Latest / You're Overqualified Podcast - Career and Leadership Strategies for Women / 110. Why You're Ready for the Next Step but Still Hesitate

Transcript

110. Why You're Ready for the Next Step but Still Hesitate · You're Overqualified Podcast - Career and Leadership Strategies for Women

• 0:08
  Hi, I'm Danny Tan and if you are here, you are in the right
• 0:12
  place. Welcome to the Pivot and
• 0:13
  Promotion podcast where we say forget the rules because they
• 0:16
  weren't written for us. I'm Danny Tan, I'm your host as
• 0:19
  well as career and leadership coach and a proud advocate for
• 0:22
  redefining what success and leadership looks like.
• 0:25
  And here's what I know. You can lead at any level.
• 0:27
  You can pivot at any age, and you can make moves that feel
• 0:30
  right for you, whether you're climbing the perfect ladder,
• 0:33
  starting something completely new, or just figuring out your
• 0:35
  next step. I've got you covered with
• 0:37
  strategies, stories, and straight up inspiration.
• 0:39
  So let's make some moves. Today.
• 0:46
  We're talking about when you're ready for the next step, but you
• 0:49
  keep hesitating. You're still hesitating.
• 0:51
  Why is that? So let's break it down.
• 0:54
  So what hesitation really is, What does the hesitation even
• 0:57
  mean? So most people believe that
• 0:59
  hesitation means that you're not ready.
• 1:01
  In reality, hesitation is typically showing up because you
• 1:05
  know what you want, but your brain and your body are reacting
• 1:08
  to the discomfort of change and you're not lacking any clarity.
• 1:12
  It's just really the discomfort of being able to jump into
• 1:15
  something that feels unfamiliar. Our brain truly prefers things
• 1:18
  that are familiar. And so if we're even if we're in
• 1:22
  something that is no longer serving us or no longer working
• 1:25
  for us, we crave what is familiar.
• 1:27
  And so whether you're thinking about starting that business,
• 1:30
  going after a new role, changing careers, or even going for
• 1:33
  promotion, your system raised it as uncertainty sometimes.
• 1:37
  So it can get triggered and flagged sometimes as risk, which
• 1:42
  then leads to hesitation because we don't like risk, we don't
• 1:45
  like something scary for ourselves.
• 1:47
  So we stick with what is familiar and comfortable.
• 1:49
  It's not a personality fault. It's not a flaw within you.
• 1:53
  You are not broken. It's just some biology of how
• 1:55
  things are working within your mind.
• 1:57
  And so the biggest thing that you can do is to define the
• 2:00
  pattern for yourself. So when are you feeling this
• 2:03
  desire to do something new? When you start to feel and
• 2:05
  experience it, do you notice your brain kind of pulling back
• 2:09
  and taking you back to, OK, well, what is predictable and
• 2:11
  what do we know and what's comfortable and what's
• 2:13
  achievable and what's doable? That's you starting to doubt
• 2:17
  that you have any clarity. But you had the clarity, you had
• 2:20
  the desire to do something that was more than enough clarity to
• 2:22
  start. And when you were a high
• 2:23
  performer, you're overly ambitious, you were a go getter,
• 2:27
  you typically carry more responsibility on your shoulders
• 2:30
  and you start to feel like, Oh my gosh, but I have to lose.
• 2:32
  I've worked so hard, I performed so high.
• 2:34
  What if I lose everything that I've done?
• 2:36
  So your hesitation typically starts to sound louder, right?
• 2:39
  Because we don't want to have that risk.
• 2:41
  So if you have more to lose, you have more to risk.
• 2:44
  And so that hesitation can sometimes be even louder.
