Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 6 | You Gotta Have That Christmas Pickle

Transcript

6 | You Gotta Have That Christmas Pickle · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: It is stressful.
• 0:02
  Matt: The acquisition of Christmas materials.
• 0:07
  Matt: Yes.
• 0:08
  Matt: The gifts, the tree.
• 0:14
  Matt: It can all be stressful.
• 0:17
  Matt: Fun, but stressful.
• 0:19
  Matt: I do pride myself on being a good gift giver.
• 0:23
  Matt: I come from a long line of good gift givers.
• 0:28
  Matt: So there's an extra stress for me.
• 0:30
  Matt: I and Well, because I was having this discussion with someone recently.
• 0:39
  Matt: Um and Lindsay couldn't this isn't the someone I was referencing, but Lindsay was giving me Lindsay was trying to de stress me by saying, like, we'll just get these items off of the list for that that someone gave us.
• 0:58
  Matt: And I was like, but m all of the gifts I've given so far have been from the list.
• 1:05
  Matt: And I do not like that.
• 1:06
  Matt: I like a surprise factor.
• 1:09
  Matt: Like the twist.
• 1:10
  Matt: I like it.
• 1:10
  Matt: I like a I like a ooh.
• 1:13
  Matt: Oh.
• 1:14
  Eric: You like getting that, oh, oh my god.
• 1:16
  Matt: Exactly.
• 1:17
  Eric: Like giving them that thing they didn't know they wanted.
• 1:20
  Matt: Um but the Shays have a lot of odd.
• 1:23
  Matt: I I have come to learn that they are atypical Christmas behaviors.
• 1:28
  Matt: I don't know about the poaches.
• 1:30
  Eric: Well, well, give me give me these atypical behaviors.
• 1:33
  Eric: Let's talk about this.
• 1:35
  Matt: For example, we are big gift givers, as I said.
• 1:40
  Matt: We typically have to have, or at least choose to have, an intermission in gift opening.
• 1:48
  Eric: An intermission?
• 1:50
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:50
  Matt: So the process is we're gonna let's get, you know what?
• 1:53
  Matt: Cold open, but let's get right into it.
• 1:55
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:56
  Matt: We come downstairs, everybody gradually awakes.
• 2:03
  Matt: We once everyone's got their morning beverage of choice, that we settle in, we find our designated locations, which are mapped out the the day before when placing gifts, and then we begin opening gifts.
• 2:21
  Matt: Hold on.
• 2:21
  Matt: Hold on.
• 2:22
  Matt: Okay.
• 2:23
  Matt: Hold excuse me.
• 2:24
  Matt: Hold questions.
• 2:26
  Matt: No questions.
• 2:26
  Matt: Hold on.
• 2:28
  Matt: Then after act one, we get to a certain point where we have breakfast.
• 2:34
  Matt: And normally it's some sort of pan breakfast that my mom starts before we start opening gifts.
• 2:40
  Matt: So we have like a like literally it's timed, like 20 minutes, half an hour, however long the bake takes, it's done.
• 2:49
  Matt: We have breakfast, we resume the merriment, we finish the gifts, we do the stockings, which are separate from the gifts, which have stocking stuffers, and then usually I'm not gonna lie, by this time it's like 11.
• 3:05
  Matt: Okay.
• 3:06
  Matt: And if other people are coming over in not a pandemic, we um have to prepare for that because they get here around one, and then more gifts show up, and we do it all again after dinner.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_07: All right, yeah.
• 3:22
  Matt: That's you know, I will now take questions.
• 3:28
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 3:29
  Matt: Uh you uh you there in the cardigan.
• 3:31
  Eric: Oh hi, hello.
• 3:32
  Eric: Yes.
• 3:33
  Eric: Um Eric Poach with the what the fuck did I just hear times?
• 3:37
  Eric: Uh you map out where you'll be sitting the night before.
• 3:42
  Matt: You have to.
• 3:43
  Matt: Yeah.
• 3:44
  Matt: How uh what do you do?
• 3:45
  Matt: It's just chaos and anarchy.
• 3:48
  Eric: Now, follow up.
• 3:50
  Eric: How do you do it?
• 3:52
  Eric: Walk me through it's Christmas Eve.
• 3:55
  Eric: Okay.
• 3:55
  Eric: You know you're you need to establish your your your positions.
• 4:00
  Matt: How is this done?
• 4:02
  Matt: The positions are generally already set, just saying.
• 4:06
  Matt: Okay.
• 4:06
  Matt: Yeah.
• 4:07
  Matt: If somebody else were to my brother lives about an hour away from my parents' house.
• 4:13
  Matt: So I Lindsay and I travel up, we stay at at the house, at the main estate.
• 4:19
  Matt: And then Eric comes in the afternoon.
• 4:23
  Matt: So the um, so just me and Lindsay need to be arranged with my parents.
• 4:30
  Matt: My dad is in my dad's chair.
• 4:33
  Matt: That's a given.
• 4:35
  Matt: Um my mom is on usually on one side of the sofa.
• 4:40
  Matt: Lindsay's on the other side of the sofa, and then I have like a tangential chair that gets added.
• 4:48
  Matt: Oh, okay.
• 4:49
  Matt: I mean, it's there.
• 4:50
  Matt: It's always it's in the room, but it's brought to the to the foreground.
• 4:54
  Eric: Yeah, yes, good.
• 4:55
  Eric: It's that chair that you forget exists because you've just seen it so many times.
• 4:59
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, it's an I'll be honest with you, it's an armless IKEA chair, I believe.
• 5:06
  Eric: No shame in that.
• 5:06
  Matt: No, none at all.
• 5:08
  Matt: This is a very pro-IKEA podcast.
• 5:10
  Matt: We established that already.
• 5:12
  Matt: And then, so yeah, I'll sit and then so we have to bring down the gifts and then we have to arrange them so there's you know pathways and all that.
• 5:23
  Matt: Yeah.
• 5:23
  Eric: That that well, what is odd about that?
• 5:28
  Eric: There's nothing odd about it.
• 5:29
  Eric: No, because at the end of the day.
• 5:31
  Matt: If you don't map it out the night before, do you bring your gifts?
• 5:33
  Matt: What's odd about it?
• 5:34
  Matt: It's the thing.
• 5:35
  Matt: Well, hold on.
• 5:36
  Matt: Do you bring your gifts down Christmas morning?
• 5:38
  Eric: No, all that shit is just in the living room.
• 5:42
  Eric: It's under the tree.
• 5:43
  Matt: So you don't put like your mom's gifts in one spot and your dad's gifts in one spot.
• 5:48
  Eric: Oh, we just make- Do we have a hodgepodge?
• 5:50
  Eric: Oh, we do just a giant ass mountain of of of presents under the tree.
• 5:55
  Eric: We do we do do stocking.
• 5:56
  Eric: Like we have like our stocking we're and I am absolute agreeance with you.
• 6:00
  Eric: We there's stocking time, and then there's there's presence time.
• 6:04
  Matt: Because stocking time, stockings, stuff, my opinion is that stocking gifts are like fun, like no the no real gift is in the stuff.
• 6:15
  Matt: No, they're always like some sort of chocolate or you know, weird five dollar thing.
• 6:23
  Eric: Like little novelty toys.
• 6:24
  Matt: Little novelty toys.
• 6:25
  Eric: Stuff my mom saw in Kohl's, and she was like, Oh, how you would like this.
• 6:29
  Matt: Right.
• 6:30
  Eric: That kind of stuff.
• 6:31
  Eric: Yeah.
• 6:31
  Eric: That I absolutely.
• 6:32
  Eric: I will tell you this uh poach poach Christmas tradition.
• 6:36
  Eric: I'm kind of gonna walk you through.
• 6:37
  Eric: Please do my so typically we you know, we all get up, we're we're the same way.
• 6:45
  Eric: We get up, we all get our beverages of choice.
• 6:47
  Eric: My parent my my dad gets his coffee, my mom gets her tea, and my mom has drank her tea the same way for my entire life.
• 6:59
  Eric: It is a bag of Lipton brand tea, squeeze of lemon, no sugar.
• 7:07
  Matt: Look, the woman knows what she likes.
• 7:09
  Eric: She knows exactly what she likes.
• 7:11
  Matt: I think the most I relate to this heavily.
• 7:14
  Matt: Yeah.
• 7:14
  Matt: Not the tea part.
• 7:16
  Matt: I mean, I like tea.
• 7:17
  Matt: No, but the routine of it.
• 7:18
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 7:19
  Eric: Oh, absolutely.
• 7:21
  Eric: I will also get my cup of tea.
• 7:23
  Eric: Uh, I drink my tea in such a way that is unfathomable to my mom.
• 7:27
  Eric: I get PG Tips English black tea with milk and honey.
• 7:31
  Matt: And I thought we were on the same page as coffee people.
• 7:35
  Eric: Oh, I love coffee.
• 7:36
  Eric: I drink coffee all the time.
• 7:37
  Eric: For whatever reason, Christmas, it's a tea morning.
• 7:40
  Matt: It's a Christmas tea.
• 7:42
  Eric: Yeah.
• 7:42
  Matt: But I should say the part that I do that is something I got from my dad that people usually cite as being the weird part of me and Christmas.
• 7:59
  Matt: When you have gifts, when someone is opening gifts from you.
• 8:04
  Matt: Yeah.
