Latest / Chief in Tech Deep Dive Shortcast / Chief in Tech S1E17 - Reetal Pai, Sushma Sanketh, Laura Mosley and Shirish Lamichhane : Build Communities Not Just Networks

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Chief in Tech S1E17 - Reetal Pai, Sushma Sanketh, Laura Mosley and Shirish Lamichhane : Build Communities Not Just Networks · Chief in Tech Deep Dive Shortcast

• 0:00
  Okay, let's unpack this. If you are anything
• 0:01
  like us when you see an email and it's an invitation
• 0:05
  to a professional networking event, you just,
• 0:08
  you feel that very specific sinking dread. Oh,
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  absolutely. That feeling is universal. A forced
• 0:13
  small talk, the lukewarm coffee. It just feels
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  so transactional and I don't know, unnatural.
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  It does. And that feeling of awkward, you know,
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  transactional obligation. It's really just a
• 0:24
  symptom of a flawed, outdated model. Right. So
• 0:27
  our deep dive today is looking at sources that
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  analyze those gaps in the traditional approach
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  and, more importantly, propose this really powerful
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  alternative. Moving beyond the network, to building
• 0:39
  an authentic, expressive community, a professional
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  tribe. And that's our mission, really, to understand
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  how we can shift from connecting purely for career
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  leverage to connecting based on shared values,
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  real purpose. We're going to look at how fostering
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  these authentic tribes can boost your job satisfaction,
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  your resilience, and really just create this
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  environment for real growth. We've got some powerful
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  stories from leaders who've done it. And we can't
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  really talk about the solution. without first
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  defining the problem. So we should start with
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  the foundational work of Dr. Caitlin Porter and
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  her team. They studied how networks at work impact
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  our success. And they found that professional
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  connections pretty much fall along a clear spectrum.
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  A very clear spectrum. On one end, you have what
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  everybody recognizes as networking, right? The
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  instrumental network. Exactly. Instrumental networks,
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  their connections built purely for job -related
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  outcomes. And look, they are absolutely necessary.
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  You need them. They provide critical advice,
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  expertise, access to resources, all the things
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  that directly improve your job performance and
• 1:43
  your career success. It's the classic, what can
• 1:46
  this person do for me right now approach. But
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  then you have this completely different dimension
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  that I think a lot of people ignore. And this
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  is the source of genuine satisfaction and that
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  sort of sustained resilience. The expressive
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  network. Yes, the expressive network is defined
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  by social bonding experiences. And a key finding
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  from the research is that these are the people
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  who become your best friends at work. And crucially,
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  they provide psychological safety. The sources
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  note this type of connection dramatically increases
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  job satisfaction. It reduces your risk of burnout.
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  And I love how they put it. adds more color to
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  the work that we do. Okay, I want to pause on
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  that definition, though, because for a lot of
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  listeners, the idea of having best friends at
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  work, that sounds kind of risky. Yeah. Doesn't
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  that lack of professional distance create some
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  kind of liability? What happens when you're on
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  a tough project, or even worse, a company reorg?
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  That's a critical question. Yeah. And the mechanism
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  here isn't just about liking someone. It's about
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  mutual, unconditional support within the professional
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  context. So your instrumental network, it helps
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  you succeed at a task. But the expressive network,
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  your tribe, it helps you succeed at being a professional.
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  They buffer stress, they give you that candid
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  feedback that maybe a transactional contact would
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  withhold, and they offer real perspective when
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  things go sideways. So if having this expressive
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  tribe is so incredibly beneficial, why do so
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  many of us default to that forced kind of transactional
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  thing? Why is it so hard to build those deep
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  expressive ties? Well, the sources outline a
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  few highly relatable roadblocks. Yeah. And some
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  of them are internal. They're those self -limiting
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  the least, we tell ourselves. Like what? You
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  know, things like, I'm an introvert, so networking
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  is not really for me. Or that desire to just
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  put your head down. Can I just do my job and
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  not have to worry about anybody else? And the
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  practical obstacles are so valid, too. Especially
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  for people balancing complex lives at home. We
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  hear things like, I have three kids, I have no
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  time to breathe, let alone network. Exactly.
