Latest / Finding New Waters / Mind, Body, Healing: Natasha Silver Bell on the Role of Spirituality in Recovery

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Mind, Body, Healing: Natasha Silver Bell on the Role of Spirituality in Recovery · Finding New Waters

0:00
Whosoever Believes In Me, as the scripture has said, streams of
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Living Water will flow within him by this.
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He meant the spirit whom those, who believed in him were later
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to receive up to that time. The spirit had not been given.
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Since Jesus said not have been glorified, and I think Christ
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isn't with us in the physical world anymore, but he lives
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within us. That's what union is all about
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and understanding it's every human, we are in Christ Image in
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God's image. And it's, if we can get past the
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dogma and the anger and the hurt, and the suffering of what
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religion, organized religion has done.
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And there's a lot of good things.
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Organized religion has done, but really has to do with that
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condition of the heart, that's what Christ came to do, is build
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a relationship with your heart and that's up to you and him if
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you want to use that vessel. Good morning.
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My name is Graham Durkee. And I'm the founder and CEO of
1:20
new orders recovery. In Raleigh North Carolina,
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Welcome to our weekly podcast. Finding new Waters.
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Our goal in creating finding two waters.
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Is to provide a resource for families to help navigate the
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complexities of supporting a loved one struggling with
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substance use or mental health. When we find ourselves in
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crisis, due to one of these issues, most people have no idea
1:38
where to turn, we hope to shed. Some light on what is often The
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Darkest Hour for many families. I'm joined today by our medic,
1:45
by our medical director dr. Harold Hong and etosha silver
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Belle, the founder and CEO of Silver Bell, coaching and youth.
1:51
Prevention, mentors Natasha has been an established expert in
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the substance use space for over a decade and has grown silver.
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Belle coaching into a global leader.
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Silver Belle coaching is headquartered in New York City
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and has a satellite locations in London and Dubai Natasha.
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Thanks for joining us today, it's my pleasure, it's so great
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to see you and congratulations on all your success.
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I'm really happy. Thank you very much ma'am.
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Well, You know, Natasha and I go back many years and have worked
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on, you know, many cases together, you know, over
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probably about the last six or seven years.
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So it's great to get her on here and and really, I'd love to
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start with just hearing a little bit about, you know, I guess
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your story or how much you love to you'd like to share with us
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on that. And just, I guess, how did you,
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you know, get into this field and, and in your own personal
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recovery. How is that really shaped your
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life today? Well, that's a really great.
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Eight, opener and I'm happy to share what I feel will honestly
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be most helpful and as I begin sharing my story, I like to
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begin with. How did my company find me?
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Because really I didn't have a business plan and sit down and
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raise capital and say, this is what I'm going to do.
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It was certainly just following where my heart was leading me
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most importantly and what was important for me as a sober
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mother of three raising my children on the upper east, side
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of Manhattan and Reinventing myself as a former model.
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And finding a way to be of help to others, but really be
3:18
effective. And I think that's the most
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important piece I look. When I created team or
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collaborations is, how can we work together and Alignment to
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have a harmonious outcome? And the family system is
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complex. So it's not that easy to do and
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navigating it. And I really love the name of
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your podcast, finding new Waters, because that's what
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we're doing with our families. Mhm.
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Yeah. And would you say, you know, and
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tell us a little bit about Silver Bell, coaching itself and
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really the work that you guys do.
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Now, you guys are, you know, doing interventions and really
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case management for, for these families.
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So can you kind of dig into that a little bit and tell people
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what that process is like? Or so we are by God's grace of
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word-of-mouth company and finding people who are people
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finding us that are really needing.
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The support is, is the catch because I want to find the
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opening openings of Grace is what they've And called
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sometimes it's not a full intervention.
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Sometimes it's just a gentle conversation.
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As I'm a mother of three from one mother to another and I
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always do a courtesy 20 minutes to see is this a good fit?
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Is our company, the where your family is at?
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Are you really going to benefit from our services?
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And I like to listen to where they're at and pretty quickly.
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I know if they can benefit or not if I'm going to refer them
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to someone else or another path in another Direction.
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So I hope that answers your question but at least things As
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of Grace is where I'm looking to be the most helpful with
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families, but yes, there are interventions.
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There's enormous support creating treatment Without
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Walls, people call it quarterbacking while their loved
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one does go to treatment. So the family system can have
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support because oftentimes the quote-unquote identified,
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patient goes and gets all of this wonderful help and the
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family system is then left and needs to be that reframing and
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that new water that is needed. A You in touch with.
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So I work with a lot of families and I could say the time to get
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help was probably a year ago and what are some things that
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families could know about and say, hey actually, now is the
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time to go get help. Now is the time to do a call
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with silver bell coaching and see if we can, we can make a
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difference in our family. Well, that's a beautiful call to
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take and I'm definitely here for that.
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So I'll set up a courtesy. Mmm.
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For anywhere for up to an hour to really understand.
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I prefer to have both stakeholders.
