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Transcript

A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE · Relatables

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: The Relatables podcast is hosted by myself, Audie Clark aka
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Mummy and my partner in crime who isn't here today,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: mister Jake Craig aka Daddy and Baddie's Happy New Year.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: It is twenty twenty six, which honestly feels so crazy
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: to say, and to kick the year off, we're actually
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: going to do something a little bit different. I'm sure
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: all you baddies are probably in the same headspace in
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: a sense of hanging out with family, just trying to relax,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: just doing your own thing before you get back into
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: the flow of work, and we're basically doing the same thing.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: That's why Jake's not here.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: He's currently up in Queensland enjoying some family time. And
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: basically we've decided just to take a little bit of
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: a two week break. But we came up with a
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: good creative idea where you guys don't really get to
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: miss out on any episodes. Maybe some diehard baddies will
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: remember this episode, but what we're about to do is
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: play an episode from about a year ago. It is
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: called You Are Enough from the second of October twenty
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: twenty four. Well that's actually almost two years which is crazy,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: But this episode I really liked, and I think it
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: kind of went under the radar a little bit a
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: little bit because it's when we were trialing a new
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: little way to get listeners where we split the Monday
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: episodes up into Monday Friday episodes, and we found out
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: we didn't really like that because we couldn't get in
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: the flow, and I feel like we lost a few
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: listeners there. But this episode was actually really really good,
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: and what we're going to do is play it now,
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: which I think will be a cool little activity to
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: reflect on. I guess mine and Jake's journey with this podcast,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: and like our ideologies, how we thought, and even our
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: skills we've talking have changed so much, and I thought
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: it'd be a cool little thing just to go back
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: and listen to it. And there's a cool few themes
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: that we still talk about to this day on the podcast.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: But overall, I just wanted to pop in for on
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: the sake of Jake and I say happy New Year, Baddies.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Twenty twenty six is going to be the Year of
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: the Baddies, and for the next two weeks we're just
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: going to reminisce, so please enjoy coming up on Relatables.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Any relationships work, Yeah, relationships, parents, kids, dogs, even every
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: relationship is work. And the sooner you put in the work,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: the better that relationship is. Fact bro relatable. The Relatables
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: podcast is hosted by myself, Oddie Clark aka Mummy and
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: my partner in crime, the my Mustache Combradrey Boy, mister
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Jake Craig aka dad D. All Right, Jake, I wanted
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: to start the podcast today, maybe a little bit differently.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: We always have a bit of a laugh, but I
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: feel like this is very relatable. Okay, So you know
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: about me, I really really struggle to like feel enough,
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: and I'm always looking for I always i'm looking to
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: be the best. I'm looking to be better, and I
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: always struggle to live in the present moment. And I
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: know you do a little bit, definitely not as much
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: as me, but I do know you're always looking for
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: the next thing as well, and sometimes yeah, you do struggle, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah. So I wanted to say that you
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: are enough and I think you're doing great. Thank you,
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: because you just need to hear it sometimes did oh
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: to you?
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Did?
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: I mean right back at I think so, But sometimes
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: it's just really nice to hear, and like, sometimes you
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: get trapped in your little bubble of you're trying to
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: be better at the gym, you're trying to be better
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: at running, you're trying to be better at work, and
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: then you're just always looking for the next thing. That's
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: just nice to hear it from someone else sometimes. Damn, No,
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate that. Thank you, dude. You Yeah, you
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: definitely feel it way more than I do. Yeah, I
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know you.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: I definitely would say I would tell someone that I
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: think that, Yeah, you're like one of the hardest workers
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: And shit, that's what. I don't know what it stems from.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I've tried to like analyze my life, and like, I
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: don't know. If I was in like a psychology with
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: a psychologist, I'd think maybe it stems from I've always
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: had to like prove myself in like because I grew
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: up with soccer being my whole life till I was
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: like eighteen, and everything was about like impressing a coach
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: or something like that, and they always my value came
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: from if I was good enough to make a team. Yep.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: So I wonder if I've always just stemmed from trying
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: to prove myself to someone else. That's where I get
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: my value from. That's my only loge. I'm trying to
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: bring logic into it. That's the only logical explanation I
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: can bring to it. I mean, I guess, I mean
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: that would make sense because if you got cuter, you
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: weren't good enough. If you got cut you meant you
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: weren't good enough. Whereas I was always trying to be
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: the best, I was trying to be the fittest, I
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: was trying to be the fastest, trying to be the
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: best on the ball. I was trying to do that.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: And I was like, it probably does. There was eighteen years,
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: it was pretty much fifteen years of my life, so
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: it probably does stem a bit further than that.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: That's probably a good observation. I suppose I was. I
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: kind of stopped. I was really into like ice hockey
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: when I was in kid, and then when I moved
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: to Australia, I stopped.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: So I don't I definitely would. Yeah, I don't get it.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: As much like I don't know, I don't need I
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: don't feel like you need like praise.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: Though, No, which is why it's sort of like doesn't
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: work as well. But then I'm also like, is it
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: just my competitive nature because I like to be good
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: at things I do. Yeah, and I go into things
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: like one hundred percent or zero. It's like even like
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: I drink one hundred percent or I drink zero, Like
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: it's the same thing.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's no point to drink a zero. No, sorry
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: to like just casually do it.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: You know what's funny is like the.
