Latest / Badass Boy Mom. BABM. / #4 Operation Holiday Mom Mode

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#4 Operation Holiday Mom Mode · Badass Boy Mom. BABM.

• 0:05
  Bad Ass Boy Moms, hosted by Rachel and Megan Just us boy moms keeping it relatable but raw Sweet and spicy And messy but meaningful While educating the masses Entertaining the sasses And empowering The bad asses.
• 0:29
  Hey, Megan and Rachel here with Operation Holiday Mom Mode How to not have that resting Grinch face for the next three months.
• 0:39
  Oh, the holidays are the most cherished time of the year.
• 0:42
  Oh, but let's be real, Megan, we end up being the planners, the shoppers, the chefs, the chauffeurs, the decorators, the cleanup crew.
• 0:49
  Well, 'cause we're badass boy moms.
• 0:51
  But we're trying to change that, right? I think, we've learned, over the years, and definitely have some tips or tricks to bestow on others.
• 1:00
  But, it's also fun to talk about the holidays and our tradition or our memories.
• 1:04
  So yeah, let's dive in.
• 1:06
  I mean, everything from Halloween, I mean, this is the season, right? What do they say? Halloween is like the gateway holiday.
• 1:11
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:11
  Like, opens it into, "Okay, here we go, people."
• 1:15
  And then we have Thanksgiving, and you and I celebrate Christmas, and then the New Years, the New Years, and then football bowl games- Oh, man and then we're right into Valentine's Day.
• 1:25
  But okay, Halloween.
• 1:26
  Halloween is so fun because my boys, sixth, eighth and sophomore, they can run wild on Halloween, and it's so fun to see them, get all the candy that they can.
• 1:37
  It's just thrilling right now.
• 1:39
  It's like a race to the finish these days, whereas before it's like, hold their hand with their cute little costume that they might stumble over, and you have to help walk them to every single door and ring the doorbell- Mm-hmm and say, "What do you say? Trick or treat."
• 1:52
  And then they say, "Thank you."
• 1:56
  I think when my boys were little, our biggest memories were getting a big red wagon.
• 2:01
  And when they were, two, three, four years old, probably up till maybe eight or nine, I guess, my husband at the time and another couple, with kids about the same age as mine would go door to door, and the adults would just stand on the street with drinks in hand, and we'd watch our kids go up to the door and ring the doorbell.
• 2:19
  And if they got tired, they got in the wagon, or if their load got too heavy, they would dump the candy in the wagon, and we would just carry on down the street until it just got too tired or, too dark or too cold.
• 2:30
  That's perfect.
• 2:32
  Yeah, I do love a good Halloween drink.
• 2:36
  Okay, I want you to share about your favorite family Halloween costume.
• 2:41
  Rachel does a great job- with these family costumes.
• 2:44
  I, on the other hand, am not creative enough to come up with one for five people- let alone myself.
• 2:49
  Well, I was only coming up with one for a five-month-old at the time, but my favorite one was that, what kicked off, it started a, a family tradition which was for us all to to dress up alike, probably for 10 years after that.
• 3:03
  But the very first one was me thrift shopping, and I was in a store probably just getting clothes for my, five-month-old to get through the winter, and came across a lobster costume, and it was adorable.
• 3:15
  So cute.
• 3:16
  And it was $3, so I was like, "Oh my gosh, I have to get this."
• 3:19
  And when I got home- I don't know where the creativity came from, but it kind of exploded.
• 3:24
  And so my husband at the time and I put on some yellow rain slickers and put our cute little five-month-old in a lobster costume, and then put him in a net and took a picture.
• 3:36
  And then we started to get a little carried away.
• 3:37
  So later that night we're like, "Oh, we should put him back in that lobster costume and go put him in a big pot on the stove."
• 3:44
  Yes.
• 3:44
  It was not filled with anything, everybody.
• 3:46
  It was, the stove was off.
• 3:47
  That's the one I remember.
• 3:49
  This little lobster in a silver steel pot- Mm-hmm on the stove.
• 3:52
  He was so cute.
• 3:52
  And we put on aprons, and we pretended to, salt and pepper him, and we got another picture of him just peeking over the edge.
• 3:59
  And then it got a little extreme.
• 4:00
  At about 9:00 at night one night we were having steak for dinner and we're like, "Oh, we gotta go wake up the baby, put him in a lobster-" What? costume, and put him on a white platter on the table with some lettuce around him."
• 4:12
  And I put on one of his, at the time, bibs, but I put it on backwards, and so it looked like I had a lobster bib on with pearl necklace.
• 4:20
  And we pretended to, have this dainty little dinner.
• 4:22
  Oh my gosh.
• 4:23
  So we had a three-part photo montage of our kid's very first Halloween, and then it just kinda spiraled out of control after that.
• 4:31
  We were Star Wars characters one year.
• 4:33
  We were frogs in a pond another year.
• 4:36
  We were the Teenage Mu- Ninja Turtles.
• 4:37
  As my kids got older, they got to choose what was gonna be the theme until I was so burnt out around age 10 or 11.
• 4:43
  I was like, "You guys can be whatever you want.
• 4:45
  Mom just wants to sit home and hand out candy."
• 4:48
  That's so, so fun.
• 4:50
  That was a lot of fun.
