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Ep. What's The Mber Show About · Welcome To The Mber Show....'s podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: This is the Ember Show, your host's Ember, and I'm
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: going to explain what the Embra Show really means in
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: this episode. And I'm gonna go ahead and get into
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  Speaker 1: prayer like I know may would on my faith side
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  Speaker 1: of this podcast. Lord Father that arts in heaven, I
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  Speaker 1: come to you in prayer to be able to just
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  Speaker 1: be honest and be able to be open and willing
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  Speaker 1: to share my story as well as where I'm at
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  Speaker 1: and the Lord Jesus Christ name I pray Amen, so
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  Speaker 1: where I'm at. You know, if I go into my
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  Speaker 1: app to see like my days, I am at eight
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  Speaker 1: hundred and twenty days today, which is two years, two
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  Speaker 1: months and twenty nine days of no alcohol whatsoever and
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  Speaker 1: no hardcore drug. Now that does not mean that I
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  Speaker 1: have not smoked marijuana. I have had my own medical
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  Speaker 1: marijuana license, and due to my circumstances, I can't have it.
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  Speaker 1: But I do suffer from anxiety. I do suffer from depression,
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  Speaker 1: and those things even though they have been arrested. Just
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  Speaker 1: like my alcoholism. There are certain days and certain nights
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  Speaker 1: that I've had to deal with this uncertainty of emotional mayhem,
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  Speaker 1: and the more and more that I continue to open
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  Speaker 1: up about it. With my recovery, I know that I've
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  Speaker 1: inspired others, but sometimes I need to be inspired to
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  Speaker 1: and that's why I go to meetings not only necessarily
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  Speaker 1: just AA meetings, but celebrate recovery as well. I know
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  Speaker 1: that my story is different from yours, your story is
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  Speaker 1: different from mine, but in the next twelve minutes, I
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  Speaker 1: want to just share with you where I'm at. And
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  Speaker 1: this is the honest I can be. Following Christ doesn't
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  Speaker 1: always feel right, and I've needed to come into recovery
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  Speaker 1: in order to get two the narrow light. The road
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  Speaker 1: is very narrow, and the light is shining right on it.
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  Speaker 1: And for this recovering alcoholic to say that he has
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  Speaker 1: two years without a drink, considering my circumstances, where there
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  Speaker 1: could have been plenty of times I could have drank
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  Speaker 1: and got that temporary fix, it speaks volumes about the
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  Speaker 1: work that I've already put in and the consistency. I'm
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  Speaker 1: nowhere near as perfect. I want to get as close
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  Speaker 1: as I can too being perfected. With that being said, though,
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  Speaker 1: I'm really just a human being that is also getting
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  Speaker 1: back to the creator and getting aligned more with what
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  Speaker 1: he sees. Now what I've seen is people pleasing, I've
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  Speaker 1: seen disloyalty, I've seen the list goes on you tonight
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  Speaker 1: Tonight in particular, I am really insecure about myself. It happens,
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  Speaker 1: it happens, and no matter what, I will always have faith.
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  Speaker 1: But the faith that I put in other people, it's
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  Speaker 1: not the same today, it's not the same. I don't
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  Speaker 1: look at people the same. I don't judge them off
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  Speaker 1: of what they don't have, or what they look like,
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  Speaker 1: or what kind of status they have. No. I judge
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  Speaker 1: their character, how they treat others, how they treat themselves.
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  Speaker 1: But I want to make this more about me because
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  Speaker 1: this is my show, the Ember Show. Ember is my
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  Speaker 1: artist name, and Mber stands for Mark be extraordinarily ready,
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  Speaker 1: and you can use extreme as well, extremely ready, because
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  Speaker 1: there was plenty many of times I was not ready
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  Speaker 1: for what God really had in store for me. I
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  Speaker 1: was casper, I was sparky. I didn't use anything that
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  Speaker 1: really had my real name in it. So that's why
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  Speaker 1: this is very sentimental to me, because it's being able
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  Speaker 1: to change and to put the work in took me
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  Speaker 1: to hit rock bottom. I had to lose everything, and
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  Speaker 1: truth be told, I didn't really have anything to begin
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  Speaker 1: with anyways. Besides my soul. Any money that I've made
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  Speaker 1: in my life would be applied to going out and
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  Speaker 1: getting drunk and getting high. Living that life for so
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  Speaker 1: long has done a lot of damage to me in
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  Speaker 1: my core. But by the grace of God, by the
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  Speaker 1: healing power of the Holy Spirit, I am healing. I
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  Speaker 1: am not healed. I am not a recovered alcoholic. I
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  Speaker 1: am not a recovered drug addict. I have not been
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  Speaker 1: able to obtain a healthy relationship in the thirty seven
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  Speaker 1: years that I have lived here on this earth, not
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  Speaker 1: even with my mom, not even with my brother, not
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  Speaker 1: I I mean, not even with my intimate family right
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  Speaker 1: intermediate family and MM I don't know what that looks like.
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  Speaker 1: But I am striving to do that with one person.
