Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / A Plan to Restore | a conversation with Blythe Daniel and Helen McIntosh

Transcript

A Plan to Restore | a conversation with Blythe Daniel and Helen McIntosh · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hi friends, welcome back to the Simply Wholehearted podcast.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: It means so much to have you choose to take our conversation along with you today.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Amy Wicks, your host, and here at Simply Wholehearted, we provide perspective, purpose, and plans for your best life.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Before I introduce this week's guests, I wanted to remind all you moms out there, summer is just around the corner.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know, right?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: But before you panic about the no schedule, long days, sibling fighting, boredom, constant eating, and the messy house, I'm here to help you to have the summer you have always wanted with your kids.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really not exaggerating when I say a simply summer is completely possible for you.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: There are three easy ways this can happen.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: First, you could download my 50-free boredombuster ideas, which are perfect for those with kids 12 and under.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Then you can get my Simply Summer email series, which not only gives you the seven weeks of encouragement and inspiration to put into action, but it also gives you a Simply Summer quick start guide.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, my best-selling Simply Summer course has gotten a makeover.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I have even more colorful resources, which will take you step by step to create the schedule you desire, foster sibling unity, eliminate boredom, and keep a cleaner home, all while giving you more time to get things done.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: It is possible you can have your best summer this year.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, I've put all the details in the show notes.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you haven't had a chance to listen to the last couple weeks of episodes, you may not know that we're spending a few weeks to celebrate motherhood.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Now, Mother's Day is in just a couple days, and for some of us, a unique ache may come up in light of the special day.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps you still long for motherhood, or you're a mom, and it's not quite what you expected it to be.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: For some, the ache is due to the relational disappointment with your own mom.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps her emotional, physical, or spiritual absence is more acute than ever before.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: So today, I'm honored to have Blythe Daniel and her mom Helen McIntosh to speak about healing and strengthening the mother-daughter relationship.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Blythe happens to have become a close prayer friend over the last year and a half, as well as my literary agent.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: One of the many prayers we prayed is for this project with her mom.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: This book has certainly been a labor of love, as Helen has battled cancer as they poured out the words and mend it.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I know you'll be blessed by the kind mothering tone this conversation has to offer.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: We dive right into the role control might have in our relationships, our purpose as mothers, and we talk about three practical ways you can reach out to mend the relationship you have with your mother or daughter.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's a great prayer.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Nice to meet you, Amy.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Nice to meet you too, Miss Helen.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: You look lovely today.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: You are mighty sweet.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was just, yeah, I was just sharing with um Blive here that I had just gotten done meeting with my counselor.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm a little puffy-eyed, and you know, my nose is a little red.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: I always I have this idea that there's no I have nothing to cry about, and suddenly you just sit on their couch and all these tears you didn't know you had.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that just tells me your heart is good.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh it's open and spilling out.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's a good thing.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: You're kind of hard, hearts.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know something a little bit about counseling because that has been your profession for years.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: What what caused you to go down that lane of profession?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: What was the desire for um to help other people through their trauma and their life experience?
