Latest / F*ck Off Fridays / Save The Cockroaches

Transcript

Save The Cockroaches · F*ck Off Fridays

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to Fuck Off Fridays with your girl Liv and your girl Charlie.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: This week, coming up, we have more of your iggs.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: We have our fuck-off of the week.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: We've got some more weird crushes.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: We've got our recaps of our boring weekends.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: And we've got red flag, green flag tests for earlier.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: So strap in, grab yourself a beverage, and off we go.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: So, how's your week been?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: Well, this weekend I it's kind of how's my week force a bit of my fuck off of the week.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: I went to my old school, Rankham College of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: We love you.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: Is closing.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: Basically, with the whack-on of uh VAT from the government, which is Labour, not to get political.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I got a few.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, kind of hoping.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: So who farmhouse buying it?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: If they buy it and make it to a private members' club.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: More than likely, something like that will happen.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: She'll join.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I'd like a founding membership.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: I was head girl of Rankham College, might I add?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: Who the fuck would let you be?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: What a riot.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: I was good back then.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um so yeah, kind of hoping that they do turn it into like a members' club so that at least people can still go and enjoy it because it is the most glorious place.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: And you walk around, you're like, oh my god, I went to school here.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's magnificent.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, there's my week.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: How's your week been?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh fucking hell, strap in.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I went out for drinks with friends on the Friday, and it was relatively reserved.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: At the wine bar?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't actually.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: I was at their house, but I was in the leech.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um and anyway, ended up chatting away, gossiping, and my friend looks at me and she goes, are we gonna do that solstice swim?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, That's her way of trying to bomb out.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no, no.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: She was up for it.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: Two bottles of rose down.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, and I was like, oh fuck it, that I actually told you about that, so yeah, let's do it.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, so then cut to cut to my Saturday night, um, where I'm like, okay, I'm not going out, I'm gonna be sensible because I have to get up at 3.20 in the morning.
• 4:50
  unknown: Yeah.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: 25 strings.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: You kind of put me off when you sold it that way, I will say.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: Look, you only have to do it once.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: The only time I'm getting up that early is to go on holiday or to go autumn hunting, otherwise you can get fucked on doing it.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: I will come next week.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: I won't, no, I won't invite you again.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: No, get fucked.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um anyway, so I knew I had to get up, so I thought, right, I will not go out.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I had loads of texts for everyone going, Are you coming out?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Are you coming out again?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, no, I'm not fucking coming out, because if I go out, I will get absolutely shitfaced.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: You'll pull the pin.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Hang grenade.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: The pin's always shaky, but when she fully comes out, she's fucked.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: So anyway, then I was like, right, go to bed at a reasonable hour.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: I was fully expecting when my alarm went off for her to have texted me and gone, Who the fuck?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: We're not we're not doing this, like, I'm not coming.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: I wake up to a text from her saying, Who whose godforsaken idea was this?
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, she's awake, she's awake.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: This is gonna be a sign.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, no worries, that's that's fine, whatever.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: We'll meet in the square, so I don't wake the Labradors because her dogs are barky when you turn up on the gravel.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, the thing that cracked me the fuck up before we got there was I pulled up, she thought I wasn't turning up because I was five minutes late.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I saw her TikTok.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, My friend's not here.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she said, she's like, I think she might stitch me up here.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, if she has, that's fucking excellent.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: She got in my car, she sat next to me and she literally went, I've just witnessed a lady kick a pigeon.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, You fucking kick.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: Who's awake at that time?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: She fucking what?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: She said, There was a lady in a puffer coat that walked down the street and kicked a baby pigeon.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, not a baby pigeon.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: So that made me laugh.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then basically she was just because she'd got in at 11 midnight.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: 11 midnight.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: 11 midnight oh right, okay.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: What time of day is it?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I went to bed at sensible hours.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: She was absolutely fucked, and I still think she was a little bit pissed.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: Well, she had a diet coke, didn't she, instead of coffee?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because she had no coffee in there.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: And do you know what I've realised?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't wait for her to listen to this because we could not find that can of coke anywhere.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: She thought she'd littered on the wall in Northleach.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: No, you fucking haven't, it's in the back of my car, you silly little witch.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna give her that as a trophy.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, anyway, we turned up, there were hundreds of people.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I can't believe that.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you said you had a queue to go in.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we had to queue to get in, and then you know, there was it was a real mix.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: There was a lot of old boys and speedos and women in budgy smugglers and there was the odd as and peety about, but it the people that threw me the most were people with children.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Why are you bringing children at half past three, four in the morning?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Leave us alone.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then when they start going down the slide, I'm thinking, why the fuck am I at Cheltenham Lido for a fucking solstice swim?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: Lucy and I looking at each other going, what times what times does the sun come up?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: What times does the sun come up?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Can we get out yet?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Can we get out yet?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: 4 48, it came out, and we both went, right, we're out.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Bacon bap, coffee, off we go.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: Did you go down the slide though?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: No, I fucking didn't.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't! No, I lied.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: I just thought it'd lure you in.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: What ways?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: So how long were you uh swimming in other people's urine for?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Long enough, but I didn't get a veruca, so I'm happy.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: Gone verruca salt.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's two weeks in a row, she's got a shout out.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um but anyway, solstice swim.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: The the to cut that off, there were a load of women in the pool with flower crowns on, right?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: Are they all pagans and things?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because they love the I don't know, I'm not sure.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: They're not.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: But the point is when you've got your friend looking at you and going, why haven't we got flower crowns?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: I literally looked at her and went, sorry, my crafting hours were cut short.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: What the fuck do you want from me?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: You're lucky you didn't get a Playboy Bunny outfit, dick.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna buy you a flower crown.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck off.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so sick of this cheap nonsense with stuff I'm gonna keep trolling you with.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_02: On summer solstice, I don't know if I've ever no, I don't know if I've ever told you this.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: So, this is a cool memory.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_02: Years ago, friends of mine used to work at Avery Stones, which is like the mini stone henge.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: It's just like there's a mini stone henge.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: There's a mini stone henge, I'll tell you, it's a lovely day.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's National Trust.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_02: We'll go because you love National Trust.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: No, she's asked me that because I get free passes, and that you don't have to pay to go into Avery Stones, you just walk around.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, it's also in the village where there's like one of the most haunted pubs in the UK, and the old lady from Most Haunted went in there once.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: But we went for summer solstices once, and they all I remember from it is people were walking around in a circle with signs that said save the cockroaches, and they all had colanders on their heads.
• 9:20
  unknown: Fuck off.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: Honestly, it's the weirdest thing.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: So if anyone can explain to me what the fuck save the cockroaches means, but it's like a core memory.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: I must have been maybe 17, and it was the weirdest experience of my life.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I tell people all the time, and they don't believe me, but I'm sure this is this is true.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: No, it happened, I remember.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: Because I was driving through there the other day and I voice noted my friend Kate and I said, throwback, remember when you used to work at the Avery Tea Rooms, which is great, which is why we'll go.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, Remember when we when we went to summer solstice, save the cockroaches.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: And she knew exactly what I was talking about.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: So anyone that's listening, if they know about save the cockroaches, please continue to go.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Please let us know.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: Charlie keeps bringing up a different insect every week.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's a thing.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Slugs are coming back up, just so you know.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: I got another slugs.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: If she brings up mini beasts, we know where we're at.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Remember a mini beast?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, moving on, we have some exciting news because obviously you can see we're somewhere different.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: We are at the shirt factory in Gloucester.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: Gloucester! I knew she was gonna do that.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: Shout out to the rugby fans.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Dick.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: We're in the show, ladies and gents.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: And we have someone that is producing us, which for his sins.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: Richard, are you gonna say hello?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Get your mic out, Brittany.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Go on, Brittany.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: There he is.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Coming to you live.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: I can't see you.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: There you go.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: There he is.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: He's there.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um God knows why he said yes, but he has.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: So he's got to trawl through all this and edit it.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: Good luck, Patrick.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, tell us we're full of shit.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um anyway, it's very exciting.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: And here we are.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: So can Lola's come?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone, yeah, Lola's here.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: But for everyone who's listened to us up until now, has messaged us.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, apparently as well.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: I realised the more podcasts, other people's podcasts I listen to, the more I'm like, oh, we should probably plug the whole follow, rate, and subscribe.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's important.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: Is that important?