• 4:51
  Yeah.
• 4:51
  We're a little bit more random.
• 4:53
  It's like, "Okay, do we have anything in the costume bin?" Like, as if I was a girl mom, we'd have a lots of princess costumes- Love it and all that.
• 5:00
  And so I keep...
• 5:01
  And actually, tip here, my mother-in-law would always buy the boys Halloween costumes, the day after Halloween when they went on sale.
• 5:08
  Oh, uh-huh.
• 5:09
  And then she would give 'em to, give them as Christmas gifts, so they were like dress-up clothes for the boys.
• 5:13
  Super smart.
• 5:14
  Um, so we just have tons of random dress-up costumes, all the Avenger characters, and then we have, like, a Viking and a Star Wars and all the things.
• 5:25
  And so one, I remember one year I was like, "Boys, just go down to the costume bin-" Put something on.
• 5:31
  Mm-hmm.
• 5:31
  Find something.
• 5:32
  Mm-hmm.
• 5:32
  Be creative.
• 5:33
  So it was like they came up with, leather pants on and then a fur, like, beanie, and then they had a sword and, like- um, Hulk big muscles, like from the green Hulk guy- Mm-hmm from Avengers.
• 5:45
  And I was like, "You look good.
• 5:47
  I don't know what you are, but you're something."
• 5:49
  Yep.
• 5:49
  Good creativity.
• 5:49
  Good enough, right? Yeah.
• 5:50
  It's, it's their time to shine and really individualize as, as little human beings and get to be someone they're not and just play pretend.
• 5:56
  I would say that one tip, again, I was pretty organized.
• 5:59
  I liked the idea of getting creative every Halloween and coming up with these costume ideas.
• 6:04
  But I will say that sometimes it gets a little out of hand, and I remember when I was about 10 myself, on the day before Halloween, I told my mom I did not wanna be X, Y, Z.
• 6:16
  I think I was gonna be a clown, and I remember crying and being like, "I don't wanna be a clown."
• 6:20
  And when she brought me back to the store, God willing, I don't know why she did, but she did, there was a...
• 6:24
  And this was back in, the '80s.
• 6:26
  All the costumes were plastic.
• 6:28
  The one that was left was, like, the villain of the Strawberry Shortcake dolls- called Purple Pie Man, and I ended up being a Purple Pie Man, not the cute Strawberry Shortcake or any of the other cute dolls.
• 6:38
  So- for everyone's sake, moms, have a costume deadline for you and your kids so they also don't get stuck with the least likely or least preferred costume.
• 6:47
  But I think a costume deadline to be like, "Our whole family needs to know which, what we're wearing by the 20th" will give everyone a little peace of mind.
• 6:53
  You don't have to, be coming in hot to the holiday.
• 6:55
  Yes, absolutely.
• 6:57
  The memory I have from childhood, my mom used to always make my costumes.
• 7:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 7:02
  She was a home ec major, seamstress.
• 7:05
  She's amazing.
• 7:06
  And I was gonna be a pumpkin, so she made this big elaborate, with all this felt, all these seams, right? For the, the lines on the side of the pumpkin.
• 7:15
  Then I had a pumpkin hat with a stem on it, with a green stem and leaves, and I just had black leggings and, a leotard to wear underneath it.
• 7:23
  And I was running around during the day- in my pumpkin costume, you know- Mm-hmm prepping for the night, and I was running playing tag with the neighbors, and I hit my toe on a lifted up sprinkler head, and I broke my pinky toe.
• 7:35
  So I had to tape my pinky toe and my other one together and hobble along as this hobbling pumpkin.
• 7:39
  That is, the, worst case scenario is injuring your feet or legs- Yeah on the day that you're going to do- Mm-hmm the most walking around the neighborhood to get the candy that is your- It was really bad whole motivation and you- That's tragic.
• 7:51
  I'd never heard that story, Megan.
• 7:53
  I know.
• 7:53
  I know.
• 7:54
  But she used to always make my costumes, and so if you're making a costume, mom, props to you.
• 7:59
  I know a lot of m- amazing moms who do that.
• 8:01
  Mm-hmm.
• 8:01
  This mom here- My mom made some too growing up does not do that.
• 8:03
  I do not.
• 8:04
  I cannot.
• 8:05
  Um, I think one other thing about Ha- Halloween, if we kinda just wrap up just that holiday and talk about some other holiday traditions but also just some tips, is make it simple on Halloween for dinner- Mm or for even the day, right? Sometimes kids come in hot o- off of a Halloween party at school, and they're already jazzed up.
• 8:23
  This year it happens to be on a Saturday, so- That's great kinda have all Saturday to, ease into it.
• 8:28
  I know that there's, like, a local pizza place that tries to say, "Come get your pepperoni pizza that looks like a jack-o'-lantern."
• 8:34
  Oh, yeah.
• 8:34
  And I was like, "Easy, done.
• 8:36
  All right.
• 8:36
  I'm gonna go get the $10 pizza down the street.
• 8:38
  It looks like a jack-o'-lantern.
• 8:39
  We're gonna eat that and then fly out the door instead of- Dinner's already planned.
• 8:42
  Yes, instead of making it more complicated than it needs to be.
• 8:45
  Well, also on that note, you should probably have a first dinner and a second dinner.