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Usually, that's a mom and dad, it could be a care provider
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could be a trusts, and Estates attorney could be, you know,
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Financial wealth manager. And so there are many different
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people who are really important to shift the family system and
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the ethos of what hasn't worked to what can work.
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Well I love clients and they'll say oh, you know, Samuel drinks
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but it's always been like this. You know what, why am I could
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change that? I'm not sure or sure he got a
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DUI but he got DUI five years ago.
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Like what why do we need to do something big right now.
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Sure. So I would say what are some
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things that I think people just need to get calibrated on
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reality? Actually this is okay this is
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not okay, but your rules about what so care a little bit
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flipped around and what are some common things you've seen people
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do that except that's actually not acceptable.
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So while I asked them, let's just say that the person calling
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me his name is Amy and I'll say to Amy who is a mother of a 25
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year old and we're speaking. So there's there's some
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information right there. We're connecting.
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And why are we connecting? Why me why this level of support
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is even a curiosity. And I want to explore that
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Curiosity with them and understand what brings them
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peace at night and what's disrupting their piece and let's
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explore is that piece not there and that's really for them to
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You come to terms with, and that's where we will begin a
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much more. Gentle lighter touch approach of
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parent coaching one-on-one. Where were there in real time?
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We are not clinicians. Although, many of our coaches
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are clinician trained and we have clinical training for them,
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but we're really helping motivate the parents to
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understand what it is. They want for their family
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system when they need it. So we're not going to diagnose
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and treat. We're going to take the present
7:39
moment and that means responsive in the day in the hour of need
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lead. And that's the difference
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between coaching versus a therapeutic support which we do
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want to work with their therapist.
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We then hopefully bring in that more robust approach and who are
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the people in their lives that they are listening to and
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benefiting from who do. Maybe they have had a great
8:00
support system but it's not yielding what they want anymore.
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Hence the disruption in peace and how then we can create you
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ethos so we can find that that flow of Peace.
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Yeah. I love that question.
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You posed that, what what do you or do you not have peace about
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because I think all too common people think that the time for
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intervention is when the house is on fire.
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Like when is the three-alarm fire blazing away?
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But the bar for getting help is actually much much sooner than
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that. It's do you have peace or not?
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People wait for the bottom and there's always a trap door in
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the bottom and right out how we can help people, you know.
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And you know, Seen a 12-step program.
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There's a whole chapter in the back talking about the higher
8:44
bottom and the edited versions for Relevant.
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Now just like, you know, the King James version version of
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the Bible is not relevant. Now you know I like being
8:55
different interpretations of language that's relevant now to
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understand where people are four movements of change.
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Yep. So can we can we go back a
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little bit and talk about your treatment Without Walls and I'm
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you know what? Elaborate on that a little bit
9:12
because it's very unique to what you guys do.
9:14
And and we actually worked on a case you know not too long ago
9:17
together and went very well. And I just think that you know,
9:23
sharing with families. You know, that there are kind of
9:25
other Alternatives other options, other resources out
9:28
there that are a little outside the box.
9:30
But but you know have great results is really helpful.
9:35
Well thank you for that. Yeah.
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First of all I just want to commend you guys and what you've
9:38
created and what you have put together.
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Either because having a sophisticated detox facility is
9:44
a part of the rehab without walls because we don't either
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many companies out there that do in home detoxes.
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I think a stabilization for that very sensitive time where people
9:55
are changing their whole body chemistry, their mindset, so
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that we can be set up. Well, when we go back into the
10:01
in-home model, is really important for that transition
10:05
piece. When I say rehab without walls,
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it really does mean living life on life's terms where that
10:13
family system is. So, oftentimes will working with
10:16
young adults, that are at college and were living off
10:19
campus, close by, and coming and supporting them in their daily
10:23
routine of showing up to class on time.
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Really, those life skill developments and creating new
10:29
social structures so that they can learn how to stay with their
10:33
life goals. Whether that is abstinence or
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it's just getting to class on time.
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I'm getting homework, done learning how to cook driving
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living on a budget. Those are the, you know, that
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probably 18 to 25 year old age group that were really known for
10:49
quite well and those those programs really go out around
10:52
nine months to a year because the truth is I don't want to be
10:55
in business. Again, I want to do a 1-1 in
10:58
your done shop really with a family system.
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And usually, with a really sophisticated good detox program
11:05
and then setting up a navigation, And throughout the
11:08
year, we find that when you hit one year of continuous, setting
11:12
of life, goals, usually have students but I don't judge
11:15
anybody's family system. We've done other Pathways.
11:19
When the whole family system is engaged.
11:21
We have a primary family therapist.
11:23
You know, each parent has their own support system where there
11:26
is a parent coach or a therapist.
11:29
There's an overseeing psychiatrist that's managing the
11:32
medical treatment and there's a primary therapist that's working
11:35
with the loved one then we're coordinating.
11:37
That cares as a vessel that's holding all those professionals
11:41
together and we do a lot with eating disorders as well.