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: You know, there was just always uh um something in me that wanted to know what made behavior tick.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, right.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_02: I just grew up watching a lot, and then um at a later time my mom was quite difficult, and I think I sought some answers.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know God at that point, and that would have been super handy.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it is super handy.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: But I did, um I did it caused me to to want to know the root problems of behavior.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, it did.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: I bet, yeah, that's so neat.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's so neat that you've turned pain into your life work and and probably ministered to countless, countless people over the years, I imagine.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: That would be the desire of my heart, Amy.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I can tell.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And your work here, your work here with your daughter, this book mended, it's released.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Are you guys just so happy that to be on this side of book launch?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: We are.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: We're pretty giggly about it.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: I but I but I just felt it for you.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Being a part of the launch team was an honor, but I also felt that weight of carrying out and amping up and getting it out there and and people's hands and all the different steps.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, hook launching is not for the faint of heart, that is for sure.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, and then there's the lingering worry, is it gonna be enough or is it gonna really help?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: And that was that's the desire of our heart.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, we just are throwing it out there and praying it will minister.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it has.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, Blies, have you just felt so encouraged reading all the different comments through the launch team and reviews and I have it?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: Has been so uplifting to our hearts to see people be responsive to it and tell us what they've gained from it.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know, as an author, you really want people to resonate with your words.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: You want to know that they matter and that there's some connection.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so it it has been a deeper place of trusting the Lord with our words.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we can say things to each other in real time and and and and those things um kind of are gone after that.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: But in writing, those words are there, and so I think there is an extra weight of responsibility of what you carry.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um but but we both know that it that it is up to God to take this far and to be able to minister people's hearts that we have just simply tried to put our words out there and we know that God is the one that's gonna minister and use those in ways that he can do that we can't.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: So um so we're just continuing to trust him.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's so good.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: I I love that.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it that's obvious that you've carried that posture and open hands and open heart through it all, and it's really beautiful.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I see the ripple effect.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I in fact, it's it's really interesting.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I I I know I've told you a little bit about this, um, but I gathered a group of young moms uh last fall, and a lot of the idea came from I wanted to figure out how to create a sort of a culture of mentorship in our church.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew that it it could start with me gathering the younger moms and beginning it in my home and modeling it and talking just about the need and the desire.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And the interesting that word that came up in all of this was the word motherlessness.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that was more than that actually led the desire for mentorship is they felt this ache and this absence of their mothers.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so we've gone on quite a journey over really it's been nine eight plus months now together in all of this and going to the word and all and everything.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I I thought it was so great to read your book and all of this and to feel um kind of on the other side of it after they had done some of the heart healing and um, you know, taking that ache before the Lord in the right way.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: But what what could come next?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like what what was after that?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: What's the hope uh after we've dealt with it before the Lord?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this message just fits in so beautifully with that of like okay, so you've wrestled this out with the Lord, you now have a have the language for what it is that your heart was longing for.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now what's the next thing?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And and and for both of you, I felt like the big one of the big pieces that I got out of this, and I'd love to hear you both speak to this, but the idea that one of the big steps towards mending is to let go of control.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, well, we are not in control, are we?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I often uh like has heard me call it white knuckling because when we uh if we don't let go, we we do become controllers, and it does look like white knuckles, the grip that we have on everything, and boy, it's a mess when that happens.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um the relationships are so sensitive to control, and um it's sure it's important to highlight that so you can recognize it because uh if I I mean my mother had anxiety issues and she white knuckled and I felt her control, and fortunately I knew to not repeat that with Blythe, but we're terribly at risk for repeating those family patterns.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm glad you're gathering those chicks and helping to to help them uh understand the grace that God gives in those empty places, those empty arms, or we're motherless in many different ways, obviously.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'll I'll let Bly speak to that some more.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I do think that as you both have said, that identifying what is underneath the surface of why do I feel like I need to control or why do I feel like um I'm out of control in this situation, I mean I think we we both felt that um as mothers and daughters.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um I can sense when I'm wanting to respond to my daughter, and there's a part of me that knows that I need to respond in love and work it out in love, and then there's a part of me that might be angry and wants this to get right right now.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we need to be able to tame the that part of us that wants to just fix it and lash out like like we would maybe even deserve to.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it's really approaching our hearts and saying, in this second, what am I gonna say that can have a lasting effect or a devastating effect?
