Latest / F*ck Off Fridays / Two Pump Chump

Transcript

Two Pump Chump · F*ck Off Fridays

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to Fuck Off Friday with your girl Liv and your girl Charlie.
0:07
SPEAKER_02: Coming up, we have your resident fuck off of the week.
0:11
SPEAKER_02: We've got more eggs, we've got some voice notes from our male participants.
0:16
SPEAKER_01: We've got more of your dating disasters.
0:18
SPEAKER_02: Classic.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: How to rage bait men and some more men's confessions.
0:22
SPEAKER_01: So strap in.
0:23
SPEAKER_02: Get yourself a beverage and off we go.
0:29
SPEAKER_01: So don't.
0:30
SPEAKER_02: Down's your week then.
0:32
SPEAKER_01: Do you know what?
0:33
SPEAKER_01: 10 10.
0:34
SPEAKER_01: So we're off to Epsom.
0:36
SPEAKER_02: What?
0:36
SPEAKER_02: Wish mine had been 10 10.
0:37
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you looked really disappointed then.
0:39
SPEAKER_01: I was like, Wish mine have been 10 10.
0:42
SPEAKER_01: We're off to Epsom this week, which I'm buzzing about.
0:45
SPEAKER_01: We are.
0:45
SPEAKER_01: Um so in preparation, because we gotta look fancy schmancy, I went to go and visit a very special hat lady called Lisa.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: Lisa Halwell.
0:55
SPEAKER_01: Who is oh, you need to meet her.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: She's such a vibe, like such positive energy.
1:00
SPEAKER_01: And I remember I if someone responds to me with a voice note and I voice note them, they're in.
1:05
SPEAKER_01: Match.
1:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:06
SPEAKER_02: Not match the energy, match the vibes.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: So I knew before I met her I was gonna love her.
1:09
SPEAKER_01: And then I went there and I was like, she was just amazing.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: And she was like, You have a face for a hat.
1:14
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, You're so you've got to say that because it's your job.
1:16
SPEAKER_01: And she was like, No, no, I wouldn't say that.
1:18
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, she was great.
1:19
SPEAKER_01: Went to a little studio in the Cotswolds, or a whole range of hats, and I had so much fun trying them all on.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: So delighted to say I've got one ready for Saturday.
1:29
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna look like real ladies.
1:31
SPEAKER_02: I don't actually know which one you picked, so it's surprised, not the whippy one, not Mr.
1:36
SPEAKER_01: Lady Cornetta.
1:37
SPEAKER_01: Lady Cornetta.
1:38
SPEAKER_01: Anyone that hasn't seen that, that's on my Instagram.
1:40
SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, I had lots of fun.
1:42
SPEAKER_01: Um, and just shout out to a female-led business.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: She's excellent at what she does, super creative, and just yeah, loved her personality.
1:53
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, great.
1:54
SPEAKER_01: Go on, Lisa.
1:55
SPEAKER_01: What's new with you?
1:56
SPEAKER_02: Hi yeah, if you don't know what's new with me, uh your usual bollocks, to be fair.
2:01
SPEAKER_02: I can't report anything fun.
2:03
SPEAKER_02: It's been a bit of a difficult, boring week.
2:05
SPEAKER_02: So we can't report anything fun there.
2:08
SPEAKER_01: I've got something funny for you.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: Go on.
2:10
SPEAKER_01: Have you seen Susan Boyle's glow up?
2:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: Have you seen it?
2:17
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so it's giving Timu Taui.
2:22
SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: I've written down here it's giving Pat Butcher, come Russian mob wife.
2:28
SPEAKER_01: It's quite a glow-up.
2:29
SPEAKER_01: House of Gucci, Lady Gargar.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
2:32
SPEAKER_02: I got you, I got you, I got you.
2:33
SPEAKER_01: What in the wild horses is going on there?
2:35
SPEAKER_02: I want to know who whose brainchild that was.
2:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
2:38
SPEAKER_01: But one icon.
2:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
2:41
SPEAKER_01: But she looks great.
2:42
SPEAKER_01: Can you remember as well?
2:43
SPEAKER_01: So when she released her album.
2:47
SPEAKER_01: I can't remember what it was fucking called.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: No, you don't need to remember what it's called, but on Twitter at the time, whoever her social media person was, take a bow because I will never forget this.
2:56
SPEAKER_01: They used the hashtag, it was meant to say Susan's album launch party.
3:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: How it read was Susan's anal bum party.
3:04
SPEAKER_01: I will live rent-free in my head forever.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: So when I see her, I'm like, how's your anal bum party, Susan?
3:10
SPEAKER_01: Come on, Sue! How is that going for you?
3:12
SPEAKER_01: And what's great is a friend of mine used that at a quiz night as the team name, and she said she was it was a PTA thing at her children's school.
3:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:22
SPEAKER_01: And the people that were running it were obviously a bit like stuck up their own ass.
3:25
SPEAKER_01: They were like, oh, that's so grotesque.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, have a good laugh.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh fuck off.
3:29
SPEAKER_01: All the anal bum parts.
3:33
SPEAKER_01: Um and something else as well.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
3:36
SPEAKER_01: Someone said to me, you know, I think it was maybe like our second episode.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: I spoke about how my butt cheeks chafed.
3:41
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
3:41
SPEAKER_01: So, solution.
3:43
SPEAKER_01: Somebody messaged me saying that liquid talcum powder, so liquid talc comes in a tube like sun cream.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: She was like, it's an absolute game changer if you chafe and it's not as messy as talc.
3:54
SPEAKER_02: I'm not shocked by the fact that they messaged you and said that.
3:57
SPEAKER_02: What I'm shocked about is the fact that there is a thing that is liquid talcum powder.
4:04
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm gonna get some.
4:05
SPEAKER_02: Let's think about that for a second.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna get some and I'll report back.
4:09
SPEAKER_02: Please don't.
4:10
SPEAKER_02: No, I'm gonna.
4:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
4:12
SPEAKER_02: It's sweaty season.
4:13
SPEAKER_02: So I'll report back.
4:15
SPEAKER_02: Can I just say, before I get to my fuck off of the week, something that has been kind of gestating and really just bugging me.
4:26
SPEAKER_02: A lot of people are coming for him at the moment, so I don't feel too bad about it.
4:29
SPEAKER_02: Stephen fucking Bartlett.
4:31
SPEAKER_02: Diary of a CEO.
4:33
SPEAKER_02: Manosphere.
4:34
SPEAKER_02: Fuck me.
4:35
SPEAKER_02: Well, he's it's not really that.
4:37
SPEAKER_02: It's more the fact that he irritates me to fuck because he literally sits there, he doesn't ask the questions that really need to be asked.
4:46
SPEAKER_02: He's just like passive and yeah, yeah, yeah.
4:49
SPEAKER_02: And it just fucks me off.
4:51
SPEAKER_02: And then that basically, I think it was this week or last week, he was basically preaching about the fact that he doesn't drink.
4:58
SPEAKER_02: Oh.
4:58
SPEAKER_02: And bore off.
5:00
SPEAKER_02: Then turned around and said he had three glasses of wine or something.
5:03
SPEAKER_02: And it ruined his ruined his week or something.
5:05
SPEAKER_02: It ruined three days of his week.
5:07
SPEAKER_02: Pussy.
5:08
SPEAKER_02: And the sentence that stuck with me was God gone.
5:12
SPEAKER_02: I podcasted worse.
5:14
SPEAKER_02: Do you know?
5:16
SPEAKER_01: That's Nick.
5:17
SPEAKER_02: Shut the fuck up.
5:19
SPEAKER_02: Okay, this one's been at work all day.
5:22
SPEAKER_02: I have been here working and doing admin and bullshit all day.
5:26
SPEAKER_02: I have had a drink.
5:28
SPEAKER_02: I'm having a drink now.
5:29
SPEAKER_01: She's having a panda pop.
5:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
5:32
SPEAKER_02: But my point is, I could come off the back of a bender last night and I wouldn't podcast worse.
5:36
SPEAKER_02: I podcast better.
5:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
5:39
SPEAKER_02: It really fucked me off and it was very much holier than thou of oh, I've ruined three days of my week.
5:45
SPEAKER_02: Like, have you though?
5:46
SPEAKER_02: Or are you just a boring fuck?
5:48
SPEAKER_02: I am not advocating that everyone should be smashed all the time.
5:51
SPEAKER_02: Not here for alcohol losers.
5:52
SPEAKER_02: Do not use your platform to make people feel bad.
5:57
SPEAKER_01: No, I agree.
5:58
SPEAKER_01: Did you see Greg James's video that he posted about it?
6:00
SPEAKER_01: Oh yes, I did.
6:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:01
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I did.
6:02
SPEAKER_01: That's ha that's the only reason why I know about Yeah, that's the only reason why I know about it.
6:06
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it just You're not better than someone else just because you don't drink.
6:11
SPEAKER_02: Like, he's got such a platform and he's doing it for fucking what?
6:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:18
SPEAKER_01: But did you know about the male loneliness pandemic?
6:20
SPEAKER_02: Fuck's sake.
6:21
SPEAKER_02: The one that he did, sorry before we get on to my because I've got another fuck off of the week, but this is kind of leading.
6:26
SPEAKER_02: Let it out, honey, put it in the book.
6:28
SPEAKER_02: The one that he did, and they were talking about how it's a man's right to pass on their genes.
6:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, boy.
6:35
SPEAKER_02: Should we intercept the fact that we're at an all-time low of women wanting to be pregnant and this other thing?
6:41
SPEAKER_02: No, we fucking shouldn't.
6:42
SPEAKER_01: No.
6:43
SPEAKER_02: Men should grow and get better, go to therapy, realize why people don't want to fucking date you.