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So there's been very complicated teams but when it's run well
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it's really a ferris wheel. I mean, look at look at all the
11:52
systems out there in the world that are run well and do it with
11:56
excellence and then there's ones that it's just a matter of clear
11:59
communication and effective for lot philosophical approach.
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Yeah and that's and I think is the Biggest barrier for a lot of
12:08
people, obviously, you know, not everybody can afford something
12:11
like that, you know, a year-long kind of program.
12:14
But obviously, if you are able to then what a great alternative
12:18
I just think about, kind of, I always think about my story to
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write and I was in college and was just a disaster and I could
12:25
have really liked something like that that that extra support,
12:29
you know, getting to get into class and doing all that.
12:32
But and I think that at that point my family, you know,
12:37
college Was more important, right?
12:38
They just wanted to get me through school.
12:39
Get me through school, because that's kind of what, I guess,
12:42
looked good to the outside world, right?
12:45
So just having a, if you just have your degree and get a job
12:50
you'll be fine. Witch cackling red herring if
12:55
you will a hundred percent. So you know I think that
12:58
obviously you know those families that just they are not
13:02
willing to put their child or their son or loved one into a
13:05
program for any period of time. I mean, doing something like
13:08
that is really unique. Thank you, any questions?
13:15
Yeah, when you're talking about coaching versus therapy, what
13:20
are some? What are some things that would
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make a coach at great fit for a family?
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What a great question it had. I'm really a very sophisticated
13:30
Matchmaker and so that's why I love my courtesy zooms on the
13:33
front end of every case, which I do have the luxury of doing and
13:38
being a part of putting those teams together understanding.
13:40
What is the Family's Journey been like, what are their
13:44
struggles? What are they looking to change?
13:46
And what are their likes and dislikes?
13:48
Their mannerisms are gestures or passions or Hobbies or talents
13:51
there where were they born? What languages do they speak and
13:56
so you can it's not always oh you're from the same country in
13:59
the same background and I'm going to put you together,
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that's not always the right match, it has to do headspace of
14:06
where they want to go and what do they want to accomplish with
14:09
the family? So matching a parent The certain
14:12
parent is really strategic matching, the loved one.
14:16
Oftentimes, there are two coaches on teams that we rotate.
14:21
And so, we just want to make sure that we're putting
14:23
together, the right type of energy to create that
14:27
connection. I think that's a key to really
14:32
make it bespoke to the client and their unique situation and a
14:37
lot of times I see this idea that like here's our Our
14:42
mechanism like here's our program like everyone enters,
14:46
everyone proceeds and everyone comes out better on the other
14:50
end, but that's part of our assessment approach has been to
14:54
take a very detailed assessment of what is the current state
14:57
look like? Because if you want to get to
15:01
Washington DC and you're in New York, your path is going to look
15:06
one way. But if we're coming from Austin,
15:08
Texas, it's going to be a very different pathway.
15:10
I think there's like a nap. Afford to what recovery looks
15:13
like for individuals and families that are caring for
15:16
them. And so, I think that suburb all
15:18
coaching approach, that's Ultra bespoke and like, really
15:22
sensitive to the unique characteristics of the family.
15:26
What are their strengths? What are their development
15:28
goals? What are their preferences?
15:31
What types of energies to they really thrive in think that's a
15:35
great recipe for success. And just a big part of the
15:37
reason why we love working with you.
15:40
Thank you. I will Dovetail on that because
15:43
we are partnering with the family, not so much the
15:46
clinicians. That's my wheelhouse to really
15:48
research the best-in-class clinicians around the world and
15:52
find out who I can partner with whom and what countries.
15:55
And so when we really are partnering with the families,
15:58
I'm not here to replace them, we are going to be making sure this
16:02
family system finds a new way of flowing, so that they don't need
16:06
us. And that detailed approach.
16:08
You know, Joanna was just reminding me, she's our creative
16:10
director, she's brilliant. That I was trained by a forensic
16:14
psychologist dr. Marvin Aronson in New York City
16:16
for many years. And the approach that we have
16:19
today is still the same approach that he taught us.
16:22
What does that mean? So it's a level of accurate
16:25
reporting and diligence. So we have a very sophisticated
16:28
portal that we putting our real-time notes into that the
16:32
clinical team can choose to engage in read, and then defer
16:35
and shift their treatment based on what they're reading.
16:38
So, manner is gestures reactions.
16:41
How did that person? Come home.
16:43
So it's it may sound invasive but it's actually really
16:46
fruitful and beneficial for this in-home approach to work if
16:50
you're in a hospital. But the doctors are doing rounds
16:53
with the nurses. There's portals, there's notes,
16:55
everybody has to take their notes.
16:57
They have to, or you're not doing your job, so why isn't
17:01
that level of vigilance being done?
17:04
At least, I don't know what other people are doing, but I've
17:06
had a lot of people say I've never, I've never seen such
17:09
diligence before. Yeah, no.