• 11:09
  unknown: Yeah.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay, yeah.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: Richard's telling us that's important.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: Richard says yes, that's important.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: Anything else we should share with our listeners?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: Anything else they need to do other than like, rate, subscribe?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: Following on Spotify is quite hard.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: I found it people have said this to you.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: I found it really complicated to find like where to follow.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_02: You have to like search the podcast, and then it's not it's not as obvious as you'd think.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: With all due respect, do you want Rich to help you with that?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: Or no, I'm just saying any tips for the listeners how to find how to follow.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, on most platforms, it's just like a button at the time to follow.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: You have a honestly, you have a look on Spotify.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_02: He's looking.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: I've never seen it.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Are you Spotify or Apple?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Spotify.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Apple Music in the bin.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's Apple Podcasts.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: Apple.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, I don't know.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because Apple Music.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: I don't listen to anything on Apple.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: This is gonna be a whole lot that's gonna be edited out.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, my.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: But if you have a look, it's actually it's quite I it's not very easy, it's not that user-friendly.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: Can we hustle on to my fuck off of the week?
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, go on.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: What's your fuck off of the week?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: You two fucking know about this already, because I've voice noted you on the group.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: I need to circle back to something in a second.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, you hate that phrase.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: Do your fuck off of the week.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: What's your fuck off of the week?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: You don't want my fuck off of this week.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not hijacking this, let's talk about unsolicited dick pics.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: Because let me tell you, sending it unsolicited, not required, not sending it once of view is very strange.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: They've they've sent that to you with no context and they're just letting you keep it.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: Trying to think of my next line of No, I got no defense.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's not okay.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_02: If you're gonna send a dick pic, do it on once view.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: Because who's on Snapchat now?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: Unless you're a farmer or work as like a groom or something.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know anybody who's on Snapchat other than farmers or grooms.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: No, anyone that's on Snapchat in the bin.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I fucking hate it.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: No, I know.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: I spare like you're 18.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: But from friends I speak to, the people that are on Snapchat are either farmers or they are grooms, like they're working quite a fast-paced job, which I'm fine with.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: No, I tell you what, you can add that.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: You can add that into a fuck off of the week, Snapchat.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: People that are communicating via Snapchat, fuck off.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, Snapchat find wants to be on WhatsApp.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's adults.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been outed live on air.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_02: What's your fuck off of the week?
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_02: From the comfort of this sofa.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: My fuck off of the week is Charlie outing my dick pic.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: No, my fuck off of the week is me being so fucking tired after the summer solstice swim that was wholesome as fuck, I fell down the stairs.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: And as I explained to you two, I went up Mac One Speed.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: You haven't told me this.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because you didn't listen to anything.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: Rich Richard.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_02: I was supposed to sent it in the group chat with the 61 messages.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: You miss out, yeah.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: Basically, I went from top to bottom at Mac One Speed.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: He could have called me Concord.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: Your stairs are steep as well.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: And as I said, I had breakfast at home and in New York, because that's how quick I was.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: I was the fastest woman in the fucking world.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: Look at Paula Radcliffe.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: She's coming.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: Top to bottom.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: And the dogs were like, oh wow.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well you don't know there.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Bunch of cunts.
• 14:05
  unknown: Fuck.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so that's my fuck off of the week.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: And other than that, now I'm slightly irritated with you.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: No, I couldn't be irritated.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: Don't hate on week.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: Don't hate us because you hate us.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: I've done worse.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: I've had worse.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: Don't worry about it.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a hump.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: Get one down, yeah.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: You've had worse up, yeah.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Go on.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, what's your fuck off of the week?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I kind of already covered it, the whole rank and closing because of the VAT thing.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but there was something else I wanted to mention.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: This Sunday we are going to the opera.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so in Bybury, which is the most photographed village in England.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: Did you know that?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's the most popular village in the Cotswolds.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: Closely followed probably by Castle Coombe, and then maybe by Bought on the Water.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, the Swan in Bybury are doing a weather-dependent outdoor opera afternoon.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: We'll see what the weather's like.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: They do have there is a wet weather plan.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, there's limited tickets available.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_02: So men with umbrellas everywhere.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so no men with umbrella.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_02: We'll be inside, so no men with umbrellas.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: But they are doing, I think it's the first time they're doing it.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_02: The gardens are only accessible if you're either staying as a guest or getting married there.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so they're doing open air garden.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: You can get your tickets, you have to buy tickets in advance.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: Obviously, we're going hashtag gifted.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and if you use the code all in capitals Charlie Swan, you'll get 15% off.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's not her last name.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: Charlie.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: Charlie's the name pub.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: So there you go, Charlie Swan.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_02: Get money off your tickets.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_02: But it should be very jolly, very civilised, nice and cultured.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's if you can fucking park.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll tell you a story about Biberry.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: Go on.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: I think I've told you this before.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: But you guys have to.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: Let the listeners know.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, anyone that's been in the cotsaws know that Bibury is just uncomfortably busy.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a Piccadilly circus on a Saturday morning, isn't it?
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and you know they've got the row of famous cottages.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: Arlington Row.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: Arlington Row, yeah.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: So Oh I tell people this story all the time.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: People actually fucking live in those cottages, okay?
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: Stop taking photos of people's homes and leaning in and peering in through their windows.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: There was a couple that walked into someone's cottage and sat down and started eating their sandwiches in their cottage at the kitchen table, and I still to this day think you guys are fucking idiots.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think it is?
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: A model village, it's not a fucking museum, people live there.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, because obviously on all this, all the gaps.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that goes into my fuck off of the week as well.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: Idiots.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: Just pay attention.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, fucking signal.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_02: People cross the road there as well.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's like they forget that people actually drive through.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: I've just started mowing people down.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'll often be going through with Big John on the horse trailer, and I'm like, I can't sand my brakes on, otherwise he's coming to sit next to me.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: People just waltz across the road.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, what are you doing?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: But on all of the little, and I would never live in Bibery for this exact reason.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_02: On all of the nice houses opposite the river, they have little signs in multiple languages basically saying, Fuck off, I live here.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, beautiful village.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: But stop taking your sandwiches into people's houses.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: But also, I will say there's two really nice places there.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: They're owned by the Bas and Fred boys.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um there's Twig.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: The Twig and the Oh God 11, which is a nice coffee shop.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_02: So the boys are doing well.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: Swing on in.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: They also own stump and the new inn at Corn.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: But my final note on this is if your children are walking along the wall next to the river and I come past my window down and I shout and they fall in, I don't care.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_03: Fuck off!
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: What a joy you are.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um so we've got a few recaps we want to do from last week.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: Do you wanna do you wanna kick us off?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so body count.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: We need to talk about this.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I want Rich's perspective on this.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: What a male opinion.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: As a male.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um I have two male inputs.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you're one of them, and a friend of mine is the other.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, what's your opinion on body count before we I would I I like a woman's should be lower, a lot lower than a man's.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Really?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: Why is that?
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: A lot lower than a man's.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like I that's a key sentence for me.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: Don't edit this out.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's interesting to hear we're not gonna berate you, it's interesting to hear your perspective.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think genuinely men want lower body counts.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_02: In women.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like is that because they then have a perception that someone's like hoed it around?
• 18:20
  unknown: Yeah.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: But it doesn't work the other way.
• 18:23
  unknown: Yeah.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you may see it as the other way.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_02: Misogyny.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well, no, because I said last week I said body count matters.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: Body count matters to me.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_02: If someone had a really high body count, what do you count?
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: As I'm over a hundred, I think it's vile.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's vile.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, no.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: No one should be on that.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_02: As I said.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Validation.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: I won't let just anybody stick it in me.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: I know many people with over a hundred.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think it's hideous.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: I just I mean gun to my head.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: Gun to my head.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: I genuinely couldn't tell you what mine is.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: I know it's not over a hundred, but I used to keep a list.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Red flag.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_02: Well, red flag that she doesn't know.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: I used to keep a dis I had I'm okay with it.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: I had notes.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: You had a list.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: I had a list.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: A rating system.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Who the fuck is writing them down?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: Well, clearly my body count's not as high as yours.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Nah.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Could you write them down if if there was like a reward?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Who have I shared DNA?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: Really interesting.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: My stepdad, as a joke, tried to get me to write them down once and he went, let's go through your phone book.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh honey, it doesn't work like that.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: There's a reason why your stepdad can't know.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: No, he knows about that.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, he does know.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, we'll we'll be able to do that.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: Are we going to come on down with it?
