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Should I END My MARRIAGE Over An AFFAIR That Ended Years ago · CelinaSpookyBoo

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Speaker 1: Am I an a-hole for ending my relationship over an
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Speaker 1: affair that ended years ago? And other Reddit stories that
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Speaker 1: are gonna blow your mind. I'm sorry I did that,
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Speaker 1: but today we are going to be reading some Reddit
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Speaker 1: relationship drama. Who shouldn't give advice on relationships? Why not me?
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Speaker 1: I've been with the same man for 17 years. years.
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Speaker 1: Let's get into it. So this is from Am I
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Speaker 1: the A-Hole Relationships. Am I an a-hole for ending my
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Speaker 1: marriage over an affair that ended years ago? I, a
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Speaker 1: 34 female, have been married to my husband, 36 male,
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Speaker 1: for eight years. We have two kids, six and four,
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Speaker 1: a house, a decent life, nothing flashy, just solid, or
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Speaker 1: so I am. thought. About a month ago, I was
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Speaker 1: organizing old photos that we had on our shared computer
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Speaker 1: when I stumbled across a folder buried in a backup drive.
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Speaker 1: It was from about 2019. Most of it was boring stuff, receipts,
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Speaker 1: work docs, until I found a screenshot of a hotel
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Speaker 1: confirmation and a few blurry, very personal selfies that were
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Speaker 1: very much not taken by me. My stomach dropped. I
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Speaker 1: confronted him that night. He looked like a ghost. He
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Speaker 1: didn't deny it. He admitted everything. He had a six-month
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Speaker 1: affair with a co-worker during a rough patch in our marriage.
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Speaker 1: Our oldest was a newborn, we were sleep-deprived, fighting constantly, etc.
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Speaker 1: According to him, it ended completely when she moved out
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Speaker 1: of state, and he never told me because it was
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Speaker 1: over and would never happen again. And it hasn't. He's been,
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Speaker 1: by all accounts, a great partner since. Supportive, affectionate, hands-on dad, loyal,
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Speaker 1: at least from everything I could see. I had no idea.
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Speaker 1: But now I feel like my whole life is a lie.
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Speaker 1: The memories I thought were happy, our anniversary trip, our
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Speaker 1: baby's first steps, even the night we conceived our second kid,
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Speaker 1: all happened while he was... was lying to me. I
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Speaker 1: left to stay with my sister for a little bit.
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Speaker 1: I told him I didn't know what I want. I
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Speaker 1: am angry, heartbroken, humiliated. He's begging for forgiveness, saying that
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Speaker 1: he was stupid and selfish and that he thought he
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Speaker 1: was protecting me from pain. His family knows, and they've
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Speaker 1: been begging me not to throw everything away over something
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Speaker 1: that's been dead for years. Even my own mom said,
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Speaker 1: if he's been good to you since, is it worth
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Speaker 1: destroying your kids and home over the past? But it
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Speaker 1: still happened, and I still just found out. I can't eat,
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Speaker 1: I can't sleep, and I can't look at him without
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Speaker 1: feeling betrayed all over again. I didn't get to process
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Speaker 1: this when it happened. I get to process it now,
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Speaker 1: and it feels fresh even if it's not. So, Am
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Speaker 1: I the a-hole for blowing up my marriage over an
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Speaker 1: affair that technically ended years ago? Hmm. Here's the thing.
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Speaker 1: It isn't even really about the affair, isn't it? It's
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Speaker 1: the fact that he didn't tell you. It's the fact
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Speaker 1: that you had to find out on your own. And
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Speaker 1: it's the fact that he kept souvenirs. Why wouldn't he
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Speaker 1: have wiped this? Why wouldn't have he made sure that
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Speaker 1: this went away forever and that you would never, ever,
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Speaker 1: ever have to experience what had happened? This is a
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Speaker 1: hard one because it is years ago and he's been
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Speaker 1: better since. But if you didn't notice then, how would
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Speaker 1: you know now? I am the kind of person where
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Speaker 1: I believe once a cheater, almost always a cheater, there's
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Speaker 1: something inside them that breaks. Do I think she should
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Speaker 1: leave her husband now? I don't know. I'm on the fence.
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Speaker 1: I feel like that is a very deeply personal, personal thing.
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Speaker 1: But the trust factor here, it is shattered. It is broken.
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Speaker 1: There is not ever going to be a moment where
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Speaker 1: she's not going to question. Here's some things you could do.
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Speaker 1: And this is not what a therapist could do. Maybe
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Speaker 1: you go do the same thing. Maybe you have to
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Speaker 1: make it even. Devil on my shoulder says, go out there,
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Speaker 1: do the same thing. Let him know you're going to
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Speaker 1: do it. Tell him this is what it's going to take.
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Speaker 1: Maybe you're not that kind of person. Maybe just I am.
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Speaker 1: Never been through this, thankfully. But Then the angel on
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Speaker 1: my shoulder says, hey, he really tried to hide this
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Speaker 1: from you because he didn't want to hurt you. But
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Speaker 1: the devil on my shoulder says he still did it.
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Speaker 1: I'm curious, what would you guys do about this? I
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Speaker 1: want to know in the comments below. Personally, if I
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Speaker 1: were to think about this, this is my situation, I
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Speaker 1: think I'd leave because you were going through a hard
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Speaker 1: time and he ran to someone else instead of you.
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Speaker 1: What makes that different now? He better buy you a
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Speaker 1: new car if he wants you to stay. Definitely needs
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Speaker 1: some presents. We need to read the comments on this.
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Speaker 1: Not the a-hole. Your kids will be fine. Your husband abandoned, disrespected, dishonored,
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Speaker 1: and humiliated you. He took away your right to be
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Speaker 1: informed and consent from your own life. Would you have
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Speaker 1: another kid knowing he had cheated? I recommend therapy because
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Speaker 1: holy hell, there's a lot to unpack here. You need
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Speaker 1: someone to talk you through. Yeah, don't listen to me.
