Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why Narcissists Wait for You to Reach Out First (The Power of Silence)

Transcript

Why Narcissists Wait for You to Reach Out First (The Power of Silence) · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  When I go silent on you for days, I'm not actually taking
• 0:03
  space to think. I'm not actually taking
• 0:05
  space-time for myself, right? What I'm actually doing is
• 0:08
  conducting a test. As a diagnosed narcissist, I'm
• 0:12
  going to tell you exactly what's happening in my head.
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  When I'm ignoring your texts, when I'm ignoring your calls,
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  when I won't talk to you, when we when we are in the same exact
• 0:20
  room. We're talking about the silent
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  treatment today, y'all. The silent treatment is about re
• 0:27
  establishing the hierarchy in the relationship.
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  It really is like while you were at home, like panicking, like
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  wondering what you did wrong, begging me to talk.
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  I am actually feeling a sense of peace.
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  I'm at peace. I'm at Zen right now.
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  I'm doing ohms like yoga ohm. I'm feeling that right now.
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  I know you wonder like why? Why the hell?
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  How the hell are you feeling that way?
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  Why the hell are you feeling that way?
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  Well, I'm glad you asked. Because I know that because
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  you're pursuing me, because you're after me, that I am the
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  center of your world. Like I know that I am the
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  center. Like you need me, right?
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  I know that you're hurting. As long as you're hurting, as
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  long as you're pursuing me, I'm in control.
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  I have the power, right? It's simple.
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  It could be as simple as that, right there, right?
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  Silent treatment is power is control is reestablishing that I
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  am in charge. It's reestablishing the fact
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  that you still care that I still have some type of access or
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  power over you, right? I want to be the center of the
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  center of your world. You know what I mean?
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  That's really, that's really the way it goes.
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  Like I'm not hurting while I'm silent most times.
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  Most times. Sometimes I could be hurting
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  while I'm silent, right? Sometimes I'm give you the
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  silent treatment because you have caught me.
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  I'm caught. I'm busted.
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  I have no other way out of the situation.
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  So I'd rather just retreat and stop communicating with you.
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  I'd rather stop talking to you. I would rather go about it this
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  way instead of any other way. I'm still punishing you.
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  I'm still in control, but not now, because now you're still,
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  Now you're begging me to talk to you, to resolve the situation,
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  to handle the issue. Now it's something completely
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  different right now. It's something on a whole other
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  side of things. We're still, I'm still in power,
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  control, you're still pursuing me, but now it's a whole
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  different dynamic. You know what I mean?
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  So I'm being silent as a as a power grab.
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  You see, I'm saying it's like it's like a relationship coup.
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  You you see how people try to cool the government Like I want
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  to cool the government. Stage a coup on the government.
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  Not this government, not America.
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  If y'all come and try to send the the weirdos in the FBI after
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  me, I'm trying to stage a coup, a relationship coup.
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  I'm trying to get the power back in the situation because you
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  caught me. Because you have the power I
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  need to get it back. And sometimes silence is key.
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  Sometimes silence is power. Sometimes silence is control,
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  Right? And because I know I'm the
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  center of your world, because I know you're pursuing me, I'm
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  waiting on you to surrender. I'm waiting for that one text
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  message or that one call where you stop being mad and you start
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  apologizing for things that I have done to you.
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  You are apologizing to me for something that I did to you,
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  something that you caught me up with.
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  You're apologizing to me for something that I actually done.
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  And the more you do that, the more you apologize for something
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  that I have done, man, Man, you know how powerful that makes me
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  feel right there. You know how strong that makes
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  me feel. You know how in charge that
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  makes me feel right there. When you are apologizing to me
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  for something that I have done, man, it really is like a
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  supercharger, you know, it really, really is.
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  So every hour that passes, why or I don't respond to you, it's
• 4:07
  literally me winning back control.
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  As long as you're responding to me, I feel like I'm in charge.
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  As long as you're responding to me, I feel like I have the
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  power. So.
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  So what do you do right there? So what do you do right there,
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  right? What do you do?
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  What do you do as a survivor, as a thriver in this situation,
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  right here to take your power back, huh?
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  You enjoy the silence. Yo, I preach this from the
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  rooftops. Enjoy the silence.
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  If I'm you're blowing my phone up.