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's in.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's in.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um it's interesting, it's interesting that you say that though, because I think, like I said, like for for me, it would put me off.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: But I think I mentioned last week that I think for women it's sex is more intimate.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas I think a bloke could go home, like, I can't imagine having a one-night stand with someone that I did not know before I shagged them.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas I don't think men have as much and this is a sweeping statement, right?
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_02: But I don't think men have as much of a problem as that.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's fair.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_02: So I can understand why, with that mindset, why men might be put off if a lady has a higher body count.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: But equally it is double standards.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: So what are your thoughts about that?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't make up the rules.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, I know, but it's interesting to you.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, it l you were getting caught a slag and we don't it's like legend status.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think is high?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_02: How old are you now, Rich?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: 39.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: 39, okay.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_02: So what would you so as a man dating age 39, if you were dating someone like a similar age to you, or say a few years younger, what would you or older up the cougar or older?
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: What would you consider as like as as high?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Anything over 20, I would say.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, interesting.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: Might be in for a shop there, my friend.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Ideal scenario.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, go on.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Less than 10.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's possible.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: I I genuinely know that's possible.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: Less than 10.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: Less than 10.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: I suppose at that point you're just dating relationship girls, basically.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: We're not not fucking around.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna no, I'm weighing in here because I have had some serious long-term relationships and I've still had my fair share of fun.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I think you can do both.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: Well, mine's we're not asking someone on a date one eye.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's not like it's on someone's hinge.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_02: What's your body count?
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe they should add it in.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's happening.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's happening.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: People are asking people on a first date or before they go on a date.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's why I wanted to talk about it.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: So my friend said that the only person that is like if a bloke is offended by body count, they're insecure.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: Are you insecure?
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: He's a manager.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: No, I just I've I've had it the other way and it really didn't work out, so I thought I'd try the lower count.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_02: My advice would be keep an open mind.
• 21:59
  unknown: Oh
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like I might get a more experienced woman, especially if you're going for a cougar, go on.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, should we move on?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm fucking dying.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for your input.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: Any time.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: So, but we need to talk about the poll.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: Please hold caller.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because we to put a poll out and we got different people's opinions.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: Was this the would you rather?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: This is this is the body count poll.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I put body count, does it matter?
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh depending on age.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: And if it's in double digits, red flag.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's me out.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's most people out.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: Unless you're under the age of 25.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: That's most people out, surely.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: This is a friend of mine, and I really chuckled when she wrote this.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: If he doesn't make you come, no, it doesn't count.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: One of one of these.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: No, the more they hang on.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: No, the more they have, the less shit they should be.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that experience.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: A few notches on your bedposts, you know.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: Another one just saying no.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then the other one was, yep, as long as yep, as long as it's isn't my own.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: That says to me they got they got the right.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: So basically it means it does matter, but it's not their own.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm thinking, look, if you've been a fucking hoary whore whore, own it.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_02: But like I said last week, I think with blokes, how much repeat business have you had?
• 23:47
  unknown: Yeah.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you're not getting much, yeah.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: If you've got a suggestion box on the way out.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a humble brag, you know?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, suggestion box on the way out.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: Please leave your hands.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: And also, please just remember women fake it very well.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_02: Hand raised by Olivia there.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_02: She's a great actress.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_02: I am.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um so I had a message from someone about weird crushes.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: After our last week.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_02: After last week.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: So we spoke about who's your weird crush?
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_02: We had like Ed Millerband in there, the guy from Heartbeat.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_02: There were all sorts of people in.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_02: The guy from um We're the Millers.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Nick Offerman.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck off.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: I still hate that.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_01: This one, I still hate that.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: You'll enjoy this because it's close to home.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's actually my friend's dad, Lawrence Sueillum Bowen.
• 24:34
  unknown: Wait.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: Wait.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: Wait.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: See him in Northleach.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's cruising around all the time.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_02: He's got his little um design studio shop in Cirencester.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what a guy.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um anyway, so my friend sent me this.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_02: She said, at the height and it's quite specific, she said it was at the height of his fame fame in changing rooms, specifically, and she said, and I quote, direct quote, I was obsessed with the man, fantasizing about him at any given moment.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_01: But he had a very large lapel.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: He always had a very large lapel.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_02: Verlamboyant.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I will say, whilst I loved changing rooms back in the day, it wasn't for everyone.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: He's no Nick Knowles.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we love Nick Knowles.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: Love Nick Knowles.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_02: I saw, oh, we saw him, didn't we, at Epsom?
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_02: We did.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, go on.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: Seen him in Wake Trows a few times as well in Siren.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: My sister planned one of his many weddings.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_02: Siren says it's like a breeding ground for anybody who's like been on TV, wants a nice because you obviously you're close to Kemble Station, so you can get into London easy.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like old Paul Cooper's daughter, Daisy May.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_02: Daisy May.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, she's she's Siren up with Siren.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um anyway, yeah.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_02: I really enjoyed it when I read it and then I went back to her and I said, you know, that's my friend's dad.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_02: And then actually, interestingly, so while I was at Rencombe the other day, it must have been maybe like 2009 or 2010, Lawrence did this amazing, probably at the height of the wall behind you, which for anyone who's listening is huge.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_02: He did this huge canvas.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_02: He did this huge canvas for I think the junior school did like Alice in Wonderland or Through the Looking Glass is their like performance.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: And he did this amazing painting, and it's been on the wall ever since.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, now they're closing Rencombe.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_02: Apparently they're doing like an online auction to obviously try and sell stuff but raise funds for the school.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, they did that with one of mine.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_02: And um, so my friend Cecile said she was like, Well, they asked us if we wanted it, and she was like, Well, what the fuck are we gonna do?
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: Where are we gonna put that?
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: Where are we gonna put that massive painting?
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: So they're gonna auction it off.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: So if anybody's interested in it, at some point, Rencombe will be auctioning off a giant giant canvas.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: Canvas.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_02: So I sent straight away, I sent my friend a photo, and I was like, Go on, go on, Lawrence.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_02: All right, enjoy that.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so yeah, so weird crushes we enjoyed.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: And then um, so I've got a couple of other bits I just want to cover off.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_03: Please tell me.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_02: So I purposely haven't told you this story and a trigger warning for anybody who loves animals because I think this will shock you.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_02: Why say animals?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_02: It's about slugs, it's more slug stories.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, for fuck's sake.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay, so she's basically said, I love how the slug topic has had some more airtime.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: And as I finally caught up with a podcast, I thought I'd share my story or rather my mum's.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_02: So this person blessed her, she had a really long car journey, she binge-listened to us for like seven hours, and she was like, and then she messaged me, she's like, You guys are brilliant.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, so she then she's then sent me the story, and she said, for context, her mum loves her gardening, she has a great garden, does the village open gardens, which we loved when we did it.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_02: Raccoon, if anyone sees what was it, the National Garden scheme or something, yellow sign, it's great.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_02: Go and have a nose around people's gardens.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, she's got a lovely vegetable patch, flower beds, all of that.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: She fucking hates slugs.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: So she goes on a nightly slug hunt when all the slugs come out in the summer evenings.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_02: And what this slug hunt consists of is her spending about 45 minutes wandering around the garden in her dressing gown with a head torch on and a pair of scissors.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, fuck off.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_02: I outwardly gasp when I read when I read this.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_02: She will literally just go around, any slug that she finds, she'll cut them in half, no mercy.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_02: While slightly horrifying.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like that's too far.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_02: I outwardly gasped when I read it.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like that's too far.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: Someone call Peter.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: While slightly horrifying, her garden is is glorious, so it must be working for her.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like it's slightly more humane than death by salt.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_02: Is it fuck?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: Death by salt is they explode or they just get cut in half.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: She's basically like Would you rather be explode by salt or before?
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: She's basically like Gerard Butler in 300, but with slugs.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: What was she doing?