• 8:48
  So there's dinner before you go trick-or-treating, and then dinner again when you get home.
• 8:52
  At least with our boys it is.
• 8:54
  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
• 8:55
  Gotta fill those tummies up often.
• 8:57
  Mm-hmm.
• 8:58
  All right.
• 9:00
  Any more thoughts on, uh, Halloween? How much candy did you steal from your kids, Megan? Oh.
• 9:04
  And what was the number one piece of candy you liked? Oh, here's another thing we do with Halloween candy.
• 9:09
  First of all, Almond Joy is my favorite candy from Halloween.
• 9:11
  Okay.
• 9:11
  What's yours? So your kids know that they will never- Oh, yeah get to have one.
• 9:14
  They don't like 'em either, so it's really- Oh, so then we win they, like, set them aside for me.
• 9:17
  Yes.
• 9:17
  Perfection.
• 9:18
  I'll just take any chocolate.
• 9:19
  I always go, "Give me whatever chocolate you don't want."
• 9:20
  Ooh.
• 9:21
  "I'll help you guys eat that," jokingly.
• 9:22
  And then they don't even notice 'cause they get so much candy now, they don't even notice- Yep if one of, one of 'em's missing.
• 9:27
  I used to let 'em keep their bags of candy for a week, and then after that I'd throw it away.
• 9:31
  Or I'd tell them I'd throw it away and I'd stash it up in the cupboard, 'cause then we use that Halloween candy to decorate gingerbread houses at Christmastime.
• 9:38
  God, you're smart.
• 9:39
  Ooh, I like, I like where you're going with this.
• 9:41
  That was super smart of you.
• 9:42
  Yeah.
• 9:43
  Do you have a limit on kids' candy? Or did you- No when they were young? When I was little, my mom let me keep the entire...
• 9:48
  pillowcase were freaking cool.
• 9:50
  They were cool.
• 9:50
  Oh, we're gonna do a episode with them with our moms.
• 9:52
  Ah, can't wait.
• 9:53
  In a few weeks.
• 9:54
  It's gonna be so fun.
• 9:55
  Can't wait.
• 9:55
  But we have badass moms.
• 9:56
  Well, my badass mom let me take the whole pillowcase into my room and put it under my bed, and I would just eat candy all the time.
• 10:01
  It was awful.
• 10:02
  I would not recommend, because, um, no, my kids have candy, and when they were little, it would be sitting in a cupboard somewhere, and they knew to ask to, you know, grab a piece or two.
• 10:11
  Um, so yeah, I don't think there was necessarily a limit to how much they could collect, but after a while it really does go stale.
• 10:18
  There are some really great dentist offices around here that will also take candy and give them a little prize or something.
• 10:24
  So it's kind of a nice way to get rid of your candy too.
• 10:25
  Well, once it starts going stale, that's when you save it for the gingerbread houses at Christmas time.
• 10:30
  Love it.
• 10:30
  Duh.
• 10:31
  Yeah.
• 10:32
  Come on, Mom.
• 10:33
  All right.
• 10:34
  Well, moving into, Thanksgiving, what are some of the things you do to, prep or plan for the Thanksgiving? 'Cause that's right around the corner, right? Halloween's a hard stop.
• 10:42
  November 1st happens, and boom- Oh everything's already, stores are decorated.
• 10:46
  We're moving on.
• 10:46
  Oh, yeah.
• 10:47
  Oh, yeah.
• 10:47
  Well, what I love about, first of all, you just mentioned decorations.
• 10:50
  What I love about decorations is it's fall.
• 10:52
  It's, like, all the pumpkin, all the corn stuff, all that stuff from Halloween.
• 10:56
  Maybe take down, like, a spooky ghost, but everything just transitions straight into Thanksgiving.
• 11:02
  Exactly.
• 11:03
  That's how I decorate.
• 11:03
  I decorate with all the oranges and the pumpkins all over the house, and then you just take out, like you said, the spooky ghost, the witch or whatever, and then you still have your- Yeah Thanksgiving decorations up.
• 11:12
  So I think it's a fun...
• 11:14
  One thing I love about the holidays is, the cherished time together.
• 11:18
  Mm.
• 11:19
  Um, and maybe, and, maybe the less forced cherished time where it's like, "Hey, boys.
• 11:23
  Help me bring up the boxes for the fall decor."
• 11:25
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:26
  So when we get a- all the stuff, it's includes obviously Halloween and Thanksgiving.
• 11:30
  So I think about, well, Thanksgiving actually, once we pass Halloween, I'll bring out all the Pilgrim stuff.
• 11:35
  Mm.
• 11:36
  Okay, some swapping.
• 11:37
  And the Turkish stuff.
• 11:38
  Swapping some stuff, some decorations.
• 11:39
  Yeah, there's a few.
• 11:40
  Yes.
• 11:40
  Not all.
• 11:40
  Yes.
• 11:40
  Yeah.
• 11:41
  I think that what happens in November inevitably for all of us is that this is when the calendars get packed and stacked.
• 11:48
  Mm.
• 11:48
  It's the concerts.
• 11:50
  It might even be student-teacher conferences, and then all of a sudden it's the maybe end of semester awards that are all in the middle of this November, December hodgepodge of the other- And the work parties, the friend parties sporting events, the gatherings the team parties.