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Speaker 1: Listen to me. You know what? I'd leave. I would.
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Speaker 1: Because every minute that he doesn't tell you makes the
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Speaker 1: lie bigger. Leave! Am I the a-hole for ending my
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Speaker 1: five-year relationship after my fiancé basically broke up with me
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Speaker 1: at my cousin's funeral? What? I'm an egg. My cousin
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Speaker 1: suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. I was devastated. He was
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Speaker 1: like a brother to me. I, 30 female, had been
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Speaker 1: with my fiance, 31 male, for five years, and we
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Speaker 1: were living about eight hours away from my family when
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Speaker 1: I got the news about my cousin. I wanted to
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Speaker 1: fly out immediately, but he made a stink about the
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Speaker 1: money and taking extra time off work. Overwhelmed with grief,
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Speaker 1: I agreed that we would drive out the week of
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Speaker 1: his funeral. Knowing he struggles with social anxiety, I told
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Speaker 1: him ahead of time that he didn't need to come,
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Speaker 1: as there were going to be over 300 people that
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Speaker 1: had RSVP'd to attend my cousin's funeral. He reassured me
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Speaker 1: that he wanted to be there to support me. We
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Speaker 1: arrived at my parents' house the day before the funeral.
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Speaker 1: I checked with him again and told him that he
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Speaker 1: could stay back if he needed to, and he gave
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Speaker 1: me the answer that he would be fine and that
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Speaker 1: he wanted to be there for me. The next day,
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Speaker 1: we got to the venue early to help set up
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Speaker 1: and spend time with family. Not even 20 minutes after arriving...
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Speaker 1: I realized my fiance is nowhere to be found. I
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Speaker 1: eventually spotted him off in the corner on his phone.
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Speaker 1: I asked him if he was okay and he coldly
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Speaker 1: responded that he was fine. I told him that he
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Speaker 1: really needed to be next to me as things were
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Speaker 1: about to start. He agreed and followed me. But when
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Speaker 1: I went to sit down with my family, he disappeared again.
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Speaker 1: After the service ended, the people began to mingle. I
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Speaker 1: went looking for him again to only find him sitting
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Speaker 1: outside scrolling on his phone. I asked again if he
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Speaker 1: was okay and he said he was fine. But when
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Speaker 1: I pressed for more, he said, If you don't understand,
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Speaker 1: then you clearly don't care. Just go have fun with
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Speaker 1: your family. Ugh! Sorry, the ick just settled through my
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Speaker 1: whole body and then fell out my ass. Did anyone
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Speaker 1: else feel that? Did anyone else feel that? Did anyone
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Speaker 1: just feel that this guy's a loser? Did anybody feel that?
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Speaker 1: Just go have fun with your family. Oh god, that line.
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Speaker 1: I was shocked, confused, and hurt, and asked if somebody
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Speaker 1: had said something or done something wrong. He told me
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Speaker 1: not to worry about it and to just enjoy my time.
6:09
Speaker 1: I explained that this wasn't a fun family gathering and
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Speaker 1: that I needed his support. He wasn't budging, so eventually
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Speaker 1: I left to go be with my family. The drive
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Speaker 1: back to my parents' house was incredibly tense. He started
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Speaker 1: unloading on me, saying things like, This made me realize
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Speaker 1: you're not my person. I've wasted so much time for you.
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Speaker 1: And you've never prioritized me, even though I've given up
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Speaker 1: everything for you. When I asked where this was coming from,
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Speaker 1: he said that I had abandoned him at the funeral
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Speaker 1: to be with my family. He also claimed it brought
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Speaker 1: up unresolved feelings about his grandmother's passing at the beginning
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Speaker 1: of the year. The entire 30-minute drive was filled with
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Speaker 1: him calling me selfish and a terrible person. I told
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Speaker 1: him it wasn't fair to put all of that on me,
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Speaker 1: especially that day. I was already grieving, and it was
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Speaker 1: too much to process. He ended it by saying that
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Speaker 1: we just have to get through the rest of the weekend,
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Speaker 1: and when we get home, we'll figure out next steps.
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Speaker 1: I broke down to my parents and sister, trying to
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Speaker 1: make sense of everything. My mom even tried to talk
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Speaker 1: to him, but he shut her down, saying... I'm not
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Speaker 1: discussing this with you. Respect my boundaries. And locked himself
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Speaker 1: in the room. Oh, my God. Get this boy a diaper.
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Speaker 1: Give him a baba and a sousou and put him outside. Oh,
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Speaker 1: my gosh. The next morning, he came out and said
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Speaker 1: he was leaving whether I went with him or not
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Speaker 1: because he felt uncomfortable saying, I told him I was
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Speaker 1: staying and would fly back. My sister called him out
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Speaker 1: saying his behavior was unacceptable. Hell yeah, sister. Yeah. and
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Speaker 1: he left that night he texted me saying that he
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Speaker 1: was disappointed that i hadn't checked to make sure he'd
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Speaker 1: gotten home safely after driving eight hours alone while in
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Speaker 1: emotional distress I didn't respond and I didn't reach out
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Speaker 1: the rest of the weekend to the narcissist. When I
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Speaker 1: got home, I was prepared for the worst, but instead
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Speaker 1: everything had shifted. He now asked how time with my
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Speaker 1: family was, how my flight was, and he had cleaned
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Speaker 1: the apartment, stocked it with my favorite snacks, and even
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Speaker 1: made a PowerPoint presentation outlining everything we'd been through and
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Speaker 1: the changes he planned to make. I told him we
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Speaker 1: were no longer aligned and that we were on two
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Speaker 1: completely different paths. I said that I wanted to be
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Speaker 1: with someone who truly believed that I was their person
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Speaker 1: and who would not walk away when things got hard.
