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Owlman / First Skull · The Danger Zoo

0:02
Password accepted welcome to the danger zoo all right welcome
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everyone to the danger zoo. The department of anomalous and
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non human genetic entities, reconnaissance and zoological
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alcohol operations. I am Coyote the game warden and
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special stuff going on today. We are going after the AL Man,
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which has been, you know, hinted by a couple of aggressive people
0:32
listening to us on YouTube in the comments.
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But our guys went up a level at least Dotty, Baby Bird and Hazy
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did. So Hazy, where did you put your
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skill points? I felt like I wanted, you know,
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graphs a little more things around me, so I put it to
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wisdom. So I put 2 on wisdom and I got
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some a sweet ass boots. I gained a + 2 bonus on stealth
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checks made to move silently. When I wear them, my movements
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become unnaturally fluid and silent.
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His posture. I'm just going to read it like a
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stalking predator. His eyes flicking with the
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wendigos unsettling stillness. Each step leaves only a whisper
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in the snow. I'm coming.
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I tried to make it seem like I was reading it.
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That's all right, baby bird. Well, actually, I thought he
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read his stuff last time. Baby Bird, where do you put your
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skills? Where did I put mine?
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It's in your fucking sheet. Charisma and Dexterity.
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Oh. Split up your skills all right?
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Yeah, I didn't want to sound like an idiot anymore, and I
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wanted to be a little more flexible.
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That's hot. Very useful for what we need.
1:52
Yeah, totally. What new equipment did you get?
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I upgraded my hoodie. Yeah, I've got that plus AC-3.
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Yeah, well, maybe because I'm at 18 AC now.
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Yeah, we use a + 2 before, right?
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So if you get new a piece of. Equipment, it's like.
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It's a 2 to whatever, but if you're upgrading it's only going
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to go up by like one point. Yeah.
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I don't know if I ever talked about.
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I have the whole, I have the holsters of expeditious.
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It gives me two to initiative. Just means I draw my weapons
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faster basically. Like a little faster, Yeah, it
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still. Makes me quick on the draw,
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baby. I should have thought about
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that. And when we said holsters, I I
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figured it was going to be something like that.
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So today we are hunting the Owl Man, The Owl Man of Man 1.
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Of Man 1. Man one?
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Yeah, it's the Britain's version of the moth man, I guess.
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Sightings of the Owl Man date back to 1976.
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Near Manwan Church in Cornwall, England.
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Witnesses describe a large humanoid creature around 5 feet
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tall. Which it's pretty tall.
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I think we could all agree here. 5 feet is pretty fucking tall,
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right? For the English for sure.
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With wide leathery wings, glowing red eyes in the face of
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an owl. That's a pigeon.
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None now didn't consider the UK's counterpart to the Mothman,
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The Owl Man is associated with fear, psychological trauma and
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foreboding omens. Locals speak of shrill
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screeches, disturbed wildlife and sudden, inexplicable
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anxiety. Unlike many cryptids, Owl Man
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encounters often come with psychic and audio disturbances
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and hallucinations. They often calm.
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Suggesting a potential Suggesting a potential psychic
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or interdimensional component. Mission start danger Zoo file
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Mission Code name Operation Silent Feather.
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It's an eldrick cosmic horror mind affecting possibly
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interdimensional. It's a threat.
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Level 3 tray location, Manwa Woods, Cornwall, UK.
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All right, so the mission's set up.
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We have to investigate ow man sightings near the Manawan
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Church. Retrieve an anomalous tech left
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by the Veil. The team's van rolls to a stop
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in front of a church in The Woodlands of Cornwall at 2:00
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AM. The graveyard's wrought iron
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gate groans open as the team steps inside.
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Dense fog snakes between the mossy headstones, curling around
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their boots. The air is cold and heavy,
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muffling every football as they approach the looming silhouette
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of Manawan Church, it's ancient stone walls cracked and
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blackened by centuries of damp Cornwall nights.
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As you cross the threshold, the oaken doors hang ajar, swaying
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with each gust of coastal wind. Inside, a low mist drifts across
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the floor, glowing faintly in the moonlight pouring through
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shattered stained glass windows. OK, so that's what it's like
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just walking in here. We're going to put you guys
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right inside the gate. I'm staying in the van because I
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don't need any trauma. Yeah, I give you enough trauma
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when we're at home. I agree.
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So I'm going to place you guys right inside here you.
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You you weren't supposed to agree.
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Well, you should be a better lover.
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Oh. Anyways, moving on, as soon as
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you walk inside you guys hear a screech.
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Hold on, wait for it, wait for it.
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That was the screech. Sound like a fucking
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grasshopper. Oh God, it sounds like we're
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outside. Yeah.
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Oh no. Oh no, mine are romance anime.
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I hear it, Luke. You hear 3 distinct screeches as
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you walk in. Everyone give me a perception
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role. Oh, getting serious?
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Come on baby. Oh. 20 is.
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That a Nat 20. Yeah, baby.
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I got a nice sturdy 10. The world peels back around you
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as you notice everything, every living creature breathing.
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Where do you where do you instantly see a perception?
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Like if you have anything to go with it?
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Oh, I see it right there. 2 with wisdom.
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I just got it. All right, so I have a 20.
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Nice, SO all of you, even you thoughting just 'cause you're
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close enough with them. You notice at the three
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screeches of the Owl 1 is a kind of a high pitch, then a low
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pitch, and then like around a medium pitch.
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Aw, it's like The Beatles. Dude, they're harmonizing.
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I'm going to be, like, humming all my way to the front door,
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like America fuck yeah. And just like look, can I
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investigate the front door? Yeah.
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OK. So you moved to investigate the
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front door. Go for it.
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Can I read some of the names on these tombstones?
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Certainly can, my good man. Well, do I what do?
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I What do I read? What's the instructions, master?
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Just give me an investigation roll.
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Yeah, I, I just did that and my investigation. 15.
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Is I have a 19 if you're talking about me now.
