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Breaking Free from Overthinking: How to Stop Spiraling and Find Peace · The James Granstrom Podcast - Super Soul Model series

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Have you ever found yourself spiraling out of control and it feels as though your thoughts are getting away from you?
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: I'm going to share with you how to master the mind from that incessant overthinking when you might be struggling with something like grief, loss, challenge and you just do not know what to do.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to the James Granstrom podcast, super Soul Model series, and managing overthinking and finding a way back to your center again is a skill.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Now, we all overthink.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: We all have those moments where it feels as though our thoughts are running away from us.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Well, the real reason why our thoughts can run away from us, particularly when we've been going through a difficult situation Maybe you've experienced grief or loss, or a relationship has ended, or there's been a financial challenge, or you've been diagnosed with something, whatever those challenges are the real reason why we overthink is because we desperately need a sense of security.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: We want to feel control.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: What actually happens when we feel pain inside of us from a situation of loss or a challenge or something that's very difficult?
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: What actually happens is the brain registers what's actually happening and that emotional pain is equivalent in the amygdala of the brain to physical pain.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: So that's why emotions can be really, really difficult.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: So when we learn how to manage our mind, particularly when times are tough, it will show you that you can come back to your center again.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: You can come back to balance over and over again.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: One of the things that is really important is our need for certainty.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: In fact, tony Robbins goes on to find that there are six human needs that are really important, and they are certainty, which is about feeling safe.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: There's uncertainty, which is about excitement.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: There is a feeling of significance, where you feel important.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: There's a feeling of growth, like you're doing something important.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: There's love and connection, where you feel bonding with other human beings.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: And, last but not least, contribution, which is where you are adding value to the world and something that's bigger than just yourself.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: And when those human needs are met, you feel whole, you feel amazing.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: But when they're not, that's when the challenge kicks in, that's when the overthinking kicks in.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Everyone experiences loss or or hardship.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: You can't get away from that in this human experience.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: But what actually happens when we have that emotional experience?
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: The feedback is the what ifs, the what went wrong, how could I fix it, how can I make it better, what did I do wrong?
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: And it starts to go on a massive spiral.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: So that's why learning how to change the thought process when challenges happen maybe you've had a financial struggle, or maybe you're going through a financial struggle, maybe you're going through a relationship breakup, a divorce, a close relationship, or maybe it's a health diagnosis or a challenge you've been that the situation cannot change until your perception of the event begins to shift.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: And I love this from abraham hicks because it's really powerful.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Abraham hicks is a a wonderful, energetic teacher and although they talk a lot about manifestation, the one thing that they talk about when it comes to emotions is that emotions are manifestations and that is the precursor to something happening is the emotion that you have about it.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: So if you're feeling disturbed about something emotionally, that might attract an event that will match that emotion, but when you're feeling joy and calm and love, that may also attract the event as well.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: So all your emotions lead up.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: I remember in my own experience when I've had my own challenges and I had a challenging accident years and years ago.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: I remember the emotions I had leading up to that made absolute sense, meaning that I could feel that my emotions and my emotional center was way off.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: So the event was just, oh, that makes sense.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: And also when I've been very fortunate and blessed and lucky, I've also recognized that the emotions I've had going up to that I felt very light, full of joy, full of anticipation, full of excitement.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Again a human need, which is that uncertainty.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: I wonder what good could happen.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: That is when the brain is operating in a different space, the mind is operating in a different space, the mind is operating in a different space.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: But if I go back to abraham hicks, what they mention about overthinking, which makes a lot of sense, is that overthinking occurs when we find a negative thought and then stack another negative thought and it goes on and on and law of attraction takes care of it, meaning that which you focus on grows bigger.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: So overthinking when we're looking at a challenge or a hardship creates more thoughts of like energy and then they stack and that's when we begin to overthink and it gets out of control.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: And the only way that we can break the pattern, the only way we can become pattern breakers of that rhythm of negativity, of that overthinking, is by interrupting it with some better questions.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: This is really powerful.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I noticed this in my own experience until we reframe the challenge that we've going through in a different light, it will continue to play out with that negative spiral, that overthinking.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: And, like I said, the real reason why that happens is because we have a desperate need for security, a desperate need for control.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: When something's gone wrong, we want to have certainty that it's going to be okay.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: But usually when something's pulled away from us, like loss the loss of a loved one, or a health or financial challenge, we need to understand that.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: We need to look at this situation not immediately, but with a sense of calm and peace on ourselves, because until you look at the situation differently, it can't change.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Because when we're looking at a situation, and it's difficult, that's when the emotions come up and they continue to go on that trajectory.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: But when we give ourself a little time, a little space, a little healing, we can look at it from a different situation.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: One of the things that prevents us overthinking is to ask ourselves what if this is going to be all right?
