Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Nate Jackson Crowd Work Pack Brooklyn Improv Part 4

Transcript

Nate Jackson Crowd Work Pack Brooklyn Improv Part 4 · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Now wait, that's, that's, that's Illuminati, that's. Whoa. You're gonna
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: have the all-seeing eye on his head. What would make
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: you get an eyeball on top of your head?
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: What?
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: That's his son's eyeball? Is he with us? He's still alive.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: You having a live person's eyeball on your head? Let
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: me see it again. That's not your son's eye. That's
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: just an eye from the binder. They were like, we
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: got to go to the eyeball page. Ha ha. So
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: we gon' get it crackin' with you, Raveena. Yeah. You
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: look a little thick, though. I think, hey, hey. Ain't
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: it coming all off the side of that chair? Wow,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: you got ass from the front. He not very good
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: at sneaking. He brand new.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Raveena, what do you do for money? What was that
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: little pause right there? You do it every day, and
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: when somebody asks you, you pause. I work for, um....
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: Thank you. We need more of that, right? Right, people? Outstanding.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: So you don't really do shit.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: You just schedule people, and then you stay out of
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: the way.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, where you work at? Are you from out here
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: in Brooklyn? Where you from? What's going on? What the
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: fuck is going on? Are you okay, baby? Is it
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: the lights? Well, what did you drink? Tongue twisters? Okay,
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: now where are you from? Okay, that explains it. And
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: what about you right here? Is that a head wrap?
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: What you got on? I see you, baby. I'm just curious.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: That hair come off with it at night when you
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: take it off? The whole thing. You be like, who
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: you s * * * got down?
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: You take that whole s * * * off and
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: just scratch your bald head?
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: That's crazy. It's not bald. Okay. I believe you, baby.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: And so what's your name? One more time. Manteca. Like
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: the warriors?
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: The Manteca warriors, the slaves that fight?
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's Mandingo.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: What nationality, what culture is that?
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Manteca.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: No, you're not.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: How the your name that up?
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Manteca is a crazy name. Yeah, is that like a combo?
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: That's your momma and daddy name mixed up? You sure
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: your momma name ain't Monica, your daddy name Tino?
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: It's Montika? Really? And your name Montika? What's that mean?
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Is that in the Bible or something? Your momma just like,
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: you know what? Let's play Scrabble.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Her name Montika, I never heard of that. This sound
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: like a new T. It sounded like a new ice
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: cold beverage. Would you like a Sierra Miss or a Montica?
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Montica extra ice, thank you. And so what was you
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: just saying? You just started talking.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: I didn't ask you nothing. Oh, you want me to
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: drink you up? Quit trying to fuck. I see a little...
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: What's that? Your shirt eating cherries, huh? Mm-hmm.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: You a freak, huh? Y'all just a pair of little freaks,
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: ain't it? She got a fake dick for 10 minutes.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: She tried to sit on it, and now you eating
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: cherries off your own dick.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: This is crazy. Y'all friends, ain't it? Okay, which one
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: of y'all is the hoe? She like.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: You close your legs right away. Just calm down, baby,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: calm down. Can I talk to y'all? Are you looking away?
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: I'll register that if that is. Is that a register?
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: You locked down? You locked in. All right, well, let's
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: talk about life. Y'all look very comfortable together. I like this.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: You just came from a pool party?
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: It look like you'd throw a football hella far.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Guys be like, goddamn, Shannon got arms. Hey, what's your name, baby? Zay. Zay?
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Like somebody said something? Same?
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Is that short for something?
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: It's just same.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: Somebody had a brand new goddamn baby. And fell in love, like,
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: look at my beautiful baby.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Girl, baby girl. Y'all, rule number three.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: Fuck y'all acting all sensitive for. She know she look tough.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: She'll beat our in here. Ain't that what you say, say?
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: That's actually not that bad of a name. One time,
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: somebody said their name was Manteco.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Your name is. And so what do you do for money?