17:14
And I mean, I think that's everything right is and that's
17:17
kind of my my feeling about treatment really in general.
17:21
Nowadays, is that really in order to do really excellent
17:25
treatment? You've got to have that kind of
17:27
smaller more Boutique feel, you know, I just feel like, you
17:32
know, you know, again, going back to like the bespoke and
17:36
individual individualization. I mean, so every client that
17:39
kind of comes to us, you know, dr.
17:41
Hung, as you kind of Plain door, you know, you're meeting with
17:43
them to do a very detailed assessment and everybody's
17:46
treatment plan is going to look a little bit different which is
17:49
not really the case at most places, you know, you know,
17:52
there's in a lot of places. It's just kind of, you know,
17:55
running you through the process. And this is how we do things and
17:57
it's and it's kind of a cookie cutter, you know, scenario.
18:01
So I do think that, you know, we need to look look towards those
18:05
really small programs for that type of work and, you know, we
18:10
talked a little bit yesterday. About a topic that I love to get
18:14
into because I know you're very passionate about it, but really
18:18
the condition of the heart and, you know, I love for you to kind
18:22
of elaborate on that and what that means to you and and, and
18:27
talk about that a little bit. Thank you so much for that
18:29
assist. I'm yeah, someone who doesn't
18:32
shy away from the conversation about sense of, where do you get
18:35
your Source? Some people call it God, I'm a
18:38
Christian and I'm not afraid to say that.
18:41
And I think It's something that isn't talked about enough is
18:45
that we are really helping heal the family system and their
18:48
hearts. And when I really look through
18:50
all the externals, I don't care how someone comes to me, and
18:53
presents to me because that what I know about the human condition
18:57
is that we all want healing, and we want connection and we want
19:00
to be understood and want to be loved Now, where's that boundary
19:04
between enabling and supporting real continuity of care, shifts
19:08
and change that lies in the discernment of the moment?
19:12
And we can't know that until we're there.
19:14
And so really pausing and waiting without judgment to
19:17
assess and move through with an open, heart one heart to another
19:22
human to human, how can I be of service and help you?
19:26
Well, that's beautiful. It's see more about what the
19:32
concept of like, the condition of the heart means, means to you
19:36
and how that is something of a compass and navigating your work
19:40
with your clients. So that's really well, said, and
19:43
being a medical doctor. I mean, I'm not that well,
19:46
studied and medicine, but I've sat in thousands of really
19:50
renowned psychiatrist office and listen to how they work.
19:54
And there is a, with the best in the world.
19:56
I'd say there, is it there is a gentle compassionate.
19:59
In touch with all that medical Excellence, that they are really
20:02
tapping into that Human Condition.
20:05
And so I'm sure that all the doctors that I've worked with
20:08
wood would talk about, you know, the condition of the heart, what
20:11
makes a healthy heart and all of that, but really, it's that
20:14
compassion. Peace.
20:15
I think that can. If, if one heart, let's say if
20:19
I'm sitting down with someone, my heart is open and full of
20:21
compassion. For that suffering, human being,
20:24
how can I be of service to help them heal?
20:27
And when someone is met with, Sing better.
20:31
That's what you get back, you get the openers up, you get the
20:34
beginning of those moments of Grace where they feel seen and
20:37
heard where they're not going to be put aside, or judged or.
20:42
I've got my checklist out, you know.
20:44
I usually I'm not sitting there taking a lot of notes myself but
20:49
it is really important to make them feel seen and heard so that
20:52
they can feel whole and how they bring their family system that's
20:55
been suffering to you. Which is so unique in today's
21:01
age, right? We never stopped and connect
21:04
with people. It really has become so
21:06
impossible with, there's just so much information coming at us
21:09
all day every day, so many responsibilities kids, family
21:13
all that. And I just think that that's
21:15
such an important piece to, to really just stop with these
21:19
families, be in the moment and, and obviously, you know, as you
21:23
said connect with them, right? I mean, this is, this is really
21:25
heart-centered work that Are doing and it's got to kind of
21:29
start there. I will absolutely.
21:32
Oh go ahead. Just as you're talking with this
21:36
it I was getting a sense of what it would be like to be in the
21:38
room if you're in a coaching session or if you're hosting the
21:43
intervention conversation and it just strikes me as being so
21:47
different in a tremendously better way than what, what's
21:51
kind of status quo. Because, I mean Healthcare,
21:54
there's there's so much of this idea of like there's a practice
21:56
guideline, there's the right way to do things.
21:59
Here's the right thing. Here's the wrong thing, and
22:02
everything is comes down. To like being correct or
22:05
incorrect like being on track with practice guidelines.
22:09
That have been established for Mike the population but not
22:13
necessarily for you. And that has a lot to do with
22:16
the underlying issues of this black and white thinking that
22:20
really feeds addiction and emotional pain.
22:24
And I think like this this idea that let's come to this
22:28
conversation by first reflecting on.