• 8:07
  Matt: Do you plan out the order in which they are?
• 8:12
  Matt: I'm gonna use the word aloud to open the gifts.
• 8:16
  Eric: Okay.
• 8:18
  Eric: You and my mom have so goddamn much in common.
• 8:22
  Eric: Because let me tell you, Franny Maypoach, Christmas morning, she is the arbiter of gift order.
• 8:33
  Matt: Oh, so she's so there's a mountain of gifts, but your mom hands them out.
• 8:37
  Eric: She knows where every single gift is and in what order she wants us to get them.
• 8:43
  Eric: And and it's not she and I we give this to my mom because my mom lives for Christmas, she loves Christmas.
• 8:52
  Eric: We she she deserves.
• 8:56
  Eric: She gets so excited uh to to to like hand people gifts, like, oh, this is for you, and like even if it's like, oh, this is for dad from Eric, and this is like she is just thrilled.
• 9:07
  Eric: She has a lot of things.
• 9:08
  Matt: Oh, wait a minute.
• 9:09
  Matt: There's an I I I hold on.
• 9:11
  Matt: There's another controversy coming.
• 9:14
  Eric: Okay.
• 9:14
  Matt: No, but finish it off.
• 9:16
  Eric: But yeah, we're all sitting there, we sip our tea.
• 9:18
  Eric: We and because our gifts are all like a giant mountain, we can just kind of sit in a half circle around the tree in the corners and like the they're and the trees in the corner of the room.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, you sit on the floor.
• 9:29
  Eric: Oh, yeah, I floor set it.
• 9:30
  Eric: I don't have to.
• 9:31
  Eric: I haven't had to for many years, but that's how I ground myself in Christmas.
• 9:35
  Eric: It's also because if I'm sitting on the floor, that means my back is to the wood stove, and ooh, that shit is toasty.
• 9:40
  Eric: Oh, it must be nice to have a functioning back.
• 9:46
  Eric: Uh so yeah, my dad will will plant himself in the center of the couch.
• 9:52
  Eric: He will not move once.
• 9:54
  Eric: My mom will not sit still for a solitary moment during Chris.
• 10:00
  Eric: She can't sit.
• 10:00
  Eric: She can't, she'll tell you herself.
• 10:02
  Eric: She's like, I can't sit down.
• 10:03
  Eric: She gets so excited.
• 10:04
  Matt: She's just zooming about the room, bringing presents to people, loving it, handing up, handing us our stockings, and then we get to the presents and and and my mom and I are similar to your mom in that we both tend to but like we'll sort of alternate as to who's stationary and who's buzzing about.
• 10:22
  Matt: Yeah.
• 10:22
  Matt: But I bring up the order of the gifts thing because my gifts are always ordered.
• 10:27
  Matt: And I usually have a list.
• 10:32
  Matt: I you usually have a list.
• 10:34
  Matt: I have a list.
• 10:35
  Matt: Do you check it twice?
• 10:36
  Matt: I check it throughout the whole morning because the list the list has a list of everybody's gifts, what wrapping they are in, and what order I want them to open them up.
• 10:51
  Matt: My god.
• 10:52
  Matt: And here's the final thing.
• 10:55
  Matt: There's more.
• 10:56
  Matt: I'm gonna get a gift.
• 10:58
  Matt: Uh, but because I Lindsay has been forced to adopt this.
• 11:03
  Matt: The Shea family does not.
• 11:07
  Matt: Uh, I I know your reaction to this.
• 11:11
  Matt: Because so many people give me shit about this, but I don't care.
• 11:15
  Matt: I will stand my ground.
• 11:16
  Matt: The Shea family.
• 11:17
  Eric: I'm gonna tell you right now, I I'm not gonna give you shit.
• 11:20
  Eric: I am here with an open heart.
• 11:23
  Matt: Okay.
• 11:24
  Matt: The Shea family, then I'm gonna say it in this safe space.
• 11:28
  Matt: The Shea family does not believe in those two from gift stickers.
• 11:37
  Matt: We do not put them on them.
• 11:39
  Matt: They are gaudy.
• 11:41
  Matt: They they disrupt the the wrapping job.
• 11:46
  Matt: I I don't I don't support them.
• 11:49
  Matt: And for that reason, instead, hold on.
• 11:52
  Eric: Oh no, there's an instead instead.
• 11:58
  Eric: Instead, I I make here's a here's a gift.
• 12:02
  Eric: Uh huh.
• 12:02
  Eric: I make Matt is holding up a gift.
• 12:05
  Eric: Covert marking.
• 12:07
  Eric: Oh my fucking god.
• 12:10
  Eric: So I can remember.
• 12:12
  Eric: Who's giving it?
• 12:13
  Eric: You put like hobo trail markers on your presence.
• 12:19
  Matt: It's covert, it's discreet.
• 12:22
  Matt: It What is wrong with my little L in the truck's windshield?
• 12:28
  Matt: You didn't see it until I pointed it out.
• 12:31
  Eric: Only the Shays of Lancaster, Pennsylvania could look me in the eye and tell me a tag is gaudy?
• 12:42
  Eric: Gaudy.
• 12:42
  Eric: Tag is unnecessary, but then put secret runes on their presence that only they can decipher.
• 12:56
  Matt: For Lindsay, it's not a it's not the Zodiac cipher.
• 13:00
  Matt: It but I understand people are against me on this.
• 13:08
  Eric: I'm not I'm not against it.
• 13:09
  Eric: I want to be clear.
• 13:13
  Eric: I'm flummoxed.
• 13:16
  Eric: I'm baffled.
• 13:19
  Eric: Be it's I'm mostly disappointed that you don't get to experience what I get to experience, which is my mom's tags.
• 13:32
  Eric: Because my mom hold on.
• 13:34
  Matt: You might be able to sway me.
• 13:36
  Eric: What if here's what my mom does has done it my entire life and is never changed.
• 13:42
  Eric: I will have gifts that say to Eric from mom and dad or to Eric love mom and dad, but I will also always have two to three presents that say to Eric from Santa.
• 14:01
  Eric: Uh oh.
• 14:02
  Eric: And I never questioned, you know, when I was a kid, when I was in elementary school, never really questioned why Santa and my mom had the same handwriting.
• 14:15
  Matt: Yeah.
• 14:16
  Matt: Is that what gave it away for you?
• 14:20
  Eric: I shit you not, I had the epiphany in like seventh grade.
• 14:25
  Eric: I was in class, and I made a sound as I'm just sitting in the middle of class.
• 14:32
  Eric: I think it was social studies, and I just go, Oh.
• 14:39
  Eric: And then that was it.
• 14:41
  Matt: And somebody looked over and said, Eric, what's wrong?
• 14:44
  Matt: And you said, Santa isn't real.
• 14:47
  Eric: Matt, I held I held on to that shit all day long.
• 14:52
  Eric: And I went home and I was like, Mom, can we have a talk?
• 14:57
  Eric: And it I want you to picture me.
• 14:59
  Eric: I'm already taller than my mom at this point.
• 15:01
  Eric: Of course you are.
• 15:02
  Eric: You're taller than everyone.
• 15:04
  Eric: And I was 12, and I sit down with my mom, and I'm like, and here's the fucked up thing.
• 15:10
  Eric: I had to comfort her.
• 15:14
  Eric: I had to, because by by the time I'd gotten home, I'd made my peace with it.
• 15:19
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 15:20
  Eric: I was, I was, I was sad, I was bummed, but I had made my peace with it.
• 15:24
  Eric: My mom, as soon as I started talking about, as soon as I mentioned, like, as the second she knew where I was going, she just got like her shoulder slumped.
• 15:35
  Eric: She was she was guilty.
• 15:37
  Eric: I was like, and I had to go to her, like, mom, I want you to know that it's okay to tell me.
• 15:43
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 15:44
  Eric: And she was like, It's me and daddy.
• 15:47
  Eric: And I was like, it's okay.
• 15:49
  Eric: And I hug my mom.
• 15:52
  Eric: And it was it was a very beautifully.
• 15:54
  Eric: We had we both had this this nice little cathartic hug.
• 15:58
  Eric: We got a little misty-eyed.
• 16:01
  Matt: Yeah.
• 16:03
  Matt: So so what is the um designation now?
• 16:07
  Matt: You say this continues that all the gifts say from mom and dad or yeah, a few of them say mom and dad.
• 16:14
  Matt: You were from Santa.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:15
  Matt: So what is different about the ones from Santa now?
• 16:19
  Matt: Anything, or are they just randomly assigned?
• 16:21
  Eric: The bitch and gifts now come from mom and dad.
• 16:23
  Eric: That had to be murder for them.
• 16:25
  Eric: Like the big, huge gift, like the the N64, that was from Santa.
• 16:32
  Eric: And I think they've been living with that.
• 16:35
  Eric: They were holding on over them.
• 16:37
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 16:39
  Eric: I can't imagine the strength of soul it takes to buy your kid a fucking N64 and tell them it's from somebody else who doesn't even exist.
• 16:52
  Matt: Yeah.
• 16:53
  Matt: I can't I that hits that hits to the core.
• 16:56
  Matt: Also, Eric, I I hate to be the one to point this out to you, but what you you just told me was that those two from stickers ruined Santa.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_04: Oh Gaudy!
• 17:17
  Matt: Yeah, it's okay.
• 17:18
  Matt: Just let the theme music play.