• 2:47
  And so the thought that I want you to think about is what are
• 2:50
  times that you have kind of really slowed yourself down
• 2:54
  because of what potentially feels uncomfortable, even though
• 2:58
  it's something you want to say something, What is something
• 3:00
  you've been wanting to do, but you're kind of stopping yourself
• 3:03
  and hesitating because maybe it feels uncomfortable and you feel
• 3:06
  like you need more facts, right? And so I always think about when
• 3:09
  it comes to hesitation on my clients, sometimes my clients
• 3:12
  are hesitating to make a big career change because they feel
• 3:15
  like they need to have another certification, have more
• 3:19
  experience. You know, what if it's not the
• 3:21
  right plan, there's all these different things that creep in
• 3:24
  for hesitation for themselves. And when it comes to taking that
• 3:27
  big step or for asking a promotion, asking for a raise,
• 3:29
  starting their business, all this hesitation is creeping in
• 3:32
  and they think, oh, I need more clarity.
• 3:34
  But in reality, a lot of the times it's just their brain
• 3:37
  reacting to the discomfort of change or things that feel
• 3:40
  somewhat risky versus trying to kind of like understand what
• 3:44
  that is. So I always say this is what
• 3:46
  hesitation typically means to you, right?
• 3:49
  And so it's coming in to try to protect you from that may be
• 3:52
  uncomfortable or risky. So how can you help support
• 3:54
  yourself through that? And so the next phase, I would
• 3:57
  say is like how hesitation can show up in your career, in your
• 4:00
  life. So here's the biggest thing.
• 4:02
  Hesitation almost never looks like fear.
• 4:04
  It looks like logic. It looks very rational, very
• 4:07
  logical that we're just trying to understand and reason our way
• 4:11
  through why this emotion or this feeling is coming up.
• 4:14
  And so some examples of that may be like you're, we're thinking a
• 4:16
  job description and you're hesitating instead of applying,
• 4:19
  or you're rewriting your resume again and again and hesitating
• 4:22
  versus sending it. Or you're telling yourself you
• 4:24
  need one more credential, one more training versus going ahead
• 4:27
  and going after what it is that you want.
• 4:29
  And you're staying in a role that is familiar and
• 4:31
  comfortable, even though you know you want more and it
• 4:34
  doesn't fit right because you're hesitating, worried.
• 4:36
  What if you don't have the right things to get a new job?
• 4:38
  Or let's say you're even just taking on extra execution,
• 4:42
  overdoing and taking on more activities or a tasks at work
• 4:45
  because it feels safe because you know if you do more, it'll
• 4:48
  be better versus hesitating and speaking up and talking about
• 4:51
  your boundary. So delaying decisions with I'll
• 4:54
  figure it out later. That's also hesitation because
• 4:58
  if I feel uncomfortable of what that step really looks like and
• 5:00
  I'm honest with myself, it feels comfortable to stay where I am.
• 5:03
  So what is the cost of of hesitating?
• 5:06
  Hesitation keeps you in roles much longer and organizations
• 5:10
  much longer that don't necessarily match your value and
• 5:13
  who you are. And it delays the things that
• 5:15
  you want, whether that's a promotion, whether that's
• 5:17
  starting a job, whether that's changing careers.
• 5:19
  And it keeps you performing instead of actually being who
• 5:21
  you are because you're performing that you're OK in
• 5:23
  this place, you're performing that everything is fine.
• 5:26
  And you're and you're kind of like letting your hesitations
• 5:28
  and your thoughts and beliefs that necessarily don't match
• 5:31
  what you want take the stage. And so it makes you wait for
• 5:34
  this idea of confidence to come in versus building it through
• 5:38
  taking action. You're sitting and waiting for
• 5:40
  confidence to come in and save you.
• 5:41
  But in reality, action is what's going to help do it, not the
• 5:44
  hesitation of waiting. And so the thing they want to
• 5:47
  think about is like how your identity comes into play with
• 5:49
  this. So if you're hesitant, if you're
• 5:53
  not allowing yourself to step into this new version of
• 5:56
  yourself, and when you are not in this new environment, not
• 6:00
  taking on these new skills or taking on these new, you know,
• 6:02
  parts of yourself, it stops you from embodying it.
• 6:05
  And when you can't embody what it is you're trying to do, it
• 6:08
  makes it feel like you can't go there.
• 6:09
  And so your brain wants to protect you and the current
• 6:11
  version it knows of you, which is why the moment you feel
• 6:14
  motivated, but then all these doubts start to follow, right?
