Latest / Is Your Way In Your Way? / Freedom From the Stories That Hold You

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Freedom From the Stories That Hold You · Is Your Way In Your Way?

• 0:25
  Cassandra: To welcome you to Is Your Way, In Your Way podcast.
• 0:31
  Cassandra: And I wanna thank you, my listeners, for joining.
• 0:35
  Cassandra: And after, and even in the middle of this, I know things are gonna resonate with you.
• 0:40
  Cassandra: So I I encourage you to share this because this is gonna this is gonna be a game changer.
• 0:46
  Cassandra: Um, the the now let me let me tell you my intent.
• 0:51
  Cassandra: And I've been thinking a lot about my podcast.
• 0:54
  Cassandra: And and you know, I usually say it's about self-improvement and primarily about your purpose.
• 1:00
  Cassandra: And it isn't ultimately about self-improvement, or even it's not even primarily about purpose, you know what it's about, it's about freedom, you know, the freedom from the stories that no longer serve you, the freedom from the regrets, the freedom from believing beneath your potential, freedom to become who we were always created to be.
• 1:29
  Cassandra: That's what this is all about.
• 1:30
  Cassandra: This is my intent for us to just get freedom and rise and just rise and rise and do what it is you have to do before it's time for you to leave this earth.
• 1:41
  Cassandra: Now, let me let me ask you a question.
• 1:43
  Cassandra: Now, now I'm asking you this because I've always thought of this for years.
• 1:48
  Cassandra: Have you been searching for your purpose?
• 1:51
  Cassandra: You know, um let but but something inside is holding you back.
• 1:56
  Cassandra: Now, I bet you've heard this.
• 1:58
  Cassandra: It's not about outside situations, it's about inside, right?
• 2:04
  Cassandra: And I used to get so sick of it.
• 2:06
  Cassandra: Like you can get what you want, but it's all on the inside.
• 2:08
  Cassandra: You have to tap inwards to get what you want.
• 2:11
  Cassandra: And I'm like, wow, that's something.
• 2:13
  Cassandra: So today, what we're gonna do is explore how reconnecting with your inner wisdom can help you break through those barriers that's standing between you and the life you were meant to be.
• 2:28
  Cassandra: So joining me today is my special guest, Brigitta Dow.
• 2:34
  Cassandra: Dow, Brigetta, Brigetta Dow.
• 2:37
  Cassandra: How are you today?
• 2:39
  Brigitta: I'm doing great.
• 2:40
  Brigitta: Thank you so much for having me on this show, and I'm really excited about our conversation today.
• 2:45
  Brigitta: We are gonna be here.
• 2:47
  Cassandra: I know because I know you're gonna share some things that can help me.
• 2:50
  Cassandra: I'm still a work in process.
• 2:51
  Cassandra: Uh-huh.
• 2:52
  Cassandra: Although, yeah, although my book is uh Is Your Way in Your Way, and that's how I got the name of the podcast.
• 2:59
  Cassandra: Yeah, but I have to work on that thing every day.
• 3:01
  Cassandra: Now, what I want to do is I don't want to share so much about the credentials.
• 3:06
  Cassandra: I want to talk more about the transformation you help people experience.
• 3:14
  Cassandra: But I will share a little bit because they're like, well, what qualifies her to tell me this?
• 3:18
  Cassandra: Yeah, she's a coach, a solo coach, Reiki.
• 3:21
  Cassandra: I used to do that master.
• 3:24
  Cassandra: She's an author, she's a speaker, she's a transformational facilitator, and she does help people reconnect with their wisdom.
• 3:32
  Cassandra: And we're gonna find out how she does that.
• 3:34
  Cassandra: She's even a co-author for landing on your North Star.
• 3:38
  Cassandra: And she's got countless people from overcoming those blocks, finding purpose, giving those people the freedom, giving them some balance, providing them some fulfillment.
• 3:51
  Cassandra: I'm telling you, and I love that.
• 3:53
  Cassandra: So she, in other words, she empowers individuals to embrace one simple truth change is inevitable, but growth is a choice.
• 4:03
  Cassandra: Hey, how about that?
• 4:05
  Cassandra: Change is inevitable.
• 4:07
  Cassandra: That's so true, and growth is a choice.
• 4:09
  Cassandra: So we definitely have a choice.
• 4:11
  Cassandra: Now, Brigetta, Brigetta, let me ask you, yeah, I I know that you started you started your young working life in LA.
• 4:21
  Cassandra: You were you were an actress, right?
• 4:24
  Cassandra: Um, you moved from Canada to LA where you felt opportunities were more abundant, and so you did that for a decade.
• 4:33
  Cassandra: But I'm curious, why when you were working as an actress, was there a yearning inside like that wasn't it?
• 4:43
  Cassandra: Or were you in your way to do the next thing, or what was happening?
• 4:49
  Cassandra: Because you transitioned from being an actress to do something else.
• 4:52
  Cassandra: Wow, what was calling you?
• 4:54
  Cassandra: Was anything calling you to do something different?
• 4:56
  Brigitta: Yeah, I think so, but I don't think I knew it.
• 4:59
  Brigitta: You know, like I can look back, like we can once we get to a certain point in our life, again, if we choose to, we can look back and see, oh, here are the dots that connect, right?