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  I'm just I look, imagine you texting me.
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  I'm looking at my phone like this.
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  I'm just going through it. Look, look, imagine you texting
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  me. I'm going through it like this.
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  I'm like, I'm just scrolling. I'm just scrolling, scrolling,
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  scrolling, scrolling. You still texting me.
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  It's crazy. Can't believe you're pursuing me
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  like this. Can't believe you're still after
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  me. Look, all these messages.
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  You still want me? I got you.
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  There's nothing you could do. I'm in charge right here, right?
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  Imagine that. Because that's what's happening.
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  They're looking at their phone, smiling.
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  All these missed calls, all these emails, all these text
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  messages. I'm looking at my phone,
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  smiling. Now, what happens if there's
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  nothing on here, right? What happens if I look at my
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  phone and there's nothing on there?
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  What the what the what the What the hell?
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  What? What the hell is going on here
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  now? My mind is wondering right now.
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  My mind is trying to see what's going on.
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  Now I'm like, you must have somebody else.
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  You see how the mind switches now?
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  Now I'm switching up. Now I'm trying to see what
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  happened to you, what you are doing, what is going on with
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  you. You have the power now.
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  Because I'm wondering now. That's why silence on your end
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  of things is power too. I'm wondering what the hell I
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  have done wrong, right? I'm wondering what the hell is
• 6:04
  going on. I'm wondering if my thing is
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  working. I'm wondering if you have
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  someone else, right? Because now we're both ignoring
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  each other. Now this can, it is right here.
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  It could be a standoff, right? We can go.
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  We can, this can be a be a super standoff.
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  We not, we might be living together and not talking for
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  months now because I'm not backing down and I see that
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  you're not backing down. So neither one of us are backing
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  down. We backing up.
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  We, we, we backing up, right. Yeah.
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  So that's what I said. Like you're taking your power
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  back by ignoring me too, by not giving in to me.
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  So we might be in the same household and I might be have
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  some grunts or so I might make some grunts or some sounds to
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  get you to say something to me. I'm not shit.
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  Sometimes you might get a narcissist that might just fart
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  right beside you or burp very, very loudly, right or piss with
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  the piss with the piss with the door open just to mess with you,
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  just to get you to say something.
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  Imagine sitting standing right beside somebody that hasn't
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  talked to you in two weeks, right?
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  Y'all in the same house, Y'all standing right beside each other
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  in the kitchen. Look, they got a beer in their
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  hands or a cigarette or whatever they got in their hands right?
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  You got you got a delicious meal.
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  Y'all standing right beside each other and they just fought right
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  beside you in your direction, ass to look ass tooted towards
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  you. They got that ass tooted towards
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  you like a dog, right? Like a dog in heat.
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  You like you might snap, you might say something to me again.
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  You spoke first. I win and I know how stupid that
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  sounds y'all. But seriously, that's where it
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  goes right here y'all. So if you're dealing with a
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  narcissistic person or narcissist in this situation,
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  y'all just start thinking about it from this perspective right
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  here. Like the silence isn't a lack of
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  communication, it is the communication.
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  Like this is how I'm communicating.
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  Like people say, just like we're not.
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  We haven't communicated in so long.
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  We have communicated. I have communicated with you by
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  not communicating. Like sometimes a non answer is
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  the answer. Like give me, can you give me an
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  answer today? That's the answer, right?
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  A non answer is the answer. It's probably the negative, the
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  negative answer right there, right?
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  Like just think about it like this.
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  It is the it's, it is the communication, right?
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  It's not a lack of communication.
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  It is the communication. Like it's me saying maybe not
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  out loud, but we're not talking. You don't exist unless I
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  acknowledge you and the only way to win this game is to stop
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  playing, stop texting, stop calling, and let the silence be
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  your exit, not your cage. You don't want to put yourself
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  in this situation. Y'all repeatedly.
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  Well that narcissist or the toxic person is just messing
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  with you. Seriously, they're just doing
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  harm to you. They're just doing forever harm
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  to you. They're just in your head, like
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  they're just sucking from you like a tick, like a little
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  narcissistic tick. They're just just sucking blood
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  from you, just doing this harm to you, just going, just going
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  through the motions of being a horrible ass human being to you.