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It's going to be thought because he's trying to read names.
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You got a, you got a 20 on the door.
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I have 19 on the door. Yeah, you notice it's, it's an
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old door. I mean, it's nothing really
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crazy about it. It's kind of locked, but
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something feels slightly off, like you can't quite see it, but
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something's there beyond your reach.
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Cool beans. Maybe you should try a
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flashlight of some sort. You were given AUV light.
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I have night vision. Yes, that's not what AUV Light
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is. Oh, I got you.
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Someone else take a turn. Oh, can I use my thermal imaging
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goggles? Hold on that.
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He pulls out a couple of Would you say your role was for the
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tombstones? 15.
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OK, you read a Nigel Crumpington.
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The next tombstone you reads a Reginald Butter Snatch and
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Percival tweaking. Shia, Clive Wobblethorpe,
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Bartholomew Kragelwat. Who are these fucking dorks?
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These are founding British fathers.
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And they wonder how we want to what?
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These people are definitely up to some evil shit.
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For sure. It's definitely Resident Evil
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esque. All right, baby bird, what are
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you doing? I put on my thermal imaging
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goggles. Jesus fuck.
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And I walk over to where Hazy is and I look at it.
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OK, like like what? The door.
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Looking shyly. I look at the I look at him
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shyly, blinking, but he can't see me.
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Can I get an Oowoo from baby bird?
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Or you can't see my eyes because my goggles.
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Jesus. Wait.
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On my way there, I stop. Oh, all right.
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And then I look at the graves. You want more of the stupid
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names from the graves? No.
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Are any of the graves warm? I yeah, I look to see if any of
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them are warm. That's a 5.
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Oh, yeah, you have thermal goggles?
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No, none of the graves. Oh, wait.
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Give me a perception check, I guess.
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An investigation check. You go to look.
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It's hard to tell. You've taken, you've taken a few
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hits to the head and your goggles were on, so they're kind
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of fritzing out on you a little bit.
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So if you, it looks like something's warm for a second
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and then it's all cold again. So you're not sure if you saw
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something or not? Oh, intriguing.
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I say nothing to anybody about it and keep it to myself because
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I don't want them to think I'm crazy.
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You are all the worst. I like.
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Those windows and me you saw and no one else saw.
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Sorry none of you have made the building yet so you all hear
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this. We need to get inside.
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Let's get inside. Let's get inside there.
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Everyone take a scaredy puss roll.
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Oh, what? That's D100.
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That's AD hundred. Yeah.
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Yeah, that's a 59 for me, dog. Let me open up a new tab so I
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can find AD 100. He's doing the 100.
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Yeah, I I got 11. Does anybody need me to roll for
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them? Everybody just go ahead and roll
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for everybody. Thought he got a 44, Hazy got a
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96. Nice.
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Is that bad? Oh yeah, it's very bad.
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God damn. Baby bird got baby Bird got a
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94. Way.
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All right, all right, so that. 'D be me.
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The screech happens OK, Hazy. This is the only Hazy sees this
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OK as the moonlight filters through the thick pine canopy to
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the West of us. All of a sudden you are on the
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other side of the church here. You're you are on the West Coast
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of it, near the tree line and the moment.
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Coast. I don't see any water around.
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The tree line. Anyways, as you step over there,
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soon as your boot touches Moss, the forest around you just goes
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silent. There's no wind, no insects, no
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radio crackle, just crunching. You look back for your team
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mates, everyone is gone. You just see a graveyard, empty
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and fog rolling in. And then you hear it.
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You thought you out ran them, but they never forgot the taste
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of your fear. They're in the trees, soldier.
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They always were. Tiny thousands of claws skidding
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across bark. Your head jerks back to the tree
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line. The trees are covered in dozens,
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hundreds of squirrels. They're fur patchy, their eyes
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Milky white like rotted pearls, each one frozen, staring at you.
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They began to chant. A human voices high pitched,
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glitchy whispers. We remember you hazy.
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You stepped on one of us back in 1992.
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Oh shit I was only 5 I remember. Sorry.
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They leap not down upwards, into impossible arcs that hang in the
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air longer than they should, twisting midair like marionettes
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with broken strings. 1 lands beside you.
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Its jaws open far too wide. There's a human tongue inside
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this squirrel. Oh.
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He tries to scream, but when he opens his mouth.
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Don't make out with it. He coughs up acorns.
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He's just coughs up acorns. Thank you.
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The forest starts pulsating with rhythmic rustle like breath.
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The trees bend towards you. 1 squirrel skinners across the
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ground on human fingers dragging a knife made of nut shells.
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What the fuck? Dude, I told you not to take
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that expired Benadryl. One of the squirrels looks at
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you and says time to make a nest inside your skull.
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Oh, that's kind of hot. Before you do anything hazy
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before. I do anything other than scream
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and piss myself. Awesome.
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You're not actually over there, you're just kind of frozen right
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here. And everyone else, what you see
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is just. Hazy starts muttering.
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Just up here, smoking squirms, squirts his acorns everywhere.
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You guys just see that he is tripping out Hazy.
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What do you what do you want to do in your mind?
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And guys, figure out what you're you want to do with Hazy.
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Do I do? Am I like outside looking in
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like I can see me being stupid? No, you you think you're on the
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this is all happening to you. I'm, I'm actually like, OK,
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well, I'm going to fucking scream like a little girl
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because that would freak me the fuck out.
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I'd be like and just like kind of run into a random direction
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away from whatever that is. All right, give me AD 20 roll
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where you run. While he's doing that, what do
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you guys want to do? I just kind of like, observe
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Hazy's actions and then look over at baby Bird, make eye
15:02
contact and just shrug as I walk towards the door.
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I walk up to Hazy and I hear him talking about squirrels and I'm
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like all right. I go up to the door.
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He's like fuck that guy. He just like pushes me to this
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side. What was that D20 roll?