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Speaker 1: He noticed I wasn't wearing my engagement ring and said
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Speaker 1: he couldn't believe that I was throwing everything away. Screw
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Speaker 1: this guy. This person. Okay. In sickness and in health.
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Speaker 1: When times are hard and times are not. That is
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Speaker 1: not marriage material. I'm sorry. You had a huge, massive
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Speaker 1: grief loss and he couldn't show up for 48 hours.
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Speaker 1: He couldn't show up and be your person and take
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Speaker 1: care of you for 48 hours. What happens if you
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Speaker 1: get sick? Like if you get cancer and you're dying,
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Speaker 1: where's it going to be? You can't, you don't know
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Speaker 1: I need you. No, you are not the asshole. Get
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Speaker 1: rid of him. Bye. All right. Let's see. Not the asshole.
8:30
Speaker 1: He made the funeral about himself. He's immature and hateful
8:32
Speaker 1: and an He is not a person you want by
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Speaker 1: your side. Life is too short for that. Wow, he
8:36
Speaker 1: really acted like a petulant toddler, didn't he? Dude needs
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Speaker 1: serious help. And then someone said that's offensive to toddlers.
8:42
Speaker 1: He had to start a fight to gain attention for himself.
8:45
Speaker 1: When you didn't take the bait, he fully doubled down.
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Speaker 1: When love gestures upon your return, he's training you. He
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Speaker 1: will keep doing this to you, keep breaking you piece
8:52
Speaker 1: by piece in the love bomb. You'll end up putting
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Speaker 1: up with more and more because your boundary is constantly
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Speaker 1: being pushed back. Now is the time to exit. Never
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Speaker 1: take him back. Choose yourself because he will never choose you.
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Speaker 1: Weak man. Mic drop. Let me just drop it. Ugh,
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Speaker 1: I hate him. Okay, next up we have, am I
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Speaker 1: the a-hole that I feel like my partner doesn't want
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Speaker 1: me to have anyone else in my life? Context, I,
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Speaker 1: 43 female and boyfriend, 44 male, have been together for
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Speaker 1: 17 years. For many of those years, it was just him,
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Speaker 1: our daughter, and I. I'm an introvert, so I have
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Speaker 1: never really had friends, not close ones, and the one
9:26
Speaker 1: time I tried, it caused issues i have children from
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Speaker 1: another relationship i was super young when i had them
9:32
Speaker 1: had some drug issues and lost custody when my oldest
9:35
Speaker 1: was 10. i didn't have much of a relationship with
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Speaker 1: them until my oldest was 18 or so at that
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Speaker 1: point we finally really tried hard to build a mother-child
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Speaker 1: relationship i went to see him and his fiance two
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Speaker 1: years ago with my boyfriend and daughter i was elated
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Speaker 1: to have them back in my life and to have
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Speaker 1: twin granddaughters soon after here's the issue My husband seems
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Speaker 1: very jealous of the relationship with my son. My son
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Speaker 1: calls daily. I FaceTime with my granddaughters and we talk
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Speaker 1: about life. It has caused serious issues in my relationship
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Speaker 1: with my boyfriend. He has said that it is weird
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Speaker 1: that we talk so much and that he thinks I'm
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Speaker 1: going to leave him to go be with my son
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Speaker 1: and granddaughters. I never once have alluded to that in
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Speaker 1: any way. We have had a huge fights over this.
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Speaker 1: I am at a loss. We have been together 17 years.
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Speaker 1: I love him, but I am being made to feel
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Speaker 1: like I have to choose between him and my son.
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Speaker 1: Am I missing something or am I the a-hole? Bruh.
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Speaker 1: Why are you asking? You should know this. Oh my gosh. No, no.
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Speaker 1: This is absolutely valid. Even with someone for 17 years,
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Speaker 1: he has seen how you probably felt without your children
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Speaker 1: that you've lost. You finally get back to your children.
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Speaker 1: You need to make up for the 10 years that
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Speaker 1: you weren't in their life. The fact that he would
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Speaker 1: have a moment of jealousy over this. If he loves you,
10:41
Speaker 1: he should be so happy. that in this point in
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Speaker 1: your life you are finally able to rebuild the relationship
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Speaker 1: that you have wanted so bad with your child. This
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Speaker 1: is a bad person. This is a tiny dick guy.
10:51
Speaker 1: This is a teeny weeny little asshole dude and you
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Speaker 1: need to move the f * * * on. Let's
10:55
Speaker 1: see what people said. At 43, he should be enough
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Speaker 1: an adult to deal with you having a relationship with
10:59
Speaker 1: your child and grandchildren that doesn't involve him. He's right.
11:02
Speaker 1: It's weird. You're so fortunate that your son wanted to
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Speaker 1: reconnect with you and call you every day. That's amazing
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Speaker 1: giving your history. Your husband should be elated too. He
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Speaker 1: should be supporting you and not trying to sabotage your
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Speaker 1: relationship with your own child. Sheesh. And if he's making
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Speaker 1: you choose, then obviously you have to choose your kid.
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Speaker 1: That's about right. Not the a-hole. You're reconnecting with your child.
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Speaker 1: What's his problem? Has he always kept you from having
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Speaker 1: friendships outside of him? I'm glad everybody agrees with me
11:28
Speaker 1: because I'm right. Am I the a-hole for not liking
11:30
Speaker 1: my girlfriend 31 that kind of catfished me? 32 male.