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  Or someone re -entering the workforce after a
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  break, just feeling totally overwhelmed about
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  where to even start. These are basically cognitive
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  traps. They focus on the time required, not the
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  intent. They assume try building means going
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  to 10 cocktail mixers a month, when it's just
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  time. it's fundamentally different from collecting
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  business cards. So here's where it gets really
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  interesting. Let's look at the solution through
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  the lens of someone who faced this exact barrier.
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  We have a great example from Aralee, who admits
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  she's a deep introvert. And earlier in her career,
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  she was so shy, she would physically hide from
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  networking events. She said, it just made life
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  a lot harder. And Aralee's insight here is...
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  so actionable for any self -proclaimed introvert
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  listening, she realized her energy was finite,
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  so she stopped trying to master small talk. So
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  what did she do instead? She focused on a really
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  specific, powerful intent. She chose to be, and
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  this is her quote, fearless when it came to reaching
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  out to somebody if I wanted to learn from them,
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  if I admired them, or if I could be useful to
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  them. That reframing is everything. The mental
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  leap is moving from, I must network to how can
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  I learn or contribute here? Yes. She leveraged
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  her introverted preference for depth over breadth.
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  And that shift led to this huge aha moment for
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  her. She realized, I'm actually really good at
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  building a tribe. I just did not do it when I
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  called it something else. So she was already
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  doing the work. She was already doing it. She
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  just had to rename it and apply it professionally.
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  It's about authentic utility, not transaction.
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  Let's look at how this plays out over time across
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  different life stages. Sushma, another leader
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  from our sources, she was 15 years into her career
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  and felt like she'd lost touch with the external
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  professional world, you know, balancing those
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  multiple poles of life. Right. And she didn't
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  seek out some formal mentorship program. She
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  reconnected by engaging with an internal structure,
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  her company's Asian Pacific Islanders Employee
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  Resource Group, and ERG. So these ERGs, they're
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  basically internal communities built around a
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  shared identity or a passion. Exactly. So the
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  internal community provided the shared foundation,
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  but the network eventually stretched outward.
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  Sushma met peers from a completely separate company
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  who are facing these incredibly similar challenges.
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  Mid -career development, navigating corporate
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  culture as an API professional. All of it. They
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  recognized this shared value that went way beyond
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  their company logos. And this led Sushma to co
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  -found a cross -company peer mentoring program.
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  That's the sticky factor. The connections lasted
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  because they were rooted in mutual experience
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  and purpose, not job titles. It's proof that
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  the fastest way to stop networking is to start
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  working toward a shared mission. And this idea
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  of shared mission and also diversity of connection,
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  it's echoed by Laura, she helped run a data literacy
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  program that RLE had started. And Laura noted
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  the group was, I mean, it was 17 people from
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  different functions, different business units,
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  different ages, different levels. That sounds
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  like a management challenge, but it actually
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  became the foundation for their tribe. It did,
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  because diversity is resilience. Lor quotes that
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  powerful adage. If you want to go fast, you go
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  alone. But if you want to go far, you go together.
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  Right. And together has to mean diverse perspectives.
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  If everyone in your tribe thinks just like you,
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  you have a support group, sure, but you don't
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  have a challenge group. And you need that challenge
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  to grow. That's a great distinction. And what's
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  fascinating is Lor's admission that Honestly,
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  she wasn't initially passionate about data literacy
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  the topic of the group really yeah She said she
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  was all in on empowering others lifting people
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  up creating opportunities. That was her core
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  value The data literacy program was just the
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  vehicle that allowed her to find other people
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  who shared that mission. So the lesson there
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  is don't worry if the immediate task doesn't
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  excite you, find the human shared value underneath
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  it that does. Precisely. Okay, so moving from
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  shared values, we have to talk about how a tribe
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  sustains itself through challenges, and that
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  brings up vulnerability and allyship. Let's turn
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  to Sherish, who focuses heavily on allies, especially
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  male allies in fields like tech. Sherish's perspective
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  is... It's really comprehensive. He argues that
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  allyship isn't charity, it's strategy. Allies
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  have to proactively recognize that the growth
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  of women colleagues leads directly to the collective
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  growth of the entire team. It's a win -win system.
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  It is. And he connects this professional idea
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  back to his personal life. He talks about his
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  dual career household, raising a child with special
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  needs, and how allyship is essential at home
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  too. It means proactively giving his partner
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  space to grow her own career and her own tribe.