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's man, it's all um, you know, Proverbs talks about the taming of the tongue.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I've realized in my life that that words matter.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Words have the power to heal or to hurt.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think that next step for someone who recognizes that they want to make things better with their mother or daughter, and that it does come down to control, I think we want to, and this is hard to do, is to look at our speech, look at the things that we're saying and the things that we could, you know, just even um err on the side of love.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes that's really hard to do, but to give grace and to err on the side of of offering someone more than they really deserve to have.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: And that comes back full force, um, a hundredfold um in times that I've seen that in my life.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: And then the times that I've done the right thing and I've I've said what I needed to say because it was right, um, that hasn't gone well.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I think a lot of it is if we can think ahead of time, how's this going to impact the person that I'm about to say this to?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of um, like as mom says, she calls it the unscrambling the egg principle.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because once once the eggs are out there, you can't unscramble.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: So could you give us uh kind of a picture of what that might look like for the average mom, of what it would look like in conversation to relinquish control and act in love instead or respond in love?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Blythe has recently done this with her children.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'll let her speak to it in just a minute, but I found myself when she went off to college having a big speech on this.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: I I said, Blythe, I'm I'm really needing to check myself to make sure that I'm not controlling you because I'm gonna feel your loss so much.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: And in that loss, I might have white knuckle.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, Please, if you sense me controlling you in any way, speech or otherwise, that's not who I want to be.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: And would you tell me, would you say, Mom, I sense your control?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, That'll that'll be our little message.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: And and uh we have continued to do that with each other, and we this is what we put in the mended book is several dozen conversations.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: Uh one of them could be a real gift on Mother's Day, and that would be to say something like this, Mom, uh um, what do you think we need to do to make things better?
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: So having those honest scripts or starter conversations has been real helpful to it just should be in a normal dialogue, but it it often isn't.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: Blythe, what do you think, darling?
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know, mom taught me this early on that when you involve someone, um like a child in a decision or a teenager, that they feel the ability to have their voice heard.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so we have done this.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, mom did it with me, and and I've tried to do this with my girls and son, is to be able to say, guys, as a family, these are the decisions that we've made based on what we believe.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: These are our these are our principles that we live by.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: So when it comes to family time, how can we make that fun for everyone?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: Or how, you know, if we have something we need to bring up with each other, what do you think are the ways that we can do that best?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so helping them be a part of the solution has been, I think, a huge help to not be like I'm just controlling or my husband's just controlling the atmosphere in our home.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and then on an individual level, if I go to them and say, you know, I feel like this might be a problem where in the mornings when we're running late for school and I'm constantly saying, do this, do that, like I don't want to be controlling like that.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like how that feels.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: So can you think of a way that you could help where mommy doesn't have to do that?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: So, and I give them a chance to answer.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: And it, and so sometimes if they don't have a great answer, I might say, What if we wake up earlier and I get you up earlier so that we don't have those last-minute control issues?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: So, like we're trying to solve it together because I think sometimes it becomes top-down, right?
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Parent down to child, and the child feels like they don't have much say.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm learning, and I've mom and I've been working on down to up, child to parent, that the child has important things that they can contribute that help them feel better about themselves, and that generally contribute contributes to a more you know positive environment between the relationship between mother and child.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think sometimes we dismiss their participation in coming up with a good solution.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and even if you have older, you know, adult daughters or a mom that you're estranged with that's that's older, and maybe you feel like she is set in her ways and and and it's hard to know how to help in those situations.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things that I love that my mom has taught me is to be able to say to that person, I'm not sure what to say in this situation.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what to say, but I care about you.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: Will you help me to see what you need from me right now?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: Which is a very inviting question because that's you're not coming up with all the answers.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: Mom, what would you add to that?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: Because you're the channel of this.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: I never have shared with you life one of the ways that I learned to ask small children inviting questions, and they're not hammering um snippy questions, they're really inviting them to think and speak.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I was a school counselor, I used to help in the c in the lunchroom, and the kids would invariably forget their straws, and I found myself saying, You forgot your straw, you forgot your straw, you forgot your straw.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_02: And then one day the Lord said, Ask them what they forgot, and they'll remember better.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: And so I asked the small children, what did you forget?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: And they would look and they said, Oh, I forgot my straw.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_02: And soon, soon they didn't forget it anymore.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it that would be a whole nother um interview program for you, but it's so fun to ask small children, well, what did you need?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, did what you do?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_02: Did that help you get what you needed?
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_02: Was it helpful?