6:49
SPEAKER_02: Okay?
6:51
SPEAKER_02: Be good.
6:52
SPEAKER_02: Be better.
6:53
SPEAKER_02: Drop that tiny mic.
6:55
SPEAKER_02: Olivia.
6:56
SPEAKER_02: Why is it our fault?
6:57
SPEAKER_02: Yet again.
6:58
SPEAKER_02: Patriarchy, fuck you.
7:00
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, my fuck off of the week.
7:02
SPEAKER_02: That wasn't it.
7:03
unknown: That wasn't it.
7:05
SPEAKER_02: Go on.
7:05
SPEAKER_02: That wasn't it.
7:06
SPEAKER_02: While you're on a roll.
7:07
SPEAKER_02: My fuck off of the week.
7:10
SPEAKER_02: People who genuinely despise you or have had a fallout with you further down the line or whatever, they still follow you on social media, or they've removed you and then they've come back.
7:26
SPEAKER_02: To have a peep in Tom.
7:28
SPEAKER_02: Fine if you want to be nosy, but fuck off because you don't like me.
7:32
SPEAKER_02: And I I'm a big believer in some people don't support you just because it's you.
7:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, 100%.
7:37
SPEAKER_02: You could be doing the world's best thing and they don't support you just because it's you.
7:40
SPEAKER_01: But some random stranger, they'll like all their stuff on Instagram, but yours, nah.
7:44
SPEAKER_02: But literally, what is what is the benefit?
7:47
SPEAKER_02: You haven't spoken to me in two, three years.
7:50
SPEAKER_02: You you don't like me as a person.
7:52
SPEAKER_02: Go away.
7:53
SPEAKER_02: Go and do something better with your life.
7:54
SPEAKER_02: You boring fuck.
7:56
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, what would your fuck off of the week be?
7:59
SPEAKER_02: Clearly I'm ranted too long.
8:00
SPEAKER_01: Well, I've had a fuck off of the week sent in from somebody that I know.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, which is great.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, if anyone's got any of these, give us give us them.
8:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, so it was her birthday, and her best friend in the whole wide world waited until like late afternoon to message her.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, wait till late afternoon to message her.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: Didn't even say happy birthday, she just went, hope you're having a nice day.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: And I'd be like, what the fuck?
8:25
SPEAKER_01: So I understand that.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: I think she felt really like, oh, am I not an important person to you?
8:30
SPEAKER_01: They're like real tight, and they've been friends for years, and I just thought I'd feel probably really disappointed.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: It's very sad.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: It made me feel really sad.
8:38
SPEAKER_02: Just from someone who I would say happy birthday to the guy behind the bar at a pub.
8:45
SPEAKER_02: I think that's shady as shit.
8:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:47
SPEAKER_01: Just saying.
8:49
SPEAKER_01: Also, you can put alerts on your phone and all sorts now, anyway.
8:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:52
SPEAKER_01: I mean I put friends' birthdays in my work diary just to make sure I don't forget.
8:55
SPEAKER_01: Because I get paranoid I'm gonna forget.
8:57
SPEAKER_02: I mean, we have we have close friends, but then we have acquaintances, and it is nice to wish everyone happy birthdays, so you do have to do that.
9:05
SPEAKER_02: But just for context, you know I don't really speak to my mum.
9:10
SPEAKER_02: Difficult relationship.
9:12
SPEAKER_02: Bet she's listened to this though.
9:14
SPEAKER_02: Stratch in.
9:15
SPEAKER_02: But the first year I went, like, no, no contact with her, she messaged me at like 6 a.m.
9:26
SPEAKER_02: on my birthday, basically saying, Hope you have a nice day, and sent me a picture of me that a friend had taken.
9:35
SPEAKER_02: Not even like a memory.
9:37
SPEAKER_02: So I'm just saying, do better because it's just shit.
9:42
SPEAKER_01: If Liv's shit, you must do that.
9:44
SPEAKER_01: I'd be a better friend.
9:46
SPEAKER_01: Fuck me.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: Best friend who?
9:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, literally.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, so the other one I've got.
9:51
SPEAKER_01: So I didn't really have anything to rage about this week.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: I've had quite a nice one.
9:54
SPEAKER_01: I've carried the whole battery.
9:56
SPEAKER_01: But I did see something earlier on that is kind of like it falls into this will rage bait you and a lot of our listeners.
10:03
SPEAKER_01: I can't believe it.
10:03
SPEAKER_01: It's also very manosphere.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, right, so I saw this thing and it said I'm gonna read it out.
10:07
SPEAKER_01: And I don't have no idea who this guy is.
10:09
SPEAKER_01: It says, My wife's gynecologist today casually suggested I get a vasectomy as one of the options.
10:15
SPEAKER_01: Bro, I'm 30.
10:17
SPEAKER_01: What the hell has to be going on in your head to look at a young married guy and go, yeah, let's just snip him.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: I'm still in shock.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: So what's the first thing I do?
10:26
SPEAKER_01: I go immediately to the comments.
10:28
SPEAKER_01: Now, because everyone's gonna be sat there going, I'm gonna be chewing on this one for a minute.
10:33
SPEAKER_01: You drink your panda pop.
10:35
SPEAKER_01: So went straight to the comments.
10:37
SPEAKER_01: You can all sort of stop shouting at your car radios.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: And okay, so someone's put, I got snipped at 30 because the other option was a more invasive surgery for my wife.
10:47
SPEAKER_01: Grow the fuck up, you goddamn child.
10:50
SPEAKER_01: Did a man say that?
10:50
SPEAKER_01: A man said that, yeah.
10:51
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
10:51
SPEAKER_01: Of course he did, as a man gets a snippet.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, apologies, I'm not with it.
10:54
SPEAKER_01: And then someone's put, I'm sure you'll get over it.
10:57
SPEAKER_01: It's probably just your hormones.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: And then someone else has put, your wife's husband is an idiot.
11:05
SPEAKER_01: Which I really enjoyed.
11:07
SPEAKER_01: Again, I feel like that could add that could go nicely into the rage bait section.
11:12
SPEAKER_01: Um, and then someone else said, your hairline maybe made them think you were older.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: But what I really enjoyed was everybody basically being like, You're a fucking idiot, shut up.
11:23
SPEAKER_02: He hasn't got the response he thought he was gonna get.
11:26
SPEAKER_02: No, yeah.
11:27
SPEAKER_02: Useless sack of shit.
11:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
11:29
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, that was Honestly.
11:31
SPEAKER_02: Any of you twats that think, oh no, I couldn't bother me to get the snip.
11:35
SPEAKER_02: And I've had conversations with my female friends about this, including someone who is I'm reasonably close to.
11:43
SPEAKER_02: It's not that fucking hard.
11:45
SPEAKER_02: You can also get it reversed.
11:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's reversible, isn't it?
11:47
SPEAKER_01: It's not having a shape side which is permanent.
11:49
SPEAKER_02: You're never gonna be 10 centimetres dilated.
11:52
SPEAKER_02: Shut up.
11:53
SPEAKER_02: I don't ever wish to be 10 centimetres dilated.
11:55
SPEAKER_02: No, but I'm just saying, yeah, fuck off.
11:58
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
11:58
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, my next question for you.
12:01
SPEAKER_02: Go on.
12:02
SPEAKER_02: Because I was thinking about this the other day, before we move on to Ix.
12:07
SPEAKER_02: What's your favourite swear word?
12:10
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, I I don't think it's gonna be what you think it is.
12:13
SPEAKER_02: I don't I don't actually know what yours is gonna be.
12:17
SPEAKER_01: The one I use the most, and it's on brand, is fuck.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
12:22
SPEAKER_01: So whether it's oh for fuck's sake, that's the one that's I say it a lot.
12:26
SPEAKER_02: What did you think I thought you were gonna say?
12:27
SPEAKER_02: See next Tuesday.
12:28
SPEAKER_02: No, I didn't think you were a see next Tuesday kind of gal.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: I so when I say see next Tuesday, I either I'll say it.
12:36
SPEAKER_01: I either use it in um like the Aussie term, like you're a good she can't.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're a shit.
12:43
SPEAKER_01: She can't! Yeah, yeah.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: But I use fuck the most.
12:46
unknown: Fuck!
12:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: Oh fucking hell, for fuck's sake.
12:49
SPEAKER_01: Fuck, fuck, fuck me, fuck, fuck, fuck.
12:51
SPEAKER_01: But my second favourite, like, if I had a rude word that's not a swear word, yeah, slag.
12:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you do slag.
12:58
SPEAKER_02: I fucking love the word slag.
13:00
SPEAKER_02: And it's not even in a like derogatory sense.
13:03
SPEAKER_02: No, not at all.
13:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
13:04
SPEAKER_02: She would say about anyone.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: I'd say, regardless of your gender, I'm probably gonna call you a slag.
13:09
SPEAKER_01: She'd probably call one of my dogs a slag.
13:11
SPEAKER_02: 100% was being a dick.
13:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: Again, regardless of gender.
13:15
SPEAKER_01: So I don't say in a derogatory, negative way of like how it would typically be associated with like, oh, they're a slut, they're a harlot, I They're a top! Yeah, I just use it as I love the word slag so much, and it just really makes me laugh.
13:29
SPEAKER_01: And I saw something on Instagram the other day that was like, oh, I saw a book that made me think of you, and it was called like the book of slags.
13:35
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, just things like that, I just I just love the word slag.
13:37
SPEAKER_01: What's your favourite colour?
13:40
SPEAKER_02: I've got two.
13:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, go on.
13:42
SPEAKER_02: One is really underrated that I love is motherfucker.
13:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, nice.
13:46
SPEAKER_02: I love motherfucker.