• 17:20
  Matt: Just just let it play you into I hate that wrongness.
• 17:36
  Eric: So here's my question.
• 17:38
  Eric: Did you Alright, come on.
• 17:41
  Eric: Fuck.
• 17:42
  Eric: We're unpacking so much, and we haven't even made it to our first question.
• 17:46
  Eric: So, were you told presents were from Santa when you were when you were from a when you were a kid?
• 17:50
  Matt: Yeah.
• 17:51
  Matt: Well, it was just understood that all gifts essentially were from Santa, unless otherwise said.
• 17:57
  Matt: Yeah, so some would be like, oh, this one's from us.
• 18:03
  Eric: And did okay.
• 18:04
  Eric: Did the gifts from Santa also have Sharpie runes on them?
• 18:08
  Eric: Probably.
• 18:09
  Eric: Well, if they were done correctly, you would never have known.
• 18:12
  Matt: And I didn't.
• 18:14
  Eric: Oh.
• 18:15
  Eric: God.
• 18:17
  Eric: Did you do bows?
• 18:18
  Matt: Yeah, so actually I was Lindsay and I were just talking about this this morning.
• 18:24
  Matt: I think it's interesting how bows have gone from a c a almost a competitive thing of tying ribbon nicely to somebody, hallmark or otherwise, being like, ooh, we can make pre-made bows to save you time.
• 18:41
  Matt: So you don't have to tie bows.
• 18:43
  Matt: It'll already it will already be nice.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:46
  Matt: To what I feel like is more commonplace today, which is no ribbon and just a bow.
• 18:54
  Eric: Yeah.
• 18:55
  Matt: Isn't that interesting?
• 18:56
  Eric: Yeah.
• 18:56
  Eric: I'll tell you this, we never we we occasionally did ribbon.
• 19:00
  Eric: When we were feeling festive, we did ribbon.
• 19:02
  Eric: Most part we just slapped the bow on there.
• 19:05
  Matt: Oh, by the way, this is you didn't ask for this, uh, a podcast answering all your least pressing questions.
• 19:11
  Matt: We still don't have a good tagline for that.
• 19:13
  Matt: Uh, I'm Matt Shea.
• 19:14
  Matt: I'm Eric Poach.
• 19:16
  Matt: Um, but you probably already know that.
• 19:19
  Eric: Yeah.
• 19:20
  Eric: You can you know that because of our two from labels on our presents to each other.
• 19:26
  Matt: Anyway, this is Christmas Eve when you're listening to this.
• 19:32
  Matt: Wow.
• 19:32
  Matt: Uh so as such, we do have a lineup of some holiday-related questions.
• 19:40
  Matt: Yep, they are Christmas based, but in all fairness, you don't want Eric and I answering questions about other religious holidays.
• 19:53
  Matt: Oh goodness no.
• 19:55
  Matt: So I do understand that this is a little um one track.
• 20:01
  Eric: I yeah.
• 20:01
  Eric: I really don't want to it humiliate myself with like how ignorant I am of other traditions.
• 20:08
  Matt: Yeah, we're we're already ignorant enough of our own.
• 20:11
  Matt: Yes.
• 20:12
  Matt: But anyway, I just wanted to get the opening to the show out of the way, Eric.
• 20:16
  Matt: Please continue on your rant if you want.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_07: Well, just get fucking no tags.
• 20:25
  Matt: I a lot of It came without ribbons.
• 20:28
  Matt: Oh it came without tags.
• 20:31
  Matt: It's came without bows.
• 20:33
  Matt: It's came without ribbons, it came without bows.
• 20:36
  Matt: You put in tags.
• 20:38
  Eric: It tags does come in there at some point, I do know.
• 20:41
  Eric: It came It has to.
• 20:43
  Eric: Google it.
• 20:44
  Eric: I think it is, before you even tell it, I think it is.
• 20:46
  Eric: It came without ribbons, it came without tags, it came without packages, boxes, or bags.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_02: And the Grinch, with his Grinch feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_02: How could it be so?
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: It came without ribbons.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: Check.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: It came without tags.
• 21:10
  Matt: It came without packages, boxes, or bags, but of course the Grinch puts tags on thing.
• 21:16
  Matt: He hates Christmas.
• 21:18
  Matt: Oh he okay.
• 21:21
  Matt: Ha! I've won again.
• 21:26
  Eric: Anywho.
• 21:28
  Matt: All right, anywho.
• 21:29
  Eric: Welcome to welcome to a very special Christmas episode.
• 21:34
  Matt: Yes.
• 21:35
  Matt: Welcome to this Christmas Eve episode of You Didn't Ask for This.
• 21:40
  Eric: And should we get let's just hop right into it?
• 21:44
  Eric: Because we're burning time.
• 21:46
  Eric: We're weird.
• 21:48
  Matt: Ooh.
• 21:48
  unknown: Ooh.
• 21:49
  unknown: Ooh.
• 21:50
  Matt: Eric, I got a question for you.
• 21:52
  Matt: Hit me with it, baby.
• 21:53
  Matt: What is the best way to decorate a tree?
• 21:58
  Matt: And that one comes from my mother.
• 22:00
  Eric: And your mother is a saint.
• 22:02
  Eric: Oh, agreed.
• 22:03
  Eric: Yeah.
• 22:04
  Eric: She is one of the classiest ladies I have ever met.
• 22:07
  Eric: She'll be happy to hear.
• 22:10
  Eric: Uh so to begin answering this question, what is the best way to decorate a Christmas tree?
• 22:19
  Eric: Uh Matt, I think we're gonna have to pull some questionception here.
• 22:26
  Eric: We're gonna have to incept question our own question with another question that was sent to us this week.
• 22:34
  Eric: That's true.
• 22:35
  Eric: So to answer this question, we have to answer another question, which was sent to us by a sleepy bean on Instagram.
• 22:43
  Eric: And her question is real tree or fake tree?
• 22:48
  Matt: And now I think if you thought the tags had some fiery opinions behind it, I have a feeling we're about to get it into it.
• 22:59
  Eric: Alright, on the count of three, we're gonna say our answer.
• 23:03
  Eric: One, two, two, three, real tree.
• 23:07
  Eric: Okay.
• 23:11
  Matt: Rejoice! Okay, good.
• 23:13
  Matt: Yeah, I don't have to fuck fake trees.
• 23:16
  Matt: Yes.
• 23:17
  Matt: So I will say in recent years, we have received an argument for the fake tree.
• 23:25
  Matt: I have had real trees my whole life.
• 23:28
  Matt: Same.
• 23:29
  Matt: There is at the Shea Homestead traditionally a second tree.
• 23:36
  Matt: Oh, Timmy two trees over here?
• 23:38
  Matt: The second tree is the theme tree, and it goes in the kitchen.
• 23:44
  Matt: I told you the Shays have an extensive list of Christmas traditions that other people find odd.
• 23:51
  Matt: Uh uh, yes, you and the cardigan.
• 23:53
  Eric: Ooh, question, question.
• 23:54
  Eric: Hello, Eric Poach again from the excuse the fuck out of me times.
• 23:59
  Eric: Uh theme tree.
• 24:01
  Eric: Talk me through this.
• 24:02
  Eric: Well, it changes.
• 24:03
  Matt: It's whatever my mom wants to put on.
• 24:05
  Matt: Oh, I'm sure.
• 24:06
  Matt: But the it's whatever my mom wants to put on that particular tree.
• 24:09
  Matt: A lot of times the second tree will be like all the like homemade ornaments or like, you know, childhood like ornaments.
• 24:19
  Eric: The very sentimental ornaments.
• 24:21
  Matt: The very sentiment well, the sentimental ornaments that, and because this is where we're gonna hit the first question.
• 24:28
  Matt: The sentimental ornaments that let's be realistic, from a visual standpoint, are not aesthetically pleasing enough to warrant a spot on the primary tree.
• 24:44
  Eric: Okay.
• 24:45
  Matt: On the real tree.
• 24:48
  unknown: The real tree.
• 24:49
  Matt: But so so I say all that to say I've had real trees my whole life.
• 24:54
  Matt: Yeah.
• 24:55
  Matt: And two years ago, not last year, but the year before, Lindsay and I had a real tree, and it did end up infested with bugs.
• 25:06
  Matt: Oh no! And we did end up needing to bag it up lights, star, and all.
• 25:16
  Matt: We saved the ornaments, but we had to get it in a bag and drag it like a body to the dumpster.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_07: Holy shit.
• 25:26
  Matt: Yes, but that's never happened.
• 25:29
  Matt: We've had other things, we've had birds' nests, we've had uh, you know, like pine cones and stuff.
• 25:36
  Matt: Yeah, that's happened, but we've never had bugs at the Shea Home.
• 25:40
  Eric: I've you know, it's never even occurred to me that that could happen.
• 25:43
  Matt: It never occurred to me that it could happen.
• 25:45
  Matt: But Lindsay always had fake trees because her brother is allergic to to real trees, so they had to have fake trees.
• 25:52
  Matt: Gotcha, gotcha.
• 25:53
  Matt: Which makes sense, like I understand.
• 25:55
  Matt: I mean, it's a little bit of a shot to Santa's heart, but yeah, you know, yeah, you do what you gotta do.
• 26:04
  Eric: So I'm just imagining Santa coming down the chimney in the bar home.
