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How to survive the Narcissist's discard · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  How do you survive a narcissistic discard Woo?
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  I know this right here is going to rattle a lot of people.
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  I know this video is going to get into the minds and the
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  hearts of a lot of people. So let's hop right into it.
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  If you knew here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist here to give you this perspective of
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  a narcissist and this is what we talked about today.
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  Y'all surviving the discard phase by toxic narcissistic Doo
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  Doo person. I said Doo Doo a toxic
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  narcissistic person overall because we know the the phases
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  of a narcissistic relationship typically go love bombing,
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  devaluation, discard, hoovering sometimes right?
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  Y'all know I have a course called understanding the seven
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  stages of a narcissistic relationship where I give you 7
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  stages of a narcissistic relationship.
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  It goes picking selection, selection or picking why they
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  picked you, then love bombing, then fracturing, then
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  devaluation, then the discard phase, then I there's a cycle
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  called a stage called recycle and then the Hoover, right?
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  The discard phase by a narcissist has two separate
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  parts. They're two separate discards,
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  y'all. When people hear discard, they
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  automatically get into their minds.
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  The discard means breaking up. They automatically get into
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  their heads. The discard means breakup.
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  The discard means physically being thrown away, physically
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  being shot into the trash can like Kobe, like they threw you
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  into the trash, right? But for me, on my course, you
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  can find a mental illness.net. I go into the two different
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  forms of a discard. There's the emotional discard
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  and then there's the physical discard.
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  Everybody that deals with a narcissist gets emotionally
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  discarded when they emotionally disconnect from you.
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  But not everybody gets physically discarded.
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  They don't break up with everybody out.
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  Some people are with narcissists forever.
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  I know this thought right there might sound horrifying to some
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  people, but it's, it's you know, it's some people's truth.
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  Some people are with a narcissist forever.
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  They never leave. They never understand what they
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  went through. It sucks they even think about
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  that, right? So you if you do get emotionally
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  discarded by a narcissist or physically discarded by a
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  narcissist, I'm going to tell you how to handle it.
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  The first thing you want to do is understand that you did
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  everything that you did that you could.
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  You did everything that you could do to make this
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  relationship work. You did.
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  And I know some people just like, well, Lee, we didn't try
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  the marriage counsel, Lee, we didn't try therapy.
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  We leave. We didn't try this, Lee, we
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  didn't try that. You did everything you could do,
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  and that shows you. But Lee, we didn't try.
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  Yeah, you did. You did all the stuff that you
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  could do right. And that shows you right there,
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  just in that mental space right there, that narcissistic people,
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  that nothing you do for that person will ever be enough.
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  They'll always be asking for more.
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  You'll give them some type of consent concession, right?
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  And they'll still be asking you for more later on.
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  You give them everything that they want on a list of demands,
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  and they'll still add things to the list.
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  They're never satisfied. One thing you have to
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  understand, you have to realize that when you deal with the
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  narcissist is that they will never be satisfied by anything
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  that you do. And I know they're just like,
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  well, damn, that hurt my feelings.
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  Yeah. It's.
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  Yeah. It's not supposed to feel good,
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  right? It's not supposed to feel good.
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  It'll feel good later on when you get free, if that's your
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  choice, right? If your choice is to get free
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  and to live your best life, it'll feel good later on.
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  Yeah. But right now that you're
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  dealing with hell, no. Why would it feel good?
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  It's supposed to hurt. It's going to hurt.
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  It is. You're going to be in a little
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  bit of pain, right? Or a lot of a lot of it.
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  I say a little bit. But you might be in a lot of bit
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  of pain, right? You might be in a lot of it
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  because it's going to be it's it's it's a process, right?
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  Yeah. But that's the thing right
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  there. You have to realize and accept
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  the fact that you did everything that you could do, you could
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  have done. You've tried your best.
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  You fought back and forth. You gave it look, you moved.