11:36
Speaker 1: This sounds juicy. I'm into it. I met her through
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Speaker 1: a WhatsApp group and ended up really liking each other,
11:41
Speaker 1: texting and talking over Discord for about three weeks. We
11:44
Speaker 1: were really committed to this, but days before meeting her,
11:47
Speaker 1: I found out she was lying about her photos, that
11:50
Speaker 1: she used to send me pictures of herself from four
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Speaker 1: years ago and saying that they were recent. I still
11:55
Speaker 1: loved her, so I wanted to meet her anyways. Turns
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Speaker 1: out she had gained a lot of weight because of
12:00
Speaker 1: something that happened to her, and it really changed her appearance.
12:03
Speaker 1: She's really not attractive to me now, but I still
12:06
Speaker 1: love her. She's great in almost every other aspect. At
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Speaker 1: least our relationship is. We share enough interests, likes, and hobbies,
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Speaker 1: and our personalities are similar enough. We had a fight,
12:16
Speaker 1: but we're talking again almost normally. Now, I don't know
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Speaker 1: what to do. I like her, but I don't like
12:21
Speaker 1: how she looks, and it's kind of uncomfortable having time
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Speaker 1: with her because of her size. I kind of fell
12:26
Speaker 1: in love with someone almost completely different physically. Her face
12:30
Speaker 1: changed a lot, even her skin. I know her appearance
12:33
Speaker 1: isn't everything, but it's kind of a deal-breaker in this case,
12:36
Speaker 1: and I know she wants to improve that aspect, but
12:38
Speaker 1: it will take a lot of time because of the
12:40
Speaker 1: back problems she got when she gained the weight. Can't
12:42
Speaker 1: walk much, was going to take a cab to meet
12:45
Speaker 1: me in a parked two blocks from her house am
12:47
Speaker 1: i the a-hole for not liking her physically and making
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Speaker 1: her feel bad about it i just can't really see
12:52
Speaker 1: myself with her romantically at least not formally or publicly
12:56
Speaker 1: this one is tedious this one is hard let's put
12:59
Speaker 1: down the basis here she sent out photos saying these
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Speaker 1: are me And they're recent, but they weren't recent because
13:04
Speaker 1: she's actually a lot heavier. And from this, it doesn't
13:05
Speaker 1: sound like a little bit heavier. Like she literally can't walk.
13:08
Speaker 1: So there's a few things you have to look at.
13:09
Speaker 1: And these are the ones that sometimes people get mad about. First,
13:12
Speaker 1: how long are you going to be together? What kind
13:13
Speaker 1: of health issues is she going to have? Is she
13:14
Speaker 1: going to be able to hold a job? Is she
13:16
Speaker 1: going to be able to, you know, have a family
13:17
Speaker 1: if you want to have a family? These are hard
13:19
Speaker 1: things you have to talk about when you're in a relationship. Again,
13:21
Speaker 1: she did tell you that those photos weren't as recent
13:23
Speaker 1: and she did explain before she met that she was bigger.
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Speaker 1: You still met. You got involved. You like her soul.
13:28
Speaker 1: But There is a thing, and you know, I used
13:30
Speaker 1: to say this. Can you imagine missing out on your
13:32
Speaker 1: soulmate because they were 20 pounds overweight? That would suck.
13:34
Speaker 1: If your soulmate is like 500 pounds overweight or something
13:37
Speaker 1: like that, that's a big thing. You can love someone,
13:39
Speaker 1: but you need to be attracted to them to make
13:42
Speaker 1: it work, at least in the beginning, to establish a base.
13:44
Speaker 1: You can get kind of older and fatter and uglier
13:46
Speaker 1: and still love each other just as much. Adam and I.
13:48
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. I love Adam. I'm very attracted to Adam.
13:51
Speaker 1: Hopefully he's attracted to me too. I think he is. Anyways,
13:54
Speaker 1: Adam and I together have gained a whole person since
13:56
Speaker 1: we got together, but it was even across the board.
13:59
Speaker 1: I think here is like you just have to be honest.
14:01
Speaker 1: Maybe she needs to go on a self-love journey before
14:04
Speaker 1: she can love anybody else. I don't think you're wrong
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Speaker 1: for leaving. I don't think you should tell her that
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Speaker 1: that exactly is why. Maybe you'd say that it's like
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Speaker 1: an honesty issue. I'm curious what other people said and
14:13
Speaker 1: hopefully I don't sound like an asshole. Not the asshole.
14:15
Speaker 1: She lied. Not in a good way to start a relationship.
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Speaker 1: It is true. The lie is never fun. Lies will
14:21
Speaker 1: never be fun. Next one. Am I the a-hole for
14:23
Speaker 1: slapping my dad in front of my kids after he
14:25
Speaker 1: made a comment about my divorce? Me, 38 female, is
14:28
Speaker 1: currently going through divorce with my now ex-husband. It has
14:31
Speaker 1: been really rough on me, especially having kids involved. My
14:35
Speaker 1: mom has been very supportive of me and my choice,
14:37
Speaker 1: but not so much my dad. My mom has been
14:39
Speaker 1: around a few times helping with school pickups and dinners,
14:42
Speaker 1: which has been so helpful, but my dad hasn't really
14:44
Speaker 1: been involved. One night, my mom texted me saying that
14:47
Speaker 1: we should have a family dinner, and of course, not
14:49
Speaker 1: inviting my ex-husband. So, sorry. So the day rolls around
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Speaker 1: and me and my three kids go to my parents' house.
14:55
Speaker 1: I also forgot to say that I don't really like
14:57
Speaker 1: talking about my divorce because it is a sensitive subject
15:00
Speaker 1: for me. When we got to the house, my mom
15:02
Speaker 1: invited us in the front door, but my dad didn't move.