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: What is trying to emerge from this that I don't understand yet?
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: What if this is going to create space for something even better?
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: What if this is exactly the wake up that I need to start changing and transforming to be the better version of myself.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: These questions that we ask ourselves is what could I do?
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: What did I do wrong?
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Wrong or why did that happen?
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: They don't help.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: They just create that trajectory of overthinking, a negative emotion, which doesn't change the situation.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: It just creates more pain and, like I mentioned, the brain registers the difficulty and the pain is similar to physical pain.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: That's how the amygdala responds to emotional pain, so that's why we want to deal with it differently.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: We can only begin to heal when we begin to feel relief, and one of the best ways we can feel relief is by saying to ourselves regularly I don't need to figure out this red hot moment.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: This is a really powerful way that we can stop the need to try and control and fix, fix, fix, because sometimes the fixing is creating more of what we're looking at that we don't like.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: Our overthinking can cause us a lot of problems and I've noticed this in my own experience.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: But one thing that really occurs is that when you're overthinking, it generally wastes your energy and steals and robs you of presence, and if you're feeling any grief or loss, that can also create a delay on your healing and coming back to your center again, and also the challenge with that is it might make you feel guilt and it might also make you question everything like what if?
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: What if I could have done this?
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: What if I could have done this?
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: This actually only delays the and and actually sets you up for less success, because when we're asking those questions what if?
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: In a negative way, it only takes us away from our center and creates that trajectory that I was talking about, which is a tailspin.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: And when I look at my own experience and I've been overthinking, I remember when my father died.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: I arrived to my parents' house in another country in Spain the day he died and I'd already spent five months looking after him during COVID.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: And when I arrived, the grief was there.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I really needed to find a way to be able to help my mom, who'd had a stroke, to be able to sell the land, sell the villa, get her back to the UK, and all that whilst that grief was coming up.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: I was asking myself a question Well, what if I could have helped him?
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: You know, not go back into hospital again?
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: And instead of feeling that guilt, I decided to switch it up.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: I decided to start running, start physically moving the body, because I believe being in the body is greater than being in the mind, because all fear and problems arise in the mind.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: So I wanted to get back in the body.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: So I really went into training immediately and, even though I train already, I made it a discipline daily, first thing in the morning, to feel better after meditation.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I made it a discipline daily, first thing in the morning, to feel better after meditation.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: And instead of trying to battle that grief or battle any guilt of thinking I could have done better to help him, what I did instead was to ask myself is what can I do next?
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Because I really believe your resourcefulness changes everything.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: So I had to figure out build new relationships.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Needed to sell the property.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Needed to find a way to get my mom back to the UK.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: And yes, there were challenges.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Yes, there was struggle, yes, there was overthinking, but what I realized was I'll figure it out, and I used that all the time I'll figure it out.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: I don't know how to do this, but I'll figure it out.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: And I love a little thing that I picked up from different people in different industries all the time I remember Tom Cruise being invited on Graham Norton back in 2016.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: It was a long time ago and I remember this, and he was asked oh, you've been presented with a Top Gun 2 uh script.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: And he goes yeah, we're just trying to figure it out.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: And he goes do people want that?
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: And the whole crowd was roaring yes, we want that.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: And we found out in 2021, I believe the movie came out.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: And he kept on saying I don't know, but we'll figure it out.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: And this actually stops overthinking, because we don't have solutions to the challenges or hardships or difficulties in the moment.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: But every time we use something that brings us relief, it helps us just feel a little lighter.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: If you've ever gone through anything before, did you get through it?
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: So when you tell yourself it's not my job to really figure everything out right now, but if I can find the thought that brings me relief, that's going to be okay.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: And if you're feeling a little better, you could say this too shall pass Now.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: That phrase was originated centuries ago by Persian mystics.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: This too shall pass, and even George Harrison, one of the Beatles, wrote that as one of the albums.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: This too shall pass Now.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Not always easy to say when you're going through the thick of it, when you're going through grief, when you're going through loss, when you're going through hardship.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: This too shall pass, but that's if you can't do anything about it.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: But if you can do something about it, maybe you're having a financial challenge.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: What can you do about it?
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: How much more resourceful can you be?
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: What can you do to be able to change your money blueprint?
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: What can you do to become more clued up financially?