• 12:06
  Yeah, all of it.
• 12:07
  So put things on your calendar.
• 12:09
  You and I are big calendar buffs, right? Mm-hmm.
• 12:11
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:11
  So we just do whatever we can, but then when we look at calendars, I know that I am totally, terrible at this.
• 12:17
  I look at the calendar and I go, "Oh, it fits so perfectly.
• 12:19
  It's gonna come out great."
• 12:21
  And then the day of, you're like, "Wait, I only have 15 minutes between that thing and that thing- and that thing and the next thing."
• 12:27
  Yeah.
• 12:27
  And so I've learned to, add more space on my calendar and go, "Yeah, it looks pretty on paper, but in reality I know I'm gonna be running ragged."
• 12:34
  Running ragged is just not my mode.
• 12:36
  I've learned too many years of doing that just burn me out quicker, makes me crabbier, all the things.
• 12:42
  And so I'm trying to leave that, like, white space- Mm in between events or be really, really realistic about, "Yeah, it looks great on paper, but in reality how's this gonna play out?" Just being honest with myself.
• 12:54
  We can't do it all.
• 12:55
  And sometimes, like I was, in the early days, my husband at the time was like, we do, do this because it's a tradition."
• 13:02
  And it just became crippling, and it wasn't fun to just- Mm force us to do something 'cause it's tradition.
• 13:10
  Just, just for the sake of tradition.
• 13:11
  Yeah.
• 13:12
  Versus, that's not fun anymore.
• 13:13
  It's not fun for the k- like, it was driving around looking at Christmas lights.
• 13:16
  I would get carsick.
• 13:18
  My three, three-year-old would get carsick, and I'm like, "Why are we, why are we suff- why are two of us at least-" I think what now is my motto is what matters.
• 13:26
  Mm.
• 13:26
  What matters? I'm not gonna shove my kids into, a corner and say, "We're gonna do this," versus, "What do you guys wanna do?" And maybe giving them some control over what are one or two things you guys wanna do this Thanksgiving season and then into the Christmas season.
• 13:39
  Or, and here's one or two things I wanna do, and those are the things that matter that get put on the calendar.
• 13:44
  And learning to say no.
• 13:46
  There might be a ton of parties or a ton of invitations or a ton of those after-school events we could go to, and learning to say no is super important just to keep your sanity.
• 13:56
  And remember, I think we've said this.
• 13:58
  If we haven't, I'll say it again, but rest is not, a reward.
• 14:02
  It is a requirement.
• 14:03
  Rest is not a reward.
• 14:05
  It is a requirement.
• 14:06
  So build in the rest times, the nap times, the down times, the times you can sleep in on a Saturday, the times you can come home from an event and just sit and not have to go to another event.
• 14:16
  Oh, I think it helps you be present.
• 14:18
  When you have the rest- Mm and you feel recharged, you get to be present, and that's the whole point.
• 14:22
  Ding, ding, ding.
• 14:22
  Ah.
• 14:23
  I love that.
• 14:24
  The point isn't- Duh to go to as many parties as you can or have as many conversations with as many people as you can.
• 14:29
  The point is to be present, enjoy those you're around, make memories- be intentional.
• 14:38
  Mm.
• 14:39
  For me.
• 14:40
  For me.
• 14:40
  Mm-hmm.
• 14:40
  I think it's oftentimes in my past, it's like you were saying, run from one party to the next party, and it's like you don't even enjoy the party you're at because you were late getting there, you rushed there, and then you're looking at your watch figuring out when you need to leave for the next party.
• 14:53
  Mm-hmm.
• 14:53
  Um, so yeah, I think- Oh, I love that rest and then enjoy what you choose to be at.
• 14:59
  Mm-hmm.
• 14:59
  I love that, Megan.
• 15:00
  I think we've said this before, it's one of my favorite quotes, there's no way to be a perfect mom, but there's a, a million ways to be a great mom.
• 15:07
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:07
  I think it's the same to be said about holidays.
• 15:08
  There's no perfect holiday, right? And memories do not require Pinterest, right? There's no perfect holiday- Mm but there's a way to be a present mom.
• 15:19
  There are hundreds- That's so good I should say millions of...
• 15:20
  I'm gonna redo the quote.
• 15:22
  There's no perfect holiday.
• 15:23
  There are a million ways to be a present mom.
• 15:25
  So, I like the fill-in the blank, like do less, blank more.
• 15:29
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:30
  What would your fill-in-the-blank be? Do less, smile more.
• 15:34
  Mm.
• 15:35
  I was gonna say laugh more.
• 15:36
  Oh, laugh.
• 15:36
  Same.
• 15:36
  Like I love laughing.
• 15:37
  Same.
• 15:37
  I'm like that is my, that is my goal this year.
• 15:39
  Love it.
• 15:39
  Do less, laugh more.
• 15:41
  And that's, as in prepping for this, I was thinking about what is what's my intention? What's my, what do I want the holidays to look like this year? And I wrote down, be present over- Mm being perfect.
• 15:52
  Oh, there it is.
• 15:53
  You know, over having all the lights on the right branch of the tree exactly, and having no broken ornaments, and having, no burned meals.
• 16:01
  So I think it's, for me, slowing down and being present.