• 5:09
  Brigitta: So things happened really, they they they did line up for me.
• 5:13
  Brigitta: But when I was very young, because I started acting when I was about 17 years old, I think, and I was on a series up in Canada, I was an international, I loved it.
• 5:21
  Brigitta: It was a wonderful career.
• 5:23
  Brigitta: I got to meet people, I got to travel.
• 5:25
  Brigitta: Um I was working a lot now.
• 5:27
  Brigitta: Vancouver at that time was really a small industry town.
• 5:31
  Brigitta: So I was I did the shows up there, you know.
• 5:34
  Brigitta: When you're not filming on the show that you're working on, then you hopefully are guest starring on other shows.
• 5:40
  Brigitta: So I was on other shows, but the problem is, you know, like 21 Jump Street and MacGyver shows like that, which were really fun.
• 5:45
  Brigitta: But once you've been on the shows, they won't have you back.
• 5:48
  Cassandra: So you were on those shows?
• 5:49
  Brigitta: I was on 21 Jump Street, I was on, I can't remember all of them.
• 5:53
  Brigitta: I don't remember a lot of TV movies.
• 5:57
  Brigitta: Yeah, but the thing is that those filming, those shows, they they have a different person as the guest star.
• 6:03
  Brigitta: Because you know, if you watch the show, like I like those shows, so I'll watch them.
• 6:06
  Brigitta: I can't have the same actor keep coming back and playing different characters because that confuses the audience.
• 6:11
  Brigitta: So it was really a choice.
• 6:12
  Brigitta: I it was like, well, if I'm gonna keep doing this, which I wanted to do, I have to move to a bigger pond.
• 6:18
  Brigitta: Okay, because I'd kind of grown to the point where you know, what are you gonna do here?
• 6:22
  Brigitta: Um, and so it was Toronto was an option.
• 6:25
  Brigitta: If I want to stay film and television, Toronto was an option or Los Angeles was an option.
• 6:30
  Brigitta: And I'm just gonna tell you the weather's better here in LA than Vancouver.
• 6:34
  Brigitta: And I was young.
• 6:35
  Brigitta: And but what was great about that, aside from just this experience of moving to another country and Canada, the United United States, uh, we are two different topics moving to another city.
• 6:46
  Brigitta: I was 20, 21 years old when I moved, so young.
• 6:49
  Brigitta: Um, and kind of almost reinventing yourself at that age when you barely invented yourself already, like invent at 21, but I kind of could because you're going to a new city.
• 6:59
  Brigitta: There are a whole bunch of life lessons that were going on there that I didn't realize.
• 7:03
  Brigitta: And uh one thing about moving to Los Angeles meant I needed to get working papers.
• 7:07
  Brigitta: I couldn't move to LA and work unless I had a green card.
• 7:10
  Brigitta: So um I so getting a green card is really hard, was really hard.
• 7:19
  Brigitta: And it, but it taught me.
• 7:22
  Brigitta: I I I learned this on the fly, basically, goal setting, asking for help, knowing what you don't know, like knowing you don't know certain things, figuring out what do I need to learn, where where what are my strengths, what are my weaknesses, how do I overcome obstacles, all these things that we do, which are life lessons, quite honestly.
• 7:40
  Brigitta: It was like in this one big package of get your working papers.
• 7:44
  Brigitta: And this was a long time ago.
• 7:46
  Brigitta: We did not have the internet.
• 7:47
  Brigitta: So those people who are listening and thinking there was a time before the internet, yes, we had to pick up the phone and call people.
• 7:56
  Brigitta: I wrote people snail mail and said, Can you please send me the articles that you wrote about the show that I'm on?
• 8:03
  Brigitta: Because I couldn't just go download things, that was not an option.
• 8:06
  Cassandra: Right.
• 8:07
  Brigitta: So, what's interesting to me about that is I had to get out of my comfort zone.
• 8:11
  Brigitta: Being in my early 20s, late in Canada, I had to ask for help.
• 8:17
  Brigitta: I had to go to people and say, Will you do this for me?
• 8:19
  Brigitta: Now that's takes courage.
• 8:21
  Brigitta: I and I do look back at that part of me, the or the girl who I was in my 20s, and I marvel at it.
• 8:27
  Brigitta: I like, how did you how did you know?
• 8:30
  Brigitta: How did you get past yourself, quite honestly?
• 8:32
  Brigitta: All of those beliefs, those stories you're talking about.
• 8:35
  Brigitta: Yes, I got past my stories of why I couldn't ask people for help, why I didn't matter, why it wasn't important for me to do this, why I was gonna make people uncomfortable asking them for help.
• 8:46
  Brigitta: All of the stories I had in my head, I just moved them all aside and just trucked on through.
• 8:51
  Cassandra: But that's not but that's not easy.
• 8:53
  Cassandra: I mean, was that an MA gift you had?
• 8:56
  Cassandra: Uh is it something that you're doing now?
• 8:59
  Cassandra: Was what what what process did you use to do that?
• 9:03
  Brigitta: That's such an interesting thing.
• 9:04
  Brigitta: But I think that I had a goal that was so important to me for at that time it was I really wanted to do the acting, I wanted to be an actress, and I couldn't do it anymore where I was.
• 9:18
  Brigitta: So it's that it's that moment where you choose, it's a real choice.