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: You look youthful, like maybe you interact with a lot
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: of kids or something.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Why you showing your gums, baby? What's going on?
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: Why you doing Fire Marshal Bill mouth?
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: She like, I'm not late.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: What are you doing? You work for DHS? So you
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: do work with children. You give them the stamps? You
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: the stamp lady?
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: You the one that can say how much stamps we
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: can get and how much we can't get and if
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: we can get them at all? So what do you
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: do then? You tell them what to do. So you
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: got the power to get somebody folded and be like,
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: we about to drip them. Like you can give somebody
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: like $ 18, 000 a week in stamps. You don't got that
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: kind of authority?
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, who does? Lobster. And this is your queen? How long? Huh?
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: Hello?
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: A month? Let her go. Get your arm from off
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: of her. I thought y'all was together for years. You trying?
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: So this is just a date. Do you like her? Well,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: you should act like it because your body language says
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: you don't like nothing going on right now. You are
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: wound up too tight, baby. Just do this.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Just sit there and smile for no reason for the
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: next three, four minutes. It'll spread around your body. The
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: endorphins will be all down in your toes and then
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: you'll look happy. You got rest in this face.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: She's like, and this. I said what I said. Where'd
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: you meet her at?
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: She was cussing out some kids at a park. So
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: where'd you meet her at three weeks ago? She was
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: literally guessing kids out in the park?
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: Same.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: I'm just guessing. You telling me I'm right? What park
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: was it? You bull it's a park down the street?
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: I'll be damned. So you work with children then? What
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: do you do?
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: Is everything okay? You work for the city? Okay, do
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: you have responsibility? How high up are you up there?
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Not that high? You don't want to be like, what's up,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: mom and daddy? Okay, so what do you do then?
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: You're a detective.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: With this emotional, somebody going to jail. She don't believe
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: shit nobody's saying. Not even saying, I don't believe what
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: you say, say. So when you saw her, she was
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: yelling at kids in the park? Detective, what kind of
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: detective was you? What detective work got you yelling at kids?
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Get your out of the crime scene. What kind of
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: detective are you?
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: Like a TV kind where you come in right after
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: the crime or you be catching them before they do
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: the next one?
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, so like crime scenes and shit? Like you done
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: seen a lot? So what do you do? Like let's
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: just say like.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: Tomorrow, like, Monday at like 2.15, what you gonna be doing?
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be a shooting and you're going to have
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: to investigate it? How long you been doing that? You
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: need to quit. Because I can see it in your spirit.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: You want to have fun, but whatever you've been seeing
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: every day at work is killing your life.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Do porn. That's right. You need to detect some dick. Yes.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: It don't got to be real. Say can be wearing it.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Act like Say don't fuck. Say like, hold on, let
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: me get my dick. Let me just put it on.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: I'm about to fuck somebody. That's how Say fuck.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: You know, you rock paper, you don't never, y'all don't, okay,
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: just rub it all together real, just smush it like earthworms.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Rock, paper, scissors, baby. I see it.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Okay, say, you got a lot of work to do, man,
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: because you literally look like you represent fun. Like, you
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: look like you just have fun all the time. So
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: you got to make sure she having fun. She's been
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: squeezing her booty hole this whole goddamn night.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I can see it. That shit just tight. Relax. Enjoy yourself.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Y'all drove here? Who drove?
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: You did?
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: All right, when she get in the car to drive tonight,
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: every red light, I want you to kiss her pussy.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: You hear me?
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: Put your glasses on, just lean over and go. That's
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: the crime scene. Yeah.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Have fun, baby.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: And let's come over here and talk to this gaggle
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: of white women.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: How y'all doing? Is this all one group? Outstanding. Who
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: put this together? Who was the organizer? You did? And
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: you set all of them up. Like, we're going to
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: go in the front and look at them. Don't look away.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: This will be wonderful. And y'all, you've got, somebody's related.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: No?
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: You and I got the same forehead. Y'all not camp? Okay,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: but what's your name? Jackie. Introduce me to the group.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: You're the team captain. This is Megan.