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_02: To add to that, my partner said that his dad would bury a beer can about half full of beer.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: And the slugs can smell it, they all congregate around it, and then they obviously go down and then they drown in the beer.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_02: So, really bad news for the slugs, but good news is they've got a nice garden.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: Can I just do a public service announcement announcement?
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: People stop killing slugs, please.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_01: No, just stop talking about fucking slugs on the podcast.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sick of it.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm fucking sick of it.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: God speaking of slugs, can we discuss Henry Cavillard?
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_02: Royal Ascot, please.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god! How more snake than slug?
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: How have they got away with filming him like that?
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, wow.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_02: For anybody who's not colours his watch.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_02: Anyone who's not seen.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: No one knows.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_02: Was it long?
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_02: He was wearing a long jeans watch, because I then read the caption afterwards.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: You can looked again, you're supposed to be looking at it.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: I looked again.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: I had it on repeat.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_02: They basically I don't know how they've got away with it, because if this if if I double standards, if this was a woman, it would have been removed.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: But basically, he's doing an advert for a watch.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: He's obviously been invited by Long Jeans.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_02: And all his watch isn't down there, is it?
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_02: But all you can see is is he packing left or is he packing right?
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_02: He's dressing too.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_02: He's going left.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_02: And let me tell you, see the whole thing.
• 29:51
  unknown: And it's glorious.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: I put a smile on my face.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I went straight to the comment section.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_02: And actually, I really wish I have my phone on me now, but I kind of wish I'd gone to the comment section because let me tell you, no, no one, no one's looking at the watch.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: Doesn't disappoint.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: No comment section.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: His wife's good for her.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: There's an interview that he did many moons ago, and I think it was Jimmy Kivill Kimmel or someone like that.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: And they were like, Oh, what did you do for cardio?
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, What do you think?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, Oh my god.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_02: Special shout out to um our friend Kaz, who is absolutely obsessed with him.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yep, and she's not getting my jumper.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_02: No, and do you know what she said to me?
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_02: She sent she sent the video to me and she just said with the caption, Be still, my beating ovaries.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, fair.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_02: Fair.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_02: I think we're gonna have to on Friday when this is also released.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_02: I think we're gonna have to share that video so people can see it.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_01: If Kaz, and she's listen, I know she's listening, if she makes it to a hundred, she can have my Henry Cavill Gaunt Fleece from pickled by then.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: No, you've got to make it to a hundred and then you can have the jumper off, may you witch.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_02: Her blood will be 90% rose by then.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_02: And the rest.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_02: Oh god.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um shall we move on to um confessions?
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_02: These are my confessions.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_02: Shower usher.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: Do I have to start?
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_02: So these are the worst things that we've done.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I techn I've technically got two.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know which one to start with.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I think that's having both.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: I think we'll start with the funeral.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: Which is everyone's gonna go.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_01: What the fuck did you do at a funeral?
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: Don't worry, I didn't get in the coffin.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um that's not where my mind went.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I had an ex-boyfriend that had an elderly dad that passed away.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think you ever met him.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, anyway, um yeah, it wasn't the easiest time, and then the funeral was all family friends, it was quite a well-known family, so it was busy, a lot of people in and out all day, basically.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um and it all started really well, as well as a funeral can go, but I would say really well, and then I basically got to the point where I was like, I'm shit faced.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it happens, you go from zero to shit faced.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I know I'm shit-faced because I'm smoking.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, at that point, I was like, and I'm stood outside with some of his like school friends or whatever, and it's getting worse and worse and worse.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: His sister's sat on the floor after drinking too many gins, everyone's like people that are sensible are leaving.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_02: And one drink away from shit in their pants.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what happened between now and basically there's like snippets, but essentially I got so shit-faced that I went on a bender at my ex-boyfriend's dad's funeral because I was I remember eating sponge cake and drinking straight rum with one of his farming friends that was the only person left with me.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: He actually then drove home.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god, yeah, and then I woke up in the family bathroom in my black dress with my Russell and Bromley loafers on and a headband.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how long I'd been there, but the pain of having to do the next day was because I'd gone, oh yeah, everyone come for a family roast.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no!
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I literally, if you could have like just opened up the universe, swallowed me whole, like the whole thing, I oh god, I wanted to die.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_01: And there were children present at that Sunday roast, and then they looked at me and went, Could you just go across the marquee and get a couple of bottles of wine?
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, No, yeah, the smell of a marquee the day after a party as well as a renders, but there does come a certain point in the hangover where you're like, I think I'm gonna have to have a small glass of wine just to get myself over it.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_01: Here it's yeah, and I did do that.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_01: But when I voice noted a friend of mine at the time, he did say, It doesn't sound that bad, but I don't think it's the best thing I've ever done.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's probably one of the worst things I've done, not being there for someone and going on a bed.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: Morally, it's not great, yeah.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's not great.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's not great.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_01: I basically was acting like I was in Ibiza at someone's funeral.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: Celebrating their life.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_01: Took the tights off and everything, it was great.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: So a more appropriate time to have got that hammered.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_02: Someone's wedding?
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_02: An 80th birthday party.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, this is a great segue.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_02: So I oh my god, please tell me you got your tits out.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_02: Uh thankfully not, because it was very family-oriented.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_02: So we had a weekend away, this is a few years ago, um, with my ex-partner's family, and I decided that I would be able to out drink his very tall, very large uh Aussi uncle.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_02: The Aussies like to drink, don't they?
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_02: Look at me, thought, yeah, I can keep up.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_02: So we're literally yamming like wine glasses of Bailey's.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_02: I used to really like Bailey's.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_02: I now I look at it and I it curdles already and I've not even touched it.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, the long short of is in the space.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_02: But you said babies, not bailey's Bailey's, Bailey's son.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: Bailey's.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_02: So Jasis.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_02: I must have had maybe three or four, probably the measure of like a small glass of wine, but of Bailey's, yammed those back, hit me like a like a bus maybe half an hour later.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh god.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I went to bed and I was like, the room is spinning, I'm not well.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: So we went downstairs, I fell asleep on the toilet to the point where and I'm like, elbows on the knees, you know, like kegs are down.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_02: His mum is concerned for my well-being because she's knocking on the door and I'm not responding.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_02: So goes upstairs and is like, yo, I'm not sure she's okay.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, so I then get taken back up to bed.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_02: I wake up in the middle of I know, maybe it's later on that morning.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I wake up, anyway.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_02: I go for a shower.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_02: I think I'm okay by this point.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: I've had an orange juice.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_02: Normally, my recovery mission is an orange juice, a water, something to eat, and if I'm lucky, a full fat cook.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, so I do the uh it took me half an hour to eat half a slice of toast or in the shower.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_02: I was then sick in the shower.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I will add at this point, I have such a good gran reflex that I can't make myself be sick.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: So all this alcohol is in my body.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_01: Put it here first, boys.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_02: All this alcohol is in my body, and I can't get rid of it.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, so I'm then sick in the shower, and I was like, fucking hell, that's so embarrassing.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, and I forgot to mention as well, the night before, as I'm trying to go back to, so it's on this like nice big fancy estate, and we're in these farm buildings, and I tried to climb, you know, the black metal like estate fencing that you get for fancy estates.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_02: I tried to, rather than just opening the gate, which was right there, I tried to climb the fence to get back to our cottage.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_02: As I climbed the fence, I like faceplanted the other side, and people saw, so that's embarrassing.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_02: So I've then got to live with that as well.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, we then had to go to we had to so in in this same weekend, we had my friend's wedding.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_02: So I then had to go to a wedding the next, like the next morning.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_02: I like couldn't drive.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_02: I'm still like I'm feeling.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I know, it was awful.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, so we get to the wedding, I make it through the ceremony.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I'm hanging on for dear life at this point.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_02: And afterwards, they do the reception drink.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone's like, glass of champagne.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, Yeah, you've got to get it down, you know.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: I went for a coke, and then of course, people then go, Oh my god, are you pregnant?
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, no, no, no.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_02: Just say yes, if I was along no no, if I was poisoned by alcohol.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, I ended up literally I ended up giving myself alcohol poisoning.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_02: I can barely drink a baby's hot chocolate anymore.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_02: And this was maybe five years ago.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: Charlie has a one-pint wonder.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_02: Well I do.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe a two.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe a two.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_02: My PB is six and a half.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_01: Go on.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: Which is appalling.