• 9:22
  Brigitta: It's a I want this.
• 9:24
  Brigitta: And when you say to the world, to the universe, to God, to all the things, I want this, and I'm willing to do the work to do it, there's magic there.
• 9:32
  Brigitta: And and I, on some gut level, knew you got to put your stuff aside, you got to get over yourself, and you're gonna and and you're gonna because because you need to, these are the things you need to do.
• 9:44
  Brigitta: The attorney I worked with said, This is what you need to do.
• 9:46
  Brigitta: You need to so I did it, and so now, in hindsight, anytime I've made big career jumps, even writing the book that that's out now, um, but any time that I've made a big shift, um, I've had to take a good look at what are my beliefs, what do I think is to be true, what stories am I telling myself, which you were just talking about, and what stories are gonna have to go, or at the very least, be suspended.
• 10:13
  Brigitta: And and if they're stories, can I make up another story that's more empowering?
• 10:19
  Brigitta: What's gonna have to change that move forward in a way that works for me?
• 10:24
  Brigitta: Because ultimately our beliefs they're in our head.
• 10:27
  Brigitta: They feel very real, they feel very real, but absolutely, yeah.
• 10:34
  Brigitta: But that girl at 20 years old who said, Yeah, I can do this, I'm gonna do this.
• 10:38
  Brigitta: Part of it was just being 20 years old.
• 10:40
  Brigitta: Part of it was I was gonna say that.
• 10:42
  Brigitta: You know, you can do anything in 20.
• 10:45
  Cassandra: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:45
  Brigitta: You don't understand what failure feels like yet.
• 10:47
  Brigitta: You're like, Yeah, no, it's gonna be great.
• 10:49
  Cassandra: Yet, exactly, exactly.
• 10:51
  Cassandra: Because I what I want to do is, you know, we're gonna our topic is finding deeper peace with yourself.
• 11:00
  Cassandra: So when I read that and read your story, was there a time that you didn't have peace after your 20s?
• 11:09
  Cassandra: Oh my goodness.
• 11:10
  Brigitta: Oh my goodness, and that's where all the work has really gone.
• 11:13
  Brigitta: All right.
• 11:14
  Brigitta: I gotta say, I mean, okay,
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: when things are going well, it's great.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, we want things to go well, however, um, it is that change is inevitable, growth is a choice.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: What are you gonna do with this when things are not going according to plan, which is a great amount of the time.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Um, I did go to LA, I uh come to LA, I'm here still.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: I worked quite a bit in film and television, and then it came to the point where I wasn't getting enough out of it.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: And some of that was my career was shifting, some of it was the business itself was shifting, a lot of different reasons, but it was for me really a personal identity crisis because I had thought this is what I'm gonna do.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Oh, this is me.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: This is my definition, this is who I am, and then it was well, no, and then well, then what am I?
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: Who am I?
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: Because I had I had pinned my identity on this thing, which and in again in hindsight, thankfully, I figured that out at a fairly young age age because that will strip you of your self-esteem.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: If you need to achieve a certain thing to be it to feel like you're a value, that's a problem, um, which is all the work that I do now, which is forget about what you need to achieve.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, you'll achieve things, we want to, but the point is, how are you showing up in your life as you achieve or as you don't achieve?
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: How do you show up when things don't go your way?
• 12:37
  Cassandra: But how did you but I'm trying to figure out for my lists, how did you realize that?
• 12:41
  Cassandra: I mean, because I'm thinking, um, like in the beginning, I talked about have you ever been searching, you know, for what is I know it's something else.
• 12:51
  Cassandra: I know this is not all, right?
• 12:54
  Cassandra: So you were searching how I know what you did at 20, but as you got older, how how I guess is how how did you overcome um internal blocks that you had?
• 13:11
  Cassandra: Because you had some.
• 13:12
  Cassandra: Oh, yeah.
• 13:13
  Cassandra: Yeah, what were some of those blocks though?
• 13:15
  Cassandra: Because you already said, look, yeah, I I had I was I was I was smooth, I was, I had freedom, I had no regrets, you know.
• 13:23
  Cassandra: I I I I'm not believing this story I've been telling you.
• 13:25
  Cassandra: So what what happened?
• 13:26
  Cassandra: How'd you overcome all that?
• 13:28
  Brigitta: Well, the what what happened was with acting, I mean, to go back to that one in particular, the work was drying up for me in a lot of ways.
• 13:35
  Brigitta: And I wasn't able to show, I wasn't able to do the thing that I love doing, which was acting.
• 13:40
  Brigitta: So it became very apparent.
• 13:41
  Brigitta: It was like, your plan is not happening.
• 13:43
  Brigitta: The the world was like, uh-uh, you're done.
• 13:45
  Brigitta: And it was devastating.
• 13:47
  Cassandra: Okay.
• 13:48
  Brigitta: So and interestingly enough, because I was so young when I started acting, again, I don't really know how I came to this.
• 13:55
  Brigitta: I might have, I really don't remember how how I came up with this question to myself, but I think it's an important one is what got you into this in the first place, and why are you still in it now?
• 14:06
  Brigitta: What are you getting out of it?
• 14:07
  Cassandra: Okay.
• 14:08
  Brigitta: And this to me is how you can, when you're going through whatever it is you're going through, to identify what is it that you really want to feel here?