• 26:09
  Eric: Where are my cookies?
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_04: What the fuck is that?
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_04: What is this?
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_04: I don't even have my fucking coal.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_04: Uh all right, here's your fucking N64 bars.
• 26:29
  Matt: I don't know why I made Santa so angry.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_07: Did Santa spit on the presents?
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_07: What is it?
• 26:38
  Matt: Oh god, it smells like pee.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_07: Oh fuck me.
• 26:44
  Matt: Oh man.
• 26:45
  Matt: Yeah.
• 26:46
  Matt: So real trees.
• 26:47
  Matt: So real trees, I will admit, have apparently the downside of every now and then you get an infestation in your home.
• 26:59
  Matt: Or a s or a screaming house fire.
• 27:03
  Matt: Or uh or just uh uh A plus house fire.
• 27:07
  Matt: Yeah, it comes from improper watering.
• 27:09
  Matt: It comes from improper watering, it comes from uh lack of attention, and it comes from unsafe lighting practices, I think.
• 27:20
  Matt: But the water is the key part, water is water is key.
• 27:23
  Matt: Uh right now, this guy that's sitting right next to me, I'm podcasting right with my tree, just so the people at home know it's right next to me.
• 27:31
  Eric: It is right up in there.
• 27:34
  Matt: I'm basically an I'm basically one of the bugs.
• 27:36
  Matt: Yeah, he's being lit by it.
• 27:38
  Matt: I am an ornament.
• 27:40
  Matt: Yes.
• 27:41
  Matt: The I I'm watering this minimum two times a day, but I have been watering it three times today.
• 27:49
  Matt: When I wake up like five o'clock after work, and then right before I go to bed, I check and water it again.
• 27:55
  Matt: This tree is drinking.
• 27:58
  Matt: Let me tell you that.
• 27:58
  Eric: Hydrate or dehydrate, baby.
• 28:00
  Matt: That's that's it, couldn't have said it better.
• 28:03
  Matt: Um so I will say so I will say that there is that is one negative to the um to the real tree.
• 28:12
  Matt: Now, neither of us are on team fake tree.
• 28:14
  Matt: So the fake the fake treers out there are gonna feel slighted.
• 28:19
  Eric: Oh, they're gonna get at us.
• 28:20
  Eric: Um, and I will say this.
• 28:21
  Eric: But that's okay because they got at Christmas.
• 28:25
  Eric: I will say this.
• 28:26
  Eric: I do not look down on someone because they have a fake tree.
• 28:31
  Eric: I I agree.
• 28:32
  Eric: I pity them.
• 28:33
  Eric: I judge it.
• 28:34
  Eric: I judge them.
• 28:35
  Eric: I pity them.
• 28:35
  Eric: But don't look down upon them.
• 28:37
  Eric: Do not look down on them.
• 28:38
  Eric: I agree.
• 28:39
  Eric: Uh no, and like I get it.
• 28:42
  Eric: Like, not if you're in an apartment.
• 28:43
  Eric: I get it.
• 28:44
  Eric: If you're if you're, you know, or if you've got, you know.
• 28:47
  Matt: I will even say it's a little atypical for me, an apartment dweller, to have a real tree.
• 28:53
  Eric: That does impress the hell out of me.
• 28:55
  Eric: I live in a real house.
• 28:57
  Eric: And uh Yes, you do.
• 28:58
  Eric: Okay, I'm gonna take that back.
• 28:59
  Eric: I don't want to say real house as if my dwelling counts and yours doesn't.
• 29:03
  Eric: Uh, but no, I live in a in a in a house.
• 29:06
  Eric: I live in a townhouse.
• 29:07
  Matt: Um you live in a proper house.
• 29:10
  Eric: Yeah, and uh I don't even have a tree.
• 29:12
  Matt: Oh, you don't even wait, hold on a second.
• 29:14
  Eric: Yep.
• 29:15
  Matt: You don't have a tree.
• 29:16
  Eric: Oh god, I haven't.
• 29:18
  Eric: Matthew, I have not gotten a Christmas tree in like four years.
• 29:25
  Eric: Why?
• 29:26
  Eric: Why do you hate Christmas?
• 29:29
  Eric: That's a good question.
• 29:30
  Eric: Why I don't have a Christmas tree ties intrinsically to why I'm pro-real tree.
• 29:41
  Eric: I fucking hate tree shopping.
• 29:43
  Matt: Oh, interesting.
• 29:44
  Eric: And every year it was always the same thing.
• 29:48
  Eric: My job was the same, and here's why I hate tree shopping.
• 29:51
  Eric: We go to Home Depot.
• 29:53
  Matt: Oh, I sense some childhood trauma coming.
• 29:55
  Eric: We go to Home Depot.
• 29:56
  Eric: I can't just sit out of tree shopping because I am crucial to the tree, to the tree acquisition.
• 30:05
  Eric: Yeah, you're the size of a tree.
• 30:07
  Eric: I am the size of the tree.
• 30:08
  Eric: It is my duty as I walk between my parents as we go down the line, and they are judging these trees.
• 30:15
  Eric: And at this point in the process, I am I am to stay silent.
• 30:21
  Eric: I am not to offer my opinions on trees.
• 30:24
  Eric: What age are you?
• 30:25
  Matt: Are we talking?
• 30:26
  Eric: We're talking from like the time I was eight to the time I moved out at like 25, 26.
• 30:35
  Eric: Um, we're walking down these lanes.
• 30:38
  Eric: I am offering no opinions on the trees.
• 30:40
  Eric: My parents are weighing and measuring these trees in their mind's eye as they as they should.
• 30:48
  Eric: And when they see one that they think could have promised, that is when I am summoned.
• 30:55
  Eric: They say, lad, fetch up this tree, and I plunge my hand into the sappy, needly guts of this bound-up tree, and I drag it out of the pile, and I slam it down and I unfurl it for their viewing pleasure.
• 31:16
  Matt: Oh, so wait a minute.
• 31:17
  Matt: You do you only go to like Home Depot?
• 31:20
  Matt: You never went and cut a tree?
• 31:22
  Eric: Oh, God, no.
• 31:24
  Eric: Oh.
• 31:25
  Eric: No, no.
• 31:25
  Eric: Interesting.
• 31:26
  Eric: I'm I'm the one who who who presents the tree to to to my parents, and then they they pass judgment upon it.
• 31:36
  Eric: I twirl it.
• 31:37
  Matt: So if they don't like it, what do you you have to roll it back?
• 31:44
  Eric: I that is the only satisfying part of it.
• 31:47
  Eric: Yeah, no.
• 31:49
  Eric: And and the entire time I'm getting sap just all up my arm.
• 31:55
  Eric: Yeah.
• 31:56
  Eric: My parents will not touch a tree until it is the tree that they desire to bring home.
• 32:02
  Matt: Well, why should they get their hands dirty?
• 32:05
  Eric: Precisely.
• 32:05
  Matt: That's why they have a kid to do that.
• 32:07
  Matt: Yes.
• 32:08
  Matt: They have this lanky giant to do it.
• 32:10
  Eric: Tree, tree surf.
• 32:12
  Eric: Tree surf, fetch me a tree.
• 32:15
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 32:16
  Eric: Twell, this tree for me.
• 32:17
  Eric: And I'll and it'll always and I'll know.
• 32:19
  Eric: I'll know the and second I pull out, I'm like, oh no, it ain't gonna be this one.
• 32:23
  Eric: And they'll they'll they'll see something like no, it's too scraggly.
• 32:27
  Matt: Did you ever go cut a tree?
• 32:30
  Matt: No.
• 32:30
  Matt: No.
• 32:31
  Eric: Oh, not even once is like a if we did, it was not, it was not in my living memory.
• 32:38
  Matt: We we would uh we didn't go every year to cut trees.
• 32:43
  Matt: We did Lindsay and I did this year.
• 32:45
  Matt: It's the first time we as a couple cut a tree.
• 32:48
  Matt: We would just go to Home Depot or whatever, but I will say, and I hate to put such a fine point on it, the bug tree did come from Home Depot.
• 32:58
  Matt: Oh shit.
• 33:00
  Matt: So we cut a tree during this pandemic, partially because we didn't want to go into a store, but we did want to have the tree.
• 33:09
  Matt: But we wouldn't always cut the tree growing up.
• 33:11
  Matt: Most, I'd even say most years it was just a store-bought real tree.
• 33:17
  Eric: Gotcha.
• 33:18
  Eric: And it but all that to say my my part in the the real tree acquisition, namely as tree surf, with sap, uh, you know, Eric Sap on the arm.
• 33:30
  Eric: Uh Eric Sap the arm.
• 33:32
  Eric: I the reason I'm so pro-real tree, it angers me when I see people with fake trees.
• 33:38
  Eric: I'm like, you didn't have to plunge your fist into a sap-ridden bound-up tree.
• 33:44
  Eric: You'd have to hold it for their for their regard, for their weighing and measuring.
• 33:50
  Eric: You suffered, so they should too.
• 33:53
  Eric: Exactly.
• 33:54
  Eric: Uh it's the founding principles of this country.
• 33:58
  Matt: Bootstraps.
• 34:00
  Matt: Oh man, that's satirical, but it's also true.
• 34:04
  Eric: Um And that's also why I haven't had a time a tree in like four years.
• 34:10
  Matt: Okay, so we now that we've established that the best tree to decorate objectively is objectively, is a real tree.