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you're just you're inviting them to think it sweetens the relationship.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's very very uh very respectful.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's so powerful.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: You and I hadn't thought of it so practically before as you stated it, Blythe, and your example of the routine in the morning, because I think most of us moms can go, yes, that is a huge pain point.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: But way back, so we're this is episode 97.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so back on this our 17th episode, I had a couple um who are my pastor's parents, and they've been um pastors who travel the country, and and they wrote a book on parenting.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: And one of his big things that I took away from the book and our conversation was this switch to ask really good questions, just like you articulated, Hel Helen, instead of telling them all the time, but to ask them and involve them.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: And but and so I've done that with discipline, like you know, when they're doing something wrong.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, how could we have done this differently?
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, but but why have you put that in a practical situation that continues to be a problem every single day?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: That you know, I have the chart on the wall, they know what they need to do, we still have these things, but I but I um suddenly I'm going, oh yeah, that is brilliant.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly what we need to do to turn this morning routine around and bring someone life.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, that's so put it on exactly now.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: What is it again?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so because exactly what you said, Blythe, I don't like that feeling of control.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't desire to control this situation.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: I want a good outcome, but I mostly want peace.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, not all the stuff with it.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: It is something that I'm learning.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: My my daughters, my oldest daughter's teacher, she's in fifth grade, and she shared with me yesterday, even, um, and I had the opportunity to put this into practice this morning, that sometimes driving down the road is the best time and place to have a conversation with your child or teenager because they're not having to look at you per se.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: And they open up to you more.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: And my daughter opened up to me more this morning as we were riding to an appointment.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I just was reminded of like how important it is in those moments where we think, gosh, I'm just taking my child here and I'm picking her up and taking her there.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: That those can be great moments to have conversations.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have to wait for the perfect moment to sit down at night or even like, see, I like to have those conversations before they leave the house so that we all feel good.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, before they go to school and resolution.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: Revelation doesn't always work that way.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so I need to be okay with having those conversations in an off-time moment where I'm not expecting it.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we just need to want we as moms can prepare our hearts to just be ready.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: That when God puts that opportunity in front of us, we don't say I'm gonna wait for perfect time when I'm not distracted, but but we just take those moments um wherever they can come and and we just open up to our kids.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I I do see the fruit of that.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm learning how to do that better.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I hope, I hope that I will get better at that.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're doing great, she is, she is, I know, but we're it just gives us so much grace to go.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, we don't, we don't really ever arrive because our kids are constantly maturing and growing.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: We as mothers, as parents, are growing and maturing, and so it's an ongoing, you know, learning process that we're involved in, and yeah, and there's always room for growth.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: So you may have figured out by now that we love to talk about the Enneagram around here.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that's because I believe it's one of the best ways to help you understand your creative purpose.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: The insights of the Enneagram give a clear cut path to your best wholehearted life.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're new to the Enneagram, I have several simple ways.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: To become more knowledgeable and closer to better understanding your type.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: First, I created an Enneagram quick start guide and an Enneagram summary of all nine types, which gives you a rundown of my favorite resources and the step-by-step discovery process.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's my free gift to you and easy to download.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you decide you're interested in learning more about your dominant type, or perhaps you'd like to introduce this helpful resource to your family or business, I am a certified Aneagram coach, and I have a few limited spaces for one-on-one coaching, group teaching, or my five-session special.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Combining the insight of the Aneagram and the truth of the gospel, together we can discover your type and the best path of growth for wholehearted living.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: Let's move past the messy middle, get free from the shame-based ending, and reboot your story by better understanding your season to uncover the fruit of your best life.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Not everyone is ripe for this type of coaching, but if you would like to find out if you'd be a good fit, you can get a free 30-minute consult.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: Just get your name on the wait list and I'll be in touch.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: The links are in the show notes, and you can find out more at simply wholehearted.com.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to hear, because the whole point of our podcast, we love to bring in story and perspective.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we love books, right?