• 16:03
  Let's just dabble a little on Thanksgiving- Di- dive into Thanksgiving more 'cause I think, well, I think it's so fun for you and I maybe to even talk about, like, our traditions or- Mm.
• 16:10
  Okay, so let's go with, are you a host? Do you like to host, or would you rather go be hosted would you rather go to someone else's house? I wanna host in my home, but I want my mom to come over and cook everything- Oh.
• 16:20
  and do everything.
• 16:22
  On my terms.
• 16:23
  I want it at my house, but someone else to, like, cook.
• 16:26
  Okay, what...
• 16:27
  So that's another question.
• 16:29
  Would you, do takeout or have it pre-planned or pre-mealed, or do you like to cook from scratch? I'm in, I'm in the middle.
• 16:36
  There's a few things that I love.
• 16:37
  Mm-hmm.
• 16:37
  My mother-in-law makes this really good cranberry sauce that- Mm-hmm I like to make that and keep it in the fridge and let it marinate a few days.
• 16:44
  I think I'd prefer to be cooking at home, but it's not my forte.
• 16:48
  Like, I'm just not, like- Mm-hmm in my element cooking.
• 16:51
  Mm-hmm.
• 16:51
  So that's why I want my mom, my home like mom here cooking.
• 16:53
  Totally.
• 16:54
  I like the smells.
• 16:55
  I like the feels.
• 16:56
  I like the taste.
• 16:58
  I'm just not good at doing that, creating that, but I wanna be a part of it.
• 17:00
  Yeah.
• 17:01
  I'd rather order it in.
• 17:01
  I'd rather pick it up and bring it in.
• 17:02
  Yeah.
• 17:03
  But maybe between the two of us this year we can have a- a fabulously glorious- homemade Thanksgiving meal.
• 17:09
  I think that for some people, it helps to delegate so that they don't feel like...
• 17:14
  Again, moms, you don't have to do it all, but to delegate and say, "You bring the mashed potatoes.
• 17:19
  You bring the turkey.
• 17:19
  You bring..."
• 17:20
  You know, we all kinda pitch in.
• 17:21
  Well, that's the fun thing about not hosting, is when you go to someone's house, you're like, "What can I bring?" And, find your niche in that one special thing they ask you to bring.
• 17:27
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:27
  I do like that.
• 17:28
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:29
  I like the decorating of the table.
• 17:31
  Ooh, setting the table.
• 17:32
  Like, oh, man, like- Mm.
• 17:33
  I like the little knick-knacks or the- Ah the name cards or- Mm an activity, like a little note card that says, "Write down something you're grateful for."
• 17:40
  Like, I like the decorating 'cause I just think that looks nice.
• 17:44
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:45
  You know? Even though in a hot second there's gravy all over the tablecloth and there's a spilled wine or whatever.
• 17:50
  But I will say, on the other end of the spectrum, some of the easiest holidays have been where everyone just puts stuff in a, stuff on a paper plate because we just couldn't manage the, over-decorating in the beginning or all the dishes in the end.
• 18:04
  And so sometimes it's okay.
• 18:05
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:05
  I give everybody permission out there, moms, to just make it simple if that's what you need.
• 18:09
  Well- If that's what you need.
• 18:10
  And that's a- Less is more.
• 18:12
  Oh, were you gonna say that? Less is more.
• 18:14
  No, I was gonna say, and there's, like, the beauty of it.
• 18:16
  Oh, remember that one Thanksgiving we were all just burned out and we wanted it to be so simple.
• 18:21
  That was so fun.
• 18:22
  The cleanup was so easy.
• 18:23
  All we did was paper plates.
• 18:24
  There is beauty in everything.
• 18:26
  And then the memories are made somewhere else.
• 18:28
  So, one of the Thanksgivings that was the most memorable for my kids, they will never tell you it was when we sat down and ate dinner.
• 18:34
  Right.
• 18:34
  They'll never tell you that it's because it was a really pretty dining room set they will never say it was 'cause we all stood in the kitchen making food, you know? The memories that stick out for them are one, one Thanksgiving, we all went down to the park, and instead of doing the quintessential, football game, we all played soccer, and they just cannot stop forgetting that.
• 18:52
  Mm.
• 18:52
  Like, they just loved the time that we all went and played soccer for hours at the park, and it was kind of snowy, cold out, but it wasn't too cold.
• 18:59
  And those are the memories, right? That's when we're present.
• 19:02
  That's when the, the holiday did not have to be perfect.
• 19:04
  We just had to be present.
• 19:06
  All right, moving on to Christmas.
• 19:09
  Ooh, Christmas.
• 19:09
  Megan gets excited about Christmas.
• 19:12
  Okay.
• 19:12
  Did you ever do Elf on the Shelf? Let's talk about the fun commercial gimmicky Christmas things.
• 19:17
  No.
• 19:19
  I saw all the work right from the get-go.
• 19:22
  I was like, "Heck no, I'm not boxing myself into that corner."
• 19:25
  Oh my gosh.
• 19:25
  I never did Elf on the Shelf.
• 19:26
  Did you? No, not the traditional way.
• 19:29
  We had an Elf on the Shelf.
• 19:30
  We were given one, by my mother-in-law, and I'm just not into like, "Oh, so-and-so's watching you.
• 19:35
  Be on your best behavior."