• 34:21
  Matt: Correct.
• 34:22
  Matt: I think we need to get into the best way to decorate it.
• 34:25
  Matt: But decorating the tree, to be fair, very similar, fake tree, real tree.
• 34:30
  Matt: Although, real tree, you don't have you don't have artificial perfection of distribution of branches.
• 34:40
  Matt: The shape is like, ooh, so perfect.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's got that, it's got that patina.
• 34:45
  Matt: Exactly.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's got that real tree patina.
• 34:47
  Matt: The real tree, you got, oh, we got a gap over here.
• 34:51
  Matt: We gotta arrange that just so we need a bigger ornament there to take over the hole.
• 34:56
  Matt: Oh, we got some crystallized sap that didn't get on Eric's arm over here.
• 35:00
  Matt: Let's get it on the arm.
• 35:02
  Matt: Yeah.
• 35:02
  Matt: Get him over here.
• 35:04
  Matt: Smear it on him with a butter knife.
• 35:07
  Matt: Is that what they did?
• 35:08
  Matt: It is.
• 35:10
  Matt: It is.
• 35:12
  Matt: Um, okay, so now that we've established we've established real trees.
• 35:15
  Matt: Real trees.
• 35:17
  Matt: What is the best way to decorate it?
• 35:21
  Eric: So let's let's let's start baseline, work our way out from there.
• 35:26
  Eric: First things first, lights.
• 35:28
  Eric: Colored lights, white lights.
• 35:32
  Matt: This is a good question to begin with.
• 35:34
  Matt: I am very strongly in team colored lights.
• 35:39
  Eric: Agreed.
• 35:41
  Matt: Oh man, we are firing all only the tags so far do we disagree with.
• 35:46
  Eric: Here's the thing.
• 35:47
  Eric: My family did both.
• 35:49
  Eric: My mom would my mom like alternating years?
• 35:53
  Eric: No, no.
• 35:54
  Eric: We would have a string of white lights going all the way up the tree, and then we would have an opposing string of colored lights going all the way up the tree.
• 36:02
  Matt: I think I think most of our listeners will agree with me when I tell you that that is wrong.
• 36:10
  Eric: The poaches go for shock and awe when we decorate our trees, Matthew.
• 36:16
  Matt: That is incorrect, Eric.
• 36:18
  Matt: I have to say.
• 36:19
  Eric: No, no, no, no.
• 36:20
  Eric: Anything else looks too this tree must be bursting with light.
• 36:25
  Matt: Okay, but here's the thing.
• 36:27
  Matt: When I see an all-white light tree, very pretty.
• 36:32
  Matt: It's very it's a beautiful look with the white lights.
• 36:35
  Matt: I agree.
• 36:36
  Matt: It's too formal.
• 36:37
  Matt: It's too formal.
• 36:38
  Matt: It belongs in a lobby.
• 36:40
  Eric: Yes.
• 36:41
  Eric: I feel like I'm in my dentist's office.
• 36:43
  Matt: I want to be entering a hotel when I see an all-white light Christmas tree.
• 36:48
  Eric: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 36:50
  Matt: The colored lights, to me, I'm referencing my own colored lights next to me.
• 36:55
  Matt: They feel relaxed.
• 36:59
  Matt: They feel homey.
• 37:01
  Matt: They feel cozy.
• 37:03
  Matt: Yes.
• 37:04
  Matt: The white lights feel formal.
• 37:06
  Matt: The the colored light, they feel intimate.
• 37:08
  Matt: It feels like I'm in a Christmas store and I'm seven years old, and my mom's yelling at me to not touch anything.
• 37:14
  Matt: That's what they feel like to me.
• 37:16
  Eric: When I see when I see a tree with only white lights on it, I feel like I'm gonna get in trouble if I stand too close to the tree.
• 37:22
  Matt: A hundred percent.
• 37:23
  Matt: That there's something expensive on this tree, and me, irresponsible young man, Matthew Shea, should not touch it.
• 37:31
  Matt: Yeah.
• 37:32
  Matt: Yes.
• 37:33
  Matt: Oh, we are dealing with some childhood trauma on this Christmas episode.
• 37:39
  Eric: Uh trauma as only two white dudes can be privileged white dudes can know.
• 37:49
  Matt: Um okay, so we've got colored lights, or in your case, every shade of light that's ever been invented.
• 37:56
  Eric: Oh yeah, we are.
• 37:57
  Eric: Oh yeah, we are that's all on the tree.
• 38:01
  Matt: What tinsel?
• 38:03
  Matt: Let's cover the tinsel.
• 38:04
  Eric: We don't fuc with tinsel.
• 38:06
  Matt: Yeah.
• 38:08
  Matt: Tinsel belongs in the 1950s and nowhere else.
• 38:11
  Matt: Gaudy.
• 38:12
  Matt: Gaudy.
• 38:13
  Matt: With the tags in the bin.
• 38:15
  Matt: What about garland?
• 38:19
  Matt: What's the difference?
• 38:21
  Matt: Tinsel is usually only white, and like uh it it's like um like little icicles uh usually of like uh shiny shit.
• 38:32
  Matt: That's what I can basically say.
• 38:35
  Matt: Garland, like maybe you get like a like a tasteful ribbon sort of situation going around.
• 38:41
  Eric: Oh, okay.
• 38:42
  Eric: We do we not opposed, but do not partake.
• 38:46
  Eric: I mean the the garland can be shiny as well, to be fair.
• 38:50
  Eric: What we did, our our non-light string decoration throughout the tree, we did uh beads.
• 38:58
  Eric: We did like the the chaise have beads.
• 39:00
  Eric: We did beads, we did like a dark, like a like a rich burgundy colored bead.
• 39:05
  Matt: Oh, very tasteful, very tasteful.
• 39:07
  Matt: It makes you want to have a cigar.
• 39:09
  Matt: Yes.
• 39:10
  Matt: The the chaise would have beads, but we didn't always put them out.
• 39:14
  Matt: Uh put them on the tree.
• 39:15
  Matt: Mmm, okay.
• 39:16
  Matt: Now I will say my mom is in charge of the the tree decoration overall.
• 39:22
  Matt: Yes.
• 39:24
  Matt: She is the arbiter of the tree decor.
• 39:27
  Eric: Same.
• 39:28
  Eric: Lord knows I tried.
• 39:29
  Eric: Oh, I tried.
• 39:30
  Matt: I offered, I offered my it's just the call.
• 39:36
  Matt: Yeah.
• 39:37
  Matt: The ref the referee is my mother.
• 39:41
  Matt: But we would participate in the trimming of the tree, but all executive decisions came from the top down.
• 39:49
  Matt: So sometimes beads, sometimes no.
• 39:51
  Matt: Now let's get in to ornaments.
• 39:54
  Matt: Do you like a uniformity to your um to your ornaments?
• 40:00
  Matt: That is to say, all one color, all one type, all one theme.
• 40:04
  Eric: Not even a little bit.
• 40:07
  Matt: Eric, I knew we were cut from the same cloth.
• 40:11
  Matt: No way.
• 40:13
  Matt: Anarchist, baby.
• 40:14
  Matt: Am I in the dentist's office?
• 40:16
  Matt: Am I checking into a hotel?
• 40:19
  Matt: Then get your all the same ornaments off of my I want someone to look at my tree and go, okay.
• 40:27
  Matt: I see memories.
• 40:28
  Matt: Yeah.
• 40:28
  Matt: Paint me.
• 40:29
  Matt: Tell me your story.
• 40:31
  Matt: Let me tell you this.
• 40:32
  Matt: Let me ask.
• 40:33
  Matt: Now let's cut.
• 40:34
  Matt: Now I'm I'm gonna bite off more than I can chew, but here we go.
• 40:37
  Matt: Pickle or no pickle?
• 40:39
  Eric: Pickle baby!
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_07: Pickle pickle baby!
• 40:42
  Eric: Pickle baby!
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_07: Christmas pickle.
• 40:46
  Eric: I was I Matt coming into this conversation was like, we're gonna have to have a talk about Christmas.
• 40:50
  Eric: Oh my god, Eric.
• 40:52
  Matt: Save for our opposing views on gift tags, which I can overbook.
• 40:57
  Matt: I can, Matthew, we can set it aside.
• 41:00
  Matt: We can set that shit down.
• 41:03
  Eric: Hold on.
• 41:04
  Eric: So just for Oh yeah, feed him, Matt.
• 41:07
  Eric: Feed him.
• 41:07
  Eric: Because there's someone listening to this right now going, what the fuck did I just hear?
• 41:13
  Eric: What is this a white person thing?
• 41:16
  Eric: 100%.
• 41:17
  Eric: It has to be.
• 41:18
  Eric: It has to be.
• 41:18
  Eric: We're the only ones who could come up with this shit.
• 41:21
  Matt: So to give you you if you're not familiar with why Eric and I just shouted about putting a pickle in your tree, it has.
• 41:28
  Matt: I'm gonna read directly from the New York Times.
• 41:32
  Matt: The paper of record in this country.
• 41:36
  Matt: A great many people in the American Midwest have family roots in Germany, and a good number of them can tell you all about a beloved old country holiday tradition.
• 41:47
  Matt: The oh boy.
• 41:52
  Matt: Or the Christmas pickle.