13:47
SPEAKER_02: I think it's such a pff, motherfucker.
13:50
SPEAKER_02: Or cunt.
13:52
SPEAKER_02: Because I think you can say it in so many ways.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: There's nothing worse.
13:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it is nothing worse.
13:58
SPEAKER_02: And I know people will be turning in their graves, but you can go, oh you're right, shit cunt.
14:04
SPEAKER_02: That's nozz.
14:05
SPEAKER_02: Or you can literally look at someone and go, and enunciate the tea, you go, cunt.
14:11
SPEAKER_02: It's like a fucking cunt.
14:12
SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's again aggressive.
14:13
SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's like it's what it's meant, and I I enjoy it.
14:18
SPEAKER_02: It's it's saved for special occasions.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, I don't flail it around unless it's a good one.
14:23
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I wouldn't go around fucking waitros going, you cunt.
14:26
SPEAKER_02: No.
14:27
SPEAKER_01: Where's where's the halloumi, you cunt?
14:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no.
14:30
SPEAKER_01: Where's the fucking halloumi then?
14:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, sorry, we said that.
14:32
SPEAKER_01: No, I'd never say that to anyone.
14:33
SPEAKER_01: But motherfucker! We're gonna get cancelled.
14:36
SPEAKER_02: Nah, we won't.
14:37
SPEAKER_02: I have to press the explicit button on Spotify and then we're all good.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: Um, right, should we move on to Ix?
14:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, go on, because I have no idea.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: Okay, right, so some of these are picked up from other people, some of them are my own.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: Strap in.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: One I wrote down earlier today, I heard someone say the word hubby.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: And I vomited a bit in my mouth.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh my hubby.
14:59
SPEAKER_01: Ah no, horrendous, gross.
15:02
SPEAKER_02: Can I just before we just go on to anything else?
15:05
SPEAKER_02: Because that makes me physically repulsed.
15:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's horrendous, isn't it?
15:09
SPEAKER_02: If you're getting married, okay, or you've got married and you're going on your honeymoon and you get any kind of t-shirt that says established wifey and hubby this year or whatever.
15:22
unknown: Oh my god!
15:24
SPEAKER_02: Literally fuck off.
15:25
SPEAKER_02: Do you know it it literally makes me want to punch someone in the face.
15:30
SPEAKER_01: You know, I said there was something last week I said I was gonna troll you with.
15:32
SPEAKER_01: It was the poo knife, right?
15:34
SPEAKER_01: You wait till you get married, I'm gonna troll you with stuff like that.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna get everything with wifey and hubby on there.
15:39
SPEAKER_01: If I have a hendo and there is any sense of a penis straw, sash, you're gonna have a penis costume, my friend.
15:47
SPEAKER_01: Fucking flammable veil.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: Alright.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: I will come for you.
15:50
SPEAKER_01: You're having you're having all of the above.
15:56
SPEAKER_01: Okay, next one.
15:57
SPEAKER_01: This one really, really gets me.
16:01
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
16:01
SPEAKER_01: Fully fledged adults who call their parents, either directly to them or indirectly, all have the same day.
16:10
SPEAKER_01: Mummy and daddy.
16:13
SPEAKER_02: Whoever whoever's listening to this, there are a few people we know who do this.
16:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and they are gonna tag, but I've hated it for years.
16:21
SPEAKER_02: They are gonna know.
16:22
SPEAKER_02: And it is true, and it's nothing we haven't said to their face.
16:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
16:26
SPEAKER_01: But mummy and daddy aren't ma and far.
16:30
SPEAKER_01: As soon as I got into double digits, I think I dropped mummy and daddy.
16:35
SPEAKER_01: I don't I just as a fully fledged adult.
16:37
SPEAKER_01: I used to call my mum mother as a joke.
16:40
SPEAKER_01: Like, Mama! I call my mum Kev.
16:42
SPEAKER_01: She doesn't even get called mum.
16:43
SPEAKER_01: Her name's not Kevin.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: There's a whole story behind that.
16:45
SPEAKER_01: But she gets called Kevin, she responds to it.
16:46
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, mummy and daddy in the bin.
16:49
SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, this isn't an ick as such, but in the office at work at the moment, everyone seems to have fucking sea monkeys.
16:57
SPEAKER_01: And it's can you remember sea monkeys?
16:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: So you buy the case, you put the eggs in the water, and they take a few days to hatch.
17:04
SPEAKER_02: I thought they were fake for a long time, but they are legit.
17:06
SPEAKER_02: I had them as a child.
17:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they're real.
17:08
SPEAKER_01: Really great pet for you know, if you don't want to get your child a pair.
17:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, anyway, they're a thing in the office at the moment.
17:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:17
SPEAKER_01: What makes my skin crawl is watching them swim.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: So if I can see them in the corner of my eyes, like swimming around, it's awful.
17:25
SPEAKER_01: And so for anybody who's like, what's a sea monkey?
17:27
SPEAKER_01: Google it.
17:28
SPEAKER_01: Digress.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: Let's let Why are they in the office?
17:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh, secret Santa Presence.
17:34
SPEAKER_02: Stop it.
17:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
17:36
SPEAKER_02: Buy someone a dildo and move on.
17:38
SPEAKER_02: It's inappropriate, it's funny, leave it alone.
17:41
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, sea monkey swimming makes my screen crawl.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: And then the last, last but not least, um, and this is actually uh somebody's personal rage bait was when you buy something online, yeah, you want to return it and you have to pay for the return.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, don't they normally well most of the time they'll say they give you a returns label?
18:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
18:02
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, there you go.
18:03
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
18:04
SPEAKER_02: That's me.
18:05
SPEAKER_02: Um, so I am going to play.
18:09
SPEAKER_02: I have two voice notes, both from one of my best male friends.
18:15
SPEAKER_02: This is the guy that submitted not last episode, the episode before, about we were talking about splitting the bill.
18:22
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
18:23
SPEAKER_02: Um, and basically we don't speak every day.
18:27
SPEAKER_02: So I then got a barrage of voice notes from him the other day just updating me on stuff.
18:32
SPEAKER_02: This is the result, basically, because I called him a twerp, apparently, live on air, and a lovable rogue.
18:39
SPEAKER_02: So hats off, off we go.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: So, um hi, how are you?
18:44
SPEAKER_00: Sorry, should have started with that.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm good.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully you hopefully you are too.
18:48
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, moving on from that pleasantry.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: Just picking up, I just listened to your podcast uh catching up from a couple of weeks ago and uh picked up on the fact that you mentioned my message.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: Um fine, but uh then you went on to say a bit of work.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: Um in a week, if you have four days a week that then it drove up.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: Well let me tell you.
19:18
SPEAKER_00: Not really just go for one drink.
19:21
SPEAKER_00: And to be honest, one drink these days, especially in London, plus a wine could be 14 quid, plus a quint, let's say eight quid.
19:33
SPEAKER_00: You could easily be two drinks in and just having a quick time, and you're getting close to 50 quid.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: Another drink, you could be up to 70 quid.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: Once a month is 140 quid on dating that is going nowhere.
19:53
SPEAKER_00: Let's say you do it a little bit more.
19:55
SPEAKER_00: Let's say you go once a week.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: Now you're starting to spend some money.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: Let's say two of those.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: You think it's going somewhere, you you expand from three drinks to half out a little bit more, you still get it in your pocket.
20:17
SPEAKER_00: You could be actually think about this, you could do three drinks at the same girl.
20:22
SPEAKER_00: You could get a drink, that's that's 50 quid, then you could drink a little bit more drink, that's a hundred quid, drink a half out of three hundred quid quite easily.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: So I have nobody's been at work.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: Fucking expensive, um really enjoy the podcast.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: Didn't think I would really have hooked.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: Find it bizarre that I'm hooked, never been hooked on a podcast before.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm gonna just continue to message you with my craft rage boat and contradict you a lot.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: But um, no, sorry, not contradict, I'll be the foil.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: Male foil.
21:07
SPEAKER_02: So can I just say it's all on him?
21:11
SPEAKER_02: And I have had this argument with him four years.
21:14
SPEAKER_02: That is all on you.
21:15
SPEAKER_02: You have chosen if you and then if you he's he's missed his own point.
21:18
SPEAKER_02: If you're going out on dates with someone and then you you're going on three dates with the same girl, then clearly you're invested, so it's fine, right?
21:26
SPEAKER_02: But it's not my problem.
21:28
SPEAKER_02: He lives in London, and it's not a girl's problem the the cost of things, you're in London, it is what it is.
21:35
SPEAKER_02: Have a conversation beforehand if you're that worried about it.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: Or also FaceTime, that's also an option before you meet someone.
21:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, don't date.
21:43
SPEAKER_01: You could go for a walk that I feel like there's other options available.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: When I listened to that, it made me think Fuck, dating is really expensive.
21:53
SPEAKER_02: But you don't have to do it the way he's talking about it.
21:56
SPEAKER_02: And he knows I'll argue with him on this.
21:58
SPEAKER_02: Pay big spender.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: Little fucker.
22:01
SPEAKER_02: He's an architect, he can afford it, prick.
22:03
SPEAKER_02: He'll hate that I've said that, but I don't care.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so moving on to dating diaries, we've had a story sent in titled World's Worst First Date.
22:14
SPEAKER_02: Okay, I haven't seen this one, so I have no idea what's going on.
22:18
SPEAKER_02: I've not read it yet, so this is fun.
22:20
unknown: Okay.
22:20
SPEAKER_01: But if you think that you've got a better story than this.
22:24
SPEAKER_01: Oh, send it.
22:25
SPEAKER_01: Send it in on Instagram.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: If you know us, WhatsApp us.
22:28
SPEAKER_01: Or email us, fridays at outlook.com.
22:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, send her in.