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: Megan?
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Nikki and Lisa. Maggie? Nikki. Nikki and Lisa? Yes. Okay.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: Which one of y'all is the host? She was like,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: that down there.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: She's a goer, she's a track star.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: That's what's up. And you're married, I see a big
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: 90 ring, okay. Nikki? No, yes, okay. Okay, are you
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: married too? So you the hoe, got it. She's like,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna find someone, whatever. I love it. And y'all
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: got some money, okay. I see some money.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: I see nice watches and you got on baby shoes.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Can you show her baby shoes?
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: I haven't seen that on an adult in my whole
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: goddamn life. She look like a fast ballerina.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Just be running. And you got the throwback Louis. That shit,
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: that's nice. It's fake? We still gonna rob you. We
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: don't wanna hear that shit. It's fake. It's real as fuck.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Give me the purse. What do you do for a living, Megan?
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: I'm a nuclear medicine.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: Nuclear medicine technologist? Is she making shit up? All three
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: of those don't go together.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: They got nuclear medicine? They do? What's that for? I
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: don't want nothing blowing up inside of me. What is
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: nuclear medicine? Okay. Shut up. You didn't know. She's like, yeah,
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: that's what I scheduled them for. fine ass slow girl.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: So that does pay good money. Nuclear. Medicine. There was
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: another word too. Technology. God damn. That gotta pay what?
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: About $ 108 an hour? I wish. Oh, $ 95? No.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Give me $ 100.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: She got the money. Who make the most money out
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: of the group though? Let's be real. Including husbands. Nikki. Nikki. Yeah,
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: the baby shoes.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: No, I actually think they're gross, but whatever. Don't ask me,
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: I'm going to lie. You need to ask somebody on
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: the spectrum, they'll tell you the truth. Either one of
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: them will tell you.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: I like your shoes. So what do you do, Nikki?
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: A lot.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: We own a construction company. You own a construction company?
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: We work hard, though. Alright. Owner operated.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: A realtor.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: So you do commercial and residential construction? So you build
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: the house and then sell it?
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: No, I don't sell.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: But you do?
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: Other houses.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: You sell other houses, not the ones you build?
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: No, no, yeah.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Have you guys built something that we would know where
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: we would be proud of you? I worked on the
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Grand Central. You worked on the Grand Central? Shut up.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Some of y'all proud, some of y'all don't give a fuck.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: That's fine. We're supposed to celebrate our accomplishments.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: What'd you say, baby?
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: The train that goes to Grand Central now?
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: The train that goes to Grand Central now? We don't
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: build that. You build the train, too?
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: No.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: You're building everything? So what did you build? The train station? No,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: it was a Libra. Huh?
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: A Libra.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: A Libra.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, I thought she said, I'm a Libra. I'm like,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: what the fuck? I'm an Aryan. Thank you. This crowd
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: is drunk. This is ridiculous. I'm a Libra. Did somebody
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: ask you your sign?
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, but right now I'm at 200 and I want
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: you to reach in there, give me a hundred.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: I know you got it.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: You're out here building train stations and shit like you're
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: playing with toys.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: And then what do you do with the dick right here?
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: I'm a paralegal. A paralegal?
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you're the smartest one in the building, but
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: you don't get no credit. That's how that works.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: Thank you for getting her out and having some fun.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: All she do is work and tan. She don't never
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: get to.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Have no fun.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: Now, you done fell asleep in a couple of tanning beds.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: You're getting your Donald Trump on.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: You damn orange. Now, let's talk down here to you.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: I'm also a paralegal. You're a paralegal, too? Yes. OK.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: You look like a little baby, though, in your face. OK. Now,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: you know I'm a matchmaker. You don't have to leave Stingray.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: We can find you somebody. You're good. Oh, you already
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: got somebody knocking that shit back? You don't want no one?
