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Why do narcissists hurt the people closest to them? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on? Beautiful people.
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  Today we're talking about why narcissists hurt people, Why
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  narcissists might hurt you even if you have done nothing to
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  them. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammond. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to episode 1001 of the Narcissist
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  Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yeah. 101-101-1000 and one new look.
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  New Year. New me.
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  Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So, narcissistic people, Why do
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  narcissists hurt people? Why do narcissists hurt you when
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  you haven't done anything to them, when the only thing, the
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  only thing you've done to them is try to love them?
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  So these are my thoughts, y'all this is all you know, this is
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  my, these are my anecdotal thoughts, anecdotal, but this is
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  my mind, yo. When I when I get to sit by
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  myself, sometimes I just think somebody, sometimes somebody
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  asking me a question and I'll just ponder that question for a
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  long time and somebody asks me, it's like why do they hurt us
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  when all we try to do is love them?
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  Like why do they hurt us? Like I'll do.
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  All I'm trying to do is love my ex and he just went above me on
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  the ruin my life to hurt me, to make me cry.
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  This, this that one of the main reasons that a narcissistic
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  person will try to hurt you. Like this is my again y'all let
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  me say this again. These are just my thoughts.
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  I could be wrong. I'm open to being wrong.
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  I'm open to disagreements. You know what I'm saying?
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  Y'all got it. OK, let's hop into it.
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  So this is my how my mind works. I think that a lot of
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  narcissists hurt people that trigger that trigger memories of
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  their childhood, trigger members of the time when they went
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  through stuff, trigger memories of the time that they went
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  through possibly the childhood trauma that made them
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  narcissistic. You know, possibly in that space
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  right there. These are just my thoughts on it
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  right here. Because again, y'all could be,
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  could very well be wrong, but this is how my mind works on
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  this thing right here. Like a lot of narcissistic
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  people end up hating like a lot of narcissistic men end up
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  hating women because women remind them of their mother who
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  was obesity towards them or neglectful towards them, or
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  didn't validate them, didn't give them the love and affection
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  that they wanted as a child, Right.
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  You see what I'm saying with the with the with that space right
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  there, it didn't give them anything that they wanted and
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  needed. So they grow up with this
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  internal hatred and the trauma and they treat you badly because
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  you remind them of their mother. Like they hold on to the members
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  of their trauma, like their childhood trauma, their
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  childhood wounds. They take them out on you just
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  because you chose to love them. You didn't do that, you did.
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  You might not have done anything wrong to this person.
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  You just picked this person to love or that person chose you
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  and y'all fell in love or whatnot.
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  That happens. And then within the space they
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  try to try to, they started treating you terribly because
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  you remind them of the childhood wound.
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  Like you remind them their their inner child of the narcissist.
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  It's taking it out on you. You know, like like I said, the
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  first example I gave was a narcissistic man hating women.
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  It could be a narcissistic woman hating women.
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  It could be a narcissistic woman hating men because their father,
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  you know, a narcissistic mothers and fathers exist.
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  Gender is irrelevant in these in in this toxic equation right
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  here. But it does play a role.
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  Like I said, it could play a role in it.
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  Whoever hurt me as a child, I might see them in you as an
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  adult. So I take it out on you.
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  You were like every time I'm every time I'm around you like
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  like you know this that could be what attract that might attract
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  that attracts some people to the narcissist because you, the
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  narcissistic person reminds you of maybe your toxic parent that
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  you grew up with. The same thing can be true for
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  the on the narcissistic side. You could remind them of the
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  person that abused them, but they just get attracted to it
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  and they love bomb you and they get into this space with you and
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  then they realize you trigger them and again y'all it's not oh
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  it's not again this is not me blaming you.
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  You're just existing. Your existence becomes a trigger
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  for that narcissistic person. You know your existence or your
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  your you been in this space becomes triggering to this toxic
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  narcissistic person. So they treat you badly because
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  they haven't healed their inner child.
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  If you, if y'all been following me for any time, any the
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  discernible time period, you know, y'all know I talk a lot
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  about the damaged inner child of a narcissist.
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  That's like I hammer away at that because it's so true.
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  Narcissistic people typically walk around and run around with
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  these damaged, damaged inner children and they just take it
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  out. They hurt other people because
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  of it. They hurt you because they are
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  hurt. They're hurting themselves, You
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  know, They take it out on you because they themselves are
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  going through some pain in themselves, like they haven't
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  healed from their own childhood wounds or the OR the things that
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  affected them and their youth and whatnot.
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  So they take it out on you. You get the brunt of it because
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  you are here. You know you are here with me.
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  So I take it out on you. You know, I harm you because you
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  are present, like you are the person closest to me.
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  So you get it the worst. You remind me of this old
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  person. You see what I'm saying?
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  The old Usher song. You you remind me.
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  You know, you remind me of a girl that I once knew and that
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  girl that he once knew could be his mom so he could take me
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  taking it out on you. But I know what people want to
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  say when you hear this. But Lee, he actually has a good
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  relationship with his mom, or she actually has a good
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  relationship with her mom or dad or whatever.
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  Whoever it is, they actually have good relationship with
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  their parents. It doesn't mean that they don't
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  have trauma, you know? It doesn't mean that there's not
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  trauma there because they have a good relationship in your eye.
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  Doesn't mean that there wasn't any type of abuse or trauma
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  because toxic narcissistic parents like to put on a good
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  act in front of people, you know, they want to make like
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  they want to make it seem like this mom or this dad couldn't be
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  abusive in any way, shape or form.
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  But I don't see that they're just so bubbly.
