06
Absolutely certainly can. In fact, they got a letter last week from
30:08
a woman who went from a for profit company to a nonprofit company, and
30:11
in the nonprofit company, all the men in the company had the Billy Graham
30:15
rule, and she didn't get invited to lunch, she didn't get invited to
30:18
meetings, and she felt like her whole career was sidetrack and sidelined because she
30:22
didn't have access to the people who could help her move up in the organization
30:26
the way that the men could. That's a terrible application of this idea.
30:30
All of us in positions of authority, starting with me, including me,
30:33
all of us in positions of authority, need to make sure that these kinds
30:37
of guardrails don't impede upward mobility for anybody, but especially women in an organization.
30:44
I got a letter after the first week that said, Andy, these
30:47
rules and these standards in these silly guard rules. That didn't say silly these
30:48
guardrails. I think she was thinking, silly guardrails. These guardrails make it
30:52
sound like women are predators. So I want to just be super clear.
30:56
Men are predators, our predators. Okay, remember first week, we're cavemen.
31:02
We are marginally evolved cavemen. And besides that, at any point is
31:07
true. At any point, there is at least one or two or sometimes
31:11
three stories in the news, all at the same time of men who are
31:14
being sued or have lost their jobs because of an inappropriate sexual contact or inappropriate
31:19
sexual conversation in the workplace. I can't remember the last time I heard about
31:25
a woman losing her job or being sued because she kept sexually harassing men.
31:29
I'm sure it's happened, but men in for the most part, are the
31:33
problems to ladies. This has nothing, nothing, nothing to do with saying
31:37
something negative about women. On the contrary, if men weren't such cavemen,
31:41
I wouldn't even need to be talking about this. And when properly applied,
31:45
When properly applied, this actually creates a healthier environment for women in the workplace.
31:52
It actually protects women. And in case I haven't made it clear in
31:57
my through the years, as I've talked to many people who've you know,
32:00
embraced these kinds of ideas, I've talked to as many women as men who
32:05
said, no, that's the standard I've set for myself. My husband and
32:07
I talked about it, and we both know this is how we live our
32:09
lives. And you know, when there's an exception, we call each other,
32:13
let each other know. So this isn't a guy only thing. This
32:15
is a thing only thing. This is about asking the question, what is
32:20
the best thing, what is the wisest thing to do to protect my fidelity.
32:24
The other issue, another area, of course, is social media.
32:28
I mean, come on, when it comes to affairs and elicit you know,
32:31
relationships and emotional you know, involvement. You know, social media is
32:36
a gateway drug. I mean you know that right. In fact, in
32:37
some way, social media is worse than actually meeting with someone privately for dinner
32:43
or for coffee, because with social media, I mean, you know how
32:45
this goes. You just begin to idealize that person because you're only getting the
32:49
highlight reels. Then you begin to fantasize about that person. Then you begin
32:52
to romanticize the relationship. And you haven't even talked. I mean, you
32:55
haven't even you know, had any kind of physical contact. By the time
32:59
you do, everything is so amped up, everything is so unrealistic. So
33:02
all of those areas where you need to have guardrails, and if you're married
33:07
or again in in a significant relationship, you need to talk about all of
33:10
this because the point of it is this. The point of a guardrail is
33:14
to light up our conscience before we hurt ourselves and before we hurt other people.
33:21
A guardrail should light up our conscience. In other words, it should
33:23
make us sensitive to something, not because we've done something, but because we
33:27
are drifting in a direction. Now, if all of this seems so extreme,
33:34
maybe this is your first time. You haven't been to church in a
33:36
long time. It's like, wow, I don't know they talked about this
33:37
kind of stuff in church. Well I've been missing out all If this seems
33:40
so extreme, I I just want you to remember this. Come on,
33:44
you're adults. You know this. Dangerous environments, right, Dangerous environments call
33:49
for extreme measures. You say, well, Andy, is it really all
33:52
that dangerous? Let me ask you a question. Then I'm done. Married
33:54
couples, married and engaged couples real quick. I just want to ask you,
33:58
married and engaged couples, what in our culture, what in our culture
34:02
equips you and supports you? When it comes to remaining faithful. What in
34:07
our culture equips you to remain faithful and supports your decision to remain faithful?
34:14
Advertising, no media, no television, no books, no unless you're reading
34:21
a book about marriage, right, What in our culture? Where in our
34:24
culture do you feel the win in your sales to support you keeping your eyes
34:29
on the road and right between the guardrails. Perhaps the only place you're hearing
34:35
the kinds of stuff we're talking about today is church, which means outside of
34:39
church, Outside of church, it is a dangerous world you live in if
34:44
you are committed to fidelity, single same question, who and what? Who
34:49
and who and what encourages you and equips you to live responsibly when it comes
34:54
through your sexuality. Where in society are there are people just saying, I
34:58
just want to breathe life int I want to speak truth to you. I
35:00
want to make sure that what you know, if you ever get married,
35:02
you're going to be so equipped and you were You know who's doing that for
35:06
you? Nobody? It's the opposite, other than perhaps the church, other
35:10
than perhaps single series that we do, who else is doing that? That's
35:15
why I say it's a dangerous environment. It requires extreme measures. And come
35:22
on, do you think where the else right? Do you think that you'll
35:27
look back in five years and regret establishing guardrails around your fidelity. Do you
35:31
think five years from now you look back and go, those stupid guardrails.
35:35
I got into so much trouble life, so many regrets, spent all that
35:37
money. I mean no, if you establish, if you established guardrails now,
35:42
five years later, you'll look back and think it's one of the best
35:44
decisions you ever made. So you got to decide flee or flirt. Flee
35:51
honors God, flee honors you, Flee honors your kids, your future kids,
35:59
your grand and flee honors others. But flee requires guardrails. So we
36:07
just said some guardrails that ding your conscience while you're still in the safety zone.
36:14
You won't be applauded now, but you will be applauded later because guardrails
36:20
will become part of the story that you get to tell, and you'll be
36:25
applauded later by the people that actually matter most and by your father in heaven.
36:32
So think about it, talk about it, and do something about it
36:38
you already wish you had. You'll be glad that you did, and besides
36:45
guardrails, guardrails set you up to say, from the bottom of your heart,
36:51
I'm forever yours, faithfully,