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Fiction and nonfiction, they give us just a different perspective than our small world and our outlook.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: But the other thing, besides discovering our purpose and working with the Lord and what that is, is we like plans.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: We like, okay, tell us what to do.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I think already you've articulated some really great, you know, practical, oh, let's apply this to our morning routine.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: But what are three specific things that you both would speak to that would help improve your relationship with your mother or daughter, either way, and moving forward, especially um in light of Mother's Day, and we're all examining this relationship, the one that we have with our own kids and the one we have with our moms or we had with our moms.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: What three specific things could we could we do, whether conversation or you know, a physical activity, in order to just continue to mend the fences a little bit and keep that relationship strong or make it stronger?
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I just pitched out one of them, so I'll pick it, pick up the thread, and that was to ask the mother or daughter, maybe as Mother's Day approaches, it would be a wonderful moment to say, you know, as I evaluate our relationship, is there anything that you can think of that would help us to be healthier or that we will make things better for us?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's that would be number one.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: And secondly, I Blythe has prayed so many sweet blessings over me and it has just touched me so much.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm about to cry now.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: Beautiful.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_02: But um if if the mother or daughter would like to write out a a prayer of blessing, that would mean so much.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_02: And then thirdly I was thinking that if you if possible you need to pray daily against your relationship unraveling because the enemy of our soul is so after good relationships, and especially the mother-daughter when it's just needs all the protection in the world.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so that would be my suggestion.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_02: I I do that frequently, probably not enough, but I do pray for my relationship with Blythe, and that's huge.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: Now your turn, baby.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, those are great.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: If I can top those, those are great.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I think one thing that a person can do, a mom or daughter can do, is find the common ground with their mother or daughter and and do something that would unite you together.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: It might be an outing, it might be going to a painting studio that maybe you both enjoy art.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: It could be as casual or as formal, but I think sometimes we get really caught up in our differences.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so bringing it back to what do we have in common, what do we both enjoy, that that's one suggestion is to find that common ground and pursue it.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: I think another another idea would be to really think about how you want to view your relationship with your mom or daughter.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: And we encourage people to make a piece of artwork.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um we talk about creating a mantle, something that would go over your mantle.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: It might be a wood board with a word on it that becomes the thing that you want to define your relationship by or your and your your life by.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: So um, so maybe it is it's it's something beautiful that you can make to put in your office or in your bedroom that just reminds me this is who you are.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: It might say, um, like mine, mine is the rock that says way maker, which reflects that God is a way maker in in all of our areas of our lives.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: It might be something that says forgiven, or it might be something um that says cherished.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, just something that's a visual that you can go back to would be would be a second idea.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: And the third thing that I would suggest um is doing something together that you can both look back on and know that you've had this shared experience.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: For us, it was writing a book together.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um maybe, maybe it might be creating a new room in the home or updating a bedroom or starting a podcast together as mother and daughter.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, something that you can look back on and just think we did that together.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I think that's so good.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or even working on, I've thought about my mother-in-law.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: She loves to make quilts, and there's been different times when she's asked what we wanted to do, and I can't do the quilting part, but I can participate in picking out the fabrics or the idea and the design of it.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that has felt special, you know, to to have, you know, some bond and unity over, you know, a shared, shared experience, right?
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's for someone else and giving uh to someone else.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think I think that's really good.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: I love these, I love these ideas and I love that we can put them into practice right away.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: One of the fun things that we have been asking in this little series leading up to Mother's Day and around Mother's Day are um three, we're calling them rapid fire questions.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, but we are dying to know what is your go-to vice in moments of mom stress.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: I think mine's prayer because and I say that.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's like God help me.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes that's all I can say.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: Help.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: How about you, Miss Helen?
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, um, for years I've been hoping to teach young women or older how to reframe that stress.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: And so um the first thing I share is that the whatever's going on needs to have a name.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_02: It's just like the dashboard of your car when something's in trouble, you need to know what part.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: So we I I love for young women to to be able to tag the issue because the scriptures say that the mind and the heart are the same.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_02: So our thoughts are part of the heart.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_02: And then the next thing would be comparing it with truth, what's true, because the word says that if we know his truth, then it we'll be set free.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_02: But then we need to continue to to look to that truth.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: In other words, we'll go back to the heart and mind messages and then back to truth.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: But if we can stay on that channel of truth, it works wonders.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: We're completely de stressed.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Both of those answers are awesome, and I want to be more like you when I grow up.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so this is a funny question, but I want to know did you like or dislike pregnancy?