15:05
Speaker 1: He stayed on the couch with the TV on. We
15:07
Speaker 1: all went in and sat down at the table and
15:09
Speaker 1: my mom had to say three times times for my
15:12
Speaker 1: dad to come to the table of course my dad
15:13
Speaker 1: being my dad blamed it on the tv being too
15:15
Speaker 1: loud and said that he's partly deaf my mom just
15:17
Speaker 1: shrugged it off when he finally came to the table
15:20
Speaker 1: he mentioned my ex-husband and said where's henry do you
15:23
Speaker 1: want these bones i think they're horse bones or something
15:25
Speaker 1: yes are you sorry dude thanks for the bones uh
15:32
Speaker 1: where'd you acquire these bones from the old pasture All right. Hi, everybody.
15:37
Speaker 1: When he finally came to the table, he mentioned my
15:39
Speaker 1: ex-husband and said, where's Henry? Not his real name for
15:41
Speaker 1: privacy reasons. I said that we finished the papers and
15:44
Speaker 1: the court stuff ages ago and that the divorce was final.
15:46
Speaker 1: So it was just us four. It felt very uncomfortable,
15:49
Speaker 1: but my mom quickly changed the subject. The rest of
15:52
Speaker 1: the night was actually great. My kids were laughing. We
15:55
Speaker 1: were eating dinner. I thought we had gotten past the
15:57
Speaker 1: awkward part. I was starting to relax and enjoy being
16:00
Speaker 1: around my family again. Then out of nowhere... Dad made
16:05
Speaker 1: another comment. He said something like, well, maybe if you
16:07
Speaker 1: would have tried harder, you wouldn't be divorced right now.
16:09
Speaker 1: He kind of laughed when he said it. Like it
16:11
Speaker 1: was a joke, but it really hurt. I felt my
16:13
Speaker 1: face get hot immediately. I have been going through one
16:16
Speaker 1: of the hardest times in my life and I have
16:18
Speaker 1: tried so hard to stay strong for my kids. Hearing
16:20
Speaker 1: that from my own dad in front of everyone pushed
16:23
Speaker 1: me over the edge. Before I even really thought about it,
16:25
Speaker 1: I stood up and I slapped him. It shocked everyone.
16:28
Speaker 1: The room went completely silent. My kids looked confused, and
16:31
Speaker 1: my mom started calling my name. I grabbed my kids,
16:34
Speaker 1: told them to get their jackets, and we left right away.
16:36
Speaker 1: The drive home was quiet, and I felt awful, but
16:39
Speaker 1: I was also angry and hurt at the same time. Now,
16:41
Speaker 1: my whole family is blowing up my phone. My dad
16:43
Speaker 1: said I disrespected him in his own house, and some
16:45
Speaker 1: of my relatives are saying I overreacted and should have apologize.
16:48
Speaker 1: My mom understands why I was upset, but still thinks
16:51
Speaker 1: that I shouldn't have done it, especially in front of
16:54
Speaker 1: the kids. I honestly don't know what to think anymore.
16:56
Speaker 1: I know hitting someone isn't the right way to handle things,
16:58
Speaker 1: but this comment felt so cruel and unnecessary during such
17:01
Speaker 1: a sensitive time. So, am I the a-hole? You know,
17:05
Speaker 1: my gut And my gut is playing the advocate again.
17:08
Speaker 1: I'm having angel and devil here. I don't think you
17:10
Speaker 1: are wrong for standing your ground. Should you have hit
17:12
Speaker 1: your dad? Maybe no, but maybe your dad was the
17:14
Speaker 1: safest person for you to hit and for you to
17:16
Speaker 1: take out this rage. At least you're not hitting your kids.
17:18
Speaker 1: Do I think you're the asshole if I were to
17:19
Speaker 1: round it into a yes or a no? No, no,
17:21
Speaker 1: because your dad, your mom would have told your dad
17:23
Speaker 1: not to burn. She would have. He would have known.
17:24
Speaker 1: He knew not to. He already had made his comment
17:26
Speaker 1: and then he decided to make another freaking comment when
17:29
Speaker 1: he knew you were uncomfortable. I don't think you're the asshole.
17:31
Speaker 1: Comments say here, your dad is absolutely the asshole for
17:33
Speaker 1: his comments and you need to learn to walk away
17:35
Speaker 1: and keep your hands to yourself. But I don't know
17:37
Speaker 1: if you have that strength right now. You're coming out
17:39
Speaker 1: as worse here. Losing your temper and striking someone out
17:41
Speaker 1: of anger is not okay. You're the asshole. Your dad's
17:43
Speaker 1: comment was out of pocket. Responding with violence in front
17:45
Speaker 1: of your kids is beyond the pale. You just taught
17:47
Speaker 1: them that hitting someone is appropriate response to snarky comment.
17:50
Speaker 1: Your dad is an asshole for what he said. As
17:52
Speaker 1: a grown ass woman, we don't need to hit anyone
17:54
Speaker 1: unless it's physical defense for ourselves or someone that we
17:56
Speaker 1: need to protect. These people are very, very right. I've
17:59
Speaker 1: gotten some big fights with my dad, but I've never
18:01
Speaker 1: hit him in the face. I think you just had
18:03
Speaker 1: a moment where you were very weak. Next one. Emma
18:06
Speaker 1: the asshole for refusing to meet my ex's affair child.
18:10
Speaker 1: I don't know. I, female 42, was with male 41
18:13
Speaker 1: for over 15 years when I discovered that he had
18:15
Speaker 1: been cheating on me for roughly five of those years.
18:19
Speaker 1: He claims he can't remember exactly when the affair started,
18:21
Speaker 1: but whatever. By discovered, I mean that his girlfriend got pregnant.
18:26
Speaker 1: They were not using any protection. And basically told him
18:29
Speaker 1: that if he didn't tell me, she would. So he
18:31
Speaker 1: told me a lie about how it was a one-time thing.