• 19:36
  And so we we did hide the elf.
• 19:39
  So it was like every night someone would hide the elf, and then everyone had to find it in the morning.
• 19:43
  Instead of decorate and do all this like crazy craziness, we would hide the elf and everyone would wake up and be like, "Where's the elf?" So it was like a fun morning activity Way to get everybody involved I love it.
• 19:53
  It took the pressure off you.
• 19:55
  Oh, yeah.
• 19:55
  Everyone was involved.
• 19:56
  You made it a game, and you could actually spin it to, okay, the elf's not watching me to be good, right? Mm-hmm.
• 20:02
  You should just be good in general, but maybe the spin is if you find the elf, XYZ.
• 20:07
  You get a Hershey kiss.
• 20:08
  You get to- Or- You get a Hershey kiss, or you get to tell everybody something nice about every...
• 20:12
  I don't know.
• 20:12
  You could come up with some really creative- Yeah things to do with your family or, or all the kids getting involved with.
• 20:18
  If you find it, what happens? Or if you're the one that gets to hide it, maybe you get to hide it with a message.
• 20:24
  Mm.
• 20:24
  And the message is like- That's a good idea a fortune cookie message.
• 20:26
  You know, like a- I know do good today or make somebody laugh, or you're pretty- Mm or, you know, like a compliment something.
• 20:31
  Yeah.
• 20:31
  It'd be kind of fun.
• 20:32
  We just moved this year, so I need to find that elf.
• 20:34
  I hope I didn't it- Pack it away when I was purging.
• 20:36
  Right, right.
• 20:36
  I hope he's in the Christmas bo- boxes that are in the basement.
• 20:39
  Um, okay.
• 20:41
  Go back to...
• 20:42
  Okay, you were talking about memories like Elf on the Shelf.
• 20:45
  What are the other things you get excited about when it comes to Christmas- Oh and why are you all giddy right now? Oh, just getting the tree.
• 20:50
  We get a tree.
• 20:51
  I always, we always go get the Christmas tree.
• 20:52
  Real one or fake one? 1,000% real.
• 20:55
  Okay.
• 20:55
  It has to be real so you can have the smell, and who doesn't love cleaning up pine needles- and vacuuming up the pine needles every other day? And having it- And, and having to make sure you water the tree.
• 21:04
  Well, we get it the day after Thanksgiving.
• 21:06
  Because I feel like Christmas is, like, that December holiday is so short that I love, once everyone's in bed, I turn the lights on, just me, with the fire on with a- Mm glass of red wine and I just sit and drink my wine- Mm and stare at the tree with the fire.
• 21:20
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:20
  It's so peaceful.
• 21:21
  And then, a few nights before Christmas, I love to...
• 21:23
  I don't wrap anything, like you had suggested, before Christmas.
• 21:27
  So I- l- get out all the presents and put them in piles, and then I sit- Mm and wrap them myself- Mm with Christmas music on, and it's just, it's just heartwarming for me.
• 21:35
  I'm such a dork.
• 21:37
  That's a fun tradition of your own.
• 21:39
  Yeah, for me.
• 21:39
  It's like Megan taking care of Megan.
• 21:41
  It's for you.
• 21:41
  Megan's, thing that fills up her cup.
• 21:43
  You're alluding to the fact that earlier before this, I was saying, "Wrap as you go," because- Oh, yes.
• 21:48
  Oh for some- Oh, yes that helps people- where you actually set aside time on your calendar- Mm-hmm and say, "On Saturday night," or, "Monday afternoon is time to wrap," where some people are panicked and they're up until midnight, right? Like- Mm-hmm moms, we have to protect our sleep, and so- No, I mean- they'll be up too late.
• 22:05
  Yeah.
• 22:05
  I love your point.
• 22:06
  That's what I do for me.
• 22:07
  Mm-hmm.
• 22:07
  I really look forward to that.
• 22:09
  And this past year I got a different roll of wrapping paper for every kid.
• 22:12
  Everyone knew which presents they were.
• 22:13
  Oh, clever.
• 22:14
  Because, one had, white paper with holly on it, one was- Mm-hmm red candy canes, and one was, green Christmas trees.
• 22:21
  Mm-hmm.
• 22:21
  And so it was- Mm.
• 22:22
  That was kind of fun.
• 22:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 22:23
  And I enjoyed that part.
• 22:25
  Moms, I don't know what you guys do for, how many gifts, number of gifts, gifts for who mm.
• 22:31
  The, the holidays really center around gifts, and there was one year that I had seen this kind of go-to rule of thumb, and I've tried to use it.
• 22:40
  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it's, the core four what you wear it, read it, need it, want it.
• 22:48
  Those are the four.
• 22:49
  So a, a gift that you will wear, read, need, or want.
• 22:53
  And so read it, get them into books or magazines, subscriptions, things like that.
• 22:57
  Need it, oh, they need a pair of socks.
• 22:59
  They need this, you know, item.
• 23:01
  And then want, like the true thing that they perhaps want.
• 23:04
  And we all have different budgets.
• 23:06
  Some parents can do that 10 times over, some might only limit their gifts to one or two, right? So that was just kind of a rule of thumb I used early on.
• 23:13
  I will spin this entire conversation on its head and say, I did not want my kids to feel like this was a gimme, gimme, gimme holiday.