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It was a. 13. A 13 OK, you actually go to run
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nice, but you run South and you run directly into Thoddy,
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smacking into him. But smacking into him brings you
15:33
back to reality. All of a sudden you are on your
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butt looking up at Thoddy and Baby Bird who have no concern in
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their eyes for you whatsoever. Thoddy.
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What is your reaction to Hazy running into you?
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I'd fucking tank that shit and then I look down and I go.
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I knew he'd come back to us eventually.
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All right, all right. What hazy you got out of your
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stuff really quick. Let's move it on, gentlemen.
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I'm going to be like Side note, fuck squirrels man.
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I don't know if anybody is in agreeance.
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We need to do a petition about this later.
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Them's good eatings though. They are.
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They do taste good. What would the petition be
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about? Just fuck them.
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The petition They hate squirrels.
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Do you hate squirrels? No.
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Do you want to? Just sign it anyway, who fucking
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cares? Baby.
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Squirrels. Maybe reworded that petition a
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little bit. All right.
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Well, what's going on there? I mean figuratively and
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literally. If you want to fuck them, be my
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guest, because fuck squirrels. Jesus.
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Christ, no, we're not doing that.
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I'm going to I'm going to lift my thermal imaging goggles off
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my face and touch the door. OK, you touch the door.
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What are you trying to do with the door?
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I look at everybody. It's real.
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I I just walked past him and just push the door open and just
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walk in. There we go.
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Give me a strength check. We need a hero.
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Strength. How big is the store?
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It is an old church. It is a big fucking door 18.
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Oh yeah, those those doors which were barricaded on the other
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side by a long 4x4 just crumple. The 4x4 just snaps his just
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thoughty. Not even like trying, just
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pushes the door open and thoughty is the first to walk
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inside. The wood must have been rotted.
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Two nights. You're just being modest.
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Yeah. We we watch his back muscles
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flex and RIP his shirt a little. You getting wet over there man?
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You shirtless for the rest of the mission.
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I fan my face with my hand. Jesus.
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Toddy, as you walk in here, I hate all of you.
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As you walk in here, the guys are still outside.
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Toddy, you are the only one that hears this on the in the inside
18:02
of the church. We got to get outside.
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No. You don't hear that baby.
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We're thought it. Give me another scaredy piss
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roll. Well.
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It's 100, so that's you. Oh no, it's 90.
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Oh, so hazy. I forgot to tell you.
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You take two points to your insanity.
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So that number, it is on the right side, it's permanently
18:27
it's going to be reduced. So you're.
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Going to change the side you're going.
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To change it on the left. Side.
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I see it. I see it.
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All right, I got you. Thought Are you ready?
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Yeah. Are you didn't?
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Sound like you're ready? Yeah.
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As you walk in here and you turn around and you tell the guys,
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yeah, the wood must have been rotted and your shirt just
18:49
explodes off of your body from flexing too hard.
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All you're wearing now is your vest.
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Oh yeah. You hear a Creek underneath your
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feet and you fall through the floorboards of this building
19:03
into an underground sewage system.
19:08
Down, down, just like last time, but this time, no lake, just
19:17
grates and sewage and walls that get closer every time you
19:24
breathe. And you're swept probably about
19:29
20 feet E This is happening in real life, not just your
19:32
hallucination, right? Oh shit.
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I like how you get literally your shit, he says.
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Sewage. This is a big pipe full of
19:40
water, like the water is like 4 feet deep.
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You thrash forward and you break to the surface for the air, so
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the sky is gone. You realize that you were stuck
19:50
somewhere. You are not in the church
19:51
anymore. However, as you try to move back
19:55
towards the opening that you see, there's a belt, like a belt
19:59
snapped around your waist that's holding you down to where your
20:03
face is barely above the water, just trying to catch air.
20:06
And every so often just a chunk of shitty water flows into your
20:11
mouth. You have to close your mouth
20:12
just in time so you don't start taking in water.
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So. Dude, I I'm like actually
20:18
gagging and you should be. Your your shirt is not weighing
20:23
you down because you blew that off.
20:25
However, your tactile vest is starting to get waterlogged and
20:28
starting to get heavy and it feels like it's also pulling you
20:31
down. And then you hear a voice, child
20:35
you talking to yourself, saying, still trapped in huh.
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You never did learn to unbuckle fast enough underwater.
20:43
The water starts rising up a little bit, your lips barely
20:46
above it. What are you going to do?
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What am I going to do? Oh shit.
20:55
That's a good one bro. Oh yeah, I thought he had like a
20:58
traumatic experience being like stuck under upside down under a
21:01
tube when he was a child. By the way, for the listeners
21:04
out there, that's. A good one.
21:06
Yeah, this is called my therapy session.
21:10
I I, I guess I, I shed my tactical gear and try to lighten
21:15
myself. OK, give me.
21:19
What kind of role would that be that?
21:21
'D be like athletics. Right, Dex, Dex Athletics,
21:25
something like that. Yeah, let's go acrobatics.
21:28
That seems like more of a finesse thing.
21:31
Doesn't matter anyways. Go to not 20.
21:33
That's what. Fuck off.
21:35
You ruin everything. The tactical vest gets ripped
21:38
off as you're pulling it off. The hypothetical belt that's
21:41
holding you around your waist pops off as well and you pop to
21:45
the surface, standing up tall. And you're like making your way
21:48
back. You make it about halfway going
21:52
back out of the tunnel, but you're still in the water
21:56
hazing. Baby bird, what are you doing?
21:58
You just watched this giant man blow his shirt off and then fall
22:01
into the ground like. What a man you know.
22:06
I'll walk into the church to help him up.
22:09
But we can't see him anymore. Is he still like?
22:12
No, he he fell into a hole. Is it just like just?
22:17
Like he's gone, gone. Or like, can we actually like
22:19
see him from where we are? I don't know, you want to, you
22:23
want to lean over and look down into that hole of sewage and
22:26
shit. Yeah, I'm going to put on my
22:27
thermal imaging goggles and peek in there.