• 14:17
  Brigitta: What is it that you really want?
• 14:19
  Brigitta: Yeah, you know, and in the case of acting, it's like, okay, I want to play all these characters, I want to whatever.
• 14:25
  Brigitta: But at the end of the day, what I really was wanting at that age, what had shifted for me and why I considered walking away from acting, which was my identity, was I want to feel connection.
• 14:37
  Brigitta: I think, I think, and here's when I started honing in on I want something more than acting can give me.
• 14:43
  Brigitta: I believe that when I was acting, the work of someone seeing the show or whatever, I think that's healing.
• 14:50
  Brigitta: You're helping people heal because for whatever reason, they're exhausted at the end of the day, they turn on their favorite show, they like those characters, they feel comfortable, they feel safe.
• 15:00
  Brigitta: That's important.
• 15:01
  Brigitta: And I've always viewed actors as healers, artists are healers.
• 15:07
  Brigitta: And I think I saw that when I was in my 20s.
• 15:10
  Brigitta: When I was in my own 20s, I was like, I'm doing the thing.
• 15:13
  Brigitta: But then in my 30s, okay, I started realizing no, no, no, no, there's more to this than just showing up and being camera ready.
• 15:21
  Brigitta: And then I realized, okay, if I'm not acting anymore, what am I doing?
• 15:26
  Brigitta: I gotta find a way to figure that out.
• 15:28
  Cassandra: How do I help people?
• 15:30
  Brigitta: Okay, get in that game, and then I got into Pilates, and then from there I got into life coaching, and then it's like now I'd say, I kinda now I'm like, oh okay, now I get it.
• 15:42
  Brigitta: And and and now I understand how even those tougher moments, and I've had, you know, I've overcome bulimia.
• 15:49
  Brigitta: I gave up alcohol, I used to smoke two packs a day.
• 15:53
  Brigitta: That I gave up before I left Vancouver, though.
• 15:55
  Brigitta: That was practically another lifetime ago, but I did, you know, it's the trifecta of disordered behavior right there.
• 16:01
  Brigitta: Um, those were the darkest moments for sure.
• 16:05
  Brigitta: Bulimia without without a doubt, eating disorders were, but that is guess what?
• 16:11
  Brigitta: That's one of the things I'm most passionate about is helping people have a relationship with food because I got I got through that.
• 16:18
  Cassandra: You got through the food thing and the alcohol, sure.
• 16:21
  Cassandra: Yeah, uh-huh.
• 16:22
  Brigitta: Yeah, so those those quote unquote dark moments to me are those opportunities of what's your choice gonna be here?
• 16:30
  Brigitta: You know, what what what are we what are you doing with this with what's going on right now?
• 16:35
  Cassandra: So, did anybody help you with that?
• 16:38
  Cassandra: I mean, did you have support?
• 16:39
  Cassandra: Like you said, okay, what are some of my dark moments?
• 16:41
  Cassandra: Because I can think of when I was trying to figure out me and I was older than 30, and I'm like, what you know, and I needed I needed coaching, I needed a mentor, I needed somebody to help me to figure this thing out because it was baffling.
• 16:55
  Cassandra: It was it, uh my my energy was depleted, and it was just weird.
• 16:59
  Cassandra: So, did you have support when you transitioned?
• 17:03
  Brigitta: Yes.
• 17:04
  Brigitta: So interestingly enough, with the eating disorder, again, this was before the internet, but we had figured out.
• 17:12
  Brigitta: Um, I'll tell you who I found was Janine Roth.
• 17:15
  Brigitta: She's an amazing writer.
• 17:17
  Brigitta: Uh, she I don't know, she's written a bazillion books, and she's got a new one out about mothers.
• 17:21
  Brigitta: It's called Love Finally, and it's about her relationship with her mother.
• 17:25
  Brigitta: I'm reading it right now.
• 17:25
  Brigitta: Um I highlight pretty much the whole book.
• 17:27
  Brigitta: I'm like, yes, yes.
• 17:29
  Brigitta: So, and I am one of those people who will read a book, and I really am very good at taking it and applying it because I like to priority that way.
• 17:38
  Brigitta: So I'd read some of her books, and more importantly, Janine Roth was doing these things where it was a on the phone, so it was a group chat on the phone.
• 17:46
  Brigitta: We didn't have Zoom yet, and I remember logging on, and this was when I was dealing with bulimia, and I logged on to the call and I was freaked right out, and it probably helped me that it was only on the phone because it was more anonymous, yes, because I was in a shame storm that just wouldn't like I hated myself so much.
• 18:06
  Brigitta: And how the hell did I get here?
• 18:09
  Brigitta: How did this happen?
• 18:10
  Brigitta: This is not what I was put on this planet for at all.
• 18:15
  Brigitta: Okay, I am way off the page, like so far off, right?
• 18:19
  Brigitta: And I get on this call with Janine and these other ladies that I assume are there, and Janine talks for a little bit, and then she opens the call up to women talking, and I started hearing women tell their stories.
• 18:30
  Brigitta: And oh my god, I was like, Oh, I'm not alone, I'm not alone.
• 18:36
  Brigitta: Okay, yeah, Tiffany, okay, yeah, there's help here, and then I literally followed her guidelines.