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: Other day when we I guess launched the Facebook group.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: I think you said like, oh, we're going to have
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: some people to approve, like, well, surely we'll get like.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Five hundred in a day.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: And I remember, like my mind, maybe I'm a little
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: bit of a pessimist in that area.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Like in my mind, I'm like you said, I don't
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: want to set expectations.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I'm like, oh, I'm keeping my expectations low,
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: like I'm expecting one hundred.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and we got five hundred. Actually yeah. Think I
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: think in twenty four hours we got like four eight.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I think I said to you, I was like, fuck that,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah you did. I was like, we're getting five hundred, yeah, yeah,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: yeah you did. You're like fuck that well, I'm a
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: big manifest there too. I believe in manifestation, he put
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: something into the world and you're sad enough, yeah, and
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: you do it, it will happen.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: I think I must just hate disappointments, to be fair,
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: like I do hate disappointment, but I think it's.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Two very different ways in life, and both have their
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: benefits as well.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: Like I was saying to you just before, how because
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: as everyone knows, we've probably said it times, like we
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: produce and we edit up the podcast and everything, and
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: I do all the clips and already does like everything
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: that's like on Spotify and YouTube and stuff. And so
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: because I do the clips, I post the clips, and
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: when I post them on TikTok, for the last like
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: three weeks, I have not seen a single view.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: So I don't I don't know what. I don't know
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: what views and videos are doing, which is like probably
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: a bad thing because.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: It's like I need to know maybe like, oh, this
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: editing isn't really doing it.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: For us right now, but like all this content didn't hit,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: we won't do that again here. Yeah, yeah, like this
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: isn't really doing it for us.
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: But at the same time, I've just been so much
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: more like because I would always check the views of
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: a video, I guess twenty four hours, like I'll post one,
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: go off my phone, go and teach whatever, blah blah blah,
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: and then the next way when I post the next
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: video is when I see the views of the video
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: there before, and if it's done shit, I'm like.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Huh, but sort of that's sort of like similar to
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: taking a broad spectrum. We're obviously analyzing our podcast, but
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: like boys and girls, especially on social media, we'll see
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: a girl who's got millions or hundreds of thousands of
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: followers post a bikini picture and think, fuck why I
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: like that, And we're sort of the same with our views. Yeah,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: the same thing. And it's just like I don't know,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: sometimes you just got to hear bring it back round circle,
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: like you are enough. Anyone listening, you are enough and
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: like completely normal to not be the best at everything,
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: not be the fittest, not be the sexiest, not be
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: the fucking smartest.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: It's completely like every single human in the world is
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: like that.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's okay just to be normal, which like
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: sometimes I struggle to accept, Yeah, and just to live
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: the normal life.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: I hear the thing about the people seeing like say,
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: like a girl, a young girl sees a girl.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: It's like an influencer on the internet.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: It's been I saw a video, and it's getting really
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: really bad because of the amount of editing that goes
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: into photos that we can't see.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Really I've seen, I've saw and edited. I've saw a
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: video like that.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And so it's getting it's getting really really bad
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: because it's really difficult to try and hammer into people
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: young people especially like that what you see online is
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: very far from the truth, very far.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: And it's also harder because we platform the zero point
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: zero one percent of good looking people like they're there
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: because they're the sexiest people in the world exactly, and
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: we platform them, which is like, props to you, you got
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: the best genetics in the world, but I'm stuck over here,
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: tasty white with freckles everywhere. Yeah, you freckle. Yeah. Then
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: you see even I see like girls like, how the
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: fuck are that Tanya? What's going on there?
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: It's weird.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Hey, we're gonna get on that, Milana tan. But you
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: also always see like the thing you're self conscious about, yep,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Like I immediately see someone's skin color where I'm sure a
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: lot of people will see people's weight like their tone
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: of or dudes will see guys muscle size yep, if
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: they're insecure about that. Some people see height if they're
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: fucking short, like a guy like, fuck he's tall. I
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: wish I was at six for whatever. The brain. I
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: saw a statistic and the brain has like sixty thousand
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: thoughts a day, and like forty five thousand of them
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: are negative, so over half. See, our brain's always just
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: like trying to make us feel bad about ourselves. What. Yeah,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: that's crazy. Holy shit. Lovely listeners senterse that, but sorry,
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: I can't remember your name. Oh well.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: I saw a thing of a podcast clip where someone said,
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: like the voice you hear ninety nine of the time
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: is your own, so make it nice.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah that's true.