18:34
Speaker 1: So I took up info to find out it was
18:36
Speaker 1: a multi-year affair with talks of marriage and happily ever afters.
18:39
Speaker 1: so on. Meanwhile, he and I were spending tens of
18:42
Speaker 1: thousands of dollars on IVF trying to get pregnant, a
18:45
Speaker 1: story his other girlfriend apparently knew and figured would break
18:49
Speaker 1: us up, leaving him free for them and their dream
18:52
Speaker 1: to commence. Oh, this makes me want to barf. she
18:54
Speaker 1: was right but instead of true love that he was
18:56
Speaker 1: hoping for he broke up with her immediately he has
18:58
Speaker 1: partial custody of the kid and pays support and she's
19:02
Speaker 1: gone on a campaign to make my life miserable oh
19:05
Speaker 1: suddenly showing up with the kid in places where i
19:07
Speaker 1: am and he isn't spending his whole sword springer-esque story
19:11
Speaker 1: around in a way that somehow makes her the victim
19:13
Speaker 1: to be clear she knew about me i didn't know
19:15
Speaker 1: about her even though she was in our social circle
19:18
Speaker 1: this is getting grosser and grosser My ex and I
19:21
Speaker 1: had been best friends since high school and before we
19:24
Speaker 1: became a couple. We opened a store together, which has
19:27
Speaker 1: made it pretty damn inconvenient to not see each other
19:29
Speaker 1: all the time, but now he wants me to be
19:31
Speaker 1: in the kid's life. He wants to bring it to
19:33
Speaker 1: the store, have me hang out with it, because he
19:35
Speaker 1: says that we're still in each other's lives and the
19:37
Speaker 1: kids are an important part of his and it's not
19:40
Speaker 1: the kid's fault, etc. I don't think this child will
19:43
Speaker 1: lose anything by not knowing me and knowing it's just
19:46
Speaker 1: a constant reminder that my ex gave away the life
19:49
Speaker 1: that he and I were supposed to have. Now I
19:51
Speaker 1: am too old to have children, so it feels like
19:54
Speaker 1: even if he didn't get everything he wanted, he got
19:56
Speaker 1: more than he gave me. So I continue to insist
19:59
Speaker 1: that he keep this bastard away from me and that
20:02
Speaker 1: I have no desire to ever, ever meet it. Am
20:04
Speaker 1: I the asshole? You guys broke up. You never need
20:08
Speaker 1: to meet that child. You need to dissolve that business.
20:10
Speaker 1: He needs to buy you out or you need to
20:11
Speaker 1: buy him out. You need to move on. Goodbye. You
20:14
Speaker 1: know what I do about all my exes? This is
20:15
Speaker 1: probably not healthy, but I pretend that they died. I
20:17
Speaker 1: pretend they never existed. And I'm sure that that will
20:19
Speaker 1: come out in some weird unresolved trauma one day, but
20:21
Speaker 1: they're dead. They don't, they don't exist. Go away. And
20:26
Speaker 1: it never happened. I don't know what happened to those
20:28
Speaker 1: four years of my life. I don't know. I didn't
20:29
Speaker 1: fill his gas tank with sugar and get his car towed.
20:31
Speaker 1: I didn't do that. I don't know. He's not a person.
20:34
Speaker 1: See what people thought. You are not the asshole for
20:36
Speaker 1: not wanting to meet his child, but you are the
20:38
Speaker 1: asshole for how you're dealing with this and talking about
20:40
Speaker 1: said child. Your ex is the massive a-hole here. He
20:43
Speaker 1: is the one that you should be focusing all the
20:45
Speaker 1: vitriol towards, not the child. The shop you open tell
20:48
Speaker 1: him that if he doesn't shut up about the unrealistic expectations,
20:51
Speaker 1: he can buy you out at your fair market place.
20:53
Speaker 1: price plus 10% until or unless he does that or
20:56
Speaker 1: whatever terms you prefer. He doesn't mention his child to
20:58
Speaker 1: you ever again, but I'm betting the only reason he
21:01
Speaker 1: wants to bring the child to the shop so he
21:02
Speaker 1: can dump them off on you during his fiscal custody time.
21:05
Speaker 1: This person's drama and I love it. Overall though, I'd
21:07
Speaker 1: get into some of this emotional regulation therapy and sell
21:11
Speaker 1: up and get away immediately. You need a fresh start.
21:13
Speaker 1: You need to go. You need to move. Okay, you're what, 42?
21:16
Speaker 1: Please know that 42 is not too old to have children.
21:18
Speaker 1: I have seen so many women have children at 42.
21:20
Speaker 1: Go get yourself a little... sperm donation, and pop out
21:24
Speaker 1: some babies. You don't need a man. I'm literally, I'm
21:27
Speaker 1: having a moment today. Today, the moment is strong and
21:30
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed. Let's go into the next one. I'm getting sassy.
21:32
Speaker 1: Do you like sassy me? I feel sassy. On to
21:36
Speaker 1: the next. Am I the a-hole for considering leaving my
21:38
Speaker 1: boyfriend over a joke? I, 22 female, and my boyfriend,
21:41
Speaker 1: 26 male, have known each other for about two years
21:43
Speaker 1: and have officially been dating for six months. We are
21:46
Speaker 1: from different backgrounds. He was raised in India, I was
21:48
Speaker 1: raised in England, and we met while traveling for work.
21:50
Speaker 1: A About a month ago, he left his current job
21:52
Speaker 1: to go back home and decided to try long distance.
21:55
Speaker 1: On April 1st, he texted me that his ex had
21:57
Speaker 1: gotten back in contact and told him that she's six
22:00
Speaker 1: months pregnant with his baby. From what he said, it
22:03
Speaker 1: would have been from before we were officially together, so
22:05
Speaker 1: I didn't immediately jump to, you cheated on me, but
22:08
Speaker 1: it was still a horrible message. to receive from your boyfriend.