• 18:42
  Brigitta: She's got eating guidelines that are eat when you're hungry, stop when you've had enough, um, which sounds very basic.
• 18:47
  Brigitta: But if you have disordered eating to even identify if you're hungry or not is a big deal to then actually eat when you're hungry and then stop when you've had enough.
• 18:57
  Brigitta: Those those things are huge, those are life things when you come from disordered eating.
• 19:02
  Brigitta: And I just started doing her program exactly because I was guessing that created all the change.
• 19:10
  Brigitta: Honestly, I keep coming back to anything you do for so for me, it's the guideline of eat when you're hungry, stop when you've had enough.
• 19:19
  Brigitta: That's all I need all day long.
• 19:21
  Brigitta: Because if I catch myself starving and I'm not letting myself eat, something's going on.
• 19:26
  Brigitta: Okay, I'm not nourishing myself, literally.
• 19:30
  Brigitta: Where else am I withholding love from myself?
• 19:32
  Brigitta: Where else is this showing up?
• 19:34
  Brigitta: Because it is a spotlight into an opportunity for growth.
• 19:39
  Brigitta: So that that's really the start of the healing journey, and that's the biggest that's when things pivoted.
• 19:46
  Brigitta: Oh from that point on, it's just been go, go.
• 19:49
  Brigitta: I mean, it hasn't been like success, success, success.
• 19:52
  Brigitta: I mean, it's just been, oh, I'm on the healing journey.
• 19:54
  Brigitta: This is it, this is it, this is it.
• 19:56
  Brigitta: I know as long as I'm on this path, okay, crap can happen back.
• 20:01
  Cassandra: So it's not like there's that it wasn't a Zoom call, but that call was an epiphany, and you're like, okay, I got those steps.
• 20:30
  Cassandra: Okay, this is this is what I'm gonna do.
• 20:32
  Cassandra: Now, because you were able to do that, tell my listeners what um what does it take to create a life of great clarity, balance, and fulfillment?
• 20:46
  Cassandra: What does it take based on your experience and your coaching?
• 20:49
  Cassandra: What is it, what does it take?
• 20:52
  Brigitta: It takes a willingness to be it takes a willingness to acknowledge that you probably will not be hitting the mark a good amount of the time.
• 21:01
  Brigitta: Uh-huh.
• 21:02
  Brigitta: And I think that's yeah, takes awareness because it's trimming the sails, right?
• 21:07
  Brigitta: Um, it's the it's like a plane that's mostly flying off course the whole flight, which is a little, you know, unnerving when you hear that.
• 21:16
  Brigitta: But the truth is it is, and what you know, all of the systems in place there are to keep nudging the plane back into the direction it needs to go because the wind and all the things are changing.
• 21:26
  Brigitta: It's that's life.
• 21:27
  Brigitta: So we head in a direction.
• 21:29
  Brigitta: I want to write a book.
• 21:30
  Brigitta: Okay, great.
• 21:31
  Brigitta: All the things are gonna come up to get in the way.
• 21:33
  Brigitta: All the stuff, right?
• 21:35
  Brigitta: Including internal stuff, biggest obstacles are gonna come up.
• 21:39
  Brigitta: Now, how do I just want to keep trimming the sails?
• 21:42
  Brigitta: I just want to keep nudging myself back online.
• 21:45
  Brigitta: And to me, how you nudge yourself back in alignment, that's how you feel fulfilled at the end of the day.
• 21:52
  Brigitta: So then when you're exhausted at the end of the day, you're not exhausted because you're depleted, you're exhausted because you've been really showing up and doing the best you could in a way that really feels right.
• 22:04
  Cassandra: So, how how okay, how I'm gonna give you an example of myself.
• 22:09
  Cassandra: I always wanted to write a book and I was stuck for years.
• 22:13
  Cassandra: I was stuck because I didn't have freedom from thinking, what are people gonna say?
• 22:18
  Cassandra: Uh, people gonna know my story.
• 22:20
  Cassandra: I don't want them to hear that.
• 22:21
  Cassandra: Then then it was shame, and and then it was like, I don't know, but so and it took me years.
• 22:28
  Cassandra: So, what what's that nudge?
• 22:31
  Cassandra: You said I gotta nudge myself.
• 22:33
  Cassandra: What is that nudge that people have to do to say as as you indicate somebody wants to write a book, somebody wants to start a podcast, somebody wants to get out of a relationship?
• 22:42
  Cassandra: I mean, it's a gamut of things.
• 22:45
  Cassandra: How what's that?
• 22:45
  Cassandra: nudge like the scrap that to my listeners.
• 22:50
  Brigitta: So the nudge to me is the inner knowing.
• 22:54
  Brigitta: It's when you know, and we've actually read about this in the in the book.
• 22:59
  Brigitta: And I think that this is one of the things we've heard from readers they love this.
• 23:02
  Brigitta: I've heard this from other coaches too.
• 23:04
  Brigitta: They you just okay this they say I'm using this and I said great use it.
• 23:09
  Brigitta: Okay.
• 23:10
  Brigitta: Uh we came up with it from we heard it from Elizabeth Gilbert.
• 23:13
  Brigitta: Yes it's the not this moment.
• 23:19
  Cassandra: What was that eat, work and pray Elizabeth?