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: What if the love of your life is in here
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: up top? We could find them together. Don't block your blessings.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: You like black men? That's all that's in here.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: There's one white dude, but he's a nigga. No, we don't...
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: He's a nigga. I know what the fuck I'm talking about.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Are you into black men? Is that all right with you?
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, just checking. You want me to work my shit?
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: I'm good at this. No, thank you. No, let me
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: tell you my success rate. Okay. I've had seven different
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: wedding proposals at shows.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: And I have, people that I have connected at shows,
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: there's now eight.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Couples that are married. Yes.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: Six hetero, one gay couple, two dudes. And then a
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: lesbian couple. And I can find them. But if you
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: don't want that, if you want to just, you know,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: keep on sleeping in that coat that night. That's fine.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: That's all right. We'll come over here. This side got
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: a lot of couples on there. Everybody's paired up. Sir,
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: you were chewing right there. Yeah, you're chewing real hard, sir.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: What kind of gum you got?
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Steak? Steak flavor? The way you're chewing? I've never seen
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: air in the cheeks per chew. That's crazy. At least
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: you weren't smacking, though. You was keeping your lips together.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: This your woman with you right here? Okay, how long? Okay.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Is he right? Okay. People like love.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Other people like fuck these niggas.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: How'd you meet her? Uh-oh. What website though? POF? That's
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: the one for fuck. Y'all started out fuck?
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Wait.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Wait. Was he on the screen? Did you see him?
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: He was like, no. Ma'am, he said, yeah.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: He said he got the pussy and then it turned
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: into a couple later.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: What'd you say, baby? You a lady? Well, you married now.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: It don't matter if you started out hoeing. That's the
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: best kind.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you kept it real. You wanted some d *
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: * * and you got it. And then you got it,
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: and then you got it, and then you got it,
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: and then you said, you can't have no more p
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: * * * y unless you make this s *
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: * * show. He was like, we've been together. I
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: don't even know why you're talking to me like that.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: Will you marry me?
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: He was like, yeah. Yeah, that's the best relationships. How
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: long you been with your queen? 17 years. And started
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: off fast. Do you see what I'm trying to tell y'all?
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Quit being stingy. Bust it open. You want to be
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: in love? This is how it starts. That's how you
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: do it. So how long she make you wait? No. No.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: You trying not to fucking talk to me.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: It was long distance, okay, but once she was finally
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: in the same space, within a damn length of her,
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: how long she make you wait? It depends on how
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: I look at it? Well, let's talk to her. She
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: know when she busted it over. Ma'am, how long you
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: make him wait?
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: 20 minutes? What's going on? It was quick though. Huh.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: Y'all got kids? Little boy? You hit the jackpot, boy.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Got you a beautiful black queen and a little baby.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Go ahead, I'm proud of y'all. He said, wait a minute.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: That's a window you got on your shirt? Your head
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: was blocking it. And once I scooted over, I seen
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: the whole, the full picture right there. God damn. Yeah,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: you didn't wait long at all. I know you were like, shit.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: We gonna take a f * * * ing day.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: What about you, Rod Wave? Huh?
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: How long you had to wait before she took that
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: little kitten shit off her head and turned tough?
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: You got on anime clothes. That's crazy. Got you a
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: little nerd at the house, huh? Huh? Few months. Three months?
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: Four months? You keep going up. Five months? You met
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: her in January. Which month you fucking? April. Do you
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: know your months? She's like, uh, it was August. What
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: the fuck? Was it that long? How long was it?
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: You starved him out? Damn, sir. He said, it didn't
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: feel like it. Shut your up. She didn't want to
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: give you no pussy. And now you in love with her.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: How about y'all? Because I know you guys fuck a lot.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: First what? First quarter? He said, out the gate. And
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: y'all been together a long time? Year and a half.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: But when we met, it was a year and a half.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Y'all broke up? Okay. That was April? Okay. And so
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: y'all traveled here. Y'all don't live here, do you? You
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: from Brooklyn? And you from Jersey? How did you meet her?