• 37:36
  unknown: Yeah.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, do you want to do your second one or do you want to save her for another time?
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_02: We'll save that one.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_01: Do we save her and if people want to submit theirs as well?
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, give us your confessions because I have got another one, but I will save it for next week.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_02: I've got another one as well.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, I think let's save it.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_02: But if you want to submit your confessions, it can be fully anonymous because Rich is going to give us an anonymous, what's it called?
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, form.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like a Google Docs type thing.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but very posh.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_01: We'll have a form.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's yeah.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_02: I like why not.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_02: So you can you can we'll put a link out for the form, but you can't you can still email us f or Fridays at Outlook.com.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're really worried, get a friend to email us.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_02: But we'll uh we'll put a link to the form out as well.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_02: Then it really then it's really, really anonymous.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, send us your your confessions.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_02: I've got a few more up my sleeve, but that's probably my greatest moment of shame.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_02: Falling asleep on the toilet was peak.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what's worse.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_01: No, funeral funeral is worse.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_02: Alcohol poisoning at an 80th birthday party.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but you Let's do a poll.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't have to be supportive of someone.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_02: No, I didn't.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, we're moving on.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: We're moving on.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_01: Speaking of polls.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this was an interesting one.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I put a poll out that said, would you rather go back to your worst ex or be celibate for a year?
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_01: 94% said celibate.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_01: But I am still shocked.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm shocked by the 60 cents.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_02: What the fuck?
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'd rather be celibate for a year.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_01: Fucking hands down.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_02: Just you in your hand tonight.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh god.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: I literally would rather.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'd no, I'd rather put pins in my eyes.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Jason DeRulo, I'm flying solo.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: There's only one floor and one rider.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not doing it.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: We know where I stand on going back to X's.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_01: Fresh worms only.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_01: This is what Luce and I say to each other, fresh worms only.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: You cannot backslide.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_01: Fresh worms only.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_02: You're allowed to relapse once with an ex, but no.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_01: No no no.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah now.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_02: Nil point.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_02: No, so I'm in the I'm the I was in the 94%.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_02: I feel very strongly about that.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so sorry.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_02: Can I take you back?
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck off.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_02: You're dead to me.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: God, that was said with conviction.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_02: As you say, with my full chest.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_01: With my full chest.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_01: And the irony is I don't have a full chest.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_02: I've got a quiz for you.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_02: Go on.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_02: Are you ready?
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_02: Right, so I'm gonna give you some scenarios.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I want you to tell me, is it a red flag or a green flag?
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_02: We haven't done this for a few weeks.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so scenario number one.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_02: The phone stacker.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_02: The moment you sit down, they put their phone face down on the table and don't touch it on the entire date.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_02: Is that a red flag or a green flag?
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_01: Depends on the person.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's not a trick question.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but you want to ask me to answer quickly, it depends on the person.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because I've done it right now.
• 40:31
  unknown: Yeah.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make me a red flag?
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_01: No, it makes you a green flag because you're not looking at your phone.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but some people will go that's a red flag because it's like insecurity creeps in.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, why don't you want me looking at your phone?
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, see, I would see it as a green flag because they're not looking at it.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_01: Many people are like, oh my god, he puts his phone down when I go on a date with him.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, I'm fucking worried about it.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_01: They're shagging someone else, they're shagging someone else.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_01: You'll find out.
• 40:53
  unknown: Wow.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_01: Rich over to you.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_01: Red flag or green flag?
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: It why does it need to be on the table?
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, there is that.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, fair.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like it being in my back pocket because it's uncomfortable.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'd have a handbag.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: Or the mulberry.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_02: Sponsor us.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_02: Product placement, mulberry.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'd keep my phone in a handbag.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, keep it in your bag.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_00: You shouldn't even have it on the page.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_00: You'd probably put it in your pocket.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, keep it in your pocket.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: But if you get it out and put it down, that to me is a red flag.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because then they don't, you don't Yeah, I'd probably agree.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_02: This is really not what I expected.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_02: I'd say it's a green flag because they're not looking at the phone.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: They just shouldn't have it out, or if they do have it out, see a message.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't really matter.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_02: But also it would annoy me if if someone had their phone out and it was facing up and it was pinging and then they kept looking, I'd be like, Oh, I'm sorry, am I not keeping your attention?
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, just don't get it on the table either way.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_02: But like you said, you don't want to sit on it.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, as a as a girl with a handbag, I think it's easier because you just leave your phone in your bag.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_02: But as a guy, if they want to take it out with their keys in their wallet and they put their phone on the table facing down, I would not see that as a red flag.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_01: Mmm.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_03: Hmm.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_02: All right, I'll give you red flags I agree with Rich.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_02: Red.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_02: I think you two are paranoid.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, the instant replier, they respond within 30 seconds every time, no matter what time of the day it is, including 2 a.m.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_02: on a Tuesday.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_02: Red.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_02: Hard red.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_02: I agree with you on that one.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_02: Uh the friend introducer, they introduce you to their friends after just three dates, completely casually, like it's really normal.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_01: And this is this sorry, this is romantically inclined, not friends introducing friends.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I wouldn't go.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna say red.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't attend after three days of knowing someone.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_01: No, I think it's a bit weird.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's more amber.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think it's red or green.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's not green, it's a bit weird.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_02: And why do you introduce someone that early?
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_02: Strange.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think it's red, it's not doesn't alarm me.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not running for the hills.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_02: Uh the label avoider.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_02: Things are going really well.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_02: You're seeing each other multiple times a week, but anytime the conversation edges towards what are we, they change the subject.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_01: Right, so this is a tricky one for me because I think people ask what are we way too early.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I agree.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I am also someone that if I'm seeing someone, I'm seeing someone, I'm not gonna be seeing multiple people.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like I think it's a bit weird if you're seeing like four or five other people at the same time.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_02: I would agree.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_02: What's the male perspective?
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_00: No, I agree with that.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: Who's got the time?
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: Who's got I know some guys do that?
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_01: And we had this conversation the other day.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_01: If you're invested, you're invested.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um we've spoken about how expensive dating is as well, right?
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_01: So Yeah.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_02: So But if you're saying what are we?
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_02: And they're avoiding it.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think I've ever asked that in my life.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_02: Well no case scenario, you you're the kind of person who would ask that.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_01: But if okay, so I think if you have to question it, then you already fucking know.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: Then you're in a situation ship.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
• 43:57
  unknown: Interesting.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: Going red.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going red.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_02: You go in red, okay.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, the pet introduction, they introduce you to their dog stroke cat after date four.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_02: They watch your reaction very carefully.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_02: Green flag.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_01: Give me that dog.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_02: Actually, you leave, leave me with the dog.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_02: If it was a cat, I don't give a fuck about it.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_02: But fuck off, cat.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_02: The dog's nice.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, okay, great.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_02: And then the birthday rememberer.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_02: You mentioned your birthday once, months ago.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_02: They remembered it and did something thoughtful without making it a big deal.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_01: How long have I known this person?
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_02: So you've been dating like four months.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: You're sceptical of everyone, so I'm coming to you next, Rich.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_02: Prepare your answer, yeah.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_02: This is Liv who does not trust men.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_01: I don't trust anyone.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_02: No, I know.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_01: I I hate love bomby intense.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_02: This isn't love bomby, this is thoughtful.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_02: They've just done you a nice little thing.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't like the idea of being adored.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I want I don't want to be put on a pedestal.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been there before.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_01: I hate that.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I don't know, I don't think I'd enjoy.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I'd enjoy.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_00: What what was the full scenario again?
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_02: So you mentioned your birthday once months ago.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_02: They remembered it and they did something thoughtful without making it a big deal.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: But you're together.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_02: Well, like, say you've just started you just started dating.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_02: So you've like you're a few months in and they've remembered your birthday and they've just done something nice and thoughtful for you.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you have to, don't you, if you're seeing them.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I don't think it's bad.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's a green flag.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_00: You can't ignore your birthday if you're if you're seeing someone.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_01: No, but what if I want to go on a girl's night and hang out with you lot?