• 6:16
  And so a way that you can kind of think about how you
• 6:19
  incorporate your identity is like taking small steps towards
• 6:21
  that, putting yourself in the right environment.
• 6:23
  I think about this example with myself and that when I first
• 6:27
  started becoming a coach and starting to build my business, I
• 6:30
  was, I was like, oh, I could never, I could never be a coach.
• 6:33
  I could never build a business. I could never be an
• 6:34
  entrepreneur, But I just hadn't stepped into that identity yet.
• 6:37
  And so a way that I could start to shape that for myself and
• 6:40
  remove the doubts was to talk to other women who are
• 6:44
  entrepreneurs and coaches as well.
• 6:46
  That I felt like I, you know, connected to and related to and
• 6:49
  learning about their experiences allowed me to see that this is
• 6:52
  possible. I can step into this and the
• 6:54
  biggest advice they gave me was do not say you are your business
• 7:00
  isn't real, or that it's little, or that it's a baby business or
• 7:03
  your baby coach, or you're just starting out.
• 7:04
  You have to own who you are. And here's the thing, if you
• 7:07
  don't believe in yourself, who else will, right?
• 7:10
  That's something that I always say from day one, whether you're
• 7:12
  interviewing for a job or you're having a networking chat or
• 7:15
  you're trying to do something new, if you don't believe in
• 7:17
  yourself, no one else will. And if you start to believe in
• 7:19
  yourself, you start to embody what it is you are trying to do
• 7:22
  and it makes everything easier. That is how you shift what it is
• 7:26
  that you want to do. And So what are small ways that
• 7:29
  maybe you're potentially hesitating right now?
• 7:32
  How are you hesitating now? And how is it shaping your
• 7:33
  behavior and how you are showing up for yourself?
• 7:36
  That is a question I have for you.
• 7:37
  So I always think of ways that maybe I'm hesitating because I
• 7:40
  have a fear of doing something that feels really scary.
• 7:43
  And then it starts to shape how I act about things.
• 7:46
  And then it stopped me from doing what I want to do.
• 7:48
  Here's an example. Absolutely.
• 7:51
  I do not like visibility even to this day, while you're listening
• 7:54
  to this or watching this, do not love visibility.
• 7:57
  And so I noticed that not wanting to be visible or not
• 8:01
  comfortable with visibility and having a hesitation towards
• 8:03
  visibility was holding me back from having my business.
• 8:06
  At the end of the day, you can have all the amazing
• 8:08
  recommendations and referrals that can build your business and
• 8:11
  get your clients. But also it's great to have
• 8:13
  resources for those who are interested in working with you
• 8:16
  in general, so they can learn from your even just building
• 8:18
  things and tools for your your clients and your community.
• 8:21
  Like I have people who have never worked with me formally,
• 8:23
  but they have learned things from my workshops or for my
• 8:25
  podcast that have gotten them promotions, new jobs just from
• 8:28
  watching the content. And so if I was too scared and
• 8:33
  hesitant about being visible, that behavior, that behavior of
• 8:36
  being scared and hiding and not wanting to do things and being
• 8:39
  shy and bashful and nervous and ashamed and fearful would never
• 8:43
  get me to where I am right now. And that is something that is
• 8:46
  very scary and feels unsafe for me.
• 8:48
  But it's something that I know that I've always wanted to do.
• 8:51
  I know I always wanted to help women.
• 8:52
  I know I always wanted to make a difference.
• 8:54
  And so I wasn't going to let that fear, that hesitation make
• 8:57
  my behavior keep me small and keep me hidden.
• 9:01
  And so I'm curious for you, like, how are you potentially
• 9:03
  hesitating that is shaping your behavior and stopping you from
• 9:06
  what it is that you really want to do?
• 9:08
  And so since I keep harping about how you need to identify
• 9:12
  hesitation and move through it versus just letting it stop you,
• 9:16
  let's talk about in the second or excuse me, the third phase,
• 9:19
  how moving through hesitation with intention is super
• 9:22
  important. So here's the thing, I don't
• 9:24
  want you to wait for hesitation to disappear.