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: That's right. You ran up on her. You was like,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: you like tattoos? You like looking down at them? Okay.
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: Huh?
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: That's how you finished it? I like you. Put your
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: head down. Let me see. Oh, no, wait. That's Illuminati.
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: Bro.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: You have the all-seeing eye on his head. What would
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: make you get an eyeball on top of your head?
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: What?
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: That's his son's eyeball? Is he with us? He's still alive.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: You have an alive person's eyeball on your head? Let
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: me see it again. That's not your son's eye. That's
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: just an eyeball. From the binder, they were like, we
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: gotta go to the eyeball page. That's a regular eye.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: That eye look Puerto Rican on your head. That's an ojo,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: that ain't no goddamn eye.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: He got that on his head so when he go
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: down on you, he keep an eye on your. I
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: see your, don't you? Don't you touch my wallet, bitch.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: Leave my wallet alone, it's in my shoe, baby. That's
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: where you put it when you don't trust them, put
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: it in your shoe. I'm enjoying myself. It was a
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: little slow, but I'm happy right now. Let's go upstairs, Trini,
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: show me some people up top.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: What going on? You just look at them, there's a
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: lot of shiny foreheads up there. Yeah, let's talk. Why
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: you going straight to him?
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: It's like, I know exactly who the fuck you about
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: to look at. Yeah, Eddie Murphy's uncle.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Is this a father and a son? Huh? Eddie Murphy,
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: that's your daddy right next to you? I want to
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: talk to the old man that's chuckling. What's your name, boss?
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: What's your name, man? What? Excuse me? No, fuck that.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: Y'all telling me that's a lady? That's a goddamn, you
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: a lady? You did really good. Whatever you got done, congratulations. Damn,
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: I thought you was a sergeant in the military. Huh?
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: They said that's a lady. Okay, bullshit. I was like, damn,
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: that's convincing. That's the best soldier I ever seen. Said,
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know what your name was before, but it
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: look like Frank now. God damn. You look like an
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: old R & B singer that done washed up. It
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: was the third of September. What's your name, man? Murray. Yeah,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: that's a name, man. Yeah, ain't no woman named Murray.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: Mm-mm. They don't give women crazy names like that no more.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: They don't do that to people. They ain't gonna name
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: no woman Montico.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Mary, how long you been driving buses for the city?
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: That's a goddamn bus driver. I can see it. What
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: do you do for money, Mary? Retired? What you used
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: to do? You okay? You got some hands. Murray, hold
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: your hand up, let me see your hand. Now turn it. God,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: you a retired slave?
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: That's a cotton-picking hand. I know a cotton-picking hand when
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: I see one. Also, the four of you, I don't
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: want to hear that ever again. That's between me and Murray.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: What you used to do, Murray? You worked with your hand,
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: your hand bigger than my. You used to be an
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: x-ray technician?
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: Right on.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: This your son next to you in his little jacket?
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: Looking like Mr. Brown? This idiot will end it. Like
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: Joe Dumars in his mother. What's your name? Bernard.
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: Bernard got on a turtleneck. With no neck. That's crazy.
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: Look at that front collar.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: Bernard, go like this.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: That's it. He maxed out. He's like, that's all right.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: Who you with, Bernard? The family? What's going on? The
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: whole row? Even the Chinese lady? Okay. Well, you said Mary. Oh,
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know what in the fuck you just said.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know what dialect that was.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Talking slow didn't fix.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: It, Murray.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, this is somebody's granddaddy. Let's talk to the lady
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: with her hair done like a goddamn rockette.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: She got on the leopard. No, one more to the right.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: She was giving up Woodstock. What's your name, baby?
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Shiny? I'll stay.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: You got beautiful teeth, Shiny. You got a wonderful smile.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: And who's that Ninja Turtle on your side? Looking like
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: Tello or the whole nother turtle. White people, don't you
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: say that to nobody. I swear to God.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: Don't you be at the construction site like, it's a yellow.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: All right. What do you do? You look like you
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: work at a funeral home or something. What's your name?