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: This is important because when you begin to do that, you begin to shift.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: But if you are only looking at oh, poor me, poor difficulty, look at the challenge I've got, I'm a victim, you lose control and your identity only stays as a victim.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: So to be way more powerful and stop overthinking, you have to realize whatever's happening.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: I will accept and I will do my best to realize whatever's happening.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I will accept and I will do my best to find relief.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Whatever I've got.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: That might mean I'll go for a walk in nature.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: That might mean I have little mantras that everything is working out, even though I can't see it yet.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: That has been one of my all-time favorite mantras.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: This gives me a light relief and I've looked into my own experience from the past that has said things have worked out even though I went through loss, even though.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: I went through hardship, and if you look in your own experience, is that true for you too?
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Just remember if you're still alive, you're still breathing.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: There's more life for you.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: This is not the end.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: It's merely a becoming.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: It's maybe a new birth, a new chapter for you.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: And when you start to think correctly, instead of what if I could have done something?
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Start saying what if this is creating space for something even better?
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: What you need to do is shift the questions from the victim to the creator.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: In the book Conversations with God, neil Donald Walsh is told by God when we look at the word create and we look at the word react, the only thing we needed to do was change how we see everything, and that's a real wonderful play on words.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: But essentially, when we begin to create, it's because we're looking at things differently.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: We're looking at things from a different perspective instead of feeling like the victim and I've lost.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Yes, you might have done, but that might clear the way for something better, a new version of yourself to rise.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: If we look at the phoenix, after everything is burnt down, something arises.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: If we look at volcanoes, after challenge and burning, and the hot lava may melt cities or may melt.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Towns and villages Again, lush vegetation grows.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Every difficulty has some beautiful silver lining in it.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: It's like fertilizer for something beautiful to come.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Yet we can't see it when we're in there, and overthinking only allows us to stay in that challenge zone.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: I have this little inner toolkit for dealing with overthinking, and one of the things that I love to do is act quickly.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: I have like a five second rule Go do that.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go and make a cup of tea.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go and do five pushups.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: I am going to go and do a walk.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: I am going to go and do five push-ups.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I am going to go and do a walk.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I am going to go and do that workout, decide and commit.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: This really creates more empowerment, self-empowerment, particularly when we feel as though we've lost control.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: So you're taking the control back by making decisions and following through.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: The other thing is whatever you say, make sure you follow up and do, because your words have power, but action combined with your words create something phenomenal, which is integrity, which ups and increases your vibration.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: The other thing that's really important if you're going through a challenge the inner toolkit you could be able to understand and be aware that you're in a moment and you're feeling that massive emotional overload, one of the things you want to do is I'm feeling this right now and sit with it.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Sit with that feeling, you now, and sit with it.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Sit with that feeling.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: You don't have to change anything.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: But one of the things you could ask yourself whilst you're accepting that emotion to flow rather than push it away.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: I used to push these away, by the way, and I noticed it didn't do me any good.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: But when I sat with the emotion, however uncomfortable, it began to dissipate.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: And if I notice I'm spiraling out of control or I have previously what I tend to do is just be a witness and observe that emotion as it rises, and I might say I'm spiraling, but it's going to be okay, and that really simple phrase it's going to be okay really soothes the nervous system.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Allow the tears to come, allow the emotions to flow, because if we block them, we're blocking part of our humanity and usually, when those emotions flow, what we're actually doing is allowing our part of ourself to heal, and when we heal, we become more whole.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: Other things you can do aside, if you're overthinking, one of the things you can do is make sure you're doing breath, work, meditation, walking a lot, spending a lot of time in nature, drinking a lot of water.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Every time we're doing these types of things, moving the body, we're actually moving energy around, because when we're feeling difficulty or emotional hardship or overthinking, which is a lot in the head, we need to get back in the body.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Remember what I said about when my dad had passed away?
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: I went straight into running, because usually what happens when we feel grief or challenge, it affects the heart and our heart feels as though it's broken.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: So what I decided to do was walk, walk uphill, go for little runs Just to make sure the heart was trying to stay open, because cardio is related to heart and when we're exercising our heart gently, that means it's allowing the energy to flow and for us to heal, because grieving is part of healing and the reason why we grieve anyway is because we love deeply.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: So be gentle with yourself.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Part of the inner toolkit is to be gentle with yourself.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: If, if you're noticing the feeling, let it rise, let it flow and just notice and accept that you are spiraling in that moment, but it's going to be okay, and make lots of little decisions and follow through.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: That gives you a sense of empowerment.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: And, last but not least, one of the other toolkits is just to remember, say lots of what ifs, what if this works out, what if this creates space, what if I'm going to be all right, what if this is going to be?