• 9:27
  Hesitation will not magically vanish or dissolve.
• 9:30
  What you want to do is learn the skill of moving with it.
• 9:34
  So identifying that it's there and being able to use it as a
• 9:36
  tool or a skill to understand how to move with it and feeling
• 9:40
  that it's feeling ready is not a requirement.
• 9:43
  You're not going to feel ready and you're not going to have
• 9:45
  hesitation go away. And so just knowing that feeling
• 9:49
  ready is a by product of actually taking action towards
• 9:52
  it. And so I think it's really
• 9:54
  important to have some structure around it.
• 9:56
  So let's break it down into three steps of the first.
• 9:59
  The first piece is separate your fear from your facts.
• 10:02
  So ask yourself what is actually true and what is my system
• 10:06
  trying to protect me from? Identify what is uncertain
• 10:09
  versus known. And so I always say this, if
• 10:11
  it's not 100% true, 100% of the time it's not factual.
• 10:16
  And so go ahead and identify what the fears are.
• 10:19
  If you're hesitating about something, we'll list out your
• 10:21
  fears and then tell yourself, is this actually factual?
• 10:24
  Do I have data to back this up? And then I want you to go ahead
• 10:28
  and Step 2. I want you to choose one
• 10:29
  concrete example that will help you combat that fear and start
• 10:34
  taking action. So here's an example for me, for
• 10:37
  example, I was like, oh, or, or even for some of clients that
• 10:39
  have their business owners, Oh my gosh, I can never be a
• 10:42
  business owner. I'll never have clients ever.
• 10:44
  I'll what if I never signed a client?
• 10:46
  That's my biggest fear. Oh my gosh.
• 10:48
  I'm scared of of marketing and being visible.
• 10:50
  What if people start to question like, who is she?
• 10:53
  Oh my gosh. So I lifted out all these
• 10:54
  things. I was like, are these facts?
• 10:56
  Is it fact that 100% I will never get a client?
• 10:59
  Is it fact that I will 100% have everyone question me of who does
• 11:03
  she think she is? Yeah.
• 11:04
  I mean, OK, how do we combat those things?
• 11:07
  So Step 2 is, and I list out against them.
• 11:09
  OK, is it possible for me to never get a client?
• 11:11
  No. So what is one step I can take
• 11:13
  towards that? OK, I could have interviews with
• 11:16
  ideal clients and talk to them about like an initial offer,
• 11:18
  understand what their needs are and then start to see and get a
• 11:21
  feel for what that's like. And then I'll understand what
• 11:23
  people actually need and feel like, oh wait, there is a
• 11:25
  service I can provide them. First is thinking like, Oh my
• 11:28
  gosh, who does she think she is? She could never market.
• 11:30
  Why don't I market in one little baby way that feels safe,
• 11:33
  whether that's like just to my friends or or just to a few
• 11:36
  people and see how that comfortability starts to show up
• 11:39
  and make it happen. So being intentional and
• 11:41
  starting to separate the fear from the facts and then choosing
• 11:44
  one step to go ahead and combat that fear that as a baby step.
• 11:48
  And the next piece is you want to match your actions to what it
• 11:51
  is that you want. So you cannot, you cannot go
• 11:55
  around saying that you are going to hide behind the shadows and
• 12:00
  not talk about your business. You have to match those actions
• 12:03
  like versus saying like, oh, I don't really know if I have a
• 12:05
  business. I'm not sure.
• 12:06
  I'm just starting out. No, you know, I'm looking for
• 12:09
  new clients and this is the kind of client that I'm looking for.
• 12:11
  So if you hear anything, let me know.
• 12:12
  That's very different energy. And then you're starting to step
• 12:15
  in and own the identity of what it is that you want The same
• 12:17
  thing when it comes to changing careers versus being like, oh, I
• 12:20
  don't know if I can make this move to project management.