22:32
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I was set up with a chap who was mad keen on rock climbing.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: For our first date, he wanted to show me his world, so he booked us a slot at a rock climbing centre.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: He mentioned we could do a bit of climbing.
22:44
SPEAKER_01: Me being me, I was all gun ho thinking climb for an hour or so and then go to the pub.
22:49
SPEAKER_01: I feel your sister.
22:50
SPEAKER_01: He agreed to pick me up at 10am.
22:52
SPEAKER_01: Uh we get there around 10.45, where he gets me set up, we have a good laugh for an hour.
22:57
SPEAKER_01: At which point I inquire, what time are we going for lunch?
23:00
SPEAKER_01: Or on to the next activity.
23:02
SPEAKER_01: At this point, he tells me we're here all day.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: He's booked us into a video presentation at 7 pm on rock climbing.
23:12
SPEAKER_01: So he planned for us to be there for 10 hours, which I just want to say is fucking intense for the first date.
23:19
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
23:20
SPEAKER_01: To put this into context, with good tailwinds, you can get from LA to London Heathrow quicker than I spent on that date.
23:28
SPEAKER_02: I love that she's written that.
23:29
SPEAKER_02: That's that's reference.
23:31
SPEAKER_02: Context is needed.
23:32
SPEAKER_01: The worst part was I couldn't leave as my house keys were in his car, and we were in the middle of a sodding industrial estate in London.
23:40
SPEAKER_01: I finally lost my rag at 9pm.
23:42
SPEAKER_01: I mean fair fucks for staying that long.
23:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, and demanded he took me home.
23:46
SPEAKER_01: He suggested dinner and was very jolly.
23:49
SPEAKER_01: I turned him and asked, at what point do you think making a girl spend 10 hours in a rock climbing centre was a vibe?
23:55
SPEAKER_01: I ended things then and there.
23:57
SPEAKER_01: I still get horrid flashbacks every time I see a rock climbing wall.
24:01
SPEAKER_01: So many questions.
24:04
SPEAKER_02: I would have definitely gone.
24:06
SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, but I'm not staying here for however many hours.
24:08
SPEAKER_02: What do you say, 10?
24:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they got there, they got there at 10.45.
24:12
SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, you're not doing that.
24:14
SPEAKER_02: I'm not doing that.
24:15
SPEAKER_02: I'm hungry for one.
24:17
SPEAKER_02: Like, who's that's like us going, by the way, first date, you're coming eventing with us.
24:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
24:24
SPEAKER_02: The whole day.
24:25
SPEAKER_02: Trap in, we're gonna teach you how to stud up, tack up, everything.
24:27
SPEAKER_02: You're gonna do dress large test, show jumping, cross-country, everything.
24:30
SPEAKER_02: No one's doing that.
24:31
SPEAKER_02: No, ease people in, pick something that's some you both want to do.
24:36
SPEAKER_01: I feel like that's a few dates food.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: A few dates in.
24:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh, this is what I like to do.
24:41
SPEAKER_01: Do you want to check it out?
24:42
SPEAKER_01: For an hour.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: But all of that time, but also to last until 9 pm, take a bow, because I wouldn't have lasted that long.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: But also at the same time, have a backbone, get out of there sooner.
24:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, especially know when to say no, that's the boundary setting.
24:57
SPEAKER_01: No when to say no, get out of there.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: Knowing who sent this in, even though it's anonymous, I know that now, the version they are now, they wouldn't have put up with that shit.
25:08
SPEAKER_02: I wanna know more to that though.
25:12
SPEAKER_02: Where is he now?
25:14
SPEAKER_02: What happened after that?
25:16
SPEAKER_02: Did he apologise?
25:17
SPEAKER_02: Did he suggest something else?
25:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, was there a folly need for him after she cut it off?
25:20
SPEAKER_02: We need more.
25:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
25:22
SPEAKER_02: But honestly, I'd have drop kicked him.
25:25
SPEAKER_02: There's no way.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: No.
25:27
SPEAKER_01: As far as states go, that's pretty tragic.
25:29
unknown: Fucking hell.
25:30
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, like I said, if you've got any other stories similar to that, please do send them in because we'd really enjoy reading them.
25:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, god, dating stories.
25:38
SPEAKER_02: Because everyone's got a fucking doozy.
25:42
SPEAKER_02: Anyway.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: On to my favourite section.
25:46
SPEAKER_02: Have you read anything?
25:47
SPEAKER_02: No, nothing.
25:48
SPEAKER_02: Okay, cool.
25:49
SPEAKER_01: Fresh ears.
25:50
SPEAKER_01: Like everyone else, I'm fresh.
25:51
SPEAKER_02: Strap in and come on down to how to rage bait men.
25:55
SPEAKER_02: It's our favourite segment, I suppose.
25:57
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
25:58
SPEAKER_02: Um Charlie has not read any of these.
26:01
SPEAKER_02: So without further ado, I'm ready.
26:05
SPEAKER_02: This is my personal favourite.
26:07
SPEAKER_02: Why are you trying to argue longer than you last?
26:13
SPEAKER_01: Think about it.
26:14
SPEAKER_01: No, you bamboozled me, so.
26:17
SPEAKER_02: Why are you trying to argue longer than you last?
26:22
SPEAKER_01: No, I thought I got it, I don't get it.
26:25
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I understand it's still liking.
26:27
SPEAKER_02: No, try not to argue for longer than they last in the bedroom.
26:31
SPEAKER_02: But two pump chump.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh, shout out to pump chump.
26:35
SPEAKER_02: Shout out to pump chump.
26:36
SPEAKER_02: Hey, hey, hey! He'll be paranoid listening to this.
26:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he will.
26:40
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, why are you trying to argue longer than you last?
26:43
SPEAKER_02: You've bamboozled me.
26:45
SPEAKER_02: Okay, hopefully someone else will fucking get that because I think it's a good one.
26:49
SPEAKER_01: I think a man would be bamboozled by that, and that would be enough to rage them.
26:53
SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, because if you're arguing with someone and go, you literally turn around and go, Why are you trying to?
26:58
SPEAKER_02: Oh now we're trying to explain it.
26:59
SPEAKER_02: It's lost its edge.
27:00
SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
27:01
SPEAKER_02: You're trying to argue longer than it's a good one.
27:02
SPEAKER_02: Can you record it again and I'll laugh?
27:04
SPEAKER_02: No, I'm not doing it.
27:06
SPEAKER_02: Wasted.
27:08
SPEAKER_02: Next one.
27:10
SPEAKER_02: Old faithful, you sound emotional right now.
27:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, nice.
27:16
SPEAKER_02: Those are some really big feelings, little guy.
27:20
SPEAKER_02: I fucking I love that.
27:24
SPEAKER_01: Go on five foot three.
27:26
SPEAKER_02: Every time I talk to you, I wonder who tied your shoes this morning.
27:31
SPEAKER_02: Poor guy.
27:33
SPEAKER_02: It's true though.
27:34
SPEAKER_02: They're lacking a brain cell.
27:35
SPEAKER_02: You're probably sharing a brain cell with my Labrador.
27:38
SPEAKER_02: That's insulting to the Labrador.
27:40
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
27:40
SPEAKER_02: Sorry, swoop.
27:42
SPEAKER_02: You look like you pee sitting down.
27:47
SPEAKER_02: Do you know what?
27:48
SPEAKER_02: I think a lot of guys won't find that that harsh because I know guys that have a lazy wee.
27:53
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I thought it was called a lady wee.
27:55
SPEAKER_02: Either or yeah, same same.
27:57
SPEAKER_01: When they're like tired, they can't be asked.
27:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
27:59
SPEAKER_02: You have to hold your willy.
28:00
SPEAKER_02: Well, if it's small, if it's small, you don't have to hold your willy at all.
28:04
SPEAKER_02: Um, what does your barber do for a living?
28:09
SPEAKER_02: Because he's sure as shit, don't cut your hair.
28:12
SPEAKER_02: Uh, you look like you read with your finger.
28:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
28:20
SPEAKER_01: I'll say for anybody that hasn't had the privilege of watching Live in Action, uh, I got some stories, and let me tell you, like, in the heat of the moment, she's excellent.
28:31
SPEAKER_02: There's one infamous story which we can go into, and I have referenced it before.
28:38
SPEAKER_02: There's a reason why we call him Ted Lasso.
28:41
SPEAKER_02: He was dressed as a teamwersion of Ted Lasso.
28:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
28:45
SPEAKER_02: And we, of all places, were in GTs.
28:49
SPEAKER_02: No, were we shouting it out?
28:51
SPEAKER_01: Okay, we're shouting it out.
28:52
SPEAKER_01: We are.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: Because we weren't there, but Christina Aguilera and a local police officer.
28:59
SPEAKER_01: Was I dressed as Christina Aguilera that time?
29:01
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's filthy, filthy.
29:05
SPEAKER_02: That's cold.
29:07
SPEAKER_02: Um anyway, this this poor unsuspecting chap, which happened to have been he was a military man.
29:12
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
29:13
SPEAKER_02: Um decided he wanted to step forward and sacrifice himself.
29:20
SPEAKER_02: Basically, yeah.
29:21
SPEAKER_02: But I think he thought he was gonna woo me.
29:24
SPEAKER_02: And it got to the point where I'd berated him so much because he was just such a twat that I was like, I'm going inside for a drink.
29:32
SPEAKER_02: He turned to my friends.
29:34
SPEAKER_02: Yes, I have more than one friend.
29:35
SPEAKER_02: No, you don't, and went, Oh, I think I'm in there.
29:40
SPEAKER_02: And then I came back out.
29:42
SPEAKER_02: I think you guys said something along the lines of, are we in the same room or something?