• 23:21
  Cassandra: Yeah her.
• 23:22
  Brigitta: She's she is just an amazing writer and amazing person.
• 23:25
  Brigitta: And she says everyone has this moment where they wake up one day one day and they say not this.
• 23:30
  Brigitta: Okay.
• 23:32
  Brigitta: And that's that's me before the Janine Roth right saying this is not it.
• 23:36
  Brigitta: If this is what I was put on this planet for this is pathetic like no this is not it.
• 23:40
  Brigitta: And there's shame there's self-hatred all the things not this.
• 23:43
  Brigitta: So we all have those moments and I think so if there's a nudge if there's a part of you that wants to write a book the nudge is saying you're you got more in you.
• 23:55
  Brigitta: You know there's a little more to your life now.
• 23:58
  Brigitta: And even if no one reads it even if you just write it for yourself.
• 24:00
  Brigitta: Right.
• 24:03
  Brigitta: And so then the nudge is also listening to that.
• 24:06
  Brigitta: I think that is a practice actually of listening in to your desires and saying as I was saying before you know owning it and saying I really want this and I don't know how I'm going to do it.
• 24:21
  Brigitta: I haven't a clue.
• 24:22
  Brigitta: And I don't know if anybody's going to care if I do it or not.
• 24:24
  Brigitta: Maybe no one will okay but okay but I really want to do it.
• 24:28
  Brigitta: And then you can feel and even as I say that I can feel there's a part of me that's like gets kind of excited it's like oh we're going to do it or we're going to do it.
• 24:36
  Brigitta: And then and then that spark of enthusiasm that's what you want to cultivate every single day.
• 24:42
  Brigitta: Take a step forward just do one thing every day.
• 24:46
  Cassandra: Okay.
• 24:46
  Cassandra: So it's kind of like okay for me I knew within that I'm going to write this book.
• 24:53
  Cassandra: And once I I said that and I was so sure I start getting phone calls from a friend that said I know an editor just like bam I'm like okay so yeah so that kind of stuff.
• 25:05
  Cassandra: So um now you deconstruct self-sabotage you talked a little bit about that so you have empowering tools and and um and habits that that can help people manifest to their true self.
• 25:24
  Cassandra: So before we talk about an example how do you define self-sabotage?
• 25:31
  Brigitta: Because a lot of that's a word yeah everybody talks about self-sabotage and it came out when when that pandemic was I think all of a sudden you yeah yeah I mean yeah um to me self-sabotage is when we have those stories like you talked about at the beginning yeah these internal beliefs they can be real or not they can be truthful or not but nonetheless if you believe it then it's a belief that you have um when those get really loud and they start calling the shots and what those things will do is they will either internally or literally physically start throwing boulders in your pathway to slow you down or completely derail you altogether.
• 26:16
  Brigitta: Okay.
• 26:17
  Brigitta: So um you know okay a classic example would be someone who's heading towards an interview and they're really excited about it and they're daydreaming and they're not paying attention they rear end the person in front of them.
• 26:29
  Brigitta: Now now that could be just sabotage that could be or it could just be life life happens life gets likely sometimes okay or it could be you just threw a big old obstacle in your way you're like you could have been paying attention to the road what happened were you sabotaging yourself or and sometimes and I think there's a discernment there too of sometimes it's just life just tossing a boulder in your way like right yep and and I'll give you a more specific actu example of one boulder that I avoided is because we talked about this before we went on the recording is we had a big fire here in Los Angeles right a year ago and we ended up staying at some friends' place because we just were a little uncomfortable it's getting a little close and the house that we were staying at um was their extra house so we were blessed to have people who have an extra house that was I know that's amazing.
• 27:20
  Brigitta: I'm grateful for that and I opened the refrigerator and there was a half half open bottle of wine in the fridge now I don't drink I haven't drank in about three and a half years and I looked at wine and I thought huh if ever there was a time now would be I know I could have this is great.
• 27:35
  Brigitta: That's right and I thought to myself this would be a boulder this would be me taking a situation that's already not great and we're in the most blessed possible I know we were wonderful and I know and I thought I'm that if I do that I'm gonna take it's like taking a giant rock boulder and just putting it right in front of myself that was a test that you passed because I saw it for it was like ooh and nobody would know.
• 28:03
  Brigitta: I mean it was all the makings of a perfect opportunity sabotage myself no one will know I'm entitled if ever there was a time to have a drink oh now it'd be nice right especially now yeah um all all of it and I could probably be okay with I mean everything and that those voices are coming up and that's just old stories and I said uh right no as difficult as this is I want to stay present for it because there's growth here and the person who I am now who I show up as stays present for this right I stay present right and you you obviously reframe a lot like when when your thought and I love it when you said um become curious opposed to being judgmental.
• 28:45
  Brigitta: Yeah yeah what tell tell me a little more about that that's that really I think if we if we could all just do that with ourselves the world would be some place it just would be because let's take eating for an example let's say I have worked my way through two boxes of cookies.