• 12:23
  I've been thinking about it. No, I want to make the move to
• 12:25
  project management. This is the resources that I've
• 12:27
  been looking at. These are the chats that I've
• 12:28
  had. These are the things that I
• 12:29
  already know I have in my, in my current experience and skills
• 12:32
  that transfer over it. That's much different energy of
• 12:35
  having the ownership and that way you're being able to
• 12:37
  practice the version of what you want and you grow into that.
• 12:40
  And so I think it's really important to also just
• 12:42
  understand besides breaking down these steps like I always talk
• 12:44
  about like a support, what is your support plan to help you
• 12:47
  with this? Because stuff gets tough when
• 12:49
  you're in the thick of it. I think we jump into something
• 12:52
  new and we have all this motivation and excitement and
• 12:55
  then it starts to burn off because it gets hard because
• 12:58
  going after things is hard. If it was easy, we'd be always
• 13:00
  achieving goals every week. Look at us growing non-stop.
• 13:04
  But it gets tough. And so understanding what
• 13:06
  structure, accountability and support plan you have to help
• 13:09
  yourself, understanding that you're going to see these
• 13:11
  patterns that potentially come up.
• 13:13
  So my clients, my clients don't play.
• 13:15
  They don't play with their goals whatsoever.
• 13:18
  I have one client who just signed on who was like, I'm
• 13:20
  looking to set my career goals or my life goals for five to 10
• 13:24
  years. She's not playing.
• 13:25
  I have another client who's like, I want to build this
• 13:29
  business, get promoted within my current company, and I want to
• 13:32
  become a speaker. OK, so know this, They know that
• 13:35
  they don't have to be stuck or trapped or failing to work with
• 13:39
  a coach. They know that working with a
• 13:41
  coach accelerates what they want to do.
• 13:42
  And they stopped negotiating with their own hesitation with
• 13:45
  themselves because they know they have me for accountability,
• 13:47
  for structure and for someone to reflect back to them the
• 13:49
  patterns that are coming up. And so if you're somebody who
• 13:53
  definitely sits in their mind a lot when it comes to thinking
• 13:56
  and hesitating and overthinking and over planning, typically
• 13:59
  you're somebody who probably is a verbal processor, which means
• 14:01
  you need to process things verbally out loud in order to
• 14:04
  help yourself move forward. And have someone like me go
• 14:06
  ahead and take those things that you are regurgitating and
• 14:09
  organize them into a plan for you, which is what I do.
• 14:12
  So I would say the biggest thing for you when it comes to
• 14:16
  hesitating and stopping yourself from what it is you want to take
• 14:18
  is 1. Understand what hesitation
• 14:21
  really means, right? It looks like logic, but in
• 14:24
  reality, it's stopping you for what you want to do and what
• 14:26
  that cost is. The cost is keeping you where
• 14:28
  you currently are. And then if you're not really
• 14:30
  identifying the identity that you want to become and embody,
• 14:33
  then you're going to stay exactly where you are.
• 14:35
  And so the importance is to identify when hesitation is
• 14:38
  coming up and to utilize that and to understand how it's
• 14:40
  something that will help you understand to reflect.
• 14:43
  Is this something that I want to move towards?
• 14:46
  If there are fears, are these fears factual?
• 14:48
  If I have these fears, what steps can I take to combat these
• 14:51
  fears and to work against them? And then how you can make sure
• 14:53
  your actions that you're doing in your day-to-day, along with
• 14:56
  what you're trying to achieve overall.
• 14:58
  And then having some type of support to help you get there,
• 15:00
  whether that's pivoting a career, whether that's going
• 15:02
  ahead and building your business, whatever that may be,
• 15:05
  making sure you have that support in place to make it
• 15:07
  happen. And so my question for you is,
• 15:08
  what is one step you can take this week that reflects the
• 15:11
  direction you actually want to grow into?
• 15:13
  So think of 1 action step and go ahead and take it.
• 15:16
  And so if there's a resonated with you and you're like, oh, I
• 15:20
  want to learn more, go ahead to my website at www.dannytan.com.
• 15:24
  That's DANITA n.com. And there you can learn more
• 15:28
  about coaching and I will catch you next week.
• 15:30
  Have a good one.