22:30
How are we feeling in our heart? Ourselves like how are we
22:35
feeling about the person? We're focusing on for the
22:39
intervention and let's discern our motivation or like let's
22:43
just turn. Like what's actually restorative
22:47
for this person. That's a radically different
22:50
approach than traditional clinical care is deliver these
22:55
days. So that is such a gift for the
22:58
families that you're working with.
23:00
Thank you. Thank you so much for safe for
23:02
sharing that and It is, it is a real, an honor, and a Grace, to
23:08
sit down with the family and really see them without the
23:11
past, and be in the present moment because that's the only
23:14
time the change can occur as in the present and helping them
23:18
harness, their power within that moment.
23:20
And what that does is it creates these openings to talk about
23:24
God, to talk about there? Maybe, you know, there's a lot
23:28
of recovering Catholics and I am a recovering Christian to and
23:32
for my up, my dog. Maduk upbringing and went on my
23:36
prodigal son journey and came back with my own seeking and my
23:40
own investigation. I love to quote Rumi, where what
23:44
you seek is seeking you. So that that famous quote by
23:47
Rumi. What you seek is seeking you and
23:49
just creating that spark of curiosity with them to
23:53
reinvestigate. I'll be so angry and hurt by the
23:56
made by may be the way they were raised.
23:59
And that maybe there might be something out there that can
24:02
really help assist them. In their healing Journey because
24:05
most families that I work with that, come to us, have lost
24:09
their faith. They've lost any connection to
24:12
Source understanding of a higher power.
24:15
They feel so wounded and hurt by it.
24:18
And very gently, very gently. We tap into those conversations,
24:23
when they're ready to hear that message.
24:26
I recently, with my worldly travels, I've come across the
24:30
last few years of an incredible young man named neohart, And he
24:34
is what they would call an alchemist years ago.
24:37
That was new for me to understand what Alchemy is and
24:40
what is that approach? And it's very non-threatening,
24:43
it's very relevant. Now I think Alchemy is something
24:47
that can be a very gentle approach to people to be curious
24:51
and Neo what I really appreciate about him is he created
24:54
something, a 20 years of his life's work.
24:57
He studied in Japan and all over the world and he created a deck
25:02
of cards. They're not Fortune-telling I'm
25:04
not somebody who believes in listening to others?
25:07
Tell me my future. I'm very much want to empower
25:10
the person that they can create their own future, he created it
25:13
a deck of cards that have words on it that he defined over many,
25:17
many years to produce this and they're out now.
25:21
And we use them with our clients now.
25:24
And for example, one of the cards would be sword, the
25:28
definition of sword. What does that mean?
25:31
And what does that mean to that person?
25:34
And then going into his definition.
25:35
So his definition is very robust, and gentle and kind, but
25:38
for me to share with you what the word sword means is sort of
25:42
the tongue and I think we forget how powerful words are and how
25:47
they're connected to our and that mind heart connection is so
25:51
powerful. I used to follow and still do,
25:54
he's since passed away and Evangelical, Pastor who was an
25:58
atheist from India named dr. Ravi Zacharias, and his
26:01
headquarters were in Atlanta. He has created a big Center and
26:06
following. He recently just passed away a
26:07
few years ago and he would go debate college students.
26:11
And and he would always say the most challenging connection the
26:15
most difficult connection for every living human being is the
26:18
heart mind connection. How can heart mind connection to
26:23
be in tune with the Integrity of the person?
26:26
We are, were to become or who we haven't been in how we can
26:31
nurture that inner child, a lot of the clinicians, That inner
26:34
child work. How do we bring that suffering?
26:37
Child out to the light without doing it at a pace that's going
26:41
to, let's say, backtrack us. So it's a very gentle approach.
26:46
Yeah. So and you know, talking about
26:50
that the the Mind heart connection of ously that takes
26:54
practice, right? And there are things that we
26:56
need to be doing to, you know, to make that connection
27:00
stronger. And so what are some of those
27:02
things that you practice in kind of your daily routine or is it
27:06
meditation as it, you know, some sort of somatic therapy and what
27:11
are you doing that? So, currently today, what my
27:15
practice is, is, you know, some people call it in the 12 steps
27:19
that constant contact with God, that's what I'm aspiring to
27:22
throughout my day. How can I remain in the Divine
27:25
connection, without being weird, or crazy, or that, I'm always on
27:29
a pink cloud or something. That's not reality.
27:32
I'm very much grounded. In the present moment and I'm
27:35
very comfortable there because that's the only time I can tap
27:38
into that conscious contact ways in which I helped myself.
27:42
Do that currently as I do read a lot of scripture.
27:45
I like reading in the Amplified version it has the arm Mayock,
27:49
the Hebrew and the Greek translations of each word.
27:51
So I can do a deep investigation of something and I want to share
27:56
with you a passage and it has to do with finding new Waters.
28:01
And so I I thought I would give this to you.