29:47
SPEAKER_02: I came back out and I said something to him because he was just, he was like, I was like, Why are you still here?
29:51
SPEAKER_02: And he was like, No, you're right, she's a dick.
29:54
SPEAKER_02: And then quickly left.
29:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, see ya.
29:57
SPEAKER_02: But my point is, if someone has told you in no uncertain terms on a night out, even in a kind of playful but a fuck off kind of way, yeah, fuck off and leave everyone alone.
30:08
SPEAKER_02: Leave them be.
30:09
SPEAKER_02: Because I think they think it's fun, and for me, it's sport.
30:13
SPEAKER_02: I will I will do it.
30:14
SPEAKER_02: I'm happy to be a spectator.
30:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I enjoyed it.
30:16
SPEAKER_01: I I enjoyed it, yeah.
30:17
SPEAKER_02: But there is a turning point at which I go, good day to you, and it won't be pretty.
30:23
unknown: No.
30:23
SPEAKER_01: R.I.P.
30:24
SPEAKER_01: Ted Lasso.
30:25
SPEAKER_02: Goodbye, Ted Lasso.
30:27
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so moving on, I've got some more men's confessions.
30:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm strapped in.
30:32
SPEAKER_01: So this was uh things that men only discovered when they had a wife or a girlfriend.
30:37
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so they had no idea how expensive bras are.
30:41
SPEAKER_01: I feel like until you The paint tax.
30:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, until you spent£200 at MS on new bras like I did a couple of weekends ago.
30:49
SPEAKER_01: We did that, we did that, we did that.
30:51
SPEAKER_01: Um then yeah, you wouldn't know.
30:52
SPEAKER_01: What I really enjoyed at Good Old MS, shout out, please sponsor us.
30:57
SPEAKER_01: Um, is that they had a whole section, the post-surgery section.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
31:03
SPEAKER_01: Which I really, really liked.
31:05
SPEAKER_01: For any girlies out there who have had breast augmentations, enlargements, lifts, whatever, you know that the post-surgery bras are not sexy.
31:15
SPEAKER_01: They're also expensive.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, so expensive.
31:18
SPEAKER_01: I think I had uh a macaron one.
31:20
SPEAKER_01: They're not sexy at all.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: That that's the brand.
31:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they and they were brilliant, but the MS ones are so much nicer.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: They also had, which I really liked, um, if people have a massectomy, maybe just like single.
31:32
SPEAKER_01: Boob fills.
31:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they had one boob filled and one not.
31:36
SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, I thought it was a really good step forward to like normalise breast surgery, whether it's for health reasons or whether it's for personal reasons.
31:45
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
31:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I really, really liked that.
31:47
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, brass is penny, so you know.
31:49
SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, so um the constant fear of protecting themselves.
31:55
SPEAKER_01: This guy wasn't aware of how self-aware women have to be and having situational alertness, i.e., out in public.
32:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh god.
32:06
SPEAKER_01: But I guess it's not something that men are so they I don't know, they realise how privileged they are that it's not something that they have to worry about.
32:13
SPEAKER_02: No, but I'm sorry that there are I would hazard a guess that most 90% of men in the world have had a girlfriend, a sister, a female friend, andor married, or something like you know a fucking woman.
32:30
unknown: Yeah.
32:30
SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, no.
32:32
SPEAKER_02: Shut up.
32:33
SPEAKER_01: Maybe they didn't appreciate how much more alert we have to be.
32:36
SPEAKER_01: And I think, yeah.
32:37
SPEAKER_01: Anyway.
32:38
SPEAKER_01: Dick mood.
32:39
SPEAKER_01: Um this one really made me laugh.
32:42
SPEAKER_01: So things that men only discovered when they had a wife or a girlfriend.
32:45
SPEAKER_01: Finding the clitoris is not that hard.
32:49
SPEAKER_01: It's not the G Spot you're looking for.
32:51
SPEAKER_02: The clitoris, she's there.
32:52
SPEAKER_02: Two things.
32:53
SPEAKER_02: One, all men, your G spots up your bum.
32:56
SPEAKER_02: Don't forget it.
32:56
SPEAKER_02: Secondly, secondly, I call finding the finding the clitoris the cathedral.
33:05
SPEAKER_02: And the running joke is I bet he can't find the cathedral.
33:08
SPEAKER_02: Why the cathedral?
33:10
SPEAKER_01: Because it is all that is holy.
33:12
SPEAKER_02: Kind of, but also there's a really funny photo that went around ages ago that was like, I bet you still can't find the cathedral.
33:18
SPEAKER_02: The cathedral's here, and there's like an image of Google Maps and it looks like a badge.
33:22
SPEAKER_02: It's a thing.
33:24
SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, so girls share way more details with their friends than men do.
33:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's that's yeah, 100%.
33:32
SPEAKER_01: Interestingly, I'm not shocked by that.
33:34
SPEAKER_01: I was listening to a podcast this morning with Tom Davis, the comedian who's also in Willie Wonker, the really, really tall man, he's like six foot seven.
33:40
SPEAKER_01: You'd recognise him if you saw him.
33:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
33:42
SPEAKER_01: He was on with Jamie Lang.
33:44
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, Tom, I don't know if I know you, but I thought.
33:45
SPEAKER_01: You would if you you'd recognise him if you saw him.
33:47
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, he was saying that he a few years ago was like drinking really heavily, felt really unhappy.
33:52
SPEAKER_01: And he was like the one thing he realised from and then he learnt this from his wife, that she speaks really openly with her fans, they share their feelings, they check them all.
34:00
SPEAKER_01: That blokes don't do it as much.
34:02
SPEAKER_01: No.
34:02
SPEAKER_01: And I feel like there's an opportunity there for people to open up a bit more, yeah, and be a bit more, be a bit more female.
34:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's second nature to us to go, yeah.
34:13
SPEAKER_02: Fuck, I've had a shit day.
34:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and just let it out.
34:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, leave it in the book.
34:17
SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, so another one which I feel like you can hard relate to.
34:21
SPEAKER_01: This guy didn't realise how often women get unsolicited attention from men in public, i.e.
34:27
SPEAKER_01: things like cat calling.
34:30
SPEAKER_02: Oh it happens all the time.
34:32
SPEAKER_02: I'm not I'm and I'm not talking about me.
34:35
SPEAKER_02: All the time.
34:38
unknown: Jesus.
34:38
SPEAKER_01: And if you're on your own, it's really uncomfortable.
34:41
SPEAKER_01: Am I right in thinking?
34:42
SPEAKER_01: Don't quote me on this, in Australia, have they made it illegal?
34:47
SPEAKER_01: You can get fined or something like that.
34:48
SPEAKER_01: It's like I'm sure it's like it's like a criminal offence.
34:50
SPEAKER_02: I'm sure you can over here as well.
34:51
SPEAKER_02: Can you?
34:52
SPEAKER_02: Catcalling is yeah.
34:53
SPEAKER_02: Let's check that afterwards.
34:54
SPEAKER_02: Um In Barbados it's not though, just so you know that they they love it.
34:58
SPEAKER_02: They love it.
34:59
SPEAKER_02: They'll slow down, they'll curb crawl, they will.
35:02
SPEAKER_01: If there's a group of you, sometimes it's funny, but if you were on your own, I'd feel genuinely unsafe and uncomfortable.
35:08
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I don't mind because I've been going out there for many years, so I know what they're like, they're very easygoing, it's just their culture.
35:19
SPEAKER_02: Over here, I would dropkick someone.
35:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
35:22
SPEAKER_02: 100%.
35:23
SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, so guys didn't understand, and I this is just a girl thing, the different types of showers that girls can have.
35:32
SPEAKER_01: An everything shower.
35:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
35:34
SPEAKER_01: So that's where you're shaving, you're doing your using your liquid talc.
35:39
SPEAKER_01: You'd use that after a shower.
35:41
SPEAKER_01: I've fucking taken the piss out of you.
35:42
SPEAKER_01: Don't troll me.
35:43
SPEAKER_01: Uh but you're you're shaving, you are conditioning, maybe you're putting a hair treatment on, but a mask.
35:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're good, you're good.
35:50
SPEAKER_01: Whole hog.
35:51
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it might just be a hair day.
35:53
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it might be you're just showering your body day.
35:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
35:56
SPEAKER_01: Guys do everything in a water, I think, because they don't take so long to wash their hair.
35:59
SPEAKER_01: They just, and often they have like their little three-in-one stuff.
36:02
SPEAKER_02: And some of you don't use shampoo at all, so huh?
36:04
SPEAKER_01: Eee, gross.
36:05
SPEAKER_01: Okay, and then the last one, which I think is very important for everyone to be educated on, and Mr.
36:09
SPEAKER_01: Fasectomy from earlier probably needs to hear about this.
36:12
SPEAKER_01: What the side effects are of different types of contraception.
36:16
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
36:17
SPEAKER_01: When you bear in mind, I mean, other than old Virgin Mary, which I'm sorry, but what a great lie she told.
36:26
SPEAKER_01: Women cannot self-pollinate.
36:29
SPEAKER_01: So you can't you can't fertilize yourself, right?
36:32
SPEAKER_01: Self-pollinate! You can't self-pollinate.
36:34
SPEAKER_01: You need a sperm and an egg.
36:37
SPEAKER_01: And so I feel like the problem here is with men.
36:41
SPEAKER_01: So either we'll wrap it up and put a Johnny on it.
36:43
SPEAKER_01: Like, why are women having to do so?
36:45
SPEAKER_02: We just realized that the problem here is men.
36:46
SPEAKER_02: Well, I haven't.
36:47
SPEAKER_02: My argument is, and this may seem controversial, but it is actually just facts.
36:53
SPEAKER_02: Men can get women pregnant until they die.