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: If you do that for a period of one to two minutes and write it down or say it or speak it out loud I like writing it down it can shift your energy.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: It's not going to change everything, but it allows you to have more of a positive slant than to go on that negative trajectory of overthinking.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: This is really powerful and you've got these little tools that you can be able to use that aren't going to fix everything in the moment, but they are going to give you a sense of control, and that's really powerful, because usually when we're going through difficulty, we've lost control.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Our energy has been out there.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Now we're trying to reclaim it, and we reclaim it with our inner toolkit.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: And, last but not least, a part of this reframe that I love to do is I like to look at the situation with compassion, which is everyone was doing the best they can.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: I was doing the best I can with what I knew at the time they were doing the best that they could.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: And if you can really honestly understand that everyone is doing the best that they can, that's enough, because that allows us to have compassion.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: And the little bonus part is to really go into what you're grateful for, because usually with loss we feel very vulnerable.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: But when we're grateful for what we have and we're grateful for the things that have brought us happiness, love and joy, we reclaim our energy and maybe there'll be tears with that gratitude, but that's when you know it's real and that's part of the healing.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: We need to emotionally cleanse ourself when there's a lot of overthinking, because all energy is sent out.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: When we're overthinking, what we're doing is we're scattering our energy, we're leaking energy, we're splitting our energy.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: We're leaking energy, we're splitting energy and we need to reclaim that energy back towards ourselves again and have some love and compassion for ourselves.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Just remember that inner toolkit is there to help you feel relief, because relief is the first step towards a really healing.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Also, remember that lots of overthinking is really based on the ego's desperate need for control and whilst it's very difficult to release the need to control, when we do it we're actually moving with our soul because there's a higher purpose going on, even though it makes no sense to us in the moment and may not make any sense for quite some time.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: But that's why I believe that having prayer and meditation.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Prayer is like speaking to God, speaking to energy, speaking to intelligence, whatever you wish to call it, and meditation is like receiving, and every time we meditate we're like tuning our energy up to a higher frequency which allows us to heal faster.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: But sometimes in meditation, particularly if you're going through grief, your mind might be again being overactive.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: That's why I like to bring it back to the center again and just focus on the breath.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: So the universal takeaway is whether you're experiencing great stress or you're experiencing grief, what's required more than anything else if you want to find harmony is to find a state of personal presence, being in the moment, rather than trying to find great deep analysis of what went wrong.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: What solves it is you finding presence again and acceptance.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: The mind is always trying to figure out if it can be smart enough.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: How can I think my way out of this?
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: You can't think your way out of this, but what you could do is you can act your way out of this, because action actually breeds certainty.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: So be someone who acts rather than just sits there on the fence doing nothing and feeling sorry for themselves.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: You've got to act to feel better, and if you don't act or take any action, you're reducing that certainty, whether you like it or not.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: After loss, you still got to keep putting one foot after the other, otherwise you're not helping yourself, you disempower yourself and overthinking is just a part of yourself that's gotten way out of control.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: And if you're experiencing grief, the need for certainty is so much larger and there's a great instability and the need for how can I find stability in this?
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: Well, it doesn't actually even exist.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: So one thing in grief that you be able to lean on, to feel a little better, to stop that overthinking, is to trust in something greater than you is creating space for something even better.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to give you an invitation this week.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Instead of asking yourself what went wrong, how can I think myself out of this, you've got to just ask yourself is what's the next best thing I can do right now?
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Because action leads to a greater sense of peace.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: What action could I do that will make me feel happier?
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: What would love do right here?
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: What action could I take that would be loving for myself.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: Could it be a walk?
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Could it be a cup of tea?
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: Could it be a nice meal?
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Could I watch a gentle movie that feels good?
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: Because we don't want to aggravate the emotions that we want, we want to make them find a sense of relief.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: And just remember this clarity doesn't come from thinking more cleverly or deeply.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: Clarity comes from finding a way to trust life.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: Finding a way to trust that life is working out, even though it makes no sense right now.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: You know, challenges and difficulty that happen aren't there to test you.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: They're there actually to help you grow, to become an even stronger, more resilient, more powerful, more beautiful, more loving, more compassionate version of yourself.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: And that wouldn't happen without that being revealed to you through different events that happen.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: I know that's the case for me, particularly with loved ones lost, and that is also true for you, because I believe this is a universal truth.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: I hope this episode really resonates and until the next episode, I wish you a wonderful weekend and green lights all the way.