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  And that's tough as hell to deal with.
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  As someone who Someone Like You, you, you deal with this person
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  you like. What in the hell am I dealing
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  with? How the hell am I dealing with
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  this person? How have you survived this loan
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  by dealing with an emotionally childish ass reclusive person
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  like this for so long, for such an extended period of time?
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  It's crazy, man. It really is a crazy dynamic to
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  be a part of. So in essence, your silence is
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  also your power. If silence is the power, then my
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  silence is power to me. Then your silence is power to
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  you. Now again, let's go and let me
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  put a narcissist's head on. Sometimes if you're not talking
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  to me and I'm not talking to you, I still feel like I'm
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  winning. Let's be real.
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  I still might feel like I'm winning right here because
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  because of the way the situation is going, because you're not
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  talking to me. I feel like I got I did that to
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  you. You see how my mind works?
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  My mind is always trying to find a way.
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  My mind is always trying to find a way in this situation right
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  here, my mind is always trying to find a way to validate me.
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  It's always trying to find a way to make me feel better.
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  It's always trying to find a way to make me feel like I'm in
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  charge or I have the strength or I have the power or whatever the
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  case may be. It's always trying to do that.
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  My mind is always trying to find a way to justify my actions or
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  to make me feel better. So in these cases right here,
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  think about like this. In these cases, right here, the
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  way this thing is going, the way this situation is evolving, my
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  mind is shifting. You see, my mind is shifting to
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  a different, to a different space, to a different time, to a
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  different conundrum, right? This is what my mind, my mind is
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  literally trying to justify it. I made you stop talking to me.
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  First you were begging me. Now you're not talking to me.
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  I made you do both. I'm in control of you.
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  I'm you're my little puppet. You're my puppet.
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  I made you stop talking to me because I stopped talking to
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  you. Ha, ha, ha.
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  You see how in control I am? You.
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  You see how can how in control I am in the situation.
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  Like my mind is still finding a weird way to justify it.
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  My mind is still finding a way to make sense of it all.
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  My mind is doing this. You see how crazy.
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  But again, I, yeah, as a diagnosed narcissist, There's,
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  there's one that's been working himself for a decade.
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  I mean, almost a decade now almost.
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  This is going into year 9. As someone who's been working
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  into year 9 on myself, I understand how foolish and
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  ridiculous and ignorant it sounds.
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  I get that right now. But before I went, before I went
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  through therapy, I didn't think that if before I went to therapy
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  I just. I was like a child really.
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  I was throwing what the solid treatment is right?
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  Y'all probably heard me say this before.
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  The silent treatment is what I refer to as silent rage.
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  Because I'm mad as hell at you right?
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  I'm pissed off, but I don't want to let you know that, right?
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  I'm so it's, it's silent rage. It's really a temper tantrum.
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  It's really the silent treatment or narcissistic rage are both
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  examples of a temper of a temper tantrum, right?
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  I don't know how to process my emotions.
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  So I throw a childish ass fit. I throw a childish ash ash
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  childish ass temper tantrum. So I just stopped talking.
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  So this time, that's how my mind used to workout.
• 12:43
  I'm so glad. I'm so happy that I've been able
• 12:46
  to grow up the last few years. I'm so happy the work that I've
• 12:49
  done on myself because I'm proud of my y'all.
• 12:51
  I can, you can be proud of yourself, y'all.
• 12:52
  I'm proud of the work that I've been able to put in over the
• 12:55
  last 8-9 years. I'm proud of the people who I,
• 12:58
  who I've been able to help one-on-one over Zoom as well,
• 13:00
  y'all. And my camera about to run out
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  of battery. Yeah, I was saying before I so
• 13:03
  rudely interrupted my battery died.
• 13:06
  I'm proud of the work I've done. I'm proud of the time, effort
• 13:09
  and energy I put into my healing, my healing and growth
• 13:11
  journey and I'm so proud of how many people I've been to help on
• 13:14
  my journey. 10 ones with my courses.
• 13:16
  You can find everything out at mentalillness.net.
• 13:19
  Make sure you hit the subscribe but if you haven't already, I
• 13:21
  ain't going to battle on too long for you.
• 13:22
  Hit the subscribe button and it's always y'all been doing
• 13:25
  this stuff. Peace.