• 23:22
  So early on, in probably November, I would ask them to come up with their list and then set them aside.
• 23:29
  So they have their list of things that they want for the upcoming Christmas, but not to focus on it, not to keep changing it, not to be obsessed with it.
• 23:37
  Set it aside because the holiday's about giving.
• 23:40
  Mm.
• 23:40
  And so then we would get out a list of who do you wanna give to? And it's been really interesting, 'cause in the early years I did a lot more, guiding them.
• 23:49
  "Oh, have you thought about your teacher? Have you thought about your piano teacher? Have you thought about the neighbor? Have you thought about Grandma and Grandpa? Have you thought about your brother?" And now they come up with lists.
• 23:57
  And now that, again, they're in high school, when, even when they're in junior high, they would start to pick which teacher, 'cause now they got eight teachers.
• 24:04
  Oh, yeah.
• 24:04
  And they're like, "Oh, I really like this teacher and that teacher.
• 24:06
  And they are the ones now, their head is, their wheels are spinning on who they wanna give a gift to.
• 24:10
  And what I love, love, love about brainwashing my boys, and I'll use that word a lot because you gotta do it, folks, early on when they were little, little, it was, "What do you want to get your brother?" Mm.
• 24:23
  To both of them.
• 24:24
  And so they would spend so much time thinking about their brother, and in the early days- What? They forgot about the, they forgot to think about themselves? For a second.
• 24:32
  What? I know.
• 24:33
  Oh, good mom.
• 24:33
  In the early days, I would buy the gift.
• 24:36
  And then as they got a little older, I would say, "You have to put in 10%."
• 24:40
  And now, they flat out take all, all the money out of their piggy banks or, you know, their true bank account, and they will buy a gift, full on, with their own money for their brother.
• 24:49
  But they are so proud of it, 'cause they're like, "I've been watching and I know you like golf, and here..."
• 24:53
  Last year, the oldest one took a, not a sleeve, but a whole box of golf balls.
• 24:58
  That would be what, like 16? Like 4 by 4, 20 golf balls.
• 25:02
  They all came in a box.
• 25:03
  He permanently, with a permanent marker, decorated every single golf ball- Aw for his younger brother.
• 25:10
  So, like, things that he liked.
• 25:11
  Like, one looked like a baseball, and one looked like, uh, you know, like, they all had a different, either a saying on them.
• 25:18
  They were the coolest thing.
• 25:19
  I took a picture of it, 'cause I was like- How meaningful.
• 25:21
  Yes, yes.
• 25:22
  That's a great gift.
• 25:22
  They put a lot of thought into it.
• 25:23
  If we start early, they put a lot of thought into it.
• 25:25
  And don't expect it to be perfect the first year at all.
• 25:29
  You have to train kids.
• 25:30
  You gotta keep, training, training, and then after a couple years, it just takes off.
• 25:35
  It's pretty cool.
• 25:35
  It's so good.
• 25:36
  You are so good at the brainwashing and the training.
• 25:38
  But just the pairing of them, setting them up- Mm from birth, "This is your best friend.
• 25:42
  This is your best friend.
• 25:42
  You guys are each other's best friends.
• 25:44
  I think one thing, since you talked about gifts, I feel like one year, or probably a couple years, and then I finally noticed, the kids were getting so many presents, from all the extended family- Mm from their dad and I.
• 25:54
  So, it was gift upon gift upon gift.
• 25:57
  And it was, too much.
• 25:58
  There were so many gifts, I felt like they couldn't even enjoy the gift they opened It was just overwhelming.
• 26:03
  Mm.
• 26:03
  So I was just done with that.
• 26:05
  Less is more.
• 26:06
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:06
  Less is more, and...
• 26:08
  I haven't done as great of a job as you have with, the giving.
• 26:12
  Let's make this more about giving than getting, or just receiving, and be thankful for what you get.
• 26:18
  More isn't better.
• 26:19
  Because sometimes we're teaching them the wrong things unintentionally.
• 26:22
  Yeah, very unintentionally.
• 26:24
  Yeah.
• 26:24
  Give yourself lots of grace.
• 26:25
  This is- Yeah these are things you just kind of evolve.
• 26:28
  It's a new year and a new opportunity to grow and change- Mm-hmm like I'm gonna be doing, 'cause this year, we're gonna start some new tr- I'm almost thinking I might even do, like, a trip this year.
• 26:38
  So I'm ruminating on some, some new ways for this Christmas to look.
• 26:43
  And speaking of gifts, I mentioned that my boys will take out a piece of paper and start writing down who they wanna give gifts to.
• 26:49
  I think a mom tip is having that, stash of generic gifts sitting somewhere.
• 26:53
  Kind of like how you have a costume bin of generic costumes they can throw on at any minute for Halloween, there can also be that, of just little gifts, like gift cards or little trinket items, candles, that you have when you just are like, "Oh my gosh, we forgot about the piano teacher.
• 27:08
  Oh my gosh, we forgot about the mailman."
• 27:10
  You're like, "Oh, let's take something out."
• 27:12
  Mm-hmm.
• 27:12
  Hopefully it's, there's some intention around, like, oh, that would be a good gift for that said person.