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  I mean, that's great advice, to have an inclusion
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  -first mindset. But let's be real. If an ally
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  challenges the system or calls out bias, they're
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  risking their own political capital. That's the
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  friction, right? What's the professional cost?
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  Yeah, do the sources address that? The consensus,
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  particularly from Sherrish, is that the long
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  -term payoff outweighs that short -term cost.
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  But it takes courage. His actionable advice is
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  crucial here. Allies pull each other up and,
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  maybe most importantly, never make any assumptions.
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  Always ask questions. Always ask. Seek to understand.
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  Create those pathways for mutual growth. It requires
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  deep trust, which brings us right back to vulnerability.
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  And R. Lee had an incredibly powerful story about
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  this, about the risk of being authentic. She
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  said during the COVID era, her personal life
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  was, and this is her word, a dumpster fire. And
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  she was terrified that by being honest about
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  her struggles during a company mental health
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  awareness event, she would, quote, destroy things
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  at work. And that is such a real fear to be seen
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  as incapable. It is. But despite that fear, she
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  shared her story. And the result wasn't a reprimand.
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  It was this. unexpected, powerful surge of community.
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  People from all over reached out to show their
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  stories. That authenticity built a bridge. But
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  here's the catch. How do you take that risk of
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  being vulnerable if you genuinely don't know
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  if the space is safe? What if you put yourself
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  out there and the environment, you know, slaps
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  you back? That's a great question. And both Aralee
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  and Sushma address this. The first step is self
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  -discernment. You know your environment best.
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  No one is saying you should just jump off a cliff.
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  So you have to ask yourself. You have to ask,
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  is my distrust based on a bad experience from
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  an old job? Or is it true for my current reality?
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  Is this a calculated risk or just blind trust?
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  And if you take that risk and it does slap you
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  back... Then Arlie's wisdom here is just perfect.
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  She says, that's okay. That's not your mistake.
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  That doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You
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  just learned something and that's okay. You learned
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  that workplace wasn't your tribe. Exactly. And
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  the few true connections you make from being
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  honest are worth the process of elimination.
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  You remain you, and the right people will find
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  their way to that. So what does this all mean
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  for the listener who is ready to retire the transactional
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  handshake and start building a real tribe? What
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  are the big actionable takeaways from these stories?
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  I think we can synthesize four core actions based
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  on what we heard from RLE. Sushma and Suresh.
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  Okay. Number one, face your fears through micro
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  actions. Yes. Don't try to, as Arlie put it,
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  digest the entire elephant in one go. Start small.
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  If you fear reaching out, just commit to one
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  high value coffee this month. Focus only on learning
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  or offering help. The reward is finding your
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  person. Number two, know thyself. Know your passion
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  points. Right. Identify your core values that
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  go beyond your job title. like Sushma, find people
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  who care about the same things you do. Bring
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  that volunteer mentality into your professional
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  life. Number three, be your own tribe first.
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  This one is so critical, especially when you
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  feel spectacularly alone. Focus on nurturing
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  yourself first. Invest in your own resilience
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  so you show up ready for connection, not looking
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  for a tribe to fill some internal void. And finally,
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  number four, leverage existing structure. Yeah,
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  you don't always have to build from scratch.
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  If you're a large organization, use the ERGs,
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  the employee resource groups like Sherish and
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  Sushma did. They're ready -made frameworks for
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  finding your people. And I think we should echo
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  Laura's encouragement here. She acknowledges
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  it's uncomfortable, but she just says, you know,
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  just do it anyways and get curious. Curiosity,
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  that's what unlocks the door. It replaces that
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  dread with genuine interest. Ultimately, the
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  shift is just profound. real professional success
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  and satisfaction. They come from moving away
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  from instrumental networking and toward expressive
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  community building. That's how you build resilience.
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  It's how you improve the quality of your entire
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  career. And the source material always comes
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  back to this idea that building a community is
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  about making deposits. You put in the time and
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  attention so that later, maybe much later, you
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  can pick up the phone and say, hey, I need help.
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  It implies that reciprocity and long -term commitment
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  are the real measures of a tribe. So a final
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  thought for you to consider. Think about the
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  last five professional connections you made.
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  Were those transactions built for short -term
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  performance? Or were they deposits built for
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  long -term resilience? What small intention deposit
• 12:51
  will you make today?