22:11
Speaker 1: This was on April 1st, though. I was shocked and upset,
22:13
Speaker 1: but after the initial hit, I kind of removed myself
22:16
Speaker 1: from the jealous girlfriend angle. I made a conscious choice
22:18
Speaker 1: to focus on the conversation of the well-being of the
22:21
Speaker 1: mother and baby and how he felt about suddenly becoming
22:23
Speaker 1: a dad. I was asking practical questions, trying to be
22:26
Speaker 1: calm and supportive, and basically treating it like, okay, this
22:28
Speaker 1: is a big situation. How do we handle it like adults?
22:31
Speaker 1: In my own head, I decided to sleep on it
22:33
Speaker 1: and have an answer in the morning whether I was
22:34
Speaker 1: staying in this mess or trying to work through it,
22:36
Speaker 1: or most likely leaving. I didn't scream at him or
22:39
Speaker 1: blow up. I went into problem-solving mode and quietly started
22:42
Speaker 1: planning my exit. I wanted to firstly ensure he was
22:44
Speaker 1: okay and consider the relationship before jumping to a conclusion.
22:47
Speaker 1: After a full day of me supporting him while pushing
22:49
Speaker 1: my own feelings to the side, he calls me and
22:51
Speaker 1: asks me, do I need to worry about you leaving?
22:54
Speaker 1: I am honest and I tell him it's a possibility
22:56
Speaker 1: but not important right now. Then he asks me, do
22:58
Speaker 1: you know what day it is? April Fool's. Why? And
23:01
Speaker 1: that's when it clicks. I tell him this better not
23:03
Speaker 1: be a joke and he laughs and tells me that
23:05
Speaker 1: I need to chill out more because I reached out
23:06
Speaker 1: to my friend to ask for advice and I was
23:08
Speaker 1: honest about needing to talk to somebody outside of our
23:11
Speaker 1: relationship to help me get out my head around and
23:13
Speaker 1: validate the feelings, but I should have been more chill.
23:15
Speaker 1: On top of that, instead of being embarrassed, he was
23:17
Speaker 1: actually really proud of himself for how badly I fell
23:19
Speaker 1: for it. He started bragging to our mutual friends, basically
23:22
Speaker 1: telling the story like it was a hilarious thing that
23:24
Speaker 1: he pulled off and I was the punchline. I told
23:26
Speaker 1: him I thought it was cruel and messed up, especially
23:28
Speaker 1: because we're long distance and I had emotionally shifted into,
23:31
Speaker 1: this is real, how do we deal with it? He
23:33
Speaker 1: keeps insisting that it's normal to do jokes on April
23:35
Speaker 1: Fool's Day and that other people would find it funny.
23:37
Speaker 1: Some of my friends can kind of see the funniness
23:39
Speaker 1: in a dark way, which has made me second guess
23:41
Speaker 1: myself a bit. Others think it's completely out of line.
23:43
Speaker 1: I still don't find it funny at all. And it's
23:45
Speaker 1: made me pull back from him and seriously reconsider the relationship.
23:48
Speaker 1: So am I overreacting for a harmless April Fool's joke
23:50
Speaker 1: or am I actually out of order? Give me advice. Okay, okay, okay.
23:55
Speaker 1: Here's where I am. Here's where I am with it, okay?
23:57
Speaker 1: He should have said April Fool's immediately. He shouldn't have
23:59
Speaker 1: let this go all day. He shouldn't have let this
24:00
Speaker 1: go overnight. He shouldn't have done any of that. It
24:03
Speaker 1: did make you second guess him though. Where is that
24:05
Speaker 1: coming from? Why is that root a root? Why did
24:07
Speaker 1: you shift that? Why are you still thinking about leaving?
24:10
Speaker 1: I don't think you're an asshole, but I think you
24:11
Speaker 1: have some thinking to do. Let's see what people said.
24:13
Speaker 1: It's not a harmless joke. It harmed you and it
24:15
Speaker 1: kept going for a full day. That's not a joke.
24:17
Speaker 1: That's cruel. I agree. That's not harmless. It's a messed
24:19
Speaker 1: up thing to do. Not an asshole. I'd dump him.
24:21
Speaker 1: You sound awesome. You deserve better. Not the asshole. Okay.
24:24
Speaker 1: We're on the same page. I think there's more going
24:28
Speaker 1: on there, babe. Am I the a-hole for not wanting
24:31
Speaker 1: to close my relationship? Oh God. Here we go. Last year,
24:36
Speaker 1: my 35 male wife, 32 female gave me an ultimatum.
24:40
Speaker 1: Either we opened our marriage or we divorce. That's the
24:43
Speaker 1: only thing you need. Get out of there. Get out
24:45
Speaker 1: of there. You need to have such a solid relationship
24:47
Speaker 1: to open it, I think. And if you're on the
24:49
Speaker 1: verge of divorce or have sex with other people, then
24:53
Speaker 1: you need to go. I begrudgingly accepted to open it.