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: And Blythe, I know for you, you had twins for one of your pregnancies, so I'm curious to know.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: Did you enjoy the the nine months?
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Or would you rather not repeat it?
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: I loved it, um, because I loved knowing that life was growing inside of me.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: And having lost a baby, there was such a difference the the times that we carried babies that I carried babies full term.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_01: And the the funnest thing was to feel them move.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I loved it.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_02: Add into my yeah.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love it.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: So great.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: Love it.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and last but not least, what was the most shocking thing about motherhood that you're like, wow, no one told me about that?
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_02: One of them was that it was 24-7.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: That was a shot.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it is.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: No breaks.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: Wait a minute, what did I sign up for?
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's great.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: How about you, Mom?
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: I I didn't know how tired I would get.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, mom's always known that I'd like to go to bed early, but I truly have quit going to bed early to the test.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: How tired you would be.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, that's for sure.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't have any other way.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's different tired, right?
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the early years you're up through the night and they're physically exhausting.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: And now these years that we're entering in, the teenage years, it's the later nights, it's the conversation, it's the emotional energy output.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, this is a tiring gig.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing like it.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, all of this has been so rich.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: I I know that your book is already blessing thousands of people, and I pray that it just continues to go far and wide and strengthen the relationships.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: As you said, Helen, our relationships are clearly under attack.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: The enemy does not want them to thrive, and they represent the heart of God and a gift to us here on earth.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so anything that we can do to help mend the fences and repair the ruins that we might feel we are looking at um can go so such a long way um into living out the heart of God and his plan for our lives.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: You said it well.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you, ladies.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I hope you both have an amazing Mother's Day that you feel loved and specialed and pampered and all those important things with the day.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I just want to encourage moms that maybe Mother's Day is difficult for you because of your relationship with your mother and um or with your daughter right now.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_01: And mom, what is your favorite phrase that you like to say?
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, there are many, but uh I love, I guess I'm thinking about Ephesians 6, 13, having done all to stand.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if you're doing all that you know to do, you can stand there and rest in that.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_02: And it's it is important again to ask those powerful questions to the mother or daughter.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_02: What do we need to do to make things better?
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that's it's just time for us to connect better and ask them.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_02: See, they'll tell us the straw is missing from the luxury.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_02: They can tell us what's missing.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_02: That's good.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: And never give up.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we just want to encourage people that God can do a lot, and it may not be in our timing, right?
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: But don't give up the hope in your heart to have better relationships.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so that's what we would want to leave in.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so good.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: Don't resign.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's beautiful.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: Great way to end this.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_02: Repairs of the breach.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: Did you take notes?
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: Their wisdom and practical applications are just a small sampling of the rich content of their book, Mended.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: This is the perfect gift for the mom friends in your life, and maybe one you go ahead and purchase for yourself.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: Also, you might want to check out our social media feeds for a chance to win this book or one of our giveaways that we have each week.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: I put all the links in the show note for our giveaways, to connect with Blythe and Helen, and to learn more about Mead.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: Also, our 100th episode is coming up at the end of May.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: I can't believe how many conversations we've had so far.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a lot more to come.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to celebrate by reaching 100 reviews on iTunes so we can let others know which episodes are our favorites and why you and why they might like the podcast.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: Here's one of my favorites on iTunes right now, left by Caparoo.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is my go-to whenever I start my workout at the gym.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: I find that I'm able to glean something from each episode, but I especially love episode 17 about parenting.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_00: Aw, thanks, Caparoo! I love thinking our conversations are cheering you on as you get some soul time in.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let's continue to invite others to join us as we continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for a simply wholehearted life.