• 27:17
  But it's just a nice hack when everything gets going really quickly in this time of year to start almost creating that little box or stash all year round.
• 27:25
  Mm-hmm.
• 27:25
  Um- I started doing that, just side note, for birthdays, little kid birthdays.
• 27:29
  When I'm at the grocery store, I'll just buy, like, a 15, a 10, 15, $25 Lego set.
• 27:34
  Love that.
• 27:35
  'Cause what, I mean, what adult/kid does not like a cool Lego set? Uh-huh.
• 27:38
  So keep that in, the gift stash pile, like you mentioned.
• 27:41
  I would say another tip that does not have to do with gifts as much as just expectations is everything that we've said about just choosing and limiting to, to five things, just to reset your calendar, slow it down, add some downtime, some nap time, some rest time.
• 27:57
  But also expectation setting around- Not making it perfect.
• 28:02
  You've said that a couple times.
• 28:04
  Mm-hmm.
• 28:04
  But something like just expect someone's gonna be late.
• 28:08
  Just expect your kid's not gonna get up at the choir concert wearing the perfect outfit.
• 28:12
  Just expect that, like, someone will be on their phone during the meal or the the thing that you are having these high expectations- Mm-hmm like, "Ooh, it's gonna be perfect."
• 28:21
  Lower our expectations, ladies, right? We can shoot high, but, you know, still land among the stars if we, if we miss the moon.
• 28:28
  Um, expect someone's gonna be sick.
• 28:30
  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
• 28:30
  Right? Expect that it, maybe there's gonna be a fight.
• 28:34
  Because I think when I have these perfectionist expectations, I'm always let down.
• 28:39
  But when I'm like, "Oh, I'm gonna make the bar really low this year," I'm actually pleasantly surprised, 'cause I was like, "Oh, so much better than I expected"- 'cause I had lower expectations, so.
• 28:49
  Yeah.
• 28:49
  Yeah.
• 28:49
  Well said.
• 28:50
  What's gonna help- Well said your mindset going into the holidays? Well, and then I think, if a kid is sick, you get to be present and snuggle with the kid.
• 28:56
  Mm.
• 28:56
  That's when you put on Home Alone we are big Home Alone families here.
• 28:59
  We have the big Home Alone house.
• 29:01
  So fun.
• 29:02
  Oh, the- The Lego house.
• 29:03
  Yeah, the Lego- We're talking about both of our families have the Lego house.
• 29:05
  The big Lego house, and we bring that out as one of our core Christmas decorations, and we watch Home Alone, like, probably, 10 times.
• 29:12
  Kids don't remember the details.
• 29:14
  They remember how it made them feel.
• 29:16
  And Megan, you just said this.
• 29:17
  If your kid is sick, you just s- spun the scenario and you said, "But no, I get snuggle time."
• 29:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 29:23
  And you and I are both doing this.
• 29:24
  We are doing a gratitude journal right now, and so writing down gratitudes every day.
• 29:28
  I had kitty paw prints all over my countertop yesterday, and I thought, "Ugh."
• 29:33
  And then I went, "I'm so glad my cats are home."
• 29:35
  'Cause about a week ago, one of my cats ran away for five days and I thought he was gone forever.
• 29:39
  So, like, I'm trying to spin that- Mm-hmm little narrative.
• 29:42
  Mm-hmm.
• 29:42
  "Oh, he's sick? That's okay, we get to snuggle and watch a movie."
• 29:44
  Yeah.
• 29:44
  "Oh, he's this or that," or, you know, "Oh, this happened, that happened," ladies, can we figure out a way to spin this? Mm-hmm.
• 29:50
  Um, I just saw the other day on, I don't know, it was In- Instagram or, or AI, it said, "If you burn the cookies this season, call them rustic."
• 29:59
  "If you wrap a present crooked, call it handcrafted," or, "If the dinner's late, call it European," but honestly, if you need five minutes, take 10, right? Do what you need to do to survive the holidays- Mm-hmm 'cause we are in operation mom mode it doesn't have to be perfect.
• 30:15
  No.
• 30:15
  Just be present.
• 30:16
  Be present.
• 30:17
  Throw perfect out the window.
• 30:23
  I think the biggest takeaways from this episode are gonna be to remind all the moms out there that just being present is so important.
• 30:31
  Remember the quote, "Present over perfect."
• 30:35
  And don't forget to build something for yourselves, mom.
• 30:38
  Rest is not a reward, it's required.
• 30:40
  Create that ritual like Megan does sitting under the Christmas tree wrapping presents with a glass of wine.
• 30:46
  And gift give with intention, right? Find a way to give more in this season than to get.
• 30:53
  And lower expectations, moms.
• 30:55
  It will definitely help you just survive the season, and turning those setbacks into gratitudes can help with those expectations so that you feel present and that you're enjoying the holidays.
• 31:05
  And lastly, audit those traditions.
• 31:07
  Keep what matters.
• 31:09
  No one is holding your feet to the fire that you have to do something a certain way.
• 31:14
  Pinterest is not required.
• 31:16
  Enjoy the holidays.
• 31:18
  Also, y'all, tune in next week.
• 31:20
  We are talking about shared family responsibilities.
• 31:23
  That'll be great, to piggyback on this one and helping and delegating among the family during this fun holiday season To the masses And the sasses Keep being badasses