22:30
You do that, buddy. All right, give me an
22:32
investigation roll. Get out of here search bar what
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16? OK.
22:40
You look in there with your thermal goggles and it is pretty
22:45
warm. Actually, this sewage is fresh
22:47
that Thodi is in. Thermal imaging goggles.
22:52
Yes, and this poop and shit's pretty fresh.
22:55
That's why you're able to see it.
22:57
And you're like, oh, but you do see a brighter red thrashing
23:01
further down the line to the east.
23:02
You do see Thodi down there and he's like waiting his way back.
23:05
But this, the current is pretty strong.
23:08
It's like half time Super Bowl. Like the flushing is just
23:11
coming. No, but I mean, if he's coming
23:13
this way, we'll just wait on right He'll he'll make it I.
23:16
Mean he looks like he's having fun.
23:18
He's pretty strong swimmer. He sees all right.
23:23
Do we have a rope? Everybody has a rope.
23:27
Dude, all right, I'm going to tie the rope.
23:29
Do you want, do you want to touch ropes and like throw it
23:32
out? Not that kind of rope.
23:37
We could do that. Is there a post nearby we can
23:39
tie this rope? There's a couple of pews over
23:43
there and there is a table right here.
23:46
It's kind of a dinner table. You could try.
23:48
There are no. Load bearing posts in this
23:51
entire damn church. There are no load bearing posts
23:54
because it's a high ceiling 1, so they're all built.
23:58
Out babe. Oh, I see you've done some
24:00
research. No, I I just grew up Catholic.
24:04
Break a window and tie it around the window and the door.
24:08
You could do that, yeah. You could do that.
24:10
Oh yeah, let's do that. Don't break any.
24:12
Don't break any of the pretty stained glass windows.
24:14
I like those, yeah. Fuck them.
24:15
That's all the windows are in here.
24:17
If I see a pretty stain, OK, I'm gonna I'm gonna bust out that
24:20
pretty stained glass window. I'll.
24:22
Tell you what, I'll tell you what.
24:23
I don't want you. No, I I'm not going to let them
24:25
break any stained glass windows. Here's what we're going.
24:28
To do drowning and shit and piss.
24:30
Yeah, and shit. What are you going to do?
24:34
Here's what we're going to do. He's like don't you dare.
24:37
Just like don't. Because.
24:43
You say I'm wading through the water at this point, right?
24:46
Yep. Sorry if I sound different.
24:48
My mouth, my mouth is full of cheeses right now, that's what
24:51
she says. You mean sewage cheeses?
24:54
Yeah, sure. Why not?
24:56
Sure. They're better the second time
24:57
around, I promise. I I don't believe you.
25:00
I do not believe you. I kind of like yell up to them.
25:06
I'm like, don't worry, I got it. And as I like get to the hole,
25:10
I'm going to go ahead and roll like AI don't know what you
25:12
think, strength or athletics and try to jump straight up out of
25:17
the. Hole give me, I move, I keep
25:21
rolling you and you keep going back and forth a little bit.
25:23
Go ahead and give me one good strength check to see if you
25:26
make this final push to the hole.
25:29
Push that hole 16. Push that hole.
25:32
Push that hole. Oh yeah.
25:33
All right, so you get to the hole, you're going to brace
25:35
yourself. Are you going to try and grab
25:37
baby bird or anything or are you just going to eat yourself out
25:40
of this hole? Or any of them offering me their
25:42
hand. Yeah, I was in the middle of a
25:45
tie in, I mean. I'm smoking, I'm probably
25:48
smoking a cigarette over here in the the yard.
25:52
You guys are still want to touch me because I'm covered with
25:53
sewage. I see how it is.
25:55
That is the thing that is a. Thing.
25:57
Yeah, I wouldn't want to. All right, so you got baby bird.
26:00
What are you going to eat? Even OWL shit all over you.
26:03
I'm in the middle of tying a rope through this freshly busted
26:07
stained glass window. The one that's in the inside
26:10
here of the building. Dude, we're fighting as soon as
26:12
I get out of this hole, all right?
26:14
You're bust. Go ahead and give me a strength
26:17
check to bust this window, baby bird.
26:19
What? It's just a window 16 again.
26:22
Yeah, I was. Hoping for not one so bad.
26:25
You only you only had to get A5 to bust a fucking window.
26:29
You bust the window and then you tie the rope around the
26:34
centerpiece that holds the pane together.
26:36
Then you turn around to thuddy and you have the rope in your
26:39
hand. What are you guys doing now?
26:40
Oh, he jumped out. No, no, he, he's, he's still
26:44
down there. I want to walk back in and be
26:46
like is he not out yet? No, he's not out.
26:49
He's he's right there. You see his head in there, but
26:52
he's still stuck down there. It's.
26:55
I looked at it and I put the rope down.
26:57
I'm going to go handle my Can I reach down with my hand or do I
27:00
have to pass a rope? Baby wears one, has the rope.
27:04
Are you going to try and? Get him out.
27:07
Yeah. Since he wants to help, I'm
27:08
going to hand him the rope so he can throw it down into the hole.
27:13
All right, Hazy, give me an athletics check to throw a rope
27:15
down. I was about to say I'm the least
27:18
strength. Person here.
27:20
Oh. Yeah.
27:20
Fuck. All right, so I know it's.
27:23
Make sure he gets it to you. Oh.
27:25
God damn it 4. All you had to do is get a 5 or
27:31
higher, yeah. There we go.
27:34
You throw it in there, but you miss Toddy and the current takes
27:37
the rope and it slings it down Toddy.
27:40
You can still grab the rope, but what you have to do, it's at a
27:43
weird angle now, right? It's attached to that window,
27:47
but it is a straight line 'cause that current's pulling it.
27:49
You have to walk back about 10 feet, grab onto that rope and
27:53
then you have to shimmy your way up it.
27:55
Or, or you can just try to jump out of water that's four feet
28:00
deep and you're about from the water to the floor, it's about 5
28:06
feet. So you're you're trying to make
28:08
a hell of a jump for somebody stuck in water.