28:05
It's comes from The Book of John and I'm going to find it here
28:10
with a second from The Book of John and Whosoever Believes In
28:16
Me, as the scripture has said, streams of Living Water will
28:20
flow within him by this. He meant the spirit whom those,
28:24
who believed in him were later to receive up to that time.
28:28
The spirit had not been given. Since Jesus said, not a
28:31
glorified. And I think Christ isn't with us
28:34
in the physical world anymore, but he lives within us.
28:38
That's what union is all about and understanding mentally.
28:42
It's every human, we are in Christ's image in God's image.
28:46
And it's, if we can get past the dogma and the anger and the
28:50
hurt, and the suffering of what religion, organized religion has
28:54
done. And there's a lot of good
28:55
things. Organized religion has done, but
28:58
really has to do with that condition of the heart, that's
29:01
what Christ came to do, is build a relationship with your heart
29:04
and that's up to you and him, if you want to use that vessel and
29:07
Christ isn't here to save every single soul isn't going to
29:11
accept that. That and that's okay too but
29:13
find something that works for you and that's where the Alchemy
29:16
creates a beautiful opening with these cards.
29:19
Because if I could read and maybe we'll send them to you
29:21
later, really beautiful? Really, I'll send you a deck as
29:26
a courtesy and you can Google the research, he's so gentle and
29:30
kind and and not being I think the most important piece in our
29:34
work and what I identified with Neo and his work although he's
29:38
not a Christian I really honor and respect Act.
29:42
I have a reverence towards his work and his journey because
29:45
he's not attached to the outcome.
29:47
And I think that's probably the most important piece in our
29:51
work. And certainly in SPC is that all
29:54
we can do is create the space for the healing and the
29:56
awareness in the family. And then put those beautiful
29:58
practitioners in place and hold them accountable.
30:01
But we're not attached to that outcome.
30:03
That family has a right for their journey and their path.
30:08
Wow, that's really powerful. How do you work with families?
30:14
That maybe don't feel as in touch with their spirituality,
30:18
as you feel in touch with your spirituality?
30:20
Because I think that this is Sookie, we don't send them that
30:24
it's a form of the podcast. I'm just not, I don't live in
30:34
fear anymore of what people will think.
30:36
Think of me and my relationship with Christ but I certainly
30:39
don't lead with it, I can read someone's and as soon as they
30:43
even send me an email about how open they are to the healing
30:47
journey and there are many cases where I've never, they never
30:50
know. My my relationship with Christ.
30:53
They don't need to to heal. It's not about me and so I just
30:58
want to create the vessel of compassion and awareness and
31:01
that willingness people say oh you can't help somebody who's
31:03
not willing. Yes you can.
31:06
Oh yes. You can, you can create
31:08
willingness doesn't mean Force. That's where you begin with
31:12
those stakeholders. It's slow intervening years, and
31:15
years ago, there was a woman in New York City.
31:17
And you've been to the SPC, townhouse G, you know?
31:21
And she was their leading a workshop.
31:23
Her name was Jim on a grassy and she still treating people up in
31:26
Connecticut. She's fantastic.
31:28
And she watched what I was doing is about 8 years ago and she
31:32
watched what I was doing with this community of young men and
31:35
she was Trying to understand my approach to, how they all
31:39
became, you know, in their sober journey together and created
31:42
Community. But beyond that, she said, what
31:45
you're doing or interventions, I said, no, I'm not a trained
31:47
intervention as she goes, Natasha, it's a compliment what
31:51
you're doing and intervening in these people's lives at a pace
31:56
that is sustainable and palatable.
31:58
And that's that temperature of creating willingness.
32:01
If someone is showing up, I've had other people outside of our
32:04
space. Say, how do you work with
32:06
addicts? Alcoholics and people who are,
32:08
you know, so sick. Mentally.
32:10
I know, they lie to you all the time, and I just look at them
32:14
with so much compassion. All three.
32:15
They're not lying to me. I'm not taking on their their
32:20
suffering in that capacity. I am making sure they're feeding
32:24
off of what I'm offering them. Instead of me taking on their,
32:28
their, their burdens is what they are.
32:31
But I'd see, you know, that, that scripture, the yoke is easy
32:34
and my burden is light. It really is You know, and if
32:38
you can be that Essence of Hope and healing for them all their
32:42
worries, and their concerns eventually fade away and you're
32:45
really are creating a space of of them to want to get better,
32:50
right? As I'm listening to Natasha.
32:55
I'm just realizing a new thing about advice that I would give
32:59
to clients or family members that are looking for.
33:01
Help is what's your sense of their heart?
33:06
Because there are people who have a hard heart that that are
33:09
in the business that are that are trying to work with clients
33:12
and I think there's relationships.
33:15
The progress is very difficult, if not sometimes no movement or
33:19
even backwards movement, but we all, we've all had those
33:24
experiences. We're working with people who
33:26
have there's something unique about them.
33:28
Like, there's a tenderness, there's a wisdom, there's a deep
33:32
spiritual connection, and You feel it, it's not based on what
33:38
they're saying, but you can see it in their actions.