36:57
SPEAKER_02: Like you could be a 70-year-old man and still get people pregnant.
37:03
SPEAKER_02: We go through menopause, we go over the hill, as it were, we we can't do anything about it.
37:09
SPEAKER_02: Why are we controlling women?
37:10
SPEAKER_02: I'll tell you why, because the patriarch made it so control men.
37:15
SPEAKER_02: I agree, I would prefer it.
37:18
SPEAKER_02: I don't want to put shit in my body anymore.
37:19
SPEAKER_02: Good day to you.
37:21
SPEAKER_01: No.
37:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, anyway, there you go.
37:24
SPEAKER_01: Men's confessions.
37:25
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
37:26
SPEAKER_01: If you're a man who listens, we've got a few male listeners.
37:28
SPEAKER_02: Including one of my Besi mates.
37:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
37:30
SPEAKER_02: He's gonna hate us after this, but I don't actually care because he's been stuck with me for 15 years.
37:35
SPEAKER_01: But if you've got any men's confessions, I'd love to hear them.
37:38
SPEAKER_01: I did actually have somebody message me after last week about the um uh the guy who pissed in the sink.
37:44
SPEAKER_01: Someone messaged me and was like, I like the feeling of um the cold sink on my balls.
37:49
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, you are hideous.
37:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or it's someone you know.
37:56
SPEAKER_01: Is it too pump chump?
37:58
SPEAKER_01: No.
37:58
SPEAKER_01: I also like to call them HB Pencil, and they'll be listening, getting really paranoid now.
38:04
SPEAKER_01: I know who it is! Yeah, we're talking about you.
38:08
SPEAKER_01: I know who it is, we will continue to troll you on this.
38:10
SPEAKER_02: What a bell end.
38:13
SPEAKER_02: Um God, that's made me laugh.
38:16
SPEAKER_02: Only because I know who it is.
38:18
SPEAKER_02: Um anyway, we're moving on because we did a couple of polls this week.
38:22
SPEAKER_02: One of the polls that I thought I actually thought it would be a different divide, but we did being left on red or sorry I was busy text, like what would you prefer?
38:35
SPEAKER_02: Well, what's worse?
38:37
SPEAKER_02: What's before we talk about it?
38:38
SPEAKER_02: What's your take on it?
38:40
SPEAKER_02: What's what would be worse to you?
38:42
SPEAKER_02: Being left on red or someone saying sorry I was busy.
38:46
SPEAKER_02: I mean, uh sorry I was busy probably means more a little bit more context, I guess, if they haven't spoken to you for a few days.
38:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'd yeah, I'd probed that a bit further, but I think someone just leaving I don't know, because the thing is, and I mentioned this a while back, is the leaving someone on red, sometimes you'll be in the middle of replying and then you get distracted doing something else.
39:05
SPEAKER_01: Life takes over and you genuinely forget.
39:07
SPEAKER_01: And again, I think it's the whole thing of I think people ex people have too much accessibility.
39:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we've discussed this, yeah.
39:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and people expect too much, yeah.
39:16
SPEAKER_01: So 24-5, 24-7 preach.
39:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm 24-5 right now, whatever the fuck that means.
39:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think depending on the context of it, because there will be times where I'm like, I didn't reply to that person.
39:29
SPEAKER_01: But also, as someone who really values in-person time, I couldn't give a shit if you I could give a shit, but I couldn't give a shit if you forget to reply to me as long as in person you're present.
39:38
SPEAKER_01: So I don't like when I'm sat with someone and they're just like constantly on the phone and they're not really listening to what I'm saying because they're distracted by something else.
39:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, hi, my time is valuable.
39:48
SPEAKER_01: Please don't think it's any more valuable than yours.
39:50
SPEAKER_01: Like everyone has the same amount of hours in the day, everyone's time is valuable, you choose to spend it how you as someone once said and got shamed for it.
39:57
SPEAKER_02: I think it was Molly Mae.
39:59
SPEAKER_02: Everyone has the same 24 hours in the day.
40:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, even Beyonce.
40:03
SPEAKER_02: What a queen.
40:07
SPEAKER_02: So would you prefer to be left on red?
40:09
SPEAKER_02: Or like what I know, not would you prefer?
40:11
SPEAKER_02: What's worse?
40:14
SPEAKER_02: I would say being left on red because you could have said anything, and it's just like the busiest people I know still respond.
40:26
SPEAKER_01: Or, like you say, when you follow up, you go, I'm so sorry, I got swooped up in a meeting and couldn't physically reply.
40:31
SPEAKER_01: Which normally happens with you, or like mine's never intentional.
40:34
SPEAKER_02: Difference is I know with you, you'll reply eventually, and you know with me.
40:36
SPEAKER_02: I'm not a dickhead.
40:37
SPEAKER_02: Second poll we did, what's more attractive?
40:41
SPEAKER_02: A man who can reverse park or a man who books the restaurant.
40:46
SPEAKER_01: Man who books the restaurant.
40:48
SPEAKER_01: So I agree.
40:50
SPEAKER_01: Who can't reverse park?
40:51
SPEAKER_01: That's the only way I park.
40:52
SPEAKER_01: I I actually I hate front bay parking.
40:56
SPEAKER_02: A few people I know that can't reverse park.
40:58
SPEAKER_02: Really?
40:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
40:59
SPEAKER_02: Um, but and then I had a caveat to that, a message saying, What if they do both?
41:08
SPEAKER_02: Which I would hope that we were dating men that could do both.
41:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
41:13
SPEAKER_02: And because I think it's not princess treatment, it's the bare fucking minimum.
41:16
SPEAKER_02: Because I know for a fucking goddamn fact, if I'm taking my girls to dinner, I can also reverse park and book the restaurant.
41:24
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
41:25
SPEAKER_02: So raise the bar, fuckwits.
41:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
41:29
SPEAKER_02: What did our what did our listeners say?
41:31
SPEAKER_02: What was the split on the polls?
41:32
SPEAKER_02: So 89% said being left on red is worse.
41:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay, yeah.
41:38
SPEAKER_01: Which I agree with.
41:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I agree with, yeah.
41:40
SPEAKER_02: And 76% said restaurant.
41:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
41:45
SPEAKER_02: Like they would find that more attractive.
41:48
SPEAKER_02: Which is sad, really, because that is the bare minimum.
41:50
SPEAKER_02: And I would do it for you, lot.
41:52
unknown: Yeah.
41:52
SPEAKER_02: Like I would just book somewhere.
41:53
SPEAKER_02: We've done it so many times.
41:54
SPEAKER_02: Like, I was trying to explain this to one of my male friends the other day.
41:57
SPEAKER_02: Stuff that you guys, as men, think is above and beyond.
42:02
SPEAKER_02: I do for my female friends every fucking day.
42:05
SPEAKER_02: I show up for my female friends every fucking day in every capacity.
42:08
SPEAKER_02: When they get a new house, I buy them a new home card, I bring them something with a house, I buy them flowers.
42:12
SPEAKER_02: If they're feeling shit, I check in with them, I call them, I take them.
42:15
SPEAKER_02: Like I saw Luce the other week, and I'll pop in and see her on my way past.
42:20
SPEAKER_02: I dropped in an ice cream for her.
42:22
SPEAKER_02: It's not that fucking hard.
42:23
SPEAKER_02: No.
42:23
SPEAKER_02: Think of other people, it's kindness.
42:25
SPEAKER_02: Preach.
42:26
SPEAKER_02: Sorry, but I'm just saying I like it.
42:28
SPEAKER_02: The other poll that we've only just finished because you requested it.
42:32
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
42:34
SPEAKER_02: And I don't know if you want to lead the charge on talking about it first because you love it as much as I do, but still.
42:39
SPEAKER_01: I really enjoyed it.
42:40
SPEAKER_01: So a very good friend of mine recommended off campus.
42:45
SPEAKER_01: Now we spoke about it last week.
42:46
SPEAKER_01: She's on Amazon Prime, free of charge.
42:50
SPEAKER_01: We were on the fence about it.
42:52
SPEAKER_02: We should have trusted her.
42:54
SPEAKER_02: Do you remember we've sat here after our three Martin lunch?
42:56
SPEAKER_02: Probably not the best time to start it.
42:57
SPEAKER_02: And we started watching it and we were a bit like and now we're mad invested and we finished it and we're fucked off that we finished it.
43:03
SPEAKER_01: I might re-watch it.
43:04
SPEAKER_01: But basically, how it was described to me by my good friend Sarah was if you liked watching One Tree Hill when you're at school.
43:13
SPEAKER_01: And you're in your early 30s.
43:15
SPEAKER_01: You're probably gonna love it.
43:16
SPEAKER_02: And my god, was she right?
43:18
SPEAKER_02: So one thing I'll say is I was with friends on the weekend and they were like, Oh, I didn't really like how you described it.
43:25
SPEAKER_02: So how did you describe it?
43:27
SPEAKER_02: No, you described it.
43:28
SPEAKER_02: Oh, how I did it.
43:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, with One Tree Hill.
43:30
SPEAKER_02: They're like, Oh, I'm not I'm best in.
43:31
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Oh, I was like, if you don't watch it, I'm gonna be cross.
43:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, everybody needs to give her a good go.
43:37
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna drive it home because I she's gonna know who I'm talking about because I texted her about it earlier and I said if you don't watch it, I will be livid.
43:45
SPEAKER_02: And she is, bless her, not in her 30s, but she still needs to watch it.
43:49
SPEAKER_02: And I've told her not to watch it with her partner because he's probably the type to go, ah, no, watch it with him, and then you'll have great sex afterwards.
43:58
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
43:59
SPEAKER_02: You guys know who I'm Talking about, they're gonna know who I'm talking about.