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: Teddy?
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Ruxpin? Clayton? Just Clay.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: Not 10, there wasn't no 10 on there ever. It
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: wasn't Clayton as a child. You dropped a ton, now
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: we're going to just be Clay?
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Clay Bourne. And when were you born, Clay Bourne? 18 what?
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: 18 what, 83, 84?
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: I won't believe it. Yes, I will. I'm looking right
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: at you. I believe anything you say.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: First of all, before you answer me, are you a
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: little person or are you full size?
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: Cause you look real smart.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: You see me right around town with your girl I
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: love and I like.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: You. CeeLo Green is in this bitch. What up, CeeLo? CeeLay?
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: How old are you? Eight. What if the answer's like that?
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: Why would you break that up like that?
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: 50-8. 50. 8.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: Like, you paused to see if we was going to
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: believe 50, and when didn't nobody say, okay, you.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Were like, 8, God damn. 50. 8, man.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: Wow, and so is that your woman right there in
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: the leopard?
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: She said, hell nah. Is that your woman right there
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: in the, who you with? Yeah, but where's your woman at?
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: You realize you answering stuff that I have not asked you?
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: Maybe I'm asking the wrong question. What's your favorite color?
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: You officially are not the slowest people in the room.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: He's struggling. He's 58. What's the four for? That's my
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: favorite color now. What do you do for money, man? Orthopedics. Like,
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: what you mean? No, no, I'm aware. I just want
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: to know what he means. Got it. So you was wrong.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: She was like, he talking about prosthetics.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: You realize you haven't said shit all night? I would
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: pay good money to watch you do a word search.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: So does everybody work in x-rays, is that the thing? Okay,
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: all right, okay.
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: I want everybody on that row to give me $ 100.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: Because y'all got the money. And let me talk to
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: Queen Latifah right there in the middle. A little bit
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: to the left, Trenton, zoom in. No, stop, right there,
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: set it off. Mm-hmm, there she is. You got a
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: beautiful smile. I like how you lit up right when
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: you went on the screen.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: You see what it look like when people joyful and
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: having fun? What's your name, baby? Masha? This is the
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: worst names. Right? This is a set of five names
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: all night long. What? Oh, okay. Please tell me because
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Montica didn't mean shit. I'm like, what's Montega? She's like, doo-doo.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: It mean doo-doo, it's in the Bible. What is Masha?
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Masha means life? In what language? Huh? Oh,. You're Syrian?
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: What the is happening? I mean, if you want me
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: to be, I mean.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: So Masha is Syrian for life?
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: Wow, you learn something every day.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: Okay, and so let's come back.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: Over here and meet the lady in the church outfit.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Right here, dressed like a choir director. There she is. Yeah,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: you be leading praise and worship, I can tell. Yes,
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: you do.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: You'd be like, wait in the water.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: Wait. Did you just twerk for Jesus? She's like, look
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: at God. Take a look at him. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: Throw that in the Christian. And who is this with
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: you right here with the little sleeves? That's your man?
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Ain't nobody fucking, everybody's doing x-rays, man. Ain't nobody fucking. Nah,
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: I'm on the dirt. Who getting fucked on the road? Bernard,
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: who you digging down? Like, well, I'm delirious. You see
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: my outfit. Okay. I know Murray. Murray, you the one fucking, man?
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: He's like, you got that right. Let me fuck you, man, boy.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: Make her take her little church outfit off and tear
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: it out herself. Murray look like he get butt naked
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: in there. Put his church socks back on. Don't sleep
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: on them old men, man. Old men like that, they'd
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: fuck you. Younger women like, watch out, Mary. And Murray's like,
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: all right, bitch. It's all fun and games until you
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: see that. Next to your head. Yeah, bitch, we about
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: to get an x-ray.
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: I'm going to put this dick all through your body, bitch.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: We're going to see it. Nice to meet you, Mary.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: That was a fun romper. We fixed it because this
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: was dry as a mother.