• 29:07
  Brigitta: Yeah didn't need two boxes of cookies uh probably didn't even want two boxes of cookies yeah so then so but I can get pretty hard on myself and say okay my doctor's gonna get all over my butt about my cholesterol sugar my my own waistline is gonna let me know in a few days about how you know I'm gonna all the things right I'm gonna join it again okay all the feelings all the harshness the inner critic of how weak and awful I am because I did this blah blah blah all the things we know that voice I don't need to read that with so that voice if or the opportunity is to be curious say what on earth was going on with you yeah like why are you eating this like this sweetheart what were you doing like were you angry were you upset were you were you feeling less than are you frightened is something wrong something's wrong something's wrong what's what's not right I love that be curious opposed to being judgmental yeah that that's really good so listeners I want you to think about that you know as you're like oh I'm not good enough oh I shouldn't do this oh they may not just be cure why are you saying that what what what's going on and it's kind of like yeah yeah like you said um like like like what's the difference between carrying what is yours versus carrying everything else you talk about that I talk about that that's a big one that's about boundaries that's about setting boundaries and what about us women I'm gonna make I'm gonna make the sweeping you know statement here that women we tend to have a harder time with this I will speak personally nobody my mother did not model setting boundaries for me we had the opposite of our household there were no boundaries my mother just you know yeah so I didn't know anything about that and here I'm wondering why I why I feel like I have no control over my life well because I had no agency I wasn't saying no to anything and learning to say no is really hard at first in fact I felt like a total bitch sometimes when I wasn't being I was just saying no yeah I was just I was sticking up for myself or I was speaking on my own behalf.
• 31:20
  Brigitta: Uh I could say no for someone else I could say you know I don't your time is valuable I can set boundaries for other people exactly but not for you.
• 31:29
  Brigitta: Yeah yeah so I think that that's where saying what's mine is I'll take this on and and noticing like what's on your to-do list that isn't yours to do.
• 31:40
  Cassandra: Right.
• 31:40
  Cassandra: You know which happens of course to all of us and and sometimes there are there are times in your life where let's say you have children well you got some stuff on there you're gonna have like you're just gonna it's it it's gotta be fluid gotta be a fluid exact exactly however some days you can say no right that's a practice that's that until the procrastinate right or just like okay I'm gonna procrastinate right yeah right so I love that so when I procrastinate I'm like I'm curious why am I doing this what am I doing because I don't want to deal with it yeah why not yeah exactly yeah and even what you were saying about your voices about the why would I write a book you know like who's gonna read it just be curious about who's that saying that where'd you get that from I love that who told you that your voice wasn't important yeah that's good and so and just and I'm not saying it is a judge because I could be critical of myself I could say who told you who are you believing you're still stuck in your old shit see you're never gonna get any better and blah blah blah I could go there or we could just stay real curious and go that's right that's a great great takeaway I I love that now because attention and energy are you say they are resources.
• 32:57
  Cassandra: Absolutely yeah and then you said um so the question is to consider when one gives their attention to one thing yet chooses not to give it to something else.
• 33:13
  Brigitta: That's right.
• 33:14
  Brigitta: That's right okay it's if you think of your energy as money it's like a budget.
• 33:20
  Brigitta: Yes if you've got a hundred bucks and you're spending thirty dollars over there that means thirty dollars is going to that and not something else that you're basically allotting this money goes here this money goes there and I view your energy and I don't I'm you know I'm a Ricky master so I love woo-woo energy too we can talk about that but most of it I'm talking about real life your waking hours your energetic level that you bring to your day you only have so much of it and it's different for each and every one of us you know I'm 55 years old I don't have any aging parents in my world right now so that's different a lot of people do they have parents they have kids they have kids with special needs that's a spouse is unemployed right now there are a lot or they're single and they're they're they're trying to a single mom is not going to have the same kind of energy as someone like me at this point in my life.
• 34:10
  Brigitta: So it's important to honor where am I what do I have and it's a a resource to not be squandered.
• 34:18
  Brigitta: So I look at energy um as val as valuable as money.
• 34:24
  Brigitta: So I've even my husband and I have talked about things where if something's bothering him I'll say how much is how much sleep are you going to lose over this because that's important.
• 34:34
  Brigitta: Yeah is this going to keep you awake tonight because if it is then it's worth you setting up an appointment even if you have to pay for that appointment to get some help with this to get some help what why with whatever it is yeah with whatever it is that's gonna keep you up tonight how can you get help with that because you losing a night's sleep is going to cost you your energy that's expensive that is that to me that's more than money that not I mean you need money too but it's a resource people forget that um you know it's like renovating a house I was listening to a guy he was uh uh on talk radio a podcast and he was talking about renovating a house and he said you have time you have money and if you don't have money then you have to make up for it with having the time right and if you have because if you have all the money well then you can make things quickly but you right you pay somebody something that's right you pay someone to make it happen right but if you don't have any money if you're building it yourself then you have to have the time so that's your resource so when you start looking at it as this is this is my this is the the the money this is the resource then you get very focused and very clear about what's what am I willing to do what am I clear what's taking my energy what is what what's depleting my energy and versus what do I want to put my focus and attention on.
• 36:00
  Cassandra: Yeah and do something about it if it's yeah does that make sense yeah it makes a lot of sense a lot of sense um I want to do like uh for you to do like a call to action for my listeners in regards to tapping into wisdom through the barriers that are standing between you and the life was that was meant for you.
• 36:23
  Cassandra: So how can my listeners a few examples of how can they tap into their wisdom through those barriers standing between them and what they were created to do I love that the first step is to see what is the barrier really without the story attached to it.