28:10
That's what I was saying, so I couldn't just reach for my hand
28:12
and get him out anyway, right? Dude, if you jump out of there
28:16
I'm going to be so impressed. Am I aware that they broke the
28:20
window yet? No, all that rushing water, you
28:25
couldn't hear the smash. OK, I go for the rope.
28:29
OK, give me acrobatics for the rope. 7.
28:36
OK, Yeah, that, that's not bad. You The rope accidentally ties
28:40
around your neck while you try to climb it.
28:42
Jesus Christ, no. You grab the rope, but you can't
28:45
make any headway. You're able to hold on to it,
28:48
but the the sewage is pulling it too fast.
28:51
You think you might have to have the boys try to pull you out.
28:53
You have to rely on their strength rather than your
28:55
strength. Oh dude, I'm I'm a thick boy.
28:58
Good luck. Yeah, they're they're not
29:02
strong. I squat and I clench my ass
29:06
cheeks. Power stance.
29:09
Yeah, I'm going to reach my my, my strong hand into the hole and
29:14
I, I, I look at Hazy and nod at him.
29:20
What? What does that mean?
29:21
I'm going to go be the anchor of this rope pool.
29:25
I'll be behind them and grab the rope.
29:28
Hell yeah. So you're both grabbing the
29:30
rope, OK, Both. You give me strength checks to
29:32
see if you can pull him out. Oh, I'm not 20.
29:37
Let's go. Let's see, 8 + 3 is 11 all
29:43
right. You don't even need that.
29:45
Hazy just looks at the gross water and he's so just disgusted
29:50
by it. He grabs the rope himself and
29:51
Yanks it and thought. He just comes smashing through
29:54
and he actually smashes through the rest of the glass and lands
29:56
over there. And because he got thrown so
29:58
hard, he's not even aware that you broke the glass.
30:01
He thinks he broke the glass because he fell through it.
30:04
I yell like you broke the window.
30:06
No, I'm going to literally look at him and be like, bro, what'd
30:09
you do? Like Chris Farley, you know,
30:12
he's just like, what'd you do? Here's how this is going to play
30:14
out here. Get ready for my acting.
30:17
OK, so on my hands and knees covered with shit.
30:26
Arch bag and other back arched. Human excrement.
30:29
I turn my head around and look at the shards of colored diamond
30:33
like glass around me and I start to weep uncontrollably and I say
30:39
to myself. What have I done?
30:44
What have I done? And as I get up and walk up and
30:47
start picking up the glasses, I notice a second broken window,
30:50
the one I didn't fly through. Yep, and I make eye contact with
30:55
baby bird. Yes.
30:57
And my expression changes from grief to anger.
31:02
And I and I go you. I don't know why you're mad at
31:06
me. All that shit flew off of you
31:08
right through that window, man. Hey, I'm going to notice the
31:12
this interaction now. I'm going to step away from in
31:15
between just kind of be like, just kind of like, yeah, there
31:19
we go. Oh.
31:20
Jesus. All right.
31:21
I come over the radio. I'm like, hey, I hear a lot of
31:23
like glass smashing. Are you guys all right in there?
31:27
Oh, for sure. Yeah.
31:28
Yeah, we're good. Yeah.
31:29
We're just reverse engineering sand.
31:34
I come over the radio, I can move.
31:36
I can move to the radio. You can hear my voice, like
31:38
cracking because I just got done crying.
31:40
I'm like, OK, everything's not OK.
31:44
Do I need to come in? Who's making thought he'd cry?
31:46
I'm going to cover the the microphone like just, you know,
31:50
cancel the channel, you know, don't worry about it.
31:55
Bad service. All right, I'll come over with
31:57
some more information. Hey just so you guys are aware a
32:00
family has gone missing recently.
32:03
This is just a a mom and a dad and a small child.
32:07
Not too small. Let's say teenagers, You.
32:10
Got serious? So be on the lookout for those
32:13
3. Yeah, we got missing kids.
32:18
You 2 acting funny. Something strange is happening.
32:23
Thought he covered in shit and nut.
32:27
Whoa, we have to be super soon. Where'd?
32:30
The nut come from. Are you saying nobody beats
32:33
their meat into toilets? Into toilets?
32:38
No this. Is like demon shit.
32:40
Where do you get rid of your tissues when you're done?
32:43
You guys don't save it. Give me that Little Pony jar.
32:49
I just like, I just like lick it up dude.
32:54
As free as free protein. You've always been big on
32:58
recycling. Protein.
33:01
All right, man, I turned my radio off permanently.
33:05
You guys figure this? Out.
33:07
It's good for the skin to just rub it on your face, you mean?
33:10
No, that's what guys just tell women so they can do it on
33:12
their. Face easy gets it.
33:15
Easy, gets it. Oh man, all right.
33:19
Well anyway, so is everybody free of shit and piss and are we
33:25
moving on? I go to give baby Bird a hug.
33:29
No, he's completely covered in it.
33:31
One person is completely covered, so that's a that's a
33:35
win. Baby bird you letting him hug
33:37
you. Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hug
33:39
him. Yeah.
33:41
I'm so glad you ain't drowning shit and piercing.
33:46
As we're hugging, I rub my body up against this like I'm giving
33:49
my soapy. Jesus Christ.
33:50
I'm going to pull out my pistols while they're doing this and
33:52
just being like both of them out at the same time.
33:55
I'm going to shoot both of y'all if you come near me.
33:58
All right, just because you're doing that, both of you take two
34:00
points of damage. Hazy, you take one point of
34:02
damage for watching that. That shits gross.
34:06
You both have to take the damage.
34:08
I. Was a guest, I was a.
34:10
Guest. I know, but you're there
34:11
watching it. It's psychologically scarring
34:14
you. You take one point, they take
34:15
two each. This is disgusting.
34:19
I've watched 2 girls 1 cup. You mean like, come on man.