33:40
You can see and their tone how they connect with people.
33:45
And I think part of recovery and Rehab is for people who have
33:49
hard Hearts is to see what life is like for people who have wise
33:54
and healthy Hearts, right? But until you see it, it's hard
33:58
to imagine what it will look like, and even more difficult to
34:02
make that transition. If I may and I think therein
34:05
lies such an important pipe part especially to our industry
34:09
because we are in the healing industry.
34:12
We're in Haverhill space of Mind Body, healing and helping people
34:17
find their path without judgment.
34:20
So I'm engaged to a very successful Columbia or Cornell
34:26
and Harvard Business School graduate who's an amazing man in
34:29
my life and you always say to me over my years, we've been
34:33
together over A decade, he's watched my company grow and he's
34:36
like, how is it that you are able to not only manage people
34:41
who are really struggling and family systems, but you're
34:45
managing people because everyone in my practice is in recovery
34:49
to, hmm and their healing on their journey, and it's a lot
34:54
of, a lot of healing and wounds that are constantly, maybe
34:59
needing to be tended to. So, I want to make sure that all
35:03
of the coaches In the clinicians that are working within the SPC
35:07
system, have their own governance and care and we offer
35:10
supervision and we helped make sure that they're doing their
35:14
work so they can give that beautiful offering to someone
35:17
else because you can't give away what you don't have.
35:19
And I think that speaks to your point is the condition of the
35:22
providers heart. That's exactly what I'm talking
35:25
about. Yes, I'm helping them.
35:27
Pay attention to their own heart and help me, but you can't tap
35:30
into that. If your heart isn't in a healthy
35:32
space, That is creating that healing us.
35:38
That's so on the money and as something that we talk about on
35:41
the regular here just because you know, first and foremost for
35:45
me having a really healthy culture is the most important
35:49
thing and that kind of starts with our staff, right?
35:51
Taking care of our staff, first and foremost.
35:53
Making sure as you said, probably 75% of our staff is in
35:58
recovery. So, you know, and they're
36:00
getting triggered and they're, you know, listen, even if your
36:03
68 years in recovery, you know, things are still going to come
36:06
up and you're going to have struggles.
36:07
You're going to have difficulties and and we, you
36:10
know, that work-life balance is such a central part of this
36:14
process but also continuing the work, right?
36:16
And not and not, I think what we see so much is that people stop
36:20
doing work on themselves and get a little bit crispy word.
36:26
It is crispy and I think it's so important because when we're
36:31
working with a family system, whoever is the primary carrying
36:35
vessel whether it's the case manager, the Coach, the
36:37
therapist detox center is that we're always asking the family
36:41
system in the parents. What can they do to change the
36:45
ethos? Because it really does start in
36:47
a parenting. And I am not saying, as a mother
36:49
of three, I am not saying, the parents are a problem, there is
36:54
genetic trauma that's being diagnosed and uncovered these
36:57
days. I'm working with really really
36:59
great psychiatrist in the United Kingdom named dr.
37:01
Wayne campers. He's a trauma and Pain
37:04
Management specialist and he does many up, there's genetic.
37:07
Thing that's really important but understanding generational
37:10
trauma, an understanding Bloodlines and understanding
37:13
that. Hold on a second.
37:14
Some of your kids can turn out like everything seems fine and
37:18
they're checking off all the boxes and they're skipping to
37:20
school. And your other child is not
37:22
getting out of bed. What am I doing?
37:24
Is apparent that can be better. So, having that space where the
37:28
parents don't feel that? They've done something wrong and
37:31
asking them to go at Neo calls is a deeper intelligence of
37:34
themselves because parents Although maybe didn't cause the
37:38
trauma, they can help shift that knew that as you would say
37:42
finding new Waters so that they don't have to live in that old
37:45
drama and I think that's the trickiest part the word crispy.
37:48
Just triggered me to think of it g.
37:50
That fact I just miss lifting is with the parents because no
37:58
parent wants to be told that they screwed up and they didn't
38:02
they didn't but they have an opportunity to find something
38:05
new now. Oh yeah.
38:08
Yeah. And we're fortunate enough that,
38:09
you know, hopefully those, you know, that generational trauma
38:13
or wounds. You know, us getting into
38:16
recovery is, is going to stop that pattern, right?
38:20
And that's the hope that's, you know, that we are passing this
38:22
down to our children. And we can, you know, we can
38:24
really do some, some great change.
38:27
You know, I have three daughters myself and, you know, obviously
38:31
you know, cards are probably stacked against us that one of
38:34
them is going to have an issue, right?
38:36
Wasting recovery. I'm in recovery.