44:01
SPEAKER_02: Go on, but anyway, we did a poll to say who's watched it, and I was quite shocked because so many people haven't watched it yet, have they?
44:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I was expecting I was expecting more, so it's still live, you can still vote, but don't come for me.
44:24
SPEAKER_02: So I put poll up to say have you watched off campus?
44:28
SPEAKER_02: 44% said yes, the rest said no.
44:31
SPEAKER_01: Guys, I mean I recommended it last week.
44:32
SPEAKER_01: What have you been doing for the last few days?
44:34
SPEAKER_01: I mean, hang on, we record this on a Tuesday.
44:36
SPEAKER_01: So over the weekend.
44:38
SPEAKER_01: What have you been doing?
44:39
SPEAKER_01: It's been a few days.
44:39
SPEAKER_01: Come on.
44:40
SPEAKER_01: Come on, give it a watch.
44:42
SPEAKER_01: You're off the hook if you've been watching.
44:43
SPEAKER_01: This weekend, because I forget this is a Friday for everyone.
44:46
SPEAKER_01: This weekend, get off campus on.
44:48
SPEAKER_02: You're off the hook if you've been having hot, rampant sex, but otherwise, otherwise, nah.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: Still watch it.
44:53
SPEAKER_02: After that, we put if you have been watching, who are we mad for?
45:00
SPEAKER_02: Garrett or Dean?
45:01
SPEAKER_02: Now, if you haven't watched it, switch off, skip 15, whatever you want to do.
45:07
SPEAKER_02: 67% said Garrett, 33% Dean.
45:11
SPEAKER_02: What are you saying?
45:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm saying Dean.
45:13
SPEAKER_02: I'm saying Dean.
45:14
SPEAKER_01: And I think I mentioned this last week.
45:15
SPEAKER_01: He looks like, yeah.
45:17
SPEAKER_02: He fucking get it.
45:18
SPEAKER_01: He's and not in a bad way, he's a budget Glenn Powell.
45:22
SPEAKER_02: Like in the best way.
45:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
45:24
SPEAKER_01: And I've got to be.
45:25
SPEAKER_01: Glenn GP.
45:27
SPEAKER_01: What a boy.
45:28
SPEAKER_01: I've got no words.
45:29
SPEAKER_01: What a boy.
45:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
45:30
SPEAKER_01: He they could be brothers.
45:32
SPEAKER_01: So if that doesn't sell it to you.
45:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
45:34
SPEAKER_01: Come on.
45:35
SPEAKER_02: And don't be wrong, Garrett is glorious.
45:37
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
45:38
SPEAKER_02: But there's something about Dean that is.
45:41
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I'm just gonna throw it over there.
45:43
SPEAKER_02: You know what gets me hard?
45:44
SPEAKER_02: What gets my dick hard?
45:46
SPEAKER_02: That.
45:46
SPEAKER_02: That gets my dick hard.
45:48
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
45:49
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
45:50
SPEAKER_01: I would look push, cane, shove.
45:53
SPEAKER_01: I'm the last woman on earth.
45:54
SPEAKER_01: I'll be the meat in that sandwich.
45:56
SPEAKER_02: Mmm, baloney.
45:59
SPEAKER_02: Go on.
46:00
SPEAKER_01: Right, should you wrap her up with Oh, actually, what did our listeners say?
46:03
SPEAKER_01: What did they think?
46:05
SPEAKER_02: I've already told you.
46:06
SPEAKER_02: 33% Dane.
46:08
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, sorry.
46:08
SPEAKER_02: You can close it out.
46:10
SPEAKER_02: I might leave her in because it shows that you weren't fucking listening.
46:14
SPEAKER_01: Right, should we finish with this or that?
46:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, why not?
46:17
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so.
46:18
SPEAKER_01: You going first?
46:19
SPEAKER_01: I'll go first, I'll ask you first.
46:20
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
46:21
SPEAKER_01: Know when you're going to die or know how you're going to die.
46:25
SPEAKER_02: No I'm going to die.
46:26
SPEAKER_02: Would you want to know?
46:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know I want to know when I'm going to die so I can live every moment up to that moment.
46:30
SPEAKER_02: I don't give a fuck how I die.
46:32
SPEAKER_01: Nah.
46:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
46:33
SPEAKER_02: You might kill me.
46:34
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
46:34
SPEAKER_01: No, I I feel like if you know when you're gonna die, you can plan it out.
46:37
SPEAKER_01: Like, not plan it out.
46:38
SPEAKER_01: Plan your life out.
46:39
SPEAKER_01: Make sure you tick every single thing off.
46:40
SPEAKER_01: Bing bing bing.
46:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, how yeah, when I'm gonna die.
46:43
SPEAKER_02: You said.
46:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
46:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
46:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
46:44
SPEAKER_01: Um never have to sleep again or never have to work again.
46:47
SPEAKER_02: Never have to work again.
46:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, duh.
46:50
SPEAKER_01: Screenshot on gossip or take it to the grave.
46:53
SPEAKER_02: Screen.
46:57
SPEAKER_02: No, take it to the grave.
46:58
SPEAKER_02: Because I love having a vault.
47:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I like the vault.
47:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
47:02
SPEAKER_01: You can hold it over someone.
47:04
SPEAKER_01: Two pump jump, we see you.
47:07
SPEAKER_01: Always be the photographer or never appear in a single photo.
47:13
SPEAKER_02: Always be the photographer or never appear in a Yeah, sort of that's the same thing.
47:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's what I thought.
47:21
SPEAKER_01: Maybe that is the same thing.
47:24
SPEAKER_01: So you're either always taking the photo.
47:26
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it means like selfie.
47:28
SPEAKER_01: I'll be in the photo.
47:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
47:30
SPEAKER_01: Share a toothbrush once or wear someone else's socks all day.
47:37
SPEAKER_01: Socks.
47:39
SPEAKER_03: Oh, really?
47:40
SPEAKER_02: Are you sharing a toothbrush with someone?
47:42
SPEAKER_02: Share a toothbrush once.
47:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so but socks all day.
47:47
SPEAKER_01: It's it's the same thing.
47:48
SPEAKER_01: Nah, okay, so you're putting my socks on and I've I'd wear your socks.
47:53
SPEAKER_01: I would still wear your socks.
47:54
SPEAKER_01: You'd wear my socks.
47:56
SPEAKER_02: I don't care, I would still wear your tooth.
47:57
SPEAKER_01: Moist, moist, moist.
47:58
SPEAKER_01: Okay, interesting.
47:58
SPEAKER_01: I would share a toothbrush once.
48:00
SPEAKER_02: Trust you with my life.
48:01
SPEAKER_02: Um Yeah, but what if you've got to do it with something like I I what if I list someone you really didn't like?
48:07
SPEAKER_01: Or I'd have to wear their sweaty socks.
48:09
SPEAKER_01: I'll share a toothbrush with them.
48:10
SPEAKER_01: Cheers.
48:11
SPEAKER_01: Fine.
48:12
SPEAKER_01: Sleep in a bed that's slightly damp, or use a pillow with no pillowcase.
48:17
SPEAKER_02: Pillow and no pillowcase.
48:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
48:19
SPEAKER_01: I feel like how often is a pillow out with no pillowcase?
48:22
SPEAKER_01: That should be fairly clean.
48:23
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
48:24
SPEAKER_01: Fall hard and fast or slow burn.
48:27
SPEAKER_01: Slow burn.
48:28
SPEAKER_01: Nice.
48:29
SPEAKER_01: Know everything about their past or total clean slate.
48:34
SPEAKER_02: Everything about their past.
48:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
48:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
48:36
SPEAKER_02: I see you.
48:37
SPEAKER_02: Baggage.
48:39
unknown: Yeah.
48:39
SPEAKER_01: I think it helps just to understand someone if they react a certain way.
48:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
48:44
SPEAKER_01: It's good to know where that is.
48:46
SPEAKER_01: Trickle warning.
48:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
48:49
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm ready.
48:50
SPEAKER_02: You ready?
48:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm ready.
48:52
SPEAKER_02: Eat something you hate to be polite or cause a scene.
48:55
SPEAKER_02: Cause a scene.
48:56
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
48:57
SPEAKER_01: If you're putting salmon in front of me, you should.
49:00
SPEAKER_02: So fucking weird about salmon.
49:01
SPEAKER_01: I will tell you about it.
49:03
SPEAKER_02: Fuck off.
49:04
SPEAKER_02: Speak every language or play every instrument.
49:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
49:10
SPEAKER_01: This is hard because I'm a musical gal.
49:13
SPEAKER_01: But I think I'd go latter.
49:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think I'd want to go speak every language because if you're anywhere in the world, you'd get yourself out of trouble.
49:21
SPEAKER_01: Or you could know someone's talking about you.
49:23
SPEAKER_01: So it's like a superpower.
49:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, good point.
49:25
SPEAKER_01: If we were on race across the world, that would come in really handy.
49:29
SPEAKER_02: Talking to our girl Emma tomorrow.
49:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, Emma.
49:32
SPEAKER_02: ITV, we love you, we see you.
49:35
SPEAKER_01: We'll come on to that another time.
49:37
SPEAKER_01: Hashtag NDA.
49:41
SPEAKER_02: Always have slightly sticky hands or always have slightly cold feet.
49:46
SPEAKER_01: Oh, slightly cold feet, because I already I already have slightly cold feet.
49:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're cold girls.
49:50
SPEAKER_01: I don't I've got a really weird thing about having circulation's bad.
49:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, nope, dirty hands.
49:57
SPEAKER_01: And I don't know if it's um growing up horse riding.
50:02
SPEAKER_01: I hate having mud on my hands or dirty hands.
50:04
SPEAKER_01: It's almost a bit like dirty, dirty peak.