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I get And it's kind of stuck with
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: me since you know.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: You're stuck with your thoughts the whole time, like you try.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I know it's easier said than done, but if you're
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: if you're constantly consuming, like you're looking. I said it
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: to my girlfriend sometimes because I've said it on the
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: potty before, like she said it to her A little
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: not a fight but she doesn't like the corn flights
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: disagreement about it. Like sometimes she would wake up and
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: be like, fuck, why's my skin like this? Or like
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: where's my hair bad? And I said to hers, like
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: why are you saying? That's the first thing you're saying
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: in the morning. And it's a negative connotation towards yourself,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: like when you either say nothing, which is probably easier,
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: or say like something good about yourself, saying like well,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a good day today, like just simple
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: things like that. You don't know how much it affects you. Yeah, dude,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: it's hard, and it's like even and I'm guilty too.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I I get up and I look at
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: like we joke about my hairline, and like I.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Like my hair is long enough and thick enough to
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: like cover it.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: And it's like, honestly, like I've seen worse, but I
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: still am like seen worse, Like like I don't think
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: I'm an ugly dude, right, but for some reason, the
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: thing I focused on most is like I got.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: To make that bag so I can go to Turkey
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: and get this shit fixed. Bro, Like that's a tax
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: if I'm pretty sure it's only like is it not
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: like fifteen k. I think it's less. I think Turkey
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: is like you want to do it, you can put
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: on the business man. I'm happy to make a video
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: out of it. Oh come, I actually saw that podcast
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: We got the chocolates. Yeah, an Australian company reached out
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: to them and they made a video for this Australian
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: company and they did it. But the thing is, you'd
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: have to wear a hat like six months on the
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: pod you reckon your hairline is literally like red and
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: fucked yeah, so long, and then you have these little
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: baby hairs that wear.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: I'll wear like a like a band down because I
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: feel like a hat will like to rack.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, was that what it's called? Because I feel
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: like a hat will like fuck it. Yeah, like care something.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: We'd have to pre record six months and then like
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: we'll cut and then yeah, so we'll pre record six
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: months worth of episodes, all right, and then and then
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: I'll have this hair in it. Yeah, and then just
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: after six months, randomly will come to an episode when
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: I've got a shaved head with a perfect hairline, and
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: everyone's gonna be like Brad Pitt, who what, like what
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: the fuck? Because the like the amount of thoughts I
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: have of like I just want to fucking shave my
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: head because I didn't realize how much you thought about this.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: I think about all the time. I thought you didn't
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: care that much because it's like he shells. I just
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: like don't want to. I got it from my dad.
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: I think it's called a widow's peak, Like I got
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: it from my dad. Yeah, and I just I like
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: I would oh yeah, oh yeah, like he's he's to
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: the point where it's like just shaven.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, where do you when did that?
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: Listener?
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Oh god, there's.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: A photo of him when he's about twenty one and
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: he looks like me so pretty soon.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: But I reckon, I'm glad you bagged Beth before you
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: lost your.
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: Hair, so thinking, yeah, you got to keep her now,
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: I would have anyway.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: I would have anyway.
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: But what I was gonna say, oh, like, if it's
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: a windy day and I forget to wear a hat,
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: all I want to do is that just be like
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: I just wish I could shave my head because it's
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: just it just annoys me, like in your face, Like I.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Just want to fucking shave my head. Yeah, but I
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: can't do it because it would look bad. So being
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: so conscious, mate, because you are enough and everyone listing
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: is enough. Yes, all your imperfections are enough.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I love yourself, girl and boy.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: All right, guys. Up next is dilemmas. But this is
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: a little bit different, and Jake is I'm in them.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: I'm in the dark here for no reason in particular,
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: just that I want to do a blind reaction. Really,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: but I think on Patreon, this is a plug for Patreon.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: But if you want to go listen, obviously to it.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: But we've got a very interesting dilemma from a young
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: listener who I'm going to plan a second again. And
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: it was asking about her dad and feeling guilty when
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: he was sick about how what is it normal to
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: feel guilty and what she should do? And at the
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: end we gave some advice, and I thought our advice
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: was okay. But at the end we said, why don't
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: we you go and talk to your dad and asked
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: for his opinion. Yeah, and that's what I did. Oh,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: so I've got a I've miked my dad up. What
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: I've got his opinion on the dilemma, and he's overall
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: opinion on what it's like. So if anyone who doesn't know.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer like two years ago,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: and this dilemma is sort of working around that. It's
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: a similar thing but not really different health issues. But
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: so let's play a dilemma first, talk about a little bit,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: then I'll play my dad's answer. Fuck, yeah, I did it.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I'm key Wow. So this is the dilemma from Patreon,
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: not a relationship dilemma. Hi, boys, absolutely love the pod.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: It's the only one I listened to. My dilemma is
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: something I was hoping you could help me out with.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: I thought Otdie specifically might have some insights for me.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: My dad has always been a bit older. He's sixty
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: three and I'm twenty one. My dad's sixty three and
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: I'm twenty four, pretty close shit, and has strou good
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: way of health issues my entire life, severe arthritis being
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: the main issue causing him to have a lot of
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: pain in his joints, but unfortunately cannot get the medication
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: to help him due to the condition of his heart,
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: which has impacted his ability to stay in shape as such,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: and he has been overweight my whole life. When I
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: was fifteen, he had a quadriple bypass surgery and survived,
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: but at the time, the doctors and my parents were
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: keeping my expectations low. My dad had mentioned me before
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: that he knows he won't live any older than say,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: eighty five plus, and over the last year I felt
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: overwhelming fear about him dying. I love my dad with
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: my whole heart and has been my rock and my
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: advocate through the hardest times. I don't know how to
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: shake this fear of how to stop feeling guilty when
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: I go on holidays with my friends or hang out
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: with my boyfriend. I lost a good friend when I
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: was twelve, which I think has exacerbated this fear of
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: losing my dad. I'm not sure what to do. I
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: think it's just my anxiety and overthinking, but I wanted
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: some outside opinions because I'm scared if I tell someone
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: about this they'll think I'm crazy. Thanks for your help
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: in advance, Keep up the good work. PS. I started
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: crying whilst writing this because it's the first time I've
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: written this out. So from that dilemma, me and Jake
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: gave our advice like we usually do and you all know,
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: but we ended it with you should just go talk
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: to your dad, because everyone's life's different and we don't
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: know what he's going to say.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I mean, I thought your advice was great
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: in the sense of, like you felt the same, but
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: then you were like, but that's just like me feeling
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: that way, Like my dad doesn't feel like that.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: And it was interesting and my dad said some insightful
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: stuff that we didn't mention, which is cool. I like it.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: But I thought this was also very interesting because we're
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: getting to the age where, like, no one wants to
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: admit that our parents are ever going to die, but
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: we're seeing the people around us, some parents are getting
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: cancer and anything like that, and they're coming to terms
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: that it might actually happen, and this is the first
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: time it's sort of happened, and you had to reassess
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: your relationship. And I thought my dad gave some insightful
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: information just because like he's had cancer for two years.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: He's in remission now, but like when that life card's
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: on the like it's just there, it is, you don't
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: know how to feel and you don't know how to react,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: and not many people talk about it. So I thought
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: it'd be good to see his perspective. Yeah, I'm keen
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: for this. Okay, so bear with this speakers too, because
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: it's not as good as this pod obviously. Yeah, that's fine.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: The other day, dad, we got a dilemma, and I
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: gave some advice, and at the end of that advice,
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: I said, talk to your dad, which is probably a
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: really good thing to do, and I thought to myself,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I should probably talk to my dad. Someone explained the
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: dilemma and let me know what you think about the
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: advice I gave.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: All right, fine, you feeling, I'll listen. You're a bit mate.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: How are you feeling?