34:22
And that didn't affect your life?
34:24
You know what? Take another point.
34:27
All right, moving on. What are you guys doing?
34:29
Fuck, what can we do at this point?
34:31
What can we do at this point? Well, now that we're all safe,
34:33
we got to explore what's the highest point.
34:39
It's the the Chapel, the bell, right?
34:42
You're you're inside. Sorry.
34:43
Let me read to you what's inside.
34:45
That's my bed. Finally.
34:49
Fuck. Fuck off.
34:53
So as you walk in, you see a bunch of pews.
34:57
It looks like a regular chair. It's really high ceiling now,
34:59
that kind of Pew, you see. There's cracked beams groaning
35:03
overhead, ragged cobwebs draped the rafters, and the pews are
35:06
overturned or split apart, littered with owl feathers and
35:10
claw marks gouged into the wood. Near the pulpit, a large dark
35:13
stain stretches across the warp floorboards, as if something had
35:16
been dragged out of the sewers somewhere.
35:20
Yeah, it was me. In this next room here, oh, so
35:23
there's a room to your left when you guys walk in, that's the
35:26
kitchen area. And then there's a bell tower in
35:28
the top left portion of it. In the right portion there's
35:33
there's the back rooms where the priests, you know, get the
35:35
ceremonies together and the robes and the dressing rooms are
35:39
to the east. So that's what you guys are
35:41
looking at right now. So to the southeast room would
35:45
be like a stairway or something. No, that'd be the Northwest.
35:50
I head directly for the bell tower.
35:52
OK. Run.
35:54
Yeah, me too. All right, the first one in here
35:58
hazy. I mean, I guess I'm going to
36:01
kind of pay attention to my surroundings and kind of hang
36:06
back and look around and kind of investigate like, wow.
36:09
Yeah, you can absolutely investigate where before you do
36:12
that toddy baby bird you're going to take scaredy puss
36:15
roles. Get it, son.
36:20
Yeah. Oh, no, Toddy, you had a five
36:26
baby bird. You have a 89.
36:28
You, you failed baby bird. So hazy.
36:32
Go ahead. And do you want to do an
36:33
investigation like right at the table that you're at?
36:37
No, I was going to hang back. I was following them, but I was
36:39
going to hang back. I mean, yeah, I can though.
36:42
I was hanging back in general and just.
36:45
Yes, you. That's what I'm saying.
36:46
You were right there. Are you investigating this pile
36:48
of shit? Right here for sure.
36:51
OK, give me a investigation roll.
36:57
Intelligence S + 1. All right?
36:59
Oh God, come on man 4. Yeah, you look at this and you
37:04
realize that this is the throw up regurgitation of an owl man's
37:10
latest meal just on this table, like it's the bones and skins
37:14
of. Stuff on this day on the.
37:16
So apparently it's very obvious that's what that is.
37:18
And it's like. Yeah, it's gross.
37:21
However, what's going on in the kitchen?
37:23
It's a little bit. Less serious.
37:28
Buzz. Buzz, where is it now?
37:33
Crashed into a tree? Left behind.
37:36
Like you. The drone was smarter.
37:39
At least it knew when to fly away.
37:44
As you guys are going to the bell tower, I thought he reaches
37:46
the door to the bell tower and baby bird just freezes.
37:50
The world around him melts away like wet paint.
37:53
He's suddenly 10 years old again, standing in the middle of
37:56
a field wearing Velcro sneakers, A2 big hoodie and hope in his
38:01
heart. Floating floating above him is
38:05
his childhood drone, the Sky Dancer 5000 Limited Edition red
38:09
Camo with built in flip stunt mode.
38:11
He holds the remote and trembling hands, mouth agape and
38:14
joy. His parents, both alive and
38:16
proud, cheer from a picnic blanket in the distance.
38:21
Why did you have to? Why did you have to?
38:24
Clarify that. He whispers to the drum.
38:32
Go on, girl, show him what we practiced.
38:34
The drum buzzes confidently. It doesn't loop and with a
38:38
single gust of wind, she drifts and drifts and it just keeps
38:43
going. And baby bird hears someone
38:46
screaming, but it's not someone else screaming, it's him
38:49
screaming and he's just going, Baby bird, what are you doing in
38:59
this situation? I scream for my mom and dad,
39:03
tears in my eyes, voice cracking.
39:09
Is it raining? No, it's not.
39:14
All right, so hazy you hear him screaming from the other room.
39:17
Thoughty you hear him screaming from right behind you.
39:20
Thoughty what are you doing? I grab him by his collar and I
39:23
slap it out of. Jesus, all right, give me an
39:26
attack roll. What modifier do you want me to
39:30
use? It's just a melee slap man. 19
39:36
You break his neck. Jesus.
39:39
All right, give me a give me AD 4 roll for damage.
39:43
You kill him. 3. Baby bird takes three points of
39:50
damage and he takes an extra 2 points to his insanity so or to
39:54
his scaredy puss. So the scaredy puss right when
39:56
you take damage to it that does not refill if your character
40:00
goes to 0 you. Are fucked.
40:03
Are you going to keep track of that?
40:04
Do I need to keep track of that? No, you guys keep track of it
40:07
and then I'll update it later on.
40:09
I just have you guys message me about it later.
40:11
How much damage you took for that I got?
40:13
You all right? Baby bird, you're back to normal
40:16
thought he's just holding you and you just you look around for
40:19
your drone like you're still caught in the hallucination.
40:26
Oh. All right, what's next, boys?
40:33
I put baby bird down and I head out the bell tower.
40:36
Was that I want to walk in and be like, is everybody all right?
40:39
Yeah, I thought of you walk in here or sorry Hazy, you walk to
40:42
the kitchen, thought of you start heading up and you get
40:46
when you walk in here, give me a perception roll.
40:50
Wah wah. 16 fuck 16. He's Are you still choking on
40:57
shit? I'm choking on cheez its.