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_01: They've just done something cool, but they've just done something cool.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: Just get you a present or something that you really wanted.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_00: No, well we talked about this earlier.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's it doesn't really help, does it?
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, are you saying that's red?
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's not red.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_02: For me it is.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's weird if you've broken up and they still remember and got you a gift.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, fuck, that's weird.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck off.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's weird if they um hand stitch you something.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_02: And knit you something.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_01: I would like to add it wasn't stitched, it was crocheted.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_01: Crochet, sorry, crocheted.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_00: Bunch of dick.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_00: That picture haunts me.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck off.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_01: Shame the group.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's your phone wallpaper.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen it.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm fucking sick of it.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_01: What were we referring to here, Liv?
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, is this written down or are we just like simply coming for me tonight?
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_02: Keeping you on your toes.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: I once dated a man.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_01: I once dated a man.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm fucking sick of this.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_01: That crocheted me, a bunny rabbit, and inside the bunny rabbit was a box.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_01: Inside the box, honestly, it's like the old woman that lived in a shoe.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_01: Inside the box was a painted hen's egg.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_01: And the hen's egg had been this is I fucking sick of this.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_01: I know, but alright, anyway.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_01: Was hollowed out and painted, and you had to crack it, and it said, I love you inside.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_01: Which can I just say this is great to just lead on to what I was just talking about.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_01: Don't put me on a pedestal, do not love me too much, do not adore me.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_01: I hate it.
• 47:12
  unknown: I hate it.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's rainbate.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck complicated little creature.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_01: It was really sweet, but I just at that thoughtful.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_01: At that point, you're losing your lady boner.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_01: I I am not having sex with you after that.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_02: How old were you when you received this?
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_01: My lady boner.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_01: No, um, I had ironically just moved back from London, and it was before I moved up here, so I'd have been maybe 25.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, weird.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_02: Age like 10 or 11.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's quite sweet.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_02: But fully fledged adults.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_01: Rich is laughing because I sent a photo into the group chat and he's seen it.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: And inside the box it did say Happy Easter.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_01: What are you doing for your girlfriends over Easter Rich?
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not that.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_01: Square root fuckle, that's what he's doing.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_01: Was it an Easter present?
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, hence the henze.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_01: To be fair to him, this is also a guy that, like, whenever I went to stay with him, like, it was over a I think I only I think I only dated him for a few months.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_01: But he like went to the what'd you call?
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_01: What would you say?
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_01: Went to the shops and got me like a towel that wasn't a boy towel.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's nice.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_01: Shampoo, stuff like that, to be his.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_01: Which was quite nice.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_01: And he also made me macaroons and he was a very good chef.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_02: So I will give him that.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_02: And he crochets.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_02: So you know he's a full package.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_02: Where is he now?
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_01: If you if anyone's having a baby with that man, they're gonna be very lucky because they're having a crocheted baby blanket for shower.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_01: So great.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, maybe you can crochet us one and send it in.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_02: Email us, I'll send you the.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_01: I guarantee if I text him, he'll still reply to me.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_02: Send it to the shirt factory in Gloucester.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'll ask him.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'll message him.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly, he won't mind.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_01: Brilliant.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_01: I still see his dad every now and again.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we love that.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_01: Shall we?
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_02: How to rage bait men?
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_01: This week is gonna be just for the minute, your last how to rage bait men, because I've got a new segment next week.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_01: But it's just as good.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's still about sort of rage baiting men, but not.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's different.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm hoping Richie's gonna laugh at these.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_01: You aren't tall enough to be talking to me like that.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_01: Poor five foot three, bless him.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_01: Poor five foot three.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_01: He's still in our thoughts and prayers.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine the size of his coffin.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, um be five foot by the time he dies, bless him.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_01: You shrink as you get older.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's cheaper.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's one of my faves.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, stronger like that.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_01: Your hair isn't the problem, it's what it's attached to.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_01: I knew you couldn't hold a conversation the minute I saw your arms.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_02: Arms?
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_01: I knew that was gonna take you a minute.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_01: Because you can't hold anything.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm getting quicker.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm getting quicker.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_01: She's getting quicker.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_01: I don't mean you look like you can't swim.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, we were talking about swimming yesterday at work, right?
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_02: And you now have you have to learn how to swim at school now.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_02: But years ago you didn't, and there's there's a generation of people who can't swim.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_02: That makes me sad.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, it's an egg.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm jealous of the people who don't know you.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, nice.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna start using that one.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um this one, honestly, I saw this and I had to write it down.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_01: Being mean to me won't make your dad love you.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh I know a couple of people I can say that too.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_01: That one's going in the bank.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, daddy issues, man.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's a goodie.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_01: Fucking hell, yeah.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's wow.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, people could say that to me about my mum.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_01: Shout out.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_01: Shout out, Nina! I know you're listening.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm watching.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_02: We see you.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_02: Right, should we move on to icks?
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_02: I've had a few more this week.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck yeah, I've I've seen a lot today.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_01: Go on.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so actually, this this first one is one that I saw on my way into work.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_02: I saw a car bumper sticker, which we have mentioned before.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_02: Car bumper stickers where people have like the whole family.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_02: You don't put a bumper sticker on a Bentley ick.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_02: However, I saw a Star Wars one on someone's car bumper.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_01: What did it say?
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_02: I don't remember.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_02: It was enough to make me vomit in my mouth.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, fuck off.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_01: Didn't enjoy Star Wars can fuck off.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, to be fair, the next one is mine as well.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_02: As soon as I see things, I go, ugh, and I write it down.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um women who wear their hair down at the gym.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_01: And the reason I say that didn't know if that was gonna be coming for me then.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I've got my hair down, which no, no, no, at the gym.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_02: So when you're working out, you're sweating.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_02: Why on earth would you want to not tie your hair back?
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_02: Because it just makes the back of your neck hot.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_02: But and you're gonna get sweaty, so why would you not tie your hair up?
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_02: Are we talking female and male?
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, female, well, unless men have a man bun, but women wearing their hair down, like me with my hair fully.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but then that leads into like girls wearing a full face of makeup at the gym.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck on.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_01: Just go and look ugly at the rest of the day.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_01: Go and look like a naked morat, like me, every morning at 6 a.m.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um anyway, yeah, so women wearing the hair down.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, oh, this was this one's it hit me hard.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_02: This one got sent in.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_02: People who read speeches off of their phone.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_02: So you're at a wedding or you're at a public event, maybe you're at a funeral, and someone is holding their phone reading their speech.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_02: What if they're dyslexic?
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_02: Print it out.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_02: You can still read, but why are you reading it off your phone?
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_02: So rather than I'm not saying learn the speech, well, I'm saying it's printing out.
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_01: It looks nicer than holding a load of bits of paper.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, you go to a wedding and watch somebody read it off their phone and you report back to me, and I'm telling you, it looks shite.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_02: It looks really casual, Sally.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like it.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_02: No thank you.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I hold I'm very feel very strongly about that.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, I'll allow you to.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_01: Christ.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_01: It looks bad.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_02: Kick you in a minute.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_02: Last one, this is from a man.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_02: He's got three of them.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_02: Ugh.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, I don't have many ics.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_02: And actually, again, I think it's that thing of like blokes don't really have ics until they think about it, and they do.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_02: Here's three are crocs.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_01: Where do we sound on crocs?
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_01: I fucking hate crocs.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like them.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_01: And now my female friends that have crocs wear them to rage bait me because they know how I feel about it.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_02: As a gardening shoe, you do you.
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_02: They're quite convenient to slip on.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_01: He's single-handedly keeping you without sex.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_01: You are celibate because of your crocs.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_01: Shut the fuck up.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know you don't wear them.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_02: So two of my very close friends love pear crocs and they buy attachments that go on them.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, don't get me started.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_02: But if you have them as a gardening shoe, which I think is what they originally were, then fine.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_02: Also, midwife's wear them, but yeah, surgeons, but I get them.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_02: I can't imagine how like they're actually that comfortable.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_02: But anyway, um, crocs.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_02: Second one, electric cars.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_01: What, because it's not manly.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, he just said it's Nick.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_01: I don't I just I mean I wouldn't have one, but yeah.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even feel one way or the other about it.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_02: The one thing, we've spoken about this before, is I don't like them when I'm riding Big John because who is my horse?