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm fee all right, it's so funny.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: So there was a dilemma on the pod.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: A young girl was twenty one, and she was explaining
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: that her dad's always been sick and sort of similar
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: to you, a different thing he had, like a heart bypass,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: but he's always been a bit sick, and there's been
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: a life expectancy put on his life and he's not
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: going to live as long as other people. And her
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: dilemma was she always felt guilty if she wasn't hanging
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: out with him. So from the kid's perspective, that whenever
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: she would go traveling or not see him, once a
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: week or something, she'd feel really guilty that she wasn't
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: spending quality time with her dad. That was a brief
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: description of dilemma, and my advice was, like, it's pretty
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: natural to feel guilty. And initially when you got like
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: diagnosed with cancer, I lived at Jake's and one of
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: the reasons I came back was money, But also another
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: contributing factor was like I wanted to hang out with
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: you a lot more. And my perception sort of changed
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: a little bit because I think my advice I gave
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: was you'd be happy seeing me live my life rather
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: than just spending quality time with me.
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I also said that you would be busy worrying
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: about your life, not necessarily completely hanging out with me.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: So I was going to ask you, like, what was
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: your thoughts on our relationship? Did you want anything more
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: out of hanging out with me once you've got diagnosed
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: cancer or anything like that.
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: I'll just I think I'll just generalize rather than I
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: think it applies all round like to everybody. It's not
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: just what it is between you and mate. But yeah,
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: there's probably two sides to it. You want your child
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: to be getting on with your life and you want
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: to see them happy, but at the same time, you
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: do want some quality time with them. So I think
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: it's two fold. You can't be feeling guilty about going
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: and doing your own thing, but probably at the same time,
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: if you do your own thing one hundred percent and
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: you ignore your parents, you're probably going to have some regrets.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: I thought a reason that they might feel more guilty too, though,
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: is like my memories of us sort of start around
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: fourteen or fifteen, when my memory is sort of still,
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: I can remember them like before that, I have little,
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: like little snippets of things, but I can't remember. But
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: I'm sure your memories of me start from when I
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: was born, so you have way more memories. So I
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: feel like that's the reason why they're guilty, because you're
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: trying to jam more time in into it because it
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: feels like you can't remember as much as you can remember.
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's probably part of it. Yeah, I think if
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: you put the effort into, you put that quality time in.
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: You haven't been given a life expectancy, but they have.
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: So the situation is that you've been given You've both
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: been giving a life expectancy to have a relationship with
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: each other that's going to finish. So how much do
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: you cherish that? And that's sort of if you answer
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: that question, that sort of influences how.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: You decision making up, where you go and what you do.
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because it's a sentence for both of you, because
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: the relationship will be done truncated.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, Well, was there anything else you want to have?
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Our relationship when you first got diagnosed.
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: On Now, I think it's too complicated. It's like I'm
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: still going through it. But you're happy with the amount
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: of time we spent together.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we got a bit of we work together, so
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: it's a little bit.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we worked together. That's quality time, but it's a
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: lot of time.
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: I'd probably like to have a good quality trip to
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: be honest.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we didn't really get that when you went surfing
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: and I was busy.
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah I went surfing and you were doing your own stuff.
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: But I respected that, and you know, there may be
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: chances down the track. Yeah, I'll change down the track.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: Definitely, got a barley or something.
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I've got a few things in mind. It's just
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: a matter of get clearance to go. Yeah, I'll be
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: going regardless. So you know, if you want a camel.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Well, thanks dad for that.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Just a little bit of a insight that helps to
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: your I think it's interesting to see we always talk
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: from the young person's side, giving a perspective from the
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: father or person in the situation with everyone listening, probably
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: those parents who are eventually going to what's happening to you.
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: It's all round, like your parents aren't going to be
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: there forever, whether they're diagnosed or not. You know, you
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: can just take it to a different level sort of
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: based on my experience. I mean, I'm in the early sixties.