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  You gave them what they wanted. You open the relationship up,
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  you close the relationship, but you stop fighting, you stop
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  arguing, you stop going back and forth.
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  You stop even voicing your opinion.
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  You stop trying to hold them accountable.
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  You stop talking. You damn there look you damn
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  there stop breathing. I got some energy y'all oh I got
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  some energy today. I feel good yes you damn near
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  stop breathing now come on y'all, you did everything you
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  could do. That's what you have to accept
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  that fact, but so many people are like well I can't accept
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  that I just I did that look you did everything you could do you
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  tried your hardest so in order to to survive the disc scar
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  phase. You have to understand that you
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  did what you could do now. The next thing that you in order
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  to just to survive the narcissistic discard.
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  The next thing that you have to do is truly understand that you
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  are free freedom. They did not discard you.
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  You were set free. You have to reframe your
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  experience. Some people look out, some
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  people like when you say, when you say discard, there's no good
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  connotations that you can make for that, right?
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  Discard means thrown away excess, just you no longer need
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  it, so you get rid of it. Discard means to get rid of,
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  right? That's what that means.
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  It doesn't mean there's no good meanings attached to the word
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  discard, right? There is not.
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  There's no good meanings. So it's just like you have to
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  reframe it. Were you discarded or were you
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  set free? You were set free.
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  You were set free. You absolutely were.
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  You were set free. So many people were like, well,
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  Lee, I got thrown away into the trash and he said Kobe.
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  He said Kobe when he shot me in the trash can.
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  Y'all Kobe all day, right? But it's just like you get into
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  the mindset you just like, OK, I did all that I could do.
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  I handled everything that I can handle and then like they set me
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  free because once like it's hard to see it right now, right?
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  Once you first get discarded or set free, it's very hard to see
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  the good in it, right? Because you're hurting, you're
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  in pain. But as time goes along and you
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  get to do the things that you thought you never could do, you
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  get to go back to school. You get to go out with your
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  friends. You get to talk to your family
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  members. You get to your kids, get to
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  feel safe. Everybody gets to talk around
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  the house. Your kids, who you thought were
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  introverts, come out being extroverted or whatever.
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  Their personalities change for the best.
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  You like that? What the hell going on in this
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  house? It's like a dark cloud has been
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  lifted above, away from your house.
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  Now you're free. Now you get to just be empowered
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  right now. That's what it is right there.
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  That's literally what it is. You are free.
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  You were not thrown away. You were set free.
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  And that's why so many people. That's why you have to look at
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  it right there. You have to look at it as being
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  set free as opposed to being discarded and thrown away.
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  Because when you look at it, when you look at it as being
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  thrown away, y'all, it's very tough to see any kind of good
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  stuff in it, right? You did.
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  You were set free. You were not thrown away.
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  Another thing you need to do in order to survive the the
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  narcissistic discard is also y'all realize that everybody
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  gets discarded. Everybody is going to get
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  discarded, maybe not physically, maybe not broken up with right,
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  but they will eventually get emotionally discarded.
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  Narcissist like with this. The love bombing is not a
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  sustainable thing that that's it's just not well, Lee, they
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  seem so happy in a new relationship.
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  It's just so tough looking at it.
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  Stop looking. You got to stop looking at it.
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  You really do. But you like Lee.
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  It's so hard looking. Why are you looking?
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  Why are we looking at it? You got to seriously, so now you
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  have to close your eyes to not not close your eyes to your
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  life, but cut off certain sections, cut off certain
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  certain things that you're seeing in order to set yourself
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  free. Seriously there.
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  Everybody gets emotionally discarded, but not everybody
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  gets physically discarded. They don't physically break up
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  with people. I know people like what what
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  makes them decide to physically discard people?