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  But y'all y'all understand y'all dealt with toxic narcissistic
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  parents before. You might y'all might have toxic
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  mother in laws or toxic father in laws and y'all understand
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  like, damn, This is why my partner act the way that they
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  act, because they got raised by that and that's why.
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  And that allows y'all. And sometimes in these spaces
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  that's hard. Not making excuses for the
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  narcissist, but you start looking at it in a different
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  way. You know, you start feeling a
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  different way about the situation, the situation and
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  whatnot. But that's could be one of the
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  reasons why narcissistic people hurt you, you know, because of
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  the childhood wounds, because of the things that they experienced
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  in their childhood that they haven't healed from.
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  They just relive it through you because you might trigger them
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  the way you act, the way you present yourself, the way you
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  look, you know, maybe your name or something like that that
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  reminds them of the childhood trauma.
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  And let me go ahead and say this because I know people, people
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  like to twist things. This is not me trying to justify
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  anybody getting treated in the getting treated in a bad way.
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  You know what I'm saying? There's not me trying to get in,
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  justify any toxic ass behaviors. That's not what I'm trying to
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  do. You got what I'm saying.
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  This is not me trying to justify any toxicity going on.
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  This is me just trying to let y'all know that this is what
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  happens sometimes any toxic relationships faces, this is how
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  it goes. Like they might try to
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  manipulate you, they might try to take it out on you, they
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  might try to harm you or hurt you because of things that they
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  experience in their youth and there's nothing you can do about
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  it. This is something that they have
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  to want to work on themselves. This is something that they have
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  to face themselves. I'm not telling you to leave
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  this person, but I'm just saying if they're not willing to work
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  on it, this is who you going to be dealing with.
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  This is him. This is them.
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  This is they're they're showing you that you're going to, hey,
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  you're going to be dealing with this.
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  This is who you're going to be dealing with.
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  You're going to be dealing with me, this version of me, for the
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  duration of our relationship. If you can handle that, sign the
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  dotted line. If you can't handle that, you
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  know, go somewhere else. Because this is where it goes.
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  This is what happens a lot of times within these spaces in
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  relationship dynamics. It just does.
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  So that's what I'm just telling you right now, that like, if
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  y'all have dealt with a narcissist or a toxic person,
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  whoever, like this could be one of the reasons they hurt you
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  because of their childhood, unhealed, open childhood wounds
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  that they have to work out, you know that they have to work out,
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  they have to take on you. Another reason y'all it gets.
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  They could treat you badly because you're close to them,
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  like you know, too. Like yeah you know too much and
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  it sound it's I know it sounds ridiculous like you know too
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  much like they told you you've been with them for years so you
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  know so much. They might have been vulnerable
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  you know they might have been vulnerable with you at first but
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  now they've they've shut off they've closed themselves off
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  and what not because there's a lot of different things going on
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  within this space. Right.
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  I just want people to be as safe and as strong as possible you
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  know what I'm saying? Like that's where my mind goes.
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  My mind goes into being safe for y'all, being strong for y'all,
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  y'all understanding like who you're dealing with, what you're
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  going through, you know, because like they could be hurting you
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  because you're close to them. They could be hurting you
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  because they're sadistic and they could be.
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  They could get pleasure from your pain.
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  They get like they like they get pleasure from hurting you or
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  making you cry or upsetting you or, you know, your reactions
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  could give them pleasure. So be very, very careful when
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  they when somebody is hurting you and they seem like it's they
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  doing it on purpose because sometimes they do it on purpose.
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  Y'all, I'm not saying that it's never intentional, but sometimes
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  it's not intentional. It's just this is just their
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  second nature. But the impact is important.
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  Matter of fact, look at my shirt, My shirt says impact,
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  look, impact over intent. Y'all know y'all can't really
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  have the mic on there. But impact over intent, like the
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  intentions might not be to hurt you, but the impact 'cause you
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  got hurt. Because they haven't.
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  They don't want to do anything to work on their behaviour.
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  So this is who you're going to be dealing with.
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  So this is what I try to convey to people like this is your
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  person, This is the person you're going to be be with
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  because most of them will not go to therapy and put the work in
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  and change their behaviors. And whether or not they go to
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  therapy and change their behaviors or put any type of
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  work in has very little to do with you.
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  Again, let me say this, it has very little to do with you.
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  So you have to protect yourself, protect your peace and protect
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  yourself in these spaces right now.
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  You know, because a lot of narcissistic people out here,
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  even though they might not mean be meaning to hurt you if
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  they're continuously hurting you.
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  Y'all in the mind of some nurses, they don't think it's
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  that bad because you might continue to stay with them.
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  Hey, if it's that bad, if you just if it's that toxic, why are
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  you staying with me? You know, if you really, if you
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  really don't like me, or were you really hurting or you really
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  in some type of pain, then why are you with me?
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  You don't have to be with me, you know?
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  So they'll say that type of stuff to try to justify their
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  abuse towards you. And yes, some of them people,
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  some people are aware of their abuse.
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  That's why they try to hide it. If they didn't know that they
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  were hurting you, why would they try to hide it?
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  Why they don't? Why don't they want you talking
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  to people about what's going on unless it's good, you know?
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  So there's there's something you want to be wary of as well.
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  Y'all. Anyway, y'all hope this video
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  watches some clarity. Hope it watches some peace.
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  Y'all. I'm actually thinking about
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  turning my office into like a a studio where I actually have
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  guests for my new my podcast in studio in North Carolina.
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  So if y'all are in North Carolina, y'all want to be on
• 11:08
  the podcast, you want to just do it live in personal interview.
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  You know, just shoot me, e-mail. Just say I'm in Newark, I'm in
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  the Hillsborough Dormary, so just let me know maybe I'm
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  trying to get it popping y'all. Anyways, make sure you
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  This is out peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.