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: If you put the effort in and spend the time
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: with your parents, I think you're just going to you're
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: really going to love that.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: You did it and cherish those memories.
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: Churish memories, and those memories you're going to take with
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: you on your next experiences. Like you're not going to
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: be having sort of flashbacks or setbacks because you didn't
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: do this, you didn't do that. But if you have
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: quality of time with your parents sort of regardless, that's
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: that's what you're going to take with you, and you're
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: going to be a much more positive person and you're
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: going to be sharing that positiveness with the people that
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: you interact with with the next generation. So it's sort
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: of you know, it's not just because someone's got a
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: you know, a bit of a sentence. Yeah it's Italian.
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: It's about relationships with your parents. Yeah that's what I think.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I think it's just it's hard for any
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: kid to imagine that their father or mum is going
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: to die because they've always been like the rock in
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: their relationship.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: At any point, not cancer, even like eighty ninety.
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: Oh, they've always been there.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: Like it's you can't very very traumatic, you can't come
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: to terms with it.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: And now I think everyone who's like turned twenty, twenty five,
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: thirty the first time you've ever had to think about
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: it as like.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: Someone in my age. So it's just like what do
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: I do?
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I reckon just spend the time with them. And
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: I think that's the message. Whether they're they're where your
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: parents are diagnosed, they're not there. We're all going down
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: the same path. We're not going to be here forever.
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: So spend the time with them, put the effort in,
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: and you get that back with how you feel and
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: you take and that's part of your persona that.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: You to your your kids, your friends, your exactly. Yeah,
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: and that's probably there. That's a good message of every Yeah,
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: that's what I would say. I like it. Thanks for
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: coming on, dude.
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: Cool, alright, I'm going surfing the Java if you want
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: to come by if I get.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: You know, it's that. I like a few things he
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: said there was sick. Yeah. One of them was that
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: it's not just a sentence for your parents, it's a
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: sentence for.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: You as well for your relationship.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because like, yeah, they've gone and then you don't
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: have a relationship with them.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: It's one thing. It's good I had that. It was
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: a little bit like confronting chat a little bit. It
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: was just like a little bit awkward. I also was
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: recording it, but yeah, it was just weird to sit
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: down and talk to my dad about his and my
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: feelings because like to's like a son and a five
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: But don't really do that. No, I know you're right,
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: they don't. And although it's a terrible thing that happened,
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: a dead of cancer, that one benefit that's come out
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: of it is probably a relationship and bonds got a
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: little bit tighter, stronger, and stronger. But I thought it
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: was a great takeaway message was like, no matter if
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: your parents are sick or not, I feel like we
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: do take them for granted, even if we have a
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: great relationship. I bet you every person right now listening
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: is like, fuck, I can probably hang out with my
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: mum or dad more if I wanted to, DUDEA.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: One thing that I really like gathered from that was like,
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: when you're you know, let's see when when you're when
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: when one of your parents.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Dies, right, like, what will you cherish more? Or when
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: you're dying, for instance, what will you cherish more?
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: The time spent with family or that random night out
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: on a Saturday.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: Literally, like that's the thing is, it's it's funny A
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: And the thing that like resonated with me too was
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: like you are going to take it like when I
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: have kids, I'm going to be remembering how my dad
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: raised me hopefully if you have good parents. But and
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: like I'm going to take that into my fathering and
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: like the relationship we had whereas like, like you said, if
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: I'm doing something random like going to a party, like
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: it's all good and well and doing it within the means.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: But like I think even like back when I was
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: eighteen and stuff, I was thinking of if I didn't
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: have friends to go to the movies with, I wouldn't go.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: But like I could easily take my mum or my dad.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: And it's weird, like how like my shift in my
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: brain's obviously happening, and I'm realizing they're more like they're
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: my friends as well, not just my parents. Like they
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: can go just hang out like one and we don't
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: have to just plan. Someone can say, Mom, you want
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: to go watch the new Marvel movie with me? Yeah,
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: and she come. Even if she didn't like Marvel, she
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: probably would just because she wants to hang out. Yeah,
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: She's like, fuck off, I don't want to see that.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: But it's still nice to ask, you know who you asked.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: But I thought it was a very interesting and insightful
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: message from my Dad's a very soft spoken guy out
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: a bit, but yeah, you know, he's very he's very
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: calculated a bit like probably where I get it from. Yeah,
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: that's amazing. I thought it was a good insight to
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: see from the father's perspective and someone who's potentially sick
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: as well.
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: Well, it makes me think. So in December, my parents
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: are moving. They're moving a state away. They're moving to
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: the Gold Coast, which is like a ten hour drive
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: or it's an hour flight, still like a travel day,
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: I guess regardless, like a full day of travel to
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: get there. And so like if you think about like
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: I'm thinking about it, you know, like if I don't
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: move to the Gold Coast ever, let's say don't move
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: there ever, like I'm only going to see my parents probably.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: Like a couple times a year, a couple of times.
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: A year, because you know, we get to a stage
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: at life in life like as much like you and
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: I will probably really only get busier. Let's say it
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: will work and then like you know, also they work,
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: They're just going.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: To be you know, normal busyness. It's like they both have.