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_02: That sounds really jaw.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_02: Not her boyfriend.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:35
  SPEAKER_02: When I'm riding my horse, I don't like an electric car because you can't hear them coming.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_02: And they shit me up more than they shit him up.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_02: He doesn't care.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_02: But I I don't like that.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_01: So if you know electric car's an ick.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_02: No, I don't, but anyway.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_02: Iks are personal.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_02: And then the last one, vaping.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_02: Just his personal preference.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, would you rather they smoked?
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, exactly.
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'd rather someone vape.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_02: Put candy floss on my face rather than tobacco, thank you.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_02: Alright.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_02: Rich, have you got any iks?
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_01: High body count in women.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_00: Put it in one.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_02: Putting you on the spot here.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_00: I've probably got loads, but we should probably save it for another episode.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_02: Just give us one.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_00: Holding couples holding hands in the gym.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yes! In the gym!
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes!
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_02: What the fuck is that?
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's weird.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is really weird.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I don't like that.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's sweaty.
• 55:28
  SPEAKER_00: I've texted someone.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_00: I text someone when I saw that.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's really weird.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_02: I've never seen it.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_02: I think I'd usually.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, no.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_01: This or that.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_01: For me to ask you.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_01: Right, are you ready?
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_01: Be the first person to do something incredible or the best person ever to do something already established.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_02: Best person ever.
• 55:53
  SPEAKER_01: To do something already established.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, fair.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_01: Live in a world with no social media or no smartphones at all.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_02: No smartphones at all.
• 56:10
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'd rather go no social media.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_02: No, because I feel like if you have no social media, it's probably on a smartphone.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_02: What do you really use a smartphone for?
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_02: You can make a phone call off of an old brick, but if you just got rid of like you can still have iPads if you get rid of smartphones.
• 56:27
  SPEAKER_02: There's my hack.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_02: Alright.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_01: Never be able to whisper.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_01: Or only ever be able to whisper.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_02: Never be able to whisper.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_02: Because I think I'm so loud anyway.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_02: That I already don't whisper.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_01: Fog one leg on.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um step in a wet patch in your socks or get a paper cut right before eating right before eating spicy food.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that would sting.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_02: Wet socks.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_01: This does not make sense to me, but okay.
• 56:58
  SPEAKER_02: Well imagine getting a paper cut and then you put it in something spicy, like a chili.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_02: Chili goes in the paper cut.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_02: That would make you wince.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_01: Forget a really important password or lose an irreplaceable physical item.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, forget an important password.
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_02: But I actually don't have any items that are irreplaceable.
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_02: Apart from I'm gonna bring her next week.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_02: The the baby that my grandmother gave me.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_02: The teddy bear baby.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_02: Creepy baby.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um for no, I was just gonna repeat myself.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_01: Relationship that starts as friends or love at first sight.
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_01: Starts as friends.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_02: Because I got trust issues.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'd rather trust that person first.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_01: No one's getting out of the friend zone with me.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_01: And let it build, are they not?
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_02: Once you're in the friend zone, you know.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_02: Love at first sight is nice, I guess.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, either or, but like trust is important to me.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I find that fascinating.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_01: Be the one who cares more or the one who cares less.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh we were talking about this.
• 57:56
  SPEAKER_01: Were you?
• 57:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_01: There's always one that's slightly more invested.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, you know.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_01: Cares less every time.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, probably for my own sanity, because I think if I cared more than the other person, that would break me.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay, yeah.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for getting me there.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_01: Right, you've got two to go.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_01: Accidentally send a voice note of yourself singing to a group chat or your search history to your mum.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, send a voice note.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_01: I mean.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_01: Kev would not know what to do with herself.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_02: No, she lose her mind.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_02: But people hear me singing all the time, so I'm okay with that, yeah.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_01: Last one.
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_01: Wear a stranger's gym clothes for the day or borrow their hairbrush for a week.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh borrow the hairbrush for a week.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_01: Why do you always pick the weird ones?
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_01: Why wouldn't you just do a day?
• 58:49
  SPEAKER_01: A hairbrush isn't weird because have they washed their gym kit?
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_01: There's no exactly.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_02: Are they the same size sports bar as me?
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 58:56
  SPEAKER_02: Kendall Diana.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_02: No, you've got no chance.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_02: Is it gonna come outside?
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_02: Is it gonna fit?
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_02: A hairbrush is fine.
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_02: Unless you got knits.
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_02: What adults got nits?
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_02: What adults got knits?
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_02: I got knits during COVID.
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh fuck me.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_02: Can you believe that?
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_02: During COVID, right at the start of COVID, I think I'm I think I must have got them off my godson because he was the last child I saw beforehand.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember I frantically messaged my friend and I was like, can you just check?
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_02: Has he got knits?
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_02: Because I somehow have got knits.
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_02: But during COVID, when you weren't really seeing anybody, it was like right at the start.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_02: I remember I was watching Tiger King.
• 59:28
  SPEAKER_02: Shout out, of course you were.
• 59:29
  SPEAKER_02: Out basking.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_02: Which I only started watching because I thought that it was actually about tigers.
• 59:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know me, I love it in nature.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_02: And then I started watching it.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, what in God's name am I watching?
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, I remember sitting watching Tiger King and being like, I've scratched my head now.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_02: And like being like, man, alive, my scalp is really, really itchy.
• 59:45
  SPEAKER_02: I had knits.
• 59:46
  SPEAKER_02: When was COVID?
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_02: Five years ago.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_02: So I was 25 in brackets.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_02: I had knits as an adult and I didn't think that's possible.
• 59:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm glad we're sat apart now.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, look out.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_02: Get my lice on you.
• 1:00:01
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, so yeah, I'd rather use someone's hairbrush because I'm not scared of knits anymore.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_01: You can get them again, you know that, right?
• 1:00:06
  SPEAKER_02: Probably still got a knit comb at home, you know, just to be safe.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_01: You can get them again.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think it's not a one-hit wonder.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_02: No, I know.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 1:00:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm not immune from knits.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_02: I know that.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, fine.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_02: Clean hair.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there you go.
• 1:00:15
  SPEAKER_02: Let us know the last time you got knits.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_01: Please don't.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want them everyone.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'd rather hear another 10 minutes about cutting slugs in half than hear anyone's story about fucking knits.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 1:00:32
  SPEAKER_02: Up the knits.
• 1:00:32
  SPEAKER_02: Right, you ready?
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna ask you.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_02: I'm ready.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_02: Right, okay, so um would you rather have a gap year that you barely remember or a year at home that genuinely changed you?
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_02: Gap yeah.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_02: Would you rather be brutally honest at all times or have to white lie constantly just to get through the day?
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_01: Brutally honest.
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_02: Be wildly overpaid for a job that you hate or underpaid for a job that you love.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_02: Underpaid for a job I love.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_02: Sneeze with your eyes open or crack your back with your whole body.
• 1:01:07
  SPEAKER_02: Don't they say that if you sneeze with your eyes open, your eyes explode?
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_02: I never know if any of these things are actually true, but try and sneeze with your eyes open.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_01: I don't I crack my back because I think you look like a psychopath if you sneeze your eyes open.
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_02: Sneeze!
• 1:01:18
  SPEAKER_01: Fucking hell.
• 1:01:20
  SPEAKER_02: Your eyes just pop out.
• 1:01:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:01:21
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if that is true.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's like someone someone laughs or sneezes when they finish in the bedroom.
• 1:01:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's a bit weird.
• 1:01:28
  SPEAKER_02: They s don't they say that if you if you sneeze, as a as a woman, if you sneeze when at the point of climax, you can say it.
• 1:01:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's a safe place.
• 1:01:36
  SPEAKER_02: No, if you sneeze when anything is inside your vagina, so fingers, penis, whatever.
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you can break you can like you could break someone's fingers.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know how accurate that is.
• 1:01:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's like a superpower.
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_02: I mean anyway, uh, would you rather share a phone passcode or keep it private?
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_02: So if you're dating someone, would you rather them know your passcode?
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_01: After today's situation, keep it private.
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um would you rather fall for someone completely wrong for you or date someone perfect on paper, but there's no spark?
• 1:02:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, fall for the wrong one, yeah.