41:02
All right, so when you walk in here, you accidentally kick
41:05
something you think is a ball at first.
41:06
By the 1st further investigation you see a skull on the ground.
41:11
Can I put them in my pocket? You want to look at it for five
41:15
seconds? Fucking Christ.
41:16
Are you, are you, are you wearing?
41:18
Are you wearing Jinko's? What's going on, dude?
41:22
Can I get cargo shorts on or cargo pants?
41:25
Yeah, that's a big fucking skull.
41:28
All right, you pick up the skull, you see the skull?
41:30
Let me go back to the campaign so I can describe the skull to
41:33
you just a little bit better. This just seems like a total
41:39
normal medium sized skull. Nothing crazy about it, nothing
41:44
in particular tells you what it is.
41:47
Definitely not pocket size. For sure.
41:49
Definitely not pocket size. It's a regular human skull.
41:52
Unless you're wearing Chicos, that needs to be clarified.
41:55
Maybe I am wearing chicos, maybe you don't know.
41:58
The Chicos are sick dude. If you're wearing jinkos, they
42:01
are so full of poop right now. That's what was weighing you
42:06
down if you're wearing Chico. Cheese scoop mounds of shit out
42:11
of my pockets to make roof. Oh my God.
42:15
What do you what do your jeans look so full dude?
42:20
You could put a Super NES in the back pockets of Jinkos.
42:22
Man, that's a lot of poo. That's the Jinko George too,
42:27
don't forget. All right, so you pocket wink
42:33
wink the skull. What are you doing next?
42:38
I'm continuing up the bell tower.
42:40
All right, you get to the top. Go ahead and give me a
42:43
perception roll for the top of the bell tower 16.
42:49
Nice. So you look at this bell and it
42:52
it looks like a normal bell. It seems refurbished, almost way
42:56
newer than anything else you've seen in the church.
42:58
And you notice the Clapper, which, after thorough online
43:02
research is that thing in the centre of a fucking bell, has a.
43:06
Did you, did you not know that? What I know and what I don't
43:10
know is not important. You just you're just not
43:13
autistic enough. And no, I didn't know it.
43:17
We just don't want to tell us. I guess No, no, I didn't know
43:21
it. So it's empty in the centre,
43:24
right? Like normally they're pretty
43:26
solid or they're the ones that have like handles so you can hit
43:28
it, but where it's supposed to strike the bell is empty.
43:33
Like something should be in there.
43:38
Investigation, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to investigate.
43:43
That, yeah, that's it. You investigate it.
43:46
It's, it's an, it's an empty. It's an empty thing.
43:50
Oh, yeah, I'm going to look for like broken, like a broken, like
43:53
a mounting point at the top, like, you know, stuff like that,
43:56
like, like. Scratches.
43:57
There's nothing broken in it. It it works fine.
44:00
It's just something's missing, something that's supposed to be
44:02
placed in there and then you hear
44:15
three specific tones. Anybody want to investigate the
44:19
tones? Or I'm not up there, right?
44:21
He's the only one up there, yeah.
44:23
Am I the only one that hears it? You are the only one that hears
44:27
it up there. You all heard it earlier when
44:29
you came in. OK.
44:32
Do I like, do I like know where it came from?
44:36
Like can I like? Is there something to
44:39
investigate? No, I mean, you heard it.
44:42
I mean you heard it outside. You're in the bell tower.
44:44
It's kind of open where you are. You can see out onto the
44:47
graveyard on the north side of the church.
44:51
OK, Well, I. Scanned the outside of the
44:53
church for rapscallions. All right, give me a roll, Hazy.
44:57
Give me an investigation. Roll while you're in the
44:59
kitchen, baby bird. What are you doing?
45:02
Let's see, I'm still at the bottom of the staircase that
45:06
goes to the bell tower. You're still crying about your
45:08
drone. I got a nine.
45:14
I got a 16. I guess since he went up there
45:18
and I haven't heard him screaming or nothing.
45:21
Always a plus. I'll I'll walk down in between
45:25
the pews. All right, so you decide to go
45:30
check out the pews in the next room.
45:33
Dude. You're like a bride.
45:39
Hazy. You are looking into another
45:41
pile of what looks like regurgitated dead, but you got a
45:45
16 this time. So you notice you noticed this
45:49
was a there are human bones and like clothing and stuff like
45:53
that, and you see a full skeleton, but it's missing the
45:56
skull. I wonder where that skull is.
46:00
Baby bird, give me an investigation roll for you.
46:02
I I too wonder what the skull is.
46:04
Probably in some shitty Jinko jeans somewhere.
46:09
A 13. Oh, a 13.
46:12
As you are walking through here, you see an electric feather.
46:16
There's a lot of feathers everywhere, but this one stands
46:19
out because it's kind of zipping and zapping as as it's sitting
46:23
on wood, which is really weird due to it not being a good
46:27
conductor. Science.
46:31
I reach out and touch it. Hell yeah.
46:35
I don't know. Experiment.
46:38
All right, you reach out and touch it and you take another
46:40
scaredy post role because you hear.
46:49
Oh dopey dope not only do you pass so you know how I said your
46:56
scaredy puss like permanently gets damaged, you get one point
47:00
back to it. You rolled.
47:02
You rolled A1, the absolute lowest for this.
47:05
Said we ain't never scared. So it's 100 right out of 100.
47:10
No, your scaredy puss is on your sheet.
47:14
Freaking. It's right underneath where your
47:15
level is at the top left. Oh shit, OK.
47:20
You took two points to that earlier for your drone.
47:22
Now you only have one point taken away from it.
47:25
OK. All right, what's going on,
47:28
boys? Well, I I touched it.
47:30
What happened? Well do I see anything when I do
47:33
my scan for rapsk aliens? Oh, sorry.
47:36
Yeah, you, yeah, you touched it. And that's what happened.
47:39
You did a scan for rap scallions and you see nothing.