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: And then they've got my younger brother and sister who
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: are going to be in university or like school still.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: So like really, if you think about it, if my
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: dad's you know, fifty something and he's going to live
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: for another let's say he's going to live till hes ninety,
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: that's a fair life, yeah, ninety. Like I'm probably only
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: going to see my dad like fucking two hundred more times.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: And when you feel like when you look at that number, scary,
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: You're like, what, Yeah, that's a crazy like like that's stupid.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: I'm going to see my dad a million more times. Yeah,
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: Like so it's that listening to that conversations made me think, like,
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: you know, although it could cost a bit to go
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: and fly them and see them once a month for
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: a weekend, like at least it's fucking I go stay there. No,
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: it's free accommodation and like you know, when they die,
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: I'll look back and think, yeah, I'd spend fucking double
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: that now.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think because it was very interesting because
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: my what we answered on Patreon was similar. But I
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: think I didn't value I didn't value the relationship, but
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: I didn't see how important it would be for the
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: rest of my life as well, Like if that makes sense,
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: Like I do value it so much. Yeah, Like that
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: he just made me see it a little bit more. Yeah,
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: so you're gonna go on a trip with him more? Yeah,
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: I think. So we've got to get im. Just the
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: thing about me is like I've got a plan stuff
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: and like it's not an excuse, like, but I look
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: at planning things won't be like we'll planned to go
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: to dinner, like I don't see quality of time. It's
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: just like hanging out and grabbing a coffee with my walking.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: I think I need to do more spontaneous stuff with
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: my dad. Well, yeah, like just going for a wall.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: If he's like warring the plants that around the house
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: or I'm taking fucking forty five minutes, I'll just go
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: out and talk to him. Yeah, just do it with him. Yeah,
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: something like that. Not like necessary, because my thing's always
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: been planning with my parents, whereas we dinner with them.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we're not prem not that much all the time. No, no,
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: don't have a time. So I think it's just I
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: thought it was a cool message. And yeah, first things first,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: we started with Jakes enough. Yeah, make your relationship with
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: your parents enough, dude. Yeah that's a good message, Yeah,
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: because you won't regret it once you're like on today
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: past eventually and is this coming to terms without being young?
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: And hopefully you or anyone listening doesn't have to come
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: to those terms anytime soon. But the sooner you realize
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: and the sooner you work on any relationships, work, relationships, parents, kids, dogs,
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: even every relationship is work. And the sooner you put
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: in the work, the better that relationship.
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: Is facts bro, going off you saying relationships are work, Oddie,
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: I have like a I found this thread. I guess
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: it's like it was on TikTok and it was titled
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: things that are normal in a relationship but nobody talks
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: about it?
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: And I mean I really liked it.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: I don't know what's going to be enough.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just thought, like, fucking facts bro.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: So the things things that are normal in a relationship
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: but nobody talks about is that your partner will not
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: meet all your needs.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: They weren't.
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: Hey, you have to like sacrifice a little bit. Yeah,
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: and it says underneath they must meet your deal breaking
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: needs and emotional emotional slash physical needs sorry, safety needs whatever.
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: But all the secondary and tertiary needs of being a
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: human cannot be met by one person. That's why it's
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: important to invest in friendships, hobbies, and an identity outside
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: of your relationship.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Oh that's so, because I was going to say, like
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: there is a certain point of a little bit of compromise,
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: like getting into a relationship, there's none negotiables, but you
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: do have that little bit of compromise. Yeah, but that's
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: we'd say that that like you can't always rely on
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: your partner to give you everything, especially you got to
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: look outside of that for what you need.
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I always found it so crazy, like people, I
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: think when I was young, I thought, like I got
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: to take my time. There's nothing wrong with taking time,
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: but like, I need to really find the person that's
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: perfect for me. But in reality, there is not a
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: single person in the world that is perfect for you.
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: I'm kidding, except for you obviously, but like you know,
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: there's those people that you know, like, well, it's it's
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: it's like I have different friends for different things, Like
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: I have friends to work out with, I have friends
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: to go to the beach with, friends to.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Drink with, Like it's the same Like in a relationship,
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: hopefully your partner gives you most of those things. But
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: even like intellectually stimulating conversations about I don't know your
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: passionate about kites, Yep, you might need someone else with that,
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: good point man, Like so if yeah, if you're sitting there, well,
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: I think it's hard for people to admit that their
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: partner can't give them everything.
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: Well yeah, no, But also it's the most mature thing
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: to admit is that your partner will not be able
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: to give you everything, and it's just like like you
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: were saying, like there's no negotiables. But if there's just
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: like little things, you know, like you and your partner
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: are different humans.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: It's only something you've got to remember, Yeah, and you've
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: got to accept that and not like if your partner especially,
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: I feel like it may be it's both cided it obviously,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: but a lot of the time girls might see it
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: as a problem for guys going somewhere else to get
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: something not necessarily another girl. Yeah no, not no yet,
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: but like going like something like why can't you talk
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: to me about it? And but you might not just
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: be able to get what he needs.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's just one of those tertiary things that it's
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: just Yeah, it's weird a yeah, it's interesting.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: It feels like an attack a little bit on them. Yeah,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: but it's not. Yeah, it's not. Number two.
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: Sex is not always going to be like the movies.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: You don't you don't always have to be breaking the
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: bed and doing it in public. It's normal for couples
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: to have periods of higher and lower into some intimacy levels.