24:56
Speaker 1: She almost immediately began a relationship with our daughter's piano teacher. Oh,
25:00
Speaker 1: it's her. 23, male. A friends with benefit type of situation. Oh,
25:04
Speaker 1: he's like 10 years younger too. For most of the time,
25:06
Speaker 1: I felt miserable and depressed. Then two months ago, I
25:09
Speaker 1: began to talk to an ex-girlfriend, 34 female, that Facebook
25:12
Speaker 1: suggested me to friend. We caught up with each other,
25:14
Speaker 1: last time we had talked was 15 years ago, and
25:16
Speaker 1: decided to meet, which led to a lovely afternoon in
25:18
Speaker 1: a cafe. Soon, we began to meet weekly to hang
25:21
Speaker 1: out and chat. That eventually led to some kissing, and
25:24
Speaker 1: in a while to... Meanwhile, things haven't been okay with
25:29
Speaker 1: my wife and her friends with benefit. They stopped talking
25:32
Speaker 1: and completely ghosted her after she insisted. The daughter hadn't
25:35
Speaker 1: been taking piano lessons for a while now. My wife
25:37
Speaker 1: got depressed over this for quite some time. After she
25:39
Speaker 1: got better, she began to treat me like before the
25:43
Speaker 1: whole open marriage thingy. She has been more affectionate, giving
25:46
Speaker 1: me more PTA, actually began to have conversations with me
25:50
Speaker 1: again and share that what has been happening in her
25:52
Speaker 1: life as a whole. I loved it. I felt like
25:54
Speaker 1: I had gotten the life of my life back. Flash
25:56
Speaker 1: forward to last Saturday. I went on a date with
25:59
Speaker 1: my ex turned friends with benefit and my friend knew
26:02
Speaker 1: about that and became very depressed. Once she saw me
26:04
Speaker 1: ready to leave, she kissed and told me that she
26:06
Speaker 1: loved me. I came back home around 3am and found
26:08
Speaker 1: her still awake, waiting for me. She told me that
26:10
Speaker 1: she missed me while I was gone and that she'd
26:13
Speaker 1: done some thinking, which led her to figure out that
26:15
Speaker 1: we should close our marriage again and focus on healing
26:17
Speaker 1: our relationship. I told her that I wasn't interested in
26:20
Speaker 1: closing it back, but that I still wanted to be
26:22
Speaker 1: married to her and grow old together. She said she
26:25
Speaker 1: accepts my decision, but now seems to be depressed again.
26:28
Speaker 1: Am I the a-hole? The marriage should have never opened.
26:31
Speaker 1: I think that she got the seven year itch, obviously
26:33
Speaker 1: more than seven years, but she got the itch. She
26:36
Speaker 1: went out, the itch got satisfied. She realized that no,
26:38
Speaker 1: the grass is not greener on the other side. Now
26:40
Speaker 1: she wants to water her own lawn, but her lawn's
26:42
Speaker 1: getting watered by someone else. This is a sticky one.
26:46
Speaker 1: This is where you, you're holding the ball right now.
26:48
Speaker 1: This is the ball. You're holding the ball. They're AirPods anyways.
26:51
Speaker 1: You're holding it. Nice juicy ball. You can either Continue
26:54
Speaker 1: on the path you're on where she's probably gonna get
26:56
Speaker 1: more depressed. She's gonna find somebody new. Things are gonna
26:59
Speaker 1: get weird again. Or you can toss that ball away.
27:02
Speaker 1: You can get rid of the girl, say, I need
27:03
Speaker 1: to work on my marriage for a bit. Maybe she understands.
27:05
Speaker 1: See if that is the fix. If you get back
27:07
Speaker 1: together and it's just you and her, but she feels
27:08
Speaker 1: the need to go off again, I think you know
27:10
Speaker 1: that maybe she's not the right one for you. Sometimes
27:12
Speaker 1: you can wanna grow old with somebody but it's too toxic.
27:15
Speaker 1: Sometimes when things get to a point like this, it's weird.
27:17
Speaker 1: I do believe that open marriages can work for people
27:19
Speaker 1: who are extremely solid. I think there's people out there
27:23
Speaker 1: that thrive on that. Personally, I'm a serial monogamous. You
27:26
Speaker 1: touch my man, I will hurt you. But I wonder
27:28
Speaker 1: if Adam came to me and was like, hey, I
27:30
Speaker 1: just want to kiss him. No, I would beat him up.
27:32
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do that. I don't believe in domestic violence. Anyways,
27:35
Speaker 1: I don't think you're an asshole. I think that you're
27:37
Speaker 1: doing exactly what you wanted, but now she realized that
27:39
Speaker 1: she didn't want that Let's see what the comments said.
27:41
Speaker 1: I will never understand why people given an open relationship
27:44
Speaker 1: ultimatum by their partner don't immediately say, we're getting divorced.
27:47
Speaker 1: I get that some might have kids, but I know
27:49
Speaker 1: a ton of divorced people whose kids spend time at
27:51
Speaker 1: both parents' home and they don't turn out any worse
27:53
Speaker 1: than those kids who didn't stay together. Dr. Phil says it.
27:55
Speaker 1: Kids would rather be from a broken home than live
27:57
Speaker 1: in a broken home. Kids feel that energy. They do.
27:59
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. This has been such a weird episode. I've
28:01
Speaker 1: enjoyed it so much. so much. If you want me
28:02
Speaker 1: to read more relationship Reddit drama, please let me know
28:05
Speaker 1: in the comments. I loved this. This was fun. I
28:06
Speaker 1: hope that you're having a beautiful day. Feel free to
28:08
Speaker 1: also put your relationship drama in my comments. Let's talk
28:10
Speaker 1: about it as a family, okay? I love you. Until
28:12
Speaker 1: next time, bye, boo crew! Also, oh my god, where'd
28:16
Speaker 1: it go? Where'd it go? I found it. Pick up Hollow.
28:20
Speaker 1: You can get it at Target right now. For some reason,
28:22
Speaker 1: nobody's buying it from Target. So if you can go
28:24
Speaker 1: get it at Target, please do. I went to four Targets.
28:27
Speaker 1: It wasn't there. Hopefully it just sold out. Go pick
28:29
Speaker 1: up my new book. It was on New York Times
28:30
Speaker 1: bestseller list. There's relationship drama in there. Holy sh- Okay,
28:34
Speaker 1: love you.