50:06
SPEAKER_01: Dutty, dirty peak.
50:06
SPEAKER_01: It's almost a bit OCD, so yeah, I'll take the cold sheet.
50:09
SPEAKER_02: Free flights for life or free food for life.
50:11
SPEAKER_02: I know what you're referring to.
50:12
SPEAKER_01: Free flights for life, baby.
50:14
SPEAKER_02: I feel like these are these are loaded.
50:16
SPEAKER_02: She already wrote these.
50:18
SPEAKER_02: Which public toilet with no look or portaloo at a festival in week two.
50:24
SPEAKER_02: A public toilet with no look.
50:26
SPEAKER_02: Do you remember that selfie I sent you at Cornbury of me and the Portaloo?
50:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
50:31
SPEAKER_01: I would rather week two at a festival.
50:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm taking a shit outside.
50:36
SPEAKER_01: I ain't going in that Portaloo.
50:38
SPEAKER_01: Week two of a festival, imagine how hanging that would be and it's hot.
50:40
SPEAKER_01: I would rather poo in the woods than go in that Portaloo after two weeks.
50:44
SPEAKER_02: Not taking Charlie to the world with us this year.
50:46
SPEAKER_01: No.
50:47
SPEAKER_02: Um same friend group or genuine or hang on, same friend group or completely separate worlds.
50:55
SPEAKER_01: Same friend group be oh, it's pretty hard.
50:58
SPEAKER_01: Somewhere in between I think is important.
50:59
SPEAKER_01: I think Yeah, but that's not the question.
51:01
SPEAKER_01: I know, but I guess then I'd go same if I had to choose same friend group, only because in previous relationships everything's been so separate, yeah, that we never really felt like fully interested in the world.
51:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you've got to have a little bit of a crossover.
51:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's gotta be but there's gotta be balance.
51:19
SPEAKER_01: But that balance is my perfect answer.
51:21
SPEAKER_01: But if you're asking me this or that, then same.
51:26
SPEAKER_02: Say I love you first, no, or wait for them.
51:30
SPEAKER_01: Wait for them 100%.
51:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, say I love you first.
51:34
SPEAKER_02: Uh partner who challenges you or partner who just gets you.
51:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh again, I I will choose partner who just gets you, but I do like someone that will challenge me.
51:49
SPEAKER_01: Because if you don't agree if you don't agree with what I'm saying, like discussion is healthy.
51:53
SPEAKER_01: I think there's a there's a healthy way to have it without it being an argument.
51:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, don't put someone down in public.
51:59
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, nah.
52:00
SPEAKER_02: Don't be a dick about it, but also arrow I used to describe it.
52:04
SPEAKER_02: I used to say that I wanted someone to kind of have a 30-foot lunge line, like you've got a horse on a lunge.
52:10
SPEAKER_01: Oh, like a long line with your dog.
52:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm on the end of it, okay, and you let me run around and have freedom and whatever and do whatever I want to do.
52:18
SPEAKER_02: But every now and again go, Liv, you're being a cunt.
52:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
52:22
SPEAKER_01: And I respect you far more for that.
52:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
52:24
SPEAKER_01: I think like health healthy challenge is good, and like say what you think, and yeah, yeah, healthy.
52:30
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
52:31
SPEAKER_01: Healthy schmelky.
52:32
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
52:34
SPEAKER_02: Um, before we finish, we've got more random thoughts, okay?
52:38
SPEAKER_02: But I want Charlie to hit this off because she sent this to me yesterday, and I said, please stop this train of thought because I need you to keep it for tomorrow.
52:50
SPEAKER_02: Um, away with it, okay.
52:53
SPEAKER_01: So it's not as good as um every day on on hinge, but it is funny.
52:58
SPEAKER_01: I was walking the dogs last night, and there were and it had been raining, and there were snails everywhere.
53:03
SPEAKER_01: When I say I can't even tell you how many I counted.
53:07
SPEAKER_01: You counted them?
53:08
SPEAKER_01: I won't wanted to.
53:09
SPEAKER_01: And I was very conscious not to salmon them and their teeny tiny houses.
53:13
SPEAKER_01: Why I want to know?
53:14
SPEAKER_01: Where do snails go when it's not raining?
53:18
SPEAKER_01: And don't say inside their shell.
53:20
SPEAKER_02: Do you know what my response was?
53:22
SPEAKER_02: As Billy Eilish once said, when we all fall asleep, where do we go?
53:27
SPEAKER_02: Anyone got any response to that?
53:29
SPEAKER_02: Because we're not gonna do like what happens?
53:32
SPEAKER_02: Where do they go?
53:33
SPEAKER_02: Where do snails go and it's not raining?
53:35
SPEAKER_02: In the undergrowth.
53:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
53:38
SPEAKER_02: But it's it it's random, but it's a valid question.
53:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
53:43
SPEAKER_01: Go on the snails.
53:43
SPEAKER_01: Be careful not the sand.
53:44
SPEAKER_01: But you know what's really awful actually, just similar to snails.
53:46
SPEAKER_01: Slugs.
53:47
SPEAKER_01: Slugs are obviously a problem in people's cars.
53:48
SPEAKER_01: I saw a couple today, boo hairs.
53:50
SPEAKER_01: Well when I when I was younger, this is gonna paint my dad in a really awful picture, and PETA don't come for us.
53:57
SPEAKER_01: He used to put salt on the slugs.
54:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that was a thing.
54:01
SPEAKER_01: Is that a thing?
54:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
54:02
SPEAKER_01: Because I mentioned it the other day to my boyfriend, and he was like, Charlie, that's awful.
54:05
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Yeah, it's horrible, and they used to just die and explode.
54:09
SPEAKER_01: But did anyone else's parents do that?
54:11
SPEAKER_01: I think it used to, yeah, I used to do it.
54:13
SPEAKER_02: My grandparents used to do it, I'm sure it was a thing.
54:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, poor slugs.
54:15
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, they're not nice, but you know it gets cancelled for that.
54:19
SPEAKER_02: Can you imagine?
54:19
SPEAKER_02: How did those girls get cancelled?
54:21
SPEAKER_01: Charlie's dad's sold on slugs.
54:24
SPEAKER_02: Fuck me.
54:25
SPEAKER_02: So this is not so much of a random thought, but it is something that I've thought about, and it does kind of it kind of gives me the ick, but I kind of want to see what people's perception on it is.
54:34
SPEAKER_02: When you're driving, yeah, and your boyfriend's beside you, so like the the the woman is driving, and I know I love a feminist and I'm here for it, and women should be, but I do think it's just a bit icky.
54:47
SPEAKER_02: Well, when the woman's driving.
54:49
SPEAKER_02: I just yeah, and they do just men look a little bit emasculated.
54:53
SPEAKER_02: Maybe we should allow it to happen, fine, but I just think I quite like it when a bloke drives.
55:00
SPEAKER_02: Hmm.
55:01
SPEAKER_01: It's interesting, because like you say, it's that thing of like we all want to be looked after, but we can all look after ourselves.
55:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
55:08
SPEAKER_01: So it's like we want to be able to drive, but also it's it's nice to be a passenger princess.
55:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and sometimes I see girls like really fucking cool girls and their little like pet guinea pig boyfriend sat next to them and they're driving, and I think, you look hot as fuck, and he just looks like he's just here.
55:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love being a I love being a passenger princess.
55:29
SPEAKER_01: The only time I think it's okay is if you're like so like obviously we live in buttfuck nowhere.
55:36
SPEAKER_01: What fuck?
55:37
SPEAKER_01: Uh and if you're taking it in terms of like who's drinking tonight if you're going down the pub, you're going to a friend's.
55:43
SPEAKER_02: But let me fucking tell you, I am not volunteering myself to drive.
55:46
SPEAKER_02: You are.
55:46
SPEAKER_02: I'm not.
55:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm happy to I'm happy to be a princess.
55:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
55:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I like it.
55:50
SPEAKER_01: I like to be a well-kept woman, but also want to have my own voice.
55:53
SPEAKER_01: We're such complicated creatures.
55:56
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
55:57
SPEAKER_02: We want equality, but also we want everything that goes with the other side of it.
56:03
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, that's my random thought.
56:05
SPEAKER_02: Sorry, it's not quite as funny as Henry VIII on Hinge.
56:08
SPEAKER_02: But where do snails go when it's not raining?
56:10
SPEAKER_02: Where do they all go?
56:12
SPEAKER_01: There's your thought for a Friday.
56:14
SPEAKER_01: Next week, I'm really excited for us to report back on our little experience at Epsom.
56:19
SPEAKER_01: Looking forward to that.
56:20
SPEAKER_01: Oh, we've got to wear hats.
56:21
SPEAKER_01: We gotta look wear we've gotta look fancy and beladies.
56:24
SPEAKER_02: Pats, pats, we've got to wear hats, darling.
56:26
SPEAKER_02: Darling, darling pats, and some Bollinger.
56:32
SPEAKER_01: I enjoy you.
56:33
SPEAKER_01: If you've got any stories that you want to share with us, please email them in f offfridays at outlook.com, Instagram messages.
56:41
SPEAKER_02: Literally anything, because if not, I'm gonna have to pull out the big guns, and there's some shame, shameful stuff that I've done, which everyone would find thoroughly entertaining.
56:50
SPEAKER_02: But I will say it's not the vault.
56:53
SPEAKER_02: Just saying.
56:53
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's all in the vault.
56:55
SPEAKER_02: It's all in the vault.
56:56
SPEAKER_02: She'll open up the vault.
56:57
SPEAKER_02: I'll open it.
56:58
SPEAKER_02: I'll open it.
56:59
SPEAKER_02: Anyway, until next Friday, day toxic.