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: There are a lot of factors like health, stress, lifestyle, habits,
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: that can cause this. This is a sign to track,
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: but not always an immediate red flag.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: Oh that's so relatable. One of like the first things
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: I realized about having a long term girlfriend is like
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: how life gets in the way. Yeah, look, sex slows down. Yeah,
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: and I don't know. Yeah, it's like where there's this
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: lifestyle like even girls' bodies too, guys hormones levels too,
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: Everything just adds up. And then sometimes you're on the
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: mood and then like sometimes you just want to cuddle
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: and have a little intimate session with not a lot
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: of energy.
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: Sometimes you want to masturbate.
• 34:19
  Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, that happens. Yeah, you do, and that's normal,
• 34:24
  Speaker 5: fully normal. Exceptingly it's the hardest thing. It's so it's
• 34:27
  Speaker 5: weird a but I'll move on. Number three. You won't
• 34:30
  Speaker 5: always like your partner. Relationships go through seasons and can
• 34:36
  Speaker 5: have ups and downs. There may be some critical issues
• 34:39
  Speaker 5: you differ on. There may be moments where you don't
• 34:42
  Speaker 5: like your.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: Partner but you love them.
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: Learning to self regulate, self soothe, and communicate in a
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: constructive way is necessary to ride this out.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: I think that's when your love shine through. Yeah, because
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: it's definitely moments when you're fucking fucking pissing me off
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah, sometimes you're in an argument, you're just like
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: you look at them and your blood boils.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's when the love shines because you're like
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: you're like, fuck, I love you, but fuck off.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah I know.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I love you, but fuck I'd love an
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: hour away. Yeah. And it's relatable to feel that, and
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: it's normal, Like, like you said, he's not You're not
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: gonna have someone who's perfect in front of you. It's
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: lardiy dahded rainbow sunshine not you get along. It's not possible. No,
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: And you're not perfect for them. Yeah. Yeah, I bet
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: you piss them off more than You've got to remember. Yeah,
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: if they regulate it better.
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, if your partner's pissing you off, you have to
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: remember that you also piss them off.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, all right.
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: Number four, I think you will want to be alone.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: I relate to this so relatable. People need personal space
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: and alone time. Just because you are in a relationship
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: doesn't mean that will need that need will go away.
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: If your partner or you want alone time, that's not
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: a sign that the relationship is bad. Finding balance between
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: alone and together time is important.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: I think that sides with like the number two he said,
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: you got to get things from other people, get things
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: from yourself as well. Fuck yeah, and they come from
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: just like being alone. Like I love my alone gym time.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: Same Like sometimes like when someone asked me to work out,
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: I'll be like, eh, oh yeah, Like I don't always
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: like working out with it. I'll just be like, I
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: just want to go on my phone, listen to music
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: and work out.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: I don't want to talk to anyone.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, headphones in.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: Like I went to the gym with Jack yesterday and
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: like it was his first time going since we started
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: the challenge that is on Patreon plug. But yeah, it
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: was kind of annoying constantly. Yeah, it is the wait
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: the fuck it, I'm going to kick out.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: We goes and they're sick. Okay.
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: You will find other people attractive, Yeah, that's life. It's
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: natural for people and relationships to find others attractive from
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: time to time. In fact, it is human. What's important
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: is having open conversations about what monogamy means to each
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: partner and discuss what the lines and boundaries are. Remember
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: it made different for different couples.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: Well, I feel like The responsible thing here is like,
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: you can appreciate someone else's beauty, that doesn't mean I
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship or have sex with them.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: In facts, that's as simple as it is. I quite
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: often find dudes like and be like, that's a dude.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: I think I think that is a dude. Yeah, there's
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: a guy that Jim and Barley of Cassie. I was like, OK, yeah,
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: I knew his Instagram because he's famous. I was like,
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: look at this guy's fucking body. Crazy. All right.
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: You will have totally different opinions. Yeah, you do not
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: have to see I two I on every political, social,
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: or general issue. This doesn't mean you are not compatible
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: or that you can't get along. A healthy difference of
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: opinion will help both of you grow as long as
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: you are respectful towards each other. Oh, next one, I
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: think there's two more. You will both change.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: This is I think this is why a lot of
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: people break up too. This is a huge one. You've changed.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Didn't your ex say that to you? Yes, when we're
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: starting this potty or something, you were like it was
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: something around then. I'm pretty sure you were like growing
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: as a person person on social media putting yourself out
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: there and like you've changed. I want to be chippy X.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure it.
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: Was no no, because we started I didn't have an
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: ex anywhere near like starting the podcast.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: Maybe it wasn't.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'm lost there.
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: I think, you know what I one year for my birthday, well,
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: I was with my ex. I asked my parents for
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: a camera because I and I started filming some stuff
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: and I liked it. I liked learning to edit little videos.
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: And yeah, we got an argument one time and she said, like,
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: you've just changed, like so much, you know, like you're
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: just trying to do this thing. And I was kind
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: of like, yeah, because.
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: I want to for the better. I'm finding out what
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: I like.
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: So yeah, it says our bodies, habits, likes and dislikes,
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: and lifestyle changes over time. You and your partner will
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: go through emotional fluctuations, Your hobbies and interests will change.
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: You can keep your band strong, so you can keep
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: your bond strong by finding continuous overlap between your changes
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: and their changes. Okay, this one I think is a
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: huge one. Last one's a huge one. You won't love
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: each other's families. Oh, you don't have to be besties
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: with their siblings or parents, and de vice versa. These
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: relationships are nuanced and come with a lot of emotional inheritance.