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  Y'all? It's a long detailed thing that
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  why I say I have my course called Understanding the Seven
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  Stages of a Narcissistic relationship at my website,
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  mentalillness.net. Enter code mothers and fathers
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  or fathers to get 50% off. It's like $20 then y'all
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  seriously? But yes, everybody gets
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  emotionally discarded. Everybody's they're going to
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  emotionally disconnect from everybody, but they might not
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  physically disconnect from everybody.
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  Like you're you. It's not just you that this
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  happened to everybody that is dealt with.
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  A narcissist gets physically gets emotionally discarded.
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  So it's not just you, right? It is not just you and one more
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  thing, another thing, y'all, in order to survive the
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  narcissistic discard this, this might not be specific to
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  everybody, but it's going to help out a lot of people.
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  Sometimes you were the one that did the breaking up, but you
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  felt like you were forced to do it right?
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  You felt like you had no other choice.
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  You the reverse discard happened like where you were the one that
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  broke up with them and they moved on quickly.
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  Well, Lee, they treated me so horribly.
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  I had no choice but to end the relationship.
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  And then when I ended the relationship, they would
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  automatically get with somebody else.
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  The reverse discord. What Lee, did I make the right
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  decision breaking up with them and getting rid of them and they
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  end up with somebody else? Yes, you did.
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  Would you rather just stay in a prolonged relationship that's
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  over because you don't want to be the one that ends it, or do
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  you want to end it and get yourself free faster?
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  You're going to get free sooner or later regardless, right?
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  You might as well do it right now so you have more time to
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  live your life to the fullest extent possible.
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  You might as well get the healing journey started right
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  now as opposed to start it later.
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  Believe it hurts to get it started right now.
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  Yeah, it does hurt, don't it? It hurts.
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  It sucks when you have to deal with people like this.
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  It really, really does. But that's the mentality that so
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  many people are going to deal with when you're dealing with an
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  abusive, manipulative, narcissistic person.
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  They might treat you so badly they make you be the one to
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  break up with them. And then they end up with
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  somebody else and they play the victim.
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  I did everything that I could do.
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  I try my damnedest. I try my hardest.
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  And you know what, you know what, they still burger with me,
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  they still dump me and network goes on right there, y'all.
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  So it's just like when you're dealing with a manipulative,
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  abusive person, this is what's going to happen.
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  This is who you're going to deal with and this is what you're
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  going to have to survive. You will survive the
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  narcissistic discard. Y'all, Lee?
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  I feel like like in conclusion, y'all the one also the one thing
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  that you need to know, and this is for everybody.
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  When you go through the discard phase with the narcissist, the
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  one thing you need to know about surviving it is that you will
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  survive it. You will survive the narcissist,
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  the discard, regardless of who is doing the discarding,
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  regardless if it's your parent, your friend, your husband, wife,
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  boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, whoever it is, you will survive
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  it. Yeah, unless it was your parent.
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  You were not born into life with this person, right?
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  You were not born this person. You, you survived without this
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  person before you met them. You will survive after you met
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  them. Well, Lee, I can't live without
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  them. You.
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  How do you? Well, Lee, we've been together
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  for 10 years. I'm 40 year, Lee.
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  I'm 40 years old. We've been together for 10
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  years. I don't think I can live without
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  them. What you do for the 1st 30?
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  What you doing for the 1st 30 years of your life?
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  Were you? Were you, were you just born at
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  30? Did you come out of an egg sack
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  at 30 years old? Did you come out and look, did
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  you come out or were you birthed from an empathetic egg sack at
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  30? Is that how you got here?
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  Is that how you were here? Those are questions that need
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  answering. You will survive.
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  You survived before, you will survive the after.
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  So understand that right there. I Will Survive.
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  You got to play that song. I Will Survive.
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  I don't know who sang that song. I Will Survive.
• 11:55
  I can't say anyway y'all hit the subscribe button if you haven't
• 11:59
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• 12:05
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• 12:07
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• 12:09
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  fathers and hit that subscribe. But yeah, I'm out.
• 12:15
  Peace.