38:37
So but you know, I do think it's really interesting to when we
38:41
sit down dr. Hong actually does a full
38:44
genogram with all of our assessment clients, and it's
38:46
just so informative, you know, he sits with them for an hour
38:49
and a half, and, you know, does it all by hand and for them to
38:53
see the patterns and typically it kind of starts with my
38:57
childhood was great. I, you know, I did everything
38:59
that I could have ever wanted and things were great, mom and
39:01
dad were great, yada yada yada, and then you start digging into
39:04
it. And it's like, maybe things
39:06
Weren't as rosy as I painted them to be and seen it in black
39:10
and black and white is really powerful.
39:12
I think I do. Yes.
39:14
And I'm so glad you do that, dr. Hong, you know and also
39:18
understanding with parents and loved ones that they weren't
39:21
supposed to see it then because they wouldn't be able to cope
39:23
with it and giving them some Grace, how they can cope with
39:27
it, going forward and relieving that burden for the parents.
39:30
You know, that's probably the bulk of our work is parents.
39:34
Yeah. Yeah.
39:36
I try and begin the sessions by saying we're entering a special
39:43
space where there's no judgment and there's no shame.
39:47
We are just trying to be real and then we can go in and say,
39:54
yes, Mom, Mom was in bad in depression for two years, but we
39:59
can say that without necessarily anger or resentment, we can just
40:03
put it On the paper and we use this huge sheet of paper when we
40:07
really spread it out. And and when we can say that
40:10
without anger or resentment, then we open ourselves up to
40:16
this. New ability to see our history
40:18
in a new way, right? So we just open, we just had a
40:21
assessment client come through, and it's amazing how the pattern
40:25
is so common. Lots of addiction, lots of
40:30
self-destructive behaviors and that leads them to come into the
40:34
Facility. I have been with this very broad
40:38
question, like, what was it like to grow up in your home?
40:41
And it's usually the first answer is great, perfect,
40:44
wonderful. And then I say, okay, well tell
40:49
me more about this relationship, time about that relationship and
40:52
then I'll just like Curious, like, oh, that's interesting.
40:55
You know, some mom, mom wasn't around and the kids.
40:59
You guys bought your groceries, you guys take your own cooking
41:02
and like what was that like And and then it and then they start
41:06
to remember more and more things.
41:09
And then usually in each session, there's this moment of
41:13
stunned silent reflection as there's begin to rethink their
41:19
history and they see things differently and we tie it back
41:22
to this. This earlier work where we say
41:25
like how do you relate yourself and they see?
41:28
Oh, I wrote to myself the way, my parents way to me and then oh
41:33
my Parents treated me that way, because that's how their parents
41:37
treated that and they're stunned.
41:40
And then, and then, I draw a circle around the, usually,
41:45
they're younger people, and I draw a circle around them, and
41:48
their spouse, or their young children, their family system,
41:51
and, and then, they see that they have this ability to create
41:56
a new line, a new way of a new Legacy of inheritance for their
42:02
generations to come All said, so that's really an amazing
42:06
experience but I think it to me, it really does feel like a
42:11
sacred moment, right? Like there's something special
42:15
happening. There's some type of Truth
42:18
telling and restoration of the condition of the heart and that
42:21
moment you are breaking ancestral.
42:23
Trauma ancestral generous, people will talk about dr.
42:28
Aronson would talk a lot about the Holocaust Survivors and what
42:31
the genetic testing of Holocaust Survivors and what would Make
42:34
them survivors that didn't and you know what was that about?
42:39
And how could some just go on and have a normal life after
42:42
that and others couldn't and understanding that?
42:45
And then how that manifests going forward and so on.
42:48
But that's exactly what we're doing.
42:50
We are talking about stuffing centuries and centuries
42:56
generational, trauma and patterns, and it's not all bad
43:00
and helping them understand that it's only through suffering.
43:04
You know, you only can really see light, you know, through the
43:07
darkness, you don't get light just because it's light, you
43:10
have to have that contrast to understand.
43:13
So it's just so important to refrain that like you just said,
43:16
this is a beautiful moment. Look, your mother had her own
43:21
trauma that maybe she doesn't even know about, and that's why
43:24
she is the way she is, and she can't even understand the way
43:27
she has. But you can, you get to help
43:30
system heal without having to do your mother's work?
43:34
For her. And I think there's a, there's
43:36
so much in that mother-daughter bond that we could spend many of
43:40
us Odes on that. It is so important and vital.
43:43
And then we could talk about the relationship with the father and
43:46
how important that is. And that I will bring it back to
43:50
that spiritual component because a mother typically is one who
43:54
brings a spirituality into the home.
43:56
However, it is when a father hits his knees, that it's the
43:59
most powerful it for the children to watch and emulate
44:03
and when a father Grace to a higher power.
44:07
It is the most calming for a child.
44:10
Yeah, I love that. Well, you know, this has been a
44:16
great time chatting with you Natasha and and thank you so
44:19
much for joining us today. I did want to say you can find
44:23
these episodes on all streaming platforms.
44:26
Please visit Silver. Bell coaching at Silver Belle
44:29
coaching.com and finding new Waters at finding new water.
44:34
S.com and thanks so much and we will see you next week.