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: It is important to be respectful, warm and caring without
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: overstepping your own or their boundaries.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: I saw this on It was a trend on TikTok
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: going through, and I was like people setting their boundaries
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: for each other's parents, because you gotta take into consideration
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: you're both brought up in different ways and you have
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: different relationships with your parents. And so one person said,
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: this is as much as I can give, and this
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: is as much as I can take anymore, and like
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: that's not all I can do, which you gotta respect.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: And that's the same from the girl's side and the
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: guy's side, and you just got to meet in the middle.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: And then if it goes past that, you say no,
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: like we can't go, we can't hang out exactly.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: No.
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: I've seen so many things on TikTok where it's like
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: I've been married for fifty years, he's my best advice,
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: and they'll be like a little thread like this, and
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: there'll be things of advice, and the most consistent one
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: I've seen of like i'd say maybe I've seen ten
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: over the years I've been on TikTok whatever, but the
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: most consistent one that I've seen is we don't. It
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: was like we would keep our families separate from just
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: like fights, disagreements, stuff like that, because if you go
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: to your family, they're biased towards.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: You no matter what. They're going to side with you
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: no matter what.
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and so yeah, that's like one of the biggest
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: things is like keeping your families out of it, because
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: they can have just such huge impact and like, you know,
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: my dad's opinion on me means like so much. So
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: it's like if I go to him with something and
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: then he's like, oh, she's being a fucking wench, you know,
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna be like, you know what, maybe she Yeah.
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: So it's like, you know, not that they're not good
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: people to go to for advice, but just for your relationship.
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: I think, like me personally, I just find that to
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: be And then I wanted to be such a private thing.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: It's also because they can't My parents they would love
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: to know my girlfriend as much as possible, but they
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: don't really know her. No, no, and like Sam, like
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: my partner's parents, like they will give them as much
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: as they're never going to know who I am behind
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: closed doors.
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: It's like I said to you the like last week,
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: how I said, like one thing we don't ever say
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: to each other as friends, but also I would never
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: say to my parents is like Beth makes me the happiest.
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: She's like as any girlfriend IVE ever had. You know,
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: Like they don't know that, and it's all good. It's
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: even good for you to say that to me. But
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: also I'm never going to see Beth that you see.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: Bet No, You're never going to say it no matter what,
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: I'm never going to.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: See the same way that you do. So your parents
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: trying to like feel that it's just impossible now it's not.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: It's not possible. Yeah, that's a good interesting list, that's
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: what I thought. Yeah, yeah, that's very interesting and it's
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: probably a good list to bring to your partner. You know.
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: It's funny, is I watched a Ted talk last night
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: that I could bring up next week?
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: Baby, I didn't. I didn't think I thought it was
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: gonna be good enough.
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: But it might be funny because you say that your
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: girlfriend was like, they're not fights, Like I don't like
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: corn fights.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know if.
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: In the ted talk at it says anything that about
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: that being unhealthy or not, but like they really talk
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: about you know, it's like the way you fight, like
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: you can call it a fight, like you never hear
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: someone coming and be like, I had the best fight
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: with my girlfriend the other day, but like the way
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: you fight is a big, big, big indicator apparently, really yeah,
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: to be worth it, maybe actually I'll send it to you,
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: but like I just like I want to send it
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: to my girlfriend and I want to send it to
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: just like everyone because it is. It sounds so interesting,
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: and these people are like, yeah, if we meet someone
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: within the first five minutes, we meet a couple with
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: a ninety six percent like accuracy, we can tell what's
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: going to happen in the next six years.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: Really, yeah, that's wild. I'll leave it on. I reckon.
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: This is the it's not funny, but the funniest and
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: most relatablest fight relationships have. And I know you've had it.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: And it was the only fighter I had in Bali,
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: and it was having like a it wasn't at a
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: fight at that point. It was I can't remember what
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: it was about, but I started to not raise my voice,
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: but as a guy, like I was getting my point
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: across more by getting my voice a little bit deeper.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: And then she was like, don't raise your voice in me.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not raising my voice.
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: And when I hear those words, don't yell at me.
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: I'm yeah, I'm like, you want me to yell.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: You don't want me to yell. I was like, I'm not.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: I'm talking the same, but that's not the guy's brains.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: You're not listening to me. So and but drops to
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: her like she said that she established I took it
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: too far, like took my voice too far. I think
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: that's the most relatable fight is when the guys or
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: the girls even raising his voice, raising her voice. I
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: don't raise your voices. Don't yell at me.
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: I feel you sometimes a good yelling. I kind of
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: maybe I just want one.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: I've never had one. I don't think I will. I
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: never had one with death, I've never had one with
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: like anyone.
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: Only only time I've ever had one with an ex
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: girlfriend is one we're both drunk.
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah that's why.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's fine, but no emotions un intact there exactly.
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: Anyways, guys, thank you for listening. Yeah, thank you about
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: it this far Patreon five dollars a month. Go join
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: the Facebook group. We're having fun in there and yeah
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: five stars.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: We'll see you on Friday. I hope you like the
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: new little content change. Yeah, let us know in the
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: Facebook group.
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah that's literally like we will one hundred percent see it.
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, we're doing it for you. Hopefully it's engaging,
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: slow intellectual, taking all the boxes so you get a
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: good listen.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: We love you.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: Bye,