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  Speaker 1: After two years, getting closer to two years of recovery,
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  Speaker 1: I met someone in the virtual and we got to
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  Speaker 1: know each other. Things happened very quickly, but I don't
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  Speaker 1: have any regrets for that. I can't speak for her
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  Speaker 1: because she's her own individual, but it has had a
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  Speaker 1: lot of ups and downs, and no matter what I
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  Speaker 1: choose this person, I don't need to say her name.
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  Speaker 1: I don't need to to sit here and say that
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  Speaker 1: I have been the best boyfriend, cause I have not.
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  Speaker 1: And it takes a lot to be a lot for somebody.
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  Speaker 1: And I know that there's a lot more work to
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  Speaker 1: be done, a lot more work to be done. And
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  Speaker 1: as I continue to be the best version of myself
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  Speaker 1: to my best ability, God does the rest. And that's
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  Speaker 1: why recovery and God go hand in hand, hand in hand.
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  Speaker 1: I have a twenty year duringing career to make up for.
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  Speaker 1: I got eighteen more years until I can say I'm
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  Speaker 1: twenty years sober, and at that I will be fifty
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  Speaker 1: seven years old. And as I record this and I
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  Speaker 1: think that right like, I'm not just excited, I'm also anxious.
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  Speaker 1: I'm also curious to see how it's really gonna all
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  Speaker 1: pan out. Putting my faith in Jesus and getting mocks
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  Speaker 1: for that, or you know, being a monkst not just
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  Speaker 1: non believers, but believers and followers of Christ doing God's will.
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  Speaker 1: People see it in different forms, and I've come to
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  Speaker 1: realize and respect that, because who am I to tell
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  Speaker 1: you how to do it? The only thing that I
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  Speaker 1: can do is go what works for me. I have
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  Speaker 1: let not only myself down in recovery. I've let a
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  Speaker 1: lot of people down in recovery, and the fear for
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  Speaker 1: following Christ, the fear of rejection was running rampant, and
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  Speaker 1: I know that that was the enemy and my alcoholism
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  Speaker 1: trying to get me back. And I'm here to tell
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  Speaker 1: you that I'm never going back to drinking. I'm never
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  Speaker 1: going back to using. Does that mean that I'm never
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  Speaker 1: going back to the old version of me that gets jealous,
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  Speaker 1: that gets envious, that gets that's just a little off,
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  Speaker 1: the hinges, misunderstood, misunderstandings, mixed signals. I mean, those things
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  Speaker 1: that I encountered as an alcoholic and as a drug
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  Speaker 1: addict are still with me. I just have to manage
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  Speaker 1: them better. I'm very happy with where I'm at, but
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  Speaker 1: in the physical I don't have a whole lot of
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  Speaker 1: people to celebrate that with. And giving my all to
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  Speaker 1: this one person as I follow God's will and recovery
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  Speaker 1: and significant other It's like if she has a list,
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  Speaker 1: I wonder if I'm even on it. So as I
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  Speaker 1: end this, I have two minutes. Anybody can say that
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  Speaker 1: they love you, they're in love with you, but if
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  Speaker 1: you're doing something that I mean if your significant other
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  Speaker 1: is doing something that may bother you, then they say, oh,
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  Speaker 1: you're controlling, You're this, you're that. No, it's it's compromising.
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  Speaker 1: It's making a sacrifice, not even if you would do it,
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  Speaker 1: but if you say you would do it right, just
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  Speaker 1: making the other person feel comfortable, not having that to
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  Speaker 1: be validated. But it's a it's a form of respect.
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  Speaker 1: And I know I might be all over the place,
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  Speaker 1: but this is my show. You could do the same thing,
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  Speaker 1: or you can hide everything in. That's up to you.
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  Speaker 1: All I know is God's not through with me yet.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not through with my significant other yet. I'm not
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  Speaker 1: through with living out God's will by not only just
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  Speaker 1: doing Bible study, but talking to people about Jesus, God
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  Speaker 1: and the Holy Spirit and also meeting them right where
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  Speaker 1: they are at. And I think about where I've gone wrong,
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  Speaker 1: and this is where it's one thirty in the morning,
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  Speaker 1: and the old version of me would go haywire. Even
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  Speaker 1: in recovery. I'm not sitting here saying that. You know, oh,
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  Speaker 1: I got two years. The first year. The first year
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  Speaker 1: was hell. Second year become more of service. I'm looking
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  Speaker 1: forward to seeing what the third year offers. The promises
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  Speaker 1: the miracles. As long as I stick with it, it'll
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  Speaker 1: stick with me. And I'm just very grateful that I
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  Speaker 1: can actually think and feel about living this life without
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  Speaker 1: a drink. For so long, I didn't know if I could.
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  Speaker 1: I'm just very grateful, and I hope that you the
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  Speaker 1: listener can be able to appreciate what I just said
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  Speaker 1: in full. This is the Ember Show. Your host's Ember
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  Speaker 1: might be extremely ready for anything. Stay tuned, cause we're
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  Speaker 1: gonna have more episodes like this as well. And thank
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  Speaker 1: you for listening.