• 1:02:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_02: Wear the same pair of socks for a week or the same pair of underwear for three days.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_02: Same pair of socks for a week.
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_02: Would you?
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'd go underwear, switch it round, do the boy trick.
• 1:02:23
  SPEAKER_02: One way.
• 1:02:25
  SPEAKER_01: The other way.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's two days.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_01: You're doing that two days.
• 1:02:27
  SPEAKER_01: The other way again.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_01: Commando for the last one.
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_02: Solutions, not problems.
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_02: The one who laughs at everything, or the one who keeps a straight face.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_02: I laugh at everything anyway.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, a partner who's openly emotional, or one who shows love through actions.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_02: How emotional are they?
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like you've not had either of these before, so this is interesting.
• 1:02:50
  SPEAKER_02: A man who actually talks about his feelings and tells you how he's feeling.
• 1:02:53
  SPEAKER_02: No, I have had that.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_02: Or someone who fiddler on the roof.
• 1:02:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, fuck, yes.
• 1:02:59
  SPEAKER_02: I was thinking of um the other one, Hugh Must Not Be Named.
• 1:03:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, so someone who's openly emotional.
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_02: So not overly emotional, just openly emotional, says how they're feeling.
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_02: Or someone who shows love through actions.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_01: Actions.
• 1:03:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think actions are stronger than words anyway.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_02: So there we go.
• 1:03:22
  SPEAKER_02: So um I guess that leaves us to wrap up.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_01: So random thoughts.
• 1:03:31
  SPEAKER_01: I wonder if you can you might be able to guess who sent who sent me this, but I actually put this into the group because I wanted to see what Rich thought as well.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_01: If you guys knew what Goldilocks Willie was.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_01: Rich, you wanna you want to take this one?
• 1:03:46
  SPEAKER_01: Rich knows what it was.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know when it's just right?
• 1:03:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's just right.
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_01: What would what would you would you have said?
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_02: I would say just right, yeah.
• 1:03:53
  SPEAKER_01: But it's just right for you, so it's not but everyone's idea of just right is very different.
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's different, yeah.
• 1:03:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:04:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:04:01
  SPEAKER_01: But okay, that's fine.
• 1:04:02
  SPEAKER_01: So everyone knows what a Goldilocks Willy is.
• 1:04:04
  SPEAKER_01: Well, if you don't, now you do.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how you feel about the use of the word willy.
• 1:04:09
  SPEAKER_01: What would you like me to say?
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_01: Hard on penis.
• 1:04:12
  SPEAKER_01: Cock.
• 1:04:12
  SPEAKER_01: Cock is fine.
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_02: I just find the use of the word willy for anybody older than the age of 10, I just find it a bit weird.
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_01: Mummy, daddy, willy, what would you like me to say?
• 1:04:19
  SPEAKER_01: Look at my willy! Yeah.
• 1:04:22
  SPEAKER_02: Goldilocks cock.
• 1:04:23
  SPEAKER_02: Goldilocks penis.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_01: I hate it when a man refers to himself like my whole cock.
• 1:04:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you sound like a fucking ambehold.
• 1:04:29
  SPEAKER_01: What would you prefer me to say?
• 1:04:30
  SPEAKER_01: Willie sounds a bit weird, isn't it?
• 1:04:31
  SPEAKER_01: Penis sounds sterile.
• 1:04:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's just It's scientific, isn't it?
• 1:04:35
  SPEAKER_02: Rich, what do you think?
• 1:04:36
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh.
• 1:04:36
  SPEAKER_02: Willie sounds a bit weird.
• 1:04:38
  SPEAKER_02: Do you not think Willie sounds a bit weird?
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's a bit ten-year-old energy.
• 1:04:41
  SPEAKER_01: Well now you're gonna have to guess who fucking sent this in.
• 1:04:43
  SPEAKER_01: Mummy, I trapped my Willy.
• 1:04:44
  SPEAKER_01: Because she's definitely older than us.
• 1:04:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh god.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_00: I agree, the other two don't sound good either.
• 1:04:54
  SPEAKER_01: Meat package.
• 1:04:55
  SPEAKER_03: No, good.
• 1:04:58
  SPEAKER_01: Undress kebab.
• 1:05:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh I preferred knit chat.
• 1:05:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um and last but not least, this has really been bugging me all week.
• 1:05:12
  SPEAKER_01: Do your friends have to like your partner?
• 1:05:16
  SPEAKER_02: For the most part, yeah.
• 1:05:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's an issue if they don't, isn't it?
• 1:05:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think so.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because they're a big part of your life.
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:05:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:05:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:05:24
  SPEAKER_01: Both sides.
• 1:05:25
  SPEAKER_02: They don't have to be like best mates.
• 1:05:30
  SPEAKER_02: I think sometimes I will say, I think girls are very quick to judge.
• 1:05:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I think sometimes you have to, and I've been really guilty of this with other friends.
• 1:05:41
  SPEAKER_02: Really quick to judge based on what I think they're like or their age.
• 1:05:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:05:46
  SPEAKER_02: And actually, sometimes if they're really good for that person, they get on really well, they've got chemistry, they're making they're looking after your friend and making them feel good and making them feel emotionally safe.
• 1:05:57
  SPEAKER_02: I think sometimes you've got to overlook what your personal opinion is on them because you're not dating them.
• 1:06:01
  SPEAKER_02: As long as they're they're good to your friend and they treat them well and you can get on well with them enough to like go around for dinner and things like that, then I think sometimes there is an element of keep your opinions to yourself.
• 1:06:12
  SPEAKER_02: But yes, for the most part, if a friend came to me and said, My God, I absolutely hate your boyfriend, I think he's not treating you right, then I'd be like, Oh, is there something that I'm not seeing?
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like, if you have a friend who you think is being gas-lit by their partner, that I mean, that's a whole other topic.
• 1:06:32
  SPEAKER_02: That's a really difficult conversation to have.
• 1:06:34
  SPEAKER_02: When you can see that you don't think that person is treating that person right, I think at that point it's important to speak up.
• 1:06:39
  SPEAKER_02: But how you handle that is really delicate.
• 1:06:41
  SPEAKER_02: But if you just don't like them because they're not for you, like you want to date them, then I think keep your opinions to yourself.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_02: Some kind of fit.
• 1:06:49
  SPEAKER_01: If you think it's really difficult if you if your friends don't like your boyfriend or your yeah, girlfriend or whatever.
• 1:06:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:06:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:06:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:06:57
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, that's all I've got for you, Oaks.
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_02: Alright, alright, alright.
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_02: So if you've got any fun stories, confessions, yeah, email us f or fridays at outlook.com.
• 1:07:13
  SPEAKER_01: We will get a form.
• 1:07:14
  SPEAKER_01: We'll get a form.
• 1:07:15
  SPEAKER_01: Because Rich is gonna do a form.
• 1:07:17
  SPEAKER_01: An anonymous form is completely anonymous.
• 1:07:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so yeah, send him whatever you like.
• 1:07:22
  SPEAKER_01: And if you know us, you can WhatsApp us and we won't use names.
• 1:07:25
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, before we No, we are gonna fuck off for the week now.
• 1:07:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:07:29
  SPEAKER_01: We're done.
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_02: We want to chat out Rich though.
• 1:07:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:07:32
  SPEAKER_01: Our big time producer.
• 1:07:34
  SPEAKER_01: He's given us a few of his thoughts.
• 1:07:36
  SPEAKER_02: He's a patient man, I will say.
• 1:07:37
  SPEAKER_01: If you hate his opinion on body count, please let me know.
• 1:07:40
  SPEAKER_02: But don't troll him.
• 1:07:42
  SPEAKER_02: No, troll him, troll him.
• 1:07:44
  SPEAKER_02: Be kind.
• 1:07:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'll tag him.
• 1:07:45
  SPEAKER_02: Someone will read it.
• 1:07:47
  SPEAKER_02: Always be kind.
• 1:07:48
  SPEAKER_02: Opinions are welcome.
• 1:07:49
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 1:07:50
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, we're fucking off for the week now, so.
• 1:07:53
  SPEAKER_01: Until next week.
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_01: Until next week.
• 1:07:55
  SPEAKER_01: Stay toxic.