47:42
You see just a cool breeze. It's a It's a pretty nice night
47:45
and. I'm going to talk on the
47:46
intercom and be like, hey bro, anybody have a skull that might
47:50
attach to a body? And some no.
47:54
Crazy G Co jeans maybe? I respond.
47:58
I say no and don't touch the spicy feathers.
48:00
They make you scared. That they do.
48:03
Fair enough. All right, I'm just going to
48:06
forget about what I was doing and just walk towards the
48:09
entrance and just kind of just kind of, you know, scan the
48:13
area. I'm going to continue walking
48:16
down the pews. OK, as I, as I'm walking back
48:21
down the bell tower, I come over the radio and I'm like, yeah,
48:27
you guys should definitely say something.
48:28
If you find a skull like I, I kind of collect this.
48:33
Like, fair enough. You just hear me go with the
48:36
radio. What are we doing with skulls?
48:38
What? We don't collect skulls.
48:40
Yes, we do. That's not the cursed object.
48:42
Are you guys finding skulls in there?
48:45
No. I haven't seen no no.
48:47
I've seen a body, a lot of no heads though.
48:50
I found a spicy feather. No heads, there's a lot of shit.
48:55
You seen body without heads? Yeah, definitely no skulls.
49:00
You guys see anything else weird going on in there?
49:03
Yeah, spicy feather. That sounds like a cursed
49:06
object. Can I investigate?
49:08
Said Feather. OK then come get it because it
49:10
made me scared when I touched it.
49:12
I'm not touching it. Hazy.
49:13
You can touch it if you want. I'm like, fucking touch the hell
49:16
out of that feather. All right, Hazy, grab the
49:19
feather. Wait, don't I have?
49:23
Is it luck? Because lucky SOB?
49:25
No, no. You just, you're just holding
49:27
the feather. Nothing's happened to you.
49:28
Just hold the feather. What?
49:30
Do I? Hey, what the heck?
49:31
That's it. Nothing's happening to you.
49:33
Dude, he's so scared. All right, you got a feather
49:36
sweet Woody. I don't know what the big deal
49:39
is, guys. Is it?
49:41
Is it zapping around in his hand?
49:43
No. I I burst out into the main room
49:48
of the Chapel and I say, you guys finding any skulls?
49:53
Nah, let's go look over here to the east side all.
49:58
Right, OK, yeah. So we head towards the the
50:02
backroom of the Chapel. All right, everyone's going.
50:07
One team, one fight. Yeah, one team, one fight.
50:09
We're all going. I'm going to, I'm going to skip
50:12
ahead of them though, just kind of skip ahead.
50:15
Oh, Hazy's you know you're going to skip the stack.
50:19
As he's, as he's skipping down the middle of the pews, I, I
50:22
yell out to him and I go, You're going to make a great wife one
50:25
day. Say thanks and then I guess what
50:33
is this, a room in here? Yeah, Hazy, you've gone in there
50:38
thoughty and baby birds stack up here.
50:40
Hazy, you're taking another scaredy puss roll.
50:42
Nice. What?
50:44
Oh yeah, you rolled a 49? What's your scaredy puss?
50:48
It's a what it is now a 42. OK, well, as you walk into this
50:57
room, hazy, you open the door. You step in.
50:59
The door slams behind you. Oh shit.
51:04
The walls won't hold them back. The chittering claws, the
51:09
tongues that lick. You're not trapped in here with
51:13
me, you're trapped in here with them.
51:20
It's very, very dark in here. You got to take a second for
51:24
your eyes to adjust, but before your Night Stalker vision kicks
51:27
in, you just see thousands of red little eyes all over the
51:30
place. Motherfucker.
51:32
And then you hear the twitching little squirrel tails.
51:35
All right, what you going do? Oh, this is now my move.
51:41
Oh fuck. I'll give you 1 move for what
51:45
happens next. I'm just going human tornado,
51:48
like elbows and stomps. That's all I'm doing, dude.
51:55
I'm just like stomping and elbowing, that's all I'm.
51:58
Doing I start shooting if I were you all.
52:00
Right. Give me a blind don't.
52:03
Worry about my fucking pistols. I'm freaking.
52:06
Are you going to do a bullet tornado or are you just going
52:08
to, oh, you're going to melee all right.
52:10
And I know my melee sucks, but it is what it is.
52:13
All right, well, you're doing it blindly so Oh my God.
52:16
So give me a luck check for this one since you're blindly doing
52:20
it. Which is a.
52:22
Which is your charisma, which you're the highest in?
52:25
Is it D20? Yeah, they're always D 20s all.
52:28
Right. Oh God, come on man, can I lie?
52:32
You said Charisma you want. To lie in the House of Jesus
52:36
when one man's already broken a plane or a glass plane with his
52:40
shitty Jinko jinks. Let's fucking run it.
52:43
It's 8. You start.
52:46
Wigging the fuck out, yeah. For sure wigging out, just
52:49
swinging at stuff. You take the total of don't say
52:54
Oh my God as you are swinging out you take 4 points of damage
52:59
but you try to turn to swing at more stuff.
53:03
What you see is a bunch of eyes coming at you, but it's actually
53:07
you panicking and running forward and you run straight
53:09
into a beam just laying yourself out.
53:12
So you are now unconscious in this room with the door shut
53:15
behind you and you have 4 points of damage.
53:18
Makes total sense. You said 4 points.
53:21
It's four points of damage. You were running full speed,
53:24
baby boy. Alright, yeah, I got you.
53:27
I'm gonna let. And with that, that is the end
53:29
of today's episode, ladies and gentlemen.
53:32
Find out what happens next time is Who Will Win Hazy or the
53:35
thousands of squirrels are going to gobble his nuts, I hope.
53:39
As he did. Was he had covered in poop?
53:42
Yeah, you need to find a washroom.
53:43
Fix that. You followed the feathers, Now
53:50
you hear the wings. Sleep lightly, hunters.
53:56
Soon you'll see dreadful things. Transmission lost.
54:04
Teen status unknown.