• 41:54
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 41:55
  Matt: They will tell you that an ornament in the shape of a pickle is always the last one hung on the Christmas tree, camouflaged somewhere among the pine needles.
• 42:05
  Matt: It may might be shiny or matte.
• 42:08
  Matt: It might have a gold swirls or a little Santa hat.
• 42:11
  Matt: But whatever the style, the story goes that the first child to find the pickle in the morning is assured of good luck in the coming year and a special gift.
• 42:24
  Matt: And 64 if you found the fucking pickle.
• 42:27
  Matt: So that's what we're talking about when we talk about a pickle.
• 42:30
  Matt: And yes, we have a pickle.
• 42:33
  Eric: Oh my god, yeah.
• 42:34
  Eric: Now is yours like blown glass?
• 42:36
  Matt: Or is it uh I think it's a I think it's a proper glass ornament.
• 42:40
  Matt: Yeah.
• 42:40
  Eric: Oh, mine's really, really cool.
• 42:43
  Eric: It's actually it mine's a matte one.
• 42:45
  Eric: It's a it's carved out of wood and like it looks like an actual goddamn pickle.
• 42:50
  Eric: Oh, you got a wood pickle?
• 42:52
  Eric: Oh yeah, and it's that thing, and it's like uh it's like the size of a gherkin.
• 42:58
  Eric: Sucker is hard to find.
• 42:59
  Matt: When I show up to my parents' house and I examine the tree and I pay it its respect that it's due, I then look for the pickle.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_04: Also, yep.
• 43:12
  Matt: We have certain ornaments that always go up.
• 43:15
  Matt: For example, we have two koalas that are not hanging ornaments, rather, the koalas themselves hang around a tree just like a koala should.
• 43:28
  Eric: Oh.
• 43:28
  Matt: So we have two of them that get stuck on the tree somewhere, usually towards the top.
• 43:34
  Eric: I love that.
• 43:36
  Eric: Right?
• 43:36
  Matt: That's indeed that's the kind of shit I am so about.
• 43:39
  Matt: That's what when I approach an a Christmas tree.
• 43:42
  Matt: If I'm at your house, I'm at your Christmas party, I'm looking at your Christmas tree.
• 43:46
  Matt: I want to see.
• 43:48
  Matt: Ooh, I wonder what the story is behind that ornament.
• 43:52
  Matt: Ooh, look at this summer vacation wherever.
• 43:55
  Matt: Oh, that's a funny ornament.
• 43:57
  Matt: I don't want to see the same blue.
• 44:00
  Matt: And green ornaments over and over again in a in a perfect you know spiral.
• 44:06
  Eric: Yeah.
• 44:07
  Eric: And to that end, you know what like standard generic ornament I hate, can't stand?
• 44:12
  Eric: It's the ones like that look like lawn darts or like giant spinning tops.
• 44:17
  Eric: They're just like super pointy on the bottom.
• 44:19
  Eric: Yeah, I don't care for that.
• 44:19
  Eric: Like, what is that?
• 44:20
  Eric: That's nothing.
• 44:21
  Eric: Yeah, that's not a thing.
• 44:22
  Matt: That's not a bulb.
• 44:24
  Eric: We'll have some like Christmas bulbs.
• 44:27
  Eric: But they're they're just like filler.
• 44:30
  Matt: They're they're just torn up any gaps.
• 44:33
  Matt: You gotta have some pack that you got in the spot.
• 44:36
  Matt: You gotta have some chaff among the wheat.
• 44:38
  Matt: But so like Lindsay and I, because most of ours now are those boring plastic starter pack, if you will, ornaments.
• 44:49
  Matt: Because we are starting our Christmas decor collection, right?
• 44:54
  Matt: We're only a couple years into this.
• 44:56
  Matt: But the we are already aware of which of the cheap ornaments are the first to go when we invest to new ones.
• 45:07
  Matt: We when when we trimmed the tree, we literally are like, this is the last year for this motherfucker.
• 45:13
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 45:14
  Eric: God, do you think it's these plastic snowflakes are out of here this year?
• 45:18
  Eric: Do you think it's like a Toy Story situation?
• 45:20
  Eric: Do they talk about that shit?
• 45:22
  Eric: They gotta know.
• 45:23
  Eric: Like you leave the room, the ornaments come to life.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, they know.
• 45:26
  Eric: Screaming in the tree.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, they know.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_04: They know what they did.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_04: They know what's up, they know who they are.
• 45:32
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 45:33
  Eric: I I love weird ornaments.
• 45:34
  Eric: I'm trying to.
• 45:35
  Eric: I love weird ornaments.
• 45:36
  Eric: I love weird ornaments.
• 45:37
  Eric: And we've got, and you know, we've got our we've got our our our super sentimental ornaments.
• 45:44
  Eric: Like there is a there is a deer made of popsicle sticks.
• 45:47
  Eric: Like a deer face made of popsicle sticks that I made in kindergarten.
• 45:52
  Eric: Yeah.
• 45:53
  Eric: That gets hung on that tree every single year.
• 45:57
  Eric: Yeah.
• 45:57
  Eric: Got to.
• 45:58
  Eric: Yeah.
• 45:59
  Eric: There's a couple, uh, the other one, me and my brother each have, for years, our grandparents would get us our like matching ornaments with our names on them.
• 46:07
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 46:08
  Eric: And we had like these, these, these wooden hand cut Santa head ones with our names on them.
• 46:14
  Eric: And they're they're very simple decorations, but damn it, it would not be Christmas if we didn't hang them.
• 46:19
  Eric: And we have to hang them.
• 46:21
  Eric: No one else can hang them.
• 46:22
  Eric: I have to hang mine, my brother has to hang his.
• 46:24
  Matt: I get that a hundred percent.
• 46:26
  Matt: And that's what I'm saying.
• 46:28
  Matt: You want your Christmas tree to have character.
• 46:31
  Eric: Oh my god, yes.
• 46:33
  Eric: A feast for the eyes.
• 46:35
  Matt: A feast for the eyes, a delight for the soul.
• 46:39
  Matt: A hundred percent.
• 46:40
  Matt: Uh Eric, I'm glad we could overcome the difference we have when it comes to those tags.
• 46:49
  Matt: I see, I didn't I don't even know why we're still talking about it.
• 46:52
  Matt: I didn't even put in an adjective.
• 46:54
  Matt: You Matt, I'm proud of you.
• 46:56
  Eric: Thank you.
• 46:56
  Eric: I'm proud of us.
• 46:57
  Eric: I'm proud of us.
• 46:58
  Eric: And I do encourage anyone listening to this as we, you know, to send me a gift with a tag on it.
• 47:06
  Eric: Uh two two things.
• 47:08
  Eric: One, send me pictures of your wildest ornaments.
• 47:12
  Matt: Yes.
• 47:12
  Matt: Oh my god, we will put those up on Instagram right away.
• 47:15
  Matt: Send us to make it.
• 47:16
  Matt: We can have an Instagram Christmas tree.
• 47:18
  Matt: We could just have like we Yeah.
• 47:21
  Matt: Send us your best ornaments.
• 47:23
  Matt: Please send us your Christmas pickles.
• 47:26
  Matt: And your Christmas pickles.
• 47:27
  Matt: If you've got pickles, let me see those pickles.
• 47:30
  Matt: We will we will share Instagrams of our pickles.
• 47:33
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 47:34
  Matt: The Christmas ornament pickle, just to be clear.
• 47:38
  Matt: The Christmas pickling.
• 47:39
  Eric: We will not show any other pickles on Instagram.
• 47:44
  Eric: You gotta subscribe to My OnlyFans for that.
• 47:47
  Matt: That's that's Patreon material if ever I heard it.
• 47:52
  Matt: Okay.
• 47:53
  Matt: So we've covered ornaments, we've covered lights, we've covered Garland.
• 47:57
  Eric: Now I think we reach the pinnacle.
• 48:01
  Matt: Oh yes.
• 48:02
  Matt: Got to.
• 48:02
  Eric: What?
• 48:04
  Eric: Star?
• 48:05
  Eric: Angel?
• 48:06
  Matt: Um growing up for most of my childhood.
• 48:12
  Matt: Uh actually, I don't think that's true.
• 48:14
  Matt: I think it's about half and half.
• 48:15
  Matt: We had an angel for a long time, and then we had a star.
• 48:20
  Matt: And I feel like we've alternated.
• 48:22
  Matt: We've gone back and forth.
• 48:23
  Matt: Angel star, angel star.
• 48:25
  Matt: But for thinking back on it, it's been mostly star.
• 48:33
  Eric: My my entire life, we had an angel.
• 48:37
  Eric: The same angel.
• 48:40
  Eric: It was it was my my mom.
• 48:41
  Eric: When my mom would take this thing out of the decorations box, it was like she was lifting the Ark of the Covenant out of it.
• 48:50
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 48:50
  Eric: And dude, this angel's wild.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_04: It's angels older than I am.
• 48:56
  Eric: And it's a it's a little that's what I would hear in my head when I see it because it wasn't stationary.
• 49:02
  Eric: It moved.
• 49:04
  Eric: It had it like you would plug it in, and it had like it moved, it had white.
• 49:09
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 49:09
  Eric: And like Matt, it would it would sit atop the tree with its arms stretched out like a conductor of a symphony, and it would just like it would it would move its arms about.
• 49:19
  Eric: I'm like, oh my god.
• 49:21
  Eric: That's beautiful.