• 36:44
  Brigitta: So is this really something that's standing in front of me?
• 36:47
  Brigitta: Is it a door that is closed at the moment literally or is it an internal barrier?
• 36:52
  Brigitta: Is it something that I'm making up in my head because that's really clear it's important uh are we dealing in the real world or are we dealing with our internal world if it is an internal world issue or if there is any internal world issue going on there lovely again bring out that curiosity and go aha then this this issue now this boulder that has been placed in my way is an opportunity for me to see things differently and then you can brainstorm you know then you you have some options there of how do I want to approach this I know you know probably you've noticed this too with with the things you've done not just with the book but even with the podcast sometimes coming at things head on is not the best choice.
• 37:42
  Brigitta: Sometimes going taking a step back noticing what do I have to share what's my value here how can I bring the most that I have to contribute to the situation is it by going head on or is it coming around from the from from a side or an angle or over top yeah what am I not what am I not seeing because I'm so focused on this barrier um there's another exercise uh Glenn McIntosh who's a an Australian food psychologist guy who I also follow he talks about if you're really enmeshed with your problem whatever the problem is the obstacle it's like your hands are right in front of your face and all you can see is is right in front of your face.
• 38:21
  Cassandra: So if you can start to peek around your hands now you see other things and now you can actually start to move it away from you you have you have room you can see a whole bunch of other things around the problem so the problem is still there we're not pretending it's there yeah what else is there at the same time and now we can compassionately curiosity with curiosity go huh okay now some of the ideas may not fly but you but you're not without choices you all you all have that choice and that goes to our title talking about finding deeper peace with yourself um like you indicated you know the barriers like what has you stuck what are you pondering over you know um to to be curious and and also be aware that you're doing that so once you're aware that's that's that's key you know um yeah and then some of the things you talked about you read i mean i is some of my listeners may read and some don't but but for me i know my limitations and if i'm in if i'm stuck and got barriers i'm gonna listen to different podcasts while i'm while i'm walking or while i'm exercising that encourages me say okay i got it i got it you know or opposed to i switch my thoughts what i'm listening to who i talk to yeah that's so important because i don't i'm i'm not in the frame of mind to talk to this person right now because i'm going through something you know or vice versa so i i i love your approach and i know that my listeners are gonna listen to this again and start using that approach like the hands okay okay you're blocking yourself what's over here you're missing something just like opening the refrigerator you know you drink okay all right why am i wanting that uh huh that's a that's a boulder i'm not going there you know so you have to steadily talk to yourself you do and you know and with the compassion i think that's the other piece that's really important with it if you want to override the critical because the critical part of us is helpful it is helpful yes but it shouldn't be in charge yes it's just is it's just like it's a board of directors I remember reading Tony Rock uh Tony um no it was uh I'll think of his name after this it'll pop into my head um he wrote a book called Recovery 2.0 and he talked about the shitty committee he calls it that's in his head the shitty committee they're the ones that come up with the shitty ideas and I I joke about that but sometimes a bit of humor can go a long way and go oh that's the shitty committee again absolutely Tommy Rosen that was his name Tommy Rosen.
• 41:15
  Brigitta: Okay I knew it would pop into my head um the shitty and so the shit and so now it's kind of funny you're like oh yeah there it goes and I always think when I hear myself with those thoughts of you know what you know that thought will pop in of why don't you just blow off the day and go into like oh don't bother returning the call or right whatever you know just that part that sabotage right and take a moment and say well isn't that interesting like that what part of me is coming forth here right now thank you for them and uh and I can tell you sometimes I will say to myself I swear to god I will say thank you for sharing yes and then I move on anyway that's right you they're not gonna like you you're gonna embarrass yourself uh huh thank you for sharing moving on that's good that's good I think what's important is with that hand exercise for example with the seeing the obstacle I'm a big fan of reality and the problem may very well really be there so there's a fear if if there's a part of me that's saying you're gonna embarrass yourself nobody's gonna like you uh I don't have to say that part doesn't exist.
• 42:29
  Brigitta: I can say I see you thank you for sharing I'm good I got this I'm gonna go do it anyway.
• 42:36
  Brigitta: Now you can have both and that's a compassionate humorous fun curious way of moving forward.
• 42:42
  Brigitta: Right and I think it feels safer at the end of the day because really all that part that's all it's doing is trying to protect you from embarrassing yourself.
• 42:49
  Cassandra: Oh absolutely Brigetta Brigida I tell my listeners how they can get in touch with you.
• 42:58
  Cassandra: Oh thank you well easy I'm very easy to reach my website is my name brigittadao.com and you can contact me you can DM me from any of the socials I'm on but also you can there's contact information there so you can email me ask me any questions uh I do with so much work online I'm very accessible so I love and you can tell I love talking with people so reach out anybody wants to reach out connections yeah you talked about connections even though the acting could be healing for those that are looking but you you had a desire to make some connections and and you're doing that and I I applaud you for that and I I thank you so much for being a guest on my show and um and I'm gonna ask this question uh to my listeners and even for me and you Brigetta is your way in your way and if you want freedom if you want to find a deeper peace with yourself re listen to this podcast.
• 43:57
  Cassandra: So again Brigetta thank you so much God bless and bye for now thank you so much