• 49:23
  Eric: Oh yeah, it was it was it was it was googled.
• 49:25
  Matt: And is this will this angel be present?
• 49:28
  Matt: Are you seeing your family this year?
• 49:29
  Eric: And this we are.
• 49:31
  Eric: We will what we're doing is my brother is gonna have his day with the folks and and my nephews and stuff, and then me and Sam are gonna have our day with the folks uh like Christmas evening.
• 49:43
  Eric: I think we are doing something similar.
• 49:45
  Matt: Yeah, we're still working out the details.
• 49:47
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 49:48
  Matt: But we and and Lindsay and I are literally not going, and uh you don't have a choice, but we are not basically leaving the house to make sure we're as quarantined as possible.
• 49:58
  Eric: Yeah.
• 49:59
  Matt: Yep, absolutely.
• 50:00
  Matt: So if you all that to say, if you are seeing your family, only do so if it's safe.
• 50:05
  Matt: Otherwise, have a super special Christmas or holiday next year.
• 50:11
  Eric: Yeah.
• 50:12
  Eric: Can you imagine how baller those Christmases are gonna be next year?
• 50:16
  Eric: They're gonna be off the chain.
• 50:18
  Eric: Off the chain.
• 50:20
  Eric: Now I kind of want to go get a fucking Christmas tree.
• 50:22
  Matt: See, that's what I'm talking about, Eric.
• 50:24
  Matt: You're missing out on this joy.
• 50:26
  Matt: Yes.
• 50:26
  Matt: And you know what, Eric?
• 50:27
  Matt: Here's what I'm gonna suggest.
• 50:29
  Matt: Go cut it.
• 50:31
  Matt: You have never done it.
• 50:33
  Matt: Start your own tradition, blaze your own trail.
• 50:37
  Matt: Go out into the woods like the lumberjack you are and claim part of this earth as your own.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_00: Matt, am I allowed to cut a little tree?
• 50:45
  Matt: What does that what does that mean?
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, can I like find like a little like a like a like you know, like a top like a small real tree?
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_04: Can I just I mean I I mean I guess, but why?
• 51:00
  Eric: I don't know where the fuck I'm gonna put that big ass tree.
• 51:03
  Matt: Don't you you just told me you have a a house.
• 51:06
  Eric: I have a no, no, like I have a house.
• 51:09
  Eric: I have a I drive a Jeep.
• 51:11
  Eric: How dare you?
• 51:12
  Eric: I drive a Ford Focus.
• 51:14
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 51:16
  Matt: We j we have this family has a Ford Focus and an Elantra to our name.
• 51:23
  Matt: And we went out into the wilderness and we got ourselves a tree and we hauled it back here.
• 51:28
  Matt: We went to a Christmas farm.
• 51:30
  Matt: Okay, we didn't go into the woods, I'll admit.
• 51:33
  Matt: But we this what you see on this Zoom window, this is it, buddy.
• 51:38
  Matt: We got a bedroom and a bathroom and this space.
• 51:42
  Matt: That's it.
• 51:43
  Matt: My Christmas, my my decoration or the uh the wrapping station is just right there on the floor.
• 51:50
  Eric: Oh my god, it is.
• 51:51
  Eric: We have no space.
• 51:52
  Matt: The here's the thing: I am well aware my apartment looks like shit behind me because when it comes to Christmas and we're trying to wrap gifts, and we have no place to do this, we have no spare room, so it just becomes chaos in here.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_05: But it's a chaos of holiday cheer.
• 52:14
  Eric: Oh, I I do think that nothing crystallizes the spirit of the Shea family.
• 52:22
  Eric: Like, we will do this, we will not like getting there, but when we are there, we will love it.
• 52:32
  Matt: And and honest to God, now to be fair, I think as the years went on, the the ex the the retrieval of the tree was just a task we sent my dad out to do.
• 52:44
  Matt: Oh we didn't have this selection process that you did.
• 52:49
  Eric: Oh, we we had to do it as a family.
• 52:53
  Matt: We did plenty of that.
• 52:54
  Matt: I'm just saying as the years went on, it just was like, go get a nice tree.
• 52:58
  Eric: Go find a nice tree.
• 53:01
  Matt: And our trees are big at home.
• 53:03
  Matt: I don't know about yours.
• 53:04
  Eric: Ours would ours would probably go about like seven feet.
• 53:09
  Matt: Yeah, I think seven, eight feet for us on a typical tree.
• 53:14
  Matt: We had one tree that was so huge, the top of it, when we uprighted it, it scraped the ceiling.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 53:23
  Matt: And it left this little bubble of sap.
• 53:25
  Matt: And I will say, and perhaps my parents don't want me to reveal this, that little bubble of sap stayed there for years.
• 53:34
  Matt: Yep.
• 53:35
  Matt: Yeah.
• 53:36
  Matt: It was this thing that we're like, one of these days we gotta clean up that sap, and just never did until they painted the room.
• 53:44
  Eric: Uh in that same token, we had that angel for so long and so many years, and it was always in the exact same position that uh that you could actually look at the ceiling where the angel would sit, and the the ceiling paint had been slightly discolored by her little lights she held in her hand.
• 54:04
  Matt: I thought you were about to tell me it like died, and that you've got to be.
• 54:08
  Eric: Oh, the angel died a couple years ago.
• 54:10
  Matt: It did?
• 54:10
  Eric: Oh yeah, my mom was insullable.
• 54:12
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 54:13
  Eric: She's fine.
• 54:13
  Eric: We gotta, we gotta, I I gotta figure out what they're putting on top of their tree now.
• 54:17
  Matt: Because I know they replaced the star on on our tree, on our new tree.
• 54:21
  Matt: But I don't care for we had to get a new star because the old one was infested with bugs.
• 54:27
  Matt: Oh my the and so like it lights up, but it's a little too it's a little too like here.
• 54:36
  Matt: Look at it.
• 54:36
  Matt: Look at it.
• 54:38
  Matt: It's a little too bright, it's a little too LED-e.
• 54:42
  Eric: Yeah.
• 54:44
  Matt: Yeah.
• 54:45
  Matt: But it's fine for this year.
• 54:47
  Eric: It's fine.
• 54:48
  Matt: Uh, but my point is I am still in search of of the revered top of tree ornament.
• 54:57
  Matt: I don't have it for my own.
• 54:58
  Eric: Yeah, the one you see, and you're like, that's fucking it.
• 55:01
  Matt: I haven't found the one that you put on, and I'm like, oh, this gets wrapped in several layers of but of storage materials to keep it safe for years to come.
• 55:14
  Eric: This goes into a cartouche when it goes into the I think we've covered the star.
• 55:21
  Matt: We've covered the oh well we didn't make a determination.
• 55:25
  Matt: Yeah.
• 55:25
  Matt: We didn't we talked about it, but we didn't make a we didn't give the people what they want the definitive answer.
• 55:32
  Matt: Do we think that the angel is a little too religious?
• 55:38
  Matt: So Because it's weird.
• 55:40
  Matt: I will say our Christmas tree is not overtly religious, other than being a Christmas tree.
• 55:47
  Eric: Yeah.
• 55:48
  Eric: Um so so here's the wild thing.
• 55:51
  Eric: I fun fact have been an atheist since high school.
• 55:57
  Eric: How about that?
• 55:58
  Eric: But I still love the shit out of our out of our Christmas tree angel.
• 56:02
  Eric: Sure.
• 56:03
  Eric: It's it's nice.
• 56:03
  Eric: It's just like I'm like, oh, look at that.
• 56:06
  Matt: Um I like so your angel that you've been describing sounds superior to any star I've ever known.
• 56:16
  Eric: Yeah, that was my thing.
• 56:17
  Eric: Like, I never saw a star as grandiose as that angel.
• 56:22
  Matt: I think it comes down, I think what I'm hearing is it comes down to the individual uh st topper that you have.
• 56:32
  Matt: Yes.
• 56:33
  Matt: You will know uh it whether it should be a star or an angel when you see it.
• 56:39
  Matt: Exactly.
• 56:39
  Matt: If it's either.
• 56:41
  Matt: If it's either.
• 56:42
  Matt: I have a friend who is a TARDIS.
• 56:44
  Eric: They have a TARDIS?
• 56:45
  Matt: A TARTIS topper.
• 56:47
  Eric: That's so cool.
• 56:47
  Eric: See, yeah, you will know in your heart of hearts what your topper is, and no one can tell you otherwise.
• 56:53
  Eric: No one can tell you.
• 56:54
  Matt: And you know what?
• 56:55
  Matt: No one should.
• 56:56
  Matt: No one should.
• 56:57
  Matt: Especially not us.
• 56:59
  Matt: Fuck no.
• 57:01
  Matt: Fuck us.
• 57:02
  Matt: But everything else we've told you is concrete fact and must be followed.
• 57:09
  Matt: I also, as I know you know, have a film-related tradition.
• 57:15
  Eric: And I can't believe I almost missed one of my favorite parts of Christmas.
• 57:20
  Matt: The Shays have a long-standing tradition.
• 57:23
  Matt: Uh, and now we are getting out of the questions.
• 57:26
  Matt: I just want to.
• 57:27
  Eric: Oh, we're we have stepped beyond.
• 57:29
  Matt: I think uh, and you know, we had some local legends uh set aside, but I think I like what we're falling into.
• 57:37
  Matt: We just talk about sharing the end of the Christmas day throughout the day, to get back to what I was starting to say throughout the day, from Christmas Eve on, when TBS starts its 24 hours of a Christmas story, which is I'll just say my personal favorite Christmas film.
• 58:04
  Matt: I won't get into whether or not it's the best.
• 58:08
  Matt: We'll save that for next year's.
• 58:10
  Matt: Nat just know I agree with you.
• 58:13
  Eric: Also, another thing you and my mom have in common because she will watch the entire 24 hours.
• 58:18
  Matt: My mom and I have a long-standing tradition of watching, usually on Christmas Eve, we will watch the first airing of a Christmas story.
• 58:29
  Matt: Not always, but we'll watch at least a good chunk of it.
• 58:33
  Matt: Because we've seen it countless times.
• 58:36
  Matt: But starting Christmas morning and even uh Christmas Eve Eve, we will check in with a Christmas story, and before we do so, we will at we will quiz each other as to where we think they are.
• 58:55
  Matt: Oh, that's precious as hell.
• 58:57
  Matt: And what my my you know, we ask everybody else, my my dad and Lindsay, but they're essentially dragged into it, if we're being honest.
• 59:07
  Matt: It's my mom and I that really like doing the check-in.
• 59:11
  Matt: So first thing Christmas morning, when we're getting those beverages, which is just coffee.
• 59:16
  Matt: I was trying to, I don't know, be universal, but it's coffee.
• 59:19
  Matt: When we get the coffee and we do those things, when we start giving gifts, we check in.
• 59:25
  Matt: Intermission, check again.
• 59:26
  Matt: After gifts, all of this constant check-ins.
• 59:30
  Matt: And that led to my probably now seven or eight year tradition.
• 59:37
  Eric: Which I have followed every single time you do it.
• 59:41
  Matt: Of posting throughout the day Christmas story quotes as Facebook statuses.
• 59:48
  Eric: And I don't know what it is, but it is something I look like it's not Christmas unless I see your statuses.
• 59:56
  Matt: And you know, I have to say, I'm surprised how this has evolved because when I first started doing it, when I did it the second year, I thought, uh, now people are just gonna be annoyed.
• 1:00:08
  Matt: But there are a couple of people who also seem to follow the status journey.
• 1:00:17
  Eric: Which I which warms my soul, I have to say.
• 1:00:20
  Eric: It warms mine.
• 1:00:21
  Eric: It's how I know it's Christmas.
• 1:00:23
  Eric: And and and and listeners, dear, dear listeners, from from Matt and I, we just want to wish you a happy, quick, safe, sane, wonderful holiday season.
• 1:00:39
  Matt: That's right.
• 1:00:40
  Matt: This might have been a very Christmas-centric episode, but no matter what you celebrate, we hope it brings you joy.
• 1:00:49
  Eric: Because that's what you deserve.
• 1:00:51
  Matt: That's what you deserve.
• 1:00:52
  Matt: That's what everyone deserves after suffering through this year.
• 1:00:56
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:00:58
  Eric: Fun fact uh one of the gifts my dad is getting for Sam the shear.
• 1:01:02
  Eric: He's getting her a bottle of rye bourbon.
• 1:01:06
  Eric: My dad gets my dad gets and receives bourbon for Christmas.
• 1:01:10
  Eric: He gives it his gifts.
• 1:01:11
  Matt: Is she home?
• 1:01:12
  Matt: Are you spoiling this?
• 1:01:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, oh sh no, no, no, no.
• 1:01:15
  Matt: She's at work.
• 1:01:16
  Matt: Okay, cool.
• 1:01:17
  Matt: Um well, she better not listen to this on release day.
• 1:01:20
  Eric: Uh um She has to wait.
• 1:01:24
  Eric: He's getting her a bottle of knob creek rye whiskey, and he found this place that it will do engravings on it of like quotes.
• 1:01:32
  Eric: So he asked, like, he he asked for a a good quote to put on this bottle.
• 1:01:37
  Eric: And I and I told him one of two, depending on um depending on how many letters or whatever you can get.
• 1:01:44
  Eric: The first one uh that will be engraved on this bottle of whiskey, if if they can have enough letters, is the quote by r uh Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
• 1:01:54
  Eric: Uh, you can disagree without being disagreeable.
• 1:01:58
  Eric: Nice.
• 1:01:59
  Matt: And the other one, if that's that's a really good quote to put on a bottle of whiskey to say.
• 1:02:05
  Eric: Correct.
• 1:02:06
  Eric: Uh the other one uh that we'll put on if it's if that's too long is just simply 2020.
• 1:02:14
  Eric: Never again.
• 1:02:16
  Matt: Never again, thank God.
• 1:02:18
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:02:19
  Matt: Yes, thank God that this uh this year is coming to a close.
• 1:02:24
  Matt: It doesn't mean anything because 2021's gonna start as a nightmare as well, but hopefully, you know, everyone can have a little bit, whether you're seeing family or not, can have a little um a little break from a little goddamn peace with asterisk without doing anything unsafe.
• 1:02:49
  Matt: Correct.
• 1:02:50
  Matt: You know, only see your family if you're all quarantining and and not seeing a ton of people.
• 1:02:57
  Matt: You know, I don't think either of us are promoting that, are we, Eric?
• 1:03:02
  Eric: No, I'm not going anywhere other than my parents who live 10 minutes down the street, and there's all no literally will be no one else.
• 1:03:10
  Matt: As a friend of mine put it one earlier in the quarantine, I'm going from wearing pajamas in one house to wearing pajamas in another house.
• 1:03:21
  Matt: And both those houses have been relatively locked down.
• 1:03:27
  Matt: Um, but I think you know, we we had local legends picked out, but I think we'll save them for next time.
• 1:03:35
  Matt: Yeah, babes.
• 1:03:36
  Matt: Um, Eric, is there anything else you want to add?
• 1:03:38
  Matt: Is there any star you'd like to put at the top of our Christmas discussion?
• 1:03:44
  Matt: Which I've thoroughly enjoyed learning about some of the poached traditions I have to say.
• 1:03:49
  Eric: I've I've I absolutely love the Shea Christmas because of how much of it just absolutely scans in my head.
• 1:03:57
  Matt: I'm like, yep, that sounds like the most Shea thing to do, and I love it.
• 1:04:01
  Matt: We do it right.
• 1:04:02
  Matt: That's all I have to say.
• 1:04:03
  Eric: Because I also think of how distressed you would all be if you didn't do it that way.
• 1:04:08
  Matt: Well, so my f so I don't think I painted the proper picture of the list that my dad and I have.
• 1:04:17
  Matt: My my fave my favorite Shay ism of this is is the following action, and unfortunately it is a little visual, but I'll describe it.
• 1:04:29
  Matt: The inevitably, it started as my dad, but I've mimicked it over time down to my bones.
• 1:04:36
  Matt: Inevitably, somebody will pick up a gift from a dad or me now.
• 1:04:42
  Matt: They'll pick up a gift, and my dad'll do this little squint of hold on, and then he'll pull out his list, look at it, check it twice, peer down at the list, and then go, okay, all right.
• 1:04:58
  Matt: You can do that one.
• 1:05:00
  Matt: And so I do it too, and it's like that was that was third and not fourth, but okay, we'll swap them out.
• 1:05:10
  Matt: Please ask us your non-Christmas questions.
• 1:05:14
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 1:05:15
  Matt: At you didn't ask for this at gmail.com or you didn't ask pod.
• 1:05:21
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod uh on Instagram or Twitter.
• 1:05:26
  Matt: It's the same handle.
• 1:05:28
  Matt: Um we need those questions.
• 1:05:30
  Matt: They're the lifeblood and your what else, Eric?
• 1:05:33
  Matt: What are we asking for?
• 1:05:34
  Eric: We need your taglines, we need your local legends, we need your weird news, we need your Christmas decorations and your Christmas pickles.
• 1:05:41
  Eric: Send us.
• 1:05:42
  Matt: Send those those immediately so we can put them on our Instagram for the world to enjoy.
• 1:05:47
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:05:48
  Matt: Well, from all of us here at you didn't ask for this, from the from the tree surfs all the way up here to the to the to the angels on this tree, which are, of course.
• 1:06:02
  Matt: If we're an angel and a star, side tangent right at the end, we'll slip in one more tangent.
• 1:06:07
  Matt: Wouldn't be us we.
• 1:06:15
  Eric: I think you're the angel.
• 1:06:17
  Matt: Do you?
• 1:06:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:06:19
  Eric: When I think of angels, I think of security and order.
• 1:06:23
  Matt: And that and I evoke that for you?
• 1:06:26
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:06:27
  SPEAKER_07: Or you're my guiding star.
• 1:06:30
  Matt: Uh I was gonna say you're my guiding star.
• 1:06:37
  Matt: From all of us here.
• 1:06:38
  Matt: Uh, you didn't ask for this.
• 1:06:40
  Matt: I'm Matt Shea.
• 1:06:41
  Matt: I'm Eric Poach.
• 1:06:43
  Matt: We'll see you back here in two weeks.
• 1:06:45
  Matt: Love you, babies.
• 1:06:47
  Matt: Bye-bye.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_07: Bye.
• 1:06:49
  Matt: But no, I don't want those tags anywhere near my guests.
• 1:06:52
  Matt: I'm sorry.